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lawnscaping.com MAY 2011

MEET THE DOE OF YOUR DREAMS

Lawnscaping 2
Lawnscaping 3
 AD HERE

MEET THE DOES

8 | YOUR LAWNDROBE 19 | ADVICE WITH BUNNY FLOWERS
What to wear when Lawnmate Bunny Flowers
you’re getting dirty. shares advice on bunnies
and flowers.
35 | YOUR MOWER & YOU
17
37 | SEED OR SOD?
Buying a mower is Vanilla or chocolate?
like falling in love. Cats or Dogs? Seed
or Sod?

LAWNSCAPING 4

3 LAWNSCAPING October
editors’ note

WELCOME
TO ANOTHER ISSUE OF it’s always time to mow.

LAWNSCAPING
We wanted to take a moment to talk
about thatch, thatchers and thatching.
This is a term that’s not used everyday but here at Lawnscaping
we believe in keeping things classy. Thatch is found directly below
your grass line. It is the accumulation of grass trimmings, roots
and debris. It can protect infant grass, but smother adult blades.

A thatcher is someone who works with the thatch. Removes it

when needed, spreads it to where it needs to go. So why bring the
word back into our everyday vocabulary? Aside from being
essential to lawn care, it’s a delicious word that describes everyone
who picked up this magazine.

There’s something dirty about thatch. It hides in the shadows. It

can be warm or cool. Slightly dangerous yet a comforting blanket
when you need it. That sums up Lawnscaping perfectly.

Enjoy the issue, and appreciate some thatch.

Sincerely,

John N. Kemp & Deere Deer mowex.com

 WHAT TO WEAR
LAWNSCAPING
JOHN N. KEMP & DEERE DEER
editor-in-cheifs
WHEN YOU’RE GETTING DIRTY
johndeereshow.com Are you dragging yourself While you’re out tilling, other people
are going to be looking. Unless Overalls are not for
out of bed in the you have built a ten-foot tall fence
JESS M. THOMAS
art direction & editorial
morning because around your property – a topic for novices, but can be
working on your lawn is another article – your lawn is going
ademporium.carbonmade.com becoming a chore? Get
to make people stop and take notice.
Don’t be the hairy mole on your
the, be-all end-all
RAQUEL VAN NICE
rid of your “I don’t care lawn’s face. lawn care outfit.
clothes.” A change of at-
art direction & editorial First off mix up your clothing choice. The uniform of master mowers
tire can lead to a changed Denim is great, however don’t forget
wix.com/raquelvannice/ladybird attitude on yard care. about other fabrics. A nice tweed
everywhere. The rub though, is
that if you don’t have the lawn
coat in the fall makes people stop to back it up, you aren’t fit to
JP LEROUX Asking yourself, “why should I get and say, “hey look at that professor, snap the buttons. If your grass
writer at large dressed up just when I’m going he must know something about lawn
to get dirty?” is like asking, “Why care that I don’t.” A tuxedo might be
is the same shade of green as
your mower, then it’s a safe bet
ademporium.carbonmade.com take a nap? When I’m just going too formal, but a tuxedo shirt says you are ready to start getting
to wake up?” Getting dirty is just style. And don’t forget about the coveted overall tan. No more
CHRIS MACARTHUR the end result you need to enjoy accessories, The belt buckle is a great
the journey. Dirt on your knee, addition to show your personality.
taking the time to put on a shirt
photographer a frayed cuff, and some grass
and pants, now your outfit gets
you into your lawn as quickly as
chrismacarthur.ca stains should act as memories to
the great times you’ve have had Are you an, “I like beer” possible. Happy mowing.

KATIE WINTON-HENRY working on your lawn. or a, “Fun starts here”

make-up artist kind of guy?
ANIKA CARTAS
model
JO-JO JONES
model
WHITENEY G. PETERSON
model
SARAH LOUISE TYLER
insight finder
about.me/sarahlouise

MEGAN ENRIGHT & ROGER MULLER

editorial directors LAWNSCAPING 8
 overalls
walmart $15

work boots
Sears $40

cowboy hat
Party City $5

white wife beater

Pack of 3 for $7. work gloves
Home Depot $15

jean cut off shorts

free if you cut a pair
from your wardrobe

LAWNSCAPING 9 LAWNSCAPING 10
 S
ome believers say that plants respond to the energy Taking cues from certain *Cough*
around them. That soothing positive praises will affect videos that we had been watching, for

YOU’VE BEEN a plants growth. But who wants a peaceful, fat and research purposes only. The dirty talk

A DIRTY LAWN,
lazy plant? You want a sweet succulent sultry lawn. escalated. The difficulty with talking
A lawn should be the veritable jezebel of the plant to a plant is that there is no back and
world, spreading its seed to every bare spot around it. forth, aside from the occasional bend
Other lawns may call it a “whore” but that’s okay. The other lawns in the wind. So unsure of what my
are just jealous. lawn wanted to hear everyone here
just went at it with a barrage of dirty
At LawnScapping we are putting this to the test, on our own come-ons.
personal lawn. If plants do respond to energy, you want to send
the most provocative sensuous energy possible into your yard.
Your lawn likes it when you talk dirty. We are going to ease into
“You like getting rough don’t
this experiment. There were some funny looks from the neigh- you? I’ll go get the rake.”
bors when we moved speakers outside and directed them
downwards. Neighbors be damned, the lawn comes first.
“You’re gonna get aerated
The beginning of the experiment started well enough. Without because you’re a naughty lawn.”
getting to risqué the staff started sending seductive energy out
into the grass, whispering: In conclusion, the speakers were taken
down. The results were too mixed to
determine what exactly was work-
“It drives me crazy when you look like you do.” ing and the neighborhood petition
against us was starting to reach a high
number – no one had any idea that
“You’re so damn sexy.” there were even that many people
living in the area. When it gets down
to it the sweet nothings whispered to
“I can’t wait to mow you.” your lawn should be kept private. If it
already looks sexy to you, that’s what’s
Results were mixed. Overall the lawn seemed to react as though important.
it was a prude. The only exception being the patches right under
the speakers, but they could have just been receiving more
shade. So in the next few weeks’ tactics were amplified and things
steamed up.

A DIRTY, DIRTY
LAWN
LAWNSCAPING 12
 MEET THE
Dear Oh Deer DEAR DEERE ON DEER
DEALING WITH
In the last few weeks we have
received many calls on the
show regarding other types
of deer and I think I need to
clear some issues up. I am a
North American White Tailed
Deer and proud of it. I have
been called a deercist before,
but I think what people don’t
understand is that the
differences between deer, is
quite different from the
differences between people.
Take for example the Moose.
The mongoloid of our
species. Mooses, Moosi, I don’t
even know what the plural for
moose is. Female moose are
called cows, seriously you have
something that’s technically
a deer that’s called a cow, and
looks like a freak. They have
furry curved antlers, what good
will those ever do? It’s like
putting stuffed animals in a
cannon what’s the point?
On the other end of the scale
the Púdu is known as the
worlds smallest deer. These
things only get to be 17 inches
tall. They are in danger of
loosing their natural habitat,
which makes sense because
they are too short to defend
themselves. Let’s face it given
their size they are going to be
turned into a house pet if they
aren’t careful.
LAWNSCAPING 13
ANTLER ENVY
Chinese water deer, I know I
have made mention of
Reindeer being a little
backwards, but these deer take
it to a different level. Instead of
having a proper rack of antlers,
water deer grow fangs.
Seriously fangs. Large tusks
jutting from their mouths have
resulted in them being known
as vampire deer. However
these posers never let on about
the truth. The only vampire
deer known was staked years
ago back in the mid seventies.
Deercism is a problem and I
want to assure you that
I judge people on their
personality first and
usually their lawn
second.
Take my cousin Jeremy, he’s
a Jackalope. My Uncle got
drunk, one thing led to an-
other and he married a rabbit
in Vegas. However, the two are
still together, so good things
can come from mistakes. Now
a rabbit-deer hybrid may be
scoffed at, but I assure you
I only have problems with
Jeremy because his new wave
hippy ideals led him to tearing
up his lawn replacing it with a
rock garden. What a disgrace.
LAWNSCAPING 10
 Taming naughty Saint Augustine. The one that’s the most difficult to tame is the one
that we are all attracted to. People seem to be masochists in their need to make their
lives difficult. Whether it’s the dirty girl, or the man with the shady past, danger and
turmoil seem to be the most attractive qualities. Our lawns are no different.

Saint Augustine is the impossible to catch

Unicorn of the grass world
Grown naturally in tropical climates this thick shag-carpet like grass is the envy of
anyone with a yard. So thick that it becomes a turf crowding out all weeds.

Augustine has a very temperamental personality. Not liking extended periods of

shade, St. Augustine works best in southern climates. You are also going to need soil
high in acidity and alkaline. Constant fertilizing and protection from pests, this is not a
maintenance free grass, but your efforts will be worth it.

Only the persistent and lucky will be able to tame St. Augustine, but those that do will
be rewarded with a lawn so lush it could be watered with your neighbors will drool.

LAWNSCAPING 15 LAWNSCAPING 16

LAWNSCAPING 8
 MEET THE

LAWNMATES LAWNSCAPING 18
 ADVICE WITH

BUNNY FLOWERS
LAWNSCAPING 20
 Gett your head out of the clouds,
those flowers are growing like
weeds and those bunnies are
eating your seedlings. This is my
what I have to say about bunnies
and flowers.
Firstly flowers should be the frame
to your lawn. Think of your lawn
as an immaculate painting, some-
thing that’s intricate and timeless.
Now you don’t want to go messing
that up by having a bunch of neon
clashing colors poking up every-
where. When it comes to flowers a
little goes a long way. Pick a color
and stick with it.
While we are at it, flowers aren’t
all that functional. Girls do like the
occasional posy but outside of
that they don’t do much good. The
space that flowers take up could be
better used by planting vegetables,
fruit, or wait for it, fragrant plants
to repel pests. Think about mint,
garlic, or sage.
Aren’t my flowers so pretty?
Aren’t those bunnies so cute?
MAKES CARS JEALOUS
Talking about repelling pests, bunnies are the cutest hell beast there is.
The little bunchy tail and squished up nose, those watery eyes, so soft,
just want to squeeze…No, stop it.
Get that cuteness out of your head.
Rabbits are pests, adorable pests, but there’s
nothing adorable about a barren lawn.
They will eat everything that your lawn has to offer and guess what
they mate like rabbits even if you get rid of one another is probably
going to take it’s place.
What do you do about this flop-eared hydra that threatens your yard?
Having a bigger pet often helps. Dogs and cats don’t get a long with
rabbits outside of cute internet videos, so let them put in some work
and patrol your lawn keeping rabbits away. The bigger the pet the
better protection for your lawn, but be carful with this. You really don’t
want to have to worry about convincing a ten-foot python that your
lawn isn’t for him either.
Hopefully some of you will take my advice and will not face total lawn
destruction. Stay vigilant.
MOWER
WAX
Your mower gives a shine to your lawn.
 LOREUM IPSUM

LAWNSCAPING 25 LAWNSCAPING 26
 MEET THE

ANIKA editors’ note

LAWNSCAPING 27 LAWNSCAPING 28
 LAWNSCAPING 30

11 LAWNSCAPING October
LAWNSCAPING 31 LAWNSCAPING 32
LAWNSCAPING 33 LAWNSCAPING 34
 your words
editors’ note
“Two thumbs
and four
Buying a mower is like hoofs up!”

falling in love.

YOUR MOWER The anticipation of going to a dealer is going to give you that butterfly in the
stomach feeling. But just like finding your significant other there are many
different types of mowers out there and you need to find the right one for
you.

&
There are two distinctions in riding mowers the Tractor series and the zero
turn model. Each does very different things.

Your tractor series is a prime example of versatility, it has added attachments,

can be used to haul or plow and can mow like a champion.

For those who care solely about mowing you are going to want to go with a
zero turn model. This is a precision mowing machine. This will mow and edge

YOU
your lawn making it look like God’s green chest hair.
Head vs hoof
Some people are going to find it excessive to have a riding mower if you only only on KLWN
have three square feet of grass to mow. While there is never anything exces-
sive about a John Deere, there is an alternative for you.

Walk behind mowers give you the same mowing capabilities in a smaller
package. With rear discharge and collection you can mow your lawn leaving
it pristine and trimming free.

Push mowers, avoid them. They served their purpose and cemented their
place in history, but retire these fossils. They leave shaggy thatch everywhere
and by the time you’re done mowing, you’re going to be too tired to go back
and pick it all up. Some advice to follow, “If it ain’t yellow or green your gonna
scream.” You can’t go wrong with a John Deere.

Visit
LAWNSCAPING 35 www.johndeereshow.com
for live broadcasts
 Cats or dogs, vanilla or chocolate, seed or sod?
The long debate as old as lawn care itself. There are grassboys on both sides of this argument, each praising
their side while condemning the other.

Seeding is the natural way to fill out your lawn. Planting a seed in soil is the way that nature intended lawns
to be grown. Sodding is unnatural. Leaving rolled up sod out makes it at risk to dehydration, fragile roots, and
bent blades.

Sodding is the only way to start a lawn in the modern world. Leave the seed growing to professionals all you
need to do is roll it out. Seeding is for old timers with too much time on their hands. Throwing seeds around
your yard, you might as well just start a buffet for birds.

Whichever you decide, it’s all grass. The important thing is that your lawn looks good. Remember, seed, sod,
at least it’s not Astro Turf.

LAWNSCAPING 37

13 LAWNSCAPING October
 #mowme
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