What’s the difference?

Constructive criticism is designed to be helpful and is based on valid facts/observations. It’s

meant to help you & your business to grow and become stronger. It’s not always positive, but
even negative criticism can help you to see things in a new light (i.e. a production method, or a
pitch strategy). The critic is almost always giving it based on their personal & professional
experience, and because they genuinely want to help out.
Constructive criticism is also:

 Educational (or at least intended to be);

 Related to the issue/task at hand;
 Helps to build on or bolster an idea, and;
 Is intended to better the person/business.
Destructive criticism is designed strictly to ridicule and cause harm. The critic’s aim is to
destroy, belittle and embarrass. There is no upside or way to put a positive spin on what is
said/written, because the critic absolutely does not have you or your business’ best interest. It is
destructive criticism that gives people a fear of criticism in general and what gives it criticism
itself a bad name.
Destructive criticism also:

 Often makes a person feel like they themselves are being attacked;
 Tears apart/down an idea;
 Is often not well thought out and spouted out rapidly & randomly, and;
 Is sometimes intended for the person to feel so miserable about themselves and/or their
business that they give up, which gives the destroyer the chance to take over.
How should I respond to criticism?

1. Stop your first reaction.

 Keep yourself (face, voice, and body language) neutral.
 If your first reaction to criticism is to either burst into tears (me in my younger years) or
to get mad, it can damage your reputation and constructive critics will be less likely to
want to give you the criticism in the future for fear of you having the same reaction.
Destructive critics will see it as a win because they really want to see if they can get a rise
out of you.
2. Remember how beneficial feedback is.
 Feedback can only make you and your business stronger.
 If it is constructive feedback, take what they have to say into deep consideration when
making decisions about the topic/issue in question. If it is destructive feedback, take it
and rise above it. Use it as a motivator to push yourself and prove that person wrong!
3. Listen to understand (not just to respond).
  Listen closely to what the person has to say, and allow them to finish full thoughts before
responding. Take short notes if you want to make sure that you don’t miss anything (stick
to bullet points or key words).
 After they are done, paraphrase what they said to make sure that you fully understand
what they are intending to say. This shows the constructive critic that you value what
they have to say, and it might make the destructive critic think twice about what they
have to say (in the event that it was said in the heat of the moment) and so they can see
that you were fully listening.
4. Thank them for their comments.
 Show them that you value their comments (even if you don’t agree with them, which is
OK) and that they took the time to come and talk to you about their observations.
5. Ask questions to get a better understanding.
 Now is the time to get some clarification on issues that were brought up to see how you
can go about integrating their comments into making you and/or your business better, or
if there is something that you need to address (i.e. a serious issue such as health and
safety, customer service, workflow, etc).
6. Ask them for specific examples.
 For example: I noticed that when you make this type of cupcake, the batter always tastes
off, or I’ve noticed that when So-and-so is working, they are always on their phone or
talking to their friends instead of paying customers.
7. Acknowledge and explain (but don’t get defensive about!) points that aren’t disputable.
 For example: we’ve been experimenting with the types and brands of flour we use to see
what gives us the consistency and density we want.
8. Ask if it these are isolated incidents or if they are repeated/have been noted by others.
 Ask them for their ideas about how they would solve the issue.
9. Ask for a chance to follow-up.
 If it is a minor issue with a simple fix, there may no need for follow-up and a simple
“thank-you” along with a rough game plan from which you plan to move forward is
sufficient.
 However, if it is a more severe or recurring issue, it is definitely acceptable to ask for an
opportunity to meet again to get more clarification on the issue and to develop a more
finite plan of attack.
What kind of feedback do you give?
Constructive or destructive?
 
 
What kind of feedback do you give? Constructive or destructive?
Providing someone with feedback is valuable. In our roles as educators, whether facilitator, leader,
teacher, or a combination of all, we leave ourselves open to opinion. From time to time this feedback is
shared constructively, points are collaboratively established to be worked through and targets are set. The
outcome? Positive change. And then there are other times when feedback or criticism is destructive.

“The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments
are delivered. Although both forms are challenging your ideas, character, or ability, when someone is
giving destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have negative effects on your self-esteem and
confidence. Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be
deliberately malicious and hurtful. Destructive criticism can, in some cases, lead to anger and/or
aggression.” (Dealing With Criticism)

For those of you who have been on the receiving end of destructive criticism, I truly empathise. We stand
in front of our peers or learners, delivering, teaching, or supporting with passion. From personal
experience, I have been astounded by how hard some comments have hit me. It hurts! It can be
completely unexpected and feels almost impossible to prepare for.

What troubles me most is the long-term damage that destructive criticism can cause. Whether motivated
by a sense of helping, or, in rare cases, actively designed to cause turmoil, in the education sector it
simply isn’t good enough. Our roles and much of our professional development relies heavily on the
feedback of peers. Education remains an intriguing mystery at times as I watch amazing middle leaders
deliver well-constructed feedback for their students, personalising comments, and finding deeper
meaning, while the same is not done for their peers.

How could you frame feedback?

In 2004, Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada conducted a study of the nature and ratio of effective
feedback. Although their data has now been widely reviewed and challenged on a statistical level (not on
a wider interpretation of impact level), the basic premise of their findings is well worth understanding.
They found, “The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive
comments for every negative one).” (Zenger and Folkman 2013). Taking the meaning into account over
the data as a fact, this leads us to believe that we perform better when the ratio of positive comments is
much greater than negative. This in itself is not a revelation. A happy team who feel supported and trust
their leadership will perform more effectively and cohesively than a team who feels the opposite — it’s
human nature. However, seeing this ratio made me reflect on the feedback I had given to a peer when
reading through their sabbatical report recently.

In no way am I suggesting my feedback here is perfect — far from it! Prior to this paragraph was a list of
wider thinking questions that were designed to start deeper conversations, but upon rereading, I realised
quickly that they could be seen as highly critical. After some rephrasing, but without losing the direction
and with the addition of positivity to balance the challenge, I sent the feedback. It was well received and
acted upon. I think the key here was to understand what it might feel like to be on the end of the email
before pressing the send button. This is not always easy, but brings us back to the old proverb, ‘treat
others as you would wish to be treated.’ It’s not perfect, but I don’t know anyone who would want to be
on the end of destructive criticism!

When should you deliver feedback?

So, what if you’ve carefully phrased the criticism, balanced positive and negative elements, but made sure
the meaning and direction has been maintained. When do you send it? Think carefully here. Have you
ever received a challenging email late at night or over the weekend? It could be argued that we need a
level of self-control and don’t need to check emails or messages in our personal time, but digital
technology has changed things and we live in a predominantly ever-connected world. Switching off and
demarcating non-message/email time is a whole different conversation. In this instance, imagine
receiving something constructive over the weekend. It could go either way, right? Gently nagging at you
throughout the weekend and distracting from time with whānau and friends. Or, it could be well received
and not worry you until Monday morning. But dare we assume? I think, perhaps, the biggest question to
ask here is: can it wait until the morning or Monday? If the answer is no, shouldn’t it to lead to
asking, how the best way to share might be?

How should you deliver feedback?

To be effective, I believe you have to know the person on a personal level so that you know how they
respond to different modes of communication and which they prefer. It’s important to know that one of
your colleagues likes bad news or challenges to be shared face to face, whereas another is happy to
receive it via Snapchat. For some, being able to hear someone’s tone on the telephone or read their
expression and body language in person (or via video call with cameras on) is important. For others,
being face to face with a colleague who is sharing criticism may be intimidating and they may feel
uncomfortable outside of text-based communication. Neither is right or wrong, they are simply
preferences. If we don’t ascertain what our colleague’s preference is, we run the risk of getting it wrong
and potentially affecting them on a personal level.

How do we deal with criticism?

It’s not fair to assume that our reaction to every piece of criticism received will be the same. It is
dependent on who the sender is, how it’s worded, and what the positive/negative ratio is.

“The key thing to remember is that whatever the circumstance is, don´t respond in anger as this will
cause a scene and create bad feelings – and possibly a bad image of you.” (Dealing With Criticism).

Of course, there are generic things you can do to calm and deal with situations effectively, some of which
can be applied to multiple situations:

Talk to someone

It is worth remembering that teaching and education rely heavily on collaboration and cooperation. Find
someone you trust and share openly with them. It’s about finding perspective and understanding that an
immediate reaction could be clouded by heightened emotion- we’re human!
Don’t press send

Write the email if you need to. Draft in a document, record it as a voice memo, do whatever you feel you
need to do to get it out of your system, but do not press send. Everyone needs an outlet.

Focus on the positives

It can be hard to find the positives in a pile of negatives, but if you look hard, they’re often there.
Combined with possibly talking with someone for a fresh set of eyes, hunt through for anything that
resembles a comment that could be a compliment. If one simply cannot be found, stop reading. Put it
down. Return to step one.

Respond (at an appropriate time)

The key here is appropriate. A response doesn’t mean a defence. It may be as simple as acknowledging
the criticism and knowing when to cease the conversation. If the criticism is truly unjust and undeserved,
mediation may be needed. Find an alternative perspective and have a comparison. Otherwise, let it go; the
damage done from holding on to something you cannot change far outweighs anything else.

Find a different cup

A close colleague of mine, who recently supported me through my own challenge, shared how strange it
was that we so often end up focusing on the negative. On a page of beautifully balanced constructive
criticism, our eyes immediately search for the thing we know will upset us the most! It made me wonder
how often we bank the comments that make us feel good. How do we keep the cup full in the
background, so we know it’s there to drink from when we need it? There is nothing arrogant about storing
positivity to improve a sense of self. After all, we have a first-aid kit in the house, why not have one for
the mind?

In conclusion…

In closing, something I think we all need to remember (including me as I write this) is that we are our
own harshest critics. Whether that stems from the words of others or a deeply reflective sense of self, it’s
about what we do with the thinking and words we receive. Do we let them stoke the flames of a raging
fire of insecurity? Or, are we able to let them pass by us like a cool breeze? The internationally renowned
singer Adele once said, “I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them
out.”