Saldivar 1

Brandon Saldivar

Scharf

ERWC Period 6

25 January 2022

Scholarship Essay

Rubric

After completing your Scholarship Essay Assignment, highlight in yellow what you believe

you earned on your Scholarship essay on the rubric below.

6 5 4 3 2 1
W 11-12.4 A little Reflection is thoughtful and The student reflects on The student Attempt No
Produce clear and more reveals the author has his/her essay and how reflect on the to reflect evidence
coherent writing successful reflected on specific aspects he/she revised. The changes he/she
in which the than a 5 of the essay and how to student shares some of made but the
development, revise. The writer seems the specific techniques reflection might
organization, and genuinely engaged in the and changes he/she made be more
style are process of reflecting and but could go into more surface-level or
appropriate to revising by writing about detail. to just “get it
task, purpose, and the changes she/he has over with”
audience. made.

W 11-12.5 A little Develop and strengthen Develop and strengthen Develop writing Attempt No
Develop and more writing multiple times as writing as needed by by revision or to revise evidence
strengthen writing successful needed by planning, planning, revising, planning.
as needed by than a 5 revising, editing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, or
planning, or trying a trying a new approach,
revising, editing, new approach, focusing on focusing on addressing
rewriting, or addressing what is most what is most significant
trying a new significant for a for a specific purpose and
approach, specific purpose and audience.
focusing on audience.
addressing what
is most
significant for a
specific purpose
and audience.

Original Essay

Write the essay’s prompt (recreate to the best of your ability) here:

In a well developed multi-paragraph essay, discuss how Swift’s use of figurative

language reveals the theme of the song (her idea about love). Be sure to support your
assertions with specific examples from the text. Be sure to explain how the devices
support the theme.
 Saldivar 2

To the best of your knowledge, what scores did you earn on this essay? If you can’t

remember the scores, what were some of the things you struggled with in this essay? What

needs to be improved?

From what I remember, I got average scores on my essay from this assignment. I struggled with

my analysis of the song because I was looking at it from a very surface level perspective and

that’s what I want to improve with this revision. I also want to improve my use of language and

grammar because I was looking through this essay and noticed a decent amount of errors.

Passion of the Swift

Taylor Swift has a very interesting take on love. I think we can look at her love life to

understand her take on love if you know what I mean. She’s strayed far from her old country

days. In one of her newest songs “Red,” she talks about her troubled relationship with a guy. She

uses all this figurative language explaining how loving the guy was “red.” Swift utilizes similes,

metaphors, and symbolism to convey her idea that love can be confusing and frustrating.

In line 3 of the song, Swift says,”Loving him is like trying to change your mind once

you’re already flying through the free fall.” That symbolizes the tough decisions she’s had to

make while being in a toxic relationship. The hardships that Swift has faced has taken a

catastrophic toll on her heart. Changing your mind during a free fall seems to simulate Swift’s

regret of hopping into that relationship. In line 5 of the song, Swift adds that “Losing him was

blue like [she’d] ever known.” This exemplifies Swift’s emotions during the harsh breakup she

faced before writing this song. The color blue symbolizes sadness and it’s obvious that Swift is
 Saldivar 3

feeling just a little blue. These quotes convey Swift’s idea of love by showing how it can be

confusing and frustrating.

In line 21 of the song, Swift sings that she has to “Tell [herself] that it’s time now, gotta

let go.” This demonstrates the toughness of moving on from someone in a relationship. Swift has

to move on from the man she left. She has a hard time letting go of the personal bond she had

with her former partner. In line 22, Swift adds on to her post-breakup situation by singing “But

moving on from him is impossible.” This demonstrates Swift’s struggles with moving on. These

quotes asserts Swift’s ideology of love, and that it is confusing and frustrating.

Taylor Swift has had many relationships with a lot of different guys. Her inability to keep

a person on lockdown has played a very cruel game with her heart. The quotes above have

showed a personal look on Swift’s point of view in a very public breakup. These quotes assert

Swift’s idea of love, and that it is confusing and frustrating.

 Saldivar 4

Revised Essay

Type your revised essay in this section. Make sure to highlight in yellow the changes you made

from the original. These should be significant, meaningful changes, not just changes to grammar,

punctuation, etc.

Passion of the Swift

Taylor Swift’s love life has been a rollercoaster of a tale with its ups and many downs.

One thing that has been a constant throughout it, has been her knack for writing breakup songs.

In one of her newest songs “Red,” she talks about her troubled relationship with a guy. The

whole idea of the song centers around how loving him was “red.” Swift utilizes similes,

metaphors, and symbolism to convey her idea that love can be confusing and frustrating.

In line 3 of the song, Swift explains that ”Loving him” was almost as if you’re “trying to

change your mind” after “already flying through the free fall.” That split decision symbolizes the

tough decisions she’s had to make while being in a toxic relationship. Swift has bounced from

relationship to relationship and the emotional toll it takes on her is represented through the

symbolism in her songs. Changing your mind during a free fall is used to show Swift’s regret

after hopping into a relationship and it also shows how there was no turning back for her. In line

5 of the song, Swift adds that “Losing him was blue like [she’d] ever known.” This exemplifies

Swift’s emotions during the harsh breakup she faced before writing this song. The color blue

symbolizes sadness and it’s obvious that Swift is feeling just a little blue. These quotes convey

Swift’s idea of love by showing how it can be confusing and frustrating.

In line 21 of the song, Swift sings that she has to “Tell [herself] that it’s time now” she’s “

gotta let go.” This demonstrates the difficult task of moving on from someone in a relationship.
 Saldivar 5

Swift has to learn how to let go of the person she loved and move on. She has a hard time letting

go of the personal bond she had with her former partner. In line 22, Swift adds on to her

post-breakup situation by singing “But moving on from him is impossible.” This demonstrates

Swift’s struggles with moving on. There’s a contrast between both of these quotes and it shows

how being in a relationship can be very black and white. These quotes assert Swift’s ideology of

love, and that it is confusing and frustrating.

Taylor Swift has had many relationships with a lot of different people. Her inability to

keep a person on lockdown has played a very cruel game with her heart. The quotes above have

shown a personal look on Swift’s point of view in a very public breakup. These quotes assert

Swift’s idea of love, and that it is confusing and frustrating.

Reflection

1st Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining specifically what you revised in your essay and

why. Go into thoughtful details! How did these choices improve your essay? What skills do you

now have that you were able to use to help enhance your essay?
 Saldivar 6

I revised a good portion of the essay. It was very easy because I noticed a spew of grammatical

errors and I also revised the flow of the essay. It felt kind of choppy and it was pretty obvious

that it was rushed. I remember writing this essay in class actually and I was just speeding through

it because I did not want to do it. I believe my improved analytical skills and a better sense of

learning how to explain myself better contributed to this essay and overall improved it.

2nd Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining how you’ve improved as a writer since your

freshman year: What did you struggle with before? What are you proud that you can do now?

I remember freshman year I really struggled with analyzing texts and lacked the ability to dig

beneath the surface level when reading. I never asked myself questions in my head about the text

and it showed in my writing. I also struggled with trying to sound smarter than I actually am. I

used to use very big words to try and make myself seem like I knew more than I actually did.

That also led me to using words in the wrong way and confusing whoever read my essays. Now,

I believe I’ve improved my analytical skills and my use of vocabulary. Although I still use big

words, I actually understand what they mean. Well, most of the time. I just end up googling

words if I’m unsure.