Sophia Rohrs

English 1201.506

Professor Freeland

27 March 2022

How does divorce affect a child?

Divorce is becoming more common in today's day and age. Many people you know are;

divorced, have divorced parents, or know of someone who is divorced. Divorce puts a lot of

stress on a family and the family’s friends and relatives. Most people think about how hard it is

for the parents to go through a divorce and all of the struggles they have to deal with. Parent’s do

go through a lot with court, paperwork, and bills which can cause them a lot of stress. With all of

this going on sometimes what is forgotten is how divorce can affect the children in the family.

The children whose parents are going through a divorce deserve an equal amount of attention

when it comes to their struggles. Especially at a young age when it is hard for the child to

understand what is going on, it can cause a lot of issues including mental health issues, short and

long term issues and security problems.

Divorce is caused when two people are married and then at some point after that they

decide they don’t want to be married anymore. There are many reasons as to why this can occur-

abuse, mistreatment, adultery, money, and many other things- each case can be different. The

chart below from the website “Just Great Lawyers” shows the top five causes of divorce- lack of

commitment, affairs, money, domestic violence and communication issues (Dimetman).

When going through with a divorce there are a lot of hard things a family has to deal with;

financial struggles, paperwork, court and other things. This is a lot to deal with as parents and

sometimes they forget that their children are going through all of this as well. The children of

divorced parents also deal with a lot of changes and stress which can make it difficult for them to

take it all in.

 After two people get divorced the living situation for the child can change. There are

many different options that the parents and court can pick from. The parents can split time with

the kids, or one parent can take the kid full time, or the parents could still live together, or if old

enough, can choose when to go back and forth between houses. What happens most of the time

is shown in the graph below, the kid ends up living with a single parent- who was previously

divorced (Sarista Research Department). The amount is increasing as the years go on. This

means that there is an increase in numbers of children who are potentially struggling with mental

health, and other issues, relating to divorced parents.

The mental health issues that are caused by a divorce can be short term or long term, but

either way they are still affecting the child. A short term effect could be that children can be

mentally affected by their parents divorce. William Mosier, a therapist for marriage and family,

says that divorce causes a lot of stress which can be very harmful for a child (Mosier). Adding
the stress of a divorce on top of other stressors in a child’s life can cause a lot of mental health

issues for them. This can be especially hard for some children if the divorce that their parents go

through ends with them only living with one parent full time. This would leave the kid with only

one parent to live with and only one parent to go through the divorce with. As Mosier says ,

“They need to have both of their parents there to emotionally support them through this big

change in their life. If a child does not have this then they can be emotionally scarred for the rest

of their lives” (Moiser). The child needs to have both of their parents there to help them get

through the divorce because it affects the children and the parents. Children have a lot of stress in

their life in general- levels of stress can depend on the age and the situation- and adding the

stress of their parents divorce can take a toll on a child.

Another example of a short term effect that divorced parents can have on a child is that

the child may feel neglected. Divorce is hard for the parents to go through and when their sole

focus is on that, the children can feel alone or left out. They can have a feeling of being put

second because at the time the divorce is the most important thing going on. A New York Times

article written by Andree Brooks talks about how when two adults are going through a divorce

they have economic and emotional stress that they are worrying about and it can cause children

to feel abandoned. Due to all of this a child whose parents are divorcing will go through a time

period of parental neglect (Brooks). This can emotionally damage the child. At a young age the

feeling of neglect and abandonment can do a deal of short term damage on a child. Depending on

their social life, if the child already has a feeling of neglect in their life outside of the divorce,

adding the neglect from their parents can be very hard for them. Even years after the break down,

Andree Brooks explains, parents still feel overwhelmed about everything and the children still

have the feeling of being alone (Brooks). Sometimes all a child wants is for a parent to simply be
there for them, but when the parent is preoccupied with their own ongoing issues and problems,

it makes it hard for that to happen. Although the parents are going through a lot when dealing

with the divorce, they still need to be there for their child to make sure they are doing okay. Not

being there for the child will make the child feel neglected, abandoned or even forgotten.

Sometimes the parents don’t even realize that they aren’t being there for their child but they need

to pay attention and put extra effort into it. The parents need to always be there for their child to

support them and help them because the whole family is dealing with issues related to the

divorce, not just the parents going through the divorce. The graph below shows the amount of

physical, emotional and educational neglect children go through with different living situations

(U.S. Department of Health and Human Services).

 Having divorced parents causes major changes in a child's life. Some major changes

could be having to deal with two different standards and sets of rules at each house- one parent

could be super laid back and the other one very strict. They also have to deal with new routines

of switching between houses- maybe having to wake up earlier for school on some days due to a

farther travel distance. A document from Gale Opposing Viewpoints in Context states that a

child may have different routines and rules depending on whose house they are at. This can cause

confusion and frustration in a child because of all of the changes they are constantly going

through (Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection). Lots of children struggle with just

simple changes in their life because they like consistency. It can also be hard for the child when

they have to switch between two different houses with two separate sets of rules because they

mix them up in an accident which could cause consequences. Divorced parents cause a huge

change in a child's life and on top of that they have to deal with other changes including different

sets of rules and different routines.

Divorced parents can cause long term issues in a child's life. This can sometimes be very

frustrating for them in the future because they are having to deal with an issue, or issues, that was

caused during their childhood and that isn’t even their fault. These children in the future may

look back and think about how unfair it is for them to have to go through certain issues due to

something that was completely out of their control. Some long term issues that divorce can

cause are explained in the article “Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children''. The author D.

Wayne Matthews explains that divorce can cause depression in early adulthood, high anxiety

levels, low life satisfaction, anger, hostility and many more more (Matthews). This is hard for

some people to go through when they are dealing with lots of mental health issues that were

caused from the past and they weren’t even their fault. It can be very frustrating that in the future
a person has to deal with anxiety and depression because of their parents' fault. This can also be

difficult for them if it becomes to the point where they need medication for it which can then

cause financial complications. It's all a spiraling effect and it's not even their fault, it is their

parents. These long term issues may seem unfair and very frustrating, but the child whose

parents went through a divorce will have to learn to deal with it because it was completely out of

their control.

Another example of a long term issue they can have is relationship issues. Divorced

parents can cause many complications in future relationships for a child, which can sometimes

make it hard to date/marry. For some children, watching their parents go through a divorce can

make the idea of a divorce more normal for them, which can cause issues in the future. Geraldine

Piorkowski, a psychologist, explains that children with divorced parents are twice as likely to get

divorced with their significant other in the future. This can cause major relationship issues for the

child as they grow up (Piorkowski). Based on what their parents went through, in the future a

child could have issues with trust and reliability with their significant other. This can cause major

complications when trying to date someone. This could also become an emotional pain for the

child in the future. That is because if they are trying to date and they have relationship issues due

to their parents divorce it can cause a lot of frustration. It can cause even more frustration when

they know it's not their fault that they are having these struggles and it is not something that they

can control.

Also, pertaining to relationship issues caused by divorce: Michelle Bryant, a sociologist,

says that children with divorced parents feel a lack of security in their life. As the child ages,

after having their parents go through a divorce, they potentially will begin to date but then

overthink the situation and they get the sense that no attachment is secure in their life, based on
their parents. The divorce caused them to have attachment security issues (Bryant). This can

make dating for the child, in the future, very hard. With having security and attachment issues it

can frustrate your significant other which can make relationships difficult. It can be very

frustrating in the future when the child, whose parents went through a divorce, is trying to date

but then seem to have attachment security issues because they know that it is not their fault but

their parents. This can make the child think that it is unfair for them to have to deal with those

issues because they didn’t cause them. This can make relationships very difficult for a child to

have in the future.

Something controversial about this topic is that children of divorced parents all have

different effects. The website “Divorce Center” states that not every divorce is the same so each

one will affect a child differently, so it is not fair to make one assumption that children of

divorced parents are affected mentally (Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection). One

family could have an “easy” divorce and things can go by smoothly, and that could harm or not

change a child’s mental health. Or a family could go through a rough and messy divorce and the

child could be mentally healthy or that child could be mentally affected in a bad way. Every

family goes through a divorce due to different reasons which have different outcomes and

therefore affect a child differently.

A long term effect that divorce can have on children is that it can teach them lessons

about relationships. According to the website “Divorce Without Revenge” the author states that

there are positive outcomes that can come from divorce. Children can learn a lot of lessons about

relationships due to their parents going through a divorce (Alik Segal). They can learn how they

want to treat their spouses in the future and how not to treat their spouses in the future. The child

can learn to set expectations to how they want to be treated. There are a lot of things that a child
can learn based on their parents divorce. The graph below shows how some children react to

their parents divorce and what they think about the situation.

Overall, the number of kids whose parents are divorced is increasing and there are many

different things that can cause this. Children are affected when their parents go through divorce,

not just the parents. There can be short term issues like mental health, neglect and change that

affect the child. There can be long term issues including depression and anxiety as well as

multiple types of relationship issues that can affect the child in the future. The good things that

can come out of a divorce for a child is that they learn to be very adaptable, due to all the

changing of schedules and routines and rules when going back and forth between houses, and

they can learn a lesson from parent’s relationship. Also, not every child is affected the same
when their parents are going through divorce. But, every child whose parents get divorced are

mentally affected one way or another.

 Works Cited

Brooks, Andree. “Divorced Parents and The Neglected Child.” The New York Times, The New

York Times, 28 July 1986,

https://www.nytimes.com/1986/07/28/style/divorced-parents-and-the-neglected-child.htm

l.

Bryant, Michelle. "Divorce Hurts Children." Divorce, edited by Mike Wilson, Greenhaven Press,

2009. Opposing Viewpoints. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010571207/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=

d41a2337. Accessed 20 Mar. 2022. Originally published as "The Divorce Dilemma:

Sociologist Finds that Even Amicable Divorces Are Likely to Have Negative Effects on

Children," The University of Texas at Austin—Feature Story, 2006.

"Children of Divorced Parents." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2019. Gale

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=a7c750fd. Accessed 20 Mar. 2022.

Dimetman, Nicole. “Divorce Statistics and Facts in 2021.” Just Great Lawyers,

https://www.justgreatlawyers.com/legal-guides/divorce-statistics.

"Divorce Center." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2020. Gale In Context:

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link.gale.com/apps/doc/XXVVRD996659813/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVI

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“Link between Family Structure and Child Abuse.” Link Between Family Structure and Child

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https://marripedia.org/link_between_family_structure_and_child_abuse.

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Divorce Rates Rose a Dramatic 79 Percent in the United States: Course Hero.”

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