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Girls Chase 7 Day Course Day 6 Ironhearted Confidence
Girls Chase 7 Day Course Day 6 Ironhearted Confidence
IRONHEARTED
CONFIDENCE
THAT
MAKES
GIRLS
SWOON
Ironhearted Confidence
that Makes Girls Swoon
LESSON 6 OF THE GIRLS CHASE 7-DAY MINI COURSE
CHASE AMANTE
2016
G
irls love confidence. They talk about it incessantly. If you
ask 10 women what they most desire in men, you’ll hear
this one word repeated again and again: confidence. Yet
it’s a poorly defined quality men know they’re supposed to possess
but don’t know how to obtain.
Is confidence really the cure all? If you can get confident
enough, dating should be easy... Or so goes the theory.
In this lesson, we put confidence in the spotlight. I’ll show
you what it is, how it functions, and why it’s so attractive to
women. I’ll show you how to develop your own confidence (there
are several ways to do this). And I’ll even show you its limitations.
My goal for you is to walk away from this book with
confidence no longer a fuzzy concept. I also want you to walk
away knowing exactly how to raise your confidence to the right
level – not too high, but not low, either.
I’ve referenced 29 scientific studies in this short book. But
more than just science, I’ve drawn from a decade of training men
to be confident with the opposite sex.
I hope you enjoy the tome. For now, let’s start with a
definition: what is this thing confidence, anyway?
time. Confidence we can see right away – thus, it’s a signal we put
a lot of weight on.
Our confidence in ourselves is a key aspect of our self-
image. And self-image in turn plays a key role in our motivation,
how we feel, and our social and romantic interactions (Moore &
Healy, 2008). As we grow more confident, our self-image
transitions into that of a capable man, and we feel good and
motivated. We see more social, romantic, and sexual success. Yet,
when you examine a less confident man, all these measures trend
in reverse. The unconfident man feels less capable, not as good,
and not as motivated.
An important point to grasp with confidence is confidence
is not about accuracy. Human beings are not fact-perfect, emotion-
free robots. Bénabou and Tirole found (2005), for example, that on
difficult tasks people tend to be confident they’ve done better than
they did, but also think others have done even better than them.
Meanwhile, on easy tasks, people assume they’ve done worse than
they have, yet that they’ve still done better than other people have.
Confidence is not an accuracy gauge.
What we actually use confidence for – and how we can
tweak and adjust our own confidence for our own devices – is a
big part of what we’ll talk about next.
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Yet, put the winner effect to use, and take steps to change
attachment styles, and you can raise your confidence on your own,
too.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg. Once we get to
Chapter Five, I’m going to show you even more ways to increase
confidence – and many of them are easy to do.
Before we talk raising confidence though, I want to make
sure we raise the right confidence. And to do that, first we must
ask: what’s the difference between “real” and “fake” confidence,
anyway?
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style, your self-control, and the winner effect are within your
grasp.
First off, attachment style. This is one you’ll have the least
ability to change in the immediate term. That’s because attachment
style is somewhat dependent on your current situation in life. If
you find yourself in a situation that makes it harder to cope with
problems, you move toward a less secure attachment style (Zhang
& Labouvie-Vief, 2004). So, if you want greater confidence, align
your life in a way that lets you cope with the challenges you face.
Remove negative people, build good habits, and have backup plans
so you never feel cornered. If all else fails, though, be aware
people become more secure as they age. So, even if you struggle to
get away from an insecure attachment style now, that may not be
the case a few years out.
Your situation affects more than just attachment style,
however. Your situation also affects what you lust for and desire. It
affects what you want, how much of it you want, and how great the
temptation for it is. Your situation even affects how able you feel
you are to get what you want (Hofmann, Baumeister, Förster, &
Vohs, 2012). This affects not just your attachment styles, but your
self-control, too. The more temptation your environment provides,
the lower your self-control will tend to go. And as self-control
goes, so goes your confidence.
Some of history’s greatest men have led rough, temptation-
free lives. Read Plutarch’s Parallel Lives of the Greeks and
Romans and you’ll doubtless notice how many great ancient
generals, kings, and warriors avoided luxury. Part of this was to
train up their discipline. But another aspect of it was that by
removing temptation, they increased their self-control.
Self-control isn’t just good for confidence. High degrees of
self-control lead to higher satisfaction in your relationships. They
lead to a more secure attachment style (you see how these all feed
back into one another?). They lead to healthier friendships and
relationships. They lead to lower conflict in your relationships.
And they eliminate your fears or feelings of rejection (Vohs,
Finkenauer, & Baumeister, 2011). Research has even found that
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Before we wrap this book up, I want to talk about one more
point. That is whether confident men’s success comes down to the
attractiveness boost confidence provides... or the more work and
harder work confident individuals put in to succeed.
The truth is, more confidence serves as a double win. It
delivers more results because it makes you more attractive, more
persuasive, and it makes others like you more. However, it also
enables you to go out and get more results yourself. That’s because
it encourages you to chase success and builds up momentum that
motivates you to take shots and give yourself chances.
To understand that second point, think of it like this. You
have an unconfident man who believes women will reject him. So,
over the course of the next 30 days, he doesn’t flirt with girls, and
doesn’t ask any girl for a phone number or date. On the other side,
you have a confident man who believes women will like him. So,
over the same 30 days, he flirts with every attractive girl he meets
(plus some unattractive ones), and asks a half dozen women out on
dates. Even if everything else between them is the same, how
much more likely is the confident man to get dates, girlfriends, and
sex than the unconfident one? He’s a lot more likely, isn’t he?
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Ironhearted Confidence
date and sleep with girls. This is our final lesson – and the final
video interview with me – before we conclude these seven days.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow, and I hope you’ve enjoyed this book.
References
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