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Giving Feedback
How to Give and Receive
Compliments at Work
by Christopher Littlefield
October 12, 2019

Ana Galvañ

Summary.   Whether you’re a manager or a team member, giving and receiving

compliments plays a major part in forming workplace relationships. Yet research
shows that many people feel anxiety over the idea of exchanging compliments,
worrying about coming off as a kiss-up or having their compliment misinterpreted.
To be better at giving compliments, it’s also important to become better at
receiving them. These scenarios and suggestions can help anyone practice the art
of giving and receiving compliments. close

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Whether you are a manager or an individual contributor, giving

and receiving compliments plays a critical role in building and
maintaining relationships at work. When done well, a
compliment is one of the most powerful ways to let someone
know that we value and appreciate them. Yet, these seemingly
positive interactions can be surprisingly tricky to navigate for
both giver and receiver alike. Some of my earliest research,
published as “What to Do When Praise Makes You
Uncomfortable,” revealed that although the number one thing
people associate with being recognized is feeling valued (88%),
nearly 70% of people associated embarrassment or discomfort
with the process of both giving and receiving.

Although compliments should be a positive experience — and

most of the time they are — in my research, I have found the
process of giving and receiving compliments often brings up a lot
of anxiety for everyone involved. Givers express worries of being
seen as a kiss-up, having their compliment misinterpreted, or
triggering jealousy in others. On the receiving end, people feel
they don’t deserve it, question the giver’s intentions, or worry that
they won’t be able to produce the same result in the future.

I have found there are methods of both giving and receiving a

compliment that help cut through some of these barriers and
make the experience more comfortable and trust-building. While
it may seem counterintuitive, in order to get better at giving
compliments we must first get better at receiving them.

How to Accept a Compliment

Your boss or coworker catches you off guard with a compliment,
and what should be a moment of pride instead sends your mind
spinning as you awkwardly navigate how to respond. Although
our reactions to compliments may be complicated, how we
respond is not. Most people don’t realize compliments are often
more about the giver than the receiver. When someone is
complimenting you, they are actually sharing how what you did
impacted them. It does not matter if you agree or disagree with
what they are saying, just relate to it as a gift and accept it. The
best way to respond to the kind words from a boss or coworker is
to simply say “Thank you,” and if the compliment made a
difference, let the person know. If you find yourself diverting the
person’s compliment by passing the credit, making a joke, or
awkwardly explaining why you don’t deserve it, recover the
situation by saying: “I am working on getting better at accepting a
compliment. Thank you.”

Here are a few ways to respond to a compliment:

“Thank you, it makes my day to hear that.”

“I really put a lot of thought into this, thank you for noticing.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to express
that.”
“Thank you, I am happy to hear you feel that way!”

If the person compliments you for another person’s work, redirect

the compliment to the correct person:

“It is great to hear you feel that way! Actually, Amanda is the
one behind this project. If you have a minute, it would make her
day to hear how you feel.”
“I would love to take credit, but John is the one responsible for
this. I will share your feedback when I see him today.”
Read more about
A Simple Compliment Can Make a Big Difference
If someone compliments you for something that was a team
effort, share the appreciation. If you are the team leader, note that
the person may be recognizing you for your role in leading your
people, so be sure to first take the compliment and then
acknowledge the efforts of your team:

“Thank you for noticing, it is really great to hear that. Everyone

on our team has been working really hard on this over the last
few weeks. I will share your feedback in our next meeting.”

It is important to keep in mind that our habitual responses to

compliments have been developed throughout our lives and, as
with any habit, it will take effort and practice to change. Over the
next week, pay attention to how you and others react to
compliments and try using some of the responses above. After a
few weeks, you may find that it is not that hard to just say “Thank
you!”

How to Give a Powerful Compliment

Knowing how to compliment and recognize others is a
fundamental leadership skill. However, few of us know how to do
it effectively. Over the last decade, I have interviewed and
surveyed thousands of people to understand what makes a
powerful compliment. I found that the most memorable and
impactful messages are authentic and specific, focusing on the
process they went through to produce it. Here are a few tips on
how to give a powerful compliment.

Be authentic. The most important part of any compliment is that

your intention is authentic. Don’t compliment the person to
butter them up before making a request, soften the blow
before giving difficult feedback, or to try and cheer them up after
a mistake. If your intention is not genuine, neither is your
compliment. When you are inauthentic in your recognition,
people may think you are inauthentic in other areas as well. A
good rule to follow is: Don’t compliment someone because you
feel you should; compliment them because you feel compelled to
let them know how they impact you or others.

Be specific. As with giving feedback or instructions, when you

compliment someone, you want to share it in a way that does not
leave the person with any questions. For example:

“That was amazing!” (What was amazing?)

“I am proud of you.” (For what?)
“Thank you for taking notes in the meeting.” (It’s my job, why
are you recognizing me?)

When we share, it is important to give details and examples to

help the person comprehend the context of our remarks. When we
are clear with our compliments, the person understands exactly
what we are expressing and why.

Vague compliment: “Thanks for taking notes in the meeting,

you’re amazing!”
Specific compliment: “John, I know it is your job to take notes
in the meeting, but because you do it so well, I know I can relax
and focus on doing my job. Thank you.”

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Focus on the process, not just the result. In my research, I found

that people rarely want to be recognized for the result, but instead
the process and effort that went into producing the result.
Compliments that only focus on the result often trigger a concern
in the receiver of not being able to produce the same result in the
future. When recognizing someone, show them that you
appreciate the time, sacrifice, creativity, or care that went into
their work.

“Phil, I am blown away by the event you put together for the
client. I can’t even imagine all the hours, work, and creativity
that went into making that event happen. Thank you for
everything you did behind the scenes on this project.”

Share the impact. Remember that a compliment is often more

about the giver than the receiver. When we compliment someone,
we are actually sharing how what they did impacted us. If you
want to give a powerful compliment, give the person a window
into what you experienced and how it impacted you or
others. Consider sharing how their leadership impacts the team,
their work impacts the company’s results, or how their attitude
impacts the team environment.

“Jane, I wanted to let you know I really appreciate how you lead
our team. On my last team, I never wanted to share ideas for
fear of my boss shooting them down. Since day one, I watched
how you encouraged all of us to speak up and share ideas, and I
felt comfortable to take risks. I really enjoy working for you and
feel like I am growing every day. Thank you.”

The Compliment Checklist

The next time you feel compelled to give a compliment, before
you share, pause for a minute and answer the following questions.

Authentic: Why am I recognizing this person?

Specific: What did I experience or observe?
Process: What did it take for them to do what they did?
Impact:  How did their actions impact me or the team?

Over time, answering these questions will become second nature

as you begin to master the art of giving and receiving powerful
compliments. You can begin to practice immediately. Who have
you been meaning to compliment?
 Christopher Littlefield is an
International/TEDx speaker specializing in
employee appreciation and the founder
of Beyond Thank You. He has trained
thousands of leaders across six continents to
create cultures where people feel valued every
day. He is the author of 75+ Team Building
Activities for Remote Teams—Simple Ways to
Build Trust, Strengthen Communication, and
Laugh Together from Afar. You can follow his
work through his weekly mailing The Nudge.