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Chengcai (Alex) Guan

Instructor Valentina Fahler

Writing 2: Academic Writing

24 April 2022

Cohesion, Coherence and Thinking Freely

It is 11:00 p.m., and I have just finished my writing assignment. This paper would be

another perfect home run. It comprises five paragraphs, including one introduction

paragraph, three body paragraphs, and one conclusion. The thesis statement, topic

sentences, quotations, and takeaway are all available. I finished this first college writing

assignment perfectly. Like the previous high school assignment, I am sure to get a high

score, and I don't think my CLAS writing advisor will give me any practical revision

suggestions for this excellent work. I'll have a good dream tonight.

“You won't get a high score for this writing because of the limitations of the Five-

Paragraph Theme,” My CLAS tutor states deadpan as if this has happened many times,

“But don't worry. Many new college students, especially international students,

encounter this problem.” “What should I do to get a good grade on this writing task?”

I ask. He hands me a card as he says, “There is a party named ‘Cohesion, Coherence

and Thinking Freely’ at this address tonight, and the persons at the party should be able

to give you the solutions.” “Can you tell me the purpose of the party?” I ask, holding

the card with names and an address on it. “As its name means, it’s a party about

cohesion, coherence, and thinking freely. As an ordinary writing tutor, if I give you

some revision suggestions for this essay, you will only get a high score for this writing

task. But you can't keep asking me to find problems for you. You have to learn to see

your problems and correct them. Teach a man to fish rather than give him fish. There
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will be a lot of scholars of writing education at this party tonight. They will discuss

what makes a good paper and how to meet those requirements if you ask them why the

university rejects the Five-Paragraph Theme. They will give you a satisfactory answer.

Their advice is more convincing and valuable than mine and will help you more.”

I wear my best suit to the party in the evening. I walk around the living room where the

party is taking place with a drink. I think about this party’s name, “Cohesion Coherence

and Thinking Freely.” Why are these topics so helpful to my writing? “Come on, Alex!

You can't just spend the night with a stupid drink and leave the party with nothing.” As

I think, I approach a man who seems knowledgeable..

I say to him, “Hi! I am Alex from UCSB. I notice that this party’s name is ‘Cohesion

Coherence and Thinking Freely’. Can you please tell me what the meanings of cohesion

and coherence are? I thought they had the same meanings. Can you also tell me what’s

the difference between them?”

Joseph is holding a wine glass and says, “Hi! You can call me Williams. This party

aims to help undergraduate students improve their writing skills. Those three topics are

important for a good writer. For your questions, cohesion represents the sense of flow,

and coherence represents the sense of the whole. It’s easy to confuse the words cohesion

and coherence because they sound alike. You can think of cohesion as pairs of sentences

fitting together the way individual pieces of a jigsaw puzzle do. Then, you can think

of coherence as seeing what all the sentences in a piece of writing add up to, the way

all the pieces in a puzzle add up to the picture on the box.”

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“I understand the definitions of cohesion and coherence now! Thank you!” I say

excitedly, “So, are cohesion and coherence crucial for writing?”

A man with red hair kindly says to me, “Hi! My name is Crossley. You are right that

cohesion and coherence are crucial for writing. In my article, ‘How text elaboration and

cohesion can increase writing quality’, I talk about cohesion and coherence. Cohesion

and coherence are the presence or absence of explicit cues in the text that allow the

reader to connect the ideas in the text. Thus, cohesion is specific to the text. On the

other hand, coherence is particular to the reader and refers to the understanding that the

reader derives from the text. Therefore, text coherence is the strongest indicator of

overall essay quality compared to other analytic features such as the strength of thesis,

argument, conclusion, grammatical accuracy, and other indicators of text quality.”

“Do you have any evidence for your conclusion?” I ask curiously.

Crossley continues, “Although I know cohesion and coherence are important, I haven’t

finished my experiment to prove their importance.”

Joanna Tapper and Neomy Storch join the discussion, “We have the experiment and

results you need. We just finished the study about the impact of completing an English

for Academic Purposes course on the writing of postgraduate learners. We analyzed

many aspects of these students' essays before and after the course. And we found

improvement in terms of accuracy, use of academic vocabulary, and structure. The EAP

course is more and more popular since students' feedback comments have always been

positive, and the growing number of students enrolling in the course provides further
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evidence of its success. Cohesion and coherence of these students’ essays are more

explicit. Meanwhile, content quality is similar to the students before taking the course.

These students have improved essays’ cohesion and coherence more. Thus, EAP

courses are getting more and more popular Therefore, cohesion and coherence are

important for students to have high scores on writing.”

“Your experiment persuades me that cohesion and coherence are crucial during writing.

If I have the chance, I will attend this EAP course to improve my writing skills.”, I say

to them gratefully, “However, how can I improve my writings’ cohesion and coherence

without joining EAP courses?”

A female scholar with an Asian face in a silk scarf approaches us enthusiastically. Icy

Lee tries to answer me, “It seems that there are many courses which focus on the

Cohesion and Coherence of writings. I think I can help you because I have a study on

an ESL course, and I find that the ESL students who take these courses can improve

their Cohesion in academic writing. Here are the contents of this course. You can try to

fulfill the requirements of these factors.” Then he hands me a form that read as follows:

1, Purpose, audience, and context of situation ---- i.e., how explicitness of Purpose and

awareness of audience and context contribute to coherence.

2, Macrostructure ---- i.e., overall structure of texts.

3, Information distribution and topical development ---- i.e., how information can be

best organized (e.g., given-new) to contribute to overall topic development.

4, Propositional development and modification ---- i.e., how propositions can be made

more explicit by means of elaboration, illustration, exemplification, etc.

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5. Cohesion ---- i.e., reference, substitution, conjunction, etc.

6, Metadiscourse ---- i.e., certainly markers, tropicalizes, announcements, attitude

markers, etc.

Joseph also wants to answer the question of how to improve cohesion and coherence,

“I would like to add some details. To improve your writing’s cohesion, you need to

make the main characters the subjects of sentences, make important actions verbs, and

put old information before new information. To improve your writing’s coherence, you

need to start with the subject and make that subject the topic of the sentence.”

After knowing the detailed solutions, I say, "It seems that the Five-Paragraph Theme

can help me fulfill these requirements.”

Joseph feels confused, “What is the Five-Paragraph Theme.”

I answer, “Actually, I don’t understand it deeply, and I just know that it means an essay

contains an introduction, three body paragraphs and one conclusion.”

A scholar named Deborah M Dean explains the status of the Five-Paragraph Theme to

us, “Alex, you are right with the structure of the five-paragraph format. Most of the

five-paragraph essays have strong cohesion and coherence. Moreover, the five-

paragraph essay form has an unsavory reputation in some corners of the profession.

However, quite frankly, it still lives on in classrooms—and probably for good

reasons—one being that, in some states, students need to know this form to score well

on state writing assessments. Additionally, teachers in other content areas expect our
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students to understand and use the five-paragraph format when they write for their

courses. Why does the form persist in so many areas? Because it is easy to teach—it's

a formula, and it's easy to grade. It's fast, and it's predictable. The problem is that it's

also often boring, both to write and read.”

“I can endure boring things caused by the five-paragraph format”, after knowing about

the five-paragraph theme more deeply, I say, “I just want to get high scores on writing

assignments.”

“Five-paragraph format is an evil thing!” Kimberly Wesley retorts, 'Although five-

paragraph format can make your writings have strong cohesion and coherence, it has

many ill effects. The five-paragraph thesis requirements of three separate but equal

points hinder the student's thought process. Although the Five-Paragraph Theme can

bring convenience to graders, it hurts students' thoughts. You can't make good

transitions between paragraphs because you can't think freely! And this is caused by

the five-paragraph format!”

“I understand the five-paragraph format will take away my ability to think freely.” I

doubt, “But so what? I just need to get high scores through these writing assignments.

I don’t want to get the ability to think freely from these writing assignments. As Joanna

Tapper and Neomy Storch said, I can get high scores with the strong cohesion and

coherence created by the five-paragraph essay.”

Joanna Tapper and Neomy Storch reply, “We just said cohesion and coherence are the

strongest indicators of a good essay, but we didn’t say you only need cohesion and
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coherence. Thinking freely is also important!”

“Joanna Tapper and Neomy Storch are right! Thinking freely is also a key point for

getting high scores during college writing.” Elbow says to me patiently, “As a teacher,

I teach my student two kinds of thinking while teaching writing. First-order thinking is

intuitive and creative. Second-order thinking is critical thinking. Even though there are

many good ways to think and write, it seems clear that excellence must involve finding

some ways to be both abundantly inventive yet tough-mindedly critical. As Kimberly

Wesley said, the five-paragraph format takes away your ability to think freely, so you

lose your first-order thinking. Without both first-order thinking and second-order

thinking, you can’t get high scores for your writing assignments.”

I suddenly understand why my CLAS tutor told me I couldn’t get a high score with a

five-paragraph essay which takes away my ability to think freely. I mull over the

knowledge I got at the party tonight on my way home. I know about the definitions and

importance of cohesion and coherence. I have a deeper understanding of the five-

paragraph theme, the advantages of the five-paragraph essay, and the disadvantages of

the five-paragraph essay. I notice the application of two orders of thinking during

writing. I think over the title of the party, “Cohesion Coherence and Thinking Freely.”

After arriving home, I begin brainstorming, which is an application of first-order

thinking. I want to give up the five-paragraph theme and polish my essay with second-

order thinking. I try to improve the cohesion and coherence of my essay while thinking

freely. Finally, as a college student, I get a high score for my first college writing

assignment. From then on, I have good dreams after every writing assignment.
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Source

Crossley, Scott A.; Danielle S. McNamara. (2016). Say more and be more consistent:

How text elaboration and cohesion can increase writing quality. Journal of Writing

Research 07.3, 351-370.

Dean, Deborah M. (2000). Muddying boundaries: Mixing genres with five paragraphs.

English Journal 90.1, 53-56.

Elbow, Peter. “Teaching Thinking by Teaching Writing.” Phylliswritingproject, 21 July

2015, phylliswritingproject.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/teaching-thinking-by-

teaching-writing-by-peter-elbow/.

Lee, Icy. (2002). Teaching coherence to ESL students: A classroom inquiry. Journal of

Second Language Writing 11.2, 135-159.

Storch, Neomy; Joanna Tapper. (2009). The impact of an EAP course on postgraduate

writing. Journal of English for Academic Purposes 08.3, 207-223.

Wesley, Kimberly. (2000). The ill effects of the five paragraph theme. English Journal

90.1, 57-60.

Joseph, Williams. Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace. Cohesion and Coherence. 15

June 1995, doubleoperative.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/binder2.pdf.

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