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Briana

Mrs. Scharf

ERWC Period 3

25 January 2022

Scholarship Essay

Rubric

After completing your Scholarship Essay Assignment, highlight in yellow what you believe

you earned on your Scholarship essay on the rubric below.

6 5 4 3 2 1
W 11-12.4 A little Reflection is thoughtful and The student reflects on The student Attempt No
Produce clear and more reveals the author has his/her essay and how reflect on the to reflect evidence
coherent writing successful reflected on specific aspects he/she revised. The changes he/she
in which the than a 5 of the essay and how to student shares some of the made but the
development, revise. The writer seems specific techniques and reflection might
organization, and genuinely engaged in the changes he/she made but be more surface-
style are process of reflecting and could go into more detail. level or to just
appropriate to the revising by writing about “get it over with”
task, purpose, and the changes she/he has
audience. made.

W 11-12.5 A little Develop and strengthen Develop and strengthen Develop writing Attempt No
Develop and more writing multiple times as writing as needed by by revision or to revise evidence
strengthen writing successful needed by planning, planning, revising, planning.
as needed by than a 5 revising, editing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, or
planning, or trying a trying a new approach,
revising, editing, new approach, focusing on focusing on addressing
rewriting, or addressing what is most what is most significant
trying a new significant for a for a specific purpose and
approach, specific purpose and audience.
focusing on audience.
addressing what
is most significant
for a specific
purpose and
audience.

Revision Essay

Does money actually the American dream?:

The Great Gatsby

Money can open many doors but it can not open the door to perfect reality. In “ The
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Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald explains the reality of money is not what we think

and that is explained by Gatsby, Nick Carraway, and Tom and Daisy Buchanan. This

novel is set in New York in West and East egg to explain the reality of money and how it

affects the characters. It explains the selfish needs that every character wants and but can

not have. In The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald explains that the American dream is

a fantasy and that is shown through the characters like Tom and Daisy Buchanan because

they become careless and let people take the blame even though those people may get hurt.

In the novel, “The Great Gatsby” by F Scott Fitzgerald Tom and Daisy Buchanan

explains the reality of money and how it makes only think of yourself. As Nick was

leaving Jordan’s house he heard his name and “gatsby stepped” from two bushes so nick

had gone by Gatsby’s side and started to ask whether “Daisy driving” caused the crash

End. We had explained that she did “but of course” he said he was driving (Fitzgerald

142). This shows that Daisy is willing to do anything e so she can live each day like she did

nothing. This explains that Daisy is a careless

person because she supposedly loves Gatsby but will not tell the truth to anyone. Later in

the novel, Nick Carraway Tom Buchanan after the death of Gatsby And Nick is angry at

Palm because Tom explains that told Wilson “the truth” then Tom start to explain how

they use their money to “let other people clean up the mess they had made” ( Fitzgerald

178-181). The shows that Tom is careless cuz he can't even acknowledge the fact that

someone has died to do to him telling who was not in the right mental space. It also

shows that Daisy is very careless because even after Gatsby has died she still hasn't told

Tom the truth. Both of these situations explain how Tom and Daisy use their money to

solve their problems but also How emotionless they are when talking about someone's
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Death.

Tom and Daisy are very careless not only in the public but in their relationship due to

them trying to play a game and trying one-up each other with their lovers. Even when they had

dinner with Jordan and Nick at the beginning of the book because the butler “murmured

something close to Tom’s ear” of the home and tom had decided to go in then daisy had followed

so Jordan had started to listen to the conversation yet nick was confused then Jordan explained

that Tom had “got some woman”(Fitzgerald 18). This explains the carelessness on Tom's side

because even though he's happily married in a good relationship she still wants to be with

someone else even though that's not who he is married to. Another reason why he's so careless is

that he doesn't care about what Daisy is feeling when he does this and he only cares about

himself and his needs and this is because when comes to daisy he sees her as property. Even

Daisy was careless in the way of when “Tom flung open” the door And then he saw Gatsby so

Daisy had asked Tom to go get her and Gatsby drinks but then she “pulled his face down kissing

him”(Fitzgerald 123). Daisy is very careless in the play because as

Tom is doing with Myrtle she is doing to get back at him which I think is very rude. Another

reason why I think this is careless is that she's trying to get back at Tom and I believe that Gatsby

is a pawn in her game because she knows that tom is going to get angry and not like that she is

with someone that may be wealthier than him. In reality, both Tom and Daisy are very careless

when it comes to their

relationship because they are willing to stab each other in the back in a certain way when

trying to make them jealous.

Tom and Daisy were always careless especially when they had to deal with their

affairs. When Tom and Nick had gone to the Valley of Ashes to see George Wilson but
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then saw Myrtle Tom's mistress they decided to have a party so during the time the party

myrtle starts to explain that it was “really his wife” which was daisy because supposedly

“She’s a Catholic” but that shocked Nick because “Daisy was not a Catholic”, (Fitzgerald

37). This exposes Tom as being very careless because I don't think he cares about

whether he hurts people. After all, he just wants to be happy. Another reason he was very

careless is that he's telling Myrtle lies and making her believe that they'll be together one

day but he would never be married to someone in that social class because he will never want to

be looked down on by family or friends. Daisy also is very careless when it comes to how she

handles her affair with Gatsby especially when they are at the party with Tom and Gatsby

wants Daisy to explain that she “never loved” Tom but the reality was that she did love

him once—but” also loved Gatsby. Just as Tom did with Myrtle Davies doing the same

thing with Gatsby because she is giving him false hope. The reason he's getting so much

false help is that they go out in secret and she tells them she loves him but in reality, at

the end of the day, she will always go back to Tom. Tom and Daisy are both careless in

many ways when it comes to other people's feelings because they only care about

themselves and what makes them happy in that time and they don't think about what if

this person will get hurt.

The reality is that both Tom and Daisy Buchanan are very careless when it comes to

other people's feelings because they use their money to avoid darkness. I say they use their

money to solve their problems because they had affairs with people who wanted to be rich or

were rich also because when Gatsby had died they had decided to go on a trip. The quotes are

important because it shows the reality of who Daisy is and who she tries to be so she can seem
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like she is a good girl. Whether or not Daisy or Tom have good intentions they will only do

things based on money.

To the best of your knowledge, what scores did you earn on this essay? If you can’t

remember the scores, what were some of the things you struggled with in this essay? What

needs to be improved?

I think I had scored either a 3 or 4 I struggled on trying to get quotes because I felt that every

quote I used would always have the same explanation so I feel that it was kind of repetitive. I

think I can improve on my wording and grammar.

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Original Essay

The Great Gatsby

Money can open many doors but it can not open the door to perfect reality. In “ The

Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald explains that money is not what we think

and that is explained by Gatsby, Nick Carraway, and Tom and Daisy Buchanan. This

novel is set in New York in West and East egg to explain the reality of money and how it

affects the characters. It explains the selfish needs that every character wants and but can

not have. In “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald explains that the American dream is

a fantasy and that is shown through the characters like Tom and Daisy Buchanan because

they let people take the blame for certain things and also don't tell the truth when it

affects them.

In the novel, “The Great Gatsby” by F Scott Fitzgerald Tom and Daisy Buchanan

explains the reality of money and how it makes only think of yourself. As Nick was

leaving Jordan’s house he heard his name and “gatsby stepped” from two bushes so nick

had gone by Gatsby’s side and started to ask whether “Daisy driving” caused the crash

End. We had explained that she did “but of course” he said he was driving (Fitzgerald

142). This shows that Daisy is willing to do or say anything to get something off her

plate so she can live each day like she did nothing. This explains that Daisy is a careless

person because she supposedly loves Gatsby but will not tell the truth to anyone. Later in

the novel, Nick Carraway Tom Buchanan after the death of Gatsby And Nick is angry at

Palm because Tom explains that told Wilson “the truth” then Tom start to explain how

they use their money to “let other people clean up the mess they had made” ( Fitzgerald
 Carrillo 7

178-181). The shows that Tom is careless cuz he can't even acknowledge the fact that

someone has died to do to him telling who was not in the right mental space. It also

shows that Daisy is very careless because even after Gatsby has died she still hasn't told

Tom the truth. Both of these situations explain how Tom and Daisy use their money to

solve their problems but also How emotionless they are when talking about someone's

Death.

Tom and Daisy are very careless not only in the public but in their relationship.

Even when they had dinner with Jordan and Nick at the beginning of the book because

the butler “murmured something close to Tom’s ear” of the home and tom had decided to

go in then daisy had followed so Jordan had started to listen to the conversation yet nick

was confused then Jordan explained that Tom had “got some woman”(Fitzgerald 18).

This explains the carelessness on Tom's side because even though he's happily married in

a good relationship she still wants to be with someone else even though that's not who he

is married to. Another reason why he's so careless is that he doesn't care about what

Daisy is feeling when he does this and he only cares about himself and his needs. Even

Daisy was careless in the way of when “Tom flung open” the door And then he saw

Gatsby so Daisy had asked Tom to go get her and Gatsby drinks but then she “pulled his

face down kissing him”(Fitzgerald 123). Daisy is very careless in the play because as

Tom is doing with the mistress she is doing to get back at him which I think is very rude.

Another reason why I think this is careless is because she's trying to get back at Tom and I

think she doesn't think about Gatsby's feelings if something were to happen between him

and Tom. In reality, both Tom and Daisy are very careless when it comes to their

relationship because they are willing to stab each other in the back in a certain way when
 Carrillo 8

trying to make them jealous.

Tom and Daisy were always careless especially when they had to deal with their

affairs. When Tom and Nick had gone to the Valley of Ashes to see George Wilson but

then saw Myrtle Tom's mistress they decided to have a party so during the time the party

myrtle starts to explain that it was “really his wife” which was daisy because supposedly

“She’s a Catholic” but that shocked Nick because “Daisy was not a Catholic”, (Fitzgerald

37). This exposes Tom as being very careless because I don't think he cares about

whether he hurts people. After all, he just wants to be happy. Another reason he was very

careless is that he's telling Myrtle lies and making her believe that they'll be together one

day but in reality, they won't. Daisy also is very careless when it comes to how she

handles her affair with Gatsby especially when they are at the party with Tom and Gatsby

wants Daisy to explain that she “never loved” Tom but the reality was that she did love

him once—but” also loved Gatsby. Just as Tom did with Myrtle Davies doing the same

thing with Gatsby because she is giving him false hope. The reason he's getting so much

false help is that they go out in secret and she tells them she loves him but in reality, at

the end of the day, she will always go back to Tom. Tom and Daisy are both careless in

many ways when it comes to other people's feelings because they only care about

themselves and what makes them happy in that time and they don't think about what if

this person will get hurt.

The reality is that both Tom and Daisy Buchanan are very careless when it comes to

other people's feelings because they use their money to solve their problems so they don't

have to solve them. I say they use their money to solve their problems because they had

affairs with people who wanted to be rich or were rich also because when Gatsby had
 Carrillo 9

died they had decided to go on a trip. The quotes are important because it shows the

reality of who Daisy is and who she tries to be so she can seem like she is a good girl.

Whether or not Daisy or Tom have good intentions be both are very careless and only

think about their happiness instead of others.

Reflection

1st Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining specifically what you revised in your essay and

why. Go into thoughtful details! How did these choices improve your essay? What skills do you

now have that you were able to use to help enhance your essay?

When looking at my Great Gatsby essay I had noticed that when reading it out loud I had

realized that sometimes it did not answer the prompt or it was very repetitive. I had realized I

did not answer the prompt in the last sentence because I had really just said that they were

careless and I did not mention anything about money and how even though Gatsby was rich he
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did not get the ending he wanted and instead it had made Daisy looks very selfish and only care

about what affects her. One way I had to stop trying to be repetitive with star and sentences is by

adding a little more detail and adding how I felt because I feel like it is a very important part to

try to understand when reading. I believe the revisions help me because I think that it will help

the reader get a better understanding of how I feel about money and the American dream in this

book. One thing that I have when revising is that I try to look for the smaller details and how

each word can affect what I'm trying to say. So when trying to revise my essay I tried to look for

the small minor Details that I had missed also I tried to give a better reason on why I believe

money is not good when revising.

2nd Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining how you’ve improved as a writer since your

freshman year: What did you struggle with before? What are you proud that you can do now?

When thinking about how I have improved I feel that the difference is how I address certain

prompts and how I answer the prompts. I believe that I had struggled with integrating quotes and

explaining the quote because I think I did not understand or read into the details when answering

a prompt. and what I mean is I did not understand what quote to put in I think I would put in

quotes that did not fully answer the prompt so that would make me make up certain analogies to

support the prompt. As I had said before I would only answer certain parts of the question with

one quote because I did not fully understand what was trying to be done so when explaining the
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quote I would be repetitive and makeup analogies. I am very proud that I can look into the

Minor Details more because I feel that the little details are affected the most when writing. also,

I feel that I can explain quotes better because of the way I read things now like looking at the

Minor Details as I said before. another thing I'm proud of is that I know how to answer the

prompts by looking at the background and also Googling. When it comes down to how I have

done with writing I feel that I have improved tremendously because of all the lessons I have

learned from making mistakes or things teachers have told me.