JUNE 2021

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10-STEP ANXIETY WE'LL MEET AGAIN

ACTION PLAN The touching reason
Effective techniques to reunions mean so much
help you reclaim control

A quest for
calmer waters
Diving into the mind-body
connection & the power
of joyful movement

50 stories
to make
you smile ECO-HACKS | BEAT BURNOUT | INNER STRENGTH | SELF-CARE
All the feels on p54
Empowering reminders that can be worn everywhere.

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S O U L A N A LY S E .C O M

Changing the way you speak to yourself.

Time flies,
doesn’t it?
It’s official: with this June issue we’re
already halfway through 2021, and
Happiful has hit the big 5-0!
I know, we can hardly believe it
either. But I guess that’s the funny
thing with time – ironically, it doesn’t
feel constant.
Days of monotony (that many of us
have felt through lockdown) blur
together like a never-ending story,
while the moments where we feel
most alive, and our cheeks ache
from laughing so much, seem to
flash by in an instant.
That’s why it seemed important for
us to really mark this moment – to
have it hold its own special place in
our timelines.
And so, for our 50th edition, we
wanted to create something truly
special; an issue that exudes and
celebrates everything we stand
for. It’s our love letter to you, our
readers, for being a part of this
Happiful community, trying to make
this world a better place for us all.
So what do we have lined up for
you? As an antidote to the negative
news cycle, we share 50 uplifting
stories from 2021 so far – to show it’s
not all doom and gloom – as well
as simple swaps to help save the
planet, and expert insight on how to
encourage self-kindness in kids.
But more than that, we want to
ensure the conversations we put
forward are raw and honest,
and that’s exactly what we get
in Happiful podcast host Lucy’s
feature exploring the emotional
upheaval of menopause, and the
ever-changing relationship we
have with our bodies.
We also want you to leave each
issue with practical tools and
techniques for daily life, so we’ve
included an essential guide for
when anxiety arises, and insight
on how to support someone who’s
self-harming.
Above all, we want to thank you,
whether you’ve stuck with us
for the past 50 issues, or have
joined our journey along the
way. Together, we are shattering
stigma, creating safe spaces for
open conversations, and shining
a beacon of supportive light for
those in the dark.
Thank you for igniting that spark.
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 29
Mindful movement
16 Yoga and you
Why this ancient practice is still
relevant today, for every body

29 Wellness on water
A story of the unique joy that
came from paddleboarding

49 Poorna Bell
The journalist on the journey
to finding her strength

52 Overcome gymtimidation
Do you break out in a sweat at the
thought of going to the gym?

Family & friends

14 What are retrouvailles?
76
What is it that makes reunions with
loved ones feel so good?

24 Self-kindness for kids

45 When parents burn out

76 Single fatherhood
A portrait photographer on capturing
the reality of solo parenting

Positive pointers
20 10-step anxiety plan

Try this at home

41
74
26 Stop the spiral
Expert insight on negative thoughts
34 Tips for going eco
32 On the doc
Our top 10 must-see documentaries 74 Extinguish anger
about mental health
80 Soothe agoraphobia
54 50 reasons to smile
2021’s happiest news stories, so far 98 You should be proud
 49
True stories
37 Alex: sounds of solace
Anxiety threatened to derail Alex,
until she found support in music
71 Liz: pool side
Her journey to closing the
disability employment gap
Wellbeing
28 Work through panic attacks
41 Overcome rejection
60 Dr Alex George
The doctor and Love Island star on
fighting stigma and feeling good
82 Social anxiety
Everything you need to know
85 Step in
How to support someone
who is self-harming
88 Saving face
Your guide to self-massage
95 Empathy explained
Understanding hyper-empathy
and empathy deficit disorder
Culture
8 Good news
This month’s uplifting stories
13 The wellbeing wrap
64 Things to do in June
69 This month’s good reads
Feel-good food
40 Wellbeing brews
66 Friday night fakeaways
Homemade alternatives to
your favourite takeaways
91 Sleep tight
How what we eat can affect
our quality of sleep
60
*
Expert review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The mind, body, and spirit
are all integral to our
wellbeing. Often there
is a focus on the things
we can do internally to
maintain our mental health.
However, there is also
benefit in focusing on our
physical health, due to the
intricate connection that
exists between the mind
and body. Head to p16 for
an introduction to yoga,
to help get you started on
your journey. To maintain
good health, we must take
an approach that connects
with all parts of our being.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.
Expert Panel
Meet the team of experts
providing information, guidance,
and insight throughout this issue
DR LAURA VOWELS
BSc MSc PhD ICEEFT PGCert
Laura is a family
therapist, researcher,
and lecturer.
KAYSHA THOMAS
Dip IoN mBANT CNHC
Kaysha is a nutritional
therapist and pilates
instructor.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach,
encouraging
confidence.
PAUL DODD
BA Hons PGDip PGCert MBACP
Paul is an integrative
psychotherapeutic
counsellor.
ABBY RAWLINSON
PGDip MBACP
Abby is an integrative
therapist specialising in
anxiety and self-esteem.
EMILY FENNELL
BA MPhil D.Hyp GQHP
Emily is a hypnotherapist
specialising in curative
hypnotherapy.
DR LISA GATENBY
RNutr PhD MMedSci BSc (hons) FHEA
Lisa is a registered
nutritionist (AfN)
and trained chef.
ANDY GILL
BA NLP E-RYT JSY500 AC BWY
Andy is a therapist
who uses coaching,
hynotherapy, and yoga.
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
VICKI CRANE
BA (Hons) D.Hyp Dip.Thyp
PNLP MHS (Accred)
Vicki is a hypnotherapist
and therapy supervisor.
JOHN-PAUL DAVIES
PGDip UKCP Accred MBACP
John-Paul is a
psychotherapist,
counsellor, and author.
MAGDALENA STANEK
MA MBACP
Magdalena is a
counsellor specialising
in trauma.
MICHELLE WAKERELL
DipHyp DipCP GHR Reg
Michelle is a counsellor,
psychotherapist, and
hypnotherapist.
BEANIE ROBINSON
pgDip ANP
Beanie is a nutritional
therapist, as well as a yoga
teacher and masseuse.
LUKAS DRESSLER
BSc MSc BACP
Lukas is a psychologist
and integrative
psychotherapist.
Our team
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer
Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer
Grace Victory | Columnist
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
Tamyln Izzett | Graphic Designer
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager
alice.greedus@happiful.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Sarah Frances Young, Anna Mathur,
Schnel Hanson, Dr Lisa Gatenby, John-Paul Davies,
Becky Goddard-Hill, Jenna Farmer, Alex Cole,
Liz Johnson, Sam Swidzinski
SPECIAL THANKS
Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Dr Laura Vowels,
Andy Gill, Paul Dodd, Magdalena Stanek,
Kaysha Thomas, Abby Rawlinson,
Michelle Wakerell, Vicki Crane, Emily Fennell,
Lukas Dressler, Beanie Robinson
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
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10-STEP ANXIETY
ACTION PLAN
WE'LL MEET AGAIN
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The touching reason
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Effective techniques to
help you reclaim control
reunions mean so much

for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a

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calmer waters The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are of our sister sites focuses on a
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Diving into the mind-body
connection & the power
of joyful movement
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 SELF-CARE

Salon gives clients

the silent treatment
Sometimes, a good chat is just the ticket.
But at other times, all you want is to take
a bit of time to sit with your thoughts.
And, as we gradually begin to get out and
about more, the idea of being confronted
with the world again can come as a bit of
a shock to the system.
It’s something that Rosie Glow, a beauty
boutique in Edinburgh, had in mind
when it announced the launch of its
‘Silent Treatment’ – an option for clients
to select when booking, which lets
stylists know that they would rather not
have a chatty appointment.
While salons are known for their social
environments, when reflecting on the
transition from lockdown to normal
life, owner Rosie Fraser spotted an
opportunity to make it a whole lot easier.
“I’m aware of the effect this lockdown
has had on people’s mental health, and
I felt this was something we needed to
address,” Rosie tells us.
“After some thinking, we ran a poll
on our social media to ask whether the
idea of offering the option of a ‘Silent
Treatment’ would appeal,” she explains.
“The response has been overwhelming!
We had comments from people who
have social anxiety, are autistic, have
deafness, autoimmune disease, ME, and
people who need quiet after a busy day.”
The ‘Silent Treatment’ has been a great
Photography | Murdo Macleod

success, with people taking to social

media to celebrate how this option
will open doors to those who might

The Uplift
find salons overstimulating, and it’s a
testament to the good that can be done
when we lead with compassion.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
KIDS
Primary school swaps Covid
catch-ups for a week in wellies
We can’t deny that an academic
education is absolutely necessary
for children. But we’d also have
to agree with Nether Kellet
Primary School when it made it
clear that making memories, and
focusing on children’s emotional
wellbeing, is also a key learning
experience.
Aptly named by the Lancashire
primary school, their initiative,
the Wellbeing Welly Week,
saw year 5 and 6 pupils enjoy
a week in non-uniform and
wellies, embracing the joy of
the outdoors. We’re talking
gardening and treasure hunts,
building campfires and toasting
marshmallows.
HEALTH
Stretch the stress away
“Sorry to hear you’re stressed.
Have you tried yoga?” How
many times have you heard
this phrase? Yoga is one of
those activities people often
recommend and, while it’s
certainly not a cure-all, there is
a good reason why it crops up on
self-care schedules.
The physical movements,
combined with meditative
elements, make it a great all-
rounder when it comes to
reducing stress, but a recent
With a summer term set to be
packed with extra lessons to fill
the academic gap left by Covid-19,
headteacher Nicki Brough was
keen to place the subject of
emotional wellbeing at the top of
the curriculum.
“I think all teachers are very
aware that, unless children are in
the right place to learn mentally,
things just don’t go in, so they
need a different approach,” she
said, speaking to the Guardian.
With so many defining moments
missed at primary schools around
the country – such as school
discos, plays, and field trips – a
wellbeing week is an opportunity
for teachers to reconnect with
study has revealed yoga’s secret
weapon in the battle for calm and
relaxation is something called
‘interoceptive awareness’.
Interoceptive awareness means
being aware of the internal states
and sensations in our bodies.
Aiding in increasing this, yoga
can help us recognise when
we’re stressed – giving us the
opportunity to nip it in the bud.
Published in the journal Stress
& Health, the study monitored
42 participants as they took
their pupils and get back to
basics while experiencing the joy
of discovery. And if that wasn’t
enough, the school made a final
point in favour of the week:
“Because we’ve gone too long
without marshmallows!”
Writing | Katie Hoare
Kripalu yoga classes for 12 weeks.
As well as noting a decrease in
stress, researchers found their
‘psychosocial resources’ (skills
such as mindfulness, self-control,
and interoceptive awareness)
increased – with interoceptive
awareness getting the biggest
boost overall.
Interested in giving yoga a go?
Head to p16 where we explore
why this ancient practice is still
relevant today.
Writing | Kat Nicholls
happiful.com | June 2021 | 9
ENVIRONMENT

Farmers in India
fight drought
with lavender
In the Doda district of Jammu,
India, row upon row of vibrant
purple lavender plants line the
hills. The area had been devastated
by the climate crisis, until farmer
Bharat Bhushan – recently
given the prestigious award for
innovative farming from the
Indian Agricultural Research
Institute – began growing the
drought-resistant crop. Now, with
the project fully rooted, an entire
community is blossoming.
What began as a bit of an
experiment by Bharat, proved itself
to be a solution to the threat to their
livelihood that farmers were facing
when trying to grow traditional
maize crops, and today more than
500 farmers in the area are involved
in growing lavender.
The move has been financially
bountiful and, in addition, the floral
farming has also empowered the
women of the villages – who were
previously not allowed to work
away from home, but who have
now been encouraged to cultivate
lavender plants around their
houses, making many self-reliant.
While the climate crisis is a threat
we have to face, the work being
done by Bharat and other farmers
shows what can be achieved when
we come together to harvest
innovation and creativity.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | June 2021 | 11

Take 5
Put those thinking caps on, carve out some
quiet time, and tackle this month’s puzzling fun!

Word pyramid
Complete the pyramid by solving the clues below, filling each
row with one letter per box. The trick is that each row uses all
the letters from the one above it, plus one new letter – but the
order can change. Time to test your vocabulary!
Clues:
1. Me, myself, and…
2. Pennywise
3. It happened to the candle
4. A material lining walls or roofs
5. A sleeveless jacket
6. Classic cocktail made from gin and lime

1 7 3 5
1 9 7 4
How did you
do? Search 2 3 4 6
'freebies' at
shop.happiful.com 3 4 8 6
to find the answers,
and more!
9 5 2 7
8 5 3 6 9
2 6 5 1
Sudoku 8 9 4
Fill the grid so that each
column, row, and 3x3 subgrid,
contains the digits from 1 to 9.
4 6 5 9 8
 The
wellbeing
wrap
Ask for Sandy
Period poverty is a serious issue,
and to help offer discreet support,
some Morrisons stores have a new
Great news for Hang in there A landmark case in initiative. Those in need can get
gender equality, While it may not feel like
as female China has seen a man free sanitary products simply by
it, a new study suggests going to the customer service
police officers ordered to pay his
outnumber males that hangovers actually desk and asking for a
for the first time get easier the older
wife for housework package Sandy has
in the UK you get. The research during their marriage. left for them.
claims younger people In the Beijing divorce
are more likely to drink court, the man Old dog, new tricks
larger quantities in a was instructed to Peggy, a 10-year-old sheepdog
shorter space of time, compensate his ex- from Norfolk, was given to the
You can now rent whereas as we get RSPCA in 2018 after she lost her
wife for ‘five years of
Tony Stark’s cabin older we may drink hearing and could no longer work
from Endgame on more in total, but unpaid labour’ during
Airbnb. Sounds on a farm. A staff member for
‘little and often’. their marriage. the charity ended up adopting
like a ‘marvel’-lous
holiday Peggy, and has since gone
Life finds a way
through the long process of
In what may sound like the plot for the next Jurassic
teaching her to understand sign
World movie, it’s been revealed that 2.5 billion
language – and enabling her to
T rex roamed the Earth, but not all at the same time!
get back to ‘the job she loves’ at
A team at the University of California used various
her new owners’ farm.
calculations to determine this number, and as these
New Zealand dinosaurs existed for 1.2 to 3.6 million years, its In a viral friendly
is considering population density was actually quite low.
phasing out the competition, hundreds of
legal sale of people named Josh met up
tobacco The great escape
Forget escape rooms, a former prison is taking things in Nebraska, USA, to battle
to the next level – and if you want to live out fantasies it out with pool noodles
of being the next Michael Scofield, you’re going to love to decide who has the
it. The Shrewsbury Prison in Shropshire, which was ultimate right to the name
decomissioned in 2013, is now hosting the world’s ‘Josh’. In the end, four-
Cheese and largest escape game. After a year of being year-old Josh Vinson Jr was
ready salted has locked up in our homes, deciphering clues and
been voted the crowned winner!
solving puzzles could free your mind.
UK’s favourite
crisp sandwich
It’s been scientifically proven
that redheads feel less pain!
Recipe for success
Research from Massachusetts During the first lockdown in 2020, COOK
General Hospital found that a encouraged random acts of kindness in its stores
genetic mutation in redheads by setting aside free meals for customers looking
which means their skin cells can’t after vulnerable neighbours. This initial idea grew
This year’s British into the COOK Kindness Fund, with the aim of
Town Crier produce the pigment to tan, has a
Championship knock-on effect on our hormones – donating 100,000 meals to communities in need.
to be held in essentially having an opioid effect But by March 2021, it doubled this, and has now
silence due to made the fund a permanent part of its mission.
Covid restrictions and increasing the pain threshold.
 What are
retrouvailles?
Reunions are on the horizon, but what is it about social
bonds that makes them run so deep?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

F
amily means something literal, retrouvailles is a notion natural motivation to feel accepted
different to all of us. that captures the emotions by other people. ”
For some, it’s nuclear, we feel when reuniting with And it’s not just about being in
for others it’s blended, someone after a long separation, good company. Dr Vowels also
adopted, or chosen. Our friends rediscovering the pleasure of highlights how important touch
also join us in our inner circles, their company, and the way that is – something that the need for
standing with us through the they enhance your life. And that’s social distancing has taken away
good and bad – celebrating something a lot of us will tap into from us. “Touch has a calming
our successes, and filling our over the coming months. effect because it decreases the
worlds with laughter, love, and “Humans are naturally pack stress hormone cortisol in the
happiness. animals, we like being with other body, and therefore slows down
It goes without saying that the people, and most people need the heart rate and decreases blood
past year has been a difficult one others to feel well mentally,” Dr pressure,” she explains. “Touch
for connections, and it’s hit our Laura Vowels, a family therapist, also increases the production of
mental health hard. Between says when reflecting on how the oxytocin, which makes us feel safe,
October 2020 and February 2021, past year’s separation may have trusting, and connected. So being
results from the Opinions and touched us. “Humans, in general, around people does not just feel
Lifestyle Survey (OPN) found that also have a need to belong – a good, it actually makes us better.”
7.2% of adults (about 3.7 million
people) reported that they felt
lonely ‘often’ or ‘always’.
But now, finally, get-togethers
are on the horizon as lockdown
restrictions begin to lift, and we
can tentatively start to piece our
old lives back together again.
And there’s a particular French
concept that springs to mind:
‘retrouvailles’ loosely translates to
‘reunion’ – coming from the verb
‘retrouver’, which means ‘to find’,
or ‘to rediscover’. But beyond the

14 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 Humans, in general, have a need to
belong – a natural motivation to feel
accepted and valued by other people
Of course, all this may prompt
us to reflect on what we’ve missed
out on over the past year, and any
feelings of loss and mourning are
valid and understandable. But,
on the other hand, it’s also an
opportunity for us to celebrate the
power of connection, and harness
that closeness as we rediscover
the ways that our relationships
shape and support our lives.
That said, you may find that
there’s a sliver of anxiety running
alongside your excitement –
after a year of relative isolation,
mingling again may not feel
immediately natural. Dr Vowels’s
tip is to accept those feelings and
to take things at your own pace.
“You could try to do some
mindfulness or meditation
before you see your loved
ones,” she suggests. “If you
feel comfortable, talk to them
about feeling nervous ahead of
time. They can then understand
if you’re a bit more quiet or
reserved than you usually would
be. They may also be feeling the
same thing, but be too scared to
mention anything.”
Dr Vowels also suggests
reflecting on whether you might
find it easier to be one-on-one,
or in a group where there will be
less attention on you – whichever
it is, see if you can make
arrangements that suit you.
“You may also want to consider
where to meet people and what to
do,” she adds. “If you’re worried
about having to stay for too long,
it may be better not to invite
people over to your place. You
may instead want to go for a walk
or a coffee in the park so that
you can go home earlier if you’re
feeling uncomfortable.”
However you chose to do it,
the philosophy of retrouvailles
encourages us to be curious about
the happiness that we find in our
relationships, to tune-in to the
comfort of connecting with those
who we love and cherish, and
to unearth a, perhaps dormant,
sense of wellbeing from spending
time in good company.
Dr Laura Vowels is a couple and
family therapist, principal researcher
and expert advisor at Blueheart
and a postdoctoral researcher
and lecturer at the University of
Lausanne, Switzerland. Find out
more at counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 15
 Wellness
within reach
Stretching across both physical
and mental benefits, yoga has
a lot to offer us – so it’s time to
break down barriers and invite
everyone on to the mat
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

G
enerally speaking, if
something has been
around for a long
time without losing
its spark, it’s safe to say there’s
something special about it – and
there’s something really special
about yoga. Humans have been
practising yoga for thousands of
years, and, yet, every day, people
are discovering its uplifting
power for the first time, or in
new and invigorating ways.
It’s hard to enter into a
conversation on wellness
without the topic of yoga coming
up, and for good reason –
studies consistently find that
yoga can support depression,
anxiety, stress, mobility, and our
relationship with ourselves.
But, running alongside its
popularity, a poll by the Yoga

16 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Alliance and Yoga Journal found
that, while the number of people
practising yoga continues to
rise, there were several points
that participants highlighted
when considering the reasons
why they didn’t try yoga. Those
reasons were that yoga can
feel exclusive, and there is a
perception that it’s ‘designed for
young women’, and those who
are flexible, athletic, or spiritual.
Social media and a sense of
competition may enforce those
judgments, but we’re here to
break down misconceptions and
barriers – holding open the door
to anyone who is interested in
stepping on to the mat and giving
it a go – and to explore why this
ancient practice is so relevant to
our wellbeing today.
Forget about the ʼgram
On Instagram there are more
than 95.9 million posts under
the tag #yoga, with many of
the snapshots showing people
in complicated, athletic poses,
against stunning backdrops.
While these feats are no doubt
Karen James portrait | Ellie Jade
impressive, yoga practice is a
personal thing, and the reality for
the vast majority of people who
enjoy it looks very different.
So, first things first, let go of
any sense of competition, or
expectations about how you
should look. This is a point that
Ask a yoga teacher
Expert Karen James answers
your questions about the
practice:
I’m not very flexible, can I still
do yoga? Absolutely. It’s easy
to get put off by social media
when it comes to physical
practice – most people are not
inherently flexible, and have
a normal anatomical range
of motion. But yoga is not only
physical, it’s a wonderful way to
reconnect with yourself.
What equipment do I need to
get started? A mat, chair, or your
bed – it depends on what type
of yoga suits your body. There
are days I practise without a
mat and simply use household
items to support my body – for
example, a wall, chair, or stool.
resonates with life coach Andy
Gill, who is also a qualified yoga
teacher, and highlights how a
large part of the practice is about
how you feel on the inside.
“Yoga is about more than
stretching or becoming flexible,
it is a way to connect with, and
be in your body – to become
embodied,” he explains.
“Many of us are profoundly
disconnected from our bodies,
mindful movement
Is it possible to
adapt yoga for
disabilities? Yes,
and be sure to
look for teachers
who advocate for
accessibility in all
forms – especially
now we can go online, as classes
don’t necessarily have to be
in person.
There’s a lot of free yoga content
available online. How can I
make sure I follow safe advice?
Information provided through
social media is universal, but one
size doesn’t fit all. Take it slow. The
person running a class is there to
facilitate, not dictate, movement
of the body. Yoga practice
shouldn’t be forced, and my best
advice is, if in doubt, log off.
cut off from a resource that
can keep us grounded, centred,
and connected. Developing a
deeper connection and trust
to the resource of the body is
a foundation for good mental
health. Through yoga, we can
develop this body connection,
learning to have a better
relationship with our bodies and
thereby with ourselves, others,
and the world.” >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 17
 This sense of connection is
precisely what Jasraj Singh Hothi
found when he began practising
yoga after leaving his corporate job
in 2015. “For me, it’s a more active,
embodied form of meditation,”
he explains. “I was a member of
a yoga studio here in south-west
London, and I made some like-
minded friends there, too; other
folks with an interest in holistic
health, many of whom had their
own mental health journeys.”
That yoga seems to be mostly
practised by young women, as the
poll from the Yoga Alliance and
Yoga Journal found many believed,
is something that Jasraj has noted,
but that doesn’t stop him.
“As a man, I have no issue
owning my love of yoga,” he says.
“I’ve experienced how much it
helps me, and I’m increasingly
owning my sensitive nature, and
the value of looking after my
holistic health.”
Mindful moments
“Yoga is a mindfulness practice
that promotes relaxation by
stimulating your parasympathetic
nervous system – calming things
down and moving your body into
‘rest and restore’,” says Andy.
In this state of mind, feelings of
stress, anxiety, and depression
are soothed as we slow down
and take back control. “Yoga can
also reduce anger and reactivity,
18 | June 2021 | happiful.com
improve sleep, positively impact
mood, and has been shown to
be an effective tool as part of the
treatment PTSD,” he adds.
It’s often said that our most
important relationship is the
one that we have with ourselves,
but yoga can also support our
relationship with others. Many
studies have highlighted the link
between synchronised movement
and a sense of connectivity
– exploring the evolutionary
advantage of moving together as
one, and the bonding that follows
this. With this in mind, activities
Yoga is about more
than stretching or
becoming flexible, it is
a way to connect with,
and be in your body –
to become embodied
such as dancing, walking, and
– of course – yoga, can give our
relationships a boost, something
that we can all stand to benefit
from after a year of isolation.
Uncapped potential
Ultimately, it’s up to you what you
want to take from yoga, and how
you want to practise it. You are
the world-leading expert in what
works for you, and your intuition
should be a guide for how you
want to approach any activity.
This self-knowledge is a well-
known confidence booster, and
the philosophy at the heart of the
approach of Karen James – a yoga
teacher with Mind Walk Yoga,
where all classes are currently
being taught by Black women.
“I came to yoga later in life,
more out of curiosity than
anything else,” she explains. “In
2014, I started my practice, and
in March 2019 completed yoga
teacher training. For me, yoga
is about self-belief, peace, and
empowerment. It’s about coming
to the mat exactly as I am in the
moment, taking the time to pay
back into my health bank account
– with no pressure to perform.”
Karen notes that, while she
initially was drawn to yoga for
the physical perks, she quickly
began to notice subtle differences
in herself, off the mat – she was
no longer afraid to say ‘no’, and
started to set boundaries.
“It has given me a confidence
I never knew existed, which has
served me well considering most
of the time, especially in the
earlier days, I would be the only
Black person in the class.
“Fundamentally, the yoga I love
reconnects people with their
bodies. I truly believe in the ethos
that yoga is for everyone.
 mindful movement

“I’ve learnt to allow the pose to

suit my body, not the other way
around. It’s important to be as
inclusive as possible, allowing
agency, and the space to be true
and kind to yourself.”

Find your flow

Did you know that, if you wanted
to, you could just curl up into
child’s pose for a few minutes?
Or catch a couple of breaths in
lotus? You can do a sun salutation
morning, noon, or night. You
can do it in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or
80s, and you can invite the whole
family to join in. You can keep it
traditional or you can mix it up.
Go solo, or join a class. You can
discover your spiritual side, or
tune-in to your body. And, best
of all, you can do all these things,
and more.
Yoga is for everyone, and every-
body, and the wellness benefits
are within reach, for us all.

Andy Gill is a multi-modal therapist

who uses coaching, hynotherapy,
and yoga to meet his clients’ needs.
Find out more by visiting
lifecoach-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | June 2021 | 19

 10 effective tips for
managing
anxiety
The pandemic has added extra stress to all
our lives, and for those with anxiety disorders
the last year has been particularly gruelling.
Here, we suggest some effective measures
to help you navigate these difficult days
Writing | Sarah Frances Young

B
rain fog, restlessness,
feeling constantly on
edge, and that pit of
dread in your stomach
– with one in four of us
in the UK experiencing a mental
health problem of some kind
each year, you may be familiar
with these symptoms of anxiety.
In fact, one in six people report
experiencing a common mental
health problem, like anxiety and
depression, in any given week.
Generalised anxiety disorder
(GAD), obsessive compulsive
disorder (OCD), phobias, and
eating disorders, are other anxiety
or related disorders that many
people live with on a daily basis.
These are difficult enough
to manage normally, but the
pandemic has added another
layer of stress, which has
exacerbated the anxiety disorders
that some are struggling with,
and triggered a relapse in others.
Therapy is often the long-term
solution to manage and overcome
anxiety, but what about day-to-
day? Here are 10 tips for managing
anxiety in the moment.
1. Distraction
Putting your mind to
something that will require
your concentration can distract
your brain from blaring out
such loud warning signals. The
more focus that goes into doing
something else, the less brain
power goes towards making
you feel anxious. It won’t be
easy, as your brain will want to
bring your attention back to the
threat it thinks is at hand, but
keep trying to bring your focus
back to your chosen activity.
I find that activities that
require your body to be
engaged as well as your mind –
such as puzzles, a walk with a
friend, gardening, painting, or
playing an interactive game on
a games console or phone – are
the most effective. Hands-on
examples can work especially
well, because moving can
help with anxious energy, and
having your hands busy, as
well as your mind, can work as
further distraction.

20 | June 2021 | happiful.com


2. Changing the emotion
Doing things that evoke
different emotions to the ones
we are experiencing can help
change negative feelings. We
often listen to angry music
when we feel that emotion, but
this can sometimes reinforce
the anger rather than release
it. So, instead of spending
time reinforcing anxiety –
for example, someone with
health anxiety may spend
time researching symptoms
of illness – spend time doing
things that evoke positive
emotions in you, such as
watching a comedy show,
chatting to a friend about
something good that
happened to you recently, or
reading a book that gets you
entirely lost in that world.
positive pointers
3. Change your
environment
Shaking up what’s around
you, can bring you out of
the environment that you
associate with anxiety, and
help change the way you feel.
You could try going to an
imaginary safe place in your
head (with or without the aid
of a meditative app or video),
going to a place in your house
where you feel most safe (e.g.
under the blanket on the sofa),
taking yourself for a brief calm
walk, going to a friend’s house
(restrictions permitting), or
inviting a friend to yours to
keep you company.
4. Relax your body
Tensing up is a natural
reaction to anxiety and stress,
which signals to your body
that you are in danger. The
more we tense up, the more
the anxiety is reinforced. It
might be easier said than
done, but try to relax. Let your
shoulders drop. Lean back into
a sofa, or lie down on the bed.
Unclench your muscles one at
a time, starting with your jaw
and tongue, to your shoulders,
and then moving down the
rest of your body. This signals
to your brain that you are not
in danger, and therefore can
decrease anxiety. >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 21

5. Eat regular meals
During a particularly bad
period of anxiety, I often
forgot to eat because the
feeling was so overwhelming
that it was repressing my
hunger cues. What I did
notice was that when I
would eventually eat, my
anxiety lessened somewhat.
Being hungry is just another
red flag for your body that
something bad is happening,
and heightens discomfort
and anxiety. You may feel
like you’re not hungry, but
you need to ensure you are
eating enough, and regularly.
A nourished body is a more
comfortable one. It’s also
advisable to avoid caffeine
and alcohol as these can
aggravate anxiety.
22 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Sarah Frances Young talks about body image, body positivity,
and eating disorder recovery, as well as chronic illnesses,
on her Instagram @bodypositivepear
Exercise can help us burn
off the negative energy
that in our more primitive
days would have been
used either fleeing, or
fighting, a threat
6. Exercise
When we feel anxious, our our more primitive days,
body is primed for fight would have been used either
or flight, and releases the fleeing, or fighting, a threat.
stress hormones cortisol and You could take a brisk walk,
adrenaline. This can cause put on your running shoes
elevated blood pressure, a and hit the tarmac, or jump
racing heart, and sweating. around to an aerobics video
Exercise can help us burn off or your favourite music in
the negative energy that, in your living room.

7. Buy a CBT workbook
“Cognitive behavioural therapy
is recognised for its structured
and practical approach when
dealing with issues that might
be overwhelming,” says
therapist and trauma specialist
Magdalena Stanek. “This type
of counselling model breaks
the problem into five main
areas: situations, physical
sensations, emotions, thoughts,
and actions, which all connect
to each other. For example,
with anxiety you can focus
on talking about situations
that cause you to feel anxious,
how that affects the way you
think about yourself and the
world, then also linking it to
the way you behave. This type
8. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Having recovered from an
eating disorder, and managing
other anxiety disorders, I know
that to stop the brain perceiving
things as a threat, you have
to show it that they aren’t by
exposing yourself to those
things, over and over, until
it gets less scary every time.
9. Ice diving
Simply fill a bowl with ice,
and put your face in it. This
lowers blood pressure, heart
rate, and body temperature –
which helps with distressing
emotions, and reduces anxiety.
“When you are in freezing
water, your body needs to
save energy to survive,” says
of analysis can help people to
realise the root cause of the
current issue, as it targets the
‘here and now’ and sets specific
goals to eventually overcome
difficulties.”
The pandemic has meant
that face-to-face therapy
has been disrupted, but a lot
of counsellors offer phone
or virtual sessions as an
alternative. If you’re waiting
for an in-person appointment
– or if you aren’t ready to try
therapy right now – you could
buy a CBT workbook and
go through it yourself. You
can then refer back to what
you’ve learned when anxiety is
threatening to overcome you.
Avoiding situations that make
us anxious only reinforces that
feeling, often leading to ever-
increasing anxiety. We can’t
overcome our fears without
facing them. Just ensure you
know the difference between
discomfort and distress: push
yourself, but not too much.
Magdalena. “So it will slow
down or shut functions that
aren’t crucial. Emotions are
not essential, so they will
gently dissipate.”
If you have a heart or other
medical condition, it’s best to
consult a healthcare provider
before trying this technique.
positive pointers
10. Look at the evidence
One day, when I was alone
in my flat and feeling
overwhelmed by anxiety, I
called my mum. She asked if
I had felt this way before, to
which I replied that I had. She
asked me what happened. The
answer was: nothing. I didn’t
die, and the anxiety did end.
This conversation is
something that I always
think about if my anxiety
ever gets to a point where it
feels overpowering. Use the
evidence. If you’re worried
about dying in a plane crash,
think about how many
people actually die this way
(spoiler: not a lot). If you have
a headache, and worry that it
might be cancer, think about
how likely that is. If you are
convinced you are about to die,
ask yourself if you’ve felt this
way before and if you survived.
Anxiety is hard to beat, but we
must try to understand that we
cannot control everything, or plan
for every eventuality. Remember
that you don’t have to suffer alone,
and it’s important to reach out
when you need help.
Magdalena Stanek is a person-
centred counsellor specialising in
trauma. Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 23
 How to teach
kids self-kindness
Start them young, and stand by as their self-love and confidence blossoms
P
arents almost always
teach their kids to be
kind. They encourage
them to say please and
thank you, share their toys, and
be a good friend.
But self-kindness is often left
unsaid, and in my role as a
children’s therapist I’ve heard
many children express dislike
for themselves, speaking about
themselves in negative ways.
That said, every child I have
met who is unkind to themselves
declares they would never treat
a friend this way – instead they
would cheer them on and support
them, which is of course what
they need to do for themselves.
24 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Writing | Becky Goddard-Hill
So, how can we encourage our
kids to show themselves the same
kindness they would show their
BFF? Here are five simple, but
powerful, ways:
1. Teach them to think
kindly about their bodies
Bombarded by social media
images of ‘perfect bodies’, it’s
no wonder kids can feel a lot of
pressure and self-doubt about
whether they measure up.
Encourage your child to think
about what their body can do,
rather than just what it looks like.
Being able to see, hear, walk, run,
hug, kiss, sing – these are all huge
privileges that not everyone has.
Help them see that their body
deserves their kindness, their
attention, their appreciation, and
their care, by role modelling the
positive ways you take care of and
appreciate your own body.
For older kids, it’s important to
make sure they are media literate
and understand photoshopping,
and the practice of taking 1,000
photos until satisfied. Encourage
them to follow a diverse range of
accounts showing people of all
shapes and sizes.
2. Teach them to self-nurture
Children love to take care of pets
and grow things in the garden
and, through these activities,

Help them see that
their body deserves
their kindness, their
attention, their
appreciation, and
their care
they learn the importance of
providing what other living
things need to thrive.
Help them to see that they need
nurturing too, in order to be
their best selves. Discuss what
this looks like, and include fresh
air, rest, relaxation, healthy
food, and exercise.
Encourage your child to plant
some seeds and each time they
tend to them, also do something
lovely for themselves. They
will soon see the value of self-
nurturing, and how it helps
them (and their seeds) bloom.
3. Encourage them to talk
kindly to themselves
Brené Brown says: “Talk to
yourself like you would to
someone you love.” This is a
wonderful thing to teach a child.
Kids know that words are
powerful, that if they say
something mean to someone
it hurts them, and if they say
something encouraging it can
make someone feel good. They
need to see how this also applies
to themselves.
Psychologists at Michigan
University performed a series
of experiments to see how
self-talk affects behaviour, and
discovered that if we use our
name when talking to ourselves
instead of ‘I’, we tend to speak to
ourselves more kindly.
So, prompt your child to say:
“C’mon Katie, you can do this!”
Rather than, “I can’t do this, it’s
too hard.”
4. Show them how to feel
good about who they are
Positive affirmations have been
proven to work – reducing both
stress and worry, and reshaping
our minds to be more positive.
Encourage your child to
give these a go as they look at
themselves in the mirror each day
to strengthen their self-belief:
• I feel full of energy and
my body is strong
• I am kind and a good friend
• I am loved
5. Guide them in developing
self-kindness habits
Kids (just like adults) need to
take care of themselves first,
as being full up with self-love
makes it easier to handle life’s
challenges.
family & friends
Show them how, by modelling
self-care in action – have a long
bath to unwind, talk over your
worries, and watch a funny
movie if you need to de-stress. Be
overt about these self-kindness
activities, and your child will
soon see that meeting your own
needs is not selfish, but essential.
Have them make a list of all
the ways they could be kind
to themselves – younger kids
might want to make a collage of
ideas. Encourage them to pick
something off their list whenever
they need a pick-me-up, and let
acts of self-kindness become their
default reaction to tough times.
Becky Goddard-Hill is a child therapist
and author of ‘Create your own kindness:
Activities to encourage children to be
caring and kind’ (Collins Kids, £9.99).
happiful.com | June 2021 | 25
Ask the experts: Negative
thoughts causing you trouble?
Our Happiful family experts from Hypnotherapy Directory answer
your questions on negative thoughts, to help you put your mind at ease
Q
My mind seems
to fall into
obsessing over
negative thoughts,
particularly at night.
Do you have any
advice on how to
stop this spiralling?
A If you find yourself lying
in bed obsessing at night
(or day), start by focusing on
taking slow, deep breaths. As
Q I feel like my
inner voice
always goes
straight for the negative
– I seem to focus on all
the things I can’t do, or
think I’m going to fail.
How can I improve my
self-talk?
A If your self-talk goes
straight for the negative,
Hypnotherapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
a distraction technique, this will
take your mind away from your
immediate thoughts.
When we are anxious, we tend
to take quick and shallow breaths
from the chest. Instead, place
your hands on your stomach and
when you breathe in, breathe from
your diaphragm (your diaphragm
moves down and pushes your
stomach out) as though you are
inflating a balloon.
Make your ‘out’ breath longer
than your ‘in’ breath (ideally
Michelle Wakerell
try framing those thoughts as if
they were directed at yourself
in the third person. So when
you think “I’m rubbish at this”
or “I always fail,” instead switch
the target of your thoughts to
your own name. For example, if
your name was Bob, you would
instead be voicing the thought
that “Bob is rubbish at this,” or
“Bob always fails.”
How does that sound? Is it right
or fair? Or are you being overly
working towards breathing in
through your nose for seven and
out through your mouth for 11).
Try not to fight the way you feel
when you’re anxious, as this in
itself can cause further anxiety.
Know this feeling will pass and
is only temporary – remember
all the times you’ve felt anxious
before and survived!
You are not your thoughts. Be
non-judgemental and
compassionate. Be
kind to you!
critical of Bob? Would you talk
about a friend in this way?
Could you treat Bob with the
same compassion that you do
others? Sometimes, shifting
perspective in this way is
enough to gently highlight how
unfair this negative self-talk
is. Try instead to be open to
the idea that “Bob is doing his
best,” or “Bob needs a
bit more support
on this occasion.”
Emily Fennell
 positive pointers

Got a question for one of our experts?

Q
I consider
myself to be
quite a rational
thinker – a realist. But is
there a way to identify
when you’re straying
into pessimism, and
falling into a trap of
automatic negative
thinking?
Join in with one of our Q&As on Instagram, or drop
us an email at asktheexperts@happiful.com
thoughts are usually directed you mentally interrupt the
at ourselves, or our present or thought, ask yourself “Is there
future, for example: “Nobody any evidence to support this?”
likes me” or “I’ll never be able and then replace the thought
to do this”. These thoughts are with a more balanced and
often a form of ‘mind reading’ helpful one. It can take a bit
or ‘fortune telling’, where we of practise, but by writing
make negative assumptions these thoughts down, you
about ourselves, other can begin to identify any

A The key to identifying

automatic negative
thoughts, is to notice the
thoughts that come to mind
when a negative emotion
or feeling arises. Negative
people, or situations, without
having any real evidence to
support them. Once you can
identify these thoughts, you
can use a technique such
as thought-stopping, where
patterns in your thinking, and
learn to spot the unhelpful
thoughts, so that you can
challenge them and
break the cycle of
negativity.

Vicki Crane

For more advice and to find professional support, visit hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

 Things you can say to someone
having a panic attack
We all want to be there for our loved ones in their toughest times,
but knowing what to say in the moment can be daunting. Here are
a few suggestions on how to show up in their time of need

Helpful things you can do:

You’re safe, I’m •
•
Keep as calm as you can.
Give them time, and be patient.

Your fear is
here with you. • Help them with coping strategies.
• Try to distract them – this can
completely help to regulate their breathing.
understandable. • You can also breathe with them,
or count to 10 as they breathe.
• Engage their physical senses –
get them to stamp their feet.

Tell me
Do you want what you
us to move need. What can
somewhere else? I do to
help you?
You will get
through this. This feeling
is scary, but it
can’t physically
Focus on your hurt you.
breathing
These for now.
symptoms
This is horrible, but
will pass. it’s also temporary –
Is there a coping
strategy that works hold on.
for you we can try?

28 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 mindful movement

Falling isn’t
failing
Experiencing early menopause was unexpected and difficult for Happiful’s
Lucy Donoughue, but getting out on the water and embracing joyful movement
helped her to address a challenging relationship with her body
Writing | Lucy Donoughue Illustrating | Rosan Magar

I
can distinctly remember the
first time I experienced the
wonder of water. I was eight
years old, sitting on the beach
at Treyarnon Bay in Cornwall,
totally mesmerised by the sea. I
watched the waves and how the
reflection of the sun caused the
water to sparkle, for hours on end.
Rivers, lakes, and open stretches
of water had the same joy-
inducing and restorative effect
on me, and I wanted to be near,
on, or in the water as much as
possible. Sadly, as I hit puberty
and became more conscious
of my body and what I thought
I needed to look like to wear a
swimsuit, I stopped wanting
to immerse myself and stayed
firmly on dry land.
Just as becoming a self-
conscious teenager forced me to
retreat from the water, entering
early menopause emboldened
me to embrace the waterways
once again. Not because I love
how I look now – far from it.
Over the past three years my
body has changed significantly;
I experience joint ache on a
regular basis, my limbs aren’t
as flexible as they once were,
and body acceptance eludes me
every time I look in the mirror,
although I work on it daily.
I’ve spent so many summers
over the years telling myself
that when I’m finally happy
with how I look and feel, I’ll
sign up for paddleboarding,
wild swimming, or another
activity that will get me out
on the water again. However,
when my menopause arrived
earlier than anticipated, it felt
like a definite and unexpected
change of course in my life,
and I decided that if I kept
waiting until I felt completely
comfortable in my own skin, I’d
miss out on a million things that
I know will bring me deep joy
right now. >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 29

 I eventually took the plunge, and
signed up to learn to paddle board
earlier this year. The thought of
starting a new activity brought
back a feeling of excitement I
remember experiencing as a
child, before self-doubt and poor
body image crept in.
I’d love to share that I took to
stand up paddleboarding (SUP)
like a duck to water. The truth is
that in my first lesson I collided
with a tree overhanging the
riverbank, and went home with
twigs in my hair. In the second
lesson I fell in the Thames while
simply getting on my board, and
in the third I face-planted while
trying to stand. In the fourth, I
almost stood up, but thanks to hip
and back pain and a current lack
of flexibility, I didn’t quite make it.
30 | June 2021 | happiful.com
That’s not the whole picture
though. I also witnessed geese
flying overhead in a magnificent
formation as I paddled (albeit on
my knees) down the river with
the sun on my face. I learned
that it feels good to stretch and
treat my body with kindness
instead of berating myself when
I can’t move in the way I used
to, and I’ve laughed loudly and
often during lessons, and felt
exhilarated when they’ve come
to an end, knowing that I’ve
progressed just that little bit since
my last session on the water.
Rachel Bambrough, founder
of SUP4, has quite literally been
by my side throughout. She’s
witnessed many people’s journey
on the water, and believes that it’s
the experience, joy of movement,
and personal growth, that’s
important. It’s not our collective
learned behaviour of reaching
an end goal or ‘succeeding’, that
so many of us might have in
mind when we first start a new
activity or form of exercise, just
to validate the time we spend
doing it.
“Too many people focus on
ability and being able to ‘get it
right’, but there’s no one way
to be or learn,” Rachel explains
as we paddle. “It’s about your
personal experience, and it's
OK if you take your time. Most
importantly, it’s OK to fall in!
Falling isn’t failing, you learn
from it.”
Being on and in the water,
Rachel says, truly allows you to be
present. “The focus on balance,
buoyancy, being completely
surrounded by nature, and away
from screens and technology,
ensures you’re living 100% in the
moment, which is a beautiful
and often rare experience in our
noisy, busy world.”
The other benefit, we both
agree, is a more respectful and

If I keep waiting until I feel
completely comfortable in my own skin,
I’d miss out on a million things that I
know will bring me deep joy right now
self-compassionate relationship
with our bodies. Since getting
out on the water again, I’m more
aware of what my body feels like
from day to day, what it can and
can’t do, and how I’m getting
stronger and more flexible with
every session. I’m now interested
in how certain stretches can help
my mobility, rather than how
they might tone my stomach,
thighs, and bum.
Starting SUP has been the
catalyst for spending even
more time in the water, and in
swimsuits, wet suits, and deeply
unappealing swimming caps.
I’ve started wild water swimming
(cold water has the effect of
drastically reducing joint pain
for some hours after), and I’ve
attempted SUP yoga, which
was a beautiful, if not wobbly,
Find out more about SUP
at sup4.co.uk or follow
@sup4coach on Instagram.
experience. I also continue to
paddleboard regularly with
Rachel, and it’s the absolute
highlight of my week.
Getting back out in the water
has been pretty pivotal in
challenging the way I feel about
myself at this unexpected, and
sometimes difficult, stage in
my life. I’ve amazed myself by
posting pictures of SUP fails
on social media – because they
make me smile each time I
see them, and remind me of a
wonderful experience full of
joy – when in the past I would
have deleted them because of
the way I think I look, and the
fear of the judgement others
might make. And that in itself is
a huge step forward, and a very
welcome change. I’ve finally
found my flow.
mindful movement
Fancy embracing your
inner water baby?
Take a swim on the wild side
Wild swimming can be a
wonderful way to embrace
nature, move, and meet new
people. Be sure to look for
local clubs, understand how
to be safe in water, and
manage cold temperatures
– find out more at
outdoorswimmingsociety.com
Surf’s up!
Want to learn to surf, but
not ready for unpredictable
conditions quite yet? The Wave
is an inland surf destination
near Bristol, where everyone
can learn on consistent waves,
all year around. They produce
waves to suit all levels, from
beginners to experts – head to
thewave.com
SUP & Stretch – yoga
and pilates
A beautiful way to stretch and
practise on the waterways,
many organisations across
the UK offer classes, including
active360.co.uk and
thenewforestpaddle
sportcompany.co.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 31
 10 must-see mental
health documentaries
Expand your mind with these touching,
striking, and fascinating watches
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
T
he mental health
conversation has
uncovered many vital
topics over the past
few years, with more and more
voices sharing their personal
experiences and diving into the
way that it touches their own,
and others’, lives.
Professor Green:
Suicide and Me
Join rapper Stephen Manderson,
AKA Professor Green, as he
explores a topic that’s close to
his heart. Examining the events
that led to his father’s suicide,
and delving into why suicide has
become the biggest killer of men
under the age of 45, this honest
documentary asks some of the
most important questions of
today. Available to watch on the
Real Stories YouTube channel
32 | June 2021 | happiful.com
We fight stigma when we
develop a better understanding of
what each of us is going through,
and approach the unknown with
compassion and curiosity. With
that in mind, we’ve rounded up
10 documentaries that shine a
light on some of today’s most
important mental health topics.
The Mum Who
Got Tourette’s
It’s a mental health condition
that comes with a host of
misconceptions, and The Mum
Who Got Tourette’s seeks to open
up the conversation. Following
Elizabeth, who developed
Tourette’s when she was 40,
and her family as they navigate
day-to-day life, this documentary
explores a sensitive topic with
humour, and compassion.
Available on channel4.com
Roman Kemp: Our
Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia: South Shore – Photographer: Lorian Reed-Drake
Images | Roman Kemp: Our Silent Emergency: TwoFour – Photographer: Grab, Professor Green: Suicide and Me: Real Stories YouTube, The Mum Who Got Tourette’s: Channel4,
Silent Emergency
Opening up about how the
suicide of his close friend, Joe
Lyons, touched his life, radio
presenter Roman Kemp looks
into the mental health crisis
among young men, and searches
for answers on how we can bring
down the barriers preventing
people from getting help, and to
support those who are struggling.
Available on BBC iPlayer
Freddie Flintoff:
Living with Bulimia
In this deeply personal
documentary, TV presenter
and former cricketer Andrew
‘Freddie’ Flintoff opens up about
the eating disorder he lived with,
in secret, for more than 20 years.
Meeting with specialists and
other men, together they explore
the illness and the ‘double stigma’
that can often stop men and boys
from opening up.
Available on BBC iPlayer

Sheridan Smith:
Images | Stacey Dooley: Back on the Psych Ward: BBC True Vision Productions Ltd/Carla Grande, Jesy Nelson: Odd One Out: October Films – Photographer: Rahul Bhatt, The Student
Becoming Mum
Join actor and presenter
Sheridan Smith as she invites
Mental Health Crisis: bbc.co.uk, The Mind Explained: Vox Media/netflix.com, Gaming and Me: Connections, Identity, and Support: bbc.co.uk
viewers to join her on her
journey to motherhood.
Exploring her mental health
and pregnancy struggles, and
exposing the reality of these
challenges, Becoming Mum
will strike a chord with many.
Available on ITV Hub
Jesy Nelson: Odd
One Out
Exploring the heartbreaking
impact that online trolling
and bullying had on her
mental health, in this stark
documentary Little Mix star
Jesy Nelson invites viewers
into her life, as she draws back
the curtain to reveal the dark
reality of cyberbullying. Joined
by those close to her, who attest
to the danger of social media
trolling, Odd One Out puts these
important topics in the spotlight.
Available on BBC iPlayer
Stacey Dooley: Back
on the Psych Ward
In a bid to shed light on
stigmatised mental illnesses,
Stacey Dooley visits Springfield
Hospital to meet staff and
patients as they struggle with the
fallout of the pandemic. Speaking
to those with pre-existing
conditions, and others who are
experiencing mental health
problems for the first time, this
is a close look at the way the
pandemic has touched lives.
Available on BBC iPlayer
The Student Mental
Health Crisis
Prompted by an increase in the
number of student suicides in
the past year, join BBC journalist
Hannah Price as she travels
across the UK to speak to families
and friends of students who
have taken their lives during the
pandemic, and explores steps
that could be taken to ensure that
students are better supported.
Available on BBC iPlayer
positive pointers
The Mind
Explained
Ever wondered what’s
really going on inside? This
documentary series features
leading experts, and delves into
the human mind, to examine
everything from anxiety to
addiction, dreams, and sleep.
Available on Netflix
Gaming and Me:
Connections, Identity,
and Support
Around the world, there are a
massive 2.5 billion active gamers,
and during the pandemic, many
people have retreated into virtual
worlds for comfort, connection,
and fun. That said, the long-term
effects of gaming on our mental
health, our relationships, and
even our personalities, are hotly
debated. This documentary
seeks to answer some common
questions, and weighs up the
positives and negatives around
this cultural phenomenon.
Available on BBC iPlayer
happiful.com | June 2021 | 33
 The future is green
Put our planet first with these innovative adjustments at
home, and simple solutions to save waste
F THE
TIP O TH
MO N Do you often
find yourself
frustrated at
opening a new punnet of
fruit, like strawberries, only
to see numerous bruises or
‘mushy’ bits that you end up
cutting off? A simple trick to
reduce waste is to pop these
damaged berries in ice water
for 20 minutes. They’ll come
out nice and firm!
34 | June 2021 | happiful.com
DID YOU KNOW?
Shoemaker Converse’s City
Forests campaign worked with
21 cities around the world –
including Warsaw, Sydney, and
Jakarta – to create murals made
from an innovative paint that
removes pollutants from the
air! So far these creations have
the same air-cleaning power
as 8,033 trees, in places where
trees can’t grow.
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS…
Three unexpected and eco-friendly things you
can do with leftover lemons
• Eliminate odours. Soak a sponge in lemon juice, then leave
in your fridge for a few hours to absorb any lingering smells.
• Self-care scrub. Mix together lemon zest, soft brown sugar,
and add some coconut oil until it has a consistency that
feels like wet sand. Smooth on your skin for a pamper sesh.
• Grow your own tree! Plant some seeds in a terracotta pot,
and leave in a sheltered but sunny spot. Then bring your
lemon tree indoors over winter to save it from frost. For a
bonus tip, scatter citrus rinds around your plants to act as a
natural pesticide (without all those chemicals).
 try this at home

FOUR SIMPLE STEPS

TO HELP THE PLANET
• Figure out your plastic footprint.
There are numerous online
calculators to help with this, but
we particularly like the one on
earthday.org, which not only clearly
shows your plastic usage, but also
allows you to add reduction targets.

• Embrace a mend it mentality.

It’s time to put throwaway culture THINGS YOU CAN ADD TO THE COMPOST PILE:
straight in the bin – there are a
rd egg car pla
in rice o astic wine
whole host of online tutorials to oa pl
to
b

rp

-
help you fix your favourite clothes,

co
Non
Card

Cooke
ns

rks
asta
and upcycle anything looking a
little tired. There’s also the ‘Right
to Repair’ law coming into effect in
the UK this summer, making it far
easier for household appliances to
sh
get repaired rather than replaced. Egg ells fee
groun
d
lo
on-g ssy’
of ‘n

ju
s
C

Shredded

nk m il
• Pick it up, litter-ally. Whether
you’re out and about solo to get

some fresh air, or having a walk
and talk hang out with friends,
consider taking a bag out with you
to collect any rubbish you see on
your way.
• Use your voice. Spread the word
with friends and family about small
sustainable changes they can make
to protect our planet. Talk to your
MP, and open up discussions at
your workplace to see what positive
changes and initiatives could begin.
a
WASTE NOT, WANT NOT
To save surplus food from going stale, there are a wealth
of apps you can utilise. Olio allows you to connect with your
community to share excess foods for free with your neighbours
– particularly helpful if you’re cutting it close with sell-by dates,
or have unused food when you’re about to go on holiday.
There’s also No Waste, which helps you get a better handle on
what’s in your own fridge, tracking sell-by dates, and offering
meal plans to ensure you make the most of your weekly shop.

happiful.com | June 2021 | 35

 Somewhere inside
all of us is the power
to change the world
ROALD DAHL, MATILDA

Photography | Quokka Bottles

36 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 true story

Millennials, mental
health, and music
Anxiety, panic attacks, and depression left Alex feeling isolated
and out of step at university… until the powerful songs from her
favourite band brought back a sense of hope and calm
Writing | Alex Cole

I
t was during my time at university in 2014 that
my mental health began to decline. Whether
that was from social pressures, or struggling
with the work, I found it a challenge to feel
completely comfortable. These weren’t new
experiences, however. Throughout school, I had
no feeling of belonging. But I had art and music to
keep me company, and that seemed like enough.
The topic of mental health was always the
subject of uncertainty. Growing up in the early
2000s, there weren’t many representations of it, or
education about its vast spectrum.
It seemed that the only mental health was poor
health. As a result of the misunderstanding of
the topic, I suffered with untreated anxiety and
depression. How could a child experience this?
Surely these problems only occurred alongside
‘real’ life-changing events? If a medical problem
wasn’t severe, or physically compromising, it
didn’t seem to exist. So, on the occasion when I
experienced a panic attack, it was dismissed as
just me over-dramatising.
Today, it seems that others from the millennial
generation also had to deal with the results of
these assumptions. As there was little information
regarding symptoms and treatments for mental
health problems, people found comfort in other
solutions. One of these was music. The more
people I meet who suffer with mental ill-health,
the more I recognise how music can unite and
spark acceptance. From disco to grunge, for
many it can be an escape.
For me, one of the most important bands from
the noughties was My Chemical Romance. They
challenged stereotypes, and offered hope to
those who couldn’t understand their place in
the world. Their powerful lyrics communicated
a relatable sense of understanding, and had a
huge effect on their audience.
More than a decade later, when I listen to
their songs, I’m reminded of the profound
impact they had on society and the discussion
of mental health. MCR changed the way we
tackled emotions and cultural perspectives.
The band was relatable. They were reflective.
But above all, they were unique. They appealed
to people because they represented something
that mainstream music didn’t: strength in
difference. Simply put, they created a space for
people to belong.
Their music became even more important
during my time at university in Leeds.
Throughout my first year in 2014, panic
attacks and cycles of depression became more
frequent. Due to the limited information
provided about mental health, and previous
unsuccessful attempts to seek advice, I didn’t
receive professional help until 2015. >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 37


When you suffer with anxiety, and can even
have a panic attack in a supermarket, the
possibility that change will cause problems is
obvious. The sudden yet simple alterations that
university offered, such as meeting new people
and moving to a new location, were terrifying.
Unfortunately, I struggled with the student
lifestyle. While I looked around and witnessed
students enjoying endless nights of partying, I
struggled to feel comfortable with that.
Regardless of the negative effect my mental
health caused, I still went to all my classes.
Although there were endless episodes when I felt
drained, I didn’t think taking days off from uni
was acceptable.
Even though it’s completely rational to take
time off for a physical illness, when a break
for our mental wellbeing is required, you can
start to feel ridiculous. What everyone needs
to realise is that poor health, both physical and
mental, needs attention. It’s absolutely fine to
rest and recharge, even if it requires absence
from school or work.
In 2015, when I finally realised medical help
was available, university life started to improve. I
realised there was more than just the stereotype.
I was fortunate to have lived with some of the
best housemates, and studied alongside some of
the nicest and most creative people I had ever
met. Although this had a huge positive impact, I
still needed days to focus on my mental health.
Some were harder than others.
38 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Alex struggled to embrace the student lifestyle
This is where My Chemical Romance’s music
played a huge role in creating a safe space. The
hopefulness they had advocated for more than a
decade ago became necessary once again. MCR
reminded me that there were others that felt
the same. Their lyrics emphasised that it’s OK
to try to find a place of belonging, and it’s OK to
be different. Through their music, I managed
to find calm in the midst of the battle with my
mental health.
Their lyrics emphasised
that it’s OK to try to find a
place of belonging, and it’s
OK to be different
Now at 25, I have decided to join the mental
health revolution. Recently, I earned my first
aid qualification from Mental Health First Aid
(MHFA) England. I also created the website
yourmindormine.org to provide relevant stories
and advice around mental health.
As someone who deals with issues of anxiety,
depression, and knows many others with

similar experiences, I hope to offer guidance
to those in need. Whether through art, music,
or real-life stories, ‘Your mind or mine?’ will
provide a place where people can find comfort
in recognition, entertainment, and positivity.
For others like me who grew up around
noughties rock, music will continue to play a
powerful role in everyday life. MCR will always
be one of my favourite bands because they
created art not just for themselves, but also for
those who needed support. They wrote about
mental health because they too experienced
it, in a time when the stigma was at its height.
Today, their lyrics still inspire adults who were
once the kids who needed them: proving how
powerful their music was, and continues to be.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Alex’s inspirational story highlights the struggle
of living with mental health issues. But the
power of music has evidently helped Alex on
her journey, providing her with support and a
connection with herself that has transcended
everything else. By connecting with the support
around her, she was able to receive the help she
true story
Alex is the founder of yourmindormine.org
Through music, people can
find hope, happiness, and
understand that all mental
health is real
Every time I listen to their songs, I’m reminded
of the important and inspirational messages that
were entwined. I hope that today, others will find
the same comfort in their music that I do.
The skinny jeans and heavy eyeliner might have
disappeared over time, but the emotion created
by musicians such as My Chemical Romance will
never fade. Through music, people can find hope.
So, whether you’re still an emo kid, or you find
yourself listening to the best hip-hop records of all
time, remember, music matters. It has the power
to change minds and change lives.
needed and this had a very positive
impact, enabling her to grow.
Alex’s struggle is now her
source of strength and courage
to inspire others.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
happiful.com | June 2021 | 39
 And that’s the tea
Herbal remedies to soothe your stomach, refresh your senses, or relax your
mind – here are six drinks that could be your cup of wellbeing tea

Green tea: to relax
Naturally containing the amino
acid theanine, which is sometimes
given as a supplement to help
alleviate anxiety, this drink can be
great for helping you relax.
Rosemary tea: to focus
Help to clear brain fog by brewing
up a cup of rosemary tea. Thanks to
certain compounds in rosemary, it’s
believed this tea could support
long-term memory.
Camomile tea: to aid sleep
Struggling to doze off?
Camomile tea has been used
for thousands of years to calm
nerves and help settle you
down for sleep.

Ginger: to settle Lemon: to refresh Turmeric tea: to support

your stomach
A warming beverage, this is a
great choice to help if you’re
feeling nauseous, or struggling
with digestive discomfort.
Containing a good dose of
vitamin C, lemon tea can be
energising when you’re feeling
tired, and helps support your
immune system.
arthritis sufferers
With its anti-inflammatory
properties, turmeric tea could be
beneficial for those with arthritis,
by helping to ease symptoms.

40 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 wellbeing

How to
overcome
rejection
Feeling rejected is never fun, but what if there were
ways we could turn the experience from a self-worth
saboteur into an opportunity for growth?
Writing | Schnel Hanson

F
or some of us, it’s
accompanied by confusion,
for others by sadness or
anger, but regardless of
which emotion you most relate
to, this is a feeling all of us will be
familiar with at some point in our
lives – the feeling of rejection.
Whether it’s a result of family
relationships breaking down, or
an unsuccessful job interview,
rejection can come in so many
different forms. The list can
feel endless, with some forms
of rejection causing immense
emotional pain, while others
may simply make you feel lost,
and like giving up. Everyone
will experience this differently,
since no two people will
go through the exact same
situation and feelings. However,
one thing that is universal is that
we all do experience rejection,
and it’s something we must
learn to overcome.
It is at that exact moment
where we are most feeling the
rejection that we need to try to
reframe it, and instead see it as
an opportunity for redirection.
Naturally, this can be incredibly
challenging to do, but this is
a time where we can learn so
much, and flourish from what our
experiences have taught us.
As an RTTP therapist, I speak to
and work with so many people
on a daily basis to help them
overcome personal challenges.
And what I’ve seen is that the
impact of rejection is very similar
to fear. While fear is inside our
minds, it is incredibly powerful,
and when left to grow can take >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 41

 over and control an individual’s
life – and the same thing happens
with rejection. When we don’t
deal with those feelings, this past
experience can be brought into
the present, and an individual
may now be so fearful of events
repeating themselves that they no
longer take risks or chances, or let
themselves enjoy their life. In the
end, fear and rejection can hold
us back.
The good news is that there are
many different things we can
do to help ourselves overcome
rejection, and other similar
experiences. Here are my top five
tips and tricks to try if you are
currently facing this challenge.

1. Recognise the rejection, and

allow yourself to accept it
Rejection is a horrible feeling, and
something we all seek to avoid
wherever we can. However, if
and when this does happen, it’s
important not to slip into denial,
or try to ignore the situation
and your feelings. Instead, you
must learn to accept this to help
yourself overcome it and move
forward.

2. Talk to people about

your experiences
Seek help if you require it, or
simply find someone to listen
and be there to support you. The
chances are they will understand
and, at some point, may have
experienced the same feelings you
are having right now. That in itself
can be incredibly comforting,
letting you know you’re not alone
and that these feelings will pass.

42 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Don’t allow rejection to knock you over,
use it to propel you forwards
3. Give yourself time
and be gentle
When things don’t go to plan,
it can be all too easy to become
your own biggest critic. But being
rejected isn’t a reason to get mad
at yourself. Give yourself time to
process it – feelings of rejection
can last from a few days to a few
months, and some people end up
stuck with these feelings for much
longer. Yet there is no time scale
for overcoming these things, so
remember to be kind to yourself.
Go at your own pace, and treat
yourself how you would treat
your best friend if it was them
experiencing this.
4. Surround yourself
with loved ones
No matter the form of rejection,
often it makes you feel sadness
alongside multiple other negative
feelings. Make sure that during this
time you surround yourself with
those you love to feel that warmth
and support. Try not to focus on
the rejection, and instead look
and appreciate the other amazing
things around you. Above all,
remember that sometimes we
can’t do it alone. Reach out –
there is always help and support
available if you need it.
5. Learn from your
experiences
After the pain has reduced, and
you have accepted what has
happened, use this experience as
an opportunity for redirection.
Things haven’t worked out as
you had necessarily hoped, but
you can learn from this and
redirect your efforts. Review past
situations and experiences, take
the positives forward with you,
leave the negativity behind you,
and remember the lessons.
It is so important to remember
that nobody gets everything
right the first time. The reason
you experienced rejection may
also be no reflection upon
wellbeing
If you are looking to start this
redirection, Schnel Hanson
has a free ‘Unleash the
Leader in You’ masterclass
to help you take the next steps
on your journey. Visit access.
developingtheinneryou.com
yourself, simply a reflection of
somebody else, or a situation out
of your control. However, it may
also mean that you weren’t ready
for that journey yet. Don’t allow
rejection to knock you over,
use it to propel you forwards.
Reframing an experience of
rejection to an opportunity for
redirection can allow yourself to
move forwards as a better, more
experienced person, who has
a clearer idea of the path they
wish to take.
Schnel Hanson is an RTT
therapist, equipped with an
array of techniques to teach you
how to communicate with your
subconscious mind, and fix any
blockages. Her goal is to remove
any sense of shame, insecurity
and overwhelm, and replace
those feelings with motivation,
determination, and encouragement
to allow true transformation
from the inside out. Visit
therapyharleystreet.co.uk for more.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 43
 RISE UP WITH

SELF LOVE
Nearly 1 in 2 people feel more self-doubt than self-love.*
We believe that self-love is our superpower and together we can fight for change.
Join the self-love uprising at www.thebodyshop.com

*A global report conducted by The Body Shop between November 22 and December 8, 2020 across 21 countries. To find out more go to www.thebodyshop.com
44 | June 2021 | happiful.com
© 2021 The Body Shop International Limited All rights reserved Absolutely no reproduction without the permission of the owners

Parental
burnout
Exhausted, filled with self-doubt, irritable, and unable to think straight
– when you’ve been keeping too many plates spinning for too long,
and things come crashing down, burnout could be the cause
W
hile we’ve
been facing
the challenges
brought on by
Covid-19 in the
past year, there’s been another
kind of epidemic going on behind
closed doors as well – a hidden
one, sending hairline fractures
through household dynamics
and shaking the foundations of
relationships. Parental burnout is
real and rife, and we need to talk
about it.
I’ve slid down the fridge as hot
tears fell; I’ve uttered words I
rarely use under my breath on
a Friday afternoon. I’ve eyed
up the door while battling over
home learning, fantasising about
running out of it. I’ve zoned
out for hours on my phone. I’ve
harboured rageful resentment
for my partner working diligently
Writing | Anna Mathur
upstairs. I’ve felt and thought
things that found me questioning
both my sanity and my
motherhood ability. I have been
claustrophobic in a life I love.
I am privileged, as a
psychotherapist, to have a wealth
of knowledge and tools to draw
upon, but even then, I have
not been immune to parenting
burnout this past year. In many
ways we have all been a victim to
the circumstances surrounding
us, but there are things we can do
to help ourselves find our breath
again, and that’s what I’m here to
help you with.
What is parental burnout?
Parental burnout is the result of
keeping too many balls in the air
for too long. It’s finding yourself
empty but having to carry on
regardless. It’s being unable to
family & friends
rest, or finding it hard to take the
opportunities that do arise.
This past year has found parents
stepping into roles they’ve never
played before, while having
to continue plugging away at
familiar ones. Support networks,
childcare, social lives, family
lives have all been warped out
of recognition. More has been
required of us, while less has
been available to us. Less rest,
less space, less of the things that
make us feel refuelled, refreshed
and able to give.
Simply put, burnout is the result
of us repeatedly having to (or
choosing to) push through the
limits of our resources, flatten
our own boundaries, ignore our
own needs, and nudge aside our
feelings. It creeps up slowly, little
red flags of irritability or feelings
of failure go ignored, until we find >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 45
 ourselves sliding down the fridge,
settling on the cold tiles, and
wondering how things got so bad.
What are the symptoms of
parental burnout?
As parental burnout happens
over time, not overnight, it can be
helpful to see a list of symptoms
to watch out for. These include:
• Low self-esteem and feelings
of failure or self-doubt
• Feeling helpless and trapped
• Increased negative and
anxious thoughts
• Exhaustion and a desire to
escape or retreat
• Feeling low, depressed,
irritable, frustrated, or angry
• Struggling to think straight,
make decisions, or rationalise
thoughts
• Loss of motivation to do the
things you normally enjoy
The problem is that burnout
will not go away on its own. As
burnout is composed of unmet
feelings and needs, to ignore it is
to fuel the issue itself.
The symptoms of parental
burnout are the same as burnout
in a work setting. And while
both have unique challenges, the
complicating factor is that you
cannot get signed off parenting
for a couple of weeks by your
doctor. So, if you are feeling the
parenting burnout, while still
parenting, here are some things
that could help.
46 | June 2021 | happiful.com
What to do about it?
Talk to others. It’s easy to
invalidate your feelings, but
sharing them brings relief
and connection.
Welcome the ‘little’. Often I’d
not bother to do small things
for myself, like sit down for
five minutes, or workout
for only 10, as it just didn’t
feel enough! But you should
never underestimate the
power of the small things. A
five-minute sit down might
only refuel me a little, but a
little is certainly better than
nothing!
Say no. As opportunities arise
for your calendar to refill,
pause before you say yes.
Say ‘Let me check the diary’
before committing. Take a
moment to have a look at the
bigger picture of your week,
and the demands on your
energy.
The to-do list will never
end. Adding rest as a to-do
will make you more efficient
when you do tackle it!
Your attention may be
focused on the needs of
others, but yours are equally
valid! Ask yourself what you
need and find a way to meet
that need, even if it’s only in a
small way.
Find time to be proud of
yourself. It’s easy to fixate
on the ways we feel we’ve
missed the bar, and neglect
celebrating what we’ve
achieved.
As burnout is
composed of unmet
feelings and needs,
to ignore it is the fuel
to the issue itself
Cut corners, delegate and
lessen perfectionist standards.
When you’re feeling burnt out,
you need to take your foot off the
gas however you can.
Welcome gratitude to bring
balance to negative feelings. I
love replacing ‘I’ve got to’ with ‘I
get to’. For example: ‘I’ve got to
do the washing’ with ‘I get to do
the washing’. It shines a light on
some of my privileges of having
kids, clothes, and electricity,
and can instantly shift my
mood.
Breathe away feelings of
stress and tension using
a simple exercise such as
inhaling to the count of four,
and exhaling for 6–8. It calms
your nervous system and
lessens feelings of anxiety.

Close your eyes for 10
minutes a day. It gives you
a bit of a reset, and some
welcome sensory deprivation.
Seek professional support
where needed. Where there
is help, there is hope, and
sometimes we really need the
help to feel the hope.
Final thoughts
Be kind to yourself as you
address your burnout. You need
compassion and support instead
of lashings of guilt and shame.
In a culture that dances to the
beat of ‘you are what you do’, that
praises efficiency, lauding rest as
lazy, resting is a pretty renegade
thing to do. But this explains
why we are all burnt out and on
our knees! This way of living is
in no way sustainable, and it has
a cost. That cost has been the
sparkle in your eye, the ease in
your laughter, and your ability
to enjoy the good things in your
life, which bring balance to, and
rationalise, the tough.
A life-changing thing for me
has been to stop cringing at the
family & friends
Parental burnout is
the result of keeping
too many balls in
the air for too long.
It’s finding yourself
empty but having to
carry on regardless
idea of self-care. If this year has
taught me anything, it’s that
it’s not selfish but an absolute
necessity for addressing burnout.
So, crank it up! Do more of the
things that refill, refuel, and
nourish you. Prioritise these
things as if your mental health
depends on it, and as if your kids
depend on your mental health.
Because, both are true.
And remember, you’re not a
failure, you’re exhausted.
Anna Mathur’s book ‘Know Your
Worth’ is out now, and dives deeply
into how our worth is so often dictated
by what we do and how well we do
it! You are worthy of rest, having your
feelings validated, and your needs
met, and Anna’s book will have you
daring to believe that is true.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 47
 Real change, enduring change,
happens one step at a time
RUTH BADER GINSBURG

Photography | Sour Moha

48 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 mindful movement

Harness
your
strength
Journalist, award-winning writer, and
competitive amateur powerlifter Poorna Bell
shares her own journey to ‘strong’, and why
it’s so important to embrace gratitude and
abundance when they appear in your life
Writing | Lucy Donoughue

W
hat does the
concept of strong
mean to you? Is it
being able to easily
move furniture, lift weights, run
a marathon, stay on course when
the world around you seems to
be falling apart – or something
completely different?
Right now, Poorna Bell is
challenging us all to think about
what strength means to us as
individuals, and to tap in to
what we love doing and what
makes us feel powerful, ready,
and safe within the world we
inhabit. Her latest book, Stronger:
Changing Everything I Knew About
Women’s Strength, described as
part-memoir, part-manifesto,
covers a multitude of topics
around women’s strength and
fitness – importantly, with zero
focus on weight loss. It homes
in on personal circumstances,
choice, societal influences,
empowerment, as well as finding
your own kind of strength.
“I imagine the book to be a
power cable,” Poorna says,
smiling. “It has a plug at the end
of it, but it’s not yet attached
to the power source. It’s about
taking that plug, attaching it, and
flicking the switch on.”
The impetus for writing
Stronger, she explains, came
from taking up powerlifting.
Poorna started her new practice
at the age of 38, and she’s now a
competitive amateur power-lifter,
who can lift more than twice her
body weight. However, her latest
offering is about so much more
than gaining physical strength
and fitness.
“It covers a whole spectrum
of experiences, from girlhood >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 49

 It isn’t because
of a thunderbolt
moment, it’s the
accumulation of
making a decision
to be here every
single day
and being a really small child,
through to women in their 20s,
30s, 40s and beyond,” Poorna
says. “It explores subjects like
periods, menopause, and looks
at other intersectionalities within
that; parenthood, different
races, different abilities – hidden
disabilities or visible – mental
health, and celebrating every
single body size, and what your
body is capable of.”
And Poorna’s own capabilities
are vast. As well as excelling at
powerlifting, she’s a journalist,
award-winning writer, public
speaker, and mental health
advocate, who has used her past
life experiences, including the
death of her husband Rob, to
start conversations about suicide,
50 | June 2021 | happiful.com
grief, and recovery. Over the last
year, she’s also dealt with the
impact of long Covid and, as she
happily reveals, she’s embarked
on writing a fiction novel, which
will be released in 2022.
It seems that strength, for
Poorna, is about acknowledging
life experiences that shake
but don’t break us, continually
working on ourselves physically
and mentally, perseverance, and
focusing on our own goals – for
our own personal versions of
success.
Here, she shares some of the
lessons she learned along the way
to her version of strong, and the
importance of acknowledging
moments of happiness and
accomplishment.
EMBRACE ABUNDANCE AND
GRATITUDE WHEN THEY
APPEAR IN YOUR LIFE
I feel like a sunbeam at the
moment! It’s taken a lot of inner
work though, to enjoy that feeling
of being grateful and noticing an
abundance of good, rather than
looking to the past or future and
thinking: ‘When is this going to
change?’ Life is a rollercoaster,
as we all know, and things will
change, but we don’t have to
hasten that.
BE ‘IN THE MOMENT’
For the majority of the past year,
I had long Covid. I was ill for
around 10 months. I started to get
better at the end of January, and
the gratitude I feel for being able

to do more, sit in the moment, and
not over-analyse it, brings me a lot
of joy.
Now, when I visualise my future,
it’s like looking down a long
corridor and all the lights are on.
That doesn’t mean that unforeseen
things won’t happen along the
road, but it just feels like this is ‘the
moment’ for me.
MOVEMENT CAN TEACH US
VALUABLE LIFE LESSONS
I love paddleboarding; it’s such a
metaphor for life! Everyone who
tries paddleboarding for the first
time is so focused on not falling in,
that they fall in. They’re not focused
on the horizon, which is what they
need to be looking to. You have to
keep your head straight, you have to
keep looking forward.
KNOW THAT WORK IS ALWAYS
GOING ON ‘BEHIND THE SCENES’
When you work in the mental
health space, and you regularly talk
Photography | Aline Aronsky
about the subject, people assume
you have it all together. I don’t
think they understand that there’s
still a lot of work going on ‘behind
the scenes’ with your own mental
health, but also that the reason
you’re able to talk is because you’ve
had to do a lot of that work already.
It takes time.
FIND THE STRENGTH TO SAY NO
Before Covid, I became really
unhappy with having my calendar
booked out, and not having time
for spontaneity. Also, there’s the
irritation of social jenga when
people cancel on you!
On the flip side, I noticed that
when people did cancel, I was
mostly relieved. It was at that point
Life is a
rollercoaster, as
we all know, and
things will change,
but we don’t have
to hasten that
I realised I needed to check in
with myself. It took some time and
personal strength to tell people,
but I stopped booking events
in my diary weeks in advance
because I’m not going to know
how I’m going to feel, physically
or mentally, in four weeks’ time. I
don’t have a crystal ball!
PURSUE YOUR GOALS,
RELENTLESSLY
I always wanted to write fiction,
I was just really bad at it! In my
20s I started so many books and
they were horrendous, I can’t
bring myself to read them. The
motivation for starting each was
to write something that people
would think was clever and
creative, and that’s a terrible
motivation because you’re then
writing something completely
artificial.
When we went into the first
lockdown, creative writing
became something I’d do at the
end of the day as a little treat to
myself. And because it wasn’t for
anyone or any specific purpose,
it became one of my most
enjoyable things to do. I was
taking it right back to writing
for the joy of writing.
mindful movement
YOU CAN EMERGE
STRONGER AFTER GRIEF
There are lots of different types
of grief. The grief I feel the most
is for the part of me that was
married to Rob that just wasn’t
there anymore after he passed
away. I still feel her, I remember
her, and I really care for her.
I also know that the self that
came through that experience is
formidable, and can withstand
so much. That isn’t because of
any thunderbolt moment, it’s
the accumulation of making a
decision to be here every single
day, to be a part of my loved ones’
lives, to go to work and feel the
sun on my face.
‘Stronger: Changing Everything I
Knew About Women’s Strength’ by
Poorna Bell (bluebird books for
life, £16.99) is out now. Visit
poornabell.com, and follow
@seemystrong on Instagram.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 51
 HOW TO AVOID
GY
G YM
MTTIIM
MIID
DAATTIIO
ONN
Does the thought of heading back to the gym bring you out in a sweat? We
share five tips to exercise your confidence and avoid ‘gymtimidation’
A
t the best of times
the gym can feel
intimidating, let
alone hitting the
machines after months of living
room workouts. But given the
positive benefits of exercise
– from boosting our mood by
releasing endorphins, to helping
to reduce stress – everyone
should have access to an exercise
outlet. So, whether you lack
the space and equipment for
a proper workout at home, or
are just in need of a change of
scene, addressing the anxiety
about entering a gym could be an
essential step.
As an intermittent gym
goer, I’ve felt the full force of
‘gymtimidation’: the dread in the
pit of your stomach at the thought
of all eyes on you, worried about
people judging your technique,
and overwhelmed at the idea of
using all those machines. And I’m
not alone. Officially described as
the fear of exercising at the gym
or in front of other people, a 2019
survey conducted by OnePoll
52 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Writing | Katie Hoare
found that 50% of respondents
struggled with gymtimidation, in
some form.
We can often feel vulnerable
and self-conscious after a stay
away from the gym, so to help
you combat gymtimidation, we
share five tips backed by experts.
1. BOOK AN INDUCTION
Even if you were a regular gym-
goer pre-pandemic, an induction
can help boost your confidence.
Staff can walk you through
specific exercises, the gym set-
up, and help you feel comfortable
using the machines again.
If you’re not sure what you’re
doing, setting up a machine can
be nerve-racking, and can even
put you off doing the workout
you want. You might think others
are watching and judging you,
but as Kaysha Thomas, sports
nutritional therapist, explains,
this fear is rarely, if ever, a reality.
“Quite often it’s our own
judgemental minds that have
us believe others are judging
us,” Kaysha says. “Most people
at the gym are focusing on
themselves. But if you do spot
someone staring at you, politely
make them aware by making eye
contact and giving them a smile.”
2. PREPARE A
PUMPING PLAYLIST
“A feel-good playlist helps boost
your mood and provides a
positive distraction,” says Kaysha.
So if you have a song that really
‘speaks to you’ and gets you
belting out those lyrics Beyoncé-
style, now is the time to channel
that, and hit the gym with a
playlist dedicated to your feel-
good tunes.
According to recent research
from McGill University, Canada,
music can even evoke a sense
of reward, as it can prompt the
production of dopamine (the feel-
good hormone) in our brains,
stimulating the same pleasurable
feelings you might recognise
from taking part in your favourite
activities. This can be a great tool
for maintaining your motivation
when exercising.

WHILE IT’S HUMAN NATURE
TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO
3. FIND A WORKOUT BUDDY
Walking into a new environment
can make us feel exposed, but
with a supportive friend by our
sides, we instantly feel a little
lighter. If you’re feeling self-
conscious, try to share this with
a confidante – you could team up
and be each other’s support (and
motivation!) buddies.
If you don’t know anyone
personally, there are free apps
you can use – like Strava, MeetUp,
and Bvddy – that connect you
with like-minded individuals with
similar exercise interests.
OTHERS, IT’S IMPORTANT
TO FOCUS ON YOUR OWN
FITNESS JOURNEY
4. FOCUS ON
YOUR SUCCESSES
It can be easy to fall into the
comparison trap when you’re
at the gym; watching others lift
heavier weights, running faster,
or appearing more confident in
their workout routine.
“While it’s human nature to
compare yourself to others, it’s
important to focus on your own
fitness journey,” says Caroline
Harper, specialist nurse adviser
for mental health at Bupa.
“Negatively comparing yourself to
others in the gym can be harmful
mindful movement
for your mental health, lowering
your self-esteem, and causing
you to set unrealistic expectations
for yourself.
“Set yourself a target before
each workout, and write down
your achievements afterwards;
it can help to keep up your
motivation, and improve your
self-esteem.”
5. DON’T RUSH
YOUR RETURN
It’s important not to feel pressured
to return to fitness, as this
could result in injury and even
emotional burnout. Kaysha
suggests easing yourself in, and
remembering that instant results
aren’t helpful to strive for. “Those
initial physiological changes occur
at a cellular level and may not
translate into detectable ‘fitness
gains’. Instead, focus on how you
feel both during and after your
workout.
“Your here-and-now body
deserves to be looked after
and respected. Focusing on
the mental and non-aesthetic
physical benefits of exercise is
much kinder to your mind and
body. If you feel less stressed,
refreshed, energised, and more
focused after a workout, you’re on
the right track.”
Kaysha Thomas is a registered
nutritional therapist and pilates
instructor. Find out more by visiting
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 53
 50 good news stories
from 2021 so far...
To celebrate our 50th issue of Happiful, we’ve put together a list of 50 uplifting,
amusing, and heartwarming headlines to put a smile on your face
Writing | Rebecca Thair

1 Music fans rejoiced as

festivals such as Reading
& Leeds, Creamfields, and
Rewind plan to go ahead
this summer.

2
The town of Tankerton,
in Kent, came up with a
novel way to lift spirits
during lockdown. In
February it turned the town’s
Christmas lights back on to
brighten up the dark evenings.

3
Dr Alex George
has officially been
appointed as Youth
Mental Health Ambassador
to the government.

4
As part of its efforts to become
a carbon neutral company,
Swedish furniture store IKEA
has bought 11,000 acres of woodland
in Georgia, USA, to preserve the
forest after it seemed likely to be land
used for development.

54 | June 2021 | happiful.com


5
Sporting legend
Michael Jordan
donated $10 million to
open health clinics in his
hometown of Wilmington,
North Carolina. His
generous contribution
means people who are
either uninsured or
underinsured, can afford
essential medical care.
6
French nun Lucile
Randon became
the oldest person to
recover from Covid-19
in February, just in time for
her 117th birthday!
7 13
The Bank of England
revealed the new
face of £50 notes,
which will feature pioneer
mathematician and
codebreaker Alan Turing.
His work to decipher Enigma
machine messages during
World War II saved countless
lives and helped bring the
war to an end sooner.
8
Free mental health
text service SHOUT
(85258) released
a report revealing it has
had more than 500,000
conversations with those
in need. While the fact so
many people are in crisis is
troubling, having a service
be there for people is
welcome news.
9 12
In March, Nomadland
director Chloé Zhao
made history by
becoming the first Asian
woman to win a Golden
Globe for best director. And
in April she did it again –
becoming the first woman of
colour and only the second
woman ever to win an Oscar
for best director.
10
The
‘tampon
tax’ was
officially
scrapped in the UK
as of 1 January.
11
It’s been revealed
that not one
single rhino was killed
by poachers in Kenya
in 2020 – something
that hasn’t been
achieved since 1999.
positive pointers
New Zealand has
raised the minimum
living wage, and
increased taxes for the rich, in
an effort to support the most
vulnerable in society.
Additionally, in
what is believed
to be a world-first,
legislation was unanimously
approved in New Zealand
to allow pregnant people
and their partners paid
bereavement leave following
a miscarriage at any point
during the pregnancy.
Currently, most employers
only provide paid leave for
a stillbirth or miscarriage
after 20 weeks, while in the
UK it’s actually 24 weeks.
14
A student from
Leeds created an
innovative bin
bag dispenser to tackle the
trash epidemic as revellers
started returning to parks
and public spaces. >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 55
 15
As of April,
footballer and
activist Marcus
Rashford and his fans have
officially given out more
than 21 million meals since
the first UK lockdown.
Food redistribution
charity, FareShare, who
Marcus partnered up with,
also revealed that it’s given
out 128.5 million meals
since 23 March 2020.
16
Two dolphins
were spotted
swimming
in Venice’s
famous Grand Canal – an
extremely rare sight,
most likely thanks to the
calmer waters due to social
restrictions because of the
pandemic.
17
Los Angeles has
officially become
a ‘no-kill’ city after
achieving a pet rescue
rate of more than 90%.
56 | June 2021 | happiful.com
18
In an effort to
reduce carbon
emissions,
France recently voted to
ban short-haul domestic
flights where the same
journey could be taken by
train in less than 2.5 hours.
19
Anonymous
artist Banksy
has raised more
than £16 million for an NHS
charity through the sale of
a painting depicting a little
boy playing with a nurse doll
wearing a superhero cape.
20
A monumental new law passed on 1 March, meaning it
is now illegal for anyone to threaten to share intimate
images of another person without their permission. After
relentless campaigning by the charity Refuge, the existing revenge
porn law, which prosecuted those who shared these images, has
expanded to protect victims from the threat of releasing images as well.
21
Europe
23
The public was given
officially free reign to submit
generated names for Scottish snow
ploughs in February, with
more electricity some very punny results.
through renewable Our favourites include
sources than fossil ‘You’re a Blizzard Harry’,
fuels for the first ‘Spready Mercury’ and
‘Sleetwood Mac’.
time in 2020!
22
The United Nations officially
declared 2021 the ‘Year of
International Peace and Trust’.
 positive pointers

24
An autistic teen
from Scotland
sent hundreds
of cards to NHS Covid staff
after becoming overwhelmed
by statistics related to the
pandemic. Paddy Joyce sent
663 individually-named
cards to front-line workers at
the Glasgow Royal Infirmary
to thank them for all their
hard work.

25
The first human

29
trial of a vaccine
for HIV is 59-year-old Don Muchow, who was diagnosed
looking really promising, with with type 1 diabetes in the 1970s, ran 2,800 miles
97% of volunteers seeing an from Disneyland in California to Disney World in
immune response. Florida to raise awareness for diabetes.

26 95-year-old
30
England’s largest
ocean rewilding
Dick Van Dyke
scheme began in April,
was seen handing with the aim to plant
out wads of cash to eight hectares of seagrass
struggling job-seekers meadows – which are
at a non-profit in incredible habitats for
marine creatures, as well as
Malibu, which looks to absorbing carbon 35 times
find people local jobs. faster than a rainforest.
33
A coffee shop in Kent
is going ‘cup free’, only
serving those who bring their
own cups to the shop. Otto’s
Coffee House and Kitchen,
in Sevenoaks, promoted
its new move by filling the
store with disposable cups to
demonstrate the importance
of its decision, given nine
out of 10 of these don’t get

27
Research by the
Mental Health
Foundation revealed
that 62% of UK adults found relief
from the stresses of the pandemic
by taking a walk in nature.
31
Misogyny is now to be recycled. >>>
considered a hate crime
in England and Wales, meaning
police will investigate where a
victim believes a crime was due
to “hostility based on their sex”.

28 At the virtual climate

summit for Earth Day
32 Ratatouille: The TikTok
Musical raised $1 million
for The Actors Fund, to support
in April, President Joe Biden
out-of-work entertainers during
pledged to cut carbon emissions
the pandemic.
from the US by 50–52% by 2030.

happiful.com | June 2021 | 57

 34
A mystery
knitter
has been
leaving crafted hearts and
flowers around Alcester,
Warwickshire, with positive
reminders attached to them
such as “You are loved” and
“You are important”.
35 New data has
revealed that in
2020 Norway became
the first country in
the world to sell more
electric vehicles than
petrol or diesel cars.
36
After
spending
nine months
living in a caravan on her
driveway while isolating
to protect her 84-year-old
mother, nurse Sarah Link
has finally been able to
move back home.
58 | June 2021 | happiful.com
37
GCSE pupils
at Frome
College,
in Somerset, recreated
famous images out of
beans and toast in a
charitable fundraiser. The
winner was Gil Privett
with a recreation of Swan
Lake, with the school
donating the winner’s
height in baked beans (15
tins) to a local food bank.
38
Kamala Harris
became the first
female, first
Black, and first Asian-American
Vice President in US history.
39 A colony of dormice, a protected species, that has been
living next to the M1 in Buckinghamshire for five years, is
to be given its own special street crossing to help the animals thrive.
40 100-year-old Vera
Sak, from Grimsby,
41 Primark owner,
Associated British
Foods, has pledged to return
has revealed her secrets to £121 million in furlough
long life in celebration of payments it received during
her milestone birthday, with the past year.
her favourite tips being to
42
“keep your brain active and With 129
Kamala Harris | archna nautiyal / Shutterstock.com
eat lots of toast”.
billion
single-use
face masks used globally
each month, Waterhaul
(a social enterprise in
Cornwall) have a project
to take waste plastic and
turn it into something
good – every 45 face masks
make a litter picker!

43
Gloucestershire-
based Forest Green
Rovers football club has
become the first sports
team in the world to go
vegan and carbon neutral!
44 Tesco managed to
permanently remove
one billion bits of plastic from
its stores in 2020. This was done
by working with suppliers to
reduce plastic shrink wrap,
removing double lids, and
getting rid of plastic bags for
loose fruit and veg.
45
A recent study
by the Harbor
Branch Oceanographic
Institute of Florida
Atlantic University has
found that a common
antibiotic, amoxicillin,
has a 95% success
rate at healing a coral
disease which has
spread through Florida’s
coral reef since 2014.
positive pointers
46
It’s been reported that US suicide rates had
the biggest annual decline in 40 years with
a 6% drop, believed to be partly thanks to increased
community engagement during the pandemic.
47 Riz Ahmed and Steve Yeun have made history in the
Best Actor category at this year’s Oscars, with Riz
being the first Muslim actor to be nominated, and Steve as
the first Asian-American actor.
48
Junior doctor Kishan Bodalia (aka DJ Bodalia) has been
hitting the decks to lift spirits throughout lockdown,
after testing positive for Covid-19 while working on a
respiratory ward. Hosting his #NHSessions on Instagram, Kishan
started doing a DJ set in his scrubs after a shift to boost morale.
50 Children at Sibsey
49 Teenager Darius
Brown, from New Primary School, in
Jersey, hit the headlines for Lincolnshire, surprised
his good deed of making staff one morning in
bow ties for rescue dogs to
help them get adopted. He’s January, by putting
been making the paw-some up a special display
attire since 2017, and in of artwork thanking
March revealed he’s made
nearly 1,000 ties for dogs!
teachers for their help
during the pandemic.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 59
 Self-care,
prescribed by Dr Alex George
From a young age, Dr Alex George knew he wanted to work in
A&E, but now he’s also championing everyday self-care needs for
the nation, and helping to shape the government’s mental health
agenda. Oh, and he’s a creator of bath bombs on the side…

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

T
he day before Dr
Alex George and I
are due to speak, he
announces on social
media that he’s going
to take some much needed time
off work.
“I always want to be honest
with you guys, and the last thing
I want is for my page to be a
highlight of good days, hiding
the bad,” he wrote on Instagram.
“It’s been a long and hard year,
which ultimately takes its toll.
I have really felt it this week,
and I am aware I need a break.
I am taking a full week off from
Tuesday. Recognising when you
are becoming stressed and acting
on it, is so important.”
Despite offers to rearrange,
Alex arrives on Zoom for his
interview, telling me that he’s
more than happy to chat as he
knows he has downtime in the
coming days. He has an immediate
kind, self-assuredness that I
can only imagine is incredibly
important for the many roles he
inhabits – a London-based A&E
doctor, government Youth Mental
Health Ambassador, founder of
bath bomb and self-care brand
Prescrib’d, as well as an author
and influencer with more than 1.9
million followers.
Alex’s super busy and high profile
life is a far cry from his childhood
days. Born in a small town in West
Wales, he spent his early years
playing in the local countryside
before studying at the Peninsula
Medical School where, he says, he
regularly enjoyed everything the
surrounding Devon and Cornwall
coastline offered. Despite being
surrounded by rural beauty,
however, he was intent on moving
to the ‘Big Smoke’ to fulfill his
ambitions as soon as he graduated.
“I wanted to be a doctor from
the age of 13,” Alex explains. “I
watched the early days of City
Hospital, which was the first
example of a programme like 24
Hours in A&E. I loved the idea of
combining medicine, people, and
the adrenaline. I’m quite a type A
personality, and I enjoy the thrill
that comes with being in that space.”

60 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 wellbeing

I realised that I
needed to take
care of myself,
because I couldn’t
expect that I would
operate on ‘empty’
without topping up
my reserves

Working in A&E, despite the

Photography | Andrew Burton

obvious stresses and huge pressure,

holds a special place in Alex’s heart.
“There’s a team atmosphere, and
you really enjoy a sense of working
closely with people. Although the
past year has been difficult, we’ve
all learned a lot, in particular about
mental health, wellbeing, and
looking after ourselves.”
But Alex’s focus on mental health
began way before the pandemic.
He’s been talking publicly about
wellbeing since 2019, when he
became an advocate for Samaritans’
Brew Monday campaign, after his
stint on ITV’s Love Island.
Last year, Alex’s advocacy gained
greater momentum, after his
brother Llŷr died by suicide. >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 61

 The more we can build
momentum, the more we’ll
bring positive change,
destigmatise mental health,
and hopefully have some
brighter days to come

“I really want, in particular since

losing my brother, to bring even
more of a spotlight on the issues
surrounding mental health,” he
explains. “There are so many
people, experts, charities, and
organisations out there already
doing such amazing work, so
for me, it’s about shining a light
on the work they’re doing too,
because the more we can build
momentum, the more we’ll bring
positive change, destigmatise
mental health, and hopefully have
some brighter days to come.
“As I grew up, I felt as if there
was very little or no education
around wellbeing, self-care, what “It’s not about a blueprint he personally needs to change
mental health is, how to manage for happiness,” he says something in order to improve
thoughts, build resilience, emphatically. “It’s not about his day-to-day mood. Part of
and manage life’s troubles,” what perfection in life is, and knowing what keeps him well,
Alex notes. “In my role as the if you follow this plan you’ll be he says, is remembering what
government’s Youth Mental forever happy. It’s about giving happened when he stopped any
Health Ambassador, I really want people the tools in different form of self-care in his late teens.
to normalise these conversations areas of their lives, so they “At one point, when I was at
and focus on the curriculum.” might be able to make small University, I stopped going out
Outside of his hospital and adjustments which could add up walking, I wasn’t exercising, I was
ambassadorial work, Alex is to being healthier and happier.” eating badly, sleeping badly, not
hoping to reach people with Alex understands how the talking to my friends, and I’d lost
helpful advice, with his new pressure of life can impact interest in my studies. Basically
book, Live Well Every day: Your mental wellbeing, and says I’d stopped doing all of the things
Plan for a Happy Body and Mind. he is all too aware of when that anchored me.

62 | June 2021 | happiful.com


“So I spoke to my family, and
we worked out what I needed
to bring back into my life again.
After a few weeks, I started to
feel better, and I realised that I
needed to take care of myself,
because I couldn’t expect that I
would operate on ‘empty’.”
This lesson has come back to
him of late, hence his post about
taking a break on Instagram.
It’s not about a
blueprint for happiness.
It’s about giving people
the tools to make small
adjustments which
could add up to being
healthier and happier
“The Catch-22 is that I’m
someone who is really driven.
I want to make progress and
there’s lots of things that I’m
passionate about, so I can have
a tendency to overwork,” Alex
says. “Mental health is a very
emotive space, especially with my
own personal experience,” Alex
continues, referring to the death
of Llŷr in July 2020. “And even as
passionate as I am, it can become
quite taxing and tiring.”
There’s a real sense of Alex’s
drive and energy, however,
when he starts to talk about
what “doing more” involves. He
recently launched bath bomb
and self-care company Prescrib’d,
and is donating a percentage of
the profits from a number of
products to the youth mental
health charity Young Minds.
“I love my bath bombs!” He
laughs. “It all started because of
a friend of mine at Lewisham
Hospital. She told me that I was
working too hard and needed to
chill, and she brought me a bath
bomb. I thought it was brilliant,
and realised I was genuinely
passionate about bath bombs.”
Alex beams as he shares that the
recent launch of Prescrib’d went
down really well, and he’s keen to
impart what makes a good, and
bad bath, bomb.
“Ours are 100% vegan, plastic
and cruelty-free. I have a
checklist when it comes to what
I want in all our products. They
can’t be slimy, I don’t like glittery
ones, because that stays on your
body, and very importantly it
cannot stain the bath.”
wellbeing
Follow Alex on Instagram
@dralexgeorge, check out his
bath bombs @weareprescribd and
listen to Alex’s full interview on
Happiful’s podcast ‘I am. I have’.
After discussing mental health
and the difficulties of the past
year, it’s wonderful to see the joy
this venture brings Alex.
“There’s a point in all this
though,” he says seriously after
our bath bomb run-down ends.
“Life’s a journey and your path
might change from when you
were 13 to when you’re 30. It’s
about following your instincts,
and what truly matters to you.”
‘Live Well Every day: Your Plan for a
Happy Body and Mind’ by Dr Alex
George (Octopus Publishing, £15.99).
happiful.com | June 2021 | 63
 June
HAPPIFUL TOP 10

Find the joy in learning about yourself and others. From

supporting a greener world to treating yourself to some time
to practise mindfulness, we share 10 things to do this June

3
PUT ON A SHOW
Pilates
Pilates is a great way to get everyone involved in some

1
light exercise. Aiming to relax any tense muscles rather than
stretch them, pilates is a gentle but rewarding way to get your blood
flowing. The movements can be completed on a mat, or on the living
room floor, and help to build strength as well as aiding good posture.

PAGE-TURNERS

How to Help Your Child
with Worry and Anxiety
by Lauren Callaghan
Children can become anxious
and overwhelmed in the same
way that adults can. Clinical
psychologist Lauren Callaghan
shares an exploration of how
anxiety can manifest itself
within small children, and how
best to help them rationalise it.
Including conversation starters
4
LEND US
YOUR EARS
Listening Books
With more than
9,000 titles, Listening
Books is a wonderful way to listen
to stories on the go, or to discover
new authors. Working also as a
charity which provides easy access
to books for those with an illness
or condition that affects their
print reading ability, you can not

and activities, this guide looks
to help parents help their
children. (Out 10 June, Trigger
Publishing, £9.99)
5
only enjoy your own audiobook
experience, but also help make it PLUGGED-IN
possible for others, too! Amber Kemp-Gerstel
(Visit listening-books.org.uk) If you enjoy spending
the sunny evenings

2
working on crafting projects,
OUT AND ABOUT Amber has plenty of inspiration
Pasta Picnic to share. Crafting with her
Why not make the most of the warmer weather and children in mind, Amber has
longer days? Cook up some pasta, invite some pals, and a whole host of highlights on
you’ve got yourself a picnic. Or even have a proper midday break by her page to guide you through
taking lunch outside, and spend some time with a few friends. Set a making everything from edible
time and day, find a spacious park, and you’ve got yourself a date. artwork to tote bags. (Follow
(For recipe ideas, head to nutritionist-resource.org.uk) @damasklove on Instagram)

64 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 culture

6
TECH TIP-OFFS
Too Good to Go: End Food Waste
Reducing food waste is a great way
to positively contribute to a greener planet, but
for restaurants and fast food chains this can
be difficult. Too Good to Go lets you purchase
food from your favourite cafes and fast food
restaurants that would otherwise go to waste,
from £2 a bag. Simply use the app and pop to
the venue to see what surprises you’ve got.
(On the App Store and Google Play)
9
THE CONVERSATION
Cervical Screening Awareness Week
This year there are additional challenges
facing those who are due a cervical
cancer screening, but it is as important
as ever to attend the appointment. Jo’s Cervical Cancer
Trust, who organise this awareness week each year,
want as many people to know that by attending a
screening, you are reducing your risk of disease and
putting your health and wellbeing first.
(14–20 June. Visit jostrust.org.uk for more information)

7 10
SQUARE EYES GET GOING
The Great British Sewing Bee Home
Whether you’re a sewing workouts
machine sensation or a knot needling If you’re looking
newbie, have your scissors at the ready for a way to keep yourself
for the sixth season of The Great British motivated when it comes to
Sewing Bee – hosted by comedian exercise, Kyra Pro may have
Joe Lycett. Bound to inspire you to get the video content for you. With
crafty, follow the amateur sewers as home workouts to soundtracks
they snip their way through weekly from Mamma Mia to Ariana
challenges to be crowned GBSB Grande, there is a dance
2021 champion. workout to suit every mood.
(Available on BBC iPlayer) (Search Kyra Pro on Youtube)

8 TREAT YOURSELF
The Bees Knees Journal
Living in the present can be tough when there is a lot going on around us, but taking time
WIN!
out of the day to think about things you’re grateful for can be a lovely way to appreciate
the little moments that bring you happiness. The Bees Knees Journal has 272 pages that
The Bees Knees Journal | www.thebeesknees.co

encourage you to explore your feelings, and forgive yourself when things don’t go as
planned. (£35, shop online at thebeesknees.co)

Win The Bees Knees Journal

For your chance to win a journal, simply email your answer to the following question to
competitions@happiful.com
Which of the following do bees produce?
a) Marmalade b) Maple Syrup c) Honey
*Competition closes 17 June 2021. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | June 2021 | 65

 Fancy a
fakeaway?
Two of our favourite fakeaway dishes for healthier
and cheaper versions of your Friday night feasts,
without compromising on taste
Writing | Dr Lisa Gatenby

H
ealthier, cheaper, and
faster? Check, check,
check. Takeaways
certainly have an
appeal after a long week, but
we’ve got something even better
to soothe the call of the curry:
fakeaways. In other words, whip
up your own version of your
favourite takeaway from the
comfort of your own kitchen.
These two dishes are simple to
make and bursting with flavour,
plus the burgers can be frozen
for later – so future you will
thank you! Have a go at home
and kick back with your favourite
takeaway, without busting the
bank. Enjoy!
Chipotle turkey burgers Method
Serves 4 1. Place all the burger ingredients
in a bowl, season with the black
Ingredients pepper, and mix together until
For the burgers: well combined. Divide into four
• 500g minced turkey equal portions, and shape into
• 4 spring onions burgers, around 1.5cm thick.
• 1 tsp frozen chopped garlic 2. Spray a frying pan with
• 1 tsp chipotle chilli paste rapeseed oil, and when hot add
• 1 tsp dried oregano the burgers, cooking for around
• Rapeseed spray oil 5 minutes on each side, until
• Black pepper cooked through.
3. Cut the bread rolls in half and
To accompany: lightly toast.
• 4 seeded wholemeal 4. Place the burgers in the buns
bread rolls along with mixed leaves and
• Mixed side salad top with sliced chilli, and a
• 1 red chilli, finely sliced (optional) teaspoon of chilli sauce.
• Chilli sauce 5. Serve with a large mixed salad.

66 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Vegetable biryani
Serves 4
Ingredients
For the biryani:
• Rapeseed spray oil
• 1 small cauliflower broken
into little florets
• 2 large sweet potatoes,
peeled and cubed
• 1 large onion, sliced
• 700ml hot vegetable stock
• 2 tbsp hot curry paste
(madras is good)
• ½ red chilli, seeded and
finely chopped
• Large pinch of saffron strands
• 1 tsp mustard seeds
• 350g basmati rice
• 125g trimmed green
beans, halved
• 1 lemon, juice only
or 1 tbsp lemon juice
• A few handfuls of fresh
coriander leaves
• 45g roasted and salted
cashew nuts
• Poppadom and raita to serve
For the raita:
• 200g Greek natural yoghurt
• 1 tsp mint sauce
• ½ onion, diced
• 1 chilli, diced
• ½ cucumber, diced
Find
nutritio a
n
our Hap ist on
piful
app
Method
1. Preheat the oven to 220oC/
gas 7/fan 200oC. Spray a large
roasting tin or ovenproof
dish with rapeseed oil, and
put it in the oven for a couple
of minutes to heat through.
Add all the vegetables to the
dish except the green beans,
stirring to mix. Season with
salt and pepper and return to
the oven for 15 minutes until
beginning to brown.
2. While the vegetables are
roasting, stir together the
stock, curry paste, chilli,
saffron, and mustard seeds.
3. Mix the rice and green beans
with the vegetables in the
tin, then pour over the stock
mixture. Lower the oven to
190oC/gas 5/fan 190oC. Cover
the dish tightly with foil and
bake for 30 minutes until the
rice is tender and the liquid
has been absorbed. Stir in the
lemon juice and check the
seasoning, then scatter the
coriander and cashew nuts
over the top.
4. Mix the ingredients for
the raita together. Serve
the biryani, topped with
a spoonful of raita and a
poppadom.
feel-good food
The healthy bit
Chipotle turkey burgers
A super-healthy option, turkey
is an excellent low-fat source of
protein. It’s believed to be high
in the amino acid tryptophan,
which is a building block of
serotonin, known for promoting
good mood and alertness.
Serving in a seeded wholemeal
roll provides fibre and slow
releasing carbohydrates, helping
to keep you full for longer. The
salad counts as one of your five-a-
day, providing essential nutrients
and acting as a prebiotic to feed
your gut bacteria.
Vegetable biryani
A low-fat and filling alternative
to a traditional takeaway, this
vegetable biryani contains two to
three of your five-a-day, meaning
you can enjoy a tasty meal, with
all the health benefits, too.
The vegetables are a great
source of fibre, and the yoghurt
acts as a probiotic to aid healthy
gut bacteria. The gut is labelled
the second brain, and having a
healthy gut microbiota is believed
to aid our immune system, as
well as our mental health.
Basmati rice has a lower
glycaemic index than white rice,
meaning it has less effect on your
blood sugar, making it a healthier
alternative as well.
Lisa Gatenby is a registered
nutritionist specialising in
complex medical and brain
injury cases, with training
in life coaching, public
health nutrition, and is a
trained chef.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 67
 T R A J U Y—
OU OG 06 MA

W M E
NO M N
26

E
20
21
PR

Eg E
or F R
a l. R
ti v F O
es R
yf TE
ha E G I S
R
ISABEL ALLENDE • ANNE APPLEBAUM • SIMON ARMITAGE
CALEB AZUMAH NELSON • GUVNA B • LAURA BATES • BRIT BENNETT
GORDON BROWN • GILLIAN CLARKE • REVEREND RICHARD COLES
CRESSIDA COWELL • RACHEL CUSK • STEPHEN FRY • MEL GIEDROYC
JULIA GILLARD • MALCOM GLADWELL • ETHAN HAWKE • NATALIE HAYNES
DAVID HOCKNEY • OLIVER JEFFERS • DANIEL KAHNEMAN • MARIAN KEYES
RAVEN LEILANI • DEBORAH LEVY • VAL MCDERMID • ED MILIBAND
CAITLIN MORAN • MICHAEL MORPURGO • JOJO MOYES • GRAHAM NORTON
MICHAEL ROSEN • SATHNAM SANGHERA • ALOK SHARMA • LEMN SISSAY
ALI SMITH • SHARON STONE • ANGIE THOMAS • RUSSELL TOVEY
MARIO VARGAS LLOSA • ROBERT WEBB • JOE WICKS
GARY YOUNGE • HAFSA ZAYYAN • BENJAMIN ZEPHANIAH • AND MORE…
Join us in a free digital wonderland
of thoughtful conversation, debates,
readings, performances and family fun

@HAYFESTIVAL #HAYFESTIVAL2021
68 | May 2021 | happiful.com
 culture

Happiful reads...
From cherishing the small moments, to enjoying new
flavours, we share four of this month’s must reads
Writing | Chelsea Graham

T
he idea of being alone is
often branded as being
a pitiful experience, but
why are we so quick to
disregard spending restorative
and important time with
ourselves? Journalist Francesca
Specter’s Alonement highlights
that the most important long-
term relationship we have is with
ourselves. Her book teaches a
valuable lesson in enjoying the
time we spend alone, seeing it
not as a sad final resort, but as an Alonement
opportunity to revel in living on by Francesca
our own terms. Specter
Packed full of practical tips from Out now
experts and guests on her podcast
‘Alonement’, Francesca’s guide
reveals her own story of once the time, to becoming someone
being an extreme extrovert who who learned how to be alone,
needed to be around people all of and how to enjoy it!

Must reads
Everything’s
Perfect by Nicole
Kennedy
Out 10 June
On social media,
it’s easy to portray
the life you
want everyone
to think that you’re living, but
this can often be more than a
stone’s throw from reality. Nicole
Kennedy’s light-hearted debut
novel delves into this dynamic
to explore friendships, romantic
relationships, and the modern
concept of popularity. The story
is warm, captivating, and a great
excuse to have a break from your
own social media!
12 Birds to Save
Your Life by
Charlie Corbett
Out 10 June
Nature is all
around us, but
sometimes
we forget to
appreciate its amazing ability
to ground us when we aren’t
feeling our best. Having lived
on farms throughout his
childhood, and utilised nature
during times of anxiety and
depression, author Charlie
Corbett strives to share his
knowledge of birds with
readers, to enable them to find
joy in the smallest of creatures.
Ice Cream
Party
by Shikha
Kaiwar
Out now
With more
than 3,500
possible
combinations, Shikha Kaiwar’s
recipe book will have something
to please the whole family.
Whether you’re craving the
familiar taste of hot fudge sauce
on your chocolate ice cream, or
you’re branching out by pairing
pistachio with white sesame
seed brittle, Ice Cream Party has
a sweet recipe that will tickle
your taste buds.

happiful.com | June 2021 | 69

 You can, you should,
and if you’re brave
enough to start, you will
STEPHEN KING

Photography | Guilherme Franca

70 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Being disabled doesn’t
mean I’m unable
Paralympic swimming gold medallist Liz Johnson has swapped
the pool for the boardroom in a bid to close the disability
employment gap for good
Writing | Liz Johnson
M
y career was re-routed in a single
moment in 2017. I was watching
a report about the disability
employment gap, and heard a
statistic that left me shocked and appalled: the
gap stood at more than 30%, and had remained
that way for a decade. This meant that barely
half of the UK’s 13.9 million disabled people
were employed, compared to 80% of able-bodied
people. Hearing this stopped me in my tracks.
It stood in complete contrast to my own
experience as a disabled athlete. On a human
level, I related so closely to the people I
was hearing about. But as a recently retired
Paralympian, my own career was largely free from
most of the barriers that block the path of many.
Winning my medals came with a huge amount of
hard work, but growing up – and throughout my
swimming career – I never really considered myself
to be disabled. I now realise that I was simply naïve
about the microaggressions society exhibits to
discriminate against disabled people. These impair
us more than our disabilities ever could. But at
that point in my life, I was doing almost everything
my able-bodied friends were doing; I just had to
go about it in a different way. This outlook was
reaffirmed when I went swimming.
My mum first took me to the pool when I
was three. I was born with cerebral palsy, so
true story
she enrolled me in swimming classes to
strengthen my muscles. I felt free in the pool
and powered through my training sessions. I
wasn’t inherently gifted, but swimming was a
great outlet, and I embraced it with everything
I had. It was one of the few places where my
disability didn’t seem to matter.
Over the course of my career, I won five
gold medals across European and World
Championships; and although I failed to
qualify for the 2000 Paralympics in Sydney, I
went on to get bronze, silver and gold in the
following three Games. Beijing in 2008 was
bitter sweet. My mum – my best friend and
my biggest supporter – passed away not long
beforehand. I also sustained a shoulder injury
which left me without the use of my strongest
arm in training. But I still got the gold.
My can-do attitude ensured my hard work
in the pool was rewarded. I realise now that
this is what sets my experience of being
disabled at odds with that of so many others.
Although my disability determined my race
classification, it didn’t determine my chances
of success. So many disabled people have this
same drive to succeed, but are attempting
to work in sectors that don’t champion their
difference. Instead, they’re met with closed
doors and excuses. >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 71
 Liz Johnson is a former Paralympic gold medallist
and co-founder of disability inclusion consultancy
The Ability People (theabilitypeople.com), and
founder of jobs platform Podium (appbytap.com).

The thing that eventually slowed me down was

completely unrelated to being disabled. I had to
have surgery for a hernia in 2015 and fell behind
with training. As a result, I didn’t go for the
Games in Rio de Janeiro that summer. I called
time, retired from the sport, and heard that news
report on the employment gap while embarking
on new beginnings.
Some setbacks are beyond your control – an
injured shoulder for example. But on hearing
about the employment gap, I refused to see ethnicities, ages, and genders, and we meet
disability as a setback or accept that it should in the middle to talk honestly and openly to
control a person’s opportunities. It was the businesses about our experiences, and break
employers who needed to change. My life down barriers to access.
experiences taught me that just because you
do things differently, doesn’t mean you can’t do
them at all. So, I was determined to carve out a
place for the disabled community in the world of
My life experiences
work I was about to enter into myself. taught me that just
It was around this time that I met Steve Carter,
who’d been in recruitment for more than 30
because you do things
years, and was tired of being presented with the differently, doesn’t mean
same pool of candidates. We were arriving at
the same problem from different angles: diverse you can’t do them at all
talent was being ruled out of the hiring game
before it had even started, and we needed to take We work alongside businesses, transforming
action. We had our lightbulb moment, and The their culture and operations to ensure
Ability People (TAP) was born. everything is authentically inclusive. Without
We created TAP to change the way businesses laying these foundations, you can’t support truly
approach diversity, and naturally, that starts diverse workforces.
with our own team. Everyone at TAP has some It was intimidating moving from the pool to the
form of disability, and is committed to achieving boardroom, but I knew we had a worthy cause
diversity. We’re a melting pot of different and, evidently, so did the big corporate players.

72 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Street portraits | Amy Mace
Not long after launching, we won contracts with
Chelsea FC and HSBC. We’ve since evolved even
further to launch Podium – the first jobs platform
for disabled freelancers. In the wake of Covid-19,
many employers are realising that they need
remote workers just as much as disabled people
need flexible jobs. So, we’re connecting the two to
create meaningful work for disabled freelancers.
Over the past two years I’ve grown used to
facing a different kind of arena, and a different
kind of crowd. I count speaking about disability
at the LinkedIn conference in Dallas, and being
nominated for the BBC’s prestigious 100 Women
list in 2018, among my greatest achievements;
and with TAP and Podium we’ve made headway
we’re really proud of.
But the employment gap still stands at 28% in
the UK. Add to this the economic fallout of the
health crisis, and it becomes clear why disabled
people need our support more than ever.
In many ways though, the coronavirus
lockdown has brought the experience of the
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Liz highlights something so many of us miss –
every one of us is different. It’s in our diversity
our unique talents live and thrive, not despite it.
It’s so striking to hear how society’s attitudes
have been a barrier – but the good thing is that
attitudes can shift, and Liz is at the forefront of
enabling that to happen.
true story
able-bodied population in line with that of
disabled people. The rest of the world is adapting
to restrictions, challenges, and health risks as
part of everyday life – as well as working from
home. Employers are waking up to the fact that
flexibility works, meaning the time has never
been better to embrace a pool of talent that
stands to gain a huge amount.
Steve, the TAP and Podium team, and I will
continue to work together to bring our ideas
to life, to close the disability employment gap
for good, and to empower disabled people to
find jobs which don’t just meet their needs, but
enable them to thrive.
I’ve lived my dream as a Paralympian. Now
I want other talented, skilled, and passionate
disabled people to achieve theirs. Because
believe me, they’re more than capable.
It’s so inspiring to see how Liz faces
obstacles and champions
change. We might not all be
Olympians, but she reminds us
we all have the power to help
create that positive change.
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr | Life coach
happiful.com | June 2021 | 73
 4 steps to
managing anger
In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to let our emotions get the
better of us. But by tuning-in to yourself, you can take back control and
channel your anger in productive and healthy ways
Writing | John-Paul Davies

A
s the emotion often
underlying societal
issues such as violence,
crime, internet
trolling, and even terrorism,
anger – justifiably – gets plenty
of bad press. On a personal level,
if you react from it too often,
it’s likely to disconnect you
from other people and lead to
loneliness and isolation.
To anger’s hammer, every issue is
a nail and – left unchecked – it can
make you act at the expense of
your happiness and contentment.
It’s also worth bearing in mind
that internalising it is consistent
with ongoing mental health
issues, such as depression,
anxiety, and addictions.
But, of course, anger is also the
driver behind social movements
that reshape societies for the
better. In terms of relationships,
it can signal when your
boundaries have been crossed
and is therefore key to making
sure your needs are met in them.
To get the best of it though, you
need to make sure your anger is
a helpful tool rather than being
controlled by it and, for this to
happen, you must first get to
know it well.
Know when you’re angry
This may sound obvious, but
anger most often focuses your
attention outwards, towards the
wrongdoings of others. You might
not therefore even be aware
you’re feeling it, and without
knowing you’re feeling it you
can’t have a relationship with it.
Try to notice when you’re
feeling anger this week. It’s often
a very physical emotion, so
check-in with yourself when your
anger is rising, and get to know
what the physical sensations feel
like, mapping them out in your
mind as you scan your body.

74 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Anger is also the
driver behind social
movements that
reshape societies
for the better
Know how you express
your anger
Be aware that anger isn’t only
about shouting and lashing out
at people. Cynicism, sarcasm,
silence, criticism, rehearsing
arguments in your head, passive
aggression, microaggression,
banter, doing the opposite
of what you know another
person might want, can all be
more covert ways of showing
it. Irritation, frustration,
and annoyance are also all
somewhere on the anger scale.
So, again this week, try to notice
how often you’re experiencing
any of these – maybe make a
list of them on your phone.
You might be surprised at how
frequently they’re happening.
Know why you’re angry
Anger is a ‘secondary’ feeling
that comes in on top of initial
feelings of fear, grief, hurt or
a sense of injustice. It’s often
about defence and protection,
and when it pushes forward,
anger automatically makes you
the victim, and someone else the
wrongdoer.
Because of this victim/
perpetrator dynamic, whether
it’s your partner or someone on
social media, it’ll dehumanise
them and prevent you taking any
responsibility for your part in
what’s happening. If both people
are in this place in an angry
exchange, it’s easy to see that it
will reach a stalemate.
When you get angry, think about
what your anger’s story is. Try
to test it – is what it’s telling you
really true, or is your perception
being distorted?
Know how to manage it
Once you notice you’re angry,
this simple six-step ‘SOBER’
mindfulness technique can be
the difference between seeing
red, losing your composure,
and arguing in a way that you’ll
regret, or keeping your cool and
getting your needs met in the
situation:
• Stop. Your first reaction will
be impulsive and based on the
distorted beliefs mentioned
above, so resist the urge to
indulge it. Even just doing this
will make you feel more in
control.
• Observe. Turn your attention
inwards, and ask how acting
from anger will help resolve the
situation (spoiler alert: most
often it won’t).
• Breathe. You need to know the
difference between defending
yourself and attacking
someone, and can only do this
once you’ve calmed down.
try this at home
Focusing on your breathing is
the most effective way to keep
calm. Maybe go for a walk
and slow your breath for a few
minutes; the calming effect can
be almost instantaneous.
• Expand. Now you feel calmer,
you can test whether your
anger’s story is actually true.
Who knows, you might even
be able to empathise with the
other person’s perspective.
• Respond. If the situation can’t
immediately be resolved with
a quick apology, or there’s a
pattern of behaviour that’s
crossing your boundaries, it
can be important to address
it later to avoid ongoing
resentment. If you decide to
raise an issue with someone,
try to choose your moment,
plan what you’ll say, and focus
on your secondary feelings
when you speak. In this way
you can speak ‘for’ your anger
rather than ‘from’ it, and are
much more likely to get your
need met in the situation.
John-Paul Davies is a psychotherapist,
counsellor, and author of ‘Finding
a Balanced Connection’.
Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 75
Single Dad:
A 21st century story
Testing, tender, and true – we
speak to esteemed portrait
photographer Harry Borden
about his latest project, which
explores the reality of single
fatherhood

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

W
hen I begin my call
with Harry Borden,
he tells me he’s just
finished playing the
piano – something he’s practised for
two years, and immediately notes is a
good way to stay ‘in the moment’. His
mindful hobby slots alongside his
work as a photographer, and Single
Dad is his latest project – a series of
portraits published in a beautifully
bound book, each one showcasing
a candid shot of a father and his
children, accompanied by a quote
that captures each man’s experience,
ranging from the playful to the stoic,
and occasionally the devastating.
And it’s a timely collection.
According to the Office for National
Statistics’ 2019 report, while lone-
parent mothers remained the most
common type of single parents,
from 1999 to 2019, the number of
Neil with Kiwa and Ngaire
single-parent fathers grew by 22%.

76 | June 2021 | happiful.com


Tony with Louise and Emma
Any proposed reasons for this
increase are multi-faceted – but
so too are the stories behind the
numbers. In his introduction to
the collection, Harry writes: “In
a world where Homer Simpson
is an archetypal father, they
confound the simplistic notion of
fathers as ridiculous.”
With 48 men featured, when
I first flicked through the
book I was tempted to call it a
‘celebration’ of single dads; but
on reflection I realise that wasn’t
quite right.
Yes, there are uplifting stories
of men finding joy in parenting,
but there is also a lot of pain –
stemming from bereavement or a
break down of a relationship, and
from the unique challenges that
dads face when they go it alone.
Rather than a ‘celebration’, these
portraits, and the snapshots of
stories that they tell, are honest –
Jonathan and Xavier
they’re just true. When I float this
thought with Harry, he points to
one particularly striking example.
Neil is photographed with his son
and daughter, Kiwa and Ngaire.
Neil’s wife, Jeng, died in 2015, and,
in his touchingly honest writing,
Neil shares how he got through the
first two years of single fatherhood
on “adrenaline and bloody-
mindedness”. The candid portrait
of the trio is elevated by Neil’s final
words: “I dreamt once that Jeng was
a bird. I was alone on a ship with
the kids, beating through the waves.
We’ve had to let her go but she is
flying above us.”
“It’s quite an unusual situation
where the dad is the main carer,
and I’d say for probably half
of my subjects that happened
through losing their partner,” says
Harry. “That’s not going to be a
celebration. You can’t draw a veil
over that, you have to confront it.
family & friends
“Life is complicated. It’s neither a
celebration, nor is it as harrowing
and terrible as people portray it. We
ebb and flow, don’t we?”
We do – and marking that
spectrum is another poignant
portrait of a man named Jonathan
who, with the help of an egg donor
and a surrogate, became a single
dad by choice.
Jonathan’s son, Xavier, was born
in Southern California in 2013.
There are currently no statistics
on the number of men becoming
lone parents using surrogacy, with
the law allowing single people to
become parents via surrogacy only
coming into effect in the UK in
2019. But Jonathan isn’t the only
father in the collection to go down
this route, and these snapshots of
a new approach to fatherhood are
only just beginning to be explored.
But both new and traditional roles
come with hurdles. >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 77
 David with Isabelle

“Being a dad is hard work, with

the need to be an expert in many
things including ethics, counselling,
economics, fashion, and logistics.
However, the pleasure that being
a dad gives makes up for this a
Life is complicated.
thousand-fold. Whether it’s her It’s neither a
uncontrollably laughing about antics
at school, baking a cake to share,
celebration nor
asking if I’ll watch Doctor Who with as harrowing and
her, or us simply riding our bikes into
town, or walking together in the local
terrible as people
park, I feel so lucky every day.” portray it. We ebb
and flow

It’s difficult to separate
any men’s issues from the
disproportionate way that mental
health can touch their lives – with
the devastating statistics that 76%
of suicides are male, and suicide
being the biggest cause of death
for men under 35. Additionally,
a Canadian study published in
The Lancet Public Health found
that single fathers’ mortality risk
was more than two times higher
than other parents (partnered
parents and single mothers) –
highlighting lifestyle differences
such as diet and alcohol
consumption as potential causes.
Whether or not this study
translates to the UK, it’s true
to say that single dads face
additional challenges – social
misconceptions, cultural and
practical barriers (think changing
facilities in public toilets), trials
in the workplace, and isolation
and loneliness. But, as is so often
the case, talking helps.
“I’d say 80% of the people who
wrote back to me said: ‘This has
been really cathartic,’” Harry
explains. “Where there had
been a relationship breakdown,
they’d had a dialogue with the
mother, and it had given them
an opportunity to reflect on their
relationship. It was a really positive
process, someone asking them to
write about what they love about
fatherhood, because we don’t stop
to contemplate really.”
It’s no reach to say that the
more we’re exposed to moments
of tenderness and caregiving
between fathers and their
children, and the more we
encourage and notice it in our own
lives, the better our relationships
will be – and that goes for the ones
with ourselves as much as it does
with the familial.
“As men, we’re encouraged
not to show any vulnerability –
but I don’t think you lose your
masculinity when you do,” Harry
reflects. “A lot of the issues that
men face stem from fear, and then
that fear morphs into anger and
defensiveness, but, really, if you
can just admit that you’re afraid,
then there’s a strength in that, and
it’s such a relief to be able to just
let that go and admit it.”
With a look to the future,
it appears as though we are
at a crossroads with our
understanding of the role
that gender has to play in our
relationships – at the same
time breaking barriers of what
it means to be a man, while
celebrating hyper-masculine
characters in films and reality TV.
“I think we just need to redefine
or reconfigure masculinity,”
says Harry. “My philosophy with

78 | June 2021 | happiful.com

 family & friends

regards to men and women is that

there are positive masculine traits,
and there are positive feminine
traits – and anyone can have either.
We construct a society where we’re
just people, and we look for the
positives in the masculine and we
reward those positives, but not
slide into reinforcing that hyper-
toxic masculinity. It’s important
that we reflect on building
something that will serve mankind
in the future, in a way that is
sustainable.”
The discussions around gender
and masculinity are complex, and
not something we’ll be able to
crack overnight.
And yet, what Harry has captured
with Single Dads is something
simple: the power of devotion and
determination, and the touching
way that a tender sense of fatherly
duty propels his subjects forward.
“The love a father can hold for
their child is unexplainable, it
runs deep into the very core of
who you are,” writes one dad –
Tayler, captured with his son
Tristen. “It’s not easy being a
single father; yet in the same
breath, it’s not hard. I just love my
son with all my heart.”

‘Single Dad’, photography by Harry

Borden, foreword by Sir Bob Geldof
(Hoxton Mini Press, £17.95
hardback) is out now.
Tayler and Tristen
happiful.com | June 2021 | 79
 5 ways to
soothe agoraphobia
Tackle the anxiety that comes with this fear of open spaces and
being trapped in situations that are difficult to escape
I
t’s a panic disorder that
centres on an intense fear
about the possibility of
experiencing anxiety or
panic attacks in a situation
where it’s difficult to escape, or
of being in open spaces – and
as we prepare to re-enter the
world after more than a year
of lockdown, agoraphobia is
something many may be facing.
“This anticipatory anxiety
is based on assumptions by
the sufferer that they may
have a panic attack where
help is not available, or even
humiliate themselves in front of
others,” explains Paul Dodd, an
integrative psychotherapeutic
counsellor. “Fear and anxiety
lead them to engage in safety
behaviours, choosing to stay away
from certain places or situations
that they perceive could trigger
panic attacks.”
Paul notes that the causes of
agoraphobia are the subject
of debate, but they may be
linked to unconscious defence
mechanisms that reinforce
anxiety based on underlying
assumptions about places or
activities. If you are experiencing
agoraphobia to the point where
80 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
it is disrupting your life, it’s
important to speak to a mental
health professional or your GP.
But here we outline some self-
help strategies, to softly soothe
these fears as we take the next
steps back to normality.
1. Take action, now
It can be easy to brush things
under the rug, or to avoid
reaching out for help for fear of
judgement or misunderstanding.
But the sooner you address
feelings of agoraphobia, the
sooner you can start engaging in
strategies to take back control.
“Don’t hide from your fears or
engage in safety behaviours to
keep you safe from anxiety, as
this only serves as a temporary
cure – the avoidance of an
anxiety trigger may only prolong
the panic disorder,” Paul
explains. While these actions
may feel soothing in the moment,
long-term they could trap you in
an unforgiving cycle.
2. Refocus your thoughts
“Move from the ‘what if’,
catastrophic, negative scenarios,
to something based in fact –
rather than making assumptions
or holding automatic negative
thoughts about a situation,”
suggests Paul.
Letting go of those automatic
negative thoughts isn’t easy, but
if you notice you’re having one,
call yourself out. Stop what you’re
doing, acknowledge that anxious
thought, label it, and try to move
on with the rest of your day.
Move from
the ‘what if ’,
catastrophic,
negative scenarios,
to something
based in facts
3. Actively explore and
engage in exposure therapy
Exposure therapy is a technique
for treating anxiety and phobias
where the individual is exposed
to their fear in a safe, controlled
way. It may feel daunting, but
Paul explains that this method
could be useful for dealing with
agoraphobia.

“Find a friend or family
member who is reliable and
supportive, who can accompany
you when engaging with this.
Take one small step at a time, and
gradually build up your tolerance
to each triggering scenario,”
he explains. “For example, you
may be afraid of taking train
journeys. I suggest having a
friend accompany you on a train
journey lasting just one stop,
then revisiting the same journey,
but going for two stops with your
friend. Finally, repeating the
same route alone, going just one
stop, and so on – slowly building
your confidence in this way, one
step at a time.”
4. Practise mindfulness
“This means being able to be
fully present in the moment
rather than ‘time travelling’ –
thinking of the past or future
– for example when engaging
in ‘what if’ scenarios which are
often based solely on the future,
try this at home
instead of the here and now,”
Paul says. “Concentrate on your
surroundings, feel your feet on
the floor – what can you hear, see
or smell? This helps to reduce
symptoms.”
5. Learn and practise
breathing exercises
The power of our own breath
should never be underestimated,
and having a few breathing
exercises in the back of your
mind, to bring out when you
begin to feel panic rising, is an
effective way to stay in control.
Try the ‘4,7,8’ exercise: inhale
through your nose to a count of
four, hold your breath for a count
of seven, and exhale through
your mouth to a count of eight.
“Current advice is also to
engage in ‘tapping’,” Paul adds.
Emotional Freedom Technique
(EFT), also known as tapping,
teaches you to rhythmically
tap specific parts of your body
to help deal with stress. “The
advantage of EFT is that it can
be done alone, it can be very
effective, and it can be done
anywhere.”
Paul Dodd is an integrative
psychotherapeutic counsellor at
Get-a-Head Counselling.
Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 81
Ask the experts

Integrative therapist Abby Rawlinson

answers your questions on social anxiety

Read more about Abby Rawlinson on counselling-directory.org.uk

Q A After a year of socialising re-connect at a rate that feels

I’ve become digitally, it’s understandable
really used to if you feel anxious about in-
not interacting person interactions. It’s OK to
with others during take each day at your own pace
lockdown, and am and, remember, you’re in control
of what you feel comfortable
worried about making
doing. For example, if your office
small-talk again. Do reopens but you’re still allowed
you have any advice to work from home, build up
for easing back into it? your attendance slowly, and
comfortable for you so that you
don’t become overwhelmed.
Don’t put too much pressure
on yourself to bounce back to
the level of socialising you were
at pre-pandemic. You might
find in-person interactions very
tiring at first, so take care of your
wellbeing, and set aside time for
activities that can help you relax.

Q I can already
feel my social
anxiety peaking,
and I’m thinking about
every possible outcome
of interactions. How can
I calm my thinking?
anything interesting to say”). This
is a form of ‘anticipatory anxiety’,
and actually makes things worse,
because it leads to ‘fortune telling’
or ‘catastrophising’ thought
patterns. These are common
‘cognitive distortions’, and can
lead to fear and panic. Try to
become aware of your thoughts
Social anxiety tends to turn our
attention inwards, which can
make the symptoms of anxiety
worse. So, if you’re feeling
nervous in a social situation,
pay attention to what your
conversation partner is saying,
rather than thinking about what
to say next. And try not to worry

A When we’re anxious about

socialising, we tend to
hyper-focus on all the things that
could go wrong (e.g. “I won’t have
and ask yourself: “Do I have any
evidence that this thought is true?
And is there a more helpful way
too much if there are silences.
Everybody has a responsibility to
keep the conversation going, not
of looking at this?” just you.

Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

TOP TIPS FOR THOSE STRUGGLING WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY
1. Set boundaries. Remember,
you’re in control of what you
feel comfortable doing, and
it’s OK to take the changes at
your own pace to build up your
tolerance gently.
2. Practise self-compassion.
After a year of collective
trauma, it’s understandable
if you feel anxious. Practise
being supportive, gentle, and
understanding to yourself.
Remind yourself that this is a
difficult time for many people.
3. Schedule a time to worry.
This can be a useful strategy
to manage anxiety. Select a
time which you schedule as
a ‘worry period’ for 20–30
minutes every day. When
worry-related thoughts arise,
postpone those to the worry
period. Scheduled time to
consider these worries helps
us become more mindful of
the way we think, can help
us prioritise our worries, and
get clear on what we can and
cannot control.
wellbeing
Q Invitations
for social
gatherings
are starting to come
through, but I don’t feel
comfortable with this
yet. Do you have any
tips for saying no?
A If you’ve been invited
to something you don’t
feel comfortable doing, it’s
important to be honest and
clearly let others know where
you stand.
Saying ‘no’ can sometimes
feel difficult, so it can be useful
to rehearse what you’ll say so
that you communicate clearly
and non-defensively. Try to
keep it short and focused,
and know that saying “I don’t
feel comfortable because of
the pandemic” is certainly a
legitimate reason.
Remember, it’s OK to
disappoint people. We
often have an over-sense of
responsibility for other people’s
moods and reactions. But
remind yourself that you’re
only responsible for you and,
if someone is disappointed or
sad about your decision, that
doesn’t mean you need to
change your mind.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 83
 The best thing to hold
on to in life is each other
AUDREY HEPBURN

Photography | Shingi Rice

84 | June 2021 | happiful.com


How to help
someone who’s
self-harming
Whether you suspect a loved one is self-harming or they’ve opened
up to you about it, knowing what to do next can feel tricky. Here, we
explore some essential ideas on how you can be there for them
T
he act of self-harm,
when someone
intentionally hurts
themselves, is often
shrouded in shame and stigma.
A lack of understanding from
others, combined with a deep
psychological pain from within,
makes it difficult to bring out into
the open. It’s often done in secret,
with the self-harmer going to
great lengths to hide what they’re
doing. Lies become second
nature for many – I remember
blaming everything from a
drunken stumble, to my cat for
my scars (sorry, Tigger).
Like most things steeped in
shame, the key to overcoming
it is releasing it – telling
someone what’s going on and
Writing | Kat Nicholls
admitting you need help. This
can be difficult though, and
the role of loved ones can’t be
underestimated. Whether it’s to
give the gentle nudge someone
needs to reach out for help, or
simply to be a listening ear as
they navigate recovery, your
support could be integral. If
you’re keen to be there for
someone who’s self-harming,
learning about self-harm is your
first step.
Understanding self-harm
It can be difficult to comprehend
why someone would want to
cause themselves pain, but being
able to support someone in this
position requires you to educate
yourself on self-harm. Lukas
wellbeing
Dressler is a psychologist and
integrative psychotherapist who
supports children, adolescents
and young people with a range of
concerns, including self-harm.
Noting the stigma attached to
this issue, Lukas encourages us
to recognise self-harm for what it
truly is.
“If you suspect a friend or loved
one might be self-harming,
and you want to encourage
them to talk about it, you must
understand that self-harm is
usually a coping mechanism,”
Lukas says. “Deliberate self-
harm is most often carried out in
secret, so the stigma of it being
‘attention-seeking’ or that it’s
‘the behaviour of a drama queen’
seldom applies.” >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 85
 What can I do if I suspect a
loved one is self-harming?
When it comes to broaching the
subject of self-harm with someone
you love, it’s important to do so
in a way that will help them open
up, rather than retreat. Therefore,
Lukas says your attitude towards
the conversation is key.
“If you hold a non-judgemental,
open, and supportive attitude,
and genuinely want to support
the person who might be self-
harming, they will be able to
feel this. Your compassionate
attitude will put them at ease, and
encourage them to open up.”
As well as having a supportive
approach, Lukas notes you
shouldn’t be afraid of addressing
the topic head-on, as long
as you do so in a calm and
compassionate manner.
“If you want to do this, try What can I do if a loved one
to create a situation where has opened up to me about
you genuinely believe the their self-harm?
other person will feel safe Whether you’ve been the one
and comfortable to open up,” to encourage them to open up,
Lukas says. “You might then or they’ve come to you on their person to open up. You can also
say something like: ‘I have been own, when this happens it’s an ask them: ‘Do you know if there is
worried about you. Can I ask you incredible step. Lukas suggests something I can do to help? What
if you have been self-harming?’ acknowledging that opening up is do you need from me?’”
Self-harm often occurs with brave, and explaining that you’re Because deliberate self-harm
feelings of shame and guilt, so there to listen and support. is often a sign of underlying
they may not open up straight “And this is exactly what you will mental health difficulties,
away. Patience, compassion, and then do. Provide a safe and non- Lukas highlights the need for
kindness are key.” judgemental space for the other professional input.

86 | June 2021 | happiful.com


“Ask the person if they would
like support from you in
finding a professional to talk to.
Please do not feel that it is your
responsibility to help them stop
self-harming.”
You could offer to accompany
them to a GP appointment,
or help them find a private
therapist online. You could flag
resources such as harmless.org.uk
(a Community Interest Company
supporting those who self-harm
and their loved ones), and
nshn.co.uk (an online support
forum related to self-harm).
How can I be there for them
during their recovery?
When your loved one is in
recovery from the underlying
cause of the self-harming
behaviour, Lukas says ideally
you’ll receive advice from their
mental health professional on
how to continue supporting them.
“Generally speaking, continue
to be kind and supportive. If
you know of some of their non-
harmful coping strategies, try
to support them in using those,”
Lukas says. “Be patient and allow
the person to process what they’re
going through at their own pace
– with their professional support
in place. Provide as much of a
safe haven to talk to as you are
comfortable with.”
wellbeing
Whether it’s to give the gentle nudge
someone needs to reach out for help, or
simply to be a listening ear as they navigate
recovery, your support could be integral
It can be helpful to also bear family of those who are self-
in mind that recovery is rarely harming – you may find it helpful
linear. As tempting as it may to join a support group and chat
be to think that once they have with others in a similar boat.
professional support in place, Carve out space for self-care, and
everything will be OK, unlearning keep in mind that this ultimately
these coping strategies can be helps you be a better support.
tough. Relapses may happen Being in this position is difficult
and this can feel frustrating, for everyone involved. Therefore,
but remember your loved one is treating both yourself and your
doing the best they can. As Lukas loved one with radical kindness
says, patience is paramount. is essential. Having these difficult
conversations, releasing the
Taking care of you shame, and bringing our dark
Throughout all of this, it’s parts into the light, is how we heal.
important to ensure you’re taking So keep talking, keep supporting,
care of yourself. It’s admirable and keep shining that light.
to support others going through
a difficult time, but you can’t
underestimate how the situation
affects you. In order to truly be
there for them, Lukas reminds
us that making sure we’re
looking after ourselves is just as
important as helping others.
Try to check-in with yourself Lukas Dressler is a psychologist and
integrative psychotherapist. Learn
regularly, and ask yourself what more about Lukas, and further
you need. Remember, there is information on self-harm at
support available for friends and counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 87
 A p p l y
s o m e
p r e s s u r e
Our bodies are incredible, often taking the brunt
of both our mental stress, as well as the physical.
Here, we explore self-massage for whole-body
health – especially when it comes to our face
Writing | Katie Hoare
W
hether it’s
sitting at a
desk all day,
bending
over in the
garden, or even staring at our
smartphones, we put a lot of
pressure on our physical selves
to support us.
But sometimes we don’t repay
the favour, and don’t give our
bodies the TLC they need – I
know all too well how tempting
it is to ignore that niggle in my
shoulder. But there are some
techniques we can embrace at
home to ease the strain.
88 | June 2021 | happiful.com
The body balancing power
of massage encourages
muscle relaxation, improved
circulation, skin nourishment,
and waste removal. Self-massage
encompasses these wellbeing
benefits, which you can enjoy in
the comfort of your own home.
This simple practice is a handy
stress reliever to work into your
self-care routine.
To help me navigate self-
massage, massage expert Beata
Aleksandrowicz guides me
through specific techniques for
the face, head, and shoulders, that
you can try, too...
The benefits of self-massage
Self-massage is essential for
whole-body health, but it also
gives us the opportunity to slow
down, connect with ourselves,
and practise being present.
“Massage literally works
on each system of the body
simultaneously, and using these
techniques on a regular basis
helps prevent tension from
accumulating,” Beata says.
Don’t be put off by a lack of
knowledge in massage either. As
Beata notes, the most important
thing is to connect each
movement with the breath, and
pay attention to gentle pressure,
especially on the face.
“Give yourself time. Do it really
slowly and intentionally. Any
soothing strokes on the face that
use the fingers of both hands
in long brushing motions, will
bring a sense of calmness, and
help to nurture. You will feel
the tension release with every
movement.”
Self-massage in practice
“The tempo of massage is so
important for its effectiveness.
Generally, we’re looking for slow
and intentional strokes,” Beata
says. “To do so, we need to bring
ourselves to the present moment.
This is the only place from where
we can experience the positive
effect of massage.”
 wellbeing

It is here that you can combine

deep, intentional breathing with
meditation, to help you stay in
complete awareness.

Any soothing
strokes on
the face that use
the fingers in long
brushing motions,
will bring a sense
of calmness
“I like thorough and meaningful
massage that acknowledges I
am a combination of my mind,
body, and spirituality,” says
Beata. “This is how I designed
all my treatments; at the base
of each massage is a deep tissue
technique, combined with energy
work and lymphatic drainage.”
Stress in the facial muscles
Our faces go through a lot. Being
one of the most important non-
verbal forms of communication,
it consists of 43 muscles and
can make more than 10,000
expressions! It’s pretty busy, but
extremely delicate. And alongside
helping you to truly relax, facial
massage increases the supply of
nutrients to cells by stimulating
blood and lymphatic circulation.
“The face doesn’t like too much
pressure – less is more,” explains
Beata. “Remember, the skin is
thin – there are many pressure
points underneath, and a whole
web of lymph vessels! Make sure
your hands are relaxed at the
wrists, as this will help you to
control the pressure.
“Use a motion working upwards
on the face, as this will help with
lifting. Include the chest and
neck with the stroke to connect
all parts of the face together.”
A 30-minute facial massage,
twice a week is ideal.
Tension headaches
Both stress and anxiety are
often associated with tension
headaches. Beata suggests
that targeting that area with
massage when pain strikes can
be beneficial for pain relief and
creating calm.
“Tension headaches will affect
different parts of the body –
shoulders, neck, scalp, temples,
sometimes even the middle of
the back, because of connective
tissues. Every muscle and organ
is wrapped in connective tissue,
so any tension in the upper body
will impact the lower body, too. >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 89


For more information on
relaxation and massage, visit
therapy-directory.org.uk
“Try freshening up your room,
maybe light some candles or burn
incense,” says Beata. “With tension
headaches, you need to address
your scalp, forehead, temples,
neck, and shoulders and, if you
really want to feel a difference,
combine massage with breathing
and meditation. We are complex
creatures – a combination of mind,
body, and soul – so each of these
aspects needs to be addressed.”
90 | June 2021 | happiful.com
Stress in the shoulders
For managing tension specifically
in your shoulders, it’s key to
induce relaxation first, and
then address specific knots and
tensions spots.
“Use the palms of your hands,
your thumbs, and even your
knuckles – the latter can be used
nice and gently,” says Beata.
“Again, the body is connected.
So it’s important to massage
Beata’s
one-minute
face massage
Gently press the flat part of the
fingers of each hand into your
temples, and make slow circles,
breathing regularly.
Place your middle fingers
under each cheekbone, close to
the base of the nose. Breathe
in, and on the out-breath press
gently and hold. Performed
regularly, pressure points along
the cheekbones will gradually
release tension related to stress.
Move to the next point along
and repeat. Continue until you
work under a whole cheekbone.
Tap your fingertips five to
seven times on the top of the
head, or both sides of the
collarbone. Focusing on the
acceptance of feelings is another
way to create calm.
shoulders if you have issues in
your lower back, and vice versa.”
Topping up your self-care
routine with self-massage creates
an intrinsic link between the
mind, body, and soul. It seeks to
soothe, release, and quieten, and
it’s certainly a practice that’s given
me clarity and restorative space in
an ever-changing world.
Beata Aleksandrowicz is an author,
wellness speaker, and internationally
acclaimed massage expert. Join one
of her facial-massage classes online
at beata.website
 feel-good food

Eat to get a
good night’s sleep
Whether it’s tossing and turning through the night, or not being
able to drift off in the first place, lots of us struggle to wake up
feeling refreshed. We’ve heard of sleep sprays and counting
sheep, but could what we eat be just as important?

Writing | Jenna Farmer

W
e all know the
importance of
a great night’s
sleep, but
for many of us it’s not easily
achieved. Sleep problems are
currently on the rise, with a
study published in the Journal
of Family Medicine and Primary
Care showing that around a third
of adults struggle with insomnia,
and worry-related sleep
increased from 15.7% to 24.7%
this year. You might read about
gadgets that can help us nod off,
but what about our diet? Turns
out, this can play a big part in
our sleep, too.
Research has shown links
between what we eat and how
we sleep, for example a study
in the journal Appetite revealed
that those who slept less than
seven hours per night tended
to eat a less varied diet, while
another study found that sleep
quality might be linked to our
carbohydrate intake.
So, if you’re looking for that
perfect eight hours, let’s take a
look at some simple food swaps
that could help.
1. SWAP CAFFEINE
FOR HERBAL TEA
Obviously most of us know
not to down a shot of espresso
before turning in, but nutritional
therapist Beanie Robinson
suggests that your mid-afternoon
latte could be an issue.
“If you consume 200mg of
caffeine at 3pm, you would
still have 100mg in your system
at around 9pm,” Beanie says.
“Caffeine affects the quality
of our sleep, so try to think
about 2pm being the cut off for
caffeine.” >>>

happiful.com | June 2021 | 91

 Magnesium is known
as nature’s valium,
and is a magic mineral
that can help promote
sleep quality

There’s quite a few sleep teas

on the market, but is there any
science behind them? Camomile is
a good place to start, as it contains
a flavonoid called apigenin which
can help to promote sleep and
reduce anxiety.
“Herbal teas such as valerian and
lemon balm can be a nice addition
to a bedtime ritual,” Beanie adds.
2. TUCK-IN TO A TRYPTOPHAN-
RICH EVENING MEAL
This amino acid is thought to
help with the production of
serotonin and melatonin, which
can influence our sleep and mood.
In fact, research published in
the journal Age found that when
people consumed high tryptophan
cereals, it increased the length and
effectiveness of sleep, along with
helping to counteract anxiety and
depression. Tryptophan is found
in many protein-rich foods, such
as poultry, prawns, and egg, but
vegans can find it in foods such as
mushrooms and sunflower seeds.
OUR TOP 3 FOODS TO
SUPPORT SLEEP
1. Almonds: Whether you’re tucking into
almond butter on toast as an evening
snack, or grazing on them while watching
the telly, almonds are the perfect bedtime
companion. They’re a source of melatonin,
rich in magnesium, and a good source of
the amino acid tryptophan.
2. Turkey: A tryptophan-rich food, and
while we wouldn’t advise tucking into a full
roast before bedtime, this protein-rich food
makes a great snack.
3. Herbal tea: A herbal tea that contains
sleep-supporting herbs such as camomile
or valerian root can be a good idea, since
these herbs are proven to help you relax
and unwind before bed.

92 | June 2021 | happiful.com


3. GO MEDITERRANEAN
There’s many benefits to the
Mediterranean diet – essentially
a diet that centres around eating
fruit, vegetables, wholegrains,
nuts, and sea food – but did
you know it could help you
sleep, better, too? Studies have
shown that sticking to this diet is
associated with improved quality
of sleep and taking less time to
drift off. Those who followed it
also reported waking up feeling
more rested, and slept more
soundly during the night. There
could be several reasons for this,
for example sea foods can be high
in tryptophan, and the diet is also
lower in sugar and processed
foods, both of which have been
linked to poor sleep patterns. It
could also be that those on the
Mediterranean diet simply lead a
healthier lifestyle, which is again
reflected in their sleep patterns.
4. MAGNESIUM-RICH FOODS
We often talk about the health
benefits of calcium, but what
about magnesium – the mineral
that works closely alongside
it? Nutritional therapist Beanie
Robinson says: “Magnesium is
known as nature’s valium, and
is a magic mineral that can help
promote sleep quality.”
Magnesium is beneficial for
relaxing the body, which is
why many use it to help soothe
restless legs and muscle cramps.
But this super-mineral can
also help to relax our mind. A
study published in the Journal
of Research in Medical Sciences
suggested that magnesium could
help with insomnia in older
feel-good food
THINGS TO AVOID BEFORE BED
1. Coffee and tea: Try not to drink these after 2pm to avoid the
negative effects caffeine can have on your sleep.
2. Sugary snacks: Save that slice of cake for elevenses rather
than supper. Sugary snacks are likely to give you a sudden burst
of energy right when you want to unwind.
3. Wine: You might think it would help you relax, but that’s not
actually the case. While wine might help you fall asleep quicker,
alcohol actually causes you to have more disruptive sleep overall,
meaning you’re far less likely to wake up feeling refreshed.
adults, although it doesn’t seem to Complex carbs, such as brown
increase the length of your sleep rice and wholegrains, prevent
time according to other research this energy rollercoaster as they
in Nutrients. have a low glycemic index.
The good news is it’s perfectly While there’s no diet that
possible to get enough guarantees the perfect night’s
magnesium through your diet, sleep, if you’re struggling with
without supplementing. “You may getting that elusive eight hours,
like to include magnesium-rich it could be worth trying these
foods, such as black eyed peas, simple diet swaps. Not only do
cooked beans, almonds, flaxseeds, they encourage healthy eating,
and organic tofu,” adds Beanie. but they may just help you sleep
more soundly this evening.
Jenna Farmer is a freelance
Caffeine affects journalist who specialises in
writing about gut health. She has
the quality of our Crohn’s disease, and blogs about her
journey to improve gut health at
sleep, so try to abalancedbelly.co.uk
think about 2pm
being the cut off
5. COMPLEX
CARBOHYDRATES
Swapping your carbs could be
another way to reach the land
Beanie Robinson is a nutritional
of nod quicker. Processed foods
therapist, as well as a yoga teacher
contain simple carbohydrates and masseuse. To find out more and
which can cause an energy get in touch with her, visit
burst followed by a dip. nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | June 2021 | 93
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happiful.com

What is
empathy disorder?
Putting ourselves into another’s shoes might seem
simple to some, but for others it’s no walk in the park.
Here, we explore the two ends of the empathy scale
P
ossessing empathy is
a significant human
capability that allows
us to connect with one
another, as well as to recognise,
understand, and share a range
of emotions. But what happens
when that empathy reaches
extreme levels, or doesn’t exist
at all?
In daily life, utilising our
empathy refers to our ability
to imagine a scenario, and
react compassionately to what
someone else might be going
through. This could be when
someone experiences a big life
upheaval or upsetting event
– such as the death of a loved
one, divorce, or losing a job – or
when a friend or family member
shares their mental health
struggles with you.
But what you may not be aware
of, is that some people can
experience extreme empathy,
known as hyper-empathy, where
they are very sensitive and highly
Writing | Katie Hoare
tuned-in to others’ emotions. In
contrast, others may experience
empathy deficit disorder, which
is where you lack the ability to
understand what another person
is going through, and in turn this
can have repercussions on your
relationships and connections
with others.
Three types of empathy
To better understand the impact
of empathy on our lives, it’s
helpful to recognise that it can be
categorised into three types:
Cognitive empathy
This refers to the capacity
to place yourself in another
person’s shoes. You can
understand and relate to
their emotions, alongside
understanding their
perspective, and reactions to a
certain situation. In possessing
this ability, it allows us to
respond in an appropriate,
considerate way.
wellbeing
Affective empathy
Also known as emotional
empathy, this applies when you
emotionally share the feelings
another person is experiencing.
You can be affected by another’s
emotions and, in doing so,
effectively become one with their
emotions.
Compassionate empathy
This incorporates both cognitive
and affective empathy by using
these two responses to make
you want to take action, and so
relieve the other person of their
suffering.
What is hyper-empathy
syndrome?
Hyper-empathy is the innate ability
to be completely connected and in-
tune with another’s emotions and,
subsequently, on high alert towards
negative feelings.
In psychotherapist Imi Lo’s
article ‘The gift inside borderline
personality disorder (BPD)’ >>>
happiful.com | June 2021 | 95
 pubished on Counselling
Directory, she notes that
individuals with borderline
personality disorder often
associate with high or hyper-
empathy.
“Despite [BPD] being referred
to as a ‘personality disorder’, it is
not a character flaw, but is best
understood as a limitation in
a person’s capacity to regulate
emotions. This means that
the person with BPD often
experiences emotions as rapidly
changing, or spiralling out of
control. These symptoms go
alongside impulsive self-soothing
behaviours, and a chronic sense
of internal hollowness.
“Although the link between
BPD and empathy remains
controversial, many people with
BPD identify with the traits of
being an ‘empath’ or being hyper-
empathic,” says Imi.
Because individuals with
BPD can associate with hyper-
empathy, they are also likely
to experience some form of
emotional or empathic distress.
A study published in the journal
Psychiatry Research in 2015
confirmed this, noting that while
there are certainly advantages to
empathic abilities, our human
bias towards emotional negativity
could “carry a risk for empathic
distress”.

96 | June 2021 | happiful.com


What is empathy
deficit disorder?
On the other end of the scale,
lacking the ability to feel,
understand, and resonate with
another’s feelings is categorised
by empathy deficit disorder
(EDD). This can result in difficulty
forming and maintaining
relationships, for both the
individual who lacks empathy,
and potential friends and loved
ones. EDD is the term most often
used in the UK, yet it’s important
to recognise and respect personal
preferences around terms
individuals may want to use.
Those experiencing EDD may
find they have more personal
conflicts, breakdowns in
communications, or sometimes
polarising opinions. This can
leave a person feeling isolated, as
they struggle to connect and have
meaningful relationships with
others, due to being focused on
their own thoughts and feelings,
and prioritising them above
those around them.
Depending on the cause
of empathy deficit disorder,
the condition may affect a
particular one of the three types
of empathy, or it may affect all
of them. In general, though,
affective empathy – the ability to
share another’s feelings – is often
impacted more.
Finding things you
have in common
can help to breach
that gap in your
viewpoints
The disorder can be prevalent in
people on the autism spectrum,
as well as certain types of
mental health conditions, such
as narcissistic and antisocial
personality disorders, bipolar
disorder, and borderline
personality disorders.
Symptoms of empathy
deficit disorder
An individual with EDD may
exhibit the following behaviours:
• Struggle to make new friends
• Difficulty making emotional
connections
• Quick to criticise or dismiss
individuals
• Struggle to show appreciation
• Has high levels of expectations
in matters regarding
themselves
• Focus on themselves and
struggles to listen to others
• Lack of understanding that
others who feel hurt aren’t the
cause of their own pain
wellbeing
For more information on EDD and
to find a professional to talk to,
visit counselling-directory.org.uk
How can you manage
empathy deficit disorder?
The feelings and behaviours
associated with personality
disorders can be difficult to live
with, and everyone deserves
understanding and support.
While the solution to managing
EDD can depend on the cause
behind the condition, for the
most part it requires self-
reflection. It’s important for
an individual to recognise for
themselves that they have EDD,
and choose if, and when, to try
treatment on their own terms.
Mind-training exercises and
mindfulness practice can be
useful tools for that next step.
One exercise you could explore
is to try to place yourself into
the mind of someone you have
previously struggled to empathise
with. Imagine you are that
person, and think about all the
things that make them a whole
being – hopes and dreams, times
of hardship, people who love
them. Finding things you have in
common can help to breach that
gap in your viewpoints, so you
can better understand where they
are coming from.
Another option is counselling,
which can be an effective form of
support to manage EDD, and any
underlying conditions, in a non-
judgemental space.
happiful.com | June 2021 | 97
 Things to be proud of...
We don’t often pause to reflect on all the incredible little victories and
achievements we accomplish each and every day, but we should

Every obstacle or
challenge you’ve
overcome

Every time you felt like

you failed, because you
got back up

Choosing to take
care of yourself

Showing those
around you love
and compassion

Not ignoring your emotions

Asking for support, even when it

feels like the scariest thing to do

How far you’ve come –

it’s probably further
than you think

98 | June 2021 | happiful.com

get a
good gut
feeling
take 20% off with
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Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes: Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory,
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