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Date Night Needs

Wendy Olewe

Communication Studies, Sam Houston State University

COMS 2386 Interpersonal Communication

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Date Night Needs

Dear Bearkat,

I’m terribly sorry to hear about your current situation. I’m sure we can think of something to

relieve the dilemma.

First, I want to congratulate both of you for intentionally finding time to still date one another

that’s a very important element to every relationship. And furthermore, taking the time to form a

clear emotional reappraisal is a productive strategy for dealing with negative emotions, which

involves changing the way you think about the situation that so that the effect of the emotion is

reduced (Floyd, 2021, p. 278). According to your question it sounds like you enjoy your weekly

date routine however want to implement different restaurants to the routine. Conflicts between

two important but opposing desires such as predictability- the desire for consistency and

stability- and novelty- desire for fresh, new experiences (Floyd, 2021, p. 289) creates dialectical

tensions. Having a designated night to go out on is the predictability that gives your relationship

an orderliness and certainty that you both appreciate. By the same token, however, has become

highly predictable and left you longing for a change.

Too often we may perceive this dialectical tension as a bad thing, however, the way we handle

the conflict is what makes it positive or negative. Relationships grow and are meant to evolve as

you both find your rhythm; routines will change so that the relationship continues to grow and

thrive. In order to maintain and strengthen personal relationships, relationship maintenance

behaviors such as openness is necessary. We have to face the vulnerability of sharing our

thoughts and feelings to another. What seems like a difference in opinion is not conflict but an

opportunity that brings people together for a collective purpose. And most importantly it is
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natural. Working through a conflict in a positive, constructive manner can help two people learn

more about each other and their relationships (Floyd, 2021, p. 359). To effectively communicate

your thoughts and feelings it is important to use I-statements rather you-statements. I-statements

claims ownership of what a person is feeling or thinking whereas you-statements shifts

responsibility to the other person.

To understand why he doesn’t mind not holding your hand begin by expressing responsibility

for your own feelings, identify the behavior that is prompting your feelings with the

characteristics and conclude with an alternative to the behavior. Therefore, you might start the

conversation with something along the lines “I get sad when you don’t notice that it’s a lot of

physical distance during our dates because I like to hold your hand while were talking and I

would really appreciate it if…” Navigating relationships to find balance requires effort from both

parties. Taking the to reappraise the situation while using I-statement to acknowledge that we

each control how think and feel helps guide the journey towards a healthy pattern.

I wish you both all the best. Write back soon can’t wait to hear your response.

Best wishes,

Fellow Bearkat

P.S. “Love will travel is far as you let it. It has no limits” – Dee King
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Reference

Floyd, K. (2021) Interpersonal Communication(4th ed.). McGraw-Hill.