CBS - How I Met Your Mother 2x13 (Monday Night Football)

“Monday Night Football”
Episode # 2ALH13
Written by
Carter Bays
&
Craig Thomas
Directed by
Rob Greenberg
FINAL DRAFT (PINK) – 12/06/06
Twentieth Century Fox Television.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT © 2006 TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION.

NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED, PUBLISHED, REPRODUCED, SOLD
OR DISTRIBUTED BY ANY MEANS OR QUOTED OR PUBLISHED IN ANY MEDIUM,
INCLUDING ON ANY WEB SITE, WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF
TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION. DISPOSAL OF THIS SCRIPT COPY DOES NOT
ALTER ANY OF THESE RESTRICTIONS SET FORTH ABOVE.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
“MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL”
TENTATIVE SCHEDULE: December 6 – December 9
** PLEASE NOTE: All times are approximate.

Final call times per call sheet only **
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6 STAGE 22

8:00 AM – 2:00 PM Block & Shoot
2:00 PM – 3:00 PM Lunch
3:00 PM – TBD Block & Shoot
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7 BACKLOT

2:30 PM – 3:30 PM Lunch
3:30 PM – 4:30 PM Company Move
STAGE 22
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8 STAGE 22

2:30 PM – 3:30 PM Lunch

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER DECEMBER 6, 2006
“MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL” FINAL DRAFT (PINK)
CAST
NARRATOR (V.O.) BOB SAGET

TED JOSH RADNOR
MARSHALL JASON SEGEL
BARNEY NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
LILY ALYSON HANNIGAN
ROBIN COBIE SMULDERS
SON DAVID HENRIE
DAUGHTER LYNDSY FONSECA
CARL JOE NIEVES
WENDY THE WAITRESS TBD
KEVIN TBD
LOU TBD
SID TBD
DOUG NICHOLAS ROGET-KING
POOL PLAYER GUY #1 TBD
POOL PLAYER GUY #2 TBD
BARTENDER TBD
PRODUCER MONIQUE EDWARDS
HEADSET GUY TBD
RANDOM GUY TBD
OLDER GUY TBD
EMMITT SMITH HIMSELF
TRISH SANCHEZ TBD
SETS
INT. STUDY
INT. BAR
INT. APARTMENT
INT. FUNERAL PARLOR
INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET
EXT. NEW YORK STREET
INT. MARSHALL’S BEDROOM
INT. LILY’S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM
INT. QUINN’S SPORTS BAR
INT. LILY’S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM HALLWAY

3.
ACT 2, SCENE 19
U U (28)
INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - DAY
(DAY 3)
(Robin, Kevin, Sid, Producer, Headset Guy,
Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 20
U U (30)
INT. APARTMENT - DAY (DAY 3)
(Barney)
ACT 2, SCENE 20A (30)
INT. APARTMENT – TEN MINUTES
LATER (DAY 3)
(Narrator (V.O.), Ted, Barney)
ACT 2, SCENE 21
U U (31)
OMITTED
ACT 2, SCENE 22
U U (31)
INT. LILY’S KINDERGARTEN
CLASSROOM - DAY (DAY 3)
(Marshall, Lily, Doug, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 23
U U (32)
CLASSROOM – MOMENTS LATER
(DAY 3)
(Marshall, Lily, Doug, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 24
U U (32)
INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - DAY
(DAY 3)
(Robin, Kevin)
ACT 2, SCENE 25
U U (33)
CLASSROOM – DAY (DAY 3)
(Narrator (V.O.), Marshall, Lily, Doug,
Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 26
U U (35)
EXT. NEW YORK STREET – DAY
(DAY 3)
(Ted, Barney, Random Guy, Older Guy,
Emmitt Smith, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 27
U U (36)
INT. QUINN’S SPORTS BAR - DAY
(DAY 3)
(Narrator (V.O.), Ted, Pool Player Guy #1,
Pool Player Guy #2, Bartender, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 28
U U (37)
CLASSROOM – AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Marshall, Lily) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
4.
ACT 2, SCENE 28A (37)

EXT. NEW YORK STREET-
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Barney, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 29
U U (37)
INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET –
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Robin, Kevin)
ACT 2, SCENE 30
U U (38)
CLASSROOM HALLWAY -
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Marshall, Lily, Extra)
ACT 2, SCENE 31
U U (38)
EXT. NEW YORK STREET -
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Barney, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 32
U U (38)
INT. QUINN’S SPORTS BAR -
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Ted, Pool Player Guy #1, Pool Player Guy
#2, Bartender, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 33
U U (39)
INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET –
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Robin, Trish Sanchez)
ACT 2, SCENE 34
U U (39)
CLASSROOM HALLWAY –
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Marshall, Lily, Extra)
ACT 2, SCENE 35
U U (40)
EXT. NEW YORK STREET -
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Barney, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 36
U U (40)
INT. QUINN’S SPORTS BAR -
AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Ted, Pool Player Guy #1, Pool Player Guy
#2, Bartender, Extras)
ACT 2, SCENE 37
U U (40)
INT. APARTMENT – EVENING
(NIGHT 3)
(Narrator (V.O.), Ted, Marshall, Barney,
Barney (O.S.), Lily, Robin)
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - "MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL" 1.
FINAL DRAFT (PINK) 12/06/06
COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
1 INT. STUDY - YEAR 2030 - DAY 1
(NARRATOR (V.O.), SON, DAUGHTER)
CHYRON: 2030
THE KIDS SIT LISTENING TO THEIR DAD. THEY SEEM
BORED (EXISTING FOOTAGE).
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Kids, I'd like to talk to you about *
tradition. In 2007, back before I met *
your mother, one of the most important
traditions for me was the Super Bowl. *
2 OMITTED 2
3 INT. BAR - NIGHT (NIGHT 1) 3

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN, *
CARL, WENDY THE WAITRESS, EXTRAS)
THE GANG SITS AT THE BOOTH. THEY'RE ALL EXCITED,
BUT ESPECIALLY TED, WHO READS FROM A CHECKLIST.
CHYRON: SATURDAY NIGHT
NARRATOR (V.O.) *
As usual, I had it all planned out. *
TED
Marshall, you're on beer detail, Lily, *
you're making the bean dip, Robin, *
you're on chips and pretzels and Barney, *
I'm giving you nothing to do so you *
can just focus on controlling your *
gambling problem. TV Calling - For educational purposes only

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - "MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL" 2.*
BARNEY
(SCOFFS) Problem. "Oh, poor Superman,
he should really do something about
his flying problem." It's not a problem
if you're awesome at it.
TED
And I will stop by Quinn's to pick up *
the greatest food of all time, the *
Super Bowl Hot Wings Platter. *
EVERYONE AD-LIBS, "AWESOME," "BEST FOOD EVER," ETC.
MARSHALL
If I were a chicken, I'd go cannibal
for those bad-boys. Eat my own damn
wing off, I don't care, I'm crazy like
that.
LILY *
It's not the chicken, it's the sauce. *
One year I spilled some on your carpet, *
I bent down and licked it up. I don't *
care, I'm gross like that. *
LILY AND MARSHALL EXCHANGE A "WE'RE PERFECT FOR *

EACH OTHER" LOOK. *
WENDY THE WAITRESS CROSSES OVER WITH SOME FLIERS. *
WENDY THE WAITRESS *
Here's the info for tomorrow night. *
TED *
What's tomorrow night? *

WENDY THE WAITRESS
Oh God. You didn't hear? Mark died. *
THE GROUP EXCHANGES SHOCKED LOOKS.
MARSHALL
Oh my God.
WENDY THE WAITRESS
The funeral's tomorrow at six, and I
know it would've meant a lot to Mark
if you came. You guys were his favorite
customers.
AS WENDY CROSSES OFF:
EVERYONE
We're so sorry. / Stay strong. / He'll
be missed. / He was a great guy.
TED
Who was Mark? *
MARSHALL / LILY / ROBIN / BARNEY
No idea. / Not a clue. / I got nothin'.
/ Never heard of him.
LILY *
I guess we should go, right? *
MARSHALL
Wait. Tomorrow at 6. That's the Super
Bowl.
TED
I feel terrible, but the truth is we
didn't know Mike-- TV Calling - For educational purposes only

LILY
Mark.
TED
Mark. As long as we send flowers, I
can't think of any reason why we'd
have to go.
ACROSS THE BAR, CARL THE BARTENDER HAS STARTED

SCREAMING AT A RANDOM DUDE.
CARL
Get outta here! I never wanna see
your face in this bar again!
THE RANDOM DUDE SULKS OUT. THE GROUP LOOKS OVER AT

CARL.
CARL (CONT'D)
This soulless bastard just told me he
can't come to Mark's funeral because
he wants to watch the Super Bowl? Can
you believe that?
THE GROUP EXCHANGES UNCOMFORTABLE LOOKS.
CARL BURIES HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, VISIBLY OVERCOME.

AFTER AN UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT, HE PULLS HIMSELF
TOGETHER.
CARL (CONT'D)
You guys are coming, right?
LONG BEAT.
EVERYONE
Yes. / Of course. / Wouldn't miss it.
CARL SMILES AT THEM.

CARL
Mark always liked you guys. He used
to call you "the funny foursome and
the hot one."
MARSHALL
(OFFENDED) Hey, I'm funny.
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES.
END OF COLD OPEN

ACT ONE
FADE IN:
4 INT. APARTMENT - AFTERNOON (DAY 2) 4

(TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN)
CHYRON: SUNDAY, 4:30 PM
TED, ROBIN, MARSHALL AND LILY (IN FUNERAL ATTIRE)

ARE GETTING READY TO GO. TED IS QUADRUPLE-CHECKING
THE TIVO TO MAKE SURE THE GAME RECORDS.
TED
Okay, here's the plan: Record the game,
go to the funeral, pay our respects to
Matt--
LILY
Mark.
TED
--Mark, and start watching only an
hour late.
MARSHALL
Great, but just to be sure it records,
let's bow our heads and say a quiet
prayer to the Tivo gods.
TED AND MARSHALL EACH PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR TIVO

AND PRAY.
TED
(SOLEMN) Almighty one, we thank you *
for all the gifts you have given us.
The power to freeze live TV to go take
a leak is nothing short of God-like.
(MORE) TV Calling - For educational purposes only

TED (CONT'D)
And let's not forget about fast-
forwarding through commercials. It
seems greedy to ask anything more from
you, O Tivo, but if you malfunction
and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy *
you in the alley with baseball bats. *
TED / MARSHALL
Amen.
LILY
We're not fast-forwarding through the
commercials. *
ROBIN *
Yeah, they're the best part! *
TED *
Oh come on. Remember last year? Who *
wants to watch a monkey in a coconut *
bra order a pizza? *
LILY
I do. I also want to watch his monkey *
mom take it away from him and then he *
turns to the camera and goes (COMICAL *
SITCOM SHRUG).
BARNEY ENTERS, WRAPPING UP A PHONE CALL. IT'S

CONSPICUOUS THAT BARNEY IS NOT WEARING A SUIT.
HE'S DRESSED QUITE CASUALLY IN JEANS AND A HOODIE
(OR SOME KIND OF TOO-CASUAL OUTFIT).
BARNEY
(ON THE PHONE) Okay, good. That's my
last bet. Seriously, that's the last
time I'm gonna call you today. Goodbye.
(BEAT, THEN GIGGLING) You didn't hang
up, either! I know!
TED
(TO ROBIN) Barney's very close with
his bookie.
BARNEY HANGS UP.
TED (CONT'D)
So let me get this straight... a funeral
is the one time you don't "suit up"?
BARNEY
Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
TED
Virtually.
BARNEY
Suits are full of joy. They're the
sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
LILY
Sartorial?
BARNEY
(VERY QUICKLY) Of or pertaining to
tailors or their trade. Suits are for
the living.
(MORE) TV Calling - For educational purposes only

BARNEY (CONT'D)
When it's my time to R.I.P., I'm going
out of this world the same way I came
into it, buck naked. It'll be awesome.
Open bar for the guys, open casket for
the ladies. What up.
EVERYONE EXITS, GROSSED OUT.
5 INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - AFTERNOON (DAY 2) 5

(TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN, CARL, WENDY *
THE WAITRESS, EXTRAS) *
THIS IS A SMALL SET THAT JUST SHOWS US THE SMALL
VIEWING AREA FOR THE OPEN CASKET.
CHYRON: 5:45 PM
THE GANG WAITS BEHIND A COUPLE OF OTHER MOURNERS
(INCLUDING CARL THE BARTENDER) PAYING THEIR RESPECTS.
FROM MARK'S POV: WE SEE THE GANG APPROACH THE COFFIN
AND LOOK DOWN.
THEY ALL TO TURN TO EACH OTHER.
EVERYONE
(FINALLY RECOGNIZING MARK) Ohhhhhhhh...
A COUPLE MOURNERS LOOK CURIOUSLY OVER AT THE GROUP.
EVERYONE (CONT'D)
(SOMBER) Ohhhhhhh....
THE GROUP STARTS TO MOVE AWAY BUT BARNEY STAYS
BEHIND.
BARNEY
It's just such a waste...
LILY
I know, he was so young.
BARNEY
...a hand-stitched, cashmere, double-
breasted Dolce and Gabbana. It must
be so frightened.
ROBIN
(OFF WATCH) Sweet. We just make a *
quick appearance at the bar for the
wake, we'll be watching the game by *
eight.
CUT TO:
6 INT. BAR - LATER (NIGHT 2) 6

CHYRON: 2:36 AM
AN IRISH WAKE IS UNDERWAY FOR MARK. LOTS OF DRINKING

AND EMOTION. THE VIBE IS WARM AND FAMILIAL. OUR
GUYS LOOK EXHAUSTED AS CARL POURS HIS HEART OUT.
CARL
...and even though we didn't see any *
whales, Mark and I both said it was *
the best day of our lives. (GETTING *
IT TOGETHER) Okay, next round's on me,
and when I get back, everyone else is *
telling their favorite Mark story. *

CARL CROSSES OFF.
MARSHALL
Dibs on the one Carl just told.

ROBIN
I have to be at work (RE: WATCH) exactly
one Super Bowl from now.
LILY
Let's face it, we're not gonna get to
watch it. We should just find out the
score.
BARNEY
Oh, thank God. I'll check it.
BARNEY TAKES OUT HIS PHONE AND STARTS LOOKING AT
THE INTERNET. TED SWATS IT OUT OF HIS HAND.
TED
No! We can't! We have to watch it
together. It's tradition. Think of *
all the great times we've had watching *
this game. *
WHIP-PAN TO:
7 INT. APARTMENT - FLASHBACK - NIGHT (FB/N-1) 7 *

(TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY)
MONTAGE SET TO MUSIC:
THE APARTMENT IS ALL SUPER-BOWLED-UP (INCLUDING THE

FAMOUS SUPER BOWL HOT WINGS PLATTER). TED, MARSHALL,
AND BARNEY WATCH THE TV, EXCITED.
CHYRON: SUPER BOWL XXXVII, 2003
TED
Second down! Everyone drink!
TED'S THE ONLY ONE WHO DRINKS.

BARNEY
Ted, it's not a drinking game if you
drink any time anything happens.
MARSHALL
Are these chicken wings or angel wings?
I love these things!
TED
(DRUNK) I love you guys!
LILY
We know, Ted.
TED
No, for real. I love you guys. This
is so great. Us all watching the Super
Bowl together? This is special! We
have to do this every year! Promise
me!
MARSHALL
Calm down, buddy.
LILY
(EXCITED) Ooh, commercial!
TED
Everyone drink!
TED AND NO ONE ELSE DRINKS.
8 OMITTED 8


(TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY)
TED, BARNEY, LILY, AND MARSHALL WATCH THE GAME.
CHYRON: SUPER BOWL XXXVIII, 2004
TED
This is such a nice tradition - all of
us watching the game together. How
did this start?

MARSHALL
Barney, bet you twenty bucks Kasay
misses this field goal.

BARNEY
I don't bet. Betting's for suckers.
MARSHALL
Come on. We'll make it a dollar.
What's the big deal?

BARNEY
Fine.
THEY WATCH TV FOR A BEAT.
MARSHALL
Look. He made it. You win.
MARSHALL HANDS HIM A DOLLAR.
BARNEY
This is mine? Just like that? God
that feels good. I mean it feels really

good! What else can we bet on?
MARSHALL
Nothing. It's the half-time show.

LILY
So lame. Nobody even pays attention.
I mean, Janet Jackson? Who cares?
THEY ALL DISPERSE TO THE KITCHEN, BATHROOM, ETC.
CUT TO:

(TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN)
CHYRON: SUPER BOWL XL, 2006
ANOTHER SUPER BOWL PARTY, ONLY THIS TIME, ROBIN'S

THERE. SHE PICKS UP EMPTY BEER BOTTLES AND CROSSES *
TO THE KITCHEN. *
TED
God, Robin looks great tonight, doesn't *
she? *
MARSHALL
I can't believe you invited this girl
we've only known a few months to our
sacred day! Now she's gonna be in all
the pictures.
BARNEY
Yeah, yeah whatever. Give you the *
Seahawks and six points for 500 bucks.
MARSHALL
Are you crazy? Maybe for 50.

BARNEY
(EXPLODING) 50?! What fun is 50?!
Why don't we just bet air? God,
Marshall!! (BEAT, THEN) Okay, 50.

ROBIN AND LILY RE-ENTER WITH BEERS FOR EVERYBODY.
ROBIN
I'll take that action. Seahawks, but *
make it four points and make it a grand. *
By the way, these wings? Are they
chicken wings or angel wings? (THEN,
OFF TV) Ooh, commercials! Monkey in a
coconut bra! Hilarious. *

ROBIN SITS DOWN TO WATCH COMMERCIALS. THE REST OF
THE GROUP NODS TO EACH OTHER, IMPRESSED.
BACK TO:
11 INT. BAR - BACK TO PRESENT (NIGHT 2) 11

AS THEY WERE. MUSIC CUE: INSPIRING MUSIC.
TED
Look, we always watch the Super Bowl *
together. So we make a pact to watch *
it tomorrow at six and go the next *
eighteen hours without finding out who
won.
BARNEY
That's impossible.

TED
I won't lie to you, it's not gonna be
easy. That means no TV, no internet,
no newspapers. Nothing. Media
blackout. But our tradition will live
on. Who's in?
A BEAT.
LILY
I'm in.
ROBIN
I'm in.
MARSHALL
I'm in.
BARNEY
Alright, what the hell? I'm in. High
five!
TED
We're at a wake.
BARNEY
Sorry. Solemn low-five.
TED SOLEMN LOW-FIVES HIM.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO
FADE IN:
FOUR-WAY SPLITSCREEN WITH:
12 INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - DAY (DAY 3) 12

(ROBIN)
ROBIN PREPARES TO GO ON-AIR AT METRO-NEWS ONE.
12A EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY (DAY 3) 12A

(BARNEY, EXTRAS)
BARNEY HURRIES DOWN THE STREET WITH HIS FINGERS IN

HIS EARS, STARING AT THE GROUND.
12B INT. MARSHALL'S BEDROOM - DAY (DAY 3) 12B

(MARSHALL, LILY)
LILY AND MARSHALL WAKE UP IN BED. MARSHALL PANICS

WHEN THE RADIO ALARM CLOCK GOES ON, UNPLUGS IT, AND
THROWS IT LIKE IT'S A BOMB.
13 INT. APARTMENT - MORNING (DAY 3) 13

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY)
TED IN PAJAMAS PICKS UP THE NEWSPAPER AT THE FRONT

DOOR, AND THROWS IT IN THE TRASH WITHOUT LOOKING.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
As the day began, none of us had any
idea how hard it would be to go nine
hours without hearing the outcome of
the Super Bowl.
END FOUR-WAY SPLITSCREEN:
TED SITS AT HIS DRAFTING TABLE AND STARTS WORKING.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I decided to work from home to avoid
contamination by the outside world.
BARNEY BURSTS IN, CROSSES THE ROOM, AND HANDCUFFS

HIMSELF TO THE RADIATOR. HE HOLDS OUT THE KEY FOR
TED TO TAKE.
BARNEY
Take this key and swallow it.
TED
No.
BARNEY
Come on, Ted, you eat salads! It'll
be out by game time.
TED
Lots more no.
BARNEY
I'm not messing around, Theodore!
I've got too much money riding on this
game. If you don't lock me up, I'm *
gonna check the score. Take the key! *
TED
Fine.
TED TAKES THE KEY.
TED (CONT'D)
But only because you didn't think
through a bathroom plan and I think
that's funny.

BARNEY
(CONCERNED) Wait--
BUT TED'S ALREADY WALKING AWAY. MARSHALL AND LILY

ENTER FROM THE BEDROOM. *
LILY *
Man, I wish I could say this is the *
first time I've walked into a room and *
found you handcuffed to something. *
MARSHALL *
(TO LILY) Look, okay, I'll do it. But *
it's too risky to take the subway. *
We're cabbing it.

TED
Marshall, you're going into the outside
world? Why?
MARSHALL
I promised Lily I'd go to her *
kindergarten class for Show and Tell.

LILY
Well I'm sorry but three weeks in a
row other kids brought in better stuff
than me. I'm sick of it.
TED *
Be careful. *
AS THEY GET READY TO GO, THEY LOOK OVER AT BARNEY. *
BARNEY *
Do you guys have, like, a cup or an *
old jar you don't really care about? *
MARSHALL *
Didn't think of a bathroom plan, huh? *
BARNEY *
No. *
MARSHALL
Well, I don't have a jar but here's a *
rubber band. *
MARSHALL THROWS A RUBBER BAND AT BARNEY. *
BARNEY
What am I supposed to do with-- (THEN, *
INTRIGUED) Oh. *
CUT TO:
14 INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - MORNING (DAY 3) 14

(NARRATOR (V.O.), ROBIN, KEVIN, LOU, SID)
ROBIN AND HER CO-ANCHOR, KEVIN (LATE 30'S, HANDSOME

IN A WOODEN TV NEWS WAY), ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A
TELECAST. ROBIN'S JUST FINISHING A STORY.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
The Media blackout was particularly
hard on Robin because, well, she was
the media.
ROBIN
...the city won't be fixing the
unusually large pothole anytime soon,
so buckle up if you're on the BQE,
it's gonna be a bumpy one.

KEVIN
Like morning commutes needed to get
any harder!
ROBIN AND KEVIN DO THE NEWS-CHUCKLE.
KEVIN (CONT'D)
Robin, whaddya say, I think it's time
to check in with Sid for a Sports
Update.
ROBIN'S EYES GO WIDE: CRAP.
ROBIN
(BLURTS) No!
KEVIN
(CONFUSED) What?
ROBIN
No.
KEVIN
But... it's time for sports.
ROBIN
No it's not. It's time for weather.
KEVIN
We just did weather.
ROBIN
Well, weather's pretty fickle, it might
have changed. What's it doing out
there, Lou?!
WE CUT OVER TO A VERY UNPREPARED LOU IN FRONT OF A
GREENSCREEN WEATHER MAP. HE'S EATING A DONUT.

LOU
Pretty much the same thing it was two
minutes ago. Back to you, Robin.

KEVIN
Okay, now it's time for Sports--
ROBIN
No. Let's go to Traffic Todd in the
Metro News One Gridlock Chopper for a--

KEVIN
(EXPLODING) It's time for sports!
(REGAINING COMPOSURE) Over to you,
Sid.
ROBIN
(SOTTO) Oh no...
ROBIN CRINGES AS WE CUT OVER TO A CONFUSED SID.
CUT TO:
15 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM - MORNING (DAY 3) 15

(MARSHALL, LILY, DOUG, EXTRAS)
THE CHALKBOARD SAYS "SHOW AND TELL DAY!" LILY HAS
MARSHALL UP FRONT AND IS OBVIOUSLY FINISHING UP
SHOWING AND TELLING.
LILY
...and his favorite animal is the Loch
Ness Monster. *
MARSHALL *
Lily, how many times-- Nessie is a *
gentle beast. (TO CLASS) We're trying *
to get away from the word "monster." *

LILY
And that's everything you need to know *
about my fiancé, Marshall. I think we
can all agree he's a lot more
interesting than Sally's one-eyed
goldfish.
THE CLASS APPLAUDS EXCEPT SALLY (WITH A GOLDFISH ON

HER DESK) WHO CROSSES HER ARMS, ANGRILY. MARSHALL
WAVES MODESTLY AND GOES TO SIT DOWN.
LILY (CONT'D)
Now, Ruby, you're next. What do you
have for Show And Tell?
AS SHOW AND TELL CONTINUES UP FRONT, MARSHALL TAKES

A SEAT IN THE BACK NEXT TO DOUG, A LITTLE
TROUBLEMAKER IN A HOODED SWEATSHIRT.
DOUG
Hey. I'm Doug.
MARSHALL
Marshall. Nice to meet you.
DOUG
Are you staying the rest of the day?
MARSHALL
Yeah, I'm hiding out in here today so
I won't find out who won the Super
Bowl.
DOUG
I know who won.

MARSHALL
That's great, but I really don't want
to know, so if you could just keep
that to yourself--
DOUG
How badly do you not wanna know?
MARSHALL
(NERVOUS LAUGH) Excuse me?
DOUG
(BEAT) Ten bucks.
MARSHALL
Are you serious?
DOUG
It just went up to eight.
OFF MARSHALL'S LOOK...
CUT TO:
16 INT. APARTMENT - DAY (DAY 3) 16

(TED, BARNEY)
BARNEY IS STILL HANDCUFFED TO THE RADIATOR, BUT NOW

IT'S OBVIOUS HE HAS TO PEE. TED, NOW DRESSED, SIPS *
HIS COFFEE AND WORKS AT HIS COMPUTER.
BARNEY
(DESPERATE)... an old thermos you were *
gonna throw away. An ugly vase. An *
urn with the remains of a relative you *
didn't really care for. *
TED DOESN'T LOOK UP FROM HIS WORK. * only

TV Calling - For educational purposes
TED *
(PLAYING THE PYRAMID) Ummm... things *
you find in a kitchen? Things you *
find on a mantle? Oh wait, things you *
should have thought of before you *
handcuffed yourself to the radiator! *
What do I win? *
BARNEY *
Unlock me, Ted! *
TED *
Not till game time. *
TED CHECKS THE TIME, AND GRABS HIS COAT. *
BARNEY *
Where are you going? *
TED *
I gotta go pick up the Hot Wings. *
BARNEY *
Can you pick up some extra sauce? I'm *
going to gnaw through my wrist and the *
deliciousness might offset the pain. *
TED *
You got it. *

BARNEY *
Wait. How the hell are you gonna get *
in and out of a sports bar without
seeing the score? There's TV's
everywhere.
TED
Oh, don't worry. I got it all planned
out. First of all...
MUSIC CUE: OCEAN'S ELEVEN STYLE CAPER MUSIC
CUT TO:
17 SERIES OF TIGHT SHOTS: TED'S HANDS CONSTRUCTING 17

SOMETHING
(TED, TED (V.O.))
TED (V.O.)
...I placed duct tape on a pair of *
sunglasses so I can only see out of
two tiny holes.
THE HANDS AFFIX DUCT TAPE LEAVING TWO TINY HOLES.
TED (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Next, I constructed blinders out of an
old cereal box.
THE HANDS AFFIX HORSE-LIKE BLINDERS TO THE SIDE OF

THE SUNGLASSES.

TED (V.O.) (CONT'D)
To top it all off? High-tech noise
reducing headphones I bought when
Marshall and Lily first got back
together and were doing it a lot.
TED'S HANDS ATTACH THE SUNGLASS-DEVICE TO THE NOISE-

REDUCING HEADPHONES, CREATING ONE COHESIVE AND
AWKWARD HELMET-LIKE APPARATUS.
CUT TO:
18 INT. QUINN'S SPORTS BAR - DAY (DAY 3) 18

(TED, TED (V.O.), POOL PLAYER GUY #1, POOL PLAYER
GUY #2, BARTENDER, EXTRAS)
MUSIC CUE: SUSPENSEFUL SPY/HEIST MUSIC
THERE ARE TV'S BLARING SPORTS PROGRAMMING EVERYWHERE -

A VERITABLE MINEFIELD. THE BAR IS UP A TREACHEROUS
SET OF STEPS AND THERE'S A POOL TABLE. TED ENTERS
AND HEADS TO THE BAR.
TED (V.O.)
I call it The Sensory Deprivator 5000,
and it's awesome.
POOL PLAYER GUY #1
Freak!
POOL PLAYER GUY #2
Loser!
TED SMILES OBLIVIOUSLY.
CUT TO TED'S POV: WE CAN ONLY SEE A LITTLE SLIT OF

THE WORLD THROUGH THE DUCT TAPE. (SOUND NOTE:
WHENEVER WE CUT TO THIS, THE WORLD WILL GO ALMOST
ENTIRELY SILENT, KIND OF A STATIC/UNDERWATER SOUND)
HE ARRIVES AT THE BAR WHERE HE HOLDS OUT SOME MONEY

TO THE BARTENDER. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
TED
(WAY TOO LOUDLY) Hello! My name is
Ted Mosby and I'm picking up my hot
wings platter! In my hand you'll find
the exact total for the wings plus a
generous tip! Please take the cash
and put the platter in my hands, and *
I'll be on my way! Thank you!
THE BARTENDER HANDS OVER A PLASTIC-WRAPPED PLATTER.

TED HANDS HIM SOME MONEY, GRABS THE PLATTER AND
MAKES HIS WAY BACK OUT.
TED HEADS BACK FOR THE DOOR. AS HE EXITS, WE PUSH

IN ON ONE OF THE TV'S TO SEE THE METRO NEWS ONE
SPORTSCAST...
CUT TO:

(ROBIN, KEVIN, SID, PRODUCER, HEADSET GUY, EXTRAS)
...WHICH BECOMES FULL-SCREEN. SID THE SPORTSCASTER

IS WRAPPING UP THE SPORTS BEAT.
SID
...closing the books on one heck of a
Super Bowl. Back to you, Kevin and
Robin.
WE CUT BACK TO THE HOMEBASE SET TO REVEAL ROBIN

WITH HER EYES CLOSED AND HER FINGERS IN HER EARS.
ROBIN
La la la la la la la la la...
KEVIN IS STARING AT HER IN SHOCK. FINALLY, HE SNAPS

OUT OF IT AND TURNS BACK TO CAMERA.

KEVIN
We'll be right back.
MUSIC CUE: METRO NEWS ONE THEME
LIGHT CUE: A BIT DARKER AS THEY GO TO COMMERCIAL
PRODUCER
We're clear!
THE PRODUCER HURRIES IN. *
PRODUCER (CONT'D)
Um... Robin, is it just me or were you
doing something different there?
ROBIN
I haven't watched the game yet. I'm *
begging you, for the rest of the *
newscast, there can't be any references
to who won the Super Bowl. Change the *
teleprompter: No team names, nothing
specific. *
PRODUCER *
That's crazy. I can't do that. *
ROBIN
(BEAT, THEN EMOTIONAL) My friend Mark *
passed away on Saturday. *
PRODUCER *
Okay, sweetie, okay. I'm so sorry. *
HEADSET GUY
Back in five, four, three...
CUT
TV Calling - For TO:
educational purposes only
20 INT. APARTMENT - DAY (DAY 3) 20

(BARNEY)
BARNEY PULLS AS HARD AS HE CAN ON THE PIPE, TRYING

TO FREE HIMSELF. FINALLY, THE TINY PIPE GIVES WAY *
AND COMES OFF IN HIS HAND. BARNEY SMILES: FREEDOM. *
HE GETS UP. THE ENTIRE RADIATOR THEN FALLS OFF THE *
WALL ONTO THE FLOOR. A BEAT. BARNEY GRABS A NEARBY *
BLANKET AND COVERS UP THE RADIATOR. HE RUNS TO THE *
BATHROOM, CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.
DISSOLVE TO:
20A INT. APARTMENT - TEN MINUTES LATER (DAY 3) 20A

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, BARNEY)
CHYRON: 10 MINUTES LATER
BARNEY EXITS THE BATHROOM. AS HE CROSSES TO THE

DOOR, TED ENTERS, STILL WEARING THE SENSORY
DEPRIVATOR 5000. DURING THE FOLLOWING, BARNEY SNEAKS
RIGHT PAST TED, HUGGING THE WALL LIKE A CAT-BURGLAR.
TED
(TOO LOUDLY) Huh? Who's the idiot
now, Barney? You said the Sensory *
Deprivator 5000 is stupid but it totally *
worked! I couldn't see or hear anything
happening around me!
BARNEY INCHES PAST TED AND RUNS OUT THE DOOR. TED
REMOVES HIS HEADGEAR TO SEE THE RADIATOR ON THE *
FLOOR AND BARNEY GONE.
TED (CONT'D)
No!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And if that weren't bad enough, I was
about to have a horrible realization.

TED LOOKS DOWN AT THE PLATTER.
TED
(GASPS) Where's the dipping sauce?
WHERE'S THE DIPPING SAUCE?!
21 OMITTED 21
22 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM - DAY (DAY 3) 22

LILY CONTINUES SHOW AND TELL UP AT THE FRONT OF THE
CLASS. MARSHALL LOOKS MISERABLE IN BACK WITH DOUG.
DOUG
The team that won, wanna know what
their name rhymes with?

MARSHALL
Come on, dude. You said you'd stop if *
I ate all those crayons. Why are you *
doing this?! *
DOUG
(BEAT) I'm in love with Miss Aldrin.
MARSHALL
Well, you can't have Miss Aldrin, she's
mine!
DOUG CONSIDERS THIS FOR A BEAT, THEN LEANS OVER TO
A NEARBY SHELF AND PUSHES A CERAMIC SCULPTURE OF A
CAT TO THE FLOOR. IT SHATTERS LOUDLY.
THE WHOLE CLASS TURNS TO LOOK AS LILY WALKS TOWARD
THE BACK OF THE CLASS.
LILY
Okay, now, who did this?TV Calling - For educational purposes only
DOUG SHOOTS MARSHALL A LOOK: TAKE THE FALL.
MARSHALL
(SIGHS) I did.
DOUG
Does that mean Marshall gets a time
out?
LILY
Well, Marshall's a grown up, so--
DOUG
When one of us breaks something we get
a time out.
THE WHOLE CLASS MURMURS IN AGREEMENT. LILY WINCES:

THE KID HAS A POINT.
LILY
(BEAT, TO MARSHALL) Sorry.
DISSOLVE TO: *
23 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM - MOMENTS LATER 23

(DAY 3)
MARSHALL SITS IN A CORNER FACING THE WALL. ACROSS

THE ROOM, DOUG SMILES FIENDISHLY. *
CUT TO:

(ROBIN, KEVIN)
ROBIN AND KEVIN ARE ON THE AIR, ROBIN'S WRAPPING UP
A STORY. A GRAPHIC OVER HER SHOULDER READS "SUPER
BOWL-SIZED BET" WITH AN IMAGE OF
TV A FOOTBALL.
Calling - For educational purposes only
ROBIN
...and after the Super Bowl, the Mayor
of the losing team's city had to pay
up, sending the Mayor of the winning
team's city 15 pounds of a delicacy *
his or her city is famous for. Better
fire up whatever type of grill, steamer
or fryer one might use to cook that
delicacy, Winning Team's Mayor!

KEVIN JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD, LIKE, "WHAT AM I DOING
AT METRO NEWS ONE..."
CUT TO:
25 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM - DAY (DAY 3) 25

(NARRATOR (V.O.), MARSHALL, LILY, DOUG, EXTRAS)
MARSHALL'S BACK SITTING NEXT TO DOUG AS SHOW AND
TELL DAY CONTINUES.
DOUG
Hey... hey...
MARSHALL
I'm not talking to you.
DOUG
Yes, you are. You'll do whatever I
say. Hold your breath.
MARSHALL
I'm not gonna hold my breath.
DOUG
The winning team was the--
MARSHALL TAKES A BIG GULP OF AIR AND HOLDS IT.

DOUG (CONT'D)
Now here's how this is going to work.
You're gonna take me to three R-rated
movies a week...
AS DOUG CONTINUES TO RANT, WE PUSH IN ON MARSHALL...
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And then Uncle Marshall got an idea.
It was not one he was proud of in
retrospect, but desperate times...
MARSHALL GRABS AN OPEN JUICE BOX FROM A NEARBY TABLE

AND SQUIRTS A BUNCH OF IT ON DOUG'S (CONVENIENTLY
LIGHT BEIGE) PANTS. THERE'S AN INCRIMINATING STAIN
DOWN THE THIGHS.
MARSHALL
Oh no! Somebody just wet his pants.
DOUG
No, I didn't!
MARSHALL
Didn't you? Who's everyone gonna
believe? I'm a grown-up third year
law student at Columbia, and you're
just a little pants-wetter. Now do
you want to be able to quietly sneak
off to the restroom and dry off, or do *
I have a little something for show and *
tell today? (BEAT, THEN TO THE ROOM)
Hey, everyone-- TV Calling - For educational purposes only

DOUG
(PANICKED WHISPER) Okay okay. You
win.
MARSHALL
I want my money back.
DOUG HANDS HIM HIS MONEY BACK.
MARSHALL (CONT'D)
And your pudding snack pack.
CUT TO:
26 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY (DAY 3) 26

(TED, BARNEY, RANDOM GUY, OLDER GUY, EMMITT SMITH, EXTRAS) *
BARNEY HURRIES DOWN THE STREET LIKE A MADMAN. HE

APPROACHES AN OLDER GENTLEMAN.
BARNEY
Sir? Who won the Super Bowl?
OLDER GUY
Sorry, I missed the game.
HE RUNS OVER TO A MAN IN HIS TWENTIES.
BARNEY
Excuse me - who won the Super Bowl?
RANDOM GUY
I don't really follow sports.
BARNEY
(SHOUTING AT PASSERSBY) What is wrong
with you people?!
HE TURNS AND SEES SOMETHING THAT MAKES HIM SMILE.

WALKING DOWN THE STREET DIRECTLY TOWARD HIM IS NONE
OTHER THAN LEGENDARY RUNNING BACK, EMMITT
TV Calling SMITH.
- For educational purposes only
BARNEY (CONT'D)
Emmitt Smith! Oh, thank God.
EMMITT SMITH
Yeah I get that a lot.
BARNEY
You gotta tell me who won the Super *
Bowl?
EMMITT SMITH
Oh, the game was last night, wasn't
it? Yeah, once you win one, it's kinda
like, eh. Anyway, I gotta go, but hey -
keep your eye out for the Emmitt Smith
Grill. (INTENSE) I'm coming for you,
Foreman.
HE EXITS. BARNEY SCREAMS TO THE HEAVENS IN
FRUSTRATION.
BEHIND HIM, TED WALKS ALONG THE STREET IN HIS SENSORY

DEPRIVATOR 5000.
CUT TO:
27 INT. QUINN'S SPORTS BAR - DAY (DAY 3) 27

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, POOL PLAYER GUY #1, POOL
PLAYER GUY #2, BARTENDER, EXTRAS)
TED RE-ENTERS, ONCE AGAIN WEARING THE SENSORY

DEPRIVATOR 5000. HE FINDS HIS WAY TO THE BAR.
TED
(WAY TOO LOUDLY) Hello! It's me again!
BARTENDER
Oh, I didn't recognize you.

TED
You forgot to give me the dipping sauce!
HE HANDS TED A CONTAINER OF DIPPING SAUCE.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
It was four o'clock, and so far, all
of us had done the impossible. But
then, almost simultaneously, things
started to go wrong.
AS TED TURNS TO GO...

THIS SCENE SHRINKS INTO FOUR-WAY SPLITSCREEN WITH: *
28 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 28

(MARSHALL, LILY)
MARSHALL AND LILY GET READY TO LEAVE.
28A EXT. NEW YORK STREET - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 28A

(BARNEY, EXTRAS)
BARNEY RUNS DOWN THE SIDEWALK, DESPERATE.
29 INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 29

(ROBIN, KEVIN)
ROBIN'S AT THE END OF A BROADCAST.

END FOUR-WAY SPLITSCREEN::
ROBIN
And let's end the day on a happy note. *
There's a new arrival at the Bronx
Zoo. Trish Sanchez has the story.
CUT TO:
30 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM HALLWAY - 30

AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(MARSHALL, LILY, EXTRA)
THE KIDS ARE ALL GONE FOR THE DAY. MARSHALL AND
LILY HEAD INTO THE HALLWAY, AS LILY LOCKS THE DOOR.
DOWN THE HALL, A JANITOR STARTS TO PUSH A CLEANING

CART TOWARD THEM. THERE'S A PORTABLE RADIO ON THE
CLEANING CART.
CUT TO:
31 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 31

(BARNEY, EXTRAS)
BARNEY SPOTS A NEWSSTAND, RUNS TO IT AND GRABS A

PAPER.
CUT TO:
32 INT. QUINN'S SPORTS BAR - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 32

(TED, POOL PLAYER GUY #1, POOL PLAYER GUY #2,
BARTENDER, EXTRAS)
TED WALKS PAST THE POOL TABLE AS A COUPLE GUYS PLAY

POOL. ONE GUY ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS A BALL OFF THE
TABLE ONTO THE FLOOR.
POOL PLAYER GUY #1
Hey, buddy! Buddy!
CUT TO TED'S POV: WE BARELY SEE OR HEAR A THING.
POOL PLAYER GUY #2
Hey, buddy! Buddy! Look out!
THE BALL CONTINUES ROLLING TOWARD HIM...
CUT TO:
33 INT. METRO NEWS ONE SET - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 33

(ROBIN, TRISH SANCHEZ)
GREEN SCREEN SHOT: TRISH SANCHEZ, A FEMALE FEATURES

REPORTER TALKS TO US LIVE FROM THE ZOO. WE SEE AN
UPPER-RIGHT GRAPHIC OF A BABY PANDA.
TRISH SANCHEZ
...and in honor of yesterday's big
win, the zoo decided to name the baby
panda--
WE SEE ROBIN REALIZE SHE'S ABOUT TO HEAR. WE GO

INTO SLOW-MO...
ROBIN
Nooooooooo!
CUT TO:
34 INT. LILY'S KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM HALLWAY - 34

AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(MARSHALL, LILY, EXTRA)
IN SLOW-MO, THE JANITOR TURNS UP THE VOLUME ON THE

PORTABLE RADIO. WE PUSH IN OMINOUSLY ON IT.
MARSHALL TURNS TO LOOK AT THE RADIO.
SFX: THE BEGINNING OF A SPORTS REPORT IN SLOW-MO.
LILY REALIZES WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN. SHE LUNGES

TO COVER UP MARSHALL'S EARS.
MARSHALL
Nooooooooooo!
LILY COVERS MARSHALL'S EARS, BUT IT'S TOO LATE...
CUT
TV Calling - For TO:
educational purposes only
35 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 35

(BARNEY, EXTRAS)
IN SLOW-MO, BARNEY READS AN OPEN NEWSPAPER. HE
THROWS IT DOWN ON THE GROUND AND SCREAMS.
BARNEY
Noooooooooo!
CUT TO:
36 INT. QUINN'S SPORTS BAR - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) 36

(TED, POOL PLAYER GUY #1, POOL PLAYER GUY #2,
BARTENDER, EXTRAS)
IN SLOW-MO, TED STEPS ON THE BALL, AND TAKES A WORLD
CLASS HEADER DOWN THE STEPS. REVEAL THAT,
MIRACULOUSLY, HE HAS MANAGED NOT TO SPILL A DROP OF
SAUCE...
TED
Yesssssssss!
DISSOLVE TO:
37 INT. APARTMENT - EVENING (NIGHT 3) 37

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, BARNEY *
(O.S.), LILY, ROBIN)
TED HAS, ONCE AGAIN, TURNED THE APARTMENT INTO SUPER
BOWL CENTRAL.
CHYRON: 6:15 PM
MARSHALL, LILY AND ROBIN ENTER WITH THEIR ASSIGNED
SUPER BOWL SNACKS. THEY ALL AD-LIB HELLO'S.
TED
Awesome! Just in time for kickoff!
None of you found out the score, right?
MARSHALL / LILY / ROBIN
Nope. / Didn't find out. / Mission
accomplished.

TED *
Great! Let's do it! I've already *
fast-forwarded through the four hours *
of pre-game show, so we are ready-- *
BARNEY ENTERS HOLDING A NEWSPAPER. TED IMMEDIATELY *

LOOKS AWAY. *
TED (CONT'D) *
Barney-- *
BARNEY
Yes, I found out who won, but don't *
worry, I'm not going to ruin it for
everyone else. Feel free to start *
without me. *
BARNEY CROSSES INTO MARSHALL'S ROOM, SHUTS THE DOOR.
BARNEY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Gahhhhhhh!!! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
So much money! You screwed it up,
Barney, you screw everything up! Stupid
stupid stupid! *
BARNEY RE-ENTERS, SMILING. *
BARNEY (CONT'D) *
Okay! Let's watch the game! *
TED
What the hell was that?! We all know *
who you bet on. Now we know who won! *

BARNEY *
How did you hear -- Oh I forgot. Not *
everybody's bedroom is soundproofed. *
TED *
You just ruined the game for everyone! *
LILY, MARSHALL, AND ROBIN EXCHANGE A LOOK. *
LILY *
Yeah, thanks a lot, Barney! *
ROBIN *
Way to blow it. *
MARSHALL *
Yeah! I didn't know before, but now I *
do! *
TED *
Well now there's no point even watching *
it. *
THEY ALL SIT DOWN, DEFEATED. A BEAT. *
LILY *
Well the commerials aren't ruined. *
LILY PICKS UP THE REMOTE, TURNS ON THE TV. MARSHALL *

GRABS A WING, TAKES A BITE. *
MARSHALL *
The wings are still good. *
BARNEY PASSES AROUND SOME BEERS. ROBIN TAKES A BIG *

SWIG OF HERS. *
ROBIN *
Beer still works. *

MARSHALL *
So I got extorted by a five year old *
today. *
ROBIN *
I almost got fired. *
BARNEY *
I met Emmitt Smith. *
LILY *
You go first. *
TED *
I tried out the Sensory Deprivator *
5000 today.
LILY *
Go ahead, Barney. *
BARNEY *
So I'm frantically running down the *
street, trying to find out who won... *
NARRATOR (V.O.) *
It seemed so important at the time, *
but twenty-three years later I have no *
idea who won that game. *
DISSOLVE TO: *
37A INT. APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER (NIGHT 3) 37A *

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN) *
THE GANG IS NOW HAVING FUN CHEERING ON THE GAME. *

*
NARRATOR (V.O.)
I can't even tell you who played in *
it. But we drank some beers, ate wings,
and watched the game together. *
DISSOLVE TO: *
37B INT. APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER (NIGHT 3) 37B *

(NARRATOR (V.O.), TED, MARSHALL, BARNEY, LILY, ROBIN) *
THE GANG ENJOYS THE GAME SOME MORE. *
NARRATOR (V.O.) *
Because kids, sometimes even if you *
know how something's gonna end, that
doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.
THE GANG RAISES A TOAST. *
TED *
To Mark the bartender. Sorry, Matt. *
LILY *
Nope, you had it right the first time. *
Mark. *
MARSHALL *
Or was it Matt? *
THEY ALL TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK. *
FADE TO BLACK. *
END OF ACT TWO

TAG
FADE IN:
38 INT. BAR - THE NEXT DAY (DAY 4) 38

(TED, BARNEY, EXTRAS)
TED AND BARNEY SIT AT THE BOOTH. BARNEY'S STILL

READING THE NEWSPAPER.
BARNEY
I didn't only lose the game, I lost *
every single prop bet. Total penalty *
yardage, number of replay-challenges, *
the coin toss... what are the odds of
losing the coin toss?
TED
50-50, give or take. *
BARNEY
Interceptions, field-goals, total sacks,
whether or not there'd be a safety,
color of Gatorade dumped on the coach...
TED PUTS ON HIS SENSORY DEPRIVATOR 5000 AS BARNEY

CONTINUES.
CUT TO TED'S POV. THROUGH THE V-HOLES, WE SEE BARNEY

CONTINUING TO RANT, BUT WE CAN'T REALLY HEAR HIM.
BARNEY (CONT'D)
...total paid attendance, first half
points, temperature at kickoff, whether
there'd be a two-point conversion...
CUT TO BLACK.
END OF SHOW

CBS - How I Met Your Mother 2x13 (Monday Night Football)

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CBS - How I Met Your Mother 2x13 (Monday Night Football)

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“Monday Night Football”

FINAL DRAFT (PINK) – 12/06/06

Twentieth Century Fox Television.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT © 2006 TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION.

TENTATIVE SCHEDULE: December 6 – December 9

** PLEASE NOTE: All times are approximate.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6 STAGE 22

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7 BACKLOT

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8 STAGE 22

TV Calling - For educational purposes only

NARRATOR (V.O.) BOB SAGET

TV Calling - For educational purposes only

ACT 2, SCENE 28A (37)

tradition. In 2007, back before I met *

your mother, one of the most important

traditions for me was the Super Bowl. *

3 INT. BAR - NIGHT (NIGHT 1) 3

you're making the bean dip, Robin, *

you're on chips and pretzels and Barney, *

I'm giving you nothing to do so you *

can just focus on controlling your *

gambling problem. TV Calling - For educational purposes only

(SCOFFS) Problem. "Oh, poor Superman,

he should really do something about

his flying problem." It's not a problem

if you're awesome at it.

And I will stop by Quinn's to pick up *

the greatest food of all time, the *

Super Bowl Hot Wings Platter. *

EVERYONE AD-LIBS, "AWESOME," "BEST FOOD EVER," ETC.

If I were a chicken, I'd go cannibal

for those bad-boys. Eat my own damn

wing off, I don't care, I'm crazy like

It's not the chicken, it's the sauce. *

One year I spilled some on your carpet, *

I bent down and licked it up. I don't *

care, I'm gross like that. *

LILY AND MARSHALL EXCHANGE A "WE'RE PERFECT FOR *

WENDY THE WAITRESS CROSSES OVER WITH SOME FLIERS. *

WENDY THE WAITRESS *

Here's the info for tomorrow night. *

What's tomorrow night? *

WENDY THE WAITRESS

Oh God. You didn't hear? Mark died. *

THE GROUP EXCHANGES SHOCKED LOOKS.

WENDY THE WAITRESS

The funeral's tomorrow at six, and I

know it would've meant a lot to Mark

if you came. You guys were his favorite

AS WENDY CROSSES OFF:

We're so sorry. / Stay strong. / He'll

be missed. / He was a great guy.

Who was Mark? *

MARSHALL / LILY / ROBIN / BARNEY

No idea. / Not a clue. / I got nothin'.

/ Never heard of him.

I guess we should go, right? *

Wait. Tomorrow at 6. That's the Super

I feel terrible, but the truth is we

didn't know Mike-- TV Calling - For educational purposes only

Mark. As long as we send flowers, I

can't think of any reason why we'd

ACROSS THE BAR, CARL THE BARTENDER HAS STARTED

Get outta here! I never wanna see