Hermsen 1

Laney Hermsen

Dr. Sullivan

Engaging Differences Midterm

11 October 2019

Engaging Differences Midterm

Diversity is an action, inclusivity is culture, and belonging is a feeling. In society

diversity is what makes us different. Whether it be individuals race, class, ethnicity, etc. we all

have things that make us different and with that comes acceptance. In the essays “How to do

Gender” and “Guys’ Club: No Faggots, Bitches, or Pussies Allowed”, many topics of

disconnection, desensitization and stereotypes in communication throughout society are

explored. These topics include but are not limited to emotional expression, display rules, framing

rules, feeling rules, and hate speech.

The first topic talked about in the book is emotional expression. Emotional expression is

talked about as “a way that many people rely on when they do not know how to say that they are

feeling (Wahl 154).” In relation to the other reading the author writes about a man at a bar who

drinks a beer while watching sports but when he is pulled over turns into a polite man and how

these are two different types of masculinity seen in men. When talking about men emotions are

not usually of topic of interest because due to this masculinity man are told by society to hide

their emotions as it is not manly to show them. In reality emotional expression should be able to

be felt by all genders but society has created a stigma around emotional men.
 Hermsen 2

Next in the book is display rules and these are defined as “prescriptions for what kinds

and amounts of emotional expression are appropriate (Wahl 157).” In addition, also defined in

the book is Framing Rules, meaning “the standards taught to us by society or a culture or a

society that help us define what certain situations are supposed to mean to us emotionally (Wahl

157).” In the chapter the idea of feeling rules is also talked about and defined as “refers to what

people should feel or have the right to feel in a given situation (Wahl 158).” For example, when

we graduate or get married society has this view that an individual should be happy and if they

feel any other emotion people become concerned. When looking at society it is amazing to think

about the amounts of jobs that require us to have specific emotional demeanors. One idea is

being a doctor, being a doctor requires you to keep a very professional attitude because if you

were giving a patient a check up and started laughing you would most likely lose patients

quickly.

In relation to our reading “Guys’ Club: No Faggots, Bitches, or Pussies Allowed” the

author opens the essay by talking about a personal experience. In this recollection of a vivid

memory the author writes about a trip where he witnessed his sister painting her nails and he was

mesmerized by the pretty colors, leading him to want his nails painted. Immediately he recalls

his aunt laughing and blowing off this silly request until he whined so much that she gave in to

teach him a “lesson”. This interaction with his aunt was meant to be a way to show him that nail

polish is for girls and many people would assume that this would be the lesson that he took away

but in reality the author went against framing rules and took a different lesson away. He was able

to learn about societies stereotypes and it gave him fire to write this essay standing up to them.

As for display rules and feeling rule in this situation this little boy was not reacting as society felt
 Hermsen 3

he should and he was showing emotions and a want for something that others felt he shouldn’t

want.

The final idea talked about in the reading is hate speech which is defined as “insulting

discourse, phrases, terms, cartoons, or organized campaigns used to humiliate people based on

age, gender, race, ethnicity, culture, sexual identity, social class, and more (Wahl 118).” Hate

speech is seen in the essay “Guys’ Club: No Faggots, Bitches, or Pussies Allowed” when a

classmate calls the author a faggot on the playground. This instance is a reminder that not all

speech is good and not all words are uplifting. Hate speech is witnessed an unimaginable amount

of times throughout our day to day lives to the point where we have become immune to it.

Constantly in today’s society name that are demeaning to certain groups are used as insults when

joking around. These insults are used so much individuals are desensitized to them.

Topics of emotional expression, display rules, framing rules, feeling rules, and hate

speech are seen in the essays “How to do Gender” and “Guys’ Club: No Faggots, Bitches, or

Pussies Allowed”. Many factors come into play when looking into disconnects in society. People

need to remember to be conscious of diversity and differences when being around other.