Roman

Cheesecake?
UNUSUAL, IMPRACTICAL,
AND DOWNRIGHT
BIZARRE RECIPES
FROM THROUGHOUT HISTORY
Written and Researched
by Matthew Walker
2
CONTENTS Page No.

Foreword .......................................................................................................................... 1

Celtic Cuisine ............................................................................................................... 2

Gladiator Grub ........................................................................................................... 6

The Viking Mead Hall ....................................................................................... 10

Egyptian Dining ...................................................................................................... 14

Ancient Alcohol ..................................................................................................... 18

Below Decks ............................................................................................................. 22

Dinner at Versailles ............................................................................................. 26

Tea with the Emperor .................................................................................... 30

Supper and Seances ......................................................................................... 34

Saloon Dining .......................................................................................................... 38

Dustbowl Dinners ............................................................................................. 42

Rations in Fashion ............................................................................................... 46

Communist Russian Cuisine .................................................................. 50

Space Race Servings ........................................................................................ 54

Fantastic Future Food ..................................................................................... 58

References ................................................................................................................... 63
 FOREWORD
BY MATTHEW WALKER
Welcome to a new culinary journey. I know
what you’re thinking, my life has nothing in
common with these people, why the hell
should my cooking? Well to that I say
NONSENSE! People have always been
people. Every generation has gathered
around a nice dinner and every generation
has rolled their eyes at their siblings doing
something daft.
If you look at the vandalism
carved to Roman
Gladiator arenas, Victorian
school desks and Viking
temples, you’ll find they all
essentially say the same
things. There are jabs at
personal friends,
romantic scratchings,
strange brags about who you slept
with, and even just doodles.
There’s a great anecdote that I can’t find the
evidence for about Viking writing, taking
years and teams of historians with ladders to
find and translate, right at the height of the
temple walls that reads … “Wow! Its high up
here!” However seeing as I can’t find the
evidence for that one, here is a shortlist of
vandalisms from different eras that I thought
was equally iconic.
“Celadus makes the girls moan.”
Roman era brothel
Bragging tags and names like “perfection gang”
and “the green one” written on the Pyramids
of Giza.
“Thorni f***ed. Helga carved.” Viking romance
“Benedikt made this cross”. Apparently
Christians traded stuff with Vikings when
they weren’t murdering each other.
“Many a woman has come stooping in here, no
matter how pompous a person she was.”
Viking again, whether they meant “rich and
poor women both entered this building” or
“even the rich bitches shagged here” is up for
interpretation.
1
Anyway, you get the picture. So I’ll be
providing recipes as well as any important
social and cultural context required for the
dish to make sense and not just be “some
soup Grandpa used to like” but for the
ancient world.
I will also be citing references because a
lot of these recipes are borrowed from
sources like historical cookbooks in the
archive.org collection - which also has a
load of fun old monster movies, (worth a
look) - or from historians on Youtube and
recipe blogs that know much more about
this stuff than I do. This won’t necessarily
be the most historical archive due to my
degree being in Sociology, but I hope to
give a wide array of insights into the lives
of these people.
I should also mention these cultures are
predominantly “white”, which is a bit of a
Western bias, but that’s because I thought
it would be in poor taste as a middle class
British kid to talk about Native American
or Polynesian dishes without consulting
professionals. The non-European cultures
I have explored are typically older
(Ancient Egyptians, Feudal Japan etc) to
avoid causing offence to existing cultures.
I hope you enjoy this dinner party through
history, and if nothing else it’ll make a fun
tapas night for a
themed costume
party.
 CUISINE

The Celtic diet is pretty much as basic as

you can get without going full paleolithic.
Celtic people spoke some ancient version
of Welsh and Gaelic and worshipped a set
of simple gods, varying depending on region. The Romans, viewing the Celtic people as
old fashioned and technologically inferior,
Greatest godly hits include: the Morrigan – were less than impressed. Boudica being a
an Irish triple goddess in charge of life, death, woman didn’t help. Its said that when she
and rebirth. Rhiannon - a headstrong, young was eventually caught by them, she poisoned
politicians wife/arguable goddess from Wales, herself out of spite so as to not allow them
who had a messy love-life and a Stevie Nicks the satisfaction of murdering her.
song written for her and some horned god
whose name was lost to history, but tended This is not that book though. This is a book
to focus on nature, travel and antlers. about food, The story of Boudica does
however illustrate the lifestyle this food is
That being said, despite their primitive catering to. It had to travel well, be made
materials, never underestimate a Celt! with fairly basic tools
Especially not Boudica! She was a Celtic and be filling enough
queen whose husband made a deal with to provide energy for PLAYLIST
Emperor Nero in exchange for peace on the fierce and Anything by
land she lived on. When Nero broke the unpredictable Florence and the
deal, killed her husband and publicly whipped warriors to not only Machine that
Boudica in front of her people, she led an survive bitter British feels earthy and
army to burn down Roman camps in winters, but also primal and of
Colchester, London, and St Albans, killing incoming attacks from course Rhiannon
hundreds of soldiers with a disorganised people with much by Fleetwood
ambush technique. sharper swords. Mac.

2
Fruited Bread Ingredients
One of few things that unites the Welsh, the Irish and the 500g stone ground
Scottish … aside from mutual hatred of the English, is fruit wholemeal bread flour
bread. In Wales this dish has been adapted to something (I don’t actually expect
called Bara Brith – often served with tea and butter while you to stonegrind, lets be
an older relative comes to visit - while Ireland made a honest)
version called BarmBrack. 300g soft fruit and
berries. Blackberries,
Thank you in advance to Putnoe Wood and Mowsbury Hillfort blueberries etc
in Bedfordshire for these recipes from your history files. 250g of honey
1 tsp salt
Process
Water to mix
1. Add the flour and berries to a large bowl, preferably
made within the last week over a campfire while your
irritating uncle tells you how he almost caught a live boar or something.
2. Mix the salt and the honey together.
3. Add water to form a solid dough.
4. Tear apart into small handfuls and cook in a frying pan or griddle until golden brown.
Or, if you’re going to lean into the anachronisms, use an oven to bake at 170 degrees
for an hour.

3
Wild Boar
In the real world, there aren’t wild boar roaming Wales any more, Ingredients
we sort of ate them all. But just so you get the imagery, picture 1kg of pork
Pumba from the Lion King, except less Disney. 800 ml of ale or mead
Process (or beer if you’re
cheating)
1. Marinate the pork in the mead. Add your parsley or other Carrots
seasonings and let sit overnight. A few local herbs like
thyme, parsley, or garlic
2. The next day, add more booze. Do it! The Romans are 200g of baby onions
coming you’ll want to be drunk for that. 2tbsp of honey
3. Bring to the boil over the fire until the booze has boiled away 10 tbsp dripping or
a third of the liquid. Allow to simmer until tender, usually for a olive oil
few hours.
4. Remove the meat with an awkward wooden lovespoon* that’s probably not crafted for the
job properly.
5. Ramp up the heat until the sauce becomes thick enough to hide the taste of campfire
cooking. Then serve with whatever makeshift bread you have on your person.

4
Creams and Cheeses
It’s not a glamourous dessert, but its a real dessert.
It’s what they would have!
Process
1. Skim the cream off the milk and pour them over
a variety of local non-poisonous berries.
(Blackberries, blueberries, raspberries etc.)
2. Then for extra points pour the leftover goat milk into a
bowl and heat it over the fire with the juices found in thistles.
3. This acid will be enough to slowly bring the
milk to curdle into a pleasant soft cheese.
4. Scrape together onto a fancy wooden
board and talk about how you’re
an amazing luxury chef with a deluxe
cheeseboard and that the forest spirits
can stuff it.
5
Ingredients
A small jug of
goat milk
Brown/purple thistles
A display of berries
and honeys
FUN FACT
Samheim, a winter festival practiced
by the ancient Celts is still celebrated
today by certain groups of Pagans. It
marks the beginning of winter and a
shift out of the summer harvest.
Some argue that due to its overlap
with Halloween and links to the
supernatural, that it influenced the
beginning ideas around Halloween.
Gladiator
G RU B
So we’ve made it to ancient Rome. Julius technology like sturdy fishing boats, and
Caesar is in control and being a man- better tools to find and hunt down meat,
whore in the ancient world. Murdering and hey presto! you have a far bigger range
people, sleeping with Egyptian royals, and of potential dishes to dive into.
creating new routes to trade on so that he
Its notable to say that they also had
can get his end away with Cleopatra and an
takeaway food. That’s not a punchline that’s a
assortment of other rumoured guests.
real thing they had. It was called a
This lead to the empire of Rome living up to Thermopolium, they kept food in a hot
their name and “roaming” through other ceramic pot and dished it up to people
cultures so that Julius could in fact prove to dashing past. Though to be clear, this isn’t fine
be the manliest, most shagging, most fighting, dining, its the place you’d pick up a skewer of
most winning person in the room. dormouse to soak up the raw wine after a
rough night partying
Think like Elon Musk going to space except
to harp players and
in a tunic that showed a little more leg than
poets in the local PLAYLIST
regulation.
Dionysian temple.
Pompeii by
On top of travelling and obtaining a vast
Special thanks to the Bastile. I know its
quantity of new spices and flavours from far
“historical Italian basic but its the
off lands (as well as calling dibs on damp
cooking” blog and only modern pop
British towns like London and Bath), they
“Ursula’s historical song I know
also had access to a lot of really fancy Italian
recipes” on YouTube. that’s semi
and Mediterranean ingredients like tomatoes,
related.
and grape wine. Throw in some new

6
Glires/ Faux Dormouse
So, a quick disclaimer. Its very illegal here to eat dormouse,
Ingredients
and also rodents are historically linked with … well, the
2 servings of rabbit
black plague for starts. So in this example I will be using the
meat or chicken breasts
closest legal meat I could find. Apparently dormouse tastes
500g of forcemeat
like squirrel, and rabbit also tastes like squirrel. Its legal to
(mince and
eat rabbit here in the UK, but at the same time you could
breadcrumbs)
probably pull off this recipe with chicken.
50g of chopped nuts
Process 6 garlic cloves
A pinch of salt
1. Mix the mince meat and bread crumbs together, and pepper
grinding the meat and the nuts into a nice malleable A light layer of honey
texture.
2. Grind up some garlic cloves because they’re the first and only seasoning from Italy
that matters. (see also: garlic bread)
3. Cut into your faux-dormouse with a very careful hand right down the centre.
I personally like to imagine that the dormouse owes you money.
4. Mould into a vaguely rodent shape for extra credit because this is what the Romans
would do.
5. Season and Stuff the forcemeat stuffing and the ground nuts into the torso
of the dormouse.
6. Coat with honey and potentially a thin layer of wine if your feeling in the party spirit.
7. Bake in an oven for 20 - 25 minutes at 180 degrees and you’ve got a clay
baked rodent.

7
Sea Medley
So picture the scene, its late night after a day at the colosseum Ingredients
and you head home for dinner. Someone in your life has been on Bass
a generous fishing trip today and dropped you off a spare bass A whole fresh sea bass
and a jug of wine to enjoy while the sun sets. You’re cooking in a 100ml white wine
modest marble house as a wine merchant and your guests have Honey
only just started arriving. Life is good, and its not quite dark Oregano and
enough to need oil lights yet. seasonings (eg pepper)
Olive oil
Process Fish sauce
30 ml white wine
1. Place the prawns (defrosted and drained) into a small Vinegar
saucepan with a spoonful of honey and oil.
2. Fry them for 3 minutes. Prawns
225g of fresh peeled
3. Remove with a perforated spoon (the one with the holes in) prawns
and keep warm. 1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp fish sauce
4. Cook the sauce until its halved. 1 tbsp clear honey
5. Add black pepper and oregano, as well as any other seasoning. 2 tsp chopped
fresh Oregano
6. Bass: gut and scale the fish with that one knife that your a tad Black pepper
too fond of.
7. Make a sauce using olive oil, wine, and white white vinegar and a fish sauce.
8. Leave the sauce to boil before adding any spices and flavours you feel the
dish needs.
9. When the sauce thickens, put out the fire its boiling on and put the sea bass
in to poach.
10. Plate up on some angsty Roman pottery that depicts soldiers doing not-safe-for-work
activities, and share out the prawns.

8
 FUN FACT
Julius Caesar was heavily rumoured
to be bisexual, a norm in ancient
Rome unless he was perceived as
“submissive” within the dynamic
(which he was also rumoured to be).
It got to the point where even his
closest teams of guards were known
to joke that he was “a husband to all
wives and a wife to all husbands”.

Ancient Roman Cheesecake

The one thing that took me off guard researching this recipe
is the sheer and unadulterated amount of cheesecake Ingredients
recipes. I say that, they don’t resemble modern day 226g ricotta cheese
cheesecake, but they are sort of the missing link between 3 eggs
the two. The unusual big foot hybrid between weird soft Honey to taste
cheese from the dark ages and that Oreo stuffed 64g all purpose flour
cheesecake in your fridge from the party a few days ago.
Luckily for you, its a sweet dish. And after stinking out your student flat with sea bass
smells you’re probably going to need it to win back your housemate’s favour.
All the recipes are sort of different, but Savillum, so far, is the closest to contemporary
cheese cake I’ve found! And yes, I know Hannah Hart did it before me!
Process
1. Preheat oven at 220 degrees C.
2. Beat the eggs in a mixing bowl, then add the riccotta cheese, honey, and any
flavours like an optional lemon zest, or if you’re feeling anachronistic, try chocolate.
3. Sprinkle in the flour and stir until evenly combined.
4. Pour the batter into
a tin or ceramic tray.
5. Bake until browned (35 - 40 mins)
before adding any more honey
on top and serving.

9
THE
Viking
Contrary to popular belief, the Viking diet
was far from the beer-and-meat-slicked
rugby fantasy that you’re all picturing. It
was far more porridge with yoghurts and
fish with bread. They were essentially
sharing a diet with an Instagram fitness blog.
It’s believed that the main reason they took
over their neighbours was less about
testosterone fueled blood sport and far FAR
more about the lack of food and other
resources found around Scandinavia. No
offence to Sweden, but its not exactly
known for its vast fruit.
It’s just a shame that Viking imagery got
hijacked by Nazis during the 2nd World War,
because their myths are far more interesting
than the Romans, less known than the Celts
and far FAR camp-er than the Nazis and alt-
right weirdos would care to admit.
Obviously, there’s Loki, now a Disney villain
but formerly a genderqueer trickster god
who managed to get pregnant via HORSE
while shape-shifting and give birth to an 8
10
MEAD HALL
legged monster stallion. Yes, you read that
right. There’s also the myth where Thor
dresses in drag as his own mother to get his
hammer back from a frost giant that really
REALLY fancies Thor’s mum. Speaking of
Thor’s mum, she swapped sexual favours for
magical gold jewellery.
You get the picture. I’ve said it before and I’ll
say it again, it’s a pantomime waiting to
happen!
Vikings also made sure that the woman of
the house did the finance, because maths
was close to witchcraft, which was a
woman’s job apparently. Ironically, despite
having strongly gendered roles at the time,
they still allowed women to attend war and
go to Valhallah, the Norse heaven for
warriors. Women controlled the cash and
would fight anyone
who dared threaten
them. So, essentially PLAYLIST
the same rules as
Valhallah calling
modern day
by Miracle Sound
Liverpool.
Porridge
Ingredients
I know its amateur hour ... but the ancient world is literally 6 Pears
held together via wheat products, rotting fruit alcohol and 2 Cups of water
the luxury of being able to just hang out for over 12 hours (350g - 400g)
a day when you aren’t farming. But this isn’t like 19th 2 Tablespoons of honey
century workhouse porridge, It also has honey and the 4 Cups of milk
limited amounts of fruit native to Sweden, Finland, and (about a litre)
Norway. 1 Cup of barley
Process (approx 200g)
A little salt
1. Peel and slice the pears, remove the core and cook
them in honey and water.
2. Simmer milk and barley in a separate pot
until the barley is “halfway tender”.
3. Remember to stir the porridge.
4. Add pears and more honey to the gruel before serving.

11
Planked Salmon, with
flatbread and wild garlic Ingredients
1 Side of Salmon
You’ll be relieved to know that this dish (approx 500g)
has a slightly higher flashiness rate than Wild Garlic
your healthy breakfast choice, but again still Spring Onions, finely
pretty amateur hour. You’d think with how chopped
well Scandinavia is doing with the 100g of Butter
happiness charts in the 2010s they would A roaring fire to cook
have come from a less humble beginning. it over
No wonder they conquered countries
with actual flavours (… yes, as a Brit I Flatbread
totally acknowledge the irony there.) 1 cup Rye flour
Process 1 cup Barley flour
1 cup Wholemeal
1. Place the salmon on the plank, flour
skin side down. 1 cup Beer, or
yoghurt
2. Season with salt, wild garlic Water as needed
and spring onion.
3. Smoke over an open fire using a spit,
or a plank with the fish nailed to it.
Alternatively, I’m sure you could
smoke it using kitchen gas fires.
4. Melt butter in a saucepan and add chopped
wild garlic and spring onion
5. Drizzle over the fish.
6. The fish should be cooked for roughly 20
minutes and should be golden and crispy
with a juicy centre.
Flatbread
1. Mix the flours with the salt, water, and yoghurt or
beer until you form a springy dough.
2. Leave to set for about 30 minutes.
3. Knead and add any additional flavours you want to
try, before creating 8ish small/handsize flatbread
shapes.
4. Let them rest before frying them over a medium
heat (mild fire, BBQ, or gas grill) and cook food until
golden brown.

12
Deep fried cakes
Fried cakes, an ancestor of the Doughnut! Because literally Ingredients
every culture mastered doughnuts, swords and alcohol 150g Barley flour
independently from one another by some strange twist of 150g Rye flour
historical fate. No, seriously, I don’t know why cultures keep 150g Wheat flour
doing this, its like how animals keep evolving into crab Half a teaspoon of salt
shaped creatures (called Carcinisation, it’s a real thing look 200g Chopped
it up!) Hazelnuts
Process 200g Chopped
Raspberries
1. Mix flour, salt, nuts, and raspberries in a bowl, add milk 50g Milk
and mix. 2 tablespoons Honey
2 large or 3 small eggs
2. Add eggs and honey. Lard, Butter, or
3. Whisk to form a batter the consistency of porridge Vegetable fat
(again).
4. Use two teaspoons of lard/veg fat.
5. Fry for 10 minutes until the product is golden brown and drizzle on honey.

13
Egyptian
DINING
In everyone’s Egyptian fantasy they always
imagine themselves as a decadent Pharaoh
dripping in gold, bathing in a luxury bath
every night. This is not that cookbook. In
reality you might be a merchant selling
meats, silks and spices, or if you’re lucky
you could get a nice gig as a priest.
Normal people didn’t get decadent feasts,
but they also didn’t slum through what the
slaves were fed. Your meals would depend
entirely on the Nile and whether it provided
enough water for crops and enough fish for
dinner without you getting eaten by
crocodiles.
Once again, we’re looking at the ancient
staples. More basic breads, meats and
vegetables, but this time there’s a twist. The
Egyptians worked out how stews work and
also how to prepare regional fruit like dates’.
Most importantly, they had the earliest found
14
recipe for beer! Still tasted and smelt like piss,
so nothing really changes.
While we’re bursting bubbles, Cleopatra
looked normal, she wasn’t notably hot, as
you can see in the busts and coins made in
her likeness. The main reason everyone
loved her was because she was one of the
most educated people on the planet at the
time. She knew 9 languages, lots about
politics, and kept the entire country of Egypt
prosperous for twenty two years!
If I did that and people still judged me
entirely on who I
dated at age 20, I too
would consider an PLAYLIST
asp bite! Walk like an
Egyptian, Rah
Rah Cleopatra
(Horrible
Histories).
Date Balls
When I say date balls, I do mean the
fruit and not what you threaten your
lover with if they cheat on you. That
being said this was a staple sweetness
for the ordinary person in Egypt, as
dates grew locally and honey was the
only sweet thing in that era that wasn’t
Ingredients
a Roman leader or a young Pharaoh
3 Tablespoons of honey
priestess.
170g of moist Dates
Process (pitted)
1 teaspoon of
1. Slice open the dates, and mix with Cinnamon
cinnamon and walnuts vigourously. 160g of Walnuts
Ground or slivered
2. Form the mix into balls and coat Almonds
them in honey.
3. Dust with almonds.
4. Serve warm or chilled for an extra
texture.

15
Egyptian Bread
Yes, we’re doing bread again. I know, the ancient world loved a Ingredients
carb. It’s not my fault that bread is in literally every culture known 2 and a half cups of
to man. As mentioned before, the system goes, swords, bread, Emer Wheat Flour
alcohol, marriage Even pirates had those! Literally, cave people are 240 ml water
thought to do it, and by the new kingdom of ancient Egypt they Half teaspoon of salt
had 40 types of bread. 224 grams of optional
starter
Process
1. Use ground grain (the ancient Egyptians didn’t have this and
their teeth showed the grit, like it REALLY showed!)
2. Add the salt and the starter, if you decide to use it.
3. Knead, In a jar or with your feet if you’re feeling super realistic,
but I’d advise hands.
4. Set the dough aside to rise for a couple of hours.
5. Fry on a griddle and serve with beer and your filling of choice!

FUN FACT
Because the ancient Egyptians
thought cats were magical, they used
to adorn them with jewellery. This
was especially important to get onto
the good side of bast, the cat
goddess of maternity and magic. On
the other hand there’s Sakmhet, a
lion goddess of war who was only
turned docile from a killing spree by
getting her drunk!

16
Ful Medames
This is a dish they still eat in Egypt today. Also, this dish is the Ingredients
closest you’re going to get to a nice classy vegan dish 1 can of fava beans.
available at this time in history without heading over to India 1 lemon.
for a spiced curry. I didn’t include ancient Indian recipes 3 cloves of garlic.
because I don’t trust myself to do them justice! 1 teaspoon of cumin.
Salt and olive oil to
Process drizzle on top.
1. Open your can of fava beans, and juice your lemon.
2. Prep and crush your cloves of garlic
3. Mash the fava beans on the stove and cook on a medium heat for a few minutes.
4. Season with salt and cumin.
5. Add the lemon juice and top with garlic and olive oil.

17
ANCIENT
ALCOHOL
For as long as people have existed, so has
that one alcoholic relative that goes a tad
too hard during whatever cultural
celebration you have before Christmas was
invented.
That being said, contrary to the classic story
of British people being “the most alcoholic”,
it was actually China that has the first ever
historical reference to alcohol, meaning Sake
beats Roman wine and British Beer!
However ... there’s also evidence to suggest
that accident or not, neolithic cavemen also
got totally plastered on fermented
beverages.
Distillation (making strong spirits via boiling
away excess chemicals) was invented in 9th
century Arabia as a cure for major illnesses,
this is the old world equivalent of curing the
common cold with cocaine. “Just chug an
entire bottle of vodka and you’ll be fine
Grandma.”
Furthermore, whisky was added to water on
16th and 17th century ships in order to
purify it and remove bacteria after having it
sit in crates for months on end.
18
Alcohol also became a major bartering tool
in the new world because most Cultures
developed it and there was a large market
for it. Hard spirits became the forefront of
the alcohol trade because they didn’t spoil
during long journeys and the crew could use
it to keep morale up before they arrived to
trade. Usually they’d trade it for palm oil and
rubber!
Unfortunately, they also traded it for people,
which is a gross part of history but I’d be
lying if I didn’t mention it. Imagine finding out
that not only were you someone’s slave
forever, to be raped or forced to work hard
manual labour without thanks or reward…
but you were bought for the equivalent of
one shelf of the Aldi hard spirits aisle!
This is all to say that alcohol has had a messy
history but there’s no escape from it. If Asia,
Europe, Egypt, AND America can all come
to the same conclusion independently
before global travel of “fermented fruit =
good” then it was sort of inevitable.
In conclusion, drink responsibly, quit while
you’re ahead and don’t trade your alcohol
for real human lives!
 FUN FACT
The word “honeymoon” comes from
the month (aka moon cycle) in which
a newly married Viking couple were
given free rations of honeyed mead
in order to drink and consummate
their marriage with the goal of
making a baby.

Ancient Egyptian Beer

So, we’re in Egypt again. The Nile is filled with corpses and Ingredients
crocodiles and since you know where the sewage is going Wheat berries
you’d rather not risk it either. The problem is you need to 2 cups of barley
survive and not die of dehydration. also beer works as (approx 400g)
money in this society too. So lets go! A cheese cloth
A glass jar
Process
(the Egyptians used clay
1. Soak one cup of wheat berries in a bowl of room but I’m cheating)
temperature water overnight Water

2. Drain the bowl of water and put the wheat in a glass jar.
3. Cover the jar with a cloth and secure with an elastic band.
4. Let stand at room temperature for 1 – 3 days until the tails sprout
from the grain, keeping the grain moist but not drowned.
5. Shake gently for circulation.
6. Once the grains have sprouted bake them on a tray for 3 hours at 150
degree Celsius. When they’re done they’ll smell nice and nutty.
7. Boil two cups of barley in water until you get porridge.
8. When the porridge is lukewarm add to the wheat and 6 cups of water.
9. Let sit for 4 days.
Optional: Add honey or date syrup if you’re a wimp like myself.
Word of warning, apparently it stinks, but that’s what you get for living in a world before
breweries.

19
 Roman Wine
I couldn’t find a classic historical recipe for wine that wasn’t like Ingredients
“add cinnamon to a bottle of pre-made red wine”, which lets be 1 large bucket of
honest is cheating. So this recipe is adapted from the “how to de-stemmed Grapes
make everything” Youtube Channel. They also had a video about (although I suspect this
making moonshine from dumpster fruit, with the specific could be scaled down to
assignment of “when life gives you dumpster-fire, make one large cooking bowl
moonshine”, so that’s fitting. if you’re only after a
Process bottle or two)
1 sachet wine yeast
1. Collect and de-stem your grapes. A cheese cloth

2. Crush them, if you really want to go classic you can stand on

them but honestly I’m sure you could do it with a food grinder.
3. Strain out the solids from the mix using the cheesecloth until its just grape juice.
Bonus points if you use a clear bottle.
4. Add your wine yeast and leave to ferment for two weeks. Recommendations for time vary
from 10 to 15 days, but they say wine ages well so I have no idea what to trust.
5. Once its fermented, pour it into a fancy goblet, and drink while feeling smug about your
success!
Sorry for the lack of set recipe measurements but I’m using only what I have to work with.

Mead
No historical recipe book would be complete
Ingredients
without MEAD!
4 parts honey
Whether you’re using this recipe strictly for a historical 1 part water
experience or you’re hosting a Viking themed uni night, it’s Brewer’s yeast
best to get prepped early and know what you’re doing
before you go full medieval! Also, the original Vikings would
have used rain water and waited for 5 years, thankfully we don’t have to do that.
Process
1. Dissolve the honey and the water in a pan.
Boil it until it makes a mixture called “musk”.
2. Skim off any scum off the top, though usually that’s more related to honeycomb.
Add yeast.
3. Pour into a second vessel (read: glass bar or bowl).
4. Let cool until circa 38 degrees Celsius.
5. Let sit for a day out of direct sunlight.
6. Transfer it into a bottle and let sit for a few more nights.
7. Pour into mead horn and drink until you don’t care about the next morning’s lecture!

20
Sake (pronounced sack-ee)
I usually only do 3 recipes per category, but, sake (rice wine) was Ingredients
too awesome to ignore. We’re keeping it simple today so there 3 - 4 cups of short
won’t be any cobras marinading in the bottles or anything, but I grain rice
thought it would be a cool gateway drug to new cultures. (approx 500g)
In Harajuku, Japan, There’s a wall of sake barrels that’s said to keep 3 Chinese yeast balls
the Shinto god happy and thank them for the success of the area. Flavouring
According to the Japan Times, when Japanese people drink their (eg blueberries etc)
Sake they feel “happy and closer to the gods” and lord knows I
need more of that in my life.
Process
1. Rinse the rice until it runs clear and cook in a rice cooker.
2. Crush the Chinese yeast balls into powder.
3. Spread rice on a clean, sterilised tray to cool down, before
adding the powder, reserving a small portion of yeast for later.
4. Add a paint strainer over the plastic bucket, before putting the
rice on there and airlock sealing it.
5. After 3-4 weeks strain the crumbled rice with a cheese cloth
or the strainer itself. Strain again with the cheesecloth until
you’re left with a milky white liquid
6. Pour that into a glass and close.
7. After a few days, the white sediment will settle and you can
add your crushed berries or other flavouring before bottling
and pasteurising.

21
B E LOW
DECKS
It’s easy to imagine why there was a
booming popularity for pirates during the
golden age of piracy, right? Europe had just
discovered other countries like Columbia
exist and were bringing back all sorts of fun
treasures, but mainly A LOT of gold. Like
enough gold to inspire the myth of El
Dorado, an island made of gold.
Meanwhile, back at home, unemployment
and homelessness was skyrocketing and
smaller businesses were being driven away
by ruthless land owners. With this in mind
it;s easy to understand why young people
were considering an “alternative” career path.
Pirate ships were also considered more
accepting of flexible sexuality than other
walks of life, with Matelotage, an act akin to
marriage but for inheriting boats, being
considered common practice among men in
the 1500s - 1700s. Rumour has it that it
became such a problem for the church at
the time, that the French owned island of
Tortuga sent over 1650 female prostitutes
and petty criminals in order to be a “good
influence” on the crew. This merely
introduced non-monogamy to the mix.
22
However, the idea of a woman being a
“good influence” on pirates becomes hilarious
when you remember that the most
successful pirate in history was in fact a
woman. “Madam Ching the Chinese pirate
queen” controlled over 400 ships, and, more
impressively, managed to pay off the
governments with enough money to retire
from the gig alive.
Of course you can’t talk about pirate queens
without bringing up the fact that the
infamous Anne Bonney used to flash wealthy
sailors before killing them just so they knew
that it was a woman murdering them in cold
blood. She also had a complex love life and a
legacy of cross-dressing, bisexuality and
violence. Well worth a read!
Anyway, pirates were
pretty awesome, PLAYLIST
however their The Legend of
dinners … not so Anne Bonny
much. by Karliene.
Hard Tack
These tough crackers, known as “hard tack”, were a staple Ingredients
because they don’t go off for ages, The trade off for this is 256g of flour
that they are just short of being a barely edible stone that 1 cup of water
you could break a tooth on. You have been warned. 2 tsp salt
Process
1. Preheat the oven to 190 degrees.
2. Pour the flour, the water and the salt
into a bowl of dough, we’ve done this
a lot every culture loves a bread so
you get the gist.
3. Roll out to 8cm of square crackers
and poke holes in it with a fork so it
doesn’t get air bubbles.
4. Bake for 30 minutes on each side.

23
 Grog
Yes, grog is Ingredients
real. This time 45 ml Dark rum
the spirits are 120ml water
being mixed 2 sugar cubes
with water, Lime juice to taste
not to keep
the water
pure, but to make the spirits last between
the whole crew during long and tedious
ship journeys.
Process
1. Mix in a cocktail shaker
or glass and shake or
swish enthusiastically.
lets hope that
improves your mood!

FUN FACT
The word “Buccaneer” comes from
the French word “Boucan” meaning
to smoke or cure meat. Not a
glamorous banquet but being realistic
you’re on a damp chav-boat off the
coast of England filled with sweaty
bastards before the invention of
freshwater showers. So yes, dry
meats and dry crackers ahoy!

Smoked Meat Jerky

Process
1. Wrap meat and freeze for an hour to make it easier Ingredients
to cut. 3lbs of steak, venison,
or other red meat
2. Mix the marinading ingredients into a liquid super-paste.
½ cup soy sauce (64g)
3. Slice meat evenly and marinade in the sauce for ½ cup water
24 to 48 hours. 2 tbsp Worcester
sauce
4. Drain the sauce and cook all meats in a dehydrator or 4 tsp sugar
smoker at a low heat for about 2 and a half hours. Any other seasonings

24
Regional Fruit Pies
a recipe taken from “the art of cookery”
While on land, Sailors and pirates would eat a lot of turtles
Ingredients
and tortoises (aka meat kinder eggs) local fruits, and birds.
A peck of flour
Unfortunately, eating turtle is illegal so I deep dived into a
(approx 7kg)
17th century cookbook called “The Art of Cookery made
Six pounds of butter
Plain and Easy” by Hannah Glass to bring you a basic recipe
(2.7 kg)
for a fruit pie.
Gallon of boiled water
Process (boiled to purify)
Your fruit of choice
1. Skim off the butter into the flour. (usually apples and
berries in the UK)
2. Using as little of the water as possible, Work it well into
A dusting of sugar
a paste, then pull it into pieces until its “cold.” I think in
the modern era you can just put the mix into a fridge.
3. Roll into a solid pastry ball and line a tray with it “for the walls of a good pie.”
4. Lay fine sugar at the bottom of a “baking tin-patty” (read: baking tin) then add
your fruit and cook with a drizzle of lemon juice until softened.
5. Put fruit into the pie shell, layer with a lid of pastry and bake for 20 - 30 minutes
until the pastry is golden brown.
PS. It’s worth noting that Hannah herself describes her work as “far exceeding anything of
the kind yet published” … I strive to have that level of self confidence!

25
 Versailles
D I N N E R AT
While the poor people were becoming
bisexual pirate queens and rugged
swashbuckling heroes, the wealthy of the
time were sipping champagne and eating 12
course meals purely to flex on how they
could afford it. The most famous of which,
is everyone’s favourite beehive hairstyle
owner and head-in-a-basket Madam Marie
Antoinette. Lets debunk everyone’s
favourite snobbish rich quote, she didn’t
actually tell anyone to “eat cake”, which is
disappointing to me because that’s my
personal favourite coping mechanism for a
mediocre life.
The truth is Jean-Jacques Rousseau cited a
“great princess” saying “let them eat brioche”
and the rumour-mill took it from there. Even
going as far as to produce libelous magazines.
No I mean literally the word “libel” comes
from the word “libelle” which was a series of
semi-pornographic and cheaply written
political pamphlets that attacked Louis and
Marie, staging her as a spoilt and entitled
strumpet up to all manner of sinister
behaviours.
26
Also my hot take is that the Bourgeosis
would be social media stars if they were
alive today. I mean they were vain, they
showed off in exclusive parties dripping in
luxury furs and cosmetics, and were so
wildly out of touch with the common man
that it inspired a literal revolution! Even
down to the distinct hair and makeup trends,
hell Louis the 14th literally popularised the
high heel, it didn’t become considered a
“woman’s product” until Marie did the
ultimate “hoodie stealing girlfriend” move
and pinched them.
So they beheaded the king. They beheaded
the queen. They had a revolution, and things
were rough for a while for everyone. Marie
even apologised for stepping on her
executioner’s foot
before the chop.
PLAYLIST
Whether the French
Dorian Electra’s
revolution was just or
2018 music, and
not is not for me to
Lady Gaga’s
say, I’m here to talk
older stuff.
about how bonkers
Especially her
the food was.
song “Vanity”
Restorative Soup
The word “restaurant” comes from the idea that soup was Ingredients
medicinal and could “restore” one to their former glory. 50g of potatoes
Therefore restaurants were considered health shops at the 5.5kg of bread
time, specialising in soup. Also brace yourself, the working 6kg of onions
classes of France had a whole thing about potatoes, don’t 225g of salt
worry, its coming. I can’t tell you this recipe will be good, 225g of lard or butter
just that it’ll be factually accurate. 30 pints water*

Process
1. Peel and puree the potatoes.
2. Slice and butter bread
and add the onions of onions.
3. Stir in half a pound of salt and the butter gradually.
4. Combine ingredients and serve with the bread.

27
Potato Banquet
Back in the 1700s, Paris was unaware of
whether the potato was safe to consume.
It was part of the nightshade family and
was associated with pig food. so Antoine-
Augustin Parmentier, a pharmacist at the
time, decided to prove a point by really
FUN
making potatoes delicious. Here’s a medley FACT
of ways to cook potatoes. This guy was so Mayonnaise was
made in 1756 so
obsessed with potatoes he won AWARDS
its reasonably
on behalf of them. He was of course, accurate to serve
correct. with mayo!

Parmentiers
Ingredients
6 potatoes
1 tbsp of sunflower oil
Knob of butter
2 tsp dried parsley
Salt and pepper
Process
1. Peel and dice potatoes into half
inch cubes.
2. Season to taste.
3. Cook in the oven at 180
degrees at for 5-10 minutes.

Fries Ingredients
Process 6 potatoes
A hot pan of
1. Wash, peel and cut vegetable oil
potatoes into
appropriate strips.
2. Wash and leave in water for 2 hours to
remove the starch.
3. Prepare a large pan of boiling hot oil
(filling roughly a third of it).
4. Place the potato strips into the oil and
allow to cook until golden and crispy.
5. Season and Serve.

28
Marie Antoinette’s Ingredients
Macaroons 175g icing sugar
125g ground almonds
I’m stretching the truth a little, Marie had one year in which to run 3 large eggs
into these biscuits before she met her end. According to our 75g caster sugar
records a nunnery in 1791 and 1792 began popularising this recipe 1 tsp vanilla extract
in order to pay for their rent. Here is a recipe so you too can
delight the pallet with a nuns favourite snack. Icing
150 g softened butter
Process 80g icing sugar
1. Preheat oven to 160 degrees. 2 tbsp cocoa powder

2. Mix egg whites and almonds until well combined.

3. Mix in the sugar until the mixture forms soft white mountain peaks that
stand up on ends.
4. Pipe small biscuit shaped disks onto your cooking tray and cook in the
oven for 10-15 minutes.
5. Mix together all the icing ingredients and pipe them into the crunchy
meringue shell before sandwiching them together and selling them to
save the nunnery!

29
TEA WITH THE
EMPEROR
Now, full disclosure, I am a white British
person and this isn’t my era of expertise.
I am the least qualified to talk about this
and it’s probably going to be full of
anachronisms.
Now that we’ve got that out the way, I bet
you’re picturing Japanese life in the Meji era
as a Jackie Chan movie filled with sword
wielding, honour-bound, slightly sexy Samurai.
The truth, as always, is much more mundane.
Samurai was a class of person in Japan,
typically a soldier. The lower rank of Samurai
also did farm work and the higher rank
tended to act as policemen. Despite having a
rich cultural background, The last Samurai
died in 1877, which for context is around
the time the Wild West was being formed in
America. Meaning, it’s not impossible for a
Samurai and a cowboy to have met each
other.
The Samurai diet also contained
considerably less rice than you’re picturing,
with white rice being a rare and expensive
good. Only wealthy emperors would be able
to afford it, instead typical Samurai would
have eaten a lot of root vegetables, fish and
tofu. They also didn’t eat much meat like
their western counterparts due to the two
major religions in the region at the time,
Buddhism and Shintoism, advocating for
vegetarianism and pescetarianism.
30
While we’re conquering cliches, the Geisha, a
genre of event hostess known for tea
ceremonies and being master musicians and
theatre performers, weren’t expected to be
prostitutes despite their reputation. In fact
during the Edo period of Japan prostitution
was legal, however geisha were not allowed
to hold prostitution licences.
But of course, I couldn’t write about
Japanese tradition and Shintoism, without
going incredibly off course and talking about
mythology for a second. In this case, the tale
of the sun goddess Amaterasu, who locked
herself away after her brother threw a flayed
horse at her in a fit of irritation. As someone
with siblings I totally understand this reaction.
It took half a dozen roosters and an entire
party hosted by the goddess of the dawn, in
order to lure her out of the cave. The only
way to keep her away from the cave long
enough to lock it behind her, was a mirror to
show her her own beauty. Again, as
someone with siblings, I find this story far
too relatable.
Anyway, if you really
want to embody the
life of the samurai, try PLAYLIST
these recipes and be
Tokyo by Imagine
thankful that your
Dragons, Halo by
brother isn’t an
Diverseddie.
irritable storm god.
Sushi
Popularised in the 5th century originally as “poor people Ingredients
food” because it didn’t need cooking and is essentially raw Rice
fish. Sushi has become a cultural staple to the point where 325g short grain sushi
Japan has the biggest fishing market in the world (and a rice
Shinto temple apologising to the fish and thanking them for 1½ cups cold water
their service. Very Marie Kondo.) Sushi now considered a 4 tablespoons rice
luxury good across the world. vinegar
3 tablespoon
Process granulated sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1. Wash the rice in a sieve until the water is almost clear.
1 pack unseasoned nori
2. Drain and add to a heavy bottomed pot along with the for sushi
water. Boil the rice for 15 mins.
Filling
3. In a small bowl, whisk the vinegar, sugar and salt together. 225g ōtoro (aka tuna),
minced into paste
4. When the rice is done, dump it into a large bowl and
2 spring onions finely
cover with the vinegar mixture. Using a large spatula and
minced
fan, fold the vinegar into the rice while cooling the
2 teaspoons sesame
mixture with the fan.
seeds
5. Keep fanning until the rice comes to room temperature.
Lay down the Nori (seaweed wrap stuff) and fill with a thin layer of rice.
6. Add the filling to the side closest to you and the side furthest away, before carefully
rolling and serve to your guests.

31
Tempura
This is a simple dish of battered fish and vegetables invented when Ingredients
Portuguese sailors ended up getting lost and going to Japan 70g Cornflour
instead of China in the 16th century. They were the first 30g Plain flour
Europeans to end up there. 80ml Sparkling Water
Process Crushed ice
An assortment
1. Mix the dry ingredients, of small fish
and pour in the fizzy pieces,
water and the ice slowly vegetables etc
until you have a nice Deep Frying
batter. Oil
Soy sauce
2. Coat the fish and the to serve
vegetables in the batter with
before adding them to
the deep frying oil once
its boiled.
3. When you’ve achieved
the medium golden batter,
serve with soy sauce.

32
Gyoza Dumplings
Made in 6th century China and taken Ingredients
to Japan in World War 2 by soldiers. Filling
One of the origin stories associated 4 Spring Onions,
with Gyoza dumplings is that a medical 2 large Cabbages
advisor used to stuff them with leaves
medicinal herbs for easy digestion. They 1½cm piece of Ginger
applied the warmed package to the 5 water Chestnuts
ears of the sick to prevent frostbite Sake for cooking with
during bitter winter months. Soy sauce
Oyster sauce
Process 140g minced chicken
1. Mix the flour, the salt, and the boiled water into a pastry, or pork
leave it to rest for a while in the fridge.
Shell
2. Mix the onions, cabbage, ginger, and garlic in a food 250g plain flour
processor or manually with a knife if you’re feeling 1 tsp salt
historically relevant. 150ml boiling water
3. Add the meat mince and mix by hand, make tiny pasties
out of the pre-made shell mix and fry in a frying pan
until golden (roughly 2 minutes).
4. Serve with soy and oyster sauce.

33
Seances SUPPER AND
I regret to inform you, dear reader, that this
is the part where my journalistic integrity
breaks down. Though the Victorian era was
a great time for innovation, factory work
and fancy parties, I personally would argue
that the majority of people were not eating
particularly interesting food. There were a
few outliers to the traditional diet, which I
have talked about below, but the majority
of recipes were traditional dishes like roast
meats, ordinary cakes and porridge that
remain staples today in Britain.
Furthermore I would argue that the
Victorian era did great damages to the
British cooking pallet, with one famous chef
of the era, Mrs A.B Marshall declaring that
British chefs should boil and mutate food
“until it no longer tasted or resembled its
original form.”
Now that I’ve got my personal grievances
with the era out of the way, I feel we should
be talking about the real headlines of the era.
The weird and wonderful dinner party
choices of the Victorian era. Starting of
course with seances!
There is a strange historical pattern where
after a period of great uncertainty, like the
industrial revolution, comes a great rise in
superstition and exploration of the
supernatural. With this boom came
opportunists, most infamously the Fox
sisters. These were three real life sisters who
claimed to be mediums with the ability to
communicate with the dead.
34
In reality the sisters were communicating to
one another under the table with signals,
before loudly cracking the bones in their feet,
or knocking an apple on a string under the
table in order to create the illusion of black
magic. They managed to get away with this
stunt for over 30 years before one of the
sisters revealed the trick to a famous
newspaper in 1888.
Its understandable how popular the Victorian
fascination got with death though, as a lot of
things were unknowingly made of poison.
There was lead in paint, arsenic in certain
shades of green wallpaper and asbestos in
the ceiling. Even the idea of the “mad hatter”
comes from the insanity caused by mercury
poisoning from the fabric dyes used in
Victorian headgear, that would cause
delirium and radical behaviour changes.
To the credit of the Victorians however,
scientists like Marie Curie and Florence
Nightingale did their best to stop this. It also
totally explains why people used to get
cured by the “sea air” when they visited a
cottage by the coast, it was just the only
place they’ve been where the walls weren’t
dripping in poison and the sky wasn’t built
out of petrol fumes.
Anyway, if you want to eat something from
the Victorian era that
wasn’t poison, you’ve PLAYLIST
come to the right
place. Here are the Steam powered
least boring recipes I giraffe, Hozier’s
could find. albums.
 FUN
FACT
Queen Victoria
popularised the
idea of the three
course meal.
Before her,
ridiculous
banquets were all the rage!

Indian Curries
It’s important to note that the Victorians didn’t invent Ingredients
curries. They stole them. I’m not going to get into the 2 small chickens
debate of appreciation and sharing ideas VS stealing them Water
point blank. There are lots of ways to obtain recipes, 3 large onions
supplies and good ideas throughout history that don’t 2 ounces of butter
involve mass bloodshed … taking over India was not A large spoonful of
one of them. ginger and “beaten”
pepper
Disclaimer! This Recipe stolen almost verbatim from
An ounce of turmeric
Hannah Glasse’s famous late 1700s cookbook. She is a
The juice of two
white woman and this is arguably one of the first traces of
lemons
Indian recipes being found in mainstream Victorian media.
Process
1. Skin, wash, and boil two whole chickens in a quater
pot of water.
2. Drain the water and put the chicken in a fresh dish.
3. Chop and fry the large onions with butter and
then fry with the chicken until they’re all brown.
4. Take your turmeric and you ginger with the pepper and mix them into the dish.
5. Pour the boiled water from the chicken into the mix
and add your lemon water.
6. Personally I’d serve it with rice.

35
Bone Marrow Pasty
This is a tad closer to home. While rich people, explorers and the Ingredients
queen were becoming acquainted with tropical food and fruits. This recipe is taken from
The poor factory staff tended to eat much more commonly a book with no
available scraps in order not to starve. Think like the Oliver musical, ingredient
or on a good day, maybe A Christmas Carol. measurements.
Process Spinach
Bone marrow
1. Chop the spinach and boil it until tender. I did warn you about Currents
the sheer amount of boiling in this section. Sugar
Pastry, “the best rich
2. Make the pastry, any pastry. light crust you have”
Whichever kind of pastry you (see also pirate pastry)
already have, I’ll even allow
pre-packaged puff pastry.
3. Store your spinach, the bone
marrow and the sugared
currents into the pastry
pocket before clamping down.
4. Fry them with a little butter
or oil coated on the top.

36
Fudge
I told you these were domestic, however, it was only at this Ingredients
point that British colonies discovered that adding things to 400 grams of sugar
other things creates dessert. According to Wikipedia, fudge 220g light cream
shops started popping up around the 1880s and became 60g unsweetened
popular for women in American colleges to sell in order to chocolate
make student life affordable. We even have the name of the 1 tablespoon butter
woman who was believed to have introduced the craze,
Emelyn Battersby Hartridge at Vassar College, New York.
Process
1. Combine sugar, chocolate, and cream.
2. Cook over a moderate heat until a few drops of the
mixture put in cold water form a soft playdough feel.
3. Remove from heat and add butter. Beat until it begins
to harden.
4. Put into a buttered platter/tray leave to cool (probably in
a fridge) before serving to friends and family.

37
SALOON
DINING
Another thing that happened in the 1800s
was cowboys.You’ll find Your Granddad’s
western movies depict life in the Wild West
as a simple “good vs bad” gun fighting town.
They either gloss over the “Cowboys vs
Indians thing” or lean really hard into it in a
white saviour/wise earthly Native American
way. I won’t be touching it either, this is not
that book.
I will however be talking about prostitutes
… because prostitutes ran the west. This
isn't hyperbole or some madonna/whore
complex, women didn’t have many jobs and
men didn’t have many girlfriends over there.
It got to the point where men would pay to
see a pair of women’s underwear! So, the
women took this opportunity lying down,
and in a hundred other positions.
There weren’t many fights and it wasn’t a job
that paid well. Essentially your job was being
a sheep herder but bigger, with cows. You
moved large animals from one section of
grassland to another, kept them fed and
occasionally made steak or leather.
For a brief moment in the 1850s, the
president explored the idea of herding
hippos instead of cows. This was because
there would be more meat on them and
they’d allow people to farm in marshlands
like Lousianna. Evidently they didn’t go
through with this, but author Sarah Gailey
used it as their inspiration for a couple of
brilliant western novellas that I would
recommend reading
called the “River of
Teeth” series. PLAYLIST

A lot of these women became incredibly Much like the Dolly Parton
wealthy and became known for their environment and the (especially “A Lil'
charitable contributions, funding schools, job they had, cowboy Ole Bitty Pissant
medical care and churches (Ironic I know.) food was rough. It Country Place”
Wyoming got women the right to vote 50 had to travel well, from the best
years early because of the wealth and power survive hot little whore
these women had. temperatures without house in texas
going off and store musical), Orville
While we’re there, cattle ranching wasn’t a peck, and the Toy
well for long journeys.
glamorous gun wielding job, it was too cold Story sound
So this is what they
at night and too hot in the day. track.
came up with.
38
Cowboy Breakfast
For a day in direct heat controlling large livestock, it’s Ingredients
generally considered a necessity to have a heavy, calorie Breakfast
loaded breakfast. The “cowboy breakfast” has evolved over Half a pound of
the years to include eggs and seasoning and all sorts of other sausages
anachronisms, but here’s the basic gist. 25 ounces of
potatos/hashbrowns
Process 6 eggs
Cheese
Coffee
1. Fill coffee pot with hot water. Boil with beans/grounds Beans
directly in the water. 2 pounds of pinto
beans
2. Leave to set before serving directly. 2 pounds of ham hock
2 onions chopped
Beans
4 tablespoons sugar
1. Wash the beans and soak them overnight. 2 green chilies
1 can of tomato paste
2. After you drain them, place the beans
in a Dutch oven covered with water. Coffee
¼cup coffee grounds
3. Add the rest of the ingredients and
1 quart warm water
simmer until the beans are nice and tender.
The rest of the breakfast
1. Cook the sausage over a medium heat.
2. Break egg into a bowl and mix with a fork before adding it to the frying pan and stir,
Cook it until it resembles scrambled eggs.
3. Add the hash browns, the (grated) cheese and any sauces and flavours you want in
this dish.

39
One Shot Pot
For a long time, these miners, cowboys and saloon owners cooked everything in a large pot
over an open fire with no other alternatives. Ever since the dawn of time people have done a
half-arsed slow cooker meal for themselves when they were too busy to care.
Process
1. Early in the morning cut up stew meat, in small pieces Ingredients
(beef or venison), onions, garlic, celery (celery salt will do fine). Stew meat
Onions
2. Cook until tender which will take about two hours.
Garlic
3. Then add the canned vegetables. Celery
1 can of tomatoes
4. If no canned goods available you can add one cup macaroni. 1 can of green beans
1 can peas
5. 1 cup rice and several diced potatoes.
(alternatively rice and
potatoes)

40
Cobbler
Ingredients
2 cans of fruit
120g of sugar
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
150g butter
1 small egg

Process
1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees, and
drain the liquid from the fruit cans,
lay them on the base of a dish and
mix them with 2 tbs of sugar and
cinnamon.
2. Mix the dry ingredients
together until they resemble
breadcrumbs, then add the
egg and mix until the cobbler
mix resembles dough.
3. Dollop the dough over the
fruit and bake in an oven for
40 minutes, before serving with
ice cream or custard.

41
Dustbowl
After the bustling heights of the roaring
DINNERS

twenties, came the crashing fall of the

Great Depression. People were no longer
rouging their knees and pulling their
stockings down (which was a real thing
they did), it was all a mess. My personal favourite has got to be the guy
Roman Mars mentioned in the “99% invisible”
The biggest piece of evidence for this mess podcast, who set up outside a brightly lit
was the shanty town taking over of New neon advertising sign so that he could stay
York’s Central Park. This was filled with the open for longer hours and didn’t have to pay
recently unemployed and the destitute in for lighting or electricity in the early evenings.
what was known as a “Hooverville” named It’s this kind of ingenuity that made New
after President Herbert Hoover. Needless to Yorkers who they are today and it’s this kind
say they weren’t a fan, in fact most of them of tenacity that made 1930s food so iconic.
suspected he was the cause of this major
economic shift. 1930s food is a food made of necessity. For
example, it saw the dawn of meatloaf. A
It wasn’t all doom and gloom though, as product that managed to make a leftover
necessity is the mother of invention and with serving of sausage
a wide array of newly emptied and cheaply mince feed a small PLAYLIST
available land came plenty of opportunity. family without
People began making tiny versions of golf breaking the bank. The Chicago
courses out of what was around, as they This may not seem playlist, Tous le
were cheap to produce and provided some like much, but it was meme by
level of income to what was essentially blank this sort of decision Stromae, “show
land. These grew in popularity with people that was a game me a little swing”
trying to compete against one another and changer for those and “Trombone”
do more unique and unusual things with feeling the pressures by Aronchupa.
their course, leading to the invention of of the time! Anything
crazy golf. burlesque-y.

42
 FUN
FACT
Aside from
rouging their
knees, women in
the 1920s and
30s celebrated
the freedoms
promised by the short skirt by
painting their knees with flowers,
butterflies and other doodles.

Potato Pancakes
If we’re honest these are probably closer to a strange Ingredients
hybrid between hashbrowns and traditional pancakes. Either 2 cups of leftover
way if there was a way to make leftovers less terrible for mashed potatoes
the masses the 1930s found it and recycled it multiple ways. 1 egg
Process A quater cup of all
purpose flour
1. Mix the mash, eggs and flour in a bowl until its a Olive oil or leftover
suitable batter. bacon grease

2. Spoon the batter onto a hot frying pan and fry until
golden.
3. Serve with whatever you’d have on
a traditional pancake.

43
Meatloaf
Not the band. The food. If you had a little sausage mince kicking Ingredients
around that could feed one person, you could pad it out with all 1 Onion, diced fine
sorts of tricks and slap it into a large baking tray for before your 1-2 Celery
spouse comes back from the jazz bar. It’s a brilliant feat of ingenuity 1 Carrot, diced fine
and a real “loaves and fishes” style stunt from the archives. 1tsp Garlic, minced
2tsp Salt
Process
1 ½ tsp Pepper
1. Fry onions, celery, garlic and carrots. 2tsp Worcestershire
Sauce
2. Add salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce. 2/3 cups Ketchup
1lb Lean beef mince
3. Allow veg to cool and mix the mince in a bowl. 1/2lb Ground Pork
4. Add remaining ingredients together and mix well. ½ cups Breadcrumbs
2 Eggs
5. Place into a loaf pan and cook for 1/3 cup Parsley,
an hour at 180 degrees. minced

44
Wacky Cake
Yep, the idea of a cake that substitutes ingredients last minute Ingredients
isn’t a new thing, it was all the rage. It’s just a shame they gave it 1 cup sugar
such a tragic “mid-2000s trying to be quirky” style name for it. 1 egg
½ cup milk
Process
½ cup cocoa
1. Insert all the ingredients, don’t stir until the hot water is ½ cup boiling water
added. ½ cup lard
½ teaspoon salt
2. Stir until smooth (the old timey instructions say 3 minutes). 1 teaspoon baking
powder
3. Pour into a suitable tin and cook at 180 degrees “until
½ teaspoon soda
done”. Probably 25 - 30 minutes.
1 teaspoon vanilla
extract
1½ cups flour

45
I N FA S H I O N
So it took us a mere couple of decades to They were even motivated to renovate
go from the Great Depression to the fashion, giving birth to upcycling and the
Second World War. There’s a man with a dawn of the jumpsuit! I still think the
bad moustache running Europe and using jumpsuit is the future of fashion. However,
anyone who isn’t like him as a scapegoat the most useful thing to come from such
for the collapse of Germany’s economy at dark times was medical science! A lot of
the time. really important medical advancements like
blood transfusions, vaccines and penicillin
The interesting thing about the second war
were all created in order to help soldiers
isn’t Hitler though. I’ve been to the location
survive the horrors of war and disease. I just
where Adolf Hitler died, there isn’t a
hope the amount of people saved by these
monument to history, in fact its a fairly
inventions will one day balance out the
ordinary park now. Dictators and idiots have
human cost of the war.
been in power since before the social
construct of “Europe” and they will probably Despite all this, its undeniable that the
even be there afterwards. Historians were Second World War was a horrific moment
quick to scrub away any trace of him, in time, while the men were at war and the
including statues. Hell, even Berlin prefers to children were evacuated, people had to get
focus on the recent Berlin Wall and inventive with what they had around. They
Checkpoint Charlie. dug out old recipes, in a tradition that seems
to keep happening throughout history.
The interesting thing about Europe in the
1940s was the resilience of the people, and When things get bad,
the things the war inspired. Ordinary humans reach for
households were forced to go under rations Grandma’s recipe PLAYLIST
that restricted household favourites while book. Be it a recipe The Bioshock
their loved ones went off to war, which from Babushka’s soundtrack, Tom
caused them to beg, barter, trade and steal family cookbook, Leher’s comedy
for whatever they could get their hands on. Nan’s bakery guide songs from the
They turned to traditional recipes like the she inherited in chef 1950s, Caro
ones that got their mums through the Great school, or Abuela’s Emerald, anything
Depression and inventing new favourites big notebook of with a bit of
that we still eat today. essentials and I think swing to it.
that's brilliant.
46
Preserves
This was the housewife’s biggest secret for making the sugar Ingredients
allowance last so long. We already know Britain is full of 900g of mixed
enough berries to last a lifetime and pickling, jamming and summer berries
jarring supplies makes them last months longer than their 450g of sugar
open counterparts. In the words of everyone’s favourite evil 2 tablespoons
Mary Poppins from Doctor Who, “lets make Jam!” of lemon juice
Process Butter or vegetable oils

Coffee
1. Rinse off the fruit.
2. Add them to a large pan of sugar and
lemon juice.
3. Cook for 20 - 30 minutes, until the
material forms a gel on a cold plate.
4. Pour into jars and seal with lids
before setting them aside to cool.

47
Toad in the Hole
A simple yet filling dish that was great for using up leftover
Ingredients
pancake mix after breakfast. This British staple had a boom in
30g of margarine/
popularity with the dawn of powdered eggs to supplement the
butter or dripping
ration limits.
450g sausages
Process 150g plain flour
Pinch salt
1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. 1 tablespoon dried
egg powder
2. Cook the sausages in a tin for 5 - 10 minutes.
2 tablespoons water
3. Mix the dry ingredients and the milk slowly into a nice batter. ½ pint of milk
or milk and water
4. Pour over the sausage and cook for 30 minutes until it
becomes golden.

48
Cadbury’s Ration Biscuits
A simple yet filling dish that was great for using up leftover Ingredients
pancake mix after breakfast. This British staple had a boom 1 tablespoon of golden
in popularity with the dawn of powdered eggs to or maple syrup
supplement the ration limits. 60g margarine
30g of cocoa powder
Process
120g plain flour
1. Melt the margarine, vanilla and the syrup in a pan. 60g cup sugar
¼ teaspoon of
2. Mix in cocoa powder into the mix, then add the sugar bicarbonate of soda
and flour. 1 teaspoon vanilla
essence
3. Cut into squares and cook for 10 mins at 180 degrees.
4. Mix dry icing/chocolate spread ingredients. Chocolate spread
30g cocoa powder
5. Add the milk gradually and bring to the boil 1 ½ tablespoons sugar
and lower heat. 1 dessert spoon flour
flour
6. Best until smooth and until mixture thickens.
½ cup milk

49
 Communist RU S S I A N C U I S I N E
It’s important to understand, that when I People in Communist Berlin however, had
say “Communist” I don’t mean in a glossy found loopholes for this. They would have
“Star Trek” way where everyone is living in contraband smuggled in. These items were
luxury in a world without adverts. They usually western luxuries like alcohol and
didn’t have pristine jumpsuits and free cigarettes, but occasionally unusual items like
healthcare. We’re talking goulags and Levi jeans or punk rock music tapes found
frostbite, with only two TV channels their way past the border. It was a booming
available to the public and a house shared business for young diplomats, with Russian
between multiple families. and German people having very few
supplies available to them but plenty of
It became quickly apparent to Lenin, the
money to pay for the goods they’d found.
Russian leader of the era, that his people
being starved and threatened into At the moment, the Russian “Book of
submission was not great for morale. The healthy and Tasty food” should be in the
Russian public, including young children, were public domain. Unfortunately, someone
carrying money in a bag nicknamed their published the English
“avoska” bag, with avoska translating as “what translation in 2012 PLAYLIST
if ”. As in “what if I get lucky and there is real and entirely cornered
physical food on the shelves tomorrow?” the market for Tear me Down
cooking in this genre. from the Hedwig
In order to keep people’s faith in the system, and the angry
The recipes I’m about
the Communist administration created a inch musical, the
to write aren’t direct
cookbook filled to the brim with elite Atomic Blonde
translations (except
recipes and the promise that one day, you playlist, Babushka
the borscht, which
too would dine on four courses an evening. by Kate Bush
was found on a
Such dishes included impossible ingredients and, of course,
postcard from the
like lobster, fresh orange juice and ice cream. Rah Rah
era) but instead
Bearing in mind, people could barely get Rasputin – not
interpretations based
their hands on vegetables, chicken soup, milk, the same era but
on what was
or bread. still.
common at the time.
50
Borscht
Ingredients
I promised it earlier in the space race, so here it is.
75g Beetroot
This recipe was found on a postcard and translated by a
50g Fresh cabbage
kind redditor on /r/russia for me. Here it is, almost
100g Potatoes
verbatim, with a few tiny alterations.
25g Carrots
Process 10g Parsley
20g Onion
1. Cut the beets into strips. 20g Tomato puree
5g Flour
2. Add salt, vinegar, fat, sugar and simmer in a pan until
5g Lard
tender.
Pork fat or lard 10 g
3. Chop carrots, parsley and onions into strips, before 5g Sugar
cooking with fat in the meat broth. 5g Vinegar
10g Sweet pepper
4. Put in the sliced potatoes, chop the cabbage and cook 15g Sour cream
for 10-15 minutes. 5g Herbs
5. Add the beets, sauteed vegetables and flour,
sweet pepper, spices and cook until tender.
6. Season the finished borscht with garlic,
mashed with herbs and lard. Serve with sour
cream and parsley.
7. Meat and bones should be cooked over
low heat - Young meat is cooked 2 hours,
old -3 hours and longer.

51
 Beef Stroganoff
Okay so Beef stroganoff isn’t from the Communist Cookbook, Ingredients
but instead its ancestor, “A gift to young housewives” by Elena 900g of beef
Molokhovets. The Leninist government decided this cookbook 10 - 15g allspice
was too bougeoir for the Russian people, literally she was too 100g butter
“bad and bougie” for the communist government. 2 spoons of flour
Process 2 tablespoons sour
cream
1. Two hours before service, cut a tender piece of raw beef 1 teaspoon
into small cubes and sprinkle with salt and some allspice. mustard

2. Mix together 30g butter and 1 spoon flour, fry lightly.

3. Dilute with 2 glasses broth, 1 teaspoon of mustard and a
little pepper.
4. Mix the beef broth, bring to a boil and strain.
5. Add 2 tablespoons very fresh sour cream before serving.
6. Then fry the beef in butter, add it to the sauce, bring once to
boil, and serve.

52
Kyiv Cake
Made since 1956 by the Karl Marx
Confectionery factory, this dessert became
a major part of Soviet life. Originally this
recipe was a result of a baker in the Eastern
bloc misjudging a recipe for a fruit cooler
and then covering their mistake in icing the
next morning. The original recipe consisted
of a meringue base, but the bakers of the
Ukraine couldn’t mimic this so adapted the
recipe. That is what you see here.
Process
Meringue Ingredients
Sponge
1. Whip the meringue ingredients until it makes a white 6 large eggs
foam that’s thick enough to stand on its own, pour in 350 g all-purpose flour
roasted peanuts for texture. 350g cups granulated
2. Spoon the meringue onto a baking sheet, bonus points sugar
for small peaks of mixture. Bake meringue for 3 hours 5 tablespoons butter
at 100 degrees Celsius. 3 tablespoons water
2 tsp baking powder
Syrup Buttercream
3. Dissolve (amount) of sugar in boiling water, Meringue
add vanilla extract and stir. 4 egg whites
Sponge 2/3 cups sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4. Line a 10 inch baking tin with butter and flour. 1 tiny pinch of salt
In a separate bowl, melt 5 tablespoons of butter. 1 cup peanuts

5. Add 3 tablespoons of boiling water and whisk Soaking syrup

(preferably to rah rah Rasputin.) Sugar
Warm water
6. In a separate bowl, mix 6 eggs until foamy. Add sugar
Vanilla extract
gradually and whip until pale yellow and foamy.
7. Pour these bowls together gradually, adding the flour Chocolate Ganache
and the baking powder, and mix until incorporated. 75 grams dark
chocolate
8. Add to the baking tin and bake for 20 - 30 minutes. 100 grams heavy
cream, at least 30% fat
Assembly
9. Brush the sponges with a layer of simple syrup.
10. Assembly should go: Sponge at the bottom, a light buttercream in the middle, a layer
of meringue pieces in the middle, followed by another layer of cake, and topped with
the chocolate ganache and decorated with any remaining meringue.

53
space race
S E RV I N G S
I’m going to be honest with you all, I was This is the long way of saying that relations
expecting something a tad more exciting between the international space crews still
from the 1970s space race. I mean we’re consist heavily of Mexican food.
talking to the era that brought us Abba,
But as expeditions went on, aboard the
Rocky Horror and Scooby Doo! But the
International Space Station, so did human
reality is far more practical than that. It’s a
nature, and people began trading dishes.
lot of dehydrated military rations in bright
After all there’s nothing else to do and
silver foil.
you’re trapped in a vehicle with 10
Honestly, by the moon landing, the centimetres of metal between you and the
astronauts of 1969 were just glad they impossible vacuum of space. So the
graduated past an assortment of cold soups Americans ate Borscht* and drank Russian
in plastic pouches, which was the standard in Vodka, the French space agency brought
the previous missions like project Mercury along Pâté and the Russians were traded
ten years before. Though if that sounds like burgers and breakfast burritos.
torture, consider that the test to see if you
This food was paired with hours of boring
could stomach zero gravity has been
scientific experiments regarding the
nicknamed the “vomit comet” for the last 50
chemistry of different space rocks and a two
years. Astronauting is not for the faint of
hour mandatory daily workout so people
heart.
didn’t lose all their muscle mass when they
Meanwhile, the Russians were also trying to arrived back on Earth. With all that being
conquer space with equally questionable said, here are the more interesting recipes
dishes. Where the Americans chose sauces, they served up there.
the Russians chose paste. Lots of paste.
*we’ll get to it, all in PLAYLIST
When the Russian and American space good time
Star Child by
stations trialled solid foods, both sides found
the Orion
that sandwiches would cause crumbs, which
Experience, life
isn’t ideal in a zero gravity situation, but
on Mars by
tortillas didn’t tend to crumble like bread did
David Bowie,
and frozen foods such as ice cream were a
spaced out by
big hit because it lasted well and didn’t go
Ellie Dixon.
off on long missions.
54
 FUN
FACT
The first ever
Pizza to be eaten
in space was in
2001, by a Mr Yuri
V. Usachev, as a Pizza Hut Product
Placement deal.

Astronaut Fruit Cake

A staple of space travel, is that the food is stolen almost
Ingredients
entirely from American military rations and microwavable
220g sifted
food. They loved cubes and they loves vacuum packed
all-purpose flour
products in silver wrap. This recipe ticks all those boxes!
110g granulated sugar
Process ½ teaspoon salt
8 large eggs
1. Sift together flour, sugar and salt. ½ teaspoon vanilla
330g chopped pecans
2. Place nuts, cherries, quartered dates, in a bowl and mix
660g diced dates
until pieces of fruit no longer stick together and nuts are
cut up
well dispersed in the fruit mixture.
22og glace cherries,
3. Sprinkle the flour mixture over the fruit mixture, while quartered
mixing by hand. Beat eggs and vanilla until frothy.
4. Add to the fruit mixture and mix until
all ingredients are completely moistened.
5. Generously grease bottoms of
a loaf pans, and bake fruitcake in
preheated 150 degree oven
for two hours, or until firm.
6. Store in airtight container.

55
Space Food Sticks
Space food sticks were an early attempt at solid food, produced Ingredients
by Pillsbury (the business with the mascot that inspired the 220g crunchy peanut
Ghostbusters monster) as a publicity stunt. Some people argue butter
that this is the dawn of the energy bar. 220g dry powdered
Tang also tried to capitalise on this, but milk
that’s more drink than food. 2 tbsp wheat germ
2 tbsp unflavored
Process
gelatin
1. Mix together all dry ingredients. 150g honey
1/8 tsp. salt
2. Cut in the peanut butter.
3. Add the honey and thoroughly mix.
4. Shape into a stick shape.

56
Space bacon
Brace yourself, this contains enough strange unnatural Ingredients
chemicals to make even the Joker jealous. I want to be clear Smoked raw bacon
that bacon should never be a square block outside of space Sugar and salt
rations. Honestly what is it with long journeys and Citric acid
dehydrated meats anyway? Its three steps away from space Xanthan gum
hard tack. Apologies for the lack of measurements, my Multidestran
sources were difficult to find and vague. Ultratex 3
Process
1. Insert bacon into a blender, and add the sugar,
salts and all the chemicals except Ultratex 3.
2. Blend until its an ungodly neon pink paste.
3. Add the Ultratex 3 (aka smoked flavouring
powder. Yes that’s a real thing!)
4. Put into cubes on a tray.
5. Fry like traditional bacon, or freeze for a later date.

57
FA N TA ST I C

future
I’ll be honest, with the Global Warming
situation it isn’t easy to stay optimistic. It’s
FOOD
than myself) could easily power an entire
office floor. This sort of technology that
looking dangerously like we’ll get enough marries style with usefulness could really
degrees of global warming to spell out kickstart major global change.
trouble. We seem more destined for the
Finally, something a little more low tech that
world of Wall-E than an optimistic Utopian
you could do today. There is a search engine
future. With all this being said, the best
called “ecosia” that plants a tree every time
minds of our generation are looking for
you search for something. Personally I’ve
incredibly fun and dynamic ways to prevent
probably planted a whole forest just trying
climate change! Starting with my personal
to google certain spellings in this book, or
favourite … plastic eating mushrooms!
double checking the facts so I can nail the
According to BBC News, These were found jokes first time! Whether you’re googling for
by accident, after a scientist put a sample of work, fun or trying desperately to find that
mushroom into a plastic sponge and came one reaction gif of Pikachu from the new
back later to find that the mushroom in Pokemon movie, its nice to know that the
question had devoured a hole in it. There is a ad-sense money isn't wasted.
lot of push to put these mushrooms onto
With the recipes I’ve chosen, I’ve tried to
plastic waste barges like the ones currently
balance out the unusual with the ones we
in the Pacific Ocean. It is believed that these
already have today. This is my big finale, so I
mushrooms could be modified into food or
thought I’d throw in a couple of bonus
materials for making things, though
recipes that have potential to send off this
personally I’m not ready to try plastic-eating-
book in style. Starting with the more sci-fi
mushroom-pizza until the science has been
dishes and descending into something more
sorted out more concretely.
accessible.
If Garbage ‘shrooms aren’t your style then
To be clear, this isn’t going to save the world
you might prefer the new tulip wind turbines.
on its own, that will take a lot of people and
These flower shaped wind turbines were
direct action against the use of fossil fuel, fast
designed in Amsterdam after their native
fashion brands and major corporations, with
flower as a smaller, quieter, more domestic
just 100 major businesses responsible for
model for getting energy easily and efficiently.
70% of global CO2 emissions in 2017.
It’s said that a cluster of medium size
turbines (roughly 3 metres tall, 3 foot taller
58
 Clone Meat
Chicken Nuggets
According to the Smithsonian, clone
meat and organ growing is being
explored by modern biologists.
However, this also brings up a lot of
questions about the safety of the meat,
the ethics of growing meat in a lab and
whether this qualifies as “playing god.”
They’ve decided to start with lab
grown chicken nuggets because they
require considerably less focus on the
structure of the meat.

Process
Ingredients 1. Prepare the potatoes, peeling them and cutting them
A slab of bright pink into a chip shape (see also, the French revolutionary
clone grown chicken recipes).
A quarter pan
of olive oil 2. Coat the pink chicken pieces in a thin layer of flour.
4 potatoes cut
into chips 3. Stir up the egg and dip the chicken pieces into the
2 eggs egg mix.
100g flour 4. Coat the chicken generously in breadcrumbs until
150g Breadcrumbs there is a thin crispy layer.
5. Fill a pan up with about a third to a
half of oil, Heat up the oil slowly
over a kitchen stove until hot.
6. Fry chicken until the
breadcrumbs become a
golden colour and the
chicken is thoroughly
cooked. Fry the chips
too after the chicken.
7. Remove them from the
oil carefully, pat off
excess oil with a
napkin and serve
with an array
of sauces.

59
Insect Brownies Ingredients
If chicken isn’t your vibe, but you still want to get a meaty protein 400g of light brown
kick, maybe insects might be your style. Insects make up the soft sugar
worlds greatest animal mass, and reproduce quickly making them 165g of cocoa powder
ideal to farm. They also produce far less methane gas than 125g of plain flour
livestock like cattle and with a few inspired recipes could be a very 80g of chocolate
bold and interesting addition to a future menu. chunks or walnuts
20g of buffalo worms
Process 200g of organic butter
2 free range eggs
1. Line a greaseproof tin 1 teaspoon of vanilla
with butter or oil, and extract
flour.
2. Melt the butter and cocoa together in a saucepan.
Add the sugar and vanilla and mix thoroughly.
3. Remove from the heat and mix in the flour, buffalo
worms and then the eggs.
4. Pour into a tin and book at 180 degrees for 20
minutes.

60
Seasonal Vegan
Pumpkin Stir Fry
So this is a very down to earth recipe in comparison. But, if Ingredients
we are going to survive global warming and not entirely rot Peeled pumpkin,
the Ozone layer, it means that the British will have to stop cut into pieces
importing fresh strawberries for desserts in the dead of 2 cloves garlic
winter and even cut back on meat products, even in small A selection of
ways like choosing tomato soup for lunch. mushrooms
2 tbsp vegetable
Process
cooking oil
1. Fry garlic on a medium heat with olive oil. Add pumpkins 1 tbsp soysauce
and mushrooms, stir for 10 minutes. 1 tbsp sugar
Some red chilli and
2. Add the soy sauce and the sugar, and mix together until basils for garnish
flavoured. 1 serving of noodles
3. Boil a set of simple noodles or make from scratch. Drain
the water away and add them to the stir fry.
4. Serve with a sauce of your choosing.

Banana Peel
Pulled Pork
These are some that I
personally don’t have the
courage to try. The BBC
article describes it as “one of
the most controversial recipes” that the
journalist, Laura Young had attempted. I’ve included
the link to her recipes in the citations page, and here
is the tinyURL to the rest of Laura Young’s cullinary
adventures tinyurl.com/fay7xpts.
Process
1. Take your Banana peels and scrape
away the insides with a spoon.
Ingredients
2. Chop lengthways and run a fork down the middle until Banana Peels
you get pulled strips. Then chop off the tops. Oil
Smoked paprika
3. Add the oil, spices, and salt before mixing. Cumin
Chili
4. Leave to marinate and then fry until gold and crispy.
Barbeque Sauce
Add Barbecue sauce and serve!

61
Finally...
Oat Milk Hot Chocolate
Honestly this recipe barely
Ingredients
qualifies as the food of the future,
1 litre Oat
this is the food of the present. If I
Chocolate milkshake
go to any university campus I can
Oat milk vanilla
find someone drinking fancy oat
ice cream
milk drinks at every table, so why
Cocoa powder
not throw in something sweet
to serve
and good for the planet!
1 Small red Chili
Process
1. Finely chop the chilli, add to the chocolate drink and heat
gently.
2. Pour the chocolate drink into mugs, using a sieve to
remove the chili.
3. Serve the hot chocolate with a spoonful of vanilla ice
cream and sprinkle with a little cocoa powder.

62
REFERENCE SHEET
Vandalism
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/61841/11
-samples-authentic-viking-graffiti
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/541713/e
xamples-ancient-graffiti
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/32276/11
-colorful-phrases-ancient-roman-graffiti
Classical Celtic Cuisine (Celtic)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cernunnos
https://druidry.org/resources/morrigan
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhiannon
https://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/celts/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzQojmrJ
X3s
Fruited Bread
http://www.putnoemowsburyfriends.org.uk/p
df/Iron_Age_recipes %5B1%5D.pdf
Boar Stew
https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/food-
drink/eating-irish-iron-age-ancestors
https://www.aliisaacstoryteller.com/post/eating
-like-the-ancestors-an-experiment-in-irish-
iron-age-cuisine
Berries and cream / Soft cheeses
Mowsburyfriends.org downloaded recipes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKae1k1
BDdA
https://www.hamilton-
trust.org.uk/topics/unit/1817-cooking-iron-age
-food/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VytJ6pgb
mRE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVx-
O9ZYa3A
Gladiator Grub (Roman)
https://www.businessinsider.com/fast-food-
ancient-rome-history-2018-4?r=US&IR=T
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julius_Caesar#Ru
mors_of_passive_ homosexuality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfbXQFs
OtDo
https://www.nationalgeographic.org/media/ro
man-empire-road-and-trade-network/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHMRLoJ
Z5JA
https://fascinatinghistory.blogspot.com/2005/0
5/julius-caesars-bisexuality.html
Faux Dormouse Glires
https://www.thenovium.org/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvpJTlYJ
8k0
Fish Platter, Bass, Prawns, Shellfish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCSMo01
kvA&list=WL&index=16
https://historicalitaliancooking.home.blog/engli
sh/recipes/ ancient-sicilian-sea-bass-4th-
century-bce/
https://blog.britishmuseum.org/cook-a-
classical-feast-nine-recipes-from-ancient-greec
e-and-rome/
Makeshift Roman Cheesecake
https://historicalitaliancooking.home.blog/engli
sh/recipes/savillum-ancient-roman-
cheesecake/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1SggjJp
Dvo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-
qfCrzx6ndg
https://blog.britishmuseum.org/cook-a-
classical-feast-nine-recipes-from-ancient-greec
e-and-rome/
https://redcipes.com/recipe/ancient-roman-
cheesecake-savillum-namaste-mama/
Egyptian Dining
http://www.historicalcookingproject.com/201
4/12/guest-post-ancient-egyptian-bread-
by.html?m=1
https://www.foodtimeline.org/foodfaq3.html#
egypt
https://www.experience-ancient-
egypt.com/ancient-egyptian-culture/ancient-egDinner at Versailles
yptian-life/ancient-egyptian-food
https://www.historymuseum.ca/cmc/exhibitio
ns/civil/egypt/egcl02e. html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ful_medames
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6EhRwn
4zkc
Date Balls
https://youtu.be/tvqKmOm5ygI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lnkiv5Vd 017/08/family-and-food-during-french-
qI
https://www.pepperandpine.com/how-to-
make-vegan-date-balls-ancient-egypt/
Flatbread
https://youtu.be/biE0ifWNfU4 “Restorative”
http://www.historicalcookingproject.com/201 https://archive.org/details/frenchcook01udego
4/12/guest-post-ancient-egyptian-bread-
by.html?m=1
Ful Madames
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPrm3m
wjMBM&list=WL&index=17
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/vie
ws/ful-medames-352993
The Viking Mead Hall (Viking)
https://www.fotevikensmuseum.se/d/en/viking
ar/hur/mat/recept
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/a
rticle/eat-like-viking-food-cooking-diet-fare
Porridge
https://ribevikingecenter.dk/en/learn-
more/food/food-porridge-i.aspx
https://en.natmus.dk/historical-
knowledge/denmark/
prehistoric-period-until-1050-ad/the-viking-
age/food/bread-and-porridge/
https://www.ancient-origins.net/history-
ancient-traditions/ viking-food-0014285
Salmon
https://www.sbs.com.au/food/recipes/viking-
salmon-flatbread-and-skagen-sauce
https://www.ribevikingecenter.dk/en/learn-
more/viking-slow-food/
recipes/planked-salmon-with-wild-garlic.aspx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doy4kn
WLCIA&list=WL&index=12
Below Decks (1700s Pirates/Sailors)
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/a
rticle/eat-like-a-pirate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWwMft
FGs4o&list=WL&index=17
https://liquordigest.blogspot.com/2011/05/wh
at-did-pirates-drink. html?m=1
https://www.rmg.co.uk/stories/topics/golden-
age-piracy
https://allthatsinteresting.com/matelotage
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Bonny
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zheng_Yi_Sao
Brandy Water!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5XEwT
DlriE
hard tack + grog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEXEW
wQ5mnw&t=328s
https://youtu.be/FyjcJUGuFV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyjcJUGu
FVg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPTdSM
OQRnY
Smoked Meat/Jerky (Buccaneer)
https://jerryhedrick.blogspot.com/2018/04/the ble-gyoza
-jerky-buccaneer-brief-history-of.html?m=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdmPIp
QZPRg
Pie with Regional Fruit
https://archive.org/details/TheArtOfCookery/ Th9deXXbo7htq21CUPqEPPGuc
page/n8/mode/1up
https://shakespeareandbeyond.folger.edu/201 johngoog
7/11/14/pumpkin-pie-recipe-17th-century-
england/#pumpkin-recipe
63
(Pre-revolutionary France)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat
_cake
https://www.foodtimeline.org/foodcolonial.ht
ml#frenchrevolution
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-
culture/when-food-changed-history-the-frenc
h-revolution-93598442/
https://stravaganzastravaganza.blogspot.com/2
revolution.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savoy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQlanfO
un64&list=WL&index=10
Economic Soup for the Poor
og
https://stravaganzastravaganza.blogspot.com/2
017/08/family-and-food-during-french-
revolution.html
Potato Banquet
https://www.geriwalton.com/man-who-made-
potatoes-popular-in-france/
Fries
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNVUd_
RllI0&list=WL&index=4
Parmentier
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/user/649114/r
ecipe/rosemary-parmentier-potatoes
Marie Antoninette's tea party
https://theculturetrip.com/europe/france/paris
/articles/the-history-of-the-delicious-macaron/
https://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/recipes/e
asy-macaroons/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macaron
Tea with the Emperor (pre-meji Dynesty
Japan)
https://www.ehow.com/about_5370714_histo
ry-japanese-medieval-food.html
https://www.grunge.com/236802/what-life-
was-like-as-a-samurai-in-feudal-japan/
https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2096.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFyJGXic
gPY&t=158s
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Ai_of_
Han
https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/program
s/stuff-the-british-stole/
Sushi
https://www.foodtimeline.org/foodasian.html#
sushi
https://www.historytoday.com/archive/historia
ns-cookbook/short-history-sushi
https://www.pbs.org/food/fresh-tastes/how-
to-make-sushi-with-step-by-step-breakdown/
Tempura
https://www.justonecookbook.com/tempura-
recipe/
https://www.history.co.uk/articles/the-
surprising-history-behind-your-favourite-japan
ese-cuisine
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/temp
ura-batter
Gyoza Dumplings
https://www.recipetineats.com/gyoza-
japanese-dumplings-potstickers/
https://ajinomotojawo.pl/en/gyoza/
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gyoza
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/vegeta
Supper and seances (Victorian)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-
37654373
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx2QMoA1
https://archive.org/details/cookandhousewif00
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-
and-drink/victorian-cookbook-recipes-19th-ce
ntury-mrs-beeton-book-household- 930s-meatloaf-recipe.html Beef Stroganoff with Pelmeni Dough
management-a8286401.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgroNpg https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/beef_stro
https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/10136 AR4M ganoff_16029
/pg10136-images.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p- https://recipes.fandom.com/wiki/Elena_Molok
https://www.flandershealth.us/lead- GVl7scrYE hovets%27_Beef_Strogonoff
poisoning/arsenic-in-wallpaper.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgroNpg
AR4M Kyiv Cake
Colonies and Curries https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyiv_cake
https://www.secondshistory.com/home/victori Wacky Cake https://en.womanexpertus.com/kievskij-tort-
an-curry-history https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_cake kak-v-sssr-dva-retsepta-prigotovleniya-v-doma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WTyHi https://www.foodtimeline.org/foodcakes.html shnih-usloviyah/
MvD7Y&list=WL&index=14 #wackycake https://letthebakingbegin.com/kiev-cake-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZV7Ium hazelnut-meringue-cherry/
Bone Marrow Pasties pB70 https://letthebakingbegin.com/kiev-cake/
http://www.foodsofengland.co.uk/marrowspin https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-
achpasties.htm ideas/a32306543/wacky-cake-recipe/ Ancient Alcoholics
https://archive.org/details/closetofsirkenel00di https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5XEwT
gb/page/158/mode/2up?q=bone+marrow+p Rations in Fashion (WW2) DlriE
asty+spinage
https://archive.org/details/PotatoesInPopular
Ways/page/n3/mode/2up Mead
Fudge https://archive.org/details/TomatoesOnYourTa https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/classic ble/page/n16/mode/2up how-to-make-mead
-fudge https://the1940sexperiment.com/100- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MAB-
http://www.thenibble.com/reviews/main/cand wartime-recipes/ VVqjOE&list=WL&index=9
y/old/history-of-fudge2.asp https://www.history.com/news/world-war-ii- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h4klZl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDh68q innovations 5Kc&list=WL&index=8
ACyw8 ration guide: https://www.historic-
https://www.vassar.edu/vq/issues/2013/02/vass uk.com/CultureUK/Rationing-in-World-War-T Rome
ar-yesterday/ wo/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2QZoL
hlh40
Saloon Dinner (Cowboys) Preserves
https://www.legendsofamerica.com/we- https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/world_wa Egyptian beer
frontierrecipes/ r_two_foods
https://www.chroniclesoftheoldwest.com/chuc https://youtu.be/izpoexYN1-8
https://the1940sexperiment.com/2013/08/13/
kwagon.shtml summer-berry-jam-recipe-no-115/ https://www.homebrewersassociation.org/zy
https://archive.org/details/whatmrsfisherkno00 murgy/pharaoh-ale-brewing-a-replica-of-an-
fishrich/page/n9/mode/2up ancient-egyptian-beer/
Toad in the Hole https://passtheflamingo.com/2017/03/29/ancie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMycRBIX https://the1940sexperiment.com/2013/08/11/ nt-recipe-egyptian-beer-egypt-ca-5000-bce/
TWk toad-in-the-hole-recipe-no-114/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dxOmk https://passtheflamingo.com/2017/03/29/ancie
cadbury ration biscuits nt-recipe-egyptian-beer-egypt-ca-5000-bce/
egUrM
https://the1940sexperiment.com/2012/03/04/
chocolate-biscuits-chocolate-spread/ Sake
Cowboy Breakfast with Coffee
https://www.ophdenver.com/history-cowboy- https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2007/10/1
Space Race Servings 6/reference/sake-barrels-at-shrines/
breakfast/
https://www.businessinsider.com/astronaut- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtbZFz
https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/food- food-in-space-timeline-2019-7?r=US&IR=T# WvTIo&list=WL&index=10
drink/cowboys-recipes-thatll-put-hair-on-your- 1971-apollo-15-astronauts-ate-apricot-bars-
chest/ on-the-moons-surface-6 http://www.thewinepages.org.uk/tradsake.htm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQBZZ6 https://science.howstuffworks.com/space- https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sake
P3aB0 food1.htm https://homebrewsake.com/sake-brewing-in-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UAoT2 https://www.foodtimeline.org/spacefood.html the-19th-century/?doing_wp_cron=1630760
038.0498640537261962890625
1eqXI
https://www.nasa.gov/aeroresearch/resources/
https://www.legendsofamerica.com/we- artifact-opportunities/space-food/
oldwestrecipes/ Food of the Future
https://www.nasa.gov/feature/space-station-
https://www.food.com/recipe/cowboy- 20th-food-on-iss https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-
breakfast-62696 57733178
astronaut fruit cake?
https://extinctionrebellion.uk/
One Shot Pot https://www.foodtimeline.org/spacefood.html
#astronautfruitcake insects
http://cowboytocowboy.com/wordpress/categ https://www.bugfarmfoods.com/recipes/very-
ory/old-west-recipes/page/5/ https://airandspace.si.edu/collection- easy-bug-brownies/
objects/space-food-date-fruitcake-apollo-11-
white/nasm_A19860578000
Cobbler Oatmilk
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cobbler_(food)# Space Food Sticks https://www.oatly.com/uk/christmas-recipes
North_America https://www.cooks.com/recipe/pp7il8l8/space- https://help-dad.com/dad-recipes/
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collect food-sticks.html
ion/cobbler-recipes https://blog.generalmills.com/2019/07/space- Clonemeat
food-sticks-went-to-the-moon-too/ https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-
Dustbowl Dinners (1930s) https://www.vice.com/en/article/nzk74q/inside news/lab-grown-meat-earns-approval-be-sold
https://library.duke.edu/rubenstein/scriptoriu -the-rise-fall-and-stoner-rebirth-of-pillsburys- -first-time-ever-180976460/
m/eaa/cookbooks/CK0045/CK0045-01- 70s-space-food https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAyYCE3
72dpi.html vFrM
https://www.dailypreppernews.com/what- Space Bacon https://www.theguardian.com/environment/20
people-ate-during-the-great-depression/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA3UaC 20/dec/02/no-kill-lab-grown-meat-to-go-on-
https://www.survivalsullivan.com/great- Xuyz4 sale-for-first-time
depression-recipes/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooverville Communist Russia/USSR Post Global Warming Veganism (w/ noodles)
https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/war- https://www.eater.com/2015/9/17/9347663/c https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collect
famine-pestilence-and-design/ ccp-cookbook-preview ion/vegan-noodle-recipes
https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/the- https://serenetrail.com/vegan-stir-fry-noodles/
Potato Pancakes book-of-tasty-and-healthy-food/
https://www.recipelink.com/msgbrd/board_14 https://www.upi.com/Archives/1981/02/13/S Carbon Neutral in Season Crops
/2011/JUN/36398.html mugglers-thrive-in-divided- https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/categ
https://illinoiscollegehi262.wordpress.com/202 Berlin/7978350888400/ ory/all-seasonal
0/04/28/great-depression-gardens-1930s/ https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/features/wha
https://littlethings.com/lifestyle/depression- Borscht ts-in-season-december
era-recipes/2444536-9 https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/200
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vc8_Jsqzf 8/mar/15/foodanddrink.travelfoodanddrink Recipes that use Waste Products
TE https://www.jhpostcards.com/products/ukraini https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4
an-borscht-soup-recipes-1988-russia-ussr- HkdS1SxsKSG39fmyZRt0kJ/six-zero-waste-
Meatloaf unused recipes-to-help-you-save-the-planet
http://www.vintagerecipeblog.com/2014/10/1 https://www.lesswastelaura.com/

64
THANK YOU

So, I began this journey when the “Chilluminati” podcast, a podcast that
specialises in true crime and urban legends, mentioned in passing that the
ancient Romans had a drive through restaurant (which, it turns out is
true). Thank you to the Chilluminati boys for the idea, you probably don’t
know I exist.

I decided that if I could cobble together some of the interesting recipes and
fun facts, then I could create a cool, light-hearted cookbook as a passion
project and flog it for a bit of pocket money. Nothing substantial of course,
but enough to keep me busy. I thought it would be easy, “like printing money”
… turns out that proper research is honest work for honest pay. This fact, of
course, disappoints me.

My sources vary a tad, from academic pieces in the Smithsonian museum

blog and NASA’s online resources, to amateur Youtube enthusiasts, listicles
and Wikipedia pages discussing the sexual history of famous intellectuals. I
would like to thank all of them, and I’ve cited them all so they get the
proper credit they deserve! But also so I can wipe my hands of historical
integrity, blame my sources if I’m wrong.

I would like to thank my beta readers for reading their segment and saying
so many nice things about them, by the time you’re reading this, my beta
readers have received their vouchers from the raffle. I hope you enjoy the
bath products and book vouchers you’ve received.

And special thanks for Olivia Mottershaw for giving me the motivation I
needed, as well as Armando Palletella for the titular recipe, as well as plenty
of jokes about Italy.

Finally an extra special thank you to a detractor of mine in a social media

forum, for interpreting my vague enjoyment of pirate myths and my dislike
of the Victorian era as a moral argument. Specifically, they thought that me
thinking the myth of Anne Bonnie was cooler than dying of Mercury
poisoning in the 1800s meant that I personally supported rape, pillage,
swordplay and ill-fitting, flowy shirts. To be clear, I only recommend two of
these things.

Special thanks and credit to the photographers at unsplash.com/ and illustrators at Vecteezy.com
I would like to thank Sarah Garwood for her hard work with the graphic design.
She caught the vibe I was after immediately and knocked it out of the park every time!
sarahagarwood@outlook.com
 EVER WONDERED HOW TO MAKE BEER FIT FOR A PHARAOH?
WHAT ABOUT THE ORIGINS OF MINI-GOLF AND EGGLESS
CHOCOLATE CAKE? WELL, WE HAVE THE BOOK FOR YOU!
IN THIS AMATEUR COOKBOOK WE WILL EXPLORE THE CONTEXT,
INNOVATION AND PECULIAR CHOICES BEHIND HISTORY’S MOST
FUNDAMENTAL RECIPES.

Test readers had this to say...

Viking Section
"absolutely brilliant, recipes will deffo try and the humour is actually top-notch
rather than bog standard dad jokes, I’d buy it."

The only historian that got back to my request had this to say:
"A quirky style I must admit, but all the information in it was correct"
Zoe Walker (no relation) from the Jorvik Viking Centre in York.

French Revolution
"Hey! Just given it a read through and love it! I'm currently lying in bed
and chuckling to myself on some of the references."

Ancient Celtic Recipes

"Celt one is great!! I love it (: It's a really fun and well thought-out piece to read."

Roman Section
"I found it hilarious, I enjoyed the tongue in cheek when describing
Roman hedonism and the dormouse recipe."

World War Two

"I like your writing style, I feel like it stands out if that makes sense.
You could probably be a bit of an internet personality"

If you decide to try these recipes, contact @roman_cheesecake

on Instagram and we’ll be happy to showcase your creations!