How to Survive Culture Shock When Moving for

a New Job
By Janet Scarborough Civitelli, Ph.D. Last updated: Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Worldwide, work is more often a source of frustration than one of fulfillment for nearly 90% of the
world’s workers. To explore better work situations, many people decide to move to a different
place. For people with spouses and children, this means disrupting life not just for the relocating
employee or business owner, but for everyone in the family. Is it possible to accomplish this in a
way that keeps everyone happy in the end?

To discuss this topic, I invited Anne Gillme from Expatriate

Connection to answer some questions. Anne became interested in the topic of relocation after
moving several times to various countries to pursue job opportunities for herself or for her
husband, each time with their four children in tow. Originally from France, she has lived in
Germany, Belgium, and now Australia.

Anne runs Expatriate Connection to help people deal with culture shock and the emotional impact
of international moves on all family members. Expatriate Connection provides tools and
inspiration to deal with the stress and reap the rewards of relocation. Her advice is helpful
whether you plan to move 100 miles or halfway around the world.

Anne, what are the main factors affecting each family member when you move?

Moving causes grief. This might sound overly dramatic as we usually think of grief for the death
of a loved one. However each change, even positive, involves loss and gain.

Before fully appreciating the gains, you need to process the losses. It’s this healthy process that’s
called grief.

As Mark Twain said, “Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of
proportion, a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.”
Moving triggers two types of losses: definitive loss and ambiguous loss.

Examples of definitive loss include the sale of a house or resignation of a job. Whatever the future
holds, you won’t have the same house nor the exact same job ever again. The situation is clear,
even if painful but there is closure possible.

Closure doesn’t happen for the other type of loss: ambiguous loss. Leaving friends, colleagues and
extended family behind is a typical example. They’re not present any longer in your daily life but
they’re still alive, in your thoughts a click away on the Internet or on social media.

Pauline Boss, a therapist who has studied ambiguous loss for 30 years, says, “It feels like a loss but
it’s not really one. This is what makes it so stressful.”

This confusion makes people feel stuck. On one hand, they’re sad and frustrated because they
miss family and friends. Moreover, they often have to repress those feelings because they feel
guilty to complain while they made the decision to leave. On the other hand, they enjoy the
excitement of a new life or an interesting job without having to put up with whatever bad things
they left behind.

How do you know you’re grieving?

Physical symptoms include body pains, crying, disturbed sleeping patterns, eating problems, lack
of energy, chest pressure, and sweaty palms. Emotionally, you may feel sad, anxious, frustrated,
angry and/or guilty. You may numb your emotions to protect yourself from acute pain.

You may be tempted to withdraw from social activity and regret your decision to move.

Each person grieves in his/her unique way. There is no prescribed time frame or time limit in this
process.

It may be even harder on the accompanying partner and the children who didn’t really have a
choice but to follow. Boss says the impact on an individual can ripple out and affect the whole
family. Family members can become so preoccupied by loss that they withdraw from each other.

What can you do to deal with the grief in a healthy way?

1. Inform yourself about grief and share the information with your loved ones.

2. List your losses and discuss them together.

3. Validate each other’s feelings without dismissing, ridiculing or repressing them. If not, you’ll
only intensify them.

Keep in mind the motto of grief specialist Therese Rando, “What grievers need most is acceptance
and nonjudgmental listening.”
Another factor of importance in a move is culture shock.

Relocating from a village to a city or moving interstate or overseas will involve a change of
culture. Whether it’s a subculture (when you stay in the same country) or a totally different
culture, you’ll experience culture shock.

In the 60s, renowned anthropologist Kalervo Oberg described culture shock in four stages:

1. Honeymoon
When you first come to a new place, you’re excited by the novelty of your surrounding. You’re
curious to discover and to explore. Like in love at first sight, you see life with rose-tinted glasses.

2. Crisis
When dust settles, you start to perceive the differences and to face reality with its positive and
negative aspects. You compare with what you’re used to… and you despair. You become angry
and resentful when you struggle with administrative delays, communication problems, lack of
familiar food, and climate vagaries.

3. Recovery
Little by little, you find ways to adapt and you develop coping skills.

4. Adjustment
This is the stage where you develop a sense of belonging in your new community.

It’s important to mention that you may NOT experience ALL those stages – you may skip the
honeymoon stage, for example, if you’re coming to a new place against your will. In some cases,
you may even go through the stages in a different order.

What can you do to make this process go more smoothly?

1. Be prepared to deal with stress.

You may want to learn or apply relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. Make sure you get
enough sleep. Avoid excessive use of alcohol or self-medication.

2. Communicate effectively.
This includes paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues, getting information on local customs,
and being flexible and curious.

3. Realize that moving will challenge your identity.

You may want to think about how you define yourself to new acquaintances: through your
professional activity, through your family role, and through the country/city/state you’re coming
from.

What are the challenges experienced by the accompanying partner?

Accompanying partners are vulnerable: they very often give up their job and lose their support
networks in the move. They become the natural resource to pick up the slack while the working
partner is drawn into his/her new function. In some cases, they don’t have the opportunity to find
another professional activity because they lack a work permit / visa or recognition of their
professional qualifications. In other cases, they have to find work, a highly demanding task in the
current troubled economic situation.

The lack of professional activity is often a deal breaker in the morale of the accompanying partner
leading to loss of self-confidence, loss of self-esteem, and financial dependence. Without support,
depression looms.

If you’re the employee or business owner who precipitated the family’s move, what can you do
to support your accompanying partner?

Lending an attentive ear is always a priceless gift to your partner, even more when he/she has
few adult conversations during the day. Listening is even more important than trying to problem
solve, which is particularly challenging for men because they are so tempted to fix problems.
Remember, your full attention and your empathy are essential AND enough..

How can you help the children?

Children are also affected by culture shock and a grieving process. The latter is particularly
important to keep in mind. Psychologist John Bowlby said children age four and up mourn in
similar ways to adults.

If children sometimes seem forgetful and insensitive, it’s because they live much more in the
present.
Children grieve like adults but they’re more vulnerable because they’re dependent on grown ups
to make sense of their new reality. They don’t have access to the same amount of information.

There are three golden rules for supporting them.

Rule #1: Be fully present – physically and mentally – as often as you possibly can. Paramount is
listening without judging, arguing, or denying. Ask questions when you’re not sure but encourage
anger, frustration, sadness, resentment to get out. It’s so important. Bottled feelings intensify
before exploding… sometimes decades later!

Rule #2: Outline what’s changing and what’s not.

Children need stability and continuity. Don’t hesitate to state even the obvious. You may have a
list with two columns and place pictures of what’s going to stay the same and what’s going to
change. For example, you’re changing houses but you’ll always have breakfast together.

Rule #3: Explain what grief is.

Take this opportunity to teach your children a lifelong coping skill because life is also a succession
of losses.

Finally, don’t forget yourself. You’re a role model. Children do what you do, not what you say.

What happens when you come back?

When you move to a new place, you’re experiencing culture shock. When you come back, you
face “reverse” culture shock.

This is the first surprise: people who have repatriated mention that it’s more difficult to go back to
your original country than moving abroad!

You think you’re going back home and it’s going to be easy, right? Well, think again.

Why is it harder to come back?

There is a huge gap between your expectations and the reality. You think you know the country,
the culture and the language, so you expect to adjust quickly and easily.

But you have changed.

A friend of mine went to the local supermarket of her hometown in Germany and was waiting for
the cashier to put her groceries in a bag like is usual in Australia. She got told off because she was
daydreaming instead of packing.

You can’t pretend that you’re a foreigner! Sometimes, people were more understanding when
they spotted your accent or looked at your face. You were clearly not from there. Now, you’re a
hidden immigrant!
The country has changed. You need to identify what has changed and sometimes it takes lots of
concentration and energy to pick up what’s now different.

Your relatives and your friends have changed. They moved on with their life while you were
away. Very often, you realize that they’re not interested in your stories. A friend of mine
mentioned that she had to hide her expat life in general conversations because people couldn’t
relate.

You’ll still have to deal with grief: the loss of your expat life.

Reverse culture shock is still a kind of culture shock. So you’ll experience stress, communication
issues (think about non-verbal cues!), and identity conflicts. Who are you? For example, if you are
American, you seem to be a “normal” American but you’ve got another worldview and
experience than the average citizen who never lived away from his country.

So what can you do?

Consider repatriation as another new expat assignment. Consider yourself in discovery mode.

Change your perspective and play the foreigner in your own country!

Make expat friends to cultivate the diversity of worldviews.

How does it sound? Ready for the challenge?

This is very helpful, Anne. Thank you!

How to Deal with Culture Shock while Studying

Abroad
Published on 02/19/2015 by Mandi Schmitt

Photo Credit: Anna Langer

The minute you land in your new study abroad country, you're busy taking in the newness around
you. You're smiling at the street vendors selling fruit on every corner. You're captivated by the
sudden openness of the people around you. Or perhaps you're noticing a discreet segregation of
genders, ages, or confused by why your host mother shies away from some of your questions.
This, brave study abroad student, is called culture shock.

The minute you land in your new study abroad country, you're busy taking in the newness around
you.
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Most people who have traveled more extensively than a brief vacation (and us anthropology
students, obviously!) have heard the term. Whether you've just long ago been bitten by the travel
bug, or are heading off on your first time abroad, you'll need to understand culture shock and how
to cope with it on your study abroad trip.

What is Culture Shock?

When you study abroad, your daily routine, culture, and the attitudes of people around you are no
longer familiar. The process of recognizing, understanding, and adapting to these changes is
called culture shock.

In our normal environment much of our behavior, like gestures, tone of voice, how we wait in lines
(or don't wait), and interact, rely on collectively understood cultural cues. However, we don't
actively pay attention to these -- they're our unspoken norm.

In a new country, we become more aware of these cultural subtleties because they are different
from our norm.

You may not literally be shocked, but this act of feeling disoriented and processing new ways of
life, attitudes, and cultural norms is by definition culture shock. There are four stages of culture
shock:

 Initial Euphoria / The Honeymoon Stage - After first arriving to a new place, you'll likely be caught
up in all the wonderful things your new chosen home has to offer. During this stage, you are more
likely to recognize cultural similarities and be charmed by the differences.
  Irritation and Hostility / The Negotiation Stage - Gradually, the euphoria will diminish. You'll get
lost. You'll get mad at the apparent "disorganization" of things. You'll become overwhelmed with all
the things you have to adjust to and either feel irritated or compelled to make things go "your way".
 Gradual Understanding / The Adjustment Stage - You're finally able to relax. You've come to
terms with your new home and have achieved a balance of emotions. Instead of feeling irritated,
you're understanding of differences. You'll start to have a more positive outlook, interest in learning
more about your host country, and make more effort to fit in.
 Adaptation or Biculturalism / The Mastery Stage - Reaching a high level of comfort in your new
home is the final stage of culture shock. The order of things makes sense, you can talk to strangers
with ease, and you understand cultural nuances. Your routine is more natural. Sure, you still miss
your friends and family, but your new friends and activities have become part of your daily life.

Culture Shock and Depression

In some cases, culture shock can resemble or trigger study abroad depression. If you fear you
are on the verge of or already in this state, don't try to get through it alone. Talk to your study
abroad directors or volunteer coordinators. Don't isolate yourself.

Tips for Dealing with Culture Shock

Okay, okay, so you understand what culture shock is and how to recognize it. Lets get down
to real strategies and tips for dealing with culture shock.

1. Learn as much about your host country as possible

Read through travel forums, guidebooks, news reports, or novels. Talk to people who have been
there or -- better yet -- are from there.
Get to know as much as you can about what's considered polite or rude (for example, did you
know it's rude to step over someone's bag in Madagascar?) and prepare yourself for some of the
differences before you go.

2. Ask study abroad coordinators for advice

Specifically, ask them what other students have had a hard time adapting to and what they've
done to cope. Each country has it's own nuances, so you're going to face a different situation in
France as you would in Thailand. Ask those who know best!

3. Set learning goals for your study abroad trip

This may be obvious, but make sure you have goals for your study abroad trip, and make sure
they include learning about your host culture. Do you love food? Make it a goal to learn how to
cook a local dish.

4. Write down what you love when you first arrive, and look back later

During the honeymoon phase, write down all the things you love about your new host country
(maybe even in your new study abroad blog?). Later, when you're feeling frustrated or irritated,
use this list to remind yourself of all the good things about your host country, instead of
the things that annoy you.

5. Find a healthy distraction

Especially in stage two, when you may have negative feelings towards your host culture, find a
healthy distraction. Take some time to yourself, watch an episode of your favorite TV show, cook a
meal from home, or have a solo dance party in your house.

Study abroad's a challenge, an introduction to a new culture, and an emotional roller coaster at
times.
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It's OK to feel overwhelmed and need a break from your host country -- just make sure it's a
healthy distraction and you don't spend your whole time locked up in your house!

6. Talk to other students about how you feel

You'll likely know other students who are studying abroad with you. Talk to them about how they
feel about your host culture. Ask them about how they feel, strategies they've used to cope with
cultural differences.

Also, learn from them. They may have figured out something you're still confused about -- like why
everyone keeps saying a particular phrase or how to politely say "no" when yourhost mom insists
you finish everything on your plate.
7. Push yourself to make local friends

Photo Credit: Charity Yoro

Of course, you'll learn even more if youmake local friends. They're experts in their own culture
and will be able to explain all the crazy little questions you have. And if they're a truly good friend,
they'll pull you aside and tell you if you're unwittingly doing something offensive or weird. *Phew*!

8. Try to see things through your host culture's eyes

Put on your anthropology hat, kiddos. After all, your anthro class is likely where you first heard
about culture shock, right?

Throughout every stage of culture shock, try to put your own worldview in your pocketand try to
understand the world the way your host culture does.

Maybe you don't agree with some philosophies, and maybe it doesn't make sense within your own
cultural context, and it doesn't have to. Just try to understand where they're coming from. Ask
questions, be non-judgemental, be an anthropologist!

9. Get involved with the local community

Part of your feelings of culture shock may be because you feel like too much of an outsider, so get
involved in your local community as much as possible. If you went to church at home, go to church
there. If you volunteered at home, find a volunteer project in your host city. Join a sports team, go
to major festivals, and make this new home a home!

10. Make an effort to learn the local language

Even if your program is in English, make an effort to learn a few basic phrases (or more!) in the
local language. It's not just a way to understand more of the culture (language and culture are
linked), but also to make friends, feel more included, and hey -- it's just fun!
 So How Exactly Will It Affect Me?

Culture shock affects everyone differently, and can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Largely, this
depends on:

 The countries you've previously traveled to ... if any. Have you experienced new cultures
before?
 The country you're now traveling in. How different is it from your own culture?
 The purpose and structure of your current trip. Do you have someone to help you understand
the new culture? Are you willing to learn and adapt?
 How well you adjust to new situations. How do you generally react to being outside your comfort
zone?

For example, when I first traveled in Tanzania, I had the hardest time adjusting to shopping in
chaotic markets and bargaining for goods. I'm used to being left alone to browse when shopping at
home, but most shop owners there are anxious to make a sale. They follow shoppers around and
continuously present them with suggestions of things to buy. Then, instead of paying a set price,
shopper and shopkeeper begin the lengthy process of bargaining for an agreed upon price. I had
limited patience with this system, and would often end up feeling irritated.

The process of recognizing, understanding, and adapting to these changes is called culture shock.
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In contrast, when I later visited other countries, like India, with similar markets and culture of
bargaining, I felt more confident and able to navigate shopping in markets. I still didn't love it, but
my past experiences helped me adapt to these new cultures since I'd traveled in similar places
before.

Don't Let Culture Shock Stop You from Studying Abroad

Study abroad isn't all weekend getaways and late night parties. It's a challenge, an introduction to
a new culture, and an emotional roller coaster at times. However, it's one worth taking. We
promise you though, once you're home you'll forget about all the things that irritated you and
treasure the memories and friends you made.

Photo Credits: Anna Langer, Jessie Beck, and Charity Yoro.

Sponsored Links

Looking for programs? Start here.

 IES Abroad Granada - Study in Granada

By IES Abroad

Authored by Mandi Schmitt

PR & Special Projects Director

Mandi has studied, volunteered, interned, and lived abroad in all sorts of fascinating places,
including Rome, London, India, Costa Rica, and Tanzania. She started writing for Go Overseas as
a Columnist before coming on full time as the PR & Special Projects Director. Keep up with her on
@Mandi_Overseas and Google+.
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