JACK AND THE BEANSTALK

CAST

NARRATOR
JACK
WIDOW
COW
OLD MAN with the beans
WIFE of the giant
GIANT

SCENE ONE

Music – something with a cold feeling.

The NARRATOR is standing on the stage. Enter Jack wrapped in a blanket.

He carries one piece of bread which he starts to eat. He is shivering.

NARRATOR: It was a cold time of year.

Jack and his mother were very poor.
Their house had no heating.
They had no food left except for one slice of bread.

Enter WIDOW and COW (on a string) WIDOW is shivering. She has no blanket and no bread.
The COW rolls her eyes and flutters her lashes.

JACK: Hi Mum – I thought you were getting my tea ready – I could hear the fire
extinguisher - You look freezing. Take my blanket. (pauses) You must be hungry. Have this
bread.

He gives her the blanket and bread and pats the COW

WIDOW: Is there any more food in the house – my stomach thinks my heads been
cut off ?

JACK: None at all - even the mice have packed their bags and gone

WIDOW: Not even a crust of bread?

JACK: Nothing.

WIDOW: Then what are we going to do? What will become of us?

JACK: Knock Knock

WIDOW: Who’s there?

JACK: Boo

WIDOW: Boo Who?

She starts to cry – very loudly. JACK passes her a handkerchief. The COW tries to nuzzle into
her to cheer her up but she pushes it away.
JACK: Please don’t cry. I’ll think of something.

WIDOW: What can we do? I’m in distress

JACK: You’ve been in dat dress for ages Mum!

WIDOW: No, I’m in DIS TRESS - We have nothing left except one old cow who
gives no milk.

The COW looks a bit upset.

JACK: I have an idea.

WIDOW: What is it?

JACK: I will take the cow to that cattle market on the other side of the forest.
When I am there I can sell her at a good price ; why does she have horns
by the way ?

WIDOW isn’t sure. COW looks upset too.

WIDOW: Because she’s lost her bell of course – But anyway, we can’t sell her –
she’s like one
of the family – we’ve had her for years

JACK: It is the only option. Selling her will save us.

WIDOW: Very well, if it is the only way – buts she’s so kind

JACK: Kind of fat and baggy – yea – she’s got to go !

WIDOW is sad because she loves the cow and starts to cry again. COW hangs her head.

WIDOW: Please get a good price for her.

JACK: You know me.

WIDOW: I do know you, and that is why I’m worried – once you saw a pile of milk
cartons and thought it was a cow’s nest! And you went to a mind reader
and they only charged you half the price! Just sell her and don’t get any
mad ideas.

JACK: No mad ideas, I promise. I will be back soon with a purse full of cash.

SCENE 2 – LOST IN THE WOODS

Enter NARRATOR. JACK then enters and wanders about with COW. There is music as they
walk up and down and then back again the way they came.

NARRATOR: Jack set off towards the cattle market with the cow. He had not been
there for years and soon got lost.

JACK: I think it is this way...or is it over there?

NARRATOR: Soon Jack was totally lost. He had no idea which way to go.
JACK and COW sit down under a tree. They are exhausted. JACK puts his head in his hands.
Enter OLD MAN. He wears a colourful coat with many pockets in it. MAN looks at the COW
and then at JACK

MAN: Hello son, I’ve just come from the movies, I watched Suicide Squid Games
– Harley Quinn was playing red light green light.
Oh, what’s the matter with you?

JACK: I was looking for the cattle market?

MAN: You won’t find it in these woods?

JACK: I know. I think I must have taken a wrong turn.

COW nuzzles up to the man and peeps in his pockets.

MAN: Why did you want the market?

JACK: Isn’t it obvious?

MAN: Not really?

JACK: Well, I do have a cow with me!

MAN: Yes, I can see that.

JACK: I want to sell my cow. My family are very poor, so poor that we only go to
KFC to lick other people’s fingers!

MAN: Well, why didn’t you say so? Perhaps we can do a deal. It may seem
strange but I have always wanted a cow.

He pats COW and then hands. COW some snacks from one of his pockets and she nuzzles up
to him again to get more.

JACK: Really?

MAN: Yes, really.

JACK: Would you like to buy this one?

MAN: I might do. What can you tell me about her?

JACK: She is old, I’m afraid, but she is very good natured. You don’t want to eat
her do you?

COW backs off and hides behind JACK

MAN: Of course not. I have a fine pasture where she can eat lush green grass all
day.

COW goes back to the MAN and nuzzles him again.

JACK: How much can you offer me?

MAN: I can offer you riches beyond your wildest dreams.

Even the COW looks surprised.

JACK: Really, for this old cow?

MAN: Have a look at these.

He shows Jack a bag full of magic beans. COW sniffs them.

JACK: They look like beans.

MAN: Not just any beans. These are magic.

JACK: Magic? How can they be?

MAN: Take them home, plant them and you will see riches beyond compare.

JACK: Do I make a wish or something?

MAN: No, all you have to do is plant them. Wait and see.

JACK: I promised I’d bring back cash.

MAN: You will get plenty of cash once you plant those beans.

In the end they make the deal and the MAN goes off with the COW leaving JACK and the
beans. He wonders what he will tell Widow)

JACK: I really hope that these beans are magic. If they are not then we are truly
doomed. I hope I haven’t just been conned.

SCENE 3

Enter NARRATOR and WIDOW with a phone in her hand.

NARRATOR: Jack’s mother was waiting for him to return. She was excited about the
money. She decided to order takeaway food from grab to celebrate.

WIDOW makes a huge order for takeaway food including many strange items

WIDOW: (on phone app) I will order order a jumbo hawaiian pizza. I would like... 2
big macs, nuggets, fries, hot wings, a durian milkshake, monkey brains,
cockroaches, live crickets – oooh don’t you just love those bushtucker
trials ! - oh yes you do… oh no we don’t etc

Enter JACK He overhears the end of the order and looks worried.
He needs to tell his mother about the beans.

WIDOW: Well, how much did you get?

JACK: Well…..
WIDOW: I hope it was a lot... that was a good cow.

JACK: Don’t worry; I got something very special for her.

JACK gets out the beans to show WIDOW

JACK: I exchanged the cow for these beans.

WIDOW: (loudly) Beans! You idiot! I knew it! I should have realised when I asked you why
you’d slept with a ruler and you said ‘to see how long I’ve slept of course!’

WIDOW is now very angry with him and he knows it.

JACK: Yes, beans. You see….

She interrupts him shouting out in anger. She remembers some of the bad things he has
done before.

WIDOW: I remember when I fell down that wishing well and you said ‘I didn’t know
they really worked’ – you hate me don’t you !

Her anger builds up and up…. She gets a rolling pin out of her apron and runs after JACK with
it – music plays (Benny Hill)

They stop-

JACK: But Mum – I’ve always said that you have the things most men desire…like big
muscles and facial hair.

WIDOW: (shouting) You stupid, stupid boy. Can’t you see you have been conned? These
beans are not magic. They probably won’t even grow. They look pretty
old. To think that you sold our beloved cow for these!

At the end of this speech she throws the beans out of the window. They both look in
that direction. WIDOW storms out. JACK is left alone.

JACK: (looking out of window) I don’t think that went very well! (exit)
SCENE 4

NARRATOR: All through the night the beans grew and grewuntil they became an
enormous bean stalk stretching high into the sky.

Enter JACK and WIDOW

JACK: Look, Mother. Do you believe me now?

I woke up, looked out of the window and it was there.

WIDOW: It is a big plant but I can’t see a single bean on it.

They must be near the top. I want you to climb up
there and pick the beans. At least we will have food!

JACK: Very well, but I think I will find more than beans.

WIDOW: Go on then. I don’t want to see you back here

until you find me something we can eat.

JACK: Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye.

JACK starts to climb the beanstalk. Music plays.

NARRATOR: So Jack climbed the beanstalk. He climbed higher and higher. He climbed
so high that he went right through the clouds. At last he reached the top
of the plant. As he stepped off the stalk he saw an enormous castle. The
castle shone like gold and Jack decided to
creep into it and see if he could find any food.

SCENE 5

JACK: (to audience) Knock Knock

(Who’s there?)
Sarah
(Sarah who?)
Sarah giant living here ?

GIANT (a big man) lies asleep as JACK creeps in. He snores loudly. JACK sees the GIANT. His
house is full of larger than life objects – cups, bowls, plates – these could be dancers. JACK
explores the room, creeping about to music.

JACK: Goodness me. That looks like a giant. I will have to be careful not to wake
him. Let me look around. What is this? ( finds egg) A golden egg! If I take
this home my mother will never moan at me again.

Enter WIFE. She is not really a giant at all. She is just a rather large lady. She sees Jack and
looks at him sternly. She is, however, kind.

WIFE: You – intruder – how did you get in?

JACK: Intruder window of course

WIFE: What are you doing, young man?

JACK: Err… taking this egg. I want it for my mother.

WIFE: I like a boy who cares about his mother. Take it. We’ve got hundreds
more. Our goose lays them all the time.

JACK: Thank you very much. Who are you?

WIFE: I am the giant’s wife and he is the giant.

JACK: Is he a kind giant?

WIFE: Not at all kind. He eats boys like you for breakfast. I would never eat a
boy. He mocks me for that. We’ve never seen eye to eye – he’s too tall !
I’m a vegetarian and I wish I had never married him. He will keep eating
pickled people and filling our bins with their revolting bones and entrails.

JACK: I don’t like the sound of that.

GIANT starts to wake up and they both panic and run about searching for a hiding place. If
there are dancers on stage they can run too.

WIFE: Quick, hide! He will eat you if he sees you.

JACK: Where?

WIFE: Over there. (JACK hides)

GIANT: Fee, fi, fo, fum

I smell the blood of a human man.
Be he alive,
Or be he dead
I’ll grind his bones
to make my bread.

WIFE: Don’t be silly dear. The only smell in here is your fluffs – remember you
went to the doctor and asked him for something for wind ? He gave you a
kite!

GIANT: (looking around) I know he is here somewhere. There he is!

JACK decides to make a run for it. GIANT sees him and chases him about – to music -but
JACK escapes with egg. Exit all.

SCENE 6

NARRATOR: Jack took the egg home to his mother who was very pleased with him, for
once.
They became quite wealthy but, unfortunately Jack’s mother got an iPad,
grew addicted to the shopping on Lazada and spent all the money. So,
after a while she persuaded him to return to the giant’s castle for a second
time to get more eggs.

The giant’s WIFE is sitting in a chair as Jack enters again. She is crying and has a black eye
and holds a broken tea pot
WIFE: You came back – intruder window again?

JACK: Yes, how are you? What’s been happening?

WIFE: He was furious when you went. He went mad and hit me and he broke a
lot of my best china.

JACK: How horrid.

WIFE: I wish I could get rid of him

JACK: I have a plan that might help you get away from him.

WIFE: Please tell me the plan. I hate living right at the top of a beanstalk. I’d
much rather live somewhere a bit more down to earth with a nice, kind,
vegetarian husband.

JACK: If I could make the giant chase me down the beanstalk,

then I could chop it down and he would fall right off it.

WIFE: Please, please try, but be careful, he has eaten ten boys this week.

JACK: Ten! Where did they all come from?

WIFE: They all climbed up beanstalks like you.

JACK: Oh dear, oh dear!

WIFE: Don’t worry, dear. How can I help you?

JACK: Could I have a few more eggs?

WIFE: Help yourself, dear. Help yourself. I am fed up of dusting them all the
time. In fact, take the goose that lays them.

WIFE gives JACK a goose (an obvious toy)

WIFE: Now I won’t have to dust them ever again.

JACK: Thank you very much.

GIANT enters

GIANT: Fi fi fo fum. Ha, Ha. I’ve spotted you this time.

JACK: Please don’t eat me. I won’t taste very nice. I had garlic last night.

GIANT: But I love garlic....

JACK and the GIANT run about again but then JACK loses track of where the GIANT is –
music.

GIANT creeps up behind JACK

JACK: (to audience) Where is he?

AUDIENCE: He is behind you.

JACK: (turning) Where?

AUDIENCE: He is behind you.

JACK: Where? (JACK turns right around and so does the GIANT)

AUDIENCE: Over there?

JACK: Where?

GIANT jumps out and chases JACK around again – music as they run off – curtain
fall/darkness)

NARRATOR: Jack managed to escape down the beanstalk but the giant was after him.
As soon as he reached the ground Jack fetched an axe and started to chop
the stalk down. Luckily, he did this just in time and the giant fell and
landed with a thud in the middle of the Widow’s flower patch.

FINAL SCENE

JACK and WIDOW are looking at the dead GIANT. He has landed right in the middle of her
best flower patch. The flowers could be the dancers again. JACK holds the toy goose.

WIDOW: Is that Giant dead?

JACK: I hope so. He doesn’t seem to be moving much.

WIDOW: He has flattened some of my best petunias. He must be removed!

JACK: We’ll have to get the Majilis to take him away.

WIDOW: Can you recycle a dead giant, I wonder?

JACK: Never mind about him, look at this goose.

JACK shows her the goose toy – a dead ‘parrot’ type of joke.

WIDOW: That goose doesn’t seem very active!

JACK: It is asleep at the moment.

WIDOW: When does it wake up?

JACK: Every night and then it lays a golden egg. Soon we will be rich.

WIDOW: So, can I order more grab food; from KFC this time?

JACK: Better than that. I will take you out to Nandos.

WIDOW: Fabulous. We spend a whole day at Mid Valley megamall.

JACK: If only we could find a parking space.

There is somebody I’d like you to meet.

JACK leaves the stage and enters hand in hand with WIFE.
JACK: This lady was married to the giant. I rescued her.

WIDOW looks at WIFE

WIDOW: How on earth did you do that?

JACK: I carried her down the beanstalk on my back.

WIDOW looks shocked

WIFE: Did you say we are going to Nandos?

WIDOW: Yes, lets go.

WIFE: Thank you very much. Do they serve vegetarian dishes?

WIDOW: I certainly hope so.

JACK: Come along then ladies.

JACK links his arms with WIFE and they leave to a jolly tune. Once they are gone, GIANT sits
up, looks a bit bewildered, holds his head and then wanders off stage.