Ella Runestad

Psychology 240
Dr. Njus
10/13/21
 When rating my parents on a zero to ten scale on responsiveness, demandingness, and psychosocial
autonomy, I rated them different in responsiveness and demandingness because overall my dad is the more
demanding parent and mother is the more responsive parent. I gave my mother an eight on responsiveness because
she is the person who I go to when I need emotional support and I feel more connected to her in that aspect. I believe
that this is the case because of my childhood. She was always the most understanding when I made a mistake or
needed support and never turned me away when I was in the wrong. She also stayed at home during my childhood
and was usually present when I had emotional needs. I gave my dad a six on responsiveness. My dad works a lot and
has throughout my whole childhood and one reason that I believe that he is less responsive to me is because he is not
always accessible or at home. In a situation surrounding emotions, he focuses on the problem or mistake first and
does not seem to be as empathetic or focused on my emotional needs. For example, I got a speeding ticket when I
was a young driver and when I told my parents they had very different reactions. Right away, my mom wanted to
make sure that I was safe, but my dad’s first reaction worried about the cost of the ticket and insurance as well as the
failure to meet his expectations of not getting pulled over. He then returned to the conversation a day or two later
acknowledged my emotions. In situations like these, I know that my dad still does care for my emotional needs and
always will, but his level of demandingness tends to overshadow his responsiveness whereas my mother always
responds to my emotional needs first.
For demandingness, I rated my mom as a four and my dad as an eight. My parents view their parenting of
us as a united act and when setting expectations, they are on the same page. My father always follows through with
his expectations and consequences which means that my mother will too if it’s a situation that they need to approach
and respond to together. Because my parents are a united front, if my dad is the one to respond to a situation where
his expectations are not met, he will give a consequence. If my dad is not around, my mother and I discuss the
situation and she then bring the discussion to my father but is conscious about how she approaches the conversation
in order for the outcome to be appropriate towards my emotions as well as my dad’s emotions and predicted
reaction. One example from high school. I had a curfew of 10:00 on the dot on weeknights. I was given a ride home
by a friend and arrived home at 10:06. My dad waited up for me and gave me a consequence of being grounded for
two weeks. I was really upset and when talking to my mom about it she vocalized that this was a severe reaction but
said that because this was an expectation set by my father, she agreed with the consequence. They then returned to
the conversation with me the next day to determine what needed to follow to be considerate of both my emotional
needs and my failure to conform to the set expectation. The later into high school I got, the more lenient my mom
was on demandingness. On the weekends in high school, my curfew was at midnight. My dad never stayed up late
but my mom did just to make sure I got home safe. She expected me to get home around twelve but if I was a little
late, I was not given a consequence to her, my safety was more important than my promptness. Even though my
parent’s approach to parenting was through a united front, they had different approaches to understanding my reason
why demanding situations. My father was firm and unmovable, and my mother approached from a perspective that
carried emotions as a top priority
As far as autonomy, or allowance and encouragement to become my own self, I gave my mom an eight
and I also gave my father an eight. Throughout my childhood, and even today, my parents encourage me to be who I
want to be within reason and the expectation that I do so responsibly and with my future in mind. For example, they
do not care who I affiliate with politically, my sexuality, my fashion sense, religion, or other personal choices that
are meant for me to make. They do prefer for me not to get tattoos or piercings that I can’t hide and to complete
college and continue into the workforce. I would say that most topics, they want me to be my own self but within
reason and with responsibility. I believe that this sense of autonomy has helped me grow into a self-aware and
individualistic person.
Relating my PAQ scores to my personal evaluation of responsiveness resulted in a bit of a difference
between both of my parents. My mother was in the 40th percentile and my father was in the 15th percentile. So
relating back to my personal ratings, both of the percentiles that my parents fall into are lower than expected to align
with my personal ratings. For autonomy, I would say that my mother, who I rated as 8, is spot on with the PAQ
percentile of 75%. My father is lower in his PAQ in the 25th percentile than in my rating of 8. I would attribute these
differences to the time periods of my life that I was referencing when completing the ratings. I believe that my
parents parenting has changed since I started college so in my own personal ratings I was looking back through my
entire life as well as the present and giving it an average whereas I believe that I did not consider the present when
filling out the PAQ. For my rating on demandingness, I considered the present and not just the past and I would say
that even though my parents have become less demanding since I have started to attend college. Even though they
will likely not give a consequence to my actions due to me being away from home, I still consider their reactions to
my actions because that is what I taught myself to do when they were more demanding. For affective quality of
attachment, my mother is in the 45th percentile and my father is in the 7th percentile. I think that this is accurate
because I am more attached emotionally to my mother. I think this is due to her being home and my dad working all
of the time throughout my childhood.
Both of my parents fall into Baumrind’s authoritative style of parenting. If the authoritative style of
parenting is viewed on a spectrum, my mom is more on the permissive side and my dad is on the more authoritarian
side. Responsiveness is my mom’s first instinct in any situation, and she does not set as strict of expectations. When
my dad sets expectations, they firm and consequences follow if they are not met. I also recognize that with my
father, and my emotional needs are met second once the situation has been reviewed and consequences have been
determined, if needed. This matches my ratings on the self-score and PAQ parenting evaluations. I categorize both
of my parents together in the authoritative parenting style on a spectrum because they approach parenting with a
united front and value each other when parenting even if they can approach the same situation slightly differently.
Developmentally, I think that the positive aspects of having authoritative parents show up daily in my life. I
seem to be more mature to others and my friends. I have learned to be emotionally intelligent, and approach
situations with a mentality to meet the needs of those around me. This a trait I have developed because of the way
my mother responded to situations. She is very empathetic and always is looking for a solution to a problem. Her
responsiveness has played a part in my development of my ability to act mature in emotional situations. I preformed
highly academically until college due to my parents’ expectations surrounding school. Both of my parents expected
A’s and B’s. There was no reward for good grades but there were consequences to bad grades. This has not
continued into my years at college, not due to a lack of expectations, but due to a change in my mental health and
capacity to perform well. This has been partnered with a different approach to my school life by my parents. They
care more about my effort than the resulting grade. I still want to fit my parents’ expectations of preforming well
academically, but I have learned this past year that if I do not, they are more lenient and understanding as long as
they know that I tried. This is one of many changes I have witnessed in my parent’s style of parenting since I have
moved away to college. I am appreciative of my parents’ demandingness in the academic part of my growing up.
Two characteristics of children with authoritative parents are high self-esteem and confidence. I feel as
though I lack these characteristics. Perhaps this is because of my predisposition to anxiety disorder or other
situations surrounding my childhood such as moving a total of six times. This could also be a result of my father’s
disposition to be on the authoritarian end of the authoritative-parent-spectrum. I have learned to anticipate
consequences in order to not be “punished” for my mistakes because I despise the feeling of disappointment that
both myself and my parents seem to feel when an expectation is not met. The avoidance of disappointment has
created elevated anticipation of a possibility of a consequence and results higher stress. I have noticed that I am not
confident in decisions because unless my decision is validated by my parents, I fear that I am in the wrong and could
be confronted with a consequence. This is a trait that I am working through, and I will be able to change because of
my sense of individual autonomy. Situationally, we moved many times when I was a child, with our last move being
last year. I could see that I might be less confident in myself because I was always trying to conform to be likeable
in order to make friends in new towns. I believe that a mixture of moving and having a father who was slightly
authoritarian and higher in demandingness then responsiveness could contribute to my feelings of low self-esteem
and confidence.
As stated before, my parents are one united front. My brother and I are very different developmentally,
behaviorally, and emotionally and my parents recognize that. They parent us both with an authoritative style of high
demandingness and high responsiveness but understand that we are very different. My brother was unmedicated for
sever ADHD for twelve years; his highs were really high, and his lows were really low. They had to be firm in their
demandingness and follow through with consequences every time to parent my brother. On the other hand, I am a
people pleaser so if I was confronted with the possibility of a consequence, I would change my behavior and
therefore did not have as many consequences as my brother.
I have noticed that in the past eighteen months during this ongoing pandemic, my parents have become lax
in both demandingness and permissiveness both me and my brother. This could be due to a variety of reasons: the
pandemic, me moving to college, greater maturity, the pandemic, being at home more. There seems to be lower
expectations and higher responsiveness to emotions from both my mother and father towards me and my brother. In
my opinion, I feel as though they have taken a step back from involvement and have developed a higher sense trust
in us that they do not feel the need to uphold high demandingness. I am happy that this change is occurring at this
time in my life and value the level of demandingness and responsiveness my parents had when I was younger. They
now approach difficult situations with a conversation instead of a consequence which, in my opinion seems to be
more effective and positive to my relationship with my parents.