PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Week 1: Personal Relationship, Commitment and This means that every relationship has specific objectives
Responsibilities of a Person
What do you know about Personal Relationship?
• Indeed, even before language was invented, is a type of relationship which is closely associated with
prehistoric humans were already interacting through the person and which can only have meaning to this
many other forms of behavior.
• They may have figured out how to grin or welcome person or person.
one another; show love, fondness, and even
faithfulness to the group; and chase together for food. In discussing personal relationship, the elements that go
• This interaction was necessary for the survival of the with it that will also be discussed are attachment,
group where an individual belonged.
• Survival was the primary reason behind why people
have the fundamental need to belong.
In today's world, this need to belong actually exists,
maybe in light of the fact that it has been engraved in our
hereditary memory that was passed on us by our
precursors.
• However, the need to belong today goes beyond
mere survival in physical sense.
• Belonging to a group generation produces numerous
advantages like having an emotionally supportive
network when you need some source of genuine
sympathy or draw strength from.
Note: The relationships that are nurtured in a group help
each and every one of us to survive.
The concept of personal relationship and its definition is
very broad and complex as well. Let us discuss some of
the given definition of it.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines relationship as:
“The way in which two or more people, groups, countries,
etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.”
The definition is extended to include “the way in which
two or more people or things are connected."
University Of Minnesota defines relationship as:
Close connections between people, formed by emotional
bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from
and are strengthened by mutual experiences.
Types of Relationship depending on the nature of
interaction that exist between two or more Entities:
• Business Transactional Relationship
• Professional Relationship
• Family Relationship
• Friendly Relationship
• Romantic Relationship
or purpose that every person wishes to pursue, either
because of need, want, or desire.
From the given definitions, Personal Relationship, then,
person. It involves a degree of commitment to another
attraction, love and intimacy, and commitment.
Attachment Theory
• Attachment theory is a concept in developmental
psychology that concerns the importance of
"attachment" in regards to personal development.
• It is a broad idea with many expressions, and the
best understanding of it can be is by looking at
several of those expressions in turn.
How are attachments developed?
• The very first meaningful relationship every human
being encounter is with one’s mother.
• Even before birth, the mother-child relationship is
already established.
• The intimacy that is nurtured during the nine months
of pregnancy will be enhanced and developed further
after the birth of the child.
• When bonding occurs between the mother and the
child or the father and the child, attachment develops.
John Bowlby established the model that childhood
development depends heavily upon a child's ability to
form a strong relationship with "at least one primary
caregiver". Generally speaking, this is one of the parents.
Three Attachment Styles by Ainsworth, Waters, and
Walls (1978)
1. Secure Attachment
• It is when the primary caregiver is most of the
time present and available
• It is when all the emotional needs of an infant are
met with a sense of security
• When exposed to this attachment, the child will
grow up to have more secure and stable
relationships.
2. Avoidant Attachment
• It is when the primary caregiver is cold and
detached, and even unresponsive to the child’s
needs.
 • The child senses rejection and this often leads to
premature detachment and self- reliance.
• When exposed to this attachment, the child will
often times experience unstable relationships in
the future.
3. Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment
• It is when the primary caregiver is consistent in
terms of presence and in meeting child’s
emotional needs.
• When exposed to this attachment, the child may
develop separation anxiety or may have mixed
feelings between hesitancy and commitment
when entering into meaningful relationship.
However, all is not lost for those who have experienced
dysfunctional attachment styles mentioned above.
Research has shown that there is always hope for adult
who received these negative styles to change for the
better, particularly when experiencing genuine and
transformative love relationships, which can reverse and
overcome the unpleasant experiences they had in
childhood.
Attraction
What does it mean to be attracted to someone? How
attraction manifests itself?
According to Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, Attraction
is primarily based on physiology or certain hormones that
persons who get attracted to others often pick up their
noses.
Being attracted to another person may also mean liking
their genes that are perceived through their physical
looks.
Three Stages of Love (Helen Fisher)
1. Lust
• Driven by the sex hormones, testosterone, and
estrogen. These hormones affect both sexes.
• Estrogen and testosterone are sex hormones,
present in both male and females, which
motivate individuals to find a mate – being the
main hormones responsible for “sex drive”.
Indeed, experiments have shown that altering
levels of these hormones has implications upon
sexual desire.
2. Attraction
• Described as the loves-truck phase, which
involves neurotransmitters in the brain such as
dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.
• This is the stage when a person loses sleep and
appetite over someone, and swoons while
daydreaming of this special room. This
“infatuation” stage is driven mainly by dopamine
and norepinephrine (noradrenaline), coupled with
a decrease in serotonin levels. This cocktail of
chemicals causes increase alertness and arousal
of the body when somebody is attracted to
another, inducing a feel-good reward pathway
associated with the person increasing the desire
to spend more time with them.
3. Attachment
• A deep and enduring emotional bond that
connects one person to another across time and
space (Ainsworth 1973; Bowbly 1969).
• When a couple in love and decides to continue
with the relationship, they enter the attachment
stage where long lasting commitments are
exchanged, and may lead to raising a family.
• Long term attachment between two people
involves the hormones oxytocin (known as the
“love hormone” or “cuddle chemical”) and
vasopressin. Concentrations of these in the
body increase following orgasm in both men and
women. The release of these hormones is
believed to be important factor in long term
attraction and love.
Genetic Basis of Loving
Fisher concluded that since loving has a genetic basis,
this is a natural drive that is as powerful as hunger.
• Genes are usually determinants of good health
that will also produce healthy children.
• Both male and female are often attracted to
symmetry.
• Pheromones, an odorless chemical found in
urine and sweat can be detected by nose, are
involved in the assessment of a future mate, an
indication of person’s immune system.
• Women prefer men whose immune systems are
different from theirs.
Do you know that women are also attracted to men who
smell similar to their father as stated by Fisher? The
preference of individuals to marry somebody depends if
they resembles one or both of their parents.
Theories of Attraction (The Rozenberg Quarterly)
Aside from physiology, people are attracted to one
another because of other reasons. The Rozenberg
Quarterly mentions several theories and research results
related to attraction and liking.
1. Transference Effect
• There are times we meet people who we immediately
like or dislike. Usually, these people remind us of
someone in the past who has affected our sense of
self and our behavior (Andersen, Reznik, and
Manzella 1996).
• Our past relationships can affect our current
interactions with people.
2. Propinquity Effect
Proximity is a possible factor why we like a person.
(Festinger, Schachter, and Back 1950). We often
develop a sense of familiarity with people who live
close to us, work with us, or go to school with us,
which leads to liking them more.
3. Similarity
We often like people who we have similarities with,
such as social class background, religious beliefs,
age, and education. It is a strong factor in friendship
and in the selection of a mate because it promotes
intimacy, trust, empathy, and long lasting
relationships. (Aron, Kalick, and Hamilton 1988)
4. Reciprocity
We like people who like us back. Reciprocity is a
stronger basis for liking another person than similarity.
The more we are liked by someone we equally like,
the more we behave in ways that promote mutual
feeling of liking.
5. Physical Attractiveness
• It is a major factor in liking someone, and usually, first
impression counts a lot, too.
• Connotes positive health and reproductive fitness,
which are both essential to human survival.
• The physical features that are usually found as
attractive are average facial features, which are
found to be a component of beauty; higher
checkbones; thinner jaws; and large eyes (Perett,
Maty, Yoshikawa 1994).
6. Personality Characteristics and Traits
People get attracted to two characteristics that lead to
liking the other person, being emphatic persons, who
exudes warmth, sympathy, and optimistic; socially
competent persons, who are good communicators
and enjoy good conversations.
There are many ways to express one’s attraction to
another person. This may be conveyed through words of
appreciation and liking, or in acts such as winking,
smiling, engaging in small talk, giving gifts, doing errands,
sending messages, or simply admitting to the other
person that you are attracted to him or her.
Love and Intimacy
There has been a raging debate over the definition of
love:
Is love a feeling?
Is love a thought?
Is love physical?
The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as:
• A strong feeling of affection and concern toward
another person, as that arising from kinship or
close friendship.
• A strong feeling of affection and concern for
another person accompanied by sexual attraction.
• A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or
a god.
• A feeling kindness or concern by God or a good
toward humans.
• Sexual desire or activity: the pleasure of love.
Based on these definitions, we see several angles or
what love is. It is an emotion, a feeling, a virtue, an action,
and experience. Love is also defined differently in
different cultures.
Components of Love (Robert Stenberg)
In this topic, we will present another theory but this time it
is about the different components of love as theorized by
Robert Stenberg’s Triangular Theory of Love.
1. Intimacy
• Researchers Reis, Clark, and Holmes (2004), defined
intimacy as “that lovely moment when someone
understands and validates us.”
• It is an absolute human certainty that no one can
know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his worth
until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of
another loving, caring human being. (John Joseph
Powell)
• Being intimate with another person is about being
open and vulnerable to that person. Communication
is the key component in developing intimacy where
self – disclosure is practiced.
2. Commitment
It is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by
agreements made with another person, entity, or
cause, and where the values of integrity and respect
serve as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking.
3. Passion
• As defined in generic term, it is the intense state of
being that drives and consumes a person to pursue
an interest, a vision, or a person.
• In terms of romantic love, passion connotes sexual
attraction, as well as intimacy.
Sternberg proposed eight forms of love based on the
combinations created by these three components:
intimacy commitment, and passion.
Referring to the graphic above, we observe the seven
combinations that make up the different types of love.
The 8th type of love is the absence of the three
components and is referred to by Stenberg as “non-love”.
While Stenberg’s Theory is just one of many other
theories about love, many of these may be classified
within the eight types that Stenberg identified.
Commitment: Saying Yes and Meaning It
Psychologists have conducted research on commitment
and have identified three variables related to it
(Rozenberg Quarterly):
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
• Considered as the most important determinant of
satisfaction in a relationship
• Rewards of the relationship include: support from
partner, sexual satisfaction, emotional, financial
and physical security, adventure, and novelty.
2. Temptation of Alternative Partners
It is noted that the fewer options a party in a
relationship gets exposed to, the lesser the
possibility of breaking the relationship.
3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship
• An important variable in maintaining commitment
• Investments may include: Time spent together,
Common beliefs and experiences, Mutual
experiences with mutual friends, bearing a child.
Spoilers to Commitment
As there are variables involved in strengthening and
maintaining a commitment, there are also spoilers to it.
1. Criticism
• There is the absence of unconditional positive
regard for each other
• Constantly finding fault in the other partner will
result to negative feelings and resentment
2. Denial of existence of conflict
• One party eludes the presence of a problem and
refuses to discuss it
• Results to frustration on the side of the other part
3. Contempt
• Someone who looks down on the party as
inferior
• Does not give unconditional positive regard
• Aggravates situation by expressing superiority
over the other
• Ultimate expression of disillusionment and highly
predictive of divorce or separation
Responsibilities in a Relationship
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to the other
person.
• Emotions should be considered when dealing
with other people.
2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do.
• Integrity is a key factor in relationships coupled
with
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
• It is always good to have a give and take attitude
for this assures fairness and equality. When
fairness is perceived, trust follows.
4. Respect the other party or parties involved
• Giving respect to each other is a common
responsibility of any party involved in a
relationship
5. Be ready to provide support when needed.
• It is all about the “we’re in this together” thing in a
relationship.
Indeed, relationships are necessary for our survival as
species and as an individual. Relationships define our
own humanity, because through our interaction with
others, we learn about human behavior and emotions,
and how to communicate with each other. Moreover, we
also have responsibilities for our relationships and these
are primarily anchored on mutual respect, trust and
integrity.
Week 2: Social Relationship in Middle and Late
Adolescence
In the previous chapter, we discussed personal
relationship among adolescents and identified this type
of relationship as unique to the individual where privacy,
intimacy, loyalty, disclosure, and trust are important.
Personal relationship is usually present among family
members, close friends, and lovers whom one shares
intimate information with.
In this chapter, we will expand the relationships of
adolescents to a wider group of people, such as
schoolmates, school authorities, community
acquaintances, fellow members of social organizations,
strangers they often meet casually in social gatherings,
and even small groupings of friends in schools usually
referred to as cliques.
What is Social Relationship?
Social relationships are vital to adolescent’s
development. The kind of circle where we belong will
create an impact in our beliefs, outlook, and convictions
in life. But what are social relationships as a concept?
• Tend to be less intimate, with lesser self-disclosure
involved, but may still be exclusive, and may
demand certain levels of loyalty as in fraternities or
social
• Refers to the connections that exist between
people action of others who have recurring
interactions that are perceived by the participants
to have personal meaning.
• It is how we interact and behave with other people,
and how they interact and behave with us.
In social relationships, we learn to cooperate with others
in achieving a common objective.
• This is the reason why middle and late adolescents
usually find themselves in company with their peers,
usually from the school or the neighbourhood.
• From high school to college, adolescents mature
faster socially, and new lessons are learned
especially on how their social interactions affirm their
self-identity, increase their self-esteem, and develop
their capacity to nurture relationships.
Personal Relationship vs. Social Relationship
What differentiates personal relationship with social
relationship is the degree of intimacy and vulnerability
we offer to other people.
Goleman’s Social Intelligence Theory
Emotional Intelligence author, Daniel Goleman, explained
in his book, Social Intelligence: The New Science of
Human Relationships (2006), how our brains are wired to
connect with other people, and how part of the human
brain located just above the eyes called the orbitofrontal
cortex (OFC) is connected directly to the three (3) major
regions of the brain: the cortex, the amygdala, and the
brain stem.
• Goleman pointed out that the OFC provides an
immediate connection between thought, emotions,
and behavior.
• It immediately calculates our feelings and thought
about a person and how that other person feels and
thinks about us, and what actions we take after this
quick assessment.
Social Influence
Our social relationships, although dictated to a certain
extent by our neural reflexes, are also affected by other
factors such as social influence. What is social influence
and how does this work in our lives?
An article on Social Influence written by Lisa Rashotte,
discussed a study conducted by renowned social
psychologists French and Raven (1959) on the concept
of power and how this is used in social influence and
leadership.
 It is the process by which an individual's attitudes,
beliefs or behavior are modified by the presence
or action of others.
 According to Rashotte, the authors defined social
influence as things such as behavior, actions
attitude, concepts, ideas, communications,
wealth, and other resources that bring about
changes in the beliefs, attitudes, and/or behavior
of persons as a result of the action/s of another
person.
 Rashotte further explored how social influence is
usually conducted through the use of power
whether this was done authoritatively, coercively,
suggestively, or by giving rewards.
Varieties or Types of Social Influence
Herbert Kelman, a Harvard Psychologist, suggested that
there are three varieties of social influence, namely:
 1. Compliance – is when a person seems to agree,
and follows what is requested or required by
him/her to do or believe in, but does not
necessarily have the really believe or agree to it.
2. Identification – is when a person is influenced
by someone he or she likes or looks up to, like a
movie star, a social celebrity, or a superhero.
3. Internalization – is when a person is able to own
a certain belief or act, and willing to make it
known publicly and privately.
Other Types of Social Influence
1. Conformity
A type of social influence that involves a change in
behavior, belief, or thinking to be like others. It is the most
common and pervasive form of social influence.
• Researchers tend to distinguish to varieties under
conformity: informational conformity (internalization in
Kelman’s terms) and normative conformity
(compliance in Kelman’s terms)
• Conformity is very strong particularly among middle
and late adolescents.
• An adolescent in this age group is most susceptible
to a compelling need to seek approval from others
and be accepted by them in order to become a friend
and to belong to a social group.
Conformity is brought about by peer pressure, often
imposed on members of a group to demonstrate some
semblance of loyalty which is often deemed as necessary
to maintain one’s relationship with the group
• It is the reason why group members look and
behave very similarly with one another such as
wearing of similar clothes or enjoying the same movie,
music genre, etc.
2. Conversion
It occurs when an individual whole-heartedly changes his acceptable ways and methods and through social
or her original thinking and beliefs, actions, and attitudes influences that will really bring the goodness and best in
to align with those of the other members of a group.
• It happens in a group when the original beliefs,
attitudes, and behavior of the different members may
have influenced each other to evolve into a new set
of beliefs, attitudes, and behavior.
• Religious conversions are typical of this type of social
influence where internalization happens to make the
new set of beliefs, attitudes, and actions become
one’s own.
3. Minority Influence
This happens when a bigger number of people are
influenced by much smaller number or people and when
the minority’s way of looking at and doing things are
accepted.
This may happen when the minority owns and wields
power economically, political, and socially; or if the
majority are uninvolved and detached from issues.
4. Reactance (Non-Conformity)
When there is a willing rejection of a social influence
being exerted on an individual or group, reactance exists.
• This is also known as anti- or non-conformity.
• It is a reverse reaction to some social influence that is
being imposed by a person or a group on another.
• An adolescent who is being prevailed upon by the
parents to stay at home during weekends and help in
the house chores may react and develop
nonconforming behavior of not following his parents.
• Whether the influence is right or not, non-conformity
is the rejection of such influence.
5. Obedience
It is when a person follows what someone tells him or her
to do.
• It may not necessarily reflect the person’s set of
beliefs or values.
• Usually stems from either respect or fear of the
authority figure.
6. Persuasion
It is used by one person or group to influence another
to change their beliefs, actions, or attitudes by
appealing to reason or emotion.
Indeed, social relationship is really a broad concept of
how we interact and behave with other people. In social
relationships, we learn to cooperate with others in
achieving a common objective through the proper and
us.
Week 3: Leadership and Followership
Leadership and Followership
Much has been written and discussed about leadership
and how it impacts organizations and small groups alike.
But what do we mean really about the concept of
leadership?
What is Leadership?
• The action of leading a group of people or an
organization.
• The ability of a person in position of authority to
influence others to behave in such a manner that
goals are achieved (Barnard 1983).
• It is about people and for people. (John Maxwell)
• Involves making sound -- and sometimes difficult --
decisions, creating and articulating a clear vision,
establishing achievable goals and providing followers
with the knowledge and tools necessary to achieve
those goals.
Note: Power is also annexed to leadership as espoused
by French and Raven (1960) who said that a leader may
obtain power through various means and sources, such
as position, giving rewards, expertise, respect, or
coercion.
Theories of Leadership
There are several existing theories of leadership. Let us
discuss and learn some of them.
1. Trait Theory
Defines leadership based on certain personality
traits which are generally suited for all the leaders,
such as decisiveness, persistence, assertiveness, etc.
2. Behavioral Theory
• Presupposes that leadership is a learned behavior.
• Leaders are defined according to certain types of
behaviour they exhibit.
3. Participative Theory
• Opposite of autocratic leader
• Involves peoples to make common decisions.
4. Situational Theory
• Assumes that there is no one style of leadership.
• Leadership behavior is based on the factors in a
situation, and usually takes into consideration how
followers behave.
5. Transactional Theory
• Leadership involves a transaction or negotiation of
resources or position.
• Usually employs reward and punishment.
6. Transformation Theory
• Involves a vision which a leader uses to rally support
from followers.
• The role of the leader is in motivating others to
support the vision and make it happen.
Authentic Leadership
It is an approach to leadership that emphasizes building
the leader's legitimacy through honest relationships with
followers which value their input and are built on an
ethical. Authentic leaders are positive people with truthful
selfconcepts who promote openness.
Other leadership theories currently being explored and
researched on are combinations of the different theories
mentioned earlier.
Three Basic Axioms of Leadership
In the book Why Should Anyone Be Led by You?:
What It takes to be an Authentic Leader? by Rob
Goffee and Gareth Jones (2006), the authors lined up
three basic axioms of leadership and these are:
1. Leadership is Situational
• Leader’s behavior and what is required of him/her will
always be influenced by situation.
• He/she is able to assess a situation quickly, adjust to
it, and provide the appropriate and necessary actions
to address it for the benefit of his followers.
2. Leader is Non-hierarchical
• Exercise of leadership is not based on one’s position
in an organizational chart alone.
• Dependent on other factors such as
characteristics, skills, and even connections.
3. Leadership is relationship
• Leaders and followers establish a relationship where
their interests are mutually met.
• The role of a leader in the relationship can vary from
being visionary to a cheerleader.
Critical Elements of Authentic Leader (Goffee and
Jones in 2006)
An authentic leader, according to Goffee and Jones, has
the following critical elements present:
1. They walk their talk.
They are consistent on what they say and what
they do. They are practicing what they are
preaching.
2. They are adaptive and flexible.
• They adjust to situations and display consistency with
their values and real selves.
• They take different roles during different situations.
3. They are comfortable with themselves.
 They display high level of comfort with themselves,
even they come from backgrounds that are different
from the people or situations they deal with.
Therefore, authentic leadership is primarily
determined by how followers view the leader; thus,
attributing a leader’s authenticity through eyes of his or
her followers.
Leader - Member Exchange (LMX) Theory
So far, various theories have been presented to define
leadership, it role and its qualities. There was also a
mention that there is no leader without a follower.
Another perspective of leadership casts followership as a
defining factor for leadership.
St-Hilare mentioned a theory involving the dynamics
between a leader and his or her followers. This was first
developed from the perspective of an original
leadermember theory called the Vertical Dyad Linkage
(VDL).
Eventually, VDL further progressed into two more
theories, and one of which is the Leader-Member
Exchange (LMX) Theory which states that:
• A leader’s effectiveness is measured by the quality of
his relationship with his followers.
• Different types of relationships can evolve between
leader and follower in a certain work situation.
• There should be an exchange of resources between
the leader and follower that is meaningful and viewed
by both parties as fair.
Heroic Leadership
Another example of a popular description of leadership
was expounded in a book titled Heroic Leadership: Best
Practices from a 450-Year Old Company That Changed
the World by Chris Lowney, (2003).
• He referred to the type of leadership that the
members of the Society of Jesus live by.
• To this religious congregation of men, everyone is a
leader and everyone gets a chance to lead and be
leaders in everything they do.
This type of leadership follows four (4) principles that are
integrated with one another and synergistically interacting
to reinforce each principle:
1. Self – awareness
Knowing and understanding fully our strengths and
challenges, our way of looking at things, and even
our emotions and the set of values that we live by.
2. Ingenuity
• A leader is not stuck in his comfort zone because the
world is constantly changing.
• Flexibility and openness to new ideas are the
hallmark of this kind of leadership.
• Detachment from resources of pride and pleasure is
also emphasized.
3. Love
• A healthy self-concept generates a healthy and
positive attitude when dealing with other people.
• You cannot love or respect another person unless
you love and respect yourself first.
• Effective leaders show love and respect to their
followers.
4. Heroism
It is about motivating and inspiring other people to
reach for higher goals, for bigger and greater things.
Four Elements Followers Want from a Leader
In their book, Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones also
discussed the aspects of authentic leadership and
emphasized the role of the follower as a vital ingredient in
the success of a leader.
1. Authenticity – A leader is not afraid to show his
or her weakness, reveals his human side without fear,
and uses these together with his strengths to lead others.
2. Significance – A leader provides the reason or
meaning for followers to believe in.
3. Excitement – A leader provides motivation and
inspiration to his or her followers and excites them to
pursue his vision.
4. Community – A leader builds community of
followers with whom they can associate and forge
relationships. Other Types of Leaders (Simon Sinek in
2009)
The last theory of leadership and followership that we will
discuss is about giving meaning to why followers follow a
leader.
According to Simon Sinek, a leader inspires people and
gives them something to believe in.
Examples of this type of leaders are Moses, who brought
the people of his tribe out of Egyptian slavery; Martin
Luther King, who inspired people with his speech I Have
a Dream; and of course our own national heroes, Jose
Rizal and Andres Bonifacio, who inspired our ancestors
to dream of freedom from Spanish colonialism.
Sinek explains further that the most important questions
to ask when leading others are:
1. The “why” type of leader is usually the visionary,
the one who believes results can be achieved.
2. The “how” type of leader is the realist who is able
to see how to work out a vision.
3. The “what” type of leader is the builder who
provides the details on how to get things done.
Week 4: Understanding Conflict
In the previous chapter, we discussed about the
relationships of adolescents to a wider group of people,
such as schoolmates, school authorities, community
acquaintances, fellow members of social organizations,
strangers they often meet casually in social gatherings,
and even small groupings of friends in schools usually
referred to as cliques.
What is conflict?
Conflict is the dynamics when two or more people,
organizations or nations perceive one another as a threat
to their needs or interests. Conflict is a perceived
incompatibility of actions or goals between people or
nations and happens when there is an imbalance
between concern for oneself and those of others.
Individuals and organizations without conflict are either in
denial, have no genuine concern for others or simply
apathetic. At the heart of every conflict is the lack of
recognition of a person’s basic human values such as
respect or justice. People in conflict perceive that one’s
gain is the other party’s loss. A positive way of looking at
conflict is to see it as signifying involvement, commitment,
and caring. When conflict is understood and recognized,
it can end the imbalance, stimulate growth and
development, and improve relationships.
Conflict inflicts so much pain and negative emotions on
those involved. Reasoning is often clouded and
miscommunication occurs especially at the height of an
emotional argument when words are exchanged to inflict
harm on the other.
Oftentimes, conflict follows a cycle of retaliation. Conflict
is started by what is known as a “triggering event”,
which happens when an act of one party is perceived as
a threat by the other party. The triggering event produces
a threatening feeling on the other party and this is often
followed by a strong negative emotion like anger or
contempt. An angry individual, group or organization will
then act out this anger and will retaliate against the other
party. This retaliatory act becomes the triggering event to
the party that initiated the first triggering event. The cycle
goes on until this is broken through the intervention of a
third party, or when the two parties decide to sit down
and discuss the situation to seek a common solution to
the crisis.
Four Stages of Conflict
Conflict can happen anywhere whenever there are
people. Conflict may also involve just yourself, such as
not being able to decide whether to study or not for a test
just so you can be with your friends, getting into conflict
with the law. Conflict also happens between groups and
nations. According to the United Nations Economic and
Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific, there are 4
stages of conflict that do not necessarily happen
exclusively at any single time, but may happen
simultaneously:
1. Intrapersonal – with oneself, like when one is
indecisive about things
2. Interpersonal – among two or more individuals, like
having a misunderstanding between friends, family
members or lovers
3. Intragroup – within the same interest group, like a
student organization
4. Intergroup – between two or more groups, like
fraternities
Responses to Conflict
Faced with a conflict situation, human beings often
choose between two types of responses, flight or fight.
For a flight response, there are several types of behavior
involved: avoidance, ignoring, or denial.
Avoidance means to evade or dodge the cause of the
strong emotion or uneasiness one feels for another
person who is in conflict with you. For example, you were
in a heat discussion with another classmate, and this was
left unresolved throughout the day. The following day,
while in school, you knew where the other person would
be, so you avoided the likely situation to be in the same
room to lessen the probability of meeting the other party
face to face. Ignoring is when you are in the same place
as the other person you are in conflict with and you
disregard and snub his presence.
Denying means when someone asks you if you are
quarrelling or in disagreement with the person you are in
conflict with and you disagree or refute the comment or
observation. Facing conflict involves several types of
behavior. One is to directly confront the other person and
engage in a peaceful dialogue. However, when emotions
are running high, violent behavior usually occurs, such as
the use of foul language, physical harm, verbal threats,
ostracizing the other party in public, spreading rumors to
destroy the other person's reputation, filing a lawsuit
against the other party, and in the case of labor groups
picketing or going on strike.
There are identified four strategies that people can use
when in conflict in the workplace:
1. Fight - force the other party to accept a stand
that is against that party's interest
2. Submit - yield to the demands of the other party
and agree to end the conflict
3. Flee- leave the situation where the conflict is
occurring or change the topic
4. Freeze - do nothing and just wait for the other
parties next move or allow the pressure to build
up
In addition to the fight or flight responses, we can see that
quiet submission to the demands of the other party or
being inactive e also two possible responses.
Causes of Conflict
Conflicts may arise due to the following (Myers, 2013):
• Competing for scarce or limited resources such as
time, jobs, food, natural resources, and even love
and affection within family or personal relationships
• Disagreement over the interpretation of facts or
information Perceiving threats to one's own needs
and interests
• Perceiving unjust treatment caused by another
person or entity
• Miscommunication between parties
• Misjudging another person's or group's belief
systems born out of prejudice or bias
• Exhibiting behaviors that are destructive to person's
well-being or reputation
Positive Effects of Conflict
Not every conflict has to end up with negative results.
When conflict was defined earlier in this chapter, it was
mentioned that it can also serve as a driver or impetus for
growth in the relationship between two persons, groups,
or nations. When a conflict is viewed as a positive and
necessary factor in the development of individuals or
groups, this can lead to more growth and deepening of
relationships. Personal, as well as work relationships,
that are in conflict can resolve these through genuine
communication and healthy dialogue, trust, respect, and
caring.
Relationships often grow deeper and more satisfying
because it:
• allows for issues to surface,
• raises the awareness of both person's needs
• allows emotions to be expressed;
• understand and accept the uniqueness and
differences of other people
• strengthens the resolve of the parties to pursue com
mon goals, and
• encourages dialogue and empowerment
Conflict Management Styles
Dr. Ken Thomas and Dr. Ralph Kilmann developed what
is now popularly known as the Thomas-Kilmann
Conflict Mode Instrument to help people understand
how they deal with conflict by measuring a person's
behavior in conflict situations. According Thomas and
Kilmann, there are two dimensions to this conflict
resolving behavior assertiveness or the extent to which a
person will try to satisfy his or her own needs or interests,
and cooperativeness or the extent to which a person will
attempt to satisfy the other person's needs or interests.
Based on these two dimensions, there are five modes in
dealing with conflict.
1. Competing - is assertive and uncooperative. An
individual's interests are above all else, power and
authority are often used to win against others.
2. Accommodating - is unassertive and cooperative.
An individual is willing to neglect his or her interests
or needs for the sake of the other person, yielding
one's position and allowing the other to pursue his or
her position at the other's expense
3. Compromising- is moderately assertive and
moderately cooperative. An individual is neither here
nor there, prefers to split whatever is at stake in half
to partly satisfy both parties just to get over the
problem
4. Avoiding - is unassertive and uncooperative. The group of individuals living under one roof and usually
individual prefers to stay out of the situation either by under one head, which may also be the definition of what
postponing a decision, taking a wait and see position, a household is. From a sociological point of view, Filipino
or withdrawing completely until conditions are better. sociologist, Belen T. G. Medina, PhD (2001), defined
5. Collaborating - is assertive and cooperative. The family as "two or more persons who share resources,
individual seeks a mutually satisfying solution by share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals,
understanding the needs and interests of the other and have a commitment to each other over time."
person, and expanding the resources rather than
competing over them. Seeks a win-win solution. Medina's definition of a family practically encompasses all
kinds of family relational variations, such as the nuclear
As an adolescent, what do you need to understand to family, the single parent family, the extended family, and
remember, and do when dealing with conflict? Keep in the childless family.
mind the following steps when trying to negotiate or
resolve a personal conflict. The nuclear or traditional family is comprised of a
father, a mother, and their offspring. Usually, the father in
• Understand the nature of the conflict. Is the the traditional family plays the role of the breadwinner
conflict caused by somebody else's behavior? Were while the mother stays at home to manage the house and
your expectations met? Did the person promise you the children. Contemporary lifestyles are changing this
something but did not fulfill it? Did someone fail to traditional set-up, with the reversal of roles between the
uphold something very important and of value to you? mother and the father. We now have families where the
• Acknowledge your feelings and emotions. Be mother is the breadwinner, while the father, also called as
aware of the stirrings of emotions within you. Express "househusband," manages the home. Another variation
this in a constructive way like verbalizing the emotion of the traditional family is where both husband and wife
with the other person are working and earning a living for the family while
• Examine your relationship with this person. How entrusting their growing child or children to hired
important is your relationship with the person? caregivers or relatives. Adopted children are also
considered as part of the nuclear or traditional family.
• Clarify your intentions. Do you want to continue
your relationship with this person or not? If yes, then In contrast to the two-income or traditional household,
proceed to undertake a dialogue. If not, decide if you there is the single parent who rears the child or children
want to keep the relationship or not. while earning for the offspring/s. This single parent may
• If you wish to keep the relationship, have a talk with be supported by relatives or hired caregivers to take care
the person involved stating that you value your of the growing children, which is now a common
relationship and would like to express your feelings occurrence in many Asian countries such as Singapore
about what was done or not done to you, then ask for and Hong Kong. A Filipino single parent may be assisted
an explanation as to the other person's actions. financially by the parents or relatives. Sometimes, the
• Once the dialogue is accomplished to your and the single parent will decide on cohabiting with a partner who
other person's mutual satisfaction, grant a is not the biological parent of the child. The cohabiting
reconciliatory act like shaking hands or embracing partner may not necessarily reside with the single parent
each other. Grant or request for forgiveness or and the child.
apology if necessary, then promise to move on.
The extended family is a very common family
Week 5: Family Structures and Legacies arrangement found in many parts of the world and most
particularly in Asia. The extended family is the nuclear
In the previous chapter, we discussed about the nature of family plus the parents of either the husband or the wife,
conflict, its stages, its sources and the different conflict or both their parents, depending on the arrangements
management styles. We can also recall that conflicts they make. Sometimes, a single brother or sister of either
have positive effects when perceived as a tool for one of the couples may also be part of the extended
improving and deepening relationships. Moreover, it is family. If there is a need for household help, the first
essential to resolve conflicts peacefully in order to option is to seek out a poorer relative from the provinces
empower relationships and to encourage positive to serve the family's needs. In an extended family, there
dialogue. could exist some friction when it comes to making
decisions. Traditionally, the man of the house is the
What are Family Structures? breadwinner and often makes most of the decisions
related to family affairs. However, with the presence of
The definition of a family has changed and continues to
the couple's parents, the decisionmaker may vary at
change as lifestyles, social norms, and standards are
times.
also shifting. The simplest definition of what a family is
according to Merriam Webster Online Dictionary is a
The childless family is just the couple without any child
or children, and who may be living all by themselves.
They may or may not have household help assisting
around the house.
Influence of the Family on the Adolescent
The family is considered the first place where growing
children learn their basic social skills. The interaction and
quality of relationship between parent and child are said
to determine the child's future relationships as he or she
matures toward adulthood (Papalia and Feldman 2012,
quoting Overbeek, Stattin, Vermulst, Ha, and Engels
2007).
Family influences may vary based on the family structure
present in the home. For the nuclear or traditional family,
the values, social skills, and behavior are directly learned
from the parents and/or primary caregivers). These are
expressed in their unique parenting styles, the nature of
parental authority they practice, and the general
atmosphere at home. For a single parent family, the
absence of one parent (either the father or the mother)
may create an impact on the growing child who would
normally look up to authority as role models. Oftentimes,
single parents try to become both the mother and the
father, or may seek out a relative (usually of the opposite
sex of the single parent) to stand in to compensate for the
absence of the other parent. Depending on how the
single parent manages the child, he or she may grow up
well-adjusted or problematic.
Extended families have both positive and negative
influences on the child. On the one hand, the presence of
different generations within a home provides the child a
sense of stability in relationships as he or she witnesses
firsthand how relationships can work and endure
challenges, and to see a continuum in the family line. The
presence of grandparents also provides the child a sense
of anchoring or rooting to the family's history; thus,
enabling the child to appreciate family heritage and
traditions. On the other hand, the presence of
grandparents may create some confusion to a child,
particularly when the biological parents may adopt a
parenting style that is opposite that of the grandparents.
This happens, for example, when a parent would like to
teach a child the value of money or to delay gratification.
Doting grand- parents would often pamper and give in to
a grandchild's whims as compensation for what they
perceive as their own shortcomings when they
themselves were still parents.
Parenting Authority and Styles
Authoritative parenting is a key factor in the
psychosocial development of an adolescent, and it is
believed to foster a healthy and positive impact on the
adolescent's development (Papalia and Feldman 2012,
quoting Baumrind 19912005 Authoritative parents are
those who insist on their child learning important values,
norms, and rules, but are also willing to sit down to listen
and negotiate with them should they resist (Papalia and
Feldman 2012). A parent wielding behavioral control over
a child such as providing curfews during weekends or
limited time for the child to be online is believed to
develop better adjusted children.
Authoritative parenting is about exercising control over a
child's behavior but not the child's emotions, beliefs, and
self-concept. This psychological control imposed by a
parent on a child through emotional manipulations or the
withdrawal of love and caring can harm the child's
psychosocial development and mental health (Papalia
and Feldman 2012, quoting Steinberg and Darling 1994).
Studies have shown that when a parent provides for
psychological independence, the child tends to become
self-confident and competent in their studies and social
interactions. On the other hand, when parents control
their child psychologically, the child's emotional health
suffers more when the parent controls the child's
behavior.
Parents of adolescents need to understand the
challenges involved in their development, such as their
struggle for independence and self-autonomy, the
formation of their identity and roles, and learning the
value of fidelity in the process.
Parents can serve as the models their adolescents can
emulate while at the same time supporting their
development toward young adulthood. For example,
parenting styles that allow meaningful dialogue to happen
between parent and adolescent encourages self-
disclosure for the adolescent, which may result in
learning about intimacy and trust. The parent's life
situations, such as a career, personal relationships, and
financial and social status, may also have an effect on
how success is defined by the adolescent. All of these
are being observed and internalized by the adolescent,
and may later on imitate them and claim them as their
own. We often hear of families where one or both parents
are doctors, lawyers, architects, and some of their
children follow their career and professional footsteps.
Family Heredity
When you look around the members of your family, you
might have observed certain physical similarities that
exist among yourself, your siblings, and your parents.
There are some characteristics that are influenced by
heredity, and even by the environment. One of them is
obesity or leanness, where the predisposition toward one
or the other is often found throughout the generations
from either side of the family. However, due to the
improvements made in nutrition, the younger generation
may outgrow their parents and tower over them,
Predispositions to certain diseases are often believed to
be passed on from generation to generation, such as
diabetes. A person with either one or both parents with
diabetes in their bloodlines is not necessarily doomed to
end up being a diabetic. A healthy lifestyle and diet can
possibly offset the predisposition to the disease.
become the best human being you can possibly
be. Personal development is not a tool for reaching a
bigger goal. Becoming a complete human being is
already the biggest and most noble goal you can
aspire to.

Intelligence is another thing that is passed on due to Often, when we speak of being productive, the first thing
heredity, but is also due to other factors like brain size that comes to mind is "work" or "occupation".
and structure, and the compilation of many genes
resulting to intelligence. Of course, there are • However, as Turak proposed to create a mind-shift in
environmental factors that can affect intelligence such as our understanding of personal growth, he speaks
proper nutrition during pregnancy and childhood. more of a vocation, rather than a career.
• A vocation is about doing what you love to do and
There is a 40% to 50% chance of personality traits being employing all our knowledge, inherent skills, and
passed on through heredity (Papalia and Feldman 2012; personal traits to fulfill your life goal.
quoting Bouchard 2014) such as temperament, which is
the characteristic manner by which an individual looks at Whether one agrees with Turak's proposition about the
situations and how they react to them. However, it is objective of personal development, that it is not merely
believed that environmental factors are also influential in for success (and we mean success here in terms of
the development of such traits, especially learned material wealth. pursuit of one's career plans) but most
through social interactions initially at home, then in school, especially to fulfill one's fullest potentials as a person, is
and toward adult life, in the workplace. everyone's personal decision to make. In the end,
success is how it is defined by the person and no one
Some believe that personality traits can also be learned else.
through observation. A child may imitate a calm and
retrospective parent in the same way that a child may Career
imitate an agitated and irritable parent.
What does the word "career" mean? For many people,
Week 6: Persons and Careers career means the part of life that is concerned with
employment. From an occupational standpoint, it means
Career and Personal Development the sum total of the various jobs you may hold during
your lifetime. However, these definitions do not fully
How do we relate career to personal development? Is capture the meaning of career.
developing ourselves important in order to have a
successful career? • A career is a profession that a person may get into,
both because he has found a good match between
August Turak, author of the book, Business Secrets of his life goals, skills, personality, and interests with a
the Trappist Monks: One CEO's Quest for Meaning and dream job, or it may just be a means to earn a living.
Authenticity, and a contributor to Forbes Magazine, wrote • While careers can change through time, and this has
an article about what leaders must know about personal been proven ever so often, such as the medical
development. His proposition was that the purpose of doctor who, after so many years of studies and
developing ourselves is not just for a successful career in practice, decided to pursue his passion, which was to
the future, but for us to become the best person that we become a chef of his own restaurant, vocations are
ever can be. more consistent even in different situations and
conditions.
Turak wrote: What do you do for personal development?
• Someone who is passionate about education need
• The reason I find this question so difficult is that it not be a teacher or a professor in an academic
assumes that personal development is something setting. Education, in its broadest meaning, can be
we do in order to get success. And by success we formal or informal; with formal being in a school,
usually mean having successful career. whereas informal can be in any other situation, such
• It rarely occurs to anyone in our culture that someone as a social worker training people on basic hygiene
(a Trappist monk for example) might become an artist, or parenting, for example.
entrepreneur leader, or politician as a means to
What is career decision making?
personal development and not the other way around.
• Whether you call it personal development, personal You can best understand good decision making by first
growth, self-actualization, self-transcendence, or defining the term decision.
spirituality does not matter. What matters is
realizing that the reason you were born is to
• A decision can be defined as the act of choosing. A
decision, whether you are aware of it or not, is a
response to a question, concern, or problem.
• Appropriate career decisions can be further defined
as the ongoing lifelong process of making choices
that complement your personal attributes and help
you to realize your basic life values. (Phifer, 2003)
Indeed, a career decision should be made with great care,
for they will significantly influence your direction, personal
satisfaction, and fulfillment in life.
Career Selection among Filipinos
In the Philippines, education takes top priority among the
majority of families after basic necessities are met. The
belief that college diploma can improve one's life is the
major factor that drives many Filipinos to seek out the
most popular courses in college that can offer the best
chances of employment.
• This is evident in the way families literally enshrine
the diplomas received by members of the family and
lining it up along the walls, together with honor
ribbons and medals, if they received any.
• A college degree is the ticket from poverty to a more
comfortable life. It is also perceived as a way to
garner respect and pride within one's community.
During the past few generations, the padre de familia
selected the courses each of his children would take up.
• Among the roster of first choices were medicine, law,
accounting, engineering, and education.
• Later on, business administration was added to the
list including nursing, management engineering, and
hotel and restaurant management.
• Newer courses such as physical therapy and
computer science were later added to the preferred
list of courses.
• Then about a decade ago, the need for medical
nurses became high globally, which prompted many
local colleges and universities to offer nursing in their
course offerings.
The glut of nursing graduates in the employment market
both locally and abroad left many nursing students taking
up employment that is not related to their degree. Many
ended up as call center agents.
The illusion of good paying jobs and quick employment
has pushed many parents and students to pursue college
degrees that oftentimes are not in consonance with their
interests, skills, and passions.
• The pressure to please their parents has become the
basis of a student's selection of what course to take.
• In some instances, however, adolescents who were
given a free hand in choosing their course either
select the right one for themselves, graduate with
good grades, and happily find the right job, or mess
up in their selection because they based their
decisions on what their peers say or think rather than
listening to their own voices.
• Peer pressure is a very strong influence in choosing
a course and school to go to.
Then there is the field of arts and crafts, trade and
industrial skills, or technical and vocational courses,
which many Filipinos stay away from because as non-
diploma courses, they are usually perceived as inferior,
low-paying, and often associated with manual labor, and
therefore not socially appealing.
Career Development Theories
Let us now take a look at some career development
theories or concepts to identify what researchers have
found out as factors that affect and influence career
selection and reflect on these to determine which are
relevant to you.
Richard A. Hansen of the City College of the City
University of New York, who conducted a study in 1976
on the career development of high school students
talented in science, is often quoted in his definition of
career development.
• Hansen defines career development as the
continuous lifelong process of developmental
experiences that focuses on seeking, obtaining, and
processing information about self, occupational and
educational alternatives, life styles, and role options.
• In other words, we go through life doing things to
earn a living while we reflect on what we have
learned and where else we can employ these skills
and knowledge to improve our lives.
There are four categories of career development theories.
1. Trait Factor
• Skills, values, interests, and personality
characteristics are analyzed and matched with job
factors or an occupational profile.
• The Trait Factor Theory was formulated by vocation
experts Frank Parson and E. G. Williamson back in
the 1900s, and is still the basis of many career
counseling and aptitude tests.
2. Psychological
• Developed by John Holland.
• This second category is an offshoot of Parson's Trait such as goal setting, information gathering and self-
Factor Theory where Holland identified six observation.
personality categories: realistic, investigative, social,
conventional, enterprising, and artistic.
• A person usually made up of all six personality
categories, will have one dominant type, but may
exhibit up to three of these types.

People in search of their career path are often confused

because they mix their dominant type with their other
preferences. We often hear a high school student saying
he or she is interested in political science but would also
like to design clothes or experiment on cooking different
types of dishes.
•

4. Developmental or the Life-Span or Life-Space

Theory

• Proposed by Donald Super who based the theory on

the idea that humans are always in constant change
and go through life learning and doing new things
while changing roles in the process.
• We often hear of people in mid-life talking about
3. Decision reinventing themselves and in the process acquiring
new set of skills and attitude and occupy themselves
• This theory is based on Albert Bandura's theory of with new things they have never done before.
self- efficacy, which means that a person may
exercise control over his or her thoughts, beliefs, and
actions, and that self-efficacy is the predictor of
behavior.
• Self-efficacy is defined as the belief in one's
capabilities plan, organize, and execute a set of
actions that will produce the desired results.
• Self-efficacy may be construed as the same as
selfcompetence. Bandura explains that self-efficacy
is tied to motivation, which is the most important
driver of one's career development.

Always bear in mind that there is no one particular theory

that can explain everything about career development.
The challenge to us is to develop our own approach and
methodology finding out our career choices.

• Career choice may change across time for many

Another proponent of this theory is John D. Krumboltz
who theorized that social learning is the basis of our
career decisions and development, and that people
choose their careers based on what they know and have
learned.
Krumboltz identified four main factors that influence
career choice: genetic influences, environmental
conditions and events, learning experiences, and skills
possible reasons since our life circumstances are
also in a state of flux or constant change.
• We also have to include in our methodology our
distinct cultural character nuances that may not
necessarily have been reflected in the theories
presented above.
Internal Factors Affecting One's Choice of Career
Challenges are real for everyone. Even in ideal situations
where there are minimal challenges like financial
constraints and parental approval, other obstacles might
still be present. Let us take a look at the internal factor
that may affect your decision in your career choice.
1. Self-concept or self-identity
• If your self-identity is not as solid as it should be,
then choosing a career or even a course to take
up in college will be difficult.
• There is a need to know and understand what
you want to do or not want to do. This is tied on
how you see and think of yourself.
• For example, you want to become medical doctor,
but then you think you do not have the
perseverance or the
• intelligence to become one, that self-defeating
thought will take you miles away from fulfilling
your dreams.
• Your values will also play a role in your career
choice. People who are very much into helping
other people will be unhappy in a work situation
where profits takes highest priorities over other
important things like developing human resources.
2. Personal preferences
You might have decided to take up accountancy but your
mother told you that being a nurse like one of your aunts
will help you earn a lot of money especially when you
work abroad.
• This usually happens in many Filipino homes.
• For a mother and father, they will always think of the
best for their child. However, no matter how good
their intentions are, these can still backfire because
the child is forced to do something opposite --what
his or her parents want.
• There are some instances when the adolescent will
abide by the wishes of the parents over what college
course to take.
3. Motivation
The drive to fulfill one's fullest potentials is the best
motivation any person can ever have in living a
meaningful life.
• There are some whose motivations evolve around
amassing wealth or obtaining power, but the majority
of Filipinos are motivated primarily by their desire to
improve the quality of their family's lives.
• Millions of Filipinos are now working abroad for this
very reason. They went to college to take up a
course that can provide them with employment
abroad.
• Once they graduated, they ventured out into the
world to seek their own fortune for themselves, as
well as for their families.
• When they have saved enough, they return home to
pursue their personal dreams.
• A person without any motivation will end up wasting a
life of unfulfilled potentials.
4. Self-confidence
"Yes I can!" "Kaya ko ito!"
Notwithstanding the challenges an adolescent face
after high school, the self-confident person will keep
his eyes on his goals, and declare to the world that
he can do it and will succeed in the pursuit of his
dreams.
5. Personal skills
As children, we already learned certain skills just by
observing our parents and siblings, classmates, and
school authorities.
• Basic education teaches us the hard skills we need
to acquire so we may qualify for higher education,
such as learning math and the sciences.
• The softer skills such as dealing with people or the
skill to communicate a feeling or a thought non-
verbally are skills that are not taught in our
educational system.
Be aware of the inherent skills that you have. Ask
yourself what you like and enjoy doing. If you enjoy
drawing, then that is a skill.
• If you like to listen to music and learn how to play a
musical instrument, then that is another skill. If you
can listen to people and put their ideas together, that
is a skill called synthesizing ideas.
• If you can tell what is not right about a person's
overall image, it means you have the eye for
proportions, color coordination, design, poise, and
style.
The skill that you have may be hidden because some
people around you do not accept it or you may be afraid
to show it because you might be misjudged. Have the
courage to stand up and take the relevant course that will
hone your skills and be the master of your own destiny.
6. Personality characteristics
Knowing your personality characteristics will definitely
help you in choosing a career.
Certain characteristics are compatible and matched
with certain types of work or occupation according to
Holland's trait factor theory.
What are some of your personality characteristics? Are
you the quiet type who would rather work alone than with
a group? Or are you the more sociable type who enjoys
working with a team? Would you rather memorize
information rather than analyze them?
7. Personal health
The condition of your health is a major factor in the career
choice you will make. Are you healthy enough to take on
the rigors of some tough courses like law or medicine?
• You might aspire to become a physical education
specialist but your asthma or allergies are getting in
the way.
• Many health conditions can be handled given the
proper guidance from a professional medical
specialist.
• In many instances however, physical conditions or
health issues did not deter certain individuals in
pursuing their dreams.
8. Emotional considerations
Generally, it is difficult to make a decision when one is
experiencing some strong emotions such as anger or
sadness.
• Oftentimes, an emotionally disturbed individual will
end up deciding on the wrong thing.
• Check yourself when you are deciding on what
course to take.
• It is always best to be level headed and calm when
making these life-directing decisions.
9. Self-sabotaging thoughts
Self-sabotaging thoughts are thoughts that deter a person
from developing a healthy and wholesome self-concept.
• Statements such as "I cannot do this. I will never
succeed." "I am not intelligent enough for that
course." "Nobody believes in me, so why should I
even believe in myself?" are the stumbling blocks in
your journey toward self-actualization.
• Knowing one's strengths and weaknesses will put a
person's feet on the ground and make him realistic
about his capabilities and limitations. However, to
immediately put a halt to one's dream is to sabotage
what could have been a realization of that dream.
Many of these challenges are real, but there are some
that are just figments of one's imagination that sow fear in
the heart.
Indeed, personal development is significant in order for a
person to undergo career development and be guided in
choosing his or her career in the future.
Week 7-8: External Factors Influencing a Filipino
Adolescent’s Career Choice
1. Parental Preferences
Your parents have some idea of what course you should
take up in college. If this coincides with what you really
want, then there will be no friction between you and your
parents.
However, if what they think do not match with yours, then
there will be conflict.
You can ask your parents for their reasons regarding their
preferences for your course, then share with them your
own thoughts about your choice. There might be a
meeting of the minds after the dialogue. It is good for
your parents to know the reasons for your choice.
2. Family Considerations
You might have a sibling who wants to take up the same
course that you chose or a sibling who wants to go to
another school when your parents would prefer that both
of you should go to the same school for practical or
security reasons.
3. Financial Constraints
This is usually a major consideration among families
especially if your siblings are already in college, or are
about to enter college soon like yourself.
Your parents’ financial standing is a determinant of
whether you will even go to college or if the course of
your choice might be feasible for them to support.
If this is the case, try looking for some scholarships to aid
you in pursuing your dream. Financial constraints are a
manageable challenge.
4. Job Market Preference (Immediate Employment)
The local job market demand drives employment. The
Commission on Higher Education (CHED) and the
Technical Education and Skills Development Authority
(TESDA) both listed down the priority courses and
industries, and the corresponding occupations.
If you choose a career path which is part of the list given
by the two government agencies, then your chances of
immediate employment once you graduate from college
is good.
If, on the other hand, you chose a career path that is not
part of the list, it does not necessarily mean that you will
not get employed right away.
The competition in the job market is quite stiff, so you
may want to consider taking up a master's degree first
before proceeding to your first job.
A lot of times, those graduating from college get into their
first job that is not directly relevant to the degree they
finished.
This is particularly true in the Philippines where getting a
job is a priority. Often, the first job may not be one's first
choice but to gain experience and immediate
employment.
5. School Location
This is another practical problem that may arise when you
choose your college course or career choice.
For example, students who live far from UP, especially if
they come from far places outside of Metro Manila, stay
in boarding houses near the campus if your family's
financial capability is not a problem, then there is the
option to rent a room or stay in a boarding house
somewhere nearby your school of choice.
6. Peer Pressure
Many adolescents are fearful of what college will be like.
What they do is talk to their friends and classmates and
find out the school choices, hoping that they can be with
someone they are familiar with, or better yet a close
friend to be with them in their new school your friends
may exert some pressure on you to take up a course so
that you can be together even in college.
Then there is also the scenario with your special
someone if you have one who might want the two of you
to be together in college. Discuss and present your
choices and reasons for these. At the end of the day, you
decide what is best for you.
7. Gender Bias
Certain careers are still suffering from gender bias and
this might happen to you if your career choice is
associated with one particular gender.
If so, you will also be faced with peer pressure, as well as
parental and family pressure.
For example, if you were a female and the profession you
would like to get into is reserved purely for males, like
being a sumo wrestler, your chances of becoming
one is almost nil, especially if you were living in Japan
where the role of the female is very much defined by their
culture.
In the Philippines, there are few careers that are
genderspecific, there was even a time when engineering
was purely a male choice and nursing was a profession
for females.
Today, many changes have happened in our society and
our way of thinking. There is almost equality between
genders today.
Even the technology companies in the US are waking up
to the reality that majority of their employees are male
and they have to open up more to females.
8. Language Limitation
Language can be learned, so if you have this challenge
before you do not be the faint of heart and just go ahead
and pursue your dream.
For example, you want to take up European studies to
become a diplomat or an expert in European matters
someday, and you will be required to be able to speak at
least one European language, then go ahead and learn it.
Or the school you want to get in is in a country where
English is spoken very little, find ways to overcome this
obstacle by learning the language before you enroll.
9. Academic Performance
Your academic performance in high school is also an
important factor in your career selection.
You should obviously graduate from high school in order
to proceed with your next step which may either be taking
a college course or a technical vocational course.
Putting It All Together - Plan Your Career
Planning one's career takes several steps. It includes an
awareness of many things about us like our personal
core values, passions, life goals, strengths and
challenges, personality characteristics and traits, and the
internal and external factors in our circumstances,
including our limitations.
• This exercise practically sums up what we have
discussed and learned on personal development as
we put together what we have realized and
understood about ourselves during the past months.
• We start this exercise by going through a values
clarification exercise.
• We will validate the values that are meaningful to us
those ones that resonate at the center of our being
the ones we can proudly announce to our friends and
to the world, because they are the values that find
expression in our everyday life.
Prepare yourself as we will journey in putting together
what makes us important and valuable, what directions
our lives are being pointed to, and what significant
decisions we have to make as we process the selection
of your career.
Make sure you are comfortable and prepared for this
exercise. It would be good for you to have a notebook or
pad paper and pen to write down your answers as we go
through the questions in this exercise.
Values clarification: what are your personal core values?
We have earlier discussed universal human values in
Chapter 3 and we were able to identify a listing of values
that transcended race, religion, and culture. In this
section, we will focus on identifying our personal core
values.
• First of all, these values are personal because we
own them and they are in our innermost core that
define us as persons.
• Our personal core values are what we will stand up
and fight for.
• When another person does not honor or uphold a
personal core value, we react and often get angry
with this person.
• Remember that values may change over our lifetime
as circumstances change as we grow older.
• This is the reason why values clarification is an
important exercise that we have to go through every
now and then.
What are your passions?
Answer in all honesty the following questions making sure
that your answers are exactly what you feel and think
now, and not in any future situation.
Your answers are not something that you wish to do or
have sometime in the future, instead, they represent what
you are today Write down your answers on a piece of
paper (Based on the 7 Questions to Finding Your True
Passion by Frederic Premji) .
1. What do you enjoy doing that always puts a
smile on your face?
2. What things do you find easy to perform or do?
3. What brings out the creativity in you?
4. What will you do for other people that you will
not receive any payment or compensation for?
5. What things are you sure you will not fail on?
6. What gets you all so excited you can talk about it
all the time?
7. What makes you give up other seemingly
important things and prefer to do this at the
expense of other things?
8. What do you want to be recognized for?
What are your personality traits?
Put together everything you have learned and discovered
about yourself which are based on the topics that were
discussed in the previous chapters of this book.
These include self-identity or self-concept, personality
traits, duties and responsibilities, or roles, stress and
stressors whole brain theory, mental health, emotional
intelligence and emotions; personal relationships, social
relationships, conflict management styles, family legacies,
and personal factors influencing career choices.
What are your limitations?
Chapter 14 also allowed you to list down the external, as
well as the internal factors that influence career choices.
List down your personal factors and limitations in
choosing your career.
What are your life goals?
Look over your lists and get to know yourself a little bit
better. As what has been said, with knowledge comes
understanding, then acceptance with acceptance comes
the celebration of the person that you are.
In this section, put together your personal core values
and craft your life goals based on them.
For example, if balance is one of your personal core
values, one of your life goals is to "always maintain
balance between the different aspects of my life such as
family, work or career, health, interpersonal relationships,
finance, leisure and relaxation, and spirituality."
Complete your life goals following the same procedure for
the remaining personal core values that you clarified.
Summarizing the Big Ideas in this Chapter
In making your Career Plan, it is important to know and
understand the key factors that influence your career
options. These are your internal and external factors,
life goals, personal core values, strengths and
challenges, personality traits and characteristics and
passions.
It is also important to know and understand the different
occupations and the skills and interests necessary to fit
in the job.
Looking at the priorities in the job market is also
important as this is an indicator of how you will be
absorbed and provided with employment. However,
there are other factors that you have to consider when
thinking about job market priorities or preferences, and
these are your own plans for your future, such as taking
up further studies here or abroad, or becoming an
entrepreneur.
Always remember that careers can change because
your life circumstances also change. Personal core
values can shift according to your need that is why
there is a need to undertake values clarification every
now and then.