©Usha Rangarajan

When my friend Padma suggested that I write a novel, I laughed. Everything I have been writing thus
far, originated from a life experience I had or heard of. Fiction was a completely different ballgame,
and I wasn’t sure I could do it.
For a while now, I have been watching young men and women, children of friends and family, whose
parents seem to be busy selecting a spouse for their offspring, like good recruitment managers in a
firm. I am not sure if the youngster willingly abdicated, or reluctantly acquiesced, to this, ending up
with an ‘arranged marriage’.
Most of the parents in question seem to be willing and eager to take on this mammoth responsibility.
Many of them believe this is the way it should be, it is only natural. They hold a strong view that the
inexperienced son or daughter cannot be trusted with what is possibly one of the most important
decisions in their life.
A growing number of progressive parents are also unwilling participants. The son or daughter in
question is either unwilling to put in the effort or unsure of their ability to find the right partner and
insist on the parent taking it on. Net, net, parents end up sourcing, screening, and filtering candidates
who match the criteria listed by their offspring.
Then, the youngster would ‘interview’, conduct social media scans, maybe chat with the potential
partner, and then shortlist or reject. The kinder ones gave parents feedback on the candidate, like a
good manager to the HR recruiter. This helps the parent to refine the search. The not so kind ones
just say, ‘not this one, what’s next?’
Once the partner is selected, the family enters phase 2 of the arranged marriage saga. This is usually a
joint effort. The desire to be the one who with the most memorable wedding in the peer group fuels
the efforts. No expense is spared, no effort is too much.
Watching this drama unfold time and time again around me, I decided I should take a shot at writing
a fictional account capturing this caper (comic or otherwise).
Disclaimer – Yes, the characters in this do book exist in reality, they are not a figment of my
imagination. I don’t want to get sued, I don’t want to be blacklisted by friends and family alike, so I
have masked and merge identities. Enjoy reading. Have a laugh, or two, or three. Send out a small
prayer and a message of support and help to those poor mums and dads who are searching for the
dream match for their beloved offspring. Send a special prayer out for me, as I am a reluctant parent
who has just been given the ornery task of sourcing a wife for my darling son! Do heave a sigh of
relief in empathy for the ones who succeeded.

Usha Rangarajan
Chennai
India
If you are a South Indian, with a grown-up son or daughter, chances are that
you may be reminded of someone you know when you meet the characters
in my book.

If you are that South-Indian-going-on-yuppie man or woman, you too, will

find what I write quite familiar. You will definitely see shades of you in
Siddharth and Shubhashini.

If you are neither of the above, you may wonder if this is much ado about
nothing.

If you are not an Indian, you will marvel at the story - surely, such things
won’t & don’t happen. This must be a work of fiction.
Ha, what do YOU know!!!
 The cast of characters
Siddharth aka Pichumani - our hero. He is 28, holds an MBA in Finance,
is a rising star in the corporate office of an MNC. Born a vegetarian, to a
brahmin couple, he loves his meat and beer, he is partial to Irish whisky and
Tequila shots. In and out of semi-serious relationships, he now feels a
pressing need for a wife and life partner - almost all his peers are married!

Shubhashini aka Pankajam - our heroine. She is 23. During her days at
the hostel in NIT, the little brahmin girl discovered the delights of chicken
tikka and mutton biryani. She draws the line at eating beef though. She was
in a serious relationship during her hostel days. But now, back home to
work for an IT firm, she knows her options are limited as her parents would
never agree to a ‘love marriage’. She secretly hopes her parents will help
her find a ‘cool boy’, the man of her dreams.

Keshav - our heroine’s father. A good steady job with the Central
Government, he has a few years to retirement. He is keen to ensure that his
precious daughter is ‘well settled’ before he retires. Very clear that he
knows what is best for her, assures her he will keep lining up suitable boys
till she is satisfied. He is secretly worried -
what if one day she announces that she is in love with some unsuitable
North-Indian boy! How will he face his relatives?

Sundari - our heroine’s mother. Married at 20, her dreams of a career

squashed before it materialized - Keshav had been clear from day one that
his children needed the mother, at home. She is highly spiritual, upholds all
rituals, sings beautifully, fasts on Mondays and Thursdays, and a devotee of
Sai Baba. She hopes for Shubha to marry into a family where there are no
demands on the ‘boy’ to support his parents. She hopes the son-in-law
won’t brush aside her daughter’s career. If she had a say, she would wait till
Shubha was at least 27 before they started looking for grooms.

Raghu - our hero’s father. Worked for an MNC, decided to call it quits at
55. One son, the apple of his eye. Raghu is as modern as they come. Mostly
vegetarian, he likes his tipple, and with it, he doesn’t mind some ‘chicken’.
Raghu is against ‘arranged marriages’ and has been advocating hard for
Siddharth to find his own match. Raghu was forced into an arranged
marriage.

Priya - Raghu’s wife. A successful senior executive in a financial

institution. Born to an army major, in a family with very strong orientation
to traditions and rituals. She believes in women standing on their own two
feet. She usually vacillates between her old-fashioned parents and ultra-
modern husband, unsure of herself. Sometimes she concurs with Raghu and
goes modern, sometimes she gets pulled to the traditional mores her parents
advocate. Fortunately, she is usually too busy to think of much beyond her
own work.
Glossary
Or
 How to Interpret our Lingo
Love Marriage - One where the man and the woman meet, date (with or
without the knowledge of the family), decide they like and love each other
and want to tie the knot. Not something that the middle-class Indian parent
is comfortable with as yet. In rural India, it can lead to bitter clashes and
even end in an honour killing.

Arranged marriage - This is where the parents are in-charge and go

through a complex sequence of activities. They sift through potential
bride/groom basis several criteria that include family, financial status,
horoscope, looks, and a lot more. The arranged marriage has modernized
itself and has morphed to be something similar to that described in this
book. The parents line up the potential mates, the children test the waters to
see if they can ‘love’ them, not to mention both applying several stringent
criteria to decide the ‘suitability’ of the other.

Punjabi ‘Munda’ - a colloquial term that denotes a young man from the
North of India, usually Punjab

Bharat Matrimony, Shaadi. Com and such - Matchmaking sites, where

parents of young men and women put up airbrushed professionally shot
photos and attractive description of their offspring, along with a bio-data;
then, they enumerate the ‘requirements’ for the kind of spouse that they
seek.

Horoscope (Jadagam) - also known as the birth-chart, that captures the

planetary position and creates an individualized view of the person’s life
prospects. Computing one’s horoscope is a specialized activity, based on
ancient mathematical calculations and calendars, and the best ‘josiers’ or
astrologers are in great demand. These days, tech-savvy astrologers have
the use of ‘software’ programs to churn out the birth-chart. Parents swear
by and resort to the birth-chart compatibility with the potential match as the
most important step in the selection process. The horoscope-matching can
reveal a lot about how the two will be in a marriage - right down to whether
they will bicker, have an active sex life, have children…

Marriage Bureau/ Matching centers – Used to be the first resort for most
parents, fading in importance as the on-line versions gain ground. They are
the brick and mortar version of the matrimony sites. Quite niche and local,
and community specific.

Marriage Broker – Used to be the stronghold of men who were well

entrenched in the local community. They were the ‘agents’ who had the
bio-data of eligible boys and girls and offered the right selection to the
parents. They also held the hands of both families, helped with negotiations
on ‘dowry’, soothed ruffled feathers, performed background checks on the
boy and girl, earning a commission in the process.

Gotram - Family trees, Hindu style. The original fathers were the different
‘Rishis’ or sages. Everyone has a Gotram that carries the name of the sage.
It is believed that if two people belong to the same gotram, they are
siblings, and marriage between people of the same gotram is discouraged.

Dosham - when planets are irresponsible at the time of your birth, they
become a bad influence all through your life. This is captured in the
horoscope as a ‘Dosham’. Chevvai Dosham is the most feared. It is when
Mars decides to sit in the wrong place and is believed to shorten the life of
one’s spouse. But if both the boy and girl have chevvai dosham, it is alright
– apparently canceling the effect.
Dhoti/Veshti - a free-flowing garment tied around the waist, to cover the
lower body of a man. It is worn in different ways, and the traditional style
varies between communities. Most of them though fashion the cloth into a
makeshift trouser with the cloth wrapped around & between both legs. The
Brahmin version is called ‘Panchakatcham’ and is quite a complex design.

Madisaar - the traditional wrap of the saree, as used by brahmin women.

Like the dhoti, the free-flowing ‘saree’ is wrapped & worn in different
ways by different communities. This utilizes a longer ‘saree’, called the 9-
yard saree. It feels endless and the wrap is confusing I am yet to master it!
This method of tying is quite efficient once someone fathoms how to put it
on. It acts like a loose and comfortable trouser and a top garment all in one.
It is a mandatory attire during the wedding ceremony for the bride, the
mothers of the bride and groom, and all married women in the immediate
family.

Maami, Maama - aunt & uncle. In India, this doesn’t necessarily denote
blood relationships. Normally anyone who is married and anyone who has
crossed 30 can become a Maama or a Maami to all the unmarried folks
around, irrespective of their age! It is a common and approved form of
address but denotes that you are past your prime.

Jimikki - an ornament for the ear, usually paired with a stud and hangs
prettily like the chimes in a windchime.

Mandapam - a place where weddings and other social gatherings are

conducted. Ranges from fairly simple ‘halls’ for day events, to elaborate
‘Palace Mandapams’ which offer airconditioned rooms with attached
bathrooms for family and friends, one or more ‘dining’ halls, a large hall
for the wedding event, and even an exclusive plush honeymoon suite.
Sangeet - a fun pre-wedding event, imported into South India from the
North & West. India’s version of a bachelorette party traditionally meant
for the bride and the womenfolk. Our South Indian version includes the
groom and all men, brings the fun
Bollywood element into the otherwise staid and serious South Indian
marriage. A huge opportunity for everyone to play dress up, shake-a-leg to
the latest Bollywood or Kollywood tune and transport themselves to tinsel
town, act out their dream romance and wedding.

Lehenga - A traditional Indian long-skirt, usually paired with a blouse

called choli (of varying lengths depending on how daring the girl is) and a
stole or a ‘dupatta’ called ‘chunni’. Heavily embellished; designer brands
or their cheaper rip-offs dominate the market. A favourite attire of the
modern South
Indian Bride, especially for the Sangeet, often for the reception.

Sherwani - an Indian long coat, usually paired with a narrow ‘churidar’,

worn by men. It is seen as an item of formal attire, and a go-to for the South
Indian Bridegroom. Silk and silklook-alike fabrics, lots of stone and glitter,
color palette to ensure ‘twinning’ with the bride. It flows in straight lines
from shoulder to the knee or further, so can be quite challenging for any
man who is short or stout or has a bit of a paunch to carry off.

Murukku, mixture, laddu, kesari, hulwa, burfi - Traditional Indian sweets

and savories served in weddings and including in the goodie bag offered to
guests.

Janavasam - a ceremonial procession on the night before the wedding day;

the bridegroom parades the neighborhood in a bedecked convertible, from
the ‘mandapam’ to the nearest temple and back. The procession includes
musicians, people carrying huge lights, and members of the family. The
father-inlaw pays for a formal two or even three-piece suit that the groom
wears; for many a middle-class man, this was the only formal suit made in
his life-time!

Prologue
Siddharth (alias Pichumani) and Shubha (alias Pankajam) were relaxing on
the sofa, after a lovely lunch of mutton biryani and chicken tikka, Swiggyed
from their favourite Meghna Biryani. They were comparing the views and
likes on their Instagram stories of the honeymoon. ‘Shubha, I think we
must be the only couple who climbed Kota Kinabalu on their honeymoon.
See the comments and wows!’ They exchanged smug smiles. ‘How smart
of us’ it seemed to say.

Shubha was idly wondering as to when she could go out for new curtains.
Though Sid had taken the house a month before the wedding, it looked like
he hadn’t done much to it.

They had captured some exciting shots, they both looked good.

‘Thank God, the pimple on the chin isn’t visible’ thought Shubha.

She was glad her new waterproof long-stay lipstick and eyeliner had
worked well; Her eyes looked large and her lips full! She sent a mental
thanks to the beautician at her wedding who had taught her some tricks;
Shubha hadn’t known the ABC of makeup.

‘Wow, I see a record number of views on my story. See Shubha, can you
recognize these celebrities who are following me!’ bragged Sid.
As she scanned through the photos he posted, Shubha had a moment of
panic. There she was, blatant in a sexy speedo swimsuit, posing for the
camera, holding a Margarita!

‘Oh no! Sid, why did you post this photo of me on the pool-side?
What if Hari shows it to my parents?’

‘Chill. You look sexy and smart. See, there is a like from my mom for the
photo. You should stop worrying so much’

Keshav and Sundari were feeling flat. A month had passed since their
daughter Shubha’s marriage and her move to Bangalore.
Suddenly, the house felt empty, there was nothing much to do.

‘Keshav, do you think we should call her now? She came back a week ago
from her honeymoon and we hardly had a chat’.

Sundari went on to add, ‘You know, I am worried. Priya Maami had a beer
that evening. I was so shocked. Did we make a mistake?’

She was referring to the time they went out to lunch at Bangalore when
they had gone to settle Subha into her new house. The two families had
gone out for lunch. Siddharth and his parents had ordered a beer. Sundari
and Keshav had been shocked and scandalized. Keshav had refused
alcohol, they stuck to lime juice. Bad enough that the men ordered alcohol,
how could a woman drink, that too with her son’s in-laws?

Sundari quickly consoled herself, ‘Thank God Sid doesn’t stay with his
parents, and their house is quite a distance away’

Raghu and Priya were sitting with a beer and a glass of wine, enjoying a
leisurely Sunday. They had come out to the pub, after many hectic months
in preparations for the wedding. They had managed to find Siddharth a girl
of his choice, and he was happily married a month ago. He must be relaxing
now, they thought, with his new wife Shubha.

‘Shall we message Sid now, Raghu? Maybe invite them home next
weekend?’

‘Let me finish my game of tennis Priya. It has been a few months now,
thanks to the wedding. I think my waistline is an inch larger, and my
backhand is a distant memory. Let’s call him tonight.’

The hustle and bustle of bride hunting and wedding had taken away all of
Raghu’s favourite activities for a while, he was looking forward to getting
back to his routine.
Chapter 1
 Where it all began

The desire to tie the knot

‘Shubha’ said Keshav. ‘Amma and I want to talk with you about something
important’.

Shubha knew it was the dreaded conversation about marriage. Keshav had
been after her for a while now. Shubha was resigned to an arranged
marriage. Her relationship with her college-mate Deepak, the hot Punjabi
Munda was doomed anyways! She decided to push aside the memories and
hopes and get on with life.

However, she was clear her conditions had to be met. She wanted a
‘cool’ guy; good looking, sensitive, someone, who would love her
family.

‘Appa, make sure the boy has a car of his own and a decent bank balance. It
would be better if he has already bought an apartment or owns ancestral
property. I don’t want to spend my youth scrimping and saving, paying off
huge home loans and car loans’.

It went without saying that she expected the boy to be goodlooking, also
have a successful career.

‘Amma, have you noticed all my friends are getting married?’ ‘Stupid
fellows’ dismissed Raghu. ‘Arranged or love marriage, Sid?'

‘Arranged Appa, that is best. Don’t you think it is time you started looking
as well?’

‘I am happy with one wife Sid’

‘Not funny Appa. Amma, can you please put away your phone and talk to
me? What can be more important than your son’s future?’
And that is how both Shubha and Siddharth became alphanumeric profiles
on Bharath Matrimony and subsequently on Shaadi.com. The sites had
amazing AI engines, which immediately classified and listed their profiles
into
‘TamilMatrimony’ ‘BrahminMatrimony’ and ‘IyerMatrimony’

Raghu was quite cut up - he had tried to get Siddharth’s profile into Telugu
and Kannada matrimony because he felt Sid would have a better chance of
a fair bride in Kannada Matrimony. But nothing doing. The AI engine was
more powerful, he had to give up.

Shubha insisted on a photoshoot out of which she could pick up the prettiest
pictures for her profile on the matrimony site.

After all, she didn’t want to appear plump and short (she was 5’3” and 60
kgs, that’s not plump or short is it?) She also wanted to make sure she
appeared fair. Sundari had been categoric about the poor chances of a dusky
bride. ‘It is all fine for Titan ads, in real life, people want fair girls’ she told
Shubha.

Sundari was really worried about uploading too many photos on the site.
‘God knows who will be looking at them’ she thought. Her friend Kamala
who was world-wise and tech-savvy had warned her with horror stories of
how photos of women on the net were being misused.

Siddharth and Raghu had a lot of fun, Priya lost her temper – ‘What kind of
photos are you both trying to upload? No one will want to see a guy bungee
jumping for God’s sake! They would fear for their daughter’s future,
conjure up what-if scenarios of the rope breaking? Such risk-taking
behavior is best not displayed upfront’ She won.
 Chapter 2
The hunt begins
Premium packages, Maamis, marriage
brokers
‘Good morning sir, this is Anil from Bharat Matrimony’. Congrats on
selecting us to find a groom for your daughter. You have made the best
choice. So, how soon do you want your daughter Shubha to be married?’
Keshav was confused. ‘Soon as I find the right boy’.

Anil helped him see why that wasn’t the right answer. Keshav finally
understood, after half an hour with Anil, the benefits of subscribing to their
‘Premium’ plan. He also understood that he would benefit from the annual
package. Anil assured him that their success rate was phenomenal, and he
would find the right guy in less than three months. But the discount on the
annual package was too good to pass up. What if it took longer than three
months, right?

Raghu, Sid’s dad, was not sold. Rekha, the sales executive tried her luck,
and then it was Babu, then Leela, then Anil, but the daily calls didn’t make
a dent in his resolve to stay with the unpaid vanilla package. Siddharth was
quite upset. 'How can we reach out to the girls whose profiles we like
Appa?’

Mails, messages, calls - everything needed the premium package. The rest
could browse, window shop, shortlist, and send interest - like adding the
items you like to your wishlist or shopping cart on Amazon. But you
couldn’t check-out - to do that, you needed to connect with the seller (oops,
parents of the girl/boy) and that was only possible with the premium aka
paid plans.

Raghu was adamant, ‘the girl’s parents can connect if they like your profile.
Let them waste their money, buy the premium package. I already told you,
you are a smart young man, you have a large circle of friends, go out there
and find a girl of your choice.’
Siddharth gave up. His efforts on the dating sites were quite useless, and his
parents were behaving so irresponsibly! Why couldn’t they be more like
Vedant’s parents? They had started the hunt without being prompted and
were putting in some serious effort!

So, he secretly went to work on his mom, Priya. Priya was lost and did
what she always did in such a situation - she called up her mom.

Rajeshwari, Priya’s mom, was scandalized. Listing on Matrimony sites!

Whoever heard of such nonsense. ‘We don’t live in America; we live in
India. I have such a wide network in Chennai. I will go to West Mambalam
and list Siddharth’s Jadagam (Horoscope) in the Marriage Bureau there.
Last week, Raji maami’s grandson got such a good match there you know. I
will also speak to Sethu Maama, he is a very lucky marriage broker. He also
makes sure the girl doesn’t have any funny love affair and all that. Do you
remember Mythili’s son? Poor boy. The girl who was engaged to him ran
away and got married to her colleague. Some Malayali Christian boy. The
parents never knew!’

Priya was happy to abdicate this to her mother - she assured Siddharth that
now, they had covered all bases.

Siddharth started worrying, he knew his Paati (grandma), she was

dreadfully old fashioned. What kind of girl would she propose? He
definitely didn’t want a typical curd rice, Carnatic music, Chennai girl. He
wanted a smart, svelte (preferably hot), girl who could hang-out with him
and the boys at the pub, be cool, scream and shout at the cricket match,
have a good career so he didn’t have to scrimp and save on one salary, and
yet be rooted in the Brahmin values and traditions, be a good homemaker.
‘Paati would not find me the hot, cool girl. Oh my God! Did I make a
mistake prodding mom?’ Sid started fretting.

Sundari had also spoken about seeking a groom for Shubha with her friends
at the Sanskrit class, shloka class, and yoga group. She shared Shubha’s
photos and horoscope on
WhatsApp. Many of them had suitable boys in their circle, they assured her
they would get back.

Keshav wasn’t in favor of marriage brokers. He felt they were always

trying to push defective boys, hiding flaws. He was also not keen on the
Marriage Bureaus around town. The kind of boys who were listed there
were not the ones he wanted for his daughter. He was keen on a smart
successful boy, a manager in an MNC earning in lakhs every month,
someone who would keep his daughter in comfort. The bureaus seemed to
have such middle-class profiles!
Chapter 3
Get set, go
Profiles, shortlists, selection
processes
Anita is interested in you. Accept interest?
Swati shortlisted you. View profile?

36 new matches. Click to view

Raghu was thoroughly entertained while his son Siddharth was agitated. Sid
was frustrated.

‘Amma, you don’t seem to have time to see the matches being thrown up
by the matrimony sites’

‘Appa, you are so juvenile! You seem to find this whole thing comical. You
make silly jokes, I don’t see you contributing constructively to anything’
said Sid, sounding very upset.

Finally, deciding to take matters in his own hands, Sid started logging into
the site morning and evening. He used the time he was logged onto boring
project review calls effectively. He would open the matrimony sites, review
profiles, find the ones he liked and shortlisted them. He would send
requests, accept requests, screen matches.

He finally cornered Priya and Raghu one Sunday, and they reviewed the
shortlisted profiles.

Keshav and Priya had issues with Sid’s shortlisting. ‘Sid, what are you
looking for? What is your shortlist based on – just the way the girl looks?’

After a very heated debate they decided that it was Siddharth’s life,
Siddharth’s wife, he would choose.

'Do you notice that the smart girls to whom I send requests dont accept it? I
think my profile is very boring. It is affecting my chances. I have seen some
of my friends' profiles, they are so well written'. Sid complained.

So, next task - fine-tune Sid’s profile on the site. After reviewing other
‘exciting’ profiles posted on the site, armed with tips from Sid’s friends and
parents, they refined and revised his profile. ‘If candidates who applied to
me for work put half this effort in their resumes, I would be thrilled’ said
Priya, part in amusement, part in irritation.

At Shubha’s house, Keshav and Sundari carefully screened the profiles

thrown up by the site, every day. They drew up a list of criteria to use for
shortlisting. Boys who were ‘modern yet values-based’, ‘non-smoker, non-
drinker, strict vegetarian’. The last one secretly amused Shubha 'if only they
knew I eat chicken' she thought.

‘Let’s make sure the boy is not an only child; the parents will cling and
interfere too much’ said Keshav.

Shortlisting also meant screening for Gotram (no same gotram) and star
(only compatible stars, given by their astrologer).
Shortlisted profiles were presented at dinner time to Shubha.

It became quite a stressful ritual, with her faulting every choice of theirs.
She seemed to use different filters. Her first filter was the photo. Next, she
read the bio-data, basis which she would move forward or reject. The ones
who made it so far had to pass her 'social-media test'.

She would check their Instagram and Facebook profiles to draw some
inferences about the kind of 'man'.

Her feedback flabbergasted them. ‘See that hot photo of Sunny Leone on
his page? He has liked it! He must be the type who sees women as sex
objects.’
'See that boy’s smile - his teeth seem yellowed. Yuck. I’m sure he has
mouth odor.’

‘See this boy’s Instagram. In each photo, he has his arm around some girl or
the other. You want your daughter to marry a loose philanderer?’

That morning, Sundari was excited. Her friend Janaki maami had called to
say that there was a matching mela at Mylapore. Parents of eligible boys
and girls came to the venue at a fixed time, and exchanged photos, profiles
and horoscopes. There was an astrologer on site, who had a special
software. He would spot-match horoscopes. It was like a day-long walk-in
interview, except that here, both sides were hiring!

So Sundari and Keshav, armed with over twenty copies of Shubha’s

horoscope and some good passport size photos, set out wearing their
Sunday bests; Kanchipuram silk saree, some heavy jewelry (boy’s parents
should know we are well off), pattu (silk) veshti and the raw silk shirt from
Nalli.

Keshav was very disappointed. The Mela was a flop. Somehow, not a single
profile had been good enough for his daughter.

He was quite irritated, he snapped at Sundari as she handed him his coffee.
‘Your friend Janaki is an idiot. Don’t waste my time in the future’. Sundari
kept mum. That nice couple, Leela maami and Narasimhan maama seemed
quite sweet. She had felt that the profile of their son Arvind was perfect for
Shubha.
She had wanted to give Shubha’s horoscope and photo, but Keshav had
pretended that they ran out. She couldn’t say anything.
When she ventured the topic tentatively, Keshav was livid. ‘Did you hear
what that maami said'? She said, 'Your daughter seems a bit dusky, Arvind
is fair, we are keen on a fair bride.
But let us check the horoscope anyway’.

‘As if they were doing us a favor! Why would I pursue a relationship where
my daughter is seen as one down to her son? It wasn’t even as if he had a
great job or education, and he was so average to look at!’
 Chapter 4
First connects
Calls, Parents, horoscopes, attitudes
‘Hello maama, this Latha, I saw your son’s profile on the matrimony site.
Can we have his horoscope?’

‘Hello Sir, this is Brinda, my daughter likes your son’s profile, and we were
looking for a boy in Bangalore. Can we have his horoscope?’

Raghu, Sid’s father, was quite uncomfortable. It looked like in

90% of the cases, the girl’s mother was in charge of the process. Raghu was
not confident in handling the conversation well. So, it was decided that the
contact number in the family will now be that of the mother, Priya.

‘Hello, this is Mathangi, I want your son’s horoscope, we didn’t find it in

the matrimony site’

Priya was slowly losing it. People seemed to call and interrupt at odd times,
her colleagues smirked and sniggered every time her phone rang, she was
embarrassed.

Priya was also quite cut up. Everyone just seemed to assume that her
husband was the one bringing in the bacon, she was either a homemaker or
held an inconsequential job. No one seemed to ask what the mother was
doing. It was all ‘So, what is maama doing?’ In fact, she realized, the
matrimony site only wanted to know the ‘father’s occupation’. The feminist
in her was on a warpath.

Shubha's dad Keshav was clear he would be the one who would speak to
potential grooms’ parents. He didn’t trust Sundari, his wife to screen them
properly - she was too naive. He would call the parent (usually it was the
mother), chat about the boy, ask some probing question, designed to trip her
up, and reveal hidden agendas. ‘So, I am sure you are looking forward to
living with your son and daughter-in-law, she will take the burden of
running the house’. ‘Do you live in your own house?’ ‘Can I speak with
Maama, just so I can say hello?’

While Raghu was adamant he didn’t believe in matching horoscopes, Sid

tried to check what his friends’ parents were doing. In this state of
confusion, Priya decided she will ask her mom.

'How can you risk not matching horoscopes. Don't you want your son to
have a happy marriage?’ she asked. Naturally, she had just the right
astrologer. So now, the process had the active participation of Paati.

Keshav had a ‘family astrologer’. This made it easy to ensure due care was
taken and accurate horoscope matching could

happen. The family astrologer took the liberty of adding colorful comments
- ‘this horoscope can take the boy to America.’ ‘This boy already has a love
affair’ ‘this boy will be an amma’s-boy’ ‘This boy won’t have any
children’

Sid and his parents sat together over dinner to compare notes. ‘what did so
and so sound like’ ‘The astrologer says this is an excellent horoscope and
match is good. Why are you so adamant about height? She is 5'1", you are
6’. So what? Haven't you seen Amitabh and Jaya? Don’t they live happily
together?’

Sid was also getting quite frustrated with the process - the girls he liked and
sent a request to didn’t seem interested in him. The ones who were
interested in him, he wasn’t. When it looked like both may be interested,
the @#$%% astrologer says horoscopes don’t match. Then, there seemed to
be all kinds of taboo stars, and some planetary positions. He hadn’t
bargained for such complex issues.

He had thought marriage was a simple process - go to the site, review the
girls, find the ones you like, speak to them, date them for a few months to
decide if she was truly the one. Move on and repeat the process till you find
the right girl. The parents will do the necessary arrangement - bingo you are
married.

He complained to his friend Ram 'I don't recognise my parents anymore.

They had always been close, quite cool and ‘with it’. They usually
understood me, but after starting this process, they seem to have become
aliens'

'Why Sid,' asked Ram. 'They just don't get what I want in a girl. To add
insult to injury, they are accusing me of being shallow and short-sighted!!!
How dare they!!' Sid fumed.

The only person with no stress in the process seemed to be Raghu, Sid’s
dad. He laughed, he mocked, he made inappropriate comments, generally
behaved like an irresponsible teenager, not the father of a 28-year-old boy
of marriageable age!
 Chapter 5
Interviews
Boy-girl conversations, vibes
 Few
boys made through all filters - the horoscopes had to match, parents had to
pass Keshav’s interview, then the boy had to clear Shubha's 'social media
test'. In fact, the funnel was like a sales funnel - so many prospects, hardly
any conversions!

Shubha was clear that she will not allow any face to face meetings with the
guy or his parents before she could speak over the phone. She wanted to
check the ‘vibe’ and see how the boy came across before she was ready to
progress to the next step.

Keshav was ok with that - it was a small compromise, anything to prevent a

‘love marriage’.

Sundari asked herself why she was given no such say in her case. As a
matter of fact, when Keshav had come to her house with his family, to ‘see’
her, she was so frightened she didn’t know who the groom was. They
showed her a photo much later - a day before the engagement ceremony -
she had thought the groom was someone else! She saw Keshav properly on
the day of their engagement!

The first conversation between Shubha, and let’s call him J, went on for
over two hours. Keshav and Sundari were excited. Is J going to be 'the
one'? They were quite surprised when she rejected J. 'What a narrow-
minded, regressive guy!' Shubha fumed. 'He had seen my Instagram posts,
and told me that after our marriage, I should stop wearing such western
clothes' she said. 'His mother wasn’t comfortable with women wearing
sleeveless outfits and western wear. Really! In this day and age! Does he
think I will find time to drape myself in a saree every morning and run to
work?'
L, another boy, was rejected because he hinted that his career was of utmost
importance and that he expected his wife to drop hers and follow him
where it took him. When she asked him if he would do the same, he
sounded quite surprised that she would even think it possible!

Shubha started feeling quite dejected. The boys she found suitable, seemed
to be looking for extremely good looking women. The boys who liked her,
she found them to be wimps, or maama’s boys or chauvinists or just
downright boring. Her friends tried to cheer her up. ‘Don’t compromise
Shubha, have patience.’

Sid was learning the hard way that the market was skewed towards women!
And boy, were they demanding or what! B, a girl he spoke with, asked him
point-blank ‘Will you parents want to live with you after you marry? I do
not want my in-laws breathing down my neck. I want my independence’

G, another girl seemed sweet and naive. 'What do you mean by saying you
are a 'social drinker' she asked him quite shyly. "Oh, I like to chill on
weekends at the pub or sports bar with my friends'. He noticed she went
quiet after that, and quickly closed the call. Later, her parents called Priya,
and told her candidly that they were not comfortable with a groom who
might turn to be an alcoholic. The father suggested that Priya counsel her
son. Whaaat!!!!
 Chapter 6
Aye, aye
Green flags, first impressions
Fate intervened, Siddharth, and Shubha’s horoscopes were exchanged. And
both sets of astrologers declared that there was a wonderful match.

The first conversation between Keshav, Shubha’s dad, and Priya, Sid’s
mom was quite pleasant. 'Is Sundari around, can I speak with her?' asked
Priya. Keshav couldn’t understand why Priya insisted on speaking with
Sundari. He was also a bit uncomfortable - she seemed a very pushy and
dominating woman. Would she interfere in Sid’s life a lot?

Sundari was charmed. For the first time, there was a boy’s mom who made
the effort to speak with her. The conversation was also quite pleasant. They
found a common love for music and ended up chatting like friends. She
was just a wee bit uncomfortable - Priya seemed too modern, she made
comments mocking tradition.

Phone numbers of children were exchanged and shared with Sid and
Shubha. Both agreed on a late-night conversation, where it was easy to lock
the bedroom doors and speak in peace, without parents trying to eavesdrop
and watching for signs of ‘yes, go ahead’

Sid was surprised at himself. So many women friends, he was usually

extremely comfortable with women, easily picked up conversations with
strange girls. He wasn’t half bad finding and chatting with women through
dating apps. Yet, conversations with potential brides found him nervous,
tongue-tied, and quite wary of what he said and didn’t say.

What a conversation it was. After the initial awkwardness, they both

warmed up. It grew over the next couple of weeks, into more late-night
chats and long WhatsApp conversations. They both felt that they had
finally found the one they could connect with.
Shubha looked at Sid on the video call and thought, 'not half bad. He needs
to cut his hair though' Her thoughts went for a moment to Deepak, she
brought herself back. ‘Forget it Shubha, that’s the past’ she told herself.

Sid looked at her and thought, 'hmmm, not bad looking. She needs to
improve her taste in clothes. I’m sure once she comes to Bangalore, we can
correct that'.

Green flag given to both parents!

 Chapter 7
Due diligence
Meetings and outings
Strategy meeting, Sid’s Paati’s house. They had come to Chennai, to meet
Shubha and family in person. It was decided that they will meet at a coffee
shop - on Priya’s insistence. For once, she refused to listen to her mom.

‘Sid, please have a decent haircut. And wear some formals. We don’t want
the girl’s family to think you are a hippie.’ Sid was irritated. ‘I’m not off to
interview for a job paati’

‘Sid, when you talk to Shubha one on one, don’t talk about your list of
girlfriends, your non-vegetarian habits, and all that. If they had known I ate
chicken, Paati would have stopped the wedding’ Raghu advised Sid. If
looks could hurt, maim, or kill, Raghu would have fallen down bleeding to
the ground. Priya gave him such a dirty look.

Sid was amused. 'They don’t get our generation', he thought.

'We don’t believe in hiding stuff, we don’t judge. We are open.
Oh, my poor Appa, we are not like you'!

‘Shubha, wear a saree, put on that necklace and jimikki’

A reluctant Shubha was finally convinced by her parents to wear some light
jewelry and a saree - though she refused the heavy Kanchipuram saree, she
knew she would look plump!

Secretly, she was keen to look as gorgeous as she could. She shampooed
and set her hair and put on a bit of lipstick and experimented with an eye-
liner.

Enroute, Sundari gave Shubha tips on appropriate behavior, and reminded

her not to be ‘too bold’.
Coffee shop, awkward first moments. Paati saved the day - she was keen to
know all about the girl.

‘Do you sing child? Can you recite shlokas? How well do you cook - do
you help your mom? What do you wear to work? Do you wear Jeans
pant?’

Priya tried to change the topic, to no avail. Raghu, as usual, sat back and
enjoyed the show.

Keshav was also quiet. He was trying to judge this family who might be his
daughter’s in-laws. Priya seemed too forward, but her mother seemed like a
nice traditional person. Sid seemed a nice young man, though that hairstyle!
How can he be a manager in an MNC! Who will respect him!

It was suggested and accepted with alacrity, that the two youngsters stay
back to chat.

After the parents left, Sid and Shubha heaved a sigh of relief. The first
meeting was quite sweet. Shubha confessed 'I hardly ever wear a saree, I
feel quite uncomfortable. I'm usually in Salwar Kameez and for formal
meetings, my manager insists on trousers and a blazer or saree'

Sid found her candour quite endearing.

With positive feelings all around, the parents met again to discuss the
engagement and wedding dates.

'We can't have the wedding in a hotel!' said a shocked Keshav, responding
to Priya and Raghu's suggestion. 'We will rent one of the most famous
Mandapams in Chennai, and have the famous Natarajan Iyer cater the food.
This is our only daughter, we will spare no expenses in the wedding' he
said. He got his way.

Urgent calls were made to the astrologer - 'We want the earliest engagement
and muhurtham (wedding) dates' said Keshav. He added 'please ensure the
auspicious time for the ceremony is not too early in the morning'. He had
been warned by Sundari and Shubha that the beautician needed time to get
the bride ready.

He explained the urgency in finalising the dates to Priya and Raghu. 'Lucky
and auspicious mandapams within the city limits are quickly booked,
sometimes even a year in advance, so we need to move quickly' he said.
They were surprised when he added that wedding dates may change to
accommodate the availability of the mandapam!

They all set out to visit a list of mandapams selected by Keshav, shortlisted
two, and left the rest to Keshav.

Priya whispered to Raghu ‘we can’t stay at the Mandapam! I can’t use the
bathrooms there. Can’t we book a hotel nearby for the three of us to
stay?’.

Raghu squashed the idea. He vetoed as being impractical, and also showing
a tendency to being ‘hoity, toity’.
 Chapter 8
First love
Memories, old flame

Shubha was excited, she had invited a few of her college friends out for
lunch. She was planning to share the news of her wedding and invite them
to it.

As they walked into the restaurant, hugging each other, slapping backs,
Shubha couldn’t help but think ‘what if’. What would it have been like, if
she could have married her first love, her classmate Deepak?

Her friend Jhanvi seemed to sense the shadow of sadness behind her smile.
She stayed back after everyone had left.

'Shubha, I spoke with Deepak last week. He is engaged to be married. His

parents have found him a girl from their hometown. He seems happy, even
excited' she said.

On her way home, Shubha was still lost in memories and was feeling blue.
In her first year at college, Deepak had started as her Punjabi friend. He
became the love of her life very quickly; he was so perfect for her. With
him, she felt pampered and loved and still respected as a peer, looked upon
as an intelligent and successful professional. They used to laugh at the same
jokes, enjoy the same movies. She learned some Hindi and a few choice
Punjabi swear words; learned to love chicken tikka and all things non-
vegetarian. She had introduced him to Tamil movies and Rajinikanth. They
knew when to give each other space when to stay close. They were one of
the few ‘pairs’ in college who did not have fights with each other, did not
have jealous spats with friends.

When campus placements concluded, Shubha had two offers.

One from a firm based in Chennai, and another at Gurgaon, Delhi. 'Take the
Delhi offer Shubha, we can stay close to each other. I will find it easy to
break the news of our relationship with my parents after they see you and
get to know you' Deepak had suggested. He was keen they get married; was
confident his parents would agree.

'Give me time till I come back from the study break' Shubha had told him.
She wanted to decide after speaking to her parents face to face.

Back home, Sundari sensed something and sat her down for a chat even
before Shubha could broach the topic. When Shubha told her about
Deepak, Sundari was torn. She wanted to see her daughter happy, but she
knew that it would never come to pass - Keshav and his family would never
accept it. 'You need to forget all this nonsense about love Shubha, it is just
your age' she said. 'If you love your parents, take the job in Chennai, and
slowly you will forget this Deepak'
It was not done in their family, she explained to a sobbing daughter. She
warned her that Keshav would have a heart attack and possibly die if any
such thing happened. They would become outcasts in their family. In fact,
she even forbade Shubha from bringing up the topic with Keshav. After
many fierce arguments between mother and daughter, Sundari won.

Shubha had gone back to college with a heavy heart but a clear mind. She
had weighed her options and realized that she loved her parents too much
and wasn’t ready to lose them. So, she told Deepak that they couldn’t
continue, and none of his arguments could change her mind. She accepted
the offer at Chennai.

And now, she thought, looks like both of them had moved on, ready and
willing to tie the knot with someone else.

But she knew, the sweet taste and memories of one’s first love can never be
replaced, will never be lost. Like the fragrance of a favourite perfume that
clings to you long after it is worn off, those memories remain.

On an impulse, Shubha texted Deepak. She was connecting with him for
the first time after parting on the last day of college.

"Congrats on your engagement Deepak. Hope she is pretty, and hope she is
a sweet person. I am also engaged now, my wedding is two months away'

Ping - said her phone. He had sent her two emojis - a heart and a thumbs
up. Nothing else!

What was she to make of it? She felt irritated, hurt, and angry. How could
Deepak move on so easily? Maybe he hadn’t really loved her?
 Chapter 9
Trousseau
Sarees, Lehengas, Sherwanis, kurtas…
Priya was quite excited. After many decades, here she was, on her way to
Kanchipuram, along with Shubha and her mom Sundari. They were going
to buy the sarees for the bride and both families. Sundari’s friend had
offered to connect them to a weaver who offered good rates and had some
rare designs. Sundari suggested to Priya that they could do this together,
and she gladly accepted.

An early morning car-ride from Chennai, a visit to the

Kamatchi temple, a lovely breakfast of hot idlis and coffee, and then, off to
the saree shop.

Shubha was quite upset - apparently, the nine-yards for the madisaar she
was to wear for the muhurtham had to be blue - and a specific ‘Ramar
Blue’ according to Sid’s Paati. That was the traditional color in Raghu’s
family. “Amma’ she whined. “That is the one colour that made me look
dull, you know I absolutely hate the colour’

Shubha had set her mind on a gorgeous traditional maroon, and Paati had to
drop this bombshell. She tried to get Sundari to intervene but was turned
down. ‘You have to follow their family traditions.’

Saree after saree, shop after shop - shortlist saree, check in yellow light,
white light, sunlight. Send photos to Keshav / Raghu (who couldn’t care
less). Send photos of the bride’s sarees to Sid (who was lost, also couldn’t
care less, but didn’t dare show it)

And then, get a set of sarees that mom-in-law and daughter-inlaw could
twin in!
Back in Chennai, the all-important blouses had to go to the tailors. ‘Don’t
call her a tailor’ Sundari whispered urgently to Priya; ‘she is a blouse
designer, one of the best – all the small-screen actresses wear her designs;
there is a waiting list to have blouses designed by her. We had to speak
through a friend, and she agreed to design our blouses as a special case,
given that it is a wedding’. Priya was quite stunned. Blouses seemed to cost
as much as sarees - some cost far more than sarees! She learnt the
importance of the back of a blouse, the name of each style, the connect with
the specific actress who wore it.

She was shocked at the heavy embroidery and stonework the designer
suggested - she wondered how anyone can wear such stuff and be
comfortable, that too in the heat of Chennai! But Shubha and Sundari
seemed to be in their element, so she just observed it all. Eye opening day
for Priya. She even had one blouse ‘designed’ for herself - allowed the
heavy stonework and the lattices at the back.

Shubha also guided Priya to the right shop where she could pick up ready-
made veshti for her son and husband, who couldn’t tie it the traditional
way. Pull it up like a trouser, fasten with Velcro, and it was done! It even
had a pocket.

Next day was lehengas and accessory shopping day. Shubha was adamant
she would go only with her friends and got her way. Sundari sent her with
one stern warning - no showing midriff, no lehenga choli without chunni,
and not transparent chunni please.

Wow, Parry’s Corner was such a treasure trove. Her friend Lisa spoke
Hindi, and that was a huge help. So many Sabyasachi ripoffs, Shubha was
anyways spoilt for choice. And on her friends’ advice, she was able to pick
up jewelry sets to match every outfit - pre-wedding, wedding, post
wedding, even for her honeymoon.

Back home in Bangalore, Sid set out to Manyavaar along with friends.
Shubha had shared the photograph of her lehenga, and he was to get the
Sherwani that would match. His friends teased him no end - he had to wear
peach! He managed to find the least peachy peach sherwani, sent off a
photo to Shubha from the trial room and after her approval over a video
call, bought it. Trials, alterations, further trials - it was definitely a time-
consuming affair! Then he went to PN Rao to pick out a three-piece suit for
his reception. He picked one in his favourite brown.

He was also told to get the quintessential raw silk shirt, and a few short
kurtas in a few basic colors - maroon, green, blue and rust. Apparently, that
is what people wore over their silk veshti’s these days. He would need them
for the various puja’s and functions that would come before and after the
wedding, as well as the temple visits.
 Chapter 10
Food is good
Catering tales
Even Keshav hadn’t bargained for the mad rush and running around
involved in arranging a wedding. He had heard stories from friends, but
nothing prepared him for this!
Natarajan Iyer was contacted for the catering in Shubha’s wedding. It was
an all-inclusive contract including food, return gift bag with goodies, and
getting everything needed for the rituals.

It took them a week to find and get Shubha’s ok on the unique, eco-friendly
string bag to give-away.

Menus were discussed at length. The reception menu had to be really

special- after all, that’s where friends and family will be judging the
grandeur and splendor of the wedding. It had to be memorable. Natarajan
Iyer suggested they visit a few wedding receptions he was catering for. He
took them along. Food tasting, checking guest’s reaction, over-hearing
comments - entertaining, and informative experience.

Finally, with Natarajan Iyer’s expert inputs, decided to differentiate and

make the food memorable with on two live counters (one Dosa, one roti),
starters including Gobi
Manchurian and Podi-Idly, not to miss the special Dahi Vada.
Welcome drinks included a Melon Juice and a Mocktail, mains with Paneer
Makhni and live Roomali Roti, of course the allimportant Gulab Jamun
with Vanilla Ice-cream for dessert. Natarajan Iyer’s sensible advice to add
rice, rasam and curd rice was accepted by the parents with alacrity. Shubha
and Sid just didn’t get it - but Keshav and Raghu insisted, ‘our people
needed their food’

A long discussion about what sweet and savory to include in the goodie bag
to give away. Shubha and Sid wanted something elegant and healthy - like a
bag of dry fruits and nuts, or exotic chocolates. Keshav categorically told
them ‘we are not NorthIndians or foreigners. Our relatives will get upset if
we don’t do the Murukku/mixture and laddu or burfi. Please choose within
this range’

Seeing the heated arguments, Natarajan Iyer can up with a solution – ‘why
don’t we put dry fruits and special chocolates in the goodie bag given at the
reception and traditional mixture and burfi for the Muhurtham goodie bag?’
That suggestion closed the arguments amicably. It was another sign of his
experience!

Keshav’s uncle, who was watching the entire discussion with amusement,
asked slyly ‘So do you think they have started serving idlis at Punjabi
weddings for breakfast and curd rice with their dinner? After all, we have
adopted so much of their cuisine’

Keshav and Sundari recalled a scary scene at their wedding. There was a
bigger crowd than expected for breakfast, and so the kitchen ran out of
Vada and the special pumpkin hulwa. People who came late had to make do
with idlis and a piece of burfi. One of Keshav’s uncles had a nasty temper
and a big ego. He was so angry at having to forgo the vada and pumpkin
hulwa that he raised hell and made a big scene. Sundari’s parents had to
leave the stage in the midst of the ceremonies, to go to the dining hall, and
plead with him for quite a while before he calmed down. He still walked off
in a huff without eating breakfast. Needless to say, at lunch, there were
around four people including Sundari’s brother to personally take care of
the uncle. Ego gratified, said the expression on his face (no, it wasn’t a
pleasant expression). But that didn’t stop him from making scornful
remarks on the rasam ‘hot water’ and the dahi vada ‘it is like a stone’

When Sundari shared this memory with Shubha, she was appalled. How
could anyone behave that way? What did the uncle think - that he was
royalty? ‘Appa, didn’t your mom try to restrain him – she was his sister
after all, and it must have really embarrassed her’

Keshav laughed. ‘Such drama is a quintessential part of an Indian wedding,

and this is what kept the bride’s family on their toes. If no one makes a
scene, the groom’s family is considered wimps. Your amma’s family would
have taken me for granted from that day on’

Shubha gave him a dirty look. ‘I wonder which of Sid’s uncles or aunts is
going to do this and throw a tantrum at my wedding. I hope you can handle
them. Maybe we should coach Hari on what to do?’

Keshav looked surprised and then worried, while Sundari secretly

applauded her daughter. ‘Go girl,’ she thought.
 Chapter 11
Set, stage
Event planning, decorations
Shubha had watched enough episodes of ‘The Big Fat Indian Wedding’ and
many of her friends had just such a wedding. Sid too had been to some
destination weddings. While their dream wedding was at an exotic resort in
Goa, both parents were clear it was Chennai.
Not one to lose heart, Shubha and Sid conferred and decided to get an
event manager and a decorator. Sangeet and Reception needed special
care.

Subtle suggestions from Sid to have the Sangeet at a hotel, with just
youngsters, was frowned upon by his Paati as well as Shubha’s parents, so
it had to be dropped. Sid’s hopes of having cocktails on the Sangeet were
quietly quashed.

The decorator and Shubha sat to plan the ‘stage’ and setting for each of the
key events - Sangeet, Reception, Muhurtham…

Shubha visited the Mandapam with the decorator to plan specifics; Sid had
strict instructions to be always on - ready to accept video calls, so he could
participate in the decisions. Shubha was careful to ensure the colour of her
clothes and decorations complemented at each event.

A peach theme for the Sangeet - goes without saying. For the reception, a
walkway to the stage, lined with lanterns and laid with a red carpet.

Mom and daughter had a tiff when it came to the backdrop on the stage at
Muhurtham - Sundari was adamant on the traditional theme with the
images of their deity and was aghast at Shubha’s insistence on marigold!
‘Those are funeral flowers
Shubha!!’

Daily video calls between Sid, Shubha, and the Event Manager.
Choreographer – selected to everyone’s satisfaction

Dance routines, dancers, costumes, songs – agreed upon after hectic

discussions over many nights.

The practice schedule was tough - with Sid and friends being in Bangalore,
Shubha, and her family being in Chennai. But the choreographer had the
work-around. ‘Oh don’t worry Subha’ she said ‘Just last month, I
successfully choreographed Devika and Rajesh’s wedding. Rajesh lives and
works in America. He and his friends used to join over skype every day,
Devika and her friends came to my studio. Here, see the video’ Shubha was
suitably impressed – the dance routine at the Sangeet was flawless, and
even the ‘Americans’ had got the bump and grind routine down pat.

Fun activities during Sangeet and Reception – the event managers expert
suggestions were accepted unanimously.

The photo corner was passé everyone was doing them. The latest was a
dub-smash video corner for guests. Wow! Sounded like fun.

A bit of worry over colour coordination for the reception - Sid had picked
up a brown suit, while Shubha had a blue gown. They figured that Sid had
to go and exchange his suit - no other go.

Friends were given the heads up on the colors to wear for Sangeet and
reception. The close family was counselled on dos and don’ts. Parents were
cajoled and coaxed and threatened to join in for a dance sequence. Raghu’s
reluctance given his two left legs, and Keshav’s stage fright were put aside,
they too were unwilling participants, rehearsing day and night.

Sundari was convinced and agreed to sing a few songs at the Sangeet, and
Priya was going to join her in the chorus. They
were also going to do a small dance sequence, just the two moms.

‘Did you have such fun at your wedding Priya?’

‘Are you for real?’ Asked Priya. ‘It was a whole lot of ‘do this, don’t do
this, sit like this, stand like this, keep your head bowed, allow the groom to
hold your hand, don’t shake hands with men during the reception’

She went on to add ‘It was a serious and quite traumatic affair. I only
enjoyed bits of it where my mom-in-law and Raghu overruled my mom and
brushed off some of the more irritating rules. What about you Sundari?’

‘Oh, same same, and I didn’t have the fortune of a mom-in-law who was
easy on me’

Sundari couldn’t help but share with Priya how Janaki, her mom-in-law,
along with a few of Keshav’s aunts had come to their house a few months
before the wedding, to ‘inspect’ the jewelry and the sarees. Priya laughed,
but noticing the sadness in Sundari’s voice, encouraged her to tell all. And
she did.

Sundari’s mom had been very nervous, she had heard stories of Janaki
maami’s sarcasm and quick temper.

Janaki and cronies were received like royalty, served piping hot filter coffee
and snacks. Everyone sat in the large living room, and Sundari’s mom had
brought out the jewelry and sarees, while Janaki maami inspected each one
critically - she checked the amount of ‘zari’ (gold work) on each saree.

Sundari, who had been told to sit quietly and speak only when spoken to,
was devastated. Janaki maami had delivered her first blow soon as she
arrived. ‘Keshav does not want Sundari to go to work. He knows a wife’s
place is in the house, taking care of his parents, and later, his children.
Resign your job immediately’. ‘You are a lucky girl.’ She added. ‘My son
will keep you like a princess, safe and protected’.

Sundari was shocked, and speechless. This was not part of the deal - in fact,
she would not have agreed to get married if this was told to her earlier. She
had just cleared an internal department exam and was set to become a
supervisor. The promotion letter was due any day! ‘I don’t want to be safe
and protected, I want my career’ she thought.

Just before leaving, Janaki maami took out a ruby necklace, put it around
Sundari’s neck, then said in a soft and loving voice
‘you are really pretty. I wanted just such a fair, pretty girl for
Keshav’
As she brought up these forgotten events, Sundari remembered how she felt
- as if she was a pretty doll, one who had no desires and feelings of her
own, one who was to spend her life in the shadow of a benevolent
husband.

She told Priya how she had cried for days after this incident,
inconsolable, her dreams shattered forever, but helpless to do anything
about it.

Priya was appalled and lost for words. She thought she was lucky, Keshav’s
mom was nothing like that. In fact, she had ensured that Priya never had to
compromise on her career, had pitched in to help bring up Sid, and always
encouraged Priya to grow. She told Sundari that she would do the same for
Shubha.

Sundari was moved. She sent out a silent prayer that Priya was in everyday
different from her own mom-in-law. Shubha was fortunate, ‘Thank you
God’.
 Chapter 12
Candid moments
Wedding movies, Insta-moments
Shubha and Sid took over the task of finding the
‘photographer’, who had to be more than just someone shooting wedding
photos and making albums. Their parents were not up to this task, for sure.
They wanted a wedding movie, many candid photographs, and Insta-
worthy stories. They went through Google and user reviews, took
suggestions from friends, shortlisted a few potentials. Then, a review of
past work - finally, ‘DreamWeavers’ was selected.

The young brother-sister duo was almost good enough to shoot for
professional movies - as a matter of fact, they had done the cinematography
for an award-winning ad film. They were very pricey but came so highly
recommended, Sid and Shubha decided they would be worth every penny.

After multiple discussions, the story and script were finalized. Then, the
music and sound-bytes in the wedding movie were agreed upon. The length
was much debated, so was the allimportant question - one long movie, or
multiple short episodes?

Any wedding movie, and photo-story, had to start at the start - with the first
meeting. But there were no photos of the actual meeting.

It was decided to re-create it when Sid and his family came to Chennai for
the engagement. Everyone was carted off to the roof-top eatery of a 5-star
hotel. Everyone was given strict instructions on what to wear and to
practice their script well. Paati couldn’t understand any of this. It was a
novel experience for her!

A few re-takes were needed -the elders were fumbling. A sweet romantic
scene was shot with Sid on his knees, rose between his teeth and ring held
out, proposing to Shubha. And then it was a wrap.
They captured some wonderful candid shots, complete with stage props - at
the Besant Nagar beach, at the mall; then, a romantic candlelight dinner
with just the two of them, some whimsical photos at the studio - two whole
days were devoted to completing the shoots.

Keshav firmly vetoed their idea of going to Pondicherry for a shoot. ‘Do all
that after the wedding, not now’ he said.

At the engagement, candid shots of the two holding each other close, Sid
kissing Shubha’s forehead, tight hugs…..

Paati was quite upset, so was Sundari. Their objections were over-ruled, by
none other than Priya, Sid’s mom, and the young couple. Priya explained to
her mom and Sundari that this was common, and they should not deny the
youngsters the opportunity to make memories, their way.

DreamWeavers had warned the couple not to release photos on Insta right
away. They were going to create a storyline and a schedule for it. They also
had a dedicated link where the story was slowly unfolding, and that link
was shared with family and friends, along with a video message from the
bride and groom, inviting everyone to their wedding.
Chapter 13
Appearance matters
Parlor, spa, stylist, beautician
Priya, Raghu, and Sid sat at the dining table. Sid's latest diet plans
translated into complicated cooking routines for her. Protein only meals,
bowls of Quinoa which she had to learn to cook just right, smoothies for
breakfast….

‘Sid, please make your smoothie and Quinoa from tomorrow. I’m a
working woman, and I am tired of cooking different items for each member
of the family!'

‘Amma, you don’t care for me! Aren’t you keen that I become healthier,
look lean, and smart on my wedding day? You know I need to work-out and
don’t have time to make my smoothies before I leave for work. It is such a
small thing, why are you making a fuss?’

Shubha’s house - ‘What is this nonsense I hear from Amma? You now eat
only one meal a day? And that too only something made of millet? Do you
want to faint on your wedding day? People will think about all sorts of
things if that happens!’ said an angry Keshav.

Sundari felt guilty for having complained. She had just a few more days
with her daughter, she didn’t want to see her unhappy.

Shubha had just come back from the beauty parlor. At the suggestion of the
beauty expert, she had gone in for the ‘Platinum Bridal Package’. So,
weekly visits to shine, polish, moisturize, remove blemishes - for a month.
Then, daily care for a week - with a different part of her getting ready each
day. Nails, hair, feet, skin, face. The idea was to transform her, make her a
glowing, gorgeous dream-girl in her wedding movie.
Various make-up styles had to be tried, friend's and Sid’s opinion sought,
before freezing. Sid quickly learnt the art of saying very little. He now
knew that the most important trick to a successful relationship was to never
tell the woman in his life the truth about how she looks. Especially when
she says, 'tell me honestly, do I look good?'

The beautician was to help Shubha tie the wedding sarees. However, she
was told it was customary for the mother-in-law or sister-in-law to tie the
traditional nine yards for the bride. She rebelled and cried till finally,
Sundari gave in and decided to get it pre-stitched - apparently, ready-made
‘madisaar’ sarees were the done thing. Tentatively, worried about her
reaction, she asked Priya if that was ok. To her relief, Priya thought that
was a great idea.

'Sid, get your upper-body waxed' said Ram. He was Sid's good friend, who
was married in a traditional ceremony a few months back. He reminded Sid
that in the traditional South Indian wedding there would be just a Veshti to
cover his lower body, his upper body would be bare. Hairy bodies made
anyone look like a chimp. Sid was so thankful for this tip.

As a part of the ‘platinum groom package’ at the men’s salon and spa,
upper body waxing and polishing were offered and he took it. He came
back from the waxing session, sore and red. What torture, he thought, how
do women do this month after month?

When he asked for some ice and aloe-vera, Priya and Raghu howled with
laughter, and couldn’t stop the whole day. Each time they saw him, they
burst out laughing.

He thought they were very mean and heartless. Priya very kindly told him
that he had escaped the worst - he didn’t wax his underarms. He had chosen
to shave them!

Shubha’s beautician was told to bring along a stylist for Sid during the
wedding. Ram his friend had warned him that it was important to have
someone manage how he looked - fresh bright face, hair done just so, and
all that.

Priya and Raghu recollected with amusement their own wedding. Raghu
got his first ‘suit’ for the Janavasam. For the reception, Priya was ‘allowed’
to leave her hair open, and wear her saree the Gujarathi way, so she could
show off the beautiful work on the Pallu. Even that had caused quite a
scandal, people felt it was too forward and comments about the ‘forward’
behavior of the bride, and the lack of respect for traditions.
Chapter 14
D - 1, sangeet
Dance, Chaat, fun and games
Young women, old women, little girls - all lining up to have their hands
colored with beautiful ‘Mehandi’ designs. The smell of henna combined
with the sweet scent of jasmine and the strong aroma of marigold wafted in
the air. It was a pleasant contrast to the smell of samosas and kachoris
frying in oil and the sugary scent of hot jalebis.

A long line had formed in front of the chaat counter. Young women looked
pretty in their lehengas and ‘Anarkali’ salwar, even a few in long gowns.
The older women looked uncomfortable but resolute, in their heavily
ornamented ‘designer’ sarees. They failed in their attempts to cover
sagging stomach and bulging midriff by holding the saree ‘just so’

Priya and Sundari had decided unanimously that they would wear their
traditional Kanchipuram saree. Priya had stern instructions from her mom,
to grow her hair the moment the wedding was finalized. She was the
mother of the groom; she couldn't be seen sporting a 'bob-cut'. Paati was
clear Priya was expected to keep her hair pinned up, preferably braided,
befitting her age, and status of 'mother-in-law'. She wasn't a young girl.
The obedient daughter that she was, she purchased a hair-extension to make
sure she could braid her hair for the Muhurtham.

The bride looked lovely in a peach lehenga choli. Sid had convinced her to
wear a gown for the reception, he and Priya had picked one out for her. So,
the ‘Sabyasachi lookalike lehenga’ became the outfit for the Sangeet.

Sid was wearing a matching Sherwani in what he hoped was a 'manly shade
of peach'. He paired it with a long stole and even agreed to wear a turban.
He felt quite odd, a bit silly even, but the light in Shubha’s eyes seemed to
make it all worthwhile. He avoided looking at his dad Raghu - every time
he caught his eyes, Raghu looked like he found it all hilarious. 'Stupid dad,
just can’t grow up! And he is making me feel awkward' thought Sid.

Bollywood music blared from hidden speakers, and soon, it was time for
some dancing. The choreographer assembled all the dancers, the
camerapersons took their place, ‘lights, camera, action’

Oh, what a show! The dads looked quite clumsy but made a valiant attempt
to dance to a retro Bollywood tune. The moms sang quite sweetly, the bride
and the groom grooved happily. Sundari was worried - one of the dances
seemed a bit risqué, she could see the lips pursed and eyebrows beetled in
disapproval on many faces there.

The DJ was good - her selection of music had something for everyone. She
even had games for the young, the old, the uncles and the aunties. Even the
ever-stern Paati was convinced to come up on stage and play a game.

'This is the kind of South Indian wedding I like. Sid, I am glad you and
Shubha insisted on the Sangeet. We had so much fun today. Not like our
wedding'. said Priya to Sid and Raghu.

Priya remembered the ‘Janavasam’ at her wedding. The groom, decked up

in a formal suit paid for by his father-in-law, went on a procession to the
near-by temple and back in an open, bedecked car. She, the bride, was
expected to sit waiting by the window at the mandapam, to catch a glimpse
of the groom. All the while, an endless stream of ‘Maamis’ from the
groom’s side had walked in to ‘see’ the bride. They prodded her, questioned
her, evaluated her. They behaved as if she was deaf as they made sly,
abrasive and even made hurtful comments ‘Poor Keshav, the girl is quite
dark’ they said about her dusky complexion. She was expected to sit with
her head bowed, answer when spoken to, keep her smile on.
Boring, boring, boring. Not to mention, hurtful, she thought.

Back to the present - in another room, Shubha’s aunt was commenting to

whoever would listen, ‘What kind of a show is this? The sanctity of a
wedding is lost. How crass, for the boy and girl’s father to dance. They
looked so silly! Bald, and greying men thinking they are Bollywood stars. I
think the boy’s friends were drunk. Bangalore boys are always drinking.
Poor Shubha. Sundari and Keshav should have waited to find a better boy.’

Another aunt, ‘Did you see the dress Shubha was wearing? I thought it
was quite immodest. And that blouse her mother-inlaw wore? It almost
seemed like a backless blouse. These
Bangalore women, I tell you!!!’
 Chapter 15
D day
Dressing up, candid shots, tears
The eve of the wedding was not meant for fun and games. It was filled with
rituals and keeping up with all traditions. That did not mean one had to give
good looks a miss. It just meant waking up at an ungodly hour of three am
for Shubha. The first ceremony was at five, she had to give the beautician
time to get the make-up, jewelry, hairdo, and saree in place. This was just
the start. A different saree in each ceremony meant that many changes of
costume and jewelry, and the all-important touchup to continue to look
fresh despite the smoke and heat. Her best friend Lisa had the
responsibility of keeping clothes and jewelry ready for each change. It
worked well - like an F1 pitstop, the time needed was minimized.

Despite all plans, the priest was screaming for the ‘girl’ because she took
much too long to change into her ‘madisaar’ for the main ceremony. The
problem wasn’t the saree, it was prestitched, took minutes to pull on and zip
up. But Shubha had decided on a complex but very traditional hairdo to go
with it, and that took time.

Poor Sundari was caught in the middle - between Sid's Paati who already
felt that there was a flippant attitude towards the sacred rituals, the priest
who was egging her on, and Shubha and her beautician on the other side.
Surprisingly, Shubha had a strong supporter in Priya, who kept Paati under
control.

'I'm so glad I took the pain of waxing my upper body' thought Sid. Poor
guy! He felt quite naked in his veshti and ........nothing else! His request to
wear something over it - a shirt, a kurta, anything - was turned down
ruthlessly by everyone, and the priest was quite scathing in his comments
about 'modern boys'. He was also forced to wear jewelry! While it was just
a gold chain, he still felt quite odd.
All went well, the ‘mangalsutra’ was tied. People started walking onto the
stage to congratulate the couple, irritating the priest. He was struggling to
go on with the rest of the rituals, the bride and groom were distracted.

He was already in a foul mood - the cameraman had been after him - 'sit in
this angle, hold that pose' - all so he got the right shot. To add insult to
injury, The priest was asked to move out of the way, so when Sid 'tied the
knot' the act was captured perfectly. Sid even had to act it out again, so the
shots were perfect.

The drone camera unnerved the priest! It hovered over his head, swooped
and zoomed away, came back in, generally disturbing him to the extent that
he fumbled with some of the mantras.

Suddenly, someone cleared some space right in front of the stage. Two
friends of Sid came in, piped music came on, and they started dancing.
Soon, more youngsters joined them and a flash mob was dancing wildly to
the tunes of the latest Tamil ‘bump and grind’ song.

Some started capturing this on a video, some laughed and watched on,
some muttered saying this was making a mockery of the whole wedding
ceremony.

Wedding done. A good traditional lunch done. The drone camera was
viewed with mixed feelings. The experienced guests knew to eat with
grace, mouths closed, so they did not get caught looking awkward. The not
so smart ones.............were captured in ignominious shots with open mouth,
chomping food.

Time to get ready for the reception, the final big event of the day.
Bride, groom, moms, and dads were off to the salon. They all felt they
deserved to be pampered, and it was anyway part of the platinum package.
Paati frowned on all this, but Raghu brushed it aside.

The reception was a wonderful affair. Dim lights, mood music, and pastel
flowers transformed the hall. The bride and groom looked elegant in their
matching blue outfits. Priya reassured Shubha that she looked good.
Shubha was wearing a gown for the first time, felt uncomfortable with the
figure-hugging dress. She felt a bit awkward without a dupatta or stole to
cover herself, sensing the disapproving looks of her mom, Sid’s paati, and
many others. But she felt very beautiful too - upswept hair, a spray of tiny
roses pinned above one ear, bright red lips….

Sundari was confused. She could see how quickly Shubha seemed to get
intimate and cosy with Priya. She could see Priya had taken her under her
wings and was encouraging her to be comfortable in her modern avatar. She
was happy for Shubha, yet she had small pangs of worry, and was it
jealousy?

Keshav walked around, chest puffed out, head held high. He had managed
to find a ‘prize groom’ for his daughter, the wedding had gone off without a
hitch, the family was sweet, his daughter was glowing. No love marriage
either - all arranged!
What more can a man ask for?

The most sought-after person of the evening was, however, the

photographer and videographer. Guests had got wind of the fact that they
were open to capturing pictures of guests, not just ‘with’ the bride and the
groom. So, they were trying to pin them down and get some good shots.
Mothers of young men and women of marriageable age were especially
keen. It was a golden opportunity to get a professional shoot of their child,
who was well-dressed and looking their best. All this, at no cost!

Phone numbers and WhatsApp numbers, sometimes email ids, were

exchanged with the photographer, with parents of ‘eligible’ men and
women.

Finally, an exhausted Sid and Shubha were whisked off to the honeymoon
suite of a popular five-star hotel. Priya had insisted and won - she and
Raghu went back to her mom’s place for the night. Priya felt she had
already tolerated two nights of a shared bathroom, which was way below
her standards. She couldn’t tolerate another minute of it, she definitely
couldn’t hold it all night. So, all is well that ends well in the case of Sid
and Shubha. It was definitely a wedding to remember, one that went off
without any major hitch.

Epilogue
Editing of the wedding movie was finally completed, with shots and clips
added in from the honeymoon. Shubha and Sid had multiple sittings with
DreamWeavers and finally, they were ready to release it. There were over
two thousand odd photographs. Not satisfied with digital versions on a CD,
and the files shared online, both parents had insisted on traditional print
albums, so it was done.

Shubha and Sid had a small ceremony, a virtual party on

YouTube live to release their video. It was a DYOB (Drink Your Own Beer)
party. Not surprisingly, that too was captured for posterity and shared on
Instagram. 'Sid and Shubha release their wedding movie'

Slowly, life went back to a day to day routine, but a different one for all our
players.

Shubha and Sid were settling into their new apartment, close to Shubha’s
office. Shubha had a lot of fun decorating it, playing house, playing hostess
to Sid's friends over weekends. She was also learning to appreciate the
work that went into running a house - even with Sid playing an equal role,
and the help of two maids and a cook, there was definitely a lot of work. To
add to her challenge, she had started work at Bangalore. 'How did
Amma manage it all? How come I never noticed?' thought Shubha.

Sid was slowly waking up to the reality that being married was different
from being in a relationship. There were many explicit do’s and don’t -
‘Don't leave wet towels on sofas and bed, put it out to dry'.

‘Don't bring your shoes into the house, leave it outside on the stand'. ‘Don't
eat in bed (boy, did that hurt).'
'Shower and use deodorant when you come back from the gym, body odor
isn’t sexy'

And the toughest lesson for him - to learn to say that the food was lovely, at
every meal!

He also learnt the hard way that he should quickly apologize if Shubha got
upset with something he said or did, without trying to get into details of
whether it was warranted or not.

Priya and Raghu were settling into their empty nest. It was a collective and
conscious decision to have the young couple not to stay with them. But that
didn’t lessen the emptiness and pain of not having Sid around.

Keshav and Sundari too were missing their daughter though, Hari their son
was still at home. Sundari was quite worried about Shubha turning too
modern Every day, she reminded her to keep up her traditional upbringing,
and not bring shame to the family name.

Routine evening video call with Shubha. 'Where is your Thaali?' why are
you wearing a small chain and pendant?' asked
Sundari. She was aghast. She was even more upset when Shubha said it was
a gift from her mother-in-law, Priya. ‘Chill ma, Priya aunty gave me this
chain and tiny pendant. She told me it is very old-fashioned to go around
with such a thick gold chain and huge thaali around my neck. Men don’t
wear a thaali, why should women’

Sundari was aghast. Priya was obviously putting these stupid ideas into
Shubha’s head. While she felt upset at this, she was also glad for Shubha.
She could see her daughter seemed to have caring and nice in-laws. Thank
God!
A note from me
When I was young, weddings were stressful events for all involved,
especially the girl’s parents. Women did not have much of a say in the
choice of the groom, or at what age she was to be married. Often, she was
just informed by the parents that this is the guy we have chosen for you.
The belief was that parents knew what was best for their children. The girls'
parents were on pins and needles all the way through, till the marriage
ceremony ended. Often, even later.

The groom's family were treated like royalty, their wishes and expectations
had to be met and exceeded. A few domineering and obnoxious people
were always there. If you were lucky, they were distant relatives, to be
managed and tolerated only till the wedding day. These people took it upon
themselves to establish supremacy, to be quality monitors, keepers of rituals
and customs. They thoroughly enjoyed their role, were troublemakers
without a doubt, had to be managed strategically.

Fortunately, times have changed, young women are no longer ‘girls’. They
have clear likes and dislikes, don’t hesitate to assert themselves, the gender
ratio has pushed up the demand for them. The domineering, supercilious,
and demanding attitude of old has almost disappeared.

We are however still in transition - parents are not yet completely

comfortable and agreeable to letting go of control. They are not keen to
allow their offspring the freedom to choose their life partners. They are still
bound by ‘what will everyone say.’ ‘Love marriages’ are seen as a sign of
failure on the part of parents. If the ‘love’ happened within the same
community, it is easy to camouflage as an arranged marriage. If not.......
The youngsters too seem to be unsure of their ability to choose well, maybe
low in confidence, or uncomfortable asserting their rights with strong-
willed parents. Maybe, the responsibility that goes with making their own
decision and choice seems big and causes stress.

So, many of them fall back on parents to source and offer a shortlist of
potential partners. This way, they can evaluate and choose from a filtered
selection! Everyone is in on the decision.
This has given birth to a new term - ‘semi-arranged’ marriage.

Weddings have become an opportunity for the young man and woman to be
a star for a while, live the ‘large’ life. They can capture forever, a reel life
that gets shared on social media. There is an undercurrent, an unconscious
motive, to on-up peers. More than the parents, it is now the youngster who
wants to outdo peers in the grandeur, pomp, unique ‘no-oneever-did-this’
stuff.

Weddings have nevertheless become a lot less boring and stressful. Pre-
wedding rituals from the Western world, like the bachelor party, and fun
elements like the Sangeet from North India, have been imported and
integrated into the traditional South Indian wedding. Friends and family of
the bride and the groom end up planning, practicing, ideating, and then
dancing and singing, even partying together. This helps in creating friendly
bonds and breaking the ice. It removes the stiff 'I am groom's side' or 'I am
bride's side' attitude which always ends up in a bit of adversarial, 'us vs
them' behavior.

I love this change, for which the youngsters deserve the credit! Rehearsing
dance moves, choosing costumes, being awkward but losing stage-fright,
playing dress-up - for many a SouthIndian middle-class man and woman,
these are definitely novel, exciting and frightening.
As a result of all this, both sets of parents relax in each other's company,
interact on neutral ground. There is less deference and awkward ‘in-law’
mindset. There is more camaraderie, and family’s bond before the formal
wedding ceremony.

I enjoy many aspects of this endearing, awkward, comical yet deeply

personal and life-changing business of marriage in its new form. There
are elements of it that make me
uncomfortable, goes against my beliefs and values. So, I end up with mixed
feelings.

I decided I have to capture this all in an imaginary wedding. Thus, was born
Sid and Shubha, and the cast. They are you and me, they are people we see
around us.

I hope that each of us who read this allows the fun and joy to warm our
hearts. See the lack of logic in some of the actions, examine ourselves,
maybe let go of that which needs to be let go of. And if you are one of
those Maama or Maami who frown on all this, relax. Life is meant to be
fun.

Let them sing and dance and have a chaste kiss on stage. Let the drone
cameras swoop and zoom, capturing candid moments. But remember to eat
with your mouth closed though!
You never know, it may go viral and never let you live it down.