LAWRENTIAN

The Student Newspaper of Lawrence University Since 1884

THE
VOL. CXLI NO. 20 Appleton, Wisconsin April 29, 2022

Changes to Community Advisor job delay hiring decisions

Joey Davis
Staff Writer
________________________
The job of Community
Advisor on campus has been
undergoing changes this year,
seeing a change in job descrip-
tion on April 15. The new posi-
tions were announced Tuesday,
April 26. This change in job de-
scription resulted in a delayed
CA selection process, which has
affected applicants.
The initial deadline to
apply to be a CA was Feb. 28.
From there, the selection pro-
cess was projected to only take
a few weeks. However, because
of the changing job descrip-
tion, the selection process was
delayed, and applicants have
been uncertain whether they
will get the job or not.
The new system will adopt
a hybrid approach, splitting the
current CA position into two
new roles. According to As-
sistant Director of Residential
Education Bonny Autumn Su-
cherman, the position will fo-
cus on first-year students while
the other will focus on return-
ing students.
The CAs with a first-year
focus will work exclusively with
first-year students. While there
is some overlap in responsibili-
ties, first-year CAs are expected
to work an average of 20 hours
a week, which is twice the ex-
pected average of current CAs
and the new returning-student
CAs. Sucherman gave the ex-
ample of “open-door hours” as
one of the new responsibilities
making up First-Year CAs’ in-
creased work hours.
The two-week training
period for CAs before school
starts will be better compen-
sated, up to $300 from $250
last year, a change that current
CAs requested at the beginning
of the school year. First-year
CAs will earn a $7,773 yearly
stipend, and Upper-year CAs
will earn $3,498, each divided
up into biweekly payments.
Chris Clarke, Dean of
Students, commented on the
changes. According to Clarke,
the changes were made with
the goal of bolstering the CA
program and better compen-
sating employed students for
their work. Clarke attributed
the delay to the numerous ad-
ministrative steps that had to
be taken before the decision
could be finalized.
“These changes hope to
improve the CA experience and
the impact that our ResEd staff
can have on the lives of our
residential community,” Clarke
said.
Sucherman added that
the changes also aim to better
foster distinct first-year com-
munities.
Sucherman ascribed the
delay to an unexpected op-
portunity to push through
planned changes to the CA po-
sition before the next school
year. According to Sucherman,
when the CA applications were
opened in January, the plan
was to finish the selection pro-
cess before Spring Break.
“We honestly didn’t think
that these changes were going
to come to fruition, which is
why we moved forward with
our process as is,” Sucherman
stated. “All of the sudden, very
far into that planned timeline,
we were hearing that we should
pause our process and that we
had the opportunity [to update
the CA position].”
According to Sucherman,
the impact to current appli-
cants was weighed against the
potential benefits to students
and the CA program overall.
One anonymous applicant
spoke on their experience of
the situation. While the stu-
dent liked the new arrange-
ment because it makes the CA
system fairer, the student was
frustrated by the delay and felt
they had been kept in the dark
about the situation.
As an international stu-
dent, the uncertainty about the
position has delayed their pro-
cess of booking plane tickets
See page 2

EARTH WEEK
IN PHOTOS
Lawrence’s environmental
organizations collaborated to
host a series of environmentally
themed events to celebrate Earth
Week from April 18-24. Some
key moments from the week are
highlighted here.

(TOP LEFT) Junior Matvei Mozhaev draws an aluminum can near

Memorial Hall for Chalk Fest, hosted by the LU Environmental Org.
Photo by Adam Fleischer.

(TOP RIGHT) Sophomore Matthew Pavlik makes smoothies with a

bike-powered blender for Earth Fest.
Photo by Adam Fleischer .

(BOTTOM LEFT) Sophomores Anders Hanhan and Bella Goland

and first-year Lillian Thompson perform at Earth Fest.
Photo by Adam Fleischer.

(BOTTOM RIGHT) President Laurie Carter signs the carbon

neutrality pledge
Photo by Adam Fleischer.

Sports Variety Features A&E Op-Ed

WEEK
THIS

Men’s Baseball: A List of Those We Don’t Local Government Winners of Concerto SAASHA Informed:
Vikings take final... Expect To Miss Feature: Vered Meltzer ‘04 Competition perform... Know your rights...
PAGE 3 PAGE 5 PAGE 7 PAGE 8 PAGE 10
2 NEWS April 29, 2022
THE LAWRENTIAN

Changes to Community...
continued from page 1
and has subsequently cost
them money as ticket prices in-
crease. They hope that more con-
sideration will be given to the
specific situation of international
students in the future, particularly
in communication about the spe-
cifics.
“I just hope in the future that
they’re aware that a lot of CAs
are international kids and […]
we need to know stuff way in ad-
vance.” said the applicant.
Another anonymous student
spoke on how the delay has im-
pacted them. The delay has caused
the student to second-guess if they Appleton District 2 Alderperson Vered Meltzer speaks at the rally. Students and community members show off various signs in support of trans rights.
Photo by Adam Fleischer. Photo by Adam Fleischer.
still wish to be a CA. The student
feels that the delay does not bode
well for how future issues will be Lawrence students and community members rally for
trans rights in response to anti-transgender legislation
handled while on the job. They
were also frustrated with how the
delay has left them unsure wheth-
er they need to find a roommate
for next year or not. Jacob Deck gender identity discrimination care to their minor children icans are decent people who Jean Warren.
Clarke lamented the unfortu- Staff Writer and gay conversion therapy would be investigated by the care about equality and social People from outside the
________________________
nate timing, altering of the selec- within city limits. state’s Department of Fam- justice, who want to live in a LGBTQ+ community also at-
In response to the pas- “But, at the same time, ily and Protective Services society that is free and healthy. tended the rally.
tion timeline and limited commu-
sage by state legislatures of we see a lot to be worried for potential child abuse, al- This is a culture war, and we “I came out here to
nication as details were finalized.
several anti-transgender bills about around the country right though this executive action are winning.” support my friends and
Still, he is hopeful that the changes
in recent weeks, the Lawrence now,” Meltzer said. was recently halted by a court Many students on Main people from the LGBTQ+ com-
will enable a more student-cen-
University Gender, Sexuality In addition to the Florida injunction. Hall Green who did not attend munity,” said junior Taeen Ji-
tered focus for employees and
and Diversity center in con- legislature’s recent passage of According to the United the rally as well as drivers trav- daan, an SDS member. “I feel
residents.
junction with Appleton SDS, the so-called ‘Don’t Say Gay’ States Public Broadcasting eling down College Avenue ex- like their voices aren’t being
hosted a Rally for Trans Lives bill, which bans the discussion Service, a raft of further anti- pressed their support. Urban heard and that me being there
on the steps of Memorial Cha- of homosexuality and gender gay legislation is sitting in was pleasantly surprised at shows that they matter.”
pel on Saturday, April 23. identity in K-3 classrooms, the legislative dockets around the the generally positive recep- Event organizer Jonnie
Appleton City Council legislatures of Iowa, Oklaho- country, and many more states tion to the event, saying that Urban reflected on the event.
Member Vered Meltzer from ma, Arizona, Indiana and Utah still have anti-gay laws sitting participants at previous such “I feel like just talking
District Two, the first openly recently passed bills banning unenforced on their books dat- events have been subject to about the bills and regurgitat-
transgender person elected to transgender athletes in K-12 ing back to the 1980s AIDS harassment. Other attendees ing information about them
office in the state of Wisconsin, and college sports from com- panic or earlier. described similar past experi- isn’t really as productive as
spoke to attendees. He praised peting on teams that match Meltzer remained hope- ences. hearing stories from trans
the concrete actions the city their gender identity. ful that this wave of legislation “I came out here because people,” said Urban. “I feel like
of Appleton has taken to pro- The governor of Texas, would not discourage advo- I have seen and faced that [an- that’s a bit more humanizing.”
tect LGBTQ+ people since his Greg Abbot, also announced in cates pushing for trans rights. ti-trans harassment in Apple-
election to the City Council in February that parents provid- “We will win,” he de- ton],” said Appleton resident
2014, including bans on both ing gender-affirming health- clared. “The majority of Amer- and rally participant Adria

COLORES to host drag show and pride prom

Nathan Wall
News Editor
_______________________
COLORES will host a drag
show in the Esch Hurvis Room
of the Warch Campus Center
on Friday, April 29. Starting at
6 p.m., food will be available in
the Diversity and Intercultural
Center (D&IC), and the show
will start at 8 p.m. Pride Prom
will be hosted the following
night, also in the Esch Hurvis
Room, with food served in the
D&IC at 6 p.m. and the event
starting at 8 p.m.
According to senior Justin
Sankey, the former treasurer of
COLORES, who remains semi-
active in the organization, the
drag performers include Melee
the Queen, Amethyst Von Trol-
lenberg and Anya Knees Thun-
derkat. The hosts will be Glu-
tonni Sinn and Easton Boyd.
Although the event is mainly
for queer students, allies are
welcome, but hateful speech
from any student will result in
being removed from the event,
said Sankey.
According to Sankey, the
drag show began as an idea to
uplift Black and brown queer
people. Sankey added that
COLORES booked drag per-
formers with a variety of differ-
ent body types.
“We also wanted this
show to be very body-positive
and have queens of all shapes
and sizes,” said Sankey. place I’ve ever been that I can
First-year Celia Carillo, PR
Representative and Secretary
for COLORES, is looking for-
ward to being a part of Pride
Prom. Carrillo expressed ex-
citement about having a space
for LGBTQ+ people to exist to-
gether in an affirming space.
“Lawrence is the first
fully express myself as a queer
person,” said Carrillo. “We
need a night to let loose, have
fun, love one another and love
being queer.”
April 29, 2022
Sean McLaughlin
Sports Editor
______________________________
Relegation is simply a part of
professional soccer. In every nation
outside of the United States, where
the professional game is modeled af-
ter American football and baseball,
relegation occurs at the end of the
season as teams who finish at the
bottom of every division dropping
down to the division below, while
the top are able to ascend up a step
of the football pyramid. “Yo-yo clubs”
as they are known, are common in
many countries. In the English game,
Fulham and Norwich have developed
their reputations as in-betweeners,
not good enough to stay in the top
flight while also being far too good for
the second tier.
In Italy, Benevento have been
up and down multiple times in recent
years. Germany has seen Hannover
96 undergo a similar case, always to-
ward the top of the 2. Bundesliga, but
going straight back down upon pro-
motion. But for every side that is ex-
pected to go down, or at least to battle
the drop, there exists another who is
seemingly safe before the season even
begins. Fans of these teams are disap-
pointed when a season ends without a
trophy; they never even consider life
as a second-tier supporter. And yet
that is exactly the position Everton
supporters find themselves in.
Everton are regarded as one of
Men’s Baseball: Vikings take final with dominating start over Monmouth
Gannon Flynn
Staff Writer
_____________________________
To finish out the Midwestern
Conference series finale, the Vikings
baseball team pulled out an incred-
ible offensive outing against Mon-
mouth College, putting up four runs
before the Scots could answer. For
the first three innings, Lawrence and
Monmouth were stuck in a scoreless
stalemate. While the Vikings had a
Antionio Gonzalez
Staff Writer
______________________________
On May 7, two champions will
put their belts on the line against top
contenders in a main event filled with
other world class fighters and legends
of MMA. Taking place in Phoenix,
Arizona, UFC 274 will see women’s
strawweight champion Rose Namaju-
nas and men’s lightweight champion,
Charles Oliveira try to keep their gold
against some of their toughest oppo-
nents to date. Alongside the two main
events are legend packed fights as we
see long time UFC veterans Donald
Cerrone, Tony Ferguson and “Sho-
gun” Rua go to war. This card will be
stacked with fan favorites and likely
some of the most exciting fights of the
year.
Covering only the last three
fights of the night, we start off with
the lightweight bout between the leg-
end and former interim champion,
Tony “El Cucuy” Ferguson, and the
former Bellator lightweight cham-
pion turned UFC title contender,
Michael Chandler. Since entering
title contention at the start of 2020,
Tony Ferguson has found himself
on a three-fight losing streak against
the elite in the lightweight division,
suffering losses to Justin Gaethje,
Charles Oliveira and Beneil Dariush.
The curious case of Everton
the biggest clubs in England. They
haven’t played outside of England’s
top division since 1955, a run of 67
years. They have been a top-half
side in the Premier League since
well before I began watching Pre-
mier League games, and for much of
that time, they were in the hunt for
Champions League football via a top
four finish. But results have begun to
slip in recent years, as the club last
finished in the top six, much less top
four, in 2013-14. They slipped to 11th
in the next two seasons, before climb-
ing back to seventh in 2016-17, but
that’s as good as it has gotten. Two
eighth place finishes, a 10th place fin-
ish in mid-table and now a relegation
scrap that sees the Toffees, as they
are affectionately known by fans, sit-
ting in 18th place. The bottom three
teams (18th-20th places) are relegat-
ed to the Championship, the English
second tier, at the end of the season.
All year, the narrative has been that
Everton will surely stay up, this is just
a poor season, and they’ll have plenty
of quality to avoid the drop. But with
two points between them and Burn-
ley in 17th with just six games to play,
things are looking bleak. So what has
gone wrong?
The issues have been building
at Everton for quite some time now.
Looking first at this current season,
there are a host of factors that have
played into Everton’s potential de-
mise. The elephant in the room is the
few strikeouts, sophomore pitcher
Quinn Berglin was able to stave off a
Monmouth lead by throwing some of
his own.
The Vikings were the first to cap-
italize in the fourth inning – sopho-
more Zach Leslie scored a double at
the top of the inning, and was able
to pick up a run off of his teammates’
groundouts on the following plays.
Lawrence would not put up points on
the board, as the Scots and the Vikings
traded strikeouts on the fifth inning.
UFC 274: Card to watch
The losses are nothing to scoff at as
all those fighters sit within the top
five of the division. With those losses
though, the topic of Ferguson never
returning to form and his possible
retirement come to mind. With that
said, this fight determines the mo-
mentum for any chance of returning
to title contention as Ferguson is now
38 years old and a bit past the time-
when he was one of the most feared
fighters on the planet. His opponent
Michael Chandler finds himself on
the same path. Chandler has lost his
last two fights to Justin Gaethje and
Charles Oliveira after a stunning UFC
debut back in 2021. Unfortunately,
Chandler spent his prime years hav-
ing absolute wars in the Bellator as
the three-time lightweight champion
there. I do highly recommend watch-
ing his Bellator highlights. Although
his defeats came from the current
champion and top contender, mo-
mentum and age would play a big fac-
tor for his hopes of a title shot. For
both fighters, age, damage sustained
over their careers, and future title
contention make this fight an urgent
one for either to win. This should
be a great fight to watch as both are
known for their durability and ability
to never have a boring fight. The win-
ner of this fight would likely be one
to two more fights away from a title
SPORTS
THE LAWRENTIAN
appointment of poor managers. They
began the season with Rafa Benitez
as the new hire, which on the surface
is quite a good move. After all, Rafa
has extensive European experience,
having managed multiple Champions
League and Europa League-winning
sides, as well as big sides like Real
Madrid, Napoli and Inter Milan. He
had also previously managed in the
Premier League with Newcastle and
Chelsea, and–infamously–Liverpool.
This normally wouldn’t be an issue,
except that Liverpool and Everton are
bitter rivals.
Benitez may have been a world-
class manager, Toffees fans were not
very welcoming to Benitez after his
seven-year stint in charge of the club
they hate most. It also didn’t help
that Benitez had previously publicly
called Everton a “small club” while
leading the reds. So when results be-
gan to turn sour over the winter peri-
od, including an eight-match winless
run, the fans turned on him. Benitez
was replaced with Frank Lampard,
but with little experience to build on,
much less in relegation battles, he
has been useless. Systemically, the
issues stretch back much further at
Everton. Put simply, the club doesn’t
have a unified vision of who they are
as a club anymore. Between 2007 and
2013, the club never finished below
eighth place because there was a uni-
fied idea behind the way the club con-
ducted business. Everton were never
In the top of the sixth, however, Law-
rence would find an offensive outlet
once again in the efforts of first-year
outfielder Parker Knoll. Knoll man-
aged a single to get out onto the field,
and was able to move to second base,
using the timing of an error by Scot
pitcher Jeff Garrett. He was then able
to steal third from underneath Mon-
mouth, and took the run back home n
a single from Leslie.
The seventh inning stole what-
ever chance Monmouth had of a
shot.
The co-main event is a historic
one for the strawweight division as
the two fighters faced off before for
the inaugural strawweight belt back
in 2014. Carla Esparza bested Rose
Namajunas at the end of the Ulti-
mate Fighter and became the first
ever strawweight champion in the
UFC. Esparza would lose the belt
a year later and Namajunas would
later find herself as the champion
in 2017. Namajunas would also lose
her belt, this time in 2019, but would
reclaim it in 2021 after a swift vic-
tory against Weili Zhang. Now the
Ultimate Fighter rematch is set to
take place with Namajunas, the cur-
rent champion, defending her belt
against the first champion. Esparza
has found herself on a five-fight win
streak after going 8-3 since losing her
belt, climbing her way to the #2 con-
tender spot just behind Weili Zhang.
The current champ has now defended
her belt once against Weili Zhang in
their immediate rematch fight at the
end of 2022 and now seeks to avenge
her loss in a fight that has been eight
years in the making. Both are ever
confident in their abilities to claim
gold by the end of the fight, and given
the recent form of both fighters, they
are right to think so. It will be tough
for both fighters, but given Namaju-
a rich club, and so had to buy smartly
in the transfer market, and get the
most out of players with limitations.
They were almost a workman-like top
side, built around unfancied talents
that gelled together to serve the club’s
iconic manager, David Moyes.
Moyes built his teams around
players like Leon Osman, Leigh-
ton Baines, Steven Pienaar and Tim
Howard. These players would not
have gotten a sniff at a team like
Manchester United or Chelsea, but
when put into Moyes’ hard-working
system, focused on winning the ball
high up the pitch, staying compact
defensively and shuffling the ball
wide to create chances from crosses,
it worked-very well, actually. The is-
sue arose after Moyes left. The mo-
mentum carried into 2013-14 after
Roberto Martinez took over, but by
2014-15 the momentum had run out.
Martinez had tried to put in place a
more expansive system that did not
cater to the squad at hand. Some
players like Ross Barkley and Gerard
Deulofeu thrived, which carried the
team through the previous high of
2013-14. But when their form dipped
in 2014-15 and beyond, the team suf-
fered. When Martinez left in 2016,
the squad was divided between older,
hard-working talents from the Moyes
era and expansive players from Mar-
tinez’s tenure. The result was a loss of
identity, which they never got back.
comeback; after a one-out walk from
senior Spenser Ross, Knoll returned
with a massive triple that scored two
runs on one play. With the lead now 4-
0, Monmouth attempted a comeback
that was nearly successful. Justin Bost
of Monmouth was able to score off his
own single and walks from teammates
Raul Guillermo and Jack Kuethe.
Keuthe was able to score alongside
Bost, and Guillermo advanced quickly
on a wild pitch. Despite the massive
seventh inning, the Scots were unable
nas has been fighting the elite of the
division for a long time, it will be hard
for Esparza to compare after not hav-
ing faced the same level of competi-
tion that the champion has. Namaju-
nas in two.
The main event of the evening
is between two entertaining and
most elite level lightweights, Charles
Oliveira and Justin Gaethje. Oliveira,
after defending his belt for the first
time against Dustin Poirier last De-
cember, has been a dominant force
as champion. Taking out Michael
Chandler to earn his belt and sub-
mitting Poirier in his first defense
has proved Oliveira has the means
to hang with the top contenders and
finish his fights. Boasting the record
for most submission wins in UFC his-
tory (14) along with the most finishes
overall (18), Oliveira is a danger on
the ground with his elite jiu jitsu and
on the feet with his technical striking
and long reach. Being on a 10-fight
winning streak, with only his fight
against Tony Ferguson going to de-
cision, Oliveira has proven himself
to be king of the lightweight division
thus far, and a victory over Gaethje
would greatly cement his status as
one of the best lightweights of all
time. But Justin Gaethje is no slouch
and never has been. The “Highlight”
Gaethje is one of the most violent
3
Billionaire Farhad Moshiri
bought the club in 2016 and imme-
diately set about solving the issues in
the squad in all the wrong ways. Not
a football man, he attempted to just
buy success by buying talent. In came
big money names that weren’t nec-
essary, like Gylfi Sigurdsson for £44
million, Alex Iwobi for £28 million
and Yannick Bolasie for £26 million,
among others. All were overpriced
as clubs took advantage of Everton’s
newfound riches, while the squad
cohesion got worse. By 2017-18, the
squad was incredibly bloated. Ever-
ton had four high-profile attacking
midfielders in the form of Sigurdsson,
Davy Klaasen, Tom Davies, and Niko-
la Vlasic, all of whom underwhelmed
while eating up massive amounts of
money in wages. The same could be
said about the front line, as Wayne
Rooney, Cenk Tosun, Oumar Niasse
and Dominic Calvert-Lewin scored a
measly 28 goals between them in the
Premier League, despite making a to-
tal of 98 appearances.
This season also saw the for-
ward-thinking Ronald Koeman re-
placed by Sam Allardyce, notorious
for his cagey style and stifling of
creative nature in his players. Thus
the squad, bloated in attacking tal-
ent, was now being run by the worst
possible coach for the job. Returning
to the current state of Everton, their
relegation battle is perhaps not as
See page 11
to pull out a comeback, and the game
ended 4-3, with Lawrence winning the
series finale in the conference. The Vi-
kings are now 18-19 overall and 13-4
in the Midwestern conference, where
Monmouth falls to 12-18 and 6-1, re-
spectively. This coming weekend,
the Vikings will look to bolster their
strong conference lead to 14-4, where
they will travel to Beloit college and
challenge the Buccaneers at home.
fighters among violent fighters. With
never a shred of effort left behind,
Gaethje is one o fthe most entertain-
ing and hardest hitting strikers in the
UFC. Having suffered his only defeat
in four years to the former champion
Khabib Nurmagomedov, Gaethje
has only improved upon rocky en-
trance into the UFC when he suffered
back-to-back losses against former
champions Eddie Alvarez and Dustin
Poirier. Gaethje’s last two wins saw
him give Tony Ferguson his first ever
knockout loss in Ferguson’s 11-year
UFC career and turn Michael Chan-
dler into a walking zombie in the fight
of the year for 2021. Gaethje’s high
level D1 wrestling background makes
him a nightmare on the ground as
he cannot easily be held down. Even
with a great wrestling background,
Gaethje has always been one to stand
and bang with his opponents. His
striking speaks for itself with his dev-
astating leg kicks and thunderous
hands earning him 19 knockouts in
23 victories across his MMA career.
The two fighters are finishers first and
foremost and I truly doubt this fight
will see the end of the fifth round.
This fight will be anything but boring
come May 7 and I for one cannot wait
to see who will come out on top.
4 VARIETY April 29, 2022
THE LAWRENTIAN

The Cows Have Eyes Goosepimples

By Jeff Mason
Lawrence University Creative Writing Club Spring Serial Story: Part 3
Everyone in Potterfield knows
everyone in Potterfield. You can
hardly take a breath without think-
ing about which of your neighbors
inhaled that oxygen already. There’s
comfort in that for some people, I
guess. Not for me, though. I begged
my mom and dad to move away
from here in middle school — I’d
just read this great book called
“The CIA Document of Human
Manipulation,” so I guess you could
say I was in need of an outlet.
But then I came back. I don’t
know. Being an EMT flips the world
on its head. I just thought it would
be worth it to see Potterfield in a
different light.
Thursday was slow, as most
days at the clinic are. It’s this old,
wooden place that might as well be
a saloon — even the desk downstairs
where they check patients in looks
like a bar. Old Martha had nothing
to do at the mortuary, so she came
over. She skipped up the stairs to
the second floor. She must be at
least 60 but she always dances up
the stairs with a grin on her face.
Then she turned a chair around and
sat bent over the back. We played
cards for a while. Her elbows kept
slipping off the back of the chair,
and she dropped about a dozen
cards. Lately, I’ve noticed that her
left arm keeps tensing up. She
always plays it off like something
startled her.
She asked me how the job was
treating me. I told her about this
one story I wouldn’t tell anyone but
her: A month ago, Mr. Bellarose fell
down a flight of stairs and broke his
foot, and the family insisted that
a bodyguard I’d never seen before
ride in the ambulance with me. The
bodyguard had something off about
his eyes. He told me to take special
care of Mr. Bellarose and not get too
days. Food poisoning,” he blub-
bered. When he wiped his tears
away, he got ketchup in his eyes.
He screamed, “Ah! I’ve poisoned
myself! They’re gonna get me!”
“Calm down,” I told him. “No
one is out to get you. Now tell me
what—”
I stopped short as I noticed
several other members of the crowd
I didn’t recognize. Tough guys, try-
ing to blend into a town where
everyone knew each other. I handed
the cook some napkins and went
inside the bathroom.
I didn’t immediately remember
the name of the man Pete found in
the stall, but a few minutes later I
realized it was Henry Elliot. He was
a businessman who’d been staying
at the Bellarose house — rumors
were circulating that he and Celia
Bellarose were having an affair.
The body was certainly dead, but it
wasn’t even pale and it didn’t look
like there was a scratch on him.
The smell was god-awful, but not
because the body had decomposed.
I agreed with the fry cook — food
poisoning must’ve been involved.
“Let’s get him back to the mor-
tuary,” Pete said. “Autopsies aren’t
exactly like riding a bicycle, and
Martha could use some work.”
My old middle school social
studies teacher was outside of the
bathroom and kept giving us a hard
time. Since I’d left, he’d apparent-
ly had a mental breakdown. Mr.
Marlin was now Detective Marlin,
apparently. He wouldn’t let me or
Pete leave the scene until I dragged
him off to the side and told him
the council had to pass an eviction
notice or something like that. “The
body has to stay in there a few
more days,” I lied, while Pete load-
ed the stretcher. I panicked when
Mr. Marlin asked about the covered
Song of the Week: "Days by
The Drums"
Day 3: Saturday 4/16,
11:42am
I got here two days ago, and
it’s been kind of a blur. Yesterday
went by so fast. I’m super sick and
I’ve been just lying around basi-
cally watching TV all day, which
is restful and I guess what you’re
supposed to do when you're sick,
but it doesn’t feel very good. I
feel like I need to be making art
or writing, or watching a really
good movie, or calling my friends
and having facetime/zoom par-
ties. Why do I feel like I have to
do that? I have this deadly dis-
ease and I can’t even walk outside
without infecting and possibly
killing people, and it’s super shitty
and I feel physically and mentally
terrible all the time, and I can’t
feel satisfied just taking care of
my body.
And I worked so hard, and I
killed myself, and you broke my
bones, and I sold my soul.
I feel bad that I’m not work-
ing out because it feels like I’m
not being healthy or taking care
of my body. Why, though? Why
is resting while you’re sick not
taking care of your body? Would
trying to do pushups every morn-
ing between blowing my nose and
hacking up loogies really be any
healthier than just lying in bed?
It’d honestly probably just make
me nauseous and dehydrated. I
could be walking up and down
the room to get my legs moving,
get my steps in. I feel like I’m
not getting enough steps in. Does
walking 20 feet from the door to
the window over and over again
count? I get up from the couch
and walk to the bed and lie there
for a while before walking back. I
do that maybe 3 or 4 times a day.
And to the bathroom, that’s easy
By Madeleine Corum
too. If I walked much more than
that though I’d probably get light
headed and start breathing heav-
ily, which would just make me
cough more.
I’m also not doing home-
work. But what homework do I
even have that I need to do? One
of my professors said if I don’t do
any of the assignments I won’t get
points off. And when I stare at an
assignment or a reading and do
try to work I get tired and frus-
trated and dizzy and confused. It
would not be helpful, or produc-
tive to try to slog my way through
that all weekend. I wouldn’t fin-
ish, and I also wouldn’t retain
probably any of it.
We were just wasting time,
we were just wasting time. And
now days go by.
Since I have all this free time
because I’m not working, I feel
like I should be creative. Write
a song, make a cool quarantine
short film, write a book, or a cool
short story about someone going
crazy in a locked hotel room. Or
just color and draw on the back
of my paper delivery bags. I feel
like I’m wasting time not being
creative and making something
out of my experience. How fucked
up is it that I have this deadly
virus that has killed millions of
people and I’m coughing and con-
gested and feverish and still first
and foremost thinking about my
self-worth in terms of my ability
to make something to prove that
my time was spent efficiently and
productively?
Mmm.
I just feel like after all that’s
happened, something good has to
come out of this. It can’t just be
seven days alone in a hotel room
that go by in the blink of an eye.
But maybe that is all it has to
be, all it can be.
Even now, typing this, I’m
thinking about how I’m going
to turn this into the Lawrentian
and it’s going to be a super cool
diary journal thing of my life with
Covid-19 in quarantine. But at the
end of each day, all I can really
do is sit and lie down and eat and
sleep. Maybe nothing good has to
come out of this. Maybe my body
healing and recovering is the only
good thing that can come out of
this.
I don’t know about you, but
I’ve been taught my whole life
that the only thing that makes me
worthy of living, of existing, is the
work that I do, what I put into
the world, what I can produce.
Be that an art project, or home-
work for a class, or even a better,
more sculpted and aesthetically
pleasing body. Are these really the
things that I want?
What do I really want?
Right now, in this moment,
I just want to not have to think
about how I can’t breathe through
my goddamn nose and to just pass
the time until my alarm goes off
so I can take more cough syrup. I
just want to sit on my ass and for
it to be Tuesday already so I can
stop being sick and go home and
see my friends again.
—
And now days go by, and I
never needed you.
Aside from my fever, I didn’t
get chills while I was in quar-
antine. I just got sick, a little
depressed, and bored out of my
mind. Eleven days, a box of tis-
sues, two bottles of cough syrup,
and three positive tests later, here
I am, finally back home in my
dorm, and getting ready to go
back to in person class tomorrow.
After all of that, just being home is
a good enough thing.

Edgar & Poe

nosy. All that week, I swore there
was a car following me.
Martha said it was nothing.
“The town gets claustrophobic for
everyone,” she told me.
Just then, my pager buzzed.
Downstairs, a yell. “Enough
of the cards, Derek!” said Pete
Hubbleman, the paramedic I run
with. “We’ve got work!”
We were called out to Lonny
Cranston’s farm, where a few of his
cows were sick with something. A
veterinarian from a few towns over
was there, too. He told me it wasn’t
mad cow disease, or BSE as he
called it. But that wasn’t the reason
we were called out. Turns out, one
of the sick cows was giving birth,
and since it wasn’t BSE they didn’t
want to put down the cows, so the
veterinarian needed help delivering
this thing. Farmer Cranston said he
didn’t even know the cow was preg-
nant. We spent a good hour helping
it give birth to a stillborn calf.
But trouble in Potterfield
always comes in twos. Not more
than a few minutes after the calv-
ing, me and Pete were called out
to the diner. It was early afternoon
when we got there. A small crowd
had gathered inside, with one fry
cook standing towards the front.
He looked almost catatonic. Pete
went into the restroom, the scene of
the crime, while I talked to the fry
cook, whom I’d gone to elementary
school with. I couldn’t remember
his name.
“What happened?” I asked
him.
“He’s been in there a few
stretcher being wheeled out — I
told him it was a “red herring.” He
looked at me like he’d just had an
epiphany and ran off.
I drove the ambulance back. By
this time, it was dark. I noticed along
the way that there was a black car
tailgating me, right on my bumper,
By Isabella Thompson
which really threw me off. Driving
an ambulance is pretty stressful,
believe it or not. So I was a bit pre-
occupied already when Pete told
me, “This guy’s got lipstick all over
his neck! Guess those rumors about
him and Ms. Bellarose were true,
huh?” But all I could think of was
one month ago, inside the ambu-
lance, lipstick on Mr. Bellarose’s
lips that I hadn’t told anyone about,
the awful glare from the man rid-
ing in the ambulance with me, like
threatening death, as he wiped the
lipstick off Mr. Bellarose’s lips. I
remembered the strange man’s eyes
clearly — deep brown into black,
with the biggest pupils you ever
saw, barely any space for fleshy-
pink whites.
All the sudden this animal ran
out onto the road. It looked kinda
like a dog, but skinny and clumsy,
like it barely knew how to walk.
It was soaking wet, too, slimy and
rabid-looking. I didn’t have time to
hit the brakes and swerved instead.
The car behind me swerved, too,
drove off the road, disappearing
into one of Farmer Cranston’s fields
of corn. I drove faster, knowing we’d
be called back out for an injured
driver as soon as we’d dropped off
the body, but we never got a call.
April 29, 2022
Weekly Crossword
By Kelly Foy
Answers to last
week’s crossword:
1. bottle 5. currency
2. ring 6. apple
3. bowtie 7. potsticker
4. smelly 8. dots
Bad Lawrence
Poetry #2
By Kelly Foy
Honk Honk Honk
The geese are here
For spring.
Or was the
Honk Honk Honk
From College Avenue?
A symphony of horns, a
Charcuterie of radios.
Plantz Hall,
a dartboard for
Whatever the next toyota throws.
The bullseye is the screaming on
the weekends.
I think.
I’ll live in Plantz next year.
Your housing number is one.
One million and twenty five.
I heard laughing from number
seven,
As they heard my number
A List of Those We
Don’t Expect to Miss
By Mikayla Henry
While I normally critique
and discuss the writings of others
in my column, “The Book Club”
in our Arts and Entertainment
section, I have decided to start
publishing some of my own work
as part of The Lawrentian as well.
In this column, I will be posting
some of my poetry each week and
explaining the background sur-
rounding them, whether it be the
process I used to create them or
what inspired me to write them to
begin with. I don’t normally share
my poems with others, so this is a
rather big step for me.
This first poem focuses on
those in our lives we meet for a
brief period, whether it be for a
few fleeting moments each week
or for a few months, and how
it can feel to lose them despite
never truly knowing them. When
I was thinking of people I would
eventually miss once I graduated,
a lot of the people that came
to mind were classmates who
weren’t quite friends, and I real-
ized they most likely wouldn’t
think about me years down the
road. This got me thinking about
all of the people we see from
day to day, whether it be the
classmate who always sits in the
desk next to you or the restau-
rant worker who has been taking
your order for years. This poem is
dedicated to all of those we don’t
expect to miss one day.
There was the boy who sat next
to you in poetry
“I thought seniors got better
numbers”
Ha Ha
No singles.
Didn’t you hear? Oh, poor guy.
Is there a Plantz hall back home?
No.
Where else is there such ambi-
ence?
Such light.
More light?
No hot plates or candles in dorm
rooms.
Say no warmth, light is alright.
The light in Main Hall is
The light in Warch is
The light in Hiett is
It’s warm.
These lights are warm.
These places are home.
No hot plates. No candles.
No home?
I’ll drive home.
Past Lawe street.
Honk Honk Honk.
class, picking his nails with the
same precision he put into
his
word choice. He would praise
your diction whenever you
crafted a simile
but then leave class without
looking back. There was also
the weathered café employee
who got to know your order
by heart – her voice, which
called
for an iced chocolate chai, with a
hint of almond and a shot of
espresso
still calls you to a time you can-
not return to. Today you
still hesitate
to crack your knuckles, in fear
that your harsh childhood
piano tutor will scold you
and make you repeat the C Major
scale, the hammer making
the strings vibrate
under your fingertips. There
were coworkers you spent
days
with, cracking jokes and perfect-
ing customer service perso-
nas – who suddenly didn’t
show
for their next shift, and a new
face came to replace them to
pack the paper grocery bags
at the end of your lane. The list
of people you don’t expect
to miss
grows longer each day – like now
you recall the boy in the
blue jacket with the zipper
wide open,
who ran past you, coffee in hand,
most Tuesdays on your way
to poetry class.
VARIETY
THE LAWRENTIAN
The Real Reason UNO Wasn’t On the First-Year Studies
Syllabus
Each year, the works featured
on the First-Year Studies syllabus
are announced, and each year these
works are scrutinized to no end —
except for Plato’s Republic, which
keeps alive Lawrence’s century-
long tradition of pain and suf-
fering. Every other work, how-
ever, goes through rigorous debate
before it is added to the curriculum.
But Lawrentians may be surprised
to hear that a short list of syllabus
candidates go through trial runs.
Every spring term, a select mgroup
of first-year students take a univer-
sity course to participate in class
discussions of the proposed First-
Year Studies works. These students
are also required to sign a non-
disclosur agreement.
Many works have been pro-
posed, but over the last ten years,
the popular card game of UNO™
has gained the most traction.
But students caught up in this
strategic masterpiece’s grassroots
movement may be disappointed to
hear it has been banned from future
considerations. While all decisions
about the curriculum are made
behind closed doors, a recent leak
has revealed classified audio files
to the Lawrentian. These leaked
documents show the case study
responsible for Lawrence’s decision
to ban UNO from the First-Year
Studies curriculum. Names have
been removed for privacy. Reader
discretion is advised:
PROF: Before we get started,
I want to make sure everyone has
the correct copy that I’ve put on the
syllabus. Is there anyone who does
not have the UNO Classic Edition?
Not Retro Edition, not UNO Flip!
or UNO Attack! Alright, as long as
everyone has the correct transla-
tion, let’s start with the footnotes.
There are additional rules that have
been added to the traditional game
over time. Did you guys look at the
additional rules?
PEER 1: I was a bit confused
about the “challenge” rule?
PROF: Let’s clarify. Does
someone want to explain that? Why
can’t the next player always just
Hungry Creatures 3
By Mara Logan
By Jeff Mason
The following is a work of satire.
draw 4?
Class remains silent.
PROF: What does the “cumu-
lative” rule say?
PEER 2: It says that if you get
a +4 card, but you have a +4 card
in your hand, you can play that and
give the total to the next player.
PROF: This is a power struggle.
We don’t want that extra burden of
drawing +4. When we try to divert
our own problems, sometimes it
works, but sometimes it blows up in
our faces. Time and time again, we
will see Mattel™ daring us to take
risks. We have to ask ourselves, is
it worth taking risks to reach salva-
tion? Yes, question?
PEER 3: Will our own person-
al games for the homework count
towards our final grade?
PROF: C’mon, let’s be serious
here. Let’s move onto the hand size.
Seven cards seems like a pretty
small hand size compared to the
number of cards we will likely end
up drawing. Show of hands: how
many of you during the homework
at some point had a hand size of
over 20? Over 30? Okay, a few.
Good. Question?
PEER 1: In my game, we got
pretty close to drawing the whole
deck. Is it worthwhile to use a sec-
ond deck?
PROF: Absolutely. There’s
an excellent memoir by famous
online UNO player SoftBelch37
in which he describes growing up
playing with two decks. He and
his brother would each play with
two hands, which meant they had
to draw cards from the deck with
their mouths. He describes tasting
the sweat on the cards, knowing
what he had drawn before he saw
it just based on the texture. That’s
also why I wanted us to start with a
physical deck.
The class takes notes vigor-
ously.
PEER 1: I also didn’t quite get
why we weren’t using the online
version. Wouldn’t it be easier to
remember the rules and hold all the
cards if we used the online version?
PROF: The online version is
5
good, but studies have shown that
people who play UNO with physi-
cal cards are far more likely to
understand the deeper meanings
of the game and have a retention
rate almost double that of people
who use the online game. It’s a little
more paper waste, but the trees
who died to make this deck for you
died proud.
PEER 3: Why not just use the
classic rules? It’s a lot easier to win
when there aren’t all these other
rules that you have to follow that
make you draw more cards.
PROF: You’re missing the
point. What is a win in UNO worth
if you only follow the easier rules?
The point of the game isn’t to win
— it’s to hold the weight of your
failures in your hand and to discard
them, one my one. It’s about over-
coming despite the weight of loss.
PEER 3: The point of any game
is to win. That’s literally the whole
point of a game.
PROF: What does the word
“game” really mean? Define it.
PEER 3: A task where you win
or you lose.
PROF: Oh, so if I just — let me
see your deck for a moment? Oh,
you didn’t bring it to class? That’s
convenient. Who came to class pre-
pared today? Great, thank you. If
this is all just a simple game to
you, how about I give you a game?
Let’s not play UNO. No, let’s play
108 card pickup, how about that?
[The professor opens up the deck of
cards and spills them on PEER 3’s
desk.] Go on, pick them up.
PEER 3 asks PEER 2 if he
can borrow her UNO deck. He
reaches into the deck and reveals a
“Reverse” card, then hands it to the
professor. PEER 3 starts to talk but
is interrupted. Sounds of a scuffle
and an UNO Attack! machine fir-
ing can be heard over the next
three minutes of audio. Then the
recording stops.
Lawrence administration has
yet to release an official statement
on why UNO has been banned from
the First-Year Studies curriculum.
6 FEATURES April 29, 2022
THE LAWRENTIAN

Historical Photo Feature: Snapshots of

Lawrence’s changing landscape

The concert hall (circa 1910-1940) and front entrance (circa 1910-1959) of Peabody Hall of Music, which used
to stand where the Appleton YMCA is now located.
Photos and information provided by Lawrence University Archives.
Above: ARC2013-072; Right: ARC2009-135

The dean’s studio (1913) and street view (1910) of Peabody Hall of Music.
Photos and information provided by Lawrence University Archives.
Above: ARC2009-131; Right: ARC2009-132

The razing of Peabody Hall (1959) and interior of the concert hall (circa 1910-1959).
Photos and information provided by Lawrence University Archives.
Above: ARC2009-131; Right: ARC2009-132
April 29, 2022 FEATURES 7
THE LAWRENTIAN

Local Government Feature:

Nathan Wall
Vered Meltzer ‘04
News Editor
________________________________
Appleton Common Council member Vered
Meltzer ‘04, from District 2, is the first openly
transgender person to hold elected office in the
state of Wisconsin. He was elected in 2014 and
ran unopposed in the April 5, 2022 election.
As a council member, Meltzer serves on
the Utilities Committee, the Finance Committee
and the Board of Health. He is proud of his
record as chair of the Utilities Committee, pro-
moting the use of gases produced by food and
waste as an energy source and getting the prop-
er permits for Appleton to move forward with
a biosolids composting program. He has also
worked with the Board of Health to support the
coordination of COVID-19 vaccines, testing and
tracing, which he believes saved lives.
“I think our death toll was much lower
than it could have been,” said Meltzer.
Meltzer is also proud of defending the
Diversity and Inclusion Coordinator position
from being defunded and working with council
members Alex Schultz and Denise Fenton on
creating the Taskforce on Resiliency, Climate
Mitigation and Adaptation, which released a
Climate Action Plan Proposal in December
2021.
Outside of the city council, Meltzer serves
on the board of directors of Rainbow Over
Wisconsin, which puts on the main pride event
in Northeast Wisconsin every year, and volun-
teers with Diverse and Resilient, an organiza-
tion in Wisconsin that fights violence against
queer people and has an office in Appleton.
He worked with council member-elect and
Assistant Professor of Biology at Lawrence
Israel Del Toro on No Mow May, which delays
lawn height enforcement until June 1, promot-
ing pollinator activity, and is also the former
treasurer of Marigold Mile, which is a volunteer
effort to plant marigolds mainly along Oneida
Street.
Meltzer is Jewish as well as being trans-
gender, and talked about how these identities
influenced him, recalling how learning about
the Holocaust and growing up as a queer per-
son gave him a feeling of the injustices in the
world.
“I grew up with a sense that there are
things that are broken,” said Meltzer.
As one of a small handful of transgen-
der elected officials, Meltzer understands the
importance of electing people from different
backgrounds. He feels that being from a mar-
ginalized community gives him awareness and
education about what it’s like to be oppressed,
and he added that those who have lived shel-
tered lives can’t represent diverse groups of
people. Specifically, he feels that it is important
to have transgender people in public office.
“The role model of a trans elected official
is so important, [there is] so much vilifying of
trans people today,” said Meltzer. “It’s really
important for people to visibly show that trans
people are competent, trans people are brilliant,
trans people are great leaders.”
As a Lawrence graduate, Meltzer feels that
his alma mater needs to do a better job support-
ing transgender and nonbinary students.
Vered Meltzer ‘04.
Photo by Rachel Crowl.
“It’s very disappointing that this continues
to be an issue,” said Meltzer. “The issue has to
be somewhere in the administration because it’s
not in the technology. This is egregious.”
Meltzer also discussed the growing num-
ber of anti-LGBTQ+ laws being passed in vari-
ous states; he did not feel that the individuals
promoting these bills deserve a response, but
wants others to understand that they are terror-
izing families.
Although he’s angry about these bills,
he feels hopeful seeing children in the United
States standing up against them. It is his strong
belief that social media and the internet have
influenced younger generations to be more in
tune to injustices. He feels that Generation Z
is compassionate, tolerant and will make the
world a better place.
“The world will get better,” said Meltzer.
“How bad it is now is just the exciting dragon
we get to vanquish.”
He also feels hopeful seeing unionization
in the private sector in the wake of the public
sector union-busting done by people like former
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who, accord-
ing to CNN reporter Lydia DePillis, targeted
unions during his three terms as governor.
Meltzer praised the Lawrence students who are
fighting for higher wages, recalling being paid
$6.25 an hour, about $10 adjusted for 2022, as
a student worker.
Meltzer graduated from Lawrence in 2004
with a major in philosophy, which he believes
has helped him understand and articulate the
problems facing our world. As a religious stud-
ies minor, societal systems are a key area of his
attention, with a particular focus on the impact
of Christian institutions, which he believes have
played a role in spreading hate.
“So many Christian institutions are not
remotely Christ-like,” said Meltzer. “Anything
that has to do with hatred...is not godly. There
is not a single perspective of God out there that
endorses hate.”
Although he criticizes the religious estab-
lishment, Meltzer is a spiritual person who
practices Daoism, considers himself a mystic
and believes in tikkun olam, the Jewish concept
of making the world a better place before you
die.
Although he feels there are a lot of issues
in the world, Meltzer emphasized his optimism
for the future throughout the interview.
“An unsustainable system cannot main-
tain,” said Meltzer. “It will be over sooner or
later.”

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8 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Winners of Concerto Competition
perform at orchestra concert
Helen Panshin
Staff Writer
_____________________________
The highlights of the Lawrence
Chamber and Symphony Orchestras
Concert on Friday, April 22 were
performances by sophomore cellist
Thomas Logan and junior violinist
Gabe Roethle, co-winners of the 2021-
2022 Lawrence Symphony (LSO)
Orchestra Concerto Competition.
The orchestras were conducted by
Kimberly-Clark Professor of music
and Director of Bands Andrew Mast,
who is filling in during Mark Dupere’s
sabbatical.
In the first half of the concert,
the Lawrence Chamber Orchestra
performed works by José Lezcano,
George Walker and Edward Elgar,
ranging in mood from adventurous to
dancelike to nostalgic.
After the intermission, the sec-
ond half began with Tchaikovsky’s
Variations on a Rococo Theme, op. 33,
played by the LSO and cellist Thomas
Logan. The variations were written as
an homage to Mozart, and while those
familiar with rococo architecture
would not have been disappointed
by the elaborateness of the music,
Tchaikovsky himself focused on a dif-
ferent angle of rococo, describing it as
“a carefree feeling of well-being."
As Logan joined the LSO on
stage, they were given an enthusias-
tic greeting of applause and cheer-
ing. The Rococo Variations opened
with a peaceful introduction played by
woodwinds and strings and proceeded
to a mysterious and expectant-sound-
ing French horn solo. The cello then
Lawrence Symphony Orchestra play Aaron Copland’s “An Outdoor Overture” to close the concert.
Concerto Competition co-winner sophomore Thomas Logan performs Tchaikovsky’s “Variations on a Rococo Theme.”
entered with the light and charming
theme upon which the seven varia-
tions were based.
The woodwinds made a reply to
the theme before the cello led the way
into the first variation. This variation
was fairly brief and was characterized
by a bouncy childlike joy. The same
woodwind reply as before signaled
that it was time for the second varia-
tion.
Here the cello became bolder,
charging ahead fearlessly, and mak-
ing virtuosic displays of ability.
Interacting with the strings section,
the cello seemed to taunt them or
challenge them to a sort of race as it
increased in speed and technicality.
Like clockwork, the woodwinds indi-
cated another transition, though not a
new variation yet; the cello completely
shifted moods, taking on a somber
quality. When joined by the strings,
they together painted an image for
me of glimmers of light shining on the
surface of water.
In the third variation, wood-
winds and pizzicato strings created
a dreamlike atmosphere around the
cello. Gradually, the cello seemed to
awaken and grow more adamant in its
statements, receiving encouragement
from the orchestra. As the accompa-
niment fell away, the cello sank to
the bottom of its register, but as the
orchestra rejoined it, the cello rose to
the very top of its range, making some
trills along the way.
The cello began the fourth varia-
tion with playful ease. This variation
also traversed to the extremes of the
Junior Ami Hatori performs Piano Sonata no.1, op.11.
Scrrenshots from the online sivestream.
THE LAWRENTIAN
cello’s range; twice, after rising to the
top, the cello fell chromatically to a
lower register, where its trills resem-
bled an insect’s buzzing. Between
these displays of range, the cello
became dancelike. Perhaps my favor-
ite moment in the work came at the
end of this movement, where the cello
made several calls to the orchestra
that went unanswered. Logan made
the humor of these moments clear by
looking around with feigned confu-
sion, as though expecting a response,
before continuing on their own.
The cello trills that finished out
the fourth variation continued into
the fifth, creating a seamless transi-
tion. Here, the flutes, rather than the
cello, played the theme. While they
did so, the cello’s trills steadily rose
in pitch, and the cello plunged alone
from these heights when the flutes
finished the theme. A full orchestra-
tion of the theme, without cello, fol-
lowed, then an improvisatory cello
passage. The flutes again took over
the theme, this time accompanied by
pizzicato strings. The cello concluded
this variation dramatically, ending on
a low, mournful note.
The sixth variation began with
a touching duet between cello and
clarinet that was easily another of my
favorite moments in the piece, and
which evoked a sense of retrospection
or regret. It ended with a daringly,
impossibly high cello phrase that was
finished by the orchestra before the
cello could reach the top.
The seventh variation was brim-
ming with energy and contained a
Photo by Rongyan Song.
Photo by Rongyan Song.
level of excitement and grandiosity
appropriate for a grand finale. The
crowd thanked Logan for their per-
formance with a standing ovation
and more cheering, and then violinist
Gabe Roethle was received with equal
eagerness as he entered.
Roethle played the first move-
ment of Bartók’s Violin Concerto No.
2, which is marked allegro non troppo,
accompanied by the LSO. This concer-
to movement could hardly have been
more different from the lighthearted
Rococo Variations that preceded it.
From the violin’s first entrance,
the piece conveyed an eerie warn-
ing of impending doom. Bartók com-
pleted the composition in 1938, while
still living in his native Hungary. He
was gravely concerned about the rise
of fascism in Europe and the danger
of Hungary surrendering to the Nazis.
Though WWII had not yet officially
begun, Bartók’s music unambiguously
hinted at what was to come.
At the very beginning, the
orchestra, most noticeably pizzicato
strings, mimicked the hum of every-
day life before Roethle’s violin entered
with a stark contrast in mood, like
a lone dissenter or prophesier. The
orchestra soon descended into rhyth-
mic and harmonic chaos, over which
the violin was still heard.
At times the violin seemed to imi-
tate a siren, while at others it seemed
fearful or uncertain. As the orchestra
assumed a bleaker and more subdued
texture, the violin sang out as if from
the wreckage of destruction. As the
violin solo rose, the full orchestra
Concerto Competition co-winner junior Gabe Roethle performs Bartok’s Violin Concerto
Scrrenshots from the online sivestream.
April 29, 2022
sounded out in alarm several times,
and then drums entered, evoking the
marching of soldiers.
The violin took on a sweet melo-
dy, contrasted by a dark and forebod-
ing orchestral accompaniment, then
started to cry out weakly, as if in
grief. The violin’s solo chromatic fall
was met at the bottom by an orches-
tral entrance that created the effect
perhaps of a bomb crashing to the
ground.
In trying to rise from these
depths, the violin floundered repeat-
edly, attempting to find its way, but
repeatedly found only the same dis-
sonant chord, as if stuck. When it had
freed itself, the violin took on a sense
of urgency and insistence to which the
orchestra joined, before the move-
ment came to a close with everyone in
unison, as though sharing a common
purpose.
It is surely a testament to
Roethle’s interpretive skill and that of
LSO that even before I had discovered
the backstory of this piece, its allu-
sions to war were clear to me. Though
the piece is deliberately unpleasant to
listen to, these musicians did not shy
away from the painful and distress-
ing themes that were so crucial for
Bartók in expressing his reaction to
the state of Europe at the time of this
composition.
The concert was concluded by
LSO’s performance of Copland’s
Outdoor Overture, a piece which was
curiously composed in the same year
as the Bartók, but which had a much
brighter and more cheerful attitude.
No. 2.
April 29, 2022
Levi Homman
Staff Writer
_____________________________
“Memoria”, 2021, directed by
Apichatong Weerasthakul — 5/5
stars
It’s not very often that we
find films that are so endlessly lay-
ered, skillfully crafted, and stylisti-
cally unique as “Memoria.” Director
Apichatong Weerasthakul isn’t exactly
renowned or even especially prolific —
he’s only directed seven feature length
films in the past two decades — but his
work has become extremely popular
with very specific audiences, notably
critics on the international festival
circuit. His films consistently earn
an award at the Cannes Film Festival
in France, and his 2010 film “Uncle
Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past
Lives” won the Palme d’Or at Cannes
that year. His most recent project,
the dense, abstruse and sometimes
painfully slow “Memoria”, is easily
one of the best films of the past year.
The Book
Club
Mikayla Henry
Copy Editor
_____________________________
When it comes to books being
adapted for the screen, the results
usually end up being either huge suc-
cesses or major misses – they rarely
tend to fall in the middle. Some screen
adaptations haunt the readers of the
original book series, such as the origi-
nal movie adaptions for “Eragon” or
“Percy Jackson.” Others become just
as beloved as the book series, despite
their differences, such as the “Harry
Potter” film series. With the raging
success of Netflix’s recently released
TV adaptation of “Heartstopper,”
based on the graphic novels by Alice
Oseman, I decided to take a look at
other book-to-screen projects that are
in the works.
One of the adaptations com-
ing out this summer is “Where the
Crawdads Sing,” based on the book
by Delia Owens. The book has been
one of Reese Witherspoon’s Book
Club picks and has been flying off
the shelves in recent months as one
of the popular titles on “BookTok.”
The story follows a girl, Kya, who
was raised in the wilds surrounding a
small fishing town. She lives off of the
land in solitude, outcasted from the
rest society, but once the murder of
a local girl is brought to light, Kya is
the first name on the suspect list. The
book is both a small-town mystery
and coming-of-age story rolled into
one, as Kya tries to not only clear her
name but also tries to warm up to the
other locals. The film adaptation has
been widely anticipated, as it stars
Daisy Edgar-Jones, who is known for
her roles in the movie “Fresh” as well
as the TV show “Normal People.” And
it is supposed to feature a soundtrack
by Taylor Swift as well, which is excit-
ing news for all of the “Swifties” out
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
“Memoria” Review:
A subdued art house Tour de Force
Made in collaboration with British
actress Tilda Swinton, who stars and
also served as an executive produc-
er, “Memoria” is a film that watches
scenes from afar, poses monumental
questions and places the viewer in
beautifully constructed landscapes,
both sonically and visually.
Within the first moments of the
film, which are shrouded in near-
darkness, a colossal, booming noise is
heard. It’s truly a frightening sound,
akin to a meteor striking the earth
or a cannon being fired. The sound is
so startlingly loud and so stunningly
brief it sends the viewer into a daze.
This daze will last for the entirety
of the film, especially as it becomes
continually disjointed and concep-
tual. The film’s protagonist Jessica
(Swinton) acts as a disoriented vessel
for the viewer, granting the audience
omniscience into her perception of the
world as she tries to make sense of the
fear, confusion and unease she feels
throughout the story.
there. “Where the Crawdads Sing” is
set to come out in theaters July 15.
One of the more controversial
adaptations expected to come out
this year is “My Policeman”, which is
based on the book by Bethan Roberts.
The book takes place in Brighton in
the 1950s and focuses on Marion as
she falls for her best friend’s broth-
er and eventually marries him, only
to realize her marriage isn’t what it
seems. Her husband, Tom, is dat-
ing Patrick, a museum curator and
the second narrator of the book.
However, in an age where homosexu-
ality is still condemned, Tom is forced
to stay with Marion, as that is the
safer option. The book follows this
complex love triangle as the two lov-
ers share Tom, until eventually the
relationships reach a breaking point.
A lot of the controversy sur-
rounds the LGBTQ+ representation
in the book, as it is very surface-level,
despite being one of the driving points
of the plot. This is mainly since a lot
of the LGBTQ+ elements, such as
the trauma of being a gay man in the
1950s, is viewed through the eyes of
a straight woman, which just doesn’t
sit well to those in the LGBTQ+ com-
munity. Nonetheless, despite some of
the controversy, many still find it to
be a beautifully tragic read and are
looking forward to the film adaption.
However, while the book itself hasn’t
been super popular by any means, a
lot of the hype for the film is due to
its star actor – Harry Styles. Styles
has been well-loved for years for his
music and has been slowly working
his way to the big screen, starring in
films such as "Dunkirk” and having a
brief cameo in Marvel’s “Eternals.” In
“My Policeman,” Styles will be playing
Tom, the complicated love interest
of Marion and Patrick. The film is
See page 11
THE LAWRENTIAN
The loud sound appears more
than a few times after those open-
ing moments, and it quickly becomes
clear that it is something happen-
ing exclusively inside her head; it’s
not something anyone else can hear.
This initial premise is illuminated by
Apichatong’s real-life experience; he
struggled with a condition known as
“exploding head syndrome,” a pain-
less psychological disorder that causes
its victims to hear extremely loud
noises at unexplained times. While
this partially helps explain some of
the film’s structure — Jessica slow-
ly learns to come to peace with the
loud noises that plague her mind —
“Memoria” is very far from the kind
of film that ever wants to be fully
understood.
The film’s visual style can imme-
diately be identified as unorthodox,
with nearly every shot throughout
focusing on wider scenes without
a hint of motion from the tripod-
mounted camera; the lens almost
Comic Character Spotlight:
Poison Ivy
Kat Girod
Columnist
_____________________________
Welcome to this week’s Comic
Character Spotlight! Harley Quinn
was the first character highlighted
by this column, so it only felt natural
to revisit the DC Extended Universe
through looking at my personal favor-
ite love interest for the bubbly blonde.
Today we'll be looking at DC's favorite
half-plant, half-human beauty, Poison
Ivy.
Since her debut in 1966's
“Batman,” Poison Ivy, made by Robert
Kanigher and Sheldon Moldoff, has
been a popular foe within the Batman
comics. She is a unique villain, as her
motivation is grounded in a clear love
for the earth and a continuous attempt
to stop those who would trample on
it. She utilizes her enhanced physi-
cal capabilities and mystifying control
over plant life for the purposes of
ecoterrorism - violence for the sake of
environmental preservation. Her love
for nature is depicted in the “Gotham
Girls” episode “Pave Paradise” (2000),
as she works to prevent Gotham's
mayor from demolishing a park.
In Neil Gaiman’s short story
“Pavane” (1966) Poison Ivy’s power
is traced back to the environmental
force dubbed “green” which gifted her
with great power. However, this story
is altered in the 1988 comic series
“Secret Origins” as she is revealed to
be a Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley, studying
botanical biochemistry at university.
Her professor, Dr. Jason Woodrue,
seduces Ivy and injects her with dan-
gerous toxins that subsequently lead
feels like a stranger watching from
afar, unfamiliar with the details of the
characters’ backgrounds or intrica-
cies. This is emphasized even more
strongly when characters step out of
view or when sources of sounds are
not seen. In one moment, Swinton
sits in chair just out of frame, and
while her presence is still relevant in
the scene and the dialogue continues,
her face cannot be seen, making the
viewer acutely aware of the role of the
sound and the camera’s limitations.
An already disjointed plot
becomes increasingly peripheral as
Jessica seeks out more explanations
for the sounds she hears. As time goes
on, the film’s dialogue delves further
into ideas about faith, death and con-
nection to the natural world. Imagery
of decaying human skeletons and bru-
talist cement architecture are coun-
tered with lush jungles and beautiful,
ethereal skies that envelop the viewer.
It’s truly a poetic film that asks a lot of
its audience, notably for patience. In
to a drastic mutation in her appear-
ance and result in her hospitalization.
After dropping out of school, Poison
Ivy’s abilities flourish and evolve into
a plethora of plant and poison infused
superpowers.
In later issues of the series,
Poison Ivy unveils one of the primary
motivations behind her crime is to
garner enough profit to secure a place
where she can live at peace with her
plants, away from the disturbances of
humanity. She temporarily succeeds
at this goal, as she finds an island that
she is able to transform into her own
nature-adorned paradise. However,
this land is destroyed as a result of
a US corporation using the location
to test their weaponry. Infuriated
by humans who carelessly tarnish
lush and green lands, Ivy returns to
Gotham to deal with the perpetra-
tors. Despite being apprehended by
Batman, Ivy is filled with a renewed
determination to reside in Gotham
until she can make it a safe haven for
plants.
Despite much of her motiva-
tion being centered around plant life,
Poison Ivy’s has been shown to extend
her care to others on varying occa-
sions. After Gotham City is wrecked
and rendered desolate by an earth-
quake, Ivy converts Robinson Park
into a lush, foliage-filled location. Her
nurturing side is also unveiled as she
cares for 16 children who were left
homeless after the devastation of the
earthquake.
This earthquake also leads
Poison Ivy to meet Harley Quinn,
abandoned and almost killed by the
9
the latter half of the film Apichatong
uses takes that seem to last forever,
creating an environment of meditative
soundscapes and colossally immov-
able spiritual concepts. It’s a one-
of-a-kind experience that’s absolutely
worth seeing in a theater, and those
who do may, if they let themselves,
come out of it with some new sense of
understanding and acceptance of the
unknown.
“Memoria” is a piece of art that’s
difficult to describe and even harder
to watch — it’s a journey that may
excessively bore some, but may be
an epiphany for others. The methods
it uses aren’t completely new to the
industry, but executing them on such
a beautifully high-concept level, one
that creates such a moving experience,
is an astonishing feat. “Memoria”
is currently screening in extremely
select theaters nationwide.
Joker, for the first time as she locates
the blonde among the debris and
tends her back to health. After, the
two become inseparable best friends
and allies. The friendship between
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy differs
from other villain alliances as theirs
is based on true love and friend-
ship, rather than the manipulative
and unhealthy bonds often shown
between other villains.
2016 finally saw the release of a
solo comic book series for Poison Ivy
entitled “Poison Ivy: Cycle of Life and
Death” by Amy Chu. As Chu sought
to expound more on Ivy’s charac-
ter, the series saw the return of her
human persona Dr. Pamela Isley
as she worked at Gotham Botanical
Gardens. Focusing on Ivy’s intui-
tive side, throughout the series she
is shown investigating the murders
of her colleagues. Her maternal and
caring features are also illustrated as
she raises genetically engineered and
rapidly growing plant-human hybrids
- Rose and Hazel.
Although Poison Ivy has been a
staple in DC comics since the 1960s,
she has not been introduced to the
live-action DC Extended Universe.
Fans are eager to see the superhuman,
vine entangled beauty and force of
nature grace the big screen in a future
DC film. However, the wait for her on-
screen debut may continue for years.
Thankfully she has been brought to
life through animation such as within
the HBO Max television series “Harley
Quinn” (2019) that features the posi-
tively devious sapphic relationship
between Harley and Ivy.
10 OPINIONS & EDITORIALS THE LAWRENTIAN
April 29, 2022

How to pick elective courses

Miri Villerius walk with me through these differ- connections with. This could lead to ing courses of interest outside of your recommend strongly to go light on
Copy Chief ent ponderings! The important thing research positions, tutoring opportu- major as early as possible. You'll never your degree makeup. Don't double
_________________________ to center your coursework shopping nities, or other projects that profes- know if a casual interest could bloom degree, major, or minor just for the
around is what you actually find use- sors lead with students. into a career path or lifelong passion ego boost or because you think it will
Advanced course registration
ful or enriching. For some of us, elec- Another important question that and taking things as early as possible look impressive on paper. All any of
opened this past Tuesday morning
tives might be an opportunity to make many of us might honestly think about gives you room to take more course- these signify is that you've taken a
and I, like many of us, had been fever-
our skillset versatile, or open up new is how much work we honestly want to work if you do spark a new passion. specific set of classes. The impres-
ishly thinking for a week or more
knowledge pathways in our brains. do. Courses are leveled from 100-600 Always be on the lookout for siveness of anything written on your
about what courses I’d want to fill next
For some of us, the learning aspect levels for a reason: lower levels are courses that both spark interest and degree will, in my opinion, undeni-
year (which is my last year!). I'm the
is really what's most valuable; we're generally less work as they are entry- fulfill general education or degree ably be superseded by the experiences
epitome of the indecisive liberal arts
going to college for the knowledge first level or "gateway" courses for sub- requirements! These courses, in my you gain at college. We all generally
student running around like a chicken
and foremost. jects. The reality is that sometimes, opinion, are the lifeblood of a liberal take 3 full classes per term, and each
with her head cut off having switched
Some of us are interested in the we just want a relaxed time with our arts education. A bit cringe, I know, class can be impressive on its own and
from a double degree to just my BA and
most unique group experience you elective space and that's okay, even but I try to embrace the spirit of liber- spark new opportunities or be valu-
with majors moving between English,
can have, creating lasting memories recommended in most cases! al arts even though I do have extreme- able experience. Stressing yourself out
Religious Studies, Music Education,
of camaraderie in provocative classes. There are so many things to do ly mixed feelings about it. I recognize and contorting your schedule, poten-
Music Theory and ideations of many
You might consider scheming with with a college experience, for many that some people come to college and tially missing out on experiences just
other majors and self-designing. In
your close friends about what cours- people investing hours of hard work just know what they want to do and to write an extra word or two next to
my schedule scheming, I've run into
es you could have fun taking. Also into extracurriculars, activism, a don't need to sift around, but in any "B.A." is not worth it.
so many crises of identity and career
to think about is the group experi- social life or part-time jobs is what case the random requirements we Take the courses and make the
path as I've racked my brain tender
ence that professors can often create makes the experience meaningful. I have can make us choose classes with experiences that you will be happy to
and cried myself senseless to figure
through their particular courses which beg you not to overload (literally or intrigue that intersect with other top- feel at the core of your person; things
out what the best decisions for class
can promote a passionate environ- figuratively) on difficult classes unless ics we'd never even consider learning you can bring with you in your toolbox
selection are. If anything, window-
ment of creative collaboration. These this is really what strikes passion in about, but end up loving! everywhere you go. The words on your
shopping for coursework is my ideal
courses you kind of just have to pick you above all else. The "Lawrence To circle back around, I think it's diploma will come up minimally in
of capitalism.
up on through campus discourse and Busy" and famed "Lawrence Stress really important to think deeply about your life, but the things you learn and
I'm going to walk through a ton
word-of-mouth interactions. You also Olympics" are not your friend or mine. what you sincerely want and not what the experiences you make stick with
of different thought processes. Some
might consider if there are particular Especially when thinking about your social anxieties want. Unless it's you for a lifetime if you make them
may ring true or feel relatable, some
professors you want to form deeper gateway courses, I recommend tak- going to be crucial for your career, I count.
won't at all. Feel free to browse and

SAASHA Informed: Know your rights and resources

Tee Karki they have access to until any one of Title IX coordinator is Allison Vetter you with support when a violation depending on the case and therefore
Guest Writer their rights has been violated. We and her office is located in Brokaw has occurred. They are not gener- can vary in result and timeline as well.
_________________________ at SAASHA feel it is imperative we room 93. While she provides direct ally required to report to the Title IX To connect with any of these resourc-
change this and notify the campus legal support and can help with cases, office and can be a great supportive es, check out SAASHA’s Instagram (@
One of the most helpful ways
body of the ways to connect to and she also puts out information through measure. Non-confidential resources lu_SAASHA) or go to the Title IX page
we are able to protect ourselves and
find support in your rights to better the website, through meet-and-greets are ones that will directly move for- on the Lawrence University page.
others is by knowing our rights. By
protect yourself and others. and other events to help educate the ward with information and report it There are resources both on
knowing what rights protect you and
The Title IX office is a legal office student body more about the logistics to the Title IX office, these are people and off-campus available, and these
provide you with both support and
at Lawrence University. It focuses on of Title IX. Title IX policy here on whom you’d reach out to when you resources help provide support both
resources, you will be much more able
violations of Title IX laws, which are campus, though adapted and adjusted are ready to file a complaint or report. for one’s wellbeing and one’s legal
to secure access to a stable and safe
as follows, “Title IX of the Education by the university, is not flexible due to With that being said, a report noti- rights. Knowing this information can
environment in which your legal lib-
Amendments of 1972 (Title IX) pro- the fact that it has to abide by federal fies the Title IX coordinator of sexual help you in making the best possible
erties are protected. With that being
hibits sex (including pregnancy, regulations. misconduct. These are not formally choice for what you need whenever
said, being a college campus, outside
sexual orientation, and gender iden- Another set of resources are the investigated unless they highlight any you do need it and prevents added
of the protection of your legal rights,
tity) discrimination in any education confidential and non-confidential forms of patterns, predators, threats, layers of stress and conflict by provid-
there are also resources located here
program or activity receiving fed- resources on campus. The confiden- violence or weapons. It also helps con- ing you with connections to help find
that provide additional support and
eral financial assistance”. The office tial resources are ones that, as the nect individuals to resources of sup- exactly what is appropriate for you in
protect your general wellbeing as
is meant to protect your rights and name suggests, are confidential. This port as needed. On the other hand, a those moments.
well. Many people do not know what
provide legal support if any of these means these resources on campus are complaint is made to launch an inves-
protects them and what resources
rights have been violated. The current here to help listen to you and provide tigation. The investigation will vary
April 29, 2022
Evan Ney
Opinions and Editorials Editor
_________________________
As we approach the time of year
when the housing lottery, a much
bemoaned Lawrence tradition, occurs,
I feel it’s apt to remind you all that
there’s a far more dysfunctional lot-
tery system on campus that we can
change easily, and mostly for free: the
parking lottery.
The problems with the parking
lottery are fairly well documented
among those who’ve participated in it
before, but the main issue is this: in an
attempt to give everyone a fair chance
at a parking space on campus, the lot-
tery gives everyone an equal chance.
These are not the same thing. The lot-
tery should be designed to prioritize
spaces on campus for the people who
need them most.
In my mind, this includes at least
two groups of people. The first seems
the most obvious, in no small part
because they are already exempt from
the lottery: people with disabilities
or other medical issues. This makes
perfect sense, and is one of the only
elements of the current lottery system
that does. Even still, the official policy
makes it very clear that “Lottery over-
ride for medical or physical need does
not guarantee a spot in the lot of your
choice,” which strikes me as odd. If a
person in a wheelchair lives in Plantz
and has to travel to Hiett or Colman
to get to their car, what difference is
there between that and parking in a
church lot or at a ramp downtown? In
practice, I imagine this rarely comes
up, since there seem to me to be more
parking spots in each lot than disabled
people who are likely to need access
to them, but it still seems like an odd
stipulation that should be removed.
The other group of people who
seem to me to have a greater need
for on campus parking - and it makes
me sick to my stomach that I’m writ-
ing this - is athletes. If you know me,
you know that I have never advocated
The Curious Case of...
continued from page 3
The Book Club
continued from page 9
expected to come out this upcoming
The opinions expressed in The Lawrentian are those of the students, faculty and community members who wrote them. The
Lawrentian does not endorse any opinions piece except for the staff editorial, which represents a majority of the editorial
board. The Lawrentian welcomes everyone to submit their own opinions. For the full editorial policy and parameters for sub-
mitting articles, please refer to the masthead, which is located on the back of each edition.
OPINIONS & EDITORIALS
A better parking lottery system
for more resources to be allocated
towards athletics at this school even
during my time on a varsity sports
team, but this is one case in which
prioritizing athletes makes complete
sense. Alex is too far to reasonably
expect athletes to walk to, especially
in the winter, and the shuttle doesn’t
run during all the times students need
it to; even during times when it is
scheduled to run, it is notoriously
inconsistent. Simply put, each sports
team needs a critical mass of play-
ers who can drive other players to
practice and games under the current
system. (Side note: if it were up to me,
there would be a robust shuttle system
such that no person or team would
need anyone to drive to practice, for
a variety of reasons, and teams that
don’t carpool would be banned from
having cars on campus at all, but this
is the topic of another op-ed.)
Even if it’s reasonable that ath-
letes should have cars, why does this
mean that they need them on cam-
pus? This is a fair question. In addi-
tion to needing a car the most, a
functional lottery system would pri-
oritize students who use their cars the
most often, and anyone who knows
any athletes here knows that sports
teams practice or lift approximate-
ly 879 times a week. Many of these
practices are as early as 6:30am or
later than 9:00pm. This alone can
have some catastrophic effects on ath-
letes’ mental health, and adding a 15
minute walk to the Banta Bowl or a
downtown ramp can push that even
earlier, or later, not to mention the
potential safety issues at play when
potentially forcing students to walk
back home, often alone, late at night
through downtown Appleton. As a
major benefit to students participat-
ing in a directly Lawrence related
activity that effectively requires a car
to get to, allowing athletes priority in
the parking lottery makes good sense.
After these two people, my ideas
for who should benefit more begin
surprising as
we have thought. The squad is
packed with overpaid, underperform-
ing talent mixed and
fall.
While some of the newer film
and TV adaptations have exceeded
expectations, such as “Heartstopper,”
it’s hard for readers to get excited
11
THE LAWRENTIAN
to trail off. Should the lottery be receives need based financial aid, and think it would be much better than
more like the housing lottery, where one asking whether the student has the current system, which seems like
seniors get to pick first? This seems or plans to get an off campus job. it was something like a placeholder
like an obvious choice, and is done Students who click all three boxes will till a more thoughtful system could
at nearby schools like UW Oshkosh, be assigned spots first, then students be put in place, especially compared
but other than the tired clichés about who click two, then students who to how other schools do things. Have
why seniority matters, I can’t think click one, in the order in which the any adjustments or criticisms? Drop
of many good reasons to do it this categories are listed above. After all them in a letter to the editor, and I’ll
way. One could make an argument these students are assigned spots, any publish them as a response. Do you
related to financial reasons- maybe remaining spots are determined by like this idea? Tell your friends in high
people with off-campus jobs should seniority. places. Till then, good luck parking –
get to have cars on campus like at Would this be a perfect system? you’ll need it.
UW Madison, or maybe students with Pretty much! Just kidding. But I do
need-based financial aid should have
priority since parking off-campus is
slightly more expensive.
From here it gets even more
complicated. Should students with
compact or hybrid cars get priority,
to increase the amount of spaces in
parking lots or to incentivize cleaner
running models? Should there be a
series of small lotteries for each indi-
vidual dorm, so that people only get
spots near where they live, and so
that the lottery could incentivize liv-
ing in a dorm like Plantz which has
a bigger lot than Hiett despite pretty
much everything else about it being
worse? And does it really make sense
to prioritize all athletes rather than
just a few on each team? It’s hard to
say. If it were up to me, here’s how I
might do it:
The first people to be assigned
lottery parking spaces are people with
disabilities or medical reasons, all of
whom get to park in the lot closest
to where they live, or wherever they
want to be. If there are more people
in this category than parking spaces
in one such lot (for example, if there
are 75 parking spaces in Colman and
80 people who have medical reasons
to have a car there), the housing staff
can arrange to move students so that
they can have a car nearby.
From there, everyone else will
be assigned spots. On the applica-
tion form, there will be three boxes:
one asking whether a student is an Parking on campus without a permit can have serious consequences.
Photo by Alana Melvin
athlete, one asking whether a student
matched to the interests of a cas- that further purchases will result in ments this term, and I won’t be
cade of contradictory managerial ap- financial sanctions from surprised in the slightest if Ever-
pointments, while the UEFA. Couple this catastrophe ton are playing Championship foot-
board has overspent to the point with the poor managerial appoint- ball next season.
when their favorite books hit the big Disney+ series, since I was an avid upcoming screen adaptations make
screen, as many past adaptations have fan of the books as a kid. But the films readers happy. And, if either of these
been downright horrible. Personally, had left a rather horrible taste in my titles piqued your interest, it wouldn’t
I’m rather excited yet nervous about mouth, making me leery for this show. hurt to brush up on the source mate-
the upcoming “Percy Jackson” Nonetheless, I sincerely hope that the rial before their film release dates.
12 COMMUNITY April 29, 2022
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Members of
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