Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school

programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to
younger children.)

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Volunteer activities are often said to be obligations for high school students. While there are a lot
of schools where students should do some volunteers to graduate from the high school, the other
schools do not require their student to do that. I agree with the opinion that students should do
volunteer activities because these things make students learn MORE about the society and wider
their mind.

Many people say that study (STUDYING) is the most important thing (TASK, RESPONSIBILITY, JOB)
for high school studentS. It is surely true that students need to study hardly in order to get
respectable jobs or TO enter universities. Although, it is also essential for students to learn about
their society by joinING volunteer activities. For instance, cleaning the neighborhood is useful for
students to notice that other people’s deeds make their city clean and that people can not live
without other’s help. That is why students must know how to help each other in some community
by volunteer activities.

Many students think that their times are IS limited and precious so they should do what they want
to do, such as their club activities, part time jobs and so on. However, students need to wider their
mind by experiences which students have not done before. (students need to WIDEN their minds
by experiencing new things) For example, if students teach kindergarden KINDERGARTEN studentS
how to swim and find it enjoyable to teach children sports, they may think that they want to be
teachers and major in education in their universities. It is difficult to change the major after
entering the university. Therefor, high school students must find their interests and think it deeply
ABOUT what they want to do in their future. Volunteer activities are helpful for students to think
their future. (Charity work is helpful for them to realize their future)

This essay discussed why students must be required to join volunteer activities. Through these
activities, students can learn about their society and expand their minds. That is why it is
important for students to do volunteer works.

Word count: 317

Reminders:

1. Avoid using weak words or vague word when describing (…study is the most important
thing…)
2. Use synonyms of words that are related to the main topic (for example: high school,
students, do)
3. Do not overuse the article “THE” (It is difficult to change THE major after entering THE
university.)
4. Double check for spelling. (Can not, kindergarden, therefor)
Feedback and additional task:

Balance your writing. Paragraph 3 is longer than Paragraph 2.

Please work on your conclusion since it does not give a strong impression.

Rewrite Paragraph 3 and 4.