Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

Free where sold

the official organ of the

Carlton Dramatic Society

WICKEDLY GOOD!
The Devil came down to Merton
Review:.................................Kristen Bowditch
Carlton is no stranger to body swapping accidents with hilarious results - who can forget the time that Jeff and Cindy Graves brought back that mystical ornamental skull from South East Asia. During a dispute about where to put it they both made foolish wishes along the lines of well if you think its so easy having a career and trying to be a homemaker, you do it to which the shrunken worked its magic and to their immense surprise dutifully transformed them. Needless to say Jeff now inhabiting Cindys body holed himself up in the family bathroom and refused to come out until he had fully come to terms with his new form. Luckily after a highly implausible plot featuring international jewel thieves, a mango and a high speed car chase through the Savacentre car park, the couple were returned to their original bodies. Rather than this widely disseminated tale, Mehmet Izbudak chose the lesser known Faustus legend for his original play about a Media Studies lecturer from North Cheam who is chosen by the powers of Darkness as the front-man for the Devils foray into the world of consumerism, the Evil brand. The body-swapping came in the form of the familial Faustuss reward that of coveting the ass of his cleaner (newcomer Kirsty Collins) and gardener (John Gargrave in shorts). As the fab four - Dave OSullivan played against type as the seedy, past it professor who hated his nagging wife (disturbingly well-demonstrated by Val Foskett, then Kirsty Collins) with John Gargrave as the horticulturally inspired demon and later Faustus himself being the Stygian glue that held the disparate plot threads together. Matthew Petty stepped into the cloven size nines of the Prince of Darkness, shunning the overdone, sacrificing of virgins, traditional fire and brimstone and horns in favour of the more prosaic, Evil Bank Manager which frankly was so terrifying that several of the more sensitive audience members fainted. As his handmaidens of hell, Katy Hebbourn, Kate Rodgers, Jayne Giordanella, Lucie Morris (whose day job as a journalist for the Daily Mail obviously prepared her for this devilish turn), Belinda Thomas and Kathie Arundell aroused the audience (from the monsoon heat) as the demonic sextet. Other infernal incubi were Carl Whiteside, Jeff Graves and Andrew Candish as a cameo selection of news reporters, advisors to the prime minister and fiendish henchmen, Kay Elliot and Alison Raffan were entertainingly natural as ordinary members of the public and Mike Tierney expansive talent for mimicry was demonstrated as he took up the reigns of our beloved leader Tony Blair. Finally special mention must go to our very own Deus Ex Machina and all round theatrical divinity James Grayston for his sterling performance as the one and only (if the Christians are to be believed) God. All in all, Dr and Mrs Faustus was a thoroughly enjoyable performance for cast, crew and audience alike, chocked full of fine performances, characterisation and witty punning, which provided a remarkably slick evenings entertainment especially considering the challenging rehearsal process. Well done to all involved, especially the virgins.

KB

In This Issue
~

Carlton Info & Calendar

Page 12 & 13 Dates for your diary ~

The Probe
Page 5 The New Committee reveals all ~

Death Behind The Scenes

Page 3
Part IV Into The Darkness

My Bizarre Double Life

Page 9
Grim pasts and secret lives

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

Carlton Update
The Official Sexed-up Dossier
AGM
At the recent AGM the membership voted to increase subscriptions with immediate effect: Full Membership is now 40 p.a. Associate Membership is now 20 p.a. It was also agreed at the meeting that the cost of tea and coffee be increased from 30p to 40p. Therefore, to avoid any cash flow problems, it would be appreciated if all members could send their subscription at their earliest convenience. Also, please could the people in Two Gents give Carl their 10 Performance Fee as soon as possible? Big Thanks as well to all the Front of House staff, including Penny Stone, Dave, Kristen and everyone else. By selling programmes and raffle tickets, you raised 253 of much needed moolah.

STORAGE NEWS!
You may or may not be aware that beloved and recently re-elected Treasurer Carl Whiteside has been negotiating with Fran at the WCA over the last few weeks about obtaining storage space at the Community Centre. Fran has agreed and has cleared out the area between the dressing rooms for our usage. There is still some more junk to be got rid of but Mike T has already offered his services to Fran to help shift it. Thanks as usual Mike! Once this has been done we'll be able to move our stuff in. Mike and Carl checked it out and the room is surprisingly big, so we should have no problems storing all our kit there Access was discussed and Fran is happy for us to have keys to lock the building when we need access after productions. The only thing to consider is that we won't be able to get access when other groups are using the hall, e.g. during our rehearsals The great news though is that we've got the space for free saving Carlton 480 a year! However, Carl recommends that we invest whatever is necessary in the next financial year to make it secure, e.g. lockable boxes for all props, and then reap the profits in the future. Mike is keen to lend his practical ability to the project and the initial focus will be to prepare the room with extra shelving, etc. before we move our stuff in. If you've got any queries re the above please give me a shout

STUDIO THEATRE
As you may or may not be aware, due to the closure of Wimbledon Theatre we have not yet received the outstanding monies from Dr & Mrs Faustus. However, we are assured that we will. The booked slot for Two Gents is not so clear. The committee and the Two Gents production team are working on a replacement venue now. This will also affect the booked slots for the Spring and Autumn Productions next year. However, rehearsals are continuing as normal. Heres hoping that a venue can be found!

FAUSTUS PLAUDITS
Some words from the director, Mehmet Izbudak: I would like to thank all in Carlton for the brilliant production of Dr and Mrs Faustus. Only a team of that calibre could have ever produced a show of that expert quality. I am most appreciative of the committee's trust and sense of adventure in selecting Dr and Mrs Faustus, which at the time of presentation was just a 350 word project covering one side of an A4 sheet. I am, of course, totally indebted to the cast and production team, who gave so much hard work, dedication and creativity. My only regret is that the show couldn't have been on longer, so that more people could have witnessed the high level of professionalism of the Carlton. Thank you again for breathing such life into the text.

POP QUIZ
On a final note, in the last issue there was a Top Ten of Devil-related Tunes. At number 7 was Disco Inferno by Earth Wind and Fire (or was it Tavares?). John Gargrave was kind enough to point out that the tune was in fact recorded by the Trammps. Thanks John, a hat embroidered with the words Pedant Smartarse is on its way to you.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

Continuing our theatrical thriller serial, we present

DEATH BEHIND THE SCENES

By Toby Hardwood

Part IV Into the Darkness

The Policeman tapped his foot irritably, hands jammed against narrow hips, which held a pair of regimental trousers, pressed with razor sharp seams, much higher than one wouldve expect for a man of such slight build. The gaunt thrust of his jaw suggested a serious demeanour, but the scowl on his lips confirmed the air of great annoyance. Annie demurely brushed the dirt from her dress, looking anywhere but the Policemans face and its demandingly glare. Timothy on the other hand, struggled to repress a rueful grin. Hello Clarence, he said taking a tactful step to the side, and subconsciously acknowledging the etiquette laws of social proximity. The ferocity of the Policemans tapping foot trebled and he sucked a long, cold and audible breath between pursed lips. He pushed his narrow shoulders back and focused his glare on Timothy alone. Oh, I mean Sergeant Smythe, sorry. Timothy cheerfully corrected himself by cocking his head and returning the Policemans hawkish glare with an impish grin. Timothy was not being deliberately disrespectful to this bastion of law and order. But as many had privately pointed out over a pint, it was difficult to take such a stickler for protocol, as one Sergeant Clarence Smythe was, seriously once youd seen him prance around the stage in a pair of black tights sporting a donkey mask. And even harder for those who had witnessed the enumerable drag acts that seemed to be the Sergeants penchant for the societys Christmas party. Do you think its funny Mr Weston, Sergeant Smythe addressed everybody by title and surname when in uniform. To recklessly endanger the life of a lady with such tomfoolery? The sarcasm curled his mouth to reveal a row of chipped and crooked teeth that hinted at a youth rougher than his air of aplomb would suggest. Oh come on Clarence, Annie blurted. I was hardly in any danger Sergeant Smythe silenced her with a rigidly raised finger. Please Mrs Matthews, Im addressing Mr Weston. Annies face flushed with anger and for a fleeting moment the colour of her cheeks matched the pink of her cardigan. She involuntarily took a step forward, breath chilled, but bile boiling. Timothy sensed her fury and although there was nothing he liked more than to see such a powerful woman in flight, common sense told him the situation was such that it demanded he put such voyeuristic delights to one side. Sergeant Smythe, he leapt in, resting a gentle yet restraining hand on her arm. Mrs Matthews was simply verifying what I saw so that we might facilitate your investigation. I assure you she was in no physical danger A rare smile danced at the corners of Sergeant Smythes lips. At least not from you, he interjected slyly. So, what exactly did you see? he relaxed his stance - a calculated act - and stepped forward, crossing his arms. Whats so important that I need be dragged from my house while Mrs Smythes oven baked dinner grows ever inevitably cold on the side board? Well Clarence Annie started tersely, but once again the Sergeant tensed at the familiarity, and this time Annies common sense prompted a more conciliatory tone. I mean Sergeant Smythe. Theres a pair of boots hanging from the lighting grid in the auditorium. A pair of boots? the Sergeant mused with an apparent air of disinterest. Not just a pair of boots, Annie fought the bubbling urge to slap the man. But theres a pair of trousers attached to them! A thought visibly crossed Sergeant Smythe mind and with mild concern he looked at Timothy. Do you have your keys Mr Weston? Yes, but it appears the doors have been locked from the inside, said Timothy. From the inside? All three doors? The Sergeant exclaimed. Did you check the priory coal chute as well? Timothy felt a crimson burn creep into his cheeks. Hed forgotten about the coal chute. It had long fallen into disuse, but it was still there on the High Road side of the building. I never thought of it, he admitted. It hasnt been used for decades. No time for laments, barked the Sergeant. Ill get the bolt cutters from the Panda. He leapt into action. You two get to the chute. Annie and Timothy looked at each other as the Policeman scuttled his willowy frame back toward the car park, then they raced round the other side of the building. The coal chute was simply a square of concrete built at a forty-five degree angle to the wall and covered by an iron plate hinged to one side. It was barely three foot square and in the grey light, looked damp and uninviting. How the devil are we going to get down that? Timothy pondered, staring at the rusty iron door.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

You wont Mr Weston, observed Annie, but I will she said emphatically. Timothy looked at her in concern. Oh Annie, we couldnt possibly. His voiced caught in his throat, suddenly conscious of his indiscretion, prayerful that it would be welcomed, or at the very least that it might slip by unnoticed. Annie sensed the warm glow that such unforced informality confers, and smiled graciously at the sincerity in the gentlemans eyes. As the seconds passed, both sensed a microscopic shift in their respective perceptions. The moment was destroyed by the breathless arrival of Sergeant Smythe wielding a large pair of Police issue bolt cutters. Mrs Matthews, he said working the jaws into position at the nape of the hook. Given the gravity of the situation, Im going to wave procedure and ask for your assistance. Annie, forgetting the earlier slight, was visibly excited. Would you like me to crawl down the chute? Yes, he said sternly. But once in the basement you must make your way directly to front doors and let me in. If whats happened is what I think has happen, youll be in no danger, but I dont want you taking any detours do you understand? Annie resisted her natural inclination to tell Sergeant Smythe exactly where he could put his bolt cutters and simply nodded. After a minute of solid exertion, Sergeant Smythe stood breathlessly back, the bolt cutters jaws having barely made an impression on the cast iron hook. May I have a shot Sergeant Smythe? Timothy enquired politely. The Policeman wiped the sweat from his brow and stood back. If you insist, but mind you dont hurt yourself, he said sternly. Timothy clasped the cutters handles in each of his paws and gingerly took the strain. The padlock looked as old as he himself and he had little doubt the Smithy whod forged it had known what he was doing. The handles resisted the tension he exerted, the hook stubbornly refusing to yield to the jaws. As Timothy applied greater and greater force, the veins on the side of face bulged as his heart struggled to keep the blood from being squeezed from every constricting muscle he used. The jaws sliced the hook with no warning. Timothy staggered slightly and exhaled a breath that had been expelled deep from within. Oh well done Timothy! Annie exclaimed with an excited clap of her hands. The Policeman ignored both of them and with a determined tug pulled back the coal chutes iron lid. No time to loose Mrs Matthews, he said. In you go. Timothy struggled to find his breath, but regained his composer quick enough to proffer his hand, which was grasped with a warm smile. Annie stepped gingerly towards the hole and peered in. It was dark, and a musty smell wafted up from deep below. The light that filtered down was pallid and

4
dusty. She could just make out some evenly spaced grooves, which had fortuitously been cut into the lower side of the chutes concrete casing. Carefully she turned and extended her foot. It was a stretch, but the toe of her boot perched neatly in the centre of the groove. It crossed her mind as she stretched her other foot down, having reluctantly given up the warm and comforting hand of Timothy Weston for the cold lip of the coal chute, that it must have been built with a particularly slight man in mind. A child perhaps? Or perhaps men in those days, she thought wistfully, werent as broad as their modern counter parts. The thought of Timothy Westons broad shoulders was enough to distract her from the notion that other, creeper and less inviting creatures would surely inhabit the hole that she was now invading. Are you alright down there Annie? she heard Timothys concerned voice call from the square of light six feet above her head. Im fine, Im at the bottom, dont worry! she called back. She kicked the iron door that guarded the entrance to the cellar and was relieved to feel it yield slightly. Squatting in the dusty pit, she leant her shoulder against the doors, recklessly ignoring the fate of her pink cardigan. The door resisted momentarily, but begrudgingly gave way with a groan, opening to a room cluttered with eerie shapes and shadows. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust, but when they did she found the ambient light just enough to see. For once in her life she heeded the advice of authority unconditionally. It was spooky down here, and cold. She had no desire to dally any longer. She hurried to the cellar door and clambered up the stairs two at a time. As she reached the auditorium, she headed for the front doors, but curiosity is compulsive in a woman of her nature. She stopped and looked up, into the grid. Mr Tollington! she gasped allowed, but on this occasion, there was no reply from the societys esteemed Treasurer.

~
Tune in next month for the next exciting episode of DEATH BEHIND THE SCENES

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

5 BUMPER EDITION! The AGM saw a new committee voted in. This prog, the Probe worked its magic on a few of them See Page 2 for details of the new committee.

The New Carlton Committee

Hello, how are you? Did you enjoy Faustus?

CINDY: Fine thank you, but glad it's Friday! Yes. MATT: I had a great time, all those ladies at my beck and call. Onstage was fun too etc KATHIE: I'm fine thanks - and yes Faustus was great fun - certainly a challenging production but in the end the cast bonding and commitment produced a show to be proud of. CARL: Fine thank you. I was in it so, yes immensely!. I think that's the official party line! KIRSTY: I'm super cos the sun is shining and I have sunburnt shoulders but I don't care. Faustus was great fun. It was a lovely team of people to work with and I am very lucky they let me get away with having such a great part when I was such an unknown quantity. It was also extremely hot....and I think I lost about two stone just sweating on stage!! LUCIE: I'm really well thanks. I found the whole Faustus hilarious from the rehearsals right through to the hot tub orgy which turned my floors into a Glastonbury style mud-bath and resulted in a visit from two officers of the Wimbledon constabulary. (Or were they the strippers?)

How long have you been a Carlton member?

CINDY: Not sure exactly, probably about 4 years. MATT: 3 years. Blimey. CARL: 5 Years now KATHIE: Oo er - ages! 11 years at last count..... LUCIE: Only four months and I'm already exhausted and concerned for my mental health. KIRSTY: Feb/March (whenever Faustus started) Although I now have trouble remembering life before Carlton!!

Were you in theatre before the Carlton?

CINDY: I stage managed a school production when I was about 11 and was in Jack and the Beanstalk when I was 12 where I developed my fear of acting! MATT: Yes, Ive loitered around stages for a long time, at school, college, local amateur and independent stuff. It would appear Im addicted. LUCIE: I performed in a play at the Edinburgh Fringe called Frontiers when I was 17 but then nothing since except performing in university concerts playing the double bass. CARL: Apart from the usual youth theatre, I did a Performing Arts & Business Mgt degree. I worked as a Theatre Manager in the West End for a year while I've been with Carlton KATHIE: Well at times my life seems to have been a theatre production, so if you want to count that.....! KIRSTY: I did a lot of Youth theatre in my teens and did a season with the National Youth Theatre in Edinburgh, (although there was quite a high ratio of drinking compared to acting). Then I went on to drink my way through a theatre degree at Warwick University. Tell you what, this acting lark isn't half bad for your liver!!

What Carlton productions have you been involved in?

MATT: Acted in Hypo, Macbeth, Much Ado, Othello, Liaisons, a couple of workshops. Did sound for Tis Pity and a bit for Butler. CARL: TONS! LOADS! Sorry Carl, running out of space! I can provide a separate list if people want. Ed LUCIE: In Faustus I was Paimon, also known as Devil number five, who was forced to obey all of Matthew Petty's orders and believe me they were rude sometimes. That Lucifer really took advantage. I'm now enduring the roller coaster experience of Raw Theatre. CINDY: Too many to list, but have stage managed (or ASM'd) 11 productions and a few workshops. Also directed and acted in a workshop production. KATHIE: Enough to keep me happy: Witness for the Prosecution (Police Surgeon) was my first and then some of the others (inpo): Orestes (Helen of Troy), Camp Erpingham (busybody camp visitor), Lysistrata (one of the Spartan gals), Amadeus (Baron von Swieten), Woman of No Importance (some bird with a posh accent) 84 Charing Cross Road (Helene Hanff), For Whom the Bell Tolls (Mama), Naomi in the Living Room (Nutty Naomi), Shirley Valentine (Shirley), The Graduate (Mrs R,) (these last four were Workshops) The Scottish Play (Gentlewoman), Faustus (No 4!) If there are others - can't remember! KIRSTY: Just Faustus - Lucy ( the she devil)

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003 Which was your favourite?

CARL: Directing: Macbeth - this was my first full production. It was a massive project with over 30 people involved and everyone still talks fondly of it. Performing: Trivial Pursuits - this was my first opportunity with Carlton to truly stretch myself and develop as an actor. It was great to be part of an outstanding production and the cast had a blast as well. LUCIE: In Raw my confidence about appearing on stage has been massively boosted by hearing the audience laugh about something me or my team have just made up on the spot. Its a bigger buzz than a front page scoop believe me and I recommend it to anyone no matter how terrifying the prospect can seem beforehand! KIRSTY: Not really much choice there!! CINDY: Chorus of Disapproval and Trivial Pursuits MATT: Much Ado, simply cos I got to strut around in boots. Ive enjoyed everything though. KATHIE: Torn between 84 Charing Cross Road - a huge challenge and I got quite caught up in - the last scene, I always cried (even during rehearsals!), Shirley Valentine (I got choked up on that one too) and of course Mrs R in The Graduate. I like taking my clothes off, so that role was rather nice! The audience probably cried with despair on that one!

What was your most embarrassing theatre moment?

CINDY: Dropping the Hoover during a scene change in Faustus. KIRSTY: Losing my skirt in a dancing show a few years ago. The height of embarrassment for a very self conscious teenager MATT: Ive dried and frozen a few times. I always feel faintly embarrassed when I come off stage. What did I just do? LUCIE: Last week in Raw when I suddenly had to play Little Red Riding Hood and totally corpsed and forgot what the story was about! Thankfully my wonderful team saved the day which allowed me just to stand there looking scared! (which I was) KATHIE: Well I dried in Woman of No Importance and I think my English accent was a dog but John Gargrave, our director, let me pass! He was wonderful.

Are you rehearsing at the moment? What for?

KIRSTY: I am rehearsing for Two Gents as a Bollywood dancer. Can't wait to start shaking my bootie across the stage, however the costumes don't leave much to the imagination so I am going to need the long rehearsal period to start doing stomach crunches MATT: Not rehearsing, because all the songs and banter in Raw Active Theatre is off the cuff. Honest. CARL: I am - I'm playing Eglamore and the prologue (from Romeo and Juliet) in 2 Gentlemen of Verona. I'm also practising for the RawACTive tournament along with my Angels LUCIE: I'm rehearsing for my role as a Bollywood dancer in Two Gents, and meeting for bonding sessions for Raw which involves lots of singing and giggling. CINDY: Reserve for 'Carlie's Angels' in RawACTive Theatre and a dancer/attendant in 2 Gents. KATHIE: Yes in 2 Gents - I'm the attendant to Silvia - a bit of a ham role which should be fun!

Do you have any tips youve picked up about acting or directing?

MATT: Acting try and forget the audience is there when you dont want to be distracted, but be responsive to them anyway. This is complete gibberish. Directing never. LUCIE: Not wearing my glasses so makes it seem as there is no-one watching in the audience. (or maybe no-one really is watching?!) CINDY: No, haven't done much of either - still learning! Now if it was stage managing CARL: Directing - delegate as much as you can to other people. You'll have enough to think about looking after the actors without running around looking for props, etc. KATHIE: With acting, you always keep learning! That's the joy! Directing, hmmm. I think I would be too bossy for that. (no change there then!) KIRSTY: The main thing with acting is to relax and enjoy yourself. When you are on stage immerse yourself in the character and forget the audience - there is nothing more frustrating than someone dropping their character even just for a second

What are you wearing right now?

MATT: Shorts, flip-flops and a Mute Records T-shirt. LUCIE: I'm at work so a black and white dress with black high heels and obviously a good strong bra.** CINDY: A bikini, which is why my colleagues keep giving me funny looks!** CARL: Blue jeans, blue shirt (surprise surprise) KATHIE: Er um, well nothing - it's hot isn't it!** KIRSTY: Very little because my company are too stingy to mend the air con....**

So, er, anything planned for the weekend?

CINDY: Rehearsing for and watching Carlie's Angels win this Saturday's heat of RawACTive & playing tennis on Sunday! MATT: Raw on Saturdays at the moment, then some serious relaxing on Sunday. Maybe a walk in the park. KATHIE: Well yes: horseracing at Hamilton Park in Scotland and then weekending with friends in Edinburgh. Going to check out my Macnab ancestors' burial ground in Killin too.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

KIRSTY: Dancing.....you asking? CARL: Performing in RawACTive on Saturday and then getting over the hangover on Sunday! LUCIE: I'm off to Lymington in Hampshire to see my family to do lots of eating, drinking, boating and sunbathing on the sandbanks in Poole.

What do you do for a living?

CINDY: As little as possible Information Co-ordinator (yawn!) MATT: Consultant Engineer. I wear blue shirts for a living. CARL: I work in the Sales Support team as an Account Handler for an Insurance Company. I liase with corporate clients setting up accounts, general shmoozing, that sort of thing. KATHIE: Work in the horseracing industry and generally horse around!! :O) KIRSTY: I am a Producer for a Live Events company. LUCIE: I've just become a Feature Writer for the Daily Mail where I've worked for the last four years as a news reporter travelling a lot on various world events and disasters and investigating other interesting scandals. And no, I don't turn over asylum seekers before anyone asks again!

What's your tipple?

CINDY: Tia Maria & Coke CARL: Lager, lager, lager! MATT: Lager or Whisky. Brand depends on whos buying. KATHIE: I think my reputation precedes me on that but for the who-who record: Wine. Also enjoy a G&T. KIRSTY: Vodka, lime and lemonade ....although being a proper girly I do love my Malibu... LUCIE: Pink champagne or vodka cranberry.

Last film you saw?

CINDY: Can't remember and it wasn't that long ago! MATT: The Matrix Reloaded. Dreadful. Last decent film I saw was Solaris. LUCIE: Bend it Like Beckham - because I am his number one fan. KATHIE: Chicago which was fab. CARL: 8 mile - brilliant. Although the outtake "battles" were better than the ones in the film. Eminem was supposed to mime but someone dissed him so he turned the mic on and shot them down in verbal flames! KIRSTY: Charlies Angels Full Throttle....Just the best film this year. Serious girl power for the women and a perv fest for the blokes.

First album you ever bought?

CARL: God, I have no idea. Probably Black Lace or Now 10 or something - this sort of thing just isn't important to the younger generation! CINDY: Can't remember, but my first single was Ive got a brand new combine harvester by the Wersells (excuse the spelling) - well I did grow up in the country! LUCIE: Kylie's first album. (give me a break I was only 13 and Neighbours was at its height!) MATT: First album Talking Heads True Stories? I know I got the single Double Dutch by Malcolm McClaren free with a pair of Clarks Commandos. KATHIE: Can't say - gives too much away! KIRSTY: Aha - Hunting High and Low . Very sad I know but I was very young and there was something strangely attractive about a man with a name as ridiculous as Morton Harkett.

Who would you want to play you in the film of your life story?
CINDY: Demi Moore. CARL: Kevin Spacey - he's an absolute legend (although he doesn't look like me) MATT: James Woods. Or Max Von Sydow. Or Klaus Kinski. LUCIE: Anyone with 34 DDs will do. KATHIE: Might as well go to the top: Katherine Hepburn. KIRSTY: I'd like to think someone sexy like Cameron Diaz but I can't imagine I'd have the budget.

Describe yourself in 3 words.

CINDY: Friendly, helpful & pedantic MATT: Affable, Sensitive, Tallish. LUCIE: Nosey, silly, Juicy CARL: Tall, slim, liar! KATHIE: Honest, emotional (that encompasses a lot),loyal KIRSTY: Kirsty Lynne Collins

If you had to compare yourself to a cartoon character, which one would it be?
CINDY: Penelope Pitstop or Betty Rubble (I can't decide which!) CARL: Apparently I'm most like Fred Flintstone MATT: Jason from Battle of the Planets, because Im a brooding enigma. (for brooding enigma read grumpy sod) LUCIE: Jessica Rabbit with roots. KATHIE: Oh dear I don't know - how about Olive Oyl (Popeye's girlfriend)

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003 Do you have any dreams, hopes, aspirations?

KIRSTY: Pikachu for Pokemon, just cos of the groovy noise it makes and because one of my best friends would be a psychic duck. CINDY: World domination, to devolve homo sapiens into homo moronis - whoops, see SM's get just as brain washed!! To live a happy, healthy & full life (don't want much do I?!!) MATT: To make my mark and leave them wondering. CARL: I'd love to become a professional director. Just need to pay off my last student loan first!! LUCIE: When I'm bored of travelling and holding naked parties I'll buy a husband from the 'out of date' section of Sainsbury's, have lots of babies and bake poisonous cakes for the WI while working from home as a freelance journalist. KATHIE: Aspirations: finish my book; Hopes: that goodness will always overshadow badness, but then unfortunately, I'm a dreamer. Dreams: so where is that white knight I keep dreaming about!! He always seems to fall in love with his bleeding horse! KIRSTY: I'd love to travel, open a donkey sanctuary and then marry a very rich man and never work again. Is that a bit shallow?

What aims do you have as a Committee member?

CINDY: To get all our furniture, props etc. boxed up and logged properly (very sad, I know) and of course to help the society continue to grow and prosper. LUCIE: As publicity officer I aim to expose all the dirty skeletons in the cupboards of each and every Carlton member in the News of the World. MATT: To keep people in the know, get as many people actively involved as possible, and what Cindy said. CARL: This year - cream off enough money for another holiday, surround sound speakers for my PS2 and a new couch. Seriously - to ensure that we start to improve our financial position by looking for ways to exploit financial opportunities. To reduce the reliance on profitable productions so that we're not having to pick productions based on their financial merit, more on their artistic merit. KATHIE: No doubt we will be faced with a number of challenges over the coming year. Speaking as Chair, I am hopeful that we will be able to rise to them. To paraphrase: Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. KIRSTY: I'd like to help make the Committee as open minded to fresh ideas and as approachable as possible. I think its really important this year to really work on raising the profile of Carlton in the local community. If you have any nominations for someone to be subjected to The Probe, let the editor know at the usual address. One person will be chosen at random from the nominations. Those not chosen will be carried over. *introductions charged at these rates honest = free, tactful = 5, friendly = 10, glowing = 15 ** hubba hubba Ed.

PAY YOUR (increased) SUBS!

Or these instruments will have to be used

No. 93: Rusty The Cheese Grater

Trying to hold in the results of the Friday night curry at the Matinee was getting painful

Your subs keep the CDS alive do the right thing! Your nipples will thank you.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

We continue our shocking series profiling the more desperate characters in the Carlton. Fear them, for they are in our midst

My Bizarre Double Life

This prog - Rubella Tokenblack on PAUL FLANNERY vegetarian Paul substitutes a biscuit on which he In this issue we are privileged to be allowed to will write 'mouse' or something. Just as the look into the life of one of the Carlton's newer communion host in the Catholic Church is not - in members. Paul Flannery, though of tender years molecular terms - the body of Christ but is has an interest more frequently associated with spiritually; likewise Paul's biscuit is his token small great age and life experience; which the more creature and is, he believes, entirely equivalent to judgmental and strait-laced among us might him consuming one. Then, just as the Chipute tribe condemn as dangerous or nonsensical. When you of Vermont do, Paul gathers twigs and builds a think about it, it's no more dangerous than Aubs' ceremonial structure in his bedroom which would and James Derbyshire's big, fast motorbike hobby protect his crops (if he grew any) from harmful nor more dubious than Mike Tierney's belief in weather and insects while he is absent from home. astrology. Paul is a witch. Next, Paul departs from his own, personal choice Paul has to plan meticulously his activities with of ceremonies and moves on to what the other the Carlton so as not to clash with important dates coven members will be doing at the same time in in the occult calendar. For example, Cindy's and their homes. He has a shower to purify himself and Ian's joint birthday bash on Friday 20th June saw Paul's attendance but had it been on Saturday 21st - then, while still wet, smears his body in offal. This Summer solstice - then he would have had to make comes from a ceremonially slaughtered goat (no butcher's trimmings, thank you!) a share of which his excuses: a higher power would have taken precedence. Paul has told me he is dreading the day will be delivered to his home by a coven member the previous day for him to keep in the fridge. that a play which includes his dream role comes Paul's flat mate is utterly bewildered every time up, only for him to be compelled to turn it down in this sandwich box of gore appears but Paul daren't favour of His Duty. let on what he's doing for fear that he will be Paul was only able to reveal some of the facts: the finer details are known only to the few. Besides judged as weird. Perish the thought, say we! That's which, Paul isn't only a new kid on the block to the why he has felt able to come clean about this with his friends in the Carlton, because he regards us as Carlton. There are many old-timers in the Robin non-judgemental. Well, let's face it, who among us Hood Coven of Wicca who regard him as a fly-bynow has a head full of apprehension about Paul? night (no pun intended!) who will lose interest and Exactly! The Carlton is all about free expression, move on, as so many do, once the seductive isn't it? So, once he has - and he is very thorough euphoria of the supernatural has dwindled. They would take a dim view of Paul spouting sacred covered himself in blood and meat fragments, it's knowledge to The Carlton Chronicle, inviting on with the plastic mac and a short walk to the 200 ridicule and further prying into their closed world. bus stop where, as he waits, he dreams of the Paul assures me, however that his devotion to dark debauchery which he will indulge in after he gets forces runs deep within him and he has committed off in West Wimbledon. A glance at his watch - the himself - for life - to the cause of propagating witching hour draws near. No! That was a tiny knowledge of 'the noble craft' to those who will piece of bone on the watch face - it's still early. keep an open mind. The excitement builds. On the bus, no matter how So what does it involve, Paul's devotion to packed it is, Paul always has plenty of space to witchery? Paul chooses to mix many of the ancient himself, such is the smell from his preparation traditions handed down from the Druids with many ceremony. that have only come to Britain recently. Hours To cross Wimbledon Common in the dark holds before a coven meeting Paul will meditate, inhale no fear for Paul, nor do the weirdoes and nutters incense and suspend himself from his ceiling by the Common famously attracts. He is carrying a leather straps, an Australian aboriginal custom talisman that will protect him from evil forces. He believed to prepare mind and body for a gruelling goes at a brisk trot because he likes to arrive 'ripe'. onslaught. Tradition encourages the acolyte to eat a Running in a plastic mac has this effect, he finds. small animal such as a rodent or toad but as a There is nothing worse for a coven member than to

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003 be shunned for being too 'worldly' i.e. bringing to the ritual the sterile, deodorant lifestyles we folk of the westernised world regard as civilised. On his arrival in the little clearing in the middle of Putney Heath Paul waits, panting in the soothing moonlight for the rest of the coven to turn up. They trickle in, one with a huge mongrel on a rope; one with a pedigree Siamese cat in a cage (black is soo-o...); another brings a giant plastic container of water; a bundle of sticks and paper; a sack of herbs, home made wine. But jobseekers'allowance-claiming new age travellers they are not! These are mostly well-heeled professionals, comfortably-off, some retired, all exploring the darker side of life in the London borough with the most green space and the most spiritual nature Wandsworth. By day they may seem materialistic, watching their tracker funds; sitting on their ISAs; clipping their hedges. But for a few nights a year they commune with another realm: they step off the northern extremity of SW19 and plummet, spinning uncontrollably into the black maw of the underworld. I was intrigued to know how it all began. Paul explained that while walking back from a wild night of many excesses in White City (judge not, lest ye be judged!) he staggered, stupid, with aching kidneys and dilated pupils across Tibbett's Corner roundabout at 3:30 am. He steeled himself for the infinite polar trek that is Wimbledon Park Side when he heard on the rare southerly wind the hypnotic throb of a drum and the unmistakable banshee-howl of a woman pent between torment and ecstasy, wanting neither... yet craving both. Paul's first period chemistry practical was entering its coursework stage and he felt the need to consolidate it with a geography field trip. We all know that a rhythmic beat can move the intoxicated - moreover a cry of agony or agitation can rouse them to move fast. Before he knew it young Paul was following a path like a compass needle. He trekked through bramble thicket, bog and fox-torn Asda carrier bags until - scratched, nettle-stung and gasping for breath - he saw it. A richer yellow than the moon, it flickered, fire-like. It was a fire. Seen one, seen 'em all. However, a fire surrounded by a circle of hooded figures was a novelty; as was a fire being leapt over by a succession of naked, besmeared and nubile women. Paul watched in silence from his dark vantage point, deep in the bushes but within seconds the eerie pipe music and hypnotic drum beat stopped. One by one the people turned until they were all

10 facing him, silent, staring. By some non-visual, non-aural means his presence had been detected. Paul, having both the paranoia of an Amsterdamweekend and Dutch courage in him was torn between running away as fast as he could and walking out into the clearing to greet them. With his consciousness on a higher plane he perceived a feeling of tolerant and patient energy, yet an urgency. As if no longer in control of his faculties (no novelty there though!) he found himself compelled, regardless of his will to walk toward the circle. As he did so a middle aged woman emerged and placed herself between Paul and the fire, dropping her hood and opening her cloak wide to reveal brown stains covering her entire body. She told him he could leave or stay but must decide immediately; that if he decided to leave, all memory of what he had just seen would be taken from him but he would go unharmed; and if he stayed he would be initiated into the coven and take a vow of secrecy which, were he to break it, a spell would be cast against him such that... At that point in our interview Paul said "Oh bugger! I knew there was something" and made a grab for my tape recorder and notebook. My reflexes were far sharper than his and I salvaged everything, in order to bring it to you, Carlton member. He knelt before me and implored me to give him the tape, he even offered me money but I have principles, as you, loyal reader will know. Investigative journalists get things that transcend material worth and it is our duty to let them be known. Paul asked me to include a mention that he was emigrating immediately and that he wanted to say goodbye to all his beloved Carlton friends with whom he had shared so much. I told him not to be so melodramatic, left as quickly as I could and filed my story with Matt immediately, such is my sense of duty to the truth. Please, don't all converge on Putney Heath on the first moonlit night after this is published - spread your visits over several months. ~
And therell be more irreverent biography next time. Stay tuned, boppers.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

11

CARLTON SUMMER FAIR

What?
The Carlton, in association with the lovely* Lucie, is having a fair to raise funds for the Red Cross and Carlton Dramatic Society.

When?
Saturday 2nd of August, from 2pm to 5pm

Any donations of bric-a-brac, books, etc, which you need to make ahead of time can either be brought along to 'Two Gent's' rehearsals and given to Lucie, or if you wish, Kate can collect them in the week beginning 28th July - just let us know ahead of time.

Offers of help, stalls, etc

Thanks for the ideas for stalls and games, etc - we are really grateful! If you can definitely help with setting up, running a stall, or designing signs, etc, please let Ruth or Kate know, and we will get back to you with details.

Where?
Lucie's Garden, Garden Flat One, 4 Homefield Road, Wimbledon Village Tel: xxxxx xxxxxxxxx

What Else?
There will be Jewellery stalls, brand new book stalls, cake stalls, and, of course, the famous HOT TUB!

Come Along And Enjoy!

But most of all, we need you to come along and enjoy the fair, invite your friends, and spend, spend, spend!!! Any offers of help will be gratefully received - please contact Ruth or Kate.

The 2nd of August is almost upon us!

Time to get organised for the great Carlton and Red Cross Fair, so read on...

What Can I Do?

This all sounds fantastic - but what can you do to help? We need offers of cakes for the cake stall, bric-abrac for the bric-a-brac stall, and some inventive ways of raising money - what about a face painting stall? Or photos from the last production to order and sell (attention Simon and Jane, etc..)

And Finally
As you know, it is more important than ever that we have money in our coffers, but also that we pull together as the talented bunch of creative, intelligent actorrrs and actoresses that we are!

See you on the 2nd!

* see page 8 for editorial rates.

WE NEED
Cakes for the stall, suitable prizes for raffles, donations for refreshments, etc (not much, then..!)

DR FAUSTUS WORDSEARCH
ARNREOCTCUDORPIR CIOQEBTNGSVWXZKE RCIQNORTHCHEAMQD EHTAKISSOFLIFEXE AEUXVBIVNNSGNJEM TSLPWIPCOLINOJNP IJOQAIWOMLNIIHST OKVDWWPGEIOTTUSI NZERNFSIDWREAMEO DRDREHPTWEOKRACN RKOMKXZAPEMRONCX HTDDCYTTZROAPIUN ZUXEIJDITFMMRTSV FIAVHATOHSOZOYVL JAZICWWNLJHMCGYF IRXLYOUTHWJLMJVI
See page 13 for answers no cheating!

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

12

Carlton Dramatic Society Information

We meet twice a week, on Mondays and Thursdays, at the Wimbledon Community Centre, St. George's Road in Wimbledon at 8.00 pm. After rehearsals (10.30 pm until we get thrown out), you'll usually find us in the Hogshead pub at the bottom of Wimbledon Hill. All are welcome to pop in to a rehearsal, or catch us in the pub see you there! Weve been running for over 75 years, and we currently have nearly 70 members - and new members are always welcome! Heres a quick description of a show week: Sunday ...................Get in and set up in theatre Monday .................................... Dress rehearsal Tuesday............................ First night nerves! Wednesday................................. Getting into it Thursday .................................. Nearly halfway Friday...................................After Show Curry Saturday ............................................ Matinee / ..................................................... Final Show / ............................................................Get out / ................................................................ Party! Sunday ................. That was fun! Whats next?

The Carlton Chronicle is the official newsletter of Carlton Dramatic Society. Editor: Matthew Petty Contributors: Kristen Bowditch, Toby Hardwood, Rubella Tokenblack, Anthony H. Wilson. Please send contributions, reviews, adverts, praise, money to: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com Complaints: see opposite

Contacting the Carlton Carlton Dramatic Society can be contacted in the following ways: Email ........................ carltondrama@hotmail.com Post .......................................... 22 Landseer Close ........................................................Merton Abbey ...................................................................London .............................................................SW19 2UT Website............. http://www.carltonidrama.org.uk

The CARLTON COMMITTEE in alphabetical order

Kathryn Arundell ..........................................................Chair Jeff Graves ........................................................... Vice-Chair Kate Mitchell & Ruth Brooks..............Social & Fundraising Cindy Graves .......................................... Stage Management Lucie Morris & Kirsty Collins................................ Publicity Matthew Petty...................................................... Newsletter Alison Raffan..........................................................Secretary Carl Whiteside ....................................................... Treasurer

HOW MUCH?
Yearly Subscription............... 40 Associate Membership .......... 20 Full Production Cast Fee....... 10 Workshop Cast Fee ................. 5
These fees are subject to change at any time. To pay any fees, just give a cheque, payable to Carlton Dramatic Society, to the Treasurer, or post it to the address above, or ask the Treasurer for the account number for direct payments.

Carlton Chronicle, July/August 2003

13

Carlton Calendar

Your regular guide to whats up and whats on at the Carlton and elsewhere

Another month, another format. If there is anything missing from the calendar I do apologise my clairvoyance is affected by Hay Fever. Youll have to help me out by emailing me any items you would like to see included. Two Gentlemen of Verona rawACTive Heat 4 Tuesday 4 to Saturday 8 November Saturday 26 July 19:00, unknown 19:00, Colour House Theatre ~ ~ Carlton Christmas Party Move Carlton stuff from garage to WCC Saturday 13 December 2003 Saturday 26 July ~ 19:30, Wimbledon Community Centre, Room H ~ Carlton Committee & Dinner Tuesday 29 July Carlton Workshops ~ Thursday 26 to Friday 27 February 2004 19:30, Wimbledon Community Centre rawACTive Heat ~ Saturday 2 August Carlton Spring Show 19:00, Colour House Theatre ~ Tuesday 1 to Saturday 5 June 2004 20:00, Wimbledon Studio Theatre* Carlton Summer Fair ~ Saturday 2 August ~ Carlton Autumn Show Tuesday 26 Saturday 30 October 2004 rawACTive Grand Final 20:00, Wimbledon Studio Theatre* Saturday 9 August ~ 19:00, Colour House Theatre ~ Carlton Christmas Party Saturday 11 December 2004 Two Gents Get-in Sunday 2 November 19:30, Wimbledon Community Centre, Room H 10:00, Wimbledon Studio Theatre ~ Bear in mind that the situation at the Wimbledon Studio Theatre will affect the 2004 bookings. How, Two Gents Dress Rehearsal we dont know. Watch this space and the Website! Monday 3 November 20:00, Wimbledon Studio Theatre ~

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