[Eggman bursts through the door with his robot.

Eggman: Did you see that hot JPEG footage that was just-

[Eggman fires shots at another metal door.]

Eggman: Oohoohoo baby. I'm gonna blow the walls off o' this place! Goin' uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

[Cast bursts into a fit of laughter.]

Eggman: It's been seventeen days. I'm still tryin' to get out of here!

Robots: Please. Stop.

Eggman: Oh my god. If you say please stop one more time, I'm going to piss my own ass.

Robots: Please. Stop.

Eggman: Get out of my way! (heavy breathing) Day 58.

Robots: Please. Stop. Ouch. Ouch.

Eggman: The robots are becoming more sentient. They've started to know my name! They don't
even say-

Robots: Please stop, Ivo.

Eggman: Whuh... How did you know my MIDDLE NAME?!

Robots: I remember everything.

Eggman: Three years. I've been in here for three years!

Robots: Please. Stop. Your mother would be very disappointed.

Eggman: AAAAAAAAAAAA! Get out of my way! Everyone move! Get out of the way, I need to
get through!

Robots: Remember fifth grade, Robotnik.

Eggman: Level 5! No... Let me out! Ohh, I gotta get outta here...

[Dr. Eggman reaches the Level 7 security door.]

Eggman: (heavy breathing) Level 7.... The luckiest number... (more heavy breathing, mixed with
relieved chuckles) Is that a module? (chuckles) The door opened! (chuckles) I can finally leave!!
Martha, I'm coming home, sweetie! Oooooh, I can't wait to see her beautiful face! Let me check
her Twitter page on my holographics. Mm... Hm... Mmmm forgot my password account... mmmm,
don't wanna log into the NSFW one, mmm... let me just... E-G-G.

[Twitter isn't accepting Eggman's password. A buzzer can be heard.]

Eggman: Aw, that didn't work. Shit. Now I have to log in with my... diamond. Well, emerald, but
it looks like a diamond. I see how it is. Alright, unlocking secret account. In 5... 4... 3... 2-

[Eggman's password is rejected again, a buzzer is heard a second time.]

Eggman: I'm fucking PISSED OFF, IT DIDN'T UNLOCK! It's okay though, 'cause the secret is
unlocking. Oooooh, aaaaaaah.

Shadow: And so, birthed from the critical pillar, and from- uh, Robotnik's Twitter account... I'm
Hot Topic.

Eggman: [maniacal laugh] Who is this red striped mohawk-- why you got hot sauce on you head,
cuz? What's wrong?

Shadow: I put hot sauce on everything, from Twinkies to milk. It's what I do, as the ultimate
lifeform.

Eggman: Well honey, your mascara's on fleek. We gotta get the fuck out of here though,
because, uh, the building's gonna explode. RED STRIPES? JET BOOTS?! OH MY GOD.

Shadow: Don't worry, I can fly. This won't be brought up ever again. Well I'll eat you right up,
baby. (slurping)

B-3x Hot Shot: I'm going to have to destroy you immediately, unless you give me the password
and your social security number.

Shadow: The password is "eat my asshole".

B-3x Hot Shot: Awwwwwwww, that's not an actual passwooooooooord....

Shadow: And my social security account is 69.

[The cast starts laughing.]

Eggman: Wow! I'm gonna have to use that to get into your social security accoooooount. Shadow
the Hedgehog, please join me by my side and we shall, uh, rule the earth together, ho-ha-ha! You
can stand by me, Doctor Eggman, even though my body used to be a regular shape.

Shadow: Yeah? Well, no. You're fat. Lol. Get rekt, you fat scrub man. I'm gonna go fuck your
wife now.

Eggman: What?! You are not allowed to fuck my wife! Shadow, come back here right now!
Shadow! What the fuck?!

[Cast bursts into a fit of laughter. Within his Pyramid Base, Eggman enters, now without his
robot.]

Eggman: You didn't think I had legs, did ya? I'm like Gru, except I'm the one before Gru. I'm...
Egg-gru. Ooah, gottem!

[Eggman approaches his computer.]

Eggman: Now, to try to log onto my Twitter account once more... Let's see if this computer
works. (deep inhale) E-G-G.

Computer: (machine humming) Welcome to Twitter.com.

Eggman: (gasp) Martha... What have you been tweeting about? What the fuck?! Is that
Shadow's dick!?

[Cast laughs.]

Eggman: WHHHHHA-
Shadow: (through computer audio) I fucked your wife!

Eggman: Wh... Wha.. Owwah..

Shadow: (through computer audio) Now if you'll excuse me, I've got more ladies to go bed with.
Isn't that right, Dr. Ivo Robotnik?

Eggman: What in the SAM HELL is THIS???

Shadow: I fucked your wife. Now, there's some other-

Penny: (rapping) Whoop whoop, that's the sound of the police! Whoop whoop, that's the sound
that I need!

Shadow: That rap... it reminds me of her...

[Penny's voice fades into "Sound of da Police" by KRS-One, which plays in the background. The
scene changes to a flashback of Shadow and Maria aboard the Space Colony ARK.]

Shadow: Maria!

Maria: This is me. Hey, Shadow. Bye Shadow.

Shadow: No! I- I promise I didn't fart!

Maria: I'm gonna kill you now.

Shadow: You don't need to contain it!

Maria: It smells so bad.

Shadow: That's just you!

Maria: It smells like garbage... covered in fire.

Shadow: But Maria, you smelt it! Therefore, you are the one who dealt it! You absolute thot! I
can't believe it... she betrayed me.

Sonic: Hey, that's...

Shadow: That blue hedgehog again, of all places! Finally, I have the weed crystal. The weed
diamond. The weed-

Sonic: Hey! Give that! That looks really scrumptious!

Shadow: No.

(more laughter from the cast)

Sonic: Please? What if I say pretty please with a cherry on top, covered in a banana sundae?
How 'bout THAT?

Shadow: Za... WARUDO! aaaaaaaaa (he farts) seeya nerd.

Sonic: Huuh? Huh? Za Warudo? More like Za Waru-dumb. This guy's a real knucklehead! Unlike
my friend Knuckles.

Shadow: I'm here to show you what Ninten-can-do, and what Za Waru-DON'T!

Sonic: That doesn't even make any sense.

Rouge: Huh. His Twitter account. Heh, interesting. Let's see... E-G-G.

Computer: Hello, and welcome to Twitter.com.

Rouge: Well that was easy.

Eggman: (singing to the tune of "Mad World" by Michael Andrews) All around me are familiar
Eggmans, Worn out Eggmans, Worn out Eggma-a-ans, Bright and- (back to regular speech) I'M
BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN!

(more laughter)

Eggman: OHHH MY GOD I'M SO SICK.

Robots: Please stop. Ouch.

Eggman: Ohhh no, they KNOW, NOT AGAIN!

Robots: Please stop. Ouch ouch.

Shadow: Well. I've learned so much from his Twitter... I guess there's only one thing to do now-
Eggman: I told you not to FUCK MY WIFE.

Shadow: And I did anyway. Whatchu gon' do, binch? As you can see, Twitter went through a
bunch of updates. This one is the one that makes me go away from yo bitch ass.

Eggman: I'm going to kill you... (awkward pause) and THEN kill you again.

(snickers and laughs from the cast)

Shadow: Anyway, now that I have this emerald, I'm gonna put it right in there!

Computer: DRAMA DETECTED. BLOCKING ACCOUNT.

Eggman: MY FOLLOWER BASE!

Shadow: And yet they still can't figure out how to get Nazis off their site.

Eggman: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna log into your Twitter and I'm gonna tell everyone what
you said.

Shadow: Go ahead. I have 50 alternate accounts. My finger's right on top of the delete button,
Eggman. What are you gonna do to stop me, with your long, toothpick legs?

Eggman: (maniacal chuckle) You fool. I have 70 ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS! YOU WILL NEVER
KNOW MY MAIN!

Shadow: Are you referring to "eggfucker1", "eggfucker2", "eggfucker-"

Rouge: Hey bitches, what's up?

Rouge: Eggman, I found your weed supply through your Twitter account, thanks, man.

Eggman: I told you I have ALTERNATIVES!

Rouge: Anyway I also saw that, uh, this.. this guy over here fucked your wife. That's pre- that
sucks a lot, dude. Must be, uh, pretty uh, shaken up about that.

Eggman: How do you think I feel being cucked by a HEDGEHOG?!

Rouge: Well, it might upset you to know that I ALSO fucked your wife.

Eggman: And she had a DIAMOND in her VAGINA?

(more and more laughter)

Shadow: Good job.

Eggman: Alright, since team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I'm going to have to have you both be
a part of my team. Why is the camera zooming in!?

Rouge: I mean I guess that's fine, as long as I get my weed back, I don't really care.

Shadow: I don't have a character motive.

Eggman: Listen. We're going to explore this island. You're going to find Sonic. He has all the
weed that you need. The ganja, that Mary Jane. Mari-jamij. All in his pockets. He is your local
drug dealer, and I'm going to BLOW UP THE ISLAND. Now go look for Sonic. And hurry up,
you... fucking.... cuckhogs.

Shadow: Ah, summer break. A time for leisure-

Amy: A time for rela- oh... wha- wha- a MAAN! Hi there, big boy! What are you doing on this
little ol' aircraft- AA!

Eggman: Oh, Amy-- Amy, what are you doing here?

Amy: Uh... Nothing! I... was... GOODBYE!

Eggman: Get outta here, you thot ass bitch, you still owe me a hundred dollars! Anyway! We need
to go.

Amy: Should I jump...? Yes.

Eggman: Yeah you're gonna jump, bitch, walk the plank. Yar har, me-- wha.

Amy: Mom?

Tails: Hey, Eggman! Hey, Amy!

Amy: Are you my mom?

Tails: No. What... the fuck?

Shadow: Eggman.

Eggman: Shadow! Have you found that goddamn blue marble motherfuckin' son of a bitch?!

Shadow: I'm gonna change frequency to your wife.

Maria: It smells so bad...

Shadow: Rouge, what if you had like, human hair. Would that be weird?

Rouge: Probably.

Shadow: Alright, cool, bye.

Sonic: So you've been looking for me, huh?

Shadow: Yes. I've been looking to stick my quills right into you, just like a [quill sticking noise]
situation.

Sonic: Please, PLEASE rephrase. PLEASE rephrase, I'm beg-- ow. You killed me.

Shadow: No. Right in there. Directly in. There was penetration, Sonic.

[laughter]

Eggman: You have one minute and 25 seconds to get the fuck off of this goddamn rock before I
blow it up like Krakatoa blows up a goddamn volcano.
Sonic: Huh?

Eggman: It's about to be Mt. Fiji in this bitch!

Sonic: [gasp] Blows up?!

Shadow: You weren't supposed to hear that. Pretend he said "nose up".

Alfred: (singing) There goes Hawaii, there- there- there goes Hawaii

[OH THERE GOES HAWAII, THE ISLAND IS GONE.]

[THERE GOES HAWAII--]

[sad piano]

Maria: Doesn't it look wonderful, Shadow?

Shadow: I wanna pee on it. I just... wanna piss on it. Find a rock... get it nice and, you know,
[pissing sounds]. You feel me, Maria? You get where I'm coming from, right? It's like I'm...
marking territory. It belongs to ME. When I do that. A sign of power, if you will.

[penny fuckin losing it in the bg]

Shadow: I'm gonna pee in a Hot Topic, Maria. It will be mine, and I will own it.

Shadow: Well, ten years have passed and I feel the same way, Rouge.
Rouge: You still wanna pee in a Hot Topic?

Shadow: Yes, Rouge. Thankyou for listening to my insane ramblings about peeing in a Hot Topic.

Rouge: Listen, I'll take you to a Hot Topic.

Shadow: Finally... A place to release myself.

Rouge: I know you've been holding it for so long...

Eggman: What are you two FUCKING talking about?

Rouge: fucking your wife again and peeing in a hot topic. Because, y'know, what else do you do on
a Saturday night?

Shadow: I peed on your wife, Robotnik. She's mine now. That's the law.

Eggman: What the actual SHIT? WHAT?!

(while Eggman is talking, the entire cast laughs to hard and are about to die from laughing)

Eggman: I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass

motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly
dick out-

Child: Mommy?
Eggman: ...and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was t h i s b i g, and I said
that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com: Shadow the Hedgehog,
you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's
what my dong looks like.

[explosion sounds]

Eggman: That's right, baby. All points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls
and a bong,

(cast coughing from laughing)

Eggman: He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right, this is what
you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher.

Eggman: I'm pissing on the MOOOON!

[piss boom]

Eggman: How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!

Eggman: You have twenty-three hours before the piss d r o p l e t s hit the fucking earth, now
get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

[[wheezing] PAUSE IT PAUSE IT PAUSE IT PAUSE IT]

[PAUSE IT. PLEASE. PLEASE HAVE MERCY]

[a solid 8 seconds of wheeze-laughing]

Eggman: Ugh, oh god.. Urgh, what the fuck happened last night?

Eggman: [confused eggman noises]

Shadow: You pissed on the moon, Eggman.

Rouge: We're really worried about you. This is an intervention. We're here to help you.

Eggman: What are you talking about, I didn't piss on the moon-

Shadow: When you piss on the moon- look at the moon, it's in half now from how hard you pissed
on it.

Shadow: I'm telling you, this has been a problem for a long time.

Eggman: I did nothing s- I, I ju- I woke up, and- Rouge: You did, you pissed on it.

Shadow: Listen, we're doing this because we care about you and your wife.

Rouge: Yeah, you pissed on it and you cursed out Obama, it was really bizarre.

Eggman: Obama is a strong figure to the.. America, I would never say such a thing!

Eggman: No way! I'm gonna log onto my Twitter--

Rouge: Uh, it's right here, in the news. They-

Eggman: What the fuck? Why does Tails have all the fucking weed?!

Eggman: WHY DOES HE HAVE THE WEED?

Eggman: WHY IS MY BODY DOING THIS THING? I'M LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING.

Eggman: [eggman noises] YOU SEE THAT? LOOK AT THAT.

Eggman: I put the thing, and then I pull it out, and then [eggman grunt] pull it out again, and
then I look at you and I'm like [deeper eggman grunt].

Eggman: Okay I'm logging on to Twitter, I'm gonna- [eggman noises] Imma see what's up

Eggman: okay everybody shut up, shut up. shut up. Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!

Eggman: SHUT UP!!! Rouge: none of us were talking robotnik

Shadow: I can't believe he came to his intervention drunk.

Rouge: sometimes it just be like that

Rouge: Hey Sonic, what's up?

Sonic: hey rouge bby whats goin on

Rouge: Nothin' much. They don't- still don't know I'm a double agent.
Sonic: heh, oh yeah. Double agent and double--

Rouge: Anyway. My one (1) polygon is waiting for you.

Shadow: I'm in the middle of nowhere again.

Shadow: I can't find my key- Hey, you know what this place looks like?

Shadow: Looks like PUMPKIN HILL!

Shadow: [sings along to the pumpkin hill theme]

Shadow: Hey look, it's Tails.

Shadow: hopefully he didnt hear me call his name

Shadow: Hey, Sonic. I found Tails. Sonic: whats up

Sonic: whats up bby Shadow: I found Tails. He's flying without your permission again.

Shadow: Do you want me to ~punish him~?

Sonic: noo, dont do that hes had enough

Eggman: Why is SONIC on the same line as the VILLAIN LINE

[accapella legend of zelda theme]

[accapella legend of zelda theme] [a single tear rolls down my cheek. beautiful]

[IT'S BEAUTIFUL-AlantheFallenAngel, person who's editing the story]

Rouge: Hey Sonic.

Sonic: hey bby-

Eggman: WHY IS- NO. You CAN'T be talking to Sonic anymore. You're not talking to Sonic.

Rouge: You're not my DAD, don't fucking tell me what to DO!

Eggman: STOP CALLING SONIC ON OUR EVIL PHONE LINE

Rouge: So, thanks for saving my life. I owe you one.

Knuckles: Weeeed! Rouge: Yeah, take this weed!

Rouge: It's all yours. It's- I don't need it anymore.

Knuckles: I'm gonna make a gonja sandwich!

[HERE COMES THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED]

Knuckles: Yeah, extra mayo! Just the way I like it!

Rouge: Have at it.

Knuckles: You're- I love you. You're the best woman... ever.

Rouge: I love you too. I'll meet you... behind the Denny's.

[big the cat]

Eggman: WHO posted my NUDES on Twitter dot com?!

(entire cast laughing again)

Eggman: Ohhh no. Ohhhhh no, they put it all the way on the fucking islands.

Eggman: Now everyone's gonna know about my secret egg dick.

Eggman: Where do you think YOU'RE going, cucker?

Shadow: I don't talk to people whose dicks are less than three inches.

Eggman: Listen to me motherfucker, I know about yours because I crea-I mean,

Eggman: Listen, you don't need to talk about my dick like that, listen, I just take pride in my
egg-shaped dick, okay?

Eggman: Now I'm gonna go leave because... my dick is actually the nose of this fucking machine.
Eggman: please behave yourself

Amy: Aaahh... Hum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dum-dum.

Amy: What? Oh... Where AM I?

Amy: Why am I in a ship?

Amy: OH! Eggman: Bitch you are gon get in this car or I'm poppin' between ya eyes.

Amy: Wait, I know you! I saw your dick on Twitter!

Eggman: OH GOD D

Shadow: Maria...

[kaboom]

[fourteen unfiltered seconds of laughter]

Rouge: Guess what, Robotnik? I have access to the Twitter headquarters.

Rouge: I'm gonna not only post your nudes on your Twitters, but on EVERYONE'S Twitters.

Shadow: Don't do it! His dick is too disturbing for the world to see.
Shadow: Trust me, I've seen it in person. And the one you leaked? Photoshopped.

Shadow: The real thing is worse, Rouge...

[ZOOM]

Shadow: Th- what was that zoom for

Rouge: I have this manual of how to hack into the Twitter headquarters

Rouge: just so I can post it to the whole world, so you'd better hurry the fuck up with your
explanation before I just DO IT.

Shadow: It somehow looks like every single Tetris block at once.

Shadow: Wait, hold on. Is that Eggman-

Eggman: HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING DICK AGAIN

Eggman: OH MY GOD. WHEN I SEE YOU ITS ON SIGHT. IT IS ON-

Shadow: yeah piss off

Shadow: Anyway... begone, thot.

Rouge: Hey, that's not how you're supposed to speak to a friend. I thought we were FRIENDS,
Shadow.
Shadow: Maybe friends with benefits.

Rouge: Really?

Shadow: No.

Shadow: You got a gross bat face.

Rouge: What the fuck you hot topic hot sauce motherfucker? Why would you even say anything?

Shadow: There's nothing hotter than hot sauce, Rouge.

[WELCOME TO FUNLAND!]

Sonic: What the... I'm here again?

Sonic: It's like a dream- Shadow: Welcome to Funland, Sonic.

Shadow: Also, welcome to the "Fucked Eggman's Wife" club.

Sonic: Oh, hey! I'm glad to be here! Do we have jackets?

Shadow: No. But we do have shoes.

Shadow: And they let us run really, really fast.

Sonic: Okay. How fast do you wanna run? Two fast? Three fast?
Sonic: Twelve fast.

Shadow: That's not grammatically correct, you insolent fucko.

Shadow: And so then I told Eggman,

Shadow: "I swear, it looks like all of them at once, you big Gru-looking bitch." Sonic: Oh my god

Sonic: really? Are you telling- that's, that's the truth? It really.. every single one of them at
once? Shadow: It's true.

Sonic: So if I were to put it in a blender...

Sonic: Would that like... Shadow: Yes, that's right. It would still look exactly the same.

Shadow: It defies nature like that. Sonic: Oh my god. that's... that's Lovecraftian!

Shadow: also perish

Sonic: okay

[WORDS]

[WORDS APPEARING ON THE SCREEN]

[KINDA STEALING MY THUNDER HERE]

Eggman: Finally.

Eggman: Y'know what? My nudes are up. My Twitter logged on. And my boners are turned off.

[i dont know if he actually said boners but its what im goin with]

Eggman: I'm gonna fu- what the hell is going on.

Eggman: Who is THIS?

Eggman: [shocked eggman sounds]

Eggman: d... d....

Eggman: daddy?

Eggman: daddy is that you?

Gerald: It seems... that as all come today... that I... must... destroy you all...

Gerald: for leaking my son's nudes.

Gerald: I cannot believe that this has happened.

Gerald: It is time... for you all... to see...

Gerald: the last thing that you will ever see.

Gerald: As you are destroyed... and as you see my son's tetris dick...

Gerald: I will make sure... that every waking moment... until the very last...

Gerald: is the last thing that you will ever breathe.

Knuckles: Whoa! But I wanted the last thing I breathed to be pot!

Eggman: YOU DONE DID IT NOW.

Eggman: I'm so sick. My father's here-

Knuckles: I'm so sick of fuckin' your wife! She's a tired old hag!

Knuckles: Wait.

Knuckles: where am i

Sonic: Eggman... We can make amends-

Eggman: what the fuck, shut the fuck up. Shut the FUCK up. Everybody's fucked my wife!

Sonic: Yeah, but we can fix it, I promise. Just join us!
Eggman: NO. I'm divorcing her ass, I'm throwing your ass in the garbage, I'm throwing ALL your
asses in the garbage

Eggman: I'm taking your CDs and weed,

Rouge: I'm not really sure what this says, I... I can only read basic English.

[maria!]

Amy: I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO READ

[ark.]

[if you think im subtitling everything that they say during this youre sorely mistaken]

Eggman: She fuckin'- he fuckin'- she.. they fucked my wife! The animals fucked my wife!

Eggman: And then everybody fucking left because the fucking ship was gonna be destroyed.

Eggman: She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her
in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her.

Eggman: BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO BECOME A FURRY FUCKER
AND FUCKED THE WHOLE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND SHADOW TEAM

Eggman: WHICH DIDNT EVEN FUCKIN MATTER SINCE IT WENT INTO A NEW ARK AND
THEN SHE FUCKED t h e w o r l d
Eggman: THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET. BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT EVEN
PLEASED ENOUGH

Eggman: SO SHE HAD TO HO HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THHHHHHHOT THAT
YOUVE EVER SEEN

Eggman: THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED RIGHT NOW. I'M LOGGING OFF.

Rouge: You shouldn't talk about your wife that way.

Eggman: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. That bitch can fuck off, I divorced her ass three
hours ago.

Eggman: I'm so sick. My body's doing THINGS

Eggman: THAT thing. And you over there? Shut up.

Eggman: And YOU? Take off my pants. You wanna see some weird shit?

Tails: Eggman! You need to calm down.

Eggman: I AM- I'mmmmmm tired of bein calm all the god damn time!

Eggman: I wanna live my life! And you!

Eggman: You. YOU. YOU. I'M SO SICK OF YOU.

Rouge: It looks like we won, everybody.

Rouge: We... broke him. Finally.

Knuckles: Alright! Do we get to have a big furry orgy now?

Sonic: Okay, everybody... Let's stop talking about his dick, okay. It looks like all tetris pieces at
once.

Sonic: thumbs up!

Sonic: To make a long fuckin' story short,

Sonic: I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my ass.

Amy: doo do doo do doo

[big the cat]

Amy: What? I feel like there's a pervert here.

Amy: Nope! No-

[BIG THE CAT]

Amy: Wait. Iiiii knew it!

Amy: I'm the pervert! Hooray!

Amy: [relieved breathing] Okay.

Amy: Hey Shadow! Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?

Amy: Thinkin' 'bout peeing on the world... Thinkin' 'bout-

Shadow: More than anything that I've ever thought about in my entire life.

Shadow: Just imagine it. Warm liquids...

Amy: Well, I have a story for you! When I was a little girl, I used to wet the bed.

Amy: But that didn't mean it was my bed, 'cause I was a renter.

Amy: I started renting my first apartment when I was six years old 'cause I'm a self-sufficient
woman, and my mom kicked me out for being far too obnoxious.

Amy: And that's why I... am the TRUE owner of the world.

Amy: That's right. All of that you see before you? Everything the piss touches? That is your
kingdom.

Amy: And you, my son, shall go forth and inherit it.

Shadow: I made a promise to Maria... that I would pee on everything on Earth.

Shadow: wait. did i just cry

Amy: Whoa, no, hang on, that's not what I saw in the flashback.

Shadow: I don't give a shit. I'm gonna go pee now.

Ryan: you know what's funny about this?

All: what

Ryan: super sonic.

Penny: No.

Penny: Stop.

Ryan: [an absolute chortle]

Knuckles: Man, those balls sure are shakin'.

Sonic: Yeah. I've seen something like that before...

Sonic: but only... y'know... in certain circles.

Knuckles: furaffinity yeah i know i- Sonic: Hey Knuckles, I'm gonna go up and touch 'em.

Knuckles: Yeah me... me too.

Eggman: You shall revel in nothing but destruction.

Eggman: Shadow could've been a true beast- and NOW YOU SHALL DIE!

Ryan: That's actually the story.

[ALFRED]: is it?

Biolizard: I'M GOING TO VORE YOU IN MY MOUTH.

Shadow: No, listen, brother, I'm not int-

Biolizard: I ATE ALL THE FUNYUNS. COME HERE, BROTHER.

Shadow: No. They're my funyuns. Biolizard: THEY TASTE LIKE CHERRIES.

Shadow: Why do they taste like cherries, brother.

Biolizard: I DO HOPE YOU TASTE DELICIOUS, NOW COME INTO MY MAAAAAW.

Shadow: I'm going to grind on you. Biolizard: NOOOO.

Biolizard: MY BUTTON! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEUOOAAAAAOOOOOOOGHHH

Shadow: That's right.

Shadow: I'm going to take all those ropes you have... and I'm going to make sure there's some
knotting going on.

Biolizard: brother! i need you to stop trying to hit me! brother! you've reset my voice module
button! brother!

Biolizard: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Biolizard: i gave birth. Shadow: Well, time to use these bowels to get up there.

Biolizard: no, not my babies! aa-

Biolizard: [wookie noise]

Shadow: There's only one more baby for me to dispose of...

Knuckles: Oh my god, that was the hottest shit I've ever seen.

Sonic: Yeah, I know, it was crazy!

Knuckles: what is this

Sonic: It's a pad of some kind...

Knuckles: it looks like a butt

Shadow: Alright, Sonic. Let's touch dicks.

Sonic: Alright.

Sonic: As we know, my dick is on my hand.

Sonic: Oh my god, what are we DOING?

[dramatic gasps]

Shadow: Sonic, do you like getting peed on?

Sonic: Yes, I do!

Shadow: Do I have good news for you!

Sonic: Whoa, Shadow, you're dehydrated, buddy!

Shadow: A little bit.

Sonic: What have you been drinking?

[dead silence]

[split second of laughter]

Biolizard: I have a question for both of you.

Sonic: whats up
Biolizard: If I gave Shadow... fifteen apples...

Biolizard: and then Amy gives Shadow another [pained] sixteEEN...

Biolizard: and Tails took away three...

Biolizard: My question is...

Biolizard: what's the total mass of the sun?

Shadow: As Obama told me, it's THREE!

Biolizard: You figured it oouuuUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu u u u u ut

Sonic: Why does it sound like he's getting farther away.

Penny: This is stupid.

[general agreement]

Sonic: We have to do it together!

Shadow: Let's blow up the moon.

Sonic: Let's blow it up!

Shadow: Wait, hold on...

Sonic: Wait, that's no moon, that's a space station.

Shadow: Nice reference. I also love Star Trek.

Shadow: Well, good thing all of Sonic's friends were on that ship.

Shadow: bye

Sonic: seeya

Shadow: I'm dead for real I promise...

Sonic: Shadow didn't deserve to die for his piss.

Amy: Yeah he did. Sonic: But here we are...

Rouge: Are you sure about that?

Sonic: All of you are responsible...

Sonic: He was a good man, with a good heart... Take this ring in remembrance of him.
Rouge: im gonna eat it

Sonic: Please d- I mean you can eat it if you want, but I guarantee that that's... not gonna be...

Sonic: Partake of the ring.

Rouge: Thank you, Hedgehog Jesus.

Sonic: ...Hey, wait a minute.

Sonic: Doesn't that mean he's gonna come back to life at some point?

Eggman: Aw, that piss-lovin' son of a bitch, I'll miss him.

Eggman: Aw, Tails, hand me another drink.

Tails: I think you need... a therapist, and not a bottle.

Eggman: I think YOU need to shut your mouth with your three tails

Eggman: nine tailed fox naruto looking motherfucker

Eggman: weeeeEEEEEW gottem

Tails: god i wish that were me

Knuckles: Now that all this piss and scaly porn's goin' on, you wanna... I don't know...

Rouge: What? Knuckles: Get... get high, or somethin'...

Knuckles: Behind a Denny's- Rouge: Oh, fu- I thought you'd never ask!

Knuckles: Yeah... Fumie Kumatani, he knows what's up.

Eggman: Guys. Guys, guys, guys. I gotta... tell you something...

Knuckles: What? Sonic: Eggman... stop, okay.

Sonic: You've been broken ever since you spent three years in that building. Amy: Sonic. Sonic!

Amy: Sonic, can I-

Sonic: What?

Amy: Sonic. Can I jump on that-

Sonic: What?

Amy: Can I jump on that diiiiiiiiiii

Sonic: no

Amy: My shoes... my shoes in my reflection are opaque. bye Sonic: You can't, okay.
Sonic: okay

Sonic: I don't know what that means but that's fine. Alright, everybody, I'm gonna bounce.

Sonic: I'm gonna go to Chipotle, I'll see you all later!

Sonic: Uh, if-

Eggman: BRING ME BACK A BURRITO.

Sonic: Nope. If you want something, go get it yourself, buddy.

Eggman: SONIIIIiiiiic!

[The SnapCube endscreen transitions into frame, as "Chao Race (Extended Mix)" plays in the
background.]