Private Practice Season 1 Episodes 1-9

1×01 – IN WHICH WE MEET ADDISON, A NICE GIRL FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE

(Addison is in the scrub room at Seattle Grace Hospital. Richard enters)

Richard: Why is there a letter of resignation on my desk?

Addison: I told you, I got a job offer.

Richard: I don't want to hear this again. Working at a private medical co-op, moving to LA, this is not my Addison. My

Addison is a world-class neonatal surgeon. My Addison lives to cut.

Addison: Your Addison would have been promoted to Chief of Surgery. So stop Addison-ing me. I want a change, I need a

change and this is how I'm going to do it. In LA at that practice with those people.

Richard: You don't know anything about those people.

Addison: I know plenty. My best friend, Naomi, from med school, She’s a fertility specialist there and she's an amazing

woman.

(Naomi is sitting on the bathroom floor crying and eating cake. There is a knock on the door)

Naomi: Mother just needs a moment to herself.

Addison: Her ex-husband, Sam, is an internist. You wish you had his people skills.

(Sam is just waking up and rubbing his eyes)

Sam: We can't keep doing this. I love you, I do. We’re in this together but we got to make a change.

(There is a dog chewing up the pillows.)

Addison: Violet is a psychiatrist, and she's incredible. Grounded, strong.

(Violet makes a phone call, a man answers the phone)

Man: Hello? Hello? Violet, you have to stop calling here. I'm married now.

Addison: Cooper, a pediatrician, one of the best in his field. A pro.

(Cooper is handcuffed to a bed frame)

Cooper: Lisa, that Oh, God, I'm sorry. Lily, right? Your name's Lily, right? Sorry. Yeah. I'm getting a little uncomfortable, if

you… (The other person leaves the room slamming the door) Lori! Lori!

(Pete and Addison are kissing in the stairwell)

Addison: And Pete, he does alternative medicine. As a surgeon I don't believe in that kind of thing but the man is a healer.

(Addison is still talking with Richard)

Addison: So, I know exactly what I'm getting myself into.

Richard: You think you're going to go there and do what? Wear jeans, walk on the beach, dance in your underwear?

Addison: Maybe I'll dance naked.

Richard: You belong in the OR. You'll be back in less than a month begging for your job.

Addison: No, I won't. I am changing my life. Now I can walk away angry or I can walk away with your blessing. Either way

Richard, I'm going.

Richard: I'll keep your job open as long as I can. Come here.

(They hug)

(Addison gets out of the shower in her new LA home. She starts dancing in her towel. She drops her towel and suddenly

sees Sam)
Addison: Sam?

Sam: Addison?

(In her robe, Addison is out front talking with Sam)

Sam: How did you end up getting a house right next door to me?

Addison: Naomi said that you had the best realtor.

Sam: Naomi said? Addison, what are you doing here?

Addison: It's not like I look bad naked. A lot of men have enjoyed seeing me naked, a lot. A lot of men. Well, not a lot. I

mean, eight. Well...eleven.

Sam: No, here, in Los Angeles. Here.

Addison: I...didn't Naomi tell you?

Sam: Tell me what?

(Addison enters Oceanside Wellness Group)

Dell: (On the phone) Oceanside Wellness Group

Addison: Hi, Dell, right? Where's Naomi?

Dell: (On phone) Right...

Addison: I need to know where Naomi is...

Naomi: Mr. Wilson, you guys can come on back now, ok?

(Addison walks over to Naomi)

Naomi: Hey, hi. You moved in, everything good?

Addison: Why didn't...

(Sam enters)

Sam: Naomi! I need to talk to you.

(Mr. Wilson and Leslie walk over)

Mr. Wilson: So, uh, hey Dr. Bennett.

Sam: Hi.

Mr. Wilson: Putting my boys in a cup, gonna get Leslie pregnant.

Leslie: I'm ovulating, finally.

Sam: Congratulations, that's great.

Mr. Wilson: Never done it into a cup before.

Sam: Yeah.

Naomi: Yeah.

Sam: That can be kind of...Naomi.

Naomi: Yeah. Dell, can you take Ken and Leslie back to exam room number one. I'm gonna be right with you guys, ok.

Thanks.

Dell: Yeah.

Naomi: Just in the conference room, please.

Sam: Fine.

Naomi: Don't worry.

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(Violet enters)

Violet: Addison. Hi.

Addison: Hi.

Violet: Nice to see you.

Addison: Hello. Oh. So...what happened to the amicable divorce?

Violet: It's progressive decompensation of repressed rage secondary to feelings of abandonment…It's shrink talk for Naomi

finally getting pissed off that Sam left her.

Addison: Ooh.

Violet: What are they mad about now?

Addison: Naomi didn't tell Sam that she hired me.

Violet: To work here?

(Cooper walks out carrying a little boy)

Cooper: Oh, oh, oh, here he is, all good. Oh, but...next time you want to hide your vegetables, feed them to the dog. But

you can't shove 'em up your nose. Your nose if off-limits as a hiding place. Okay?

(He sees Sam and Naomi fighting)

Cooper: Ooh! Mommy and daddy are fighting again. Addison. Cooper.

Addison: Cooper.

Cooper: Remember me?

Addison: Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Cooper: Handsome with a...

Violet: Hi, Cooper.

(Pete walks up)

Pete: Hi.

Addison: Pete, hello.

Peter: You're back in town.

Violet: Yes. She works here. Naomi hired her.

Pete: You're working here?

Addison: Yeah.

Cooper: Welcome aboard. Oh.

Addison: So Naomi didn't tell any of you that I was coming?

(Pete and Sam are in an exam room talking)

Sam: It's a power play. Naomi's trying to show that she has the power.

Pete: Why did Addison take the job anyway? Wasn't she some big hotshot in Seattle?

(Violet enters)

Violet: Is it just me, or did Naomi just run over us with a steamroller?

Pete: Is she crazy?

Sam: Oh, well, Naomi's insane.

Pete: I mean Addison. Is she some kind of crazy person who gets kissed once and decides to change her whole life?

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Cooper: You kissed Addison? Really?

Sam and Violet: Focus!

Violet: Look, I know she has the largest chunk of this practice, but we agreed to equal votes. We are supposed to vote.

Sam, you gotta do something. Yeah.

Sam: What, me?

Violet: This divorce is killing us. You need to apologize.

Pete: Just say you were wrong for walking out so we can get back to being a happy family.

Violet: Yeah.

Sam: I never...I...I didn't...I am not apologizing to her. She's the one. Naomi hires Addison and then moves her in right next

door to me. I saw her naked this morning.

Cooper: You saw her naked?

Pete: Does she look good naked?

Sam and Violet: Focus!

(Naomi is in the hall with Leslie and Mr. Wilson)

Mr. Wilson: So I just have to get it in the cup?

Naomi: Yeah, just get it in the cup.

Mr. Wilson: I want a kid. I've always wanted a kid. But this is just...

Naomi: You know, a lot of our clients are nervous. But just remember, once you have the baby in your arms, how it got here

won't matter.

Mr. Wilson: Eyes on the prize.

Naomi: Yeah, eyes on the prize.

Mr. Wilson: Okay.

(Naomi walks into another hall where Addison is)

Naomi: Oh, okay. 5-cent tour. Exam rooms-two is for peds, uh, three has the gynie exam table in it. You and I will share it.

Addison: You didn't tell them you hired me.

Naomi: Oh, they'll get over it. It's fine. Scrub sinks are over there. We contract with the lab downstairs.

Addison: Yeah, Na, I don't think it's fine to them. To them, I am the interloper. I don't lope.

Naomi: I own 55% of the practice. I made a decision.

Addison: Yeah, they have to live with that decision. I have to live with...

Naomi: They will get over it. Okay, here's your birthing suite.

Addison: But I deliver babies in a hospital.

Naomi: You used to deliver babies in a hospital. Now unless it's a C-section, you deliver babies here. It's very popular with

the patients.

Addison: Okay. Uh, so I guess I should meet my staff. I don't have a staff. Okay. Um, let me see if I...understand this. I left a

hospital with a state-of-the-art OB-GYN Wing and a staff of 60...

Naomi: You'll have Dell. He's studying to be a midwife.

Addison: The cute boy who answers the phone?

Naomi: Plus you'll have Pete. Laboring moms love Pete.

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Addison: The alternative medicine guru? Do you know how many babies I deliver a day?

Naomi: Well, here you'll be lucky if you deliver one.

Addison: One patient the entire day?

Naomi: I told you, we do things differently here. This may be a big city, but this co-op is about practicing small-town

medicine. Every patient is special, every patient gets our full attention. It's not about surgeries. It's about connecting. I...I

told you this.

Addison: Yeah, I know. I know. I just...I didn't think it'd be one patient the entire day.

Naomi: You wanted change. This is it.

Addison: Yeah. This is it.

(Naomi and Addison walk into the hall. Pete, Cooper and Violet are waiting)

Violet: Hey, Naomi. Uh, we need to talk to you.

Addison: I'm just gonna go some...

Naomi: No, stay. She is staying.

Violet: You can't just do this. You can't bring in somebody without a vote.

Pete: Yeah, this is not...(they hear groaning) this is not a, uh...what is that?

Naomi: Just get...

Cooper: Somebody's getting happy.

Naomi: No, it's just Mr. Wilson giving a sperm deposit. Get away from the door.

Cooper: That's a loud deposit.

Pete: Go, Mr. Wilson.

Naomi: You guys are so immature.

Addison: This is, uh, definitely different.

Cooper: 'Cause his neighbors have got to be making noise complaints.

Naomi: Just go.

(Leslie runs out the door)

Leslie: Help! Please, come quick. I was just trying to help him get in the mood, and now he's not moving. What's wrong with

him?

Sam: His pupil's blown. He's having a stroke.

(They enter the hospital)

Sam: All right, he's had three rounds of epi and a 200 lido bolus. Defib times 5 on scene.

Doctor: Get out of my way. Hold CPR. How long has he been down?

Sam: Uh, at least 20 minutes.

Doctor: I'm gonna call it.

Leslie: What? What about those? Don't you want the shocky things?

Doctor: He's been down too long. No point in turning this into a show.

Leslie: No! No! Use the shocky things.

Sam: I'm sorry. He's gone.

Doctor: Time of death...9:42 A.M.

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Leslie: No. We...we were gonna have a baby. He was...he was gonna be a dad. I...I...I want...I want...I want his sperm.

Sam: Uh, he didn't get a chance to make his...his donation before he died.

Leslie: But you can take it from him now.

Sam: What?

Leslie: I want his sperm. I want Ken's sperm now!

(Cooper and Violet are in the lunch room)

Violet: I get Naomi's mad...hell hath no fury and all that. And I know the practice needs an OB-GYN, but since when do we

not vote?

Cooper: I had sex with this woman last night.

Violet: The reason we started this practice is so we could be in charge of our own destiny.

Cooper: Very real, you know, internet sex. But she wanted me to call her mama, but she promised all this really freaky stuff,

and I'm talkin', like, stuff.

Violet: Okay. Eww. That's it. I'm done.

Cooper: No. What? Why?

Violet: Because you're a sex addict or an internet addict or some kind of freaky addict.

Cooper: Yeah, and you're a stalker. You're stalking your married ex-boyfriend.

Violet: I am not. I'm...calling him occasionally.

Cooper: Stalker.

Violet: Okay, you know what? That's it. I...I'm cutting you off, for your own good. You ain't gettin' no help from me.

Cooper: Oh, come on, stalker.

Violet: I'm not a stalker!

(Addison enters)

Addison: Hey. I, uh...just wanted to say that I am really sorry about Naomi and the job.

Violet: I...I got a 911 page.

Cooper: Do you think there's something wrong with, uh, having sex with a woman who wants you to call her...mama?

(Dell enters)

Dell: Uh... there's a patient for you.

Cooper: Thank god.

Dell: No, not him. You.

(They go into the waiting room)

Dell: Uh, this is Bill Henderson and his daughter Lucy. This is Dr. Montgomery. She'll be delivering your baby.

Addison: Hi.

Lucy: Ow!

(Lucy starts having a contraction)

Bill: Yeah, it hurts. It hurts, doesn't it? That's what you get for getting pregnant. She hid it from me for months, and then all

of a sudden it's, "Daddy, I'm in labor."

Addison: How about we get you into the birthing suite? Dell, see if we have a chart on Lucy.

Dell: Hey, can I get in on this? I haven't gotten a lot of field experience for my midwife training. I...I need the hours.

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Addison: How about you just find the chart?

(Sam, Leslie and the ER doctor are talking)

Sam: Ken's sperm...you want us to take Ken's sperm right out of... are you sure?

Leslie: I’m sure. I mean, you can do it, right?

Doctor: Look here. You're distressed. I understand. But unless you have written consent from the deceased, no way am I

gonna let you molest your husband's corpse.

Sam: Well...okay, well, let's not use words like, uh, "molest" or "corpse" about her loved one. And it's her boyfriend, not her

husband.

Doctor: Oh. Well, fine. She wants sperm of a man she has no legal rights to. That makes it all better. No.

Sam: Okay. Hey, let's...can we stop... uh, Charlotte, right?

Charlotte: You know my name, Sam. Don't act like you don't. I'm Chief of Staff here, and you know it.

Sam: You and I, we...we can work on this together. We can figure this out because I'm a good person, you're a good

person. We...I mean we can-right? We can... together

Charlotte: I did read your book, by the way.

Sam: Oh, great.

Charlotte: I took issue with most of it.

Sam: See, now I'm on her side. We want Ken's sperm, or you got a fight on your hands.

Charlotte: That dead man's swimmers are staying exactly where they are. You got a way to fight me on that, I'd like to see

you try.

Sam: Oh. I'm calling Naomi on you.

(Addison is in the hall with Cooper)

Cooper: Lucy Henderson. Uh, she was my patient till she got pregnant.

Addison: No previous medical problems. It looks good. Mm-hmm. Well, the dad is mad as hell. I could use your help in

there.

Cooper: Oh, uh, yeah. No. That...down there is not my area. So when the baby comes out, I'd be happy to examine it. Until

then, godspeed.

(Pete overhears)

Pete: Give me two secs to grab my kit. I'll join you...

Addison: For?

Pete: If you'd read further in her chart, you'd see she has a holistic birth plan.

Addison: Oh, my god. Are you kidding me?

Pete: Laboring moms love Pete. Hey, listen, um...you moving here, that didn't have anything to do with me kissing you, did

it?

Addison: What?

Pete: It's okay. It's just that... well, you should know it was just a kiss.

Addison: Wait a minute. You think that I moved here because you kissed me?

Pete: It was a good kiss. It was an excellent kiss. But..

Addison: Stop talking. All right. I did not move here because you kissed me.

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Pete: Okay.

Addison: You are actually deranged enough to think that I would pick up my entire life and move because of a kiss? Let me

clear that up for you. I wouldn't.

Pete: Okay.

Addison: Shut up. Just...just go in there and do your little eastern voodoo thing you do, and let's help that girl have her baby

in peace.

(Naomi walks up to Sam)

Naomi: What do you expect me to do? He was your patient.

Sam: My patient's dead. This is about your patient who wants a dead man's sperm. Besides, I got mad.

Naomi: You got mad?

Sam: I got mad.

Naomi: You got mad?

Sam: Apparently neither one of us can make good decisions when we're mad.

Naomi: Another doctor in the practice who can bill is a very good decision.

Sam: We agreed that when we split, we would not let it affect the work.

Naomi: My work is fine. In fact, watch me take care of my patient.

(Charlotte walks up)

Charlotte: Where do you think you're going?

Naomi: If the hospital's not gonna touch the body, then I will.

Charlotte: You lay a hand on that man, and I will have you arrested. I'm not a person who plays games, Naomi. You know

that. Now please step back.

Naomi: Okay, now I'm mad.

Sam: I told you.

(Dell enters the room where Addison is)

Dell: You know, I...I...I could help. You know, with Lucy.

Addison: I'm good.

Dell: You don't take me seriously.

Addison: What?

Dell: You think I'm dumb surfer boy. You think I'm eye candy. You have no respect for me or my midwifery skills.

Addison: I have...total respect for you and your...midwifery skills? Is...is that even a word, midwifery?

Dell: It's a word. It's definitely a word.

(Violet enters a department store where a woman is on the floor counting tiles)

Violet: Jenny?

Paul: She's been counting the tiles for over an hour. You know this lady?

Violet: Yes, I do. What the hell happened to her?

Paul: She had your card in her wallet.

Violet: Well, thank you. Thank you for calling me.

Paul: My sister, she's got mental problems. She's a good person, but she's got mental problems. That's why I called you

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before I called the cops.

Violet: Oh, you...we don't need the police. I can handle this.

Paul: Can you do it quick? I mean, she can't stay on the floor like that. She's obstructing customer flow and if she's dang...

Violet: Look, if you give me some time, I will take her out of your hair. Can you do that for me, uh, Paul? Can you do that?

Paul: I guess.

Violet: Thank you.

(Violet gets down on the floor)

Violet: You're getting charged by the hours, so you might as well hear me.

(Birthing suite)

Pete: Inhale. Exhale.

Lucy: Ooh.

Pete: Focus on me. Exhale. Deep breaths. In. Out. Good. Good. Much better.

Lucy: My dad, he...he's just mad. I...I want this baby. I...I just...I screwed up. I'm such a screw-up.

Addison: Hey, Lucy...listen... everyone screws up once in a while. And in this room, you get a free pass. Okay?

Lucy: Okay.

(Naomi and Sam are still at the hospital)

Naomi: These are Ken and Leslie's medical records, including Ken's signature on a contract with my office regarding his

donation. Now I think that is more than implied.

Charlotte: Live consent is different...you're considering this?

Chief: It could be persuasive in court. Your patient will sign something indemnifying us against legal action?

Naomi: She just wants her baby.

Charlotte: Fine. You do the procedure. You take possession of the sperm.

Naomi: Thank you for your help.

(Naomi and Sam walks away)

Sam: Well done. Very badass.

Naomi: I know. Right? Get away from me.

(They enter the room where Leslie is)

Naomi: It's good.

(A woman walks up)

Mrs. Wilson: Are you Dr. Naomi Bennett?

Naomi: I am.

Mrs. Wilson: You better get that little tramp's claws off my husband's sperm, or I will sue you and this place so fast, your

head will spin.

Naomi: Who are you?

Mrs. Wilson: I'm Ken Wilson's wife.

(Violet is with Jenny)

Violet: Jenny, did something happen to make you feel out of control here in the store? Okay, well, we've been working on

rage directed toward your husband for leaving you. Are...are you angry? That's okay. Feel the feelings. Get angry. Let...let's

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talk about getting angry.

Paul: She's not answering.

Violet: Yeah, I got that, Paul.

Paul: Now what's the deal? She, uh, gets upset, so she goes crazy with the counting?

Violet: Well, for many people counting establishes...a sense of order. Oh, my god. When did my knees turn 80?

Paul: We got knee pads on aisle eight.

Violet: No. Hey, Jenny...can you look up at me? Can you...can you look into my eyes? Come on, Jenny. I know you can do

this.

(Jenny knocks Violet over)

Jenny: Aah!

Paul: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You okay?

Violet: Yes, I'm fine.

Paul: You sure?

Violet: Yes.

(Birthing Suite)

Dell: Just checking to see if you need anything, any help.

Addison: We're all good. Okay, Lucy, you ready to push?

Lucy: Please.

Addison: Uh, Mr. Henderson, your daughter's gonna start pushing now. Would you like to come and sit by her side?

Bill: For what?

Dell: You know, why don't you just squeeze my hand, okay, if you need to?

Lucy: Okay.

Addison: Okay. Lucy, you ready?

Lucy: Yeah.

Addison: Okay, go ahead and push. Good. Push. Good. Good. Push. That's good. Push.

Pete: Stop. Stop. She's short of breath with JVD.

Addison: I thought eastern medicine was your thing.

Pete: I have a lot of things. Now she's short of breath with JVD. Do you want to double-check or you gonna trust me?

Addison: The baby's in distress. Okay, Lucy, don't push for right now, all right? Just give me a minute, okay?

Dell: Dr. Montgomery, something's wrong with her.

Addison: Lucy? Lucy. Lucy, wake up. Lucy? Okay, get her on high-flow oxygen. Get an ambulance, Dell.

Dell: I was just holding her hand.

Addison: She's going into congestive heart failure, Dell. Ambulance, now!

Bill: Lucy, honey? Her mom died...in childbirth. She...she died having Lucy.

Addison: I'm applying pressure, but the cord is compressed...

Bill: She's gonna be okay, right?

Addison: And Lucy's blood is flooding her lungs, and the umbilical cord is cutting off the baby's blood supply.

Dell: I just called the ambulance.

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Addison: How long does it take for an ambulance to get here?

Dell: 10 to 20 minutes in traffic.

Pete: Addison, we don't have 10 to 20 minutes.

Addison: I know.

Pete: We're gonna lose her and the baby.

Addison: I know.

(Violet is walking through the store)

Paul: I thought you might be hungry. You'll have to pay for it. That and the ice pack...and the flip-flops, uh, but...

Violet: Thanks.

Paul: You okay?

Violet: Yeah. It's just...look, I know her. She's been coming to see me for months. And she's gentle. (Violet sees police

nearby) Paul!

Paul: Look, I'm sorry, but I don't think... I don't think you know exactly how to handle this.

Violet: I do know how to handle this. There has gotta be something here that I'm not seeing, something she's not telling me.

Paul: No offense, but if she's not telling her shrink things, then you must not be very good at your job.

Violet: You know what? Patients hold things in, Paul. They hold things in for years.

(Cooper enters)

Cooper: What's going on with the ice pack?

Violet: Just do...do no...do not touch her.

Paul: I'm sorry, Violet. We have to...

Violet: Paul, think of your sister. Please. You know, I'm... I'm working here, Cooper.

Cooper: Really? It looks like you're shopping. It's a joke. Look, Dell told me you were here. I just thought I'd come by, see if

you needed any help.

Violet: No, I don't need any help, okay? And you know what? This...you got in your car, you drove all the way down here to

see if I was still mad at you? Who is the stalker now? Let...let's just all settle down.

Paul: I'm sorry. I gotta let 'em take her. If she gets violent with you again, we gonna have…

Cooper: Violent? She got violent with you? Come...just...your pupils...

Violet: Not now, Cooper. Look, this is a psychiatric emergency. I can handle this. I can stabilize her. Just give me a minute

and give me backup if I need it. I just feel...I...if...if I knew how it started or where she was when it happened...

Paul: So...how do you figure out how it started?

Violet: You...you have security cameras, don't you?

(Naomi is walking through the hall with Mrs. Wilson)

Mrs. Wilson: He told me he wanted to find himself turns out he wanted to find me, only 15 years younger and half as smart.

Any idea what that's like?

Naomi: I think I can imagine.

Mrs. Wilson: Like I don't feel my age, I don't feel scared? Only I feel it alone while he's yanking in a cup for some chick he

met hiking in Sedona.

Naomi: Maria, I...I know this is unfair. I understand, believe me.

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Mrs. Wilson: You know, I was with him 17 years.

Naomi: Maria, Ken really wanted Leslie to have his baby.

Mrs. Wilson: And Leslie wants Leslie to have Ken's money.

Naomi: I don't think that she would do that.

Mrs. Wilson: I didn't think my husband would dump me. So there you go.

Naomi: Uh, if...if you want protection...legal protection...I think that Leslie would agree to whatever you ask.

Mrs. Wilson: I don't want protection. I want Ken's sperm.

Naomi: What?

Mrs. Wilson: For myself. Now we'll see who ends up alone, right?

(Birthing suite)

Addison: Where the hell is the ambulance?

Pete: Addison, you have to make a choice.

Bill: What do you mean, make a choice?

Addison: If I wait any longer for the ambulance, I could lose them both. Or I could get the baby out and maybe save them.

Bill: Save them, of course.

Addison: Maybe. Maybe save them. Dell, glove up. I need you to decompress the cord. Come here.

Dell: Okay, like this?

Addison: Yes, that's good. Steady pressure. Okay, okay. I need to be in a hospital. There's no way I can perform a C-section

here. It's not sterile. I don't have any surgical equipment...

Pete: Addison...

Addison: No extra blood, and an epidural would take way too long to take effect.

Pete: Addison, she's a completely healthy 17-year-old. No one could have foreseen this complication.

Addison: Do you know what happens to a person when a scalpel slices into them without anesthesia?

Pete: Addison, I...

Addison: Shut up! I am trying to talk myself into this, and I cannot do it when you keep Addison-ing me. So just...hold on.

Okay. Pete, take over for Dell. Dell, go find a surgical tray from somewhere. She's gonna feel every slice, but we have to try.

Pete: Addison...

Addison: I am going to scrub in and find sterile drapes. We have a local anesthetic, right? That will help with the pain.

Pete: Addison.

Addison: Stop Addison-ing me.

Pete: I can treat her so she won't feel any pain.

(Paul, Cooper and Violet are looking for what could have set Jenny off)

Paul: The cameras show her on this aisle. She stopped. Next thing, she's looking at the floor.

Cooper: Maybe some kind of camping accident? Something traumatic?

Paul: Or maybe...maybe, you know, this guy, uh, he works here, he...he told me that marshmallow gets so hot it sticks like

napalm. That's not that bad, I guess.

Cooper: Not bad enough for tile counting.

Violet: They had a house at the lake.

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(Birthing suite)

Pete: I've stimulated the needles. Lidocaine's in. Her pain receptors are blocked. She's ready.

Addison: Are you sure she's not gonna feel anything?

Pete: I'm sure.

Addison: Because if she wakes up screaming in pain...

Pete: I'm sure. I'm very good at what I do.

Addison: Are you really, really, really sure?

Pete: Trust me.

Addison: Okay. Here we go. I'm gonna cut on three. One...Two...Three.

(Addison cuts)

Addison: Okay, okay. Yay. Okay.

Pete: Did I or did I not say trust me?

Addison: You did. And I do... now.

Bill: That was good. It was good?

Addison: There's no time to celebrate. We have to move fast. Both mom and baby are still in danger.

(Sam and Naomi are walking in the hall)

Sam: She can't just swoop in and take it. She was divorcing Ken's sperm.

Naomi: She was with Ken for 17 years, for god sake.

Sam: I thought we were on Leslie's side.

Naomi: You would.

Sam: She is your patient.

Naomi: You know, a marriage should count for something. And it doesn't. He just moved on.

Sam: Oh, come on. Could we please not make this about us right now?

Naomi: I'm talking about Ken. He bailed, she got nothing.

Sam: He died. All things considered, I'd rather be her. Oh, you want to be the one that people feel sorry for, the one who got

left?

Sam: I didn't...don't you think for one moment that I have been taking any of this lightly.

Naomi: Oh, no. You walked out.

Sam: I did not walk out. I said I was unhappy, that I was questioning. And instead of trying, instead of working on it, you just

shut the door.

Naomi: You weren't in love anymore. Now how are we supposed to work on that?

Sam: I never said that.

Naomi: You know what? I am not an idiot. I knew. I knew exactly what you were saying.

Sam: So then you fight. You have some passion about the thing. I wanted to see you fight...just once, for us. Naomi, I'm

sorry...profoundly...for hurting you. But you're fooling yourself if you think you're the only one who got left.

(Violet is still watching the ad)

Cooper: What are we looking for?

Violet: Stop talking so I can think. Something in the ad...that's what triggered her.

12
(Violet is back with Jenny)

Violet: Did you have a boy? Jenny, did you have a son that we haven't talked about? Did something happen to him?

Jenny...did he...did...did you lose your son? Did he pass away?

Jenny: You're gonna make me lose my place!

Paul: He died.

Jenny: One. Two. Three. One. Two. Three. Four. One. Two. Three...

(Naomi and Mrs. Wilson are talking)

Naomi: If you really want Ken's sperm, you can fight it out. You probably have more rights than Leslie. But with all the legal

wrangling, most likely 24 hours will pass, Ken won't be viable... nobody gets anything.

Mrs. Wilson: Okay. Let's do that.

Naomi: You honestly never thought about it in all those years, leaving him?

Mrs. Wilson: Nothing's perfect. But I made my peace.

Naomi: Yeah, I did, too. At least I thought I did.

Mrs. Wilson: I yelled at him so much...last time I saw him. God.

Naomi: Maria... at some point, you have to let him go.

(Birthing suite)

Addison: Oh, okay. Oh, it's a girl. Come on, baby. You want to come hold your granddaughter?

Bill: Oh, yeah.

Addison: Welcome, little girl.

Bill: Aww. She looks just like Lucy.

Pete: Addison.

Addison: She's in V-tach.

Pete: I'm on it.

Addison: I've gotta close. If she has any chance, I have to close.

Pete: Charging to 200. Clear. Again.

(Dell enters)

Dell: The paramedics are here. They're bringing in a stretcher.

Pete and Addison: No!

Pete: Clear.

Addison: We've got an open body cavity in a barely sterile environment. Do not let them cross the threshold until I say so.

Understand?

Dell: Got it.

Addison: How are you doin' there, Pete?

Pete: I'm kickin' ass and takin' names. You?

Addison: Ass kicking and name taking are on my resume?

Pete: Charging to 360. Clear.

(They are wheeling Lucy out)

Addison: Start her on a lidocaine drip, 2 migs per minute. O2 at 10 liters.

13
(Lucy wakes up)

Addison: Hey there.

Lucy: Did I have my baby?

Addison: Yes, you did.

Lucy: Is my dad...is he mad?

Addison: No, your dad is not mad at you.

Bill: Thank you...for...thank you.

(The paramedics leave with Lucy)

Dell: Oh, well, that was...pretty cool.

Addison: Oh. Dell. Good work in there.

(Dell walks off)

Addison: I didn't come down here because you kissed me.

Pete: Okay.

Addison: I didn't.

Pete: Okay.

Addison: I need you to say it.

Pete: You did not move down here because I kissed you. (They walk opposite directions) You so moved down here

because I kissed you.

Addison: I heard that.

(Naomi is in the hall with Charlotte and Sam)

Naomi: Uh, Maria's gonna let Leslie have it. We can do the extraction on Ken.

Charlotte: What'd you say?

Naomi: Just that it was time...to let him go.

Sam: Good. That's, uh, that's good.

Naomi: Okay.

Sam: Oh, and my book...was brilliant.

(Violet, Paul and Cooper are near Jenny)

Cooper: His name was Will.

Violet: Hey, Paul, do you think you could clear out this area, just for a little while...for Jenny?

Paul: Yeah. I could do that for Jenny.

Violet: Hey, Jenny. This is...this is Dr. Freedman. He's a...he's a pediatrician. And he's my friend.

Cooper: Hi. I have Will's file here. Um, it says he was suffering from double vision when you brought him in. He was 10.

Diagnosed with a brainstem glioma.

Violet: Is that something they could've caught earlier?

Cooper: No, they got it early. But because of the location of the tumor in the brain, it was inoperable. So Will started chemo

and radiation, and the tumor responded at first. But then...Will developed kidney failure.

Violet: Well, that happens with chemo a lot.

Cooper: At that point, you and your husband decided to stop treatment.

14
Violet: Is that right, Jenny? Making that choice...a lot of people aren't strong enough to do that.

Cooper: These tumors don't quit. Treatment makes kids so sick they can't do anything. And then you didn't come back to

the hospital for a few months.

Violet: Did you go away...to the lake?

Jenny: We all went together.

Cooper: That's what I would've done, exactly. When you came back to the hospital, Will was having trouble speaking...but

his spirits were high. His spirits were good.

Violet: Sounds like he was a great kid.

Cooper: Yes, it does.

Violet: And then?

Cooper: He went into a coma...they made him comfortable, made sure everyone had a chance to say goodbye. And on the

16th at 5:13 AM, they took him off the machines. And...it says you held him and...he breathed on his own for over four

hours.

Violet: That was hard... holding him like that...for all that time. Will...he had the most aggressive kind of brain cancer that a

kid can have. You didn't make it happen. And there's no cure, only the choice in how you're gonna ride it out. You did

everything a great mom could do. So... no matter how you second-guess yourself or what your head tells you, you didn't let

your son down. You did not let your son down.

Jenny: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. My baby. (Jenny finally breaks down)

(Leslie kisses Ken good-bye)

Leslie: Bye, honey. Thank you.

(Paul is talking with Violet)

Paul: She's...she's all right, huh?

Cooper: Yeah, she's gonna be all right.

Violet: My assistant.

Paul: Yeah...I was. Don't forget to...

Violet: Yeah, I'll-I'll pay for the stuff, Paul. Thanks...for coming down.

Cooper: I'm a better person than you are.

Violet: The thing is, Cooper...okay, the thing is that...I am kind of a stalker.

Cooper: I know.

(Addison and Naomi are eating cheesecake)

Addison: Why didn't you tell them I was coming? Truth.

Naomi: All right, fine. I need you here. Okay? I need you here... because I'm... tired and I'm lonely, and my best friend

divorced me, and I have no one. I need you here to be my someone.

Addison: Okay.

(Cooper, Sam, Violet and Pete enter)

Cooper: Uh, we want to see you in the conference room...if that's okay...I mean now.

(In the conference room)

Violet: We're a team. We're partners, Naomi.

15
Sam: You can't just bring somebody in.

Pete: Without asking us.

Violet: Yeah.

Sam: We're a democracy. We vote.

Pete: We vote.

Violet: We vote or it doesn't happen.

Naomi: You're right. We should've voted. I was wrong.

Violet: Good. Okay, let's vote.

Addison: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. Uh, I have been working here less than 24 hours, and in that time I

discovered that I am not welcomed here, I learned I am a one-man gynie show, and I performed crazy McGyver surgery,

and...Sam saw my booty. So...this has not been a great day for me. This day kind of sucked. But you know what I had one

patient...one patient the entire day...and I loved it. So you want me gone? Too bad. I'm in. I'm putting my foot down. My

foot's down. It's down. I'm not going anywhere. So...yeah. I thought I...I thought I had a big finish but...I don't. So...I'm done.

No, no. I do have a big finish. If I hadn't been here today, if you'd had someone else, that girl would've died delivering her

baby. I saved her life. I saved your asses. I'm a world-class neonatal surgeon. And I'm here to stay. Welcome to the new

Oceanside Wellness.

(Addison leaves)

Naomi: That's why I didn't tell you she was coming.

(Addison is home in her bathrobe. She closes her blinds and then begins dancing naked. Sam smiles)

16
1×02 – IN WHICH SAM RECEIVES AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR
(LA scenes)

(Addison enters her house to find Pete, Cooper, and Violet in her house)

Addison: What are you people doing in my house?

Cooper: I told you. It's a surprise.

Pete: It's a surprise for Sam.

Addison: You know about this?

Pete: Sadly, I do.

Addison: If it's a surprise for Sam, then why aren't you at Sam's house? Put that down.

Cooper: 'Cause that would totally ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?

Addison: Wait, what are you doing?

Pete: Cooper thinks Sam's in a rut.

Addison: What...well, I am not in a rut, okay? And, in fact, I have plans.

Pete: You have plans? With who?

Addison: With Naomi.

Cooper: You invited Naomi here? Hey... no, see, actually, no, that's no good.

Addison: Well, it's good for me. It's good for Naomi. Naomi is my friend. You people, I barely know.

Cooper: The thing is, Naomi kind of steps on the surprise.

Violet: What kind of surprise is this?

Pete: One named Ginger.

Addison: What?

Violet: What? I'm outta here.

Pete: Oh, she's about to ring the doorbell.

Violet: Five minutes.

(Sam is in his house talking to the dog)

Sam: Ah, okay. Now we're getting somewhere. They can't stop us, buddy. Right?

(His doorbell rings)

Ginger: Sam?

(A scarcely dressed woman opens the door)

Violet: Cooper, how do you even know how to find a stripper?

Cooper: Ginger is not a stripper. She's an entertainer.

Violet: What does that even mean?

Cooper: I'm still trying to figure it out.

Violet: Sam is not like you, Cooper. He's not interested in...

Cooper: I think Sam is.

Pete: Sam and a stripper, who knew?

(The light turns on)

Pete: Hey, it's just getting good. Could you...

17
Naomi: A stripper?

(Sam's apartment)

Ginger: Oh, you like that?

Sam: You have something.

Ginger: Thanks. You're sweet, too.

Sam: No, you got something right here.

Ginger: Huh?

Sam: Let me just get a closer look. Uh, yeah.

(Sam enters Oceanside Wellness Group)

Sam: Hey, man. What were you thinking?

Pete: It's a long, sad story.

Cooper: Hey, did she do the thing where she, um... (Naomi enters) could be pneumonia, and I'm gonna set them up with an

X-ray.

Violet: You're not fooling anybody, Cooper.

Naomi: Who's up first?

Sam: Uh, Dave Walker called this morning, uh, complaining of headache and nausea.

Cooper: I heard his wife left him.

Sam: Yeah, and he's drinking again. Got his son and his mother living with him. So I'm gonna go check him out.

Addison: You do house calls, too?

Pete: We. We all do house calls. What?

Addison: Nothing.

Cooper: I got the O'Briens bringing their baby in again. 9-month-old girl, she's been sick since birth.

Violet: O'Brien... is that the dad who's...

Cooper: Yeah, he's totally disconnected from this baby. It drives me crazy. I tried to get him in to see you. No go.

Addison: Well, let me know if I can be of any help on the case.

Pete: You want to help me? What?

Naomi: Anything else?

Sam: Uh, yeah, I have two cases next week...

Naomi: Nobody? Super.

Cooper: Hey, Pete, do you think that, uh, acupuncture could help with a patient that's, uh, presenting with... just... could you

tell me, did she do the triple-jointed thing?

Violet: All right, and I'll be leaving.

Addison: Does it even occur to you to think of Naomi's feelings?

Sam: So wait, do they know? Does Naomi know?

Cooper: Back to the triple-jointed thing. It... it... it looks like it hurts, but in the most awesomest way. This... this... look, did

she do this?

(Addison is in the waiting room)

Addison: Amber Johnson.

18
Pete: Hey. Are you mad at me?

Addison: Amber Johnson.

Pete: Because it kind of seemed like you were mad at me in the meeting.

Addison: I'm just looking out for Naomi.

Addison: Hey, Amber. See you next week, Thomas.

(Pete walks over to Violet)

Pete: Addison is mad at me because Cooper hired a stripper.

Violet: I'm ignoring the stripper. Today is a day for ignoring things. I am all business today. Who's my next patient?

Dell: This guy wants to talk to you.

Delivery Man: Sign, please.

Violet: Oh, no.

Cooper: That's a nice bike.

Dell: No? Okay.

(Cooper is in an exam room with Emily and her parents)

Cooper: Looks like Emily's gained some weight. That's good. She been sleeping?

Mrs. O'Brien: Better, don't you think?

Greg: No, I don't, actually.

Cooper: You know, we said it was gonna be a long haul when she was born with these symptoms. So...

Mrs. O'Brien: I just feel like, when is she gonna catch a break, you know?

Cooper: Well...here you go. Come here, Emily. Look at that guy. Who's that guy? You know, just to be safe, I am gonna run

a couple more blood tests.

Mrs. O'Brien: Oh, she hates needles.

Cooper: If it was optional, I wouldn't do it, but it's not, so...okay?

(Sam enters his office to find Naomi seated behind his desk)

Sam: Did you know you have an office here? Here, it's... it's right next door.

Naomi: I am asking because I am curious, not because I care. What's her name?

Sam: Who's name?

Naomi: The girl. The girl, Sam.

Sam: Ginger.

Naomi: Her name is Ginger?

Sam: Hey, I did not name her. I didn't hold her up to the moon and do the whole Kunta Kinte thing. This isn't "Roots."

Naomi: Oh, you funny... you funny man.

Sam: Her name is Ginger.

Naomi: Did you sleep with Ginger?

Sam: And you're asking because you're curious?

Naomi: Yeah.

Sam: Yes.

Naomi: Samuel!

19
Sam: No, I didn't. I just wanted to see what "curiosity" looked like. It's an awful lot like jealousy.

Naomi: I am not jealous.

Sam: Oh, yes, you are.

(Sam is walking up to Dave's house)

Sam: If I want to see a stripper, I'm gonna see a stripper. Shoot. I'm grown. Trying to tell me... come on, Dave. I know you

didn't go to work. Dave probably gets to see strippers. Probably got one in there right now. I know you didn't make me come

out here for nothing, Dave. Come on. Dave! (He looks in the window and sees Dave on the floor) Dave! Dave, open the

door. Ms. Walker, open up the door.

(She shakes her head no and he breaks the window to get in)

Sam: All right. How long has he been like this?

Stevie: I... I don't know. I just came downstairs and he was... I... I don't know.

Sam: All right. Ms. Walker, how longs he been like this?

Stevie: Grandma?

(Sam calls 911)

Sam: Yes, this is Dr. Sam Bennett. I need an ambulance immediately.

(They are outside entering the ambulance)

Sam: Dave, what happened in there?

Dave: Oh, I don't know. I...had breakfast, getting ready for work, next thing I know, I'm hugging the toilet.

Stevie: What's wrong with him?

Sam: Well, once we get to the hospital, we'll figure that out.

Stevie: But he's coming back?

Dave: Of course I am, Stevie.

Sam: Stevie, I don't want you to be here by yourself.

Stevie: I'm okay. My... my grandmother's here.

Sam: Yeah. Fellas, would you mind, uh, taking the boy and his grandmother with you? I'm worried about leaving her in

charge. All right.

(Addison and Naomi are in an office)

Addison: Do you want to talk about Sam. Well, not Sam...

Naomi: I mean, clearly not... oh, come on. Will you say it? Say it.

Addison: It's not...

Naomi: Sam's stripper. Sam's stripper. Say it. So what? So? And Sam's single.

Naomi: I'm single...so single, and... and single people move on.

Addison: Yeah.

(Violet enters with a bike)

Violet: I'm sorry. I've been looking at this in my office all day.

Addison: You bought a bike?

Violet: Yeah, it's custom built, it's from Italy, and Allan is never getting his hands on it, ever. I don't care if it costs $6,000.

Naomi: You bought Allan a $6,000 bike?

20
Violet: I... I ordered it last year. It just arrived today...on his birthday.

Naomi: Brutal. Why don't you sell it?

Violet: Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will.

Naomi: Or give it away. Just...

Violet: Great. Exactly. I'm gonna give it away.

Naomi: Hey. Hey. You will not give Allan that bike.

Violet: I won't?

Naomi: Will you be strong?

Violet: Yeah. Strong.

(Dell is at the desk talking with Naomi)

Dell: I... I told my teacher there's probably no way you could do it, but...

Addison: Do what?

Dell: Speak at my midwifery class. I told my teacher about Naomi, and... and she called you "a primal life giver”.

Naomi: I... I think I have something that night, so

Addison: Come on. Do it. Might give you a boost.

Naomi: I don't... I don't need boosting. I'm fine.

Addison: I'll do it. I love talking to midwifes.

Dell: Yeah, actually I think... I think we're... we're good on OBs but...

Addison: Oh, I'm actually a double board certified uh, neonatal surgeon. One of the best... in the world...with a specialty in

genetics... DNA.

Dell: Uh, well, yeah, maybe, you know, if, um, if someone drops out.

Addison: You can't get more primal and life giving than DNA. Dell?

(Dell leaves and Cooper enters)

Cooper: Excuse me. Uh, do you still have time for that consult?

Addison: The little girl?

Cooper: Yeah. Um, please tell I'm reading that wrong.

(Addison is with the family)

Addison: Cooper asked for a second opinion, but the genetic tests we ran confirm that Emily has a serious presentation of

something called Pelizaeus-Merzbacher disease.

Greg: How do we cure it?

Cooper: Well, there's medication to treat the symptoms, but there is no cure.

Mrs. O'Brien: So she's...not going to get better? Ever?

Addison: The drugs can give her five years, maybe more.

Mrs. O'Brien: What? Five year... five?

Addison: I'm sorry. I know this is difficult to hear.

Cooper: And we will do everything that we can.

Mrs. O'Brien: Wait, you said that this was genetic. So one of us made her sick?

Addison: No, you can't think of it like that.

21
Mrs. O'Brien: Because my sister, she's trying to get pregnant. I mean, could she have this, too?

Addison: We'll have to run some blood tests. We'll see which mutation you're carrying. It's important not only for your sister,

but also for you, if and when you should decide you want other children.

Mrs. O'Brien: No. Emily... Emily is all we need.

(Sam enters the hospital)

Sam: Excuse me. I'm looking for a Dave Walker. He came in with vomiting and severe dehydration.

Nurse: He was released 15 minutes ago.

Sam: On whose orders?

(Sam is in the hall with Charlotte)

Sam: You don't release my patient without calling me.

Charlotte: Don't lecture me on medical etiquette. The vitals were normal, we needed the bays, and he wanted to leave.

Probably just had some 24-hour bug.

Sam: Well, it didn't look like a bug. He was unconscious when I found him. He said it was something he ate, but he tested

negative for E. coli, Salmonella...

Charlotte: That still leaves about a hundred other possibilities, none of which require hospital stays. He was fine, Sam.

Besides, Grandma said she could handle it.

Sam: The same grandma who couldn't call 911? That's why you don't release my patients without calling me.

(Addison enters a room where Naomi and Cooper are looking at some papers)

Addison: Any word back about the little girl?

Cooper: Yeah, but the test results don't make any sense.

Addison: Sometimes they can be hard to read. Let me see.

Cooper: This does not...no, no.

Addison: You see the...this doesn't make any sense.

Naomi: Which mutation did the parents pass on to Emily?

Addison: None.

Naomi: Well, how is that possible?

Addison: Because they're not her parents.

(Addison, Cooper and Naomi are in a conference room with Emily and her parents)

Mrs. O'Brien: Emily is ours. She's my baby.

Naomi: Uh, there's the chance that this was human error... the hospital nursery wristbands fell off, got mixed up.

Addison: There is also the possibility that someone may have done this on purpose.

Greg: Are... are you accusing us? I mean, you think that we wanted this?

Cooper: Right now, all you have to do is take care of Emily, and we'll find out what happened.

(Addison, Naomi and Cooper are in the hall)

Cooper: I'm telling you, there is something wrong with this guy. We tell him his daughter's dying, he's cold as ice. We tell

him he's not the father, he gets defensive right off the bat.

Addison: People react to terrible news in different ways.

Cooper: It's his child. Show some emotion.

22
Addison: Where did Beth give birth?

Cooper: St. Ambrose.

Naomi: Oh, perfect, Charlotte King's hospital.

Cooper: I'm going over there.

Naomi: No, you... you need to stay here and just calm down. We'll go.

Cooper: Fine

(Addison and Naomi are in Charlotte's office)

Charlotte: Where are those nursery records? There was no stolen baby reported... not in this hospital, not while I was chief.

Addison: Well, then two sets of parents went home with the wrong babies.

Charlotte: I swear, do you all take some kind of perverse pleasure in ruining my life?

Naomi: Yeah, there are switched babies out there, but this is about us.

Charlotte: This hospital has the best nurses in the city. Neonate spent a fortune on security. Did St. Ambrose institute nap

time, or do I still have a staff?

Addison: Then why don't you show us the records for the other babies that were in the nursery the time that Emily was

there?

Charlotte: Will someone just... thank you. There was only one other African-American girl in the nursery at that time.

Addison: Who is it?

Charlotte: This hospital spent 124 years building its reputation. I am not gonna ruin that by chatting with you.

Naomi: Can you just give us the name?

Charlotte: Not until I talk to our attorneys.

(Sam is at Dave's house)

Sam: Blood pressure 125 over 84. That's normal.

Dave: Yeah. I feel a lot better.

Sam: Okay. Maybe a little shaky. What... what do you think it was?

Sam: Still not sure. Just to be safe, why don't you clean the kitchen top to bottom?

Ms. Walker: It's not the food that got him sick.

Dave: Ma, please.

Ms. Walker: Oh, Stevie. Close the door, honey.

Stevie: I'll leave it open. Then the next time dad passes out, no one's got to break a window to get in.

Dave: Hey, Stevie.

Sam: Is he okay?

Dave: Oh, he's just bullheaded, like his dad. What are you gonna do?

Sam: And your mom?

Dave: We're doing real good, doc. Things are good.

(Conference room at OWG)

Sam: So what am I missing?

Pete: Well, in 90% of these cases, it comes down to history and environment.

Sam: Oh, well, the environment's all messed up. The Dad's drinking, Grandma's got way more than she can handle, the

23
kid's acting out.

Cooper: That sounds a lot more serious than a 24-hour flu.

Sam: See, that's why I'm worried. They've got enough to deal with as is. And if David's got something really serious, I'm not

sure how they hold it together.

(Ginger enters)

Ginger: Hey, Coop.

Cooper: Hey...Ginger. I didn't recognize you in...I didn't recognize you.

(Addison, Violet and Naomi are looking on)

Addison: Tell me that is not the girl from last night.

Violet: Cooper's bringing 'em to work now?

Naomi: Oh, my god. That's it. He has just crossed the line. Sam just hugged a stripper.

Violet: God, at least with Cooper, you know what you have.

Addison: Okay, now let's all calm down. Sam is not a dog. He never was. Now there could be a totally innocent explanation

for this.

Naomi: What... what... what, for stripper hugging? Give me one. Give me one.

Addison: Well...like she's here to see the real dog. Oh, would... would you look at him? He's all... "I'm a doctor. My touch

heals.

(Charlotte enters)

Charlotte: Can I talk to you?

(Charlotte, Naomi and Addison are in an office)

Charlotte: I spoke to our attorneys.

Naomi: And?

Charlotte: Some days I really hate the Hippocratic oath. Here. Here's the file on the second African-American baby in the

hospital nursery.

Naomi: You're just giving it to us, just like that?

Charlotte: If you think I'm being nice, read the name.

Naomi: Oh, god.

Addison: What?

Charlotte: And my problem becomes your problem.

Naomi: Melinda and Duncan Stinson.

Addison: You know them?

Naomi: I got them pregnant.

(Melinda and Duncan enter Naomi's office)

Duncan: What do you think of your handiwork, Naomi?

Naomi: Oh, she is so cute.

Melinda: And if you tell me I've got more hormone's to take, I'm gonna scream.

Naomi: Oh, no. No, no, no. It's just, uh, we need to run some blood tests on all of you.

Duncan: What's going on?

24
(Addison and Charlotte are looking on from another room)

Addison: So how are you holding up?

Charlotte: I'll be better when we find out who did this?

Addison: All your nurses check out?

Charlotte: One moved a few days later, but her record was impeccable.

Addison: Well, something happened in that nursery.

Charlotte: You don't know that. That doesn't stop you from tossing the blame my way.

Addison: I know that if one of my patients was in this much pain, I would be busting my ass looking for answers.

Charlotte: Thank you. I hadn't gotten my earful of Oceanside arrogance today.

(Cooper is playing with Emily while Pete and Sam look on)

Pete: Look at him.

Sam: How is that guy and the guy who hired me a stripper the same person?

Pete: He's Cooper.

(Emily's parents are with Violet)

Mrs. O'Brien: So this other couple...their baby was born the same night?

Violet: That's right. We're... we're running blood tests on them now.

Greg: What if the other blood tests come back positive?

Violet: This is the hard part. According to California law...you would...say goodbye to Emily...and you would welcome a new

child into your lives.

Mrs. O'Brien: That's... that's ridiculous. Okay? The blood tests are not gonna come back positive and I don't care what our

blood tests said...

Greg: Honey, honey...

Mrs. O'Brien: No. No. I know Emily is my daughter, okay? A mother can feel these things. I don't love that other child. I

couldn't love another baby. I love Emily.

Violet: Well, why don't we just wait for the results of the blood test and go from there?

(Violet and Cooper are in the lunchroom)

Cooper: Emily's had a hard time, now she has to adjust to a whole new family?

Violet: Well, the babies are young. You know, adoptions take place at this age all the time. The kids are usually fine. It's the

parents I'm worried about. They're the ones who grieve.

Cooper: Greg O'Brien doesn't seem to be grieving.

Violet: What is up with you and this case? Your emotional attachment is huge.

Cooper: You're one to lecture me about unhealthy emotional attachments.

Violet: Okay, that was a nice deflection. But unlike you, I am detaching. You want to try it? It's yours.

Cooper: Light. Why didn't Allan buy his own bike?

Violet: On our third anniversary, you know, we took that trip to Italy, and he took me to the town where they made those

because even as a child he had... he'd wanted one. So he saved up his money...but then his dad split on his mom, so he

had to use his savings to pay rent and to keep his mom afloat. And he never got the bike. What? What? Take the bike. You

love it.

25
Cooper: Yeah, I loved it when I thought it was a cool, sexy, "get me laid" bike, not some sad, Allan-y "cat's in the cradle"

bike.

(Addison walks up to Pete in the hall)

Addison: Hey. Is that stripper still in your office?

Pete: Entertainer not stripper, and yes.

Addison: And she's been in there all day? Why?

Pete: We're trying a few different techniques.

Addison: Oh, yeah, I'm sure you are. You know what? Naomi does not need Ginger thrown in her face.

Pete: Naomi is a big girl. She can handle it.

Addison: She doesn't have to. That's why I'm here.

Ginger: Pete, is it supposed to feel tingly?

Addison: "Pete, is it supposed to feel...you know what? Go. Go do... take care of your poor little stripper girl and her "tingly."

Pete: Entertainer, and why are you so angry at me?

Addison: You... I...

Pete: Cooper's the one that set this...

Addison: You know, I am trying to take care of my friend. And Cooper is bad, but you're worse. And you know why?

Because you're slippery. Yeah. You walk around pretending to be all soulful, but you don't take the heat. You just do

whatever you want to do and you evade. Evade, evade, evade.

Pete: Do you need me to kiss you again?

Addison: No!

Pete: Okay.

(Charlotte enters Addison office carrying a stack of folders)

Addison: You're back.

Charlotte: Nurses' schedules...perinatal testing, personnel files.

Addison: What'd you find?

Charlotte: Not a damn thing. I have been through every one of these backwards and forwards. You're so sure my hospital

ruined these people's lives, then help me prove it.

(Stevie enters with Ms. Walker)

Ms. Walker: Please! Someone hurry! Help me! Please!

Dell: Sam! Sam, front. Hey! Hey! Help!

Ms. Walker: Please, help me!

Dell: Yeah, ma'am, it's all right. Sam!

Sam: Stevie, what's going on?

Stevie: Whatever my dad had...I got it worse.

(Sam is in his office with Stevie and Ms. Walker)

Stevie: I got home, grandma made dad and me some sandwiches, then...pukeville.

Sam: Ms. Walker, what did I tell you about that kitchen?

Ms. Walker: Well, it was just a sandwich.

26
Sam: That could've killed him. Where is your father?

Stevie: At... at work.

Ms. Walker: I didn't want to bother him with this.

Sam: Ms. Walker, I understand you mean well for your family, but something you are doing is making them sick.

Ms. Walker: This is a family matter, doctor. It doesn't concern you.

(Sam walks out to the desk where Dell is)

Sam: Hey, Dell, can you hand carry Stevie Walker's blood to the lab for me? Put a rush on it. Have them screen for

ingestible poisons.

Dell: Yeah

(Naomi walks up to Addison in the hall)

Naomi: Hey. I just got the test back from the Stinson's. The O'Brien baby is their baby.

Addison: And the Stinson baby belongs to the O'Briens.

Naomi: Yep.

Addison: How do you tell someone that their baby was switched with another baby?

Naomi: Damn it.

(Cooper walks out from telling the O'Briens about their baby)

Cooper: Well, that was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Violet: You did everything right.

Cooper: And dad doesn't shed a tear. How's it going with Naomi?

Violet: Well, you know, so far, so...

(Naomi is in with Duncan and Melinda)

Duncan: Do you know what you put my wife through, what you put us through? And now you tell us that this... this other

baby who we've never met is sick! We did everything you asked us to do.

Naomi: I know how hard you two worked to get pregnant.

Duncan: Let down after let down, the... the miscarriages, the hormones... you how many shots I had to stick in her? She

could hardly move she was so bruised.

Naomi: I... I wish there was something I could do.

Duncan: Yeah, there is something you can do. You can start by explaining how you...how you can live with yourself...taking

our money and promising us a healthy baby.

Naomi: Duncan, I never promised you perfection. I promised you a child.

Duncan: My retirement, vacation pay...our future! We spent it all so we could have our little girl!

Melinda: Duncan, please.

Duncan: I want my money back. I want my damn money back!

(Melinda is in Violet's office)

Violet: Your husband...he has a right to be angry. So do you.

Melinda: I could just take Sarah and go. We could just go away. No one would find us.

Violet: Except you won't. Because Emily is your daughter. And she is sick. And a mother never leaves her child behind. Not

a strong mother.

27
Melinda: No. No. This isn't happening. I'm not gonna do it. Come on, baby.

(Sam walks up to the desk)

Dell: Hey. Stevie Walker's lab results.

Sam: Coprine?

Pete: From the mushroom? Ink cap mushrooms contain Coprine. It acts like a natural form of Antabuse. When you ingest

the mushroom, then if you drink alcohol you get really...

Sam: Really, really sick.

Dell: So someone's poisoning Stevie?

(Addison, and Charlotte are going over the charts. Cooper and Naomi enter)

Naomi: Any luck?

Addison: Well, I think we know when the switch happened. We have baby Emily's hospital record and baby Sarah's hospital

records, and then on day two, they switched.

Naomi: Emily becomes Sarah and Sarah becomes Emily?

Cooper: What about this nurse, left town?

Charlotte: No, she was in the ER of my hospital, laid out with the flu hooked up to an IV all night.

Cooper: So we're back to square one?

(Sam enters)

Sam: My patient is being poisoned by his own dear, sweet mother. She's dosing him with ink cap mushrooms. Which

means he's drinking... boom, on the floor.

Addison: Baby switch.

Charlotte: Poisoning?

Sam: For real? Baby... Hi. You are not a member of this practice. So you have to go ahead and unhear that. I thought I had

a problem.

Addison: Yeah, well, maybe we can help you with yours since we're not getting anywhere.

Sam: I...I don't know. I...I gotta stop the mother from hurting her son. Now she's also poisoning her grandson. But I can't

send her to jail, can I?

Naomi: How could a parent do that to a child?

Addison: Let me see the visitor's log again. Yeah. The first two days, one person was there constantly. A parent...did that to

a child.

(Sam is talking with Ms. Walker)

Sam: What you're doing is a crime. You can't go around poisoning people.

Ms. Walker: No, I only meant it for David. I didn't know Stevie was drinking.

Sam: So it's okay to poison your own son?

Ms. Walker: Well, every time he takes a drink, he pays for it. That's how you teach my David a lesson.

Sam: You have to stop doing this, now.

Ms. Walker: No. My family, we're weak when it comes to this.

Sam: David's not weak. He's an alcoholic. And some old world remedy will not guarantee that he'll stop drinking. Now I'm a

doctor, and I'm telling you...

28
Ms. Walker: What? You...you're like all the other doctors. Oh, you make him go to a 12-step group, but do you make him

stop drinking? No. So I did. Please. You can't tell David. This will work.

Sam: As David's doctor, I can't let it happen. I'm sorry.

Ms. Walker: Then you might as well have me arrested. Because I don't know how long I've got, and my family means

everything. If I don't protect them, who will?

(Addison is talking with Duncan and Melinda)

Addison: From birth your baby...your biological baby...well, it was difficult. She had a neurological problem.

Melinda: She did?

Addison: Your C-section caused severe post-labor pain, so you were sedated for most of the first two days. You wouldn't

have been aware of how serious it was. But you were, Mr. Stinson. You were in the nursery 24/7. And then when your

daughter was 2 days old, she seized while you were holding her.

Duncan: What are you saying? What... what are you saying? I...

Cooper: She's saying that the next time you were in the nursery alone is when those babies were switched.

Addison: You were the only one there. It would've been easy enough to switch off your baby's security bracelet because

she was so small.

Duncan: No, I'm not gonna stand for this.

Cooper: If I were that baby's father...

Addison: Mr. Stinson, people's lives have been altered...your child's life. You were supposed to take care of her, and instead

you switched her because she was sick.

Naomi: Mr. Stinson, I...I think this is your opportunity to explain to us...

Duncan: No, no, no, you explain. You explain! 3 years and...and $250,000 and all my wife's hopes and dreams...

Melinda: Oh, my god.

Duncan: Melinda, this other family, they can have more kids, healthy kids. You see?

Melinda: Duncan...

(The police enter)

Duncan: Wait, this isn't...I'm not a...Melinda, honey...

Melinda: How could you give my baby to somebody else? How could you?

(Cooper and Violet are walking in the hall)

Cooper: What switches in your brain, makes it okay for you to steal a child? Adults are there to protect children. We're

supposed to keep them from harm.

Violet: You're angry at yourself.

Cooper: What? I'm talking about Duncan Stinson, what he did. I'm angry about that.

Violet: Right. Before that, it was Greg O'Brien. But it's really about you.

Cooper: Don't...do the shrink thing, Violet.

Violet: You can't blame yourself for not being able to make her better, Cooper.

Cooper: She's just a baby.

(Sam is in his office with Dave, Stevie and Ms. Walker)

Sam: Dave, we're here because you have a problem with alcohol.

29
Dave: A problem? No. Maybe I have a glass of wine or a beer...

Sam: Dave.

Dave: Once, twice a week, maybe I drink more than I should.

Sam: We need to get you into a treatment program.

Dave: Why? Because I like beer? Come on. I don't need treatment.

Sam: Dave.

Dave: Sorry.

Sam: All right, well, you should know that I figured out why you've been getting sick. Uh, you've developed an allergy...to

alcohol.

Dave: What? That's not possible.

Sam: Well, it's rare. Yeah, it's...it's really rare. And it probably runs in the family. So, I mean, you've seen what happens

when you drink. That's gonna happen every single time.

Dave: So I...I have to stop drinking?

Sam: Yeah, you do. That's my diagnosis. Now if you continue to get sick, then I'm going to have to consider that it's

something much more serious. Gloria, you're gonna help Dave make sure that never happens, not even once?

Ms. Walker: Oh, yes, yes. He... well, he... he's…Dave’s learned his lesson.

(Violet is in her office, Melinda enters)

Violet: Come in. Would you like to sit down? I think it might be helpful for us to talk about what happened. Your husband...

Melinda: Is not my husband anymore. That other little girl...

Violet: Your daughter.

Melinda: She's so sick that she could die?

Violet: Yes.

Melinda: Before she's 5 years old?

Violet: Yes.

(LA Scenes)

(Melinda and Mrs. O'Brien are trading babies)

Violet: Melinda...this is Emily. This is mama. This is Emily.

Mrs. O'Brien: I don't, um...this is a mistake. I can't...I...I thought it would feel like...

Violet: Listen, listen, listen, it is natural that you would feel like a stranger at first. It'll get better.

Melinda: She's, uh, she's so small.

Cooper: The condition she has, it's caused a failure to thrive.

Melinda: She's so beautiful.

Mrs. O'Brien: I know.

Melinda: I sing her to sleep. Sarah likes...it's gonna sound stupid, but, uh, I sing Madonna songs to her 'cause they're the

only ones I know all the words to. But they work. She goes to sleep so easy.

Mrs. O'Brien: Emily screams...every two hours. But if I...put her on my chest, the sound of my heartbeat...your heartbeat, it

calms her.

Melinda: Sarah is beautiful, too. Look at her.

30
Mrs. O'Brien: No, I can't. I...I can't.

Melinda: You have to. She's yours. A mother never leaves her child behind.

Mrs. O'Brien: Hi. Hi, Sarah.

(Cooper notices Greg crying and goes over to him)

Greg: I thought...I couldn't watch her die. And now I can't...let her go.

(Charlotte and Addison are watching from afar)

Addison: I'll get you a tissue.

Charlotte: I'm fine.

Addison: It's okay. It's...it's been a big day.

Charlotte: Montgomery... I'm chief to over 200 physicians. You call this a big day? This place is making you soft.

(Pete enters the room where Addison is)

Pete: God...I am a wreck. Long day.

Addison: We just sent a man to jail for trying to get rid of his own kid, but...your day sounds really hard.

Pete: I didn't know.

Addison: No, of course not. You spent the entire day dealing with the perils of aromatherapy and, uh, your stripper.

Pete: I know you don't believe me, but I like my women real...real skin...real breasts...real lines around their eyes that mean

they've really lived and had pain. You show me that woman...and I'm interested. And...not in a slippery way. And, Addison...

I think it's great that you try to care of Naomi. But...who takes care of you?

(Sam enters his office where Naomi is)

Naomi: No Ginger. She can't be her. Ginger cannot be her.

Sam: Okay...you're gonna have to translate from freaked-out language to normal-people language.

Naomi: The first woman you date after me has to be...she has to... look, she cannot be some stripper with clear platform

shoes and... and a suspicious skin condition.

Sam: Naomi, eventually I'm going to start dating.

Naomi: I know that.

Sam: And when that happens, you do not get to have a say in who I date.

Naomi: I know that.

Sam: So...

Naomi: So fine, date. But it can't be Ginger.

Sam: And we're back to crazy.

Naomi: Hey, you know what? I'm a catch. I... I do "The New York Times'" crossword puzzle in pen, I eat vegetables, I have a

very good sense of humor, and I don't do Pilates 'cause I think it's fun. I mean, have you seen me? If you date Ginger after

you're with me, if she is what you are choosing, if...if your big dream is rashy-skinned strippers, then what...what were you...

Sam: What was I doing with you?

Naomi: Yeah, you know what? Forget it.

Sam: The next girl I date will be amazing. She will be beautiful, she will be intelligent, and she will be rash free.

Naomi: She'll be better than me?

Sam: She will be way better than you. Okay?

31
Naomi: Okay. That's sweet.

Sam: Thank you.

(Cooper knocks on Violet's door)

Cooper: Vi, open up.

Violet: I think I might need to borrow some tools. The...the frame's still in one piece. The wheels came off and the chain, but

I... I think I might need a... a blowtorch or a hacksaw. You have a hacksaw?

Cooper: Is this helping?

Violet: Yeah. Yeah, actually. It's very therapeutic. Oh, damn it. I am so full of crap. I went over to Allan's with the bike. But

he'd already gotten one...from Cami. Yes, he told her the bike story. It took him three years to tell me the bike story. They've

been together, what, a day? And he told her the bike story. I'm an idiot.

Cooper: No, you're not.

Violet: No, I am. I am. I am. He's married. It's over. I am an idiot.

Cooper: Violet, you are not. You're just... you're, uh, you're just honest. That's your fatal flaw. It's my favorite thing about

you. All right. Come here.

Violet: You want to help me run the bike over with my car?

Cooper: Absolutely.

(LA Scenes)

(Naomi and Addison are looking at Sam from the patio below)

Naomi: Look at him, just sitting up there with that dumb little dog.

Addison: Well, if you want, we could...I mean, you want to go and say hi or...or you could just look a little longer.

Naomi: Yeah, the last one.

Addison: Okay.

32
1×03 – IN WHICH ADDISON FINDS THE MAGIC
(Addison wakes up to find that it is raining.)

Addison: It's raining. It's raining! It's raining!

(She jumps out of the bed and runs outside trying to get her things which she had obviously left outside. She has locked

herself out of her house)

(Violet is listening to her messages in her office)

Machine: You have one saved message.

Allan: Hi, babe. It's me. I'm gonna be late. You should pick up some Chinese and we'll eat in bed, okay? Love you. Hi, babe.

It's me. I'm gonna be late. You should pick up some Chinese and we'll eat in bed, okay? Love you.

(Cooper peeks in)

Cooper: You listening to Allan's message again?

Violet: I have other messages. From patients.

Cooper: Do those patients ask you to pick up Chinese and tell you they love you?

Violet: You know what? I'm sorry I told you about it. I thought you'd understand.

Cooper: Guys don't keep messages from an ex. That's a woman thing.

Violet: Well, what do you know about women that you didn't get off the Internet?

Cooper: Just erase the message. Be a man.

(Naomi is near the elevator where Sam is leaving with their daughter Maya)

Maya: Um, mom.

Naomi: You know, I can drive you to school today? You know what? I can...I can drive her to school.

Maya: Daddy.

Sam: Back up, woman. Good girl.

(Addison enters, soaked)

Addison: It is raining.

Sam: You're wet.

Addison: Because it is raining. It rains in Seattle, which is where I left my umbrella. It does not rain in Los Angeles.

Dell: It rains in LA. It's raining right now.

Addison: Really? Right now?

Naomi: Maya's staying at Sam's. For a whole week...she asked to stay at Sam's.

Cooper: She's growing up.

Naomi: I hate her.

Violet: Are we gonna do the morning meeting?

Naomi: Well, Sam's gonna be late 'cause he...

Cooper: And where's Pete?

Addison: He is running an errand.

(Dell puts a cake on the counter)

Naomi: Is that a chocolate cake?

Dell: Yeah, I made it. But you can have some if you want.

33
Naomi: Addison, you want some chocolate cake?

Addison: Can I talk to you?

(Naomi walks off with the cake)

Naomi: Thanks.

(Pete is standing at the cemetery holding his umbrella)

Pete: Violet says I should come here and talk to you. I don't believe in it. But Violet says, she thinks I'm not gonna heal,

which is so. Until I say this thing to you, I'm not going to move on. That's what she says. I don't know. But I'm gonna say it

just in case she's right. You were a lousy wife, and I hated you. Okay. There, I said it.

(Naomi and Addison are in an office)

Naomi: I think Maya likes Sam better than me. I think he wins.

Addison: Where are the beautiful people running in slow motion on the beach?

Naomi: What?

Addison: This is LA. LA is supposed to be full of swimming pools and movie stars. LA is a place that you lured me to with

your champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

Naomi: Okay, first of all, you need to start watching more current TV. And second of all, it's just a little rain. It'll...it'll pass.

Addison: It's not about the rain. I mean, it is about the rain. But I would be fine with the rain if everything else was just a little

more…

Naomi: What?

Addison: I had this whole dream about moving here...that it...would be...better and...special, that I would be...I don't fit here.

I'm a surgeon. I think like a scientist.

Naomi: There's no science to this. Look, dig in, all right? Make friends. Learn to play well with others.

Addison: It's raining.

Naomi: Not to get all Pete Zen on you, but it's raining everywhere.

(Violet is in her office with Doug)

Violet: Doug, we've been talking about this for years. We've come a long way. You have come a long way. You asked me to

help you decide what you want, and you have. You are so close.

Doug: I-I just don't know if I can leave her.

Violet: You have everything you need. You have all the tools. Remember? You're like a...a...

Doug: A running back.

Violet: Running back, sprinting past the obstacles, running for the goalposts, and you're almost there. And I'm sitting right

here rooting for you. I am your own personal cheering section.

Doug: I just, I-I don't...

Violet: Doug, Doug, Doug.

Doug: I should leave her. I should...

Violet: Doug, Doug, Doug.

Doug: I should stand up to her. I-I should fight for my right to be happy.

Violet: Bring the ball home, Doug.

Doug: I am telling my wife I want a divorce.

34
Violet: Touchdown! Okay, boundaries, Doug. Boundaries.

Doug: Sorry. I'm sorry.

(Kathleen and Jeffrey enter the waiting room)

Dell: Hey, Kathleen, Jeffrey. How was the, uh, wedding?

Kathleen: Magical, beautiful, romantic. Everyone should get married.

Jeffrey: Yeah, we had a 3-week honeymoon in Africa.

Kathleen: We climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, scaled Victoria Falls, and now we're back here. We...I made an appointment with

the new OB-GYN.

Dell: Honeymoon baby?

Kathleen: Just let us see the doctor!

Jeffrey: Sorry. We're just eager to...

Dell: Yeah, Dr. Montgomery, right. Take you right back.

(They are in with Addison)

Jeffrey: It's just on our wedding night, we, uh…

Kathleen: I couldn't even.

Addison: What?

Kathleen: We've been married for three weeks, and I haven't been able to do it even once.

Addison: Sex. You couldn't...

Jeffrey: She's worried there's something wrong with her.

Kathleen: There is something wrong with me. My hoo-ha is broken.

(Violet and Pete are walking in the hall)

Violet: So how do you feel?

Pete: Like it was a waste of time. How is talking to a rock over my dead wife's body helpful?

Violet: You're in a rut. You're stuck. You needed to jump-start your emotions, face them.

Pete: You know, I hate to disparage your profession, but...

Violet: You know what? I am good. I am brilliant. I had a patient this morning trapped for 19 years in a marriage. But today

he's ready to ask for a divorce. I got him out of his rut. He's ready to move on.

Pete: You like yourself an awful lot today.

Violet: I kick ass at my job. I rule.

(Doug and his wife enter)

Violet: Doug?

Karen: Are you the therapist who told my husband to leave me? Is this her? Is this her?

Doug: Honey.

Karen: Did you tell my husband to divorce me?

Pete: You do. You do rule.

(Cooper is walking through the hall with Erin's mom)

Mom: I don't mean to be a bother. I had to bring Erin back. She was just so...blue.

Cooper: Well, it's gotta be hard on her.

35
Mom: It's terrible.

Cooper: But it's normal for kids to feel a little down when they're sick. It's really nothing to worry about.

Mom: What? No, she's blue.

Cooper: Understood.

Mom: Light blue.

Cooper: Okay. What?

(He opens an exam room door to see a very blue little girl on the gurney)

Mom: Cornflower...

Cooper: Blue, right.

(Sam is examining Karen)

Sam: Yeah, that's a pretty nasty bleed.

Violet: Doug, what happened?

Karen: I'll tell you what happened. Mr. Midlife Crisis here came home, dropped his briefcase in the middle of the living room

floor and demanded a divorce. You're not leaving me. Oh, no, sir. You made a vow.

Sam: I need you to keep your head titled, please, Mrs. Adams.

Doug: She got upset about the...then her nose started bleeding, and it wouldn't stop.

Sam: Mrs. Adams, has your nose ever spontaneously bled before?

Karen: No.

Violet: What are you thinking?

Sam: Probably just mucosal irritation.

Karen: You know, it's not like life with Doug has been a walk in the park, but I'm not a quitter.

Sam: I need you to keep your head tilted back, please.

Karen: I'm doing the best I can!

Violet: I think the best thing to do right now is for everyone to stay calm.

(Cooper is with Erin's mom)

Cooper: Um, was she...exposed to any water from a well or a spring?

Mom: No.

Cooper: How about antibiotics?

Mom: Nothing like that. Quiet for mommy. The doctor's thinking.

Cooper: Dental fillings?

Mom: Yes. She went to the dentist...her first cavity.

Cooper: Dental anesthesia can react with hemoglobin in the blood. I've never seen it before, but it happens.

Mom: But it isn't serious? She's gonna be okay?

Cooper: A onetime thing like this, I'll give her an IV treatment of methylene blue, she'll be nice and pink in no time.

Mom: That should do the trick.

Cooper: I gotta take a picture.

Mom: You totally do.

(Addison is in an exam room with Kathleen)

36
Addison: Okay, Kathleen, I'm gonna ask you some questions about your sex life, and the more you can tell me about

previous partners, experiences...

Kathleen: Oh, my god. I don't have any previous experiences.

Addison: I mean, uh, men, before Jeffrey.

Kathleen: I'm a virgin, Dr. Montgomery. I know. No one waits this long. It's weird.

Addison: It's not weird. It's just...surprising.

Kathleen: I didn't want to give it up in high school to some band geek in the back of his dad's car, you know? In college, I

kept thinking, he's coming...the one, and I wanted to wait for him. And then I thought, I've waited this long, I should hold

out. I want it to mean something. I wanted the fairytale. I want it to be special and perfect. I wanted...

Addison: The magic.

Kathleen: Exactly. Some magic.

Addison: Let's take a look. Okay? All righty, this is gonna be a little cold. I know it's a little uncomfortable. Just try to relax.

Kathleen: I am relaxed.

Addison: You've had exams before this?

Kathleen: Oh, god. It's really broken. It's broken, isn't it?

Addison: It's not the kind of thing that breaks. Okay. We're gonna go really slow. Knocking at the door. Stopping in for a little

visit, and I'm knocking. Knocking a little harder...

Kathleen: Ow, ow, ow.

Addison: And I'm done knocking.

Kathleen: I'm gonna die a virgin.

Addison: We're gonna figure this out, Kathleen. We are going to get you your wedding night.

(Addison, Naomi and Violet are in the lunch room)

Naomi: She's 35, and she's never...

Addison: Nope. And the gates are closed, locked, welded shut.

Violet: Holding on to your virginity for that long? I think it's sad.

Addison: It's not sad. It's sweet. Okay, not being able to have sex with your husband when you want to, that's sad. But the

waiting? I mean, what's wrong with wanting a little magic?

Violet: I lost my virginity when I was 17. It was not magic. A lot of friction. I got rug burns in bad places.

Naomi: You know, I didn't get the magic until Sam? I didn't know it could be magic until Sam.

Addison: I hardly remember the last time I had a little magic.

Naomi: I hear that.

Violet: How can you eat that much sugar this early in the morning?

Naomi: Dell made it. I'm just being polite. You know, and what's all this magic talk anyway? First LA doesn't have it...

Addison: I don't know. The last time I was here, I just felt more...

Naomi: Magicy.

Violet: Well, yeah. You kissed Pete.

Addison: I did not kiss Pete . Pete kissed me, which I did not ask for. I don't even know if he's normal. You know, one minute

he's hot, the next minute he's arctic. I don't need that kind of damage, no matter how fancy his lips are. Here he comes.

37
(Pete enters)

Pete: You're talking about sex, aren't you?

Addison: We were talking about a patient...who can't have sex.

Pete: Well, send 'em my way. I'll get 'em going.

Addison: You know, this is a very serious issue. This is a woman who has needs, who has wants, who needs and wants

magic in her life. This is not a dirty little joke that you can make your dirty little jokes about, dirty man.

Pete: You don't know me at all. You think you do, but you don't. So, don't call me names.

(Pete leaves)

Violet: You should give him a pass this week.

Addison: Why?

Violet: You just...should.

(Violet leaves)

Addison: See what I mean? A club. A closed club.

(Doug and Violet are in her office)

Doug: I went back on my vow, and...and now she's bleeding? My words did that.

Violet: No, you don't control anything except yourself. Our work together has not been about getting you to leave your wife.

It's been about getting you to say what you want. Remember the goalposts, Doug.

Doug: The goalposts. Right. Right. So she lost some iron. Big deal. I want a divorce.

Violet: Yes, you do.

(Doug and Violet enter Karen's room)

Doug: Karen, I...

Sam: The bleeding got a lot worse. I checked her CBC. Her hematocrit's less than 30.

Violet: Less than 30? Are...are you sure?

Doug: You mean there's something really wrong with her?

Karen: Yes, there's something wrong with me. You picked a great time to walk out, Doug. Just great.

(Addison is in her office with Kathleen and Jeffrey)

Addison: It's called vaginismus. It's a condition that causes a constant involuntary muscle spasm.

Jeffrey: So you have a way to fix it, right? You...you can fix it? Not...not that I'm not fine the way things are. I'm fine. I love

you, and I don't need to have sex to know that I love you. You can fix it?

Kathleen: Please tell me you can fix it.

Addison: Well, I would like to prescribe a muscle relaxant for you, Kathleen, and you'd take it about an hour before you...

Jeffrey: A pill. That's good. A-a pill.

Kathleen: I can do a pill. And it'll work?

Addison: Well, there have been case studies. Um, just, uh...give it your best shot...at...at home. Give it your best shot at

home.

(Naomi is walking with Sam)

Naomi: And she needs to do her homework and show it to you. And she can talk on the phone, but do not let her get on the

internet because you still don't have that thing that blocks the child predators.

38
Sam: Good night, Naomi.

Naomi: Shuffling Maya back and forth, it's just not practical.

Sam: We're gonna be fine. Maya's gonna be fine. You and your head take the night off.

Naomi: It's just that she's a girl. Mothers know more when it comes to girls.

(Sam enters the elevator and leaves. Dell walks up)

Dell: Uh, I'm...I'm shutting down for the night unless you need anything.

Naomi: No, uh, but, uh, here. Uh, here's your cake carrier.

Dell: You ate the whole thing?

Naomi: We. I-I didn't eat a whole cake. I mean, I-I wouldn't. I-I couldn't. It was really good.

Dell: Well, I'm glad you liked it.

Naomi: Okay, thank you.

(LA Scenes)

(Addison enters OWG soaking wet)

Dell: Still raining.

Addison: Yeah. I see that.

(Dell puts another cake on the counter)

Dell: I made you another one last night.

Naomi: I...I...I really shouldn't.

Dell: This time I baked chocolate chips inside.

Naomi: I can't. Thank you. You know what? Maybe someone else might want it. So I'll just, uh...

Dell: Right.

(Kathleen and Jeffrey enter Addison's office)

Kathleen: No sex. Not even a little sex.

Addison: Really? Did...or...really?

Jeffrey: She took the pill. She...

Kathleen: We tried. Oh, sister, how we tried.

Jeffrey: Honey, it's okay.

Kathleen: It's not okay. I need sex. I need sex, Jeffrey. I have waited and waited and waited, and I want to do it. I want to do

it now.

Jeffrey: Look, I know, I'm just saying, you don't need to get upset. We have other things to connect us.

Kathleen: You're a man, Jeffrey, a big, strong, very hot man, which is...I hit the jackpot with you. And we want kids. We want

a family. Which is now not gonna happen because you're gonna leave me for someone else...

Jeffrey: I'm not gonna leave you. I don't need sex.

Kathleen: We don't lie to one another. We never have. Don't start now.

Jeffrey: Please, doctor. Please.

(Addison is an the conference room with Naomi and Violet)

Addison: Nothing I've tried has worked. I mean, she just can't. She just can't. And she deserves...he's...her guy, her one.

Naomi: Marriage without sex.

39
(Pete enters)

Pete: It happens all the time.

Violet: Maybe it's psychological.

Addison: Can you see her?

Violet: Actually, Pete should see her.

Addison: What?

Pete: What?

Violet: There are some very good studies about guided actualization, and that's his area.

Pete: That's my area.

Naomi: Want some cake?

Addison: Sweet mother of chocolate.

Naomi: I know.

Violet: You realize your replacing sex with food?

Naomi: You want some?

(They all eat and enjoy the cake. Dell is watching from the hall and Cooper enters)

Cooper: They're getting happy over cake. I mean, if I could get happy over cake...well, I wouldn't be a man.

Dell: Exactly. Secret to women.

Cooper: Oh, like you know the secret to women. You're a child. You can barely grow facial hair. You don't know anything

about women yet.

Dell: Figure out what they want and give it to them.

Cooper: Yeah, well, that's...you baked that cake?

Dell: My grandmother baked that cake, but Naomi doesn't need to know that. Figure out what they want and give it to them.

(Erin's mom enters)

Mom: It wasn't the fillings.

Cooper: Is Erin okay? What happened?

Mom: I...I don't know. They just got worse.

Cooper: Get an exam room...

(The enter the waiting room where all four girls are various shades of blue)

Dell: You want just one?

(Addison, Pete and Dell are at the desk)

Pete: Your patient who can't have sex?

Addison: My patient. Mind your own business.

Dell: She's checking her history to see if she might be able to find anything that could be causing the vaginismus.

Addison: Dell...

Dell: He asked.

Addison: He snooped.

Pete: You really don't want to try my thing?

Addison: Your thing? What, to creatively visualize the parting of the red sea, a gentle opening of a flower?

40
Pete: You know, Addison, the way we work around here is...

Addison: Yeah, I know, you utilize each other. I got it. But this is...

Pete: We take it slow. And your solution is, what, put her in surgery? This woman is not gonna die if she doesn't have sex.

Addison: Oh, please. If it was you going without, you'd be begging to go under the knife, my highly skilled knife.

Pete: I knew it was too much to hope for a double board certified surgeon not to be the most arrogant...

Addison: Arrogant? You've got a god and a Buddha complex all rolled up into one big, arrogant...I got this. Back off.

(Pete walks away)

Addison: Oh, come on. Naomi is this close to a diabetic coma thanks to your cake, so you're way worse than I am.

(Karen walks up to Violet in the hall)

Karen: Dr. Turner?

Violet: Karen.

Karen: Stay out of my marriage.

Violet: I think you took care of that. Doug canceled his therapy appointment this morning.

Karen: Well, I want to make sure it stays that way.

Violet: And if he shows up again.

Karen: I pay the bills. You won't see a dime.

Violet: I don't care about the dime, and even if I did, why are you fighting for something that makes you both so miserable?

Karen: You have no idea how my marriage makes me feel. You have no idea who I am. You only have Doug's side of the

story. I'm the bitch, and he's...he's...

(Karen starts coughing)

Violet: I-I am not on anybody's...

Karen: Just stay away from...

(Karen is still coughing)

Violet: Did you...

(Karen is coughing up blood)

Violet: Karen! We need some help!

(Karen collapses)

(Pete and Cooper are walking in the hall)

Pete: I hear you got blue girls.

Cooper: I ran labs. Nothing's turned up so far. It's driving me crazy. I give them IV's and they turn pink and seem fine

and...their mom insisted on taking them home.

Pete: You want me to take a look at 'em?

Cooper: I ordered extensive blood chromatographs. When those come back, yeah, maybe.

Pete: The mom checked the house for environmental toxins?

Cooper: Yeah, I gave her the full list and she said she's gonna go over it top to bottom...which is gonna take a while

and...that's time we don't have. You know, I'm going over there. I'm gonna give her a hand.

(Cooper is at Erin's house)

Cooper: There's nothing here from my list of contaminants, and the girls were no place else today? No friend's houses?

41
No...

Mom: They've been here all day, with me. This was my great plan. I quit my job, fired the nanny because I could do it better.

Cooper: You've childproofed, you buy organic, you have, uh, biodegradable dryer sheets. I could eat them. Okay? This is

not negligence.

Mom: Yeah, but...if something happens to them, I...their dad travels all the time. I can't call him up and say...

Cooper: For now we just need to find out what's doing this so that the exposure doesn't become even more dangerous.

Mom: But we've gone through the house, top to bottom. The yard, the garage...

Cooper: What did the girls say about it? Where were they before this happened?

Mom: They don't talk, not to me, not to anyone over 8.

(One of the girls screams)

Child: Mommy!

(Erin is having a seizure)

Mom: Erin.

Child: Mommy, what's the matter with Erin?

Cooper: She's having a seizure. She'll be okay. She'll be okay.

(Sam and Violet are in an exam room with Karen)

Sam: I got your test results. You've got something called Wegener's disease. It's a disease of the blood vessels that affects

the ears, nose, throat and kidneys.

Doug: Does she...does she die from this?

Sam: Well, it takes years to progress to that stage. With the proper treatment, we should be able to keep it at bay for a long

time.

Violet: You were lucky. Some people bleed out internally before the disease is caught.

Doug: Lucky.

Karen: I can't believe this.

(Violet and Sam are in the hall)

Sam: You should change.

Violet: Sam, what would you have done if it were Naomi? If she had gotten sick right before the divorce?

Sam: I would've stayed.

(Addison and Naomi are in her office)

Addison: Vulvar vestibulitis.

Naomi: Shistikiniatis. What? I thought we were saying weird stuff.

Addison: My virgin. She has vulvar vestibulitis. I went through her entire medical history. She has inflammation, probably

caused by chronic yeast infections, which made her nerve endings extraordinarily sensitive to pain, which in turn made any

attempt to have sex...

Naomi: Ouch.

Addison: That kind of pain is what caused her muscles to lock up. So I'm gonna do trigger point injections of lidocaine and

steroids in the sensitive areas.

Naomi: And then you're gonna send her to Pete?

42
Addison: No, I can fix this myself.

Naomi: You can fix the vulvar vestibulitis, but Pete can fix the vaginismus. If you work together with him, the two of you will

be able to give this woman a normal sex life.

Addison: Why is everyone always pushing Pete on me?

Naomi: Why are you pushing so hard against him? Wait, you want to belong here, you want to feel like you're a part of this

place, you need to accept that Pete is part of the solution.

Addison: Wisdom coming from a cake fiend.

Naomi: Well, I just, um, I just take all these feelings...the, uh, rage, the exhaustion, the sexual frustration, the desire to run

Sam down with my car, the fact that my child now thinks that her father is the good parent...I just take it all and I shove it

down as far as it'll go, and then I just put some food on top of it.

Addison: Maybe...you should talk to Sam instead of inhaling 4,000 calories a day.

Naomi: You know what? You find your magic your way. I'll find my magic mine.

Addison: Violet said that I should cut Pete some slack.

Naomi: Yeah, you should.

Addison: Mm, the "why" is what I'm missing.

Naomi: It's the anniversary of his wife's death.

(Addison is in with Kathleen and Jeffrey)

Kathleen: Is this going to hurt?

Addison: I'm sorry. It is. Here we go.

Jeffrey: How many more?

Addison: Four more.

Kathleen: Four more. I can do four more. I'm okay. I can do this.

Jeffrey: This is gonna work? I mean, she's going through this. It's gonna work?

Addison: It will solve the cause of the vaginismus.

Kathleen: And then I'll get my wedding night?

(Addison walks up to Pete who is at the desk)

Addison: Hey, I did a little research, and I think my patient should try your thing.

Pete: You want my thing?

Addison: My patient. My patient needs your thing.

Pete: What, no comments about my dirty talk? Why are you being so nice to me?

Addison: I'm not. I...can you help or not?

Pete: I have an opening at 3:00.

(Cooper and Erin's mom are in her room)

Cooper: She's toxic. Treatment's gonna have to be a lot more aggressive.

Mom: But, she'll pull through?

Cooper: It would help if we knew what we were dealing with, the contaminant.

(She goes over to the other girls)

Mom: Girls, this is very, very serious. Did you eat anything, touch anything that you're not supposed to? Mommy promises

43
not to get mad.

Cooper: It would really help Erin if you tell.

(The girls only whisper among themselves)

(Charlotte goes up to Sam at the hospital)

Charlotte: Sam, you ordered these antibody studies for Karen Adams, room 1001?

Sam: I did.

Charlotte: As Chief of Staff, I can't sign off on this. These studies are obviously unnecessary.

Sam: I had to confirm a diagnosis. And since when has that been against hospital policy?

Charlotte: Since your patient, this Karen Adams, was diagnosed with Wegener's disease at this hospital six months ago.

Sam: Wait, how is that possible? She just started exhibiting symptoms.

Charlotte: That's what she told you. These records speak for themselves.

Violet: She knew. And she never told her husband.

(Sam, Violet, Addison and Naomi are in the conference room)

Naomi: Hey, Charlotte King just called. Unnecessary tests on Karen Adams?

Sam: I've got a patient who's lying to me about her medical condition. It's not my fault.

Violet: If we could just tell Doug that Karen's been lying to him, he would leave her.

Sam: We can't. We can't reveal her medical information to anyone, including her husband, without her approval. Doctor-

patient confidentiality. She's a patient.

Violet: She's your patient. And your patient is messing with my patient's happiness. Three years of kick-ass therapy down

the drain with one swift diagnosis.

Naomi: Maybe they'll work it out. I mean, people do make marriages work.

Pete: They won't make it work. She'll end up hating him. And he'll hate himself for staying. After she's gone, that's all he'll

have. So I think if you can find a way to help your patient, you do it.

(Cooper walks up to the desk where Dell is)

Dell: Hey, the hospital sent over these results on Erin Merring.

Cooper: I still don't know how these girls are getting exposed. I can't even get them to talk to me.

Dell: Well, what are they into?

Cooper: Uh, fluffy, pink pinkness?

Dell: Okay, so go there, too. Commit. Give 'em what they want.

Cooper: Oh, you and your cake.

Dell: They are women, Cooper. Tiny blue women, but still women.

Cooper: Yeah, no. I didn't get into this deal because I'm a clown. What, I'm supposed to play with my patients? I put a

sticker on my stethoscope. That's as far as I go.

Dell: And Erin's lying there getting sicker. Commit to the cake, man.

(Cooper knocks on Erin's door in dress up clothes)

Cooper: Who wants to play?

(Addison knocks at Pete's office)

Pete: Come on in. Make yourselves comfortable. I'll be right there.

44
Addison: Flowers opening, rivers parting.

Pete: I gotta go give out the ol' Pete special. Okay, what?

Addison: It's just, Naomi told me what this week is the anniversary.

Pete: It's nothing.

(Cooper is in the yard with the girls)

Cooper: Where exactly are we going?

Child: A secret place.

Cooper: Ooh, you have a secret place?

Child: We have a magic castle. But first we gotta get through the fortress. The fence is the fortress. Come on. Sit down.

(They enter a barn)

Cooper: Awesome castle.

Child: Magic castle. It makes you see stars. See?

Cooper: Oh, stars.

Child: The stars make me dizzy.

Child 2: Me, too.

Child 3: Me three.

Child: See? See the stars, how they go all funny?

Cooper: The stars make you dizzy.

(Cooper looks around and sees bags of fertilizer)

(Sam and Naomi enter Karen's room)

Karen: Dr. Bennett. I told you we don't need a therapist.

Violet: You are not my patient. I am here for Doug.

Sam: And I'm here for you, Karen. Now I have your medical records here. Would you like for me to discuss them in front of

Doug? Or would you like Doug to leave the room with Violet? It's up to you, because as your doctor, I cannot discuss what's

in here in front of him without your permission.

Doug: Why...why would I have to leave the room?

Sam: Karen?

Karen: This isn't fair. You can't do this.

Sam: I am not discussing anything without your permission.

Violet: Either Doug can stay in here with you and Sam, or he can come out in the hall and talk to me.

Sam: Karen?

Karen: So I knew I was sick before. So what? I didn't think you could take it. I thought you'd run away like the weakling you

are, so. I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you...

Doug: But you knew you were sick all...all this time?

Karen: I thought you were a weak, whiny pain in the ass. But you surprised me. You didn't run. So it proves that you're not

weak. You're strong, and I need you. I need your strength. I want you to stay.

Violet: What do you want, Doug? You've been coming to see me for 36 months...36 months and thousands and thousands

of dollars. You came and you worked, all so you could say what you want. You've earned yourself a very expensive

45
backbone. Use it. What do you want?

Karen: You promised.

Violet: I'm talking to Doug.

Doug: What I want...what I want. I want to stay.

Violet: Doug, you...

Doug: I want to stay. All right, end of discussion. I'm staying with Karen. I'm staying with my wife.

(Kathleen and Jeffrey enter the elevator)

Kathleen: Goodbye. Thanks.

Addison: Good luck tonight.

Pete: Take care.

Addison: For what it's worth...

Pete: Don't say anything nice to me.

Addison: I wasn't.

Pete: You were. I don't need your pity. I don't need your sympathy.

Addison: I was going to say, whatever you did in there for Kathleen, I hope it works. They deserve to have a perfect night. I

get a little…I need…I'm a little lost here.

Pete: My wife went to sleep beside me in bed on a Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning, I woke up, and she was dead.

One bad night, but...all our nights were bad. And we never had a perfect night...not even our wedding night. Nothing's

perfect. Nothing's ever perfect.

(Pete walks away and Violet walks up)

Violet: That's the most he's ever told anybody about his wife.

(Cooper is with Erin's mom in her hospital room)

Cooper: The, uh, castle in your neighbor's yard is full of toxic fumes from open bags of fertilizer.

Mom: That's what made them sick?

Cooper: Yeah, they were inhaling ammonium nitrate. First it turned 'em blue, then it attacked their nervous systems.

Mom: They play in the yard. I never thought they'd get beyond the fence.

Cooper: Well, you know, they kinda kick ass so.

Erin: Mom. Can they sit in my bed?

Mom: Be gentle. Okay?

(Doug enters Violet's office)

Doug: I'm sorry. I-I know how much...you cared, how hard you worked.

Violet: You worked. You did most of it.

Doug: I-I may not be in love with her, but. I love her. No one should have to go through what she's going through alone.

Violet: She doesn't have to be...

Doug: I just wanted to say, I-I still think we did something here. I mean, before I met you, things just happened to me. I

made a choice today.

Violet: But you're still picking what's safe, what's familiar, pain that won't even make her better. What about...

Doug: What I want...is for you to be the therapist and me to be the patient. It's my life. At least now I know I've made my

46
bed. Nobody else.

Violet: You're right. It's your choice. And you made it. And that is something.

Doug: Thanks.

(LA Scenes)

(Addison enters the office)

Dell: It's not raining.

Addison: Yeah. Yippee.

Violet: I'm starting to agree with you.

Addison: About the magic? Thank you. That...that's....thank you.

(Naomi is walking Maya to the elevator)

Naomi: Okay, so, um, just call me tonight, okay?

Maya: Mom...

Naomi: Just...just call me, okay? Will you make sure she calls me?

Sam: Okay. Quiet down in there.

(She walks over to the desk. Dell puts another cake on the counter)

Dell: Double fudge with chocolate frosting.

(Naomi starts to walk away with the cake)

Naomi: You know what? Enough with the cake. I don't want your cake. I don't need your cake. I didn't ask for your cake. I'm

all caked out. You know whose cake I want? I want Sam's cake. I want Sam's cake, but Sam's not baking a cake. He's not

baking a cake for me. So could you just...

Addison: Na...Dell, she's, uh, she's goin' off sugar for a while.

Dell: I'm not gonna stop bringing you cake.

Addison: All right, Dell, Dell, no more cake.

Naomi: You know what? It's just that Maya likes Sam better, you're mad at me for bringing you here, and this boy is baking

cakes at me!

Addison: You know what? We're gonna get through this.

Naomi: We are?

Addison: Yes.

Violet: Yes, we are all gonna get through is. That's why you have us.

Addison: We're gonna get through this together.

Naomi: Just...when is something good gonna happen? When is...when is there gonna be a little...magic?

Addison: Yeah, that's the unending question.

(Pete is at his wife's grave)

Pete: You drank all the orange juice. You hogged the covers. You put our dog to sleep. You never took my side. You were

mean to me. You withheld sex. You were cold. You were a mean, cold bitch! And I hate you! I hate you so much! I'm sorry I

couldn't save you.

(Violet is in her office listening to the answering machine)

Allan: Hi, babe. It's me. I'm gonna be late. You should pick up some Chinese and we'll eat in bed, okay? Love you.

47
Answering Machine: Message deleted.

(She looks up and sees Cooper)

Cooper: Way to be a man.

(All the doctors are absorbed in themselves. Kathleen and Jeffrey enter the office screaming)

Kathleen: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Jeffrey: You're amazing. Thank you.

Kathleen: Thank you so much.

Addison: Uh, uh, Pete helped. Dr. Wilder...

Kathleen: Thank you. Thank you.

Jeffrey: I love you, man.

Cooper: What did they do that was so great?

Sam: Yeah, what did they do?

Violet: They saved a marriage.

Naomi: Magic?

Addison: Magic.

(Addison is home in bed. She wakes up and it is raining. She smiles and lays back on the bed)

48
1×04 – IN WHICH ADDISON HAS A VERY CASUAL GET TOGETHER
(Addison enters Sam's house)

Addison: Morning, neighbor.

Sam: Hey.

Addison: You look fancy

Sam: I have to be on live TV this morning.

Addison: I thought maybe you were dressed for something later. A special event?

Sam: I've never been on live TV before.

Addison: It's actually more of a get-together than an event, but...

Sam: I had a dream I was on camera and I was talking and all of my teeth fell out.

Addison: Okay, why has nobody, including you, responded to my invitation tonight? I've invited everyone from work to my

home over a week ago, a week.

Sam: Addison, I live 3 feet away from your new home. If you have a party, I'm gonna be there even if I don't wanna be.

Addison: What a delightful acceptance.

Sam: I have to be on live TV.

Addison: Do you want me to come with you? Moral support?

Sam: Yes. Yes.

Addison: Well, all you have to do is invite me

Sam: I would like you to come.

Addison: And I RSVP yes.

Sam: Okay.

Addison: Like any decent person would. Hey! Hands out of the mouth.

(Sam is at the TV show)

Sam: Now you been sick a lot this year, right? Now my exam didn't turn up anything medically. What else has changed this

year? Job, home?

Louis: I'm going bald.

Sam: Okay. See, now this is what I'm talking about in my book...the whole mind body connection. Now your body is trying to

talk to you, trying to get you to pay attention with what's going on up here. Now hair loss or no, it's the head that's messing

with the machine.

Louis: You think the ladies are lining up to choose me over some guy with hair?

Sam: Louis, my man, look at my head. Bald is beautiful. Bald is sexy. Virile men are bald. The arm & hammer guy is bald

Louis, you're a bald man. Come on. Say it.

Louis: I'm a bald man.

Sam: You are a strong, proud bald man.

Louis: I am a strong, proud bald man.

Sam: You are a strong, proud bald man.

Louis: I'm a strong, proud bald man.

Sam: One more time with fervor. Are a strong proud

49
Louis: I am a strong, proud bald man!

Sam: Yes! That's what I'm talking about. Bald is beautiful.

(Sam and Addison are now at the clinic with the other doctors)

Dell: Hey, how was the TV thing?

Addison: He was very inspiring.

Sam: I'm a fraud.

Addison: You were inspiring. Listening to the patient, the mind body connection. You inspired me, okay? Wasn't he inspiring

on TV?

Violet: The arm & hammer guy's not bald, by the way.

Sam: He is, too. He's bald.

Cooper: Arm & hammer guy, definitely not bald.

Sam: Yeah

Addison: Hey, everybody.

Pete: Mr. Clean's bald.

Addison: Hey, guys. I'm just trying to get a...a head count for tonight.

Cooper: What's tonight?

Addison: My party. Uh, is anybody coming?

Cooper: Oops. Um.

Violet: I forgot.

Cooper: Yeah.

Sam: I made plans to

Dell: I'm there. I, uh, I RSVP'd.

Naomi: Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. Arm & hammer guy is not bald.

Sam: I know. He's just an arm and a hammer.

Naomi: Okay, today's cases?

(Addison walks up to Dell who is looking at a wall of baby pictures)

Addison: What's this?

Dell: Uh, Naomi's wall of miracles. This one, uh, this one here is my favorite, Jamie. I mean, the mother had hardly any

eggs left, you know, borderline FSH. She'd given up. But, you know, Naomi did her thing, and...pow. I mean, she made

every baby up there. Or, you know, she...she helped. Those are her miracles.

Addison: Miracles.

(Pete is sitting with Stan and Sylvie)

Pete: Wow. That's a beaut.

Sylvie: My first husband thought engagement rings were too extravagant. So this is my one and only. And this is him. This is

my Stan. You should get back out there, Pete. Find yourself a Stan.

Pete: I'm. out there.

Sylvie: I'm not talking about the girls you date. I'm talking about love. I'm talking about marriage, soul mates, like us.

Stan: You worry too much, Sylvie.

50
Sylvie: Stan's been falling asleep.

Pete: Falling asleep?

Sylvie: Tell the doctor, Stan.

Stan: Sometimes I just go to sleep.

Sylvie: When I'm talking to him, in the middle of the day. First time, I thought he was dead. I almost had a heart attack.

Stan: I always wake up in a couple of seconds. It's no big deal, but Sylvie has to go and drag me to see the wacko doctor.

Sylvie: Stan.

Stan: He's a little more traditional than I am, but he'll warm to you.

Pete: Now before you fall asleep, do you have any dizziness or palpitations?

(Stan stands up)

Stan: This is a waste of time.

Sylvie: No, when he wakes up, he's good. It's almost like it never happened. You think...there he goes.

(Stan falls over)

(Cooper is examining Michael)

Cooper: Come on. No signs of infection. You got a little swelling.

Michael's Mom: What does that mean?

Cooper: Combined with the lack of energy and appetite, could be mononucleosis.

Mom: Wait, the kissing disease? Have you been kissing someone?

Michael: Gross. No.

Cooper: There are plenty of other ways to contract mono. I'm gonna have to take some blood to find out, though. Sorry,

dude.

Michael: But I can still skateboard, right?

Cooper: No, not until you're better. And until then, you get plenty of sleep. No making out.

Michael: Like anybody'd want to kiss me anyway.

(Addison is going through files at Dell's desk)

Dell: I don't have a lot of domain around here.

Addison: I'm stepping on your domain.

Dell: Little bit. But can I help?

Addison: I need me. The me file. I, uh...I would be one of Naomi's patients.

Dell: Oh, okay. Yeah. Um, is everything okay? Lady problems?

Addison: Just give me the file.

Dell: Cause I might be able to help. Um, I'm like the hub in the Oceanside wheel.

Addison: The file Dell.

(Addison takes the file and goes to her office to look at it)

(Cooper and Violet are walking through the hall together)

Violet: Are you going to this Addison thing?

Cooper: I'll go if you go?

Violet: You know what? There comes a point when your life is set. You know, you're done with new people. I mean, honestly

51
do I really need a new friend?

Cooper: No, not with me around. I mean, I'm a lot of friend. I'm like two double patties worth of friend.

Violet: That's what I'm saying.

Cooper: That's what I'm saying.

Violet: Whoa.

Cooper: What? What are we hiding from?

Violet: It's Cami.

Cooper: Cami? The woman Allan dumped you for Cami?

Violet: He didn't dump me. He just married her right after he left me. What the hell is she doing with Naomi?

(Violet walks up to Dell's desk)

Violet: Cami Davis is a patient here?

Dell: You should ask Naomi

Violet: What is Cami Davis here for?

Dell: You should ask Naomi.

Violet: Fine. I will.

Cooper: Okay, freak show, um.

Violet: Oh, my god. I'm pathetic. I need to let this go. I'm gonna let this go. Who cares why Cami is here?

(Addison walks up to Dell's desk)

Dell: Oh, yeah. Hey. Did you find what you were looking for?

Addison: Kind of.

Dell: Did I mention I'm a total whiz at the female anatomy? I...I am...I am acing my midwifery classes. I got it all up here. Oh,

yeah. Keep it up there. Vulva. Labium majus.

(Addison walks away and Sam walks up)

Sam: If that's flirting, you need new skills. Can you run these labs for me, please?

(A woman gets out of the elevator)

Rebecca: Dr. Bennett? Dr. Sam Bennett?

Sam: I'm Dr. Bennett. Whoa, okay. We got you. Let's get you to a chair. Right over here. Nice and easy. Have a seat. Nice

and slow. There we go. Whoa. Did you just walk right out of the hospital?

Rebecca: We had to get out of there.

Addison: We? You and...

Rebecca: Me and my baby. They were trying to kill us.

(Rebecca is in a bed)

Rebecca: I saw you on TV. Those things you said about listening to the patient, was that just TV crap?

Sam: No, I meant it. Except for the arm & hammer part. So you said the hospital's trying to kill you?

Rebecca: Everything they do just makes me sicker.

Addison: How far along are you?

Rebecca: Five months. I know I look thin, but I'm eating. I am. I've always had stomach stuff, this pain, but nobody can

figure out what's wrong. I'm doing what you said, Dr. Bennett. I'm listening to my body, but nobody believes me.

52
Sam: All right. Why don't you give me your name and your hospital? I'll talk to your doctor.

Rebecca: I can't. I can't give you that.

Addison: You scratched your name off your hospital bracelet?

(Addison and Sam go into the hall where Naomi is)

Sam: She won't give us any of her information. She's afraid we're gonna send her back.

Naomi: You're damn right, we're sending her back. I'm gonna get Dell to call all the area hospitals.

Addison: She came here because of Sam. She was inspired by Dr. Sam.

Sam: Well, then she's gonna want to go back, because Dr. Sam is an idiot.

Addison: I'd like to run some tests.

Sam: Okay, fine. But just until we figure out where she belongs.

Naomi: You had to go on TV.

Addison: Thank you, Sam.

Naomi: Does she seem a little...

Sam: Did you RSVP to her thing?

Naomi: Oh. Yeah

(Pete is with Stan and Sylvie)

Stan: The damn floor got off balance.

Pete: Were you dizzy right before it happened?

Stan: Maybe a little.

Sylvie: What's happening to him? Is he gonna have to go to the hospital?

Pete: Stan, I'd like to send you downstairs and run some basic tests. We'll get an EKG, an MRI, and see if we find anything.

Sylvie: You fix Stan, hear me? Like I said, he's my one and only.

(Pete goes to talk with Sam)

Pete: Hey, I've got a 70-year-old male presenting with syncope. These what you'd run?

Sam: Okay, he's hypertensive, diabetic...could be a TIA or an occult arrhythmia.

Pete: I hope not. Okay. Thanks.

Sam: Yeah. Oh, you should RSVP for Addison's thing. She's starting to get a little squirrelly.

Pete: Yeah. I'm not sure.

Sam: She's getting to you.

Pete: She is not. I'm not going there.

Sam: She's definitely getting to you.

(Cooper is with Michael and his mom)

Mom: So he doesn't have mono?

Cooper: Test came back negative.

Mom: Oh, thank god. I'm gonna call dad.

Cooper: You don't seem too happy. You hoping for a contagious disease?

Michael: I knew I didn't have it. I know what's wrong with me.

Cooper: What's that?

53
Michael: I'm in love.

Cooper: And what, is that awful? It's great, right?

Michael: Not when the person you're in love with doesn't like you back.

Cooper: Who is she?

Michael: Someone at the skate park.

Cooper: Does she know you like her?

Michael: No. 235 If I tell, it'll change everything.

Cooper: I don't know, man. Don't you gotta go for it? I mean, ask her to do something or hang out or.

Michael: Yeah, I thought about it, but I don't want to mess everything up.

Cooper: I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. I mean, I know...I've...I gotta.

Michael: What?

Cooper: This girl I like, I been trying to get up the nerve to say something for a long time. I mean, a long time.

Michael: For real?

Cooper: Yeah. I'll tell you what, a pact. I'll do it if you do it. We'll spill our guts, see what happens.

Michael: Pact.

Cooper: Boom.

(Violet is pacing outside Naomi's office)

Naomi: Violet?

Violet: Why is Cami Davis here? I mean, why was she seeing you?

Naomi: Violet.

Violet: I know. But why was she here?

Naomi: Do you really want to know?

Violet: Okay, don't tell me.

Naomi: I will tell you if you really want to know.

Violet: No. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, don't tell me. Because it's not smart and it's unhealthy, and I should

mind my own business. Swear you won't tell me.

Naomi: I swear.

(Sylvie enters Pete's office)

Pete: You okay?

Sylvie: What if...Stan doesn't really want to marry me?

Pete: Why would you think that?

Sylvie: Just hear me out. These attacks, what if they're caused by stress about getting hitched to me for life?

Pete: Sylvie, there are a lot of possible reasons this...

Sylvie: They started right after he proposed.

(Dell walks up to Addison in the hall)

Dell: Hey, I just checked on our Jane Doe.

Addison: What are you doing checking on my patient? This is not midwife school.

Dell: She's having contractions.

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(Rebecca's room)

Rebecca: Is the baby okay?

Addison: The medication I'm giving you will stop the contractions. Just focus on your breathing.

Rebecca: Okay. Breathing.

Addison: Here we go. The fetal weight is low for five months. But...the heartbeat is present and strong...for now.

Rebecca: Nobody thought I could get pregnant. Not my doctors, my boyfriend. My body's been messed up my whole life.

This baby...it's a miracle...total cliché & cute, right?

Addison: No. No, I get it.

Rebecca: I'll do whatever you say. I can't lose my baby.

(Charlotte is in the hall with Naomi and Sam when Addison walks up)

Charlotte: I hear you have something of ours.

Naomi: She came here on her own, and we called you and every other hospital in the city to try and find out where she

came from.

Addison: You know our Jane Doe?

Charlotte: Her name's Rebecca Hobart, and I'm going to arrange transportation back to St. Ambrose immediately.

Addison: Rebecca wants to stay here. We are keeping her.

Charlotte: Is that so? I think your guest left out more than her name.

Addison: What do you mean?

Charlotte: Rebecca Hobart's a 5150.

Sam: She's on involuntary hold?

Charlotte: That's right. The patient you are aiding and abetting, she's straight out of the psych ward.

Addison: She doesn't seem crazy to me.

Charlotte: She's very convincing, like all good Munchausen patients.

Addison: Wait, Munchausen?

Sam: She's making herself sick for the attention?

Charlotte: She's been in and out of psych wards since she was 18. Joint pain, stomach problems...all kinds of vague

symptoms, but her tests don't back her up.

Addison: Maybe, but she wants to be treated here.

Charlotte: Her mother is her medical guardian. Under state law, if her mother wants her back at the hospital, Rebecca goes

back.

Naomi: Agreed. She goes.

Addison: She's having contractions. You want to move her now, make her lose the baby, be my guest.

(Addison, Naomi and Sam walk away)\

Naomi: Why would you light a fire under Charlotte King's ass for a 5150? I ought to 5150 your skinny...

Addison: Rebecca is not...have you even talked to her? I believe her.

Naomi: Munchausen. These people are exceptional, spectacular liars.

Sam: You two, maybe we could take it down a notch.

Naomi: People get angry, Sam. It's normal.

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Addison: Sam is just trying to help.

Naomi: Sam doesn't like conflict.

Sam: Whoa, ladies. Off topic.

Addison: I think Violet should do a psych eval on Rebecca.

Naomi: The woman has a long, documented history...

Addison: Sam, do you agree with me?

(Dell enters)

Dell: Your next patient is in room two.

Sam: Bless you, Dell.

Naomi: Addison. Addison. Why are you fighting so hard for this woman?

Addison: Since when do you give up on people?

Naomi: I'm just trying to look out for you.

Addison: Well, don't.

Naomi: Hey, Addison. I'm coming, okay? Don't tell me this is because I forgot to RSVP to your party.

Addison: Can I ask Violet to do the psych eval or not?

Naomi: Fine.

(Rebecca's room)

Rebecca: I don't need another shrink. This is exactly why I didn't tell you about the psych ward.

Addison: I need you to be off your feet. Your contractions just eased up.

Rebecca: If no one can figure out what's wrong with me, they'll keep saying I'm crazy, and they'll take my baby away from

me.

Violet: We are gonna do everything we can to keep that from happening.

Addison: But we need you to help us. Now come on. Sit down. Talk.

(Sylvie and Pete are in his office)

Sylvie: My first marriage was lonely. You know. I can't get stuck in another marriage with a man who doesn't love me.

Pete: You really believe Stan doesn't love you?

Sylvie: Well, I don't know. He could just be using me for the sex, I suppose.

Pete: The...the sex?

Sylvie: We have damn good sex.

Pete: Sylvie, your first marriage. It has nothing to do with Stan. You know you can't let the past hang over you like that.

Sylvie: Neither can you, kid.

Pete: You're not as screwed up as I am. You deserve better.

Sylvie: But be honest, Pete. The timing of these spells and the proposal...pretty damning, isn't it?

(Cooper is in the bathroom talking to his self)

Cooper: Okay, I know I seem like this guy that dates women from the internet...okay, I am this guy that dates women from

the internet, but that's only because. No, scrap that. No good. Okay. Um, you're beautiful and you're funny and...well, you're

annoying, but in a way that's endearing when it's not driving me crazy. And the point is...the point is.

(Pete enters)

56
Cooper: I love you. I'm in love with you and have been for...ever. I just...I love you. I love you.

Pete: Were you just saying I love you to your genitals?

Cooper: No.

(Pete leaves)

(Cooper walks up to Violet in the hall)

Cooper: There's...I want to talk to you, tell you something that I, uh. What are you doing?

Violet: Uh, that... that's Cami's urine sample.

Cooper: You're spying on Cami's pee?

Violet: No. This...this, um, this Cami thing is eating at me, all right? It's really all I can think about. So if I were a patient,

what would I tell myself?

Cooper: Hopefully that talking to yourself like you're two people is a sign of insanity.

Violet: No, I would tell my patient that they need to figure out a way to move on, to get some information so that they can

move on.

Cooper: And that relates to Cami's bodily fluids how?

Violet: What if Cami's pregnant? I mean, if I know that Cami is pregnant, that would be big step in really solidifying that it's

over between me and Allan.

Cooper: Okay, do not steal that urine.

Violet: Right. Okay. All right. What did you want to talk to me about?

Cooper: It's, uh, it would be better later.

Violet: No, no, just tell me now. I need to focus on something other than Cami.

Cooper: It's just, you know, I made this pact, and there are some feelings that, uh, uh. Violet! Step away from the pee-pee.

Violet: Right. Right. Right. I am removing myself from the situation.

Cooper: That went perfectly.

(Addison and Violet are talking in the hall)

Violet: From what I could see, Rebecca doesn't totally fit the Munchausen profile.

Addison: Do you think I'm personalizing this case? Like maybe I need to believe in the happy miracle baby?

Violet: Well, instinct's a bitch, right? You only know if you can trust it after the fact. Okay, look...you and I don't know each

other that well. We're not friends, but...you could...share. I guess.

Addison: No. No, no, no. I...I don't wanna...

Violet: Yes, yes. Let's...share.

Addison: Yeah? Oh, it's just. I have fertility issues. And Naomi...I don't know. And I'm all cranky about it, and I have a right to

be, a right. I'm right and all. I know. You know? Uh, the sharing, it's...it's...it's not so good.

Violet: No...but, hey, I don't even want kids. But the idea of my ex's new wife having one...it's making me nuts.

Addison: No, it's better to know, just get through it.

Violet: Well, she's seeing Naomi. Naomi won't tell me anything.

Addison: Let me tell you something about Naomi. Don't let her tell you what you can and cannot know. In fact...go look at

the file yourself.

Violet: Yeah.

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Addison: I mean, you just wait until Dell is away from his domain, and then you go for it. You go get your answers.

Violet: You're a little bit of a crazy, you know that?

Addison: Yeah.

Violet: I like you.

(Michael enters Cooper's office)

Cooper: Michael, what happened?

Michael: Why did you tell me to do that?

Cooper: Do what?

Michael: I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I knew it.

Cooper: Michael, who did this to you?

Michael: Brian.

Cooper: Okay, who's Brian?

Michael: He's the one I asked out...the one I love.

(Cooper is with Violet)

Cooper: Can you imagine being 10 and already knowing who you are?

Violet: Some kids know. They just know.

Cooper: This poor guy, he...he came out, and he got his heart broken and his ass kicked all in one day. I gotta do

something.

Violet: You...you should do what you're doing. You gotta listen, stay on top of the situation. Kids like Michael are at a high

risk for self-destructive behavior.

Cooper: I know, but that's usually when they're teenagers. You don't think he might hurt himself now?

Violet: It happens.

Cooper: Okay. Okay. I'll talk to his parents. Thanks.

(Cooper leaves)

Violet: Hello, closure.

(Pete and Sylvie are in the hall)

Pete: I'm having them run an echo to check for heart abnormalities and tests to rule out artery obstructions and seizure

activities.

Sylvie: All these tests...you're not doing this just for me, are you? I know I'm pushing for an answer, but...

Pete: As much as I adore you, I wouldn't do that. I'm doing it for Stan, the guy that called me a wacko.

(Addison walks up)

Addison: Pete.

Pete: Oh, um, Sylvie, this is Addison. She's our GYN.

Sylvie: You're new. How do you?

Addison: Uh, Pete, uh, if you get a moment later, I could use you for, um, a consult on my patient's nutritional status. At

which time I would also like an RSVP for my party.

Pete: Okay.

Addison: Or you could RSVP now.

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Pete: I'll wait.

Addison: Or I could uninvite you.

(Addison walks away)

Sylvie: You like that one.

Pete: Don't do that. Don't mother me.

Sylvie: She reminds me a little of your Anna.

Pete: My wife was nothing like Addison. Well, there are similarities, but Addison is. tougher. Addison doesn't

need...she...she doesn't need.

Sylvie: Which makes her seem perfect for you.

Pete: Can we focus on Stan?

(Naomi walks in to Violets office)

Naomi: This is Cami Davis' file.

Violet: Just...I gotta know. Tell me.

Naomi: No. I told you I wouldn't.

Violet: I know, but now I'm telling you to tell me.

Naomi: No. I swore I wouldn't.

Violet: Well, just give me the file, and then you won't have to tell me anything.

Naomi: Don't make me hurt you. You're freaking out a little.

(Naomi leaves)

Violet: I am freaking out a little.

(Michael's parents are in Cooper's office)

Cooper: Michael's missing?

Mom: We got home, and he went to lie down. But when I checked on him, he was gone.

Dad: We've been all over. I thought maybe he went to settle the score with those kids who hit him.

Mom: I've left him a dozen messages. I texted him. He usually calls right back.

Dad: No, you know what? Let me check the school again first.

Cooper: I'll check the skate park.

Mom: Are you sure? You've got patients.

Cooper: Let's...let's just find Michael.

(Addison enters Rebecca's room)

Rebecca: Come here. I felt the baby moving.

(Charlotte and Mrs. Hobart enter)

Charlotte: This is Mrs. Hobart, Rebecca's mother.

Rebecca: Get her out of here.

Addison: Mrs. Hobart, she's had a rough day.

Mrs. Hobart: You have no idea. You want to hear how Rebecca operates?

Rebecca: Shut up, mom!

Sam: All right, let's just take this slow.

59
Mrs. Hobart: She starves. Or she eats god knows what to get sick. Then she dupes another hospital into believing her until

they figure out what's really going on.

Rebecca: Get her out of here!

Addison: That's enough. Okay, remember our breathing? Good. Good.

Rebecca: What? What is it?

Sam: These labs show us you haven't eaten in days.

Naomi: She lied. She has been making herself sick.

Mrs. Hobart: What a shock.

Rebecca: No, no. I did eat.

Addison: I'll make sure her contractions are gone, then she's yours.

Rebecca: I...I thought you believed me.

Addison: I did.

Rebecca: Oh, god.

(Pete is with Sylvie)

Pete: Okay, I have Stan's labs. MRI looks good. The blood levels are good. All the tests check out okay.

Sylvie: Thank god. Right?

Pete: Sylvie, you don't know...we don't know that this has anything to do with you.

Sylvie: Then find me another answer.

(Addison is in the hall)

Addison: So much for being inspired, huh?

Sam: Oh, crap. Addison, wait. Wait up. Uh, we need a little bit more time with your daughter.

Naomi: Sam.

Charlotte: Dr. Bennett, this is...

Sam: I know that you've been through hell, and maybe your daughter is a master manipulator. But, uh, she risked a lot to

come here because she thought we were different. and better. And I believe we are. We can figure out what's wrong with

your daughter. We just need a little bit more time.

Naomi: Do you honestly think...

Charlotte: Sam, please don't indulge this

Sam: We just want to help your daughter. That's all we ask.

Mrs. Hobart: Okay. One hour. You get one more hour.

(Cooper is at the skate park)

Cooper: Brian? Do you know where Michael is? Hey, hey, whoa. Where's Michael?

Brian: I don't know. He's a freak.

Cooper: He's your friend.

Brian: No, he's not. I thought he was until he said all that stuff.

Cooper: So you hit him just 'cause he said something?

Brian: He asked me out on a date.

Cooper: And I'll bet he wishes he didn't, but he did. So he's gonna have to live with that. Can you?

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Brian: You can't just go around saying stuff like that, not here.

Cooper: Brian, Michael's missing. I need to find him.

Brian: He's what?

Cooper: He's missing. Do you know where he could be?

Brian: No.

Cooper: Hey, Brian, come on.

Brian: There's a parking lot where we hang at. There's a cool ramp that we skate on. Maybe he'd go there. I didn't mean to

hit him so hard. Tell him I'm sorry. Okay?

(Sam, Naomi, Addison and Violet are in the hall)

Addison: Sam, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but what can we possibly find in an hour?

Naomi: Why did you make promises to this woman you know we can't keep?

Sam: Because maybe we can. Okay? Now is there anything else we need to cover before we can get our heads in the

game?

Violet: I...I have a need. I need to know why Cami is here.

Naomi: Look, you made me promise not to tell you...

Sam: Spill.

Naomi: It's a bladder infection. from having too much sex. Cami and Allan have been having a lot of sex.

Violet: Oh, good. It's not cancer. I was just afraid it might be cancer.

Sam: Well, it isn't. Good. Done. Now Rebecca.

(Cooper finds Michael)

Cooper: Michael.

Michael: I was gonna run away...but I don't have any money. Plus, running away is lame. So then I thought I'd just jump.

Cooper: Michael...

Michael: And jumping's even lamer than running away.

Cooper: I talked to Brian. He feels pretty bad.

Michael: Yeah, well...he doesn't love me back

Cooper: No. Look, some kids are cool with it.

Michael: Yeah, but I don't want to hang out with them. I want to hang out with Brian. I wish I was somebody se.

Cooper: What are you talking about?

Michael: I wish I was you...you're old.

Cooper: Yeah, I am old. I am elderly. But you're young. You will have a lot of chances to fall in love again with someone

who's really into you big-time. Me, being so old an all, right, I'm done.

This one, this girl, this love, that's probably it for me. And I didn't have the guts to tell her how I felt. I looked at her, and I

just. I couldn't. You told Brian. And...and you're a lot braver than I am. Damn. You little punk.

Michael: I, uh, I don't want to go home yet.

Cooper: We can hang out for a while. And then we need to tell your folks you're okay.

(Addison and the other doctors are working on Rebecca's case)

Addison: I don't know...I don't. Nothing's jumping out at me.

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Sam: You're the one who believed. Why?

Addison: Because I thought she was telling the truth. Ignore the files, ignore all the preconceptions, and let's look at the

facts as if everything Rebecca has told us is the truth.

Sam: Which would mean that the hospital missed something right from the start.

Violet: And then she's saddled with a psych diagnosis. So the doctors would assume that her worsening symptoms are just

signs of increasingly destructive behavior.

Pete: But that could also indicate a worsening of her real physical condition.

Violet: So then what's the missing illness that started it all?

Naomi: Well, one that...that makes her feel stomach spasms and pain after she eats.

Sam: Associated with occasional joint pains and fevers.

Pete: And comes and goes in cycles.

Sam: Did they ever get a GI camera study?

Naomi: I didn't see it in her records.

Violet: How would that help?

Addison: The camera could get to places in Rebecca's body that previous workups couldn't have seen. It's a relatively new

procedure.

Sam: And if she had an occult form of an autoimmune disease.

Addison: Affecting deep sections of the intestine.

Pete: It would flare up during times of stress, like during pregnancy.

Naomi: Which means she wouldn't absorb nutrients properly.

Addison: And explains why she says she's eating, but the labs say she's not.

Violet: So they could've missed it?

Addison: They definitely could've missed it.

Sam: All right.

(They all go into the hall and run into Dell)

Dell: Look, I was playing tug-of-war with the wheelchair, okay? But Charlotte is stronger than she looks.

Sam: They took her back to the hospital?

Addison: Rebecca's gone?

Dell: She's gone.

(They are at the hospital with Charlotte)

Charlotte: Do you know what this girl's mother will say if she finds out I ran another test without her consent?

Addison: What will she say if the test could save Rebecca's life, hers and the baby's?

Charlotte: Y'all really want me to get fired, don't you?

Sam: If you need a win to get the hospital off your back for Rebecca walking, take full credit for the fix.

Charlotte: I don't care about the credit. Okay, I do care about the credit. But I care about helping this girl more. We'll set up

for the camera study.

Sam: All right.

(Pete is with Sylvie).

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Pete: Something Sylvie said has me wondering.

Sylvie: I spoke to you in confidence.

Pete: Sylvie, I think I might know what's wrong with Stan.

Sylvie: You do?

Pete: You two have been having a lot of sex?

Stan: A gentleman doesn't discuss...

Sylvie: Yes.

Pete: Different positions?

Stan: I'm not going to stand here and get the third degree from this pervert.

Sylvie: Mostly one position. Because of his sciatica, I'm on top.

Pete: Show me.

Stan: Aw, for the love of...oh, Sylvie.

Sylvie: He holds me here, supporting me on account of my hip.

Pete: Okay. Good.

Stan: This is where I draw the line.

Sylvie: Stan, you okay? Does that happen every time you press there?

Pete: All that repetitive motion formed a trigger point in the muscle, 'causing a painless migraine.

You move the wrong way and boom, you pass out.

Stan: Painless migraines?

Pete: You get all the neurological signs, but you never develop the headache.

Stan: And that's all it was?

Pete: A few sessions of my intensive muscle therapy should do it. And we can treat that sciatica so that, uh, you can try

some new sexual position.

(Pete goes into the hall and Sylvie follows)

Sylvie: He loves me.

Pete: I told you.

Sylvie: Thank you, Pete. You don't know how much this means. Or...yes, you do.

(Violet sees Cami walk past her office. She brings her into her office)

Violet: Why are you here in my practice, throwing your too-much-sex-itis in my face?

Cami: You know about that?

Violet: There are a million other doctors in LA you could've gone to. Why did you come to the

place where I worked? Just to mess with me?

Cami: I just needed to pick up the results of my labs.

Violet: That still doesn't answer the question. Why here?

Cami: He talks about you...mean, all of you, how good you are. I wanted the best.

Violet: You're here to scope me out.

Cami: I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry.

Violet: Cami. Cami. You don't need to worry. You're like, 2 years old. You're pretty.

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You're the...Barbie dream house. I am not your competition. Trust me.

Cami: I wouldn't be so sure.

(Addison, Sam and Charlotte enter Rebecca's room)

Sam: We've got the results.

Rebecca: And?

Addison: You have Crohn's disease. You were eating, and it was making you sick.

Rebecca: So you believe me?

Addison: I believe you.

Rebecca: You believe me. You believe me.

Sam: The chances of your baby being healthy are very good.

(Mrs. Hobart enters)

Mrs. Hobart: I'm sorry.

(Addison and Sam enter Oceanside and all the doctors are in the waiting room)

Naomi: How did it go? How's Rebecca?

Sam: Dr. Sam hasn't lost his touch.

All: All right.

Addison: You? I'm the one...fine. Dr. Sam is a god...today.

Violet: Do you want me wine?

Addison: You guys are hanging out here?

Cooper: Yeah, we have red and, uh, I can get some white from the fridge.

Addison: You know, no. Wait. No. I got food. I bought a barbecue grill. I dragged bags of ice across the beach. And I invited

all of you people, and none of you even bothered to RSVP because your lives are so busy and great, and yet here you sit

drinking wine in the lobby like animals.

Violet: We're coming.

Cooper: Yeah, we were waiting for you guys to get back from the hospital and.

Addison: Oh. I. well, then...

(They are all at Addison's. Cooper and Violet are walking through the house)

Violet: There is no way she's right. He is not still thinking about me.

Cooper: Of course he's still thinking about you, you idiot.

Violet: You don't have to be mean about it.

Cooper: You're hard to forget.

Violet: Cooper.

Cooper: What? I'm just saying you are very loud, you have a lot of curly hair.

(Cooper walks outside)

Cooper: Boys.

(Naomi and Addison are sitting on the beach)

Naomi: Okay, you have been pissed off at me all day. I was wrong about Rebecca. I'm...I'm sorry.

Addison: Why did you tell me there was no hope for me to ever have a baby?

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Naomi: Because.

Addison: I have two eggs left. Two. I looked at my chart. Why didn't you tell me that my FSH was borderline? It means

there's still a chance.

Naomi: I just...I didn't want you hanging on to something that's probably never gonna happen.

Addison: Okay, you need to stop protecting me. You don't get to decide what I hang on to.

Naomi: What, and Sam...with is mind body thing. what, he inspired you to look again, ask for more? Yeah, that's his thing

now.

Addison: Yeah. It made me feel like...there's hope...like I'm not alone.

Naomi: You think you're alone. Look around.

(Sam walks up)

Sam: Hey, what y'all talking about?

Addison: I'm a strong, proud bald man.

Sam: It really is just an arm and a hammer.

Addison: Let it go, Sam.

65
1×05 – IN WHICH ADDISON FINDS A SHOWERHEAD
(Addison and Pete are in the elevator)

Pete: Hey.

Addison: Hey.

Pete: This isn't good, you being here.

Addison: You want me to take the stairs?

Pete: Working together. I...I can't focus. I can't think.

Addison: Really?

Pete: It's...your red hair...and your brain.

Addison: I am very smart.

Pete: I barely notice your incredible breasts or your cellulite-free thighs because your brain is such an immense turn-on to a

man as highly evolved as I am.

Addison: Yes. I can see how I might turn you on. Ahh.

(They start making out. Addison suddenly falls out of her bed)

(Naomi and Addison are in her kitchen)

Naomi: Pete? Pete is your dream guy? Maya, you're gonna be late. She had a friend spend the night last night, which I

would normally never do on a school night, but I'm trying to be the fun parent now so...

Addison: Well, he's not my dream guy, okay? I had a dream about him last night...

and the night before that...

Naomi: Oh.

Addison: And...the night before that.

Naomi: Okay. Maya.

Addison: I can do dreams. It's just that these particular dreams, they're just making me incredibly...

Naomi: Do not sleep with Pete.

Addison: I don't want to sleep with Pete. My head wants to sleep with Pete.

Naomi: It's not your head that wants to do the sleeping. Maya!

(Maya comes down the stairs with her friend)

Maya: I'm right here, mom. God. Okay. Hi, Auntie Addison. This is Ruby.

Addison: Uh, you didn't...how long have you two been standing there?

Maya: Why? What are you guys talking about?

Addison: Shoes. Shoes.

(Pete is working out at the track)

Coach Mike: Hey, Pete.

Pete: You guys killed at the Melrose games.

Mike: Yeah. Hey, uh, I was hoping you could take a look at Nic. Hey, Nic. She's got a cold, doesn't want to see a doctor.

She's afraid taking something will mess her up.

Nicole: My stride felt off. I got nothing left at the end.

Mike: Uh, Nic, this is Pete Wilder. Well, Pete does holistic medicine.

66
Pete: Maybe I can treat you Why don't you stop by later today? We'll see what's going on.

Nicole: Okay. Want to race?

Pete: Uh... no. You go ahead.

(Conference room for the morning meeting)

Naomi: Okay, I think we all have a pretty full day, So let's just, uh, make this one quick, okay?

Addison: Uh, let me mention quickly that Dell is doing his first solo pap smear today. We should all be proud. Great.

Dell: It's just pap smears. No big deal.

Cooper: Don't choke, man, okay? I know it might seem dark and scary in there, but I...

Naomi: Do not mock the midwife. Next order of business.

Pete: Nicole Clemmons is coming in this afternoon.

Cooper: Oh, the runner?

Pete: She says she has a cold, but I heard wheezing. I've ordered some pulmonary function tests at St. Ambro...Why do

you look so...You look hot.

Addison: I...Do I?

Pete: No, I mean, you look hot as in flushed...Overheated.

Naomi: Um, the next order of business? Let's...

(Naomi and Violet enter a room where Addison is)

Violet: You're fantasizing about Pete?

Addison: What? Naomi.

Naomi: She's a licensed professional.

Addison: I do not need professional help.

Violet: William Jefferson Clinton.

Addison: Huh?

Violet: It's 2010, Bill and Hillary have grown apart. It's nothing he did. Just... it happens. We inexplicably run into each other

at the Lincoln memorial, and it's very late at night. Addison: Oh, my god.

Violet: He recognizes something in me, something that makes him feels whole. Some talk about the Camp David summit,

some chat about how we can't possibly, the secret service is...the next thing you know, I have a presidential library in Little

Rock and there's a legendary picture of me and Bill laughing and sharing sections of "the times,"

while our child plays under the dinner table...And. Orgasm.

Naomi: You're really over Allan, aren't you?

Violet: Oh, I got bill now. Bill's all I need.

Naomi: So you don't think about someone real?

Violet: Oh, Bill's real. Bill is... very real.

Naomi: Not Pete real. Not in the office real.

Violet: My point is, whatever helps you scratch the itch... is fine.

Addison: Oh, I don't do that.

Naomi and Violet: What?

(Addison's phone rings)

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Addison: Hello. Uh-huh. Yeah, uh, okay. I will, uh, be right there. Okay. I gotta go. Uh, I'll see you later.

(Addison leaves)

Naomi: She doesn't do that?

(Sam is on the phone)

Sam: If you have any pain, let me know. Okay.

(He walks up to the desk)

Dell: Hey, a patient of yours is in the ER. Beth Burton. Somebody broke into her house. She's...she's hurt. Her husband just

flew in from a business trip. He'll meet you at the hospital.

(Sam is at the hospital)

John: Is she gonna be okay, though?

Beth: It wasn't that bad. The man...I came down the stairs, I saw him there, and he got spooked and took off. And I tripped

and fell into the glass table.

Sam: Well, that's a pretty bad cut. I'm gonna need a CT.

John: Okay, well, I'll call your mom, Go check on the kids. Okay?

Beth: Okay.

(John leaves)

Sam: Pretty frightening.

Beth: Oh. It could've been so much worse.

(Violet is in the hall when Cooper walks out)

Cooper: Mmm Bill. Bill? Naomi cannot keep a secret.

Violet: Okay, okay, okay, First of all, who are you to talk? Oh...Second of all, did you notice whom I wasn't talking about?

Cooper: Allan. Hey.

Violet: I'm telling' ya...yeah. I am over the hump.

(Dell walks up)

Dell: Hey, were you expecting Allan? 'Cause he's here.

Violet: Okay, that's...that's not funny. You hear me talking about Allan, and you want to mess me up, Pap smear boy.

Dell: No, Violet, he's...he's here. I mean, Allan's...in the lobby here.

Cooper: Uh, okay. You...you tell him to get lost. It's like he's got friggin' spidey sense. Every time the two of you split up, the

exact moment you can breathe again...

Allan: Violet. Coop, hey.

Cooper: Al, hey.

Allan: Do you...do you have a minute?

Cooper: You have patients.

Violet: I have patients.

Allan: Right. Yeah. It's the middle of the workday. I was just...I was thinking about you. And, um...Another time, maybe.

Cooper: Good girl.

Violet: Allan, I...I have a minute.

(Addison is in the bathroom)

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Addison: Maya? What's with the stealth call and the hiding? Aren't you girls supposed to be in school?

Maya: You didn't tell my mom, did you?

Addison: Not yet. What's the emergency?

Maya: It's...We think...I mean...I think that...

Ruby: Maya totally has a disease.

Addison: A disease? What kind of disease?

Ruby: Tell her, Maya.

Maya: I'm...I'm pretty sure I have gonorrhea.

(Sam enters the room where Beth is)

Sam: Hey.

Beth: Hey. John went to go fill out insurance forms.

Sam: Well, your CT is a negative? How you doing?

Beth: Cold.

Sam: Yeah.

Beth: Okay. Dr. Bennett... Um... I saw something the news about this drug. They said it worked for some Katrina victims.

Sam: What kind of drug?

Beth: It makes you forget what happened. Is it real?

Sam: Uh, I've never heard of it.

Beth: What I went through, I know, wasn't that bad. But John's...away on business a lot, and...I'm...I'm just afraid I'll never

get another good night's sleep.

Sam: Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh, I'll look into it.

Beth: Please. And don't tell John. I don't want him thinking he can never leave me alone again.

(Addison, Maya and Ruby are in an exam room)

Maya: Gonorrhea...that's the good stud. right? You just give me some pills, and it's gone?

Addison: No, I need to do a full pelvic exam.

Maya: But...

Addison: There's no buts. I won't know if it's gonorrhea until I check you out. And I also need to rule out chlamydia.

Besides...if you're engaging in sex...you need to be getting regular checkups. That's the responsible way to behave.

Although I don't expect you to be responsible at 13, Maya. Honey, look at me. Are you? Are you okay? Did you do this

because a boy...Are you being pressured because?

Maya: I'm not a little kid.

(Dell walks up to Addison in the hall)

Dell: Hey, um, Mrs. Worth is here for her yearly. This is the one I'm doing, right? This is mine?

Addison: Its pap time, Dell.

Dell: But you don't...you don't want to be there?

Addison: Just ask her if she wants a female chaperone present Before you lay a finger on her. Also relax. Patients can

smell fear. Keep the speculum warm and tell the patients exactly what you're doing before you do it. And introduce yourself.

Doctors always forget that.

69
Dell: No, a I aced bedside manner. I'm gonna give a happy pap. No worries.

Addison: Good, good. Um, where's Sam?

Dell: He had to go to the hospital.

Addison: And Naomi's in the back?

Dell: You don't think I need help, right? I don't need help?

Addison: You're gonna be fine.

Dell: I can do it myself.

(Dell enters the exam room)

Dell: Hello. I'm Dell Parker. And I'll be doing...

(Mrs. Worth is on the phone)

Mrs. Worth: No. Get the checked napkins, the red and white kind. They told me I was getting a nurse.

Dell: I...I am. And...and I'm about be certified as...

Mrs. Worth: They sent me a boy nurse. I know.

Dell: Um, I just...excuse me. I need to ask if you'd like a female chaperone present for the exam.

Mrs. Worth: No, just do it. I gotta pick up my daughter from ballet.

Dell: All right.

Mrs. Worth: I don't know. He's like 5 years old. Yeah.

Dell: I'll just get this...for you. Okay.

Mrs. Worth: He just dropped the thing.

Dell: Okay, okay, okay, that happens.

Mrs. Worth: The thing.

Dell: Yeah. Okay, let's do this.

Mrs. Worth: You're not gonna use that?

Dell: Uh, no, a new one. I'm...I'm getting a new one. I'm getting a new one. Okay, not a...not a happy pap. Not a happy pap.

(Pete is with Nicole at St. Ambrose)

Pete: Looks like you're working hard. Even with a cold, this pace should be a piece of cake.

Nicole: I got an audience.

Charlotte: Just wanted to see Nicole Clemmons run in person once. Before she's on my Wheaties box. I've done some

marathons.

Pete: Nicole, this is Dr. Charlotte King. She does marathons. Uh, you should stop.

Nicole: I just gotta push through.

Pete: No, that's a bad idea. Get off. Stop.

(Cooper and Sam are in the hall outside of Violet's office, where she is talking with Allan)

Cooper: They been in there way too long. They are not getting back together.

Sam: No.

(Allan and Violet walk out)

Violet: It's good to see you. Thanks.

(Allan leaves)

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Violet: Friends.

Cooper: What?

Violet: Allan...he just wants to be friends. We're having coffee.

Cooper: Oh, come on, Violet.

Sam: You know, sometimes friends can mean just friends. I mean, look at Naomi and me. Cooper: Oh, you two.

Violet: Yeah, you guys are more like a corporation.

Cooper: A corporation.

Sam: We are handling a really tough situation with, uh, maturity...

Violet: You know, he...he apologized for hurting me. He just misses our conversations.

Cooper: Allan always blows in, he makes you feel all good and then he hurts you worse than the last time, and I pick up the

pieces.

(Addison walks up)

Addison: Sorry, uh, to interrupt...I need...can I get, uh...I need to borrow you for a consult.

Cooper: Gladly. Get help.

Violet: Hey... I... Allan...Allan wants to be friends. That's healthy. We're moving on. We're...

Sam: No, no, no. If...if...if Cooper doesn't have to listen to it, then neither do I. Now I have this patient...Beth Burton. She

interrupted a robbery in her home, and she's interested in a drug used on post-traumatic stress patients.

Violet: Propranolol, the beta-blocker.

Sam: So then it's for real?

Violet: Uh, it's controversial, but yeah, it's real. It...it...it blunts the physical response to the memory consolidation of the

trauma.

Sam: So then you don't actually forget?

Violet: It more, um, lessens the fear and panic when you do remember.

Sam: Will you talk to her with me? Make sure she's really a candidate?

Violet: Yeah, sure.

Sam: All right. Thank you.

Violet: Hey, uh, Sam, um...if I were to wear a skirt to have coffee with Allan, would that mean "I want to get with you?" Not

that I want that. I'm asking because I don't.

(Cooper and Addison are in an office)

Cooper: Little Maya. Little sweet, innocent Maya. Oh...from the Christmas card and the onsite with the pacifier and the

drool...sweet, innocent drool...and...God knows where that's been now.

Addison: Why me? Why did Maya have to come to me? Oh, poor Naomi. I just ran an STD test on her 13 year old. I mean,

how do I tell her that?

Cooper: California has strict patient confidentiality laws, especially for minors.

Addison: I know. But how can upkeep something like this from Sam and Naomi? She's everything to them.

Cooper: Maya doesn't need for you to tell her parents. What she needs is someone she can trust. Maya could use a friend

right now. So you be her friend, Addison. You give her what her parents can't.

(Pete and Charlotte are with Nicole)

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Pete: Nicole, you have severe bronchiospasms. Your oxygen levels are dropping dangerously low when you run.

Charlotte: You'll need inhaled steroids and continuous neb.

Nicole: I can't use those. I have national championships coming up.

Pete: Look, I know you want to stick with herbs, but at this point, you have no choice. You cannot compete again until you

get this under control. What?

Charlotte: If you listen to dr. wilder, let him get you stabilized, you will race again. But not yet.

Nicole: This is an Olympic qualifying meet.

Pete: The condition you're in, if you run too hard, you push too hard, if you even walk too hard, you could die.

(Addison wakes by falling out of bed again. enters the lunch room where Violet and Naomi are)

Naomi: Okay, here she is. Good morning.

Addison: Hey.

Violet: Hey.

Naomi: Just a-ask her.

Violet: Okay. What did you mean the other day? When you said you...don't do that?

Addison: That I don't do that.

Violet: You don't... you...you actually do not do...you...you physically, actually... do not do that?

Addison: I don't do that.

Violet: I feel like she's speaking Czech or mandarin.

Addison: I'm not a prude. It's just...I'm from Connecticut. And, and besides, for me, sex is a 2-player game. The solo thing

just doesn't cut it for me. You know what I'm talking about.

Naomi: Showerhead massager.

Addison: What about Maya? I would think as a mother...

Naomi: A mother with a very expensive showerhead massager.

Violet: Look, first... self-pleasure is a feminine right. As a single woman, sex cannot always be a 2-player game cause

you're tonnage desperate, and you're gonna play with the wrong guy.

(Sam walks in unnoticed)

Naomi: Pete. Pete is the wrong guy.

Violet: Right. No. Except in your fantasies. He's fine. You know, do him in dreamland.

Addison: So you're saying to avoid having sex with Pete, I need to have "sex with Pete"?

Naomi: No, you need to have sex with yourself.

Violet: Yeah, Pete is more helping hand.

Sam: Please stop talking. Uh, Beth Burton is here.

Violet: Yes, I'm...I'm coming right away.

Addison: We were just...

Sam: Ah, no. Don't...don't explain. I don't... I...mm.

(Sam leaves)

Addison and Naomi: He's gonna tell Pete.

Addison: Hey, um...how's, uh...How's Maya doing? I mean, she seems so...grown-up. You know, after the divorce and...

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Naomi: You know, actually, I think she kinda digs having divorced parents. You know, like two houses and double the

clothes. You know she's good.

Addison: Right.

(Naomi is observing Dell's next pap smear)

Naomi: Hi.

Dell: What, are you watching me now? What, does Addison not think I can do this? 'Cause I can do this.

Naomi: I'm just observing. Now go. Do this.

Dell: Okay. Okay, so, um, what I'm going to do is, uh...what I'm going to do...

Andrea: You're cute. He's cute, right?

Naomi: Let's just, uh, focus on the exam, okay?

Dell: Okay, so, um, sorry. I'm, uh, gonna tell you th names of stuff...

Andrea: Is he allowed to be this cute?

Dell: Is she allowed to ask me that?

Naomi: She's allowed to ask it, but you're not allowed to pay any attention, so just keep going.

Dell: Okay. Okay.

Andrea: Uh, no. This isn't gonna work. You're way too cute.

Dell: No, no. I'm not. I'm not. I'm ugly. You know, I...I...I have moles in weird places.

Andrea: No.

Dell: So just...just let me...

Andrea: Unh-unh. I'd be having all these thoughts about your eyes and stuff. No, no way you're touching me. Unless you

want to touch me.

Naomi: Okay, Dell, I think I can handle this one.

(Violet and Beth are in her office)

Violet: I would like to try some therapy sessions before we even consider using the propranolol.

Beth: Why can't we just use the drug?

Sam: Well, even if you were to take it, it would still involve sessions with Violet.

Violet: Right. I would walk you through the details of the event after the drug has taken effect.

Beth: All the details?

Sam: Right.

Beth: I, uh, I can't do that.

Violet: I know...I know it can be scary.

Beth: No, no. I can't... do that.

Sam: Wait, Beth.

(Beth leaves)

(Maya is waiting in Addison's office)

Addison: Hey. I got your test results back. You don't have gonorrhea.

Maya: Really?

Addison: Well, that's great.

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Maya: But could I get some of those pills for the guy?

Addison: No, absolutely not. No, he has to see a doctor. Maya... can I ask, how long have you been having sex?

Maya: Mm, I don't know. A year?

Addison: Okay. A year and the boy?

Maya: Well, there are a couple of boys.

Addison: A couple of boys? Not that I'm judging. Friends don't judge. Just...just because you didn't get an STD now doesn't

mean you won't get one, not to mention the risk for HIV, pregnancy...

Maya: I use condoms.

Addison: They're not 100% effective in preventing disease and pregnancy.

Maya: They're not?

Addison: Maya...sex at your age...

(Naomi enters)

Naomi: Hey. I didn't know you were here already. She's not bugging you, is she?

Addison: No. She's, uh, no.

Maya: I just...I just wanted to say hi to Aunt Addison.

Naomi: Well, say good-bye to Aunt Addison. You've got violin. Come on.

Maya: Good-bye, Aunt Addison.

Addison: Bye.

(Cooper enters Pete's office)

Cooper: Beer? Sudsy, relaxing beer? Violet is having coffee with Allan tonight. I deserve beer before I have to wipe her off

the floor.

Pete: I'm going to the track to see coach Mike.

Cooper: How'd he take it when you told him he had to bench Nicole Clemmons?

Pete: He hasn't returned my calls. Anyway, she's the one I'm worried about if she can't race for a while.

Cooper: Maybe she doesn't know about beer? Have you told her about good friend beer?

(Violet is at Beth's house)

Violet: Hi. I left you a few messages. And I...I was just on my way out for the evening.

I need to make sure you're okay. Something more happened, didn't it? Than what you said?

(Pete goes to the track, Nicole is on the blocks and ready to start a race)

Announcer: On your marks. Get set.

(Violet is with Beth)

Beth: He put his hand over my mouth...and pushed against me until I felt his gun.

Violet: He...he had a gun?

Beth: I told him just to take what he wanted and to leave, but he shoved me down on the couch. Please leave. Please

leave.

Violet: What did he do, Beth?

(Pete is with coach Mike)

Pete: She... she hasn't had any trouble breathing?

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Mike: No. Look at her go. You're a miracle worker, Pete.

Pete: I didn't do anything.

(Violet is with Beth)

Beth: I called for John. I kept calling, and then I remembered he wasn't home.

I was all alone.

Violet: It's not happening now. You're safe.

Beth: I kicked him, hard. He fell off me.

Violet: You did?

Beth: I got up...and he grabbed my hair, and I fell into the table. My son...I heard him wake up upstairs crying...

(John enters)

John: Beth. That man hit you? He touched you?

(Pete is with Mike watching Nicole run)

Mike: I've never seen her better. She's about to break her record.

Pete: You should tell her to stop.

Mike: Are you kidding? The record...

Pete: She should stop.

(Nicole collapses)

Pete: Nicole!

(Beth, John and Violet are in her office when Sam enters)

Violet: He's barely said a word since he found out what happened. I thought maybe...because he trusts you, he...(To Beth) It

was right to tell the truth.

Beth: It's just how he is. He takes everything on himself.

John: That man had his hands all over...he touched her. I should've been there.

Sam: The thing you need to focus on is your wife.

John: I'm gonna give notice. No more business trips, no more leaving. We're gonna get a gun...

Beth: No.

John: How are you ever gonna rest easy in our home, hmm? How are you ever gonna feel safe?

Beth: Listen to me. Okay, there's something that I can take so I won't remember this, a drug. We do not need a gun.

Violet: Let's...let's go slow before we go to medication.

Beth: Please. Nothing has changed. I don't want to feel it. I want the drug.

(Pete is with Mike at the hospital)

Pete: Where's her family?

Mike: Out of the picture. My wife and I, we pretty much raised her.

(Charlotte walks up)

Charlotte: Excuse me. Can I talk to you? What kind of snake oil did you give that girl? We found it in her bag. She's alkaloid

toxic.

Pete: This isn't mine. I'm not even sure what this is.

Charlotte: Well, that's a damn shame, because she's your patient, And it may be what's about to kill her.

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(Cooper knocks on the door to Violets house)

Cooper: Come on, Vie, and open up. It'll be okay. Come on. I got the post-Allan emergency kit...Roscoe's and every Ashley-

Judd-shoot-your-cheating-husband movie I could find. Oh. Oh, you look, uh, good.

Violet: Well, I shouldn't. I had this incredibly intense thing With this, uh, post-traumatic stress victim. Was...

Allan: Who's there, vie?

Violet: I got it. We're just talking. Okay? Work went late, and so he came here.

Cooper: Save these for later. You will need them.

Violet: Cooper...

Cooper: No, no, see, this is what I was...now is the giddy updraft, which just means you're gonna have farther to fall. And I

can't be the onion cleanup detail when this goes bad.

Violet: Oh, so suddenly you're a relationship expert?

Cooper: I'm an expert on this relationship because it's all I ever hear about. And you know what? I'm tired.

(Addison falls out of bed and then screams a frustrated scream. She is then in the elevator. When it opens Pete is waiting

outside of it)

Addison: Oh, come on.

Pete: You're fantasizing about me?

Addison: No.

Pete: It's sweet.

Addison: It's not sweet. It's... go away.

Pete: Is that what you said in your dream?

Addison: I'm not talking to you about this.

Pete: You like me.

Addison: Why...why do you have to torture me like this? Do you think this is fun?

Pete: Kinda.

(Dell and Naomi enter Mrs. Koster's room)

Dell: Hello.

Mrs. Koster: Oh, no. No, sir. I am not having a child poke around in lady town.

Dell: I'm not a child. I'm...

Mrs. Koster: My facial hair is older than you. I'll take you.

Naomi: Mrs. Koster, I can assure you that Dell...

Dell: Your loss.

Mrs. Koster: I don't think so.

Dell: You know, Beethoven composed his first symphony when he was 5, 5. Picasso mastered the human form at 7. This is

what I was born to do, and finally, I'm doing it. I would have rocked this pap smear. I guarantee you'd never receive a

more...a more respectful, complete examination of lady town in your life. So yeah, your loss.

(Mrs. Koster opens her knees)

Naomi: Go ahead. Go ahead. Go. Go.

(Addison is walking in the hall with Cooper)

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Addison: She's my best friend. I tell her everything. How can I not...tell her about this?

Cooper: Sometimes you have to disengage. Sometimes you have to tell yourself it's better...not to get involved. I'm

disengaging. Violet can do whatever she wants. I'm not getting involved, not any she can just...suffer. Um...but we were

talking about you.

Addison: We were. Yeah.

(Addison's phone rings)

Addison: Maya, calm down. Calm down. I'm gonna be right there. Bye. Uh, if Naomi asks where I am...

Cooper: Disengaged.

(Addison is at Maya's house)

Addison: Maya! What's wrong? You said something was wrong with you.

Maya: Not me.

Addison: Ruby. She's...

Maya: We thought she just had...had gonorrhea.

Addison: What? You said that you...I thought you had it.

Maya: We lied. It was her. We thought she had gonorrhea. But...now we think she's pregnant

(Addison is in the waiting room with Maya)

Maya: Addison, what's wrong with her?

Addison: Ruby has a late stage ectopic pregnancy. It's very dangerous. She's bleeding into her belly. I've contacted her

parents, though.

Maya: Oh, but...but what do I do?

Addison: She's lost a lot of blood, Maya. I've got to get her into surgery.

Maya: But...

Addison: Now.

Maya: But what do I do?

(Maya makes a phone call)

Maya: Mommy?

(Violet, Sam, Beth and John are in Violet's office)

Violet: It's typical for victims of sexual assault to hide detest protect their partners.

Sam: John, right after the attack, Beth started worrying about you.

John: I'm not the one to be worried about. Beth's the one that...

Violet: What happened to Beth, was awful. But what she did...Beth, what you did...was incredibly brave. You survived.

Beth: I survived. Whew. I never thought of it that way before. I survived.

Violet: I believe that you can get through this, that you have the strength to get through this...without a pill. What you are

afraid of is not remembering what happened to you that night. You already did that. And look, you're still standing. What you

are afraid of is not that you're not strong enough to handle this. What you're afraid of is...that...

Beth: John isn't strong enough to handle this.

John: Wait. Are...are you saying? You're saying that I'm too weak?

Violet: I'm saying that you're human. I'm saying she's your wife, and you couldn't protect her. And that's not your fault.

77
John: I'm supposed to take care of you.

Sam: John, maybe this time you could let Beth take care of you. And there's no pill for that.

(Pete is with Nicole at the hospital)

Pete: Nicole, I need you to tell me the name of the person that gave you this.

Nicole: Maybe I just took too much. I won't use it next time.

Pete: I don't think you understand what this guy...after today...I'm not sure if you'll ever race again.

Nicole: No. I did not work this hard, I did not give up my life for this.

Pete: Nicole, you need to stay in bed. Stop. Stop. Tell me who did this to you.

(Pete is with Mike)

Mike: I didn't know.

Pete: You knew enough to shop for another doctor who would tell you what you wanted to hear.

Mike: She was gonna lose everything...the Olympics, her scholarship.

Pete: She almost died.

Mike: She couldn't miss that meet. You can't allow for weakness. She was gonna break her record.

(Pete hits Mike)

(Violet and Allan are talking)

Violet: So what's Cami like?

Allan: Well, Cami's great.

Violet: Oh, come on. You gotta give me one little juicy detail I can hate about her.

Allan: Um...well, she...she's young.

Violet: Young is not a flaw...unless you're an old guy dating a young woman.

Violet: Ouch. Okay, her flaws. Okay. Um...well, there are you. She's a mess when it comes to you.

Violet: Really? Mm-hmm.

Allan: See, I have this...this file with all your old e-mails, and she...she found it.

It was like, kaboom.

Violet: Kaboom.

Allan: Yeah. Add that to the baby fever.

Violet: Baby fever?

Allan: Yeah. We're...we're...we're trying to get pregnant. You know, which is...

Violet: Finish the sentence.

Allan: No, I'm sorry.

Violet: Why? Why? She's your wife. You're talking to a friend. So finish your sentence. You're trying to get pregnant, and

that is...

Allan: We don't need to...

Violet: Finish the damn sentence, Allan.

Allan: You're yelling. I'll go.

Violet: No.

Allan: Violet.

78
Violet: No. You don't walk away from me this time. This time, I walk away from you.

(Violet enters Sam's office)

Violet: I think I understand Beth and her husband a bit more...wanting to just...erase the bad stuff. Who doesn't want a life

without pain?

Sam: I'd like to think that pain...is what forces us to grow?

Violet: Well, maybe I don't want to grow. Maybe growing sucks.

(Violet starts crying and Sam comforts her)

Violet: Maybe I just...oh, I'm sorry.

Sam: It's okay.

Violet: No, I am sorry...as in. I am pathetic.

(Cooper watches Violet break down and walks away)

(Addison is in the hall of the hospital with Maya and Naomi)

Addison: Ruby dropped her crypt to 26 intraoperatively, but she's gonna be okay. Maya...don't ever lie to me again.

Maya: I didn't know what else to do, how to get here to come see you. She wouldn't. Mom...I'm not...doing what Ruby's

doing. I swear. I'm still...I'm a kid.

Naomi: Go wait in the car.

Maya: Mommy, I'm...

Naomi: The car. How could you? She's my child.

Addison: She came to me, Na. Maya came to me. I couldn't betray that.

Naomi: You could betray that. You just chose not to.

Addison: Naomi, you're a doctor. You know that's not true.

Naomi: I am not a doctor right now. I am a parent. And she's a little girl. And I have a right to know. And you're supposed to

be my friend.

Addison: I...am going to walk away now because I need to go find Ruby's parents and tell them that their 13-year-old

daughter was pregnant and is still suffering from an advanced case of gonorrhea. Na...Na, I know you're mad at me, but as

your friend, I'm telling you, spend some time talking-to Maya about sex...so she can a stay a little girl a while longer.

(Addison walks away)

(Naomi and Sam are sitting together at her place)

Sam: I thought she was still into that stupid, uh, little mini-bake oven thing.

Naomi: Me, too. Well, no, not the mini-bake oven, but, you know...

Sam: Well, you had the talk with her. What...what happened when you...when you had the talk?

Naomi: The talk?

Sam: You didn't have the talk with her?

Naomi: What? It's...it's a lot harder than it looks to bring it up, Sam. I don't see you having the talk with her. Me?

Sam: I don't...I don't...you...you have the right parts.

Naomi: The...the right parts? Yes. No, you have the right parts when it comes to explaining what boys want.

Sam: Oh, god. Oh, no. I thought we were so good at this, the divorce...

Naomi: Yeah, we were supposed to be the model for screwed-up parents, right?

79
Sam: Maybe we need to...let it hurt a little more. Stop trying to make it look like we got it all together.

Naomi: Yeah, we gotta do better.

Sam: Or we could buy a chastity belt.

Naomi: Yeah. Let's get a chastity belt.

Sam: Let's get the chastity belt. Yeah.

(Violet comes to Cooper's home)

Violet: Why didn't you check on me?

(He lets her in)

(Dell knocks on Addison's door)

Dell: Hey, I just wanted to thank you. Awesome week of gynergy.

Addison: Dell, you cannot say "gynergy" if you want to work with me.

Dell: Got it. Ay.

(Dell leaves and Pete enters)

Addison: Hey, what happened?

Pete: Nothing. You know, I'm just being me.

Addison: Yeah. Long day.

Pete: Listen, about the fantasies...

Addison: Oh, please. Don't.

Pete: I just wanted to say that I'm not above a fantasy or two...about you.

Addison: Ouch. Come here. Let me see. Don't be scared. I'm a board certified...neonatal surgeon.

Pete: And that helps me how?

Addison: You hit someone?

Pete: I know. It's stupid...incredibly. But this guy...he was a...He deserves that...

Addison: Yeah it's not that, it's just...you hit someone with you fist like a cowboy, like...yeah, yeah like a gladiator.

Pete: We were not...

Addison: I am leaving, I'm hitting out

Pete: What just happened?

Addison: Pete the cowboy, Pete the gladiator, thank you for that. It helped

Pete: Helped for what?

Addison: Just this itch I've got.

Pete: Okay, she did not have to tell me that

(Addison is in her apartment with a massaging shower head)

Addison: Cowboy, gladiator, scratch the itch.

80
1×06 – IN WHICH CHARLOTTE GOES DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
-I'm going for sexy but…but, uh, not slutty. Smart but not boring.

-It's a little…P.T.A. mom-bake sale.

-Is it really?

-Who…who is this guy? Do you like him? Is he cute?

-He asked me out on a date. I-I haven't been on a date since c-college. He could be a homeless troll for all I care. I love

him. I love him. I love him because I'm going on a date.

-Oh, he's here.

-Will you please just…just-just tell him I'll be down in a second?

-All right. Coming.

-Hey.

-Hey!

-Cooper and I are next door at Sam's playing poker and having some drinks. I thought you'd want to join us. You want to

join us?

-You're a little bit drunk.

-And you, too, could be a little bit drunk.

-You're drunk and you're flirty. Go away.

-Or, I could come in, and we could actually get to know one another outside of work. You're attracted to me. You admitted it.

-Yeah. Well, I'm not attracted to you anymore. Goodnight, Pete.

-You're attracted to me right now.

-What'd you do with my date? That wasn't your date. It was my date. My unsuitable, flirty, drunk, oh-so-attractive date.

-You have a really packed day, so I had them add an extra shot.

-Oh, bless you.

-Today's files. And, um, I think 7-down is "requited".

-Nice. Thanks.

-So. How'd it go?

-Not so good. I am so out of practice. All I could talk about was…was uteruses and…and sperm and eggs. I think the guy

thought I was trying to get a baby out of him. He left skid marks, he drove away so fast.

-It's not easy getting back out there.

-I had a date last week. It was a complete nightmare. The guy spent the whole night asking advice.

-You're dating?

-Everybody's dating.

-Except me.

-Good morning, Addison.

-Okay, I've got Angie Padgett and her husband Ray coming in for a follow-up. She's ovulating, so the fertility issue may be

with Ray.

-I see that Marilyn Sullivan's coming in?

-It's actually her daughter, Tess. She fell down and hurt her arm.

81
-She did? Again?

-Uh, I'll drop by. I've, uh, got some samples of this new M.S. medicine I want Marilyn to try.

-I can pitch in, if anybody needs me today.

-Me, too. I'm booked, but, you know, just all routine stuff.

-Hey, you…you want to help me get Angie pregnant?

-Man, I wish that was as dirty as it sounded.

-Yeah, being able to make a couple happy, that's the good stuff. You will love the fertility game.

-Yeah, I will.

-Okay, on the count of three. One, two. I'm sorry. How'd this happen?

-I missed the curb when I was walking home from the bus. I'm a klutz.

-She reads while she's walking. One time, she nearly wandered into traffic.

-You should talk. I mean, you read at the movies.

-Only the ones you drag me to.

-Okay. Well, reading, good. Walking, good. Reading while walking, not so much.

-Dr. Sam, the famous writer.

-No, you're the one. You're the one. That thing in the "Times Magazine" last week was great.

-I sit on my ass all day. I have a lot of time to think.

-Here. Is everything okay at home?

-Yeah.

-Still just the two of you?

-No, mom does a lot of dating 'cause guys dig M.S.

-'Cause this bruise on your arm, it looks like someone grabbed you, hard. You know, if something wasn't right at home or

school, I might be able to help.

-I suck at walking. That's the crisis. Don't freak out on me, Dr. Freedman.

-All right.

-Good news, Angie. Your tests came back. Everything is fine. You are fertile.

-And you still have plenty of viable eggs left.

-Okay. That's…I was worried.

-Great. That's great, honey, but, um, does that mean I’m the reason we can’t have a baby?

-Let's not race to any conclusions. We're just gonna run some tests on you, Ray, and then we'll go from there.

-Okay. Two doctors. It’s kinda be a good sign. I'm sensing twins.

-All right. Let's start with a sperm sample.

-Uh, Dr. Bennett in? Sam?

-Yeah, but he's busy with a patient.

-Can you call him on the, uh, the…

-Intercom? Yeah. Is it…is it urgent?

-Does it not look urgent? I walked here. On foot. It is urgent, hospital business.

-Okay.

82
I don't know if you can count insomnia as hospital business.

I've h three hours in three days. Place wouldn't run without me, not that you care about the…the…

-Yeah.

-This is what I'm talking about.

-Aphasia.

-Yeah, that comes with sleep deprivation.

-Obviously I cannot do my job if I can't m-m-make.

-Words?

-Words.

-All right. Any shortness of breath when you lie down? Chest pains?

-No. And no. I've run all the tests. Thyroid, everything. It's…it’s all fine. I…it just keeps getting worse. Yesterday I parked my

car…somewhere…I can’t find it.

-Sorry.

-It's not funny. If this got out at St. Ambrose, the Chief of Staff cannot be misplacing having machinery.

-All right, now I can prescribe a sleep aid.

-No pills. They don't work for me.

-Well, there are some new options.

-No pills. I had a little problem.

-What kind of a problem?

-The kind I'm not talking about anymore. Can you help me or not?

-Yeah, okay. Uh, well, I guess we could go with the alternative route. I could speak to Pete.

-Fine. Send me to the quack.

-I don't want to date. I mean, I do, but I want someone with purpose, someone real, someone who wants a future.

-Someone who wants kids?

-Is that desperate?

-No. No, it's not desperate. It's...focused.

-Right? My point is, you are out there looking. I mean, even Violet is out there looking. Maybe I should be out there looking

for what I want.

-Yeah, and what you want is a husband and kids.

-Dr. Bennett, Dr. Montgomery.

-Angie.

-Ray's up, uh, at the lab still, but good news. His tests are viable. Everything's gonna be fine.

-Yep, there should be no reason why the two of you can't get pregnant.

-Oh, no, no, no. I was hoping.

-You all right?

-When Ray comes back, you have to tell him he's infertile.

-I'm sorry?

-You have to tell him it's his fault we can't get pregnant.

83
-You've been lying to your husband about trying to have children?

-Not exactly. I just…I just was on the pill for years. And then I got a cervical cap.

-That's lying.

-I have my reasons.

-Which are?

-I just…I don't want to have kids. Look, Ray, he comes from a big family, he loves kids. He's good and kind, and he adores

me so much. How can you tell someone who loves you like that, that you don't want to make a baby with them?

-I'm sorry, but we can't lie to him about his test results.

-Then what am I gonna do?

-Talk to your husband.

-It's more complicated than it sounds.

-I think the lie that you've been telling is far worse than the truth.

-No, it's not.

-There you are.

I'm all done. What now?

-Now…now we go home and keep trying.

-Okay. Goodbye.

-Can I just say, whoa?

-Right.

-I always thought sleep was for the weak.

-Would you put that thing away?

-Now I just lie there. It's torture.

-Insomnia is not caused by how you sleep. It's caused by how you live. And this isn't helping. No e-mails. Close your eyes.

Try to relax.

-It's hard to relax when you're sticking quarters on my head.

-I'm stimulating the sleep center of the brain with magnets.

-So, you went to medical school, suffered through residency like the rest of us. You could be saving lives right now. Why did

you ditch the good stuff for magnets and hoodoo?

-What I do is the good stuff. Now, shh.

-Move it, Coop. There's people who actually pay me to lie on that couch.

-I'm reviewing Tess Sullivan's film from her last doctor. She had a humerus fracture when she was younger from a fall.

-Okay.

-Except as I suspected, she actually had a spiral fracture of her humerus. You know how you get that? Someone grabs your

arm and twists it so hard, it snaps.

-So someone hurt her on purpose.

-More fun facts. These records from before Tess and Marilyn transferred here, she had multiple falls and accidents.

-Cooper, if it's abuse, it's usually the adult in the house.

-Marilyn? Her daughter loves her. Everybody loves her. Sam loves her.

84
-Doesn't mean it's not happening.

-And now I have to call child protective services to protect my patient from Sam's patient.

-You're afraid of killing people, aren't you?

-Excuse me?

-That's why you waste your time with the new age stuff. You're afraid of killing someone. I'm lying here wide awake. The

thought occurs. That's all.

-Okay, look. It's almost six o’clock. I'm gonna send you home with a CD of music and meditation. Try it tonight and report

back.

-Great. Next you'll be giving me "Baby Einstein."

-No. No. There's no way Marilyn Sullivan would…would hurt Tess.

-She's always coming in with scratches and bruises.

-Maybe it's…it's a kid at school.

-I talked to the school. That's not it.

-Well, it's not Marilyn.

-Why? Because she's funny? Because she's a writer? There’s a historically stable group.

-No, because she's decent. All right? She's handling her disease, her kid. The woman is two years away from a wheelchair.

You can't just do this on a hunch.

-What about the next time, Sam? What, I ignore this and the next time Tess ends up in a hospital? Or worse?

-Unless you are absolutely sure, you have no business putting these people through this. If you're not sure, you're

meddling, not helping.

-You're here early.

-Yeah. Yeah, thanks.

-You have reached the Los Angeles county department of children and family services child protection hotline.

-Hey, she's back.

-Who?

-Angie.

-Liar-liar-pants-on-fire Angie.

-Well, what…what do we do?

-We throw her ass out of our practice. Come on.

-Hey.

-Okay.

-Thanks, Dell.

-Here you go.

-Angie.

-I know I shouldn't have come back, but I looked up Dr. Montgomery on the internet. You're a genetic specialist, right? -Yes.

-Well, I thought about what you said, that it's better to know the truth.

-So you told Ray that you don't want to have any kids?

-No. Not that.

85
-Angie, I don't think we can help you here.

-You have to. You have to help me. I need to know, I need to know the truth.

-The truth about what?

-I need you to tell me whether or not I'm dying.

-Huntington's disease?

-It's a genetic disorder that causes…

-…A degeneration of brain cells. We know.

-So then you know how horrible it is. You lose control of your body, your brain atrophies, you can't talk, you can't eat. You

just slowly die in this…this shell. My mom had it. My grandmother had it.

-And you think you might have it?

-If her mother had it, she has a fifty-fifty chance of inheriting the gene.

-And if I have the gene, I have a 100% chance of dying from the disease.

-But you've never been tested?

-I just wanted to live my life. And then I met Ray.

-And he doesn't know that you could have Huntington's?

-I wasn't looking to get married. It was just dating. And then we were in love. And then…I had waited too long to tell him.

And he loved me so much, I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want to scare me. But now…

-…He wants to have children.

-I can't have a baby knowing I could pass this on. I can't have a baby if I'm gonna die. Last night, Ray and I were watching

TV in bed. And he was thinking up baby names. And my heart started to hurt. Physically hurt. I want to think up baby

names. I want to grow old with this man and our kids and our grandkids. And I thought, maybe I don't have the gene. Maybe

I won't get sick. Maybe…

-…Maybe knowing the truth is better than hiding from it.

-I want the test. I want to know. I want to live.

-Haven't you people heard of an expiration date?

-No, no, no. Those are…those are... Noodles don't go bad.

-Oh, she's back. Wait, what is she doing here?

-Throwing away people's noodles.

-I'm here because surprise, I can’t fall asleep to Pete’s madly rude mating ritual.

-Can you keep your hands off my food, please?

-Did you make the call?

-Yeah.

-Hey, Violet, we have a patient we may need you to see. Angie?

-She’s still lying to her husband?

-It's a little more complicated than that. She might have a terminal illness. Dell's staying around in an exam room, and I'm

gonna draw her blood in a few minutes. You need to eat.

-I can't.

-Can you imagine? She finds the perfect guy, she's got a great marriage, they want kids. She was living the dream.

86
-Not everybody has that dream.

-Violet doesn't believe in children. She acknowledges they exist because they scream in her restaurants, but that's about it.

-I used to be like that before I had Maya. I was, and then I had her, and…I'm not saying it's a dream, but it's…it's pretty darn

close.

-You really don't want children?

-Look, not everybody is cut out for it. And it is incredibly hard for a woman to admit that she doesn't want kids.

-'Cause they're basically admitting they're men?

-Oh, okay, no…just because you've apparently moved in. It's not a disease, you know? A woman can be alone and be

fulfilled, very.

-Try saying that like you mean it.

-Why isn't she sleeping?

-Pete's working on it. Excuse me.

-Uh, Angie's set up in exam room two. Uh, the Sullivans, from yesterday, they're…they're back and they're very angry.

-I asked you to wait.

-He did the right thing, Sam.

-You don't know that! Excuse me.

-There's a social worker in our home. He called a social worker on me.

-Once I suspect, legally, I have to call the authorities.

-But you're wrong!

-What does he think? The handicapped woman beats her daughter with a cane?

-I-I think he was just worried a-about the nature of Tess' injury.

-I know you didn't fall off a curb.

-I help my mom when she has a flare, all right? She fell down, she grabbed my arm, and it got tweaked.

-I fell. I reached out and I grabbed Tess' arm. It was an accident.

-Then why didn't you just say that?

-Because people like Dr. Freedman get the wrong idea.

-Has that happened before, people getting the wrong idea? You've had a lot of injuries.

-She has M.S. She falls. Stop happing. But my mom would never hurt me on purpose. She wouldn't.

-She's my whole world. I would never hurt her, not on purpose. Please believe me, Sam. She's my girl. If they take her

away from me…

-I believe you.

-If they take me away from her, I won't forgive you, not ever.

-I like the name Margaret for a girl. We could call her Maggie or Meg. Or Henry for a boy.

-Angie, if the tests come back positive, you'll need to tell Ray.

-Do you have children?

-No.

-But you want them.

-I do.

87
-Have you thought of baby names?

-Carson. It works for a boy or a girl.

-Don't piss Dell off.

-He was weighing in on a case. I call that overstepping his bounds.

-I need him here to keep this place running.

-Is that all you need him for?

-What, you heard I went on a date, and now you're gonna take it out on Dell?

-No, but you guys got some kind of a thing going.

-There's no "thing".

-Do I like that a cute boy thinks I'm pretty? Yes. Could I ever take it seriously? No. He's a child, Sam. Just leave it alone.

-All right.

-Shouldn't you be in there, administering your healing touch?

-Shush. It might be asleep.

-It?

-You're enjoying this, aren't you, seeing me tortured?

-Mm, it is satisfying. Hey, why did you come to my house the other night? Really?

-I thought we could have fun.

-I'm not looking for fun.

-Sam told me that you're the marrying kind of woman.

-I am.

-I've been married. I don't plan on ever going down that road again. So if you want fun, I'm here.

-If you want more.

-I should look elsewhere.

-Addison.

-It's not working! I'm not sleeping!

-…and still satisfying.

-Go.

-Make it sleep.

-Obviously you'll be expected to testify, Dr. Freedman. Now tomorrow is the hearing.

-That's fast.

-We move fast. We have to. Now if the judge decides it's an unsafe home environment, the girl would be taken immediately

into foster care.

-What about the mother?

-What about her?

-Well, if Tess gets taken away, Marilyn shouldn't be left alone. She has M.S.

-That's not our department's concern. Our concern is the child.

-I should say, um, Tess is pretty insistent that there's no abuse.

-Well, that's not unusual. The child protects the parent, even rationalizes the behavior.

88
-And what if Tess is telling the truth?

-That's why there's a judge. But the medical testimony carries a lot of weight, and I'm sure Dr. Freedman did not make this

call lightly.

-Angie, this is, uh, Dr. Violet Turner. She's our psychiatrist.

-I thought you were just gonna tell me my test results.

-Oh…oh, I have it. I really have it.

-But as of now, you have no symptoms. You could go years before you show any sign of illness.

-Illness? You mean dementia, violent rages, wetting myself?

-A lot of research they're doing with repression proteins is very promising. Hopefully, in time…

-Oh, I don't have time, Dr. Bennett. Time is the one thing I don't have. I've got a great life, an amazing husband, but no time.

Damn it! I am so out of time.

-I know this is a lot to process. But you're not alone. You have Ray.

-No. No, I knew what I was getting into when I took that test, that stupid, stupid test.

-Angie.

-Why don't you stay? We can talk.

-I can't, but thank you, all of you, for trying to help.

-Well, what about Ray? What do you…

-Don't worry. I know what I have to do.

-I'm begging you.

-Oh, no.

-I have tried acupuncture, massage, pressure points, melatonin supplements, aromatherapy, sound therapy. And I can tell

it's not working because she's still bitching at me. Charlotte needs a shrink.

-Yeah, agreed, in more ways than one, but…

-Squeeze her in.

-I…

-This is co-op medicine, and I'm referring. You need to co-op. Now.

-Ninety percent of sleep issues are psychological.

-Fine. Shrink away.

-When you sleep, do you toss and turn, thrash around a lot?

-How would I know? I'm asleep.

-Yeah, I realize that. Well, that…that's where a partner could be helpful. Uh, the last time you slept with someone else...

-Was years ago.

-So you haven't had sex in.

-I have sex. They just don't sleep over.

-Ever?

-Are you asking because you're interested in my well-being, or because you're secretly thrilled to find someone who's as

alone as you are?

-Just because I don't want a child? I'm fine. I am better than fine, in fact. I…let's just stay on you.

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-Dr. Montgomery.

-Hey, Ray. How are you? How's Angie?

-Gone. She's gone. Angie left me. I came home, and I found her packing a suitcase, and, she said that her appointment

here was like some kind of wake-up call, and then she just left.

-And that's all she said?

-Here, uh, Ray, why…why don't you.

-I don't understand. She spends two minutes with the two of you, and then throws in the towel on our marriage?

-Ray, please calm down.

-No, I want to know.

-What the hell did you say to my wife?

-It smells like Christmas in here.

-It's an Ayurvedic sleep remedy that might knock Charlotte out. What did you get?

-Intimacy issues, severe. She tries to alienate anybody who might get close, even people she asks for help. Sleep's

triggered when you comfort yourself into a self-sedated state. And people like Charlotte, chances are nobody ever really

nurtured her, taught her how to self-soothe. Nurture her, Pete. Be kind.

-People have babies in this bed?

-We change the sheets. Promise. Go ahead and close your eyes. Relax.

-You're smiling like an idiot.

-I'm staying positive.

-Oh, brother.

-People need connection to stay healthy, positive connection with another human.

-Look, I don't…I don't need your pity positivity. I don't know what Violet told you, but I connect, okay?

-Yeah, when?

-None of your bus…

-Business, right. You know what? Maybe, I'm not the guy to help you. Maybe you need someone…

-Who I can't irritate. Find that man for me, and I'll marry him. My family didn't believe in displays.

-Of affection?

-My mother. There was the occasional sloppy kind that followed cocktails.

-And since then?

-Who has time for that kind of thing?

-I'm sorry, Charlotte. Do you want to try again?

-Why not? My hair's already shot.

-Can you drop these at the lab for me? Thanks.

-Um, ahem, Marilyn Sullivan called for you again.

-I'm not allowed to speak to her until after the hearing.

-Don't start, man. There's nothing vague about the law. I suspect and…

-Tess wears long sleeves a lot.

-What?

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-Well, even when it's, like, 95 degrees outside, down over her hands. And does she ever look at you, I mean, like, really

look you in the eye?

-Not really, no.

-Right. When she has appointments without her mom, she shows up early, she hangs out after, like she doesn't want to go

home.

-I've seen that.

-How do you know all this?

-Uh, because I did the same thing when I was in her situation. It's what you do. All right, I'll get the lab right on this.

-Fascinating. She's been here all night?

-She snores?

-God, asleep, she looks almost harmless.

-Mm, like a sleeping tiger.

-Don't wake the tiger.

-I have to go, um, and put my tie on for Tess' hearing.

-He needs you.

-He put her to sleep.

-He actually did it.

-Yep.

-Angie's here.

-She finally responded to our phone messages.

-Well, we got her to come back. That's something.

-Any ideas on what we say to her?

-No. You said the baby making game would be fun. I am not having fun.

-Oh, god. Me neither. Not with this one.

-Mm, it's not...it's not fair. Good people should get to have what they want.

-I was heading to the airport. You said there was something with Ray?

-Ray came by to see us yesterday. He was worried sick about you, not to mention confused and hurt.

-You didn't tell him, did you? You cannot tell him.

-Angie, he is your husband. He deserves to know the truth.

-Let him think I left him. Let him hate me. Then he can move on, find someone, be happy.

-He's happy with you.

-But…he's gonna…I'm gonna get so sick. I'm gonna die. I don't want to die.

-Angie, you have a disease. And you will die. That's the truth. Hiding it from Ray is not gonna change that. But the bigger

truth, the better truth, is that you are alive now. You're living, and you should get, you should get everything that life has to

offer. You should get what you want. You should get to have a child and a family and Ray. Just because you're sick doesn't

mean you don't get to live your life. Go home. Tell Ray the truth, tell him what the future is, and let him decide. A person

should get to have a whole life.

-Didn't Allan wear yellow tie…did you bring me one of Allan's old ties?

91
-I bought this tie for you. Today you become a man.

-Yeah.

-What are you gonna say?

-You shouldn't really be…

-What are you gonna say?

- I'll tell you if you roll up your sleeves.

-So whatever. She hits me a little. But she's sorry. Afterward, I mean. She's really sorry. And it's not like I couldn't hit her

back. I mean, look at her.

-Oh, Tess.

-But I don't need to hit her. She needs to hit someone. Her life sucks.

-Tess, everyone has pain.

-So why can't this just be mine?

-What time is it?

-It's about 12:15.

-Tomorrow?

-Today. Well, y-yes. Today is your tomorrow.

-Oh, my god. Oh, my god. This is, oh, god.

-It'll wash out. I mixed you a tonic to take home with you. It should help you fall asleep more easily tonight.

-I don't need your potions.

-Really? It kinda seemed like you did.

-Don't throw yourself a party. You don't have me figured out. I said some things when I was loopy. Probably just hit a wall. I

hit a wall and, it happened to be here.

-Okay.

-Dr. Freedman, would you please explain to the court the injuries you've noticed on Tess over the last year?

-Sorry.

-That's all right.

-Sorry.

-Thanks.

-In the last year, um, two lacerations, multiple contusions and abrasions, plus the recent wrist fracture.

-And in your opinion, is there any way that the injury could have occurred other than by the intentional twisting of the child's

arm?

-No, there's not.

-Thank you very much, Dr. Freedman.

-Wait, can I…can I just say one more thing?

-Sure.

-Okay? I've known Tess for a little while now, and she is a great kid, so tough. She doesn't let anybody see her cry. I don't

even know if she does cry. But it doesn't matter how strong she is. Some things, a kid should never have to take. Being

hurt, being hit by someone who is supposed to love and protect you…you don't have to take that, Tess. You can't take it.

92
Because once you let yourself shut down like that, you're not a kid anymore. Uh, I'm…okay, I'm done talking.

-You can return to the gallery. Thank you, Dr. Freedman.

-They're taking her away from me.

-I can't. Not now, Marilyn.

-It's not right. I'm her mother. I'm her mother, Sam.

-Right. You're her mother.

-Don't tell me you believe them. I'm not evil. I made a mistake. I love my daughter.

-That kid. All she wants is her mom.

-I didn't want to see it. And I should have, I should've.

-Excuse me.

-We know we don't have an appointment but, uh.

-No, please. Come in.

-So, um, the fertility tests, they came back fine for both of us. So we can make a baby?

-We want to share what life I have left with a child. And we were wondering if there was something you could do to make

me pregnant sooner rather than later.

-Because Angie doesn't have a lot of time.

-I just want to make sure that you understand.

-Oh, I…I understand. Angie will die, sooner than we want. Angie will, uh, but that's the future. And I don't care what happens

tomorrow or in a few years. We have this now. We have us now.

-There is still the risk that the child will have the gene.

-We know. We're willing to take that chance.

-I mean, if everyone who had the gene was never born, I never…I never would've met Angie.

-But I really.

-Naomi, they want us to help them make a baby.

-A person gets to have her whole life?

-A person gets to have her whole life.

-So you're a convert now?

-Just covering my bases.

-Well, I am sure Pete appreciates your gratitude.

-Pete doesn't need it. He congratulates himself enough for all of us. But damn, then has good hands, doesn't he? -What

would you be doing right now if you were Angie?

-You mean I-if I knew…

-Knew how limited your time was. If you knew.

-Pretty much what I'm doing right now.

-Check you out. All zen.

-Also known as Margarita number two.

-I'd be on a plane to somewhere spectacular with Maya.

-What about you?

93
-I…I don't know. I'm going for more serenity.

-Baby girl.

-Thank you.

-Liar.

-Where's your power tie?

-Oh, I took it off. I didn't want to throw up on it. Plan on throwing up tonight.

-Cooper, because of you. Tess knows that an adult saw her and cared enough to protect her.

-How many times have we met Marilyn Sullivan? Did you ever think that, that…

-Yeah. That's why people who shouldn't have children shouldn't have children.

-And you count yourself among those people. You're crazy. You would never.

-Well, who knows? I don't think anybody who had a child ever thought, oh, boy, now I have something I can hit.

-Violet, you are the most caring, generous person I know.

-Yeah, and the most neurotic, the most self-involved.

-Look, you're telling me that if you met the right man and fell in love, and he wanted to, you wouldn't even consider it? You

would, you would.

-Hey. Um, Sam told me about how you helped with Tess. If you ever want to talk or need some help.

-I’m okay.

-You do a lot for the practice.

-You are the practice. You keep it running. The way you deal with the patients, the way you care. Your dream is what started

it in the first place.

-And Sam's.

-And Sam's. But I do it for you.

-Charlotte King says, you have good hands.

-What?

-I-I, okay.

-It's okay. I was just.

-No, no, no, no.

-Just, um.

-Having some fun?

-No. I don't want fun, and a person should get what she wants.

-What does that mean?

-Good night, Pete.

-What does that mean? You can't just kiss a person and.

-Good night, Pete

-You're in it now, man.

94
1×07 – IN WHICH SAM GETS TAKEN FOR A RIDE
-Hey. What?
-You kissed me, and then you walked away.
-Messes with your head, huh?
-So it was a revenge kiss.
-No, no, not intentionally, but then, uh, watching you get all swirly since then? It is kind of gratifying.
-I think we should stop kissing. I mean, come on. What are we, 12?
-No, we definitely are not. Which is why, I do not want to be just another notch in your acupuncture table. I want more.
-What do you say we just see how it goes, tonight?
-I can work with that.
-We…were just talking about a case.
-Uh, she needed a consult on the…
-Locked in the, uh, Dell Vault, right? Your patients are here.
-We're in the Dell Vault.
-Locked in the Dell Vault.
-Who keeps sticking bananas in the refrigerator?
-I, um, that…that would be me.
-Bananas need the climate of the tropical equator. You never stick bananas in the refrigerator.
-Susan McCullough is on her way in.
-Hey, how'd she sound?
-I believe her exact words were, "You guys better not screw this up."
-Blocking the toaster. Hello.
-Wow, okay. That toast needs to happen right now. Somebody really needs to get.
-Don't say it.
-I wasn't. I wasn't going to say "laid".
-So we're inducing Susan today, right?
-Yes. It is very important to her that we follow her labor plan.
-That’s Pete's stress-reduction techniques, the birthing tub.
-Honestly, not a big fan of the tub. There are fluids in there, blood, uterine tissue, sometimes fecal matter.
-Okay, you made me think about it.
-Well, you know, I mean they're just big and wet and difficult to work with. I mean, there's a reason they don't use those
things in hospitals.
-She's my patient, and we're gonna do it the way she wants.
-Well, I'm not really comfortable being a, uh, birth coach.
-That's not what I do.
-Really? Because…
-Addison, Susan was widowed few months into her pregnancy. Her husband Jason was a cop. He was killed on duty.
-Oh, that's.
-She's had panic attacks, and that would be a problem during a birth. She doesn't have any other family, so she's on her
own here. I promised her we'd take care of her.
-Okay. Okay, I'll have Dell go ahead and prepare the bathtub.
-Yeah.
-Hey, Dr. Bennett. It's Sara Hill.
-Hey, Sara. How you doing?
95
-Is there any chance you could do a house call now? I kind of hurt my leg. I'm afraid it might get worse, a lot worse.
-Okay, I guess I can run over there and check you out.
-The address is 5600, Alverson. And can you hurry?
-So you moved away from the Marina, huh? Alverson. Hello?
-Okay, uh, I'm gonna need the lights dimmed, and we can put the birthing ball right here. Where's the music I asked for? I
need the CD.
-Oh, I have it. Why don't you just relax? We'll get everything taken care of.
-Oh, I know. We've got a plan, and we're following it.
-But as we discussed, not everything is under our control. Babies often have plans of their own.
-I'm prepared for that, too. I wrote down all the contingencies.
-Dr. Montgomery, it's baby day.
-Hi, Susan. Uh, as soon as Pete does his relaxation therapy, then I will be back to…
-To administer the Pitocin after you remove the prostaglandin insert.
-That's exactly right.
-Okay. So let's do this.
-Cooper!
-Hey, Malcolm, you got a game today?
-I caught a fly in the toilet!
-You did? No way. Really? Good work.
-Patrick, can you keep them kind of.
-Doc, spider web, 3 o’clock!
-How you holdin' up?
-Hangin' in. Uh, her due date is right around the corner, and it's time to stop by for a checkup.
-You're having a girl.
-It's about time. I'm so excited. Danny, give Mal back his mit.
-I'll show you back.
-All right, team. Let's go. Come on.
-Okay, the baby's heartbeat looks good.
-Good.
-This is my fourth baby, so I should know the drill by now.
-Come on, mom, hurry up. I gotta go to the game.
-Todd, Todd, Todd, honey, not in here.
-Just a minute, and then we'll go.
-Yay!
-Ashley, you may be here longer than you think. You're in labor. You're having this baby now.
-You leaving?
-Yeah, Sara Hill wants me to drop by her place, a leg injury.
-Uh, what about your patients on the books?
-I moved some things around. I like getting air. I know going off schedule is something that's hard for you to grasp.
-I can grasp it just fine, thank you.
-Oh, really?
-Really. Go. Enjoy.
-Where's he going?
-House call. Whatever.
96
-Hey, you need to do something about Pete. Does he know what he's doing with Addison?
-What is he doing with Addison?
-Oh, no. Did they?
-It's imminent.
-So none of my business.
-All right. It's none of my business either. Except Pete already proved he shouldn't date at work.
-M-maybe Addison decided to enjoy herself. Men do it all the time.
-Right, that's…that's fine.
-It's empowering for women, actually. Casual sex. It can be, as long as the boundaries are clear. And I'm very, very good
with boundaries, aren't I?
-Not really, no. But you're looking right through me, so I'm guessing you're not hearing a word I'm saying.
So…
-5600 Alverson. This can't be right. Sara.
-It's him. Thanks for coming.
-Yeah.
-I'm so sorry.
-Uh,are you okay? Your leg.
-I-I didn't call you here for me. I-I called you here for him.
-Sara, what's going on?
-It's my leg.
-What happened to you?
-She shot me.
-She…you shot him?
-Not her, me. I shot him.
-Okay.
-Fix him. You're a doctor, right? She said you were a doctor. You gotta fix him.
-Is, uh, is everybody else okay?
-Everyone else is fine! Except for her. She's crazy! She shot me.
-It was an accident. I'm sorry. I said I was sorry.
-Okay, everybody, let's be calm. Sara?
-She wanted a doctor. You're the only one I know that makes house calls, so I called you.
-After you called the police?
-She didn't want the police.
-Of course not, because she's crazy!
-Hi ,I'm, uh, Officer Kevin Nelson. I'm here for Susan McCullough's delivery.
-Is she expecting you?
-No, I'm just here, uh, to support Susan. She said she didn't want anybody, but I wanted to come down in case, uh, uh, uh,
she changed her mind.
-I'll let her know.
-Thank you.
-You waiting to see a doctor?
-No, I'm just here to support a friend. I'm a police officer. Kevin Nelson. Officer Kevin Nelson.
-Addison Montgomery. Doctor. Addison Montgomery.
-Nice to meet you, doctor.
97
-Okay.
-Uh, Ms. McCullough, there's an Officer Kevin Nelson here for you.
-Are you serious? He was Jason's partner.
-Well, that's nice of him to come check on you, isn't it?
-It is, but, he's gonna get emotional, turn this into a memorial for Jason. I don't want that. Jason wouldn't have wanted that.
This should be about the baby. Can you just tell him I'm fine? He can go back to work.
-You okay?
-Yeah. I just feel a little anxious. He shouldn't be here. I didn't want to think about it. God.
-Remember the visualizations we worked on? Focus on those images. Okay? We're following the plan. Everything's right on
schedule.
-I'm fine. I'm totally fine.
-When you have sex. I mean, when there's no romantic entanglement, which is never.
-Yes, thank you.. I just wanted an apple, but now get to talk about the fact that I'm an emotional dwarf?
-No, that's not what I'm talking about.
-Is it about that I said that you needed to get laid, which I didn't say? Verbally?
-No, listen, listen, I've been, I've been thinking about this. When you do it, it's just no-nonsense, uncomplicated sex, right?
Just simple, stress-reducing fun.
-That's the idea. What, are you asking me to have sex with you?
-Yeah. Why not? You and me. Friends with benefits. Tonight. I mean, you're right, you're right. I am, I’m stressed out, and I
just, just need some touch And you're perfect because unemotional sex is the only kind you have. And…
-What time should I come over?
-Really?
-Really.
-Hey, Cooper, can you take Sam's 11:30 over?
-I'm getting laid tonight.
-Congratulations. What's her screen name?
-No. Me and Violet.
-What?
-Friends with benefits. Her idea.
-No strings, no expectations, no downside.
-You really think that's smart?
-Glass house, stone thrower. You remember the last time you dated a doctor in this practice?
-Oh, that was fun for everybody.
-Oh, I don't…that was one.
-And now you and Addison have this whole weird thing.
-I can make it work with Addison.
-Based on what? "Oh, Addison, you moved down here 'cause I kissed you." "Oh, Pete, you fake doctor. Your touch heals."
-You've been friends with Violet for years. You really think things are gonna be the same after you've seen her naked? -No, I
think things are gonna be better because I will have seen her naked.
-I'm getting laid.
-Ashley, this is Dr. Bennett. Things are a little busy here today, so she's gonna be monitoring your case.
-Hi.
-Hello.

98
-Maybe mommy would like some time alone? Uh, hi, we can have someone watch your kids if you want to stay here with
your wife.
-Oh, no, I get queasy during these things.
-Trust me, he'll be more trouble than good.
-Can you take the boys to the lobby?
-What am I supposed to do with 'em?
-Well, I don't know, honey. Just occupy 'em.
-Come on, guys.
-Bye, sweeties.
-Uh, Naomi, Addison, we have a situation. I-I told them that Susan said no, but, uh, then a bunch more of 'em showed up.
-Uh, what's going on? I know Susan doesn't want anybody in there, but she's part of our family, and we're not gonna leave
one of our own alone.
-Guys coming off shift, uh, they want to, they want to be here for her. Now I'm not comfortable with this whole birthing
myself, but Keith here, he's got two kids, another one on the way, so he's good to go in.
-I-I don't think Susan is going to change her mind.
-But Susan, she's…she's just a kid.
-Yeah, but she, she needs to do this her own way.
-All right. Well, uh, we'll wait here. We're staying.
-How do you feel?
-How do you think I feel? I feel like I got shot.
-We're closed.
-Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. It's, uh, it's been awhile since I've had to deal with a-a bullet wound.
-He's more of a mind-body doctor.
-Dr. Feelgood?
-Uh, yeah. Hi. Hello.
-Mind-body? Uh, I need a doctor.
-Do you even know what you're doing?
-Yeah, I know exactly what I'm doing. All right, it's a good color. I feel a strong pulse.
-I need a doctor!
-I am a doctor. All right, it looks like the bullet missed the artery. Probably just nicked the muscle. He's lucky.
-I need a doctor for me. My water just broke.
-What's taking so long?
-Okay, okay. All right, just take this, put it there, and apply pressure, okay?
-Wait, wait, you're helping her?
-Will you shut up? It's a flesh wound. You're gonna be fine. Okay, ma'am, you're in labor. All right, we really should try to get
you to a hospital.
-No.
-Okay. Okay. Well, then let me just call 911.
-No, no cops, no 911. You're delivering this baby, and you're doing it now!
-Okay. Okay. Okay, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna make one quick call.
-I said no cops. Don't try anything. I said no cops!
-I just want to call a colleague so that I can give you the help that you need. Please.
-You dial, and you hand me the phone, okay?
-Okay, I'm dialing. See? All right.
99
-Don't try and take the gun. That's how I got shot.
-Okay.
-Okay.
-Hey, Naomi, it's Sam. Uh, I need your help. I'm about to, uh, deliver a baby.
-I thought you were on a house call.
-I am. Well, I was. But then I ran into a really nice lady, and she is in labor.
-Uh, h-hold on, Sam.
-Hey, Dell, I need you to monitor Ashley Minnehan's contractions, and you tell me the second she's dilated to 4 centimeters.
-Really? A-a birth?
-You, you bring me in as soon as she's ready to go. Okay?
-Thanks, yeah.
-Understand? All right, now, Sam, wait, where are you?
-Okay, I really don't have the time to talk right now, so if we could just get to it?
-O-okay, fine.
-Um, is she fully dilated? Uh, just a minute.
-I'm here to monitor your contractions.
-All right.
-Uh, any questions or concerns? Anything I can do to help?
-Oh, no, no. I've, I've done three of these. I just say a little prayer and go, and you just sit there and catch the baby like it's a
football, okay?
-Can I just say, it's a good thing that Pete is getting me now, because I am hot. I am on fuego. This place is crawling with
cops. And that cute one over there? He's totally…
-What? Sam just called. He's delivering a baby.
-He is? What's with all the births today? It's like baby palooza.
-God, how does he get himself into these things? I-I should just mind my own business, right?
-About sam?
-Yeah, about Sam, and about you on fuego and Pete. You all, you all just leap.
-And you are a thinker. So, what do you think about me and Pete? Come on, Na. You're my friend.
-Okay. Fine.
-You said you want change and you pick Pete? What, a cute doctor boy with nice eyes? That's not change. That's your
M.O. You're just…you're rushing into something new.
-I'm not. I'm making a decision, uh, to take a chance on something that feels right.
-Because you're afraid to be alone.
-So what if I am? Surprise, Naomi! I'm susceptible to the human condition. I mean, look, there are other men. I mean, there
are men in uniform that I can not be alone with right now. I did not pick Pete because I'm desperate and lonely. Pete is my
choice.
-You asked.
-Are you okay?
-The baby's coming now.
-What? No, um, are you sure?
-It's coming. You have to catch the baby.
-Okay. No, no, I-I can't do this. I have to call Naomi.
-Now would be a good time!
-Naomi!
100
-Susan, your contractions are five minutes apart. So, it won't be too much longer.
-I'm ready.
-You really are, Susan. You are totally prepared for this.
-Oh, god. Today. My son's birthday is today.
-What are you doing?
-Timing your contractions. You been having pain long?
-Yeah, since I got up this morning.
-What were you thinking?
-I was thinking that I need to rob a convenience store because I have no money for diapers or food or to put a roof over my
baby's head!
-Okay, ma'am.
-That's not a reason. Normal people don't hold up stores, Kelly.
-Kelly? So you two didn't just meet today, did you?
-That's my baby you're delivering.
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Dell.
-It just, it just happened. I-I-I swear. It was the fastest delivery I've ever seen.
-Okay, it's all right. All right, Dell. Okay, first what we're gonna do is we're gonna cut the umbilical cord. Yeah. All right, see?
Right here. You see?
-About a half an inch.
-You got it?
-There we go. Yeah. Keep the baby low for me. There you go. All right. There you go.
-How is she?
-Oh, she's great. She's great. She's, um, oh! She's, she's a boy.
-Congratulations. It's a, it's a boy.
-No! You shove that boy back up there and pull out a girl!
-One girl. Is that too much to ask?
-Well, uh, your, your ultrasound was quite a while ago, and, uh, misinterpretations can happen that early on in the
pregnancy.
-I bought a little pink dress with some little pink shoes for a little pink girl. And I'm not leaving until I get some pinkness! -All
right, Kelly, I need you to take slow, deep breaths.
-Babies take money, Damon.
-What, you think I wasn't gonna turn you into the police? What, you think I was just gonna let you rob the place where I
work and not turn you in?
-You owe me.
-You're crazy!
-I'm not crazy. I'm hormonal. Tell him I'm hormonal.
-Uh, I think that maybe there's a new word for what you are.
-I couldn't raise this baby on my own. You wouldn't give me any money, so I had to come and take it. You left me with
nothing.
-Why do you think I took this job in the first place? I told you, I'm gonna take care of this baby.
-But you left me.
-Yes. I left you. But I won't leave our baby. Let me help.
-I have…I have to just say, it sounds like Damon's an okay guy. So, you know, maybe you should let…
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-Stay back! Stay back!
-Okay, everybody, stop, just stop. We are going to listen to the lady with the gun.
-I can't take it.
-Does everybody understand? Keep taking those long, slow, deep breaths, okay? There we go.
-Ashley Minnehan will not bond with this baby. She won't even look at him.
-She was expecting a girl.
-And she's hormonal, so she's at risk for postpartum depression.
-Can you talk to her?
-Sure. Let me just make sure Susan's ready for me to go.
-Okay.
-My place, eight o’clock.
-Done.
-I can't raise four boys on my own.
-Well, have you-uh, you have your husband. He can help.
-Oh, yeah, sure. Yesterday he taught the boys how to burp the national anthem.
-Not the right kind of help.
-I'm the only one who puts batteries in the smoke alarm, the one who puts the cover on the swimming pool at night.
-Have you tried talking to Patrick?
-Oh, he says I'm just being silly because nothing bad ever happens. But that's only because I make sure nothing bad ever
happens.
-Ashley, you are a great mom.
-The boys like him better than me because he plays with them.
-I just wanted one girl, so she could be mine. And then I wouldn't care so much about having to do it all myself.
-Well, maybe you have another boy for a reason. Maybe it's because you're a great mom, and you're going to raise your
boys to be good men.
-And the world needs good men.
-I want a girl. I've been kind of a pain in the ass.
-No, you haven't.
-Yes, I have. All my rules. But things work out better when I stay focused, don't let my mind wander.
-You have nothing to apologize for.
-You can't really, I mean…there's no plan for doing this alone, is there?
-Look, there's a roomful of Jason's friends from the force here for you. You could bring someone in. They don't get how
lonely it is since he died.
-Probably not. I lost my wife a while ago.
-I'm sorry.
-It gets better.
-Does it really get better? Or do you just bury it deeper?
-I don't know. Maybe it depends on how you left things.
-They were good. He was so excited about this baby.
-Hold on to that.
-Oh, here comes another one.
-Stand up? Okay.
-You're doing good.
-Breathe.
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-That's it. That's it. That's good. Just like that, Kelly.
-Oh, god.
-Uh, you may be fully dilated.
-Is the baby okay?
-Please make it stop. Make it stop, Dr. Phil.
-Well, not, it's not Phil. It's feel, like "feel good". Okay, never mind.
-I want an epidural. Oh, please. Epi.
-Yeah, well, we're in a convenience store so.
-Oh, god.
-She's in pain. Do something.
-All right, all right. Kelly, listen to me. Your mind is a very powerful healing tool. So if you can relax your mind, you'll be able
to relax your body. All right? You understand what I'm saying? So try to relax your mind.
-I just wanted a home to raise my baby in, and now I've ruined everything, and you're telling me to relax my mind! -Okay,
good. You're ready to start pushing.
-Nice and easy.
-I dropped it. I dropped the list.
-Well, it's all right. We know what to do.
-No, I, you know, I should've laminated it. Why didn't I think of that?
-We don't need it, Susan.
-I need it. I need to get outta here. I need it.
-Whoa, whoa, Susan, stay where you are. Just grab on to the handles if you need support.
-Try to relax. Relax.
-No, I can't. I can't push.
-Yes, you can. Susan, the baby's coming.
-No, something's wrong. I can feel it.
-Nothing is wrong, Susan. You’re doing great.
-Where the hell is Jason?
-You're in control.
-No!
-Just stay with it.
-He's supposed to be here! He's, where is he? ‘
-Okay, Susan. Susan, this little baby is ready to come right now. We are ready, just like you planned.
-No, no. He's, he’s…oh, my god.
-Try to breathe.
-My Jason. My, oh, he's dead. Oh, he's dead! He's dead. He's really dead.
-Okay, Susan, Susan, when you hyperventilate, you lower the baby's heart rate. All right, if we don't start pushing right now,
there's a chance you will lose the baby. Do you understand?
I can't. I can't. I didn't want to be alone. Oh, this wasn't my choice. No! I chose Jason! I didn't want this.
-Susan, honey, listen to me. You're not alone. Okay? I am right here with you. Okay? Now, you're not alone, and we're
gonna push.
-Keep breathing.
-Push. Good girl. Good, good. Good. Good. You're doing great. Now let's bring your son out here, okay? All right. Ready.
-Oh, god. Please, please, please, please, please. Oh, god.
-I can help.
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-You stay back.
-You want to kill me, then kill me.
-No, no, no, no, no, no. We don't have to go there. We don't have to go there.
-I'm not gonna leave our baby.
-Hey, hey, hey, man. S-sit down, sit down. Kelly. I got news for you. You tried to rob a convenience store today. When this is
all done, you're gonna have to answer to the cops. And they're probably gonna try and take your baby away from you. But I
think that, uh, that maybe you're lucky because your baby's father, he really wants to take care of your child.
-No, he left me.
-Okay, if you want what's best for your baby, you gotta put down that gun.
-I can't. You'll call the cops.
-I'm not gonna call the cops. You're gonna have to trust me. Can you trust me? All right, then put down the gun. Okay, now,
uh, let's get this baby out.
-You didn't call the cops.
-Nope. I didn't call the cops. All right.
-Time to see my new boy? How awesome is that? Another little dude.
-He's, he's with the nurse right now, getting cleaned up.
-Is something wrong?
-You need to grow up.
-I'm sorry? You don't.
-Patrick, he, uh, he's right.
-Um, you need to help out around the house.
-I help. I hang with the boys.
-Upside down, out windows. That's not any help.
-Honey.
-Ashley really needs you to not play so much, do more parenting.
-You know what? You need to grow up, too.
-Me?
-What did I do?
-You knew going in that the odds of having a girl were 50-50. You decided to populate, and that boy is yours.
You get what you get, and you don't get upset. Or, if you'd like, I can introduce you to one of the many families I treat who
can't even have a child. All right?
-All right.
-I'm sorry.
-Are you two ready to see that beautiful baby boy I delivered?
-We're ready.
-That's good. That's real good, Kelly. That's…
-What? What is it?
-Uh, okay. You just hang tight, Kelly. Hang tight. You're doing real good. Yeah, Naomi. There's a problem.
The head is out, but the baby's not delivering.
-That's shoulder dystocia. Sam, you're gonna have to release that shoulder quickly, or she's gonna lose the baby. You're
gonna need forceps, you're gonna need anesthetic, and you need to make sure.
-No, no, no. I don't have any equipment, no anesthetics. I don't. I don't. I don't have anything.
-Sam, where are you?
-Please don't ask questions. Just tell me how to fix this, fast.
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-Okay, okay, Sam. You need to reach in and you need to rotate the baby's shoulder counterclockwise. Right now she's
probably.
-Okay, that's all I got time for. I gotta go.
-Okay, listen, listen, listen to me. I'm gonna have to rotate this baby myself.
-You're gonna what?
-All right, now we have to do this now.
-I'm gonna count to three, and then I'm gonna reach in. All right, now this is gonna hurt.
-No, no, no, I can’t.
-Get behind her. Hold up her legs.
-No,I can't. I can't.
-Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Stay with me. All right? You got this. Come on. Okay, okay. All right, here we go. You ready?
Okay, come on.
-Almost there, Susan. Almost there.
-We're right here. You're so close. Come on.
-Okay, okay. I almost got it.
-Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
-Okay, here we go. Here we go. I got it. Alright. Now the baby's in position. All right, go on and push now.
-God, it hurts. It hurts.
-You can do it. Take my hand.
-Come on. Here we go. We can do this. Here we go, here we go.
-One more big push, Susan.
-Push, push. Come on. This is final stretch. It's the last one. Come on. Come on.
-One more big push, and you'll have a new son.
-Come on. Please. Don't give up on me now, Kelly. Push. Push. Push it out now.
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Ready?
-Meet the newest addition to station 422. Jason McCullough Jr., 8 pounds 10 ounces
-Is she okay?
-Yeah, she looks good. Congratulations.
-Thanks.
-Get the head, man. Okay, um, I gotta make this call.
-To the cops?
-Yeah, to the cops. They're gonna come and, and get you and
-Okay.
-Did Officer Nelson see him, the guys?
-Yeah, they saw him.
-Good, good.
-You did great.
-Thank you, for everything.
-His face is all squished.
-Squished face!
-Hey, get off your mom. Give her a break, now.
-So, what time tonight?
-Well, my place, 8.
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-Great. It's a date at 8. It's not a date, Dr. Seuss. It's sex.
-Your help with Susan, it, it means a lot to me. Well, to all of us.
-Oh, I'm, I'm glad to help.
-Well, thank you, Dr. Montgomery.
-Addison.
-Addison, I was wondering if you would be interested in having a drink with me tonight.
-Oh, I, uh, that's, um, very nice of you. I, uh, already have plans.
-Maybe another time. But, uh, thank you again.
-Thank you.
-I'm gonna take my clothes off now.
-I love that family. Don't you?
-Take your clothes off, Cooper.
-I want a big family like that. Whole bunch of kids, little rug rats, you know? I want to be a dad. I want, I want to be a.
-I'm trying to have sex here. I don't really want to talk about kids or big families.
-Sorry.
-Oh, you're, you're naked.
-Yeah, it makes the sex easier.
-It's just, I've never seen you naked. In the office, you always have your clothes on.
-Well, yeah. I-I try to be a professional. Rip off the band-aid, Coop. I did.
-Yeah, I can't.
-Y-you have to. You've already seen me naked.
-I know, and you're beautiful. I'm sorry. I th-thought I could, but.
-You can't reject me. You have low standards. You have no standards.
-It's different, Violet.
-No, it's not different. I-I am offering you uncomplicated, unemotional sex.
-No! I…you're not some random girl from the internet. With you, it doesn't mean nothing. It never will.
-All right. Get out. Oh, damn it.
-Hi.
-Okay. Hi, uh, Cooper.
-Uh, I came to talk to Sam. He wasn't home. I just thought, I saw you through the window, that you were alone.
-It's, it's fine. Come in.
-Pete said you had a date.
-Yeah, we do. We did. An hour ago, we did.
-Oh, damn it. He stood me up. He actually stood me up.
-If it helps, I was colossally stupid today. I mean colossally. With violet. Friends with benefits. She wanted us to…you know,
uh, together.
-And?
-I couldn't. No benefits. I just couldn't mess with it. Stupid.
-I think I win that award today.
-No, I am the most stupidest.
-Stupider. Or more stupid.
-Stupidiest.
-Let's call it a tie. Would you like to order some pizza and get really fat with me?
-Yes, please.
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-Cooper, not now. I can't. Pete.
-Sorry it's so late.
-What's wrong?
-When she died, Anna and I had been trying.
-To have a baby?
-Yeah.
-You're here late.
-Oh, my god. Sam, are you all right? What happened?
-Uh, she had a healthy baby girl, thanks to you.
-I don't understand. How do you, how do you get those bruises delivering a baby?
-Oh, yeah. The mom. She hit me.
-She hit you?
-With her gun.
-With her what?
-It was sort of a, like a hostage situation. I didn't mention that to you on the phone?
-No, Sam, no. You did not mention that to me on the phone.
-I, uh, didn't want you to worry.
-God, Sam, you could've been hurt. You, you could've.
-I'm fine. Everything's fine.
-Everything is not fine, Sam. Everything is very, very not fine. You got beaten up by a pregnant lady. This is what happens
when you do things without thinking.
-I, Naomi, I.
-I am sick of it. I am so sick and tired of being the only person in this practice who thinks. Who thinks and thinks and.

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1×08 – IN WHICH COOPER FINDS A PORT IN HIS STORM
-Violet here?
-Uh, no, not yet. Um, oh, okay. Morning. You’ve got a –
-Morning.
-Hi. Good morning. Hi, here you go.
-Naomi –
-Uh, yeah, she’s in –
-Is Naomi –
-Hey, what’s up with everybody? Was there like a car accident on the way to work or something?
-Or something.
-Milk?
-Oh, thanks.
-They’re behind closed doors.
-Who?
-The women. If they’re gonna talk about us, we should talk about them.
-Yeah. Let’s talk. Let’s talk smack.
-I just need 10 minutes from Naomi.
-I need 10 minutes with Naomi first. Na –
-Naomi –
-She slept with Cooper, she slept with Pete. Cats out of the bag, all that.
-She didn’t sleep with Cooper.
-She didn’t sleep with Pete.
-How did you know that?
-There are no secrets around here.
-I know!
-There are secrets. I mean, I didn’t know. Wow, neither one of you, really? I didn’t. I didn’t know, that’s all I’m saying.
-Pete literally stood me up. I don’t get stood up. I’m Addison. Uh, which means something…in places where things mean
things. I was humiliated.
-Were you completely naked? Did you stand in front of him like a peeled banana while he looked over your best parts?
Because I have good parts, and Cooper passed on them. I have good parts.
-Damn right, you do. And so do I.
-I like your breasts.
-You have a good ass.
-Thank you. I like it.
-The point is we should not be having sex in the office.
-Who's having sex in the office?
-No one. No one, that's the point. It gets complicated. You just. You…you don't know where you stand.
-What do you think they're saying about us?
-You know what? Who cares?
-Yeah. Who cares?
-The guys are still in the kitchen.
-How am I gonna get my coffee? I need my coffee.
-Can we skip the morning meeting? What do we do in that meeting anyway?
-There is no morning meeting today.
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-Thank you.
-Because Charlotte King is coming by to walk us - all of us - through the Safe Surrender program.
-That's today.
-Yeah.
-I signed up with Pete. I am in control. I work here. I'm moving on. But I'm getting my coffee from downstairs.
-Oh, small non-fat chai latte.
-Frappuccino, extra whipped.
-Blame the guy up front.
-Sorry?
-The guy at the front of the line, he just ordered a coffee with, like, seven descriptive words in front of it. You should blame
him if you're running late.
-Oh, I work upstairs. I just have a meeting to get to. Not a big deal.
-Well, you can go in front of me. You look important. I'm…I'm guessing this meeting won't go on without you.
-Thank you.
-I'm Carl, by the way.
-Addison.
-Stop me now if you had amnesia or you were bleeding to death in an E.R.
-Addison, I –
-No? Good. Here's the deal. I take full responsibility for last night. I was warned repeatedly, by you, no less, and I should
know by now that when someone tells you who they are, you should believe them. I can work with you, but personally,
you've been downgraded to acquaintance. I'm moving on.
-Fair enough.
-We have coffee here.
-Shut up.
-What is wrong with everybody?
-Okay, Safe Surrender rundown. Montgomery, you and Pete are the go-to team. Am I wrong? That's what I have here.
-No, that's right. We volunteered last week.
-Good times. Happier times.
-So the cell phone, that's all they need?
-Well, for the next 48 hours, all calls placed to the Safe Surrender hotline will be rerouted to that phone. Don't stray far from
here or from each other.
-Fine. That's fine.
-These calls are from women who want to give up their babies?
-Most of 'em have given birth already, and they can't or don't want to keep their babies. They call from school bathrooms,
friend's places. They're too scared to go to hospitals where they have to provide their names.
-So we arrange for a place to meet them, they surrender the baby to us and then what?
-You can bring the babies back here, Dr. Freedman can do the exams.
-And if the babies are healthy?
-Then you call social services. And most important, don't forget the bracelets. One to the mom, one on the baby's wrist or
ankle. If the birth mother changes her mind, she has two weeks to reclaim the child. The biggest victory for Safe Surrender
is when that baby's placed with someone who wants 'em. If it's the mom, all the better. That's all I have time for. Any
questions, call me.
-Nothing Charlotte King likes better than bossing people around, huh? Practically glowing.
-Cooper, Safe Surrender saves hundreds of babies a year. It's really an amazing thing that she's doing.
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-How did you feel about the homework I gave you last week?
-Well, I didn't think it as an "imagine yourself on a warm beach" kinda guy.
-But?
-But every time I started to feel anxious, I thought about the Mediterranean, it worked.
-Well. Maybe you're ready for some more homework.
-Bring it on.
-Let's identify something that would've triggered you in the past, something you'd like to try again.
-Done. I, um, I met a woman today, and we exchanged business cards. I think I'm ready to try dating again.
-We didn't forget how. I tell you that.
-No, we did not. I think we, uh, yeah, we didn't forget.
-Nah. So, what do you think?
-What do I think?
-Yeah. I just….you know, you…you laid it on me, so, uh, that gives you the right to speak first.
-What, I laid it on you?
-Ah, well.
-What, because I jumped you, and you were helpless to stop me?
-Well, I didn't say that.
-I just…was…was this a slip-up, like…like…like a one-time thing? Or, uh, w-would you want more here?
-I don't know, Sam. I-I don't know. For once, I hadn't thought it through. You know, the practice we barely got through it
after the split.
-I know.
-And, uh, Maya. I mean, it's not…not fair to Maya. We…we got divorced for a reason. So, um. I think it was just a slip-up.
-Yeah. I, uh, I thought that, too.
-Okay, good. Good. Okay.
-Okay.
-Hey, uh, there was a message on your voice mail. Your priest called? You have a priest?
-Uh, had. Uh, we used to.
-Okay, yeah, well, he wants to see you, so.
-Me?
-Uh, both of you, together, as soon as possible. It sounded kind of serious. What'd you do, commit a mortal sin?
-God's trying to tell us something.
-It's a coincidence.
-No. We…we have sex, and then the day after, our priest summons us? It's the fires of hell, Sam. We had sex.
-Just don't mention we got a divorce. I don't need a lecture. Play it cool.
-Yeah, yeah. Cool.
-Thank you so much for coming. Hey.
-We had sex and we're divorced.
-Oh...Naomi.
-I'm sorry. He's our priest. I can't lie to him.
-I'm going to let that go for now, I’m also going to overlook you two have been Christmas and Easter-ing it for the last ten
years. I called you about one of the nuns.
-It's Sister Helen. She's sick.
-Well, we don't know what it is. She's 86. She hates hospitals. I thought of you two. Sam, this is your area. Naomi, I thought
having a woman would make her more comfortable.
110
-Has she been ill for a while?
-Sister Amy would know. The sisters have been sequestered alone together.
-Sequestered?
-For three weeks. St. Mary's is our motherhouse. We spend the year on missions around the world, so this is the one time
of year we get to see each other. This is the first I've been outside these walls in the last three weeks.
-All right. So, please.
-Okay. Father Mark?
-I'm not supposed to enter. No one from outside the sisterhood. But they need you. You're good Catholics, doctors.
-Doctors, at least.
-Go on. I'll wait for you here.
-It's all right, Sister Helen. She's a doctor. It's all right.
-When did she start feeling bad?
-A week or so ago she said she felt like she was getting the flu.
-She's the one who doesn't complain of aches and pains. So we noticed.
-Sam. What's this?
-It's definitely not the flu.
-Still don't want to talk, Cooper.
-But I want to talk.
-Well, there's a world wide web out there waiting for you. I’m sure you can find someone who will listen.
-I can just grab the peanut butter and...
-Men. They're overrated. Dating is overrated. Sex, is...
-Don't. Don't say something you're going to regret. Um... Hello. Addison Montgomery. Carl. Hi. Yes, I would love to have
coffee. But I am on call for work today, so...are you sure? Okay. Then, yes. I will see you later. Bye. I have a date tonight.
-You don't...you don't want to move too fast, Addison. Not with a guy you barely know.
-Unhand me, woman. I'm getting my date on.
-It would help if we could precisely identify the rash.
-I don't have my my derm atlas on me.
-Wait. Sister Virginia? Could you...
-Oh, yes, of course.
-Thank you.
-Sister. Okay. There we go. I'm going to send it to Dell. See if he can't find someone to identify it.
-Okay.
-How she feeling?
-We may need to get Sister Helen to a hospital. We'll do everything we can to keep her here, but we can't treat her until we
know what kind of an infection she has.
-We also need to check the other sisters to see if it's contagious.
-You ever seen a rash like this?
-Can't say that I have.
-I'm tracking down an infectious disease specialist to see if I can get an answer.
-Um, I'm done with patients for the day but I'll be back later. Ring me if we get a Safe Surrender call. I'll be down the street.
I've got a thing.
-A "thing"?
-Yes.
-Well, don't drink. Friends don't let friends drink and save babies.
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-I think Addison has a date tonight.
-Good for her. She's getting back on the horse.
-I'm about to have a date tonight.
-Really? Yeah. With CanUHandleMe441.
-Oh.
-What? I don't believe in dwelling. I believe in getting back on the horse.
-Well, I'll leave you to it.
-He's a lucky guy.
-Who is?
-Addison's horse.
-You feel a little clammy.
-I'm fine. I spend most of the year ministering to people in Uganda. You ought to see what I'm exposed to there. I'll weather
Sister Helen's cold.
-Sister Virginia, please.
-Sister Helen's temperature is a 103. Her resp’s 26.
-And now Sister Virginia's getting sick. And Dell still hasn't come up with anything on that rash. All right. I think we should
just get Sister Helen to a hospital. I'll call the ambulance.
-Already did. They're 20 minutes out.
-We make a good team.
-Yeah, we do.
-And then I moved to L.A.
-And lived happily ever after?
-Yes.
-The life of Addison Montgomery in ten minutes or less.
-Well, you can have 11 minutes.
-Don't need it. Here it goes: Never been married, never had kids. Want to get married, want to have kids.
-A man without baggage. That is rare.
-Well, I have a little baggage to confess.
-I'm a...a patient of Dr. Turner's. I've been seeing her almost a year. And I can say, without a doubt, that she's made me a
better man.
-Okay. Okay. It's, um...it's refreshing to meet someone who's interested in being a better man.
-Really?
-Yes. Really. Oh. I have to take this. Excuse me. Hello?
-Her name is Darcy. She said to wait, she'd meet us.
-Darcy.
-It's a girl. She's not...she isn't crying.
-I can take a look at her.
-Are you bleeding? Darcy, why don't you let us take you back to the clinic?
-No. You just have to take it and go. My mom's upstairs sleeping.
-Your mother was here in the house when you were...
-I crawled on the top bunk, played my stereo to cover the contractions.
-You cut the cord...
-I clipped it. See? With a barrette.

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-You made the right decision by calling. Darcy, why don't you give me just five minutes, all right? I'll do an exam very
quickly, make sure there aren't any problems, and then you can go.
-Darcy? It's a little late to have friends over.
-Sorry, Mom. You have to go. Now.
-Take my card. And a bracelet. Your daughter has a matching one. I... just go!
-In case you change your mind.
-I won't.
-Hey. Sam.
-The ambulance is here.
Sam. May I show him? Please.
-I felt fine.
-Oh. Naomi.
-Yeah, I know. I see it. This is not just Sister Helen and Sister Virginia.
-Sam.
-Hey! No, no! Don't come in! Don’t come in!
-This building is a hot zone. We have to lock it down.
-Until we figure out what this is, nobody comes in, nobody goes out.
-I am not leaving them.
-Shut the door then. Shut the door. Saint Ambrose spoke to the CDC. They said we were right to lock down until the
hospitals can prep some isolation units for them. Or us.
-What do they think this is?
-Probably viral contagion. Considering where these nuns have been.
-Dell forwarded the pictures on to an infectious disease specialist, we'll know as soon as he hears back.
-All right.
-How long until the iso unit's prepped?
-Six hours.
-Okay.
-Three more sisters have a fever, so that makes eight of the 12, and I'm not feeling too good.
-Still don't think God's trying to tell us something?
-You don't really think we're being punished for what we did last night?
-What, just because we may have some rare tropical, probably deadly disease? The morning after we have sex?
-Well, if we are sick...I'm glad we got some.
-How sentimental.
-That was a joke. I was joking.
-Yeah, I got to say, that kid did a good job of giving birth on a bunk bed. I did a primary check and she's fine for now. Her
lungs are good, heartbeat's strong. Get Cooper to do a well baby check tomorrow.
-Or you can call him now.
-Cooper's, um...out on a date.
-Oh, God. He's doing his get back up on the horse thing.
-Addison is too. Right?
-You had your date? How did it go?
-It's Okay, Violet. I know Carl's your patient. He told me.
-Oh, good. Good. Baby blankets. We need baby blankets.
-Oh, hey.
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You know, that might be the guy...the nun rash.
-So you're dating one of Violet's patients? A psych patient?
-Please, this is L.A. You're weird if you're not seeing a shrink. You all done, kiddo? Huh? Okay. There you go. Good girl.
-You sure you don’t want me to call Social Services to come pick up her up?
-No, no, no. That's okay, I'll stay here tonight.
-Are you serious?
-Yeah, you know. She should get to feel wanted. At least for one night. Huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Little girl. That's a little baby.
-Seven and seven. More on the first seven, less on the second.
-Charlotte King, as I live and breathe.
-Oh, no you don't. That's saved.
-Big date?
-Not a date. Far from it. I'm just meeting someone. Scoot. I don't want him to see you and think you're here with me.
-What time did he say?
-9:00 p.m.
-Mmm. I'm meeting someone at 9:00, too. A blonde. Petite. We met on the internet.
-What?
-Huh?
-No. Oh, God. Oh, my God.
-No. No, no. We should laugh about the unfortunate coincidence. Laughing is a way to go.
-Let's be clear. This never happened.
-Or the opposite of laughing.
-Yes sir, I just got it. Okay. I see. Yeah. I'll call them right now. Holy crap.
-A patient of yours is dating Addison?
-I'm not allowed to discuss it. You know that.
-Yes you are. Our patients know we share files.
-We don't if we don't have to.
-Okay. But on a scale of one to ten, how bad is his thing?
-Moving away, not talking.
-Are we talking a three? Like, "I'm afraid of seagulls and I'm considering hypnotherapy"?
-I'm closing the door, I’m closing in your face.
-Oh, it's bad, huh? We're like, way beyond mommy issues here?
-Ethics, Pete. Look it up.
-Sam. She’s tachycardic at 130. I can't get a blood pressure. She's in septic shock. We've gotta get her to a hospital. I don’t
care if they’re ready for us.
-No, we gotta get everybody to a hospital right now. Dell just called.
-What is it?
-It's typhoid.
-How is Sister Virginia?
-Well, she's still not responding. And her blood pressure is very unstable.
-Typhoid? I didn't even…I thought it disappeared in like the early 1900s.
-You know, it's a common disease in exactly the kind of Third World places where the sisters work, it’s transmitted through
skin-to-skin contact or food.
-So you think one of the sisters caught it on a mission?

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-No. And that's what's troubling. The incubation period is two weeks at the most. And these sisters were sequestered longer
than that.
-So how did they get exposed?
-Excuse me. Just one second.
-I spoke with health services. There have been no other outbreaks of typhus in this area. And all the food in the convent
tested clean.
-So, if it's not the food...Sam, somebody had to have contact with an outside carrier.
-Well, all the sisters are claiming that they've been completely isolated. Nobody in, nobody out.
-Sam, what are we saying here? That one of these nuns...
-We're saying that somebody's lying.
-You're not ready to date. You're certainly not ready to quit therapy.
-I feel fine. I feel good.
-This is you going off your program.
-Hi. I'm just leaving some flowers for Addison. She's sleeping, so, make sure she gets these, okay? Thanks.
-Seizure?
-Addison's date last night was with a patient of Violet's. Now Violet seems worried.
-No way. Awesome. What's his deal?
-If it was nothing, she would say.
-You know you'd say.
-Just a hint.
-You don't have to tell us the whole...
-He calls himself "Trunk."
-Okay. When I think "trunk" in relation to a guy...not necessarily a bad thing. Elephant’s trunks, very large... Oh, is he
freakishly large?
-Is he hideously...
-I can't tell you!
-"Trunk."
-Aww. Flowers.
-How you holding up?
-Good. A little hungry. A lot tired. And I can...can only find one shoe. Every time I try to put her down, she started
screeching like a bat. Eee-eee-eee. Okay, you realize I didn't actually give birth.
-From your psych patient. He just dropped them off.
-That's so sweet. Here, give me the card.
-Uh, the thing is, I think Carl might have some problems.
-Everybody has problems.
-Violet said his nickname is Trunk.
-I don't know what that means.
-I think it means...he's not Addison Montgomery material. That's all. No. You don't know what my material is. You've never
even seen my material, remember? So, mind your own business. Huh? Huh? Oh. Eee-eee-eee.
-She isn't getting any better, is she?
-No, not yet. Her lungs are congested. Pressure's borderline. I'm putting all the sisters on an aggressive course of
antibiotics. It's a dangerous disease, but the cure rate is high for those with mild cases.
-Thank you, Sam.
-Father...there you go...Naomi's going to ask the sisters some questions.
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-Oh, of course. Anything you need.
-Is there anyone you think we should speak to? A sister that might have had contact with a typhoid carrier in the time they
were sequestered?
-From the outside?
-Maybe a sister was meeting with someone secretly.
-No, no. I can't imagine someone would lie about that.
-Well, people keep secrets, Father. Believe me.
-I got a page from the ER. Dr. Violet Turner.
-Oh, hi. Yeah, you have a patient here. We were able to remove the foreign body non-surgically. He's on pain meds now.
Seems to be resting comfortably.
-Is he going to be okay?
-Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's lucky he didn't perforate his bowel. Just one question for you. You got any idea whose shoe
this is?
-The circumstances of the birth, this is a very, very healthy baby.
-Did you hear that?
-I heard we had something to celebrate? You rescued a baby?
-Yeah. What exactly happens once social services takes her?
-It's out of our hands. She'll be placed in foster care while they start the adoption process.
-Come here, Batgirl. Yes. Time for a little stroll. A little stroll around the office? Yeah.
-Batgirl?
-Here's a question. Cotton balls at St. Ambrose. Do you...
-Triple size. Hospital grade.
-Right. More cotton per ball.
-Goodbye, Dr. Freedman.
-Goodbye, CanUHandleMe.
-I didn't mean to take her shoe.
-You took her shoe, Carl. And you did what you always do.
-Yeah.
-You need to come back to therapy. Because this is not a good way to live, is it?
-No. One more thing.
-Can you tell Addison I can't see her? She's great, she's perfect. But I don't trust myself around her shoes.
-How do you give up your baby?
-How do you give up your whole life? You’re falling in love, a family, all of it, just to go live in a convent? That's why
somebody's lying.
-This girl, Darcy? She carried her for nine months, I've had her for one night, one night, and the thought of her being thrown
into some foster home is killing me.
-You can't have this baby, Addison.
-I know. I named her. Batgirl.
-Okay. You just can't have kids.
-Na, I wish you were here today It's been such a weird day.
-Tell me about it. I'm interrogating nuns. I wish I were there, too. Damn it. I got to go. Bye.
-Come in.
-I thought I heard you in here.
-Batgirl can only sleep in total darkness.
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-Okay. Um...can I talk to you? It's Carl. Carl likes you very much. But he wanted me to tell you that he's not going to be
calling again.
-I don't understand.
-He has a medical issue that worsens under stress.
-What type of issue?
-It doesn't matter.
-Why do you call him "Trunk"?
-Oh, you know about that, okay, well that was very unprofessional of me to say that. A trunk is a place where you might put
all sorts of things. Things you might have taken or borrowed from another person. In an anatomical sense...
-Oh, God. Where's my shoe?
-We can talk about this. It is nothing to be disturbed by. It is an issue of control...
-I am going to get up and I'm going to walk out of this room and you and I are never ever going to speak of this again.
-I would like that very much.
-No change?
-No. I'm sorry.
-If it’s all right with you, I'd like to give her the sacrament of the sick.
-Oh, yeah. Of course.
-The grace and peace of God our Father, and the Lord, Jesus Christ, be with you. Through this holy anointing, may the
Lord, in his love and mercy, help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord...
-The way he looks at her...
-I know.
-Save you and raise you up. Amen.
-Don't be mad, but I called social services.
-I meant to call, I just...forgot. That's good.
- I can help you pack up her stuff.
-Thanks. Uh...how long until they get here? There you go. Oh, Batgirl. Okay. Shh, shh, shh. Oh...I'll be back as soon as I
can, okay? Safe Surrender hotline.
-Did she say where exactly?
-No. She just said Marine Park, past the first parking lot.
-Addison. The baby's not breathing. There's no pulse.
-Let’s continue to bring up his temp with warm oxygen and fluids. More saline bags. What's his core temp?
-Core temp is 95.
-Let's do another round of epi. Come on, little guy. Come on, baby. Don't do this. Asystole.
-Addison, you've been at this for almost an hour.
-Okay. I'm going to call it. Time of death: 10:42 p.m.
-We got there as soon as we could.
-It's over.
-We tried.
-It's over, Pete.
-Addison, we did everything we...
-It's over. The baby's dead.
-Tough day.
-Yeah.

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-I used to get off on them. The tough ones. When I was a resident, I used to think, "I got through this. I survived. And the
next one, I'll survive even better."
-I don't. It's days like these where I slip and make mistakes. Bad mistakes. These long, crappy days just...I just need
something...someone and I end up...
-Falling off your wagon. Whoever your wagon may be.
-We have to get back to the practice.
-This is the last time I'm offering to talk.
-Cooper, it's not that I don't want to talk to you. I can't.
-Of course you can. It's what we do.
-I know.
-But...
-Allan obliterates my heart and you tell me that he doesn't deserve me. Some girl named Trixie uses and abuses you and I
listen to you and I tell you you're being stupid. I will always be able to talk to you about someone else. But I can't...I can't
talk to you about you. I don't know how to talk about us. Not like that.
-Then talk to me about something else. Whatever's on your mind.
-I went to the ER. Carl shoved one of Addison's shoes up his...
-Yeah. Okay, okay.
-Well, you know, you asked. That's what was on my mind.
-Maybe Carl will find a girl who enjoys what he does.
-So that's the answer? My job has no point? Freaks should be with other freaks?
-Are you talking about us? About me?
-No. No.
-Sister Virginia's doing better. She...her pressure is normalized since last time. Father, we'd like to test you for typhoid.
-Me? I feel fine.
-Carriers are asymptomatic, you wouldn't know you had it until it spread.
-I've done missionary work all over the world, but that was years ago.
-That doesn't matter. This disease can stay dormant for years.
-You think...you think Sister Virginia got it from me?
-I know you say you don't go in the convent but...
-If you had direct contact with her...
-I would sneak in at night and we would...
-You don't have to say.
-I would sneak in and we would...cook.
-Cook?
-I couldn't boil water before she arrived. Never had to. But then I would see her and she was just so graceful, smart. When
no one else was around, I would ask her for pointers. It's been years now. We have never touched. I know it was forbidden.
She'd be away on missions and I'd just...part of me was always waiting.
-For the next time you could be together.
-I missed my friend. All this pain because of me. I...
-Oh, no, no. You couldn't have known.
-We'll get you on a course of antibiotics, you'll be fine.
-Thank you. Sam, Naomi. We all make choices. The two of you made a choice. I know, I was there. So was He. I just want
you to know that as far as we're concerned, you will always be married.
-Darcy, are you okay?
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-You're the doctor who...you took the baby?
-Ma’am, we were offering your daughter a safe option.
-It’s called Safe Surrender. She's actually protecting herself and the baby.
-She made the right choice to call. It was the brave choice.
-You think we'd ever let her give this baby away? My God! This is my grandchild! I didn't even notice.
-Is she okay ?
-She's a very healthy baby. Here. Okay? There.
-Yeah. Hi. Hi. Her name is Melanie. My daughter's name is Melanie.
-That's a perfect name.
-Father Mark said we're still married in the eyes of God, so technically, what we did the other night, not a sin.
-Really?
-Well...it's what the Father said. Which means if we were to do it again...
-Charlotte.
-I'm going home, Dr. Freedman.
-Come have a drink with me.
-What? No.
-Come on.
-I am not having sex with you because I wrote some things on the internet. No.
-A drink. Not sex. Absolutely no sex.
-Can I get you that drink now?
-Not yet. Ask me again in two hours.
-Yes, ma'am.
-You heading out?
-I don't think I can be in this day any longer.
-You shouldn't be alone tonight.
-I won't be.
-Hey.
-I'm sorry, I know it's past neighbor time.
-No, come in. It's cold.
-Can I get you anything? Some tea or wine?
-Wine. I called Naomi, but, uh...no one answered.
-You want to talk about it?
-It was, um...a night. You know? Just a night. And, like, I called Naomi and she wasn't home. I just couldn't go home yet.
-Hey.
-Hey.

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1×09– IN WHICH CHARLOTTE GOES DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
-It’s not erupting.
-It’ll erupt. Just wait.
-It’s not erupting.
-Just wait.
-It’s not erupting.
-I told you.
-Why didn’t your daughter do her own science project?
-Because when Maya’s happy, Naomi’s happy.
-I thought the point of getting divorce is you stop being the keeper of you ex-wife’s happiness.
-Yeah, right.
-Are you trying to get back in Naomi’s pants?
-N-no. I am not. Her pants are her pants.
-Do not sleep with Naomi.
-I am…why?
-Office drama. We don’t need anymore office drama.
-Just because you couldn’t seal the deal with Addison, and you couldn’t seal the deal with Violet. I seal the deal. Okay. I,
seal the deal. Not that I’m sealing anything with Naomi. ‘Cause I’m not sealing with Naomi.
-Casual sex, with virtual strangers.
-That’s the way to go.
-Yeah, how’s that working out for you?
-Actually, it’s working out just fine. I gotta go.
-W-wait.
-Hello.
-I think he may be smarter than us.
-Me too.
-Next time, I wanna be bad cop.
-Pardon me?
-You know, the whole dirty, bossy thing you got going. Don’t get me wrong, I like it. But I wanna, you know, as a male of the
species, I…
-Understood. Still not gonna happen.
-Okay.
-Now, unlike you Oceanside people, I still have busy day. Patients, meetings, I have to find a new instructor for this
parenting class for dads tonight. So, unless you are applying to be my assistant, enough with the questions.
-God. I almost forget I’m having sex with Charlotte King. Isn’t finding a teacher for dad’s class kinda small potatoes for a
Chief of Staff? I mean, a-a dirty, bossy Chief of Staff.
-No, sir. Big potatoes. One of the hospital’s biggest moneymakers. We’ll wipe the floor with the other classes in town.
-You have to be competitive about everything, right? You always have to win.
-You want me back tonight or not?
-I wanna be b…
-You’re not the bad cop type. Now yes or no?
-Okay, fine, yes.
-I am not afraid of being in a relationship with Sam. We are not getting back together.
-You’re afraid of talking to Sam about being in a relationship?
120
-Y-you want to be?
-I’m just saying Sam is one of the good ones. Do you know how hard it is to find a good one?
-I was married to Sam. I-I know how good he is. He, he is good.
-You mean “good” good? You, you mean, you mean bed “good”?
-No. A-Absolutely not. No.
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, I’m, I’m missing what are we talking about here?
-Just talk to Sam about where you’re going.
-You won’t talk to Pete.
-Well, I’m not in a relationship with Pete.
-And she won’t to Cooper. So…
-We’re sort of talking. I’m, I’m trying to get over it. He’s not over it. He’s avoiding me. What, what are we talking about?
-Hello.
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-Morning.
-See? Avoiding me.
-I’m gonna go talk to Pete right now.
-Hey. Where’s the honey?
-Uh…
-All we have is this artificial sweetener crap. Food should weigh more than this.
-Can we, I’ve been thinking about us.
-Yeah. They’ve been weird.
-Just because we were bad at the dating thing, doesn’t mean that we have to be uncomfortable around each other. I think
that we should be friends.
-Friends.
-Yeah. I hear grown-ups do it all the time.
-Done. So…
-Oh, no. We don’t have to start right now.
-Good.
-Hey, my office is freezing. It’s frozen in there.
-I need my labs for my ten o’ clocks.
-All right. I’ll go get them. Wait, something is off today. What is, what is off?
-Um, just because Addison found out about us, you didn’t tell her, like, every little detail, did you? And she didn’t tell
everybody else, right?
-Well, no.
-Okay.
-Why?
-No, it’s just, uh, Cooper was acting like, maybe he knew…
-My office smells like a dead rat.
-Excuse me?
-No one took out the trash.
-What is going on today?
-I’m here. I’m here.
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-Is everything all right?
-Yeah, it’s fine. Uh, sort of.
-It’s impossible you could help me with something medical?
-Yeah, sure. What is it?
-Um, it’s my Pa Pa. Something’s wrong.
-Your Pa Pa?
-Yeah.
-Please tell me that, that’s not what you call your…
-N-no, no. Okay. Um, my, my grandfather. Um, and his friend Nate. I think they’re being abused at their nursing home.
-The vaginismus. Is it recurring?
-No, not at all. Once you got us going, our sex has been…
-Unbelievable. I mean, really...
-We’ve been doing it like crazy for the last two months. I’ve peed on, I don’t know how many sticks. Nothing. Something’s
just not right. I just know it. I’m just a mess down there.
-Cathleen, two month. I mean, it takes couples time to conceive, something up to a year.
-I know. I just…we really want to have a baby. And it’s not like I’m a spring chicken. It took me a long time to find Geoffrey. I
just want to know that we can.
-Okay. I’ll, uh, check your FSH and get a sample from Geoffrey. If that’ll make you feel better.
-This grandson of mine worries too much. Ever since he was a boy, worry, worry.
-No, he’s just concerned about you.
-Do, do, do you see those? Every time I go to nursing house, there’s another one. And look, look, look, look.
-Those are liver spots, kid. You have lollipops here?
-They’re just for the kids. So, uh, where are these bruises coming from?
-I don’t know.
-He says this every time I ask.
-Has anyone who works at the nursing home hurt you in any way?
-They wouldn’t have the nerve. I spent ten years in the Marine Corps. Fought in Korea. I’d beat them down.
-What about dementia.
-What about sleepwalking? You, uh, bumping into things?
-What am I? An idiot?
-You are kind of a klutz.
-Watch it.
-Or what? You’ll come over here and fall on me?
-Look, my memory is as sharp as a Swiss army knife. Ask me anything from 1945 on, and I’ll tell you.
-Okay. Your grandfather claims he’s not being abused. I’m inclined to believe him.
-Well, I’m not. Look, he, he would never say if something like that was happening. -What am I supposed to do, just wait
around and hope I’m wrong?
-Dell, I’m ready. Let’s go.
-All right. So long.
-Hey.
-Dr. Montgomery.
-You’re, uh, you’re dry.
-Uh. Last time I saw you, you were all wet. From the birthing tub.
-Yet you still recognize me.
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-Yes. Well, my cop-hones powers of deduction. I’m waiting for Dr. Bennett. I’m having him do my physical.
-Oh, you’re a patient here?
-Yeah, I heard he delivered a baby. Next to a Slurpee machine.
-He did.
-So he must be good.
-You are in good hands.
-Officer Nelson?
-Dr. Bennett.
-Yes.
-I’m sorry. Uh, Dr. Montgomery was just distracting me.
-Well, she often has the affect on people. Come on. Let’s do this.
-Here’s the pitch. You and me, two-day intensive parenting class for new fathers. You do your holistic baby thing. I got a list
for dads that are already on board. All we gotta do is make the call.
-Did you come up with this yourself?
-Yes, sir. It’s time we got more aggressive and competitive with other institutions, show them who’s on top.
-You know what? We’re guys talking to guys. We, we can handle this.
-We can totally handle it.
-Cooper and I are gonna teach a parenting class to expectant dads.
-You never told me about a dad’s class. I could…
-Oh, no, no, no. We’re gonna go twosies on it, do it our way.
-Wait a minute, wait a minute, the insurance on that…that could cost a lot.
-It’s not a problem. It’s gonna bring in twenty thousand dollars in 2 days.
-Everyone needs to leave Cooper alone. That’s a great idea. Godspeed.
-So, so, hey. What, what were you up to last night? I called you, but got no answer.
-Ah, I crashed early.
-Hey, Pete.
-Hey.
-Have fun at your class.
-Have fun at you class.
-I am being a friend, okay? We are doing friendship.
-Yeah, I’m your friend, and you have never been that nice to me, ever.
-We’re adjusting, all right. Just, thank you. Whenever we give each other a hard time. Or we start to fight, I mean, that’s
when…
-Yeah, that’s when the two of you get hot for each other.
-Yes, I know. It’s twisted. But, okay, and see that’s why I don’t know what to do about my cop, you know? I mean, I think
maybe he’s interested, but then maybe I shouldn’t inflict myself on a decent, unsuspecting officer of the peace.
-Well, maybe, maybe, that’s what you need.
-Oh, I don’t know. My track record with men lately, he’s probably a crazy.
-We checked your LH levels, and they’re normal. You’re ovulating.
-Good. That’s good, right?
-Well, we did find some fibroids, so we should monitor them, just to…
-I knew it. It’s always me. First my vagina was locked, and now you should get your money back. I am a dud.
-The fertility issue doesn’t lie with you. Geoffrey, we checked you sperm count, and unfortunately, it was very low.
-How low?
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-There are no viable sperm in your specimen. I’m sorry, Geoffrey. You’re sterile. I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But
there is hope. When you’re ready, there are other options. There’s sperm donation, adoption.
-The main thing is, you can have a child, a family.
-No adoption.
-Wait. I don’t know if we should be ruling that out.
-We’re going with a sperm donor.
-But, honey,
-No. You’ve always wanted to be pregnant. You’ve always wanted a baby of your own.
-Do we have to decide now? Is there a reason to rush?
-Not to rush, uh, but fertility does decline every year for a woman after the age of 35. And the fibroids could eventually
interfere.
-All right. We get it. We’ve gotta go for it now. Look, they said you’re ovulating. Doesn’t mean we’re in the zone to try?
-That’s, that’s right.
-Yes.
-Are you sure you’re okay with this?
-Cathleen, I love you. It’s what you want, what I want. I’m sure.
-So what’s wrong with Dell’s granddad?
-It’s just some minor bumps and bruises. Dell’s concerned that there might be some abuse going on, but Nate and Wendell
are adamant that that’s not happening.
-Well, Dell’s grandfather is a war vet. I think he’d be too proud to admit something like that.
-Where’s the mom? Dell’s always getting those postcards from India and China and all over the place?
-Yeah, I asked him once. He said that she was a rolling stone.
-Yeah, she rowed right off and left Dell with his grandparents. Wendell went into a home after his wife died.
-Wow. You sure know a lot about Dell.
-Seriously, if Dell suspects something, then maybe you should…
-I just read a paper about elder abuse. It’s way underreported.
-All right, I’m calling the nursing home. See if I can get a hold of his medical records.
-Hey, Sam. Tell me what that was about earlier.
-Oh, uh, I just think that it would be nice if we kept this thing private.
-Well, somebody already found out, Sam. And honestly, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
-Oh.
-What, a-are you afraid that this is gonna mean commitment? What, because if, you know, you’re ashamed of having sex
with your ex-wife?
-Naomi.
-Um, Naomi, I got these labs for your patient.
-Just leave it on my desk. Excuse me.
-All right. Sorry.
-Jeez. They’re really going at it lately. One minute, they’re grinning, then the next minute they’re… You think they’re “going
at it”?
-Sex?
-Yeah.
-No. No. You think so? As much as they argue?
-Angry sex is hot.
-So I called the nursing home, and they sent over Wendell and Nate’s medical record. There are a bunch of injury reports in
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the past few months. Minor scrapes, bruises.
-So I was right to be concerned.
-Well, it’s not proof of anything, but, yeah, you were right to be concerned.
-I’m gonna go over there and check this out.
-I’ll go with you.
-No, I can handle this, okay?
-No, you brought them to me. So, technically, they’re my patients, which means legally, I’m as obligated to them as anyone
else.
-I told you, I-I don’t…
-Dell, I’m going.
-All right. Let’s start by picking up our babies, but with two hands.
-My baby looks like Chucky. Do you wanna trade?
-No way.
-All right, no trading babies. One of the things we’re trying to teach you in this class is how to bond with your newborn.
-I don’t want to bond with Chucky.
-These babies are gonna come into your life, and they’re gonna seem so small and fragile that you’re gonna be afraid to
touch them. Don’t be. Uh, they need to be held, and they’re a lot tougher than they look.
-Yeah, I heard a baby can eat, like, half a cup sand and be fine.
-That’s not…
-And what about that baby that fell eleven stories, crawled away without a scratch? It’s what you said, man. You can’t break
a baby.
-Yeah, y-you can. From 11 stories, totally breakable. Um, who, who’s your pediatrician?
-You know what? Why don’t we start with the basics?
-Yes. Um, changing the diaper. Who wants to give it a try?
-I would like to try.
-Adam, our first volunteer. Let’s do this. Dr. Pete?
-Okay, gentlemen, put your babies down. Support the head. Support, next time, support the head.
-He’s probably with Nate or Arthur. They play bingo together.
-Where is everybody? We’re looking for Wendell. He’s in Room 310. Do you know where he is?
-Uh, if he’s not in his room, I don’t…
-No, we checked his room. He’s not there, okay? Aren’t you supposed to be watching them?
-They give me five dollars an hour not to. If you can do better…
-You think that guy was just messing with us? I should…I should’ve given him a twenty. You hear that?
-Yeah, I hear it.
-Stop, stop! You two are gonna kill each other.
-Pa Pa!
-Stay outta this. This is a championship match. And I don’t want him making excuses. When I kick his butt
-First time for everything.
-Except you growing a pair.
-Come on. Get up. Is that all you got?
-Oh, no. His heart rate’s down to 30. I can barely feel his pulse. He’s hurt.
-Sure he is. Come on. Get up you old geezer. Get some more of this.
-No, no. Game over. He’s really hurt. We gotta get him an ambulance. I need to get him to a hospital. Now.
-Good first day, you guys. Check your babies at the door.
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-Guys, uh, that was amazing. Um, I was just wondering if there’s any homework.
-No, no homework.
-You know, Adam, your energy is great for this class, and it’s okay to be nervous. That’s totally normal for a first-time dad.
-Oh, thanks, but I’m actually not a dad. I’m just here for Jack.
-Jack is your partner?
-Oh, no, no. Well, he’s a partner at the firm, of course, but I’m just his assistant. That’s why I’m here taking the class.
-Jack is your boss.
-Yeah.
-He sent…he sent his assistant.
-Well, second assistant, actually. But, uh, not for long, thanks to this class.
-You need to tell him to be here.
-Oh, no. No, no. I couldn’t tell him that. He’ll destroy me or have me destroyed. Look, please J…
-Adam, the only requirement for this dad’s class is you’re actually gonna be a dad, so if your boss wants to take the class,
he has to attend himself.
-Hey, you’re still here?
-Cathleen went back for one more look at the sperm donor book. She’s hoping something will click. I’m gonna give her this
baby.
-I believe you. You’re determined. But why so determined?
-Cathleen never asks for much. I promised her a happy life. Sometimes you have to get over yourself in order to do that.
-Well, I wonder how Cathleen would feel about that. You disregarding your own feelings to give her what she wants.
-She doesn’t talk about it much, but Cathleen was adopted. I mean, she’s got great parents, but I wanted to give her what I
had, you know, my family. They’re crazy, but it’s only fair that she gets to have one person in her life that looks like her.
-But what about what you want, Geoffrey? I’ll tell you what, why don't you go home, get some sleep, think about it, and then
start over tomorrow?
-H-how is he?
-Well, he, uh, he had a heart attack. We’re trying to reopen his blocked vessels.
-I did that? I-I did that to him?
-Well, I’m sure it didn’t help that you decked him, but, uh, we can’t say right now.
-I don’t believe this.
-We, we didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.
-Okay, then why did you hit each other?
-We had to do something. The days there. Y-you can’t tell one from another. Me, Nate, we were all going crazy.
-Yeah, well, that part’s obvious.
-Dell, maybe your granddad, he-he just needs a minute.
-I got it. I need you to swear, okay? No more of this.
-You think I don’t know it’s over?
-Dell.
-Old man fight club?
-Yeah. Wendell was the ringleader, too. Knocked the hell out of his friend, who’s actually not doing too well now.
-Well, it’s amazing what some people will do to entertain themselves.
-Yeah. Come here.
-Oh. Ooh. Ooh. What are you doing?
-Hmm, I’m just entertaining myself. And you. Trying at least.
-No.
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-Come here.
-No.
-Shh, shh, shh.
-Sam, no, no.
-What?
-No. I’m not gonna be your secret lover.
-Oh, come on, Naomi. You’re mad because I’m trying to spice thing up. Now that we’re…whatever we are? Okay,
everybody around here, they already went through our divorce. Do we really have to drag them through every little detail
now?
-This is not about them. This is about things being different. The second time around, if there is a second time around. I
need to know you’re not just gonna give up this time.
-Oh.
-Forget it. I gotta go. I-I have to get…
-Wait, listen.
-I have a patient.
-Naomi, wait.
-Naomi, uh. Your patient’s here.
-Yeah, I know.
-Oh, uh, Dell, listen, actually I was looking over some of these medical reports from the nursing home.
-What did you do to her?
-Excuse me?
-You heard me. What did you do?
-I don’t think that’s any of your business.
-No. It is, okay?
-No, it’s not. Dell, I know, that you’re upset about Wendell.
-This has nothing to do with him, okay? Every time she walks away from you, she’s miserable. And I care about how she
feels. Okay? I care.
-Dell.
-No, I know what you think, but this isn’t just a crush, okay? Maybe after so many years, you just don’t see it. You know how
many women think like that and, and look like that, and laugh like that and care? One. So far I’ve met one. And yeah, she’s,
she’s out of my league in every possible way, but I don’t care. She dazzles me. And I’m not stupid enough to hope that one
day I’ll meet someone like her when the time is right, because I won’t. I love her. Okay? And I guarantee you I wouldn’t
make her cry.
-Okay, uh. Dell, I know that you’re under a lot of stress right now, so I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say those things
about my wife.
-Ex-wife.
-Uh, I just wanted to let you know I’m gonna do my job, but I’m done with Dell.
-What, hey, what happened?
-Dell is a…Dell’s a child.
-Sam, will you cut him a break?
-Oh, you have no idea. I’m cutting him a break. A big damn break.
-We put a lock on the basement door. They were taking bets. The winner would walk around all puffed up. It’s…what a
thing, huh?
-J-49.
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-Hey, Pa Pa.
-I-26
-Uh, the same. The doctors put a pacemaker in. You shouldn’t blame yourself. He didn’t have to fight you.
-I should’ve known better.
-Hey.
-Still no click.
-Where’s Geoffrey? On his way. It’s not like we haven’t gone over these guys a million times.
-Hmm.
-Hey.
-Hey, I think I’ve solved our problem. I have found the perfect donor.
-You, Mark.
-Dr. Montgomery, I’d like you to meet my brother.
-Your brother?
-Hey, yeah. Let’s make a kid.
-So it’s true. I had to see it for myself. You stole my dads. You took my class roster. I just had to refund twenty seven
thousand dollars. You know how that looks that for the Chief of Staff?
-See how it feels to be someone’s bitch?
-I see. This is a game to you.
-Oh, and it’s not for you? Come on.
-You know what? We’re off for tonight. Game over.
-I know it’s a little close, but Cathleen said herself, she doesn’t settle. She has her idea of what she wants. And I’m the next
best thing to be in there.
-Are you sure you’re okay with this, Mark? I mean, you’d be making a child.
-Whoa. I’m not having the baby. I’m just gonna be doing the uncle thing.
-It-it sounds simple now, but sometimes donations from family members can…
-It gets, it gets complicated.
-Yeah.
-Well, Marks’s not complicated.
-I’m not complicated.
-I mean, he won’t think twice about this.
-He won’t?
-Nope. I probably have a few kids out there I don’t know about already. It’s a joke. It’s probably a joke.
-This, this is good, right? I mean, maybe not us exactly, but, uh, you know, I’ll be in the mix.
-Yes. It’s just a little.
-I-I know, and, and we don’t have to at all. It’s just…
-No. I want to. You’re right. You’ll be in the mix, and that’s what matters.
-Have you seen, uh, Dr. Montgomery?
-Not lately. Did you ask at reception?
-Yeah. Hey.
-You’re back.
-Yeah.
-And you met, uh, Pete, my friend.
-Kevin Nelson. Hi. I came to pick up my medical report. For work.
-Uh-huh.
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-You know, they can just email that to you.
-They can kind of, email you.
-Okay. Uh, I thought I might see you and…I’ve gotta take this. Okay.
-It was nice to see you again.
-Please. Look, I won’t be a disturbance. And if you can, uh, just talk to the mike.
-Yeah, no. Sorry, dude.
-What am I supposed to tell Jack? He’ll fire me. Look, and after all those prenatal classes with his wife and decorating the
nursery, I just…
-Hey, how about I tell him something?
-No, don’t.
-Your wife is about to have a baby, Jack. So, put down the Blackberry, stop sending Adam to you dirty work and get over
here. Got that? Jack…ass?
-Okay, using a speculum, I’m going to insert a catheter into your uterus, where the sperm will be released.
-Mark’s stuff, it was really okay?
-Oh, yeah, it was excellent. Millions and millions of little guys.
-So with any luck, the “stuff” will swim right to your egg, and presto, you should have an embryo.
-Yay.
-All right. And here we go.
-No!
-No!
-I can’t. I can’t have Mark inside me, this brother sperm traveling to my uterus.
-I know, I know.
-Honestly, I love your brother, but…
-He’s kind of a jerk.
-He is kind of a jerk. Why would you even suggest this?
-I’m trying here, okay? I just…
-Listen, both of you, this isn’t right for you, and that’s okay.
-I don’t want anybody’s baby but yours. I’m sorry.
-So what do we do? Just give up, not have a kid?
-I just can’t do this. I can’t.
-There’s gotta be another way. Please. Please. Help us make our baby.
-I actually thought that the brother was our solution.
-No, they were right. He’s a jerk. I was momentarily attracted to him, so he must be.
-The sweet brother can’t make babies. What does that say about natural selection? -What were his levels again?
-Uh, FSH and prolactin were within normal limits.
-How about testosterone?
-Borderline. Borderline low.
-Yeah, but not that existent, which means there might be a way, and if there is, we should find it. Screw natural selection.
-Gentlemen, prepare to have your lives transformed. I present to you. Diaper Bgone.
-I’m Jack Grossman. Which one of you jerks called me a jackass?
-That’d be me. Um, your name’s Jack and you were acting like an ass.
-You don’t know anything about me, my wife, my work, my life. Nothing.
-Mr. Grossman, he was just trying to help. He…
-I know that you pawned off a class that could help save your baby’s life on a guy that makes your lunch reservations.
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-Oh, you think you’re clever, huh?
-I know. You’re a tough guy, okay? But the tough-guy act is not gonna work with being a father. It’s just not.
-I’m doing this my way. My wife is gonna stay home with our kid, and I’m…
-Okay, but your wife is not there to do your job.
-You can’t check out, Jack. You gotta show up. In fact, you have gotta screw things up before you even have the first clue of
them.
-How many of you guys have figured out what it means to be a father?
-Well, I-I don’t know much, but I know more than this guy.
-This kid is coming. Whether you’re ready for it or not.
-You think I don’t know that? You think it doesn’t keep me up at night? All I want for that kid is to be safe and to be happy,
and I’m doing everything that I know how to do.
-I believe you. Now do more. I mean, you came here to yell at a pediatrician, so don’t tell me you don’t care enough.
-I got this.
-Am I, uh, I’m not fired?
-No. But there’s no way you’re watching me do this.
-Well, come on. Let’s show this guy how to rock this, right? Come on.
-Okay, yes. Show him how it’s done.
-So did Officer Manly make a move?
-You really want to hear about this?
-This is what friends do, right?
-No sex talk. That’s off-limits.
-Uh, I don’t usually talk about it. I’m more of a do-it guy.
-Oh, yeah. Good to know. And the officer did not get a chance to move. My man choices lately…
-Have been me?
-And trunk.
-Say yes.
-It’s that simple?
-It’s not your fault there have been misfires. Dating is a numbers game. You get out there as much as you can and see what
works.
-Volume dating, that’s you philosophy?
-My point is, most of the time, you’re not gonna find a right fit. And sometimes, it’s the last person you’d think who makes
you happy and…yeah, I’m out there.
-Good. Good advice for us. I got to go. Take care of Cathleen and Geoffrey.
-So we think we found something. It’s a new procedure called testicular sperm extraction.
-Okay, what’s that?
-Sperm search and rescue. We go inside the testicle to look for a few viable sperm, which we then implant into Cathleen’s
eggs to make a child.
-You can do that?
-Yes. We use a surgical microscope to isolate sperm-producing tissue. If we find even one sperm, you have a shot.
-Wow. This is so freakin’ cool. It’s like Rambo time. I-inside my testicles?
-Yes. Yeah.
-I know why, why you’ve been avoiding me.
-What? What?
-I owe you an apology.
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-You do?
-Yes! I was stupid to think we could have unemotional sex or attempted sex. We, we care about each other. We’re friends.
Friends with benefits never works. I was wrong.
-Thank you.
-So it was the sex? That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?
-It was the sex.
-Good. So we’re good?
-We’re good.
-Good.
-Okay, Geoffrey, once we get inside, you might feel a slight pulling or discomfort. If it gets too bad, we can stop.
-And then if Dr. Montgomery locates any sperm, I’ll extract Cathleen’s eggs.
-You can do this, honey.
-I love you, babe.
-Okay, on three. One. Two. Three. Okay. I’m going inside, take a look around, trying to find that one swimmer.
-What if she doesn’t find anything? What if there’s nothing there?
-I love you no matter what.
-What’s going on?
-The hospital just called. I’ve, I’ve gotta go get, uh, Wendell. Nate’s not going to make it.
-Anything?
-No, not. Wait. What’s that?
-I have one? You found it?
-Maybe. I just need to grab this.
-Come on, you bastard. Sorry.
-Got it.
-You, you did?
-Hold on a minute. We’re checking. Yeah. There you go.
-That’s my kid.
-That’s your kid.
-Nate was right about his heart. It was shot.
-It wasn’t me?
-No, no. He was living on borrowed time.
-I’m sorry. I know he was you friend.
-Nate lost his wife, too. And then, he was at the home. You want to know why we fight? I’ll tell you why. On those days, you
wake up thinking, today something happens besides this death March. Our lives. They change. Fair enough, we’re old. But
they don’t have to be over. Damn. It felt good.
-To fight.
-I hate bingo, so did Nate. Your grandma. She was what I lived for. You’ll see, when you’re like me, you’ll wish you’d fought
more your whole life. You’ll miss caring that much about anything.
-I think we just made a baby.
-Hey. You want to grab a bite? I can come to your house, get a pizza, movie?
-I have plans, actually.
-Okay. But we’re good?
-We’re good. We’re good.
-You have a girlfriend.
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-What? No. You have no idea how…no.
-Cooper, if this is why you’ve been avoiding me, don’t. I’m happy for you. I am. God. One of us has to act like a grown-up.
-I’m hardly. I still want to hang out with you. It’s not a big thing.
-Exactly. So don’t be a freak.
-Right. You’re right.
-Go. Don’t stand her up.
-Just relax. Give that one guy a chance to settle in.
-I’m gonna be a big old lump.
-Thanks for everything.
-Yeah.
-Is it too soon to feel pregnant?
-Maybe just a little. Just…
-Take it easy.
-Bye.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-I heard you did a great job in there.
-Yeah. God, these two, they make you think that it’s worth slugging it out, you know, if you can find somebody that makes
you feel half that good. Thank you for your advice earlier.
-You’re welcome.
-Who kicked your dog?
-I think I’m helping some other guy win over Addison.
-Good job.
-It’d be weird to punch him out now, right?
-Yeah, a little bit.
-You said you weren’t coming over. And then, uh, that’s “game over”?
-Sex is best when you feel like you want to kill the other person. You stole my dads.
-Yeah. And that makes me a bad guy. Yeah, a bad, dirty cop kind of guy.
-Little bit.
-So are we dating?
-If dirty sex on a regular basis is dating, then, yeah.
-Okay, good. Does that mean I get to be on top?
-Never.
-Oh. Hey. Hi, Dell.
-What is, oh, here.
-Oh. Thank you.
-Look, I-I don’t have it all together, okay? But I’m not a kid. I’m a man who loves you, who’s going to fight for you.
-Hey. H-Have you seen Addison? I need to…
-Okay? I don’t care. Let everybody know.
-What was that?
-He’s fighting for her. She’s worth it.
-Hello.
-Hi.
-I am here to see Officer Nelson. Kevin Nelson. I’m a friend.
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-I’ll see if I can find him.
-Addison?

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