LIFE COACHING

C E T I F I C AT E C O U R S E

THE MISTAKEN
BELIEFS
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ERRONEOUS EQUATION TO LIVE BY:
WHAT I DO + HOW WELL I DO = WHO I AM
SKILLS AND ABILITIES

There’s nothing wrong about being a skilled person with high standards and superb attention
to detail. But if our vision of our future relies on our skills and abilities, our vision is too small
and limited.

Q. Do you, or have you ever, put weight on the skills and abilities you have in life? Think of
each stage in your life, from your childhood through to your adulthood, and note down all the
skills and abilities you took pride in.

Q. Did your sense of worth ever get tied down to these skills? If so, how did your sense of
self get affected (positively or negatively) when your skills were tested or challenged. What
happened if you gave them up?

Q. Think about the skills and abilities you want to adopt in your future. Why do you want these
skills in your life? Are they for a self-fulfilling purpose or will they be of significance to others?
How will these new skills make your life better and help you progress in life?
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PHYSICAL LOOKS

So many people prioritise their lives around getting noticed: they spend hours of their day
trying to trend on Instagram with their hottest new selfie, showing off the OOTD and showing
off their makeup skills and weight loss progress. There are others who also invest thousands
of pounds into their bodies, whether that is through makeup, plastic surgery, steroids, fillers,
tattoos or gym memberships. Again, this prioritisation of one’s physical appearance as their
future investment is limited and small.

Q. Have you ever been self-conscious about your looks, and if so, how regularly? What parts
of yourself are you most self-conscious about?

Q. Have you ever invested money into changing yourself, or have you ever considered doing
so? Why have you or why would you?

Q. Most of us have dressed up or changed something about ourselves in life, whether

that was dolling ourselves up for a wedding or shaving/dying our hair or getting a tattoo
or piercing. Challenge yourself to list as many times in your life that you’ve changed your
appearance quite significantly and ask yourself a) how did the change make you feel and b)
how long did the positive/negative effects of this change last. Do you still feel the effects of
your change today?
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Q. Are you frightened or concerned about ageing and how you will be perceived in your old
age? Or, have you lost things from your youth that you wish you still had? Write down your
answer and then ask yourself: how do these parts of yourself that you’re afraid of losing/have
lost help you get to where you are in life today?

PERSONAL SMARTS

Many people base their worth and identity in how knowledgeable they are, particularly many
academics and students. However, many students don’t judge themselves on how intelligent
and knowledgeable they actually are, but instead on how intelligent they are in comparison
to other students according to an externalised examination system. In other words: they
judge their intelligence according to a system’s standardisation and rank their intelligence
according to their peers.

Q. Was your education/lack of education a significant part of your identity? What does your
intelligence mean to you?

Q. Have you ever played yourself as more or less intelligent than you are in order to
emphasise a role you’re trying to play?
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Q. Have you ever found yourself in situations which challenged your intelligence/your
conception of your intelligence? How did you react? Is the reaction you resorted to
sustainable?

Q. How have you determined your intelligence in the past? Is the way you determine your
own intelligence the same way you determine other people’s intelligence (if that’s even
possible)?

ABILITY TO ARTICULATE WELL

None of us are perfect communicators, but some of us base our identity on how well we
communicate our truths and what we stand for. Why? Because what we have to share
with the world constitutes our value that we have to offer to people. However, putting sole
dependence on your ability to communicate yourself correctly, without contestation, debate
question or inaccuracy is a flawed attitude. We are all on the path to getting better and
growing.

Q. Do you consider yourself an articulate person or are you self-conscious about your
articulation skills?
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Q. Can you recall situations where you weren’t able to articulate yourself in the ways you’d
hoped/or someone misconstrued what you said to fit their own agenda? What happened and
how did you feel when this happened? How did this affect your self-esteem?

CONFIDENCE

Those who are usually the life and soul of the party and more likely those who are masking
their own lack of confidence; yet because they have such a talent for feigning confidence
they put a significant amount of weight on their ability to ‘be confident’. If our vision is to be
confident in the future, we need to recognise that such a vision is actually limited to a feeling
we want to experience in the future, rather than a purposeful way of being.

Q. Are you someone who becomes the life of the party or are you someone who shies away
from the spotlight? If you’re the latter, what do you think of people who are the life of the
party, and if you’re the former, what do you think of those who aren’t?

Q. If you are the life of the party, do you believe the confidence you employ in these
circumstances genuine or do you feel the pressure and need to “perform”? What would
happen if you decided to go to a social gathering and choose to be a wallflower and how
would you feel about yourself afterwards? Reverse this question if you are someone who is
more reserved at parties (or don’t go to social gatherings at all).
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EMPOWERING EQUATION TO LIVE BY:
WHO I AM + HOW I AM = WHAT I DO
CORE IDENTITY

The one thing that can be consistent for us in life is our core identity. This is a foundation
that can set us free: this isn’t linked to any opinions, beliefs, theories, attitudes or behaviours.
When we become grounded in the truth of who we are in life, we become free to be
ourselves. The most meaningful vision we can have for our futures, which will motivate and
inspire us to progress in life, is our vision of who we are going to become.

Q. Without referencing anything you’ve achieved or failed at, what you do for a living, what
you have, what your roles are in life or what you have - define WHO you are. Who are you?
What are the core principles, values and elements that make you, you?

MISTAKEN BELIEFS

Mistaken beliefs are where negative self-talk stems from. They are deep-rooted beliefs or
assumptions that we hold about ourselves, other people and life in general. In most cases,
these beliefs are incorrect and completely unhelpful. We usually learn these beliefs from our
parents, peers, teachers, and the larger society that we grew up in. Most people tend to take
these beliefs for granted and don’t even realise that they’re beliefs at all. We just assume that
they are true! Below are some examples of mistaken beliefs:
•‘Life
• is a constant struggle.’

•‘I
• should always act nice no matter how I’m feeling.’

•‘I
• am nothing unless other people love and approve of me.’

•‘I
• am not important. My feelings and needs are not important.’

•‘I
• can’t cope with scary or difficult situations.’

The mistaken beliefs you hold about yourself and the way life is are the root cause of the
anxiety you experience. Choosing to let go of such beliefs will help you to feel less worried,
stressed and unhappy. Mistaken beliefs hold us back from the things we want in life. For
example:
•‘I
• can’t afford to have what I want.’

•‘I
• don’t have time.’

•‘I
• don’t have the talent.’

•At
• an even deeper level, ‘I don’t deserve to have the things I truly want.’
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We will never move beyond a stage in life which we cannot visualise ourselves reaching.
Believing in negatives about yourself means that you won’t even try to get what you want,
which is the surest way to guarantee that you won’t! It’s our role as life coaches is to help our
clients grasp a compelling vision of their future: there’s no personal benefit to focussing on
feelings, the economy, the world news and other people’s opinions because these things are
uncertain and constantly fluctuating.

MISTAKEN BELIEFS SET LIMITS ON YOUR SELF-WORTH

Mistaken beliefs are usually based on the idea that self-worth depends on something outside
of ourselves, for example, material possessions, social status, wealth, the love or approval of
another person. Believing that ‘my worth depends on the things I achieve’ or that ‘success is
everything’ places your self-worth outside of you and prevents you from realising that you
have many qualities and talents regardless of your outer achievements. As your self-esteem
develops, you will learn to respect and believe in yourself outside of the things you’ve
achieved, and without being dependent on anyone else to feel secure within yourself.

DISCOVER YOUR OWN MISTAKEN BELIEFS

We have all developed our own set of mistaken beliefs through hearing direct messages
from other people such as ‘nice girls don’t get angry’; or we adopt them in response to
external criticism (for example - ‘I am worthless’), being ignored by others (‘my needs don’t
matter’) or being rejected (‘I’m unlovable’). Unfortunately, because we hold onto these beliefs,
we act in ways that validate them, thereby making them self- fulfilling prophecies.

It’s crucial that we understand how our own set of mistaken beliefs came about before we go
about reprogramming ourselves with more functional and supportive beliefs.

Examples of mistaken beliefs and counter-statements:

1. I am powerless. I am a victim of outside circumstances.

Counter Statement: I am responsible for myself, and I’m in control of my life. I can’t determine
the circumstances, but I can determine my attitude toward them.

2. If I take a risk, I will fail. If I fail, other people will reject me.
Counter Statement: It’s alright for me to take risks and it doesn’t matter if I fail – I can learn
from every mistake I make. It’s okay for me to be successful.

3. Life is a constant struggle. There must be something wrong if life seems easy, pleasurable
or fun.
Counter Statement: Life is pleasurable and full. It’s alright for me to relax and enjoy myself.
Life is an adventure in which I’m learning to accept both the ups and the downs.

4. I am not important. My feelings and needs are not important.

Counter Statement: I’m a unique and valuable individual. My needs and my feelings are just
as important as anyone else.
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NOTES:

Five questions to ask yourself to challenge your mistaken beliefs

1. What is the evidence that supports this belief? If I look objectively at all of my life
experiences, what is the evidence that this belief is true?
2. Is this belief always true for me?
3. Does this belief consider the whole picture? Does it take into consideration both the
positive and negative ramifications?
4. Does this belief encourage my own peace of mind and well-being?
5. Did I choose this belief or has it developed from the influence of my family/friends as I was
growing up?

Remember that whatever value these mistaken beliefs may have offered you in the past no
longer withstands, and today they only serve to create stress and anxiety for you.

Self-Reflection Exercise

Take 5-10 minutes to reflect and consider any mistaken beliefs that you may be holding on to.
Work through the following questions and then consider what counter statements you could
use to begin changing this belief today.

My Mistaken Belief:

1. What is the evidence that supports this belief? If I look objectively at all of my life
experiences, what is the evidence that this belief is true?

2. Is this belief always true for me?

3. Does this belief consider the whole picture? Does it take into consideration both the
positive and negative ramifications?
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4. Does this belief encourage my own peace of mind and well-being?

5. Did I choose this belief or has it developed from the influence of my family/friends as I was
growing up?

6. What counter statements can I begin using to start changing this mistaken belief today?