Fatima Al-Saedy

Period: 6th

ETH 2400; Jensen

Self Respect

As many before me, I have always felt like I have been put into “boxes” of who I am as

an individual, for instance the boxes I hate are when I need to put my race down. None of them

fit me. The closest one I am is asian, and people only think East and South East Asians fit that

category. There is also the boxes you can put me in when you first meet me which are; I am

women of color, person of color, a nerd, short, loud, Arab, Muslim, first-generation American,

hijabi, and so much more. These are limiting because just looking at my name can take me out

from a possible job interview or other opportunities I have worked hard for. Especially as my

background of being an Arab-Muslim in United States. The stigma of both of these parts that

intertwine with my identity can not only possibly remove me from a job interview, but much

more. With the rise of hate, the limit is I need to watch my surroundings for I can possibly be a

hate crime due to someone's prejudice at any moment.

Self respect to me is first coming within terms of your weakness and strengths. There is a

concept in the spiritual word called your “inner child”, which means understanding your past as a

person such as traumas, good memories, and just the whole of how you grew up. Understanding

the foundation of who you are as a person can also make you understand your values and morals.

You earn your self respect this way by not only loving your inner self , but respecting your
identity. “Photos and other mementos can help you tap back into the emotional space reflected in

the images and words of the past, '' Egel explains. To look back, you might try activities like

flipping through photo albums and school yearbooks, or rereading childhood diaries.” (Inner

Child, 2020) Living off of facades and sacrificing who you truly are is not a way of self respect

but a form of self destruction. Self respect can also come with taking care of yourself. You can

also find self respect within your environment, for example missionaries in Utah go around and

spread their religion around the world, teaching their religion and exploring their environment

and many come back with self respect.

I have increased self respect for myself when I start reading and learning the history of

the world. Much like MLK, after my last time getting my hijab pulled off, the story which it

feels like I have told you so many times, I really went through this transformation of gaining self

respect. My first book I actually read when I studied hate is “The New Hate”. That book is

actually what opened my craving to learn about why hate is so prevanet, not only in the United

States, but around the world. A year after I first read “The New Hate” I stumbled on, “We refuse

to believe the bank of justice is bankrupt, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of

freedom and justice.” (I Had a Dream Speech, 1963) With MLK’s “I had the dream” speech I

realized that I am so worthy of human decency, freedom of expression, and to be resilient. That

even MLK still saw the light in the darkness. My blind spot is I am overly critical of myself, it

threatens my self respect because it tears down who I am. I started being overcritical of myself at

the same time I started learning about hate. I always tried to find a reason to blame myself for the

things that happened to me. That I was the problem. My weak spot is not condemning it was not

my fault. Blaming myself is so much easier. Even though consciously I have read that I did not

cause what had happened. My goal has been and still is with the help of the people I love, my
parents, and people I trust is to let go of my blaming myself for what has happened in the past

and even stop trying to make up for my past which is the hardest part to be honest. I am

currently trying methods to connect with my “Inner Child” and Allah which has HELPED

DRAMATICALLY. “A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” (Clayborne, C., &

Carson, C. (2000) I want to fight for all the things I believe in, I am gaining self respect for

myself everyday in a different way. My ideal at the end of this course is to expand and tell more

of my story and to do something about it. I don’t want my sisters Beneen and Amina to go

through these things, but they do. “Like an arrow you need to shoot straight for your apple.”

(Al-Saedy, H. 2022) I am going to shoot straight for my apple. I need to look strong and resilient

for them because I don’t want them to blame themselves for their crime is nothing , but being

born. I think the most important thing is to keep my self respect up and remembering the

spectrum of self respect is not this strict filled in dot but it can be like a weighted seesaw. I just

need to find the perfect balance.

Sources:

Person. (2020, June 26). Inner child: 6 ways to find yours. Healthline. Retrieved February

28, 2022, from https://www.healthline.com/health/inner-child#visualize

National Park Service, U.S. Dept. of the Interior, Martin Luther King, jr., National Historic

Site, Georgia: I have a dream (1963). Washington, D.C.?

Clayborne, C., & Carson, C. (2000). The autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. Abacus.

Al-Saedy, H. (2022). other.