AsOne

COMPLETE LIBRETTO

a chamber opera for

two singers
and string quartet

music & concept:

laura kaminsky

libretto:
mark campbell & kimberly reed

Commissioned and developed by American Opera Projects

 Synopsis
As One is a chamber opera in which two voices—Hannah after (mezzo-soprano) and Hannah before (baritone)—share
the part of a sole transgender protagonist. Fifteen songs comprise the three-part narrative; with empathy and humor,
they trace Hannah’s experiences from her youth in a small town to her college years on the West Coast, and finally to
Norway where she is surprised at what she learns about herself.

Part I.
In “Paper route,” Hannah rides around her suburban neighborhood delivering newspapers and revels in her more
feminine impulses. Her youthful challenges in conforming to gender norms are related in “Cursive,” “Sex ed,” “Entire
of itself ” and “Perfect boy”—in such disparate subjects as handwriting, sex, a John Donne poem, and exemplary male
behavior. However, in “To know,” she discovers that she is not alone in the world and seeks understanding about herself
at a local library.

Part II.
During her college years, Hannah struggles with her bifurcated existence in “Two cities,” but also encounters the joy
of being perceived as she wishes in “Three words.” In “Close,” she has made the decision to undergo hormone therapy
and briefly suffers its vertiginous effects before feeling at one with her own body. “Home for the holidays,” “A christmas
story” and “Dear son” all occur around the Christmas season and relate Hannah’s growing distance from her family and
her past, which is countered by an immediate connection with a stranger in a local café. In “Out of nowhere,” Hannah
escapes a harrowing assault that prompts her to find a link to the larger trans community and end her self-imposed
alienation. Reacting to the conflicting voices in her head, she finally resolves to escape in the fragment, “I go on to…”

Part III.
“Norway.” In this extended aria, Hannah finds, in Nature, solitude and self-reflection, the simple yet surprising equation
that will help her achieve happiness.

List of Songs
Part I.
Paper route | Cursive | Sex ed | Entire of itself | Perfect boy | To know

Part II.
Two cities | Three words | Close | Home for the holidays | A christmas story | Dear son
Out of nowhere | I go on to…

Part III.
Norway

Libretto ©2014 by Mark Campbell and Kimberly Reed

[The quartet is onstage when the audience enters. The And hide it where it
violist is in a separate space from the rest of the quartet, Never will be found.
either offstage or delineated by lighting and/or placement. I button up a thick, flannel shirt
After tuning their instruments, the introduction begins. At Put my jacket back on
Measure 18 in the music, the violist joins the rest of the
And get ready for school.
quartet. Toward the end of the introduction, both Hannah
before and Hannah after appear onstage.]
One day I’m braver
And tuck two rolled up socks
PART I. Inside the darts of the blouse.

What could be a breast

Is gently grazed
Paper route By my throwing arm.
Hanna before:
Other girls are
Like every other boy
Getting theirs, too.
I have a paper route.
And like every good boy
It all just feels so right.
I wake each morning,
It all just feels so right.
Ride my bike around,
With my jacket on,
And enjoy the “thumph”
Of a well-aimed paper as it lands. Cursive
Hannah after:
However, unlike every other boy,
Unlike every other boy, Controlled…
I sometimes wake extra early, Constrained…
While everyone’s asleep, It cannot betray me.
Ride my bike around My teachers,
With my jacket on My classmates,
And a blouse underneath. My family,
Cannot know.
(The blouse I stole
Hannah before:
From a neighbor’s clothesline.
A firm grip,
It isn’t much,
A taut wrist,
But fits my twelve-year-old frame…)
A watchful eye,
Hannah before/Hannah after:
Maintain
And A controlled…
Just Constrained…
Feels Constricted…
So right. Cursive.
As it should be.
Hannah before:
Hannah after:
And the papers still get delivered.
The papers still get delivered. I will not repeat
My mistake.
I’m home. The one I made
Before anyone sees me, In the second grade.
Before anyone wakes up, For one assignment,
I remove the blouse I wrote like my cousin Annie.

—1—
Hannah after: Hannah before:
I let the pen guide me, [Impersonating an instructor.]
My writing like a girl’s. “In the animal kingdom,
Generous loops, There are only two genders:
Graceful swirls, Male and female.
Expansive ascenders, These two genders
Crosses with curls. Have very distinct differences
And these become most apparent
When I get the paper back During puberty…”
From the teacher
She has ordered me to redo it, Hannah after:
And written in big red letters: And so on,
Through…
Hannah before/Hannah after:
“This is not Hannah before:
What you were taught.” Testosterone,
Voice deepening,
Hannah before: Acne,
A firm grip, Facial hair,
A taut wrist, Masturbation,
A watchful eye. And the rest.
Controlled… All delivered in a commanding
Constrained… But detached voice
Constricted.… Without looking anyone in the eye.
Confined.
Most of the boys know these things.
Most of the boys stifle their laughter.

Sex ed Hannah after:

But this boy only wants to be in
Hannah after: The other room.
The boys stand in one line…

Hannah before:
The girls in another.
The boys go to one room…
Hannah after:
The girls to another.
The boys hear one teacher…
Hannah before:
The girls hear another.
Hannah before/Hannah after:
We have been separated,
By gender,
To learn about…
Sex.
Entire of itself
[Late in the introduction of this song, Hannah before, Hannah
after, the conductor and members of the quartet mechanically
recite the poem “No Man Is an Island” by John Donne, as if they
are in a Junior High School classroom.]
Hannah before, Hannah after, Conductor, Quartet:
“No man is an island;
Entire of itself
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main;
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less…”
Hannah before:
In junior high, we are assigned
“No Man Is An Island”
By John Donne.

—2—
Hannah before: The strongest,
We read the poem, The best,
Together, The perfect boy.
Then discuss.
I need to
[Hannah before, Hannah after, the conductor, and members of Out-achieve
the quartet continue the recitation of the Donne poem:] Out-accomplish
Out-perform
Hannah before, Hannah after, Conductor, Quartet:
Out-run,
“…Any man’s death diminishes me,
Out-scramble,
Because I am involved in mankind…”
Out-do,
Everyone;
Hannah before:
The perfect boy.
I am the lone,
Dissenting voice
Class president,
In the classroom.
Straight “As,”
I rise and declare
Star quarterback,
To a sea of non-islanders:
Honor roll,
“It isn’t true,
All of it.
I am an island.”
Most likely to:
Succeed,
With all the experience
Win the game,
Of my fourteen years,
Score the point,
I see no other life
Make the grade,
Than one apart,
Never get in trouble,
Alone.
Never do wrong,
Ever upstanding,
I need no one.
Always the best,
No one needs me.
Perfect,
I consigned myself
Perfect.
To my own island long ago.
And no one will know.
Long ago.
I must run so fast,
I argue, and,
Succeed so much,
Satisfied by
Do so well,
My brilliant discourse on independence,
No one will know,
Sit back down.
No one will know.
The classroom is silent.
Class president,
The teacher seems impressed.
Straight “As,”
(Or was she concerned?)
Star quarterback,
Honor roll,
All of it.
Perfect boy Most likely to:
Succeed,
[Hannah before jogs and is out of breath by the end of the song.] Win the game,
Score the point,
Hannah before: Make the grade,
I must­­—must!—be Never get in trouble,
The perfect boy: Never do wrong,
The fastest, Ever upstanding,
The smartest, Always the best,
Perfect
—3—
Hannah before: When the coast is clear
Perfect I creep to the card catalog,
Achieve Thumb through the cards,
Accomplish My hands trembling.
Perform
Run “Transatlantic Travel”
Scramble Farther…
Run “Transfiguration, The”
Scramble Farther…
Perfect “Transylvania”
Game Too far…
Run And there it is,
Point The word,
Run The magic word.
Grade Typed,
Run On a yellowing card.

And no one will know, [Hannah before appears out of nowhere and impersonates a
I will run so fast, snoopy librarian.]
Succeed so much, Hannah before:
Do so well, “Need help, young man?”
No one will know,
No one will know, Hannah after:
No one will ever know. I slam the drawer shut,
[Offhandedly:] And come face to face
Not even me. With the beady eyes
Of a stealth librarian.
“No th-thank you, sir.”
To know How did I let this happen?
How did I let down my guard?
Hannah after: Never again,
Then, I see her on TV. Never again.
There she is.
She is. I grab a book
And I hear the word. With the magic word,
The real word. And hide it in
The magic word. Another book.
Finally a name for this. And slip to the darkest corner
That is me. Of Lewis and Clark…
That is my word.
I repeat it, Hannah after/Hannah before:
Over and over. And I read.
Over and over. And learn.
And I learn.
As soon as I can, Learn
I go to the library, There are others.
The Lewis and Clark Library, There are others.
Named for explorers.

—4—
Hannah after/Hannah before: PART II.
To learn
I’m not the only one.
The relief,
The power, Two cities
The power!
Hannah before/Hannah after:
Just to know.
Now I live in two cities
Just to know.
Adjacent to each other.
Hannah after:
To one I bring
I return to Lewis and Clark many times. The outward trappings
And hide new books Of femininity
In the same old one. In a small bag
And drive across
Hannah before: The bridge that connects them.
(To the world it might look like
I’m becoming an expert on The bridge itself
The Transvaal War.) Is very high,
Suspended,
Aglow in light,
With a lovely view.

Once in
My other city
I put on my things
And am overcome
With joy.

Hannah after:
I glide
I fly,
Suspended,
Free,
Free.

Hannah before/Hannah after:

Too soon I have to go back
To my other city.
I cross the bridge
Now choked by fog.

My small bag grows,

So do the frequency
Of my trips
Across the bridge.

It feels like compulsion,

Something I should control,
Not allow.

—5—
Hannah before/Hannah after: Hannah after:
How do I contain it? And I feel
Subdue it? A rush of contentment
End it? For once.
And yet I still drive All the jarring noises
To my other city. Resolve in harmony,
Drive All the warring voices
Across the bridge, Are at peace.
Very high, Because I’m perceived,
Suspended Finally perceived,
Aglow in light, Finally seen,
With a lovely view. Finally,
As I am
Hannah after: As I am.
I glide As I am.
I fly,
Suspended,
Free. Close
Free.
Hannah before:
Some yellow pills,
Three words A stiff martini to wash them down,
And it is done.
Hannah after:
“Pardon me, miss.” Hannah after:
I wait.
I hear Days.
Three words. A week.
Weeks.
“Pardon.” I devise corporeal variations on
“A watched pot never boils.”
“Me.”
Hannah before:
“Miss.” Is my skin really softer?
Is my face really fuller?
Three words. Am I just imagining it?

Pretty dull More pills.

As words go. Months.
No, I’m not imagining it.
But they mean
Everything to me. I knew about
Everything. The outer changes—
For I have passed. Weight migrating,
To the man
Who said those words in passing, Hannah after:
Three small words. Edges rounding,
Just three words.
Hannah before:
Hair softening—
But I am not prepared for—

—6—
Hannah before/Hannah after: Home for the holidays
The inner changes.
These are intense. [Hannah before composes or rereads a letter to her parents.]
Sudden.
Disorienting. Hannah before:
Dear Mom (and Dad!):
Hannah after: I wanted to call you,
Emotional vertigo. But thought it
Better to write.
Hannah before: I’m sorry, but
Hypersensitivity, I don’t think
I’ll make it home
Hannah after: For Christmas
Crying at the weirdest things. This year.
I have so much work to do,
Hannah before:
And so much going on.
Burnt soup, And I really can’t afford
Dumb pop lyrics, A plane ticket
At this late date.
Hannah after:
It will be my first Christmas away
Diamond commercials.
And I’ll miss you guys,
And the tree,
Hannah before:
And the house
I fight it.
All done up
What am I fighting?
For the holidays.
Who am I?
And the snow.
The new me, the old?
I know you’re disappointed.
What is happening?
At any rate,
I might get home this Spring,
And then I finally learn
And that’s just around the corner.
To accept the changes,
But I’ll call you on Christmas Day.
To trust,
In the meantime
To see them as integral,
I send you both
Hannah before/Hannah after: A lot of love.
Natural. —H.

Hannah after:
And that’s when
A tremendous euphoria A christmas story
Takes over,
Hannah after:
Joy.
Christmas Day.
Joy.
Late afternoon
At feeling
At a coffee shop,
Aligned.
Blessedly open.
At peace.
I sit with the others exiled
As one.
By the holidays—

Hannah before/Hannah after: Self-imposed
I see myself in the mirror Or otherwise.
And think…

Close.
—7—
I’m writing, Dear son
And look up to see a guy
Smiling at me. [Hannah before reads a letter from her mother.]
A very sweet smile.
The kind that you can’t help Hannah before:
But smile back at. Dear son:
It snowed all day.
And soon he’s at my rickety table, The Coopers dropped by
Asking if he can join me. Like they always do.
A momentary panic— Everyone asked about you.
No one told me how to do this! I love the new sweater
How to flirt! And am wearing it now.
Is this how it starts? And your Dad thanks you for
What does it mean? The box set of Classic Movies.
I say “yes.” Thanks also for your call
He asks what I’m writing. On Christmas Day.
I say “I’m not sure.” You sounded quiet.
I just want to know
We talk and talk. You are happy.
He’s very cute. We love you.
Pierced and inked, —Mom
But not overly so.
I like being
On this side of the table.
But flirting this way
Out of nowhere
Is a new thing. Hannah after:
(As if one puberty Out of nowhere
Weren’t awkward enough.) He sticks out his arm
But soon we’re just two To block me from getting in my car.
Exiled people He snarls, “What are you?”
Denying our exiles His breathing is hard,
And connecting. His eyes are inflamed.
There’s no one around. Hannah before:
The sun is setting, The lot is not lit. [In a completely separate space or
And we notice the fog come in. He shouts it. from offstage, far apart from Hannah
after, Hannah before speaks in a quiet
He shouts it this time: and robotic voice, reciting a roster of
For all the flirting “What are you?” transgender people who’ve recently been
We acknowledge, I ask him to stop, slain.]
Silently and sweetly, To leave me alone. Nakia Ladelle Baker
That this will not go Where’s a weapon?
Nashville, Tennessee
Trauma to the head
Any further. Anything!
Stefania Koppi
Rome, Italy
Violently beaten, skull bashed in
That this connection suffices. “What the fuck are you?” Thanawood Wiriyananon
Phuket, Thailand
And that’s the beauty of it, Keys, anything. Strangled and beaten
Silvana Berisha
The beauty I feel And suddenly
Hamburg, Germany
Stabbed to death
When he kisses me lightly He clutches my neck,
Dilek Ince
Ankara, Turkey
On the cheek. He tightens his grasp.
Shot in the back of the head
Katia Otacilio Vilela
Jatai, Brazil
A beauty I feel With all of my strength Stabbed
Diksy Jones
In the warmth of his hand I leverage a kick. Wellington, New Zealand
Blunt force trauma to the head
As he places it in mine I jump in the car.
Agnes Torres Sulca
Atlixco, Puebla, Mexico
And says, “good night.” He reaches for me.
Neck wounds, burned, thrown in a ditch
Thapelo Makutle
Kuruman, South Africa
I slam the door. Throat cut, partial decapitation, genitals stuffed in mouth

—8—
 Start, Erica Keel
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Hannah after:
Car, Run over repeatedly by a car
Elly “Sayep” Susanna I am not an island.
Jakarta, Indonesia
Car, Stoned and drowned by police I am not an island.
Kellie Telesford
Start! Thornton Heath, UK
Strangled
He pounds at the window. Dayana Nicole Castillo Garcia Hannah before/Hannah after and Quartet:
Tarapoto, Peru
Start, start, Stabbed to death
Marion Lanza
Unidentified…
Please, God. Honduras
Shot
Unknown…
Oh God.
Krissy Bates
Minneapolis, Minnesota Unidentified…
Stabbed
“You bitch.” Patricia Murphy Unknown…
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Pound. Pound. Shot several times in the head
Selma Diaz
“I’m going to kill you.” Chicago, Illinois
Drowned
I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you.” Shelley Hilliard
Detroit, Michigan
I go on to…
I drive off. Murdered, decapitated, dismembered, burned
January Marie Lapuz
He chases still shouting. British Columbia, Canada
Stabbed to death Hannah before:
Ruby Molina
I drive and drive, Sacramento, California They continue.
Drowned
My heart is pounding. Noor Azian Khamis, The voices.
Johor, Malaysia
I have escaped. Stabbed
Islan Nettles
In my head.
I am safe. Harlem, New York
Beaten to death
You won’t be happy.

[During the orchestral interlude, Hannah gets safely home, locks Hannah after:
the door, retrieves her laptop and turns it on. She searches online You won’t be happy.
for other incidents of violence against transgender people.]
You can’t go back.
Hannah after:
Hannah before;
Later,
You can’t go back.
Alone at home,
It is wrong.
I look online.
I look online. Hannah after:
There are others. What are you doing?
I am not safe.
Hannah before:
Hannah before:
What are you thinking?
Emanuelly Colaco Taborda
Paraná, Brazil Hannah after/Hannah before:
Strangled The noise is too loud.
Menakshiammal
Krishnagiri, India Hannah before:
Burned and throat slit The noise is too loud.
Ashley Sweeney I cannot go on.
Detroit, Michigan I cannot go on.
Shot in the head But somehow, somehow…
Hannah before/Hannah after:
Hannah after/Hannah before:
Kamilla
I must go on.
Volgograd, Russia
I must go on.
Shot to death.
Amanda Gonzalez Andujar, Hannah before:
Queens, New York I go on
Unidentified
To…
Guayaquil, Ecuador
Unknown
Norway.
Milan, Italy

—9—
PART III. Hannah after:
That night,
I don’t sleep.
Grief.
Norway Loneliness.
Doubt.
Hannah after:
Norway.
Why am I here?
Where else?
Norway.
The following day,
A friend of a friend
I decide to make jam.
Rents out a cabin
I gather berries.
In Norway,
It takes forever.
In the middle of nowhere,
And tastes awful.
Just me and the Northern Lights,
I throw out the bitter fruit.
Which I’ve always wanted to see,
Just me,
A few more sleepless nights.
The middle of nowhere,
Neither here nor there.
One day,
—Perfect.
I take the wooden skiff
Out on the water.
Soon, I’m lurching past fjords
Clear, calm, deep.
And road signs with slashed “o’s.”
Clear. Calm. Deep.
I attempt a yodel,
Then remember that yodeling
Halfway out,
Isn’t Norwegian.
I realize it has a leak.
But make it back in time
A fjord.
With a boat half-filled of icy water.
Fields,
And sit on the shore
Mountains far off,
Out of breath.
And the cabin.
Which is really just a shack
Why am I here?
With cabin aspirations.
No one around for miles.
I realize that I
And I think:
Have not spoken to anyone in days.
Here is a setting for
I am alarmed because
A moment of transcendence.
I have this realization
Or murder.
Out loud.
I go inside the shack.
I also realize
It smells of goat.
That I’ve spent four days
As I am.
I throw down my bag.
As I am.
And weep.
Without regard to
Anyone else,
Or what they think.
I only care if I pass
To myself.

—10—
Every night Hannah after:
I go to the water The following morning,
And sit beneath the I rise,
Shuddering stars. And make jam again.
And wait for the Northern lights This time with better berries.
To make an appearance in the sky. I fix the hole in the boat,
A glowing glimmering shimmering in the sky. And even try a yodel.
It doesn’t happen.
 And…
Every night:
Nothing. I write a dozen postcards.
Not even the faintest glow. My first communication
With the outside world
I think: In a week.
Nature doesn’t always comply I let my hand guide me
With our wishes. As I write
Nature just is. And sign each card with my
Nature also doesn’t work New name.
In metaphors I look at the handwriting.
Like leaking boats, My teacher would not have approved.
Or bitter fruit. Graceful swirls,
It just is. Expansive ascenders,
Crosses with curls.
And here,
On my self-imposed island, My writing is not
I connect with the universe. Like a girl’s,
And the universe tells me: Or like a boy’s,
“You are an idiot.
It’s a very simple equation: Hannah before/Hannah after:
You are not happy. It is mine.
You can be happy.” It is free.
There is an echo, Free.
And it repeats: Glimmering
“You are not happy. Shimmering
You can be happy. Northern Lights.
It’s a very simple equation:
You are not happy. Hannah before:
You can be happy. Northern lights.
There is an echo
Hannah after/Hannah before:
And it repeats
Northern lights.
“You are not happy.
And I go home
You can be happy.”
As one.
And so,
I resolve [The End.]
To make myself happy.
And the only way to do that
Is simple.
And natural.
No metaphors.

—11—