There are times in life where people don't give you what you want, but you don't

have to
settle for disappointment. When life gives you lemons, manipulate the lemon salesman.
Here's how.

Photo by byronv2

Disclaimer

It's worth noting that manipulating people is generally a bad thing to do. Please do not
take this advice. Instead, use it as a guide to spot manipulation in your day-to-day
interactions and protect yourself from manipulative people. Such is the goal of Evil
Week.

Emotion vs. Logic

The easiest way to manipulate people—especially Americans—is by playing on their

emotions. If you let people think too much they're more likely to make a logical choice.
If you can guide them to feel a certain way—a way that benefits you—you'll have a much
easier time getting what you want. This is what emotional manipulation is all about.

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Master Your Own Emotions

Ideally your target won't have an exceptional amount of control over their emotions, but
that doesn't mean you get to be lazy. A master manipulator needs to be able to act.
Shedding a tear when it suits your needs or losing yourself in a fit of rage are both
important skills you'll want to master. Whether you want to incite fear, sympathy, or
anything else will depend on the situation, so it's important to master your own
emotions so you'll have the proper tools for the task at hand.

Be Charming and Flirt Often

But you can't just cry and throw tantrums whenever you want something—people have
to like you. Charm is an important part of manipulating people. If you're ridiculously
likable most of the time, when you react with extreme emotion it'll have a greater
impact. Having control over your emotions also involves keeping them in check most of
the time and not just being able to act.

Charm is great, but when you can flirt you should. Because manipulation generally
makes the target feel poorly, whether they understand that they're being manipulated or
not, the more they like you the better. Disregard the boundaries of your own sexuality
and throw in some suggestive touches when you think they'll be effective. This tactic is
especially effective with people who are lonely and have low self-esteem.

Overcome Trust Issues and Heal Doubt

People who've been manipulated a number of times before are generally on the lookout
for this kind of behavior and don't trust people easily, so you need to watch for signs. If
you believe trust is an issue, the quickest way around that problem is to share something
very personal and very private with the target. It's always best if it's relevant to them, or
if they feel you trust them enough to confide something so personal. It's not important
that your story is true, but that they believe it. Again, acting is key.

The biggest enemy you'll have when trying to manipulate another person is doubt. If
they don't notice something fishy about your behavior, they might start to notice that
they're not acting like themselves. Hopefully, at this point, you've managed to learn a
few of their problems and what they want to change about their lives. If they openly
question the way they're acting, remind them that change is often uncomfortable but
they need to go through this tumultuous period in their lives to make positive progress.
Save any negativity for a necessary emotional outburst. Positivity is always your best
friend when trying to convince people to do what you want. Negative manipulation
should only be used when necessary. Too much negativity will make you an ineffective
manipulator.

Conceal Evil in Altruism

You have to seem like a good person, even if you're not. If you ever need to take a
negative action like criticizing behavior, blaming another person (whether it's their fault
or yours), or even yelling at the target, you should always find a way to wrap it in
altruism. It can be very hard to hate an altruist and so it's very effective to paint yourself
as one. For example, if you yell at your target for not doing something you wanted, it's
better to frame the outburst as a means of helping them. You can apologize for the
outburst and tell them you felt they weren't acting in their best interest. You're sorry you
got so emotional, but you care about them and want the best for them and it scares you
to think that they don't have their best interests at heart. On the other side of the coin,
when criticizing someone else's behavior, remind the target that you're there for them
no matter what horrible thing someone else does. Always ask how you can help rather
than simply criticize what others do.

What to Do If You're Discovered

Many novice manipulators make the mistake of resorting to the tactics described above
when they're discovered. If your target pins you as a manipulator, the worst thing you
can do is exhibit manipulative behavior in response. If you're caught, be a normal and
calm person. Let them be in control of the situation, and don't defend yourself. Once
you're in the hole of being caught, the only way to get out is create doubt—the kind of
doubt that benefits you—in the mind of your target. If you don't react like a traditionally
manipulative person, they'll likely wonder if their assumption about you was correct. In
most cases they'll already feel attached to you and will jump on any excuse to believe
you're truly a good person. Often times "catching you" is simply because of something a
friend—or another manipulator—told them. Be smart, be careful, and be prepared to
surprise if you find yourself discovered.

Does this sound like a manual a friend of yours follows? Have you been a target for
manipulation in the past? If you've got any tips on detecting manipulators and
understanding how they operate, let's hear 'em in the comments.

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior

or perception of others through indirect, deceptive, or underhanded tactics.[1] By advancing the
interests of the manipulator, often at another's expense, such methods could be considered
exploitative and devious.
Social influence is not necessarily negative. For example, people such as friends, family and
doctors, can try to persuade to change clearly unhelpful habits and behaviors. Social influence is
 generally perceived to be harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject it,
and is not unduly coercive. Depending on the context and motivations, social influence may
constitute underhanded manipulation.

Contents

 1Theories on successful manipulation

o 1.1According to Braiker

o 1.2According to Simon

o 1.3Vulnerabilities exploited by manipulators

 2Motivations of manipulators

 3Psychopathy

o 3.1In the workplace

 4Antisocial, borderline and narcissistic personality disorders

 5Histrionic personality disorder

 6Machiavellianism

 7See also

 8References

 9Further reading

o 9.1Books

o 9.2Academic journals

 10External links

Theories on successful manipulation[edit]

This section may lend undue weight to certain ideas, incidents, or
controversies. Please help improve it by rewriting it in a balanced
fashion that contextualizes different points of view. (February
2020) (Learn how and when to remove this template message)

According to psychology author George K. Simon, successful psychological manipulation primarily

involves the manipulator:[2]
 1. Concealing aggressive intentions and behaviors and being affable.
2. Knowing the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine which tactics are likely to
be the most effective.
3. Having a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim
if necessary.
Consequently, the manipulation is likely to be accomplished through covert aggressive means. [2]

According to Braiker[edit]
Harriet B. Braiker (2004) identified the following ways that manipulators control their victims:[3]

 Positive reinforcement: includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears),

excessive apologizing, money, approval, gifts, attention, facial expressions such as a
forced laugh or smile, and public recognition.
 Negative reinforcement: involves removing one from a negative situation as a reward, e.g. "You
won't have to do your homework if you allow me to do this to you."
 Intermittent or partial reinforcement : Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an
effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage
the victim to persist – for example in most forms of gambling, the gambler is likely to win now
and again but still lose money overall.
 Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation,
threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
 Traumatic one-trial learning: using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior
to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train
victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.
According to Simon[edit]
Simon identified the following manipulative techniques: [2]

 Lying (by commission) : It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it, although often
the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being
lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the
art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.
 Lying by omission: This is a subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth.
This technique is also used in propaganda.
 Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that they have done something wrong.
 Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization
is closely related to spin.
 Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that
their behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example,
saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.
 Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that
may distract from their agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it".
 Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being
diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.
 Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.
 Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle,
indirect or implied) threats.
 Guilt trip: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim
that they do not care enough, are too selfish or have it easy. This usually results in the victim
feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.
 Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim.
Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming
tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical
comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to
challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
 Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on
the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator, while the
manipulator falsely accuses the victim as being an abuser in response when the victim stands
up for or defends themselves or their position.
 Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays themself as a victim of circumstance or of someone
else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something
from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the
manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
 Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in the guise of a service to a more
noble cause, for example saying they are acting in a certain way to be "obedient" to or in
"service" to an authority figure or "just doing their job".
 Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get
them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to the manipulator. They will also
offer help with the intent to gain trust and access to an unsuspecting victim they have charmed.
 Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect
ways. Often, the manipulator will project their own thinking onto the victim, making the victim
look like they have done something wrong. Manipulators will also claim that the victim is the one
who is at fault for believing lies that they were conned into believing, as if the victim forced the
manipulator to be deceitful. All blame, except for the part that is used by the manipulator to
accept false guilt, is done in order to make the victim feel guilty about making healthy choices,
correct thinking and good behaviors. It is frequently used as a means of psychological and
emotional manipulation and control. Manipulators lie about lying, only to re-manipulate the
original, less believable story into a "more acceptable" truth that the victim will believe. Projecting
lies as being the truth is another common method of control and manipulation. Manipulators may
falsely accuse the victim as "deserving to be treated that way." They often claim that the victim is
crazy and/or abusive, especially when there is evidence against the manipulator. (See Feigning,
below.)
 Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that
they did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise
or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question their own judgment and possibly their own
sanity.
 Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending they do not know what the
victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention. The
manipulator intentionally confuses the victim in order for the victim to doubt their own accuracy
of perception, often pointing out key elements that the manipulator intentionally included in case
there is room for doubt. Sometimes manipulators will have used cohorts in advance to help back
up their story.
 Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to
shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, they just put on an act.
They just want what they want and get "angry" when denied. Controlled anger is often used as a
manipulation tactic to avoid confrontation, avoid telling the truth or to further hide intent. There
are often threats used by the manipulator of going to the police, or falsely reporting abuses that
the manipulator intentionally contrived to scare or intimidate the victim into submission.
Blackmail and other threats of exposure are other forms of controlled anger and manipulation,
especially when the victim refuses initial requests or suggestions by the manipulator. Anger is
also used as a defense so the manipulator can avoid telling truths at inconvenient times or
 circumstances. Anger is often used as a tool or defense to ward off inquiries or suspicion. The
victim becomes more focused on the anger instead of the manipulation tactic.
 Bandwagon effect: Manipulator comforts the victim into submission by claiming (whether true or
false) that many people already have done something, and the victim should as well. These
include phrases such as "Many people like you ..." or "Everyone does this anyways." Such
manipulation can be seen in peer pressure situations, often occurring in scenarios where the
manipulator attempts to influence the victim into trying drugs or other substances.

In lab experiments that study chaos theory, approaches designed to control chaos are based on

certain observed system behaviors. Any chaotic attractor contains an infinite number of unstable,
periodic orbits. Chaotic dynamics, then, consists of a motion where the system state moves in the
neighborhood of one of these orbits for a while, then falls close to a different unstable, periodic orbit
where it remains for a limited time, and so forth. This results in a complicated and unpredictable
wandering over longer periods of time. [1]
Control of chaos is the stabilization, by means of small system perturbations, of one of these
unstable periodic orbits. The result is to render an otherwise chaotic motion more stable and
predictable, which is often an advantage. The perturbation must be tiny compared to the overall size
of the attractor of the system to avoid significant modification of the system's natural dynamics. [2]
Several techniques have been devised for chaos control, but most are developments of two basic
approaches: the OGY (Ott, Grebogi and Yorke) method, and Pyragas continuous control. Both
methods require a previous determination of the unstable periodic orbits of the chaotic system
before the controlling algorithm can be designed.

Control Over Chaos

Lawyer Carrie Goldberg fights for sexual privacy.
By Abigail Fagan published October 9, 2019 - last reviewed on November 5, 2019

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Natan Dvir

Carrie Goldberg’s life was plunged into chaos when an ex-boyfriend began
to cyberstalk, blackmail, and file false police reports against her. Goldberg
fought back via the legal system, eventually becoming the cybercrime expert
that she had so desperately needed. The 42-year-old lawyer has battled
platforms like Grindr and drafted nonconsensual pornography legislation that
has been implemented in states across the country. In her new
book, Nobody’s Victim, Goldberg shares heartbreaking but inspiring stories of
fighting, in her words, “psychos, stalkers, pervs, and trolls.”

How can trauma survivors begin healing?

The one thing that all of our clients have in common is that someone took
away their control. When they’re the victims of nonconsensual pornography,
they lose control of their privacy and image. Being stalked, impersonated on
a dating app, or offered as a prostitute deprives people of the right to be left
alone. Sexual assault eliminates the control they have over their body. Tech
also plays an insidious role; we don’t have control of our online reputation. We
can’t remove websites easily or control Google results. If we’re stalked or
harassed online, we’re at the mercy of powerful institutions.

In my case, I couldn’t find anybody with the right skills to help me. So I started
making decisions—going to the police, going to family court, hiring an
attorney, firing that attorney, and moving to a new apartment. All of these
decisions were rooted in self-reliance. Stopping something that had been so
uncontrollable made me into a new person. That’s what I want for my clients.

One of my clients was raped by a classmate. He filmed it, and the video went
viral via Facebook Messenger. When the school found out, the principal told
my client’s mom to keep her at home because she was a distraction to the
other kids and the tape would continue circulating if she were at school. That
was that. No one followed up with her. They deprived her of an education.

When I first met with her, she was a zombie. She was going through the
motions, and she didn’t make eye contact, speak, or eat. The first step was
helping her make the decision to eat. Things at school were really tough, so
we asked, “Do you want to transfer or do you want to go back to school? Let’s
talk about it. This is your decision.” We had to decide whether to file a lawsuit
against the school or the U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights.
Her preference was to try to change the system before she sought justice for
herself. She’s a 14-year-old who held the Department of Education—the
biggest “school district” in the country—accountable for the way they treat
victims. After the fight, the Department of Education was given a budget to
hire nine more Title IX coordinators to help victims. She made it better for
other people. At a rally, she delivered a speech and comforted other victims.
She turned into a total warrior.
1. Use Body Language To Your Advantage
The way the brain stimulates physical movements and reactions during day-to-day
interactions is almost uncontrollable. This type of movement can signal a lot to those
around you. What does that mean? It means that you can use body language to
understand things that words won’t tell you, or even influence someone with more than
just words.

I’m sure you’ve heard that 90 per cent of communication is non-verbal (hard to believe,
but it’s actually 93 per cent), meaning that so much in our interactions can be lost just
because we asked for that promotion with our arms crossed while looking at the floor.

Learning to read body language is just as important as properly conveying it — it’ll tell
you if someone is genuinely agreeing with you, actively engaged in what you’re saying,
or even if they think you’re a complete idiot. Persistently picking up on the body
language of others will help you improve your own abilities and identify opportunities as
well as dead ends for every interaction.

Doing things like mimicking postures, gestures, and movements can help get someone
to like you or agree with you. Nodding your head “yes” when you really mean “no” can
incriminate you — interrogators rely on body language to determine culpability on a
regular basis. We’re all animals and behave as such when stripped away from our more
sophisticated form of communication, the trick is to use this subconscious interaction to
your benefit.

Some interesting facts about body language: 

 Open palms create a sense of trust: Legoland workers are not allowed to point. Instead,
they offer directions by using upward-facing hand gestures.
 Shaking hands with your palm facing downward signifies dominance and, with your
palm facing upwards, submissiveness.
 When laughing in a group, the first person you make eye contact with is the one you trust
the most

2. Change The Perspective
Cloak the reality of those you’re attempting to manipulate with a reality that you’ve
weaved — go matrix on their minds. This one’s about tact, cunning ability, and most
importantly, rhetoric.
“My car only has x mileage, never you mind the rust spots…”

“My bad grades and academic probation in sophomore year, contrasted to the better
grades in my senior year, show how much I’ve improved since then.”

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And the classic: “This home is a real fixer-upper — think of the potential.”

We do this every day — turning half-empty glasses on their sides. A lot of the time,
perspective can really mean a world of difference in the way that someone looks at
something. This perspective itself can be influenced by your descriptions. Rhetoric is a
crucial factor that underlies this notion as it encompasses so many aspects beyond
just what was said and how it was said. It relies on tone, content, and appeals to reason,
character, or emotion. Use rhetoric to be as persuasive as possible, exaggerate when
practical, and shift focus where necessary.

Put thought into how your arguments are structured and delivered, whether they appeal
to someone’s emotion or logic. Do you sound like you know what you’re talking about
even when you don’t? If you can’t convince someone to stop wasting paper because of
environmental reasons, can you convince them with a flawlessly logical argument as to
how less paper means less work? Thinking outside the box and re-framing a perspective
on any given situation can do you good in how you see things for yourself and can also
build on the efficacy of any argument you put forward.

Some facts to put this into perspective:

 Convincing yourself that you slept well the previous night tricks your mind into thinking
you did (otherwise known as “placebo sleep”).
 The Dunning Kruger Effect: smart people tend to underestimate themselves
while ignorant people tend to think they’re brilliant.
 Studies have proven that your favorite song is likely associated with an emotional event
in your past.

3. Leverage Your Knowledge Of Others

Rely on people’s psychological needs and use them as a pressure point. This might be a
need to conform, to be accepted or included, or the complete opposite — the need to
stand out and swim against the current. The risky decision maker can be goaded into
making a poor decision, the quiet crowd dweller can be discouraged from
pursuing anything that would lead them astray from the comforts of conformity.
Their weakness is your strength, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to harness that to
your advantage. Are they prone to overconfidence that can cause them to stumble? Are
they insecure about something that can help you make a convincing point? Everyone has
their kryptonite.

The more you learn about someone’s psychological tendencies, modes of thought, and
characteristics, the more of an advantage you can gain over their thoughts and your
overall influence on said thoughts. The key to success here is knowledge. Like every
other point, it may be more crucial to understand your own pressure points. A solid
defence includes an acknowledgement of your own insecurities and vulnerabilities

Psychologist Jim Sniechowski details the how-to’s of emotional leveraging whilst also
shining a positive light on the subject in his article: Emotional Leveraging: It’s Really
Not Manipulation? In it, he provides three basic guidelines to achieve utmost success
when using someone’s emotions against them:

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 Remain aware that their vision is the product of an emotional base and, no matter how
they rationalize their position, they cling to it for some emotional reason;
 See that if you want them move in your direction, your task is to discover the emotional
value that drives their vision — their sweet spot;
 Understand that once you know their emotional sweet spot, you can craft an approach
that blends their need with yours so that you both can feel successful.

4. Be Aware Of Proper Timing and Opportunity

The jaguar is an effective and calculated hunter. Ancestral legacies of success and failure
have given it the biological ability of great timing. It knows when to pounce, when to
strike hardest, and when to abort its chase.

Know when to make your moves. This is something we learn from a young age (don’t tell
mom what you want for your birthday when she’s in a bad mood). The trick is to actively
maintain an awareness and have your eyes constantly scanning for opportunity. For
instance, try asking for certain favors when someone is tired or preoccupied (they’re less
likely to put in the energy to disagree or refuse you).

Don’t force opportunities, instead welcome them and keep your eyes open. If you’ve
been waiting to throw a pitch at your boss, don’t force the conversation. This may
require waiting for weeks before you get a good opportunity, but once you do, don’t blow
it. When we encounter someone with, say, a proposal, half the battle can already be won
or lost depending on their mood in the moment.
Fact: Recently, a study of more than a thousand court decisions found that judges, who
ought to be our rational-thinking exemplars, are just as susceptible to this notion as
anyone. The study confirmed that prisoners are much more likely (up to 65 per cent
more likely) to be paroled early in the day or shortly after a lunch break.

Endless Possibilities
The wonders of psychology are endless. It’s a field worth exploring, but is only useful
by first putting in the effort to learn and implement. The above-mentioned ways to
exploit psychology barely scratch the surface and require little more than mere
awareness to employ.

Each of the above factors are immensely useful in and of themselves. For

instance, kinesics (the study of body language) can turn you into a walking lie detector if
you care to be. If you don’t care to pick up on the impulses or tendencies of others, don’t
care to expose situations to your benefit, don’t become aware of the body language that
you exert and that others send your way, then you’re blinding yourself to a very
interesting way to maximize on your exchanges throughout life.