Hallucinations

By: tmclupin

Note: This is inspired by John Watson’s hallucinations of Mary when she died in Sherlock.

It was the day of Trisha Knightley’s funeral, or more commonly known as Agent Guinevere. The
most senior Kingsman agent there is alongside Harry Hart or Agent Galahad.

She was the best of the best, according to the others. She was an amazing agent. She was kind, loyal,
true to her duty, and will absolutely do anything for anyone that she loves most dearly and of
course, for Kingsman.

She had died in the hands of Richmond Valentine.

She died in place of Harry Hart. She and Harry were arguing on who was going to go on that
mission, but instead it had resulted in a very misunderstood argument. Harry had told her to get
herself killed as if he had never cared and loved her ever. Even when he really did from the very first
time that they had met.

Harry regretted it deeply, letting her go on a mission like that instead of him. He had followed her
to Kentucky to help her but instead, he had witnessed everything. The church scene from her live
stream, the realisation in her eyes after she realised what she had done, all of her final moments.

Just when Trisha stepped out of the church, there he was, Valentine and his right-hand woman,
Gazelle. They were talking about something Harry couldn’t hear as he was in the nearby bushes,
hiding out of their sight. But just when he saw Valentine pull out a gun, he started to run towards
them but he was too late. Valentine had already pulled the trigger and shot Trisha in the head.

Harry stopped himself from walking on towards her to make sure that Valentine and his goons
didn’t see him. Once they were out of sight, he rushed to Trisha’s side and held her head on his lap.
He was crying, begging her to stay, to come back. Come back to him. He begged and begged, saying
that none of what he said was true and that he truly loved and cared so much about her.

“Please Trisha, please. Stay with me. Stay with me. I’m sorry, please. Please, I love you…” Harry
begged with despair, as he held on tight to her lifeless body.
Merlin was there too, sadly muttering to Harry in his glasses that he should leave before anyone sees
him. He reasoned with his friend that it’s going to be alright but Harry insisted it was not. He
refused to listen to his friend but then he remembered that he has to stick to his training. He kissed
Trisha’s forehead goodbye and muttered the words, “Goodbye, my love.”, before he got out of
there.

Now, there they stood, Harry and Merlin, in front of Trisha’s tomb, with Roxy and Eggsy near
them. Their faces all red and their eyes filled and dripping with tears. They just lost their best friend
of 30 years. The three of them got into Kingsman on the same day of the same year, and ever since
they had become friends. Partners in crime.

The mission was completely finished. Harry was left out in the final portion of it, not wanting to
see Valentine for what he has done. It was all a success, everyone in the whole world was safe. But
sadly they have to mourn for their fallen comrade.

“We’ll just be nearby, yeah?” Eggsy said to the two gentlemen in front of them to give them their
privacy. Merlin nodded in response while Harry remained still, his head down and his eyes glued to
Trisha’s tomb.

Once the two new agents were nowhere near them, Harry muttered silently, “I was such an idiot.”,
making Merlin turn to his friend in return. “I let her go to that stupid mission knowing that she
could possibly die… and she did.” His voice hitched in the last part.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Merlin reassured him, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You couldn’t
control your emotions.”

“I normally can. I normally don’t lash out on her. But this time, I did. And I was a fool.”

“You were too angry and you didn’t realise what you were saying.” Merlin uttered, “It’s in the past,
Harry. Let it go.”

“I can’t, Hamish. Knowing that I would never see her again, it hurts. And I could never forgive
myself for saying what I had said to her.” Harry sobbed, “Alive.”

“And what is that?” Merlin inquired, clearly knowing what his friend was going to say.
“That… that” Harry’s breath hitched, again. “That I never loved her… and never truly cared about
her.”

“Even when you really did…”

Harry nodded in return. Merlin felt sympathy for his friend as he grabbed him in a hug. “She loved
and cared about you too. Very deeply.”

Harry retreated from the hug, “What?”, he sniffled.

“Didn’t you notice all those looks she’s been giving you all these years? She wasn’t just being nice
and caring to you. She loves you.”

“Remember your incident with Professor Arnold?” Merlin asked Harry.

Harry nodded in return.

“She was with you all the time, right beside your bed, holding your hand. Begging and praying that
you’d be alive.”

“She… she was?”

“Yes Harry, she was. She truly did love you. The two of you were just being idiots not to notice each
other’s feelings when everyone else had.”

Harry was speechless.

“I… I don’t know what to say…” Harry muttered, “All this time, she had loved me and I had loved
her, and now I lost her. Forever…”

“I’m sorry, Harry…”

5 years later…

Everything wasn’t the same for Harry ever since Trisha died. Everything and everyone has changed.
Kingsman has evolved, Harry was now promoted to the position of Arthur, while Eggsy took his
old position. Eggsy got married. Merlin and Roxy are alive, thankfully. Everyone was happy and
thriving.

But Harry wasn’t the same old Harry. He became colder and much more aggressive in missions. He
hasn’t had a decent sleep in years. His sleep schedule would always vary from three to five hours.
The first few months without Trisha, he had stayed over at Merlin’s place, trying to get rid of all the
memories they had at his home. It hurt too much for him.

Eventually, Merlin had to convince Harry to go back to his place as he can’t stay there forever.
Harry agreed but when he finally got back to his’, all the memories kept on flooding in. The two of
them had spent so much time together that his home reminded him of her too. His home had
become her home too.

He tried to sleep, he would close his eyes but it wouldn't last long. He then moved to the couch in
the living room, still not a wink of sleep. He would then go to his office and just stare at a picture of
him and Trisha with a glass of whisky in his hand. He would mutter words at the picture and tears
would fill his eyes until he fell asleep at his desk. This kept on for about a year, but it eventually got
a bit better over time.

Merlin had tried to convince Harry that he should go to therapy, but Harry refused, so instead,
Merlin offered to be his therapist. To help him. To help him get better and recover.

This went on for days, days turned into months, until the months had turned into years. The
therapy session worked quite well, Harry has been sleeping a bit better but he still had trouble at
some times. He talked to Merlin about anything and everything whenever they could.

But one thing that Harry didn’t tell Merlin was that he kept on having hallucinations of Trisha.
Hallucinations of her talking to him in his office, of her having a conversation with him while
making tea, eating dinner with him and much much more.

Harry thought he was getting better. He convinced himself that the hallucinations would
eventually go away, but it never did. He was broken and was shattered into pieces.

One day, Harry was getting ready to go to work when suddenly, he had a hallucination again.
Trisha was leaning at the door frame of his dining room, watching Harry hurryingly finishing his
toast and tea as he was late for work, again, just when he had asked her a question, as if she was right
there with him.
Instead of answering his question, Trisha sighed, “You know that this isn’t real, right?”

Instead of answering, Harry remained silent, trying to ignore what she just said.

“Harry, look at me.” She reasoned with him, ”I’m not here. I’m dead. You know that, don’t you?”

With one final look at Trisha before going out of his home, Harry muttered, “Yeah, I’ll see you
later.”

And just like that, they were both gone.