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Heather Walter

Professor Flores

ENG 1201

28 March 2022

Positive Parenting

Having a conversation with a child can be quite the experience. Children are fascinating.

From the age of three, a child knows roughly 200-300 words. By the age of 5, that number

skyrockets close to 10,000 words on average (Gavin). Where are children learning these words?

Should a parent answer ALL their questions, even if they are inappropriate? When is it time for

an intervention? Parenting styles were clearly defined in the 1960’s at the University of

California at Berkley under the studies of psychologist Diana Baumrind. The effects of

parenting, child-parent relationships, and outlook into the future has been studied for the past

decades. Positive parenting is a new ideology for upcoming parents in the 21st century. Getting

most of its popularity from social media and advertising, this parenting style has many aspects

that need further exploration. No matter the preferred parenting style, what matters most is the

success of the child. Looking deeper into the evidence behind positive parenting helps to define

these measures, and better the understanding of the audience. Positive parenting can be a great

tool for parents, but it ultimately depends on the child. Children with exceptionalities such as

behavior problems, autism spectrum, and other learning disabilities may not behave desirably

under positive parenting boundaries. For those children who do benefit from positive parenting,

their parents must decide if this style is the best for them.

John Broadus Watson, a behaviorist and author of Psychological Care of Infant and

Child, was one of the first contributors to parenting concepts in 1928 (positive parenting
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ally.com). During this era, the role of the child was to serve the family. Labor within the

household, as well as in the community was expected and enforced. Love and affection were

viewed as indulgence or “spoiling” children. These ideas form cold and aggressive parents that

fear their children making mistakes. Looking into the 40’s and 50’s, parenting concepts began to

develop. Baby and Childcare, the book written in 1946 by Freudian influencer Benjamin Flock,

suggested mothers trust their children’s needs instead of neglecting them. Studies that explored

what different aged children are truly capable of performing and understanding, along with

further research into attachment styles and children’s relationship with emotion all began to join

the conversation. Diana Baumrind had a massive impact on this topic in the 60’s with her

introduction of three parenting styles: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative.

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After reviewing the diagram above, one can observe how these concepts are developing

throughout the mid 1900’s. Baumrind’s three parenting styles were the catalyst for many of the

parenting ideas being followed today. The examples given within the diagram represent common

characteristics of each style. A parent who is trying to find a style may use a chart such as this

one to visually compare different boundaries. One must also consider their children’s

personalities and how they will respond to the different styles. Finding a balance for parent and

child is the goal.

Dan Peters Ph.D. has spent years studying adolescents, dedicating his time for those

needing treatment. He developed a term for the effect parents have on their children: The Parent

Footprint. Children are the common denominator when discussing parenting styles. One must

understand that unfortunately, not all children will respond to a method of parenting the same.

Parents and caregivers must have a clear understanding of what their expectations are before

enlisting a structured form of parenting into their lifestyle (Peters). How does one figure this out?

Begin with a reflection on how one was raised, and how their parents were raised. Is there an

association with trauma, emotional turmoil, etc.? Assess the “rules” one had growing up. Were

these rules fair? What would someone do differently? This dialogue is the first step to determine

what parenting style may work best for someone and their own children one day. There is no

“correct” way to guide a child through life. One must determine the characteristics, virtues, and

ideas they would like to instill in their children. Leading by example is a massive contributing

factor as well. Adulthood is a serious responsibility. Displaying behaviors of burn out,

exhaustion, or temperament from work is one way a child may begin developing societal

misunderstandings. Similar concepts like use of profanity, bullying, and xenophobia align with
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this idea as well. Consistency and communication development deepens the parent-child

relationship.

Heather S. Lonczak Ph.D. is a clinical interviewer with The University of Washington

and author of children’s books as well. Lonczak has participated in many areas of research

regarding psychiatry and social development of children. New parenting ideology has developed

a unique approach to older practices. In previous definitions, the biological mother and father of

children are the individuals responsible for the behavior and application of parenting techniques.

There are many people involved in a child’s life such as older siblings, babysitters, and relatives

(Lonczak). This form of parenting relies on the “team” effort to instill the desired behavior and

belief system within the children. Predictors for positive outcomes has taken the lead, instead of

focusing on the risk factors (Lonczak). The official definition of positive parenting is the

continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching,

leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.

(Seay et al., 2014, p. 207).

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The above image depicts examples of what positive parenting looks like when put into action.

The philosophy that all children are born good and desire to do the right thing is one of the main

influences behind positive parenting. Parents can utilize this chart and others like it to truly

understand what this parenting style looks like daily. One must consider these aspects and

commit to them for the full experience. Other characteristics of this parenting style is motherly

warmth and affection. Parents who use this parenting must be comfortable giving lots of love and

affection. In turn, children being raised under positive parenting guidelines should be open to

affection and comfortable with physical touch. Raising one’s voice, aggressive deliverance of

punishment, and not clearly giving a reason for discipline is discouraged against. Any physical

punishment such as spanking, firm grabbing, slap on the wrist, etc, is strongly discouraged as

well. Parental figures must maintain a kind but firm approach (health.ucdavis.edu)

Acknowledging their feelings, using words to describe their emotions, and treating them with

dignity and respect all align with positive parenting philosophy.

Janey Davies is a seasoned writer publishing over ten years of work. Her Honors degree

in Psychology has helped her work focus on our minds, as well as the science behind them. No

matter what parenting style a child grows up in, there are positive and negative effects. Some

children respond better with different styles as well. How will these children behave in the future

as they enter adulthood? Baumrind’s three parenting styles have been studied and evidence

gathered to answer these questions. The first style to be addressed is the Authoritarian style.

Children raised by this style of parenting are often great at following the rules in any

circumstances. However, their relationship with authority figures is not healthy. Often children

raised under authoritarian parents are frustrated with authority (Davies). Lying to avoid
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consequences is another downfall of this style. Growing up with a rigorous pressure to do well

and follow the rules leads to low self-esteem and decision-making skills when there is not

someone there to dictate what is to be done. Children in this position may get to university and

find themselves acting out, lying, and struggling with emotions from the past. Permissive

parenting allows for the same infractions to be made without any change is punishment (Davies).

One of the most important aspects in life is learning from experience, and permissive parenting

promotes children to do the opposite of that. Other complications arise such as an adult who does

not understand the significance of rules, and often goes against what is said to be followed. Their

ability to disregard the rules leads to conflict with higher ups. Addictive behaviors can also be

common for adults who were raised by permissive parents. Authoritative parenting aligns most

commonly with positive parenting attributes. This parenting style promotes communication and

fairness, along with allowing the children to be involved (Davies). Children who were raised by

authoritative parents grow into adulthood with the ability to cooperate, understand rules, and

learn how to be independent.

Kinacle is a blog forum that is trusted by many parents today. The website discusses

children’s movies, information about newborns, and parenting advice. Positive parenting has

negative aspects. Bad behavior often takes a significantly longer time to correct (Kinacle.com).

This parenting style encourages the behavior to be explored and analyzed, rather than combating

the bad behavior as soon as it becomes prevalent in the child’s day to day actions. The reason for

the behavior is sought out to know why, which takes a long time. Consistent effort and energy

are needed to keep up with a child who may maintain an unfavorable behavior for a long period

of time. Another concern with positive parenting is coddling one’s child. A child who is familiar

with their parents being there for extra hugs and attention, help with getting dressed, etc., may
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not be ready to detach from a parental figure when the time comes. Once the child enters the

classroom, they can become emotional, aggressive, and codependent with their teacher. Looking

into adulthood, children raised by positive parenting ideology do have high chances of success.

Where some concerns arise are with the children who developed bad behavior and it was not

corrected as a young child. This behavior can manifest into other negative actions such as drug

use, deceitfulness, and reckless behavior.

Heather Walter is the author of this essay and has been working in childcare for over six

years. Recently, Walter has been a full-time nanny for three children ages five, three, and

thirteen months. The mother of the children requested that Walter adopted her positive parenting

techniques and maintained them while caring for the children. Walter’s style of parenting aligns

more with the Authoritative style. As she got to know the children, many of their personality

traits came to light. The five-year-old stood out. He has been having consistent problems at

school with keeping his hands to himself, saying inappropriate things, and being deceitful. At

home, he insists on hitting, punching, kicking, scratching, spitting, and verbally abusing Ms.

Walter, as well as his other siblings. She has tried bribing him with snacks, stickers, enforcing

punishments like time out, taking toys away, etc. Nothing is working. –

In this circumstance, what should Walter Do? She is supposed to be following the mother’s

request to maintain positive parenting, even though the mom recognizes it is not working. The

other children do not exhibit any of the same behaviors as the five-year-old. Walter chose to

discontinue working for this family due to the behavior of the child. It is unfortunate that this

decision had to be made, however her safety and well being was at a detriment because of the

situation.
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This revelation is just one example of positive parenting being unsuccessful. There are

also accounts of this method working. No matter the age, gender, or style of parenting, it all

revolves around the child and their needs. Parenting should be fluid. Introducing new techniques

to better accommodate a child is perfectly okay. In the situation with Walter and the five-year-

old, a new and more structured parenting style should have been introduced. The boy’s behavior

is out of hand and if it is combatted soon, he will unfortunately maintain those habits for a long

time.

In 2017, the “Positive Parenting of Children with Developmental Disabilities: A Meta-

Analysis” was published by faculty at Brigham Young University. Tina Taylor, et al. discuss the

history of parenting and the connection between disabilities and positive parenting. Although the

research suggests a positive correlation between behavior outcomes and positive parenting, there

is still a lack of diversity in the research. Often the mother is more involved in the research rather

than both parents equally. Regarding exceptionalities, unfortunately the other data gathered is

related to children with Down Syndrome (Taylor, et al.). For those children with Down

Syndrome, the overall research does suggest that positive approaches work better than directive

statements. More research is needed to conduct a thorough discussion regarding the relationship

between special needs and positive parenting.

In conclusion, there are many aspects of parenting to keep in consideration when

discussing the different styles and methods used. Throughout the last century, these concepts

have developed immensely. Positive parenting has been an influential perspective on parenting

in the 21st century. This approach requires a high percentage of parental involvement and

guidance. The personality, exceptionalities, and characteristics of a child determine the success

of any parenting style. Parents must communicate with their children and spouse to determine if
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their approach is working. Children are the future, and it is our responsibility as adults to

accommodate to their needs to promote success. There are pros and cons to each type of

parenting style. Evaluating what one’s expectations are for their children assists them in

maintaining a parenting style to best assist their needs.

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Works Cited

Davies, Janey. Parenting styles can affect everything from how much your child weighs to how

they feel about themselves. Lifeadvancer.com. October 2018.

https://www.lifeadvancer.com/different-parenting-styles/#:~:text=Parenting%20styles

%20can%20affect%20everything%20from%20how%20much,influence%20them%20for

%20the%20rest%20of%20their%20life.

Gavin, Mary L. Communication and Your 4-5 Year Old. Kidshealth.org. June 2019.

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/comm-4-to-5.html

Organizedwithkids.com. https://www.organizedwithkids.com/positive-parenting-devotional-

simple-strategies-create-a-strong-bond-and-happy-kids/

Peters, Dan. What Type of Parent Are You?. Psychologytoday.com. November 2016.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/worrier-warrior/201611/what-type-parent-are-

you

Taylor, Tina. Et al. Positive Parenting of Children with Developmental Disabilities: A Meta-

Analysis. ScholarsArchive.byu.edu. September 2019. Positive Parenting of Children with

Developmental Disabilities: A Meta-Analysis (byu.edu)

The Power of Positive Parenting. Health.ucdavis.edu.

https://health.ucdavis.edu/children/patients_family_resources/Patient_and_Family_Educa

tion_A_to_Z/Positive-Parenting.html
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Tracing Diana Baumrind's 3 Parenting Styles Through History! The Essence of the Dominant

Child Rearing Paradigms. Positiveparentingally.com. 2019. https://www.positive-

parenting-ally.com/parenting-styles.html

Understanding Positive Parenting – The Advantages And Disadvantages. Kinacle.com. May

2021. https://kinacle.com/understanding-positive-parenting-advantages-disadvantages/#