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Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Sam & Max, sam and max freelance police

Relationship: Max/Sam (Sam & Max)

Characters: Max (Sam & Max), Sam (Sam & Max), Darla "The Geek" Gugenheek, Lorne (Sam & Max), The Commissioner (Sam & Max)

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Sexual Tension, Mild Sexual Content, more will be added as i work on the story, i want to say
secondhand embarrassment but thats just for you guys, uhhh the threat of destroying a preteen's innocence, but no harm will
be done to said preteen!, I lied the geek is harmed, But she'll be fine, Original Character(s)

Language: English
Stats: Published: 2019-06-12 Completed: 2019-07-16 Words: 8402 Chapters: 3/3 Comments: 29 Kudos: 257 Bookmarks:
18 Hits: 3459

Hard to Have a Honeymoon Phase

InkToTheLaptopScreen

Chapter 3
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Their sighs turned into screaming.

"How did you get here before us?" Max clung onto Sam's jacket for dear life, trying to steady his now agitated heart rate.

"Oh you know, just testing out how the vacuum exit I was building for you two worked. You know, so you wouldn't have to take the stairs. It
was going to be a nice surprise, don't you think?" The Geek started making her way towards them, hands behind her back and attitude
feigning nonchalance, but with an energy reading for something much more angry and dangerous. Sam and Max scrambled away from her as
she moved and huddled against Sam's desk while she stopped in front of their office door in their place.

"Look, Geek, we're sorry about this week's mess. We'll make it up to you soon, just not right this second."

"Yeah, first we have to take care of some adult business. For instance, fuc-" Max's grossly thorough and detailed description of what he and
Sam have been trying to do all day was muffled by Sam's hand clamping over his mouth. It didn't stop him from talking, per se, but it did keep
The Geek from hearing the terrible details, which she thankfully ignored.

"Oh don't worry, I'll be done with you soon enough."

"Wh-what are you going to do with us?" Sam asked with just the slightest tinge of fear in his voice, still spooked from her sudden
manifestation in the office, and the threat of whatever is to come. He and Max watched on in a terrible suspense as she unlocked their door
and slowly pulled it open, revealing the most terrible torture device she seemed to have on hand.

“Boys, this is “our” insurance agent, Mr. Jack A. Dullboyd."

Just like that, the screams of terror returned as Mr. Dullboyd reached out his hand in an attempt to introduce himself. He looked over to the
Geek as the freelance police shrieked, Max trying to climb over Sam with the full intention of escaping through the window, and Sam gripping
onto the lagomorph for comfort, hindering said escape. The Geek rolled her eyes and shook her head like she's seen this scene a hundred
times, or at least could see it coming.

"Ignore them, they're immature and I'm sure you get that reaction a lot."

"W-well, I wouldn't say it happens that often-"

" Sure it doesn't. Why don't we get comfortable before we talk business, Mr. Dullboyd. Tell us all about yourself, I insist. We have all the time in
the world."

"Sam, I don't think I can handle this. He looks like if the color beige was a person. If he was a spice, he’d be flour, Sam!”

“Just try and sit through it, little buddy,” Sam says, petting Max’s head in attempts to soothe the both of them, finding the action just as
comforting when delivering, “maybe it’ll go by quick.”

And as if their predicament couldn't get worse, because of a cruel and uncaring God, maybe, Mr. Dullboyd seemed to only be capable of
droning. Even when talking about something as impressive as his little Susie's first steps this week, or his son's baseball game and how he
shows so much potential from how he finally managed to hit the ball this time around, the man was the physical manifestation of a killjoy! Sam
can feel Max shaking in his arms the more the man talks, and he knows his lagomorph lover is about to explode, and the chances of stopping it
are becoming slimmer and slimmer with every word out of his mouth. Then, there’s finally a beacon of hope when Mr. Dullboyd waves his hand
out dismissively when starting a new story- something about completing his stamp collection, probably, not that anyone else in the room is
truly listening, saying that probably no one wants to hear about it and they should get on with the meeting and, for once in their lives, the
freelance police are eager to agree to start what will surely be an equally boring meeting. The sooner it starts, the sooner it will end, after all.
But, of course, there is the Geek and her sadism.

“Oh no, please. We’d love to hear all about it.”

Like a premonition, Sam senses Max snapping before he hears or sees it.

“Oh for Pete’s sake, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”

Like he was an active grenade, Sam throws the rabbit out of his arms and, like the hero he vows to be, and even sometimes is, dives in to
save the child in the room from the explosion. He doesn't care for Mr. Dullboyd, so whatever happens to him happens.

Max lands on the desk and he immediately starts looking around the room, laughing maniacally, his head whipping back and forth frantically
before his eyes land on Sam. He flips over onto his hands and knees and arches his back, wiggling his ass in Sam's direction while locking eyes
with him. He grabs his ears and pulls them back; an invitation for Sam to grab them.

"C'mon Sam, just take me already! Right here, just like we wanted to earlier. These two can watch for all I fucking care- the kid can pay for all
the therapy she needs after it! He drops his chest onto the desk and brings his knees in towards it, making his backside stick up farther, still
holding onto his ears. “Mount and ride me into the fucking sunset, Sammy! Do it!”

Tempted as he was, Sam took account of the child currently struggling in his forearm, seeing as he had it wrapped around her head tightly,
cutting off all sights, sounds, and chances to breathe. The punches she was trying to deliver to his arm in order to get free were getting
weaker with every passing moment, as were the sounds of her protests and struggling. Someday, she’ll maybe thank him for this.

"Max, there's a child present! You've got to control yourself, little pal." But his pleading falls on large but deaf ears as Max continues to wiggle
his rear-end in his direction, biting his lip and slowly becoming enslaved and deluded by his body’s wants, giggling like a madman.

“Just throw her out and have at me, goddamnit! If she walks back in it’s her own fault.” Max sits up onto his knees and turns around, then
crawls to the edge of the desk and reaches his arms out to Sam whilst grabbing at the air with a loving smile but eyes full of heat. To the
honest surprise of what non-lustful sanity that still lies within him, Sam actually steps forward, albeit with the Geek still struggling in his arm,
but Max ignores it in favor of his boyfriend finally about to make his night. When he’s close enough, Max rests his hands on Sam’s chest and
leans in close as a shiver runs up his spine. “That’s it, I’m all yours.” His eyes slipped closed when he feels Sam’s free hand gently cup the back
of his head...

And then Sam headbutts him.

Hard.

Max is knocked off the desk and onto the floor while Sam steps back to rub at his forehead and drops the Geek, who gulps in air from her own
spot on the ground. He’s back on his feet soon with Sam's help, who lent a hand when he saw his little buddy struggling to pull himself up, but
slumps over against the desk the moment he's straight. At first, Sam rushes to check on him in case he's seriously hurt, but stops in his tracks
when Max brings the back of his head to his forehead for the second time today.

"Good lord, what have I done?" Max gasps dramatically, and Sam rolls his eyes. "I was impure! Displaying myself like a common harlot." He
looks down at his body and squeals, wrapping his arms around himself to cover up, "I'm even indecent!"

"You're always indecent."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Before the banter could go any further, the Geek also rises from the floor, regaining only a small portion of her strength,
but furious nonetheless. She is gasping and can only stand enough to be doubled over with her hands on her knees.

"What the heck is wrong with you?!" She points a weak finger at Sam accusingly, barely lifting her poor head up to properly narrow her eyes at
him. He makes an attempt to soothingly rub her back, and while she doesn't physically avoid it, it doesn't feel appreciated either.

"Geek, one day, you'll be an adult of sorts, and together we'll look back on today and you'll thank me for protecting you the way I did. You may
not understand it now-"

"Protect me?! Please explain to me precisely what you were protecting me from."

Sam covers Max's mouth again, just in case. "Absolutely not."

As the Geek takes in another breath to continue her yelling, the forgettable Mr. Dullboyd clears his throat and all eyes land on him. He has one
hand on the office doorknob and the other is tugging at his collar, probably as some method to bring his body temperature down to a normal
level, seeing that he is bright red for whatever reason.

“I-I really think I should be going.” Like a flash of lightning, the freelance police are surrounding him, taking turns shaking both of his hands
and patting him on the back, asking if he really has to go and telling him to have a safe trip back and, of course, to make sure to write.

“Really, I’d hate to see you go, but I feel like I’m going to love watching you leave, wouldn’t you agree Sam?”

“You said it, Max. The most attractive part of the male form is his back half, especially when its in motion, moving further and further away
from you. My Granny Ruth taught me that one, and I dare say she hasn’t been wrong yet. Shall we help our guest out, my darling and
deranged sweet?”

“Oh Sam, you sweet talker, let’s!”

They both grab Mr. Dullboyd, ready to throw him out and be done with him once and for all and deal with what would hopefully be a short rage
from the Geek. But, as soon as they got their hands on him and the door opened, he was ripped from their grasp, hurtling upwards with a
squawk. Sam and Max look up only to find no sign of him on the ceiling, and when they turn to look around the room in confusion, they only
see the Geek with her strength fully returned to her, and a remote in hand.

“Boys, did you forget my present?” She pushes a button, and there is Mr. Dullboyd, being thrown back into the room from a panel in the wall.
Ah yes, the vacuum exit. If they weren't so intent on throwing her out, the freelance police would be in awe and showering her in praise and
gratitude. For now, the invention is just another thorn in their furry sides.

"Why are you still doing this, Geek?"

"Well at first it for fun, but now I'm really angry, so it would be appreciated if you two would go back go cowering at the desk."

They knew there was no way out, but that didn't mean they didn't have hope. Max speaks up, "Geek, there must be something-"

"I said cower!"

Now they didn't have hope. With crossed arms a pouts to match, Sam and Max return to the desk and assume their previous position of being
wrapped in each other's arms while the Geek convinces Mr. Dullboyd to stay and start the meeting. It was mostly him and the Geek talking,
and while the less Sam and Max were involved, the better it honestly is for everyone in the room. They stay quiet for a whole ten minutes,
having been drained from their day of frustration and running around, lacking the heart to even do much besides cuddle almost sadly as they
wait for the meeting or the day to end, whichever comes first. Max speaks up again around the eleventh minute, leaning back and resting his
head on Sam’s chest, he asks:

"Are we gonna die here, Sam?"

"It seems like it, little buddy." Sam grips Max lightly by the shoulders and pulls him away from his own body, turning him around so they face
each other. "One last kiss before we go?"

Max crosses his arms and tries, and fails, to fight back a smile. "No offense, but you've been kissing me all day and I'm a little tired of your
dog-breath."

"Quiet pinhead." He leans down while Max simply tilts his face up towards Sam and waits, eyes closed and smiling, when a choking sound from
somewhere in the room stops them inches from each other’s lips. They freeze in place and each crack open an eye, searching around the
room from what could have possibly made the noise, and almost simultaneously they both see the Geek, turned to them and staring with a
childish look of disgust on her face: tongue out, eyes narrowed, and nose wrinkled, while Mr. Dullboyd rattled on behind her about their
insurance. Max sticks his own tongue out right back at her and she rolls her eyes, turning back to the meeting.

“And she calls us immature! To think, we went through all that trouble when kissing is enough to bother her.” Max turns back to Sam and tries
to pull him back to continue where they left off, but Sam is stuck in place with the gears in his head almost visibly turning. “Sam? Earth to
husky heartthrob?” Max snaps his fingers in Sam’s face, which snaps him out of his thoughtful trance, no pun intended. Sam looks over to
Max, and a smile breaks out over his face. Max himself only has a second to look confused before he’s being lifted into the air with a startled
laugh.

“Max, you genius!” Sam dips Max until the tips of his ears almost touch the floor, and his giggles turn genuine as the world around him is
flipped upside down.

“Sam, you hypocrite! There are children present!”

“Exactly! Hey Geek!” When she turns around, Sam kisses Max with a long, exaggerated “Mwah!”, which both wrings out even more giggles
from the rabbit and an “Ew!” from the Geek. That’s the thing about being a child genius: you may be smart and can act as big as you need to,
but you’re still just a child. If Sam knew one thing about children, its that they can’t stand seeing adults, especially their parents/ adoptive
crime-fighting guardians, kissing. Sam steps forward to her with Max still in his arms. “Aw, come on Geek, love is a beautiful thing, don’t ‘cha
think?” With that he peppers kisses all over Max’s face and a couple on some ticklish spots his neck, making him squeal and fight between
struggling out of Sam’s hold, and staying put to receive more kisses. The Geek isn’t as appreciative of the scene, covering her eyes and
walking backwards towards the office door.

“Gross!” When her back hits the door, she gropes around for the knob and lock, keeping one arm clasped over her eyes. However, even with
her eyes covered and squeezed shut, she can still hear and envision her surroundings, like how Sam is probably standing right in front of her,
still holding Max who is trying to recover from his giggling fit, with some difficulty. Sam is probably leaning down again so she can hear him
whether she wants to or not, and her search for the lock becomes more desperate.

“Hey, Max..”

She’s almost found it, she can feel it.

“Yes,” he snorts “Sam?”

It’s calling out to her now. Just reach a little more to the right, and-

“I wuv you, my snookums.”

That did it.

“EW!” Both Max and the Geek voiced their disgust simultaneously, only Max was sent into another laughing fit accompanied by more loud and
obnoxious smooches, and the Geek ripped her arm away from her face and turned to the door, momentarily forgetting about the lock and
fought to more or less rip the knob out of the wood and free herself. Sam only allowed himself a few seconds of enjoying her plight before
turning the lock for her with an, “Allow me.” Then, she was gone as quickly as she appeared, out of the office and out of the apartment, leaving
nothing more than her metaphorical up-chucked lunch in her place. Also, her fancy remote which she and the author both forgot about, which
would have given her a quick escape and spared her the torture. Oh well.

Max still hasn’t stopped laughing, nor has he stopped being covered in kisses either, so despite what he had to hear come out of his boyfriend’s
mouth, he was having a grand time. Still, though, he had to voice his small complaint through his affection-bath. “Sam, that was the most
disgusting thing I have ever heard you say, and I loved it.”

Sam finally allows himself to take a break to speak. “Does that mean I’ll have to start calling you ‘snookums’ now?”

“Only if you want your tongue ripped out of your mouth,” he says sweetly.

“I already explore that risk when we’re frenching, snookums.”

“So pucker up again at your own risk!” Max pulls him back in, and this time they go slowly. Sam pushes him up against the door after some
time and lets his hands roam up and down his sides and takes delight in how it makes Max shiver. Max keeps his hands on Sam’s shoulders,
tilting his head back and lets himself calm down and revel in the attention, letting Sam continue to take the reigns. Their soft moans are only
just starting to fill the room when Max suddenly pulls back. Well, he makes an attempt to pull back, but Sam follows the movement and re-
connects their lips and Max has to very begrudgingly pull him back with his hands. Panting, he says, “W-wait a second, Sam. I think-” he sucks
in a breath and moans when Sam’s tongue finds itself dragging up his neck, “-come on, at least let me talk. I think we forgot something.”

Sam lets up, even if for the moment, “How much is it gonna get in the way of us?”

“Well, depends on how quiet he’s going to keep being.”

Sam grimaces and slowly, slowly turns around to face what else the Geek and a cruel God left behind: a very embarrassed and uncomfortable
Mr. Dullboyd. “Why,” he asks in a tone that sounds like he’s ready to start sobbing, “why, why are you still here?”

With a limp and shaky hand, Mr. Dullboyd points in their direction, funnily enough, looking everywhere but said direction. “You- you’re blocking
the-” he coughs into his fist, “you’re blocking the door,” and he’s right; they are in fact blocking the door with their making out. Sam drops Max
with a long, tired sigh and steps back to reach for the doorknob and be done with this day, once again feeling the energy drain from his body.
But, a white paw on his own brown one stops him. He looks over to Max, who has that giant smile with the near sinister glint in his eye, and
the Geek's remote in hand.

"Please, Sam, allow me." With the luck of two rabbit's feet, Max presses a random button, and the panel right above where Mr. Dullboyd stands
opens up and sucks him in. With another random selection on the remote, the sweet sounds of Mr. Dullboyd being sent through the vacuum
system and into the city's night from a few floors above serenade the freelance police as the sun sets on their journey on trying to get into
each other's pants (nonexistent for one of them).

"God, I love you."

Max jumps up and, like always, Sam is there to catch him. With his hands clasped together, he nuzzles his face against Sam's. "I love you
more. I think we still have time to bother the neighbors. That is, if you'll still have me."

Sam can't help but raise a brow at this. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Ah, well," Max scratches the back of his head, "I've been seeing the day taking its toll on you, killing the mood and all. I mean, I'm good to go
any time and place, but I can wait as long as you need." Immediately, Sam kisses his cheek and it takes everything for Max not to dissolve into
a puddle of over-loved goo.

"That's awfully uncharacteristically sweet of you, little buddy." Sam shifts him in his arms and holds him bridal style, just like he did this
morning, and makes his way out of the office, towards their bedroom. "I'm ready whenever you are, don't worry your little cottontail about it."

"Well, now's the question on if you can handle me," Max teases. "I mean, rabbits do have a certain reputation to them, and I attend to uphold
it tonight." With that, he's thrown onto the bed as if he was nothing more than a jacket being removed and discarded after a long workday.

Then a jacket being removed and discarded after a long semi-workday is thrown onto him, which he uses as a makeshift blanket as he
watches Sam strip down, taking his time like he was getting ready for bed and not about to ravish his partner of a lifetime. He gets down to his
underwear and doesn't give Max the time to marvel at his body before crawling onto the bed and over Max, and they're looking into each
other's eyes as the tension that's been following them all day finds its way into their bedroom. Sam looks over Max and somehow finds
something seductive in the way he's wrapped up in his own jacket; he's holding it up to his chest with one hand while he's propped up on his
other arm, and it's like he never spent a day in his life as naked as he's always has been- as naked as he is now . His ears are down and
relaxed, and his lips are parted and his breathing is starting to pick up. It's all nerves and heat, and the look he is giving Sam makes the dog
slowly start to grip at the sheets next to his head. Max notices. It makes his legs twitch under the jacket.

Sam rests a hand on Max's cheek, only for a second. Then it slips down his face, then his neck, then it's resting on his chest, feeling how his
heartbeat quickens. Then it keeps going down and just when Max is prepared to thrust up into the hand, it changes course and travels down
his hip. Eventually, Sam reaches the hem of the jacket and grips it, sliding it down Max's body as slowly as he can force himself to go. Max
sucks in a breath and shivers hard despite being so hot, feeling exposed for probably the first time in his life.

He loves it.

He's been watching Sam this whole time, of course. He's been watching his face and how even though it's almost a hard expression like he's
lost in thought, Max can see everything happen behind his eyes. He seems to be taking in every movement and every breath, and enjoying
every second of it. Max realizes it never occurred to either of them to go slow, nor how good it could be. And, it is good. It’s really, really good
and when Sam kisses his neck for the umpteenth time since this morning, he thinks back to the threat of a “long, hard night” and how
seriously he should be taking it, especially when something with a similar description starts rubbing up against his leg. He grips at the fur at
the back of Sam’s head and can’t help the nervous giggle that leaves him.

“I didn’t think you were that ticklish, Max.”

With the way Sam is mumbling into his neck, he might as well be. “No, no. I just thought it was funny..”

Sam tries to pull back, but the iron grip on his head stops him and he breathes out his own quiet laugh. “What is?”

“We’ve been spending all day trying to be alone, but I can tell this is gonna be the hottest, most sensual, romantic, most amazing night of our
lives-”

“Careful, I just might get performance anxiety.” Max flicks his forehead and he retaliates by nipping his neck.

“It’s going to be great,” Max continues with just a bit of sternness from having to repeat himself and trying to act like the nip didn’t phase him,
“and no one besides us will get to see it.”

“At least the neighbors will hear about it. Besides,” Sam presses a few sweet kisses into his neck, “I’m sure you’ll find some way to get it out
into the world.” Just like this morning, Sam starts to kiss his way down Max’s body, this time holding one of his hands in his own, feeling how
Max squeezes it the further down he goes.

“Yeah,” Max lets out a shaky breath and a small whimper, “maybe I’ll write about it.”

But he never will. This night was for them alone to share.

Notes:
"But he never will" and neither will I :3

FOR real though, thank you so much if you've been following this story! It is the first project I have completed in a long, long
time, and it means a lot that other people enjoyed it.

Love you all

Notes:
We need more Sam and Max fics I'm suffering through withdrawal so have a little nasty on me

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