Time, the Pains of Imprisonment, and ‘Coping’ - The Perspectives of Prisoners’ Partners

by Anna Kotova

This article by Anna Kotova was very raw and personal, especially because it talks about
ambiguous loss which I believe is an articulate way of expressing exactly what people might feel
like when their partner or parent is incarcerated. The uncertainty of the process, the sudden
disappearance of the person from the lives of people but it’s not death so they could actually go
and meet them but it isn’t a regular separation because meeting them isn’t easy and takes a
financial and emotional toll.

Incarceration of a loved one or a close family member and consequently having to navigate
through the complicated mess of prison rules and guidelines is not something people should be
subjected to. It unnecessarily hardens people that are innocent, even in the eyes of the law.

Not just from the point of view of law and the prison system, but one of the other articles from
today’s readings mentioned that people vandalise houses of people who they know are partners
or children or prisoners. They egg the house or harass them on the streets, all of which is
extremely unnecessary and uncalled for. Instead of accommodating people to ensure that they
don’t face harassment, the state uses the prisons and authorities to harass those people even
more. It is almost a punishment for being related to or choosing to stay with a prisoner who in
their eyes could never be a good person.

My biggest problem with the way the states go about incarcerated prisoners is that the ultimate
objective of reform, which should be the ultimate objective of every welfare or even democratic
state, seems to get lost somewhere in retribution. The goal ends up being about sending a
criminal to prison. The consequences of that act are never considered.

The trauma that women go through as partners or wolves of prisoners is extreme. They develop
serious medical health issues that need utmost care because of their stress or insomnia and other
issues. The trauma switches from being just a mental health thing that could be easily
dismissable to being a physical health issue as well. This in addition to the hours of traveling and
efforts they have to make to meet their partner just makes their life extremely difficult.
While the partner is in prison, isolated from the world, the woman has to not only make ends
meet for herself and her children, but also send money to the partner. She has to parent the
children by herself, she has to learn not just to be by herself but to be self sufficient. If the
partner is undertrial then she also has to work with the lawyer and file for appeals, go for
hearings, pay the lawyers on top of it all, all of which is too much of a work and responsibility to
be put on a single person. Then the trauma and pain also starts manifesting itself in mental and
physical health issues and the women have to work through it all, just for the hopes that they
might meet their partner again.

The worst part I believe is that the state and the system makes people hopeful for a better life, but
helpless in the long run. There is little scope for rehabilitation for someone who spends years in
prisons and finds himself alienated in the new world. Their relationships are altered and even if
the woman wants to stay with the partner, they both might have grown so far apart that it
becomes extremely difficult to navigate through this.

Prison ruins the personal relationships for not just the prisoner, but everybody close to them. It
should be the responsibility of the state to not just help every prisoner with rehabilitation after
their term but also to provide their families with proper medical care at the very least even during
the term of the imprisonment. Families already have a lot to worry about when their partner or
parent is imprisoned and having to face the burden of their welfare in the prison shouldn’t be on
them. Things like facilities inside the prison campus, good legal aid, communication, fair trial,
etcetera shouldn’t be monetised at the very least in countries like ours, especially when there is
documented proof of oppression of certain groups more than others.

Women end up taking menial jobs to make ends meet after their partners are incarcerated and
that is an extremely evil move on the part of the states because people are so taken up and
invested in the prison system and navigating through it for their loved ones that things like
upward mobility, education, savings, barely end up happening in their lives.

Coping is a very personal process for people and I can only wonder how women deal with the
uncertainty and complexness of the prison process. The very least that the state should do for
families and partners and children like these is to mandatorily provide them with all basic
necessities- a task so simple yet so daunting when they force it upon individuals to fend for
themselves and more.

Personally I don’t think people ever grow over their trauma, especially when the state causes it
or enhances it. The pains of imprisonment I believe end with the people themself and coping can
only be made better by more accessible health care and resoucres.