Richard Haro

University of Southern California

Haror@usc.edu

WRIT 340

Local Revision

Engineers’ Role in COVID-19 Management and What’s to be Done

Key Words: COVID-19, Engineers, low-income communities, healthcare workers/professionals, PPE,

Shortages,

Short Biography: In Fall 2021 Richard Haro was majoring in Civil Engineering at the University of

Southern California. He is from East Los Angeles, CA, and enjoys hanging friends and playing sports.
Abstract

Throughout the era of the COVID-19 pandemic, some of the most severely impacted

groups have surprisingly been low-income communities and healthcare workers. In today's day

and age, engineers play a significant role in the medical field and hold great influence. As this

pandemic has managed to harm the most vulnerable and even the heroes/heroines of this era,

engineers have been looked upon to search for innovative solutions to end the existing

disparities. This article will contain researched information and data/statistics relevant to

COVID-19 pandemic essential workers and engineering solutions.

Introduction - Issues

In the year 2020 the month of March, my life changed drastically. I was a senior in high

school that just received my driver's license and was looking forward to being able to drive and

flaunt a bit. Within two to three weeks of me driving to school, the school decided to shut down

due to the pandemic and there was a switch to remote learning. This was the start of the

notorious COVID-19 pandemic era. At the start of the pandemic, one of the most affected groups

was POC low-income families, a major constituent of the essential workers’ workforce. The

breakdown of the demographics and wages for essential workers can be viewed in Figure 1[1]

below. In a study conducted by the Urban Institute, it states, “Roughly 43% of parents living

with children report they or a family member has lost a job or work hours due to the pandemic.

That includes 62% of Hispanic families, 50% of black families and 36.5% of white families. Just

over half of low-income families and one-third of higher-income families reported job
losses...While 41.5% of those who are employed can work from home, only about one-quarter of

low-income and Hispanic parents could do so. Roughly 65% of all families had paid sick leave,

but only about half of low-income and Hispanic families had this benefit.”

Figure 1. Essential Workers Demographics and Median Wage

(a.) Demographic breakdown highlighting the large amount of POC in the essential workforce

(b.) Average wage for both essential and nonessential workers

of those who are employed can work from home, only about one-quarter of low-income and

Hispanic parents could do so. Roughly 65% of all families had paid sick leave, but only about

half of low-income and Hispanic families had this benefit.”[2]

Another group of citizens/essential workers that also happen to be suffering and in need

of help are healthcare workers. Healthcare workers are at the frontline of our country, yet they

are not receiving the proper support/funding to stay protected and healthy. This may seem a bit

ironic as many would believe they would receive a great amount of governmental support;

however, that has not been the case. According to Bonnie Castillo from the National Nurses

Organizing Committee, it states at a governmental committee hearing across the country, nurses

have been denied the protections they need to prevent exposure to COVID–19. As a result, tens

of thousands of healthcare workers have been infected. As of June 2020, NNU knows of at least

914 healthcare workers who have died and of which more than 134 have been registered nurses.

These deaths could have been prevented if employers had protected their workers properly[3]. In

addition, effective federal and state efforts to distribute Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)

have not been met, leading to shortages. This can also be attributed to the fact that the inventory

of respirators and other PPE in the country is simply not adequate enough[3].

Even as the health/livelihood of healthcare workers are disregarded and neglected, they

continue to stay and work at the frontlines assisting the surrounding communities. In light of this

situation, engineers ranging from different fields have assisted in various ways. For instance, the

great amount of assistance and capability that engineers hold can be reflected through their

effective short-term solutions throughout their robotics and technological advancement in

Ultraviolet rays(UV-C).
Engineers Impact/Assistance

Engineers have been a part of the medical field just like how they have been a part of

nearly every field of profession. Engineers share their knowledge with other professional fields

and peers as it is beneficial to society. For example, although the pandemic contributed to the

lack of research and manufacturing shortages, photonic researchers and companies have made

crucial contributions to diagnostics and PPE by adapting existing systems. To address the

shortage of PPE, specifically, in the healthcare industry, they helped with the development of

fabric face-masks, 3D printable face shields, and respirators for healthcare workers as well as

creating easily manufacturable biomedical devices[4]. Although their PPE contribution did not

resolve the problem, it helped lead to innovations that can minimize the casualties of the

COVID-19 pandemic. As PPE supply shortages continued in healthcare settings, optical

engineers searched for a method to properly disinfect PPE to allow for multiple usages.

Additionally, the most recent development in disinfection systems has been radiation-based

which includes the usage of UV-C light rays. “UV-C” is primarily an ultraviolet light ray. This

method of disinfection has been proven to be effective in disinfecting PPE such as masks, face

shields, and eyewear[4]. This has been one of several methods optical engineers have integrated

to help address shortages of PPE. This type of technology seems to have the capability to be

effective if expanded to larger-scale applications.

In addition to optical Engineers playing a role in fighting the pandemic, robotic engineers

have contributed as well. In healthcare facilities such as hospitals, there is a large usage and

dependency on technology and robotic equipment. According to the International Federation of

Robots, the applications of robotics and automation in healthcare and allied areas are increasing

day by day with a predicted estimated demand for medical robots of 9.1 billion USD by 2022
[5]. Currently, usage for robotics in the medical field is for their ability to have great precision

and consistency. They allow for results to be easily replicated whereas human interactions are

more prone to accidents and mistakes. Robots designed for use in healthcare and medicine have

strict cleaning requirements as it is vital they stay germ and microbe-free to ensure they do not

spread communicable and contagious diseases such as COVID-19 to others[5]. In other parts of

the world, the efforts for the usage of robotics in the medical field are encouraged more and are

actively being tested. For example, the Chinese health ministry pursued the management of

COVID-19 through various robotic technologies such as patrol robots, sterilization robots, and

reception robots. In effect, very few cases were reported where the infection was transmitted to

healthcare workers[5]. These innovations would help mitigate the spread of the disease and can

be seen in Figure 2 below. In addition to significantly reducing transmission rates, these robots

can help lessen the demand for PPE as they reduce person-to-person contact. Overall, the role of

robotics in the medical field has always been present, but now their ideas are being adapted to

help combat the unfortunate COVID-19 virus.

Figure 2. Robots Usage in Hospital Settings

(a.) Robotic bear nurse used to move patients (b.) Robotic attendant for Hospital Care
 in Japan

Solutions

Although engineers already play an essential role in fighting the pandemic, there is more

work to be done. Most importantly, there’s the obvious need for more funding and more

government support. As mentioned before, low-income communities have been one of the most

affected by this pandemic, and engineers need to ensure they receive sufficient assistance for

them to properly stay protected and healthy in this time of crisis. According to the APM

Research Lab Reports, as of September 15, 2020, the COVID-19 mortality rate for Black

Americans is 3.4 times higher than it is for White Americans[6]. Although rates may have

dropped due to the quickly anticipated roll-out of vaccines, it does not mean we can simply

forget about the problem, but rather find a way to prevent it in the future. As historically known,

black people and other minority groups do not account for a proportionate amount of STEM

and/or higher education jobs. More data on this can be seen reflected in Figure 1. This lack of

diversity and exclusion creates a barrier where people of color are the most likely to be forgotten

and receive insufficient assistance. According to Barabino, “Improved outcomes can be obtained

by having more Black physicians and healthcare providers, and more Black faculty and

engineers, who are more likely to serve their community, understand their needs, and develop

effective approaches for treatment and care.”[6] The previous quote is essential as it truly is one

of the best ways to combat the racial inequality that many colored families endure. Without

affirmative action, the equality barrier will continue to grow and low-income families will

continue to struggle. They are the ones that will genuinely understand what systematic disparities
need to be addressed first and how to properly do so. Colored and diverse engineers can fix the

problem from the inside out which can allow for more effective, authentic, and trusted solutions.

Engineers also have the ability to integrate the usage of robotics at larger scale

applications to help mitigate the crisis. As explained earlier, foreign countries have continued

using robotics and even expanded on their usage specifically to help reduce transmission of

disease. In addition, the use of UV-C has shown to be effective in disinfection which can firmly

address the shortages of PPE. One of the challenges towards this is the lack of regulation and

policy for the usage of UV-C. In [4], they claim UV-C can have negative health effects if not

used properly and safely. As well as claiming the lack of safety standards in UV-C based

consumer technologies. Currently, scientists are experimenting with UV-C that shows shorter

waves can result in proper disinfection. Studies on rats and mice revealed no damage to skin or

eyes; however, this “far” UV-C still requires further research and testing[7]. These technological

advances/improvements are key steps that will lead to better management of the pandemic by

addressing protective equipment shortages within medical fields. If more of these innovations

can receive more support and funding, they’ll have the capability of creating a better overall

environment for the livelihood of everyone.

Conclusion

To conclude, since the start of the pandemic one of the most disrupted and harmed groups

happened to be low-income families and healthcare workers. Both groups play a significant part

in the essential workforce which should provide them with proper care and equipment to ensure

the wellbeing of all workers. Unfortunately, that has not been the case as there have been

shortages in PPE for healthcare workers and low-income communities are the hotspots for

COVID-19 related casualties. In light of this situation, engineers are looked up to as their help is
needed to solve these situations. In addition to affirmative action being a necessity within

STEM-related fields to address racial inequalities, the great amount of capability that engineers

hold can be reflected in their effective solutions such as their robotics and technological

advancement in Ultraviolet rays(UV-C).

Bibliography

[1] C. McNicholas and M. Poydock, “Who are essential workers?: A comprehensive look at

their wages, demographics, and unionization rates,” Economic Policy Institute. [Online].

Available:https://www.epi.org/blog/who-are-essential-workers-a-comprehensive-look-at-their-

wages-demographics-and-unionization-rates/. [Accessed: 7-Sep-2021].

 [2]M. Jenco, “Study: Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated hardships for low-income, minority

families,” American Academy of Pediatrics, 14-Sep-2021. [Online]. Available:

https://www.aappublications.org/news/2020/06/03/covid19hardships060320. [Accessed: 7-Sep-

2021].

[3]No Worker Left Behind: Supporting Essential Workers. Congressional Hearing, 2020-06-

10, June 10, 2020. 2020. [Accessed: 10-Sep- 2021]

[4]M. Soler, A. Scholtz, R. Zeto, and A. M. Armani, “Engineering photonics solutions for

COVID-19,” APL photonics, vol. 5, no. 9, pp. 90901–090901, 2020, doi: 10.1063/5.0021270.

[Accessed: 10- Sep-2021]

[5]Z. H. Khan, A. Siddique, and C. W. Lee, “Robotics utilization for healthcare digitization in

global COVID-19 management,” International Journal of environmental research and public

health, vol. 17, no. 11, p. 3819–, 2020, doi: 10.3390/ijerph17113819.[Accessed: 12-Sep- 2021 ]

[6]G. A. Barabino, “Engineering Solutions to COVID-19 and Racial and Ethnic Health

Disparities,” Journal of racial and ethnic health disparities, vol. 8, no. 2, pp. 277–279, 2021, doi:

10.1007/s40615-020-00953-x. [Accessed: 12-Sep- 2021 ]

[7]“Does ultraviolet(UV) light kill the coronavirus ? ,” nationalacademies.org. [Online].

Available:https://www.nationalacademies.org/based-on-science/covid-19-does-ultraviolet-light-

kill-the-coronavirus. [Accessed: 16-Sep-2021].

Richard Haro
WRIT 340
Professor Ramsey
Global Revision

1
How Advanced Personalized learning and Engineering Better Medicines Furthers Inequality
Intro:

In Erin Cech’s article “Great Problems of Grand Challenges: Problematizing

Engineering’s Understandings of Its Role in Society,” the development of the NAE Grand

Challenges for Engineers is flawed through 4 different principles.2 Personally, I will be delving

into Authorial Particularism within the context of the two following grand challenges:

Advanced Personalized Learning(APL) and engineering better medicines. In short, authorial

particularism questions and breaks down the membership of the committee that selected the

Grand challenges and what possible factors influenced their choices and proposed solutions.

Several members have certain interest groups which influence their biased proposals that do not

allow for an authentic, genuine solution. Instead, it can be a method of promoting their business

and creating a better lifestyle mainly for themselves.3 Although these two challenges seem to

have the ability to bring equality, they truly do not as they are ignorant to the challenges colored

communities face within the education and healthcare system. Furthermore, there was noticeably

a lack of diversity among the committee that picked the challenges, which left communities of

low income and color to be further underrepresented and underserved. . Ultimately, this allows

for the gap of inequality to widen even more which should be a “Challenge” in itself.4

Advanced Personalized Learning(Education System):

Advanced Personalized Learning(APL) has the capabilities to be the future of the

education system however other issues within the system need to be addressed beforehand. APL

requires a strong dependency on technology as it can be extremely beneficial when learning but

in many parts of the world, schools and families can’t implement it within their budget. Students

also face social circumstances that can account for their struggles in school which are not

accounted for making APL ineffective. This sense of ignorance and lack of consideration has
been seen before where education systems are not adequately listened to and assisted. For

instance, in Michigan, charter schools were introduced as part of a ‘reform movement’ for failing

public schools. Public schools were deemed to be failing in a variety of dimensions such as low

test scores and low graduation rates. Moreover, in areas in Michigan where the public schools

are failing, the explanation for the failure has much less to do with poor teaching and much more

to do with underlying socioeconomic circumstances such as poverty, single-parent households,

and even homelessness.[2]5 Just how charter schools were deemed the “solution” to failing

public systems, it ultimately failed. Instead of ignoring the economic and quality of life struggles

that negatively impact the education system, they should be tackled head-on. Not only will it

close the gap of inequality within education but it will lead to better performance which they aim

for. If not, APL will similarly follow the same path and many low-income individuals will

continue to lack the necessities of an education system. This extreme disadvantage and lack of

opportunities lead to generational disparities creating a never-ending cycle of inequality. This

can be viewed/ related to the “tracked system” that is followed in the German educational

system. When students reach secondary schooling, they are selected in either lower secondary

schooling, middle secondary schooling, or upper secondary schooling. These tracks are heavily

connected and related to their social statuses and predetermine their future educational

choices[3]. Although this educational principle is fundamentally followed in Germany, it can

also be reflected in the United States. Students in low-income neighborhoods are most likely to

receive low-paying job opportunities(career) due to failing schools in their communities whereas

kids in high-income neighborhoods are more likely to receive higher-paying jobs(career) as they

attend well-funded high-performance schools. According to Harvard researchers, children’s

immediate neighborhood has significant impacts on life quality/outcomes. John Wallace Jr, a
professor at the University of Pittsburg, goes as far as to say, “If unemployment is high in a

community, then multi-generationally people will have trouble getting jobs. If communities are

over policed multi-generationally, then people from those communities will end up being locked

up. If health care is denied multi-generationally in neighborhoods, then folks will be sick. If

there’s lead pipes for decades, then those children in those communities will disproportionately

have lead in their blood, which has implications for their thinking and their ability to learn.”[4]6

When the committee examined the educational system, these disparities were not taken into

account as APL is not curated for them.7

Furthermore, these disparities will be further examined and analyzed revealing

inadequate funding in connection with lack of diversity among career professions which APL

does not take into account. As mentioned previously, social-economic status relates to how an

individual performs in school. If born into a wealthier family, the higher probability of you

succeeding and, unfortunately, if born into a less wealthy family then the loss probability of you

succeeding. In addition, this factor of wealth can also be connected to the funding of schools. In

an article by Linda Darling-Hammond, a professor at Stanford, she states, “... the wealthiest 10%

of school districts in the United States spend nearly 10 times more than the poorest 10%, and

spending ratios of 3 to 1 are common within states. Poor and minority students are concentrated

in the least well-funded schools, most of which are located in central cities or rural areas and

funded at levels substantially below those of neighboring suburban districts.[5]8 - This inequality

needs to be handled before integrating advanced technology into a failing education system.

Affluent neighborhoods and schools continue to experience more opportunities as they have

greater funding and resources. Advanced personalized learning would only continue to widen

this inequality as it would be more beneficial and hands-on in well-funded schools than in the
least well-funded schools. These factors of funding can contribute to how a school performs

because more resources/funding increases the liking/comfortability of the school as it can be

safer and/or renovated creating a more suitable teaching environment. Below in figure 1, you can

see a chart contrasting funding between wealthy-funded schools and least funded schools. This

lack of funding may be overlooked as the members of the committee may never experience that

sense of inequality. As mentioned by Cech, all members of the committee consisted of scientists

and engineers and only 3 women. With that being said, the fields of engineering and science lack

diversity as nearly 70 percent of the scientists and engineers employed in the US are white.[6]

This lack of diversity is only counterproductive as it limits the quality of problem-solving as

perspectives are limited. With the inclusion of more diverse individuals, you receive a wider

range of knowledge allowing you to expand your range of focus.

Wealthiest School District Vs Poorest School District Funding Per Pupil(California)

Figure 1. As clearly visible, the gap for adequate funding is slightly 2 times greater per pupil in

poorer schools that contain mainly minority groups. And because of long-standing neighborhood

segregation and systemic racism, these high-poverty schools serve primarily Black and Latinx

students, presenting a serious equity problem.

9
URL: https://edpolicyinca.org/publications/californias-education-funding-crisis-explained-12-charts .
Engineering better Medicines (Healthcare System)10:

In addition to APL seeming like exceptional innovation, the grand challenge of

engineering better medicines is similarly flawed. Although this sounds like the right step in

direction within the healthcare system, it ultimately excludes color communities of its benefits

and innovations.11 If these “better” medicines were engineered, they would mostly be at the

hands of wealthier individuals that can either afford it and/or have health insurance. For instance,

an article examining the healthcare system in New Zealand, states, “These ethnic minorities

often have reduced entitlements in receiving societies. Not only do they have reduced access to

health care for several political, administrative, and cultural reasons which are not necessarily

present for the native population, they are exposed to poor working and living conditions and or

resource-poor neighborhoods, which leads to poor health outcomes.”[8] This case of inequality is

also common in other parts of the world including the U.S. Disadvantaged communities

consisting majorly of minorities are underfunded while facing other socioeconomic

circumstances limiting their access to a proper health care system.12 Their communities can be

surrounded by hazardous, health-affecting infrastructures that are either overlooked or not

accounted for, making surrounding citizens more susceptible to health concerns13. At that, they

still are not provided with proper and/or affordable healthcare to ensure their well-being

continuing this cycle of inequality and health burdening communities. These factors of

inaccessibility need to be solved before creating these “better” medicines as they will not benefit

the group needing it the most.

Furthermore, the engineering required for creating “better” medicines is an excessive

load that should not quite yet be taken on. As quoted from NAE Grand Challenges themselves,
“One engineering challenge is developing better systems to rapidly assess a patient’s genetic

profile; another is collecting and managing massive amounts of data on individual patients; and

yet another is the need to create inexpensive and rapid diagnostic devices such as gene chips and

sensors able to detect minute amounts of chemicals in the blood.”[1] These challenges that have

been listed to create personalized medicine are all new and do not necessarily need to be solved

just quite yet. In fact, these are problems that will only be created if “better” medicine is

seriously funded and committed to. There are numerous disparities within the healthcare system

that need to be addressed before adding to the list of problems.14 Such as, providing an adequate

system that can properly support all demographics and socio-status especially in underserved and

low-income areas. If this can be accomplished, then the introduction of better/personalized

medicine will be effective.

On the other hand, within the healthcare system, there is also a lack of diversity that

contributes to the factors of inequality for colored communities. For instance, if we refer back to

In New Zealand, we will find a paucity of health workers from African ethnic minority groups or

those with a background understanding of the African community within the New Zealand health

system.[8] This is also true and common in different places around the world. A breakdown of

this lack of diversity can be seen below in figure 2. Not to say a fully diverse health care system

will purely solve this disparity but it certainly is key. Without the inclusion of minority workers,

a connection to the African community is lost. As a result, offered assistance most likely will not

reach these groups. Also, with the lack of inclusion of minority workers, the less they will be

heard and understood only furthering the inequality they’re currently facing.
U.S Demographics breakdown of Health Occupations

Figure 2. Demographic breakdown of the workers' race/ethnicity reveals a lack of diversity. All
minority groups, except Asians, are underrepresented in Health Diagnosis and Treating
occupations. Hispanics, Asians, and Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islanders are underrepresented
among Counselors and Social Workers (Community and Social Service occupation)[9]

Counter Argument:

Although many scientists, engineers, and even teachers, might support APL claiming it is

key to creating a more efficient and equitable education system, it truly is not. APL allows

teaching to be curated to a single individual creating a more connected and effective teaching

style. Individuals' learning strategies/preferences can be broken down into several categories

such as visual learning, auditory learning, and/or hands-on learning.15 Now within a classroom

setting, that certainly contains diverse learning preferences, it may be challenging for a single

teacher to incorporate all these different styles in all curriculums. This disadvantage may
certainly be a contributing factor to kids falling behind and struggling in school. If the students

can not be intrigued and connected to the course work, the probability of struggling and falling

behind increases. The need for a personal/authentic connection between the learner and teacher

to achieve the goal of truly educating and learning as resulted in APL being greatly encouraged

and pushed for.16 APL allows for personal customization that encompasses the learner’s unique

learning style, strengths, and weaknesses. Although this is true and beneficial, the root cause for

a needed improved education system lies further beyond the dynamics of teaching and learning.

APL is an innovation for the school systems already experiencing success but wanting to make

simple/minor improvements in their overall performance. This innovation can be beneficial to

students that already experience an adequate and fair education setting; however, students

experiencing a lack of funding/resources as well as socioeconomic factors won’t benefit nearly

as much. Instead, these factors of inequality through funding, resourcing, and diversity need to

be addressed and fixed. If not, ultimately, it will leave the education system in the same situation

where underrepresented and underserved individuals will continue to be in a state of inequality

and struggle.

Conclusion:

To conclude, within the context of integrating Advanced Personalized learning into the

education system and engineering better medicines for a better healthcare system, there needs to

be a closer examination into the ones selecting these challenges. Not to discredit APL or

personalized medicine but there are more relevant and crucial circumstances that need to be

solved within both systems beforehand. The lack of diversity within both systems needs to be

addressed and fixed before attempting to introduce new technological innovations. Authorial

Particularism is true and present within the scope of The NAE Grand Challenges of Engineering
 Bibliography

[1]O. Izraeli and K. Murphy, “An Analysis of Michigan Charter Schools: Enrollment,
Revenues, and Expenditures,” Journal of education finance, vol. 37, no. 3, pp. 234–266, 2012,
doi: 10.1353/jef.2012.0001.

[2]“14 Grand Challenges for Engineering in the 21st Century,” Grand Challenges - 14 grand
challenges for engineering. [Online]. Available:
http://www.engineeringchallenges.org/challenges.aspx.

[3]M. Osterman, “Varieties of education and inequality: how the institutions of education and
political economy condition inequality,” Socio-economic review, vol. 16, no. 1, pp. 113–135,
2018, doi: 10.1093/ser/mwx007.

[4]M. Kramer, “How the neighborhood you grow up in affects your future,” PublicSource.
[Online]. Available: https://projects.publicsource.org/pittsburgh-neighborhood-success/.
 [5]B. D. Smedley, “Inequality in teaching and schooling: How opportunity is rationed to
students of color in America,” The Right Thing to Do, The Smart Thing to Do: Enhancing
Diversity in the Health Professions: Summary of the Symposium on Diversity in Health
Professions in Honor of Herbert W.Nickens, M.D.., 01-Jan-1970. [Online]. Available:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK223640/.

[6]E. Segovia, “Expanding the Presence of Difference Diversity in Engineering,” Chemical

engineering progress, vol. 115, no. 5, pp. 62–62, 2019.

[7]“Pace - California's education funding crisis explained in 12 charts,” Policy Analysis for
California Education. [Online]. Available: https://edpolicyinca.org/publications/californias-
education-funding-crisis-explained-12-charts.

[8]B. Kanengoni, S. Andajani-Sutjahjo, and E. Holroyd, “Improving health equity among the
African ethnic minority through health system strengthening: a narrative review of the New
Zealand healthcare system,” International journal for equity in health, vol. 19, no. 1, pp. 21–21,
2020, doi: 10.1186/s12939-020-1125-9.

[9]“Sex, race, and ethnic diversity of U.S. health occupations ...,” HRSA, 2017. [Online].
Available:https://rush.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/rush.house.gov/files/2017%20HRSA
%20Demographic%20Information%20-%20Highlighted.pdf.

Endnotes:
1
Mentioned by Peer and Instructor- My title of the essay was simply “Ethics Paper” which is not attention-grabbing.
So I came up with a more intriguing title.
2
Mentioned by Instructor- The opening sentence was too “wordy” and had to be more concise. I removed
unnecessary words and replaced words with simpler terms.
3
Mentioned by Instructor- This sentence was unclear and needed to be reworded in order to make it clear and
understandable I removed words that were abundant and replaced them with synonyms to make it more concise.
Also, I elaborated and added more information to a sentence lacking context.
4
Mentioned by Peer and Instructor- My position statement was weak and lack rationale and qualification. I inserted
my rationale that was presented throughout my essay but never stated in the introduction.
5
Mentioned by Peer and Instructor- The quote I used in the original paper was too long so I switched it by simply
paraphrasing instead of restating
6
Mentioned by Instructor- The usage of evidence/data could be provided in order to back up the claim made
previously.
7
Mentioned by Peer- The word choice in the last sentence could have been better so I changed “trajcted” into
“curated”. This creates a smoother sentence and interpretation of the text.
8
Mentioned by Peer- Quote used was too long. I decided to paraphrase instead.
9
Mentioned by Instructor and Peer- Made an error of not including the URL so I inserted it in the image context box.
10
Mentioned by Instructor- Made a capitalization and spacing error in the header so I went ahead and fixed that.
11
Mentioned by Peer and Instructor- The topic sentence of the 2nd body paragraph was weak so I crafted a stronger
topic sentence
12
Mentioned by Me, peer, and instructor- Unclear sentence that required rewording.
13
Mentioned by Peer and Me- Grammar mistake where I incorrectly used “effect” instead of “affect” and sentence
was hard to understand. I structured a clearer and concise sentence by using simpler terms.
14
Mentioned by Me- The beginning of the counterargument did not flow well. I attempted to include transition words
that ultimately did not need to be there. I also rephrased the sentences to make them connect/flow better
15
Mentioned by Instructor- The connection between the two sentences was unclear requiring me to reword and
combine the sentences.
16
Mentioned by Peer- similar to my introduction, it lacks a strong clearly stated position statement that should be
easily identifiable. I added the position statement from my introduction but slightly modified it in order to properly
fit the conclusion

Process Report
First off, I started my revision process by simply re-reading my Ethics Papers
OUTLOUD three times. Each time I read my paper I would catch minor grammatical errors that
should’ve been fixed long ago. It was my technique of reading out loud that helped me catch
these mistakes as it made it harder to ignore the mistakes compared to when reading in your read.
After correcting my mistakes(not all were mentioned in the endnotes as I didn’t think all were
necessary), I went on to review the comments on my Ethics Paper. As I looked at the comments I
noticed that my introduction was weak as it lacked a strong and clear position statement that was
easily identifiable. I automatically agreed with this comment as I came to realize it lacked my
rationale/reasoning for choosing the two challenges I chose. Luckily, throughout my essay I was
able to identify my reasoning as although both challenges seem like solutions, they are still
ignorant to the actual “struggles” colored communities face within the education and healthcare
system. This ignorance comes through the lack of diversity which can be connected to Authorial
Particularism. This was a key element in the revision process as it strengthens my essay. Another
element my revision process focused on was being more concise as I had a lot of wordy, hard-to-
read sentences. I would either be using an excessive amount of terms or just bad word choice.
These fixes made my essay flow better and easier to comprehend. This can also be said with my
extensive quotes that ended up getting paraphrased in the end. Another major element was to
find evidence to support my claim in my last body paragraph of APL. Lastly, I broke down the
long, single paragraph of Engineering Better Medicines into 2 different paragraphs. Two
different ideas can be pulled from a single paragraph allowing for a better
understanding/distinguishment of the two.