How To Deal With 

2 Year Old Tantrums – 7 Proven Steps

To deal with toddler tantrums, here are 7 steps according to science:

1. Use Simple Choices Or Distractions To Avoid Toddler Tantrums
When a temper tantrum starts forming, sometimes parents can promptly alleviate it by addressing the issue at hand.

For example, if a child doesn’t want dinner, instead of forcing her to eat which will bring on more emotions, the parent can ask
her to choose to eat the meat or the vegetable first. When questions with simple choices are presented, the child’s thinking brain is
activated. By accessing the child’s higher brain, parents may help it stay in control before the emotional brain takes over12,13.

Distraction is another way to excite the logical brain. Distractions such as letting the toddler have another toy (but not the original
one she wanted) or singing a silly song can divert the child’s attention and raise her curiosity.

Curiosity piques the interest of the logical brain and triggers the release of a feel-good chemical (dopamine) in the brain. This
hormone can reduce stress and increase her interest in the newly presented object or event.

Using simple questions, distractions or other ways to engage your child’s critical thinking before emotions escalate to the point of
losing control can stamp out a tantrum before it starts.

2. Do Not Reason Because They Cannot Hear

Once the tantrum has started, a toddler is flooded with emotions. The emotional brain has taken control, and you cannot reach her
thinking brain and verbal functions. So, when a meltdown is in full swing, trying to reason with her or asking her about her
feelings is a waste of time. You may end up upsetting her and arousing her emotions even more.

3. Restore Emotional Balance And Learn To Self-Regulate

Parents can help restore the hormonal balance inside a child’s body by holding or hugging him. Holding or hugging can activate
the calming system in his body and triggers another feel-good chemical (oxytocin) that can regulate his emotions. Make sure you
stay calm yourself before doing this. Otherwise, if your own system is not calm, you may make him more stressed.

Sometimes, positive words or acknowledgments alone such as “I know”, “you must feel very upset” or “I’m so sorry that you’re
hurt” are good enough to let your kiddo feel safe and understood. Parents’ empathy and attunement to his feelings not only can
soothe the child’s emotion, but they can also help build those important pathways between the logical and emotional brains.

It is important to help a child learn to regulate his emotions. Regularly practice deep mindful breathing can also help a child pay
attention to their own emotions.
4. Stay Calm, Be Positive But Do Not Give In
Any parent can tell you that toddlers mimic what grownups do. That includes the grownup’s control over emotions. If you get
angry and start yelling at the toddler when she throws a tantrum, you are modeling how she should react when things
don’t go her way. But if you stay clam, you are teaching her how to face difficulties and upsetting situations without losing
control of emotions.

Another reason why you need to stay calm and positive is that emotions, especially negative ones, are contagious. Being angry or
negative will only increase your child’s stress. However, being positive doesn’t mean giving in. You can positively acknowledge
their frustration while keeping your boundaries. You can say, “I see that you are very angry and frustrated. I’m sorry. But you
cannot have candy right before dinner” kindly and firmly.

Giving in once in a while is particularly bad, because intermittent reinforcement encourages toddler behavior you’re trying to
stopped like no other. Instead of teaching your child that it’s only an one-time exception, you are teaching him that if he’s
persistent enough, you will cave in eventually.

5. Do Not Punish. Time-Out Is A Last Resort

Let’s say you are suffering from intense pain. It is so much so that you drop to the ground and writhe. Do you want your loved
ones to punish you, walk away from you or lock you in a room by yourself? Sometimes temper tantrums may start as means to get
something the child wants. But if left undealt with, it can escalate into a strong hormonal storm which a young child is not
equipped to cope with by himself.
When that happens, it becomes a genuine case of uncontrollable anguish and pain. Punishment, time-out or isolation will add to
that pain. Brain scans show that the pain from social isolation activates the same neural region as physical pain 14. Think about
this, if you are in intense emotional pain, will inflicting physical pain on you help you feel better? No, it will not. It will feel like
adding insult to injury. It’s the same with your toddler.
 In addition, it will teach your child that he cannot trust you to help him or understand his grief when he’s in pain and needs you. If
a child learns early on that expressing big feelings will result in parental anger or punishment, he may resort to being compliant or
being defiant. Either way, it means the child will not have the opportunity to form proper brain connections to deal with strong
emotions.

When facing frustrations later in life, he may struggle to be assertive or have angry outbursts. Sometimes, if a toddler in distress is
met with negative or lack of responses from his parents, he may stop crying. But that doesn’t mean he is not in distress any more.
Studies have shown that distressed young children can still have high stress hormonal level inside his body despite appearing
calm.

In some cases, this dissociation between behavioral and physiological responses can lead to emotional or mental health problems
later in life. Time-out should be used as a last resort. It should only be used when there is a safe place, the child has hurt
someone intentionally such as biting or hitting and he is not already flooded with emotions. And it should be non-punitively and
done in a kind and firm way (see positive parenting).

Teach Vocabularies and Language Skills So They Can Express Themselves Properly
When the dust has settled, when your child has thoroughly de-escalated from the intense emotional state, you can review what
happened with her. Teach her what she can say next time she wants something. Teach her communication skills. Teach your child
how to use words, instead of throwing things, to express her feelings.

Narrating what happened can also help her create those important neural connections to manage emotional situations in future 13,15.
You can even tell her how you feel when she throws a tantrum. It says to her that it is alright to have feelings and feelings can be
controlled. You are also teaching her how her action can affect others and what empathy is.

6. Prevent Temper Tantrums Before They Appear

There are things parents can do to prevent temper tantrums.
Look for HALT: H – Hunger A – Anger L – Lonely T – Tiredness

Children are more prone to throw fits when they are hungry or tired. When these physical factors are present, all it takes is a
trigger to set things in motion. So, set a schedule of sleep-eat-rest to avoid these tantrum traps. Being bored, stressed, angry,
frustrated or disappointed are also common tantrum triggers. Prevent temper tantrums from happening from the beginning.

If you know your child will be upset when not getting something, provide alternatives or distractions in advance. It’s much easier
to access their logical thinking to prevent temper tantrums than to put them out once they start.