HE 8 – FAMILY AND MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

WEEK 2-3 (LESSON 1)

COURSE
NUMBER AND
H.E. 8 – FAMILY AND MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS
DESCRIPTIVE
TITLE
This course is focused on family and marital interactions within the context of
various family subsystems and Filipino culture. This course subsumes topics on basic
parenting styles and child-rearing skills. The course intended learning outcomes will be
to discuss the relevance of the course, explain the key concepts of common
competencies, and explain the core competencies in principles of marriage and family
relationships such as Dating, Courtship and Right Mate Selection, Marriage and
Relationships, Planning the Family, Transition to Parenthood, Responsible Parenthood,
Family Financial Management, Balancing Work and Family, and Handling Family
Course Synopsis Issues and Concerns.

Relationships, marriage and family are at the core of every community. Families
are universally recognized as an important source of support and security. They can
provide safe and stable environments which nurture the growth and development of
each member throughout the different stages of life, from birth to old age.

Families are diverse and influenced by a range of factors including cultural,

traditional and religious practices. Families may be classified as nuclear, extended,
single-parent, child-headed, foster, or adoptive. It is important to recognize this
diversity and also to recognize that people with disabilities have a right to establish
their own families. Article 23, from the Convention on the Rights of Persons with
Disabilities, highlights that “States Parties shall take effective and appropriate
measures to eliminate discrimination against persons with disabilities in all matters
relating to marriage, family, parenthood and relationships, on an equal basis with
others”.

This element highlights the importance of supporting people with disabilities to

establish relationships, marry and become parents if they choose. It also highlights the
issue of violence that people with disabilities may experience within their
relationships, marriages and families, and the importance of recognizing and
addressing this issue.

Fulfilling family and personal relationships are important to everyone and are
essential for personal growth and development. Stimulating, lasting and satisfying
relationships with family, friends and partners are a high priority for most people.

The word “family” can mean different things to different people. Families come in
many shapes and sizes but something that they all have in common is that they provide
a sense of belonging. Families can also provide an environment for learning and
development and provide safety and security for children and vulnerable family
members.
LESSON NO. 1 DATING, COURTSHIP AND RIGHT MATE SELECTION
(Week 2-3)
At the end of this lesson, students should be able to:

 compare and contrast the traditional and present times dating and courting.; and
 tate the importance of dating and courting before getting married.
Learning
Outcomes
Countless millions of shattered families began with wrong dating habits. These
habits made proper courtship impossible. And the results have been tragic. The almost
universal effects of modern dating demonstrate widespread ignorance, even on the
Introduction
most basic points of right dating. Almost no one understands the real purpose of dating
or of the courtship that can ensue. The next step, achieving a happy marriage, then also
becomes impossible. There is a right way to date. What is it? And there are right and
wrong people to date. How can you know the difference? It is time to unlearn the
wrong principles, acquired from society—and to learn and apply God's true principles,
leading to happy marriages and families.
The world is ignorant of almost every right value that produces the right results all
people seek. While everyone wants to be happy—and assumes that following the
established norm is the right way to achieve happiness—most remain miserable and
never know why. This is especially true in the world of modern dating. Dating,
followed by courtship, is supposed to lead to a happy marriage. But marriage cannot be
happy if it is not built on the right foundation. Most couples have no idea that the
foundation of a successful marriage begins long before the wedding day. In addition, a
direct by-product of the wrong foundation is that most people have no idea how to
select the right mate.
 DATING, COURTSHIP AND RIGHT MATE SELECTION

Just what is dating? A sampling of opinions reveals a variety of definitions, with

Discussion
seemingly no two alike. In the simplest form, a date is merely a set time agreed upon
by two people to engage in an activity. The most commonly recognized definition is
“an appointment for a specified time; especially a social engagement between two
persons of opposite sex” (Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary).
What about courtship? Most know little or pretend to know nothing of this lost art.
When was the last time you either heard or used the word “courting”? Again, this term
is very rarely used in society today, and most do not have any idea what it really
means. Webster's states that courting is “to engage in social activities leading to
engagement and marriage.” Most would reply, “But isn't that dating?” The answer is
no. Courting is a separate but important and intricate part of the process pointing
toward and leading to marriage. Therefore, you must also come to understand and
apply the right way to court. There are many important principles behind dating that
one must consider in order to successfully date—and be able to eventually move on to
the more serious courtship and pursuit of marriage. You must have a means of
knowing if or when you have found that special person. There are specific processes
involved in proper dating that will help lead you down the right path.
TRADITIONAL DATING AND COURTSHIP BEHAVIOR IN THE
PHILIPPINES
When Filipinos are in their teens, groups of males and females go out together
in a kind of group dating. In the cities one-on-one dating and dancing are common.
In rural areas, young men have traditionally serenaded women under their bedroom
window. Filipinos are born matchmakers. They like to match up their friends and
relatives. Blind dates are common. Girls often have to ask permission from their
parents and guys are sometimes subjected to mild interrogation by parents.
According to an article on the website for the Center for Southeast Asian
Studies Northern Illinois University: The traditional dalagang Pilipina (Filipina
maiden) is shy and secretive about her real feelings for a suitor and denies it even
though she is really in love with the man. Tuksuhan lang (just teasing) is the usual
term associated with pairing off potential couples in Filipino culture. This is
common among teenagers and young adults. It is a way of matching people who may
have mutual admiration or affection for each other. It may end up in a romance or
avoidance of each other if the situation becomes embarrassing for both individuals.
Tuksuhan (teasing — and a girl's reaction to it) is a means for “feeling out” a
woman's attitude about an admirer or suitor. If the denial is vehement and the girl
starts avoiding the boy, then he gets the message that his desire to pursue her is
hopeless. The advantage of this is that he does not get embarrassed because he has
not started courting the girl in earnest. As in most Asian cultures, Filipinos avoid
losing face. Basted (from English busted) is the Tagalog slang for someone who fails
to reach “first base” in courting a girl because she does not have any feelings for him
to begin with. However, if the girl “encourages” her suitor (either by being nice to
him or not getting angry with the “teasers”), then the man can court in earnest and
the tuksuhan eventually ends. The courtship then has entered a “serious” stage, and
the romance begins.
A man who is unable to express his affection to a woman (who may have the
same feelings for him) is called a torpe (stupid), dungo (extremely shy), or simply
duwag (coward). To call a man torpe means he does not know how to court a girl, is
playing innocent, or does not know she also has an affection for him. If a man is
torpe, he needs a tulay (bridge) — anyone who is a mutual friend of him and the girl
he loves — who then conveys to the girl his affection for her. It is also a way of
“testing the waters” so to speak. If the boy realizes that the girl does not have
feelings for him, he will then not push through with the courtship, thus saving face.
Some guys are afraid of their love being turned down by the girl. In Tagalog, a guy
whose love has been turned down by the girl is called sawi (romantically sad),
basted (busted), or simply labless (loveless).
Panliligaw or ligawan are the Tagalog terms for courtship, which in some parts
 Activity:
Activity
Research about the dating, courtship and mate selection of at least 2 countries. One
Asian country and one country outside Asia of your choice then highlight at least 5
strengths and 5 weaknesses about their dating and courtship processes and mate
selection. Then compare and contrast the two selected countries in the Philippines.
(This activity would comprise 25 points).