13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

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Active Listening Skills – 4 Tips to Practice

Developing active listening skills is essential to improving your

communication skills. How often do you nd yourself zoning out or thinking
about what to say next during a conversation, instead of listening? If you are
anything like me, then the answer is probably everyday, even if it’s just for a
few seconds.

This is a normal human behavior, as we have active minds. It’s also the
challenge that keeps us from practicing great listening skills.  Active listening
skills are the foundations for e ective communication.  The challenge is practicing active listening skills in

every important conversation.
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Well, let’s start with the two key goals of active listening:
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Make sure you understand the content, nuance, and intentions of what the other person is saying.
Make sure the other person perceives that you are listening to him or her. Subscribe

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

Do you agree with these goals? If so, then active listening is more than just using our ears — we have to be
present, we have to process what we heard to make sure we understood it, and we have to let the other person
know that we heard them. Here are 4 tips on practicing and improving your active listening skills — today!

Tip #1 Be Con dent and Present in the Conversation — Often times, we don’t listen well, not because we don’t
want to, but because we are too busy trying to gure out what to say next, and we’re worrying about having
something valuable to say. This is due to lack of con dence in ourselves, and a failure to be present with the
speaker. When we worry about what to say next, we naturally won’t hear everything the other person is
saying, and we’ll ll in the blanks with our own assumptions. This often happens in job interviews — we are so
nervous about how to say why we are quali ed that we don’t listen, and therefore don’t answer the question
that was asked into interview. Obviously, this is counter-productive.

Practice: Do not think about what to say next while you are listening. Think about what you want to say
next after the other person has nished speaking. Brief silence is okay in a conversation. You can also say
“that’s a great question” to buy time. Also, don’t interrupt the person while they are speaking — that is a sure
sign that you are not listening well.

Tip #2: Paraphrase What You Heard — Just because we are listening, doesn’t mean we can assume that we heard
the other person correctly. This is where paraphrasing is important. Paraphrasing is repeating back in our own
words (not verbatim) what the person said. Repeating what they said in our own words will demonstrate that
we22heard them, processed what they said, and are taking some time to make sure we are on the same page
before moving forward.

Practice:  After the person has nished talking, you can say something like “If i understood you correctly, you
are asking me x y z. Is that right?…Let me see if I understood this correctly — are you saying x y z?” Wait for the
person to nod or correct you before answering the question, or making comments about the statement. 

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

Tip #3: Ask Speci c Questions to Clarify — Another way to make sure we heard correctly and show we are listening
is to ask speci c questions when something we heard is unclear.  This is not about saying ” I didn’t hear you.
 Can you repeat that?”  No one wants to repeat everything they just said.  Instead, we want to paraphrase what
we did understand, and then ask a question about what we didn’t understand.  It’s always better to ask
questions than to assume that we know what they’re talking about.

Practice:  Do not pretend to understand something when you don’t.  You may think you are saving face or
looking smart, but you won’t seem so smart in the long run.  Instead, ask the person to clarify the part you
didn’t get, after they are done speaking.

Tip #4: Show Non-Verbal Active Listening — Lastly, listening is also about sending the right non-verbal cues.
 People react to non-verbal cues as much as words.   If we are leaning back, looking at the ceiling, but listening
intently, the person still may not feel heard.  We have to align our non-verbal cues to show that we are actively
listening.

Practice:  Lean slightly forward or sit in a neutral position when listening. Look interested. Don’t have your
hands folded in front of your chest (even if the person you are speaking with is) – Keep your hands by your side
or on the table.  Make eye contact appropriately as you listen.  Nod your head at times as you listen.

The above concepts are easy to understand.  The challenge is remembering to practice them in every important
conversation.
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 Make a little note for yourself with these 4 tips, and look at them as a reminder before going into
a conversation.  It’s worth the e ort, though — it is only when you are really listening to the other person can
you hope to be heard.

Your comments:  What is the biggest challenge you face in improving your active listening skills? Any there any
other active listening tips you want to add?  Add your comments below and let’s have a discussion.

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

Like this article? Then help me out and share it on Linkedin, Email, Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc.

I am always in your corner.

– Lei

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

22 COMMENTS   Newest 

Darinka Roldán  17 days ago

The biggest chanllenge for me is to think about the words I will say next. Most of the time
I zone out when talking to someone and although I try to disguise it, it has happened to
me that someone asks me something important and I just say “Yes”, without listening
properly. It kind of embarrasing.

Now, I would like to know what is the di erence between “to listen” and “to hear”.

Thanks.

0 Reply

Myo Thwe  22 days ago

the biggest challenge for me is thinking about what I want to say next after the other
person has nished speaking. I have to wait to the end of speaking.

0 Reply

Rafael  1 month ago

Simple principles, but powerful ones to be e ective… i actually learned that this crazy war
in my head in every important conversation it is not only me… but it is more common that
i thought. i have a better idea about what things i need to keep on mind in every important
22 conversation… Actually the biggest challenge to improve my e ective communication is
TO BE AWARE… Goshh… it is almost impossible to be aware of my own mistakes… maybe
to slow down will help… hehehe… i could add… just to be relaxed, keep breathing and enjoy
the ride! Thanks so… Read more »

0 Reply

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Makarenna Soledad  1 month ago

I like to be looked in the eyes when I have a conversation.

I also use my hands and body language a lot in conversations.

0 Reply

Darinka Roldán  17 days ago

 Reply to  Makarenna Soledad

Hey Makarenna,

Why is that? My mother gets angry when she talks to me and I do not look at her eyes. I
know it’s important to make eye contact when talking to people, in fact, it shows
respect for the one who is talking, but sometimes I am doing something important and
I perfectly listen to what the other person is saying. And in my case, I don’t care
whether people look at me when I’m speaking. But some people get really angry.
I’d like to know what you think about it.

0 Reply

Joa  1 month ago

i thought that i was the only person with inconfortable conversations because i didn’t
know what to say.

0 Reply

Carlos Bellido  2 months ago

22 Great tips to keep in mind when having a conversation. Personally my challenge is not to
think in what I am going to say and obviously lose some attention on person speaking.

0 Reply

Claudio  2 months ago

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

First congratulation. Great article. So, I think the biggest challenge To me is when I talk
with other people and I am thinking before he or her nish in other matter. In fact, I am a
little desconcentrated. Often times I must correct me into my mind to keep me hearding as
well as I must.

0 Reply

Harsh Kishor  2 months ago

Really appreciate this content of the article and how you gave practice which gives clear
understanding.

For me biggest challenge comes when don’t understand technical jargon’s.

0 Reply

Angela Stroici  2 months ago

The biggest challenge I face in improving my active listening skills is to follow what the
person says when that person is not a good communicator also – to have patience and to
do not interrupt.
 

 Last edited 2 months ago by Angela Stroici

0 Reply

Author
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Lei Han  2 months ago

 Reply to  Angela Stroici

Angela, that is a common situation for us all. I think the best ways to listen to someone
who struggles with communications are paraphrasing and asking follow up questions.
– Paraphrasing forces you to summarize what you heard. you can use it to ask the
person if you understood it correctly. This lets you understand and listen without

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

demanding them to be better communicators – Asking follow up questions – help you

guide them to communicate better. By asking questions to areas the other person
didn’t proactively communicate, you take more control over the situation and can also
get what… Read more »

0 Reply

Eugene Kuzmov  1 year ago

Great tips!

My struggle is that I have a lack of patience, therefore, I always want to add something
right away.

0 Reply

Aman Dhillon  1 year ago

I have always found that if an employee will listen better and show interest if they are
mentally prepared and excited about the topic. It is all about how to create interest and
keep the interest going by keeping them engaged throughout the conversation.

0 Reply

Author

Lei Han  3 years ago

I understand your points with active listening and I am practicing slowing down to
practice them. I am nding making eye contact forces me to slow down and listen.
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0 Reply

Brian Flores Parker  3 years ago

The biggest challenge i faced improving my active listening, was actually just when a boss
or a authoritarian person start to talk, because they are the boss right, but has you write

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

on the page, i understand that one of the more important stu is to listen what are we
talking about and don’t just assume that the other person understood what you said.
i Could add as fth tip: Never miss the point of the conversation: its very important dont
lose the main of the meeting because people is really good just changing the topic.

0 Reply

Valarie Daniels  3 years ago

I understand and comprehended all your advice. I clearly agree the process of actively
listening, and would appreciate any thing the manager has to say whether it be positive or
negative. Just like you said you never know it could be a “promotion,” it could be advice
which can elevate you while you are trying to move forward in your profession or career,
even if he just wants to chat this can build a personal as well as professional relationship
with your superior. I also, feel that it de nitely showing good sign of respect by listening.
After all everyone needs… Read more »

0 Reply

Author

Lei Han  3 years ago

 Reply to  Valarie Daniels

Valarie, thanks for commenting. That’s right. Active listening is always a sign of
respect. It will only build your reputation and relationship whenever you make the
e ort to hear someone out.

22 0 Reply

Jonathan García  3 years ago

Hi! I came to this website because it is included on the study resources of an English
course that I’m taking on Coursera. I like this article and, to answer your questions, I think
one of my biggest challenge on active listening was to really understand what some people

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

want to say. I mean, sometimes I tried to understand what I heard and later paraphrase it
but after this the person said something like “no, it was not what I said” even I’m sure it
was. We continue talking and then I discover that I was right but the person… Read more »

0 Reply

Author

Lei Han  3 years ago

 Reply to  Jonathan García

Jonathan thanks for sharing your story. I think something key to realize is perhaps
both of you are right and you just used di erent words to describe it. It’s important to
not to prove you are right and they are wrong and more consider that by using these
techniques you can uncover misunderstandings like you did in this situation. That’s
the win in this interaction whether someone used the words you expected them to use
or not.

0 Reply

Jonathan García  3 years ago

 Reply to  Lei Han

Lei thank you for your reply. I’ve read your words twice and I realized how
important is what you wrote about to use di erent words to describe something.
As you wrote, perhaps we are right and this is only about the words we use to say it
nd for that is neccesary to use active listening skills. Maybe we are thinking about
complex things all the time and because of many things, we can’t realize what is
22 behind our communication and this could lead a misunderstanding. Thank you
very much for your words.

0 Reply

Kyle Macpherson  6 years ago

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13/9/2020 Active Listening Skills - 4 Tips to Practice

What do you do when you are trying these tips but dealing with a poor communicator? For
example, someone who is providing a great amount of detail on their decision process, or
over explaining why they are asking you to accomplish a certain task. I have run into this
so many times in the work-place. A supervisor comes to me with a request and instead of
stopping there, they continue on into this maelstrom of causation.

0 Reply

Author

Lei Han  6 years ago

 Reply to  Kyle Macpherson

Kyle, great question. The best way to deal with it is by – Listening with respect – If
your supervisor wants to talk to you longer after his request, you stay patiently and
listen. Maybe he just want to talk to someone. He is paying you to be there. If he
chooses to use that time by telling you details, then it’s their decision. Your manager is
your gatekeeper in a career. this is one way to manage your relationship positively
with your manager – paraphrasing – say something like “I want to make sure I
understand. [then paraphrase what… Read more »

0 Reply

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