The seven types of love: exploring the

Triangular Theory of Love

Our understanding of what love is has come a long way since the first caveman felt the first
case of the butterflies. Advances in neuroscience have helped us visualize our physical
reactions to the feeling we call love, while philosophers and psychologists have helped us
hammer out what we mean emotionally when say we love.

But does that mean that we’ve found just one definitive thing to call love? Psychologist
Robert J Sternberg doesn’t think so. In fact, as his Triangular Theory of Love shows, there
are actually seven types of love.

What is the Triangular Theory of Love?

Renowned psychologist Robert J Sternberg first put forward his Triangular Theory of Love in
1985. Based off of his psychological research at Yale University, this theory seeks to define
different elements of interpersonal relationships and to illustrate how these can combine to
form the seven types of the thing we call love. 

The theory itself is straight forward. It starts with the three main components that Sternberg
says lie at the heart of most human relationships: passion, commitment, and intimacy. Taken
individually, these components form the three simplest forms of love – passion alone brings
infatuation, intimacy alone equals liking, and commitment alone means empty love.

The triangular part of the theory comes from the fact that you can combine any two of these
components to form more complex types of love – each combination forming a different side
of a triangle. When you have a relationship that combines passion and intimacy for instance,
you get romantic love. Intimacy plus commitment gives you companionate love, while
fatuous love is born when commitment meets passion.

And then there’s consummate love, which is the combination of all three components. It's
often seen as the ideal form of love, for by mixing the fire of passion, the comfort of
intimacy, and the security of commitment, you can form a healthy, happy, lasting romantic
relationship. It's important to note that this triangle doesn't have to be an equilateral shape
(indeed, the three components are rarely present in equal measures) – all that matters is that
the relationship have some levels of all three components.1

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Explaining the seven types of love

So, the Triangular Theory of Love says that love can take a number of forms, each of which
is made up of one or more love components. But what do terms like ‘romantic love,’
‘companionate love,’ and ‘consummate love’ actually mean? What are the seven types of
love?

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 01. Infatuation (Passion)
Passion is a love component that many of us are familiar with. It’s responsible for the wildly
beating heart, the flip-flops in the stomach, that feeling of love at first sight. Of course, when
it’s just passion alone, there’s none of the true knowing that comes with intimacy nor the
steadfastness of commitment – so what you end up with is less nuanced than some other
types of love. The best description for passion on its own is thus infatuation.2

Love at first sight: a romantic reality or absurdly amorous?

Heart beating, mind racing, indescribable breathlessness – sometimes you lay eyes on
someone and everything else around you just disappears. This encompassing, enrapturing
sensation is a real feeling, but is it love? Skeptics will mutter no, while romantics will shout
yes, but who is right when it comes to the idea of love at first sight being a reality?

Our recent survey showed that, in fact, many people believe in the phenomenon of love at
first sight, and EliteSingles Psychologist Salama Marine suggests ‘when you experience it
yourself, you know it’s real,’ so we decided to examine whether you really can feel the
intensity and force of love just from glancing at someone across the room.

Love at first sight: A romantic reality?

According to a recent EliteSingles survey of 2700 singles, 66% of people believe in love at
first sight.1 Surprisingly, the poll found that men are more inclined to such thoughts: 72% of
men believe in it, compared with 61% of women!

Syracuse University professor Dr. Stephanie Ortigue did some research on this topic and
found that these beliefs might be valid, discovering that the intense power of love can be felt
after just 0.2 seconds following visual contact with someone. This feeling is created when
twelve areas of your brain work together to release euphoria inducing chemicals (such as
dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline) and subsequently produce the feeling of love.2 Chemically
speaking, it is certainly possible.

We knew it was love at first sight. We immediately had a soul connection.

Willmien and Derek, EliteSingles success couple

Another strong argument for the reality of love at first sight is the sheer amount of people
who have experienced it. Salama Marine suggests; ‘when it does happen to you, you know
that it can’t happen again. It’s way too strong and crazy.’ Her description makes it sound very
real; something unexpected and uncontrollable, incomparable to any emotions you’re used to.

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And EliteSingles receives countless stories from success couples describing just such an
instant connection. According to new couple Challen and Stefan; ‘We both knew
immediately that this was something really beautiful’ while Willmien and Derek suggest on
their meeting; ‘we knew it was love at first sight. We immediately had a soul connection.’ It
certainly seems to be the case then that the people who believe in it are the ones who have
experienced it themselves.

Is love at first sight real love?

But is it love? Those who have experienced love know that it is like nothing else; an
enamoring emotion that preoccupies your brain utterly and completely. Love at first sight
then, is when this overwhelming force hits you in the split second of establishing eye contact
with someone for the first time. And while it’s easy to be cynical, Aaron Ben-Zeév PhD.
suggests on Psychology Today that ‘Love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an
intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense
love.’3

This seems to be an apt summary of the situation – the initial power of emotion and passion
of feeling deemed ‘love at first sight’ is perhaps not love itself but the initiator of the
forthcoming love. Either way, any individual who can induce that type of powerful emotion
from you is worth getting to know.

Lust or love: which is more likely?

While it sounds fantastically romantic to fall in love at first sight and then stay happily
together for the rest of your lives, in reality this fairytale ending is rare. Lasting relationships
need more than just immediate love feelings after all – compatibility is important, and it's
hard to believe that this can be determined from a glance.

Elliot D Cohen Ph.D. asks ‘is there really such a thing as love at first sight? Many would
claim that there is, and that they have had first-hand experience of it. But is this merely to
confuse sexual attraction with love?'  4 If the answer to the last question is yes then perhaps
we're dealing with aesthetics and attraction rather than love, a point driven home by Ben-
Zeév when he points out that ‘attractive people are more likely to be the object of love at first
sight.’5 

Attractive people are more likely to be the object of love at first sight

Aaron Ben-Zeév PhD.

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Perhaps, then, a distinction must first be made between love and lust. After all, the idea of
having an intense feeling for someone just by looking at them, before any kind of spoken
interaction has taken place, would suggest perhaps more of a physical attraction or lust
towards someone, as opposed to love. As Ben-Zeév suggests; ‘the agent does not have
sufficient knowledge about the person's characteristics in order to fall in love, the response is
merely imaginary wishful thinking and not a real emotion.’6 Arguably, perhaps people feel
they can fall in love with someone at first sight because they can create a perfect image of
that person's personality in their minds – the person can be however they wish them to be.

Do men fall in love at first sight quicker than women?

Somewhat surprisingly, more men than women seem to believe in love at first sight.
According to the survey mentioned earlier, 72% of men believe in it, compared with just 61%
of women.

So why is there this huge difference between the genders? Are men actually more romantic
than society suggests? Or are they shallower and consider aesthetics an essential part of love?
Or perhaps it’s more straight forward; women are more calculated and pragmatic; and more
cautious when it comes to love. Men arguably, overthink less and let themselves be immersed
in the moment and the person more easily.7

Other EliteSingles studies have shown that men report feelings of love earlier on in a
relationship too, such as a 2016 survey of 700 Canadians that showed 8% of men would say 'I
love you after a just a week of dating, compared with 4% of women. 8 Clearly there is some
level of biological difference between the genders; so maybe men really are more open to the
idea of love at first sight and, perhaps, they should be seen as the true romantics of this
world?

Can one-sided affection still be love?

Often, one person claims to experience love at first sight, but unfortunately it’s not
reciprocated. This would suggest that love at first sight doesn’t exist. How can it if two
people are feeling totally opposing emotions on meeting? How can one person feel love while
the other merely looks past them, perhaps on to someone else? 

One thing is clear – you cannot help the way you feel. And the answer to these differing
feelings might lie in the timing. Salama Marine suggests that people experience love at first
sight they’re going through other big changes in life, such as moving city or country, as this
is the time when people are least looking for a relationship and their thoughts aren’t even
directed in that way. Salama says ‘when you’re not looking for a partner at all and you’re
100% focused on your life; when you least expect it, it will happen to you.’

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When you least expect it, it will happen to you

Salama Marine, EliteSingles psychologist

As a result though, Salama suggests that unfortunately that the other person may not
reciprocate your feelings if they are in a different stage of their life. The overpowering
emotion probably doesn’t happen for them because they want to meet someone, and are
therefore more likely to be taking the time to closely examine new opportunities and less
likely to be surprised by their emotions.

Is there an age limit on love at first sight?

The survey suggested that younger people are more open to the idea of love at first sight.
Indeed, a whopping 84% of younger millenials (those aged 18-29) say that they believe in it -
compared with just 65% of singles over 30. Interestingly, in the under-30 age group, it’s
women who wear the romance crown: 90% of women aged 18-29 believe in love at first
sight, compared with 81% of men. After 30, this reverses, with men's belief waning slightly
(down to 72%) and women's plummeting: the in fact, the group least likely to believe in love
at first sight is women aged 30-40 (just 56% think that it's a possibility).

However, it's important not to discount those over 30. After all, 56% of women believing in
love at first sight is still a majority, suggesting that most people still think that it can happen.
Perhaps the reason for the dip in belief is not a negative thing then, and simply to do with
Salama's theory about instant love coming when you're not looking for it. After all, the group
most positive about love at first sight are those in their 20s (traditionally a more unsettled
age), while those in their 30s, who may be looking for more stability in terms of career and
lifestyle, are hunting for an equally stable kind of love.

So does love at first sight exist?

So how do we conclude? We all like the idea of love at first sight in theory; it’s beautifully
romantic and epitomizes the intensity and magnitude of love that we all wish to experience.
But it is difficult not to be cynical about whether the rush of emotions we call 'love at first
sight' is indeed love, or whether it's an instant attraction that may become something more. 

One final note: one of the nicest things to come out of the survey was that 95% of singles
believe you can fall in love at any age and haven’t stopped believing in it despite
experiencing heartbreak and divorce. It would seem then, that no matter what you think of
love at first sight, there’s no reason to doubt love itself. Whether it takes a minute or a year,
you're never too old to find it.

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02. Liking (Intimacy)
Next up is intimacy. Unlike passion, intimacy can be a solely platonic feeling – it’s that sense
of familiarity and friendship that comes with meeting someone you really get on with,
someone you can be your true self around. It is certainly a great component to have in
romantic relationships, but on its own, without passion or commitment, it’s more likely to
result in friendship – or, as the Triangular Theory of Love puts it, liking.3

How to encourage emotional intimacy and build a strong relationship

Emotional intimacy. At first glance, it’s a phrase that sounds a little hippy-dippy, a little new-
age, and more than a little earnest. Yet, to dismiss emotional intimacy as cuddly nonsense is
to do it a disservice, especially as it can create the kind of closeness that is vital for a happy
relationship.

What is emotional intimacy?

So what emotional intimacy, really? Essentially, it is the non-physical connection between

two people that allows them to let their guards down and be their real selves around one
another without fear of rejection.

However, it’s also the process which creates this connection, an on-going exchange of

empathy, support, and conversation that stitches two people into a committed unit. 1 This of
course means that you can't just expect it to arrive your life: it takes effort and patience to get
to a state of true emotional intimacy. But getting there is vital for lasting love.

Why is it so important?

Emotional intimacy is vital for a happy relationship and ongoing contentment. It's not
dramatic, kissing-in-the-rain, rom-com love, intead it's the kind best summed up by Edward
Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros when they say ‘’home is wherever I’m with you.’’

Indeed, true emotional intimacy gives a couple a sense of simply belonging, and, as

psychologist and marriage counselor Dr Rich Nicastro puts it ‘’it is intimacy in marriage (or
the intimacy in a committed relationship) that has the potential to elevate the relationship
above all others.’’2 In other words, if you want a bond that is going to last, happily, intimacy
is the key.

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Three things that can encourage emotional intimacy

What’s the best way, then, to ensure that you and your partner are encouraging emotional
intimacy in your relationship? There are, of course, many factors that go into creating a
happy, healthy bond; but below you can find three of the most important:

1. Vulnerability

What happens when people open their hearts?"

"They get better.

 - Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Author and professor Brené Brown says that people often don't have enough intimacy in their
lives, and that ‘’one of the reasons...is because we don’t know how to be vulnerable.’’ 3 This
can cause issues as, if emotional intimacy is about loving each other’s real selves, then we
have to let those real selves show – and that requires no small amount of vulnerability. 

Yet, being vulnerable can feel uncomfortable at first. Brown says this is because, although
‘’vulnerability is a glue that holds intimate relationships together,’’ 4society often conditions
us to see this openness as weakness. Happily, there are ways to encourage it and, by
extension, intimacy. According to Brown ’’it’s about being honest with how we feel, about
our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need.’'5

Of course, it's easier to have the courage to be vulnerable when you find a partner who
accepts you as you are and who you can accept as they are in return.

2. Acceptance

Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with
them.

- Alain de Botton

If vulnerability is the leap that invites in emotional intimacy, then acceptance is the safety net
that makes the leap less scary. If you accept and adore your partner as they are, and they do
the same for you, then you remove the pressure to present yourselves as flawless individuals.
Instead, you get to be real together, choosing to embrace all the weird and wonderful quirks
that ‘real’ entails.  

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This isn’t to say that accepting, emotionally intimate relationships never involve arguments.
Indeed, a large part of acceptance means accepting that you will disagree from time to time
– and that that’s ok. In fact it may even be welcome, for, when dealt with maturely, a little
friction can ultimately help you to know each other more intimately.6

For many, the road to acceptance starts with oneself. If you can know that you’re worthy just
as you are then it is easier to relax around a partner and let them love the real you. 7 The next
step is to demonstrate to your partner that you feel the same way about them – and that’s
something that’s more easily achieved when you make time for the two of you to connect.

3. Quality time

This morning, with her, having coffee.

– Johnny Cash, when asked for his definition of paradise.

Life can be hectic, with busy work schedules taking up more leisure time than we might like.
This can be problematic for those seeking true emotional intimacy, as so much of it is rooted
in comfort, ease and familiarity – and achieving those things requires spending time together.

The good news is that, as Shannon Christie points out in Canadian Living, this kind of quality
time can ''be [a] custom fit.''8 It doesn't have to be all grand gestures; not as long as you make
the most of the small moments you have together. In fact, sometimes it’s these little moments
that matter most (much like it can be the little things that say ‘I love you’).

If you’re like Johnny Cash, it might be enough to have coffee together each morning. For
others, it might be that you cook dinner together once a week, or leave time before bed to fill
each other in about your respective days. Whatever you choose, the main requirement to
foster intimacy is that you give each other your full attention: no phones, no TV, just time
spent luxuriating in each other’s company, strengthening that emotional connection.9

03 Empty Love (Commitment)

Thirdly we have commitment, the active steps taken to preserve a relationship. It’s an
essential part of any lasting love, but, when devoid of intimacy and passion, it’s a part that
can feel more like a duty than a romantic choice. Often, a long-term relationship that has lost
all passion and intimacy will hover in this ‘empty love’ stage before ending, but as Sternberg
points out, love can begin here too: in an arranged marriage, for instance, the commitment
often comes first.4

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As passion, intimacy, and commitment are the simplest components of the Triangular Theory
of Love, relationships that have only one of these three points tend to be more basic as well.
However, when you combine components, it gets more complicated (and more interesting!):

04. Fatuous Love (Commitment + Passion)

When you combine the fire of passionate infatuation and the bonds of commitment
but don’t intimately like who the other person is, you get fatuous love. Whirlwind
celebrity marriages and the clichéd quickie Vegas wedding can often be described
as fatuous love, as can any ardent, committed connection built without much
substance behind it. The lack of intimacy means that when passion mellows such
relationships are often difficult to sustain (and also, depending on the level of
commitment involved, tricky to dissolve!) 5 
Alarm bells: 5 warning signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable
Attraction can be a potent drug, convincing us to accept all sorts of crummy behaviour, just
so long as we get to go on seeing our crush. It’s why people date the man who promises the
moon (but takes days to call back) or the woman who seems amazing but never has time to
meet her date’s friends and family.

Here’s the thing though; as attractive and seductive as these people might seem, trying to
have a meaningful partnership with them can be emotionally exhausting. It doesn’t matter
how much you are prepared to give – if they are unwilling (or unable) to give back, then
long-term relationship fulfillment will be tough to find.

So, how can you know if a potential partner is open to love or not? And what can you do
about it? We’re here to help. We’ve identified five of the key warning signs that your crush is
emotionally unavailable – and asked our in-house psychologist, Salama Marine, for her
advice on finding the great relationship and reciprocal love that you really are worthy of.

5 signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable

1. They want your relationship to be a secret

Emotionally available people want a prospective partner to be a part of their life. They’ll be
proud to introduce you to their friends and happy for you to meet their family. Now, this
process may take some time (if, for instance, they’re a single parent introducing their kids),
but it will happen, just as they will want to meet the people important to you.1

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If, however, there’s always an excuse as to why you can’t meet their buddies, or if they won’t
let you tell people about your dates because of complicated reasons (e.g. ‘my crazy ex might
cause trouble’) then be wary. You might have an emotionally unavailable person on your
hands.

2. They bombard you with texts – then it all goes quiet.

At first, it’s great. They text you all the time; your message apps pinging with alerts late into
the night. Then, suddenly, nada. You go a weekend without hearing from them, then a full
week. Or two! When they finally get back to you they’re all apologies – work has been crazy,
their friends demanding. If this happens once, the excuse might be valid. But, if you see a
pattern emerging, it’s a clear sign that this person is emotionally unavailable.

The truth is, if someone wants to really be with you, and you’re clearly open to the idea, they
won’t forget to get in touch for weeks, even if they’re busy. They’ll want to hear your voice
and arrange your next date – and they’ll make the effort to be available.2 

3. All your plans are made last minute

Saturday night, and you’re waiting by the phone for them to make good on those ‘let’s do
something this weekend’ plans. Again. Or you’ve got a friend’s birthday, or a wedding and
you’re nervous about asking them to be your plus one as, every time you try and plan these
things, you're made to feel ‘needy.’ If this sounds familiar, it's probably time for warning
bells.3

More harsh truth: if someone is truly interested in being your partner, they won’t leave you
hanging until the last minute or make you feel guilty for wanting to plan time with them. The
fact is, if you are a priority on someone’s emotional radar, you’ll be a priority in their
schedule.

4. Everything is on their terms

Another classic sign of an emotionally unavailable person is that any relationship is always
on their terms. If you try to talk about feelings or simply need their support, then they act like
they are stressed, pressured, and smothered. However, when they want something – sex,
companionship, a sympathetic ear – suddenly they are charm itself and can’t wait to see you.4

This charm can be seductive, flattering, and extremely hard to resist – and, when it goes cold,
it can tempting to blame oneself for not giving enough. But, most likely, it’s not about you. If
they insist on calling all the shots, chances are they are too narcissistic to want emotional
equality.

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5. They use their past as a way to avoid intimacy

Be very wary of the guy or gal that comes with a full carousel of self-confessed ‘baggage’
that makes them avoid even the smallest commitment. While it’s perfectly normal to have
had past relationships that affect how you approach new love, all too often the emotionally
unavailable man or woman will proudly wear their past like a type of intimacy-repelling
armour that prevents anyone getting closer – even those they’ve been seeing for a while.5

Without this closeness and vulnerability, there can be no emotional intimacy – which means
your relationship will have trouble becoming anything other than casual. And, while that’s
fine if it’s what you both want,6 don’t expect it to suddenly blossom into happy commitment. 

They’re emotionally unavailable – now what?

So, what happens if your crush sets off the ‘emotionally unavailable’ alarm bells?
EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine says that, if it's making you unhappy, there's one
simple way forward: ''if you start to feel that it’s too much for you, and that you give more
than you receive, it's probably time for you to end this relationship and to look for a better
situation.''

Indeed, if someone is insistent on keeping your budding relationship a secret, if they will
never commit to plans or offer support when you need them, move on. They aren't
necessarily a bad person but they won't be able to give you the relationship you want
and you can’t change that. What you can do – and will do – is do better.  

How to find the love you deserve

So, what’s the best way to find an emotionally available partner? If you want real love and a
true partnership, then the first step is to stop seeking validation via a relationship you feel you
have to 'save.' Instead, know that you are worthy of someone who gives as well as getting.

As Salama says, ''understand that you deserve someone who is 200% with you in the
relationship, nothing less.'' In other words, when you know your own worth, you know you
don't have to settle for anything other than mutal joy about your shared, cherished future.

05. Romantic Love (Passion + Intimacy)

In romantic love, the intimacy component brings a meeting of minds, while the
passion component means that there's physical attraction too. As glorious as this

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combination is, the lack of commitment means that romantic love is very much
focused on the now rather than the future. This means it's often seen in the giddy,
early phase of a romance; that time when you’re learning all about each other and
loving what you discover, but before your lives and loyalties are fully merged.
With the addition of commitment, this can blossom into consummate love –
without it, it’s more likely to be the stuff of tempestuous romance novels. 6

Infatuation vs. Love: what is the difference between love and infatuation in
relationships?

Relationships arouse strong emotions and responses, especially in the early days when you
are trying to figure out if the apple of your eye is the love of your life or an irresistible but
transitory infatuation. To help you find your way through the maze of the early stages of
dating, we line up infatuation and love, and match them in a contest for your heart.

Signs of infatuation: the whirlwind romance

The definition of infatuation is characteristically understood as a passionate but short lived

phase of a relationship. It involves intense but ephemeral feelings which, for those in the
throes of infatuation, can be all consuming. When in an infatuation state the rest of the world
tends to disappear and is narrowed to the scope of this one seemingly perfect person1.

In terms of how it feels, infatuation is the breathless, heart racing high which people crave
with its heady dose of dopamine, testosterone and adrenaline. This leads to the tantalizing
euphoria and excitement. Scientific research has shown infatuation can in fact create a similar
chemical reaction in the brain as a drug induced high2. Due to these intense feelings which
infatuation evokes, it is often confused with love, but there are significant differences
between love and infatuation.

What is love: the real deal

Love tends to be a more steady state of affairs. Although it is nearly impossible to capture in
a few short words, love can be understood as a deep level of connection, acceptance, bonding
and attachment with another person. There are many different interpretations, kinds of and
definitions for love; however one can view it as a committed union between two people
which transcends everyday life challenges, while being based on reality.

In terms of the physical reaction of love, physicist and science writer Jim Al-Khalili explains
that in true love the brain releases a wider collection of chemicals for attachment and bonding
including serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin3. It is not to say that love does not have its own

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challenges but it is an emotion that has deeper roots and a solid foundation that take time and
commitment to develop.

Infatuation vs. love: the contest

“Infatuation is when you find somebody absolutely perfect. Love is when you realize they
aren’t perfect and it doesn’t matter”, Anonymous. 

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So in one corner we have the alluring and intoxicating infatuation, which promises the bliss
of rose tinted glasses, butterflies and the passion of puppy love. And in the other corner, we
have the security of a pragmatic, familiar and encompassing emotion of love. Are you
battling to evaluate where your relationship falls along the spectrum? Here we layout an
outline of key difference between love and infatuation from a holistic viewpoint looking at
physical, psychological and emotive factors.

Stage of relationship: Infatuation usually takes place in the early, first stages of a

relationship, while love develops and grows as the relationship is established.

Timeline: Infatuation is not a state that can be maintained over long periods of time, and so is
usually a brief and passing timeline in the beginning of liking someone. Love, on the other
hand, has the staying power to last a lifetime. It should be noted that there is no set time
frame for either state but can differ from relationship to relationship, with infatuation
expected to last anything from two weeks to two years.

Attraction: Driven by the heady mix of hormones and the fresh appeal of a new date,
physical attraction is the driving force behind infatuation. Whereas, as there has been time to
get to know each other and experience each other’s strengths and attributes, the real attraction
between two people who love each other extends to an emotional and  intellectual level.

Chemical combustion: The chemical combustion which takes place in your brain as

infatuation takes over include a strong shot of dopamine, adrenaline and testosterone.
However, in love, as attachment and bonding take place a cocktail of chemicals are released
which include the calming effects of serotonin, and the bonding hormones oxytocin and
vasopressin. Infatuation produces the neurological responses of euphoria, addiction and
overstimulation, while love chemicals trigger the neurobiochemical responses of safety,
proximity, happiness and reduced anxiety4.

Emotive feeling: As a result of these chemicals the emotive feeling you experience in
infatuation is one of total enchantment with your fairytale. However, in love, it offers a sense
of equilibrium, as you now have the knowledge and equality established to share a balanced
relationship.

Draw card: The obvious draw card of infatuation is the walking on sunshine high it offers,
which is widely accepted as one of the greatest feelings in the world. Love’s enduring trump
card is the calm security that a committed relationship provides.

Bodily response: The bodily response is also based on the mentioned chemical reactions
triggered in the brain. The physical response to the rush of infatuation stimulates the central
nervous system and results in the symptoms of “love itch”, such as sleeplessness, loss of
appetite and lack of concentration in areas other than your darling. While as your
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 neurotransmitters settle in lasting love, your nervous system is stabilised and your body
functions within a normal spectrum of response.

Foundation: Weighing up these factors, the foundation upon which infatuation is built is the
ideal, for this blissful moment in time, the way you view your object of affection is idealized
perfection. However, when it comes to love, it is more firmly rooted in reality. You know
their flaws and love them anyway.

Future: To summarize the future of infatuation can be uncertain, while looking to the future
of true love, there is a much greater sense of security.

Tips: ways to turn infatuation into love

1. Be open and accepting: understand that no one is perfect and you need to base your
relationship on reality. It will give you a stronger relationship in the long run.
2. Listen: listen to the responses from those who know you and love you already. They
can see through the thrill of infatuation, and give you important feedback about your new
crush from your social network.
3. Give it time: realise that to nurture a loving relationship, you need time. Time to get to
know each other, time to build trust and time to test out your compatibility. With love, there
is no great rush. 

06. Companionate Love (Intimacy +

Commitment)
At the other end of the drama scale to romantic love is companionate love. When
combined, commitment and intimacy make powerful emotional bonds, meaning
that the companionate connection is stronger than simple friendship. However, the
lack of passion means that this is often quite a chaste, comfortable arrangement –
the sort of thing that might happen after years of familiarity. According to
Sternberg, this isn't a death knell for love - in fact, this mellow phase is a common
part of relationship progression.7

Love without sex: a contradiction in terms?

In our most recent member survey, we asked 588 participants for their views on the
importance on sex in building a long, happy relationship. The results were almost unanimous:
80% of our members believe that a serious, loving relationship cannot be kept healthy
without sex.

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The signifiance of couple intimacy  was strongly shown, with nearly 80% also agreeing that a
good relationship needs frequent sex and a majority (56%) rejecting the idea that sexual
desire is reduced after years together. 

How much?

While men and women's opinions might differ on matters such as love and finance, when
thinking about sex they're on the same page. 65% of women and 69% of men consider the
ideal amount of sex to be several times per week. And going without sex seems to be a
dealbreaker for most, with 68% saying they would not consider a serious relationship with
somebody abstinent. 27% of men, however, would be happy for such a relationship so long
as they were allowed other sexual partners, while just 12% of women said the same. 

Women are more impatient?

While female singles may not be so keen on polygamy, the women polled did indicate higher
levels of impatience compared to their male counterparts. When questioned how long they
would happily wait in a new relationship before having sex, just 39% of women (compared
to 55% of men) said they would be prepared to give their partner as much time as
necessary. 40% of women, meanwhile, said they would want sex within a few weeks. 

Although survey participants seemed convinced about the importance of intimacy for a
healthy relationship, those that had gone without sex showed surprising commitment: of
the 38% who have previously been in a non-sexual relationship, as many as 50% had stayed
with their partner for more than one year. 

The six types of love above can be seen at the heart of many different types of relationships,
from platonic friendships to whirlwind love affairs. There’s nothing inherently wrong with
any of these setups, of course. In fact, many relationships pass through one or more of these
stages as time goes by, and it is possible to be very happy when in one of these phases.

However, the Triangular Theory of Love says that there’s one thing these types can’t be –
and that's ideal, true love. That's because ideal love requires the presence of all three
components. 

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07. Consummate Love (Passion + Intimacy
+ Commitment)
When passion, intimacy, and commitment are all three present, then the result is consummate
love. The three components don’t have to be present in equal measure of course, but this ideal
form of love must have at least an element of them all. The excitement of passion, the
comfort of intimacy, and the team spirit of commitment are all needed to get to that ideal.

So how can you know if you’re in consummate love? If it’s been years and you can’t see
yourselves happier with other partners, if you’re still enjoying sex or physical affection with
each other, and if you’re both still putting the time in to communicate and commit to each
other, then chances are you’ve reached the consummate stage.8

It may not last forever - one of the caveats of the Triangular Theory of Love is that
relationships can move from one point to another over time - but it is something that can be
worked towards, or that you can work to recover. And it’s worth working for – consummate
love is a special type of bliss; the kind of connection that sees couples continue to adore each
other long into a partnership. And who wouldn’t want that?

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