UNIT 9 : Directed Writing - Report Writing

What is a report?
A report usually tells the reader about an event that has taken place.
The writer may analyse or observe these events/situations.
Reports are always written for a particular audience.
They are clear and objective (unbiased), reporting the facts.

Report Writing

Introduction Paragraphs
Be clear about the main event Details of what happened
Who Facts and statistics
What Use topic sentence
When Subheadings
Where

Paragraphs Connectives
Make points clear Use time connectives (Earlier, Later that day, Afterwards).
Point Reports of an event would give information about what happened in
Evidence chronological (time) order.
Explain i.e. FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END

184
Focus Form
Stay objective - this isn't descriptive writing - its a clear presentation of Formal and Standard English
information. Variety of sentence lengths and punctuation
You may come to a conclusion but there should be no exaggeration or emotive
language.

Ending
Finish with some points for improvement or your suggested action for any
similar events.
This might be things that went well, or recommendations to prevent further
problems

185
Your report should

 tell the reader about an event that has taken place

 analyse or observe the events
 offer a more objective or impersonal record
 be written for a particular audience
 be clear, convincing and real with an excellent sense of audience
 use appropriate style and language
 give a clear information

Content of the report

 Purpose of the report
 Evidence of varied content (use of statistics, expert comment) to support this purpose

Structure of the report

 Effective use of paragraphs
 Strong beginning and ending

Style
 Be clear of who the report is for
 Is it formal or informal
 Use a variety of sentences

186
 Task With Response

A French professor tells of how he and his friend, and a sailor called Ned, fell into the Pacific Ocean in
1850 when their ship was hit by a huge creature. They at first believed it to be the legendary whale they
were searching for on behalf of the International Marine Society.

The monster of the deep

My first concern was to look for the ship. I glimpsed a black mass disappearing eastward, its lights
fading in the distance. I shouted for help, swimming desperately toward the ship. My clothes were
weighing me down. I was sinking! Then I found and seized the arm of my loyal friend.

‘What about the ship?’ I asked.

‘As I jumped overboard, I heard the helmsman shout, “Our propeller and rudder are smashed by the
monster’s tusk!” ’

‘Then the ship can no longer steer, and we are done for!’

Having concluded that our sole chance for salvation lay in being picked up by the ship’s longboats, we
had to take steps to wait for them as long as possible. I decided to divide our energies so we wouldn’t
both be worn out at the same time: while one of us lay on his back, the other would swim and propel his
partner forward.

The monster had rammed us at 11 in the evening. I therefore calculated on eight hours of swimming
until sunrise. The dense gloom was broken only by the phosphorescent flickers coming from our
movements. I stared at the luminous ripples breaking over my hands, shimmering sheets spattered
with blotches of bluish grey. It seemed as if we had plunged into a pool of quicksilver.

An hour later, I was overcome with tremendous exhaustion. My limbs stiffened in the grip of intense
cramps and paralysing cold. I tried to call out. My swollen lips wouldn’t let a single sound through.
I heard my friend cry ‘Help!’. Ceasing all movement for an instant, we listened. His shout had received
an answer. I could barely hear it. I was at the end of my strength; my fingers gave out; my mouth
opened convulsively, filling with brine…

Just then something hard banged against me. I clung to it and was pulled back to the surface.
I fainted… Then someone was shaking me vigorously.

‘Ned!’ I exclaimed. ‘Were you thrown overboard by the collision?’

‘Yes, professor, but I was luckier than you and immediately able to set foot on the gigantic whale as
it surfaced. I soon realised why my harpoon got blunted and couldn’t puncture its hide. This beast is
made of plated steel!’

187
 I hoisted myself to the summit of this half-submerged creature that was serving as our refuge. I tested
it with my foot. Obviously it was some hard, impenetrable substance; not the soft matter that makes up
the bodies of our big marine mammals but a bony carapace, like those that covered some prehistoric
animals. The blackish back supporting me was smooth and polished with no overlapping scales.
On impact, it gave off a metallic resonance and, incredibly, it seemed to be made of riveted plates.
No doubts were possible! This animal, this monster, this ‘natural phenomenon’ that had puzzled the
whole scientific world, that had muddled and misled the minds of sailors, was an even more astonishing
one – made by the hand of man! There was no question now. We were stretched out on the back of
some kind of underwater boat that took the form of an immense steel fish.

Just then, a bubbling began astern and the boat started to move. We barely had time to hang on to
its topside, which emerged about 80 centimetres above water. It was imperative to make contact with
whatever beings were confined inside the machine. I searched its surface for an opening, but the lines
of rivets were straight and uniform. We would have to wait for daylight to find some way of getting inside
this underwater boat, and if it made a dive, we were done for!

In the early hours, the vessel picked up speed. We could barely cope with this dizzying rush, and the
waves battered us at close range. Our hands came across a ring fastened to its back, and we all held
on for dear life.

Finally, the long night was over. From inside the boat came noises of iron fastenings pushed aside. One
of the steel plates flew up, and a few moments later, eight sturdy fellows appeared silently and dragged
us violently down into their fearsome machine.

This brutally executed capture was carried out with lightning speed. My companions and I had no time
to collect ourselves. I don’t know how they felt about being shoved inside this aquatic prison, but as
for me, I was shivering all over. With whom were we dealing? Surely with some new breed of pirates,
exploiting the sea after their own fashion.

1 You are the professor. Write a report for the marine society after your release from the
submarine .

Your report should explain:

• how you and your companions fell overboard and came to be on the submarine;
• how you feel about the discovery of the truth about the ‘monster’;
• your concerns about the captain and the existence of such a vessel.

Base your report on what you have read in the Passage . Address all three bullet points.
Be careful to use your own words.

Write between 250 - 350 words.

Up to 15 marks are available for the content of your answer, and up to 10 marks for the
quality of your writing.

188
A1 facts and events leading to being on board the submarine

• attacked/rammed
• thrown/jumped overboard by collision [det. (initially think) ship hit by the 'tusks' of a
monstrous creature, at least three men fell overboard, Ned lands on “monster” straight away]
[dev. all three lucky/might have drowned]
• tried swimming/not possible to catch ship as it disappeared
[det. weighed down by water-logged clothes/sinking]
• found his friend [poss. dev first lucky break]
• shared swimming/worked together stayed afloat/saved energy [dev. couldn’t have done it
alone]
• received answer to calls for help
• couldn’t go on sinking again/exhausted [det. swallowed seawater, dev. nearly
drowned/cramps]
• saved by Ned/hauled onto surface of monster/sub by Ned
• rode on top of monster/sub all night (det. speed, hanging on to ring)
• taken below deck/into sub at daylight (8 crew, violence, noises before)

A2 feelings about the discovery of the true nature of the ‘monster’

• relieved/grateful (temporary at least) serving as a refuge

• curious (tested it/when Ned revealed it was made of steel)/interested in how the miraculous
vessel was made/worked
• astonished that the “monster” could be man-made/disbelief [det. likely to be re physical
characteristics – scales, plates, rivets, colour, dev. fascinated by technology]
• impressed/unimpressed that it had fooled scientists and sailors [poss. dev: disappointed
that it was an underwater boat and not a mammal]
• admired its form/thought it beautiful/well made (polished surface)
• scared/worried/desperate (det. that it might dive/speed/waves battering, could not find a
way in [dev. likely to be reactions to the fact it is a sub rather than to the discovery of it as
such, some might manage realisation that scientists are going to need to review situation/their
understanding, not what it seemed]

A3 concerns about the vessel (and its captain)

• who are they dealing with/who is the captain or person in charge of this sub
• piracy a possible use for vessel
• violence of crew is worrying/unnecessarily violent/hostile
• imprisoned why, what does captain want with them
• unstoppable/indestructible (exploiting) captain has power because of nature of the
vessel/no one knows where he/it is
• motives not well intentioned – attacked/rammed their ship, no concern for their safety on top
(allow questioning as to why it came back for them/whether there is a link to their mission to
find whale)
• irresponsible/dangerous behaviour

[dev. submarine could be involved in some secret mission/used as a weapon]

[dev. other ships in danger from the 'monster'/lives lost when ships rammed]

189
 Home Work - 1

Read the passage given below and answer the question:

The Beast of Bodmin Moor

I was lost. It was easy to lose one’s way on the moor, especially on a November afternoon when the
light was thickening and the landscape stretched the same unvariegated grey in all directions. I drove
along a narrow, empty road, looking for a road sign or any building which might contain an inhabitant to
give me directions. A fleeting, shadowy movement by the roadside reminded me of the tales of the
Beast of Bodmin Moor which had fascinated me as a local child. It was allegedly a vicious predator which
carried out sheep killings on a grand scale. An investigation by the Ministry of Agriculture in 1995 had
found ‘no verifiable evidence’ of foreign big cats in the area (although admitting that this did not prove
that they were not present), and had concluded that the sheep could have been attacked by native wild
animals. About four years later, an attempt to locate the beast from the air, using night vision goggles,
had also failed. The Bodmin Natural History Museum determined that a skull found in the area was of a
leopard, but it turned out to belong to an animal which had died outside Britain, and was probably part
of a leopard-skin rug which had been dropped into the river as a hoax. However, the sightings and
attacks had continued, and the local farmers were still convinced that the injuries to their livestock
proved it was a type of cat, and that its appearance was not consistent with it being a pony, wild boar or
large dog. In 1997, officials from a nearby zoo identified pawprints left in mud on the moor as the tracks
of a puma. A year later, a 20-second video was released which seemed to show big cats roaming nearby.
As I rounded the next bend, I saw a startlingly large, black feline cross the road with an unhurried,
sinuous, fluid movement. Its thick, sinewy shoulders suggested massive strength and speed, like that of
engine pistons. As it passed, it turned to stare at me and its great, yellow, black-slitted orbs were caught
in the headlights. I noticed its pricked, tufted ears and its short, coarse, raven-black coat before it
turned, raising and waving its curved snake of a tail as if making a victory salute. The spectral vision
dissolved into the bushes, leaving me with a thumping heart and the feeling that I had witnessed a
supernatural manifestation. A little further along I took a turning with a handwritten sign pointing to
‘Gables Farm’. I had to leave the car and cross a rickety, rotting footbridge over a rushing stream.
Another battered sign, nailed to a tree, bore the ominous words, ambiguously addressed: ‘Wild Big Cats
– Keep Out’. A shiny, weather-beaten man with tremendous whiskers and a crusty hat the colour of an
over-cooked pie appeared at the farm gate, carrying a rifle. When I explained I was lost and had just had
an unnerving experience, he took me into his kitchen and sat me down at a stained oak table while he
made me tea and talked about the beast. ‘You always know when it’s about. Rabbits and foxes
disappear and birds stop singing. If the ministry people knew anything about country life they’d know it
couldn’t be a dog. If it’s a dog there’s noise, and wool and mess everywhere. But a cat goes in to the kill
quickly, eats its fill, and slinks off.’ He told me that the beast owed him a thousand pounds for dead
livestock, and that other farmers had sold their flocks after losing so many sheep. His neighbour had
captured the beast on video, along with the telltale signs of four long scratch marks on the mauled
sheep. She had also found hairs which she’d sent off for analysis, but had received no result. He
continued: ‘The only reason to suppress the result would be to avoid panic. Another neighbour got hold
of a recording of a puma mating call, and we recognised the scream we hear at night. Everyone round

190
here believes in the beast, even though we’re sceptical about most things and haven’t got time to waste
concocting fantasies. We don’t want the beast shot, but we do want it acknowledged and kept under
control so it doesn’t continue to destroy our livelihoods.’

Imagine you work for the Ministry of Agriculture. You have been sent to conduct a second investigation
as to whether there is large foreign cat activity on Bodmin Moor. Write a formal report on your findings.
In your report, you should comment on:

• what local people believe about the presence of a beast;

• the lack of conclusive proof and the alternative theories;

• your recommendations with reasons.

Base your answer on what you have read in Passage A and be careful to use your own words. Begin the
report as follows: Since the inconclusive investigation by the Ministry of Agriculture in 1995, reported
sightings of ‘big cats’ have continued.

Write between 250-350 words. Up to 15 marks are available for the content of your answer, and up
to 10 marks for the quality of your writing. [Total: 25]

191
 Home Work - 2
Read the passage given below and answer the question:

Order and Disorder

Ms Jhabvala entered the school compound as usual and sighed. She sighed because the buildings
before her reminded her of a medieval fortress, not a school. They were cruel and forbidding.
What had once been flowerbeds were now sandy deserts where poorly disciplined children threw
soil in each other’s eyes. She sighed again as she passed through the creaking door of her daily
prison, along the echoing, miserable passages, her footsteps the only sound in this place of
torture.
Now her mind clicked into action, rehearsing the last details of the lessons she was to teach
today. Never mind the Principal’s ideas about learning, that children should choose what they
wanted to do, that they should have freedom. Ms Jhabvala had heard the shouting and disorder
from too many classrooms. She had seen the morose faces of sad children waiting to be taught
but never able to make up their minds as to what might interest them. These classrooms were
lifeless, without energy.
Ms Jhabvala was the only person on the premises, except for the caretaker who was still
unlocking doors. She always arrived early so that everything would be ready and she would be
thoroughly prepared. She passed through Mr Raj’s room. It looked ransacked as if a wild beast
had blundered through. Scattered tables and chairs and ripped papers littered the room and
broken furniture was heaped into a mountain at the back. Ms Jhabvala stopped and looked at the
symmetry of the ruin; ironic, she thought, that it was the most orderly thing in the room. The
walls were pitted with holes and spattered with sticky substances. Not like mine, the teacher
thought, thinking of her students’ neat work displayed in her bright, friendly classroom. But, as
she reminded herself, no one cared. Like Mr Raj, they had all given up long ago.
At last she arrived at her own room, a haven of peace and industry. She switched on the
computers, checked the programs and put piles of textbooks on her table. Ten minutes later she
looked out and saw hordes of children slouching into school, despondent, not caring much about
anything. Some fights broke out, unnoticed by the few teachers who also drifted in, carrying their
battered briefcases. Ms Jhabvala did not imagine that these contained anything except pens,
pencils and a few snacks.
The noise spread to the adjoining classrooms, and soon there were sounds of teachers trying to
make themselves heard above the screams and coarse laughter. Ms Jhabvala opened the door to
her neat line of beaming students. They wished each other good morning and Ms Jhabvala
straightened a few stray bits of clothing, and the children filed quietly in. One of them had
brought a wooden sign with ‘Ms Jhabvala, her special room’ painted on it to go on the outside of
the door. The teacher took her own register (she was the only one to do so) and the lesson started.
Forty minutes later, they had read a story, learned something about punctuation and language,
and were busy writing poems that would decorate the wall before the end of the week. The
brightest children were given special work to do.
As they went, one little girl said, ‘I wish we could stay in your class all day. We have to go to Mr
Raj now, and we never do anything.’
Ms Jhabvala paused a minute as they went, to think how hard it had been for her. When she first
came to the school, no one had wanted to learn at all. But she had persevered, rewarding them

192
for being positive or just pleasant. She’d hardly ever lost her temper, and had always managed a
smile. The other teachers had given in to stupid ideas about teaching and the curriculum.
Language and mathematics had been given little time and there were huge gaps in the children’s
knowledge, about science, for example. There was a good deal of sport, though most of that was
not about fitness. ‘They just loaf about,’ she thought. If you asked children what they wanted to
do, they’d always say ‘Watch a DVD’, but after a time that bored them too. So the days were
chaotic, and everyone lacked any sense of purpose. Soon they grew tired of each other’s
company.
Ms Jhabvala’s train of thought petered out at this point. Anyway her next class was waiting. She
opened the door and proudly hung up her new wooden sign.
Imagine you are a schools inspector and you have recently visited the school described in
the passage . You are not pleased with what you have observed.
Write your report, in which you:
•outline and explain the reasons for your dissatisfaction;
•make some recommendations to improve matters.
Base your report on what you have read in the passage.
Write between 250-350 words.
Up to 15 marks will be available for the content of your answer, and up to 10 marks for the
quality of your writing. [25]

193
Marking Criteria for Question 3

Table A, Reading

Use the following table to give a mark out of 15 for Reading.

Level Marks Description

5 13–15 • The response reveals a thorough evaluation and analysis of the text.
• Developed ideas are sustained and well related to the text.
• A wide range of ideas is applied.
• There is supporting detail throughout, which is well integrated into the
response, contributing to a strong sense of purpose and approach.
• All three bullets are well covered.
• A consistent and convincing voice is used.
4 10–12 • The response demonstrates a competent reading of the text with some
evidence of basic evaluation or analysis.
• A good range of ideas is evident.
• Some ideas are developed but the ability to sustain them may not be
consistent.
• There is frequent, helpful supporting detail, contributing to a clear sense of
purpose.
• All three bullets are covered.
• An appropriate voice is used.
3 7–9 • The text has been read reasonably well.
• A range of straightforward ideas is offered.
• Opportunities for development are rarely taken.
• Supporting detail is present but there may be some mechanical use of the
text.
• There is uneven focus on the bullets.
• The voice is plain.
2 4–6 • There is some evidence of general understanding of the main ideas,
although the response may be thin or in places lack focus on the text or the
question.
• Some brief, straightforward reference to the text is made.
• There may be some reliance on lifting from the text.
• One of the bullets may not be addressed.
• The voice might be inappropriate.
1 1–3 • The response is either very general, with little reference to the text, or a
reproduction of sections of the original.
• Content is either insubstantial or unselective.
• There is little realisation of the need to modify material from the text.
0 0 • There is very little or no relevance to the question or to the text.

194
Table B, Writing: Structure and order, style of language

Use the following table to give a mark out of 10 for Writing.

Level Marks Description

5 9–10 • Effective register for audience and purpose.
• The language of the response sounds convincing and consistently
appropriate.
• Ideas are firmly expressed in a wide range of effective and/or interesting
language.
• Structure and sequence are sound throughout.
• Spelling, punctuation and grammar almost always accurate.
4 7–8 • Some awareness of an appropriate register for audience and purpose.
• Language is mostly fluent and there is clarity of expression.
• There is a sufficient range of vocabulary to express ideas with subtlety and
precision.
• The response is mainly well structured and well sequenced.
• Spelling, punctuation and grammar generally accurate.
3 5–6 • Language is clear but comparatively plain and/or factual, expressing little
opinion.
• Ideas are rarely extended, but explanations are adequate.
• Some sections are quite well sequenced but there may be flaws in structure.
• Minor, but more frequent, errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar.
2 3–4 • There may be some awkwardness of expression and some inconsistency of
style.
• Language is too limited to express shades of meaning.
• There is structural weakness and there may be some copying from the text.
• Frequent errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar.
1 1–2 • Expression and structure lack clarity.
• Language is weak and undeveloped.
• There is very little attempt to explain ideas.
• There may be frequent copying from the original.
• Persistent errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar impede
communication.
0 0 • The response cannot be understood.

195