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Toy Story
There was a time, long ago, when procuring a sex t oy meant either
visiting the produce department or going to a seedy store with a neon
"XXX" in the wi ndow, curtained booths in th e back that s melled myst e-
riously like chlorine, and a guy behind the counter wi th o ne good eye.
You can thank pro-sex feminism, comprehensive sex education, Al fre d
Ki nsey, Ernst Gra fenb erg (of G-spot fame), Betty Dodson, Sex and the
City, et al., fo r cont ributing to the mainstrea ming of sex toys.
These days, countless on li ne ret ailers offer bedside props safely,
secu rely, and discreet ly (i.e., plain paper pa ckaging and generi c
billing detai ls on your credit card statement). Gone are t he days of
t he hum iliating face-to-face ha ndover of cash for a Fleshlight. Even
Drugstore.com sells sex toys! (And we're not just t alking about th ose
"back" massagers-they stock dildos and all!) The in-person shopping
experience has been transformed, too, by beautifully designed and
inviting toy emporium s where people can ask questions a nd get honest,
educat ed a nswers about sexual hea lth and exp lorati on without feel ing
like they need to wash their hands th irty-seven t imes when they get
home. Couples are even making a trip to their little sex s hop on the
corn er pa rt of an evening out.
It 's about frea kin' time. Sure, dildos have been arqund since at
least 10,000 B.C., and doctors were usi ng vibrators to cure women of
"hysteria" back in the n ineteenth century, but it's only in the last decade
or so that people have finally started to chill out and cons ider t oys part
of a healthy sex life. In l994, the fo urteenth World Congress of Sexology,
an international gathering of sex uali ty scie ntist s, declared, "Sexual
pleasure, includ ing au toeroticis m !masturbation], is a source of physi-
cal, psychological, intellectual , and s piritual well-bei ng." Ten years later,
Durex's annual international sex survey found that more than a third
o f women ow n a vibrator or a n "intimate massager." And a nationwide
s tudy by Chicago's Berman Center found that women who use vibrators
experience higher levels of sexual desire, hig her level s of sexual
satisfaction, and higher rates of success in ach ieving orgasm. Hot
day-umm. Toys aren't just for the ladies, though, and they're more than
just a "widow's comforte r," too. The sa me study foun d that women in
relat ions hips were even more li kely t o use sex toys than sin g le gals .
Before this sexual awakenin g, t he sex-toy industry was a "push"
market, driven entire ly by the manufacturers and distributors. The
businesses were run by men and marketed to men, without much thought
to women's bodies or real pleasu re. But over the past decade, women-
who, after all , are the on es who benefi t mo st from toys-have managed
to turn the industry into a "pull " ma rket. By put t ing the ir money
where their naughty bits are, fema le consumers have encouraged manu-
facturers to invest in research and development, place quality over
quantity, a nd listen to their complai nts (at least, when old-fa shioned
s hame hasn't kept t hem from piping u p about defective products).
Hence, sex toys have got te n a lot better-for everyone.
"Boy toy" no longer means just a blow-up doll and a vat of Crisco.
Vibrators are now designed with the clitoris in mind. Dildos have the
G-spot on t he brain. Novelties have taken a backseat to high-end sex
toys and ergonomi c, body-contoured vibes. Lubes got better. Condoms
got t hinner. Glass dildos can now pass as abstract art on your coffee
table. Some of the most popular sex toys don't bea r t he slightest
resemblance to a penis (no offense, guys, but it's not always about the
dick). A miniature vibrator attached to a cock ring offers women
vibrating clitoral stimu lation dur ing intercourse. Starter strap-on kits
mean women across the country are saying, "Bend over, boyfriend."
Bachelorette-party paraphernalia has been repl aced by toys that
actually get the job done.
The problem is, it's still a jungle out there, no thanks to stat es such
as Alabama and Texas, which co ntinue to honor outmoded laws bann ing
the s ale of sex toys (which th ey dee m obscene). Given this country's puri-
tan ical tendencies, it shouldn't come as a surprise that t he sex-toy industry
is entirely unregulated, and many less-than.upstanding companies con-
tinue to take advantage of this fact. The most benign effect is that the
market is still flooded with cheap, crappy, gimmicky toys abou t as likely
to get you off as an e pi sode of lan-y King live. They're often made in
China, most likely under dubiou s labor conditions. And since they're
billed as novelties, they don't come with instructions for safe use or care.
More troubling, it mean s many toys on the shelves are made of poten·
tially carcinogenic materials (see phthalates ), a nd because there's no
organ ization overseeing safety and package labeli ng, you'd never know it.
That's where thi s book comes in-it explain s why you shou ld use
sex toys, which toys yo u s hould check out, where you can buy them,
and how you can use them. We even tell you how to introduce a toy to
a hes ita n t partner (see communication) and how to h ide your toy col-
lection from a nosy aunt (see storage)' We have pers onally t ried just
about every sex toy reviewed in thi s boo k-and, where that wasn't pos-
sible, for obvious a na tomical reasons, we interviewed someone who
has. (You should h ave seen the brawl that almost broke out over which
one of us got to test-drive the Rock Chick vibrator.)
A word on h ow to s hop with this book: There is a dizzying array of
online sex-toy retailers out there. Most appeal to more prurient inter-
ests and are unhelpful a nd ill inform ed. They tell you what they th in k
you wa nt to hear ("She'll be wri thing and moanin g a ll night long!" or
"It'll make her puss y virgin-tight again!") rath er than what you need t o
know (like, oh, say, t hat a toy m ight ca use friggi n' cancer if you don"t
whack a condom on it). They regurgitate unhelpful package copy. They
sell "porn-star pussies." In s hort, they do everythi ng that the XXX neon
stores do, just on line. i\nd we think you should avoid them like the clap.
So we singled out some onl ine sex-toy retailers we like very much-
represented by the initials you see after each toy mentioned in this book.
We'd trust these stores with our gen itals and our credit card information.
For th e most part, we avoided the Wa l-Mart-esque biggies, such as t he
original AdamandEve.corn-we find t hey leave us a little cold. Whether
you·re a man or a woman, gay or straight, we believe that the smaller
stores with a more feminine approach (whether they're owned and
operated by women or n ot) will give you a better shopp ing experience.
 The best six of the bunch are GoodVibes.com (GV), Babeland.com
(BL), A-Womans-Touch.corn (WT), Blowfish.com (BF), MyPleasure.com
(MP), and Libida.com (LB). The fi rst three in this list have bricks-'n'-
mortar stores you can visit, too, which is great for getting a sense of a
toy's size, vibration strength, noisiness, beauty, etc. But when that's not
co nvenient or geographically possi ble, th eir on lin e stores will do just
fine. We've also found Drugstore.com (OS) to be helpful for well-priced
mainstream stuff, ErosBoutique.com (EB) and ExtremeRestraints.com
(EX) for BDSM paraphernali a, ComeAsYouAre.com for Canucks, and
Xandria.com (XA) for price comparison and gimm icky-but-worth-it
items. You can even buy high-quality silicone dildos direct ly from one
of the best manufacturers in the biz at VixenCreations.com (VC). And
when we say a toy is "available a lmost ever ywhere," we mean it's stocked
at most of the aforementioned stores- we do n't mean tha t you can pop
down to the nearest Duane Reade and pi ck it u p. One day, though ...
By the way, many mom-and-pop sex toy s hops aren't on line like the
stores we mention here but are just as friend ly, responsible, and afford-
able. So, check out your local alternative newspaper to see whether there's
one in your town. If there is, cons ider it you r civic duty to support it!
We've includ ed price ranges for most toys : "$" mea ns less than
$20, "$$"means Sio-$60; "$$$"means $60-$100; and"$$$$" means
$100-$2 00. For anyt hing more expensive than that (a.k.a. bedroom
bling), we've included the actua l price. Pri ces can vary s ignificantly
from store to store, so shop around for the best deal. And by "best
deal," we mean the lowest price on that part icular t oy. not some chea p
knock-off made in China. At first g lance, you may thin k many of t he
toys we've included are quite pricey. But though high cost doesn't
necessarily guarantee high quality, in thi s industry you us ually get
what you pay for: Cheap toys are typically made cheap ly out of cheap
materials . High-quality sex toys a re an investment in the qua lity of
your sexual pleasure and satisfact ion. You probably wou ldn't th ink
twice about spending $50, even $100, on a nice meal or a new pa ir of
jeans; aren't your ge nitals wort h that same investment?
 As a general rul e, we've found Blowfish.corn's prices to be
significantly lower on most products-but it's also a bitch of a s ite to
navigate. GoodVibe s.com and Babe land.com tend to be pricier, but
they both have a special place in our hearts (and pants). And though
A-Womans-Touch.com may have less of a selection, you're guaranteed to
get products deemed safe by their chem ist (he's t ested every s ingle toy
t hey sell). If you're toy s hopping for t he fir st time, we suggest st arting
with these t hree and then price shopping once you're more familiar
with what's out there. And, hey, you mig ht decide you feel so comfort-
able at GoodVibes.com or Babeland.com or A-Womans-Touch .com that
you buy t here. too. You're paying for the ent ire shopping experience,
and, when it comes to sex toys, t hat counts for a lot.
If you have trouble locating an item reviewed in t his book, it's
because stores are co nsta ntly u pdating t heir inventory, replaci ng toys
with item s they cons id er an improvement on an earlier model, and
renaming toys because they came up wit h something catchier. In fact,
only a handful of t oys- usually t he most famous ones, such as the
Hitachi Magic Wand-appear under the same name in every location.
The Lumina Wand, on the other hand. has at least six names! We've
made an effort to cross-refe rence various names to clue you in , but it
can still be pretty damn confus ing. If you can't fi g ure it out, ask a
sales assistant, either in person or by e-ma il. (And if no one will help
you, take your business elsewhere.)
One more point of bus iness: If a word or phrase is bolded , either
in this introduction or a nywhere else in th e book, that means it has its
very own entry in the encyclo pedia. This may require a bit of flipping
back and forth the first few t imes you open the book, but pretty soon
you'll pick up the lingo and won't need to turn back thirty pages to
figure out what t he hell it means fo r a t oy to be :monoga:mous.
Des pite this fancy system , o ur encyclopedia is in no way exhaus·
tive. If it were, it would be longer than War and Peace and we'd st ill be
road-testing vibes into our seventies (though, for the record, we plan
o n doing that rega rdless of our pub lis hing sc hedule). It 's simply an
introduction to the world of toys. We reviewed best-selling toys, our
favo rite toys, toys that cracked us up, toys our frie nds in the biz raved
a bout, toys our favorite retaile rs consider sleepers, t he toys we lost our
vibratory cherry to, etc. But your favorite toy might not even be in thi s
book. Your clitoris or your starfish or your nipples or your balls aren't
swayed by best-seller li sts, and they don't particularly care which toy
Charlotte from Sex and the City used, either. (Though we did, of course,
review the Rabbit Habit vibrator, too.) It 's okay to li ke a toy because
it's pretty or because it's got a funky li ght display-after all, that's part
of the experience. But bear in mind that some of the ugliest toys o ut
there (like, say, the Eroscillator) boast legions of fans who evangelize
with Sciento logy-esque fervor for t heir vibe of choice.
So, have at it. first , be su re to read the entries on materials,
cleaning & care, and storage, as well as the important sa fety appendix
in the back. Then, start with beginner toys. Try to buy toys manufac-
tured in North America, Japa n, or Europe. Don't forget to pi ck out a
lube that complements your toy (because some may destroy it). If
you're not sure what a toy is made of, put a condom on it. Keep spare
batteries on hand, because nothing kills a sex-toy moment like the
dying wa il of your littl e motor running out of juice. Get a toy for your
bath, for you r butt, for your best friend (see our entry about gift-giving
etiquette). Get another one for yoursel f. And another. Remem ber, who-
ever dies with the most sex toys wins!

Key to Abbreviations
BF= Blowfis h.com VC = VixenCreations.com
BL= Babeland.com WT = A-Womans-Touch .com
DS = Drugstore.com XA = Xandria.com
EB= ErosBoutique.com S =u nder S20
EX = ExtremeRestraints.com SS = S20 -S60
GV = GoodVibrations.com SSS = S60-S100
LB = Libida.com ssss =S100-$200
MP= MyPleasure.com

Fa ux glass made of transpa rent
plastic, hard. Lucite is a popu-
lar bra nd of acrylic. Sex toys
made of it are hard, nonporous,
and as s mooth as a baby's
bottom frozen solid. They are
crack a nd s hatte r relli.Mant,
b ut you can break t he m (as we
found out after dropping a
Lurnina Wand on the floor
t wenty times). So, if you've got
one with a crack, throw it away-
you wouldn't want it brea king
off inside you (plus, bacteria
cou ld get in a hairline fracture).
Acrylic toys are most often
pelvic-floor-muscle stren gth-
ening tools a nd G-spot d ildos -
i.e., whe n your prim a ry focus is
hav ing something rock ha rd to
grip onto. And we mean rock
hard, not the k ind of hyp e rbolic
"o h, baby, you're rock hard"
t hat refers to nonacryl ic, real-
life dongs, esp ec ially in m ovies
wit h titles such as Between a
Rock and a Ha rd-On. Acrylic is
also phthalate free (yay!), but it
can't be s t erilized by bo il ing in
water, like silicone (eh).
To clean an acrylic toy,
sim ply give it a good scrub with
ant ibacter ial s oap and water.
If you clean with a bit of elbow
grease (i.e., you' re not the type
to leave scraps of congealed
casserole on "clea n" dis hes in
t he drying r ack). you ca n u se
acrylic toys without condoms.
Ju st to be on t he safe si de,
thou gh , we recommend always
using con doms if you plan on
sha ring a toy. Seriously, fol ks ,
is it t hat much to ask that yo u
buy one toy per partner if you
want to go condom free? FYI, if
your acrylic toy comes with a
raised sea m or any bumps left
over from the casting process,
use a nail file to s mooth them
away before u se.
addiction
-
C ompuls ive phys iologica l a nd/
or psycholog ica l dependence
on one's favori te sex toy. This
condit ion ca n be observed in
t he Sex and the City ep isode in
which Charl otte buys a Rabb it
(see Rabbit Habit & Rabbit
Pearl vibrators) and conse-
quently never wan ts to leave
her apartment and Carrie and
Miranda are forced to hold a n
intervention. (We were always a
little disturbed by how comfort-
ably they handled Char lotte's
vi brator when t hey knew
exactly where it had been.)
Women commonly worry
that t h ey wi ll become addicted
to their toys, unable to experi-
ence the sa me pleasure with
their nonrobot partners. Men
commonly worry that t hey can't
compete with robots. But as long
as a woman mixes it up and is
willing to try new things, with
and without toys, there's noth-
ing wrong with reaching for a
battery-powered fr iend every
now and then . It's true, some
women find they can reach
orgasm only with the intense
vibrations from a machine-
but this is not addiction; it's
simply an individual anatomi-
cal imperative. And we'd say
machine-assisted orgasms are
better than no orgasms at a ll.
Men should be comforted by
the fact that most women know
a vibrator cann ot pay her com-
pl iments or cuddl e with her.
Male addict ion is much less
common due to the fact that the
basic formula for his orgasm
is typi cally much simpler than
hers (inse rt, thrust, repeat).
However, in rare cases, the
severely socially awkward have
been known t o fall for their
Real Doll. Such creepy obses-
s ion was t he subject of t he low-
budget, so-horrendously-bad-
it's-almo.<1t-good, soon-to-be-
cult-class ic Love Object (2003).
> See also the Safety Tips
entertainment
-
Videos, DVDs, ski n rags, live
shows, Web sites- pretty much
anything X-rated that did,
actually, mean to turn you on.
So, super-stea my R-rated
French cinema doesn't really
count. But everything from
soft-core "Skinemax" features
such as The Plea.<1ure Zone 13 up
to hardcore gonzo titles like-
warning to the faint of heart!-
Cu.m Guzzler.o (featuring women
s lurping ejacu lation out of
dog bowls) doe.o count. About
99.9 percent of adult entertain-
ment is plagued by at least
t hree of the following: fake tit-
ties; bad dye jobs; dialogue that
makes One Life to live sound
like /\nnie Hall; a disturbing
lack of foreplay; a distur bing
lack of pubic hair; mysterious
st a in s on the packagi ng (if it's
a renta l) ; mul lets.
-
Altoids
T he "curious ly strong mint"
with sexy ad tag lines ("Pleasure
in pain," "These mints have not
yet been rated," "Shrinkage may
occur," "Dental Damn!") that
was the s ubject of a widely cir·
culated 1997 e-mai l extolling
the mints' powers as an oral sex
aid . (Hmmmm, we wonder who
ori gin all y sent that e-mail?
Could it be ... Altoid.o?!) The
faux e-mail reached widespread
urban legend status when it was
referenced in that noted co llec-
tion of hot erotica, Kenneth
Starr's im peachment report:
Monica Lew ins ky handed th e
prez a printout of the e-mai l
while she herself was sucking
on an Altoid (cheeky monkey).
The jury's sti ll out on whether
it's all hype. Do your own
research. whether with Altoids,
Tic Tacs, Fisherman's Friend,
Hall's Mentholyptus, or Oral
Fixation (hipster mints in a chic
cigarette case), and report back.
See also edible accessories.
anal beads,
-
about
Anal beads look like a s napped·
together kids' plastic necklace-
the kind you can win in a
gumball machine. In other
words, totally unlike something
you should stick in your bee-
hind. But they feel rilly, rilly
good, both on the way in and on
the way out. The pros say you
shou ld insert the string slowly,
one bead at a time, pausing for
permiss ion ~fter eac h bead like
a d i1-ry game of Mother May I?
Then pull the beads out (gently
but not as slowly) either just
before, or at, t he moment of
anal b eads,
jelly
orgasm. Do not-repeat, do not-
yank the beads out: Thi s is not
an area where you want rug
burn. (J ust the phrase "anal
-
T hese are jelly-rubber anal
beads on a jelly-rubber s ta lk.
The gradual esca lation in s ize
chafing" makes us clench.)
makes them good for nervous
The cheapie kind of anal
nellies: The smallest bead is
beads are attached on a nylon
114 in ch in d iameter, and the
cord a nd made of plast ic-so
sizes build up to the largest,
make s ure you smooth down any
still a modest 1 inch around.
rough plastic seams fi rst (owee!)
The large bendy ring at the top
using a nail file. And be warned:
gives you somethi n g to pu ll on
That cord is going to get ria.;,ty
when you sense your partner
after only three or four u ses. So
is rounding that final bend-
we'd say throw down a bit more
or if they scream, "Enough
mon ey and go fo r high-quality
already!"-t hough, as with any
beads built on a sta lk of t he
anal toy, jelly beads s hould
same material (instead of on
always be removed steadily and
a s tring), like the nexi Felix.
smoothly: No matter the emer-
This kind of to y is s turdier and
gency, a jerky yank is always
easier to clean, especially if
a bad idea. If the house is on
ifs made of silicone, like our
fire , for example, just leave the
friend Felix. A more affordable
beads in place whi le you find
option is jelly-see anal beads,
jelly fo llowing-but then you'll
the nearest emergency exit.
Because jelly is porous
have to contend with possibly
and contains phthalates, they
toxic phthalates. And remem-
shou ld a lways be used wit h a
ber, as with any a nal toy: Lube
condom. though admittedly
is your friend (th e one you have
thi s can be a litt le awkward. If
to play with, 'cause your mother
you in sist on bareback bead-
said so).
ing, the toy s hould at least be

a monogamous sex toy. (But,
honest ly, you're better off
s pring in g for a more expensive
silicone version s uch as the
Flexi Felix so you r condom-
fre e poking can be worry free,
too.) Wash the jelly ones in soap
and water after use. Available
as Blue Beads on !3L, as X-10
Beads on MP, or as the Grapes
of Writhe on BF($).
anal beads,
-
silicone
S ee Flexi Felix.
-
anal play
Accord ing to TantusSilicone
.corn, o ne of the biggest trends
in sex-toy sa les right now is
consumers' interest in the ass.
Ana l play is any sexua l s t imul a-
tion, externa l or internal , of
th e anus. The area is ch ock-ful l
of n erves, so attent ion in th e
fo rm of vibrat ion or pe net ra·
tion can be very pleasing, as
long as you do it correctly-and
yo u're not so me sex ist, hom o-
phobi c clea n freak. Prepare fo r
any incoming objects by get·
tin g plenty of fib er in yo ur di et ,
dropping the kids off at the
pool, tak ing a thorough s hower,
and maybe even orgasming
first to loosen ever ythi ng up
down there. Was h any probes
before and after use (because
microscopic fecal bacteria can
cause infection). In fact, use a
condom to help keep things
tidy and STD free.
Any toy yo u take s pelunk·
ing s hould h ave a fl ared base,
so it won't get lost up th ere,
and sh ou ld n ot be breakab le.
Obvious, right? Th in k agai n.
Not a ll those emergency-room
stories are urban legends-a
nurse frien d of ours has per·
sonally relieved patients of,
among ot her th ing s, a slimline
vibrator, a TV remote control.
and a can of Axe Body Spray.
Best t o stick with t he soft,
bendy, size-a ppropriate toys
made speci f ica lly for th e tush.
Start off sma ll and work your
way up: There's no s uch th ing
as a 1 2 .inch Colon Pound er Aneros butt
Starter Kit.
The ass hole is not self·
lubricating, so you've got to use
lube-see lubes, water-based
fo r products that won't degrade
-
plug
Actually, make that the Aneros
Prost ate St imu lator. No, seri-
ously: This best-selling wh ite
latex, unlike Crisco and other
pla stic med ica l device wa s
oils. Never fo rce anyth ing in
invent ed by a bunch of sc ien·
t here, and don't pull a nything
ti sts to help relieve congested
out like yo u're tugging on a
prostate fluid (sexy, we know).
goddamn emergency brake,
But it didn't take Aneros long
either. TLC is key. Read Anal
to figure out that dudes wi th
Plea.oure & Health, by Jack
prostate probl ems were rea lly
Morin, for more deets.
enjoying their prescribed treat·
Also, sec the index fo r
ment (can you imagine the co n-
a comprehen sive list of ana l
versati ons at go lf clubs across
toys featured in thi s book. For
t he count ry?), so now it's sold
no ntoy, anal-related info, see
fo r health a nd plea su re. And,
gerbils, P-spot, a nd perineum.
actually, even if you r prostate
has a clean bi ll of health, it ca n
a lways benefit fro m a good
ma ssage. Plu s, regular use of
this baby can tone a guy's
pelvic floor muscles, giving
him more control over his
orgasm (see kegels).
The Aneros plug basically
s urrounds his te rritories down
there, s timulating his prostate
internally and externally.
lt's got three parts: 0 The
inserta ble plug pa rt cur ves
slightly to hit hi s prostate a nd
is 1 inch by 4 inches, about the
size of a rather large man's
thumb (t hough it's not just for
men who fantasize about a
large man's thumb in the bum).
6 The wide, flat ha ndle rests
pleasa ntly again st hi s per-
ineum. 0 The curlicue handle
is used for insertion and
removal, and n estles bet ween
hi s butt cheeks during use
(cute, huh?). And here's the
genius part: It's totally con-
trolled by the ass musc les! We,
er, s hit you not. fls he relaxes
and contracts down there, the
plug shihs a little, gently mas·
sagi ng t he prostal"e as it goes.
Look, ma, no hands! That sa id,
the wearer, or his partner, can
also use the curlicue handle to
rock the plug back and forth to
help things along. (By the way,
women can get in on the Aneros,
too; in their case, the hand le
will dip into the vagina.)
Once it's in, the rest is up
to you. As with any anal play,
don't forget to use lots of lube-
any kind with this toy-and
ex pect Aneros to feel a little
uninvited For t he f irst few min-
utes aher insertion. Some men
claim they can come from the
Aneros alone, though they do
admit thi s requires Sting-l ike
concentrat ion a nd dedication,
at least the first few times.
Others, like o ur gu inea pi gs,
prcl'cr to wear it while rubbing
one out or having sex, which
can result in "super-intense
orgasms." And more than one
user quoted on flneros.com
reported an uncontrollable
desire to "growl." (Remember,
k.ids, we don't laugh at other
people's orgasms.) Sure, th e
Aneros is a little more expen-
sive than your average butt
plug, but boy toys that actua lly
work are rarer than a Tofu Pup
at a NASCAR race. Besides,
doesn't your guy de1>erve a
custom-built, pate nted poker?
The Aneros is nonporous and
s hould be washed with mild
soap a nd water. Sold by name
most everywhere($$). Buy it o n
Aneros.com, a nd the orig ina l
design (there are new shapes)
comes with a ninety-day
money-back guara ntee.
aphrodisiac
-
Any food or dr ink item r umored
to put you in the mood, including
oysters, truffles, strawberries,
dark chocolate, Spanish Fly,
Slippery Nipples, ecstasy, and
a slice of pi zza at just the rig ht
time. Scientists have never
been able to prove their efficacy
(and you ca n bet your chocolate-
covered strawberries they
tried). but the placebo effect
is not to be und erestimated.
Aphrodisiacs are employed
mostly by men in s hiny su its
who think playi ng a Marvi n
Gaye CD will get them laid. They
will typica ll y serve up their
aph rodis iac o f choice with a
wink and a "sexy" grin. On a
side note, some women have
been known to serve a potential
luvver food of a certa in, um,
texture- oysters, say, or the
mystery d ish at d im sum-to
ascerta in his comfort leve l with
cunnilingus. However, any man
who refers to his oral prowess
wh ile sucking a Blue Bay oyster
off its s hell is to be regarded
wit h t he h igh est suspicion.
Subtlety, dudes: It's underrated.
See also edible accessories.
Aqua Arouser
waterproof
-
vibrator
Thi s multi speed waterproof
vibe is a very strong swimmer.
Admittedly, it's not exactly an
undercover operat or, like the
Duckie waterproof vibrator,
but some of us like our sex toys
to look like they were bu ilt for
grown-ups. This vibrator is
fairly s lim (11/4 inches across)
and the clear jelly s haft is what
they call in the biz "realistica lly
veiny" (we wish there were a
sex ier way to say that). for
added sensation. In addition,
the Aqua Arouser featu res a
cluster of n ubbins (now thereLi
a name for a candy bar) at its
base to gently st imu late t he
i\°i'
."
clitoris. Because the AA is
made of jelly (i.e., contains
phthalates), kee p your t oy
monogamous and to be extra
·i
,,,
safe, cover it in a condom. MP
is the only place you can get it
in aq ua, though LB se lls it in
blue as the Wat er Wi lly, and BL
has a longer, wider one called
the Sparkle Sp lasher, with-you
guessed it-p ink sparkles! ($$)
Audi-Oh
butterfly
-
vibrator
I f you like doing it to music,
th is vi be 's for you. A miniature
vibrator-connected by cord to
a battery pack about the size
and weight of a brownie (wit h
nuts)- is held in place by a
butterfly harness. The vibe is
bui lt to respond to sound, ere-
ating an infinitely va riable
range of vibrations, instead of
a boring, repet itive pattern or
cont inuous vibration (t hough
you can adj ust the contro ls to
give you just that). You can wear
it in public (preferably under
your clothes) to dance clubs, .::.·
concerts, or your Abnorma l
Psych seminar. You can also
input sound directly from
audio devices li ke a portable
CD player or your iPod, bu t
you'll need a 1/s-inch audio
cable and a Y adapter (that
thingamajiggy that turns one
output hole into two). And, to
get the bullet in and out of the
butterfly easily, you'll need a
litt le water-based lube (also not
included). Great for tech geeks
and music fascists. It 's worth
getting one just so you can hear
B
a new song and say, "It's got a
good beat, and yo u can co me to
it." Ava ilable mos t everywhere,
Babeland.com
(BL)
including Audi-Oh.com($$$,
not including the nine-volt
battery you'll need). See also
remote control toys.
-
" Maybe we need a National
Strap-On Association : l t's easier
to get a gu n than a dildo in
most parts of the country." So
say Rach el and Claire, owners
of the sex-toy retai ler formerly
known as Toys in Babela nd
(last yea r they got a new look
for their Web s ite, a new logo,
a nd an easier-to-remember
name: Babeland.com) . With a
great on lin e s hop chock-full of
merch and helpful sexed, plus
two funky stores in N.Y.C. (the
Soho location is the best ), on e ~' ,,, .
in Seattl e, and one in L.A.,
Babeland is second only to Good
Vibes in the sex-toy race, which
means BL can get away with
charging a bit more than most
of its compet itors. Its only exclu-
s ives are Babe land·bran cled
con doms, lube, a vibra ting
flash light key chain (the
Babclight), an d a Babeland
Si lver Bullet; the compa ny
prefers to fo cus on generating
original sexed content while
letting the manu facturers do
what they do best. Babeland is
women owned and operated, like
GV, and its sensibility is a little
more urban, a little more rock 'n'
roll. In other words, Babeland
would be the sex store feat ured
on Showtime's The L Word.
doesn't feature a sn uggle-butt
baby on its packaging-try
Cottonell e Pre-Moi stened
Wipes (flus hable, portable, and
alcoho l free, though they do
contain fragrance). Three cheers
for a new way to kill the ra in
forests! A.k.a. intimacy wipes.

bachelorette-
party
-
baby wipes
Once you get over the slightly
seedy feeling of using a baby
-
paraphernalia
S ashes, tiaras, boas, ''Wild
Girls" caution tape, plastic ball
product for sex, you'll realize
and chain, "naughty" confetti,
what an ingenious invention
"pin the hose on th e fireman"
these things are. Use them to
games, poseable male pinups,
wipe off a sex toy immediately
Jell-0 s ho ts, "diamond rin g"
after use, or grab one after a
shot glasses, pecker straws,
facial or any kind of anal explo-
glow-in-the-dark penis-shaped
ration. (A note to lazy fuckers:
to-go cups, "cocksucker" lolli-
They're no substitute for a
pops, condoms-on-a-stick,
good scrub with soap before
4-foot inflatable willies, pecker
and after your sesh.) Discretion
party horns, peni s balloons,
would suggest that you not keep
penis candy rings, penis Mardi
them prominentl y displayed on
Gras beads, penis tatt oos, penis
your nightstand , though within
straws, penis strobe pins-we
arm's reach (perhaps in your
could go on. See also edible
"party drawer") is a nice touch.
accessories, gag gifts, and
And good ta ste would suggest
novelties.
that you purchase a brand that
bachelor-party
-
paraphernalia
S trippers.
"back"
massage rs
-
Remember back in the seventies.
when you used to go over t o
your friend Saman tha's hou se
to play, and on special days
s he would say, "Wanna see my
mom's back massager?" And
you kind of knew there was
somethi ng secret about this
back massager because of how
well it was hidden (and what it
was hidden with), and you and
Saman tha would take turns
holding it on each other's backs.
And then there was that one
time when Samantha went
downstairs to get more apple
juice and Oreos, and you had
the serend ipitous idea to hold it
on your happy place (you barely
even knew you had a happy
place back then), and after that
Samantha became your Best
Friend Forever.
Decades later, back mas·
sagers are still selling like
hotcakes, p roviding ext ernal
genital stimulation to women
who've never experienced a day
of back pain in their lives. In
fact, the Hitachi Magic Wand
is the most popular vibrating
sex toy in the world- and yet the
packaging feat ures a leotard·
clad. squeaky-clean housewife
tending to her aching back and
s houlders. While back mas·
sagers may not be as sexy or
cute as all the custom-made sex
toys out there, they hold a spe-
cial place in our hearts (okay,
t hey hold a specia l place in Em's
pants). And, hey, some people
like that whole medical-product
vibe: It makes them feel less
trashy, and it's easier to exp la in
when your kid and her best
friend discover it in your
drawer. Let us count the ways
we love back massagers: You
can purchase one at a drugstore
(DS; $$), you don't have to worry
about going th rough airport
secu rity, back massagers tend
to be sturdier and longer lasting
than a lot of plastic novelty
vibes, and, next t ime you get a
real backache after a gruelin g
tra nsatla ntic flight, presto!-you
own a back massager! Other
popular back massagers include
the Wahl vibrator and the
Essential Multi-Ma ssager (the
latter is available almost every-
where; BL call s it the Essential
Vibrator and GV names it the
Essential Coil ;$$).
the mou th open, mu zzles, pony
bits, a nd masks or hoods that
cover the mouth. Gags come in
handy if you want to turn your
BDSM play up to eleven, or if
you're role-playing a kidnappi ng
scenari o and your "kidna pper"
has a bit of a Quentin Tarantino
thing. lf you're prone to t he
giggles at the sl ightest spank
or hint of di rty tal k , however,
a gag is not for yo u. Needless
to say, you're n ot s upposed to

-
ball gags
For advanced players on ly, and
in particular for t hose players
wear thi s for extended periods
of time (it can seriously irritate
the joints in you r jaw), nor do we
suggest donning on e if you've
who take their sex play very
got a stu ffy nose or there's even
seriously. A ball gag co nsists
t he sli ghtest ch an ce your mom
of a ball , usually made of rub-
might walk in on you. Visit EB
ber or s ilicone, with stra ps
a nd EX for some Aeriou.Li exam-
at tached at either si de to hold
ples($-$$$). See also restraints.
it in place-in your mouth. You
know, like what Bruce Willis
and Ying Rha mes had in their
mouths when they woke up in
the basem ent with the Gimp in
Pulp Fiction. The ball s its beh ind
your teeth, and t he straps go
around your head. Variations on
this theme in cl ude gags with a
nubbin in the basic s hape of a
penis head, 0-ring gags or meta l
dental contraptio ns that force
 bath
accessories
-
We know of n o better foreplay
t han a bubble bath, whether solo
or a deu x. If you're on e of th ose
corporate busy bees who find s it
hard to s hut down at the end of
th e d<ty, try su bstituting a bath
for al l that mindless TV you've

-
come to rely on. Light some
ball stretchers candles, play some music, and
leave t he freak in ' Blackber ry in
A strip of material, us ual ly
the k itchen. We like the bath
attached to a cock ring, that
products from the Kama Sutra
pushes the testicles down
line or V'Tae (BF), but, really,
deeper into the scrotal sac and
whatever fl oats your bath toys is
pulls them away from the penis
fi n e (though if it's patchouli oil.
and body, with the intention of
we don't want to know). If you
making them feel more vulner-
or your partner has a sen s it ive
able, exposed, and/or sensitive.
veegee, avoid overly fragranced
There may also be a noth er
products. Aveda products are
strap that separates each ball
pricey, but they're a ll-natural,
or a D-ring to whi ch weights or
so they're ohen a good fi t with
leashes can be attached. Good
easi ly irritated private parts.
if you prefer your testicles to
If you find yourself getting
look like two balloons about to
sleepy. administer a r u bdown
pop rather t han two balloons
with a vibrat in g sponge (BL, MP,
that have been deflated quite a
XA; SJ or a vibrati n g shower
bit (EX ; S-SSSl. See also BDSM.
scrunchie (LB; SJ. or just invite
your Duckie waterproof
vibrator into the tub. 1f you've

got company, check out t he book
Hot & Steamy: Erotic Bat/u,
for Two, by Annalise Witberg, for
some saucy suggestions-it's
waterproof. so you can actually
read it in the bath, and it's
designed to fit in your soap
di s h! Or, for some wet and wild
erotic fiction. whether alone or
with a friend, try the adults-only
waterproof book Aqlla Erotica.
But here's the rub (or,
rather, the rope burn): Being
i>queaky clean mean s bath or
shower water will wash all your
natural lube away, and regular
water-based lu bes will slide
right off, too. You're going to
need some waterproof {i .e., sili-
cone) lube if you're plann ing
on doing more than just wash-
ing behind your ears.
If you thi nk squeaky clean
is overrated, enlist the help
of some edible accessories-
basically, an excuse to put your
mouths all over each other. Just
be sure to eat all your veggies
at dinner first. Because you're
a lready in the shower, cleaning
up the leftovers will be a cinch.
BDSM
-
O verlapping acronym for one,
two, or all three of the following
types of kinky play: bondage
and discipline, domination and
submission, and sadism and
masochism {or sadomasochism).
Though there are certainly mem-
bers of BDSM communities who
take their kink very serious ly,
you don't need to know any
secret handshakes or Trekkie
lingo to dabble in power play
using BDSM paraphernalia,
such as ball gags, blindfolds,
bondage belts and tape, candle
wax. canes, collars, cuffs.
gimp suits, nipple claznps,
nylon rope, paddles, rol e-
playing outfits, spreader bars,
and whips {see kinky toys).
Of course, accessories
like these do have a learning
curve, so you should research
al l the safety concerns and read
all the instructions thoroughly
before picking up any BDSM
toy. If you're looking for details
on the end less supply of instru-
ments for cock-and-ball torture
or how to interior decorate
your own dungeon, you've
got the wrong encyclopedia.
Bu t t here are sever a I good
resources fo r beginners: GV's
Whip.omart instructional video,
and th e books Sen..ouolJ..<l Magic,
SM 10 1, When Someone You
Love 1.6 Kinky, an d our favorite
tit le, Screw the Ro.oe.o: Send
Me the Thom.o (all available
online). A.k.a. fetish pl ay.
ErosBoutique.com has an
extens ive collect ion of BDS M
gear for both beginn ers and
full-t ime gimps. See a lso
ExtremeRestraints.com and
restraints.
bedroom bling
-
S ec high-end sex toys.
beginner toys
-
Are you over whelmed by the
tyra n ny o f ch oice? Or do the
ball gag and the spreade r
bar sound a bit too much li ke
Dungeons & Drago ns for your
taste? A begin ner kit will be
ri ght up your alley. We like BL's
Sex Toys 101 Kit ($$$), wh ich
comes with the Nubby G vi bra·
tor, the Sil ver Bu ll et miniature
vibrator, a s ilicone Little Flirt
butt plug, and a sa mpler pack of
lube. The s ty Iis h Mile-High m.t
is a good place to start, too, with
it s cool carr ying case. If you·ve
got a new backdoor fr iend, try
the Bend Over Beginner Kit. Or
you ca n build your own starter
kit: Try a "back" massager to
warm u p to t he idea of sex toys,
a pocket-s ize vibrator that
could pass as a fl as hlight key
chain , like BL's Babe ligh t ($), a
waterproof toy to play wit h in
the s hower, a G-spot sti:mula-
tor to see if that's your (or your
part ner's) bag, a mini butt plug
t o see if that:C. your (or your
partner's) bag, and a Rabbit
Habit, because it's got a bit of
everything.
Once you've figu red out
wh at ki nd of stimulation or
penetration gets you off- and
we're taking a wild guess t hat
you'll get hooked on at lea.ot
one kind-you ca n experiment
wit h di ffere nt toys in that
range; nobody expects you t o
feel comfortable with a fu ll
chest h arness and twelve-inch
purpl e-veined dildo plus vi bra t·-
ing butt plug unti l the second
date at the earliut. See the
index for all the beg inn er toys
feat ured in the book. See also
communication.
-
Ben Wa balls
T raditionall y, these arc two
smooth, solid, occasionally gold-
plated, u nattached spheres, just
a bit bigger than kids' marbles,
that a woman inserts into her
vagi na (keep 'em out of your
butt). Sometimes, though,
they're two s lightly bigger hol-
low m etal ball s with a loose
weight in each (for more on this
version, see duotone balls).
Apparent ly, women started
using egg-shaped inserts, carved
fr om ivory, centuries ago in
Asia-these days, they're round
a nd can be made of steel, plastic,
or Lucite. Once insert ed, the
balls are su pposed to help tone
yo ur pelvic floor :muscles a nd,
if you're incredibly lu cky, lead
to s heer ecstasy during your
morning commute, say, or
whi le s hopping at the grocery
store. Some women prefer to
use them in conjunction with
a penis or a dildo, like a mini
ga me of pool.
Ben Wa enthusiasts claim
that women who don't "get it"
have been spoiled by phall ic-
centric, indus trial-strength toys
and just haven't learned how to
tune into life's more subtle
pleasures. (We t hi nk it sound s
like something Sting's wife
would en joy.) Poo- pooers point
ou t that t he balls don't reall y
move around much, no matter
how much lube you throw
.~ on the s ituation, beca use a
woman's vagina kind of grabs
onto whatever you insert into it.
And most vaginas a ren't reall y
sensit ive enough to get off on
stationary object s. So you'd
have t o jump around, maybe
with your hands in t he air li ke
you just don't care, in order to
fee l anyth ing going on down
there. And if th e ball s ar e heavy,
all that jiggling could dislodge
them (as coul d a hefty s neeze.
for that matter), at which point
you'd be forced to mutter some-
thing about losing your marbles
before skulking away from
your s pot in the grocery line.
Avail able at LB or MP($). For
a more effective toy along th e
Bend Over
-
Beginner Kit
T his sta rter strap-on kit by
Tantus comes with two very
approachable silicone dildos ,
an adju stable two-strap nylon
harness that fits hips up to
60 inches in circumference
(made of ca nvas, so it looks
wholesome and crunchy, like
climbin g gear or backpack
straps), a nd a miniature vibra-
tor that fits snug ly into a pocket
located on the front of the har-
ness, meaning she'll get a littl e
clit st im ulation wh il e riding
you like a bucking bronco and
whoopin g, "Who's your daddy
now, bitch?" Warning: The tri·
a ng ular section of the harn ess
that covers the mons is made
of purple velvet (which just
happens to match the shimmer y
purple dildos). We know some
people can't get enough purple
velvet in their lives-we're just
sayin', is all. Ava ilable at BL, BF,
or GV ($$). See also anal play,
Bend Over
-
Boyfriend
0 A must -have for anyone with
an anally retentive boyfr iend,
this ins tructional video, made
by GoodVibes.com's res ide nt
sexologist, Carol Queen, and
her "partner in life," Robert
Morga n Lawrence (th ey als o
cofounded the Center for Sex &
Culture, in San Fra n), teaches
hetero coupl es how to enjoy
male penetration with a strap-
on. The film is occasionally
cheesy, but the couples are real,
and the anal play info is price-
less. For years, it was GV's best-
selling vid. There's even a Bend
Over Boyfriend 2 , subtly subt i-
tled More Rockin; Le,v, Ta/kin'.
And GV (among others) conve-
niently sells the Bend Over
Beginner l{it. 0 A male partner
who enjoys taking it up t he
tookus.
 vibe (GV; SSL the Bendy-G
bendable vibrating d ildo (LB ; SSL t he
dildos & Flexible Fantasy dildo (MP; SSl.

-
vibrators and the Flexible Ecst asy water-
proof vibe (MP; SS). See a lso
T hese are the Gum by dolls of the the Rock You r World vibe in the
sex-toy wor ld: Th ey co me wit h Rabbit Habit entry.
a flex ible spine so you can bend
them into whatever pose works
for you, because n ot all G-spots
a re alike (t hat includes hers
and his). and not al l coochies
a nd t us hies are alike, either.
Don't contort your body to the
toy- make th e toy bend to your
whim! Another upside to the
Gumby dildos is that you can
use them for packing and play·
ing. "ls that a bendable dildo
in your pocket, or did you just
s uddenly become eve n happier
to see me?" Most bendy di ldos
are made of Cyberslcin, and
Berman Center
mos t ben dy vibes are made of Intimate

jelly rubber- both are porous.
probably have phthalates, and
s hou ld therefore be used wit h a
condom. Some popular toys in
this genre include the Mr. Bendy
Cybersk in dildo (BL; SSSl. th e
Real Deal Softs kin dildo (GV;
SSl, the Technobend Softski n
d ildo (GV ; SSSJ. the Big Bender
-
Accessories
Dr. La ura Berman, LCSW, PhD,
run s Chicago's Berman Center,
a s pecialized health center
fo r wom en focus ing o n sexual
health a nd menopause manage-
ment (BermanCenter.com).
She's developed a complete line -+
of "hygienica lly s u perior and
clinically a pproved" devices
that address a wide ran ge of
sexual cha llenges. For t he most
part, Berma n has t aken popu lar
t oys a nd t ried to im prove on
t hem in terms of m ateri als
and/or design, so you'll find, fo r
example, a hybrid of the Hitachi
Magic Wand and the Wahl
vibrator back massagers that's
made i>pecifically for the geni·
ta ls. And a clitoral pump call ed
Selen e t hat's based on t he one-
a nd-o nly FDA-approved device
for female s exual dysfu nction
(the Eros CTD). And a cli t-slash-
G-spotter called th e Adoni s
that's more subtly shaped than
the Rock Chick vibrator.
We're not quite sure how the
vibrating pan ties cou ld be
improved on from a therapeuti c
s t andpoint. but Ber man does
good work, so we'll go with it.
The insertable toys are
i oo percent silicone, with t he
exceptio n of her pelvic-floor-
muscle toy. Ju no (made of
Lucite), and the non insert able
t oys (made of PVC). These
and more come in uni fy ing
shades of purple and pink
in elegant packaging with
detail ed instructions and dia-
grams about proper use on
EvesGarden.com ($$- $$$).
Betty's Barbell
dildo
-
Designed by sex ologis t Betty
Dodson, author of the class ic
masturbation manifesto Sex for
One, th is is a dildo with a s t rong
work eth ic: It's built to h elp you
tone your vaginal muscles for
im proved sexual response and
bladder control. Made of super-
s afe st a in less steel (to match
a ll your chi-chi Crate & Barrel
kitchen appl iances), the Barbell
is 6 31. inc hes by 1 v. inches a nd
we igh s just under a pound (so
you r pelvic floor muscles a re
pretty much th e on ly on es this
baby will work out). Plus, this
metal ba rbell can double as a
stylish G-spot toy. Clean it
with soap and water. Available
on BL, BP, or GV ($$$). A.k.a.
Betty Dodson's Vaginal Ba rbell.
See also kegels.
-
blindfolds
T he bl ind folds that co me free
with a transatlantic Virgin fl ight
(oh, reall y, you s hould n't have,
Richard Branson) are printed
with the phrase "forty winks"-
and we t h ink we know what k ind
of winks they're talking about.
Who hcu11'r stuffed a compli·
me ntary blindfo ld into th ei r
carry-on and thought. "Ooh, I
should use that sometime"? But,
really, you should. You can go
high end (a suede-and-silk
number from JimmyJane.com;
$$$) or DIY (a cotton scarf or
tee knotted to the .1Jide of the
head for comfort).
Blindfolds help you get in
the mood if you're trying some·
thing new and are feeling shy:
Maybe you want to span k your
boyfriend but don't want him to
see you until you've perfected
your swi ng; m aybe you're role-
playing and find it easier to get
into character if you can't see
that your "doctor" is wearing h is
stethoscope back to front; etc.
And a blindfold is the simplest
way to try out sensation play:
It adds an element of surpr ise
(especially pleasant when receiv-
ing cunnilingus) and makes
everything feel more. You know
how your radio always sounds
louder after you've turned off
your bedside light? Yeah, it's like
that, except it's not KROC: it's
./Jex! Back in th e eighties, people
used to say, "It's like sex on ac id!"
We prefer the more contempo·
rary "It's like sex on broadband!"
Blowfish.com
-
(BF)
Allerg ic to mission statements,
the folks at Blowfish.com rely
on the short but sweet tagline
"Good products for great sex" to
get their message across. And
though they also seem allergic
to decent Web design and navi ·
gation, their site boasts a big
selection of high-quality prod·
ucts at awuome prices (consi s-
te nt ly the lowest around-as
much as $30 cheaper than
other outlets in some cases).
Around for more than a decade,
Blowfish carries on ly products
they think will last, they never
use a manufacturer's marketing
copy to review products, t hey
take their own photos (whi ch
can sometimes look a little low
budge), they inspect every glass
dildo, they usually pick higher·
quality items from small arti·
sans over cheaper versions from
mass manufacturers, and they
pride t hemselves on decent
customer service (e.g., you' ll
never get an "Oh, just toggle
the power" response).
Bl owfi s h caters to those
ready to try somet hing a little
bit more adventurous than a
slimline vibe. (Their video
department even has a su bsec·
tion called "Surrealistic Weird
Shit.") And though they sell to
every persuasion, Blowfish has
become the one-stop s hopping
center for straight guys who
want to start experiencing anal
play for themselves. As BF presi-
dent Christophe hilariously told
us , "No one has ever lost money
selling th ings for straight guys
to shove up t heir butts."
Bodybouncer,
-
the
We don't know if t hi s product-
a natural-rubber saddle with a
hole in the middle mounted on
a steel frame-is the height of
ingenui ty or the height of lazi ·
ness. It's intended for hetero
couples: The man aligns his
erect penis under the hole, and
t he woman sits on the sadd le,
whi ch hovers over the man's
erection; she then starts to
bounce up and down, apparently
to ecstasy. This "velvet vise"
requires only a slight flexing of
the thighs to set it in motion,
and very little effort to s ustain-
the idea being that you won't
get tired or cramped or hung
up on awkward mechanics.

Of course, it's hard not to
imagine horrific "accidents"
involving poked cervixes and
smashed balls, but the manu ·
facture r clai m s it's safe: "If
you're pictu ring your intimate
anatomy slamming together
in preca ri ously impreci se
orbits, you're thinking of a sex
swing, not a Bodybouncer. The
Bouncer sadd le moves in on ly
one direction-straight up and
down-and either partner can
contro l exactly how mu.ch it
travels. Within seconds of set·
ting up, most men realize that
they can close their eyes and
navigate t he experie nce by feel
alone." You can't fully compre·
hend it unti l you see it in action,
so vis it Bodybouncer.com fo r a
video demo. The site's design is
slick-and tasteful, to boot! ($$$)
body paint
-
Who wants to paint the town red
when you can stay home and paint
each other? Pl aying with edible
fin ger paints is like having a
smokin'-hot Montessori teacher
encourage you to "indu lge your
inner Picasso" wh ile going down
on you to help "unleash your ere·
ative juices." We bet you ten bucks
the first time you try body paint,
you won't be able to resist painting
cheeky arrows and "open for busi·
ness" signs. Oh, who are we kid·
ding? We bet you paint cheeky
arrows every rime you try it . The
U:illt\a Sutra Lover's Pa intbox is
all chocolate, if that's what you
fancy- don't forget a glass of milk
for the nightsta nd. And if James
Bond is more your speed, try the
Liquid Latex Sta1ter Kit and make
like Goldfingcr. Liquid Latex dries
in minutes, and, unlike paint, it
allows the sk in to breath e-it's
your very own, custom-fitted
fetish outfii. The kit comes with
red and black latex (Catwoman's
got nothing on you). plus a few
jars of stardust for glamming the
whole thing up. Let's see those
jazz hands! (/\II available at BL.)
-
bondage belt
A bad-ass leather belt (1 % inches
by 45 inches) that t ransforms
into a n easily adj ust able fi g ure-
eight restraint and can be
used as a wrist, ankle, or neck
restra int. For those t imes when
you s uddenly need to drop your
pants and tie up an errant love
slave. Nearly ever y babe on staff
at Babeland has bo ught her-
self one of these, but for so me
reason they haven't caught on
with t he masses ($$). See a lso
BDSM, ErosBoutique.corn,
and ExtremeRestraints.com
bondage tape
-
Soft, reu sable PVC tape t hat
won't stick to s kin , hair, or
clothes-only to itself. Good for
binding, gagging, even mum mi-
fying, but only if you know how!
Jay Wiseman's book SM io 1 or
Glori a Brame's Come Hith er: A
Common Seru,e Guide to Kinky
Sex are bot h good places to start.
Never cut off circ ulation or a ir-
ways, make sure you r partner
doesn't overheat if you're using a
lot of tape, and keep blunt-ended
medical scissors near by fo r
qui ck release. Usually comes in
red or black, 65 feet to a roll;
available at BL or GV ($).See also
BDSM, ErosBoutique.com,
ExtremeRestraints.com, and
restraints.
-
I t's certainly a sign t hat times
are a'-changi n' when a man can
walk into a sex-toy shop and ask
pla intively, "Where are the toys
for me?" (In case you m issed it,
sex-toy s hops weren't exactly
fe male frie ndly a decade or
so back-unless you're using
friendly as a euphemis m for
"unwant ed leering attent ion,
plu s a little indecent exposure
if you're lucky.") What the men
really mean is, "Where are the
toys fo r my penis?" After all,
butt plugs, anal beads, strap-on
dildos, and nipple clamps are
all equal opportunit y accessories.
Plenty of guys already use their
g irlfr iend 's vibrator on them-
selves. An d anyone can get tied
up with rope, spanked with a
flogger, and cal led "bitch."
But we know you want
toys to call your very own, too,
so here are the options for you r
number-one guy: th e Aneros
butt plug, a cock ring (regular
or vibrating), French ticklers,
masturbation sleeves (like
th e Fleshlight), and penis
extenders (worn d uring sex,
either regular or vibrating).
You might also want to con-
si der a penis vibrator, like t he
Hugger Vibrator (BL;$; top
illustration below) or the
SWAK Kit (GV; $;bottom illus·
t rati on bel ow), both of which
a ttach to a miniature vibrator
(included). The Hugger is a
tulip-shaped vinyl cup-the
vibe causes the pet als to flu tter
against the head of his penis-
and the jelly SWAK is a s leeve
that stretches to fit over t he
hea d and then vibrates. Or, you
could just buy one of t he tulip·
shaped attachments th at fit
~ onto your girlfriend's Wahl
vibrator (see Wahl attach-
ments). We doubt any of these
peni s- head vibes will actually
get you off (u nless you used t o
masturbat e in flower beds as
a young boy). Rather, they're a
way to tease yourself before a
hand job or to let your partner
tease you-assu mi ng you're
willing to give up the remote,
of course. See also finger toys,
Fukuoku 9000 finger toy
(M assage Glove) , Laya Spot
Buddy butt
plug, the
-
T hi s massively popular mid·
range (3 'h inch by i 1/4 inch) butt
plug by VixenCreations.com
is curved for improved prostate
s timulation. It doesn't stay in
place quite as obediently as
other butt plugs, however, and is
therefore best su ited for gently
pulling in and out, rather than
leaving in place. For something
with a little more staying power,
try t he Ryder plug, by Tantus,
instead. Buddy is ·1oo percent
s ilicone, so wash or boil to clean
and use with water-based
lube. Availab le almost every·
where ($$). See also anal play,
butt plugs, and P-spot.
-
M iniature vibrators shaped
more like an elo ngated egg or a
symmetrical OB tampon (in its
wrapper) than an actual bu llet.
Not usually intended for inse r·
tion, but, rather, fo r externa l
stim, usually in conjunct ion
wit h a miniature-vibrator
sleeve or a cock ring. Available
everywhere ($).
butt plugs,
about
-
Before you start backi ng away
from th is entry, ass cheeks
clenched in fear, hear us out: 1f
you've ever enjoyed a little pinky
in the bee-hind-or if you've ever
even entertained the idea of
enjoying it some day-you can
ha ndle a butt plug. A butt plug
is inserted at some point during
sex or masturbation and is
then pretty much ignored while
you go about your business.
(Actually, we guess you cou ld
insert one before going to pi ck
up the dry cleanin g, t oo- it
might make dr ive-t ime radio a
little more bearable.) All butt
plugs have a flared base (so
they don't get lost up there),
and most are diamond shaped:
pointy at the tip for easy entry,
wider in the middle, and with a
s kinny neck just a bove the
base (so th ey stay in place).
 Whatever size of butt plug bigger than that pinkie finger
you're working with, the idea is you might have once got jiggy
the same: to give you that pleas- with, except no one's going to
ant "filled-up" feel ing, to give get an arm cramp trying to keep
your muscles something to it in. (Seriously, if one partner
clench onto when they contract is long bod ied and the other is
during orgasm, and to stimu late short armed, pinkie act ion dur·
the prostate (if you've got one). ing sex just isn't happening.)
Either way, "filled up" is a gender· Another diminutive option is
ne utral d iversion no matter the Little Zinger, which has a
your sexual orientation-nerve loop in the base, like a pacifier,
endings are nerve endings, and for easy removal.
we've all got plenty back there:
The anus conta ins more ne1·ve
endings than any part of the
male body, and more than any
part of the fema le body except
t he clitoris. Pl us, for women, get -
ting filled up back there during
vagina l penetration can create
a knock-on effect, causing the
finger or phallus in the front
door to stimulate her in brand·
new places. See also Aneros
and Divine-Interventions.com.

butt plugs,
butt plugs,

-
beginner
T he smallest butt plugs. like the
-
intermediate
Once you're ready to graduate
from Little League to the minor
lea gues, consider the liber-
Little Flirt (illu strated), are no
po pu lar, prostate-friendly
Buddy (it's like the Heather
of the butt-plu g world). For a
slight step up (harder to insert
but with more staying power
once in), try the Ryder p lu g.
butt plugs,
-
large
Are you ready for the big time?
You m ight never be, but, just in
case, we've got four words for
you: Tristan 2 butt plug. Oh,
wa it, we've got three more for
you: Lots. Of. Lube.
butt plugs
with a twist
-
L ess-traditional, knobbly butt
plugs like the sili cone Ripple
butt plug are meant more for
pulling in and out than leaving
be. Or, if you're finding your
butt plug a little lifel ess and
dul l, consider upgrading to
a vibrating plug, like th e sil i-
cone Pro-Touch or Vibratex's
elastomer Tushy plug, which
feels like Cyberskin but is
actually latex free and phtha-
late free (B F, on BL as the 1\tlip;
$$). Vibratex also has a s imilar
plug called the Stopper, made
from food-grade vinyl, but it's
h arder to find in stores. Sensi-
tive tushes might prefer the
soh feel of the squishier rub-
ber toys to the harder s i Iicone
of most plugs, but those are
porous and thus harder to keep
clean (espec iall y if you're not
using a condom!). Or perhaps
what you're missing in your
plug is more of a je ne Aai..6
quoi? Role-players, BDSM dab-
blers, or animal lovers might
enjoy plugs with horsetails or
feather p lumes attached (illus-
trated; EB, EX, BL; S$). And
you thought your Halloween
costume went the extra mile.
See also riding crops.
I
,,
butt toys
-
harnesses), but it makes great
company in a bath (just make
S ee anal play. s ure the battery compartment
is closed and dry inside) or
while "cybering." Try it during
Butterfly Effect phon e sex if chat room s ar en't
your thing-or, hell, wear it next
wearable time you watch a dirty movi e,
vibrator
-
Pop-quiz time, kids! The Butterfly
Effect is 0 a long-forgotten
and you can get some crochet-
ing done at the same time! The
butterfly part is porous jelly,
but its design makes using a
movie starring Ashton Kutcher, condom with it damn near
e a widely m isappropriated impossib le, s o make sure yo u
aspect of chaos theory, or €) a at least keep it monogamous.
wearable, waterproof triple- Wash with m ild soap and water.
action vibrator? We"ll take door Watch batteries included (GV:
number three, Monty! This ten- $$). Non-waterproof versions
speed vibe is a solo toy, unlike with A/\ battery packs include
the butterfly vibrators with the Mutant Butterfly (BF) and
harnesses, which encourage Buzzing Butter fly (MP) .
co mpany. The head of t h is
butterfly bu zzes the clitoris,
the body acts as a dildo to stim-
ulate a woman's G-spot, and the
tai l (do butterflies eve n have
tails?) tickles the surface of
the anus-all kept in place by
adj usta ble straps worn around
t he hips and thighs.
The Butterfly Effect is too
bulky to wear in public (again,
unlike the butterfly vibes with
butterfly
vibrators with
-
harnesses
B ack when we were littl e g irl s
daydrea ming about growing up
to become sex-advice colum-
n ists for a living, we used to
imagine that one day, some-
thing like t his pretty butterfly
would fl utter down to save us all
from nonorgas mic penetrat ive
sex. It comes in a few vers ions,
but th e basic gist is the sa me: A
miniature vibrator sits s nugly
ins ide a jelly butterfly-sha ped
sleeve, which sits on a woma n's
clitori s and is held in place by a
harness. The vibrations ca use
the wings to fl utter over th e cl i-
tori s, an d the whole contraption
is so s mall that yo u ca n have
sex a ny way you wish with out
it getting in th e way. Which
means-hello!-vibrating clitoral
stimulation during interco urse!
(Jus t li ke with a vibratin g cock
ring, except t he vibe is worn by
her in st ead of by the penetrat or.)
Of course, there's no pa11:icu-
lar reason the jelly sleeve s hould
be shaped like a butterfly-it just
happens that most of t hem are.
There's the nerd-chic Audi-Oh
butterfly vibrator($$$), of
course, or LB's Pl utter Bug ($$)
a n d M P's Gossa mer Butterfl y
($$$, because ifs co rdless),
which both come with vari able
s peed s an d a jock-strap-style
harness (allowing fo r easy pen-
etration; see harnesses). WT
went a ll o ut wit h t heir Leat her
Butterfly($$), which does th e
same thing, bu t is made of-you
guessed it- black leather.
Then t here's the Remote
Butterfly (illustrated on page 4 2;
available almos t eve rywhere;
$$$).which comes with a wire-
less remote control with a
25-foot ran ge. This o ne has a n
elastic G-string-style harness
you have to kind of pus h as ide
to make way for penetration-
t h us, t hi s toy is better s uited
for non penetrative play or
masturba ti on, either at home
or in public. The butterfl y will
fit easi ly under you r clothes,
assuming you're not into Lycra.
Warn in g: If you're out and
about, just be s ure to use it in
a crowded bar or loud cl ub-it s
vibes are a bit too no isy for
that quiet romantic candlelit
dinner.
If you've got someth ing
against butterflies (we bet you
hate rainbows and ponies, too),
check out the heart-shaped
Sweetheart vibrator (BL, and
MP calls it the Heart Throb;$$).
Same vibrating deal, though
not exactly an improvement in
terms of corniness.
Jelly toys should be monog-
amous and can be washed in
soap and water. Because of
the p hthalates in jelly, you can
us e a d ental dain as a barrier
between your s kin and the toy-
especially recommended if the
toy is really cheap or r ubbery
s melling, or if you're planning
on weari ng it all even ing long.
See also Butterfly Effect wear-
able vibrator.
California
Exotics
-
Novelties
T he California Exotics Novelti es
company (calexotics.com) takes
a very macho approach to toy
sales: quantity over quality. But
we gotta hand it to them: They
distribute about a bazilliorz toys.
And t hey're the go-to co. for
celeb rities wanting a branded
line of toys with limit less dis-
tribution (see Berman Center
Intirnate Accessories and Sue
Johanson's Royal Line). Plus,
they have a line of phthalate-
free products-w ith "phthalace
free .. actually advertised on the
packaging (made for European
clients whose uppi ty gove rn-
ments demand product safety).
Most of their ge neric toys are
made from crappy plastic or
jelly a nd come in packaging
even Britney Spea rs would fi nd
distasteful.
-
candles
S ome thi ngs should never be
attempted in fluorescent over·
head lighting: fi rst dates, mar·
riage proposals. and rimmi ng,
to name just a few. Everything
looks better in cand lelight-so
why shoul d the goths have all
the fun? But beware: That two·
dollar Hindu -godd ess candle
you bought at Urba n Out fitters
is fo r decorative pu rposes only.
If you 're going to actually drip
wax on to your luvver, you need
to buy t he ri gh t k ind of can d le
(see candle wax).
-
candle wax
Here's a quick science lesson for
you: Scen ted a nd colored can-
dles often contain plasticizers,
which make them burn m uch
hotter-i .e.. way too hot for your
sweetie's fleshy parts. Black
candles an d beeswax cand les
burn th e h ottest of all. (Besides,
black candles are so Tren chcoat
Brigade.) You're better off with
the p lain white paraffin candles
sold at grocer y a nd hardware
stores for "emergencies" (a nd
don't even thi nk about filching
t he candles from your terrorism·
survival backpack). Better still
are soy candles, which bu rn
cleaner a nd at an even lower
temperature than paraffin.
The stop, drop, and rolls of
hot-wax play: Blow t he ca nd le
out before dripping t h e wax;
test th e wax on the back of your
hand first; once t he wax hits
J th eir s kin, r u b it in to d is perse
t he heat; do not drip the wax on
your partner's face; and, final ly,
do not indu lge in ca ndle play on
yo ur b rand-new Tempur-Ped ic
bed with your $500 Calvin Klein
s h eet set. In fact, to avoid pick·
ing dried wax out of carpets and
back hair, go for a purpose-made
massage candle-its wax melts
into a body oil when ru bbed,
without any messy buildup. Try
BL's Body Wax Candles($), GV's
Massage Cand les ($), or Sunset
Moun ta in's Lava Lotions (B F;
$),all of which come in various
scent s like va ni lla, lave nder,
mango, cucumber, and sandal-
wood (or just u nscented).
Alternate with ice for extreme
sensation play.
-
canes
Long, stiff sticks made fo r
whacki ng (bottoms mostly) . This
obvious reasons, they were
adopted by the gay leather com-
munity, which grew out of the
s ixties counterculture. If the
word chap.6 came up during a
prop goes nicely wit h a sch ool-
marm outfit, complete with cat- word-assoc iation game, Tom of
eye glasses and a tight , white, Finland or the Vi llage People
buttoned-down s h irt. (Decades wou ld probably spring to mind .
ago. teachers really did use canes
on trouble makers for corporal
rather than erotic puni s hment.)
But a cane is no joke: It can
cau se severe bruising a nd welts,
especially when you don't know
where and how to wield it. Unl ike
a paddle or a good h and spank, a
cane causes sha rp an d s tinging
pain. The tip t ravels faster than
the hand wie lding it, so use the
lower part of the can e for a less
inten se blow. Fortunately, canes,
unlike whips, are easy to handle
at slower speeds. So definit ely
go slow! See BDSM for more
on safet y resou rces. Sec a lso
floggers and riding crops.
-
chopsticks
As ia n uten s ils, which can be
used to eat s ushi off your luvver
(wasabi belongs on t he nips, far
away from the nether regions; soy

-
chaps
Ass less, crotchless, leather
pants mean t to be worn over
sauce can go in the belly button),
or to fashion your own homemade
nipple claznps (bind two chop-
sticks together by wrapp ing a
jea ns for motorcycle ri di ng. For rubber ba nd around each e nd) .
-
cleaning & care
Any toy you buy lihould come with
specific clea ning instructions-
if it does n't (and no "novelties"
do), be sure to ask or e-mail one
of the nice sex-toy salespeople
for advice (and if there are no
nice sex-toy salespeople in sight,
shame on you for not s hopping
at one of our recommended
outlets). Do we have to say,
Fol low these instructions? Yes,
we think we do: Follow thue
inlitruction,o. Dirty sex toys can
spread disease and ca u se in fec-
tion, so wash them before their
first use, immediately after
every use (as opposed to just
waiting to clean it before the
next time), and immediately
before each use. too, if you're not
storing it correctly (i.e., if it's
gathering dust bunnies under
your bed). To prevent corrosion
of motor parts and battery
compartments, don't immerse
vibrators in water unless they're
waterproof (and even then,
make sure the battery pack is
sealed tightly). In stead, use a
washcloth to carefully soap it
up and rinse it. Whatever the
product, allow it to thoroughly
air dry before storing it away.
The only sex toys you
should be sharing without a
condom are those that arc non-
porous. Silicone toys (without
built-in vibrators) are best,
because they can be steri li zed
in boil ing water for several
minutes. (If it has a removab le
vibrator, be sure to remove it
first.) But if, like one of the
authors of this book, you are
particularly forgetful and cou ld
imagine leav ing a silicone dildo
in boiling water on the stove top
while running out to th e gym
and returning an hour later to a
postnuclear mass of melted sili-
cone welded t o your pan, you
might want to just pop it on the
top shelf of you r dishwasher to
disinfect it (aga in , sans any
plastic or vibe parts).
Don't use any harsh dish-
washing d etergents if you're
using the dishwasher-with
al l the heat and water, you
shou ldn't need it. If the dildo is
a monogam.ous dildo, you ca n
just wash it off with ant ibacter-
ial soap and water. lf you like
to sha re, boili ng is best. Hard
acrylic (a.k.a. Lucite), glass,
and metal toys should not be
boiled, though they can be
shared without condoms if you
clean them really thoroughly
(with antiba cteri al soap and
hot water). as they are non-
porous. Toys made of all other
materials-Cyberskin, soft
elastomer, jelly rubber, latex,
soft vinyl-should be cleaned
with soap and water a nd must
not be shared without a co n-
dom, as they are porous.
In fact, though we fully
understand the desire to ride
one's dildo bareback, if you use
a condom with these materials,
not only will cleanup be a
cinch, but your self-love will
be safer (especially if you' re
us ing a toy that might be seep-
ing phthalates). Keep in mind ,
however, that cheap toys are
often so poorly designed that
they can't be cleaned properly.
For instance, if a toy has sca ms
but can't be taken apart with-
ou t it breaking, it'll never get
really clean; those nook s a nd
cran nies can harbor bacteria
that's harmful to sens itive vagi-
nal and anal canals. Finally,
most sex-toy stores sell bottled
sex-toy cleaners; while purpose-
made cleaners like these might
make you feel more secure
about passing t he white-glove
test , t hey're no better than a
good scrub with soap and water.
Clitoral
Hummer
waterproof
-
vibrator
We have to hand it to California
Exotics Novelties: This shim·
mery s il ver vibe actually works.
The head of th is hard plastic
toy looks like a little hooded
elf in profile, and the body is
gently curved. so it fee ls pretty
good to hold. That said, because
the ent ire thing-as opposed to
just the head-vibrates, your
hand and arm will start to fee l
all jangly pretty quickly, espe-
cially on the highest setting,
which is very strong.
Though this low-p itched
vibrator can be used internally
(the little nubbin on the tip of
the elf's hood can stimulate before submerging). See a lso
t he G-spot- or any particu lar bath accessories, clitoris, an d
spot, for that matter), the rea lly ;· waterproof toys.
neato part is the scooped-out
sect ion that can cup t he clitoris. '»
Imagin e holdin g a s hallow, ).;·
vibrating ice cream scooper
over you r clitoris, a nd you gee
t he idea. It's great For particu-
larly sens itive cl its, because
the vibrator doesn't actually
touch down on the clitoral head
(unl ess you've got a s li ghtly
larger-than-average clit) ; it just
cradles it From above a nd d is-
perses vibrations t hroughout
the genital area. If you decide

you want to switch to more
direct clit stimulation, you can
just Flip it over-barn! All t hat,
and you can take it in the b ath,
too. We'd say S (at BF) is a Frig-
gin' ba rgain - t hough, adm it-
tedly, it's pretty cheap looking.
The Cl itoral Humm er goes
by vari ous aliases elsewhere:
the Humm ingbird at BL, t he
Contoured Pearl at MP, and the
Leia at WT. Wash in a ntibacte r-
ia l soap a nd wat er (make su re
the two-AA battery-compartment
hatch is screwed on really eight
-
Th e clitor is is t he on ly orga n in
th e human body (eith er male or
Female) whose sole purpose is
t o tra n sm it sexual sen sation.
And it goes much deeper than
you'd think (kind of like a
Ba rbara Walters special): Ifs
actually a comp lex organ that
extends throughout a woman's
genitals and is therefore some-
times referred to as the clitoral
network. To keep th ings simple,
however, whenever we use the
words clit or clitori..o in this
book, we're referring just to the
cli toral glans, or head-that
sens itive little nubbin you a ll
know and love as the clitoris.
For those of you on the s hort
bus : The nubbin sits in a little
hood where the tops of the
labia meet. It's analogous to
the glans of the penis.
Most women need some
kind of clitoral stimulation in
order to come-and who can
blame them? The clitoral head
has more sensory nerve end-
ings t han any other stru cture
in the body (again , female or
male)-somewhere between
6,ooo and 8,ooo, four times as
many as on the (much larger)
head of the penis. And, just like
the penis, the clitoris fills with
blood and swells when it's
aroused. But not a ll clitorises
are alike, as you should know
if you've had th e pleasure of
knowing more than one in your
life. Some are small er than a
grain of rice, a nd others are the
s ize of a lima bean (talk about
flicki ng the bean). Some are
very s hy and rarely peek out of
the hood, and others arc big
show-offs. Some di sappear into
the hood once they're aro used,
and others pop out when they're
turned on. Some women like
direct clitoral stimulation, and
others prefer it over the hood-
and some find even thattoo
intense. And clitorises have
mood swi ngs, too-whafs too
much on Monday may fee l just
right on Wednesday. It's a mat-
ter of experimenting-on your-
self or your partner-until you
find what works.
The toys lis ted at the end
of t hi s e nt r y are a great pl ace
to start. Rem ember that most
cl its can take more (and more
varied) stimulation when you
use lube and/ or when the
woman is very turned on. Start
on the lowest setting with any
toy a nd work your way up so
you don't give the poor cl it a
heart attack. And if the cli toris
in question isn't yours, pay co n-
stant attention to the woman
ups tairs-you need the feed -
back. Want to read more? We
know of no better resource than
The Clitora l Truth. by our friend
Rebecca Chalker. It's a must-
read for anyone with a vagina in
their life. A.k.a. chickpea, little
man in the boat, magic button,
nubbin. See also butterfly
vibrators with harnesses,
Clitoral Hununer waterproof
vibrator, clitora l pu mps,
vibrating cock rings, sensitiz-
ing creams, and vibrators.
-
clothespins
D IY approach t o nipple clamps
for advanced players on ly {due
to their being nonadju stable).
Word to the wi se: Bran d-new
clothespins will grip way harder
than the on es your grandmother
has been using to hang out her
laundry for the past s ixty years.
Hey, what Gran dma doesn't
k now won't perv her out. If
you're looking for somethin g to
match your dungeon, t ry BL's
Hot Grip clothes pins- t hey're
black with rubber tips; S for a
pack of twenty-five.
-
collars
Clas sic BDSM accoutrements
worn by s ubmiss ives as a sym·
bol of their st atus. Go with
purpose-made ones for humans
rather than DIY pet collars.
Blowfish has a wide variety of
mostly leather collars with
silver studs, metal spikes, rings
for leas h or restraint attach·
ments, and different linings for
added comfort {or discomfort,
as the case may be). They vary
in width from a slim 3/ 4 inch
for a si mpl e Victorian-choker-
necklace look t o a thick chin -to·
clavicle brace fo r fo rced posture.
Allow room fo r at least two
fingers betwee n skin and collar,
lead around from the front
(never tug on the back), and
don't ever hang anyone up by
one-duh. ($-$$$at BF, EB, EX.)
ComeAsYou
to Sex and Di.liability. He's
also had the honor of being Sue
Johans on's sex-toy wrangler for
the past six years. "The only
drag about our name,'' Cory
explained to us, "is that when

-
you do a Google search, th e
Are.com other things that come up are
Nirvana, of course. and a lot of
"We don't care if you're liberal
church Web sites-apparently
or conservative, queer or
the 'Come as you are' motto is
straight, a religious Mormon or
big with the churches."
the Ant i-Christ-we all have the
right to sexua l exploration, and
we al l deserve to have a place
communication
to go to talk about it without
baggage or judgment." So say
the fo lks at Come As You Are,
probably the best sex-toy out·
-
Or, how to introduce sex toys to
your ].Crew-clad partner, who
thinks vibrators are for "tat-
fitte r north of the border (with
tooed weirdos and lezzies." The
a retail s hop in Toronto). lt is
first step in getting your partner
one of only two co-op sex stores
to give sex toys a chance is to fig-
in the world, the first being
ure out what it is he or she has
Good Vibes. In fact, the com-
against orgasms. Okay, so maybe
pany was able to open its doors
you shouldn't put it quite so
thanks to the financia l support
antagonistically, but you do need
of Joani Blank, GV's founder.
to determin e the exact breed of
Come As You Are also spe·
the bug up their ass, by asking
cial izes in providing access ible
gently, outs id e of the bedroom.
services to people Jiving with
Does he think it's "too
physical a nd developmental
tacky," "too desperate," or "too
disabilities. One of their
soon" in the relationship to go
worker-owners, Cory Silverberg,
down that road? Reassure him
coauthored The Ultimate Guide
that a) You'll s tart with th e
basics: something small, discreet,
and quiet-h e'll barely notice it's
there! b) you're not going to run
out of new t oys t o try-exhibit A,
this book! an d c) you don't t hink
it's too soon to h ave an orgas m,
an d, fran k ly, you co uld use the
help. Of course, that last point
has to be approached wi t h the
utmos t delicacy.
Remember, when it co mes
to s ex, his ego is more sen s itive
tha n an orphaned baby duckl ing.
Re mind him , "It's not you; it's
my mechanics." Adding a toy is
about your body, not his s hort-
comings. Suggest something
s mal l (to ward off dildo envy),
qui e t (so he can't blame the
toy for killin g t he mood), and
prefera bly non- penis s haped
(remember t he duckling?). And
ha nd over the toy or battcr y-
pack contro l to him, exp laining
that it's way hotter when he:.O
wield ing your Pocket Rocket.
If he 's con cerned about your
toy's sexual h ist ory, t ake hi m
s hopping and as k him to pick
out so methi ng new for you.
Maybe you can break him in
wi t h a vibrating cock ring or a
jelly-rubber cock ri ng with a
n ubbin-th at way, h e's still d riv-
ing, and you still (might) get off.
Whatever you do, don't let him
shame you into fo rgo ing your
favorite toy forever-a person
has to have som e limits.
If, on the other hand, you're
a toy whore andAhe insists she's
not "that kind of girl," remind her
of t hat Sex and the City epi sode
wh ere i.iber-prude Charlotte
spends s ome quality time wit h
her Rabbit Habit. Or t ake her to
a Web s ite like Babeland.com
or GoodVibes.com (or, even
better, t o one of th eir in-person
s t ores if you happe n to be in
N.Y.C., Seattle, Sa n Fran, Boston,
or L.A.) so s he can witness
first hand that you don't have to
be "tha t kind of gi rl " to s hop
there. Check out beginner toys
for a li st of suggested imple-
ment s that would ba rely shoc k
your grandmother. Whatever you
choos e, if it's going to be a s ur-
prise present a nd its packaging
is n't up to Martha Stewart
stand ards, th en remove the toy
an d put it in a nice g ift box.
See also etiquette, gift giving
and etiquette, recycling.
condoms
-
G reat for keeping your toys
clean, bacteria free, and STD
free. Plus, when you s lap one
on your dildo, it'll never com·
plain that the sex feels "like
clapping with gloves on"! Invest
in some decent water·based or
silicone-based lube a nd a high·
quality, sensat ion-en hancing
condom like Pleasure Plus or
Kimono Micro Thins to maximize
pleasure. Use only water-based
or s ilicone-based lubricants
with latex con doms or latex
dental dams, because oil of
any kind-Vaseline and hand
lotion included -destroys latex.
Also, steer clear of so-called
water-.<10/uble lubes, which fre·
quently co ntain oil, and take
a pass on rubbers with the
s permicide Nonoxynol-9. Try
the Pleasure Condom Sampler
from Condomania.com ($) to see
which pole sock you like best.
Always use them on toys
employed by more than one
person or on toys that go from
a nus to vadgc (or any other ori·
fice fo r that matter), swapping
the condom out between ho les.
If it's a monogamous toy, you
won't need to use a condom
with it so long as all th e follow-
ing criteria are met: You clean
the toy thoroughly (between
uses and orifices), you store
it properly, and it's made of a
high-quality material that
doesn't contain phthalates,
porous or not (though the less
porous , the better).
If you're the MacGyve r
type, use condoms to turn a
miniature vibrator into an
insertable toy-just be extra
ca reful to keep a ho ld of the
end of the condom on the out·
side of you r bod!
Keep condoms in a cool,
dry place (not your wallet),
never reuse them, and chuck
'em on t he expiration date. If
you're allergic to latex, try
polyurethane condoms instead
(which are compatible with
water-based, and silicone·
based, and oi l-based lu bes, by
the way). See also the Safety
Tips Appendix.
contour toys Cosmic
-
Did you hear the one about
the gi rl who got carpal tunnel
vibrator
-
It's not just a party in your pants
from herd i me-store vi bra tor?
with t he dee p-purple, gl itt ery,
Ergonomic d esig n and sex toys
7 'h-inch Cosmic G-spotter vibe;
are not two concepts you hear
it's a disco in fe rno! This toy has
discussed in the same sentence
t he classic come-hither curve,
very often, but some forward-
with a rounded knob on the tip
thi nki ng des ig ners are st arting
that vibrates gently and steadily
to cal ch on. Hey, if we can have
for direct G-spot action. The
ergonomic toothbrushes and
wider shaft vibrates with more
razors, why not ergo vibrators?
vigor to stimulate the outer t h ird
Enter contour toys. They're
of the vagina, where all the nerve
des ig ned to fit comfortably
endi ngs are. Just add two AA bat-
around a woman's curves, they're
teries for a boogie night. It 's
easy ro hold and control. and
made of jelly rubber, so wash
th ey loo k more like bathroom
with soap and water, and alway11
accessories than sex toys (which
use with a condom($ at BL).
you rn ay appreciate when go in g
t hrough a irport sec urity). Most
importantly, t hey're designed
by peop le who know from vagi-
nas. They're the polar opposite
of novelties, basically. The two
biggest names in contour toys
right now are Emotional Bliss
and Natural Contours. Other
contour toys include t he Laya
Spot vibrator, the Lelo vibra-
tors, the Pure Bliss vibrator,
and th e Rock Chick vibrator.
crotchless
-
underwear
0 Jus t what it sounds like.
-
S ometimes it's nice to have an
excuse to lie back a nd receive
pleasure without lifting a finger.
And restraints for wrists a nd
a n kles (sometimes even for
thumbs) give you just th at.
Purpose·made cuffs are cer·
ta inly safer and more comfort·
able than metal police·style ones
(which can cause nerve damage),
and they're quicker to put on
and take off tha n complicated
nylon·rope bondage. Available
in nylon, s il k. leather, fur, and
faux fur (or some combination
thereof) with Velcro clasps, buck·
les, or locks (make sure they're
adjustable to get the ri ght fit).
Often, they' ll come with tethers
a few feet long (to tie to bed·
posts, for examp le). ri ngs to
which you can attach your own
tethers, or clasps that you can
simply attach to each other.
Start wit h th e cleverly
named Ja ne's Bond s-two nylon
cuffs wit h faux·fur linin g and
4·foot tethers($$ at LB, WT,
BL). Or, get more bang for your
buck with the Prisoner of Love
Kit, which comes wit h basic
wrist and ankle cuffs (four in
a ll), each with teth ers, plus a
blindfold, all for$$ (LB, GV). If
you don't have a nything near
the bed to tie the tethers to, tr y
Under th e Bed Restra ints ($ $
on EX and BL). You posit ion
the fou r straps (adjustable for
different·size beds) under the
mattress wherever you choose
and attach t he adjustable cuffs
wherever you'd li ke your loved
one's appendages pinned down.
When you're done, simply
remove the cuffs an d tuck away
the straps until next time.
Finally, for standing-up restraint
without having to take a Home
Depot workshop on dungeon-
hardware installation, try Door
Ja m Cuffs($ at BF;$$ at BL or
GV). See also BDSM, bondage
belt, and bondage tape.
-
Cyberskin et al.
Cyberskin, manufactured by nov-
elties giant Topco, is the most
well-known brand of artificial
sex-toy mat erial-it feels .<ID flesh-
1i ke, it's a Iittle creepy. Other
brands in clude Cyber Jel-lee,
Eroskin, Futurot ic, Softskin,
Ultra skin, an d UR3-tho ugh
retailers often use t hese terms
interchangeably (and therefore
inaccurately) to mean s uper-soft
material that feels like skin. Used
mostly for masturbation sleeves,
dildos, and softpacks that are
meant to hold a mirror up to life.
Unfortunately, these holes
and poles are very porous, which
means they can't be sterilized and
can transmit bacteria and STDs,
even after a good cleaning. The
base materials are usually com-
binations of silicone and latex;
th e more latex in a "skin" prod-
uct, the more it seeps oils (eww!).
But they may also be made from
unstable vinyl (PVC), as Futurotic
is, so that means they may con-
tain phthalates, which have
been connected with health
probs. And because the names
are all used interchangeably, you
can never be sure that the prod-
uct you're looking at doei>n't con-
tain phthalates. Thus, you should
probably use a condom (hey, just
like in real life!) to keep things
safer and make cleanup a breeze.
After use, clean your skin-
1ike product with mi ld soap
and water, completely air dry it
iruide and out, and dust with
cornstarch (not cervical cancer-
causing talcum powder) to help
stave off the inevitable: the mate-
ri al getting sticky, discolored,
and generally nasty. Store in a
cool, dry place away from intense
light sources, like, um, the sun.
Handle carefully, because
t his ki nd of material tears eas-
ily. Don't use oi l-based lubes
(wh ich will react with t he lat ex,
if there's any in the toy), a nd
don't use silicone lube (which
will react with th e s ili co ne, if
any), unless of course you want
your fake-fles h dong to melt
like a fle s h-colored ice cream
cone. And you're going to need
a lot of lube (water-ba sed onl y),
becau setheporessoakitup
(ironically, the lube will also
make it degrade fa s ter).
A better option is a toy
made from Vibratex's flesh li ke
but phtha late-free elastomer
they ca ll Softwear, li ke their
vibrati ng Tus hy butt plug or
their elastomer vibes mentioned
in the Rabbit Habit & Rabbit
Pearl vibrators entry. The be.t>t
alternative, thou gh , is VixSkin,
from VC-a lifelike material
made of nonporous silicone
that you can ste rilize by boiling!
(And th e name VixSkin is not
u sed interchangeably with t he
others, so you can be sure it's
sa fe, too.) Tantus Silicone
s hould have its own safe vers ion
out by now- it wa s too late for
us to test drive for thi s book,
but knowing Tantus, we have
no doubt it will be equa lly
mi racu lous. Vay, s ili cone!
-
To the two people who actually
paused to read this entry: Vay
for you! We bet you never wore
a h ips ter trucker h at, e ither.
It's not easy being a dental -da m
girl or guy- popular wisdo m
h as it that "no one" uses them ,
after all. It's true: The majority
of people are pretty lac kadaisi-
cal when it comes to dams. They
know t hat oral is safer than
intercourse, so they jus t don't
bother. But t hat s houldn't be
good enough for you, da mn it.
Using a dental dam during
cunnil ingus or analingus (a.k.a.
rimming) can help prevent
the transmiss ion of STDs like
herpes, gono rrhea, chlamydi a,
syphilis, and HIV (both ways). A
denta l clam-so metimes referred
to as an oral-sex dam- is basically
just a square of latex lai d fla t
over the vulva or tus hy in ques-
tion. A piece of s turdy Saran
Wrap will do fine, as will a cu t-
open, unlubricated co nd om or
latex glove (wash any powder
off the latter first, as talc has
been linked to cervical ca n cer).
But if you're going to buck
the trend and go damming, why
not treat yourself to a custom-
of the right kind of lube under the
dam will make things feel much
n icer for all parties involved.
desensitizing

-
made produ ct ? Sh eer Clyde
Latex Dams (BL, LB, WT, BF;
creams , anal
about $1 each) are built for
Aher a tough day in the sex-
licking, which means they're
writing biz, we have been known
designed to transmit sensation,
to refer to anal desensitizing
they're flavored , and they're FDA
creams as the roofies of the
approved for STD protection dur·
lube world, but that's probably a
ing oral sex a nd even rimming!
bit harsh. Nevertheless. they are
(Who knew the FDA was allowed
seriously bad-news lubes . T hey
to discu ss r imm ing?) GV's own
numb you r chocolate starfis h
Slicks Dams (about $1.50 each)
so that anal play doesn't hurt
are sold in condom-size packages
so bad. But here's the thing:
to fit in your wallet-perhaps the
If it hurts, it means yo u're
packaging wi ll he lp dams over-
not relaxed enough, you're not
come their stigma, too. Or check
us ing enough lu be, or you're
out a polyurethane version
just plain not do ing it right. So
ca lled Hot Dam (GV, WT; about
your pain receptors a re a good
$1 each)-flavorless, odorless,
thing, geddit? They're like a
great if you've got latex aller·
"Keep Out" sign for your ass-
gies. and better than latex at
hole. Sure, creams li ke Anal-Eze
transmitting heat and sensation,
(from Uber-cheesy, occasionally
too! (Plus, no latex ahertaste.)
s leazy sex-toy di stributor
If you can't keep your dam in
California Exotics Novelties)
place, take a tip from the lad ies
might let someone plow right
at A-Womans-Touch.com and
through that roadblock, but we
attach it with a garter belt. What-
like to think that listening to
ever kind you choose, a wee drop
your body is just part of good
sex. Besides, Anal-Eze is petro-
leum based, which means it's not
compatible with latex condoms.
Unprotected anal sex? Now,
there's an even worse idea. If
you need yet more convincing,
responsible sex-toy shops like
Babeland and GoodVibes don't
even stock desensitizing creams.
And you know who dou give a
thumbs-up to anal desensitizers?
Porn stars who specialize in
ana l sex, that's who. So, you
know, if you want to just pretend
like you're enjoying the anal, go
ahead and desen sitize, but don't
come crying to us when you
end up in the emergency room.
desensitizing
-
creams , penis
If a lube or cream claims to
give a man "staying power," it's
a desensitizer. It probably ha s
a cheeky name, too, like Man-
Delay. Call us crazy, but isn't
the whole point of sex to f eel
something? Who wants to
numb their freak in' peniA? And
not only that, but the cream is
bound to rub off on your partner.
Just try explaining to your girl-
friend why she suddenly can't
feel her vagina . And then get
ready to apologize real good,
because it's kinda hard to come
when you've got a numb veegee.
Besides, it's not like these
creams have even been proven
to work-not even the "ancient
Chinese penis balm," we're
afra id-so why take the risk? If
you really want to go longer, try
a cock ring instead. If you've got
a serious premature-ejacu lation
problem, th ere are safer, non-
topical treatments: tra ining your
body durin g masturbation prac-
ti ce, seeing a sex therapist, or
wearing extenders or even just
t hick Trojan condoms. See also
lubes; sensitizing creams ; and
tightening creams, vaginal.
-
dildo envy
0 The covet ing of your best
friend's titanium Elemental
Pleasures vibrator set she got
at her bachelorette party.
6 The wis h that your own dick
was as long, thick, veiny, and/
or vibratory as your pa rtner's
favorite dildo .
-
dildos, about
0 Phallic-s haped objects that
can be worn or held and used
to do things that penises are
famous fo r, like penetrating a
vagina, an asshole, or even a
mouth (see strap-on blow jobs),
or just filling out a ni ce pair of
Levi's (see softpacks). A di ldo
doesn't vibrate or move unless
you move it. The only exception
is a vibrating dildo (see page 65).
Most di Idos have a fl ared base so
they can be worn in harnesses
or inserted into t he butt without
fear of getting lost up there. If
a dildo doun't have a flared
base-li ke ma ny glass dildos,
fo r example-that means it's a
handheld dildo and s hould not
be used in the butt. If you don't
li ke harnesses but sti ll want
to wear your dildo, see dildos,
double. Any d ildo meant for
using-as opposed to wearing in
your underpants-wil l be erect;
only softpacks are flaccid. If you
plan to hold the dildo in your
hand, any kind will work. If you
intend to employ your dildo
solo, try one with a s uction-cup
base like the Master Suction
Cup Dildo (BF;$$) or the Big
Red (BL;$$): Just stick it to the
s hower wall, bend over to pick
up your bar of soap, and-ooo h,
hello, sailor!
Many people think of dildos
as a stand-in for a penis; others
th ink those narrow-minded
people should go fuck them·
selves. Increas ingly, dildos
don't resemble dismembered
penises. Aside from the fact
that a pale-apricot penis with
bulging blu e veins just isn't as
pretty as some of the glittery
opt ions o ut t here, many women
feel that a "real istically vei ned"
(that's a technical term, we
swear) dildo sends the message
that a woman needs a man-or,
more specifically, his penis- to
get off. It's kind of like soy "meat"
products: Some vegetarians
like their tofu prodded and
molded until it resembles a hot
dog or even a full-grown turkey,
while others think this sends the
message that vegans a re just
repressed ca rnivores (tofucki ng,
anyone?). See al so dildos, non-
realistic and dildos, realistic.
Dildos aren't just for les-
bians, by the way. A stra ight
 woman can buttfuck her boy·
friend (or even-ga.op-her
husband!) with a dildo. A
straight or gay man can use a
dildo as a kind of wingman,
while his own penis and hands
are busy with other orifices or
body parts, or after his own
penis ha s exhausted itself. And
anyone can use a dildo during
masturbation-some people like
something to grip onto or some·
t hing poking their G-spot while
they get to their happy place.
6 A tiny (population 1,200)
town in Newfoundland , Canada.
This hamlet has been called
Dildo for centuries. Some people
claim the town was named after
the sex toys Nordic women used
to carve from whal ebone, but,
then again, some people <i re
still forwa rding the Neiman·
Marcus cookie recipe, too. Back
in the eighties, a few res idents
of Dildo proposed changing the
town's name, but in a vote, tra-
dition won out, and you can sti ll
find Dildo on the map. Which we
think is kind of sweet. See also
dildos, history o[
See the Toy Guide for a
listing of dildos in this book.
·'
-
dildos, double
Double dildos are designed to
give the penetrator a little (or
more than a little) penetrating.
They work like this: One end
goes in a person's vagina (if
they have one) or ass, and the
other end goes in their partner's
vagina (if they have one) or ass.
Kind of like the spaghetti scene
in Lady and the Tramp, except
with a di ldo, and ori fices other
than mouths. The original
versions you sec in tacky sex
shops are straight and loo k like
a British bobby's police trun·
cheon; with those, you'd have to
employ some tricky positions
and maneuvers. Much better,
at least for women penetrating
their g irlfriends or boyfriends,
are t hose built on an angle-
somewhere between 45 and
90 degrees. She grips on with
her vagina for dear life-he/lo,
kegels!-and then thrusts. (The
driver can be male and can
drive with his bum hole-if, say,
his dick is out of commission
or his partner want s to try a
different s ize for a change-but
this is much less common.)
 If you tend to be a little
lazy about doing your kegels,
dildos,
nothing inspires like a double
dildo! Try practicing solo-
insert your end of the DD and
wat ch the other end bounce up
-
ejaculating
We know what some of you are
thinking: What kind of dildo
party is it if n obody com es? All
and down as you contract your
right, if you in sist: The Pet er
pelvic floor muscles. In fact,
North Ejaculating Cock (BL;$$$)
if you're home alone with your
is the ultimate in realistic dil-
double dildo and none of the
dos: It's molded after porn star
other kids wi ll play with you,
Peter North. and it vibrates
you can even use the d ildo to
(okay, so maybe not chat realis-
target your G-spot or P-spot:
ti c). You can fi ll it with warm
In sert it as usual and use t he
water and s queeze the balls to
"poking" end as a handle.
make it-you guessed it-"ejacu-
In addition to provid ing
late" at the appro priate time.
double penetration. ODs also
It's made of a jelly-vinyl combo,
do away with the need for a
so definitely use a condom if
harness, which can make the
it's going a nywhere inside. As
whole dildo-diddling process
Babeland.com recommends,
feel smoother and more natural.
you ca n pu ll out and rip off the
That said, even a double di ldo
condom for the "money s hot."
will feel more s turdy when
s trapped into a harness-it all
depends on how much work your
pelvic floor muscles are willing dildos,
to do. A pair of button-fly jeans
or well-fitting t ighty-whities
can provide a similar support
structure-plus, that 's kind of hot.
-
history of
It's not impo1>1>ible that a town
in Canada-see dildos, about,
The most popular ODs out there second definition-was named
are the Feeldoe by Tantus, and after a faux pha llus . After all,
the Nexus by Vixen Creations. the d irty mea ning of the word
dildo has been in English
usage since at least the seven-
teenth centu ry (in i673, the
Earl of Rochester penned a
rat her indeli cate ballad ca lled
"S ignor Dildo"), and d ildos
themselves have been around
since at least io,ooo BC (ju st
ask the archaeologists). The
ancient Chin ese made theirs
out of jade and bronze, and the
anci ent Greeks used leather,
wood, or sto ne (olive oi l was
t hei r DIY lube of choice back
then). In Renai ssance Italy t hey
ca ll ed their si lver or ivory phal-
1uses dilettoA, a nd in Vi ctorian
Engla nd t hey call ed the rubber
dong "the widow's comforter."
dildos,
materials for
-
T h ese days, most dildos are
made of silicone, and most of
t he high-quality silicone di ld os
on the market are manufactured
by eit her Tantus or Vixen
Creations, though stores often
sell them under different na mes,
so it's hard to tell. (Hint: Though
Tantus doesn't sell directly to
co nsum ers, VC does on its Web
~% s ite, and the prices are signifi-
cantly lower than if you go via a
retailer.) Pure silicone makes for
·" a great di !do, beca use it's easy
to clean, it retains body heat (so
as not to feel like a speculum
in th ere), it's durable, it doesn't
get st icky or tacky, it's phthalate
free, and it's nice and firm.
while sti ll having a bit of give.
Then there are t he more
fleshlike Cyberskin dildos,
though, being made of unstabl e,
porous material, their s helf
life is pretty brief (as opposed
to a si licone dildo, which can
last for years, if not a li fe time).
Unfortunately, Cyberskin and
its ilk (Softskin, etc.) may give
off phthalates, plus they're
super absorbent, wh ich means
you have to use a ton of lube.
We've even heard of a Cyberskin
dildo getting, er, stuck back
there, because all the lube got
absorbed. The moral of th e story?
Whack on a condom. Jelly dildos
are way cheaper than silicone
or Cyberskin, though price is
pretty much the only thing they
have going for them. They get
very tacky, they' re hard to clea n,
they smell like jelly, they degrade
easily, they contain phthalates,
and they're kinda wobbly (who
wants a wobbly dick?).
However, a cheap 'n' ch eer-
ful (less than twenty bucks)
rubber-jelly dildo like BL's Ballsy
Su percock or LB's Randy, dressed
up in a condom, isn't a bad way
to fi gure out what s ize is rig ht
for you before yo u go splash ing
out on a s ilicone dong. Of course,
you could just as eas ily perform
th is experiment with a selection
from the prod uce de partment-
just be sure to wash all samples,
whack on a co ndom, and don't
pus h anything too far up the
butt, as we have yet to meet a
cucumber with a flared base.
Acrylic dildos li ke the Lumina
Wand or blinged-out glass
dildos are completel y hard and
therefore best used for very con-
trolled play onl y-i.e., handheld.
See glass for more on glass d il-
dos; see also VixSlcin in dildos,
realistic on page 64.
dildos,
-
nonrealistic
N onrealistic dildos are usually
made of silicone, they might
be purple or green, they might
curve significantly for G-spot or
prostate action, and they usually
taper to a point for easy entry.
Some might even feat ure very
un natural ri pp les or bumps for
added s timul ation during thrust-
ing. A classic in this gen re is VC's
Wi llow dildo($$), which cu rves
rath er signifi cantly for G- and
P-spot stimu lation. Its modest
proportions (4 13/16 inches by
i 13/16
in ch es) and tape red end
make it a great choice for begin-
ners. Another VC opt ion is the
shortish and fattish (4 13/16 inches
by 13/s inches) Stimulator
($$),which curves s lightly and
features a rounded, rather than
pointy, tip. Two of VC's top sell-
ers are best described as semi-
realistic: Th e Leo (7 in ches by
l 1/i inches) and the Mi st ress
(6 inches by i 3/ 16 inches). Both
feature smoot h shaf1's, gentle
curves, and "proper" heads, yet
they can be ordered in "gli tter"
or "two-color swirl," too. And
look, ma- no veins! Available
almost everywhere ($$).
dildos, realistic
-
How much wo ul d you li ke
your dildo to resemble a penis?
VC's Tex dildo($$$; BF ca lls it
Boitoy and sells it for a little
to double as a softpack (with
semi-chub)! Or check out BL's
'Ultraskin d ildo($$$): This
one comes with blue veins an d
spongy balls, and is made of a
hybrid of silicone and PVC, which
is hardier tha n Cyberskin (but
still porous and phthalate-y).
GV's El Rey($$, peach or black)
is not quite as lifelike. but it i..o
100 percent silicone. Yay! Slightly

less; illust rated) is about as real- unrealistically, the Ultraskin and

istic as di ldos come. It's made of El Rey both feature a suction-cup
t heir very own VixSkin-it's got base-but. h ey, who's counting?
the fleshy feel of Cyberskin
but is actually lOO percent sili-
cone, with all of si licone's ben-
efits (ingenious!). Tex is pale
peach and a pleasantly average
5 inches by 1 lJ/16 inches. lt has
a ge nt le curve and a ve ry penis-
esque head (i .e., it's not po inty,
and it's got a frenulum instead
of a face). Some backdoor
beginners might find this kind
of dildo a litt le t ricky to take in
because the head doesn't taper,
but vaginas and seasoned butt

pirates will en joy the grand
ent rance made by this rea li sti-
cally bulbous head. It's sturdy
enough to work in a harness,
but it's soft and lifelike enough
dildos, sizes of
-
Okay, so, ahem, size dou matter.
A little bit. But just because
you can go large doesn·t mean
you should. We're going to go
out on a limb here and say that
VC's veiny, wrin kl ed 7 1/2-inch
(plus ball s) Johnny dildo (BL,
BF, GV, VC, WT;$$$) is so me-
th ing you s hould work up to. Be
careful of buying long if your
dildo is mostly meant fo r the
<.
vagina , especially if it's a dildo
with a poi nty end that might
poke at her cervix (yowza').
Vaginas like girth. Bums, on the
other hand. can handle plenty of
length: it's t he girth they need
to work up to. Plus, don't forget
th at di ldos h ave to travel past a
few inc hes of ass cheek before
getting in, so a too-s hort dildo
can easily pop out of a bum (and,
if you're not careful , you'll shoot
you r eye out). Once your dildo is
strapped int o a harness, yo u'll
lose about half an inch, so bear
that in mind as you're holding
up your test-run cuc umber to
various si licon e sch longs. If
you're sta rting really small (like
Vixen's winsomely named Willie,
a mere 4 '3/i6 inches by 1 inch.
available everywhere;$) be sure
to go with the Terra Firma h ar·
ness, as it's the most adjustable.
Though , at that size, you may
find t hat a harness doesn't give
you en ough control, in which
case you'll have to use your
hand in conjunction or instead.
dildos,
vibrating
-
V ibrating dildos, like the sili-
cone Echo by Tantus (B L, BF,
GV; about $$), have a hole in the
base for in serting a miniature
vibrator. If one is worn as a
strap-on, the vibrations can be
felt by the penetrator as well as
the receiver-.ouch a giver! You
could also make your vibrating
dildo do double duty as an
extern al vibrator (see vibrators,
external), if you're a one-size·
fits -all kind of shopper. Dildos
made of ioo percent si licon e
with stowaway vibrators are
eas ier to clean than most vibes
(just pop out the miniature
vibrator and boil t he si licone
part). When the vibe motor
eventually kicks the bu cket (as
all batter y-operated toys do,
sooner rather than later) you can
just replace that little bullet ,
which costs less than ten bucks,
instead of having ro replace the
whole toy. For info on whether
you should go with a cordless
bullet or one with a separate
bat tery pack, see miniature
vibrators. See also the vibrati ng
Feeldoe double dildos.
-
dirty talk
lt's t he cheapest DIY sex
accessory out there. Don't
believe us? Next time you're in
the mood for some light BDSM
and you can't find your rope.
just tell your partner exactly
what you won't do to them if
they move so much as an inch.
Be sure to go into sordid deta il ,
us ing lots of four-letter words.
We guarantee it'll hold better
than Alabama police-issue cuffs .
DIY
-
(do-it-yourself)
0 When you make your own sex
toys, whether out of desperation,
thrift, creativity, need, lack of
availability, or because your
local sex-toy store is attended
by s leazy men in raincoats and
the only toys they sell are the
California Exotics Novelties
brand . See blindfolds, chop·
st icks, ice, lube , paddles, and
rope for some ideas. 0 Slang
term for masturbation.
Divine-
Interventions
-
.com
The most offensive, blasphe·
mous, and in genious online
retailer of handcrafted and
hand-colored silicone dildos:
"Home of the Baby Jesus Butt
Plug'" We shit you not. No thing
we wr ite cou ld be funnier than
their own product descriptions,
so, without further ado-Jack-
hammer Jesus (illustrated):
"Jesus was a ca rpenter; now
he's a powertool." Th e Virgin
Mary d ildo: "Like most smart
women, Mary knows there's a
Second Coming ... and a
thi rd ... and a fourth. And,
with the Holy Lube, you betcha
these ain't gonna be immacu·
late." The Judas dildo: "Our boy
sold Jesus for thirty silver pieces,
and we're selling him for even
lv...i! If he cou ld fuck the Son
of God, imagine what he could
do to you! Judas, the only non·
believer of the bunch, will make
a believer out of you." Yes, we
know: We're going to hell.
Doc Johnson
-
manufacturers
T he biggest manufacturer of
adult novelties in the world.
They've been around for more
than thirty years, making tons
o' money with the quantity-over·
quality model. Still, t hey've got
some popular products that
work well, like the Pocket
Rocket vibrator and the sim i-
lar iVibes series (BF, MP]. And
they're the exclusive makers of
Vivid-porn-star-branded items.
. .~~ ..
double dildos
See dildos,double; Feeldoe;
-
S ome serious butt pirates refuse
to use the servant's entrance
until they've douched back there.
We say, what's wron g with a daily
dose of fiber and a good shower
beforehand? An anal douche,
sometimes called an enema, is
meant to ease constipation or
just get you squeaky-clean back
there: You inject a solution into
the anus, hold it for a few m in-
utes, then open the floodgates.
That doesn't sound much like
foreplay to us, but if you think
it does, check out a book called
Intimate Tnva,oion: The Erotic
f n.6 & Ouu of enema Play, by
M. R. Strict, for advice we're
too squeamish to give.
FYI, the ch emica ls in
enema sol ution s can irri tate
the a na l lin ing, so, if you m1.1..<1t
do it , at least d um p the solution
a nd use warm water ins tead.
However, some studies have
s hown that any kind of enema,
even just a plain water douche,
ca n increase the likelihood
of HIV transmission once yo u douche,
get to t he sex. Pl u s, as with
laxatives, your bowels can get
hooked on enemas. So why not
just stick a soapy finger where
-
vaginal
D on't go there. Th e vagina is
not s upposed to s mell li ke a
the su n don't s hine and repeat "summer's eve." It's supposed
as necessary (be sure to rinse to sme ll like a vagi na, people!
thoro ug hly afterward, becau se And, believe it or not, someone
soap res idue can be irritating wh o is att r acted t o a va gina
back there). If you're rea lly set owner tends to like t h e s me ll
on th at final rinse cyc le, th e of that woman's healthy vagina.
only product we ca n kind of We act ua lly find it hard to
get behind, as it were. is th e be! ieve these products are still
cheery-looking s ma ll plastic o n th e market, consider ing t hat
anal dou che sold for about ten they've been linked to pe lvic
bucks (BL. LB) . It ba sica ll y infl a mm atory d isease, infertil -
wor ks like a big syringe-use ity, and ectopic pregnancy. Plu s,
it to gently squ irt a litt le wa rm douches ca n upset the balance
water up there after a BM. J\nd of your natural. good bacteria
eat your Bran Flakes, already. down there, actually creating
See also anal play. a bad smell once all that fake
ea-u-de-meadow bouquet wears
off. An d, while we'r e on th e
s ubject, t he perfum e a nd deter-
gents in those "vagina spr ays"
ca n be extreme ly irritat ing, too.
Stop th e mad ness! If yo u're self-
con scious, by all m ean s s hower
before sex-we all feel more com-
fortable having our various nooks
a nd crannies exp lor ed a fter a
good. soapy ru bdown. If you still
s mell kind of fun ky down there,
it could indicate some kind of
vaginal infe ct ion, in wh ich case
you s hould see your doc. Or it
cou ld jus t mean t hat you s hould
wear looser pant s and cotton
undies, drin k more wat er a nd
less coffee, ea t better, and stop
sm oking. Do you really need that
mu ch Lycra in your wa rdrobe?
See a lso vaginal canal.
Drugstore.com
(DS)
-
Hell o? They sell Iike a hu ndred
vi brators! Wh o says sex toys
haven't gone ma instream?
Of course, you won't find
butt plugs or spreader bars
here. The great thing a bout
Drugstore.com is that th ey
organize th eir items by m anu-
factw·er and actually use the
manufact ur er-give n toy na me.
Plu s, a ll the accompanying
images of dildos and the like
featu re a 2-inch daisy bes ide
t hem , not only to provide you
with a size comparison, but also
to give your sex-toy s hopping
experience a kinder, gentler fe el.
-
If Dual-actio n vibrators ar e
designed t o s im ultaneous ly
s timul ate a woman's clitoris
and th e vaginal canal (usually
the G-spot). Dou ble wham my!
Dual-action vibes reviewed in
this book incl ude th e Rabbit
Habit & the Rabbit Pearl
(the ent r y includes reviews of
multiple dual-action vibes), the
Rock Chick, th e Ult ime (see
Natural Contours toys), a nd
t he abs olutely mass ive Thunder
Cloud . A.k .a. twice-as-n ice
vibes. See als o triple-action.

Duckie water-
-
proof vibrator
A cute little yell ow "rubber"
duckie that doubles as a water·
proof vibe. No wonder Se.Mme
Street's Ernie was obses sed
with his! This battery-operated,
super -quiet toy goes by differ-
ent nicknames, depending on
which store you visit-I Rub My
Duckie on BF and GV, the Ducky
Vibe on BL, the Lucky Duck on
MP, etc.($). Comes in lavender ,
black, travel size, a devil cos·
tume, or a BDSM vers ion co m-
plete with duckie gimp suit!
GV and BF sell al l these varia-
tions, plus Duc kie's fr ie nds I
Rub My Wormie a nd I Rub My
Fis hie. lf you like your orgasms
on the phi lanthrop ic s ide, get
your Duckie at Blowfish-they
donate 5 percent of every sale to
the international Bird Rescue
Research Center, in Fai rfield,
California. Made of phthalate·
free PVC, Duckie is porous, s o
don't sha re Duckie with more
than one fr iend, no matter how
ma ny times he or s he s hares a
bubbl e bath wit h you! See also
bath accessories and water-
proof toys.
duotone (and
-
tritone) balls
Like Ben Wa balls, only mea tier.
Usual ly s lightly bigger tha n
the Ben Wa kind , duotone a nd
t r itone bal ls are conn ected by
a cord a nd have a loose weight
ins ide each of the two (d uotone)
or three (tritone) hol low spheres,
causing subtle vibrations again st
the vaginal walls when you move
(some free- floatin g Ben Was
a re s imilarly weighted, in stead
of solid). Dependi ng on the make,
the weights in side each ball may
knock or jingle a udibly (though,
admittedly, the sound is muf-
fl ed). It's a little like carrying
a bag of marbles in your body
cavity. To help turn it up a notch,
you ca n play around with inser-
tion a nd removal , keep one ball
on the outside for ext erna l stim,
or use a strong external vibrator
like the Hitachi to get things
shaking. Unfortunately, many
of these products are cheaply
produced, with plastic seams
and absorbent strings, both of
which can foster bad bacterial
growth. Better to go with balls
and cords that are coated in
silicone, hard elastomer (like
Srnartballs), or at least latex.
And unless it's made specifically
for the caboose, we'd keep it
away from your tush. Available
as the Private Reserve on MP ($).
edible
-
accessories
Haven't you ever had the urge to
take a vat of room-temperature
Smart Balance Buttery Spread.
get naked with your partner,
and wrestle? Well, make your
dreams come true with a vinyl
sheet. Or simply jump in the
shower. Ju st be s ure to keep
any foodstuffs away from
sensitive vaginas, which are
prone to infecti ons and allergic
reactions. There are plenty of
digest ible products to choose
from, li ke edib le massage oil,
warming fluid, lube, and body
paint, most of which taste like
shit. But goingDIY isn't always
the best-laid pla n to get laid,
either. For instance, smearing
your honey in honey or choco-
la te syrup may sound sinful and
sumptuous in theory, but in
pract ice it's a terribly uncom-
fortab le, sticky s ituation.
 Instead, try anyth ing from penis- and boobie-s haped cup-
one of the best, most sophisti- cake pans (GV), which give us a
cated names in edible products, cozy Betty Crackwhore feeling.
Kama Sutra: They've got Honey
Dust (see massage oil, body); a
Lover's Paintbox, with dark, milk, edible
and white ch oco late "paints":
underwear
massage creams in Flavors like
honey almond and raspber ry
creme; latex-compatible Oils of
-
You probably received this
Fruit Roll -up wannabe as a gag
Love; and erogenous-zone-safe
gift at a bachelorette party a
Pleasure Balm, whi ch is remi-
few years back. The thou ght of
n iscent of mi nt spice drops-
puttin g something st icky and
non e of which wi.11 t rigger your
cherry fl avored aga in st your
gag reflex. They're a ll ava il able
cooch wa s so un pleasant that
from BF at tastefully affordab le
you s hoved it all the way to the
prices. Or try GV's oi I-based,
back of your und ies drawer,
petroleum-free, and vegan Body
where it passed its sell-by date
Butter massage ba lm, in mint
and congealed itself onto your
jul ep or raspberr y-chocolate
favor ite black lace bra.
t r uffle, or th eir Body Ca ndy,
in strawberry champ agne, thin

mint, a nd toasted coconu t.
And you can get a Chocoholics
Chocolate Shower Bar at most
on line wedding-favor sh ops
for about five bucks. Then,
of course, there are th e rea lly
mature novelties t hat you
aren't actually supposed to p lay
wi th , li ke Macweenie & Cheese,
Boob Pasta, Hard Pecker Candy,
etc. (GV). Our faves are the
-
elastomer
c lCliltomer is an umbrella term
for va rious polymers with the
elastic properties of n atu ral
rubber. So this could include
Cyberskin, jelly, latex, sili-
cone, and vinyl (including PVC).
However, in the sex-toy industry,
the word is usually used to refer
to thermoplastic elastomer (TPE) -+
or thermop last ic ru bber (TP R).
Th e chemical process involved
in making T PE is different from
that of vinyl and jelly, so the
res ulting product is phthalate
free a nd latex free (woo-hoo!).
Even Greenpeace recommends
it as a better alternative to PVC.
It can be manipul ated into
a wide variety of textures much
more easily than sil icone, and
with vary ing poros ity. For
exam ple, Vibratex has a n ew
ge ne rati on of pht ha lat e· a nd
latex-free soft toys (sec Rabbit
Habit & Rabbit Pearl vibrators
for examp les) ma de from this
materi al, which they're s imply
calling elastomer. This soft
elastomer (like Vibratex's Pixie
vibrator) is s uper squi s hy a nd
porous (unlike s ili cone). wh ic h
mea ns you s hould use a condom
to keep it bacteria free and wash
it with mild soap and water.
But elastomers ca n also be
hard and nonporous (like Fun
Factory's Srnartballs), which
mea n s you ca n forgo th e con·
dom and wash it in the top rack
of your dishwasher. Fun Factory
has trademar ked th e ir hard ,
nontoxic, hypoa llergenic ver·
sion of T PE as Elastomed, but
becau se the re a re no industry
standards for the materials of
sex toys or the terms used to
describe them , any ma nufac-
turer ca n us e t he word e/a.L>tomer
t o describe a toy that migh t
have phthalates or latex in it.
Similarly, becau se elastomers
can be s ilico ne based, ma nufac-
turers can promote a product
as si licone, even though it's got
other stuff in it t hat makes it
porou s . Buyer beware.
Elemental
Pleasures.com
-
(manufacturers)
M akers of the relatively
new, high-end, handc rafted,
American-made vibrator series:
Leopard (made from posh
stainless steel). Le Tigre (light-
blue, anodized, aircraft-grade
al uminum). Le Lynx (medical-
grade titanium), and Panth erc
(pin k, anodized, a ircraft-grade
aluminum). They each come with
thr ee s wappab le tips, mu lt iple
speed settings, a nd a s ilver
attac he case with velvet lin ing
and lock and key. They're a ll
" hot tub safe" (i.e., waterproof).
boilable for sanitation. and
pretty darn quiet for the crazy-
intcnsc vibrations they give off.
Use them externally or inter-
nally: EP says you can use them
either vaginally or anally; we say,
t hese vibes don't have a fla red
base, so keep 'e m out of your
butt . Founders and "S upreme
Commanders" Peg and Den nis
arc both degreed mechanical
e ngineers who spe nt fifteen
years designing and manufactur-
ing components for commercial
aircraft(!) . And, with a starting
pr ice of $250. they're coming
close to a irplane st icker prices.
Too bad their choice of an animal-
pri nt design theme on the pack-
aging cheapens them a tad.
Emotional
-
Bliss toys
Thi s li n e of U.K. contour toys
is distributed exclusively in
t he United States by CV. Like
Natural Contours toys. they're
sleek, discreet (they look like
cosmetic products!), and ergo-
nomica lly designed (all can be
control led by t he light touch of
a finger). They're al so, li ke, three
t imes as expe nsive as Natural
Contours product s. For th at you
get medica l-grade materials and
a forty-five-L>peed control, and
they're all rechargeabl e! (Most
of the toys last sixty to ninety
minutes after a twelve-hour
charge; the finger toys last three
hours when fully charged.)
The Femblossom ($$$$)
covers most of the vulva-
imagine a hand cupped to hol d
wat er- for ge nt le, ge neralized
vibes. It's great for se ns it ive·
ponytail clits a nd wo men who
like a Iittl e attention pa id to
the la bes. Jas m ine ($$$$) look s
like a wom an's electric s haver
and is meant fo r more di rect
cl itoral stimulation. Womolia
($$$$)vibrates either externally
or just in the first few inches
of the vagina-i.e., the most
ErosBoutique
sensitive part. Finally, Isis
($$$)and the sl ightly larger
and more vigorous Chandr a
($$$) are Emotional Bliss's
-
.com (EB)
A good place to get all your BDSM
gear, when the blindfold you
answer to finger toys. Each got free on you r transatlan ti c
flight just won't cut it. You
one comes with three finger
want hog-tie cuffs, collars
bands so you can find the per-
with attached nipple clamps,
fect fit (or share the toy with
impression paddles that leave
your big-handed rugby-player
the word,i/ut imprinted on
boyfriend). Emot ional Bl iss
your tush, a catsuit, or a gimp
toys are mad e of medical-grade,
suit? Th ey've got it. A better
nonporous thermoplastic
selectio n than EX, but quite a
elastomer, and you can clean
bit pricier. Plus, some of t h eir
them by wiping with a damp,
descriptions aren't exactly deli-
soapy cloth. There's more info
cate ("great for pounding your
at EmotionalBliss.com, though
cock into your partner" or "ton-
you can buy them only via
Good Vibrations . See also
si l diving"). Their retail shop is
located in Boston's South End,
for all your south end's needs.

Eroscillator 2

-
Plus vibrator
T his old-school, ugly-ass vibra -
tor is the only sex toy ever
endorsed by Dr. Ruth. It looks
like a cross between a n electric
toothbrush and something a
Victorian doctor might have

used to treat hysteria. And the
packaging wou ld be more fit-
ting fo r a Star War.<1 figurine.
But who says a ll sex toys have
to be pretty in pink? The nifty
t hi ng about this copper-colored
plastic toy is that it o..icil/ate.o
instead of vibrating-i.e., it
moves kind of like your electric
toothbrush. (And don't tell us
you've never made bedroom eyes
ac your Sonica re on a quiet
night in.) This means it's less
vigorous than someth ing like
the Hitachi, so it's less likely
to cause a numb clitoris.
This toy comes with
three power settings and three
interchangeab le heads the
manufacturer describes with the
trademarked te1m flabber9a.omic.
(Hey, you'd crademark that, too,
if you came up with it .) These
heads are all des igned for labia
or clit stimu lat ion and include
a Golden Spoon attachme nt
that is scooped out Ii ke the
Clitoral Hummer waterproof
vibrator and serves a similar
purpose. If you spring fo r the
more expensive version of
the toy, the Erosc ill ator Top
De luxe, you' ll also get an inser-
tion attac h ment called the
Seven Pearls of the Orient a nd
someth in g dubbed the French
Legionna ire's Moustache, which
basicall y turns you r toy into a
vibra ting false moustache. (The
perfect accessory for watching
some vintage seventies porn!)
The Erosci Ila tor is one of
the few plug-in vibes that's made
specifically for naughty doings
(unlike all those "baclc" mas-
sagers, whose manufacturers
rend to be more coy about
things). Lightweight, quiet, and
easy to hold, this toy doesn't
get too warm, its 12-foot cord is
handy if your bedroom is outlet
challenged, and the toy is sve lte
enough to fit between two part-
ners during intercourse. We've
come a long way, baby, but don't
knock o ld-school unti l you've racks, "surgical" tables, and
t ried it. Clean your Ero sc i Ilat or maybe that futon you had in
with a damp washcloth (the toy college t hat you co uld co nvert
is waterproof, but the plug and into a bed with one foot whi le
converter aren't. obvio us ly). you were lying down a nd mak-
Available at most places, incl ud - ing out on it with someone.
ing Eroscillator.com ($$$$;the
more powerful Deluxe model is
about $30 more). etiquette,
gift-giv ing
erotic furniture
- -
We happen to think that sex
toys make great gifts (way bet-
R emember that sce ne in Harold
ter than lingerie). but there's a
&. Maude when she tells him to
world of difference between an
"'stroke, palm, caress, explore"
unassuming soft jelly vibrating
her s·foot wooden sculpture
cock ring and a 7 1/z-inch veiny
and he puts his head in its hole
dildo called johnny, even if you
like he's perform ing arboreal
do tie a pink ribbon around it.
cunnilingus? That piece would
Kits tend to make great g ifts,
pass as erotic furnitu re. It's
because they're nicely packaged
pretty much anything that's
and they're typically beginner
bigger t han a bread box and is
friendly. If the g ift is for your
designed specifically for sexual
partner, toys you can share-
purposes. like water-resistant
1ike a bath accessory-are a
foam Liberator wedges a nd
pretty safe be t. too. And little
ramps (that lift one's pelvis or
toys, l ike miniature-vibrator
butt for eas ier penetratio n or
accessories or finger toys, are
oral sex; ava ilab le everywhere),
Jess scary to newbies. If it 's a toy
swings and slings, fu cking
for a fr iend, try an undercover
mach ines, the Bodybouncer,
toy like a vi brating lipstick-
queening stools, BDSM bon-
that way, they can always choose
dage beds, s t ocks a nd pil lories,
to accept it in jest. if they're
em barrassed. But there's no or a high-end sex toy bo ut ique,
guarantee your partner won't like Kiki de Montparnasse
freak out and say, "You think I (Kikidm.com), or log on t o one
need this?" or "What kind of perv of their Web sites together.
do you take me for?" (lf your See a lso conununication;
friend r eacts that way, just give etiquette, recycling.
them this book and tell them
what nice girls we are, and that
they should just get over them- etiquette,
selves and enjoy the gift.)
Don't give a "gih" that's
recycling
o bvious ly a present to you rse lf,
like polyester butt-floss lingerie
"reuse" a sex toy that outlasts ~ <·
that may look good to you but
the re lationship it was o rig i-
fee ls terri b ly uncomfortab le to
nally purchased for. This rarely
the person you're supposed to
happen s with battery-operated
be pampering. (Make requests
vibrators, as the ir shelf life is so
for that kind of thing on your
limited, but it's often an issue
own birthday.) And make sure
with something more hardy, like
the present you're giv in g is
a silicone dildo. If you're only
appropri ate to the person: A
going to reuse it on yourself,
leather harness for the vegan
fine: Go nuts. But if you're think-
in your life or a PVC dildo for a
ing of reusing it with a new part-
beloved environmentalist prob-
ner? Our answer is always no.
ably won't be well received (you
We don't care how "hygienic" sil-
may as well get them fruitcake
icone is or h ow it's "tota lly safe
while you're at it) . Shopp in g
if you boil it fora few mi nutes
together might be a better idea-
on the stove top" : Th at's just
it mean s they get to pick out
plain dis respectful, in ou r book
something t hey truly want. Take
(the one you're ho ldin g and ou r
them to a clea n, well -lit sex-toy
metaphorical book). It's kind of
shop with helpful staff, li ke
like recycl ing the sex-mix tape
Babeland or Good Vibrations,
that your first true love made -+
for you (pl ease don't te ll us
you've ever done t hat). We know
sex toys are expensive-but, hey,
hearts are precious, too, a nd we
brea k those all t he t ime.
If you' re convinced yo ur
part n er is cool enough to be
down wit h sloppy seconds and
you're totally broke a nd you
think our rule is stupid. go
ahead and ask nicely. (But just
in case you're wrong, here's one
for the road: We told you .<10.)
Regifting is coo l on ly if
the toy has never been used-
and we're talking not even out
of its packaging. Who wants a
toy that's been manhandled,
poss ibly dropped on the floor,
or even licked by your dog?
The on ly except ion to
these etiq uette guide lin es is
th is: You have a toy you've on ly
ever used on you rself before
that you'd like to introduce to
your partner. Hey, some people
n eed a helping hand to get off.
even if t hey've got a pa rtner
with two willing, working ha nds.
An d your toy m ig ht very we ll be
one of those high-end sex toys
that's wort h at least ha lf a pair
of Man olos. You mi ght be q uite
nervous about admitt ing your
electronic needs to your partner,
since doing so can feel like the
equ ivalent of sharing a family
secret or con fessing to a love of
rea lity TV. If this is the case,
only an assho le would demand
that you throw the toy out the
window. But if the partner in
question would simply prefer
you not use yo ur old standby
in their presence and then
offers to replace your toy with a
brand-new equivalent model-
at least for your couple time-
well. that's just dandy.
Eves Garden
-
.com
F ounded in 1974 by women's
r ights activist Dell Williams,
Eve's Garden is the world's
first mail -orde r catalogue and
sexuality boutique des igned
specifica lly for women. You
won't find any gag gifts in
their m idtown Man hattan
store, wh ich fee ls quiet a nd
cli nical. kind of li ke a doctor's
office (especia lly because it's
 discreetly located on the upper
levels of an office bui lding).
Eve's Garden takes sexual fun
very serio usly. After all, the
eighty-three-year-old founder
still believes that a woman who
is unfettered sexually is unfet-
tered politically, socia lly, and
economically. Amen, sister!
extenders,
Extreme
Restraints.com
-
(EX)
L ooking for the best deal on a
leather horse muzzle for your
loved one? You've come to the
right place. EX has got better
select ions and prices than
your general sex-toy shops for
BDSM paraphernalia, though

-
their safety and material info
penis on each accessory often leaves
something to be desired. And
S heaths worn by the male
t houg h their s ite looks slightly
member to add girth, length,
more hardcore than the fetish
and texture (because you
emporium ErosBoutique.com
wouldn't want a real penis to
(maybe it's the large shackled
come with raised bumps along
man screaming on their home
the shaft that look contagious).
page), ExtremeRestraints.com's
Great for the receiver looking
prices arc much, much softer.
for a change of pace: bad for
the wearer who hopes to feel
anything during penetration.
Of course, that might be just
what the sex doctor ordered for
chronic premature ejaculators.
Vihratex makes variously
shaped Crystal Sleeves (sold
as the Chief on LB; $$). Not
to be used as contraception or
STD protection. A.k.a. penis
sleeves, French ticklers.
:1
F an asshole (the body part, we
Feeldoe
double dildos
-
T antus's number-one best
se ller, the Feeldoe is your sure
thing if you want to go hands
and harness free while fucking
your boyfriend or girlfriend
with a silicone dong. It'l l still
ta ke a bit of practice-and regu -
lar kegel exercises-to get it
right. In fact, some people prefer
to steady their Feeldoe with a
harness. tighty-whi ties, or a
helping hand. But the Feeldoe
has been specially design ed to
s tay put. The driver's end o f the
Feeldoe is bulbous a nd weighted,
to help with st ability and G-spot
s timulation. Plus, three s mall
ridges, located where the two
halves meet in the middle. pro·
vide clitoral s timulation.
The other end of the
Fccldoc, a.k.a. the poking end,
curves up s li ghtly (li ke an erect
penis might) and can be inserted
into eith er another vagina or
mean). Feeldoe drivers can use
it in their butts, too, b ut it was
designed by a woman for women
and their partners. The steep
angle (45 degrees) of th is dildo
makes it perfect for face-to-face,
harness-free sex.
This double-happiness
dildo comes in t hree models:
the Feeldoe, the Feeldoe Slim,
and the Feeldoe Stout. The orig-
ina l Feeldoe can be bought with
or witho ut a miniature vibrator
in t he elbow joint; the Feeldoe
Slim automatically comes with
a miniature vibe. The driver's
end of any kind of Feeldoe is
i'li in ches lo ng and i'/i in ches
wide. The poking end of the
original model is 6 inches long
and 1 1/, inches wide. The Feeldoe
Slim is ideal for butt begi nners:
The pokin g end is 5 'h inches
long a nd just over i 1/4 inc hes
wide. The Feeldoe Stout's poker
is 5 3/4 inches by i3/4 inches.
For more info a nd in spira-
tional Maya Angelou quotes
(no, serio us ly), check out
Feeldoe.com, where you'll also
learn that the plural of Feeldoe is
Feeldoe. You know, like the deer.
 The Fee ldoe is mad e of
pure silicone, so it can be
washed or boiled-be sure to
remove the vibe first! And don't
forget to buy so me water-based
lube. Available all over (BL
ca lls it the Divining Rod, and
WT call s t he ori ginal t h e
Cagney & Lacey and the slim
o ne t he Kate & Allie;$$$). See
also dildos; dildos, double;
harnesses; and strap-ons.
fetish play &
-
gear
S eeBDSM .
finger cots/
finger
condoms
-
L atex sheaths for individual
fingers that are s maller a nd
thicker than regular con doms.
Handy if you have fingers with
cuts, if you're grossed out by
anything you might r un into
in an orifice, if you want a
smoother entry (espec ially
a nally). if you have lon g or
jagged fingernai ls, or if you
like to wear Lee Press-Ons.
finger toys
-
One of the only complaints we
ever hear abo ut vibrators is
that they can make you fee l
a bit distant from the whole
orgasm process. Like you may
as well get maintenanced by
a cold, impersona l fuck ing
mach ine while you read th e
paper or do the dishes. And
how many guys, on firs t be ing
introduced to thei r girlfriend's
Rabbit Habit, have pouted and
sa id, "Wel l, I don't see why you
need me around"? Sure, you
could hand over the control
pan el or buy a remote control
toy, but that doesn't change the
fa ct that when you're us ing a
vibra tor, your own hand can't
really feel what you're doing.
But what if you could let
yo ur fingers do the wa lking,
like t he g ood folks at the
Yellow Pages a lways say? What
if your fingers could vibrate
at a pproximately th e same
frequ ency as a Hitachi Magic
Wand? Enter-cue the singing
ange ls-finger toys!
A fing er toy, sometimes
called a finger extension, is
basically a finger-siz e vibrator
covered in a soh s heath that
s traps onto your own finge r.
Lube it up, turn it on. and
carry on doing what ever you
would u s ually do with your
hands during sex-handwor k
fo r her, ha nd job for him, per-
ineum mas sage for either, etc.
(Note: Fin ger toys are for ex ter-
nal use only.) You can strap th e
toy onto the finge rtip s ide for
direct application, or you ca n
sw ing it around to the knuckle
s ide so it's your own vibrating
fin ger that's touching down on
yours or your partner's genitals.
Either way, you'll get much more
subtlety and range of motion
than you do with a regular ol'
v ibrator-it's like someone
replaced one of you r fingers
with a vibrating prosthetic. And
who could possibly feel trumped
by their own pros thetic dig it?
Finger toys are qui et and
inconspicuous, wh ich makes
them great for couples play.
The mack daddy of fin ger toys
is undoubtedly th e Fukuoku
9000, though a few other manu·
facturers are s tarting to get in
on the game. Finger Fun (BL;$)
is bulkier than the Fukuoku,
so it's better suited for forep lay
or s olo pl ay rath er than during
intercourse, but it does have t he
benefit of being waterproof. Or,
if you want to get fan cy, the high-
end sex toy company Emotional
Bliss makes two ergonomi cally
designed , rechargeable finger
toys: Isis (GV; $$$)a nd the
s lightly larger, s lightl y pricier
Chandra (CV).
Fireman's
Pump
-
I t's a penis pump des igned to
-
Fleshlight
T he king of masturbation
sleeves. if only for its great
gimmick fa ctor: It's shaped like
look like-yo u got it!-a fire·
a g iga nti c fla shlight, but there's
man's pump. 'Tor the ma n who
Cybersldn-esque materi al
wants a rea l fi re hose!" the
sculpted into a mouth, vagina,
packaging promises. Well , yo u
anus, or coin slot on the busi·
kn ow our pos ition on pumps,
ness end (i.e., where the bulb
penis. But if you really rnu..it
would be). You get to choose
indulge, wha t better excuse
whethe r the 10-inch canal is
than t o "put out a really big
ribbed, bumpy, tight, ultratight,
fire"? Where's your truck, big
or wavy. An d it's available in
boy? A California Exotics
pink, mocha, ice, and gold.
Novelties product, natch,
Though the Fl eshlight is one
cheapest at OS ($).
of the most-if not the most-
popular men's toys, you might
find the flas h lig ht casing heavy,
unwie ld y, a nd too wide. Pl us,
you can't sq ueeze the casing to
increase the pressu re around
your d ick. If that's t he case, you
ca n remove the sleeve in order
to better man ipulat e the fles hy
canal with your ha nds. Just
make s ure you remove the hard
s tabi Iiz i ng tube from th e inside
be fore you go poking away! It's
ava ilabl e everywhere, though
you ca n get the most customiza·
tion fo r the leas t amount of
money($$) on Fles hl ight.com.
But, frankly, the less gimmicky
Dream Sleeve (MP) and GV's
exclusive Ecsta-S leeve (with
miniature vibe!) will bot h cost
you less and give you more.
Flexi Felix
anal beads
-
(on a stalk)
Did you ever meet a sex t oy
so damn cute you wanted to
cuddle with it more than you
wanted to fuck it? That's the
Flexi Fel ix, a caterpi llar whose
funny little head featu res a shy
smile, dinky fee lers, and two
holes for your fingers-all the
better to pull Felix out of your
love1·'s assh ole with. The FF is a
modern take on anal beads by
Fun Factory. It's 12 inches long
and cons ist s of five 100 percent
silicone beads (ranging in width
from 3/4 in ch t o l in ch) attached
to a bendy stalk. As the Flexi
Felix is inserted into the anus,
the beads wil l nestle toget her
in a cozy bundle, creati ng a
comfortably full feel ing (as
opposed to the uncomfortably
invasive fee ling i2 inches would
g ive you in a straight I ine). Felix
comes in black, blue, or pink
(because even girly-girls like
to entertain backdoor friends).
Wash by hand, throw it in t he
d is hwasher, or boi l. Available
almost ever ywhere($$).
-
floggers
P addles, s la ppers, riding
crops, canes, whips, belts, or
anything else used to spank a
partner in a sexual scenario. As
with any toy intended to inflict
a sort of pleasurable pain , do
your homework on safety mea·
s ures and proper technique to
avoid serious or permanent
injury. FYI. some people also Fukuoku 9000
finger toy
-
useflo99erto mean a certain
kind of whip-see whips for
details. See also BDSM and D on't be fooled by th e packag·
safe, sane & consensual. ing: Though the Pu k uoku 9000
cla ims to ease "muscle tension ,
headaches, eye fatigue, and sinus

-
food play
S ee edible accessories.
pain," it's actually the finger
toy for sex on the market. And,
in fact, if you read the Pukuoku
ins truct ion book closely enough.
yo u'll noti ce t he coy "for enjoy·

French m ent with your friend s and

companions" suggestion. (Heh·

-
ticklers
C heaply made extenders.
See also sleeves.
heh. t hey said "companions.")
The Fukuoku 9000 is.
hands down (sorry), the best
finger toy to use during sex. The
ol' reach-a round? How about
the brand-new, vibrating reach·
around? You decide. The P-9000
con s ists of one vibrating plastic

finge r strap and fou r variously
textured jelly sleeves to sl ide
over it (though they all feel pretty
much the same, if you ask us).
Your Fukuoku should be rnonog-
am.ous. Plus, don 't use it inter·
nally, and wipe it clean with a
li ttle alcohol on a cloth between
uses. Available everywhere! BF is
cheapest, at under twenty bucks.
And, while we're at it,
we should introduce you to the
extended Fukuoku family. The
Fukuoku Power Pack($$) is basi·
cally three Fukuoku 9000s con·
nected to a battery pack that
straps to you r wrist. And then
there's the Fukuoku Massage
Glove($$), a soft, washable glove,
available in either lefty or righty.
with a teeny vibrator embedded
in each fingertip. Hello, hand job!
Fun Factory
-
T he Germans make great
cars, so it follows that they'd
make great sex toys. Located
at Fun Factory.de, they're kick-
ing serious butt in the biz
these days, manufacturing non-
toxic, odorless, ioo percent
hypoallergenic, easy-to-clean,
whisper-quiet, ergonomic toys
like the Laya Spot vibrator
and Flexi Felix anal beads,
made from either medical ·
grade silicone or nonporous,
phthalate-free, hard elastomer,
which they have trademarked
as Elastomed. Plus, their prod-
ucts work wonderfully and
feel fantast ic-you can't really
get any better than that these
days. Their tagline is "Love
Yoursel f,'' and they believe that
doing so s hou ld be as norma l
as going to the grocery store.
Their toys actually come with
helpful instruction manuals-
unheard of with novelties.
Yes, their brightly colored
designs, cutesy inchworm faces,
and smiling dolphins will
remind you of Se.oame Street
and kids' beach paraphernalia
(Exhibit A: Their squi nty-eyed ,
flo wer-holding Dinky Digge r
illustrat ed on previous page),
but maybe that's what makes
these vibes so approachable:
They're cheery!
Mainstream department
stores all over Europe s uch as
Galleries Lafayette, Printemps,
a nd Ott o carry FF it ems, a nd
eve n high-end Henri Be ndel, on
5th Avenue in New York, have
so ld their Srnartballs. Check
out their rech a rgea ble vibes
with docking station s and their
line of Astro Toys, one vibe for
each s ign of the Zodiac (great
b-day gifts) . Avai lable most
everywhere, though many
places rename them($$-$$$).
See also G-Swirl & G-Twist
vibrators .
G
-
G-spot, hers
T he spongy t issu e surroun ding
her urethra that ca n be felt
through t he top wall of th e
va gina, about 2 in ches in s ide.
Some doc tors consider thi s
area the female prostate. For
so me women, it 's th e key to
orgas m (or a noth er key bes id es
the clitoris) and even femal e
ejaculation . Since those things
often require firm. steady,
extended press ure that a penis
or even a hand can't manage
for too long, many sex toys
have been made specifically to
target the G-spot (see G-spot
stirnulators). However, it's
worth noting-before you start
dem a nding you r money back
on yo ur G-spotter-that some
women fee l nothing at all when
this a rea is poked, while oth ers
find it a nnoying (as in, it
makes them want to pee). or
even painful.
G-spot, his G-Spotter
-
T he prostate gland. For more
details, see P-spot.
(brand name)
-
S ee Hitachi Magic Wand
attachments.

G-spot
stimulators G-spotters

-
(his & hers)
I f a toy is meant to be inserted
and it's got a curve to it,
(variety of toy)
-
Toys intended to target a
woman's G·spot.
chances are it has G·spot stim·
ulation (either his or hers) on
the brain. However, toys that
are curved but don't have a
flared base should not be used
up the bum, as they m ight get
lost. This includes boomerangs.
Male-spec ific G·toys target in g
the prostate (or P-spot) can
usua lly be used by women,
either in t he tus h (where they
won't find a prostate) or in the
vagina (where they may fin d
their G-spot). Just don't swap
between orifices without a G-Swirl & G-

-
thorou gh cleaning first.
Twist Vibrators
Des igned and sold by Good
Vibrations and produced by
 -
Fun Factory, these vibrating
G-spotters are big sellers.
Here's why: sleek design, quiet,
waterproof, hypoallergenic,
nonporous, latex free, phtha-
late free, and silicone. Just
reading an impressive list like
that gives us a mini orgasm.
,,,
They each take two AA batteries
(included by GV); $$.
gag gifts
-
Any sex accessory primarily
intended to elicit laughter
rather than genuine desire,
s uch as edible underwear,
gold-lame thongs for dudes,
mac & cheese with penis·
shaped pasta, and anything
li sted under bachelorette-
party paraphernalia. If it's
cheap and you'll never use it,
it's a gag gift. For one small
step up the evolutionary chain,
see novelties. See also edible
accessories.
-
gags, mouth
S ee ball gags .
'I
-
games
Board and card games centered
on sex don't just facilitate fun ,
they can also impart sexual
knowledge, add spice, and
im prove communication
between partners, especiall y
long-term ones. (Of course, a
good ol' game of Truth or Dare
might work just as well.) Store-
bought fun ra nges from simple
tr ivia games to full-on orgiastic
Candy Lands . One best se ller is
Sex Smarts, a trivia quiz using
fl ash cards contain ing multiple-
cho ice and T/F quest ions to test
a nd teach people of a ll sexual
persuasions about the history
o f sex, sexual s lang, positions,
a natomy. etc. Then there are
games intended for one hetero
couple, like Nookii or the ele-
gantly packaged Eros Trix, or
t he position-driven Kama Surra
Gam e, which gives each player
naughty directions (for instance,
one might have to frisk th e
other like an inappropriate cop).
Fin ally, for a cheap t hril l that
loses its novelty after about ten
minutes, but is still kind of
sweet in its simplic ity. there's
Dirty Di ce: One die names a
body part an d th e other d ie
tell s you what to do with it (for
instance: "suck/lips," or "lick/
below waist"). For only a couple
bucks, it makes a fun gag gift
(available in Engli sh and
Spanish; for a ll orientations).
-
Gee-Whiz
S ee Hitachi Magic Wand
attachments.
-
gerbils
N ot sex toys! We're sure you're
famil iar with the number-one
urban legend of al l ti me:
"Richard Gere once got a gerbi I
stuck u p his ass." Which doesn't
even make sense, s ince the
actor's a vegetarian. The on line
bull shit detector, Snopcs.com.
debunks this myth once and
fo r all at Snopes.com/ risque/
homosex/ger bi l.h tm. There,
you'll also find that hilarious
radio clip of a DJ reading the faux
news piece t hat detai led the
same s t or y, sans Gere. If you're
having a bad day, give it a listen:
It 's sure to brighten your day.
Gimp, the
(as in, "Bring
-
out the Gimp")
0 The character clad in head-
to-toe leather from Quentin
Tarantino's 1994 movie Pulp
Fiction. A cop named Zed and
his red neck friend Maynard keep
him locked in a chest in their
basement. The two take Butch
(Bruce Will is) an d hi s nemesis,
Ma rse ll us (Ving Rhames),
hostage a nd ball-gag them.
Wh en Butch and Marsellus
awake, Zed tells Mayn ard,
"Brin g out th e Gimp." ft was, by
fa r, the most quoted line from
a movie that year-at least
a mong our circle of friends.
gimp suit
-
0 A full leather onesie com-
plete with face mask (with two
eye holes and a zipper mouth),
like the one worn by th e Gimp
in Pulp Fiction. 0 Any seriou s
BDSM outfit.
girl's best
Because blown g lass is seam-
less a nd nonporous, a little bit
of lube will make yo ur glass toy
s lipperier than a sea l drown ing
in an oi l s pill. It's des igned to
withsta nd heat extre mes and

-
will warm up with you r body
friend temp ni cely; run it under warm
water firs t to heat t hings up,
H int: You ca n"t buy it from
or pop it in the fri dge (not the
De Beer s.
freezer!) for a minute to make
your own creamsicle (get it?
creamsiclc?).

-
glass
I t sounds like a really bad idea
to stick something inside you
Gl ass toys come in endless
s hapes a nd sizes. Some are
perfectly clear, som e have hints
of color, a nd some even have
t hat's made out of glass. But
actual artwork embedded
purpose-made glass dildos and
in.oide the glass (of course, the
butt plugs are some of the
artwor k is more velvet Elvis
sturdiest-not to mention most
t han Picasso, but st ill). And if
beautiful-sex toys around. Put
the toy is hand-blown g lass
one on your mantle, a nd it could
{h e h-heh), yo u know you've got
pass as a n a rtsy-fartsy paper -
a one-of-a-kind. They run the
weight. Accidentally kn ock it
gamut from a s imple $50 wa nd
off your mant le, a nd it probably
to a $700 butt plu g mad e from
won't break (t hough if it's
obsi dian {vo lcanic glass) by
thrown around carelessly, it can
high-end designe r Mi-S u,
chip a nd become a dagger of
though with th eir popul a rity
death , a t whi ch point it's tim e
on t he rise, prices a re co ming
to say bye-bye). The firmness
clown. Ph a ll ix is the k ing of
a nd weight of g lass toys make
glass-d ildo ma nufactur ing and
them great fo r kegel exercises
ui s lTibuti on. Look for the bra nd
and G- or P-spot s timulation.
name Pyrex (or at least a
"medical-grade" description)
to guarantee high-quality heat-
and chemical-resistant g lass. If
the instructions say you can't
boi I it, it's not worth getting. And
need we say that a glass bottle
(et aL) does not a dildo make?
Good
Vibrations.com
(also Good
Vibes.com)
-
T he but sex-toy seller there is!
Punky, sophisticated design;
thorough product info; respon-
sible health info; high-quality
product se lection ; and a healthy
sense of progressive inclusion.
They take what they do very
seri ously but somehow manage
to keep it fun and cheese free.
They have a line of about eighty
GV-branded products: Most
are just high-quality toys you
can get elsewhere, with the
GV sta mp of approval and
funky GV packaging. But about
twenty are GV originals-like
t he Ecsta-Sleeve masturbation
sleeve and the G-Swirl &
G-Twist-designed by their
trained staff (which includes
their sexologist goddess, Caro l
Queen, PhD, the nicest woman in
the sex biz) in conjunction with
accom plished manufacturers
like Fun Factory. They've even
got an online magazine, an in-
store Antique Vibrator Museum,
a nd an online video rental
service that's as easy as Netflix
{do yo u really need to own The
Devil in Mrl>. Jon.el>?).
Sex therapist and educator
Joani Blank says she founded
Good Vibrations in San Francisco
almost thirty years ago because
women didn't have a comfortable
place to shop for sex-related
products (except for New York's
Eve's Garden). But, almost
immediately, men started show-
ing up to ask, "Can I shop here,
too? I don't like those other
places, either." So GV stocked
men's products over time and
eventually bega n hiring men.
Just recently they've been
noted as the largest employer
of transgendered people in
San Francisco (their other retai l
stores are located in Berkeley,
CA and Brookline, MA). And
they've got a legacy, t oo: Former
GV interns and employees went
on to open women-oriented
Babeland, Grand Opening,
and Vixen Creations. And ,
final ly, they're on e of only two
s hops that sent us two-count
'em, two-sets of toys (one for
Em and one for Lo) when we
requested free product samples
for "research purposes" (VC
was the other). See also ·Bend
Over Boyfriend.
-
Goody Bag
W ant to keep yo ur toy s nu g
as a bu g in a rug? The Goody
Bag (BF, MP, WT: $) hides your
toy from prying eyes or from
wandering pets who might
mistake it for a chew toy. The
drawstring bag is velvety on
the outside a nd lined with
waterproof nylon, to help keep
the toy clean (or in case your
toy travels wi th lube or is th e
"leaky" Cyberskin kind). The
Goody Bag is machine wash·
able a nd accommodates a toy
up t o 9 inches long. If you r
concern is more about protect-
ing your glass dildo, check out
the velvety Padded Pou ch (B F;
$$). If discretion is the order of
the day, one of BF's travel cases
($)cou ld pass for a shaving
kit-just what you need to take
your toy on the road, though of
course it's no guarantee th at
the airport X-ray machine won't
pick up on your dildo. For t he
record, we recommend checking
all sex toys-es pecially that tita-
nium Le Lyn x, by Elemental
Pleasures. A.k.a. toy cozies.
See also storage.
Grand
-
Opening.com
A cleverly named sex shop in
Boston with a terribly cheesy
Web s ite featuring lots of pie·
tures of the owner, Kim Airs-
a woman who looks more like
an elementary sc hool teacher
than a "proprietrix ... But once
you hear her wax enthusiastic
about sex, you'll be a Grand
Opening believer, lame purple
Web s ite and all.
H -
handcuffs
S ee cuffs.

hair-removal
tools
-
Did you know tha t the Gi llet te
Mac h 3 Power razor vibratelJ?
Don't te ll us we're t h e only ones
to think d irty thoughts when
we saw that. Shaving each other
down th ere is one of t h e most
intimate acts a couple can share.
Casual ri mming is one thing,
but letting someon e near your
private parts with a razor? Now,
that takes trust. If razor blades harnesses,

-
don't soun d like fo replay to you,
try a buzzy electric s haver or
about
clippers instead. And, not to get
If you want to go all look-ma-no-
all New Age-yon yo u or an y-
ha nds with your dildo, you're
t hing, but, honestly, you'd be sur-
goi ng to need a harness (unless
prised what you can learn about
you've got one of those n ewfan-
your lover's ge nitals by gettin g
gled strapl ess double d ildos
that up close and personal.
like the Feeldoe or the Nexus).
Just please approach the task
A d ildo plu s a harness equals a
with as much res pect, caution,
strap-on (said dildo must have
and attent ion to detail as a
a fl ared base to hold it in pl ace).
neurosurgeon wou ld a brain
Strap-on sex ha s a lot to do with
op. mmkay?
s us pens ion of di s beli ef; a we ll-
fitting, co mfortable harn ess
that holds your dildo (or, if you but once a year on her birthday,
p refer, your "di ck") firmly in why not? A two-strap harness,
place will he lp with th at. on the other hand, fits exactly
Because noth ing kills a "Who's like a jock strap, making it per-
your daddy?" moment like a fect fo r guys, not to mention a
mandatory t ime-out as a res ult great a lternative for women
of malfunct ion ing equipment. who can't stand t he wedgie-li ke
Basi c strap-on harnesses feeling of a thong. See also
come in two styles: single strap Bend Over Beginner Kit and
or two strap (see illustration, Bend Over Boyfriend.
page 95). A single-strap harness
fits exactly like a G-string and
is therefore pretty impracti ca l
for men, because, duh, there's
already a nons ilicone willy in
t he way. Women, though , have
no preexisting package to worry
about and might actua lly enj oy
the additional cl it s timulation a
si ngle-strap harness provides.
A single-strap exception for men
is BL's Man's Harness ($$$$)-
you'll recognize it by the hang-
ing "codpiece" designed to hold

-
his original equipment. And, yes,
sometimes men li ke to strap one
harnesses, face
on, too: Maybe he wants to keep
C hin s traps, head harnesses,
going after he's, uh, petered out,
and ball gags with 0-rings
or perhaps his gi rl friend gets
all ow you to strap a dildo onto
a huge crush on a supersize
your face, so you look like a
purple dildo at her local sex-toy
XXX unicorn or a stem-cell
shop-not the kind of thing
scientist's research project
she'd want to face every night,
gone horribly, horribly wrong.
For obvious reasons, they're
usually named something like
the Humiliator. You'll find a
few at EB (SSS) and EX($$).
harnesses,
fitting
-
Most harnesses are one s ize
fits all, though a few offer s ize
options. The black patent
leather Black Cat h arness (BL,
SSS) is particularly good for
thin li zzies. Adjust your harness
(us ing the buckles or D-rings)
until it is comfortably snug-
the s nugger the fit, the more
control the wearer has over the
silicone do ng, and the more
cl itoral stimulation she will get
from t he base of the dildo.
Buckl es won't loosen during the
ses h, which sometimes happens
with D-rings. But the corollary
to that is that D-rings allow t he
wearer to easily adjust the har-
ness mid-sesh-especially handy
for beginners sti II getting used
to the fit of their setup.
harnesses,
fixin's for
-
You'll need to make sure your
harness works with your dildo(s)
of choice (s peaking of: see
receiver's choice). For extra-
small (aww!) or extra-large
(eek!) d il dos, you'll probabl y
need a harness that comes with
an adjustable 0-ring, like those
in the Terra Firma range (BL, GV,
LB, WT; SS-SSS. depending on
material). The 0-ring is the part
where the di ldo pokes through.
If the ring is too small , you
might break your di ldo (double
eek!). and if the ring is too large,
you'll be stuck with a wobbly
dildo-terribly embarrassing,
not to mention pretty use less.
Or, worse, the dildo could slip
right out of your harness, leav-
ing you feeling all emasculated
and' your partner feeli ng all
abandoned with a dildo sticking
out of their bottom (turkey's
done!) . For more average pokers,
most any ha rness will work-
harnesses with fixed-size 0-rings
are all 1 3/4 inches in diameter.
 just be sure to test yo ur
dildo with the harness before
you buy. If you're dead set on a
certain harness but find it is
too big for your favorite s lim·
jim dildo, ask a sales ass istant
if they stock foam rin gs (called
Slip Nots at GV; $)to he lp you
correct the problem. Finally,
some harnesses are fitted with
a pad t hat sits on the mons
behind the 0 -rin g; others are
built wit h an open 0 -ring, so
that the dildo presses directly
against your sk in . The wearer
might prefer the stimu lation
of direct skin contact; alterna·
tively, she might f ind that the
pad preve nts her pubes from
getting caught in the co ntrap·
tion (yowz a!). Open 0-rings also
all ow for double dild os (see
dildos, double), in case you
like to get while you give.
harnesses,
materials for
-
Once you've settled on the style
that's right for you, you'll need
to pick a material. Nylon is
perfect for a first ha rness (and,
if you ask us, a second, and a
third ... ): The nylon Te1Ta Firma
is affordable($$ at BL), it's
non-scary looking (the straps
look and work just like back·
pack straps), and it 's machine
washable. And, hey, that last
feature means you can take it
in the shower!
If nylon isn't hardcore
enough fo r you, t here's always
leather-the Terra Firma
comes in cowh ide, too. It's more
expensive($$$) and way harder
to get clean, because you can't
soak it-you have to just wipe
it clean with a soapy cloth.
Patent leather, however, is eas-
ier to clean-and so sh iny, too!
You can try t he Corset Harness,
by Sportsheets (available on
EX. $$$); it's got garter straps
and a lace·up back that makes
your butt look like a heart.
Kinky vegans can opt for rubber
instead-it's got all the fetish
cred of leather, and it's water·
proof, too! Then there's vinyl,
which is a nice mix of deviant·
lite (like leather and rubber,
it usually comes with buckles
rathe r than D·r ings) and practi·
cal (the material is sturdy and
long lasting). The Peek-a-Boo
ha rness (cheapest at BF,$$) is
actually made of totally clear
vinyl- perfect for those days
when you've just tr immed your
pubes into a heart shape and/or
decorated them with jewels, and
just ca n't bear to cover the m
up. (Though we can't i magi ne
that it stays too clean and
harnesses,
-
thigh
Who says you have to strap one
on in the same place every sin·
g le time-that's s o bourgeois!
BL's Thigh One On harness($$
in nylon or$$$ in leather) lets
you take advantage of a ll t hose
squats at the gym- you can even
wear one each and sc rew in
the sc issors posit ion for an all ·
arou nd silicone sesh. BF sells
" a s lightly less sexy neoprene
thigh harness t hat looks like a
kn ee brace($). Thigh harnesses
also leave your genitals open to
anything-partic ularly handy if
you've got a pi nch hi tter in town.
Or you could t ry the Night
Rider harness (B L; $$). which
harnesses,
-
vibrating
Looking for a little extra for the
missu s? Many harnesses con·
t ain han dy pockets designed to
fit a miniature vibrator so the
lady can get a little cl it ora l
stimul at ion when she stra ps
one on. BL's leather Buzz Me
Tender harness (single-strap
vers ion is$$$, two-strap is a
few dollars more} even has two
pockets so the receiver can get
a litt le vibe action, too. If your
harness doesn't have a pocket,
··,>

you can always make it buzz
by pairing it with a dildo that
has a bullet vibe in its base-
see dildos, vibrating.
headphones/
when you choose to lean in real
close and lift their headphones.
This all helps your partner
focus-exactly what tha t prissy
cubicle worker is going for, too,
except the object of focus in this
case is not what's happening on
a spreadsheet but, rather. what's

-
ear plugs
Ear plugs aren't just for construc-
tion workers and insomni acs,
happening on a beds heet.

and noi se-canceling head·

phones aren't just for prissy
cubicl e workers. Controlli ng
your partner's soundtrack (or
lack of one) takes sensory
deprivation to a whole new
level, especially when com·
bined with a blindfold. If white
noise is too nerdy for you,
make a booty mix on your iPod
and have your partner listen
to it through headphones. Hello Kitty

-
Headphones and earplugs
deprive your partner of aural
vibrator
clues and distractions, insulat·
A long time ago in a galaxy far,
ing them from sounds like your
far away-okay, so it was in
breathing, the smack of a pad-
Japan, and the yea r was 1997-
dle hitting their skin. the dog
this toy company called Genyo
barking. etc. They can only
licensed the Hello Kitty brand
speak when spoken to, and
to make a lin e of toys, one
they can only be spoken to
of which was a Hel lo Kitty
II
v ibrat in g s ho ulder massager.
Of course, it d idn't ta ke long
fo r people t o figu re out th at
the, ahem, shoulder massager
co uld be used elsewhere. A few
years later, the Hello Kitty (or
K.itty-chan, as t hey say in
Japan) "vibrator" became a reg-
ular fixt ure in Japanese adu lt
videos. By 1999 , the toy was for
sa le in vending machines in
"love hote ls" across the country
(you know, the same vending
machi nes that stock teen girls'
soi led un dies). Need less to say.
Hello Kitty's peeps were pissed
off, and a lengthy lega l battle
ensued, which finally ended
only because Genyo was busted
on tax fraud a nd the Hello
Kitty team was able to swoop in
and break the massager molds.
Bye-bye, Kitty! (Unless, of course,
you're comfortable bidding for
a used vibrator on eBay . . .)
-
hemorrhoids
H emorrhoids are swollen veins
in the anal region caused by
constipation (all that straining),
" diarrhea (or "rushed jobs"),
pregna ncy, labor (again, all
that stra in ing), or obesity. They
are decidedly not caused by
anal play, dildos , anal beads,
butt plugs, a reach-around
pin ki e, or any other activity
encouraged in this encyclope-
dia, at lea.,1;t if all the,1;e thin9,1;
are high qualitt;, ,1;afe, and u.,1;ed
or done correctly. Sure, anal
play might irritate preexisting
hemorrhoids, or you mig ht di.,1;-
cover hemorrhoids right after
an anal sesh-in which case you
should see your doc for treat-
ment, and you should probably
lay off the ana l until they're
healed . But the idea that safe
and informed anal play caU..6e,1;
hemorrhoids is an urban myth
spread by tightasses.
high-end
-
sex toys
S ome ho ity-toity fo lks (or
those aspiring to be hoity-toity}
believe that if something is
iiber·expensive and as s leek
and ch ic as an iPod, it's okay to
stick it down your pants. Hence
the emerging product lines and
store retailers catering to ladies
who lunch and Diddy (or wh at-
ever th e fuck he's call ing him-
sel f today). The new des igns
are elegant, the materials are
(us ually) better for you, the qual-
ity is (usually) skyscraper high ,
a nd t he price t ags are what's
t ruly obscen e about the toys.
PVibe's se lf-titled patented
penis vibrator (bas ically a posh
vi bratin g cock ring) is s mall
and si len t; it comes in stai nless
s teel ($ 130), si lver ($200), and
gold ($300). They also make a
s leek and simple miniature
waterproof Cigar vibe in the
same materials (and in the same
price range). IimmyJane.com 's
Littl e Somethings are pretty
much the sa me cigari llo idea,
only s lig htly bigger, and at about
the sa me price-one of only a
handful of innocuous designs.
Conce ptual designer Shi ri
Zi nn (shirizinn.com) makes a
few erot ic pieces, incl uding
the Minx (illu strated), a h and-
crafted pink vibrator decorated
with Swarovski crystals and
a detachable pink feather or
fur ta il : it comes with a s ilver
engraved sta nd and is packaged
in a ha ndcrafted s nakeski n
box with s at in lin ing ($300).
Mi-Su .com sell s two butt plugs
(one of obsidian, or volcanic
glass, and one of rose quartz)
for $700, a diamond cock ring
for alm ost $1,000, and a $1,600
black obs idian dildo in t he shape
of a s ma ll, Dalfesque bow ling
p in. They wi ll even work with you
to creal e yo ur very own custom
Mi-Su Couture toy (your kids
don't need to go to college, do
they?). And don't forget the aero-
nauti ca lly ins pired Elemental
Pleasures wands ($200 -$400)
or the s lightly less expensive
mini Lelo vibes, from Sweden.
Then there are the fancy-
schmancy retail stores that sell
many of these designers' items.
New;, week reported that when
Myla (Myla.com), a London-
based "sensuality boutique,"
opened a store in New York, it
had a one-month waiting list for
its almost-$400 handcrafted,
black, rechargeable vibrator
call ed Bone (as in s keletal, not
phall ic). On 5th Avenue, Rykie l
Woman is Henri Bende l's third·
flo or den of expens ive s in.
And Kiki de Mont parnasse
(Kikidm.com) is New York City's
latest destination for chic bed-
side accessori es. We're just
waiting for the cheap knock-offs
to s how up on Canal Street.
Hitachi
Magic Wand
Wh ere to start? It's the Cadill ac
of vibrators, th e Tom Cruise of
turbo-toys, the best seller, th e
MVP, the girl's best friend , the
box office s ure thing, that sev-
enties toy. The Hitachi is the
most popular vibrating sex toy
in the world. The world' Like
the Wahl vibrator, the Hitachi
is marketed as a muscle mas·
sager. It makes sense-after all,
electric body massagers work
by bringing blood to the area,
which is-hey!-exactly what
happens when you get turned
on. And because the Hitachi
was designed to be a work-
horse, it can last for decades-
unlike those crappy novelties
des igned to last for th e dura-
t ion of a bachelorette party.
The Hitachi is the t oy
that insp ired Joan i Bla nk
to start Good Vibrations.
Masturbation maven Betty
Dodson started ordering them
by the case in t he seventies
to give out to women taking
herself-love classes. Sure, the
Hitachi sounds like a dying
cow, but once you feel its
strong vibrat ions, you won't
care a bout waking th e neigh·
bors. Just try notto have an
orgasm when you hold one of
t hese puppies aga in st you r
clitoris-though you may
need to temper its strong vibra-
tions with jeans or a pillow
in between. Or just squeeze it
between your thighs and let
the vibes travel north . The
Hitachi has a soft foam head
covered in soft vinyl, about the
size of a tennis ball. and a foot -
long white plastic handle (so
no arm cramps!). Sure, ifs not
as cute as rhe Rabbit Habit-
in fact, it's rather medical
looking. But if you've got a
nosy hou sekee per or a dog
who likes t o drag inappropriate
"presents" into t he living room
whenever your mot her-in-law
is over for tea, that might be Hitachi
a good t hin g. The Hitachi is a
plu g-in device, and it's an outie
Magic Wand
vibrator only-but it can be
turned into an innie toy with
one of the specially designed
attachments (see follow ing).
-
attachments
Th e Cadillac of vibrators is an
outie vibrator only-but it can
be turned into an innie toy with
The Hitachi's head is porous,
one of the s pecially designed
so no sharing. It can be
attachments. The silicone
cleaned with a damp soapy
Gee-Whiz attachment, by VC
cloth. Remember, if it doesn't
($$), fits over the head of t he
say Hitachi, it's a knock-off.
Hitachi to provide probing
Imported from Japan by
G-spot or prostate sti mula-
Vibratex and available every-
tion. Then there are a slew of
where; BF is cheapest($$). See
vinyl attachments: The Wonder
also "back" massagers and
Berman Center Intimate Wand fits over the Hitach i head
Accessories.
for straight- up {literally) pene-
tration ($),the vinyl G-Spotter
(illustrated; also available in
rubber) is shaped like the Gee-
Whiz (BF. GV: $),the Deluxe
G-Spotter has a stiff er, more
solid protrusion (BF, BL; $), and
the Magic Connection has a
kn ob fo r att ach ing Wahl vibra-
tor parts, which s hould not be
used for penetration (BF; $).
Finally, MP sells a jelly attach-
ment that turns t he Hi tachi
into a beaded insert a bl e vibe
($).The attachments s hould
be cleaned according to their
respective materials and dressed
up in a condom if you're s ha ring
or if they're jelly or vinyl.
-
A bigVibratex sell er , this little
bear of h ig h-quality vinyl is s o
damn cute it might m a ke yo u
puke if it doesn't make you come
first. It's 3 inc hes fro m head to
toe, hidin g a vibrating bullet
within, with a long cord to the
s lide control. And the little a rms
raised over t he pin k c u b's head ,
a s if h e wer e practicing for The
Nutcracker, wi ll fli tter a n d flut-
ter against your clit, nips, or any-
thi ng else external. So wron g
it's rig ht. Takes two AA batteries;
monogamous u se only($$ on
BL, DS, MP; ha! f the price on BF).
Honey Dust,
-
by Karna Sutra
S ee second defi nition of
massage oil, body.
 -
hysteria
W hat vibrators were born of.
Back in the 1800s, hysteria
(literally, "womb disease") was
considered the most common
"disorder" among women; its
symptoms were mental a nd
emot iona l d istress, thought to
be brought on by the womb's
revo lt against sexual depriva-
tion. (Live in a sexist society
where you can't vote or work
and you have to submit to the
u ninspired jackhammering of
your owner/ husband, and you'd
be distressed, too.) By some
estimates, as many as three-
quarters of a ll women s uffered
from this "hysteria," and, in
fact, mention o f the ailment can
be found as early as 4 BC. The
..cure" was a doctor-administered
genital massage that would
lead to "hysterical paroxysm"-
in other words, an orgasm. Talk
about bedside manner. Not
surprisingly, these treatments
never provided a permanent
"cure"; rather, doctors found that
t hei r "frigid" fema le patients
kept returning in droves for
regular manual administrations .
..
Doctors who ran out of elbow
grease would fob off the work
to midwives.
Then, in 1869. an American
doctor invented a steam-powered
mechanical device to replace
the manual genital massage-
and, behold, the world's first
vibrator! These devices became
widespread (and, eventually.
battery operated), and women
continued to return from the
doctor's office with flushed
cheeks and secret smiles. Then,
in the 1920s, the porn industry
finally figured out what was
going on, and these "medical
devices" started making guest
appearances in adult films. The
secret was out! Kinda-it wasn't
until 1952 that the American
Psychiatric Association finally
dropped the term hy.oteria from
its books.
I ice cubes,
aromatic
I Rub My
-
Jazz up yo ur frosty play with
some fragrant ice cubes, a nd

-
Duckie
See Duckie waterproof vibrator.
stimulate two senses at once!
(Yes, we were Home Shopping
Network hosts in a former li fe.)
Sephora.com sells "sensual rice
steam-perfumed ice cubes" by

-
Kenzoki . They're chem ica l free
ice a nd full of essent ial oils, which
must be why they cost about
One end of the temperature-
$30 for twelve cubes. ("For
play continuum (hot candle
ice?f' we can hear our mothe rs
wax being the other). Cheap.
asking.) Th e rice-pla nt ingredi-
readily accessible, nonstaining,
ents cause the cubes to turn
and just a teeny bit kinky. one
into a crea my, milky fluid as
cold cube-traced down some·
they melt-we guess that could
one's back on a hot summer"s
be a good thing. For a cheaper
day, or strategically placed on a
DIY sensation accessory, make
lazy nipple, or sucked on right
your own by freezing floral
before an oral administration-
water, essences, infu sions,
can make an otherwise ordinary
etc.-all avai lable at your local
sesh extra hot. Just be su re to
health food s tore or crunchy
keep the actual ice on the out-
pharmacy-in an ice cube tray.
side of the bod and away from
delicate internal linings. See
also sensation play and DIY.
 -
iPod
Yes, your iPod is a sex toy! Come
on, a music mix t hat lasts longer
than forty-five m inutes, wit h no
commerc ial breaks? Th at's the
best thing to happen to sex s ince
dimmer switches• (See lighting.)
By the way, if your booty mix
doesn't include either Muse or
t he Brazilian Girls, you're miss-
ing out.
I!
J
Japanese
-
sex toys
Ah, Japan: home of ge is has,
pornographic comics. pillow
books. automated "love hotels,"
and sidewalk vend ing mach ines
that dispense soi led schoolgirl
undies. Is it any su r prise that
the famous Rabbit Habit hails
from this country? Th e legend-
ary toy is a sexy Iittle loophole:
A now-defunct Japanese law
once prohibited the manufac-
ture of sex toys that resembled
gen ita lia, so Japanese vibrators
featured rabbits, dolph ins,
beavers, fish, and funny cartoon
faces. The law is now gone, but
the dolphins and rabbits buzz
on. (For a German version of
disturbingly cute sex toys. see
Fun Factory.) The Japanese
porn industry, on the other
hand. continues to be heavi ly
regulated: A still-active law
states that in moving anima-
tion or video, genitalia must
always be distorted by a blurred
section called a "mosaic."
Now do you understand why
the Japanese came up with
bukkake? (Google it if you dare.)
Necessity might be the mother
of invention, but repression is
its n aughty little fri end. And
don't even get us st art ed on
the complicat ed art of l>hib ari,
otherwise known as Ja pa nese
rope bondage ('cause, to be
honest, we don't rea lly k now
anything about it). See a lso
Hello Kitty vibrator.
-
jelly rubber
Cheap plastic made with a
phthalate soft ener. Jel ly is
high ly flexib le, usually translu-
cent with lots of littl e bubbles,
s ti cky to the touch , and s ti n ky
like a cheap shower-curta in
liner-that's t h e unstable
chemica ls seeping out. Do you
rea lly want to stick t hat you-
know-where? Some peop le
report inflammation , burni ng,
and a yeast li.ke disch arge after
usin g jelly toys, and recent
stud ies suggest th at exposure
t o phthalates may do serious
(i.e., permanent) damage. Yes,
you may be co mpletely happy
with your jelly Nubby G-for
now. So, to be safe, slap a con-
dom on before in sert ion. (You
want explosive orgasms, not
radio act ive ones.) Use only
water-based lubes, as others
will actua lly melt t he mat erial.
In fact, a jelly toy may break
down simply from being in
contact wit h a toy of another
mat erial. Expect some discol-
oration over the years, even if
you're a clean frea k. So me say
t o use mil d soap or toy clean er
t o wash it, whil e oth ers say
use n o soap at all ; every on e
agrees you s houl d avoid har sh
dis hwas hi ng liquid or alcohol,
which may a lso dissolve it. And
make sure your jelly toy is air
dried be fore st oring it in a
locked box by itself in the corner
of a closet in your basement .
So, why are we even
includ ing a ny je lly toys in
this book ? Because t h ey are
everywhere: If you s py a sex
toy, cha nces are it's jelly. Plus,
because it's so malleable, it
often makes for toys with really
,.
interesting textures that people
love, and, because it's so cheap,
it makes for very affordable toys
(consider the endless array of
jelly sleeves), so they become
big sellers. But here's to putti ng
our money where our twats arc
and making jelly toys tank in
the market.
K
Kama Sutra
bath & body
-
products
T he Bath & Body Works of the
sex-toy indust ry. Kama Sutra
makes affordably priced oils,
creams. bath gels, and balms,
most of which are edible and
all of which are tastefully pack-
aged . We like them so much,
in fact, that we're raving about
them despite them refusing to
send free samples our way
(how "Eastern'· is th at?). They
specia lize in gift baskets, and
probably make a killing 'round
Va lent ine's Day. More in fo at
KamaSutra.corn. See also body
paint; edible accessories; and
massage oil, body.
-
Kegelcisor
A sta inl ess-steel vaginal
barbell-pretty much the exact
same thing as the Betty's
Barbell dildo (BL; $$$). See
Kegelcisor.com for more info.
-
keg els
A rnold Kegel, M.D., spent the
middle of the last centu1·y study-
ing urinary incontinence and
sexual dysfunction in women
and found that strong pelvic
floor muscles (which include
the PC muscle) are key to right-
ing such wrongs. (These muscles
contract involuntarily during
orgasm and voluntarily when
you've got to pee like a race-
horse.) "Kegels" are the squeez-
ing technique the good doctor
developed to tone the pelvic
floor and, today, there are sev-
eral toys are made specifically
with that workout in mind. Men
can work on their kegels with
the Aneros, while women can
also choose among Betty's
Barbell dildo, the Kegelcisor,
the Berman Center's Adonis,
the Lurnina Wand, and the new
kid on the block that everyone's
raving about, Natural Contours'
Energie. All these toys come with
in struct ions for your pelvic
workout. Doub le dildos (see dil-
dos, double) like t he Feeldoe
and th e Nexus will work, too.
Or, fo r a prop-free routine,
browse Kege l·Exercises.com
or the "Pumping up Your Love
Muscl es" chapter of our first
boo k, Th e Big Bang.
kits
-
Every sex·toy out let sells its own
kits, and they a ll make great
gifts. The kit packaging is like a
reass urance from on high that,
yes, people give and receive sex
toys all the time. ("You got an
erection .oet for your birthday?
Man. l want one of tho.oe!'} Plus,
buying a k it t ypi cally means
that you don't have to figure out
what lube goes with yo ur dildo
or cock ring, etc., because every-
thing you need is already in
there. Th ere a re way too many
kits for us t o Iist them all, but we
have yet to meet a kit we didn't
Iike. Wh at ca n we say? We're
suckers for packaging. In partic-
ular, for bath t ime, we like GV's
Fri day Night De li ght($$). For
covering all your bases, we like
BL's Sex Toys 101 Kit($$$; see
beginner toys). For form and
function. we like the Mile-High
Kit($$). And. for anal play, the
fina l fron tier. it's gotta be the
Bend Over Beginner Kit ($$).
See also etiquette, gift-giving.
-
kinky toys
A nything outs id e the ma in·
stream , wh ere mai n..l>tream
mea ns women's magaz in es,
an e pi sode of Sex and the
Citlj. a bachelorette party, a
Tupperware-style sex-toys
party, or th e sex-toy sect ion of
DS. A kinky toy would not be
refe rred to as a "marital aid"
and is pro bably not the kind
of toy you r couples counselor
would recommend. Also, a ki nky
toy is not the kind that would
be feat ured in a slapstick com·
edy featuring a rascally dog
that li kes to go rummaging in
guests' s uitcases-a kinky toy is
not a punch line. For exampl e, a
Rabbit is mainstream; a gimp
suit is k inky. See also BDSM.
L
-
latex gloves
L atex gloves get a bad rap-
mention them in the context of
sex (as opposed to, say, doing
the dishes or home-dyeing your
ha ir). and most people wi ll joke
nervously abou t body-cavi ty
searches, prostate exams, or
havin g their legs up in stirrups .
But, hey. some of the hottest sex
fantas ies begin their lives as
nervous jokes, a nd what better
accessory to these fantas ies than
a pair of latex gloves? Some
fetish retailers even stock elbow-
length gloves in multiple colors,
if you're reall y serious about
getting into character (EX;$$).
But latex gloves aren't just
aesthetic props-they're handy
for safer sex. too. Tiny invisible
cut s on your ha nds can transmit
STDs - both ways, and in both
cavities. Bes ides, if you're tak·
ing a whol e han d anywhere, a
well ·lubed latex g love wil l ease
your entry. (Just put "hangna il "
and "delicate anal tissue" in
the same sentence and you'll
know exactly what we're talking
about.) But even if you're not
going in whole-handedly, barrier
protection is a pretty good idea.
(Yeah, yeah, we know you're not
going to do it, but it's our duty
to mention it anyway.) Sure,
fingering is safer than fucking,
but jumping off a two-story
building is safer than leaping
off a skyscraper, too, you know.
For vaginal fantasies, you should
avo id powdered gloves, since
talc has been linked to cervical
cancer (or just thoroughly rinse
off the powder first). Some
people like t o make dental
dams out of latex gloves by
cutti ng off the four fingers,
slitting up the side opposite the
thumb, rinsing off the powder,
and lubing up-but that seems
like an awful lot of work when
a piece of sturdy Saran Wrap
does the job just fine. (There arc
also purpose-made Sheer Glyde
dental dams.)
But wa it-there's more!
Wearing latex gloves when
you're knocking on someone·s
back door means you won't have
to stop and wash up before
going anywhere else-a vagina,
say. (You'll give the vagina
owner one mother of a urinary-
tract infection if you don't
wash up or use gloves between
orifices.) You can simply change
or remove the glove and keep on
t rucking-no buzz-ki II i ng trip
t o the bathroom required. For
all uses, you should avoid oi l-
based lubes, as oil can degrade
latex. Stick to water· or sil icone-
based lubes, unless you're using
po lyurethane gloves (if your
partner has a latex allergy,
say), in which case any lube
will do. "Okay, Mr. Ben Dover,
the doctor will .1>ee you now..,
-
latex rubber
As found in nature, latex is
the mi lky-white juice of many
plants, most co mmonly the rub·
ber tree, which can be made
into natural latex rubber. But
latex can be made syn t hetical ly
and then turned int o r ubber,
too. It's inex pensive (probably
the most inexpensive toy mate-
rial besides a cucumber). it
can be sculpted into most any
s ha pe, s ize, a nd color (though
fles h tone and bl ack are t he
most common). a nd , t hough it 's
fir mer an d less s m elly than
jelly, it wil l wear out faster.
Latex is porous, so you
should use a latex condom with
your latex toys (is n't it ironic?).
It's not porous enough to make
condoms, latex gloves, and
dental dams ineffe ct ive-unlike
ver y porous animal-skin co n-
doms. Never use oil-based lubes,
becau se t hey'll break down the
latex; water- a nd s ili cone-based
lubes are a-okay. Alcohol will
also break it down , s o, in stead,
clean it wit h a soa py cloth.
Keep in a cool, dry place.
Allergies to latex were fi rst
recognized in t he lat e seventies
and have bee n on th e r ise with
the increase of the materia l in
t he environme nt. Caused by a
protein in natural latex rubber,
al lergies can develop over time
the more you are exposed to the
material. (Thoug h sy nthetic
lat ex is not a n a ll ergen, most
products that mention latex
m ean t he n atural ki nd, and
there's us uall y no way of know-
ing fo r sure-so, if you're allergic,
avoid anything with latex on the
label). Jf you start experi encing
inflammation, a r ash, or d is-
charge after u sing latex, it's time
to switch to silicone toys and
polyuretha ne condoms . A note
to the allergic: In addition to
t est in g all the ir toys for phtha -
lates, A-Wom ans-Touch .corn
has a chemist check all t he ir
t oys for lat ex, so, if th ey say
something is latex fre e, you
know you can trust 'em. An
example of a lat ex dildo is
Mr. Real ist ic (MP;$$$).
Laya Spot
-
vibrator
Thi s petite externa l vibrator
is one of those contour toys -
chic, ergonomic, a nd designed to
fo llow the curves of a woman's
body. It's a tad s ma ll er than a
computer mouse (4 1/4 inches
by 1 1/2 inches), which mea ns it
can sit in s ide you r cupped hand,
lie on your pu bic bone, or s it
between yo ur thighs, giving
you a more intim ate experience
than some of t he bu lkier vibes
out there. The Laya's perfect for
women who like a little labia
atte ntion; hold it down a little
Le Lynx
farther for a nice perineum
massage. Guys might like it
cupped around the ir balls. too.
Controlled with two light-up,
-
vibrator
S ee ElementalPleasures.com.

soft-touch buttons. it's got eight
speeds of constant vibration
and three of pulsing vibration,
from barely there to pretty
intense. It's no Hitachi, but
its vibrations arc nevertheless
pretty fierce for a small AAA
battery- operated toy. And
quiet! Laya's manufactured by
Fun Factory, so you know it's
built to last: It's made of their
Elastomed, a hard, nonporous,
hypoallergenic elastomer. Just
wash with soap and water. A
packet of lube is included($$).
See also Lelo vibrators and
Pure Bliss vibrator.
-
leather
T reated cow flesh. Doesn't
sound so sexy when we-okay,
when Lo-puts it like that, huh?
And yet people, especially the
BDSM and gay-bi ker commu ni-
ties, embrace it as the ultimate
sex material. Dildo harnesses
are often made of leather, but
why? It ca n't be disinfected or
boiled or even cleaned very well,
so body fluids sink into it. like,
forever. You could try using
leather cleaners and saddle
soaps. But for safety and sani-
tary reasons, you might want
to go with machine-washable
nylon, wh ich is better for the
environment than rubber,
vinyl, and, yes, leather. Be free,
Bessie, be free! If you simply
rmut add a little lea ther to your
collection, do it with somethi ng
that's not likely to get soiled,
like a bondage belt.
Lelo vibrators
-
Did you ever find a smooth piece
of sea glass on the beach and
keep it in your pocket because
it fe lt so nice to hold in your
hand and rub with your thumb?
A Lelo "pleasure objec t" is like
tha t, only you hold it in your
hand and rub it against your
clitoris. This high-end sex toy
compa ny based in Sweden
makes several versions of its
elfin pebbl e vibe (3 'h inches by
2 inches): the Lily vibrator
("pearly" nonporous elastomer;
around $130), the Nea (porcelain-
like with a floral motif; just under
$100), the Ida (shiny, water·
proof rubber, with lips that hug
the clitor is; around $170), and
the Yva (medical-grade s urgical
steel; around $1,300-or 18K
gold plate; about $1,500).
They're basically the
s poiled little sist ers of the Laya
Spot vibrator (thou gh they're
not offic ially related-more like
BFFs): external, ergonomic,
contour toys that can be set on
or around the clitoris, curved
around the vulva/balls. or
pressed against the perineum.
You could even use one as a
nipple teaser. And, because
they're so small, you can easily
and comfonably incorporate
them into intercourse or oral.
Still feel ing gypped by t heir high-
end price tags? Un li ke the Laya,
the Le los are rechargeable-just
pl ug them in like you would a
cell phone! When fully charged,
they can go for seven hou rs,
and they have a 90-day stand-
by time. All Lelo toys come in
a gift box with a satin storage
pouch, are quieter than a mouse,
feature LED indicators, and
have a one-year warranty. The
most popular and a ffordable,
the Lily v ibe, is available on
BL, BF, LB, and MP; they're al l
available on Lela.com. See also
Pure Bliss vibrator.
-
Libida.com (LB)
T he only on line retail s ite
des igned especially for straight
women, Libida .com features
n ot just toys but also an erotic
ga llery, erotic lit erature, two
staff sexologist s, a sexual-
hea lth library, advice, and even
weekly sex ual horosco pes (.<10
gi rly!). Their "Decision Maker"
guides newbies throug h an easy
step-by-step proces s to findi ng
the perfe ct toy. But what reall y
sets t hem apart : a Libida Meter
that rates toys (on vibe intensity,
volume, versatility, and cl itora l/
anal/ G-spot friendl iness) and
DVDs (on explicitness, romance,
cinematography, acting, plot,
men's appeal, chemi stry, women's
pl easu re, taboos, and racial
divers ity). Unfortunately, the
Libid a Mete r gave the Pocket
Rocket vibrator three out of
five stars for bein g G-spot a nd
anal friendly. Huh? We wou ldn't
stick that toy inside anywhere.
especially not the butt! Pl us,
t heir site design is jus t not that
inviting, and their collectio n is
lim ited. Well , nobody's perfect-
especially in the sex-toy indus-
try, where there are no industry
sta ndards. Except when it
comes to prices-and theirs are.
Ind ustry s tandard, we mean .
-
lighting
S ometimes candles are a little
too Ha rl equin Romance or
Colonial William sburg- and that
doesn 't work for ever y k ind of
sex. Bu t overhead fl uorescent
light ing doesn't work for any
ki nd of sex (except for maybe
that sexy-gynecologist role·
playing scenario yo u've been
working on). For t imes like these,
have some 15-watt bulbs on
hand, or in stall a dimmer sw itch
in th e bedroom. You can buy a
kit at t he hardware store, and
it's a cinch to insta ll-we swear.
Cheap, too! Bulb: $1. Dimmer
kit: $7. Not worrying about
whether your lover is distracted
by your ass pimples: pricel ess.
-
S ee Lelo vibrators.
-
lipstick vibe sl ip in the ba ck without much
fu ss-see anal play and butt
See undercover toys. plugs for more tips on how to
make yo ur rear entrance. Made
of silicone, so boil or wash and
use with a water-based lube.

-
liquid latex
S ee body paint.
Ava il able everywhere (WT calls
it Petunia) for about t en bucks.

Little Flirt
butt plug
-
T antusSilicone.com's Little
Fli rt is just about t he smalles t,
cutest butt plug you'll ever
meet (3 inches by 7/s inches).
As long as you use enough
water-based lube, a wee butt
plug like this should be able to
lubes or
lubricants,
about
-
If you don't think of fri ction
relievers as sex toys. you're not
using them rig ht. If you always
assumed that lube was just a
post menopause su bstitute
fo r t he real thing, or a prison
guard's tool of t he trade for
a kinder, gent ler body-cav ity
search, you've been seriously
missing out. Like parsley. lube is
th e ideal garnish for any dish .
First off, you s houldn't be going
anywhere near the anu s with-
out a litt le lube, not even with a
s ma ller-tha n-average pinkie-
there's zero natural lubrication
back there, a nd s pit just won't
cut it. Next, all handwork fee ls
 better with a litt le Iube. On
him, lube means you can pump
his pole harder and faster with-
out giving him rug burn. On
her, lube means she can take
more, an d more varied, stimu-
lation all over, without getting
chafed or oversensitive (her
little man in the boat is partic-
ularly delicate).
During oral, you might
enjoy the addition of a littl e
lube (may we interest you in a
fl avor?) to help you s lide around,
especially if you're hungover
and suffering from a serious
case of dry mouth. Or, next
time you're goi ng down on your
partner, just put a li ttle lu be on
your f inger and let it wander to
the perineum or the starfish
(just don't let it wander back
to the front). Finally, even old·
school penis·in-vagina sex can
be improved by lube, especially
during a quickie (when there's
no foreplay buildup) or a mara·
thon sesh. Adding lube to a
condom means it's less likely to
-·~
break, and adding a drop of lube
iruide a condom will improve
his latex expe rience, t oo. A
woman's natural lube should
not be considered a measuri ng
stick for how into it she is-some
women gush at the brush of an
elbow, while others produce
only a drop or two during the
best sex of their life. Pl us, deh y·
dration, the time of the month,
medi cations, age, and a hang·
over are just a few facto rs t hat
may diminish her own geyser.
Lube: lt does a body good.
Most sex-toy shops offer
lube samp ler packs or t rial-size
sachets. Blowfish sells a water·
based lube sampler and a sili·
cone sampler($$ each), both
of wh ich include most of the
lubes we review here. Once
you've settled on a favorite- or
a few favorites-you can invest
in a full bottle with a pump
dispenser (put it in a cup of
warm water to avoid the shock
of freezin g-co ld liquid on yo u r
n uts) . The dispenser allows for
one-handed reapplication (which
means that reapplication is
less likely to disrupt the flow
of events). If, however, you're in . ..:-~
a casual-dati ng phase and are
entertaining a steady stream of
luvvers, you might want to steer
clear of those industrial-size vats

of lube-it's a little off-putting,
especiall y when there's only
half an inch left in the bottom.
Save the econ omy s hopping fo r
your LTRs.
You have a number of lube
opt ions, depen din g on t he body
part or toy, the body cavit y. the
condom , and the conditions
(can you say "hot tub"?). Th e
three basic lube food groups are
oi l ba sed, silicone based, a nd
water based. For lube reviews by
categor y, see lubes, oil-based;
lubes, silicone-based; an d
lubes, water-based following.
If you've been contemplating
just u s ing a handy house hold
product instead , please see
lubes, DIY first.
None of the lubes we rec-
om mend conta in Nonoxynol-9.
And please not e: Some lu bes,
especia lly flavored lubes. con-
tain a natural suga r ca lled glyc-
eri n (for sweetness), which ca n
be irritating t o oversensitive
vaginas, somet imes causing a
yeast infection (not so sweet).
So, if you·re not working with a
vagina of steel. s teer clear of
any lubes containing glycerin.
lubes, DIY
-
DIY lubes are for hand-jobs-for-
him on ly: The vagina is too prone
to in fection (bless its sen sitive
little lining), and most do-it-your-
se lf lu bes tend to be oil based,
which means they're not latex
compatible. But if a hand job is
all that's on rhe menu (i.e., you're
sure it won't escalate to some-
t hing requiring a condom or a
vagina) , you might want to try
cheap h and lotion like Vaselin e
Int en s ive Care (the more expen-
sive s tuff absorbs too well), olive
oil , Crisco, baby oil, ha ir condi-
tioner if you're in the shower
(shampoo is too drying), and Kiss
My Face Mo is ture Shave mixed
with one part water (five bu ck s
at OS- just try it ). Spi t can feel
good a nd raunchy, but it does n't
las t long. and cotton mouth
will set in almost immediately.
lubes,
-
oil-based
O il-ba.JJed lttbeil can 't be Uiled
with latex producu (condoms,
darns, diaphragms), and they're
not particularly compatible with
vaginas, either. Oil has a ten-
dency to ha ng around, which
makes it a very hardy lube, but
a very likely culprit in urinary-
tract infections in women , too.
(If you mus t k now, it's becau se
UT!s ar e ca used by microscopic
fecal bacteria, and, during a
particu Jar athletic sesh, even
just penis-in-vagin a sex. that
bact eria gets bumped around.
It's why women prone t o infec-
t ion should always pee right
after sex: It clears the tract. But
oi l can't be peed away easily; it
just hangs around, kee pi ng the
bacteria company. And lube gets
everywh ere, so even if you're
using it in th e back door, it's
gonna travel around to t he front.)
So, the only oil·appropriate
occasions are a) anal sex with a
polyurethane condom, b) a man
hand job t hat's not going to end
up in vaginal sex, c) anal fisting
(yowza!). or d) unprotected anal
sex between two men (double
yowza! Need we remind you
that unprotected anal sex is
the highest-risk sexual activity
out there for STD s and HIV?).
Oil·based lubes are mostly
household products like ba by
oil and Cr isco-see lubes, DIY-
or produ cts designed s pecifi·
cally for manhandling. The
latter can be eas ily s potted by
their oh-so-m anly names like
Elbow Grease (comes in a one-
gallon plastic bucket with han-
dle; SSS at Cheap Lubes.com),
Boy Butter (m ade of vegetable
oi l; S for 16 ounces at BF),
Men's Cream (petroleum based;
$for 4 ounces at BF), Rocket
Balm (ti ngl y peppermint oil;
S for 1 ounce at CV), a nd the
pr act ica I ly-d r ipping-with-
testosterone-named Stroke 29
by Gun Oil (almond and coconut
oil; SS fo r 6 ounces at BL). For
a lat ex-frie ndly m anhandling
product . see Eros Power Cream
in lubes, silicone-based- $$
for 5 ounces at CV.
lubes,
-
silicone-based
T he future of sex is silicone,
and th e future of sex is now.
(And. no. thi s has nothing to do
with fake ta·tas.) Silicone lube
fee ls and works just like oil-
i.e., it's waterproof (bring on
the shower nozzle!), a little
goes a long way, a nd it's longer
lasting t han wat er-based lubes
because it doesn't absor b into
the body. But, unlike oi l, it's
safe to use on latex condoms
and dazns (bring on the hard·
core anal fucking!). It's the only
inert lube out there, mean ing
it won't react at all wi th your
own body's chemistry-though
if a silicone lube contai ns
additives, as Pink does, it's no
longer cons idered inert. You
can even shave with it (to help
keep the razor s harper longer).
There's one very important
ru le about sili cone lubes, how·
ever: Do not iue Liilicone lubu
on toyL> made from Liilicone or
Cyberslcin et al. Because the
only thing s ili cone bonds to
is sil icon e, a weird chemical
reaction occurs between silicone
or Cyberskin toys and s ilicone
lubes, causing the surface of the
toys to get gummy (not really
somethin g you want going on
in.Aide you). However, there is
an exception to this rule. As
silicone queen and Tantus
president Meti s Black told us,
it all depends on the grade of
s ilicone involved: If the toy is
made from m edica l-grad e plat·
in um silicone (like all Tantus
dildos) and the lube's ingredients
contain dimethicone (first),
di methiconal, and cyclomenthi·
cone (and no unnecessary addi·
tives like aloe or vit amin E), like
with Eros Gel and Eros Original
Bodyglide, then it should be
perfectly safe.
But since it's hard to k now
exactly what's in a toy, you
should alwayL> do a small patch
test on the base of your toy
first: If the lube stays slipper y,
you can keep on sliding. Even
if you prefer to s lap a latex
condom on the toy just to be
safe, you're still goin g t o need
to wash t he sil icone lube off
you with soap and water,
because it doesn't wash away
as easily as water-based lube.
(That's why it works in th e hot
tub. remember?)
"But what about the horror
health stories of silico ne seep·
age from burst breast implants?"
you ask. Have no fear; silicone
lubu are safe: Th ey don't get
absorbed by the epidermis of
lubes,
your body, which includes the
lining of your body cavities.
Here are a few of our
favorite silicone-based lubes
-
water-based
W ater-based lubes are great
t eam players: You can use them
with any toy, you can use them
(sensitive vaginas should avoid
with latex condoms or darns
the products that conta in glyc-
(and diaphragms, for t hat mat-
erin). They're avai lable all over,
ter), and they wash off easily
an d most are about $10 for a
with water. They are not water-
30-milliliter bottle. Silicone
proo f, however, so if you need a
lu bes tend to be more expensive
lube for the h ot tub. you should
than the water-based k ind, but
check out lubes, silicone-
you need less, so it evens out.
based. And beware of so-ca lled
And so, withou t further
water-L>oluble lubes, whi ch
ado: Eros Gel or Eros Original
frequent ly contain oil (and thus
Bodyglide (glycerin free and
are not latex compatible). Herc
safe to use with Tantu s s il icone
are a few of our favorite water-
dildos); Eros Power Cream (con-
based lubes (sensitive vaginas
tains glycerin); Wet Platinum
s hould avoid the products that
(glycerin free); and Pink (best
contain glycerin). They're ava il -
suited for her veegee, Pink
able all over ($).
comes in an elegant, hand-
Astroglide: Fans claim it's
blown Italian glass jar, meaning
the most natural -feeling lube
it could easily pass for a chic
out there; plus, they love its
bottle of perfume; g lycerin free,
sweet taste. Detractors say it's
though its additives-vitam in E
so thin that it s lides all over
and aloe vera-make it imposs i-
the place. Contains glycerin.
ble to use with high-quality
Liquid Silk: The perfect My
pure s ili cone dildos, so don't
First Lube-glyceri n free, li g ht,
bother with the patch test).
and nonsticky. The taste isn't
great, so we'd steer clear of this
one if you've got oral in mind.
 Maxi mus: Very long lasting
for a water-based lube, so a popu-
lar pick for anal activities. Tast e
free, odor free, glycerin free.
Probe Classic: Probe's
Classic formu la is the thickest
water-based lube out there, and
thus a favori te among backdoor
friends. Probe's Silky Light
formula is better suited to
han dwork and old-school inter-
course. Taste free, odor fr ee.
Both contain glycerin.
Sensua Personal Lubri-
ca nts: Chemical free, homeo-
pathic, vegan, all-natural,
available in peac h or raspberry
flavors, and g lycerin fr ee.
Sensual Power Lube:
Glycerin free.
Sl ippery Stuff: Taste fr ee,
odor free, glycer in free.
lubes,
water-based,
-
flavored
For a p lethora of flavo rs, from
passion fru it to pifia colada, the
Wet water-based range is your
friend (try a sampler pack if you
can't pick just one). Maybe you
don't like the taste of genital ia .
Or perh aps you're one of those
rare upstand ing citizens who
actually-9Mp- uses barri er
protection for casua l encoun-
ters of the oral kind, in which
case these lubes can jazz u p
the flavor of latex. It's better
than grabbing something ra n-
dom from yo ur fr idge-chances
are t hat'll either contain oi l,
which will destroy the latex ,
or sugar. which may give her
a yeast infection (or, worse,
both). As a bonus feature, Wet
lubes come in an easy-gr ip con-
t oured bottle, which will sound
much more impressive if you've
ever tried to open a tube of
lu be with a g reasy hand. Wet
Flavored Lubes a re all surpris-
ingly glycerin free.
lubes,
water-based,
-
warming
In high schoo l, Lo m ade a
pilgrimage to the Pink Pussycat
Boutique in NYC to get a
Valentine's Day present for
her boyfriend and came back
with a cheap bottle of Emotion
Lotion that got hot when you
rubbed it and t ast ed like straw-
-
Lucite
A common brand name for hard
acrylic. See a lso materials.

berries (actually, it tasted like

shit). Fifteen years later, K-Y
comes out with a warming liq-
uid (containing glycerin), and
suddenly it's big news? Guess
so. 'cause even your grand-
-
LuminaWand
T his hard acrylic, pretty-in-
pink magic wand is one of
those sex toys that could pass
mother's heard of the new K-Y.
as abstract art-but, unlike
The benefit of K-Y's brand is
many of those toys, it's more
that it's available freakin'
tha n just a pretty face. Two
everywhere. The ladies at Good
orbs at the base make for a
Vibrations prefer the water-
firm, easy-to-grip handle, and
based ID Warming Liquid,
the curve is specially formu-
though it does contain glycerin.
lated for easy G-spotting. Or,
too. For a glycerin-free warm-
flip it around and use the
ing experience, there's Sliquid
knobby end in the vagina or ass
Sizzle. Some ladies swear by
for a pleasantly ridged approach
these muff warmers, while
to penetration. (Though the
others claim it's a ll gimm ick-
wand doesn't have a flared base,
make up your own mind. Try
it's long enough-9 inches by
mixing your warming lube with
i '/4 inches-that every retailer
a regular water-based lube for
seems to consider it safe for
a more pleasingly slippery
anal play. Just don't let go of the
effect. These warming lubes,
knobby handle, and don't try to
all water based, are not to be
get all 9 inches in there, either.)
confused with genital warming
It's got no seams, which
massage oils-see massage
means it's s ilky smooth , and it's
oils, genital.
shatter resistant, too (as long
as you don't keep droppi ng it
on the ground over an d over
again to "test" it, as we did).
And did we menti on it comes
with a black pleathe r carrying
case? (Doesn't rea lly go with
t he pi n k, but vegetarians will
like it.) The Wand is water-
proof, compatible with any
ki nd of lube, nonporous, a nd
can be washed with soap and
water. Manufactured in China,
it's distributed in the Un it ed
States by BL ($$) and is also
avai lable at BF (as the G-spot
Bloop Wand), DS (as t he Crystal
Wave). GV (as the Jupiter Di ldo),
LB (as the Crystal G). and MP
(as Dangerous Cu r ves). Yep, it's
just that pretty that none of
them cou ld resist g ivin g it
th eir own s pecia l name.
M
massage oil,
body
-
If you're new to sex toys, this is
one of the best sex accessories
to start with: affordable, sensual
rather than s hocking, and readily
ava ilable. Oi ls are incom pat ibl e
with latex, a nd not g reat on
coochies either, so, for the "spe-
cial" portion of yo ur massage,
you shou Id switch to a specially
formulated genital massage
oi l (see fo llowing). But for t he
body, a ny kind of oil will do.
At beauty outlets like the
Body Shop (BodyS hop.co m)
or Aveda (Avecla.com). you can
buy pla in oil (e.g., organ ic soy
oil) and flavor it with your own
favorite essential oil. For a fla-
vored oil you can actually nibble
on, try something from GV's
Body Candy range (see edible
accessories)- t hese surprisingly
unst icky poti ons are made
from a sweet almond -o il base.
Body Butter (a GV exclu s ive;$),
which comes in mint julep or
raspberry-chocola te truffle, is a
si milar (edible) idea, except it
comes in solid balm form a nd
rubs in more like a moisturiz-
ing lotion than an oil. None of
these oil-based products is
latex or coochie compatible,
but they are compatible with
vegetarians (they contain no
animal by-products).
A favorite among massage
therapists (not to mention Betty
Dodson) is Charlie Suns hine's
Secret Formula Massage Oil
(OS;$). It looks and feels like
lotion (Le., it's not go ing to slop
all over your sheets like regular
oil), but it's actually oil (so you
won't need to reapply every ten
seconds, as with some moistur-
izing lotions). It's made of a ll-
natural products and contains
lots of Vitamin E, which is good
for the skin. For something very
simi lar, try GV's own Ma ssage
Lotion, available in Sugar
Plum, Venus (whatever the hell
th at planet s mells Iike), an d
unscented($ for 4 ounces).
Finally, our three favorite body-
massage gimmicks: 0 GV's
Massage Bar($) looks like a
bar of soap, but it's actually a
body-heat-activated massage
oil mad e from cocoa butter and
peppermint. You just r ub it
between your hand s and you're
good to go (which, "handily,"
warms the oil, too). This bar is
neither latex nor coochie com-
pa tible. 0 Karna Sutra Honey
Dust ($ for 8 ou nces at BF) is a
sweet, edible body powder that
com es with a feather applica-
tor. We know, we k now, a light
dusting of shimmeri ng gold
isn't exactly a full-body massage,
but if you' re a lazy sensual ist,
this might come in handy every
now and then. €> Massage can-
dles whose warm wax turns
into massage oi l like magic.
For details, see candle wax.
massage oil,
-
genital
You want to avoid gett ing any
kind of oil ins id e her cooch-
either via internal massage or
via oil on you r pen is that ends
up giving her a very different
kind of internal massage. Oil
has a tendency to hang around,
which makes it a great massage
lotion-and an even better host
to all sorts of microscopic bac-
teri a that can lead to veegee
infections. Some lad ies are
never affected by this (in fact,
we know one woman who's been
masturbating with olive oil for
years-.<10 European), but is it
wonh the risk? Because nothing
says "thanks for the erotic mas-
sage" quite like a piss-burning
urinary-tract in fection. So, keep
your slaked snake out of t here,
and use the following products
for exrernal gen ital massage
only. Afterward, make sure you
pee and shower to remove all
the oil and keep things kosher
down there.
If you really want to h eat
things up, try an edible warm-
ing oil or a tingling menthol
balm.
Warming oils and gels
heat up as you blow on them
(neato!). Motion Lotion (different
from Emotion Lotion) comes
in twelve fruity flavors-buy a
sampler pack (GV; $)and try
'em all! Wet and Midnight Fire
are two other brands-same idea,
same cheesy nam ing strategy.
We like Kama Sutra Oil of Love
(BF; S for 4 ounces) for its fairly
classy packaging; it comes in
cinnamon, vanilla, or plain.
These warming oi ls are all latex
friendly and edible, though ed i-
ble and tasty are us ually two
entirely different concepts in
this industry. None of them
sh ould be used internally (see
the lubes section for that) or
over the entire body, either.
Menthol balms are the
same basic deal, except t hey're
cool and tingly instead of warm
and tingly. Try Flower Balm for
her, peppermint Rocket Balm
for him ($at GV). or Kama Surra
Pleasure Balm (uni sex; Sat BF).
These balms are all edible, they
are all for external, erogen ous·
zone use only, and they are not
latex compatible.
masturbation
-
sleeves
If you left an eighth-grade
science geek-slash-chron ic
masturbator alone for long
enough. eventually he'd come
 up with a mastu rbation s leeve.
In fact. most sleeves sound like
they were named by horny
.<lixth-grade science geeks: the
Fleshlight (the best seller of the
bunch) , t he Ecsta-Sleeve (GV's
excl usive sleeve, so you know it's
good), the Dream Sleeve (a better
choice than the Fleshlight, in
our humble opinion), the Erotic
Embrace (smaller and cheaper,
for travel), the Tunnel of Love,
the Pocket Gal, Alexa's Vibrating
Pussy, and our favorite, at least
in co rny con cept, t he Cheri.
(The Cheri actually comes with
a thin vinyl "hymen" for that
special first-time feeling.) A
masturbation sleeve is meant
to simulate the feel of a vagina,
mouth, or anus. The inside is
t yp ica ll y made of e ither porous
jelly rubber (if it's a bargain·
basement model) or, more co m-
monly, one of the new. porous.
lifelike materials s uch as
Cyberskin. Whatever's inside,
the only way to really keep it
clean is to wear a condom-or,
in a pinch, you can wash it out
with antibacterial soap and
water and dry it with a little
cornstarch.
Some vibra te, some have
stimulating beads, some have
ridges, and some have all three .
One could co nsider this techno-
logi cal advancement to be a
step backward for humankind,
the way so me believe video
games distract from beneficial
reading for fun. After all, think
how a you ng man's imagination
used to be pushed to its limits
as he retooled everyday house·
hold objects in to masturbation
devices: a Ziploc-ed baggie of
warm oatmeal s hoved between
two mattresses, a si lky scarf
pushed into a lump of foam, a
duct-taped banana skin, or-if
the boy was a Philip Roth fan-
a cored appl e or a baseball
mitt. But, hey, if the Flesh light
prevents just one apple pie from
being defiled before d inner, it
wi ll all have been worthwhi le.
Guys willing to seriously
invest in their wank habit can
fork over a couple hundred
bucks for toys like the Ultra-
Realistic Vibra t ing Pussy and
Anus (XA has a selection).
These are basica lly sleeves in
context and are often molded
after porn stars-you get all the
naughty bits of t he Rea!Doll
without paying fo r those unnec·
essary limbs . Some people refer
to mastu rbation s leeves as cock
or peni s sleeves, while others
say "cock sleeve" actually
means penis extender. People,
can't we a ll get along? Sleeves
are ava ilable just about every·
where for$$. See also pumps,
penis a nd porn-star toys.
-
I t's amazing what we'll put in
our bodi es. Do you read the
ingredi ent labels on everything
you ea t? And, if you did, woul d
you kn ow what half that stuff
was? As consumers, we're
respon sible for educating ou r-
selves about what we stick in
our pie holes, baby ho les. and
bung ho les-'cause th e ma nu·
facturers just tryi ng to make a
buck sure aren't going to inform
us. Fortunately, t hough, with
more and more informed con-
sumers ma king better choices,
there's a growi ng consciousness
about maki ng toys that are good
for the environment (whi ch
includes your bod). Since people
use these toys on very intimate
parts, especially in areas such as
t he vagina and the ana l canal,
where the skin is delicate and
highly absorpt ive, it is impor·
,, tant to use safe products: ones
that work with your a natomy
(one s ize doesn't always fit all),
t hat won't cause abrasions to
your most sensitive flesh (for
instance, fro m rough sea ms),
and that won't result in physi·
cal react ions to it s chemi cals
(though so me people are more
sensitive or allergic than others).
Toys made of inferior
materia ls are usually st icky,
a re imposs ible to clean, a nd/or
carry a very strong odor. This
odor is a result of a chemical
reactio n called outgass ing (the
release of vapors) ca used by
phthalates in jelly rubber,
unstab le vinyl (a.k. a PVC), and
other soft plastics . That does n't
mean you can't use them; just
use them with a condom (hey,
it makes cleaning your toy a
ci nch) . Adm ittedly, that can
be tough, especia lly when the
interesting textu re of porous
toys is probably what you
bought it for in the firs t place.
A harder plastic like acrylic
or silicone is a much safer,
nonporous option, however.
But maybe you don't know
what a toy is made of. lf, a fter
you use a sex toy, you're red
or swollen or you fee l "not
right," cha nces are it was crap
material. Even popular brand
items that seem like a great
idea may be poorly executed in
term s of materials and design.
And often e ither t he materia ls
aren't labe led on the packaging
or the labels are mi slead ing
(i.e., they cal l it silicone when
it's only partly made of silicone).
There are no industry stan·
dards about what materials go
into mak ing a sex toy, or even
about what those materia ls are
ca lled, so it's often imposs ibl e
to k now fo r s ure. When in
doubt with a mystery material,
use a condom (with water- or
si licone-based lube); if you just
gotta ride bareback, though,
stick with a water-based Iube
and dedicate the toy to just one
person, 'cause it's probably
porous (i.e., no matter how well
you wash it with soap or a toy
cleaner, you'l l be swapping
bacteria via the toy's pores).
Basically, if you open a package
and fee l like you need a gas
mask, some duct tape to hold
it t ogethe r, or anesthesia to
keep from hurting yourself,
stick with your gut instinct
and don't s t ick it in anywhere.
For more specific detail s
on the various materia ls toys
are made of, see the entries
for the bo lded words in this
entry, as well as acrylic ;
Cyberskin; elastomer; glass;
latex rubber; leather; metals;
plastic, hard; and silicone.
See also cleaning & care and
storage, and the Safety Tips
Appendix.
metals
-
Chrome, brass, titani um, alu-
mi n um, sta inless or surgical
steel, si lver, gold-sex toys can
be ma de out of any of them.
(Stain less steel may he t he most
environmentally consc ious but
may cause reactions in people
allergic to nickel.) Like glass,
metal insertables are nonporous,
phthalate free, Firm on the
G- and P-spots. super -sl ick
with any kind of lube, and
ha ndy at transm itting heat
and cold (j ust don't freeze it,
lest you end up in a n X-rated
version of that scene from A
Chri..<ltma.o Story). Go for s olid
metals rather than ch eap metal
coatings, which may fl ake off-
iru,ide you. Check for burrs as
soo n as you get a new metal
toy anyway, just to be safe, and
was h it before u se (indu strial
ma nu factu ri ng tec hn iqu es
to lathe a toy don't do a body
good). If you can't wea r a ny-
thing but solid gold earrings,
only use elemental metals (like
tita nium, niobium, etc.).
Clea nu p varies, depend ing
on th e toy's con struction and
quality. For ins tance, t hough a
cheap metal-coat ed toy might
easily corrode if immersed in
water, a high-end vibe from
Elemental Pleasures can
be put in the dishwa s h er-or
the h ot tub, fo r t hat matter.
Thorough ly dry you r m etal
number to keep it from rusting
and s potting. Metal can also
be wiped down with r u bbing
alcohol and wi ped with a damp
cloth. And keep metal away
from your glass toys to avoid
breakage-they go together like
opera and l3ri tn ey Spea rs. Tn
fa ct , keep them away from all
ot her t oys, with the batteries
ou t, beca use even non r us ting
meta ls can rust each other if
they come in contact, or t he
ba tteries inside them ca n rus t.
See also sto rage .
Mile-High
-
Kit, the
L uggage can make or break
travel, a nd this kit's s leek
carryi n g case. in tange r ine or
s ilver, is cool and con venient.
Throw it in your weeke nd
s uitcase a nd go! Comes with
s cented cloths. a tin of h ot cin-
namon mints, a folding pocket
mi r ro r, a blindfold, bottles
of massage oil a nd persona l
lubrica nt, a fea ther tickler
(wh ich m ay sound cheesy but
actu all y fee ls rilly good), a
mini personal massager (i.e.,
a miniature vibrator), three
condoms . a "pleasure ri ng" (so
much nicer sounding than
"cock ring"), and the requisite
"Do not disturb" door hanger
(available all over;$$). Also
comes in a mini version with
half the stuff at half the size
and half the price. Either makes
a great gih. (And they didn't
even pay us to say that!) Sec
also beginner toys and kits .
miniature
-
vibrators
A miniature vibrat or, some-
times known as a bullet vibra-
tor, is exactly what it sounds
like: a teeny-tiny buzzing toy.
Typical ly 1 to i in ches long and
less than 1 in ch across. 1·hesc
vibes can be used on the ir own.
but they're much more com-
monly employed to add vi bra·
tions to something el se: a butt
plug, a cock ring, a dildo. a
harness, nipple clainps, etc.
Cord less bul lets with
watch batt er ies g ive you the
greatest freedom of mobility.
but the batteries thems elves
can be expensive a nd tend to
run out quickly (though here's a
handy hint: Buy the batteries at
sex stores, where they tend to
be much cheaper than at watch
stores). Bullets with regular bat-
tery packs usually give you more
control options and come with a
belt clip that you cou ld hang on
a harness, but there are some
drawbacks: The cord can easily
get tangled between two moving
bodies, there's always a tempta-
tion to tug on the cord (which
risks damaging the vibe). and
regular bat teries, though
cheaper than watch batteries,
can wear o ut th e vibe motor
faster (so go wit h no-name
brands over stronger Energizers
to help the vibe last longer). We
like the One-Touch (or Magic
Touch) Mini Bullet, GV's wire-
less !tty Bitty vibe (a.k.a. BL's
wireless Zippy), and-the tiniest
out there at i inch by 'h inch-
Vibratex's batter y·pack Red
Zinger (Bf, MP; BL calls it Red
Hot s). That said, you can find a
wide selection of miniature vibes
in any of t he sex-toy shops dis-
cussed in this book, and quality
and price ($) tend to be pretty
cons istent across the board.
 If you're going t o use a
miniature vibe un adorned-
miniature-
maybe you like its very fo cused
approach- it's best used exter-
nally: The wireless bullets
could easily get lost up there-
-
vibrator sleeves
T hese are like cozies for a
miniature vibrator, and there
are more of them for sale than
obviotuly-and the wired ones
we care to mention. As with the
aren't strong enough to tug o n.
mini vibes, they're sold every-
If you d o wa nt to use it in the
where, and price and quality are
vagina, slip it inside a condom
fai rly consist ent. Some are jelly,
so you can pull on the condom,
some are Cyberskin or fle shlike
rat her than the wire, when you're
material, some have frond s, some
done playing. Even then, keep it
have bumps, some have bunny
out of your butt, pl ease, lest you
ears, some are dolphins, some are
end up with a bull et vibe and a
tongue s haped, some cup over a
condom s tranded somewhere up
peni s (see the SWAK sleeve in
nea r your co lon. To dress yo ur
th e boy toys entry)-and most
bullet up in somethin g bes ides
cost less than t en b ucks. The
a condom , see miniature-
basic idea is to help diffuse th e
vibrator sleeves fo ll owing. See
vibration s in a more "interes t-
also boy toys, butterfly vibra-
tors with harnesses, Feeldoe ing" fa s hion . As with the mini
vibes, they s hould never go in the
double dildos, and Tristan 2.
bum, and they should be inserted
into the vagina only if t hey're
inside a condom. Actually, seeing
as most of them are made of
jelly, a condom's always a good
idea anyway. Or just buy them
from A-Womans-Touch where
t hey're all silicone, vinyl, or
latex. Can't make up your mind?
Get an !tty Bitty J(j t wit h a vibe
and five jelly s leeves (GV; $$)! It's
okay-sex-toy shopp ing makes
gluttons out of t he best of us.
FYI, you ca n also get textured
sleeves for your Pocket Rocket
or Water Dancer vibrators.
monogamous
toy
A sex toy used by only one per-
son, never s hared wit h a nother,
to avoid the s pread of STD s and
bad bacteria. However, if yo u
have a comm itted, monoga mous
partner with whom you a re
body-fluid bonded, then sha ring
a t oy just between the two of
you is okey-dokey.
MyPleasure
-
.com
A nother friendly online reta iler
featuring the us ual: a wide
selection of toys, shopping
guides, customer reviews, staff
product picks, sex and romance
tips, and expert advice from
two licensed sex therapists
(Dr. Sandor Gardos and Dr. Linda
R. Mona - or shou ld that be
Moan-ah?). But what sets them
apart is what you won't find :
explicit DVDs, live demonstra-
tion workshops, nudity or offen-
sive imagery, or any part icular
po litical views (that means no
don't -trust-t he-Man warnings
abo ut phthalates in jelly t oys) .
Unfortunately, you won't find
inviting design , helpfu l naviga-
>1, ti on , or very thorough heal th
~. info, either. But their prices are
industry standard, and they don't
accept outside advertising. They
say the very first e-mail th ey
ever received was from a lonely,
eighty-something widow who had
ordered her f irst-ever toy from
them because MP was the only
store that d idn't appall her; turns
out she'd never had an orgasm
before and was writ ing to thank
them for giving her that experi-
ence before she died. Ch eck out
t heir one and only exclusive toy,
t he Pure Bliss vibrator.

N jewels (because you're not stuck
-
nail file
You m ight not t hink this belongs
in your sex-toy ches t, but that's
because you've never felt a hang-
nail you-know-where. Th is is a
public service announcement:
If you're going in the vagina
or up the ass, pleas e file your
nails first! And no precariously
attached Lee Press-Ons, ei ther.
A nail file is also good for
smoothing out the seams or
manufacturing flaws of your
cheap plastic or ac rylic toys.
-
naming toys
People name their cars, their
boats, their houses, their laptops,
their genitalia-why not their
sex toys? Certainly, the names
th ey come wit h lack s u bt lety-
who'd want to invite the Super
Duper Ballsy Dong into their
bedroom? Puh-lease. Sex toys
can be nicknamed with more
abandon than one's own family
-
with them for life). Some t oys
are crying out for an ironic,
porn-inspired moniker like th e
Pounder or Debbie. Si ngle women
in particular are wont to give
their favorite toy a pet name,
like Chad, as in , "What are you
doing on Saturday?" ·'oh, you
know, I'll probably just order in
and watch a movie wi th Chad."
In such cases, it is seemly to
retire this ni ckname wh en on e
wishes t o introduce Chad to a
new, flesh-and-b lood partner.
Natural
Contours toys
-
Th is 1i ne of contour toys,
designed in conju nction with
porn-for-chicks producer
Candida Royalle, would look
more at home on your cosmetics
shelf than in your vibrator col·
lection. There are no sharp edges
or corners on these toys-they're
des igned to fit comfortably
around or inside a woman's body,
and the external vibrators can
even fit comfortably between
partners during sex, thanks to ...
their ergonom ic curves. Entirely
unthreatening, t·hey're g rea t for
nervous nellies who aren't sure
whether they're the sex-toy t ype:
discree t, quiet, gent le, and com-
pletely unrealis tic (i.e., not a
single one bears the remotest
resemblance to a penis!).
Magnifique is their largest and
most popular vibrator, a nd can
be used either internally or
externally. Ultime penetrates fo r
G-spot access whi le al so s timu-
lati ng the clitoris; Liberte is just
for G-spotting. Energ ic is their
widely revered lcegel exerciser-
it's made of metal, for the
weight, t hen covered in plastic to
avoid t hat cold s peculum feeling.
It's enough to make you forgive
them the dorky Prench-wannabe
names, oui? These nonporous
plasti c toys are all batte ry oper-
ated (AA) and can be wiped clean
with a damp, soapy cloth. They're
available everywhere, or you
ca n order directly fro m Natural·
Contou rs.com. All are in the SS
range, cheapest at BF! Hey, we're
on nobody's s ide but yours. See
also contour toys, Emotional
Bliss, and Pure Bliss vibrator.
Nexus double
dildos
-
T he Nexus, by Vixen Creations,
comes in two models: the original
Nexus and (by popular demand)
Nexus Junior. The driver's end
of both Nexus models is longer
and wider than on the Feeldoe
double dildo and has a realist ic
head-some lady drivers find
the Nexu s easier to gr ip onto
because of this, while others
pre fer the stubbier, more
bulbous-headed Fee ldoe. Bot h
double dongs provide G-spot
stimu lat ion and ridges for
clitoris attention, a nd the
poking ends are very s imil ar on
both the Feeldoe and the Nexus.
The main difference bet ween
the two is the ang le: The Nexus
is bui lt on a 9 0 -degree a ngle,
as opposed to t he Feeldoe's
45-degree angle. Th is angle
means that t he Nexus is harder
to keep in place, and you may
find that you need to em ploy
the help of a harness or a pair
of button-fly jeans. (In ge neral,
women seem to find that the
Feeldoe handles better without
a harness than the Nexus does.)
But if you have super-fly PC
muscles (see kegels), you may
wel l prove us wrong on that
front. This toy is pure silicone:
bo il or wash. Don't fo rget the
water-based lube! It's avai lable
everywh ere for$$$ (WT calls
the orig inal one Th elma &
Louise a nd the Junior one Betty
& Veron ica). See also dildos
Night Rid er
-
harness
T his washable nylon harness
attaches to anything- and we
mea n anything. Attach it to your
favorite inanimate object-coffee
table, desk, door, (stat iona ry)
motorbike, washing machine-
insert your favorite silicone
dildo, and hump away. We must
insist, however, that you not strap
it to a pet. (BL;$$.) See also har-
nesses, thigh and strap-ons.
nipple clamps,
-
about
Why would you want a tool to
p inch your nips? Because pain
fee ls a lot like pleasure when
you're really turned on. And
because reducing the circu la-
t ion in your nips increases
sensitivity- like, a lot. The most
blase nipples have been known to
blossom into full-on erogenous
zones with the aid of a little
clamping. And the pain sub-
sides after you've been clamped
for a while-it's like icing a
s pra ined ankle: Eventually, your
body just stops freak ing out
about the cold an d gets n umb to
it. Though remember t hat circ u-
lat ion is your body's life force,
so never clamp for more th a n
ten to fifteen minut es at a ti me. good th ing-well , we think you
(And even Jess r im e tha n that know what t o do. See also
if you notice anything getting
blue or co ld.)
When applying the cla mps,
think back co playground fights: nipple clamps,

-
The Jess skin you pinch, the
more it hurts, and the b igger
clover
and wider t he clamps are, the
T hese Japanese-style clamps($
less t hey'll hurt . You can apply
on BF) are known as such du e
to pl aces other than the nips:
to their popularity in Japanese
Some people like t·o attach them
bondage fi lm s. Clover cla mps
to th eir labia or their ba ll sac or,
get tight er as you pul l on t he
more ra ndomly, their earlobes.
chain , which makes them per·
You can also go DIY with so me
fe et for a little power play: The
clothespins.
more you resist, the more it
The craz iest feeling comes
hurts. (What's that they say
when you release the nipple
about resistance being futile?)
clamps. The sudden r ush of
blood back to the area hurts like
a mother, which, as we said, can
be a good thing-in context. (And nipple clamps,
tweezer
-
when is sex not about context?
Take your 0-face, for example.
How tardo does that look out of For a slightly softer touch than
context?) If the s udden pain is the clove r clam ps, go with the
too much, you can slow down the tweezer k ind, which look like
return of blood by pressing your a set of tweezers on a string.
palm or fin gers to the nipples in They've got rubber tips and arc
question. After thi s release, the completely adjustable, so you can
nips will rem a in extra sens itive st art with a very light squeeze.
for a while. If th at 's a ba d th ing, You can test the gri p on you r
jus t ice them down. If that's a inner wrist. Grab the ni pple close
to the base, or even on the areo la,
for a gentler hold. Tweezer
clamps are attached by a chain,
wh ich you can use to lightly tug
on the clamps, add weights, or
yan k o ff the clamps in one fe ll
swoo p. Some versions, ca lled
"Y chai ns," have a t hird chain
and clam p, which exten ds down
to the clitoris. (Ava ilable at
most sex-toy shops; $.)
nipple clamps,
vibrating &
-
pulsating
I f numb nips a ren't your cup
of tea, you might want to t hin k
about vibrating or pu lsati ng
clamps (available at most sex-
toy stores; $$). These have
a looser grip, so t hey won't
completely cut off circu lat ion,
whil e the vibrati on wi ll raise
your se nsit ivity level enou gh to
make your n ipples t he star of
-
nipple jewelry
T he best way to adorn your
rosebuds without hardcore
pi ercing or clamp ing. There
are rin gs t hat s im ply hang off
erect nipples, or jewelry that
enc ircles t he n ipple (one brand
is called Nipple-Huggers.com; $),
or stainless-steel nipple shields
a la Janet Jackson (E B; $$). or
mini nipp le cuffs that screw
around the tip of t he nip (a pair
with brass hoops at WT sell s
fo r $$).
-
nipple pumps
S ee pumps, clitoral & nipple.
nipple suction
cups
-
Also called nipple suckers or
sucklers, these are small, often
clear, tubular suction cups
t hat bring b lood to t he su rface
quickly, increasing sens itivity
like a nipple clantp does.
However, t he pace is less vi olent
t ha n wh en r emovi ng clamps.
But r eme mber, t he fiftee n-
m inute r ule a pplies to these,
too. WT's Ni pple Sucklers wit h
co nn ect ive cha in se ll fo r $$. By
the way, if you happen to h ave a
snakebite kit handy, you ca n use
its venom-extract ing s uction
cu ps for the same saucy result.
-
Nonoxynol-9
Non oxynol-9 is a s perm ic ide
found in some co ntracept ive
jell ies, condoms, and lubes .
Years ago, lab tests fo und that
Nonoxynol-9 ki lls HIV- in t he
la.b-so ma nu fact urers started
adding it willy-nilly to lubes and
condoms. Unfortunately, N-9 is
not qu ite so helpfu l outoide the
lab ; in fact, it can actually
cause tiny tears in t he lining
of the vagina and the a n us,
wh ich would increa..oe the risk
of transmitting HIV. D'oh! Plus,
the amount of N-9 found in lubes
an d condoms isn't enough to
prevent pregnancy, and many
women find the ingredient
in cred ibly irritating down there.
That was enough for us: No ne
of the lubes or co ndoms recom-
mended in this book cont a ins
N-9 . Some sex-toy ou tlets-B L
and GV, for example-do n't even
stock any lubes or condoms that
contain N-9 . But many retailers
don't thi nk it's a big deal ; if you
do, then be sure to always check
the ingredient s before you buy.
-
nonporous
Hav ing a solid surface that will
not ha rbor bacter ia or em it
chemica ls (i.e., t he opposit e of
porous). It 's defin itely a qual ity
you want to look for in a sex
t oy. Materials that are non-
porous include ha.rd acrylic,
ha.rd elastomer, glass, metals,
an d silicone.
novelties
-
You might think this word means
"nice, fun sex toys," but you'd be
wrong. It's actually a legal term
for products not intended for
serious use. And thanks to b ull-
s hi t ty obsceni ty laws s till on
the books in some states (every·
thing's dumber in Texas), no
governm ent regulati on of sex
toys, and manufacturers who
foc u s on qua ntity over quality,
most toys in your average adult
store are marked "for novel ty
pu rposes only" (read: "Don't
use thi s a nywhere near your
genitals !"). As novelt ies, t hey
don't come with instruction
ma nua ls or ingredients list ings;
if th ey d id, they'd be considered
medical devices and would be
subject to expensive safety reg·
ulations. "Fuck that," say the
big-biz manufacturers. "We' ll
jus t keep doing what we've been
doing for t he past thirty years,
th ank you very much." (Good
for them, bad for you.)
These novelty items are
actua lly th e old-timers of the
sex-toy world. Back in the sixties
an d the early seventies, before
there exist ed female-friendly
shops like Eve's Garde n, Good
Vibrations, and Babeland,
the driving force in product
development was gimmick. Sure,
vibrators had been around
since the Victorian era, thanks
to a serious misd iagnosis of
hysteria, b ut almost a cent ury
later, sex is m continued to
hamper sex toys' ability to get
the job done (talk abo ut one
h undred years of solitude). Both
sex sh ops a nd the prod ucts they
stocked were designed wit h
men in mind (and we're not even
goi ng to start on the peo ple who
worked there), whi ch mea nt
that vibrators were cheap,
plastic affairs with no more
intent to plea se a woman than a
frat boy after s ix s hots of Jager.
(And, in fact, most novelty toys
have about the same s taying
power as a sou sed frat boy, too.)
As we mentioned above,
you ca n still find these products
today, not onl y in th e kind of
sex-toy shop that makes you
fee l a bit dirty-and not the good
ki nd of d irty-but also in more
female-friendly stores, because
they are .<10000 inexpens ive (and
many people just aren't used to
the idea of investing in th eir
own sex lives yet). You'll ohen
find th e nove lty toys s ha ring
sh elf space wit h other low-brow
items s uch as Anal-Eze desensi-
tizer, "pu ssy t ighten ers," and a
cream called Sta-hard l.<1ic].
Novelty t oys are bas ically the
Victoria's Secret of th e s ex-toy
world- i.e., they work wit h a
defin ition of ;1ex y that exists
mostly i n boys' wet dream s.
As for a woman's own defini-
tion of sexy? Fuggedabo ud it .
For one step backward , see gag
gifts. For t oys t hat a re t rul y
novel witho ut being trashy, see
undercover toys.
NubbyG
-
vibrator
Don't beli eve in "th e G-spot7
Well , Virgin ia , this battery-
operated toy-a li as Jelly-G-may
we ll convert you. This jelly
rubber innie vibrator fe atures
a s ign ifi cant curve to reac h the
G-spot (h ers or h is) and a nu bby
ri ng at the base t hat stimulates
the clit/anus/perineum as you
rock the toy back and forth. The
vibrations can feel pretty intense
in there, even on the lowest set-
ting, s o it's n ot for everyon e-
it depends wh at kin d of act ion
your G gets off on (i f, indeed, it
gets off o n a nythi ng at all). T he
basic model is 4 11.z in ch es by
i 3/s in ches; it al so comes in a
junior vers ion and a wat erproof
vers ion . Made o f jelly, s o clean
l with m ild soap an d wat er and
use with a co ndom , wh ether it's
~' monoga mou s or you're s haring,
because of phthalates. (If you're
in the mood fo r con do m-free
G-huntin g, check out the Pixie
vibrator instead .) The Nubby G
is avai labl e at BL an d MP (as the
Nubby G), GV (as the Crysta l
Jell y Deluxe), or LB (as the
Class ic G) for $.
p inch , and so on. Chances are,
these anal attempts wi ll be
best received if you ha ppen to
be givin g him a blow job a t the

-
P-spot time. A little Pavlovian condi-
tioning never hurt anyon e.
T he male G-spot. It's a just- See also anal play, and G-s pot
because present for guys who stilnulators (his & hers).
have an open backdoor policy.
It 's more clin ically known as
the prostate, which is why
some people refer to it as the
P·spot, and is located about
3 inches in from his anus. To
find your partner's magic button,
have him lie on his ba ck a nd
inse rt your well-lubed index
fin ger, palm up, al most all th e
way in, a iming for th e navel. (Be
s ure to file your nail first! Or
use latex gloves .) Then curve
your finge r in a come-hither
packing
-
gesture and rub his walnut-s ize
nubbin of lovin' ever so gently.
If your male partner has the S ee softpacks.
backdoor jitters (h ey, we've all
been there), you may need t o
work u p to hi s G-spot: St art
paddles
wi th a brief perineum massage
du ri ng on e ses h, t hen next
time rub just t he surface of his
-
If you've always wanted to try
a good old-fashioned school-
starfish, and maybe t he t im e teacher spanking but are
after th at go in just hal f an embarrassed about you r limp
wrist, or if you ca n't think of a
nice way to tell you r pa rt ner
th at he or s he spanks like a wet
noodle, a paddle is your fri end
in need. Paddles have a comfo rt·
ingly low kink facto r (that is,
if you find a lot of leather and
latex uncomfortable). Put it
this way: If the Gap sold whips,
babyGap would s tock paddles.
In fact, many happy paddlers
never venture any fur ther into
t he world of BDSM-it's not
necessarily a gateway t oy, no
matter wha t the ant i-k ink
brigade would have you thi nk.
A spanking paddle ca n be made
of wood, leather, vinyl, o r
rubber, a nd it looks kin d of
l ike a Pi ng- Pong paddle (though
it may be larger). In fact, now
t hat we think of it. a Ping-Pon g
paddle would ma ke a firze
s panking apparatus.
Different kinds of paddles
provide varying s pank.ing
experiences: A thick, h eavy
paddl e will impart a satis fying
t hud , whi le a thi nn er, ligh ter
paddle (sometimes call ed a slap·
per) will give more of a s mack.
The more rod like the paddle,
the more of a s ting it will y ie ld.
For the bipolar spanker, try
a paddle that's leather on on e
s ide and fl eece on the other (BF;
$$).If you fancy your self a bit of
an artist. you might enjoy one
of the padd les with heart or sta r
s hapes on them (GV, BL, MP;
about $$$)-if you wield it just
so, you'll leave a nice imprint
on your spankee's ass. It's like
toast stenciling for grown-ups!
Speaking of kitchen appli·
ances: Your kitchen is chock-full
o f potent ial DIY padd les: A
wooden spoon, a sma ll chopping
board, a woode n scrubbing
brus h, a s patula-washing up
was never so much fun. We've
al so h eard t hat hard-soled sl ip·
pers make handy-dandy paddles,
just in case you r ultimate fa n·
tasy involves a crotchety old
gra nd pa who's pissed th at you
broke his wi ndow playing ball.
Ready for your just
d esserts? Try bending over your
partner's lap-that position could
be all th e role-playin g you need.
(Or-you never k now-the posi·
t ion mi ght in s pire yo u to new
role-playing heights. Scene!) If
you're the spanker, never paddle
someone a nywhere near bones:
Aim for the fl eshy part of their
bum only (if they don't have a
fleshy part on the bum, make
them a sandwich in stead). The
ass cheeks are safe and sexy- a
good thud back there will se nd
ting les throughout the gen itals.
Build up gradually-you can even
s tart off by paddling your partner
over jea ns or underwear while
yo u get used to you r spanker of
choice. See also canes, floggers,
-
patent leather
Materia l frequen tly used for
sex accessories a nd fet is h
clothing, due to its hooker-lite
aestheti c (see Juli a Roberts'
boots in Pretty Woman) . Or per-
haps your shiny patent leather
paddle holds a s pecia l place in
your heart because it reminds
you of those patent leather Mary
Jane party s hoes your thi rd ·
grade crush was wearing when
she beat you up in the school
courtyard. For vegetarians who
want to get in on the action, there
is poromeric imitation leather,
with a similarly glossy appear·
ance. Both are cleaned by wiping
down with a damp clot h, adding
a mi ld soap if need be. You
can buy purpose-made patent
leather and porome ri c clean ers
to help remove minor scuffs.
-
PC muscle
S ee pelvic floor muscles.
pelvic floor
muscles
-
A group of muscles (whi ch
includes the pubococcygeus,
or PC muscle, and the bu lbo-
cavernosus musc le) that hel ps
hold the pelvic organs in pla ce
and provides s upport for other
internal organs all the way up to
your diaphragm, in both men and
women. They relax and contract
during arousal and orgasm, pee·
ing and pooing, and, in women,
childbirth. A woman's pelvic
muscles pass around the urethra,
t he cl itoris, the vagina, and the
anus, so you can see how sen-
sations can cross and overlap
down there. For women, strong
pe lvic floor muscles can m ean
stronger orgasms or even
orgasms, period (not to mention
less chance of incontinence
later in life). Men might notice
improved O's, too, though the
effect is less dramatic. You can
strengthen t hem by doing kegel
exercises (see that entry for
speci fic strengthening toys). For
some good diagrams and further
descript ions of these mu scles,
check out Rebecca Chalker's
book The Clitoral Truth.
penis
-
T he male analog of the clitoris.
There aren't nearly as many
toys for the penis as there are
fo r the clit (probably because
it's rea lly hard to compete with
one's own hand and a little bit
of lube), b ut the opti ons are
improving: cock rings, mastur-
bation sleeves (including the
popular Fleshlight), porn-star
toys, a RealDoll-okay, maybe
improving is a poor choice of
word. See also boy toys.
penis
enlargement
-
A penis-size serenity prayer:
"Grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things 1
can, and the wisdom to know the
difference." Need some exegesis?
What you cannot change: Your
penis s ize. Seriously, dudes: Stop
opening all that pen is spam! We
know t he e-mail subject lines
th reaten your very manhood,
but it wouldn't be an epidemic
if so many of you didn't keep
clicking on links li ke "larger
ur damn small di-ck with plas-
ter," "No More !onliness, add
to 2 4 3,000 parts per m illion
(ppm); in Cana da , the tolerable
maxi.mum daily exposure is
1,000 -3,000 ppm.
Today, many vendors of
jelly-rubber s ex toys advise
covering them in condoms when
used internally due to t he pos-
s ible health ri s ks. And at least
one. A-Womans-Touch.com,
refu ses to even carry jelly toys,
because jelly co ntai n s the worst
kind of phthalates at the high·
est levels. In fact, WT works
with a chemist who tests every
-
Pixie vibrator
T he first vibe to mimi c the
com e-hither movement favored
kind of toy they sell for phtha· by G-spot enthusiasts (see Pro-
Iates. Mos t of the toys WT sell s Touch). This pink Vibratex toy
are completely phthalate free; also vibrates and is covered with
the rest contain phtha lates hu ndreds of soft and squi shy
only at extremely low levels nubbins. Its hook sh ape m ay be
and contain non e of t he t op ten a little intimidating at first, but
worst kind s of phtha la tes, so once yo u get it in your V, you'll
t he ch emist con s iders th em be impressed by the finger-
s afe for u se. Th erefore, if you'r e s t roking si mulation. Even if
ever confused a bout a toy. here's you hate having you r G·spot
a good rule of t humb: If you can prodded, you still might enjoy
find it at WT, you know it's been it by fli pp ing it over s o it s tim-
throug h a pretty rigorous tes t- ul ates your rectum indirectly
ing process. And until th e gov- (never insert anally). It's not that
ernment decides to ste p in an d q uiet, and if you're prone to
regul at e t his freakin' indu s try, really clench ing your vaginal and
that's the best you ca n hope fo r. PC muscles, the pis to n act ion
We know, science is hard. can actua lly be in capac itated.
It's made of Vibratex's own high·
quality brand of elastomer,
so that means it's latex and
phthalate free, but that a lso
means it's porous . If you're
going to share it, always s lap a
condom on it, but if you make
it a monogamous toy, clean it
very carefully, and store it prop·
erly, you shou ld be able to enjoy
all those nubbins condom free
without consequence. Available
for extra dough wi th a cl itoral
attachment on a cord ($$ at BF;
$$$at DS and BL).
Hard, cold, completely inflexible-
plastic is the material exes are
made of. Plastic's not great for
the environment, but so few sex·
toy materials are. Vibe motors
encased in hard plastic really
give off strong vibrations, since
there's no soft material to absorb
the shock. Plastic toys are usually
fine for external stim , but often
not so great for internal us e or
thrusting because, even though
hard plastic is nonporous and
phthalate-free , it can have
jagged and bacteria-friend ly
"' seams, it may have a metall ic
coating (which could flake o ff),
and many pl astic toys feature
cords (like in the case of some
bullet vibrators) that shou Id
·•, not be tugged on. If you're
going to insert it somewh ere,
use a condom! (A better ver·
sion of hard plast ic is hard
acrylic.) Plastic can be wiped
down with rubbing alcohol fol -
lowed by a water rinse or just
washed with soap and water.
Soft elastomer, jelly rubber,
and vinyl-all materials th at
Pocket Rocket
-
vibrator
Of the smaller-size v ibes, th is is
the Biggie. It's sol d practical ly
everywhere. Made by Doc
Johnson, the Pocket Rocket is
large enough to hold in your
hand and pack a decent vibratory
punch (unl ike some miniature
vibrators) and s mall enough to comes with a handy wrist cord ,
just throw in your purse and and is waterproof. (It's not called
go (unlike, say, the Thunder the Water Dancer Jr. because it's
Cloud dual-action vibrator). made by Doc Johnson.) Vibratex's
Having a bad day at the office? Titan is the slightly longer,
Just s neak off to the bathroom, slightly stronger (two batteries),
press it against your happy and therefore slightly pricier ver·
place (external on ly), and feel sion of the Water Dan cer. (Doc
the stress just melt away. Some Johnson's t aller version is cal led
versions even come with three the Pocket Miss ile.) None of the
interchangeab le tops for differ· toys in this range should be
ent cl it st im, or you ca n buy one inserted anywhere: Th ey are all
of many miniature-vibrator for externa l use only. The PR and
sleeves to dress it up. WD are available everywhere ($).
Tho ugh the Pocket Rocket
has a cat chy, kick-ass moniker,
Vibratex's wate rproof version
is a better bet, despite its corn·
ball name: the Water Dancer
vibrator. Made by this smaller,
more quality-conscious company,
the Water Dancer is eas ier to
clean, and you ca n take it in the
shower (just be ca reful to keep
the battery compartment closed
and dry). If you add the jelly
rabbit s leeve for another $10 or
so (wh ich also fits the Pocket

Rocket , natch), it's called th e
Rabbit Dancer. Both are quiet
and req uire on ly one-count it,
one-AA battery. The Pocket
Rocket Jr. is ha lfthe length.
-
porn-star toys
Toys for porno "swim fans" and
John Hinckley )rs. There are lines
of toys branded after certain
 ~ ....
,,
porn s tars and toys made from in a sex toy whenever possible-
actual molds of certain porn stars' when you don't avoid it, you'll
various disembodied anatomical need to clean the toy carefully
parts (mouths, vaginas, penises, and either keep it monoga-
anuses). For example, Jenna mous or use it with a condom.
Jameson has lent her name, image, -:.:::
(And if it's on e of the many
and form to Doc Johnson for a porou s toys that co ntains
vibrating mouth, a vi brating phthalates. you'll need to u se a
vagina-ass combo (for missionary- condom ei th er way.) Mate rials
position view), a vibrat ing ass· t hat are porous include s oft
vagina combo (for doggy-style elastom er. je lly rubbe r, latex
view, 'cause you gotta have both),
a masturbation s leeve that we're
sure looks noth ing like herveegee,
and even a vibrating virtual
dol l with a removable vagina and
ass (only $200!), available on
Edenfantasys.com. In Japan.
you can buy inflatable "love
.' pillows" featu ri ng life-size
pictures of porn stars or anime
characters a nd an optiona l hole
for who lly un lifelike poking.
See als o RealDoll.

-
porous
Havi ng a s urface with pores
Pro-Touch
vibrating
butt plug
that wi II h arbor bacteria and
may emit chemicals (i.e., the
oppos ite of nonporous). Jt's a
qual ity you s hould try to avoid
-
A mong butt toys, this Tantus
product is on e of the popu lar
kids. Have you ever heard
someone say that the way to
a woman's vagina l G-spot or a
man's rectal P-spot is to make
a come-hither motion with your
finger inside those canals,
aimed toward the n avel? Well,
this butt plug looks like an
extra-large finger (5 inches by
11/ 4 inches) making that ges-

ture (so it can do doubl e duty as

a G-spot toy for her). For m ore pumps, clitoral
operating instruct ions, see
& nipple
anal play and butt plugs. Pro·
Touch is made of mo percent
silicone, so wash or boil to
-
P umps aren't just for penises:
Try one out on your nipples or
clean (remove the vibe first!),
the number-one cl it in your life,
and use with a water-based
too. The effect isn't quite as
lube. Available at BL, BF, DS,
dramatic as it wou ld be on a
and GV ($).
penis, of course, but the device
will nevertheless draw blood to
the area being pumped, which

-
prostate
A g land of the male sex organs
that secretes fluid t hat is part of
the semen concoction. Known
as the P-spot when referred
to in a sexua l context. See the
P-spot entry for more details
on its location and stimulation.
mimics the arousal process and
makes everyth ing even more
sensitive to touch. Many women
love the feeling of suction on the
clitoris (espec ially those women
who kinda like having their blood
pressure taken-you know who
you are), and s ome women with
sexual dysfunction actually need
it. (The FDA approved a device
for female sexual dysfunction
called the Eros CTD that doctors
can prescribe.} Plus, once you've
pump ed, you've got a (temporar-
ily) extra-large clitoris to play
with, too! The cheapest n ipple
and cl it pumps are plast ic($$).
The Berman Center came
out with its own based on the Eros
called the Selene (EvesGarden
.corn; $$). Or, if you want to get
a bit fancy, BL and GV both se ll
Lucite one-handed pumps($$)
that can be attached to a nipp le
and clit cylinder (sold separately;
$$).If you want to go in on the
purchase with your boyfriend,
this fancy pump can also be
attached to a penis cyl inder
(BL, GV; $$$). See a lso nipple
clamps; nipple suction cups;
pumps, penis
-
You know how reall y organized
people pack just the right
amount of stu ff for th e ir lug-
gage, wh ile t he rest of us have
to jump up and down on our
s uitcase to get it to close? Tha t's
kind of li ke the pen is pump.
With an ordinary erection (not
th at any erect ion is ordinary-
don't get us wrong, fellas), b lood
flows into th e penis, causing it
to stand to attention. A pump,
on the other hand.force.& the
blood in, creati ng an erection
on demand-it's what docs used
to prescribe before the magic
blue pil l came a long.
A pumped-up stiffie (a.k.a.
an Ah-nold) will be all that you
can be, because it pushes the
maximum amou nt of blood in
there-so if you are prone to less-
tha n-fu Ily- in flated erections, a
pump will probably make you
fe e l bigger. Of course, this lasts
only for as long as the erection
itself-o nce your schlong has
deflated, you'll be left with the
same old penis, except it might
be a little tender and maybe
even bruised. Or, if you pump
fo r too long or too often or t oo
vigorous ly, the pump might
cause burst capillaries, t issue
damage, ligament damage at
the pen is base, or lymph blist ers
on t he head of the penis. (Hey,
don't shoot t he fine-print mes-
senger.) Some gentlemen also
report t hat they find it, er, harder
to ejacu lat e with an Ah-nold.
 These devices work by
creat ing a vacuum around you r
trouser s nake-lubing up first
will help seal this vacuum.
Besides. anytime you're sliding
something over your dong, it's
a good idea to lubricate. Also,
don't pump for more t han ten
minutes without taking a break-
that's more abuse than any
penis s hould be forced t o take.
The peni s pumps you'll fi nd
in sex-toy shops aren't med ica l
grade, and they s ho uldn't be
considered a fall·back plan if
you're too embarrassed to ta lk
to your doctor abo ut erectile
dysfunction. (Come on, if Bob
Dole ca n do it ...) The novelty
p umps, like the Fireman's
Pump, are mea nt only as a
masturbation prop or as a pre·
sex stupid human trick (adding
a cock ring to your Ah-nold
may help maintain it longer).
Speaking of your doctor, don't
use a pump, even for novelty
blood·thinning medicatio n. If
somethi ng fee ls funny down
t here, s uck it u p a nd t ell your
doc what you did. See a lso
pumps, clitoral & n ipple .
Pure Bliss
-
vibrator
MP has a great little toy- th eir
only exclusive one- that's an
undercover vi be d isgui sed as a
mini neck and "back" massager
but design ed for the nether
regions. It's no high-end sex
toy ($$), but it comes in a nice
box, is whisper quiet, and ha s
s trong vibrations, making it a
good deal for a contour toy.
-
PVC
S ee vinyl.

p urposes-ready for more fine

-
Pyrex
pr int?-i f you bleed eas il y, have a
blood-clotting d isorder, arc d ia·
bet ic, s uffe r from any peripheral A bra nd name for h igh-qua lity
vascula r disease, or take anti· glass.
coagulants, aspirin. or any other
Q
queening Rabbit Habit &

-
stools
Low seat s th at ope n the s itter
to oral attention from the per·
·~ Rabbit Pearl

son lying below, often employed
in BDSM pl ay. A.k.a. smother-
boxes. See also erotic furniture .
'·
-
vibrators
Probably the m ost widely recog-
nized vibe in the world , thanks
in large part to the Sex and the
City epis ode in which pr ud ish
Ch arlotte get s so addicted to
her battery-powered, floppy·
eared companion that her
fr iend s s tage a vibrator inte r·
vention. Th e Rabbit Habit and
t he Rabbit Pearl (ava ilable most
everywhere; $$-SSS depend ing
on retai ler) are both dual-action
vibrators by Vibratex that boast
a sw irling sh aft, und ul a ting
pearls inside the base for stim-
ul a t ion of t he s en s itive vaginal
ope ning, a nd a n external rabbit
wh ose ears flu tter against t h e
cl itoris. There's so much going
on, this vibe does everythi ng
but your dis hes! You ca n var y
both t he vibration intensity
and sw irlin g speed with the
contro ls at ei ther the bas e of
the unit (Habit; ill ust rated) or
o n the batt ery pack attached by
a cord (Pear l).
The Rabbit is a Japanese -
made, high-performance prod-
uct-i t's not go ing t o crap out
on you, unlike its cheap knock-
offs (such as California Exotic
Novelties ' jack Rabbit, among
others). The only bummer: It's
made of vinyl. Thou gh the
Vibratex kind is much higher
quality (i.e_, less porous) th an
most and deemed safe by
A-Womans-Touch.corn's
chemist, it's still made with
phthalates and can harbor bac-
teria, so you might want to use
a condom with it-definitely, if
yo u're s haring. For this reason,
we're goi ng to comm it sex-toy
bl asphemy and say there are
severa l ve ry s imil ar dual-action
vi bes that are better than the
Rabbit:
Twist & Shake series: These
three co rdless vi bes from Fun
Factory all have a rotating shaft,
undulating beads, and an external
cl it sti mulator, but they are made
of prem ium silicone- wh ich
makes these babies the best of
the bunch. There's the inchworm-
shaped Paul & Pauline, the Mary
Merma id, with tai l-fin cl it stim,
and the Sally Sea, shaped like two
seals- a ll in a variety of bright
sol id colors. Their s hafts are
s inches by 1 'h. inches, and they
use fo ur AA batte1ies apiece ($$$).
Ori gin al Deluxe Japanese
Butterfly: One of several new
cordless th ermopl astic elas-
tomer dual-action vibes from
Vibratex-the toy is lighter than
a s ili cone equ ivalent, latex free
(for t hose with allergies), and
phtha late free (yay, no seeping
toxi ns!) but porous . It's got every-
thing the Rabbit has, plus more
girth (the shaft is 4 inches by
i 5/s inches), an accordion-shaped
head, and a freakin g light
ins ide! Understandably, it's one
of Vibratex's biggest sellers_ (It's
called t he Flutter Vibe on WT and
th e Rock Lobster on BL; $$$.)
Quiver: Another of
Vibratex's variable-s peed elas-
t omer toys. It's got a clit attach-
ment that's more substa ntial
th an most (which may give you
more diffused clit stim), a shaft
with a bigger, bulbous head, and,
in st ead of beads, t iny tentacles
sprouting from the iridescen t
material. Its shaft is 4 in ch es
by i 1/2 inches, and it ta kes fo ur
AA batt eries (B F; $$$).
Rock Your World: This
Vibratex elast omer toy, like the
Quiver, looks funky, with simi-
lar (though fewer) sof-t s pikes
protruding from its s ur fa ce.
The shaft is r ibbed and slig ht ly
bendabl e t o the angl e of you r
liking. Same s ize as the Quiver,
but requires only t h ree AA
doll in t he world . Our dolls
b atteries. (BL se lls it as t he
feat ure comp lete ly arti cu lated
Space Invader; $$$.)
skeleto ns, which all ow fo r
An d, drum roll , p leas e .. .
anatomically correct pos ition-
The Pht halat e-Free Ra bb it:
ing, an exclus ive blend of t he
Vibratex has made a new vers ion
most expens ive s ili cone rubbers
of t heir signature vibe with
for an ul tra fl es h like fee l, and
thei r new elastomer. Yippee!
are each custom made to order,
(Now, let's jus t keep our finge rs
to our cus tom er's specification s.
crossed for a s ilicon e one down
We offer a n extensi ve Iist of
the road- wh ich they've told us
opt ions, fro m body type an d
they're looki n g into.)
fa ce type all t he way dow n to
See also Thunder Clou d
fin gernail color. If you've ever
dual-action vibrator.
drea med of creati ng yo u r idea l
wom an , t hen you have come to
the right place." St ill not clear?

-
Realdoll.com's s pi el: "Since i 9 96,
we have been u sing Hollywood
special effects techn ology to
produce the m ost r ea listic love
They'r e p imped-up mannequins
you can fuck , tell your fears
to, punch in th e fa ce, take t o a
dr ive-i n mov ie- if th is was n't
a judgment-free zone, we'd say
t hey're toad-lickin g cra zy.
 . '
receivers to throw away! Some come with
docking st ation s (Fun Factory

-
choice
W hen choosing a strap-on
harness and dildo, the giver
and Emotional Bliss toys), and
others come with s mal l jacks,
jus t like a cell phone (like Lelo
vibrators). Right now, it's mostly
may pick the harness he or she just the high-end sex toys that
find s most comfortabl e and/ or
offer this, but we have faith t hat
aesthetically pleasing (purpl e
soon enough, this option will be
crushed velvet may or may
available for the little people, too.
not qualify as either), but the
receiver alwayll chooses the
dildo. Givers, we don't care how remote control

-
long you've been pining for a
7 inch- long, 3-inc h-wide purple toys
glittery sch long: Do not s tamp
Vibes you or your partner can
your feet like Veruca Salt and
control with a detached remote
demand it now. And no passive-
control. The qu intessential
aggressive "challenge" moves
remote control accessory is t he
either, like, "Well, you're bigger
vibrating panty or thong, made
than that, and I take you back
of cotton. Lycra, PVC. or stretchy
there at least once a week." Shut
lace, with a little pouch over the
up and count your blessings that
clitoris for inserting a cordless
you're n ot dating some tight·
miniature vibrator. The acti·
assed corporate lawyer with a
vation ra nge is usually around
roadblock sign at his perineum.
12 feet, though some m ay still

wor k up to 25 fee t away. Good if

rechargeable you like a little clitoral stimula·

tion during intercourse a nd your

-
toys
T he wave of the future: no cords
to get in t he way, no batteri es
partner has control issu es, or
if you t wo wan t to s pi ce up a
borin g ho liday office party-zap
each other unexpec tedly and

.1
unbeknownst t o your fellow
partygoers while t hey discuss
spreadsheets and last night's
episode of Lo.flt. Vari ations on
this theme include the Audi-Oh
butterfly vibrator, whi ch is
controlled by nearby noise, a nd
the Vibra-Exciter Cell Phone
vibrator, which is activated by
cell phone signals. The pa nties
are available most everywhere,
including the Berman Center
($$$).
-
restraints
T he tools of bondage: ball gags,
bondage belts, bondage tape,
cuffs, rope, spreader bars, etc.
For a more comprehensive list
of all t he purpose·made t ies that
bind, visit ErosBoutique.com
or ExtremeRestraints.com.
But if you'd rather go DIY, just
use a thick necktie, a long sock,
a woven leather belt, a winter
scarf, or a cotton handkerc hief.
Contrary to popular belief, silk
scarves and stock ings aren't
all that: They have a tendency
to get too tight under tension.
making them unsafe and nearly
imposs ible to untie without
cutti ng off. /\voi d t hin ropes,
twine, t hread, and electrical
cord, as t hey're more likely to
cut off circulat ion. Whatever
you're using, keep restraints a
little loose (es pec ially on joints
a nd p ulse po ints), distri bute
tension, don't cut off ci rculation,
don't pinch nerve pathways,
and make su re the tie-er-upper
(i f not the one who's tied up)
ca n easily and qu ickly get th e
restraints undone in a pinch.
Medical scissors with t he blunt
edges (li ke the ones you use to
cut a kid's toenai ls) are a lways
good to have on hand. For more
info on technique and safety
(and you do need more if you're
new to t his), check out The
Erotic Bondage Handbook, by
Jay Wise man.
-
riding crops
Long, flexible sticks, usually
encased in leather, with a
handle at one end and a small
leather flap on the other used
to deliver a st in ging slap. Often
used by women who had a thing
for horses growing up or men
too tall to realize their jockeying
dreams. Those on the receiving
end of a riding crop e ither enjoy
di scipline or get off on pretend-
ing to be a pony (no joke-they
wear saddles on their backs, bits
in their mouths, and butt plugs
with long horseta il s attached in
their butts). As with any flogger,
fami liarize yourself with the
crop's safety guidelines before
you go swatting at open flies.
rings,
-
cock or penis
T here's something about t he
term "cock ring" that's just
so ... so .. . well, it's got the
word cock in it, for a start. You
may prefer the more pedestrian
"penis ring" or "erection ring,"
or perhaps the s lig ht ly whimsi-
cal "love ring." Maybe you call
your leather version a cock ring
and your pink, stretchy ed ition
a love ring. Whatever-a rose by
any other name, and all that.
What's important is what you
do with it. Traditionally, a cock
ring is meant to strap around
a man's penis and behind his
balls so that they sit in fron t of
the cock ring, t hough some
men prefer to just place it
around the base of the shaft,
like a little belt. The idea is to
restrict blood flow out of the
peni s, which can lead to harder,
longer-last ing, and more sensi-
tive erections. Because blood
flows into the penis at its cen·
ter a nd flows out through veins
closer to the surface, the ring
can restrict the outgoing supply
without affecting the incoming.
Neato! (Note from our lawyers:
Cock rings s hould not be used
to trea t erectile dysfunction. If
you think you may be suffering
from erectile dysfunction, talk
TO your doc.) Of course, pen ises
arc as unique as snowflakes
(like Grandma always said), so
some men will find that the
ring really affects t heir sensi-
tivity, causing them to come
even sooner, thus overriding
the longer-lasting benefit.
Others won't notice much dif-
ference at all-but, still, it's
always nice to accessorize.
rings ,
-
materials for
C ontrary to popular belief, a
cock ring does not have to
resemble a medieval torture
device (though if that's your bag,
go for it-just make sure there's
a safety release). Cock rings now
come in stretchy Cyberskin and
jelly rubber as well as leather,
metal, nylon, rubber, and sili-
cone. Some feature cutesy a ni -
mal faces, wh il e others boast
punk-rock metal s tuds, cha in s,
ball-separating straps, and hang-
ing weights (see ball stretchers).
A basic leather or Neoprene
cock ring with ad justable snaps,
Velcro, or D-rings is a great place
to start. These are easy to don
even if you're already hard, you
can experiment with different
levels of constriction, and they
can be removed faster than you
can say, "My penis is turning
purple!" (Sold everywhere; $.)
Or try a plain rubber stretch
cock ring for more simplicity
($; i3/4 inch diameter). They even
come in glow-in-the-dark vari-
eties! But the cock rings we get
really excited about are those
that are a little more giving.
The Stretc hy cock rings (WT
sells a set of four for about ten
bucks) feature little nubbins
along the entire surface, which
gently stimu late her clitoris.
These rings are super-stretchy
(hence the name), so the grip
is pretty light, especially if he
wears it around the shah only.
Unfortunate ly, most of the
super-stretchy cock rings out
t here conta in phthalateS-and
it's not like you can whack a
condom on a cock ring easily.
(We actually tried covering one
with Saran Wrap, but it was a
disaster: Saran Wrap doesn't
stretch.) So, here's what we sug-
gest: A-Womans-Touch.corn is
the only st ore we know of that
uses a chemist to test every toy
they sell fo r phthalate leve ls.
Most of t heir toys are completely
phthala te free , and some have
very, very low levels of phtha-
lates. but at a level that they,
and their chemi s t, deem safe.
So, if you're looking to invest in
a mega-stretchy cock ring, st ay
s afe and s hop t here.
rings,
-
safe use of
Cock rings go o n easiest when
the penis is eith er fl accid or
semi erect. A bit of lube will help
s lide things along if it's not a
s na p-o n ring, and you might
wa nt t o trim the pubes around
th ere, too, if he's particularly
hirs ute (especially if your ring
ha s a Velcro attachment). If
you're a newbie cock-r ing user,
never u..<1e a .wlid ring: Your cock
ring s hould be either stret chy
or s hou Id have a s nap, Velcro,
D-ri ng, or bolo-style closure. In
fact, we're gonn a go a hea d and
s ay you s hould have at leas t a
decade of ex perience litera lly
under your belt before experi-
men ting with something like
BL's solid ch rome Teard rop cock
ring (a lmost $100!), s tunning
though it may be. In fact, GV is
so aga inst solid metal rings th at
it refuses to even ca rry them.
A cock ri n g s hou ld never
be worn for more than twenty
minutes at a ti me-a nd less than
t hat if it starts to fee l u n co m-
forta ble. Dude, you're tra pping
blood in your penu: Use a bit of
comm on sense. If you ignored
ou r adv ice (a pparent ly it hap-
pens so metimes) a nd have a
solid aluminum r in g (B L) s tuck
on your swollen penis, try bring-
ing down the er ection wi th ice.
If that does n't do the trick , th en
get thee to th e ER. Trust u s-
yo u won't be th e fi rst. just cross
your fingers that t he hospital's
met al cutters are strong enoug h
that they won't h ave to call in
the fire d e partment for he lp.
(Oh, it happe11.L>.)
-
rings, vibrating
V ibrating cock r ings are bu ilt
to hold a m.iniature vibrator.
Vibrating clitoral s timulation
during intercourse? Now, that'.!, toys, as we! I as butterfly vibra-
sex the way Mother Nature tors with harnesses.
intended it. Most of t hem arc
super-stretchy, though some
are made of leather (like GV's
Perfect Pair Ring;$$; vibe
included). Unfortunately, like
the stretchy cock ri ngs with
nubbins-see rings, materials
for-mos t vibrating cock rin gs
on the market contain phtha-
lates. So, as with the nubbin
cock rings, we s uggest you s hop
for your stretchy vibrat ing cock
rings at the phthalatc-conscious
A-Womans-Touch.com only,
just to be safe. Their Blu e
Caress($$, vibe included) is
Ripple butt
almost compl ete ly s il ent and
covered in nubbins. Then
there's t heir s tretchy ring called
Binky (illustrated;$$; vibe
-
plug
T his butt plug is Tantus's
biggest seller, and t hat's saying
included) , a s uper-squis hy pink somethi ng once you know what
rabbit that ta kes a mini vibe else t hey stock. The Ripple
through the head so his ears co mes in unassum ing Small
can stimu late your clitoris (5 inches by 1 in ch) or slightly
(what a guy). As long as you ca n more impressive-slash-don't-
get over th e vision of a pin k bring-that -near-me Large
bunny gripping onto your ma n's (7 inc hes by 11/i inches). Kind
penis like a koala bear (it u of like anal beads disgui sed
rid iculous look ing, we admit), as a butt plug, it featu res four
we predict O's all around. See knuckle-like bumps along th e
also the PVibc in high-end sex stem. which fe el parti cularly
nice as you move the plug in and
out. Plus, the ripples allow you
to insert the toy very gradually-
a particularly encouraging
partner might even cheer you
on by saying, ''Two knobs down,
two to go!" Even better for
beginners, the Ripple s tarts
small a nd gradually widen s
toward the base, which gives
you ample bui ldup time to
breathe deeply and get used Rock Chick
to that foreign object in your
rectum. It's way sexier than it
sounds. trust us. (GV's exclusive
Spiral plug, SS. is a comparabl e
product.) The Ripple is made of
-
vibrator
At first glance, the Rock Chick
looks a little scary, like a
Grimace-colored clamp. But
silicone, so it can be washed or
once you get it in your hands,
boiled and should be used with
all fear fades away. This U.K.
a water-based lube. Available
import is made of nothing
just about everywhere (MP calls
but super·supple, high-quality
it the Smooth Seducer)-Small is
silicone that bends and gives.
S. Large is SS. See also P-spot.
And, once you get it in your
vagina. you realize how ergo-
nomically designed it actually
is. The U-shape simu ltaneously
targets your G-spot (with the
curved end) an.d your clitoris
(with the ridged end). S imp ly
use your palm to rock it back
and forth to your liking-no
awkward in-out thrusting nec-
essary! Or, sit up or lie on your
stomach to get your hips in
on t he rocking act ion. It even
comes with a bullet vibe (with
three watch batteri es) that fits
in the clitoral end; one touc h of
t he protruding end of t he bullet
turns it on. Or use a free t humb
to tap the bu llet t ip for a pul ·
sating vibration. If you prefer
to handle the clitoris yourself,
you could turn t h e Rock Chick
around and give your butt crack
some vibration in stead. Even
women wh o don 't love having
their G stroked might learn to
love it just because thi s t oy is
so coo l.
Sin ce the bullet's wa ter·
proof, you can take the whole
thing in the s hower. Remove
the bullet to was h with hot
water and soap, run through
the dis hwas her, or boil for a
few minutes to truly sterilize
it. Ava ilable for$$-$$$ (super-
cheap on BF!), which comes
with water-based lube. toy
cleaner, a nd baby wipes-
sorry, "intimacy wipes."
rope (bondage
-
or nylon)
A cheap, versati le, and readily
avai lable restraint for BDSM
play. Soh, s h iny, twis ted (or
bra ided) nylon is stro ng. com-
fo rtable, and nonchafing. It
stays clean, it's long las ting,
and it's easy to loosen (though
maybe too easy in s ome cases).
For a more rugged look and fee l,
try all-cotton clothes line- it's
pliant and kn ots ti ghtl y (some·
t im es too t ightly). Even better
fo r a beginner is GV's Love
Me Knots rope, a super-soh
polyester-fiber cord t hat's sa fe
on furniture and won't chafe or
cut off circulation($ for 9 feet).
Whichever material you go with,
get about 50 to ioo feet so you
can cut it into several shorter
pieces, varying from about 10 to
30 feet; shorter lengths are
good for tying ankles and wris ts
together, and longe r lengths
work well for full-body binding.
Th e thi cker th e rope, t he less
likely it is to ca use circu lation
problems: Stick with som e-
thing between 3/s of a n in ch
a nd i 1/2 inches in diameter. For
the tip of the safety·tips iceberg,
see restraints; for more in·
depth safety and technique info,
check out Jay Wiseman's The
Erotic Bondage Handbook or, if
you can get you r hands on a
copy, The Seductive Art of
Japane;,e Bondage.
-
rubber
S ee latex rubber and jelly
rubber.
-
Ryder butt plug
T his butt plug tends to have a
little more staying power than
the s imilarly sized Buddy butt
plug. The Ryder is made by
Tantus and is 4 1/i inches by
1 1/i inches. It's not tapered, so
it might be a little harder to
insert than Buddy, but its oblong
base means it's less likely to
pop out mid·sesh. The Ryder is
silicone, so can be was hed or
boiled and s hould be used with
a water·based lube (BF;$). See
also anal play and P-spot.
s
safe, sane &
consensual
-
A universally accepted credo of
the BDSM community, though
it should apply to all kinds of
sex, even the most vanilla, toy·
free sex. "Safe" means the re's
no risk of serious or permanent
injury. "Sane" means that all
parties involved are in control
of themselves a nd interested in
mutual p leasure. "Consensual"
means that everyone has know·
ingly and voluntarily agreed to
the sexual activities. See also
the Safety Tips Appendix.
Saran Wrap
-
P eople used to use Saran Wrap
for sexy mummification, espe·
cially in the BDSM community,
but we're not quite sure how
much of this has been going on
since Kathy Bates tried it out
on screen in 1991's Fried Green
Tomatoel>. Great for ma k ing
impromptu dental dams.
-
sensation play
Or should we say l>er11>ational
play? Sex s houldn't always be rub,
come, rin se, repeat. Add a little
subtl ety to your sex uality and
you getl>en.,mality, the driving
forc e behind sensat ion p lay. It's
notoriously been th e domain
of sen s it ive ponyta iled men
and earnest granola chicks who
own specul ums, but it does n't
have to be. No matter whether
you have a se nse of irony or not,
experiment ing with different
textures a nd temperatures,
both on a nd aro und your eroge-
nous zo nes, wakes up you r
body to new experiences and
surprises your nerves with the
unexpect ed: the chill of an ice
cube, the warmth of candle
wax, the thud of a paddle, th e
pinch of a nipple clamp, th e
crack of a riding crop or whip,
th e tickle of fe ath ers.
Hec k, it m ight not even
feel t hat good and you could
still get off o n it-that's one of
t h e core principles of BDSM.
Pa in tri ggers th e autonom ic
ner vous system, wh ich produces
endorphins a nd increases your
heart rate, breathing, and blood
pressure-a ll of whic h is a lot
like sex. This endorphin rush
ca n enhance sexual pleasure
and also make the pain feel less
like di scomfort and more like
inten se sensation. Ju st make
sure sa fet y co mes first when
you're dab bli ng wit h different
sen sati ons. (Race Ba nnon's
Learning the RopM: A Bal>ic
Gu ide t o Safe & Pun SI M Love-
making is a good pl ace to start.)
sensitizing
-
creams
Intended for clitorises that need
t o be h it over the head with a
ha mmer, these ointmen ts are
supposed to increase se nsation
and th erefore pl easu re. Bu t they
may n ot be as effect ive or prob-
lem free as manufacturers would
h ave you believe. Definite ly
don't use th em interna lly. As
fa r as topica lly on you r cl it
goes, proceed with caution. The
 ingredients, like menthol, may
make you feel tingly, may make
you feel like there are fire ants
in your pants, or may not cause
much sensation at all, depending
on t he concentration and your
react ion to it. All-natural minty
toothpaste might work just as
well (S/M people do it all the
tim e). Some sensitizing bal ms
also co nta in L-argini ne, an
enzyme that may encourage
~,.,,.: outbreaks in herpes sufferers.
So, if you're sensitive down
th ere or have herpes, it's better
to just take the time to work
some lube over and around your
little chickpea-the attention
alone should increase sen sation!
See also desensitizing crecuns,
penis and tightening creams,
vaginal.
sensory
-
deprivation
Just as not deciding is a form
of decision making, so sensory
deprivation is a form of sensa-
tion play. Here's th e idea: You
limit one or more senses, a nd
the others gets stronger. Lim it
everything but touch, and your
orgasm will feel like the center
of the universe: Blindfold your
partner, add headphones to
.,
restrict th eir ability to antici -
pate your tou ch, and maybe add
restraints to limit their move-
ment so the touching is all one
way. We know, that's not quite
all t he senses-wh at do you
t hink t his is . Abu Ghraib?
-
sheets
Sex shou Id a Iways be a little
d irty, but sometimes it's actually
quite messy, too: on a heavy day
of your period , when p laying
with food or chocolate, when
using a lot of lube, when exper-
iment ing with female ejacula-
t ion, etc. Throw ing caution t o
the wi nd is sexy and all, but
what about those 700-thread-
count sheets you just took out a
second mortgage for? You could
relocate to the bath, you could
th row down a dark-colored towel,
or you coul d use a waterproof
sheet protector (available ontine
or in the incont inence a is le at
you r loca l pharmacy or surgical
supply sto re). We know that
shopping for sex props in the
incontinence ais le is not the
sexiest thing in the world, but
maybe you're a bigger person
than that. Maybe your vinyl
sheets or absorbent m attress
pad will even inspire a little
saucy role-playing. Maybe
Mommy is really, really mad that
you wet the bed. Maybe someone
deserves a good spanking.
Speak ing of sheets, we'd
li ke to take a brief moment to
discuss satin s heets. We adm it,
it can feel pretty damn good to
screw on satin, and we're all for
a couple shopping together fo r
satin sheets (and even if you
don't particularly like the feel,
there's just something about the
concept th at's hot ). But most
peop le would be highly suspi·
cious if they went home with
someone for the first time and
discovered satin sheets on their
new friend's bed-especially if
those sheets were black. There's
a fine line between sexy and
cheesy, and if you choose to
sleep on black satin on a regular
basis-well, our dear friend, you
have crossed it.
That said, sometimes
something is so cheesy it's cool
a ll over aga in. Like Sheets Gone
Wild, by DamonAnthony.com
($$$$).These sateen cotton
sh eets are covered in illustra·
t ions of sexual positions to
inspire you. But wait-there's
more! The sheets are a lso an
adult board game. We're not sure
exactly how it works, but we're
pretty sure there are no losers.
shops &
-
shopping
See the introduction to this book.
-
A n inorganic polymer. Or, better
put, the safest soft material for
anything you're going to insert
in your bod -no contest. Here's
the long li st explaining why:
There are no pores to harbor bad
bacteria, you can put it in your
dishwasher, yo u can sterilize it
by boiling it in water or clean-
ing it with a 10 percent bleach
 sol utio n, you can swa b it with
a lcohol, it's phthalate free , it's
h ypoallerge nic, it 's in ert (s o it
won't react with other materials),
it's long lasting, and it has little
to no od or. Plus, s ilicon e toys
are often made by small com pa-
n ies t hat design t hem in house-
t h ey hand pou r the molds in
s mall batches to creat e effective,
.·"· funct ion al toys. For a ll these
reasons, s ilico ne toys cost
m ore, but they'r e oh so wort h it !
Ma ke su re th e prod uct is
advert ised as 100 percent s ili-
cone; oth erwis e, it may be mi xed
with jelly or other crappy m at e-
r ial (sneaky bastards), nu ll ifyi ng
all it s kick-ass qualit ies. Kee p it
away from your cats; they love the
fee l of silicone, but one scratch
an d you'll have to donate it to
th eir squeaky-toy coll ectio n fo r
good. The only real bummer 'bout
'(.("
.... · -.-·~
..•
s il icone is that , h istorically, man-
u fa cturers haven't been able to
mani pulate it into super-soft and
s u per -fun ky t extures like th ey
ca n with elastomers a nd jelly
rubber. But even that's changing
with the invention of VixSkin,
a lifel ike m aterial m ade from
10 0 percent boilable si li con e.
Repu ta ble s ilicone toy
manu fa ct uers include Tantus,
Vixen Creations, and Fun
Factory dildos. In gen eral , s il i-
con e lu bes shoul d not be us ed
with s ilicon e toys, due t o a
we ird chem ical react ion , but
see lubes, silicone -based for
an except ion to t hi s ru le.
Trivi a t idbit : Silico n, t he
element , is often m is ta ken co l-
loqui ally for s ilicone, as in the
poi gna nt pop classic "Objection
(Tan go)," where Shakira s ings,
"Next to h er cheap l>ilicon I look
mi nim al" (lyrics off her offi cial
Web site). Thou gh we like t he
sent iment , it s hould rea ll y be, "
" Next t o her chea p .l>ilicone I
look m in imal." Class dis m issed.
single-strap
harnesses
-
See harnesses.
-
slappers
See paddles.

-
0 Masturbation aids for men
to help simulate the feel of
penetrating a vagi na, anus, or
mouth. For much more detail,
see :masturbation sleeves.
0 Something you put over your
penis or dildo to extend or t ex-
turize it. For much more detail,
see penis extenders. A.k.a.
French ticklers. 0 Something
you put over a toy, usually a
smaller vibrator or :miniature
vibrator (like the Pocket
Rocket, t he Itty Bitty Vibe, or
bullet vibrator), t o give it a
new shape and feel.
slimline
-
vibrators
Old-school, missile-shaped, hard
pla stic vibrators-what most
people pi cture when you say
"sex toy." Some stores call them
rockets; others, like Good Vibra-
tions, refer to them as smooth-
ies. Thoug h we're grateful t o be
living in a time when a slimline
is no longer the only option
avai lab le, th ese vibes shouldn't
be discounted entirely: They
ma ke a great beginner toy
(due to their nonscary, famil iar
des ign), they're su per cheap ($),
they're low key (for times when
your Rabbit is just too much
bunny), and yo u can find them
everywhere (even in the s uper-
s leazy sex s hops we've tried our
best to ignore in this book). Who
says nostalgia isn't what it used
to be? Some slimlines are water-
proof (BL;$), some have variable
vibe pattern s like "escalating"
and "staccato" (BF's Lime
Rocket; $$), and some have a
ribbed shaft fo r more interesting
thrusting (M P's Pearl Rocket;
$$). But the traditional slimlines
are just this si mple-6 inches
long, just over 1 inch wide, and
with two settings: On or Off.
Plastic vibes are nonporous,
are not safe for anal play (no
flared base!), and can be wiped
clean with a damp cloth.
slings, sex
-
Kind of like arm slings, except
they wrap around the back of
your neck and keep both your
legs raised comfortably when
you're lying in the receptive
missionary position. Good for
lazy bastards prone to cramps
(BF;$$). Not to be confused
with a sex swing.
-
Smartballs
Like Ben Wa and duotone
balls, only smarter. The outer
casing and the removal string
are made of Fun Factory's
trademarked Elastomed-hard,
nonporous, hypoallergenic,
phthalate free-which makes
them long lasting and a cinch
to clean with warm water and
mild soap. The package claims
they st imulate, massage, and
exercise the vagina; t ighten up
the vaginal muscles ; support
postnatal regenerative gymnas-
t ics (what ever that means); and
help prevent incontinence.
What, that's it? Plus, a patented
ma nufacturing process makes
Smartballs the quietest love balls
in the world. In fact, they were
so quiet, Lo forgot she had them
in. After all, like any vaginal
ball s, the sensat ion is subtle,
with a capital S. Still, their low-
level sensation might be the per·
feet niggling to subconsciously
get you ready for a hot date or
simply brighten your day. But
if you prefer your toys to club
you over the head, try wearing
them to a step class($-$$; sold
as Erotispheres on MP).
-
smoothies
S ee slimline vibrators.
-
Th ese are dildos that look and
fee l like real penises that women
or tran sgendered folk can wear
under their clothes and outside
the bedroom-to a bar, say, or
even just to the launderette.
It's ca lled softpacking or pack·
ing, and ladies who pack are
sometimes referred to (not par·
ticularly creative ly) as chicks
with dicks. Unlike most dildos,
softpacks t end to be fl accid, or
semi erect at the mos t (it's only
polite, a fter all). Most of them
are purely aesthetic-i.e., they're
good for grabbing onto (and
you'd be surprised what a real-
istic handful it makes throu gh
pants) but not fit for penetration.
Vixen Creation's Mr. Right
($$on BF) is the best of the soft-
packing bunch-it's made of
VC's patented silicone VixSkin,
which means it feels as lifel ike
as Cyberskin but is more
durable and can be cleaned and
steril ized like silicone. Mr. Right
can be affixed with a packing
strap($ on VC) or a less bulky
"cock sock" ($ on BL; GV ca lls
them Packy Pockets), which is
basically a jockstrap. Or, more
s imply, a pair of tight tighty-
whities will hold him just as
firmly. If Mr. Right gets st icky,
just dust him with a little corn-
starch (not talc, as it has been
linked to cervical cancer). For a
cheaper option, try one of the
Softskin (see Cyberskin) soft-
packs ($-price vari es depend-
ing on s ize-at BL or GV). For
a wearable dildo that you ca n
actual ly use fo r penetrat ion
later in the evening, try VC's
Tex-see dildos, realistic.
Finally, if you've a lways wanted
t o pee standing up, try one of
GV's Mango Packers($$$; peach
or coffee colored): It's too floppy
for penetration, but it does
come with a built-in urinary
device made of medical-grade
latex . Yep, you can actually pee
through your softpack! (Though
it'll take a bit of at-home prac-
tice to g·et used to.) See also
bendable dildos & vibrators.
See Cyberskin.
-
spatula, kitchen
S ee paddles.
-
spreader bar
Be honest: Are you th e kind of
dirty bird who thinks "Hand·
cuffs!" whenever you spy a set of
nice, stu rdy bars at the head of
a bed? (A bed you're about to
do it in, we mean, not your
grandparents' classic sleigh
bed-t hen again, you never
know.) Do hospital beds just
make you want to ti e someone
up with bedsheets? So, what
happen s when you fall in love
with so meone who sleeps on
t he futon? That's where the
Bare Spread Bar comes in (BL;
$$). lt's made of bl ack rubber
for extra kink effect and is
designed to spread someone's
cu ffed hands or feet-each end
of the bar features a ring to
attac h a cuff to. Plus, you can
easily attach other appendages
to the bar wit h extra restraints
for bent-over bliss. For a practi-
cal man's spreader bar, there's
Under the Bed Restraints,
made of lightweight, foldable,
easi ly portable and hide-able
nylon (BL;$$). See also cuffs,
EB and EX .
-
STDs
See the Safety Tips Append ix.
-
S ex toys are like condoms:
Th ey're best kept in a cool, dry
place. They're also best kept
away from dust bunnies (espe-
cially the toys you put inside
you-geez). And toys don't play
well with other toys in storage-
soft, squishy ones can melt
into each other, hard toys ca n
tear soft toys, metal toys can
chip glass toys, heavy toys can
dent impressionabl e ones, etc.
Bear in mind that Cyberskin
toys and their ilk "leak" pretty
substantially, so don't s tore
them among your nice und ies,
and don't leave them sitting on
your antique dresser, either.
Never ever put a toy away
before it's completely dry. Dust
Cyberskin (et al.) toys with corn-
starch before storing them.
Remove all batteries from t oys
when not in use (so they don't
corrode inside or the toy
doesn't accidentally switch on
and run them down). Remove
all miniature vibrators from
dildos and butt plugs.
Th e best (and cheapest)
s torage method we've heard yet
is to take all those stray socks
and p ut t hem to good use: One
toy per sock, and you're done!
If you don't have room in your
nightstand, use s hoeboxes
under your bed fo r overflow stor-
age. If you're prepared to invest
a litt le, most sex shops se ll cool
lockboxes ($$) or washable,
nylon-lined Goody Bags. Then
there are t he nifty Hide a Vibe
Pill ows (BF; BL call s them
Treasu re Pillows;$$): Th ey look
like regular throw pil lows, but
there's a secret zippered com-
panment, lined with silk, for
storing all your sex toys and
lubes. The concept is awesome,
thou gh we wish the fabric
choices weren't jaguar, cougar,
cheetah, leopard, or zebra. (What
is it with t he sex biz and animal
prints?) Fi nal ly, if you have way
t oo much t ime on your hands
(a friend of ours actual ly did
this for a beloved butt plug),
you could go all p rison chic and
build a secret hidey-hole in s ide
a book by gluing the pages
strap-on
blow jobs
together and carvi ng out a toy
s hape, just like Tim Robbins in
Shaw..ihank Redemption. See
also cleaning & care.
-
Not for everyone, to be s ure. But
maybe you've always wondered
what it migh t fee l like (in the
h ead, at least) to get su cked off,

-
or wanted your partner to expe-
strap-ons rience exactly how hard it is
to deep-throat, or just fanc ied
W hen you take your dildo and
saying, "Suck my dick!" and
put it in a harness so you can
meaning it .... Or, on the other
wear it like it's your very own
hand, maybe you've always won-
dong, it's ca lled a st rap-on.
dered what it might feel like (i n
When you fu ck your gi r lfriend
the head and in the mouth) to
or boyfriend wh ile wearing
suck s omeone off. Well, wi th a
your strap-on , it 's call ed strap-
strap-on you ca n make you r
on sex. When a woman fu cks
d ick d reams co me tr ue.
her straight boyfrie nd up the
butt with a strap-on, it's ca lled
d isrupting the cos mic order,
and it's a very good thing. Sec Sue Johanson's
als o anal play.

-
Royal Line
C anada's Dr. Ruth, Sue Joha nson,
took time out from her popular
Oxygen call-in show Talk Sex to
make her own line of waterproof,
s ilicone-based thermoplas t ic
rubber vi brators (produced by
California Exotics Novelties).
There are a bu nch of model s
t hat appear to be ripped off
from Fun Factory, including th at seem to defy physics a nd
several dual-action vibrators gi·avity ($$$$).Popula r among
(like the Rabbit) with "o ne th e BDSM crowd, swingers,
touch" activation , independent fisters, and apparent ly Pame la
controls for reversible rotation Anderson (at least during her
and vibration, a nd an "EZ"-load Tommy days ). Sometimes
battery pack (we didn't know referred to as a sex sling. See
it was that difficult before). also erotic furniture.
Unfortunately, they're not
ioo percent silicone (shame
on Sue and Cal Exotics for not
making that perfectly clear-
even we got confused!), so you
should use them with a condom,
'cause we have no idea what's
in their "thermoplastic rubber."
Fortunately, the manufacturers
had the good sense to decorate
the packaging with a cute little
cartoon of Johanson rather than
a seminaked photo. like they
do with most of their toys. Visit
Talksexwithsue.com/ Royal Lin e
.html to order($-$$$).

swings, sex
-
Contrapti ons, usually made of
leather or nylon, attached via
chains to the ce iling. that allow
the rider t o experience weight-
less sex in a number of positions
 T Metis Black, their defin i·
TantusSilicone
.com
-
A leader in the dildo-
manufacturi ng industry, right
beside Vixen Creations. Makers
of the patented Feeldoe double
dildos, the Bend Over Beginner
Kit, the slim Ripple butt plug,
and the popular Pro-Touch
vibrating butt plug, Tantus
uses only ioo percent medical -
gradc silicone, so it's the safest
materia l on the market (boil-
able, durab le, hypoallergenic,
easy to clean, a nd phthalate
free!). Ret ailers say Tant us dil-
d os and plugs. with their wide
variety of shapes and colors, are
always bi g sellers, though stores
don't always advertise t hem as
Tantus brand or use the manu-
facturer's name-so ask. You can
even fam il iari ze yourself wit h
their extensive product line by
s ight on Ta ntusS ilicone.com,
but, unfortunately, you can't
order on line from their less-
than-kick-ass Web site.
:1
tively kick-ass president, is com-
mitted to informing cons umers,
s tore clerks, and writers of sex-
toy encyclopedias about the
pros and t he cons of various
accessories and t he materials
they're made of-specifically.
the pros of si li cone dildos
a nd the cons of everything else.
(Sure, s he's biased, bu t s he's
also right.) "People will st ick
almost anything up ins ide them
because t hey're so ill informed,"
Black says. "Our manufacturing
firm is based right outs ide
San Di ego, and the two biggest
emergencies that come into the
local hos pital are husbands
st abbed by their wives and men
with inappropriate objects stuck
up their butts-like li9/1tbulb.6!"
See also dildos, vibrating and
Ryder butt plug.
-
tea, hot
Take an oral sex break to sip from
your steaming cup of chamomile.
Don't ask why; just try it. (But
don't stop to dunk a cookie-that's
r ude.) See al so sensation play.
tempe rature

-
play
See ice; sensation play; and
te a , hot.

Terra Firma

-
harness
See h arnesses, fixin's for and
harnesses, materials for.
lucky) . And get this: Its shah
lig hts u p in a fl ashing display
of green. red, an d bl ue when it's
on the hig hest sett ing. Groovy,
m an. Design-w ise, t he Thunder
.·.
-
Tex dildo
S ee dildos, realistic.
Cloud is a cousin of the compa ny's
Rabbit series (rotating s hah
plu s clit tickler), though Vibratex
adm its it is th ei r on e t oy that
wasn't really built to complement
Thunder Cloud the average fema le anatomy. I n
other words. it's fo r s ize queens :
dual-action The bul bo us hea d is 23/ s inches

-
vibrator
We must admit, our m ain reason
for including th is Vibratex toy
is that it cracks us up every time
we loo k at it: The t hing is huge!
You're lucky i f you can even
get your h and aro und it (and
som e people cons ider that really
across (a lmost tw ice the girth
of the Rabb it) a nd the main
s hah is 2 inches in diameter.
The Thu nd er Cloud is made of
Vibratex's n ew phthalate-free,
porous mat erial (minera l oi l
le nds it a life like, Cyberskin-
esque textu re), so yo u n eed
t o use a (Magnum) condom
only if yo u're s haring or have
a particula rly sensit ive vadge.
Was h with soap a nd water an d
use with a water-based lube.
Cheapest on DS ($$$$), it's also
ava ilable on BL as Moby or
GV as Twice as Ti ta n fo r a few
dollars more.

tightening Tingler, the

-
creams, vaginal
Known in the vernacula r as
"pussy-t ightening creams," t hese
arc rig ht up t here with vaginal
douching and anal desensi-
tizers in the bad-idea stakes:
At bu t it will do nothing at all;
at worst it might ca use a yeast
infection or els e jus t n u mb t he
vagina-the idea being t hat if
s he ca n·t feel anythi ng. s he's less
likely to lu bricat e, and therefore
her vagina wi ll feel t ighter.
Charm ing. If you're really set on
s haping thi ngs u p down there,
try kegels instead. And if your
partner is reall y s et on you try·
in g one of these crea ms despit e
our wa rning. consider trading
him in. See a lso Xandria.
-
T he closest you ca n get t o s heer
ecstasy without taking MDM H
or having an orgasm. This cheap
(DS; $) meta l scalp-massaging
tool is so simple-but t he n most
inge nious ideas a re. It looks
k ind a like a s plit-a part kitchen
whisking tool. The Tingler gent ly
to uches acu pressure points to
send s hivers t hroughou t your
ent ire body. And t hat's not just
regurgitated marketing copy-
that's for reals.
Toys in
-
Bab eland
S ee Babeland.corn.
triple-action Tristan 2

-
vibrators
Toys that st imulate a lady's cl it,
G-spot, and anus at the .1>ame
time, such as the Butterfly
Effect wearable vibrator.
A.k.a. t hrice-as-nice. See a lso
butt plug
-
Th e sil icone TI·istan 2, a beer
can of a butt plug at 4 inches
by 2 inches, is designed by the
Butt Queen herself, Tristan
Taormino , in conjunction with
Vixen Creations. The Tristan 2
even co mes with a miniature
vibrator t hat can be in serted

Tristan into the core! (The original

Tristan plug is "only" 33/4 inches

-
Taormino
T ristan Taormina is the und is·
puted queen of anal sex. She
by i 'h inches but doesn't vibrate.)
A Tristan pl ug can be recognized
by its particularly bulbous head
a nd its rectangular base, which
is the author of a how-to book
is designed to sit between the
called 711e Ultimate Guide to
ass cheeks and make the pl ug
Anal Sex for Wom en and the
eas ier to hold in place. It's
star of two adult videos based on
ma de of silicone , so it can be
that book, The Ultimate Guide
washed or boiled. (Remove the
to Anal Sex I & f f (d irected by
vibe first !) Use with a lot of
t h e infamou s John "Buttman"
water-based lube. Availab le
Stagl ian o and co-starring porn
supah -star Nina Hart ley). She
even des igned her own freak in'
butt plu gs, th e Tr istan and t he
Tristan 2 . What have you done
''Tupperware''
parties
fo r butt sex lately, anyway? For
more info, visit PuckerUp.com.
-
Because most towns and cit ies in
rh is count ry aren't blessed with
a Iittle sex-toy shop on the sex toys may be sold for "edu-
corner Ii ke Good Vibrations cational" or "novelty" purposes
or Baheland, women are only. Some stores in these states
in creasingly buying sex toys may make you sign an affidavit
at Tupperware-style sex-toy swearing you won't be doing any
parties, organized by companies sinn ing with your purchase. We
like PassionParties.com and guess that whole "pursu it of
Safina.com. Don't be surprised if happiness" t hing holds true only
you're invited to a "Tupperware" if you can get to your happy
party-wink, wink: A few years place just by think ing about it
back, a Texas lady named Joanne (though even then, you're still
Webb was arrested for hosting a proba bly go ing to he ll}.
Passion Parties eve nt in Texas.
Two undercover cops posed as
a couple t r ying to spice up their
sex life, and as soon as Joanne tweezers
clamps
-
started explaini ng how to use a
vibrator, they busted her. That's
right, a sex-toy st ing! Under S ee nipple clamps.
Texas obscenity law, it's per·
fectly legal to se ll sex toys as
novelties, but it's a big no-no to
suggest t hat the toys might actu·
ally get you off Webb-a mother
of th ree, a com mitted Baptist,
and a former schoolteacher-
was fac ing up t o a year in jail
until the charges were dropped.
If you're looking to stay on
the right side of the law, the three
U.S. states with restrictions on
sex-toy sales are Texas, Alabama,
and Georgia. In all three states,
u vibrate.) None of these vibrators
Ultraskin
-
S ee Cyberskin.
undercover
toys
-
L ooks like a pump, feel s like a
s nea ker? How about looks like
a lipstick. feels like oh oh ohhh
OHHH YES YES YES YES
YES!!! Undercover toys are the
Southern sorority girls of the sex-
toy world: They look all innocent
on the outside, but they're
secretly totally s lutty. The re's the
lipstick vibe (GV calls it the Purse
Pal;$). the nail polish v ibe (MP:
$$).the mascara vibe (BL; $$).
the VibraPen (BL;$$). the vibra t-
ing hairbrush (BL;$), the rubber
Duckie, and the vibrating sponge
and s hower scrunchie (sec bath
accessories)-all everyday house-
hold items that just happen to
vibrate. (And we all know wha t we
do with things that just happen to
is particularly sop hi sticated or
sturdy-it's approximately the
same idea as holding your elec-
tric toothbrush down th ere-but
th at's not t he point, damn it.
You're paying for the gimmick
more than for a good vibra t ion.
Pop an undercover toy into
your wash kit before a business
trip, into your pocketbook before
a tough day at work, or even into
yo ur pocket before a nig ht on
the town with your beau (sur-
prise him or her by sli pp ing it
into their pants under the table
at the bar). Cons ider it your
secret weapon- just like James
Bond, except without all t he
killing and misogyny.
Unde rcover toys a lso
make great gi fts. A less-than-
enlightencd wo man might take
offense at receiving a Rabbit
for herb-day, but a novelty vi be
can be accepted "in jest" and
then experimen ted with later in
secret. Hey. if it takes a batte ry-
operatcd "pe n" to convert a
nonbeliever, we'll a ll for it.
Sec the Toy Guide for a
comprehensive list of under-
cover toys featured in t his book.
v mos t of the nerve endings live.
vacuum
-
cleaner
N ot a sex toy. Don't stick your
dick in it or your cl it on it. You
migh t th ink this is obvious. but
you'd be surprised.
-
vagina, artificial
S ee masturbation sleeves.
A.k.a. pocket pussy.
-
vaginal canal
T he vagin a is kind of like the
perfect studio apartment-
there's a whole lot more room
in there than you'd think. The
back two-th irds of the vagina
can actually doubl e in size d ur-
ing a ro usa l. (N ow do you under-
s ta nd fi st ing?) The front third
of the vagina, however, swells
and tighten.<1 during arousal.
And it's this front third where
(Now do you understand the
Rabbit's pearls?) The G-spot
is usually in (or around) this
neighborhood, too-it's t he
s pongy area on the upper wall,
about 2 inches ins ide. Women
can feel prl!.ll,Ottre in th e back
two-thirds of the ir vagina, of
course, but there's really not
a lot of sensitivity back there
(though getting your cervix-
the door to the uterus a t the far
end of t he canal-slammed may
not feel so hot). So, size doesn't
really matter, you see-at least,
not length. Curves and girth are
usuall y more important. That's
why so many of the inn ie toys
in this book look fairly insub-
stantia l to an untrain ed eye:
They've actually been designed
with a woman's anatomy in
mind. Shocking, we k now.
By the way, you might have
heard people talk about another
area of the woman's vagin a,
somet imes called the T-Zon e or
the A-Zone or (less jaunt ily) the
ante rior fornix: Th is is another
area that can be massaged
through the upper wall of th e
vagina, except much farther
inside-a s deep as, or some-
times deeper than (i.e. pa.ot, not
t hrough) , t he tip of th e ce rvix.
Some women say they actua lly
prefer this to G-spot st im ula·
tion, and, as we expla in in the
pelvic floor muscles entry,
everything is so interconnected
down there that t here's no rea-
son why it shou ldn't. The on ly
thing that really matters is get-
ting in there and figuring out
what, exactly, you like the most,
and where, exactly, you like it .
Once you find the s pot(s). you
can call it whatever the hell you
want! See also clitoris.
-
The oppos ite of kink. If t he
most "experimental" thing
you've ever done in bed is leave
the light on, you are decidedly
vani lla. Vanilla, however, is a
relative concept. If, for example,
you consider BDSM a li festyle
choice and like to be peed on as
foreplay, you might call some-
one "vani lla" for choosing a
cute little paddle over a rn·foot
bu llwhip. There's noth ing wrong
with fee ling a little vani lla-it
just means you haven't tried
all thirty-one fl avors yet. Nor
is there anything wrong with
never wanting to try all thirty-
one flavors- not everyone l ikes
peanut-butter swirl. It's not
vanilla to veto the occasional
act, as long as you're open to
what turns your partner on a nd
promise not to laugh when they
confess their deepest, darkest
fet ish. What van illa is not is a
synonym for normal. Normal sex
is a concep t th at exists only in
the minds of right-wing extrem-
ists. (Actually, screw that -i n the
darkest corners of their minds,
they're probably the kinkiest
ba stards around.) "Normal" is
what you want your doctor to
say about that big, hairy mole
or what you want your pi lot to
say about the turbulence. Good
Vibrations actually sells a
Va ni lla Bondage Kit, a kind
of on-ram p into the world of
BDSM-lite accessories: a com-
fortab le, ad justable, silk blind-
fold an d two sil k ties (2 1/2 feet
long each) come in an ice
cream container($).
 of you receives a call, for that
vegetarian & matter), the vibe action lasts for

-
vegan toys
I f you're a veg-head, it's hard
enoug h trying t o fin d products
wi th no a n im al p arts or by-
products to stick in you r mouth,
let alone your lower body cavities.
Bu t there are a couple places
specializing in an imal-friendly
kink: Vegan Erotica.com and
VegSexSh op.com. Plus, general
sex s hop Early2Bed .com has a
special vega n category in its
navigation bar.
the duration of the call, and when
you (or anyone near you) get
a text, it lasts thirty secon ds-
same goes fo r when you make a
ca ll or t ext. Great fo r pl a nned
phone-sex seshes. Jus t m ake
s ure your call ing plan has lots
of free minutes. If you fear you
might go over your minutes, you
can also use the vibe ma nually.
(BL;$$; t wo AAA batte ri es.)

Vibra-Exciter
Cell Phone

-
vibrator
A sort of undercover/remote
control toy hybrid from
Vibrafun. It's a silve r p lastic
bullet vibe at tach ed by a cord
to a battery pack in t he shape
Vibratex
of a s mall, cheap, fake cell phone
that clips to your belt. The vibe
is actually act ivat ed by your real
cell phone: When you get a call
-
B est known as th e maker of th e
Rabbit Habit & Rabbit Pearl
(or when any phone within 3 feet vibrators and the importer
of t he Hitachi Magic Wand,
man ufactu rer and d istri butor
Vibratex was the fi rst company
to bring dual-action vibrators
to North America. Before that.
it was just missile-style and
rea list ic-look ing vibes with th e
knob on the bottom of the shaft;
none had a separate motor fo r
clitoral stimulation. A smal l,
fa mily-owned compa ny prizing
quality over quantity (mu ch like
Tantus and Vixen Creations),
Vibratex strives to design prod-
ucts that complement a woman's
anatomy, won't break down after
three uses, and are made in
Japan from high-qu al ity mat erial
(well, about as h igh qu ali ty as
you can get when you don't use
s ilicone). They use nonsilicone
elastomers that can be molded
into various textures more eas-
ily. That means all Vibratex
products are porous, and many
of t he oldie but goodies (I ike
t he Rabbit) contain phthalates.
However, unlike ch eaper
brands, Vibratex toys a ren't
nearly as toxic: They don't reek
an d are m uch less porou s.
(Even A-Womans-Touch.com
sel ls th em, so you k now t h ey're
on t he safe side.) An d they've
got a new Iine of t oys made of
ioo percent phthalat e-free and
<,: latex-free elast omer! (See t he
Rabbit Habit & Rabbit Pearl
vibra tors entry fo r exa m ples.)
Thou gh you do n·t need to wor ry
about toxins seeping out with
t hose, bacteria could still seep
in. so condom use is suggested
if you've got a sensit ive vagina
and highly recommended if
you're s ha ring. They a lso make
the popu lar Wat er Dancer
vibrator (see Pocket Rocket).
Thou gh there are certa inly
more high-tech dual-action
vibes out there- like California
Exotics Novelties's Chinese-
made Jack Rabbit wit h LED
in dicator. g low-in-th e-dark
pu sh buttons, and seemingly
infi ni te combinations of rota-
tion, vibration, a nd pulsing
pattern s- they can't compare t o
Vibratex's superior production
an d m aterial. (Tech geeks
beware: As wicked cool as the
Jack Rabb it sounds-and ki nd
of is-it 's unbearably sticky and
litera lly st inks!)
 vibrating
panties
vibrators, about
-
Sex-toy newbies often get
confused when they first see a
vibrator like the Hita chi Magic
Wand. "But where does it go in?"
th ey as k con cern edly. (In case
you don't read on: It doesn't .)
Here's the thin g: Th e ma jorit y
of vibrators (at leas t, the ones
th at reall y care) are desig ned to
s timul ate the clitoris , first a nd
foremost. And , as we a ll know,
though the clit runs deep, its
most sensitive nubbin lives
' I
just north of the ent rance to
the vagina. Sure, th ere arc
some nerve end ings in the
vaginal canal-mos t of them
in the ou ter third-but it's the
clit that responds most dramat·
ically to good vibrations. And
when we say "dramatica lly,"
we mean it. Many, many, many,
many, many women learn to
achieve orgasm us ing a vi bra·
tor, and so me women can only
ever get there with a littl e help
fro m th eir bu z7.y fr iends (for
th e record, th ere's no s ha me
in t hat; see addiction). And we
have yet to meet a sex educator
who wouldn't encourage a
woman to enlis t th e help of a
vibe to reach her happy pla ce.
Even Dr. Ruth says so-see the
Eroscillator she endorses.
Don't think of the vibrator
as a replacement for a penis;
think of it as a n extens ion of
your ha nd. Take th e toy wher-
ever your han d likes to roam:
thig hs, mo ns , labia, cli toris. (If
your hand likes to roa m ins ide,
make s ure yo u pi ck a v ibe that
can safely go th ere-sec fo llow·
ing.) Yo u may fin d that holding
the vibrator d irect ly over your
clit is too much-the cl it is a
sensitive little bugger Iike t hat.
Start with the lowest setti ng
on your toy (if it h as options),
move it to your mons or la bes
(your clit will sti ll benefit from
the vibes), or hold it over a p i1-
low or blanket to help di s perse
more mellow vibes throughout
yow· genital region. Experiment
with moving it around or keep-
ing it in one place. Tease your-
self with it-or hand the toy over
to your partner and let them
tease you.
By the way, externa l
vibrat ion isn't just For fema les:
A guy might enjoy runn ing a
vibe up and down the s haft of
his penis, too, or pressing into
his perineum (it's a baby step
toward a vibrating butt plug!).
If yo u want to keep us ing the
toy throughout intercourse (like
we sa id , there's no s hame in it),
rear-entry or woman-on-top
positions work best. However, if
the penis or dildo owner dons a
vibrating cock ring, you can do
it however the hell you want! Go
nuts and do it miss ionary style!
Here's the basic difference
between a vibrator and a dildo :
A dildo, by definition, always
goes in somewhere (given
enough lube and patience); a
vibrator doesn't necessarily-
though some do. So, the first
question you have to answer
when picking a vibe is, innie or
outie? Am I looking for internal
stimulation, external stimula-
tion, or a bit of both?
Vibrators may turn you
into a reverse size-ist: That
honking Hitachi might be okay
company when it's just you,
but it doesn't make for the sexi-
est three-way when your part-
ner's in town. Dim inutive vibes
like t he Pocket Rocket or a
miniature vibrator are less
likely to b e a buzz kill (as it
were). Consider whether you'll be
using a toy solo or with company
before making your purchase-
and, if you're in the store, turn it
on to hear and feel it. Smaller
vibes are typically quieter and
buzz less vigorously, though
there's not always a direct cor-
relation. For example, all Fun
Factory toys-even the biggest
o nes-are quiet as a mouse, and
yet they all buzz with zeal, too.
Others, Iike the Eroscillator,
 I
I-~
shi mmy more like an electric
toothbru sh. (See the individual
roy descriptions in this book for
more details.) Good Vibrations
also offers a handy chart com-
paring toys' volume and inten-
s ity. Hint: A noi sy toy can be
drowned out by cranking up
your iPod.
You may have noticed
that throughout this book,
vibrating is used as an adjec-
tive in fronr of names of toys
that wouldn't traditionally be
classified as vibrators. You've
got your vibrating cock rings,
your vibrating finger toys like
the Fukuoku 9000 finger toy,
your vibrating butt plugs, your
vibrating dildos, your vibrating
nipple clamps. your vibrating
penis sleeves, your vibrating
harnesses, and your vibrating
penis cu ps (see boy toys). Most
of these employ the help of a
~ miniature vibrator, which is
inserted into, or strapped onto,
the toy.
Finally, a quick safety
note: Never use your vibrator
on unexplained calf pain. See
the Safety Tips Appendix for
an explanation, as well as a
.,
....
discussion of the rumors sur-
rounding nerve damage and
vibe use. (Don't pa nic; there's
no bad news.)
There are more kinds of
vibes than kinds of sh rimp.
See the Toy Guide for vibes
featured in this book, grouped
by category.
vibrators,
battery-
-
powered
Most vibes are battery
operated-it's pretty much just
the Eroscillator and the "back"
massagers like the Hitachi
Magic Wand and the Wahl
vibrator that plug into an outlet.
Plug-in toys last longer and tend
to be more powerful than their
battery-operated kin, but you
typically can't put them inside
you, you can't take them in
water, and you can't take th em
more than a few feet from an
outlet. The latest development
in this field is rechargeable
sex toys. Some battery-operated
toys, like the Rabbit Pearl, come
-+
with control sw itches on the
,.
batte ry packs, wh ich can be fu n
"
for your partner to play with
when the vibe is in side you .
Others even come wit h a remote
control so your partner can
tease yo u from ac ross the room.
Battery vi bes (a nd t he batteries
themselves) will last longer if
you remove the batteries when
the toy is not in u se. If your bat-
tery t oy has a cord, never pull on
it. And don't Iie on or fa ll asleep
on a buzzing toy-those babies
get hot! For info on watch batter-
ies, see miniature vibrators .
vibrators,
-
external
S ometimes called outies,
vibrators that are b u ilt purely
for external stimulation (i.e..
the clit an d labia) include t he
Duckie waterproof vibrator,
t h e Eroscillator, t h e Hitachi
Magic Wand, the Laya Spot, the
Lelo vibrators, Pure Bliss,
the Wahl vibrator, t he vibrati ng
sponge (see bath accessories),
any novelties, finger toys, or
miniature vibrators, and any·
thing marketed as a "back"
massager. However, t he
Erosc ill at or, the Hitachi, and
the Wahl can al l be converted
int o innies with t he h e lp of spe-
cially des igned attac hments .
vibrators,
-
internal
S ometimes called innies, vibra-
tors that are designed speci fi-
ca lly for intern al stimulation.
They may have gi rth or beads to
focus on the opening, gyr ation
for t h e internal edges of the
vagina l canal, a curve or hook
to target a favorite s pot like the
G-spot, or some combination
thereof (see Rabbit Habit &
Rabbit Pearl vibrators). Note:
Many s ites and stores are an noy-
ingly vague about whether a
vibe is safe to use internally.
A safe rul e of thumb is, if the
packaging does n't explicitly say
t hat it's safe to use as an innie,
assu me it's external-use only (or
ask a frie ndly sa les ass istant for
help). See also dildos, vibrating.
vibrators, shouldn't have any sha r p edges
or potentially irri tati ng knobs

-
multitasking
M ultitasking toys provide both
internal and external vibration
and seams, and, if it's going
up the butt, it should have a
flared base so it does n't get
lost up there. (If it's goi ng in
l>imultaneotUly. The most com-
the veegee only, then it doesn't
mon are dual-action vibrators,
need a flared base, but it
which stimulate the cl itoris
shouldn't be so diminutive tha t
and inside the vagina. Not con-
it could get lost up there-like,
tent with thi s double-action, say, a miniature vibrator.)
triple-action vibes take it up
one more notc h. meaning t hey
stimulate the ba ck door, too.
vinyl

vibrators,
' -
A materi al often associated
with and used by the BDSM

-
community. Sometimes referred
switch-hitting to as PVC (short for polyvinyl
chloride), though not all vinyl
S witch hitters arc vibrators
is PVC (we know. it confuses
that can be either internal or
the hell out of us, too). Vinyl is
external, depending on your
a widely used plastic that is
mood. These include the Aqua
durable, inexpen sive, a nd easily
Arouser waterproof vibrator,
manufactured but can cause
the Clitoral Hummer water-
serious pollution in its produc-
proof vibrator, the Cosmic
tion, often ha s additives (like
vibrator, Fun Factory's s ilicone
phthalates) that can leak, and
Patchy Pa ul (ca lled the Heart-
cannot be readily recyc led.
breaker vibrator at BL,$$), and
(Greenpeace is pullin g for a
slimline vibrators. Basical ly,
PVC-free futu re.) Most so ft and
the ins ertab le part of any innie
flexible vi nyl products wil l con-
vibe s hou ld be waterproof, it
tain phthalates, t hough they're
 proba bly better for you tha n
jelly rubber toys, since they're
Vixen
not as porous. Generally, vinyl
feels firmer than jelly, it lasts
longer t han jelly (but no t as long
as silicone), and is less expen -
-
Creations.com
What ever you do, don 't ca ll
their dildos "novelties." More
like "works of art." After al l,
sive than silicone.
the ladies at this small but
S in ce it's porous, the only
exceptional manufacturer take
way to keep v inyl toys clean
pride in what t hey do: They
and bacter ia free is to use con -
hand make all their d ildos a nd
. ~
do ms over th em; plus, yo u'll be
redu cing your exposure to pos-
butt pl ugs out of 100 percent
premium silicone and offer a
s ibly ha rmful phtha lates a nd
li fet ime guar antee on each (we
maki ng cleanup a ci nch in the
don't know anyone else who does
process. But if you know it's a
t hat). The founder, Marilyn
hi gher-quality vinyl tha n most
Bisha ra , used to work at Good
(e.g., all Vibratex vinyl product s,
Vibrations and saw that no one
like the Rabbit, are made of food-
could s u pp ly silicone d il dos fast
grade vinyl, and all vinyl prod-
enough-so she pounced on the
ucts at A-Womans-Touch.com
opportuni ty, launching Vixen
have been tested and considered
Creations (so called "because a
safe), if you make it a monoga-
female fox does not take shit
mous toy, a nd if you clean it
from anyone")_ Un like Tantus,
pro perly, condoms may not
the other leader in primo pokers, ..:··-'!·
be necessa ry (especiall y if it's
Vixen sell s their products to ;:,t.
jus t u sed externa lly). To wash
the public on their Web s ite,
th e actua l t oy, use a damp,
VixenCreations.com, often at
soapy cloth (mild soa p is best).
signi fican t ly lower cos ts than
Exam pl es include some of the
th e general reta ilers do. For
Hitachi Magic Wand attach-
description s of some o f their
ments and th e spongy hea d
best-sell ing product s, see Buddy
of t he Wand.
butt plug, Nexus double dildos,
and Tristan 2 butt plug. Other
popular Vixen products are
discussed in dildos, realis tic;
dildos, nonrealistic; dildos,
size; Hitachi Magic Wand
attachments ; and softpacks.
-
vulva puppet
H andmade satin pill ows of
the fe male gen italia made by
House O' Chi cks that ed ucat e
about anatomy, glor ify goddess
power, and give people second-
hand embarrassment.

- VixSkin
A new miracle material created
by t he wonderful women of
VixenC reations.corn: It's rea l-
istically fles hy like Cyberskin
et al. . b ut somehow it's ioo per-
cent silicone! That means it's
nonporous, latex free. boilable.
and won't degrade or break
down in quali ty, unlike most
softpacks, th e Fleshlight, and
oth er masturbation sleeves.
Plu s, it's phthalate fre e. We
haven't heard good news like
this s ince we saved a bunch of
money on our car ins urance.
Use either a high-quality,
pure silicone lube without addi-
t ives like Eros Gel (see lubes,
silicone-based) or any water-
based lube, such a Liquid Silk.
Check out the M r. Right soft·
pack and Tex dildo at VC. See
al so dildos, realistic.

I -.

-
Wahl vibrator
S omerimes called the Wahl
7-in-1 or the Wahl Coi.1, the Wahl
is second only to t he Hitachi
Magic Wand in the wink-wink,
nud ge-nudge, "no, really, it's a
'back' massager" charade. The
Wahl is coil operated, which
means it's lighter. faster, a nd
waaay qu ieter t ha n the Hitachi.
Li ke t he Hitachi, a Wahl can
last for years i f you treat it
righ t. Officia lly, according to
Wahl (a nd if you ta lk to our
lawyer, t hi s is wh at you heard
from us), it's not supposed to
be used on the ge nita ls - it
even says so in th e manual.
Unofficially. well, wom en have
been us ing it on thei r happy
place for years, and responsibl e
stores li ke BF, BL, and GV con·
tinue to s tock it, so we fee l pretty
good abou t tu rning a blind
eye. (WT sells it but caut ions
against genita l use-riiiight.)
Acco rding to Carol Queen ,
GV's staff sexo logist , "The Wahl
Clipper corpor at ion app arently
h ad a Catholic priest on their
board of directors, and the
'gen itals' warning reflects the
cu ltural image he wanted to
porrray. The compa ny knows
damn good a nd well what we
se ll these vibrat ors for, and
they seem perfectly happy t o
con tinu e to s uppl y us." Then
again, Wa hl told the ladies at
A-Wornans-Touch.co:rn that
some peopl e have reported
injuries after u sing their mas-
sager downtown . so proceed at
you r ow n r isk.
The Wa hl looks kind of
like a h and h el d ble nder, and
comes wi th a bunch of attach·
ments fo r "scalp massage," "deep
muscle massage," "spot appli-
cation massage." etc. The spot
tool is best suited for external
clitoral stimulation. though
we'd like to add that the scalp
tool gives a damn good scalp
massage, too. (Hey, there's only
so much clitoral vibration a
woman can take in a day.)
One downsi de is t hat hold-
ing th e Wahl for a n extended
period ca n make your ha nd go Wahl
numb. If you find th at parti cu-
larly annoyin g, check ou t the
comparable Essential Massager
(sec "bacl<" massagers)-it's
less numbing, though it isn't
-
attachments
Anywhere th at se ll s th e Wahl
vibrator wi ll typica lly also
stock Wah l attachmen ts that
as quiet as the Wahl. (The
turn your external vibrator into
Essential's warning simply
an innie, either regu lar (i.e.,
says not to use on "sensitive
straighr) or G-spot (i.e.. curved).
skin," FYI.) The Wah l is for
These are mostly made of vinyl
externa l use only-if you want
and run about ten bucks a
to make it an inni e vibrator
pop. For boys, you can buy a
(see vibrators, internal), see
tulip-shaped attachm ent to fit
Wahl attachments. Made of
around the head of the pe ni s for
hard plastic. so it can be wiped
a few dollars less: It's ca ll ed the
down with a clamp soa py cloth.
Hugger Attachme nt at OL and
(Unplug it first , Eins tein.) The
the s lig htly un savory-sounding
Wahl is ava il ab le all over for
Come Cup Attachme nt at GV;
$-$$,depend ing o n the model
it's available at WT as t he Cu p
and number of attachm ents.
Attachment. Use condoms
See also Berman Center
with 'em for safety.
Intimate Accessories.
Water Dancer whipped

-
vibrator
-
cream
S ee edible accessories.

waterproof

-
toys
Toys aren't just for the bedroom-
-
whips
J ust the thought of whipping
real good, a la Devo, makes a
lot of people want to curl up in
they make great shower-time
sweats and rent a Julia Roberts
companions. too. There are a
fl ick. But if eit her sensation
buttload of waterproof props out
play or BDSM is your th ing,
there (see the Toy Guide for a Iist
whips can really turn it up to
of ones featured in thi s book).
eleven. For those in th e BDSM
Or, make any small battery-
community, the bullwhip-their
operated vibrator waterproof
nickname for a single-tail whip-
by putting it in a condom and
is something of a holy grail
knotting the end. By the way,
(see StormyLeather.com for
if somethi ng is described as
a selection-and be prepared
water resistant or splash proof,
to drop a couple hundred).
that's not the same thing as
Enthusiasts (see Bu llwhip.org)
waterproof. Even with water-
rave about the "po p" noise the
proof vibes, always make sure
tip of the whip makes as it moves
their battery compartments
through the air (even going so
are tightly sealed and kept dry
far as to claim that t h is is a
in s ide. Don't forget that show-
result of breakin g the sound
ering will rinse away your natu-
barrier-yes, serious BDSM
ral lube, as well as water-based
play seems to attract its share
lubes. Try a silicone-based lube
of science geeks). However, we
for a little more underwater
must insist that you attend a
staying power.
 how-to seminar before even made up of hundreds of rubber
coruiderin9 using something as s paghetti-esque strands that
hardcore as a bullwhip at h om e offer a light, stingy sensation.
(even if you've been whipping BF sel ls a s imilar product cal led,
actual bulls all your life). Sex rather prosaically, the T hin
s hops often offer classes- as k Rubber Whip; MP calls theirs
your friendly s ales rep if they t he Velvet Tanta li zer. Bu t eve n
can recommend one. with cute whips like these in
Significantl y less hard- cheery primary co lors, you
core th an the bullwhip is the s hould a pply with caution . (If
flogger: Rath er than a single yo u were ever rat-tailed at
ta il, this consists of a whole s ummer camp, you know what
bunch of much shorter t ail s- we'r e tal king abou t.) Bu ild
typica lly wide, flat strips of up slowly, avoid t h e face and
leather-attach ed to a handl e genit als, a nd play nice. And
(ava ilable everywhere fo r $$; remember: You can leave your
try the BARE products at BL). Devo hat on.
A flogger del ivers more of a
thud than a s ting, though it
s houl d n evertheless be wielded
with care: A human tushy is a
sens it ive bruise-able pear, and
we shudder at t he damage th at
could be done to someone's
ge ni ta ls by a clumsily wielded
whi p. Browse Tes.org and
Sexuality.erg or pick up a copy of
Joseph W. Bea n's book Flo99in9
if you want to learn more.
But what if you just want
to tu rn it up t o, like, ten and a
half? Why not try a sta1ier whip
like BL's Red Mini Wh ip($): It's

II
A-Womans-
Touch.com
-(WT)
A-Womans-Touch.com is a little
pocket of integrity in the sex
biz. Of course, every store rec-
ommended in this book has
integrity to s pare (that's why
we picked 'em-duh) but WT in
particular takes its sex-cd role
very seriously. Check it out:
They don't even stock jelly toys,
because of the phthalates issue!
In fact, they work with a chemist
who tests every freak in' toy they
s tock for phthalate level s! (Their
chemist al so tests for latex,
which will be good news to all
those who are allergic to it.) Most
of the toys WT sells are com-
plete ly phthalate free - th e rest
have super-low levels of phtha-
lates and don't contain any of the
top ten most dangerous kinds of
phthalates, so t he chemist (and
WT) considers them safe to use.
It s hou ldn't be surprising
to learn the company is based
in Mad ison, Wisconsin (where
everyone's so freakin' nice and
concerned).
Their flagship store is in
Madison, and th ey're about to
open another b ricks-'n'-mortar
store in Mi lwaukee (if they
haven't a lready). WT likes to
replace the manufact urers'
off-putting, cheesy packaging
with their own discreet bags to
make customers feel more com-
fortab le with their purchase.
The staff all bring thei r dogs
to work. And. most n obly, they
are committed to finding and
selling t oys th at address sexual
dysfunction or changes due
to illness, disability, or aging.
The busi ness is run by founder
Ellen Barnard and h er friend, a
physici an; their extended staff
is trained to answer questions
on everything fro m orgasmic
function and erectile dys func-
tion to post menopause or even
postcancer sex. They're such
good souls that it would be
downright ev il to mock their
earnestness (or their stated
fondnes s for hugging) . So all
we can say is, we love yo u,
A-Woman s-Touch.com!
x virgin feeling") on their home
page. And the customer reviews
often veer into Penthouse
Forum territor y. But it's a wonh-

-
wh i\e stop-off if you're price
X-rated shopping, and they do have a
very nice return policy: You can
S omething that did, in fact,
return an item for any reason
mea n to turn you on (though
and get a replacement, a sub·
there's no guara ntee that it will).
stitution, or even a refund. So,
just in case you decide to ignore
our two-thumbs-down and order
Xandria
-
Oh, Xandria, why all the purple?
Does it really make people wa nt
that Oh So Tight anyway, they've
got you covered. Now, go do
sixty k e ge ls as penance.

to buy more sex toys? You prob·

ably know Xandria's name from
those ads in the back of maga·
z ines like t he New Yorker a nd
Harp erli: They've been around
for thirty years (second o ldest
z
-
in the biz, a ft er AdamandEve
.com) and are able to advertise
Zzzzzzzzz
in '"upstanding" pubs because
0 The sound of a little love
they don't sell pornos (only
motor. 6 The sleepy sigh of
inJitructional v ideos). Th ey're
satisfac ti on you'll be mak ing
not the most sensitive or
after you find-and play with-
enlightened of sex-toy outlets,
your perfect toy.
however-the last time we
logged on, th ey were pushi ng
Oh So Tight pussy-tightening
cream (for that "snug-like-a·
.,,
1:
 ISBN- 10 0-8118-5283-0
ISBN-13 978-0-81 18-5283-8

91 1~ m~l,l lll llJlllllJlll 11l 11i11f1[11iI