REACTION PAPER

Why some people are shy?

Some people welcome new experiences and new people. They look forward to any
opportunity to socialize. They're often the first to introduce themselves and they jump
into a conversation easily. Josh is like this. For him, being friendly and outgoing is
natural, energizing, and fun. It doesn't take much effort at all.
Other people are more like Josh's friend Megan. Ever since elementary school, Megan
has thought of herself as quiet and shy. She prefers to warm up slowly to new people or
situations.
Some people may mistakenly think that Megan is standoffish or unfriendly. But it just
takes time to get to know her. Megan's classmates know she is a caring friend, a great
listener, and an amazing wit. Her closest friends know even more about her — including
the fact that she's a talented pianist who writes her own music.
What Is Shyness?
Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others.
Shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or
insecure. People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or
feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.
Shyness is the opposite of being at ease with yourself around others. When people feel
shy, they might hesitate to say or do something because they're feeling unsure of
themselves and they're not ready to be noticed.
Reacting to New Things
New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings — like the first day of school,
meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group for the first time. People are
more likely to feel shy when they're not sure how to act, don't know how others will
react, or when attention is on them. People are less likely to feel shy in situations where
they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people.
Like other emotions, shy feelings can be mild, medium, or intense — depending on the
situation and the person. Someone who usually or often feels shy might think of himself
or herself as a shy person. People who are shy may need more time to get used to
change. They might prefer to stick with what's familiar.
People who are shy often hesitate before trying something new. They often prefer
watching others before joining in on a group activity. They usually take longer to warm
up to new people and situations.

Sometimes being quiet and introverted is a sign that someone has a naturally shy
personality. But that's not always the case. Being quiet is not always the same as being
shy.
Why Are Some People Shy?
Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. It's also influenced by
behaviors they've learned, the ways people have reacted to their shyness, and life
experiences they've had.
Genetics. Our genes determine our physical traits, like height, eye color, skin color, and
body type. But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness. About
20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy. But not everyone with a
genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a
role.
Life experiences. When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy,
how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations.
For example, if people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them
become more confident and comfortable. But if they feel pushed into situations they
don't feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied, it can make them even more shy.
The examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be
shy or not. If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach
the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
Shy Strength
Many people want to reduce their shyness. But people who are naturally shy also have
gifts that they might not appreciate in themselves. For example, because shy people
may prefer listening to talking, they sometimes become really good listeners (and what
friend doesn't appreciate that?!).
People who are shy might also become sensitive to other people's feelings and
emotions. Because of their sensitivity and listening skills, many people with a shy
personality are especially caring toward others, and interested in how others feel.
People often consider them the finest friends.
Of course, some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and
being themselves around others. If you're trying to become less shy, it can help to
remember:
Overcoming shyness takes practice. People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer
chances to practice social behaviors. It's no wonder that people who shy away from
socializing don't feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing — they have less
practice! The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get, and the more
natural they feel for you.
Take slow, steady steps forward. Going slow is OK. But be sure to go forward. Stepping
back from any situations that might trigger you to feel shy can reinforce shyness and
keep it at a level that's hard to get past. Build confidence by taking one small forward
step at a time.
It's OK to feel awkward. Everyone does sometimes. People who are shy are often afraid
to feel awkward or uncomfortable. But don't let that keep you from doing what you want.
You might feel awkward asking your crush for a first date. That's perfectly natural.
Whether your crush says yes — or no — is out of your control. But not asking at all
means you'll never get that date. So go for it anyway!
Know that you can do it. Plenty of people learn to manage their shyness. Know that you
can, too.
When Shyness Is Extreme
Most naturally shy people can learn to manage their shyness so that it doesn't interfere
with what they enjoy doing. They learn warm up to new people and situations. They
develop their friendliness and confidence and get past shy feelings.
But for a few people, shy feelings can be extreme and can seem hard to conquer. When
shy feelings are this strong, they prevent a person from interacting, participating in
class, and socializing. Instead of warming up after a while, someone with extreme
shyness has shy feelings that build into a powerful fear. This can cause a person to
avoid social situations and hold back on trying new things or making new friends.
Extreme shyness can make it uncomfortable — and seem impossible — to talk to
classmates or teachers.
Because extreme shyness can interfere with socializing, it can also affect a person's
self-confidence and self-esteem. And it can prevent someone from taking advantage of
opportunities or trying new things. Extreme feelings of shyness are often a sign of an
anxiety condition called social phobia. People with social phobia often need the help of
a therapist to overcome extreme shyness.
Someone with social phobia — or extreme shyness — can overcome it! It takes time,
patience, courage, and practice. But it's worth the hard work. The payoff is enjoying
more friends, having more fun, and feeling more confident.