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Peer Mark Review of Essay 3 draft 2

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SOPHIE DEN HARTOG'S PEERMARK REVIEW OF ALEJANDRA SANCHEZ'S PAPER

ASSIGNED QUESTIONS

1. Does the author make a claim (thesis statement) about the topic? What is the thesis statement? Is the thesis arguable? Is the thesis persuasive? Mark it in the essay.

I think your thesis is great and very straight forward. My opinion would be to say "Weightlifint IS safe when..." Instead of "In order". I think this change would make
your thesis more pursuasive and and argumentable.

2. Does the author present an argument for the topic? Is that argument persuasive to you as a reader? Offer revision suggestions so s/he can persuade his/her readers
of his/her viewpoint.

The auhtor does present an argument for the topic as is pursuasive. There are many citations to back up his claims.

3. Are the sources peer-reviewed? Mark them in the text. Tell the author if the sources are not peer-reviewed so they know to find other sources.

Yes, the sources are peer reviewed and look very solid.

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Where could the author use examples to demonstrate his/her point? Mark these in the text.

I think adding more detail in the conclusion would improve the essay. Maybe by adding what you would like to learn more about on this topic. or something like that
would be good.

5. Does the author have solid topic sentences that contain only one main point? Does the author maintain that focus throughout the paragraph? Give revision
suggestions to the author so that s/he can revise for cohesion.

The author does have a topic sentence for each paragraph which the author focuses on throughout the paragraph.

6. Does the author maintain objectivity during his/her essay? Does the author establish his/her ethos as an author? How can he/she be more reliable? Mark in the text
where the author tends to be subjective.

The author does maintain objectivity during his essay and does use many journal articles to back up their point.

7. How is the essay organized? Did the author organize the essay around the ideas as they connect to the thesis? Give revision suggestions to the author so that s/he
can revise for cohesion.

The essay is organized smoothly and in coherent with the thesis in the beginning. Each paragraph expands on what was stated in the beginning.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information is assumed to be known by the readers?

I think the information throughout the essay is well written. Even though I knew nothing about this topic, I understood all the terms the author was saying.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format? Identify where there might be formatting errors.

The essay appears to be in the correct MLA formatting. But half way through page 3 the spacing between lines increases for some reason.

10. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you
do not know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off.

I did not see any sentence structure issues but I would have someone better with grammar

11. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs and solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the
verbs and nouns.

The author does use strong word choices and does well and useing new descriptive words. The text is also straight forward and very understandable.

COMMENTS LIST

1. Thesis here

2. source

3. source

4. source

5. source

6. source

7. source

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8. source

9. maybe remove these words to make the sentence sound better

SUBMITTED FILE INFO

file name Essay_3_second_draft.docx

file size 23.87K

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4/26/22, 11:10 AM PeerMark Print View

"ESSAY 3 SECOND DRAFT" BY ALEJANDRA SANCHEZ

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4/26/22, 11:10 AM PeerMark Print View

ATHZIRI ORTEGA'S PEERMARK REVIEW OF ALEJANDRA SANCHEZ'S PAPER

ASSIGNED QUESTIONS

1. Does the author make a claim (thesis statement) about the topic? What is the thesis statement? Is the thesis arguable? Is the thesis persuasive? Mark it in the essay.

The author makes a thesis about how children can actually have some benefits and not just negative perceptions about it.

2. Does the author present an argument for the topic? Is that argument persuasive to you as a reader? Offer revision suggestions so s/he can persuade his/her readers
of his/her viewpoint.

I think that the argument is persuasive since it is a counterargument to what is mostly said about children weightlifting.

3. Are the sources peer-reviewed? Mark them in the text. Tell the author if the sources are not peer-reviewed so they know to find other sources.
The sources are peer-reviewed since that was a requirement for the assignment.

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Where could the author use examples to demonstrate his/her point? Mark these in the text.

I really think that the author used good detail and explanation to get her point across and get the reader to understand.

5. Does the author have solid topic sentences that contain only one main point? Does the author maintain that focus throughout the paragraph? Give revision
suggestions to the author so that s/he can revise for cohesion.
The author does have good topic sentences that explain what the paragraph will be about.

6. Does the author maintain objectivity during his/her essay? Does the author establish his/her ethos as an author? How can he/she be more reliable? Mark in the text
where the author tends to be subjective.

The author uses sources along with her own opinion and I think that makes her reliable.

7. How is the essay organized? Did the author organize the essay around the ideas as they connect to the thesis? Give revision suggestions to the author so that s/he
can revise for cohesion.

The author organized the essay that sometimes the paragraphs connect or sometimes goes to a different topic, but I was able to understand the essay so I think it's
okay.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information is assumed to be known by the readers?

I think that there is just enough information to really know what the essay is about.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format? Identify where there might be formatting errors.

The essay is in the correct MLA format and the works cited is also in the correct format.

10. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you
do not know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off.

I think the best option for the author is to run the essay by grammarly so then she will really know if there are any mistakes in the grammar.

11. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs and solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the
verbs and nouns.
The word choices are varied and so are the active verbs and descriptive nouns.

COMMENTS LIST
No comments added

SUBMITTED FILE INFO

file name Essay_3_second_draft.docx

file size 23.87K

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4/26/22, 11:10 AM PeerMark Print View

"ESSAY 3 SECOND DRAFT" BY ALEJANDRA SANCHEZ

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