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The Young Family: A Genogram Reflection

Sophie J. Young

Department of Counseling, Wake Forest University

CNS 773: Family Counseling

Dr. Robert Casares

December 1, 2021
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The Young Family: A Genogram Reflection

A genogram is a powerful tool to help one better understand their family history, family

connections, and past and present relational patterns. Within this reflective essay, I will be

unpacking the patterns, tensions, and areas for growth within my own family. When discussing

one’s family of origin, I believe disclosing prominent cultural factors is highly important. Each

member of my family (namely those represented in the provided genogram–see Figure 1)

identifies as a heterosexual Caucasian American. Following and practicing the Christian faith is

likely the most important value each family member holds, with few exceptions. The Young side

of the family largely identifies with the Southern Baptist denomination of Christianity whereas

the DeHart side identifies as Episcopalian. Given the importance of faith in my family’s history,

it was no surprise that my sister, Savannah, and I were raised going to church each Sunday with

my parents. The Christian faith has had a very positive personal impact on my life, and has

seemed to serve as a protective and grounding mechanism for many of my family members.

However, this faith has not been pursued by my older sister, Savannah, the only member in three

generations to struggle with substance use, which has resulted in many dysfunctional dynamics

within the nuclear family.

Before diving deeper into the relational patterns between myself, my sister, and my

parents, I believe it is critical to reflect upon the upbringing of Scott and Sara, who each had their

own unique experiences and relations. Analyzing the upbringings and attachment styles of my

parents can assist me in gaining a well-rounded understanding of the parenting choices they

made with Savannah and I.

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Parenting Patterns

McGoldrick wonderfully states in her book The Genogram Journey (2011) how

“studying the patterns of family conflict and alliance on a genogram can help you see the

automatic responses people often have to family events, even when they think they are being

objective” (p. 34). This statement absolutely holds true when I think of the ways my parents

interact with us based on what I have heard about how their parents interacted with them. My

father, John “Scott” Young, was raised by John and Loretta Young. He has a wonderfully close

relationship to Loretta, but has always struggled with his and John’s relationship. My grandfather

often emphasizes how much he cherishes his family since he grew up without a father figure in

the home. However, his approach to parenting was a strong overcompensation from his own

father’s lack of involvement. Throughout his childhood, my father was consistently commanded

to spend every moment of his free time with my grandfather, typically in the form of grueling

yardwork. My father has described his father as rigid, stubborn, and suffocating. Because of his

father’s hovering tendencies, my father has counteracted this by being a very hands-off parent

with Savannah and I. While he is incredibly loving, supportive, and present when needed, he

typically will not reach out or engage with us unless we initiate the interaction.

In contrast, my mother, Sara DeHart-Young, had quite the opposite upbringing. Her

parents, Francis and William “Bill” DeHart, can be described as cold and detached. My mother

often speaks negatively of her childhood, stating that she did not feel wanted or bonded with

either of her parents, especially with Francis. She has described to me how whenever she was

upset or crying as a child, rather than comforting her, her parents would shut her in her room. My

mother has also mentioned that she knows her parents’ parents had abusive tendencies which

may have led to their inability to form emotional connections with her. Because of the neglect
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she experienced, my mother intentionally chose to behave in the opposite manner with my

Savannah and I by providing us with a very warm, supportive, and loving home environment.

The Nuclear Family and Substance Use

While I would describe my mother and I’s relationship as very healthy and engaged, her

and Savannah are currently in the process of resolving their enmeshed relationship. Gladding

(2016) describes enmeshment as “overinvolvement physically and/or psychologically” (p. 167).

The physical and psychological overinvolvement began when my sister received a DUI during

her second week of college. This serious offense resulted in her losing her driver’s license for a

year, transferring away from the “party school” she attended, and living an isolated life. Over the

next seven years, my sister developed an alcohol addiction, struggled with highly unstable

romantic relationships, struggled to perform well academically, and experienced overwhelming

symptoms of depression and anxiety. Watching my sister struggle in so many ways was

incredibly painful for my parents and I, especially my mother. Because of the distance she felt

from her parents, my mother overcompensated by becoming the other extreme and enmeshing

with Savannah. Her good intentions of desperately trying to help her daughter resulted in a

strained relationship between each and every member of the nuclear family.

As Savannah’s substance use continued to worsen over the years, my mother was finally

able to see how her overinvolvement did nothing but drain her and strain the family. Presently,

she has concluded that the best way to support Savannah is to allow for more distance in their

relationship to give her more autonomy and responsibility in her own life. The added distance

has already decreased tension between her and Savannah, her and my dad, and decreased the

jealousy I felt from my older sister getting much more attention than me. However, Savannah

and I’s relationship still needs much repairing.

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A relevant and personally validating article by Incerti, Henderson-Wilson, and Dunn

(2015) interviewed individuals who have a sibling with problematic substance use. Upon reading

the qualitative research results gathered, what struck me most was what participant’s shared as

the noted strengths of their sibling relationship. Having acceptance, compassion, and love for

their sibling, not judging their sibling’s behavior, and feeling empathetic towards their sibling

were the most commonly discussed strengths within the study (Incerti, Henderson-Wilson &

Dunn, 2015). Quite honestly, I have failed to uphold any of these qualities in the past, which

would explain why Savannah and I’s relationship has been to strained. My fear and disbelief of

my sister’s addiction has led me to be judgmental, disappointed, and withdrawn from her for

many years. It wasn’t until I began this course and read about the impact addiction can have on a

family that my eyes were opened to my own negative impact. Much of my personal growth this

semester has been working to release the judgment I feel towards my sister and to cultivate

acceptance, love, and understanding for her. She has had a traumatic past and greatly struggles

with anxiety, depression, and disappointment in herself. From this lens it makes sense why she

has turned to alcohol since this relieves her of the pain and fear she experiences, even if only

temporarily. McGoldrick (2011) notes that sibling relationships are often the longest relationship

held in our lives. I believe that by harnessing positive feelings towards Savannah and by turning

towards her in her times of need rather than away from her, we can work to establish a strong

and healthy bond that can last a lifetime.

Prevalence of Anxiety

An additional pattern that I have noticed within my family is the persistent of anxiety.

Every member in the genogram, excluding my uncles on my mother’s side, have struggled with

persistent anxiety in their lives. All four of my grandparents have exhibited their own anxious
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tendencies that have seemed to trickle down through the generations. Interestingly, a meta-

analysis by Ask et al. (2021) summarizes how twin studies have shown heritability rates of

anxiety to be consistently low to moderate, ranging from 20-60%. While these numbers are not

as high as I had anticipated, the article also highlights the nature versus nurture debate and the

impact that environment can have on anxiety expression. Through this lens, it makes sense that

my grandparents have these tendencies, given their history of abusive, neglectful family

dynamics. Additionally, it makes sense that the avoidant-insecure attachment style my mother

had with her parents resulted in an anxious overcompensation to rescue my sister.

As an anxious person myself, something I wonder about is whether my parent’s

profession as counselors has impacted my sister and I’s experiences with anxiety disorders. I

remember my parents explaining what anxiety was to me on my first day of kindergarten when I

was five years old. The word “anxious” seemed to be constantly used by my parents, and was

always framed as a maladaptive trait that needed to be fixed. While my parents absolutely had

good intentions in wanting to educate and assist us, I wonder if the early pathologizing could

have exacerbated the symptoms and identification with the disorder that Savannah and I

experience.

Enhancing Family Functioning

After reflecting on the existing patterns within my family, I believe that the best ways to

increase our family functioning would be by each member recognizing their roles, the strengths

and weaknesses they bring to the family, and the shifts they can make to help our system work in

a more healthy and productive manner. This would look like an increase in acceptance and

compassion from me towards my sister, an increase in distance between my mother and sister,

and increase in involvement from my father who tends to withdraw during the drama, and my
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sister’s continued engagement in supportive services for her substance use like individual

counseling and attending regular Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Although my family has been working towards healthier functioning over the last few

months, taking this time to personally reflect on our past, present, and future with the aid of a

genogram has been a fascinating and rewarding process. Additionally, I believe that the Incerti,

Henderson-Wilson, and Dunn (2015) article provided me with the support, evidence, and

guidance I needed to truly begin to work on my relationship with my sister as she lives with an

alcohol addiction. As someone who is interested in working with couples and families in the

future, I appreciate having the opportunity to objectively view my own family unit, the multi-

generational impact of dynamics, and the personal responsibility I hold to make positive changes

towards healthier functioning. The continued emphasis from the McGoldrick (2011) text of the

importance of family, the unique emotional closeness it holds, and its impact on the course of our

lives has helped me cultivate a stronger value of spending time with my kin, which is something

I am deeply grateful for.

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Figure 1

Young family genogram.

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References

Ask, H. et al. (2021). Genetic contributions to anxiety disorders: Where we are and where we are

heading. Psychological Medicine, 51(13), 2231–2246.

https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291720005486

Gladding, S.T. (2016). Family Therapy: History, Theory, and Practice (6th ed.). Upper Saddle

River, NJ: Pearson.

Incerti, L., Henderson-Wilson, C., & Dunn, M. (2015). Challenges in the family: Problematic

substance use and sibling relationships. Family Matters (Melbourne, Vic.), 96, 29–38.

McGoldrick, M. (2011). The Genogram Journey. W.W. Norton.