AUGUST 16, 2019

Love Your Wife Like

Jesus Loves Her
Ten Great Loves for Every Husband

Article by 
Tim Counts
Pastor, Manchester Center, Vermont

Some days, you go to Bible study and your life is slowly but imperceptibly changed.
Other days, you go to Bible study and something in God’s word changes the trajectory
of the rest of your life.

One spring day in 1998, as an 18-year-old college freshman, I understood marriage in

a way I never had before. I had signed up for a Bible study taught by my college
pastor, “Preparing for Marriage.” That day, Pastor Doug Busby gave me and all of the
young men in the room an assignment that I have been working on for the last 22
years. I will continue to work on this homework until, for my wife and me, “death do
us part.”

My pastor read to us, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church”
(Ephesians 5:25). Then he asked us the obvious question (the question we husbands
so often fail to ask in the daily grind of work and family life): Howdoes Jesus love the
church?
Ten Christlike Loves
As I have scoured the Scriptures, year after year, looking for ways that Jesus loves the
church, ways that he calls me to echo his love for me in my love for my wife, I have
found ten great loves. As a husband, God calls you to love your wife like Jesus loves
her, so meditate on his deep, complex, and unparalleled love.

1. Stubborn Love
Jesus won’t ever leave his bride. He says to her, “Behold, I am with you always, to the
end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). His love for your wife is based not on her
performance, but on his covenant love for her. When we keep our marriage covenants
through all of the challenges and changes over years of married life, we reflect his
kind of stubborn, delight-filled love. May our wives know the comfort of love that
says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

2. Hopeful Love
When Jesus looks at your bride, he sees her as already sanctified. This hope is
anchored in the power and promise of the gospel. Paul writes to believers, “You were
washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ
and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). In fact, he sees her not only as
already sanctified, but as already glorified (Romans 8:30). How often would your
wife say that your love for her “hopes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7)? By keeping
eternity in mind, you can have patience with your wife, just as Jesus does with her —
and you.

3. Pursuing Love
Jesus never takes a break from pursuing your wife’s heart, not romantically but
persistently. In fact, he cares not only about her devotion, but also her affection
(Psalm 37:4). He is the tireless Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to seek after the
one (Luke 15:4–7). In a similar way, God is glorified when a husband continually
seeks a deeper relationship with his wife. A husband who has been captured by
Jesus’s love is an incurable romantic toward his wife.

4. Forgiving Love
Jesus gives your wife grace when she doesn’t deserve it. It may be that the most
Christlike thing you can do is offer your wife forgiveness on a daily basis,
remembering that you too are in need of forgiveness. The picture of forgiving love
that every husband should seek to emulate is Jesus making breakfast for Peter, who
had sinned against him, denying him three times at his crucifixion (John 21:12–15). Is
it you or your wife who is usually the first to begin to move toward reconciliation
when it’s needed?

5. Joyful Love
Jesus doesn’t just put up with your wife or grudgingly but persistently love her —
Jesus loves to love her. He delights to be with his bride. He receives joy by giving us
joy (Hebrews 12:2). Wives who are loved this deeply, who know their husbands love
to love them, are often an even greater blessing to others. Love your wife so joyfully
that it’s obvious to her and others.

6. Serving Love
Jesus served her in life and death. There is nothing — nothing — that God can call
you to do for your wife that would be too much! Jesus “gave himself up for her”
(Ephesians 5:25). Many husbands think of themselves as kings to be served, but you
and I are called by God to be the chief servants in our homes. The way to
Christlikeness in our marriages is through joining Jesus in taking up the towel and the
basin (John 13:12–17).

7. Sanctifying Love
Jesus loves your wife by helping her to grow in holiness and by being her advocate
before the Father (1 John 2:1). Do you encourage your wife to go to Bible study, even
if it means you have to care for the kids by yourself for the evening? Do you regularly
bring your wife before the Father in prayer? Work hard to help your wife blossom
spiritually.

8. Leading Love
Jesus leads us to what is good for us. Jesus not only loves your wife with a leading
rather than a passive love, but he also leads her toward what is good (Psalm 23:2). It is
impossible to lead our wives spiritually if we ourselves are not being led by God
through the word and prayer. One way you can lead her well is by seeking her input
and then making big decisions (and accepting the consequences), rather than allowing
the decisions and consequences to fall to her.

9. Providing Love
Jesus provides your wife with all that she needs. Do you notice your wife’s needs,
even beyond physical provision, and do something about it? Christ nourishes her,
providing an environment for growth and flourishing. The apostle Paul explains to us
that “in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies”
(Ephesians 5:28). It made a marked difference in my marriage when I realized that it
was my responsibility to do what I could to fill my wife’s sails.

10. Knowing Love

Jesus knows your wife better than she knows herself. He has an informed love for her.
He knows her strengths, her weaknesses, and he acts on her behalf (Ephesians 5:29–
30). While we will never know our wives like God knows them, he wants us to know
them as well as we can. Our prayers for them will always be hindered if we fail to
know them (1 Peter 3:7). Our wives know they are cherished when we make an effort
to really know them.

Defy the Serpent with Love

One evening, I walked down the hallway from our bedroom with bare feet when I saw
something you never want to see in your hallway: a snake tail sticking out where the
floor meets the wall. It turned out that there was a crack in our foundation, and a
snake had made its way through the crack, and up into our home.

Brothers, we have an enemy, that ancient serpent, who desires to squirm his way into
our homes and cause havoc. But praise God, we know the snake crusher, Jesus Christ,
who has already defeated him and loved us with a supernatural love. Know that when
you love your wife like Jesus loves her, the foundation of your marriage is
strengthened, Satan is defeated again, and Christ is lifted up for more to see.
Tim Counts (@timothycounts) is married to his best friend, Melanie, and they are the proud
parents of three children. He serves as the pastor of Northshire Baptist Church in Manchester
Center, Vermont. Tim writes regularly at He Must Become Greater.