CONFRONTING WITH

FIRMNESS AND
COMPASSION

DR. STEVEN H. APPELBAUM

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 Confrontation With Firmness and Compasion
FIRMNESS

COMPASSION
Source: K. Thomas, “Conflict and Negotiation Processes in Organizations,” in M.D. Dunnette
and L.M. Hough (eds.), Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology, 2nd ed., vol. 3 E X H I B I T 14–2
(Palo Alto, CA: Consulting Psychologists Press, 1992), p. 668. With permission.
 Confronting With Firmness and
Compassion Skills

 1. Set the Climate

 Ask for time
 State your intentions
 State your concerns or reservations
 2. State your Case
 Own your responsibility
 Describe the behavior being confronted
 State the impact of the behavior (thoughts and feelings)
 3. Listen for Understanding
 Give 100% attention
 Demonstrate understanding
 4. Negotiate
 Make specific persona! requests Offer help in the change
 Describe the positive/negative consequences
 5. Make Agreements
 State the agreements reached
 Establish a follow-up
 Share appreciations

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 CONFRONTING WITH FIRMNESS & COMPASSION
ROLE PLAY ONE (FOR CONFRONTER)

One of the people with whom you work closely frequently

uses, what in your opinion, is rather inappropriate, crude
language (curse words):

1.The language is offensive to you and it is embarrassing to

you in the presence of others.
2. You like the person and enjoy working with them
otherwise.
3. You want to have a good personal and professional
relationship.
4. The person seems rather defensive and quick tempered.
5. You have put off talking to the person for several weeks

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 Confronting With Firmness & Compassion
Preparing For Confrontation

1. How would you describe the person you want to confront?

2. (a) Describe specifically. the behavior you are dissatisfied with.

(b) What examples do you have of this behavior?
(c) How is the behavior affecting you?

3. Describe specifically what you want the person to do.

4. What are the specific consequences if the person does and does not agree to
change?

5. Based on what you know about the person and your relationship:
(a) What will the person's attitude be when you confront him/her?
(b) What is he/she likely to say or do?

6. If this happens, what will you do and say in return?

7. (a) What will it take in terms of your behavior to make the confrontation
work?
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(b) Are you willing to do what it takes?
 Confronting With Firmness & Compassion
Observer Sheet

 Set the Climate

 State your Case
 Listen
 Negotiate
 Make Agreements