Edited by Lee Harrington and Tai Fenix Kulystin

Notice

Queer M agic: Power Beyond Bound a ries

(c) 2018 - Lee H a rrington, Ta i Fenix K u l ystin and M ystic

Prod uctions Press

A l l ri ghts reserved. With the exception of brief excerpts fo r

reviews, n o p a rt of th i s p u b l ication m ay be reprod uced o r
tran s m i tted i n a n y form or by any m eans, electronic o r
m echanical, incl ud ing ph otocopying, reco rd ing, or any
other info rmation storage o r retri eva l system , without the
written per m i s sion of the a uthor, a rti st, or th e i r estates.
Please contact the p u b l i s her or a uthor for permi s s i on. Any
inform ation o r safety guid el ines p rovided i n th i s boo k a re
offe red as a sta rti n g p l ace fo r d i scu s si ons. Person a l
research as wel l as d i a logue with q u a l ified p roviders i s
a lways enco u raged . B y decid ing to engage i n a n y activity,
i nclud ing those m enti oned in t h i s book, yo u a re ta king on
phys ical and emotiona l respon s i b i l ity fo r you r own
actions, and agree to hold h a rm less a l l ind ividua ls
a ssociated with the c reation, p u b l ication, and s a le of this
book.

P u b l i shed i n the United States by M ystic Prod uctions

Press , LLC 603 Tud o r Rd. Ancho rage, A K 9 9503
www. M xsticProd uctions Press .com

A l l a uthors and a rtists have retained thei r original

copyright. with permi ssion g ra n ted to M ystic Prod uctions
L LC for incl usion in t h i s proj ect.

Interior and Exterior Layo ut by Rob R i ver

www. Rob R iver.com

I m age of Lee H a r rington by D a rrel l Lynn

www. K i lted Photogra P-hy.d aP-ortfo l io.com

ISBN - 978- 1 - 942733-79-9

Eboo ks: M O B I - 978- 1 - 942733- 78-2
ePub - 978- 1 -942733-77-5
PDF - 978- 1 -942733-76-8
TO OUR QUE ER ANCESTORS AND MAG JCAL

FOREBEARERS WHO ILLUMINATED THE WAY

 Table of Contents

Introd uction: A J o u rney Into Queer M agic (�).

Lee H a rrington and Ta i Fenix Ku lysti n

H ex the Patria rchx

Ines lxie rda

Incl u s ive Wicca M an i festo

Yvonne Abu rrow

Wa i -Water
Ad a re

.QU E E R I N G TA NTRA: A QU E E R B LA C K WO M AN'S P E R­

S P ECT I V E
M a i sh a N aj u m a Aza, M SW

The G l itterh ea rt Path of Connecti ng with Tra nscestors

Pavini M o ray

I t's not the End PaRacon

From "The I nitiate," by J . Schwa rtz

.Queer- F i re W itcherx: The Ra inbow- F l a m e that M elts the

S o u l-Cage The E m e rging F l u i d ity of Consciou sness
O rion Foxwood

Fo r Thou Art Goddess: Creating Affi rm ative Goddess

Co m m unitY.
S u san H a rper, Ph D

Bea r Wom a n
M a lco l m M a u n e

The Queer Gods of Alchemx

Steve Dee

Interview with C lyde H a l l, Shos hone Two-SRi rit Elder

wo lfie

Protect All Queers s i gil

Ines lxierda

Wa l king With My sterx

W. L. Bal m

Creation: SteR One

Ad a re

Living in Attunem ent with Sensation Rathe r than I d entity

Z Criss

U m snua: E rgi and inve rs ion in Old N o rse m agica l R ractice

Abby Hel asdotti r

Ci txH ea rted
Stan Stanley

The Pa ssion of Agd i sti s: Gender Transgression, Sex u a l

Tra u m a , Time Travel, and Ritual ized M adness in
G reco-Anatol i an Reviva I C u ltus
Alder Kn i ght and Rocket

Between Starsh ine and Clax: D I Y B lack Queer D ivination

A l m a h LaVon R ice

M anx Roderosx: gu eer a b und ance

Ines lxie rda

F ind ing the Unna m ed Path

M ichael G reywo lf

Anba Dlo/Under The Water

Alex Batagi (Bonk i ra Bon O u n gan)

Watch O ut Tree
Ines lxi e rda

A D rag_Queen Pos sessed And Other Queer C l u b M agic

Aa ron O be ron

Castro M a donna
Ad a re

E m bodying the Phoenix: The Transform ation of Queer

E rotic Alchemx
Ta i Fenix K u lystin

t h a M ind-Sol Lad{s Reveng�

M .C. M o H agani M agnete k
Gentle Affi rmation
D m itri Arbaca u s kas

The M agic of the E i ght Queer Deities

Adrian M o ran

Ta l k Story
Ad a re

Redefining and ReP-uri�os i ng Po la ritx

lvo Dom fngu ez, J r.

Power S i g i l s for O u r Time

La u ra Tem pest Zakroff

ch aRter 23: the Rlague xea rs

wo lfie

B lood. Body, B i rth, and E m P-tiness Queer M agic in M y Life

and Wo rk
Yin Q

Power from the Edges: An exR l o ration of m agic to SUR.ROrt

j u stice wo rkers.
C h a r l i e Stang

Cand lesRel l
Ines lxierda

The M axRo le and the La bx rinth: Re i m agining the G reat

R i te
Sam ' Ey rie' Ward

S h a r i ng a Sacred M ea l
Thista M ina i Ada pted from " Casting a Queer C i rcle: Non­
Binary Witchcraft"

Towards a H ealed Fem ininity In Every Bodx

M ichaela S. Creedon

Release Ritual
Ines lxierda

H unting Lions & S l axing S eq�ents: An Execration Rite

J ay Logan

G o lden Waves & Priestess Bod ies: E sta bl i s h i n�Q ueer­

Centric Po lx- N o rm ative ARh rod ite C u ltus in Casca d i a
Reverend Te ri D . Ciacchi M SW

N on- B inary Witches

EJ Land s m a n

The Queer J o u rney of the Wheel

Steve Kenson

Edgg
Ad are

Interview with Blackbe rri, Queer Activist and Luc u m i Elder

wo lfie

I Am G od/dess: Posses sion and Gend e r ldentitY.

Doug M iddlemas (Ade Kola)

Fragile M as c u l initU
M a lcolm M a u n e

Wa l ke rs Between Worlds: The Witch B lood and Queer

S P-i ri t
G i ariel Foxwood

Release Ritual
Ines lxierda

The Unfettered M ind Al lows fo r The Free Flow of SRi rit.

Cazembe A bena

Queer Elements: Working with Interstitial Ene rgies

Lee H a rrington

Bani s h m ent S i gU
D m itri Arbaca u s kas

The End lesslx Enfo ld ing M i rro r:An Introd uction to the
Queer Sex M agic of Traditional Witchcraft
Tro l l H u l d ren

Altar
Ines lxierda
F l u i d M agic
Lu cecita Cruz

The F l u i d ity of S P. i rit

Lau ra Tem pest Zak roff
 Introduction: A Journey Into Queer
Magic(s)

(@- ·--

Queer, strange, wei rd. Wyrd , the Old Engl i s h term fo r fate
o r personal destiny, twisted t h ro u gh t i m e to say that the
Other is that wh ich p u l ls u pon the t h reads of rea l ity.

As both m agical beings and ind ivid uals who d ance outside
the jou rneys of heteronorm ativity and cisnormativity, the
la rger c u lt u re has deemed us to be q uee r, strange, and
we i rd. O u r p ractices and d a i ly l ives do not fit i nto the rea l ­
ities pa inted a s being "no rma l." Bec a u se of this , ind i­
v i d u a l s who fit with i n LG BTQ IA+ (lesb ian, gay, b i sexua l ,
transgender, q u eer, q u estioning, i ntersex, asexu al. a gen­
der, and m o re) have the opportunity to e m brace that
we i rdness. and in tu rn, the i r wyrd-ness, and the wyrd of
the wo rld.

Wh i l e we m ay celeb rate and t a ke pride in o u r fa b u l o u s and

weird selves, Otherness is often feared by society at la rge.
When we tal ked with othe r q u ee r-s pectru m i nd ivid uals , we
found that they had al so experienced othering and rejec­
tion based on their identities or found places where they
were overly-em b raced. Being placed on a pedestal i n
pagan co m m u n ities s i m ply for being q ueer is certa inly not
the same as bei n g v i l ified, but it is yet another form of
othe ring that res u lts in iso lation. I t i s a kind of fa l se visi­
b i l ity, one that praises p a rt of u s whi le ignori ng the rest.
Even in groups whose pa ntheons have a d iversity of q ueer
and transgen der deities, their practitioners often give a
confu sed exp ress ion or cold shoulder to the i r fel low
cove n - m ates, troth- s i b l in gs, and fel low j o u rneyers in s p i rit.
In some Asatru gro u ps, fo r exa m p le, rac i s m , sexism, and
homophobia run r a m p ant wh i l e thei r followers p reach that
they bow befo re Odin, a god who has d anced outs ide of
gender no rms by both cross- d ressi n g and being a p racti­
tioner of seiCJr, a m agical c raft practiced trad itiona l ly by
wo m en. Wom en-only Wiccan g roups have tu rned away
thei r trans s i sters ti m e and t i m e aga in, s howi n g the trans­
p h o bi a em bedded in a fa ith that cl a i m s to wo rs h i p all acts
of love and pleasu re.

In other s p i ritual trad itions - especially those focu sed on

transcendent rather than i m m anent s piritua lity - a q ueer o r
trans identity held by a practitioner is somet i m es vi ewed
as unim portant o r unen l ightened , a m aterial d i straction
that they m u st overcom e. Th is s u pposed spiritual truth is
j u st one exa m ple of s p i ritual bypa s s ing, o r u s ing s p i ritual
ideas to avo id anyth ing d iffi c u l t or pa infu l to u n d erstand
o r p rocess. I n th i s case, it means ignoring o u r d ifferences
and the way those i m pact o u r l ives , glossing over th at vari­
ation in favo r of a "we a re all one" menta l i ty. This fa l s e
idea o f s p i ritual attainment i s fu rth er us ed t o di s m i ss
anyth i n g outside of what i s con s idered "no rm a l " as friv­
o l o u s or a waste of energy that co u l d be better spent work­
ing toward some g reater s p i ritual goal. Freq uently t h i s i s
seen in Western or Westernized trad itions es pec i al ly prac­
ticed by the m ost privi leged a m ong u s who h ave l ittle to
no experience being the Other.

I f an ind ividu a l 's q u ee rness o r non-normative gender i s ac­

knowledged with i n a s p i r itual group, it is often a s s u m ed to
have no bea ring on their s p i ritual p ractices or ex periences.
In these gro u p s , a l l a re expected to wo r k with in a het­
e ronorm ative and c i snorm ative fra m ewo r k for s p i ritual ity.
These fra m eworks were develo ped by straight cis peo ple.
S o m et i m es fo r the q ueer p ractitioner, this m eans ignori ng
rigid definitions of mascul inity and fe m i n inity and focus­
ing on a hete rosexual un ion as the ep itome of s p i r itual
experience. Th i s i s i nvi s i bi l i zing and challenging at best,
th ough m any of us go along with it for la c k of a quee r­
cent ric option. Those who a re often a s s u m ed to be ci s and
straight - especially q ueer fem mes, trans and non binary
fol ks, and queer fol ks i n othe r-gender partners h i p s - are
even more pressu red to conform and ignore the i r invi s i ble
identities, lest they get in the way of the i r sp i ritua l p u r­
s u its.

LG BTQ IA+ co m m unities have the i r own p roblematic is­

sues. S p i r it-workers can be l i fted u p for being the ep itome
of q ueer, or r i p ped down for h aving any sort of magical
bel iefs o r faith trad itions. j u st as the s p i ritual com m u nities
a re not uto p i a s , col l ections of people ba sed on o rientation
or identity can also try to push away or e rase diffe rences.
Plenty of gatekeep ing occ u rs with i n q ueer co m m unities.
Those who do not fit into th e c u r rent queer i deal a re often
ignored, treated a s "not queer eno ugh," and m ade invis­
i b l e to their own people, or ostracized fo r " a p pea ring
stra i ght," fu rth e r perpetu ating i ntern a l ized notions of oth ­
ering. Th i s i s beco m ing m o re appa rent as o u r q ueer
co m m unities a re bei n g given a ch ance to face o u r uncon­
scious (and someti m e s conscious) bigotry head-on. After
a l l , pride parades were once p rotest m arches, and the wo rk
of Black Lives M atter and Trans Lives M atter a re a n oppor­
tu n i ty to continu e to reeva l u ate our biograph ies with in
LG BTQ IA+ c o m m unities. By doing so, we h ave the ca pac­
ity to continue to b ring love, pleasu re, and j u stice to the
ind ividu als these com m uniti es rep resent, wh i le s i m u lta­
neou s ly working to end q ueer erasure, fem me eras u re,
trans e rasu re, and the e rasu re of voices of co lor and i n ­
d igeno u s pop u lations with i n pagan and m agica l com m u­
nities.

H aving fo und that othe rs in the wo rld were running t i m e

and time aga in into these chal l enges, we recognized a very
real need to acknowledge and celeb rate o u r wyrd-ness and
the ways that o u r q ueer identities and o u r s p i ritu a l ities i n ­
for m and encou rage one another. Fro m t h i s place of
cel e b ration, we p ut out a c a l l fo r peop le to p a rtici pate in
this p roject. We fo und that queer fl owers of love and beau­
ty are bloom ing everywhere. We a re p u s h ing o u r way
through the c racks i n the conc rete and ca rving o u t s paces
for o u r wei rd and wyrd ways to m a n i fest. Th i s boo k i s
a bout the blooms that have e ru pted as a form of resis­
tance. They a re a chance to gl i m pse the d ivers ity of p rac­
tices and ex perie nces of q ueer fo lks that rise above the
vo ices that say that we do not exist. We do exi st. We've al­
ways existed. We're here, we're q uee r, and we are magica l .

T h i s book rep resents intersectiona l popul ations who a re

not only q ueer peoples (self-defined in a broad set of cri­
te ria by those p a rticipating), but those who p ractice m agic,
magick, or ma gics. We a re neo- pagans, d ru i d s , agnostics,
a lch e m i sts, e lders, B u d d h ists, bruja, heathens, d ivi ne rs,
o racles, witch es, J ews, atheists, po lythe i sts, and cere­
m on i a l m agici a n s. We a re p ractitioners of S anteri a, Vod o u ,
Yoruba, Hel len i s m os, lfa, S h into, H una, tantra, Fer i , and
Faery a l i ke. We are eclectic beings beyond la bels, and deep
devotees of mystery cu lts. We a re transgender, two-sp i r it,
q u eer, agender, drag q ueens, lesbian, b i sexual , gay, non­
b i na ry, shapesh i fters, k inky, c ross-d ressers, and rad icals
who refu se to define o u rselves.

We a re ind ividuals on the edges of norm ative cu ltu re. We

have experienced intolerance, sti g m a, d i scrim ination, v io­
lence, o r worse fro m people who a re angry a bo u t the m any
s i des of our i dentities. We s u rvive by tu rning to each oth e r
and l i fti n g one another u p. In that trad ition, we, invite you
to read these wo rd s. They conta in ou r h e a rts and s p i r its.
As yo u learn about each of us, know th e power of you r
own heart and s p i rit in t u rn. Th is is yo u r ch ance to chan­
nel the power that the l a rger cu ltu re has o p p res sed and
o u r own q ueer kin h ave someti mes pu shed as ide. It i s
through p rojects li ke th i s one that we have a n opportunity
to m a ke m agic o u r own rather than settl ing. We a re bea u ­
tifu l a n d powerful. We don't have to settle for "good
enough." A second-rate status is not our b i rthright.

In Queer M agic, you wi l l note that there a re d iverse styl is­

tic a p p roaches taken t h roughout the boo k. The reason fo r
this is twofo ld. The fi rst is to honor q ueer h i story by sh ow­
ing the va riety of a p p roaches ta ken th ro u ghout the m ove­
m ent for visibil ity, love, acceptance, and celebration in o u r
q u eer c u ltu res. The second i s a n atte m pt towa rds a de­
colonization of lan guage and the fa lse perception that only
academ ic, often wh ite, voices, a re the " right" way to
co m m un icate info rmation. O u r contri buto rs were asked to
speak fro m th e i r a uthentic voices, their home truths , and
in their free and gen u ine style. By doing so, some a uthors
m ay resonate m o re than others. We hope that in th i s rain­
bow of vo ices, there wi l l be some that connect with you on
your Jou rney.

Insi de Queer M agic, yo u wi l l find paintings and

poster-style a rt1 for m a l essays, and inti m ate stories of sub­
co m m unities. There are fiction pieces based on l i fe and
academ ic p i eces fu ll of citations, com ic boo k pages and
poetry. The book inc ludes sigi l-a rt and cartoons, personal
stories and how-to ritua ls1 and even interviews with elders
who gra nted u s the opportunity to l i sten from the oral
h i stories of our pa st. O u rs is a m u lti-pronged a p p roach to
find ing o u r s p i r it and h u m anity. giving you a snapshot of
the d ivers ity of q ueer experience.

We have been blessed by a wide a r ray of i nd iv i d u a l s who

were ab le to be part of th is book. I t has been ins p i rational
to h ave 43 i ndividuals contri b ute their passion and convic­
tions to t h i s project. Th at is not counting o u r readers,
copy and l ayo ut ed itors. d i stri bution tea m , and the great
fol ks at boo kstores large and s m a l l who be l i eve in s m a l l­
press p rojects l i ke th is one. It has been an hono r to wo r k
with each o f you, and to have each of y o u h e l p b ring this
p roject to l ife.

O u r spec i a l th a n ks go out to B u tterfly, who l i stened to l ate

night r a m b l ings from Lee and brought h i m tr uffles and
sweet kis ses. both m ade with love. To Stian and Kat, who
held Ta i d u ring the p rocess. offering them snuggles.
sym pathetic ea rs. and end less encou rage ment.

Ap prec iation m u st go out to Pri m a l O rdeal. where Ta i and

Lee b ra insto rmed Q ueer M agic together, and g roups and
events such as Black Leather Wings, Living Love Revo­
l u tion, Dark Odyssey, Keepers Cros sin g, Pri m a l Arts,
Twisted Tryst, Free Spi rit Gatheri n g, Turtle H i lls Beltane,
H ou se Kheperu, Panth eaCon, the Sacred Kink intensives,
Pa l i m ps est, SW Leather, Parad i se Unbound, and the Cen­
ter fo r Sex Positive Cultu re. These events and o rgani­
zations opened Lee and Ta i to the d iverse pos s i b i l ities of
exp lo ring q ueer m agic themselves. Thanks a lso go out to
S a ra h M c B ryde whose keen eye hel ped u s m a ke this work
excellent, Patrick Ca l i fi a , who step ped i n to help the m agic
m ani fest, and Rob River for continuing to answer rando m
q uestions on tight tim e l ines and designing our bea utifu l
cover.

Inside this boo k you w i l l find s n a p shots of q ueer mys­

teries and revelations of dange rous truths. They a re deep ly
pe rsonal pieces of the soul laid bare fo r the world to see
the m agic with in. Th i s is a chance to dance in o u r col lec­
tive creativity and be inspi red by the work others a re do ing.

We a re the past, and we a re the future. We a re q u eer, we

a re m agical, we a re wyrd. We a re now. Let o u r wo rds ri n g
o u t and touch the stars, a s well as those who thought they
were the only ones. So mote it be.

Blessed be,

Lee Ha rrington and Ta i Fenix Ku lystin

February 2018
Hex the Patriarchy

by Ines lxierda
 Inclusive Wicca Manifesto

BY YVONNE ABURROW

Inclusive Wicca i s not fo r peo ple who wa nt to stay safe

and cosy in their heterono rm ative cisgender worldview,
pretend ing that oppression i s not h appeni n g and that
rac i s m is a thing of the past. Being incl u s i ve m eans
beco m ing aware of others' pain, and s u pporting the op­
pres sed and the m a rginal i sed. It means doing some work
to m a ke yo u r ritu a ls incl u sive and heal ing fo r everyo ne,
and u nderstand ing you r own privi lege - the degree to
which yo u r rea l ity and worldview i s cons idered ' norm a l '
and 'natura l' by ' m a instream ' cu lture o r a given s u bc u l ­
ture; t h e degree to which you are safe fro m oppression:
and the extent to which you r right to exi stence i s not con­
stantly q uestioned and underm ined. Inc l u s ive Wicca is
a bout be i n g inc l u s ive for everyone.

There isn't a com petition over who 1s m ore op pressed.

There is no q ueue for l i beration. We can work on s m a l l is­
sues and large i ssues at the same time. N ot all of the con­
cepts and popul ations mentioned here receive the s a m e
degree o f op pression i n society. They are incl uded i n the
l i st because at some po int, they h ave been exc l uded from
some Wiccan circles for rea sons re lated to prej ud ice.
Inclusive Wicca i s not a new or separate tradit ion. I t i s a
tendency with in exi sting Wiccan trad itions�.

Inclu sive Wicca began as a way of ens u ring that LG BTQ I A

people a re incl uded i n Wiccan ritu als, but has transformed
into an inc l u s ive ethos that enco m pa sses m ore than sexu­
a l ity. It a l so m eans that we have an inc l u s ive a p p roach to
theo logy by enco mp a s s ing and em bracing polythei stic or
panthei stic views , and inc l u d ing q ueer deities in our prac­
tices. An incl u s ive and ega l itarian ethos m u st incl ude a l l
mem bers, m a king s ure that all practices are inc l u s i ve, in­
c l u d ing q ueer rites of passage. It a l so encom p a s ses a n
anti-racist stance, and inclusiveness o f people with d i s a b i l­
ities and m enta l hea lth cond itions.

One of the key i ssues is Wicca's focu s on polarity, which

is an energetic princi p le that is co m pri sed of any pair of
oppos ites. There a re other ways of m a king energy, s uch a s
resonance (creating en ergy between two people who a re
a l i ke) and synergy ( m a k ing en ergy with the h a rmony of a
group of people) . C a kes and wine, q u a rter calls, invoca­
ti ons, and con secrati o n s m u st a l I be respectfu I and incl u ­
sive. The i ncl u s ive ethos em braces all as pects o f identity,
and the ega litari an ap proach is a necessary coro l l a ry of it
Everyone shou ld h ave a voice, whether they a re a new ex­
plorer with an interesti n g fresh perspective, or a seasoned
practitioner with m ore experi ence. All aspects of the self,
incl ud i ng but not li m ited to sexual orientati o n , eth n ic iden­
tity, neu rod ivergence, and physica l d i fference are we lcome
1n an inclu sive Wiccan c ircle. Therefore, we reject a l l at­
tem pts to exclude a nyone based o n thei r d i fferences by
em braci n g theologies and practices that cele brate and i n­
clude d iversity.

M any peop le seem to think that inc l u s ive m eans " I've got
some gay people i n my coven." That is certa inly wel­
comi ng - but it i s not necessari ly inc l u s ive. There i s a
spectr u m of inc l u s i vity. One coven m ight score 95% and
another m ight score 75%, b u t it i s i m portant to note that
d i fferent people wi l l have d i fferent ideas and priorities. We
can avo id m i sco m m u n ications and heartache if ind ivid u a l
covens state the ways in which they are inclus ive, and i n
which ways they are not.

A Manifesto

• Diversity 1s important in celebration, theology, and

cosmology. We do not accept the narrative of a god­

dess and a god interacting at d i fferent poi nts of the
Wheel of the Year bec a u se this reinforces the cis­
gender and heterocent ric gender binary. We exp lore
d i fferent as pects of mythology and fol klore, i nclud­
ing the celebration of q ueer deities. For this reason,
Inc l u s ive W icca tend s towards panth e i s m , where the
d i vine incl udes a l l genders and sex u a l o rientations ,
or polytheism , where we recognize m any deities that
h ave m a ny d i fferent gender exp res sions and sexual
 orientations. We a l so em brace deities outside of a
heterosexual binary, includ ing deities that h ave sa me­
sex lovers. We acco m m od ate d i fferent theo logica l
perspectives, inc l u d ing but not l i m ited to ani mi s m ,
athei s m , panthe i s m , polythei s m , and d u othei s m .
Atheist Wiccans a re a l so included i n Inc l u s ive Wicca,
a l l owing for ind ivi d u a l s who view th e deities a s
archetypes a n d energies to participate, as long as they
can work with those of d i fferent theological pers pec­
tives in the circle. Th i s a p p lies to those of other theo­
logica l perspectives.

• Gender identity, gender expression, sex/gender as­

signed at birth, and biological characteristics are dis­

tinct. By this, we mean that these concepts are no­

ticea bly d i fferent, but can be interperm e a ble and with
fu zzy bounda ries. Gender is not a spectrum. I t's
more of a scatter- p lot, and cannot be neatly confined
to boxes and categories. Queer expres sions of gen­
der a re creative and bea utifu l , and bre a k u s out of the
ti red tropes of ' m ascu l ine q u a l ities' and 'fem inin e
q u a l iti es.' The a r b itrary assignment o f cha racteri stics
s uch as bravery, n u rtu ri ng, or creativity to one gen­
der or another should not be s acra l i sed and reified ,
but rather bro ken down, chal lenged, and resi sted.
M a ny Pagan practitioners produce v i s u a l isations and
worki n gs that rely on perpetu ating the gender b inary,
 d isem powering ci sgender, tra nsgender. non-bi nary,
and gender-fl u i d people ali ke. I n Inc l u s ive Wicca. we
p u s h beyond these arbitrary assignments. as we ho ld
that goddes ses need not be soft and fe rti le, nor gods
unyield ing and violent. Si m i l a rly, we also acknowl­
edge and em brace the preva lence of intersex peo ple,
which negates the idea that biologica l sex is a s i m p le
matter of ' m a le' and 'fema le': there are seven d ifferent
sex cha racteri stics that m a ke up biological sex, and
any of them can vary from m a l e or fe m a le, m a king
gender assignment somewhat a rbitrary. The soc i a l
i m portance t h a t is attached by ' m a i n stre a m ' cu lture
to b iological sex, and the way chi ld ren get socialised
as one gender or the other throughout their l ives,
means that Paga n i s m should help peo ple escape
from these em bedded cultura l notio n s .

• There are many ways to make polarity, as it is simply

the tension of opposites. Bringing a m a l e body and a

fem a l e body together is not the only way to m a ke
polarity. A roo m fu l of peop le together can be d ivided
into a d i versity of binaries: morning people and
evening peop le, cat lovers and dog lovers, tea
drinkers and coffee d r inkers , a ir signs and earth
s igns, fire s igns and water s igns, peo ple who l i ke
M a rmite and peo ple who prefer chocol ate, extroverts
and introverts, and so on. Each of these pai rs can
 create pol arity by bringing these energies together.
Po larity can be m ade by two or more people of any
gender and sex u a l orientation, and by two or m ore
people of the same gender. W h at's m ore, pola r i ty ex­
i sts on a spectrum where Person A m ay be yang in
rel ation to Person 8, b u t yin in relation to Person C.
For exa m p le, Person A m ay be more extroverted than
Person 8, but less extroverted than person C.

• Energy can be made with resonance. Reson ance 1s

when two or m ore s i m i l a r people come together and
bri n g their energies into a l ign m ent with each other in
ord er to a m p lify the signal. For exa m p le, two fem m e
peop le , two extroverts, two peop le of the same astro­
logical sign, two m orning people, two cat-lovers, and
so on.

• Energy can be made with synergy. Synergy is wh ere

the energies of the whole gro u p converge. This hap­
pens in circles all the time, such as when the whole
gro u p d ances in a circle together, or when all mem­
bers focus on the same v i s u a li sation or intention. I t
can hap pen with everythi n g fro m sweeping the circle,
to ca l l ing a q u arter, to invok ing a deity. Everyone in
the gro u p s h o u ld focus on what is h a p pening with in
the c i rcle, instead of a l lowing thei r tho ughts to wan­
der.
• The magical concept of fertility is not strictly biolog­

ical, and applies to creativity. Wicca i s often seen as

a ferti l ity rel i gion, causing o bjections to Wicca fro m
various q u eer pers pect ives , b u t inc l u s ive Wicca
shows that Wicca can m ove beyond the l i m ited belief
that ferti I ity only refers to gi ving birth to ch i Id ren.
Even when doing ferti l ity m agic, a m a le body and a
fe m a l e body a re not needed to prod uce m a gica l fer­
t i l ity on a sym bolic level, such as when they are
bless ing crops. It's also worth noting that the notion
that Paga n i s m is or was a ferti l ity re l i gion was intro­
d uced by an outs ider to the reli gion itse lf:. Th i s
m a kes the idea that Pagan i s m is wholly a ferti l ity rel i ­
gion deep ly sus pect. The idea that Wicca i s a N a t u re
re l i gion is a lot m ore va lid , si nce m uch of the Pagan
revival h a s been about recoveri n g our connection
with N ature. These op portunities for reconnecting
with N ature are as d i verse as the people that are wel­
comed into inc l u sive Wicca.

• Women are much more than an embodiment of fer­

tility. S o m e Wiccans a re very keen on em phas i s ing

the ferti l i ty of women and thei r a b i l ity to give birth
and men struate. This focus exc l udes transgender,
non-bina ry, agender, and genderq ueer people . It is
great to celebrate the body, but inc l u s ive Wicca chal­
lenges u s to m a ke s ure we celebrate a l l bodies,
 whether o r not they have prod uced chi ldren. I ncl u s ive
Wicca does not red uce women to bei n g nothing more
than a carrier of a wo m b.
• A deity of any gender may be invoked by a human of
any gender into a human of any gender. The Wicca n
tendency to only do invocation wh ere a man invokes
a goddess into a wo m an, or a woman invokes a god
into a m an, i s not consistent with m any other occ u lt
practices. I n j u s t a bout every other m ag ical system ,
a nyon e can i nvoke any deity i nto a n other person. I t i s
hea lthy to e n s ure that a n y one person invokes dif­
ferent archetypes and energies, and i s not always
invok ing the s a m e type of deity, which co uld cause
psycho logica l i m ba l ance by over-e m phas i s ing a p a r­
tic u l ar a rchetype.

• Ritual roles are not assigned according to gender.

Anyone can sweep the ritual space and cast the c i r­

c le; anyone can ca ll the q u a rters; anyone can conse­
crate the cakes and wine. There is no need for m en
and women to stand alternate ly in c ircle. M e n can
kiss m en and women can kiss wo men. Consecrating
and purifying each other in the circle can be done by
any gender to any gender, which incl udes m a le, fe­
m a le, genderq ueer, non-b inary, a gender, genderfl u id,
m etagender, postgender, and all other genders . A
person's gender does not d ictate their a b i I ity to
 perfo rm specific roles, or do specific work.

• Cakes and wine must be done in an inclusive man-

ner. S o m e of u s u se the sym bo l i s m of lover and

be loved instead of m a le and fema le. We h ave a l so
deve loped a wine consecration with two cups, where
we pour the wine fro m one c u p into the other, with
the words " I fi l l your cup with love," the em pty c u p is
passed on, and each person fi l l s the next person's
c u p with these word s. Another way to do ca kes and
wi ne i s with the understand ing that we a l l conta i n
both 'm asc u l ine' and 'fem i ni ne' energies, o r that the
u lt i m ate po la rity is spirit and matter, or self and
other, or the li ghtning st r i ki n g the pri mord ia l waters,
or some other inclu sive variation.

• We accommodate different mental health issues, and

disabilities. These incl ude, but are not l i m ited to,

neu rod ivergence, dyslexia, left-handedness, and
a p h anta sia. It s h o u ld be up to the ind ivi d u a l witch to
determi ne whether or not they a re we l l enough to be
in a circle i n stead of the exc l u s i o n a ry pol icies of
some Wiccan covens. M agica l ritu a l can also be very
therapeutic. Incl u s i ve Wicca follows the soc i a l model
of d i s a b i l ity�, which ta kes the view that peo ple are
d i sab led by the fa i l u re of society to acco m m od ate
their d ifference, rather than bei ng intrinsic a l ly d i s­
a b led from with in. One exa m ple of ens u ring that we
 are inc l u s i ve is by not m ak ing people copy the
coven's Boo k of Sha dows by h and, as th i s can be ex­
tremely d i scouraging for people with dyslexia and
dyspraxi a . Another i s not tel l ing left-h anded people to
hold their ath a m e with their right h and. Offeri n g a lter­
natives to d ancing for people with mobi l ity iss ues,
m a king learning m ateri als avai l a b le in d i fferent for­
mats, and being sensitive towards peo ple with body
dys phoria are al l ways that c i rcles can be more inc l u -
s 1ve.

• We practice openness with other cultures and ethnic­

ities. We do not ins ist on a genetic basis for cu lture

(e.g. anyone can wors h i p god s fro m any cu lture). We
need to be aware of the exi stence of syste m ic rac i s m ,
which i s the way that certai n eth nic gro u p s are op­
pressed in a reas of e m p loym ent, h o u s ing, access to
j u stice, pol icing, and society in general. We work
m agic to a l leviate oppression, and engage in res i s­
tance to oppres s ion in sol idarity with the o p p ressed.

• We try to avoid cultural appropriation. In do ing so,

we recognise that cu ltural ap propri ation occurs
wh ere there is a power d i fference, u su a l ly due to a
h i story of coloniali s m , between the exploiters and
the explo ited. We should not treat I n d i genous c u l ­
tu res a s m ere co m mod ities and cu rios ities. C ultura l
a p propriation i s when someone fro m a colon i s i n g or
 cu ltu ra l ly domi n ant cu lture ta kes a ritu a l or sacred or
mean ingfu l practice fro m a s u bj u gated or deva lued or
coloni sed cu ltu re, lifting it out of context and d ra ining
it of m eaning.

• We welcome kink1 polyamory1 and monogamy. Safe,

sane1 and consensua l B D S M (and r i s k-awa re con­
sen s u a l kink) , i s a hea lthy vari ant of h u m an sex u a l i ty,
and can b ring about profound sp irit ual experi ences.
Both po lya m ory and monogamy, provided that they
a re ega l ita rian and consen s u a l, are also natura l and
hea lthy vari ants of h u m an sexual ity. Power-exchange
relations h i p s are h ealthy when they are fu l ly con­
sented to and conscio u s ly m anaged. For both
polya m orous and monoga m o u s relationsh ips, as
wel l as Wiccan covens, tru st, co m m unication1 and
trans parency a re key.

• We promote consent culture. In a con sent cu lture�,

the ind ivid u a l is cons idered to be the best j u d ge of
their own wants and need s. Seeking clear consent for
soc i a l i nteractions, es pecia l ly those invo lving touch
or sex u a l contact, is the expected norm. Bec a u se
each a d u l t i s fu lly in charge of the i r own body and
m ind , it i s a viol ation to try to force them into an
activity aga inst thei r wi l l , or to forci bly prevent them
from engaging in an activity they desire (as long as
that activity is not harmfu l to themselves or others) .
 In an inc l u s ive coven, a l l mem bers m u st h ave the
right to con sent to or refu se a l l m agic invo lving them,
all forms of touch, and all ritual actions.

• Inclusive Wicca avoids ageism. We welcome m e m ­

bers o f a l l ages t h a t are over 18, and acco m mod ate
older mem bers' needs. There is genera l ly a min­
i m u m age restriction of 18 years of age in Wiccan
covens to ens ure that partici pants h ave the emo­
tiona l and p hysical matu rity to cope with the erotic
energy and sym bol i s m�. We l i sten to the concerns
and voices of mem bers of a l l ages. We gu ide indi­
v i d u a l s under 18 who seek information to u sefu I re­
sources to begin their path.

• We are body-positive. Incl u s ive Wicca does not a l low

fat-sha m ing or body- s h a m i ng. Bodi es come i n a l l
shapes and sizes. They a re a l l beautifu l , whatever the
shape, s ize, degree of h a i riness, scarring, or any
other difference they may have.

• We try to accommodate coven members with low in­

comes. Th i s involves arranging events on b u s routes

where pos s i ble, not organising expensive socia l
activities, avoid ing a m ass ive and expensive read ing
l i st, nor expecting people to buy expensive eq u i p­
m ent. S i m i l a rly, we do not insi st that coven m e m ­
bers reach a particu lar ed ucationa l level or belong to
 a particu lar socio-eco no m ic class.

• We listen to the views of all the members, and value

their contributions and ideas. A new person's per­

s pective can be incred ibly va l uable, as q uestions l ike
" but why do we do it that way?" can m ake a group
think and re-eva l u ate their m agica l practices. Every­
one brings d i fferent experiences and perspectives to
the circle, and a l l are welcome.

The s i m p le pr inc i p le at the heart of inclus ive Wicca is

em pathy and res pect. Be ing inc l u s ive is a bout res pecting
and celebrating the experiences and q u a lities that others
bring to the circle, and em path i s ing with their pers pective.
I f you h ave res pect, e m p athy, com pass ion, and love, then
a I I the rest is com mentary.

Further Reading

Yvonne Abu rrow (2014), Aft Acts of Love and Pleasure:

Inclusive Wicca. Ava lonia Boo ks.

Jo Green (2016). Queer Paganism: A spirituality that

embraces all identities.

Yvonne Abu rrow (forthcom ing) , Dark Mirror: the

inner work of witchcraft.

L u p a Greenwood (2012). Talking About the Elephant:

An Anthology of Neopagan Perspectives on Cultural
 Appropriation.

www. inc l u s ivewicca .org

l In Au stral i a , there actu a l ly i s a tradition cal led inc l u s ive

Wicca, which i s unconnected to the i nclu sive tendency,
though it may h ave s i m i lar goa ls. Fou nded to incl ude Wic­
cans fro m di fferent tra ditions, they a re not s pecifically
LG BTQ IA-i ncl u s ive, and their website does n ' t m ention
LG BTQ I A inc l u sion, but doesn't ta ke an anti- LG BTQ IA
sta nce either.
i J G Frazer introduced this notion in The G o lden Bough
to d iscred it Ch risti anity by pointing out its roots in " pr i m -
iti ve" paga n i s m. The thrust o f Frazer's work was intended
to im p ly that h u m an be l i ef is evolving fro m an i m i s m , to
po lytheism, to monotheism, to athei s m .
3 Leith in C l uan (20 15) , D o we act j u stly? Di sab i l ity, menta l
i l lness , and vu lnera b i l ity. Gods & Rad icals. htt�
godsandrad ica l s .org/2015/ 1 o/02/do-we-act-j u stly.:
d i s a b i l ity- menta 1-i l ln ess-and-vu In era bi l i tyll!yl
A The concept of consent c u lt u re arose out of fe m ini st,
BDS M, and LG BTQ approaches to sex u a l ethics. Although
it a p p l ies to persona l freedom in a l l areas of life, it is par­
tic u l arly concerned with is sues a round sexuali ty and
touch. Con sent c u lture e m p h a s i s es that everyone has the
right to enjoyable sex that they have enth u s i a stica lly con­
sented to with fu l l knowledge of the ri sks . It is sex­
pos itive, sets boundaries, and prom otes clear and
s h a m e-free co m m un ication about sex. In a consent c u l­
tu re, everyone values enth u s i astic con sent. Initi ators of
contact have the pri m a ry res pon s i bi l i ty for res pectfu l ly
seeking consent, rather than it being the recipients ' re­
sponsi b i l ity to fend off p redators and others who try to
viol ate boundaries. Consent cu lture e m b races the freedo m
to say yes and no, and the e m p athy to honour others' de­
s i res and bound aries. Consent can be non-verbal, but
when we are on the beginner s lopes of consent culture, it's
great to practice receivi ng verba l consent.
5 In the U K, a lthough the age of con sent is 16, the age at
wh ich an older person is no longer considered to be ' in
loco parentis' is when the young person reaches the age of
i8. Therefore th is po l icy is also lega lly advisable.
'
'
'
'
Wai-Water
BY ADARE

This portrait of M i stress J u j u M inXXX, "America's Leather­

C l ad Sweetheart," ca ptu res the h ea l ing transform ation of
water, j ust as J uj u em bod ies the fl u i d ity of sexual ity and
gender.
'
'
 QU EERING TANTRA: A QU EER BLACK
1
WOMAN S PERSPECTIVE

BY MAISHA NAJUMA AZA, MSW

No one truly knows where the mind goes when the body's
left to its own devices, but when the mind lets go and be­
comes a part of the erotic flow, it leads to the mysteries of
life revealed.

BLACK GIRL TANTRA

I a m an enigma to m a ny, a n a n o m a ly, j u st l i ke m a ny of my

friends in the q u eer world , and in the world s of sacred
sex u a l i ty, erotic em bod i m ent, and Ta ntra sacred i nt i m acy.
We don't fit n eatly in to p retty molds because we a re a con­
scious col lection of o u r con necti ons and expe riences; we
pu r posefu l ly choose the way we want to l ive o u r l ives , a n d
Ta ntra i s exactly that - cons c i o u s l ivi ng.

Ta ntra is a Ved ic/Sanskrit term which l itera l ly means

"weave" o r " loo m ." A Ta ntra i s als o a collection of phi lo­
sophical systems of ideas created to expand o u r con­
scious ness . I defi ne it as the conscious co-creation and ex­
pe rim entation of our dee p ly perso n a l and m utli­
d i m e n s i o n a l exi stence, as we weave the energetic and the
physical wo rlds togeth er. There a re m u ltiple defi n itions
and trad itions of Ta ntra. Th i s is because it becomes wh at
 '
'

we beco m e a n d evolves as we evolve. I n its richest, deep­

est, and most m agical form, my evo l ution in Ta ntra is a
conti n u o u s conscious self-discovery because it i nc l udes
the use of erotic energy; the whole body, m i nd, and s p i rit;
a nd the mystical. What I weave i nto my q ueer Black Girl
Ta ntra a re the i nte rsectio n a lities th at exi st wi th i n me a n d
with i n my com m u n ity of people o f a l l s izes, s hapes, a b i l ­
ities , co lors, and bod ies. M y B l a c k G i rl Ta ntra way is sa­
c red, is r it u a l , is co lo rfu l , is fat, is les b i a n , is queer, i s
trans, is fl u id , i s m u lti-a b led, a n d is m u lti -generati o n a l . M y
Ta ntra i s a sen s u a l a m algamation of m y eclectic black
pagan s p i ritual ity, my Tr i b a l S h a m a n Priestess tra i n i n g, my
black witc hery, my massage thera py tra i ni n g, my soc ia l
wo rk tra i n in g, my soc i a l j u stice a n d hea l i n g j u stice bac k­
gro u n d , my Ta ntra sac red i nt i m acy trai ning, my erotic l i fe
experiences, a n d my h a rd l i fe lesso ns .

M o st i m portantly, i n order to truly un dersta nd Ta ntra i s to

experience it a n d to l ive it. I n my experience of Tantra, o u r
wo rlds a n d energy bod ies m e rge, expand i ng a n d con­
tracti n g as we weave in and out of l ucid d rea m i ng, ecsta sy,
i nt i m acy, a n d the phys ical m u n d a n e wo rld. When we a re
co nsci ou s, we can ex perience a l l of these wo rlds at the
same t i m e, wh i le co l lecti ng data a bout o u r very existence.
We can then a l low o u r h e a rts a n d m i nds to exp a n d beyo n d
o u r concrete ideas a n d i nto in tu itive knowing.

My l i fe has been very m uch a Ta ntric experience, as I 've

co me to know and u n dersta nd it. I 've lived my l ife explor­
i n g, expa n d i ng, and experimenting with various ways of
bei ng, as wel l as wa ndering u n afra id (and someti mes
afraid) i nto the mystery of the u n known. I h ave a lways
been aware that we are a l l con nected somehow, but never
fu l ly knew wh at that meant. I d id n 't have the l angu age or
fra mewo rk for it u nti l I bega n to experience that con nec­
tion through my own s p i r itua l and erotic experiences. My
explorations s i nce my early twent ies lead me to wo men
spiritu a l ity ci rc les, i n d ige nous, and b lack i n d igenous rit­
u a l s , cere m onies and practices from around the wo rld,
wh i l e si m u ltaneous ly ex plorin g my sens u a l ity th rough m y
erotic advent u res i n group sex, energetic sex, k i n k , B D S M
a n d polya mory. T h i s path u lt i m ate ly led to m y awa reness
and study of Ta ntra, which I 'm sti l l ex ploring and learni ng.

I fi rst began notici n g the subtle energies of the body when

I was i n mas sage thera py school in the late 199o's. As I
thera peutically touc hed my clients', classm ates', and
teachers' bod ies d u r i ng sessions, I wou l d feel their p u lse
in my fi ngers and h a nd s and with i n my own body. I wou l d
feel the i r l i fe force - tho ugh I d i d n 't c a l l i t that then - n o
m atte r wh ere o n th e i r body I touc hed and n o m atter how
lig htly. I n fact, I noticed that the lighter I touched thei r
bod ies the more I felt these s u btle, yet powerfu l sensa­
tio n s . This feel i n g o r sen s i ng of other people's energy
bod ies was emerging i n me as I bega n wo rking more a n d
 '
'

'•

more d i rectly with m a s sage thera py. I soon experi enced a

deep physical and energetic d i scovery of feeli n gs a n d emo­
tions that had been sto red deeply in the m u scles of my
body that led to my own hea l i n g. This m ass age thera py
school process began my own pers o n a l m i nd-body- s o u l
co n n ecti on a n d i t woke me out o f a deep sou l-sl u m ber
that began with sex u a l tra u m a in my early c h i l d hood . I
wo uld conti n u e to wake up, in layers, a s my a d u l t l i fe ex­
periences conti n ued . Each t i m e taking i n mo re energetic
i n fo r m ation i nto my soul and i ntu itively developing a m ore
robust and dyn a m ic sense of myself and my s u btle, yet
powerfu l energetic con n ection to oth ers. This k i n d of
awake n i n g is what Ta ntra is a l l a bout. It i s m ore than
someth ing you phys ica l ly do. It is a way of l i v i ng and
engaging consci o u s ly with all as pects of the self and the
wo rld. Uti l izing Ta ntric practices h elps to u n lock erotic
power a n d self-hea l i ng.

TANT RA BE GAN IN THE MA RGINS

Ta ntra has a m ostly oral a n d experienti a l histo ry, with o n ly

a s m a l l a m o u nt of written h i story, which m a kes it d iffi cu lt
to dete rm i ne its exact origi n . However, co m m o n knowl­
edge a mong tantric practitioners is that it began in the
m a rgin s of lndic soc iety we ll over 3000 years ago, and its
i n fl uence and practices span many cultu res and rel igions
fro m some fo rms of H i nd u i sm , Budd h i s m , Tao i s m , and
even Christianity. Some may say that Ta ntra h a s no
begi n n i ng, a n d that its beg i n n i n g is not nea rly as i m por­
tant as its p u r pose. I ts p u r pose bei ng, in short, to expand
the heart and mind by consc i o u s ly being aware of o u r con­
nection to our higher and lower selves and to one a n other,
wh i l e practici ng balance.

It is i m porta nt to remem ber that Ta ntra origin ated with

people of color and people on the m a rgins of both society
and re l igion . That parad igm shifted once Ta ntra was
brough t to the west, pri m a ri ly to E u rope and N o rth Am er­
ica. Ove r the yea rs, Ta ntra h a s become associ ated with
people with soci a l privi lege - fa mous peo ple, affluent peo­
ple, white peo p le, heterosex u a l peo ple, thin people, and
a ble-bodied people. This has left l ittle room for peo ple on
the m a rgins of our western world - peop le of color, people
with d i s a b i lities, people with socioecono m i c i neq ual ities,
q u eer peop le, people of size, and those with m u ltiple
m a rginal ized i ntersectional ities - to th i n k that Ta ntra is for
them.

Ta ntra in its orig i n a l form is not about sex, but the prac­
tices can be app l ied to o u r sexua l l ives, as it can be ap­
pl ied to every as pect of our lives . That is in fact the p u r­
pose, to be consc i o u s i n every aspect of o u r l i ves. Sex i s
not a d i rty wo rd, n o r i s i t sepa rate from o u r s p i r itu a l
se lves. I n o u r western fo rm of Ta ntra, m a ny Ta ntric practi­
tioners do focus on sex u a l ity a great deal of the t i m e, be­
caus e of the great a m o u nt of sexua l repression i n herent in
 '
'

o u r p u ritan ically deri ved North American c u ltu re. Th ere is

no s h a m e in u ndersta n d i n g that and trying to s h i ft our c u l ­
ture i n a sex-positive d i rection. H owever, we c a n do a ny­
thing i n excess a n d we a re a c u ltu re of exces s , so it i s
i m portant to b e mi ndfu l o f t h i s a n d i n d o i ng so conti n u e
to pay attention to balance when practicing t h e erotic
e m bodi ment aspects of Ta ntra. It is also i m portant to note
that Ta ntra i s not the on ly sacred sex u a l practice that exi sts
in the world. I nd i genous societies the wo rld over h ave sa­
cred practices that in clu de the m i n d , the body - i nc l u d i ng
sex u a l ity - and the s p i rit.

OUR QU E ER INTERSECTIONS

When I fi rst began looking i n to Ta ntra, I fo u n d that i n the

western wo rld, it was pri m a ri ly wh ite, exc l u sive, hetero­
sex u a l , hete ro-normative, homoge n o u s , and d i c hotomous
in l a nguage and p ractice. I t i s my greatest des i re to teach
Ta ntra in a way that s peaks to a n d em braces everyone a n d
every type o f body.

My way of d o i n g Ta ntra i s erotic, i s freei ng, a n d i s q u eer

because it is a tapestry of my l i ved experience as a fat,
black, q ueer, k i n ky, lesbian devoted to soc i a l ju stice and
hea l i n g j u stice. It is i m porta nt that my tantri c practice i n ­
cl udes a n d centralizes peo ple with i n the m a rgins o f o u r
se lf-created Les b i a n , G ay, B i sex ual , Tra n s gen der, Q ueer/
Questi o n i ng, lntersex and A l l ies ( LG BTQ IA) su bcu lture.
This is bec a u se even with i n those s u bcu ltures privi leges
sti l l exist, a n d th erefore the m a rgi n s sti l l exist Q u eer
Ta ntra i nc l udes peo ple whose h u m a n fo rms take a l l
s h a pes, s i zes, a bi l ities, genders, a n d identities. M y Q u eer
Ta ntra focuses on the re lation s h i p each i nd ivid u a l h a s
with their a uthentic self, and their a uthentic bodies , thei r
a n cestral l i n eage, as we l l as how their bod ies a n d energies
can con nect with other phys i c a l a n d energetic bod ies i n
erotic co m m u n ity.

M y Queer Ta ntra i ncl udes sac red sex u a l practices, em bod ­

i ment and self-care practices, power ritu a l s , B DS M , ki n k ,
a n cestral wo rk, sex-m agic, s i nging, d a n c i n g, a n d other
spiritual practices that h ave become part of my i ntern a l
ta pestry over ti me. The Ta ntric practice that I em body i s
fi l led with love-conscious ness or E ros, along the i nter­
sections of o u r (and o u r ancestors') privileged and s u bju­
gated positions in the wo rld. M a ny " n ew age" s p i ritual
practitioners I 've m et h ave a reported ly " a p o l itica l," way of
viewing the world that is p u r posefu l ly a bsent of a thoug ht­
fu l soci a l justice fra mewo rk. When I practiced with s p i r­
itual gro u p s of people with t h i s ideol ogy, it m ade it i m pos­
s i b le for m e to be my au thentic self a n d thrive long-term .
So I moved on

I 've also experienced bei n g in s p i ritual co m m u n ity where

soc i a l j u stice is p u r posefu l ly ta ken i nto con s i derati o n , but
the pa rts that were considered sti l l did not i n clude a l l of
 '
'

'•

the parts that touch me a n d my a uthenticity - aga i n , I felt

u n able to thrive l ong-term . The one th i ng that always gets
left out of a ny of these s p i ritual gro u ps of which I've been
a p a rt of has been race. It a p pears to be the scariest thing
for wh ite peop l e to add ress and for m a ny of u s to address.
Somet i m es we don 't add ress it, and it begi n s to erode our
a b i lity to con nect with one anoth er on a m uch deeper
level . How c a n o u r con nections re m a i n s u sta i n a b le if our
fu l l selves are not acknowledged or em braced? My blac k
S ha m a n s pi ritu a l com m u n ity is an i ntim ate sacred
co m m u n ity where I feel safe be i ng black.

Sad ly, i n my ex periences i n va rious s p i ritual comm u n ities,

some wou l d rather address a nyth i ng other than race and
rac i s m , never m i nd that a l l of the soc ia l i nj u stices will
i n tersect with race at some point. Raci s m i s the 11big
sca ry." It is the " big buzzk i l l." Th is k i n d of i nv i s i b i lity and
fea r can be heart wrenchi ng and debil itati ng to someone
who experiences rac i s m regu larly, and serves to do exactly
what it was meant to do: d i scon nect us fro m one an other.
This is one of the many rea s o n s the people of color I k n ow
do not c hoose to exist i n wh ite s paces to begin with . But I
chose a different road , a d i ffi cu lt road . I chose to exist i n
these wh ite s pi ritual s paces, not becaus e they were wh ite,
but i n sp ite of that fact.

I 've always been ca l led to explore myself and my erotic,

s pi ritual. and physical edges, regardless of who else was i n
the roo m . I c hose to ex ist i n these s paces bec a u se I de­
serve to be my best self and I be l i eve that we a re a l l i n her­
ently good a n d loving people when we s hed o u r soc i a lly­
con structed s h el l s. I was privi leged enough to find q uee r
erotic sp aces where I felt l i ke I belonged . These were s p a­
ces where we in t i m ately o pened o u r hea rts to one another
and where they m ade a way for me with scholars h i ps a n d
payment p l a n s . I w a s gratefu l fo r that oppo rtu n ity, a n d yet
scholarships a n d payment plans are not the o n ly bri dge
that needs to be b u i lt when i ncludi n g people of color, be­
caus e we a re n ot a ho m ogen ous gro u p . The q u eer erotic
s p aces h ave been the places that have actively done their
best to be accessi ble, and they sti l l conti n u e to act ively en­
gage i n un dersta n d i n g how to do that better. In some
ways, I fe lt l u c ky. I know that I was privileged to be able to
explore my sexua l self in erotic q ueer s paces, which was a
beautifu l sta rt. Yet, as a b lac k wom a n i n these m ajority­
wh ite sex u a l hea l i ng s paces, I was sti l l m i s s i n g someth i ng.
My heart felt it, knew it, lon ged to see mo re of myself
represe nted, reflected back to me, and held more closely
in deeper and mo re p rofo u n d ways.

As I and m a ny q u i rky, q ueer, witchy, black a n d POC fo l ks

have lear ned to do, we somet i m es protect or s h ut off cer­
tain pa rts of o u rselves i n those spaces - the pa rts that feel
the pa i n of i nvisi b i l ity, si lenc i ng, fetish izi ng, or otherness
- in o rder to explore other i m porta nt pa rts of o u rselves.
 '
'

'•

When we c a n no longer do this we s ay someth in g, a n d

when o u r cries o f soc i a l i n j u stices that we witness o r expe­
rience, no m atter how " b ig" o r " sma l l," go u n heard , we
m ove o n . When I searched my s o u l and rea l i zed this i s
what I was d o i ng, I real ized that I m u st go beyon d m y erot­
ic learni n g of myself, a n d that I m u st a lso teach so that I
c a n contri bute to the c reation of i n c l u s ive e rotic s p i ri tual
spaces that re-centra l ize people of color a n d peopl e from
othe r m a rgi na l i zed gro u p s . Creating s pi ritu a l s paces where
we do not have to s h u t off the pa rts of ou rselves that soci­
ety ign ores or a m pl ifies can be extrem ely va l i d ati ng, heal­
i n g, and c ruc ial to our a b i l ity to hea l. What wo nder it
wo uld be to take off the projections of oth ers, l i ke cloth­
i n g, and to j u st be you . Rather than experiencing some­
thing l i ke, "Th i s person is black a n d therefore they grew u p
this way, a n d their parents were thi s way, a n d they wi l l re­
spond to m e i n this way, so I will a lter the way I deal with
them so that I wo n 't be perceived as racist." I a m p r i m a r i l y
spea k i ng of black peo ple here beca use that i s the m ost
sa l ient a n d visi ble p a rt of me that gets i gnored, stereo­
typed, or a m p l ified . However, this could be a p p l ied to
m a ny m a rginalized gro u p s .

When I 'm thi n k i ng a bout centra lizing peo ple o f color,

q u eer people, tra ns peo ple, peo ple with d i s a b i l ities, fat
peo ple, gender fl u id people, and m ore, it beco mes a p p a r­
ent that we a re the ones who need to teach each other
o u rselves rather than be ta u ght by people outside of
m a rginal ized experience. I have m oved beyond wa iting a n d
wa nting othe r people to teach m e a bout myself, i n t h e way
that I wish to be ta u ght. I ' m d i scovering that t h i s is a n i m ­
possib i l ity. W h i l e i t is certa i n that peo ple with privi leges
a re a b le to hold space, a n d be s u p po rtive a n d even i nc l u ­
s ive i n s o m e ways, it is i m porta nt to u ndersta nd that there
i s a l i mit. That the soci a l ly- m a rgi n a l ized m u st teach the
other soc i a l ly-m a rgi n a l i zed ; because we a re a b le to facil­
itate, hold sp ace, and s upport one anoth er from some of
o u r shared experiences . Peo ple of color m u st be in teach­
i n g and leaders h i p roles for other people of color. Th i s is
one i m portant way that we beco me centra l i zed.

Queer wh ite people can not do everyth i n g, no m atter how

m uch soc i a l j u stice wo rk they h ave done, or what other
s u bj u gated pa rts exist i n them. They wi l l never be a ble to
u n derstand what raci s m i ntrinsica l ly feels l i ke, i n the s a m e
way that I c a n not ever know what i t i ntri n s i c a l ly feels I i ke
to experience tra ns phobi a . Q u eer white peo ple can con­
ti nue to be a l l ies, to m a ke the spaces they run more i nc l u ­
s i ve, to conti n u e to m a ke more room fo r m a rg i n a l ized
fol ks even if they choose n ot to come, a n d to use their
privi leges and resou rces to h e l p open u p doors that may
oth erwi se be cl osed to a person of color. The peo ple with
more soc i a l a n d eco nomic privilege can a s s i st wh i le letting
go of controlling the outcome, wh i le we on the m a rgins do
 '
'

'•

the wo rk that we came h ere to do. We each h ave a p a rt to

play i n o u r own l i beration as wel l as each other's. To rea l ly
affect change, we m u st h ave more m u lti -s i zed , m u lti­
s h a ped, m u lti-ab led Queer a n d Tra n s Peo ple of Color
(QTPOC) bod ies centra l i zed in sacred sexual s paces . We
m u st a l s o conti n uo u s ly do the wo r k to ed ucate o u rselves
a bout o u r own pl aces of privi lege not through fea r, gui lt,
or s h a me , but, i n the s p i r it of co m m u n ity, through con­
nection and love.

MASCU LINE AND F E M ININE D I C H OTO MY

Due to the fact that Ta ntra, in N orth America and E u ro pe,

has pri m a ri ly been presented by wh ite, c i s gender, a ble­
bod ied, heterosexua l , heteronorm ative, m idd le to u pper
class people, there ends u p a l so bei n g a conflation of
m ascu l i ne and fem i ni n e energy. The western m i nd is so
d i c hotomous that it is even c h a l lengi n g for m a n y of us to
hold on to the fact that energy, sex, gender, and sex u a l ity
a re a l l d i fferent concepts. Th i s is because E u rocentric sci­
ences and rel igions pu rposefu l ly created the bin a ry, m a n /
wo m a n , m a le/fema le, right/wrong pa radi gm, a n d this
pa radi gm has spread to other colon ized c u l t u res and soci­
eties who di d not origi n a l ly have those b i n a ries . One of the
p r i n cipl es of Ta ntra i s I n n er M a rriage - often it i s said that
this i s the masc u l i n e and fe m i n i ne energies with i n each of
u s that m u st be m a rried . Ba s i c al ly, we m arry ou rselves.
When we see m as c u l i n e and feminine energy though , we
end u p o n ly see i n g m a n and wom a n , m a l e and fem a le,
espec i a l l y when you hear the word m a rri age. But wh at if we
s h i fted o u r minds to a non-bi n a ry u n dersta n d i ng of the
poles with i n us and the ways that the poles m u st work to­
gether to m a i nta i n ba la nce i n the wo rld. Wheth er we
c hoose to c a l l these poles m a s c u l i n e a n d fem i n i n e, ex p a n ­
s i ve a n d contractive, a bove a n d be low, or with i n a n d with­
out, these en ergies a l l exist withi n us s i m u l taneous ly.

We can call these poles m a s c u l i n e a n d fem i n i n e, or ex­

p a n d i n g a n d contracti ng, or penetrati n g and receptive, or
givi n g and rece iving, bec a u se we all ex perience, and do, a l l
o f these thi ngs energetical ly a n d phys ical ly, a n d often si­
m u ltaneo u s ly. This co-exi stence i s i l l u strated when we talk
a bout the conce pts of yin fe m i n i ne, and yang fe m i ni ne, y i n
m as c u l i n e a n d ya n g m a s c u l i n e energies. They a re i n her­
ently i nterdependent. I n Ta ntra, we s peak of m ascu l i ne a n d
fem i n i n e energies, but a l so t a l k about the weavi n g o f their
s i m u ltaneo u s action, existing at once with i n us all. Fo r
exa m p le, when I a m d r i n king a glass of water, I a m u s i n g
receptive ene rgy by taking t h e water in to m y open mouth,
but I a m also u s i n g active energy to b r i ng the c u p of water
to my l i ps. This h a s noth ing to do with gen ita ls, sex or­
gans, gender, or how o u r p hysical bod ies look . M a ny het­
eronorm ative Ta ntr ic c l a s ses teach t h i s as though m ascu­
l i ne and fe mi nine energy have to do with men 's bod ies
and women's bod ies only, p u r pos efu l ly a s k i n g that there
 '
'

'•

be a "gender ba lance" ( i n th is case cis m a le/cis fe m a le)

fo r the class to ta ke p lace. This is not how I teach Ta ntra
because gen ita l i a h ave noth i n g to do with it.

We m u st remem be r that we a re m a n y th i ngs at once in an

energetic sense. When the en ergetic poles that exi s t in u s
a re off- b a l a nce, i t can knock u s o ff of o u r axis (think of the
ea rth's axi s and north and south poles) and we can expe­
rience sp i ri tua l, phys ica l, a n d energetic u p heava l . That i s
true i n s ide o f u s a n d o u t i n the world. This is why Ta ntric
practices - such as co nscious breath i ng, yoga , med itation,
a n d erotic em bod i m ent - a n d the d i scern ment of what we
take i n a n d put out of our bod ies a re util ized to rega i n ba l­
a nce. Th i s ba lance wi l l look differently for each person a n d
each com m u n ity; it ta kes us knowing ou rselves to u nder­
stand what it i s we need i n order to heal. As we attem pt to
u n derstand these greater concepts a n d i n fuse o u r soc ia l
j u stice i nto o u r em bod ied s p i ritu a l practices and co m m u­
n ities, our a p p roach can not be "either/or" thi n k i ng, but
m u st be " both/and" th i n k i n g to acco u nt fo r this d ivers ity.

TANTRA AND SOCIAL J U STICE

If I want to be l i eve that there a re on ly men a n d women i n

the wo rld, a n d noth i n g i n between, I c a n certa i n ly d o so,
but it wi l l be extremely l i m it i n g to myself and h a r m fu l to
others. However, if I know, a n d can feel and sense that
there i s m o re, that we a re m o re, I can choose to em b race
what I i ntuitive ly know, rather th a n what I was soci a l i zed to
believe.

I n m a ny heterosex u a l a n d LG BTQ IA western-ada pted s pi r­

itu a l co m m u nities, both white a n d of color that I h ave
co me i nto contact with, it is rare for a l l of o u r d i fferences
a n d ex periences to be honored, val ued, or even addressed .
Rac i s m , sex i s m , m isogyny, homophobia, a b lei s m , clas­
s i s m , and more are often left out of the s p i r itu a l a rena.
Somet i m es they get mentioned, but not thorough ly ex­
plored . Or, depe n d i n g o n the co m m u n ity, the eas ier i ssues
m ay be a d d ressed, while the mo re un co mforta ble ones,
l i ke race, d i s a b i l ity, and m i sogyny re m a i n at a s u rface leve l.

In Ta ntra, we p ractice movi ng beyond the phys ical world

i nto the s u btle world of the i m m ater ia l for o u r hea l i ng,
both sp i ritual a n d phys i c a l . What h a ppens when we co m e
back down to earth a n d we h aven 't dealt with a l l o f these
c h a l le n ges that sti l l plague our com m u n ities, these chal­
lenges that separate u s from one a n other? What ha p pens
when we ascend spi ritu a l ly, but o u r h u m a n and sociopo­
l itical prej ud ices sti l l exist with i n u s ? What h a ppens when
we continue to u nco nsc io us ly do psychological h a rm to
one a n other, even whi le we a re s h a r i n g a n d teac h i n g one
a nother i n lovi ng, hea l i n g, com m u n ity? I wo uld s u b m it
that we c a n n ot ascended s p i r itua l ly u nti l we can bri n g
forth what we learn i n sacred s paces o u t i nto our m u ndane
wo rld. It m ay take a l i fet i m e of conscious com m itment and
 '
'

co nscious conti n uous actions to turn the enti re i n divid­

u a l i stic white s u p rem acist pa rad igm u ps ide down, but if
we a re tru ly seeki n g c h a n ge, we m u st be wi l l i ng to do our
wo rk. Th at mea n s ac knowledging that a l l of o u r bod ies
have bee n us ed a ga i n st us for those in power to m a i ntain
soci a l power and s u p remacy. Th at acknowledgi n g how we
h a ve h u rt others, no m atter how i nadvertently, i s o u r d uty
to accept a n d c h a nge. Ta ntra i s a bea utifu l way to fu rther
a d d ress these i nequities a n d deepen o u r co l l ective soc i a l
a n d sex u a l hea l i ng.

I a m h u m a n so, I someti m es feel pa i n , fea r, h u rt, and

c losed off. Th ough I do n ot often give way to fea r when it
rises, I pay attention to its message. As you wi l l find as you
begi n to practice Ta ntra, a l l of these p a rts of o u rselves
exist and are welco m ed - the closed off and the opened
u p . Denying the pa rts that we do not l i ke can lead to i n a u ­
thenticity, a n d energetic decay, but ac knowledgin g them i n
lovi n g a n d compassionate ways, a n d listening to thei r
message i s what leads to h ea l i n g.

The fact is that no m atter how m uch I wo uld love to sugar

coat my rea l i ty, I am sti l l not free in every as pect, because
we a re not a l l free . We a re m o re powerfu l a n d free to­
gether. With each of us h avin g some privi leged pa rts a n d
some s u bj u gated parts i n varying c o m b i nations a n d de­
grees, how we s u pport one a nother is pivota l to o u r erotic
evol ution and l i beration. We m u st see the i l l u s i o n s
i m bedded i n o u r phys ica l body's memories fo r wh at they
a re , and transcend them in to who we a l ready were when
we came i nto this wo rld . We m u st deep ly, i ntuitive ly>
remember that we a l l des erve to be here a n d that no one is
tru ly a bove or below a n other. That we a re all meant to be
here fo r rea sons beyo nd our knowi n g and u n de rsta n d i ng.
That we a l l deserve to feel and be free.

It h as become clear th rough t h i s ess ay, that what I needed

to say is the h a rd stuff wh ich does not get addressed often
enough, particu la rly when it comes to ta l k i ng about sp i ri­
tu a l ity and acces s i n g sp i r itu a l co m m u n ities. Part of that is
probably bec a u se we do tra nscend beyond our soci a l sta­
tions in l ife when we a re accessi ng the spi ritua l rea l m s ,
but when we emerge, we sti l l have to l ive i n the wo rld > and
deal with its atrocities a n d its bea uty. We can't, i n fact, l ive
co nsciously a n d deny these rea l i t ies, because Ta ntra is a l l
a bout l i ving co nsciously.

So, how do we create q u eer, s p i rit u a l , erotic com m u n ities

a n d avo id rac is m , a b le i s m , tra ns phobia, sex i s m , m isog­
yny, fat-phobi a, and e l iti s m � I don't fu l ly kn ow, but I th i n k
that the subtle s p i ritual rea l m may b e the best p l ace to
begi n loo ki n g at new ways to transcend those rea l ities be­
cause the i ntellect u a l academ ic way a n d the action­
or iented activ ist way, though they play a part, a re not
enough. We've tried it for centu ries , and we can lose o u r­
se lves i n the anger a n d the p a i n a n d the injustices so
 '
'

m uch that we lose to uch with our own s p i ritu a l selves , o u r

wh ole selves. A s activi sts a n d a s hea lers, i t somet i m es c a n
become a h a bit to deny o u r i nter n a l u n a d d ressed, u n ­
hea led p a i n , a n d to focus so lely o n a l l of the pai n that ex­
i sts out i n the wo rld outside of our bodi es . We m u st come
back to o u rselves. We m u st remem ber to ta ke the t i m e to
con nect on a hea rt-leve l with one a n other to heal o u r own
b u ried pa i n , w h i l e also gra p p l i ng with soci a l i njustices .
They can not be sepa rated lest we con tin ue to be d ivided ,
lest o u r souls be lost to o u rselves.

FREEDOM I S POSS I BLE

I n a wo rld where yo u a re constantly bei n g told that "you

d o n 't belong, yo u h ave no ri ght to exist and we a re go i n g
to fi g u re o u t every way poss i ble to remind you o f that," it
is someti mes d iffi c u lt to believe that a nyth i n g was created
with yo u i n m i n d . As a fat, b lack, ci sgender girl growing u p
i n a raci st, sexist, a bl eist, classi st, m i sogyn istic U . S .A. , i t i s
not a su rpri se t o m e that m a ny o n the m a rgins te l l m e that
they don 't th i n k Ta ntra is for them . I t wasn 't fo r m e either
u nt i l I fou n d my q u eer, sacred , i nt i m ate Ta ntra co m m u­
n i ty.

I was raised i n a wo rld where yo u n g b l ack girls, l i ke m e,

get sex u a l ly a s s a u lted and used, a n d a re conti n u o u s ly s i ­
le nced b y those c losest t o u s . I n my wo rld, fa m i ly cons i sts
of n u merous sec rets that calcify with i n the m i nd a n d
en ergy body a n d perpetrators co nti n ue to l ive a m o n gst the
c h i l d ren they assau lt; everyone knows, but no one says
a nyth i n g or warns a nyo ne. One rea son this occurs i s be­
cause we h ave to s u rvive in a wh ite s u pre m acist world
where everyo ne, i n c l u d i n g people of color, bel ieves that we
d o n 't deserve to exist without wh ite perm ission and ge n­
erosity. I co me fro m a wo rld where even other peop le of
co lor can look at a black girl a n d be glad that they are not
black. A wo rld where peop le of color fro m a round the
wo rld a re pitted a ga i n st one a n other so that we remain
sepa rate and d i scon n ected, even though we all expe rience
op pression in different hiera rc hic a l ways. The h a b it i s to
take o ut our p a i n a n d o ppression on o n e a n other, whi le
tryi ng to deal with the p a i n a n d o p p res s i o n hoi sted upon
us. Th i s has been h a p pe ni ng for thousands of years. O u r
a n cestors a re tel l i n g u s, it's time to d o better.
Ta ntra i s i n ner freedom through conscious ness, yet free­
dom is not without p a i n . Belonging to so meth i n g greater
than o u rselves is not without p a i n . E n s l avement vi a phys­
ical, emotion a l , psychologica l, or m enta l means i n h i bits
o u r spiritu a l growth a n d o u r freedom. Thi s psyc ho logica l
ens l ave ment was des igned by the wh ite s u premacist
regime i n which we live, to keep us a l l sh ack led . D u e to
that des i gn, it i s i m perative that those of u s on the m a r­
gi ns, those of us who l i ve a n d th i nk cou nter to the wh ite
c i s m a le hetero-supre m ac i st p a rad igm , fi n d o u r persona l
and sex u a l freed o m i n wh atever ways we can. We h ave to
 '
'

take o u r freed om rather than a s k fo r it. We m u st access

o u r freedom fro m deep with i n and express it by being o u r
u n a po logetica l ly truest selves, which i s the defin ition of
res i sta nce. It h a s been s a i d , m a n y t i m e s over, that the per­
s o n a l is pol itical. I want you to remember that t h i s i n­
c l udes the sex u a l , becaus e when yo u own your sex u a l ity
you h ave the power!

Everyone loses when it comes to wh ite s u p re m acy be­

cause we do not get to truly experience one anothe r on a
deeper level . O ften , we fi n d ou rselves l iv i n g by the stan­
d a rd s that society h a s set fo r u s , based on a m a n u factu red
socia l na rrative. The minds of m o st of us a re wrapped i n
c h a i n s ; o u r res po n s i b i l ity i s to d o the wo r k to u n c h a i n
them.

This wo r k is s o m eti mes p a i nfu l because those c h a i n s have

been there for so long that they have been dee p ly i m bed­
ded i n o u r bra i n-m eat a n d fol d s ; tangled so i ntricately
with i n the l a byri nth of the m i nd that the tissue has grown
a round those cha i ns. Fo r o u r hea ling, it is i m perative that
we deli berately remove these c h a i n s , often one p a i n fu l l i n k
at a ti me. Th i s remova l process and hea l i n g c a n beco me
fru strati n g and is often i n com plete when we focus so lely
on h ea l i ng the mind - through ta l k therapy alone, or
thro u gh education and activism a l one. It is i m po rta nt that
we take i nto acco u n t a l l of the aspects of the self which
need heali n g. With the help of Ta ntra and oth er conscious
spiritual and sacred sex u al practices wea ving i n whole
body, m i n d , s p i rit, and sexual heali n g, one can loo sen the
grip that this c h a i n has on the b ra i n with the erotic l u be of
plea s u re, touch , breath, a n d h u m a n co nnecti o n .

As we open u p o u r hearts, m i nd s, a n d bodies to one a n ­

oth er, we c reate powe rfu l col lective grid s across the p l a net
that give us a l l the potenti a l to be free - the soc i a l ly­
m a rgi n a l i zed as we l l as the soc i a l ly-cent ra lized . Ta ntra can
be a great too l for creat i n g perso n a l and soci a l hea l i n g jus­
tice by co nscious ly expand i ng o u r hea rts, m i nds, bodies,
and en ergy wh ile co m p assionate ly ack nowledgi n g the
pa rts of ou rselves that a re often ignored by soci ety.

TANTRA I S H EAL ING J U STICE

From what I ' ve both witnes sed and experienced, freed om,
b l i s s, a n d h ea l i ng can and does ta ke place d u ri n g expan­
s i ve m o m ents of erotic plea s u re a n d e m bod i m ent. I be­
l i eve that it is possible to tra nscend o u r socia l differences
and heal o u r i nd ivid ua l and co l lective tra u m a and p a i n
through Ta ntra . Th is wi l l become more widesp read a n d
more ex pan sive as a s piritual movement the more we cen­
tral ize those on the m a rgins and m a ke it access i b le to a l l .
I t i s m a gi c a l how the p a i n ris es to the s u rface and then
erotica lly fa lls away when o u r energy, o u r m u ltifaceted
bod ies , a n d o u r s p i rits get to learn, play, a n d soar together
as we d iscover that we a l l belong here. I 'm ecstatica l ly
 '
'

ho pefu l that we wi l l heal the world through the tra nsfor­

m ative e nergy of love a n d the Quee r i n g of Ta ntra.
 The Glitterheart Path of Connecting with
Transcestors

BY PAVINI M ORAY

Resource. Support. Acceptance. Healing. These are all

blessings and goodness available to us from our tran­
scestors, those trans folks who came before us in the world
and in our own bloodlines, those who shared similar
struggles to those trans folks experience now. For some,
connecting with them may feel elusive, or perhaps you
just don't know how. Here are some suggestions for con­
necting with yourself as a Transcestor, the Mighty Trans
Dead, as well as the Transcestors of your own bloodlines.

Self as Ancestor: Blessing Transcendants, those Trans

Ones Who Come After.

Who a re yo u r ancesto rs? Poet Linda Hogan says "You a re

the res u lt of the love of thousand s." There a re so, so m a ny
h u m a n s who existed before you, and because of the gift of
their l ives and their sex, now you get to be here. S o m e of
those dead a re well, bright a n d elevated ancestors, ready
to s u pport yo u i n your life . What does it feel l i ke to be an
a n cesto r? How do yo u feel towa rds yo u r descend a nts, the
l ives of those future ones yo u wi l l love whether or not you
proc reate? By feel i ng i nto who yo u are as a lovi n g an ces­
tor, it becomes easier to accept the love com i n g towa rds
 '
'

you fro m you r wel l , brigh t a n cestors.

With yo u r eyes tend erly lai d closed and yo u r attention fo­

c u sed o n the i n ner l a n ds capes of the un seen world, i m ag­
i n e that yo u h ave d ied . You r body h a s been tend ed i n a l l
the right ways that yo u kn ow, a n d yo u r s pi rit h a s us ed the
gri ef and tears of those yo u h ave left to fuel yo u r jou rney
to the Su m m erlands, the rea l m of the a n cestors. Yo u h ave
been sweetly welco m ed by those more a n ci ent th a n thou ,
a n d i n iti ated i nto this new state of bei ng i n wh ich yo u no
lo nger bo u n d to a body. What does it mean fo r yo u to be
an a n cesto r? As you look out across time, yo u see a l l the
l iv i n g, and es peci a l ly i l l u m i n ated a re those who m ove
adeptly o n severa l paths: the tra ns ones, the m u ta ble, m or­
pha ble trans ones, the keepers of cha nge.

I n thi s newly not-beat i n g a n cesto r 's h e a rt that is yo u rs, the

a mo u nt of care you feel for these lus trous a n d te nder s p i r­
its i s l i m itless. Feel it now, this well of com passion that
rises u p i n you for yo u r tra nscendents, those who wi l l
co m e when you have gone. Feel it deeply, yo u who never
d ie . Feel it with a l l the protective, hopefu l , a n d i n s p i red
love of a very best p a rent longing fo r good ness for the i r
c h i l d . Fo r o nce, there can be n o d i s a p po i ntment, o n ly the
s h i n y h o pe a n d knowi n g of what the l iving can not know;
those tra ns s p i rits i n body a re the mysterious ones, the
evo l ution of the h u m a n s pecies, the ones fo r wh o m m a g­
ick i s the alchemy of the flesh. If yo u feel that h o pe without
fear, then yo u know what it is, what it wi l l be, when yo u be­
co me a tran scesto r yo u rself. A l l the ways you w i l l offer
help, care, s u p port and bless i n g when you are in the role
of ancesto r. A l l the d re a m s yo u wi l l p resent, a l l the hea l i n g
you w i l l faci l itate, because you love those who come after
you with such wi ld abandon.

Say th is p rayer fo r the yet-to-be- born tra ns fo l k of yo u r

body, o f you r hea rt, a n d o f the world:

Blessings on my transcendents. Blessings on my transcen­

dents. May the learning and work I do be ever in service to
your wellness. May the love I feel flow towards you
through the stream of time. May you fully savor life's
sweetness, through this love-honey I offer, and may my
blessing permeate and protect every moment of your lives.

As yo u p ractice bei n g a tra nscestor, notice the effort­

lessness of offe r i n g bles s i n g to those who come after. Feel
how it fi l ls yo u with gladness a n d joy to do so. Practice
fee l i n g this sensation as yo u move in the wo rld.

Connecting with the Mighty Trans Dead.

Tu rn your attention now to the M i ghty Tra n s Dead, know­

i n g that this i s yo u r eventu al path. Those who h ave gone
before you a re send i n g their bles s i n g, through t i m e, to
you. When yo u say their n a mes, the M i gh ty Dead known
by na me, a n d a l l those m o re a n c ient, whose n a m es a re
 '
'

'•

fo rgotten . The fo rgett i n g of n a m es can i n c rease the power

of a ncestors as these s pi rits lose attac h m ent to h u m a n
identity, a n d beco me fo rces of good ness a n d we l ln ess .

Call out their names: Lou Sullivan, Sylvia Rivera, Leslie

Feinberg, Marsha P. Johnson! (Add any others you care to
name whom you trust are well in spirit.) Old ones! Bright
ones! Those beyond name, throughout whole time! Let me
know you! Let me feel you wisdom. Whisper in my ear
and in my dreams. Please guide me!

The M i ghty Tra n s Dead a re easy to know a n d to feel . You

can root in the l i n eage of thei r wo rk, thei r wo rds, and their
i m ages. Print out pictu res of them, and frame them in tiny,
s p a r k l i n g fra m e s you buy at the thri ft store. Put them o n
a n a ltar yo u m a ke , a n d m a ke offeri ngs o f gl itter a n d
wh i s key, of bon bons a n d poetry. Devel op a practice of
co n n ecti n g and relati n g: talk out loud to them; sin g them
your songs; and ca ll out to them when you can't fi g u re it
out, when you a re stuck a n d h u rting, when yo u feel alone.
Read their life stories, their memoirs, thei r wo rk. Lean i nto
their i n s p i rati o n . Lea n back a n d feel the activism and the
wo rk that have a l ready been done by them for you , sweet
transcendent.

Be open to their wi sdom as it comes through in d re a m s, i n

sym bols, o r i n u n expected synch ron i c ities . Yo u w i l l know
them by their co nti n ued dedication to the wo rk they bega n
wh i l e living. As you fi n e-t u n e yo u r awa reness a n d atte ntion
to the s u r p r i s i n g m agick of the M i ghty Tra n s Dead , the
relationsh i ps wi l l deepen . These a re the powerho uses you
can c a l l on when yo u a re d o i n g a B i g Deal Tra ns Hea l i n g
Ritual, have an i m portant pol itical action you are emba rk­
i n g o n . or h ave a critical piece of activi s m in which yo u a re
enga gi n g.

Thro u gh connecti n g to your tran cestors, yo u can know

that yo u are not alone-have never been a l one-on t h i s
path o f q u eerness, t h i s path of tra ns ness. Can you feel the
s u pport of those at you r back, rooti n g fo r you r s u rvival,
your thriv a l ? Press back, relax back, take a breath, and feel
the gravitas of the a n c ient activist heart.

Ground. Protect. Open.

I n yo u r t i m e-travel s pe l l , this is the m o m ent to take it a l l

i n : the knowi n g of you rself a s a n ancesto r who sends
blessi ngs fo rward in t i m e, as we l l as the knowi n g of the
blessi ngs yo u've a l ready received fro m those in the past.
To get started , ground the Fuck I nto Yo u r Body. When
wo r k i n g in the u n seen, you r body is the safest place to be.
S p i r it in fles h . Dem a n d the right to be at home i n yo u r
body. That's why you i nc a rn ated . When y o u fi l l out yo u r
fl e s h to the edges with you-ness, t h i n gs l i ke transphobia
and op pression h ave a ha rder ti me s l id i ng i n u n d er the
door. Th is is not to say that p a i n a n d tra u m a a re not
 '
'

present, of cou rse. But sti I I , feel in to yo u r bone a n d m u s­

cle, yo u r b lood a n d tooth a n d fascia, to wh atever degree i s
ava i l a ble. Living i n s ide the body i s a practice, a n d i t devel­
ops over time.

Are you as p resent as you 're gon n a get? Good. N ow it's

ti me to protect yo u rself. Put on layers . Put on a hazmat
s u it. 1 m a gi n e a new-age bubble of l ight or a h aze of swa m p
gas. Wh atever i t takes s o that you feel u ltra , s u per safe.
The reason for p rotection is that a l l of the dead a re not
eq u a l ly we l l , j u st l i ke a l l h u m a n s. Some a re a n cestors.
Some a re ghosts. Ancestors a re the dead who h ave gon e
through a n i n itiation process, a n d a re i n good rel ationship
with all those that come before the m . G h osts a re the dead
who h ave not yet tra ns itioned i nto the rea l m of ancestors,
a n d h a ng a ro u n d and can m a ke tro u ble. Adopt a policy of
o n ly rela ti ng with the dead whom yo u h ave vetted to be
s u p remely well in s p i rit. "Wel l in s p i rit" meaning yo u 'd en­
trust them with yo u r de l icate heart, you r v u l n erable sec ret
d reams, and the safeguardi n g of yo u r own well-bei ng. j u st
l i ke when yo u m eet a l iving h u m a n and yo u feel they a re
safe a n d trustworthy, you r own i ntu ition i s of great i m por­
tance when re lati n g to the dead .

Connect ing w ith your Blood-lineage Tran scestors.

Once yo u a re i n you r body and su rro u n ded with wh atever

protection yo u choose to d o n , on ly then do yo u beg i n to
open you r knowi n g a n d yo u r des i re for co nnecti on to yo u r
b lood tra n s cestors. Yo u wi l l b e see k i ng to connect with
those who came before yo u in your b lood l i neage, those
who were trans , gender non -confo r m i ng, two-s pi rit, ge n­
der-q ueer, h i j ra , and a l l the other wo rd s throughout t i m e
that con note gender fuckery.

I m agine that each of the 37.2 tri l l ion cel l s in you r body h a s
a very tin y doo r. A n d as you settle down in to yo u r body
a n d yo u r protection, each of those m in is c ule a pertu res can
start to open. Al low you rself to pretend, to m a ke-bel ieve if
you h ave to, that yo u feel th is somatic softeni n g as you
open to co nnecti n g.

I nvoke you r Trancestors of blood. S peak a loud, someth i n g

l i ke:

"Oh sweet, well and loving ones of my blood,

You who transcended the bounds of gender during your
life,
You who struggled, you who fought, you who loved fiercely
and tenderly.
Please, I'd like to know you.
I am your transcendent. I am your face. I am your breath.
I live now, and face similar struggles as you. I am dif
ferent. I am special. I hwt.
Please, make yourself known to me, bright and well trans
ones of my blood."
 '
'

Us e wh atever words of i nvocation fee l right, but do be

clear about i nvit i n g i n the wel l dead , the b ri ght a ncesto rs
on ly. Feel free to go beyond those in your b loodlines
whose n a m es a re remem bered. I t i s ofte n i n the m o re dis ­
tant past that we fi n d the truly rad ia nt, soli dly strong, a n d
profo u nd ly whole i n o u r own a ncestry.

I n this c a l l fro m yo u r hea rt, i nvite just one of them to

co m e c lose. I s this one wel l i n spirit? H ere is the m o m ent
to be a bou ncer in you r own mystica l n ightc l u b . Check
thei r trans-a ncestor c red at the door. Ask to be sh own the
l u minous wel l n ess of th i s one. Ask to see the net of heart­
stars they are con n ected to, a l l the oth er tra ncestors i n
your b lood l i neage who a re well i n s p i rit, throughout t i m e .
Is this one wi l l i n g to act i n you r best i nterest? Does t h i s
o n e have t h e a b i lity to do so?

Feel yo u r own i ntu iti o n . Can you trust this one? Awesome,
if so. If not, m a ke s u re to res pectfu l ly say "Th a n k you" to
this one who showed u p before moving onward. Alter­
nately, yo u can also ask if this one could guide yo u to the
one yo u seek; a s h i n i ng, bright representative of yo u r l i n­
eage with experience with gender com plexity. Keep open­
i n g to con nection with a s h i n i n g, wel l-in-spi rit transcestor
with whom you do fee l ease and safety. J u st l i ke bei n g di s­
cer n i n g a bout what l ivi ng peo ple you want to a l low in yo u r
l i fe, y o u get to h ave bo u n d a ries with the dead.
H ave yo u found the one? Good . Now be with th is o n e. Ask
to receive their bless i n g, which i s you r birthright. Are you
i m agi n i n g or is t h i s rea l ly h a p peni ng? Does it m atter, if it
is s u p portive? How does this one offer bless i ngs to yo u ?
How do you receive their blessi ng? Let yourself a bsorb the
blessing . Let yourself feel wh atever yo u fee l about the
experience of not bei n g a lone with i n you r blood .

If everyt h i n g is well, a n d yo u're feel i n g the blessing of

trans-ness fl ow i n g i nto you, fi n d that bright light that has
a lways l i ved i n you . Fo r fu n , try co nnecti n g you r gl itteri n g
heart-sta r t o t h i s l arge r net of good ness and grace. What
ha ppens if yo u s u rrender and feel the tra nscestors catch
you ?

Once you fee l yo u h ave fu l ly received their blessing, yo u

can ask some q uestions of t h i s tran scestra l guide. G et
c u r i o u s about who they a re and how they con nect to yo u.
Also, what do they want you to know? Wh at's i m porta nt to
u n dersta n d ? How is tra ns-ness a s pecific bless i ng of this
b lood line?

Ask if there are specific actions o r offeri ngs they wo uld l i ke

that wo uld encou rage a hea lthy ongoing rel atio n s hi p
where they wo uld be open to s u pport i n g yo u . Wo r k i n g
with a ncestors i s a l l a b o ut rec i p roc ity; g i v i n g a n d receiving
between both the dead and the livi ng.
Ancestors u se the ene rgy of offeri ngs to do whatever wo rk
 '
'

they a re doi ng. It's l i ke food fo r those with out a body. Ask
them wh at wo uld be benefi c i a l to them. Yo u get to d i scern
if that's what you want to offer; it's not an a utomatic yes
j u st beca use they ask. Sing a song. S pr i n kle gl itter. Light a
c a n d le. M a ke them a sa ndwich. D ri n k a beer for them , or
po u r a d r i n k in their honor if you don't want to d r i n k .
N ou ri sh the re latio n s h i p with attention j u st a s you would
with the l ivi ng. I t's a bout weavi n g the relationsh i p/s i nto
your l ife a n d not j u st go i n g to them when you need some­
thi ng. You w i l l fi n d you r own ritu a l s to hon or and con nect
with them; rituals that are specific to that p a rticu l a r tran­
scestor and you .

Together with th i s trans cestor, with whom you a re devel­

oping relationsh i p, yo u m ay pray fo r the wel l-be i n g of a l l
the tra ns dead i n you r blood l i nes. Pray that they be wel l i n
s pi rit, lovi n gly tended by their own ancestors. D o this over
ti me, and the net of heart-sta rs widens with more and
more wel l tra ns dead, actively l i n ki n g together and wo r k i n g
i n su pport of the liv i n g trans fo l k : you !

Completing the connection ... for now_

At the end of each ritua l of con nect i n g with yo u r tra n­

scestors, j u st l i ke yo u 'd say good bye at a fa mily reu ni o n ,
s a y good bye for now. G ratitude i s i n order. M a ke s u re you
fol low u p on any a greem ents you m ade to them ; offeri ngs
o r ritu a l actions p ro m i sed , etc. D o n 't eat wh atever you
offered to the m , un less yo u are of a trad ition wherein that
is done. Feel free to leave offeri n gs out for them on yo u r
a ltar for a few d ays, and then d is pose of them i n nature if
possi ble. In ti me, you may wish to estab l i s h an ancestor
a ltar i n you r h o m e. Tend to the relation s h i ps . Th i n k of
them d u ring you r d ay. Remember the m . Remem ber them .
Blessi ngs o n my tran scesto rs.

Blessi ngs o n my tran scestors.

'
'
It 's not the End

by Papacon
From "The I nitiate," by J . Schwartz
'
'
 Queer-Fire Witchery:

The Rainbow- Flame that Melts the Soul-Cage The

Emerging Fluidity of Consciousness

BY OR I ON FOXWOOD

I am a heretic, a witch, of the wonderfully worse kind.

I am a Queer Witch and as such-

1 am the eggshell in in the omelet of convention ;

A grit that you can't ignore.

Magic and Freedom

The statement head i ng t h i s essay is one of m i ne, descr i b­

i n g one of the m ajor as pects of my witche ry. The power i n
this thread i s one that s h atters the lin ks i n the c h a i n s that
bind the mind of the oppressor, m uch to the chagrin of
the opp resso r. H owever, the jou rney to u ndersta n d in g and
i ntegrati ng the ways of magic (espec i a l ly t h i s k i n d ) is a
s l ow, i nte nse, pe rso nal, and p rofo u n d one. I f a witch (or
a ny other type of mag ic-worke r) is to be healthy, solid, a n d
sa ne, the u n folding o f their magical wisdom a n d potency
m u st be i ncrementa l a n d p refera bly with i n the g u i d a nce
a n d tutelage of a m o re seaso ned witch . Th is need is ex­
ceedi ngly u ndersco red a n d i ntens i fied when rega rd i ng a
Queer witch, given the i ntens ity of the awa ken ing of two
fi re-streams of power: Q ueerness a n d W itchery.
 '
'

The br i l l i a nt fo rce of bei ng Queer i ntens ifies the magical

fi re by h u nd reds of degrees - melting the l ife pu lse s u r­
ro u n d i ng o r con fi ni ng it. The m agi cal i n structio n a n d gu id­
a nce ca n o n ly take u s to the gate. We m u st c hoose to wa l k
i n . For i nstance, I was tau ght and i n iti ated by h igh ly­
s k i ll ed , wi se, powerfu l , and wo nderful teachers. Albeit thei r
tale nts, m y m entors could o n ly reveal, i n s p i re, a n d d i rect
my effo rts. I had to ta ke it upon myself to i ntegrate the
s k i l l s withi n me a nd , m o re i m porta ntly, for me. I had to
fi n d the potency - the ways I ta p and work through the
vessel of my own i n ner bei ng. Th i s is where the concept of
h a rd work, t i l l i ng, i n ner-weed i n g, a n d cu ltivati o n of s p i rit,
mind, and body co m e to l ight. Let's face it, m agi c is not
fo r the fa i nt of h e a rt.

To those strivi ng, we m u st fi rst go deep i nto o u rselves to

hear the voice of o u r cons train ts; the fals e identities, the
s h adow- i m ages and face o u r fea rs - fi n d the i r m ea n i ng.
Somet i m es, we m u st even resolve o u r l ies and j udgments.
Then, we ta p i nto the p u l se that pus hed each of these fro m
the i nvi s i ble rea lms i nto o u r phys ical forms. T h i s a ls o re­
q u i res the u n bi n d i ng from those fa lsehoods we've ba sed
o n what was pas sed to u s , req u i red of u s , or permitted to
u s . We m u st fi n d o u r own i n ne r pu lse, d raw o u t its power,
a n d do so without setti ng a l l the fa m i l ia r structures of o u r
pers o n al ity, o u r exte rnal p recepts , and o u r relatio n s h i ps
o n fi re. Doi n g this work w i l l lead u s , and perhaps those we
love, to j u m p o u t of the metap h o rical ' b u rn i n g build i ng' of
o u r fa m i l ia r, safe zones a nd i nto the fi res that fo rge s p i r­
itu a l tra nsfo r m ation. M agical work s h o u l d come with
warni ng la bel s. Q ueer m agic shou ld come with a psyc h i c
fi re-exti nguis he r for ou rselves a n d a fi re-escape fo r those
close to us who do not u nderstand o u r ways or who live i n
high ly fl a m m a b l e self-s h a pes.

"The sorcerous tide" i s my refere nce to the jou rney th at,

theorize, is about beco ming a fo rce of l iving- m agic where
the worker moves through th ree non l i near phases: ( 1 )
studyi ng the magic (2) practici ng the magic a nd (3)
beco m i n g the magic. I n th is jou rney, a perso n a l defin ition
of magic arr ives as a conden sed c a p s u l e of wisdom.
Operationa l ly, my defi n ition i s "magic is about inner change
and outer results, leveraging the invisible to the visible and the
visible to the invisible; and, it is the art of conscious creation."

It see m s that the mysterious wo r k i n gs of magic w i l l mi­

grate, morph a n d adapt as needed a n d/or s u m moned. It
seems that this M ystical force, and the a rt of shaping its
expressions, is m ost a p p a rent a n d i m porta nt d u r i n g times
of need, when society's fu nd amentals a re l a c k i ng and op­
pres s i o n i s ram pant. I ndivid u a l s a re ofte n d rawn to magic
when we a re ti red of be i n g d a m pened, d i m med, or di m i n­
i s hed . When we a re e m otion a l l y i m poveri shed and s p i ri­
tu a l ly e n s l aved o u r i n herent self-wo rth grows a skeleta l
structure a n d volcanic feroc ity, espec ia lly when freedom,
 '
'

'•

justice, and equ ity a re m ost cha l lenged and re stricted .

I nh e rent worth of the e n d u ri n g h u m a n experience i s ex­

p res sed i n the a b i l ity to endow power to those feeli ng
powerless, hope to those feel in g hopeless, and p ros perity
to those l iv i ng i n poverty. To decrease i n herent s ho rt­
co m i ngs a n d i ncrease wel l being. At a l l levels, a wo r ke r of
m agic should a i m at the la rger pictu re of red uc i ng the
p resence and power of egregi o u s i n equ ity. E m a n c i p atin g
power, b a l a n c i n g the scales a n d forging the way fo r some­
thing new l i ke Baya rd Rust i n orga n iz i ng beh i nd the scenes
to prod uce the h istoric M a rc h on Wa s h ington in 1 9 63-

The Soul's Closet

As a Seer, i t i s often my ta s k to a n a lyze beyond the s i m ­

p l i stic p hys ical ap peara nce because the p hys ical rea l ity is
the 'wa ke of a s h i p.' The real power a nd i n herent p u rpose
l ies wit h i n rea l ity's ' u nderbel ly' and it's 'fou ndations ' - o u t
o f w h i c h comes form co mes. I n m a ny ways, physical form
is the �P-i rit i n d rag. However, S p i rit is vita l , m agical, a n d
origi n a l conscious ness that pu lses wherever the mystic
fo rce wi lls o r i magines itself M agic is the co nsciously cre­
ated , destroyed, and reform atted self state. M eta phorical ly,
S p i ri t would be the performer i n s ide l i fe's d rag as it ex­
p resses itsel� for m s patte r n s , and flows accord i ngly. The
performer's stage-adherence represents the v ita l star- p u l se
of i n s p i ration and sta r-fl a re (si m i l a r to s o l a r fl a res) . It i s
o n ly the greatest of a rti sts that engage i n explori n g their
own creativity th rough their a rt. I t i s an i nvestigative scien­
tist a n a lyzi ng themself. I t is an ath lete fi nding the ranges
of poss i b i l ity by p u s h i ng thei r body to its l i m its. I t is a
love-pos ses sed ro m a ntic extendi ng their p r ivate i n nermost
core. Wooed out of conte m p l ative lonel i ness i nto the
orgas mic e m brace of the ej acu lation of galaxies' fo rce. It is
a p reverbal lotus flower w ith its i n n u m era ble peta ls ever
fl oweri ng, each petal d rawing out a n other one while never
fixating on fi n a l ity o r a s i ngle fo rm of exp res s i o n . O n e
thi ng re m a i ns con s istent - never rest and never co nform
to a preconceived notion of a fi n a l shape. Rather, be more
l i ke a r iver fl owi ng from a vast strea m : ca rvi ng out yo u r
own landscapes a n d ecosyste m s befo re experiencing
d issolution i nto a greater ocea n ic body.

This constant flow of consciousness is whe re power lies i n

Queerness. To q uote a dear friend a nd revered W itch­
Queen, the l ate Lady Ci rce, " n ever s ac rifice you r s o u l on
the altar of m ed iocr ity." The m u nd a n e nature of a n t i­
q u ated , i n a ccu rate, over-ge neral ized , c reativity-I i m iti ng,
and i nd ivid u a li ty-stifl i ng bel iefs, fears, social phob i as,
myths and th ei r corres ponding re l i gious a n d soci a l con­
structs strangle i ndividual ity. The s a m e i nd ivid u a l ity that i s
the p u l s i ng power o f divers ity, a rtistry, a n d i nventi o n that
m a kes us h u m a n s .

The Source lim ited itself to a lowly creat u re a n d cal led

 '
'

itself h u m a n so it cou l d s p read the color-fi l led p l u m age of

its beauty a n d ta ke u s on fl ights to new levels of power.
This begs the q u estion, "Why else wo uld it im bed us with
a histo ry of fo rgetti ng th at we a re d iv i ne a nd one with the
Sou rce, rather th a n to a l low itself to d i scover its sen s u a l
cu rves a nd conto u rs ? " The S o u rce accom p l i s hed t h i s by
looking t h rough each of us as windows and mi rrors of its
own exp ressed d ivine d ivers ity. We a re its kaleidoscope of
c reative vita l ity a nd the m a ny ways it co u ld love the fu l l ex­
tent of its being. The hi story of forgetting i s a type of s leep.
Pa rts of the Sou rce m u st s leep so it can d ream of higher
heights a nd awa ken to new s u nrises with i n its eternal u n­
fo l d m ent. Q u eer people a re the exq u i site ex p ressi on of the
co lor-fil led fi l a m e nts of love, the vital sens u a l ity of p u l s i ng
l ife fo rce with i n each of u s .

Loo k heavenward a nd c l a i m t h e pride a n d bea uty that p ro­

d uced yo u r presence here. Quee rdom was born by the
spi rit of i n s p i ration, not one of des peratio n . You and I a re
m ed i ators of the rai n bow-colo red sta r-pulse. This i s the
powerfu l sta r-fi re that i n s pi res h u m a nity to b re a k out of its
sou l-cage of contrived gender, sexual , and love expres­
s i ons and release the new, the stra nge, the i n n ovative, the
odd, a nd the q ueer exp ressions fro m withi n .

Webster's D icti o n a ry gives us some fasci nati n g i n sights

when we look at the defin ition of the tra ns i tive verb " i n­
spire," to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural
ins12.iration:. to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting
influence on; to spur im12el, motivate,_plf§ct,� to breathe or
blow into or upon: to infuse (as life) by breathing; to commu­
nicate to an agent supernaturally: to draw forth or bring out.

I particu l a rly love the part of the defi n ition "to d raw fo rth
or bring out." As forces of i n s pi ration, we b r i n g h u m a n
consciousness out of the so u l-cage or, one co uld even
say, a closet. The Q ueer-Fire is a n a n i m ati ng, igniti ng, and
i l l u m i n ati ng vital potency that has e ru pted from the plas­
m atic action of l ife that con t i n u o u s l y bi rths the arriving
Earth. This m u lti-co lo red fl a m e pu lses its way fro m an­
c i e nt h i sto ry t h rough a vivac ity that ca n not be strangled,
bou nd, tri m m ed , s i lenced , or d i min ished. The i nvitation
fro m our co-exi stent co-creators that h ave shepherded
d ivers ity for mi l l ions of yea rs is to acknowledge that we a re
not a lone. A l l of nature reveals the con sta nt u n folding of
d ivers ity, the u n sto ppa ble, i ncorri gible R a i n bow Fla m e .
Let's face it, nature i s Queer. Look at the a rray o f color
a mong the fl owers, the p l u m age a m ong birds, the banq uet
of bea uty i n the varian ces a n d colors of stones, a n d the
m u lti-fabric texture of the la ndscape of natu re. A l l of this
co n fi r m s , reaffi rms, a n d feeds u s . Life is a rt waiti ng to
h a p pen . We h ave vast powers that wa l k with u s . As my
S p i r it-Wife B ri g h revea led when I was teac h i ng i n a n a n ­
c i e nt und e rwo rld sto ne c ha m ber i n Cornwa l l , "You never
walk alone. I never walk alone. We never walk alone."
 '
'

'•

The River of Blood and Planetary Destiny

All p l a netary l i fe a rrived h ere o n a star- p u l se, o r a s i t i s

ca l led i n Faery Seership, "the R iver of Stars." Th i s stream
a n d its p u l s i n g nature material ized i nto the bea utifu l green
and b l u e orb of heaven we call Earth. A l l l i fe-forms, i n c l ud­
ing o u rselves , arise out of this pu lse and the conti n u a l
i nterplay with the othe r celesti a l bodies (such a s the s u n ,
the other p l a nets, sta r pu lses, a nd moo n ) , which we see a n
i l l u stration of i n the system of i m pri nt-tra n s l a ti on often re­
ferred to as astro logy. The concept of " rivers" i n fo l klo ric
m etaphor i s a rich way of engag i ng the constant strea m ing
tides of I ife, ever-a rriv i n g a nd ever-departing. Hu man ity is
a ca p i l l a ry and con tri b u tes to th i s p u l s i n g steam a s we
each a re extensions of the River of B lood (genetics) th a t
exte nds fro m the R iver o f E a rth-Light ( l ife-force) . Th is, i n
tu rn, extended fro m the River of Sta rs. I n the i n n er wo rlds,
I h ave seen these thresholds cha nge from one strata to a n ­
other i n the great strea m . A r i s i n g from t h i s stream a re
forces that do not let anyth i n g dock o r stay a long the
b a n ks for long.

The Q ueer s p i rit a nd the fo rces it em bodi es a re M agic's

way of u ndocki n g us. Then it p roceed s by p u s h i n g u s back
i nto the true n ature of thi ngs - fl u id and p u l s i ng - es pe­
c i a l ly i n terms of the D i v i ne be i n g cal led h u m a n . We a re,
essen tial ly, the Divine's i n n ate s h a pe-shifti ng creativity
mecha n i s m that does not celeb rate the proverbial closed
peacock ta i l , but p refers the s p read i n g array of colo rfu l ex­
pres s io n . I n every Queer-person i s a so rcerer, but it is
those born with witch-blood o r li neage that m u st heed the
ca l l to decide to become a sorcerer. Please note, that the
lore is clea r, "the witch-blood is not s pecific race con­
nected fo r it i s i n a l l of the eth n i c stre a m s of h u m a n ity."
We a re, as I previously stated i n my rather i n-you r-face
statement to the fu n d a m e nta l i st right winge rs that at­
tem pted to d i m i n i s h my wort, the eggshel l i n the omelet.

Queerness is a n as pect of the fi re of l ife, the Queer-fire.

The fla m e of m a ny colo rs (do yo u h e a r D o l ly Pa rto n
s i ngi ng that as I do?) d a n ces t h rough its own spectr u m ,
beco m i n g what t h e l ife with i n it des i res. I f h u m a n ity i s to
become d ivine p resence, ou r jou rney m u st come out of
co nfl ict with the des i re to m a ke I ife p red icta ble by m a ki n g
boxes o f o u r own design and then s u perim pose that i t i s
ord a i ned b y nature o f G o d . These contrived a n d u n-natural
boxes a re what the Seer c a l led "the sou l-cage." Ta l k about
a buzz-ki l l e r for God's enth u s i astic creativity. As humanity
obeys the expressive spiritual fire in its center, it will be­

come a fluid neuro-elastic creatrix machine that com­

munes comfortably in a co-creative eco-life called Earth.

N atu re wants i n n ovatio n , creativity, a n d wanderlust from

u s . N atu re req u i res fo r us to co-create, co m m u ne, co l l a b­
orate, a n d coexist: a l l with the i m porta n ce prefix of 'Co-,'
mea n i ng "together." No d i m m ed-down , d u l l vers ions of
 '
'

the origi n a l masterpi ece. I a m p roud to be one of those

that a re a pu sh-off-fo rce. Fo r you a nd I who a re q u eer, we
have taken on the u p per echelon of fl u id ity i n co nscious­
ness. We serve a s the force that is b rea k i n g down the ba rs
of the s u ffocati n g 'sou l-cage' of conform ity - b a rs m ade
fro m rigid soc i a l roles, stifled d re a m s , and locked with de­
s p a i r. O u r collective fi res ign ite an a rray of expressions.
O u r sex u a l ity, gende r, identity, a n d sex u a l expression sh at­
ters the a ntiq u ated, solips i stic forms of how we were
tra i ned to convey love, bon d i n g, re l ation s, ge nder identity,
a n d m o re. S i nce thi s h a s h i sto rically been tied to social
a n d eco n o m i c control, p rocreation - even " G odliness" - is
a h i gh freq uency cha nge-agent. Look at us - we o n the
fri nges have ta ke n this d uty on rega rd less of the chal­
lenges, threats to our we l l be ing, soc i a l rep r i m ands , c u l­
tural sa n ction s , and fa m i ly a bandonment p a i n s . We con­
ti n u e to obey the pu lse of "fabu los i ty," diversity, creativity,
a n d u n pred i cta b i l ity. I n m a ny ways, that i s at the h e a rt of
what it means to be h u m a n . We demonstrate that we a re
not h u m a n s-bei ng, but rather we a re h u m a n s becoming.

Sacred Permission and Igniting Magic

We give sacred permis s i o n by o u r libe rat i ng presence, to

become a u ni q ue, fl uidi c, expansive, and outrageo us flow­
e r i n the garden of l i fe. We m u st become who and what we
a re powerfu lly, beauti fu l ly, a nd u ni q uely. I n d o i n g so, oth­
e rs will be i n spi red a n d g iven permi s s i o n to b reak out of
their cocoon so they may beco me their own butterfly. Th is
exalts the h u m a n spirit and tru ly honors the Godt God­
dess, and S p i rit-Sou rce that m ade us. We a re the presence
of the Quee r- F i re that g ives the permi ssion to h u m a n- k i n d
to exp lore the i nte rior la ndscape a nd u nearth t h e i n s pi­
ration at o u r centers. Th is ra i n bow-colored tl a m e is u n ­
stoppa ble. The sacred permi ssion we give t o the world is a
holy m a gic, a heal ing spell cast u po n the world that gives
wi ngs to the h u m a n spirit so we may fl y h i gh a nd exalt, re­
fi ne, a n d beco me the l iving a rt we a re meant to be. To be­
co me a nyth i ng less is a s u rrender to the real devil t birthed
by m a n 's bel ief that he can not trust h is des i res, which a re
fueled by h i s central l i fe-force pulse withi n . I leave you
with these thoughts:

You were born to bear pain and the truth of your spirit, and

imprint it onto the canvases of form, not to be trapped in

another's painting. In doing so, you give praise, honor, and

true service to God, Goddess, All that Is as the supreme

Artist. The Queer community is the awakened, uninhibited

paint brush in the hand of life dipping into colors too bright

for the dim, too sparkly for the demure, and too daring for

the complacent residents of the soul-cage .

Ignite, and Awaken Unto Life. . . and Remember your Power.

One flame unfurls its seven-fold rays.

Searing the nights - brightening the days.

 '
'

The witch one, the queer one, the unfolding fan.

Awakening the rainbow in woman and man!

 For Thou Art Goddess: Creating
Affirmative Goddess Community

BY SUSAN HARPER, P H O

I w i l l never forget the fi rst time I saw and fu lly understood

the p h rase "womyn born wo myn o n ly" attached to a God­
dess S p i ri t u a l ity event. I was i n my early 30s and had been
p racti c i n g Fem i n ist Goddess S p i r itu a l ity - what h a d been
eu phem istic a l ly cal led "Wo m e n 's S p i ritual ity" througho ut
the 1 9 7os and 1 98os - for m ore than a decade. I n that
ti me, I 'd spent cou ntless h o u rs i n ci rcles of Goddess
wo men, recl a i m i ng our bod ies, o rga niz i ng fo r soc i al jus­
tice, and co m m u n ing with, i n the words of Patricia Lyn n
Rei l ly, " a God who look[ed] l i ke [u s]." G oddess S p i ritual ity
had been fo r me, as it was fo r so m a ny of my ci rcle- s isters,
a refuge fro m abu se, from patria rchy, and fro m rel igious ly
backed m i sogyny as wel l as a s ite of persona l a nd political
transformation. The ritu a l s we d id , the m agick we m ade,
the spells we wove, and the re lationsh i ps we b u i lt were a l l
part of a larger s h i ft we ho ped to b ri ng a bo u t i n both o u r
personal a n d the global con s c i o u s ness, a reawa kening of
the Fem i n i n e Divi ne that m ight help to fu n d a m e nta l ly
cha nge the world as we k new it. Women-o n ly sp aces were
a key part of what we ho ped to create - s p aces that r a n by
d ifferent ru les, where the m a l e gaze was not the defa u lt,
where women a n d wo m en 's power and creativity were
 '
'

what ru led the d ay. And wh i l e I was a generation you nger

than m a ny of the Witches a n d Priestesses and G oddess
wo men I c i rcled with, and thus too you n g to have experi­
enced the heyday of "Wo m e n 's C u l t u re" in the 1 970s,
there was sti l l m uch i n these wo men-only s p aces that fed
my heart a n d my s p i rit.

Loo k i n g back now, fro m the va ntage p o i n t of 2 5 years, over

a decade of gra d u ate study i n gen der and rel igion, a n d
exte ns ive study i n fe m i n i s m , I c a n see my own n a ivete a nd
that of my sisters. We never q uestio ned why our c i rcles
were ove rwhe l m i ngly, if not entirely, Wh ite. We never
q u estioned the adoption - read " a p p rop riation" - of Na­
tive American a n d African p ractices, sym bo ls, a n d deities .
We never q uestioned the class privi lege that al lowed so
m any of us to p u rch ase expens ive ritual tools or attend
wee kend long events . We never q u estioned that we knew
what it meant to be a wom a n , what a "women-o n ly sp ace"
enta i led. We never q uestioned who m ight be excl uded
when we tal ked about the global sisterhood of wo men uni­
fied by a set of b io logica l p rocesses.

M a ny of us neve r realized who "wo myn born womyn" was

leavin g out.

It is i n some ways tem pti ng to m a ke the easy excuse that

we d id n ' t t h i n k a bout who we were excluding fro m our s is­
terhood because we were speaking i n , and be i n g s poken to
i n , the l a ngu age of Second Wave fe m i n i s m - a fem i n is m
wh ich was a n d i s rooted deeply i n the gender b i n a ry, a n d
even m o re s o when we're ta l k i n g a b o u t t h e Radical Fem i­
n i s m which u nderpins so m uch of Wo men's/Goddess
S p i ritual ity. This l a ngu age d id n 't ta l k about the i n c l u s ion
of people whose gender doesn't fit with i n the easy gender/
sex b i n a ry bec a u se, as fa r as those writers were concerned,
there were no s u c h people - or, if there were, they repre­
se nted pathological deviations from the n o r m . M a ny of us
had never met, to our knowledge, a trans or no n b i na ry per­
son. O u r wo rld, i n c l u d i n g o u r s p i ri t u a l wo rld, was neatly
d ivided i nto the d isti n ct catego ries of wo men a nd men,
and that m ade it easy to know who was a l lowed i n and
who wasn 't.

It was o n ly after meet i n g my fi rst tra ns (and later, n o n bi­

na ry) friends that I began to q uestion these neat cate­
gories. O nce I began to h ave close a nd mea n ingfu l re la­
tio n s h i p s with tra ns wo men, I rea l ized that they were bei n g
excl u ded fro m the G oddes s-centered spaces i n wh ich I
had found so m uc h em powerme nt, hea l i ng, and co m m u­
n i ty. I t was then that I fi na l ly started to ask those h a rd
q u estions. N ow, after nearly 20 years of education i n an­
thropol ogy a nd Wo men 's a n d Gender Stud ies, it's easy to
see how na'lve a b i n a ry u n derstand in g of gende r is - even
though it's the u ndersta n d i n g that pervades Western soc i ­
ety.
 '
'

A rehash i n g of the a rgum ents for and aga i n st the i nclusion

of tra ns a n d n o n b i n a ry people in Goddess-centered spa­
ces is beyond the scope of this essay, and is, i n my opin ­
i o n , fu ndamenta l ly u n neces sa ry. The Goddess Craft that I
practice i s inten d ed to be i nherently a ffi r m i ng of a l l i n d i­
v i d u a l s , a n d as s u c h I co m e fro m the n on-negotiable
stand poin t that tran s wo men a re wo men, tra ns men a re
men, and non b i na ry people a re n on bi n a ry. A l l genders and
gender exp res sions a re worthy of a ffi r m ati o n , respect, and
honor. Those who a re i n terested in the a rgu ments for the
exc l u s i o n of a l l b u t c i sgender wo m e n from Goddess S p i ri­
tu a l ity s paces a re encou raged to seek those out, read
them, a nd consider th e m . H owever, this essay is con­
cerned not with a rgu i n g for the i nc l u s i o n of tra ns a n d
no n b i n a ry peo ple wit h i n Goddess S pi ritu a l ity spaces, but
with the how of c reating sp aces that a re not s i m p ly i n c lu ­
s ive of tra ns a n d no n b i na ry identities, but w h ic h a re explic-
itly affirming of those identities.

A Note on Author Positionality

I base this essay on my own experience a s a c isgender, o r

c i s , fac i l itator of Goddess s p i ritual ity s paces, with a l most
two decades of experie nce. I also d raw on my experience
as an academ ic whose schola rly wo r k focuses on the i n te r­
section of gen der, sex u a l ity, and rel igious identity, c h i efly
with i n Goddess S p i ritual ity and N eoPagan s p aces. That
s a id , I feel it's v ita l that I recognize my own soci a l location
as a c isgend er, e n a bled, b isexua l, Wh ite wom a n i n d o i n g
this work. I c o m e to my wo r k both i n Goddess S p i ritual ity
and i n c reating this essay aware of the fact of my c isgender
privi lege, and encou rage readers to seek out tra nsgender
and non bi n a ry voices on this to pic rather than ta k i ng my
as sertions and reco m mendations as some sort of fi n a l
truth . I write from the pers pective of a cis gender ritual s pe­
c i a l ist, speaking chiefly to other c i sge nder ritual spec i a lists
- a nd as such, rea l ize that my recom me ndations a n d
u ndersta nd i ng o f the iss ues i nvolved i n creati ng tra ns and
no n b i n a ry a ffi r m i n g Goddess S p i ri t u a l ity sp aces is neces­
s a r i ly i ncom p lete.

Affirmation vs. Inclusion

I have i nte ntion a l l y c hosen to focus both my work i n G od­

dess S p i ri tu a l ity sp aces a nd i n th i s essay on affirmation
rather t h a n inclusion becau se, fol lowing Lasara F i refox
Allen i n Jailbreaking the Goddess, I bel ieve that i nclusion
s i m ply does not go far enough. Al le n as serts that i nc l u s i o n
i nvolves i nviting peo ple to s paces that a re a l ready c reated ,
and enco u raging them to fi nd a p l ace with i n a n a l ready
existing structu re. While i nc l u s i o n can be a vital step to­
wards open ing sp aces to those who h ave been m a rg i nal­
ized, I agree with Al len that it u ltimately can not cata lyze
the tra n sfo r m ation we wish to see. Rather, I conte n d ,
a long with Allen, t h a t we m u st becom e co-con s p i rators
rather than a l lies, and seek to co-create sp aces that are
 '
'

rad ic a lly d iffe rent and tra ns form ative.

As such, I h ave chosen to focus on c reat i n g spaces that

a re affi rming. Affi rmi ng spaces do more than j u st say "You
ca n fi n d a space here where you a re welcome." I n stead ,
they a re actively co-created sp aces that recogn ize, honor,
a n d actively celeb rate a l l identities and i ntersections. The
real ity of these identities , of these l ives, of these experi­
e n ces , is i n t i m ate ly woven i nto the very fa bric of the space,
the ritual fo r m at, and the magick and ritual performed.
M ost i m portantly, a ffi r m i n g spaces a re co-created with the
people they seek to a ffi r m .

Through my own experience as a faci litato r, and th rough

con scious co n s u ltation and deep l iste n i ng to the tra ns and
no n b i n a ry peo ple i n my l ife, I h ave assem b led a too l kit of
Affi r m i ng Best Practices which I s h a re in the rem aind er of
this ess ay. I i nvite other ritu a l fac i l itators to borrow freely
fro m these p ractices a nd ap ply them to th eir ritu a l s paces,
to bu i ld upon them, s h a re what yo u h ave b u i lt with others,
a n d to leave beh i n d those p ractices which do not benefit
your com m u n ities.

Listen Deeply

Whereas i n c l u s ive spaces a re often created by those with

privi lege and then opened up to the m a rg i n a l ized, affi rm­
i n g s paces necessa r i ly m u st be co-c reated i n con s u ltation
with the people they a re be i n g des igned to a ffi r m . There is
no o ne-s ize-fits a l l approach that wi l l affirm every tra ns or
n o n b i n a ry perso n who m ay come to you r ritu a l space, of
co u rse - people a re co m plex, mes sy, beautifu l i nter­
sect i o n s of identities a nd experiences, wh ich i s part of
what m a kes us m agick! As such, I encou rage cisgender rit­
u a l fac i l itators who seek to create a ffi r m i ng spaces to con­
s u l t tra n s a n d n o n b i n a ry people i n their spi ritual co m m u­
n ities, to read wide ly what tra n s a nd n o n b i n a ry practi­
tioners a re s ayi ng about what constitutes a ffi rm i n g s pi r­
itu a l co m m u n ity, a nd to reflect critica l ly on the t h i n gs they
themselves take as given (dare I say "gospel truth ") i n
their spaces a n d trad itions.

With the notable exception of expl icitly tra n s-exclus i o n a ry

rad i ca l fe m i n i st (aka "TE R F") spaces, most of the God­
dess Spiritua l ity a nd N e o Paga n spaces I have been i n are
not overtly tra n s phobic or exc l u s io n a ry of tran s a n d n o n b i­
n a ry people. I n fact, m a ny of these spaces state expl icitly
that they welcom e people of a l l genders a nd sexualities,
a nd m ay even i nclude spaces s u ch as a " R a i n bow Camp,"
or m ay featu re ritu als a n d workshops add res sing and cele­
brati n g gen der d ivers i ty. I t m u s t be s a id, though, that most
spaces I have been i n do a co n s idera bly better job of a f­
fi r m i ng gay, les b i a n , a n d bi sexu al/pa n sexu a l identities
t h a n tra ns a nd nonb i n a ry identities . W h i le tra n s a n d
n o n b i n a ry fol ks can a l so be gay, les b i a n , a nd bi sexu al/
pa nsexual, o n the whole the s paces I h ave been i n a re still
 '
'

o n a steep lea rn i ng cu rve when i t comes to a ffi rm i n g trans

a nd n o n bi n a ry identities even when they a re q u ite progres­
s ive in creatin g affirm i n g s paces for gay, les b i a n , a nd
b i sexual fol ks. Some spaces, such as Pagan Spirit G ath­
ering 2017, h ave m ade great strides i n i nc l u s io n and a ffi r­
m a tion, and m ay provide m odels movi n g forward.

Wh i l e overt tra nsph o b i a or trans exc l u s i o n is ra re - though

not u n heard of, pa rtic u l a rly i n m o re stridently Second
Wave G oddess s piritual ity spaces - there is often s u btle
tra nsph o b i a or tra n s exclusionary rhetoric a n d practice
that goes on i n eve n the most wel l-m eani n g s pace, espe­
c i a l ly i n spaces where Wicca i s the template for practice or
where there i s a focus o n the m a l e-fe m a le gender b i n a ry as
the template for h u m a n relationships. The s a m e is true of
Goddess Spi ritual ity spaces wh ich a re pred icated on Rad­
ical Fem i n ist rheto rics a bout N atu re and the em bod ied
experie nce - even those spaces which are open to tra ns
wo men and n o n b i n a ry fem mes m ay s t i l l fall back on lan­
gu age about the wom b as the sou rce of power, o n "wom­
e n 's natural i ncli n ati o n s," and so fo rth . Even when this
l a n gu age i s tweaked to i n clude those who fa l l outside the
b i na ry, who m ay have been assigned a sex other than fe­
male at b i rth, or who do not h ave a u terus, this l a ngu age
becomes the defa u l t l i t u rgica l vern a c u l a r, u nquestioned
even by those who wo u l d a bsolutely stan d u p aga in s t
overtly exc l u s ionary l a ngu age. I t's covertness or
u n i ntent i o n al ity does n ot a mel i orate the h u rt that such lan­
gu age causes tra ns a n d n o n b i n a ry people when they a re i n
a ritu a l space where i t i s used .

I a d m i t that I d id n 't th i n k a bout th i s piece when I sta rted

creat i n g my Full M oo n Circle wh ich was, a t th e outset,
i ncl u s ive but not yet a ffi r m i ng, though I d id n't k now that a t
t h e t i m e. I t was n't u nti l I spo ke with severa l tra ns a n d
n o n b i n a ry practitio ners within m y i m med i ate c i rcle t h a t I
rea l ized that even with the twe a ks I m ade to the l angu age -
talking about " womb space" or m a k i ng i t clear that one
need not be born with a u terus to be a wo m a n - I was still
creat i n g a space that was not a ffi rm i n g of th ese people's
l ived experie nces. I a m glad that these i n d ivid u a l s felt both
safe enough to atten d my n asce nt i nclus ive ci rcle, a nd
em powered enough to come speak to m e about what they
felt wasn't worki ng. I am gratefu l that they were h o nest
with me, so that I could get o n with the b u s i ness of cre­
ating what I set out to create - and that they h ave con­
tin ued to co-co nspi re a n d co-create it with me.

Best Practices for Creating and Facilitating Affirming Spa-

ces

Based on my own deep l isten i n g to tran s a n d n o n b i n a ry

practitioners i n my co m m u n i ty, what fo l lows a re some
practices, tec h n iq u es, and strategi es I 've appl ied to my
own Goddess Spiritual ity s paces to take them i n the
 '
'

d i recti o n of affi rmati o n . The fi rst "best practice" that I

recom mend , and the one that does more to m ove you r
space from i n c l u s ive to a ffi r m i n g than a nyth i n g e l se, i s l is­
teni n g, a nd m o reover, listening deeply. Fo ll owi ng Wom e n 's
a nd Gender Stud i es sch o l a r Ana Loui se Keati ng i n Teaching
Transformation, I defi ne deep listening a s the practice of lis­
ten i ng with vulnera b i l ity, ope n ness, flex i b i l ity, and aware­
ness of each pe rson's u n i q ue, specific, and intricate his ­
tory a nd l ived experience. M oreover, deep l isten i ng re­
q u i res l i ste n i n g to understand rather than l i ste n i ng to
respond. When we li sten deeply, we a re req u i red to put
a s ide our need to tel l o u r own story or to cou nter what we
a re heari n g, a n d i nstead we put ou rse lves i n the tra n sfor­
m ational space of s im ply be i n g present. Liste n i ng deeply
ca n be chall e nging, but being wi l l i n g to l i sten deeply to the
tra ns a nd n o n b i n a ry people with i n yo u r c i rcles a nd
co m m u n ities i s vital to the creati o n of a ffi r m i ng s paces.

The caveat that I w i l l give is that it i s, of course, never the

job of m a rg i n a li zed people to educate those with m ore
privi lege. Deep l isten i n g i n this case does n ot mea n a s kin g
(dem a nd i ng) that every tra ns or n o n b i n a ry person you en­
cou nter engage i n this conversation with you . Rather, I en­
cou rage cis ritual facilitators a nd co m m u n ity leaders to in ­
vite tra n s a nd n o n b i na ry fol ks w ith i n yo u r im med i ate
co m m u n ity, o r with i n the c i rcles of those you tru st, to
have this convers ation with you. Before you have these
co nversatio n s , I fu rther e ncou rage yo u to educate yo urself
on tra n s a n d n o n b i n a ry i d entities so that the focus of you r
d iscussions i n co m m u n ity c a n be what constitutes affirm­
i n g spirit u a l spaces, n ot Tra n s a nd N o n b i n a ry 101. Seek
out writings, podcasts, a n d other m ateri a l s by tra n s a n d
n o n b i n a ry practitioners as wel l - there is a wealth o f such
m ater i a l o n l i ne which has proven u sefu l to me i n my own
growth as a faci l itato r i n this area.

Deep l i sten i ng ca n not be a s i ngle co nversation or a o ne­

time th i ng . I t m u s t be o ngoi n g, with the rea l izatio n that as
c isgender faci l itators we w i l l never be a b le to k now a l l
there is to k now, a nd that we w i l l a lways see thi ngs
through the filter of our c isgender privilege i n o ne way or
a nother. Cu ltivate a n enviro n m en t where practitio ners i n
your ritu a l s paces can a pproach you with feed back about
wh at you a re doing wel l and what you co uld be d o i ng d i f­
ferently to create affirm i n g s paces. M o st i m portantly, be
open to that feedback. Remember that yo ur goa l is n ot to
have yo ur ego stro ked , but to create the ritual space that
affirms a n d e m powers the greatest variety of people!

Choose Deliberate Language

When I fi rst started faci l itating my Full M o o n C i rcle i n

2015, I knew from the outset that I wa n ted it t o be open to
both c isgender a n d transgender wo men. Th is was n 't even
a question fo r me. I t was a n easy choice, as I created that
 '
'

fi rst Facebook eve nt, to title the event "Women's Fu l l

Moon C i rcle" a nd then i ncl uded in t h e description 'Th is
event is open to a l l women, whether c isgender or tra ns­
gender." I felt that this description conveyed the i ntent of
the c i rcle: to be a space for women to gather and celebrate
co m m u n ity. I had noticed i n looking at adverti sem e nts for
wo men 's ritu als i n my city that none of them i ncl uded lan­
guage stating expl icitly that tra n s wo men were we lcome,
a nd the few fac i l itators I conta cted to ask said they either
had not con s idered the iss ue, or that thei r ritu a l s were
open to "womyn born womyn " (that d readed ph rase) o n ly.
I a lso knew fro m tra n s friends of m i ne that they were u n­
easy go i n g in to a nyth i n g advertised a s "wome n 's space" if
there was n ot an expl icit statement of i nc l u s i o n , for fea r of
e ncou n te r i n g T E R F sentiment or wo rse.

This l a nguage worked wel l fo r me u nti l - a nd I bet you can

see where th i s i s go i ng, Dear Reader - a non bin ary fem m e
friend of m i n e a s ked i f they co uld attend the next Fu ll
M oo n . M y fi rst i nstinct was j u st to res pond, "Of co u rse!"
a nd leave it at that. I n stead , I chose to a s k my friend why
they m ight th i n k they were not welcome. "We l l , I ' m not a
wo m a n . I m e a n , I was ass igned fem a l e at b i rth a nd h ave
experienced wom e n 's oppression, so I feel very comfort­
a b le i n wo m e n 's spaces, but I j u s t was n ' t s u re . . . . "

Lightb u l b moment.
I n con s u ltatio n with severa l non binary people (femmes
a nd non-fem mes), I fi n a l ly a rrived at the b l u r b which ta kes
pro m i ne n t place o n the event page of a nyth i ng I facil itate:
"Th i s eve n t is open to a l l wo men - ci s, tra ns, or othe rwi se
- a nd n o n b i n a ry i nd ividua ls who fi nd their homes i n
wo men- a nd fem me-centric spaces."

Yes, it's c l u n ky to read, especial ly out loud, but it's clear

a nd del i berate. It m a kes clear from the get-go both who is
we lcomed and what the i n tent of the s pace w i l l be. I t
wo rks a n d it's welcom i ng to the broadest a rray of people
w h i l e s t i l l keepi ng the spirit of the space we' re creating i n ­
tact. M i ght that language cha nge aga i n i n t h e fut u re? Abso­
l u tely. Fo r now, however, it co nveys m uch m ore clearly the
type of a ffi r m i ng s pace we a re co-c reating t h a n s i m ply
"women's ci rcle" ever co uld �.

Choos i ng del i berate a n d clear lang uage c a n be work, as

my experience a bove s hows. Especially when we a re work­
i n g i n E ngl i s h , the gender b i n a ry is everywhere. It can be
hard to remem ber to t h i n k beyond that deeply i ngra i ned
b i na ry. And c isgender fo l ks ca n easily fa l l i nto the trap of
th i n k i ng that a ny tra n s or n o n b i na ry person who knows us
knows our heart regard ing inclusion and affi rm a tio n , a n d
t h u s we d o n ' t need t o co me right o u t a n d say it.

We do need to say it, though. We n eed to say it clea rly,

loud ly, a n d often.
 '
'

'•

Choos i n g del i berate, clear, and affirming l a ngu age goes

beyo nd your event i nvite or a n nou n cement, but that's
where i t has to sta rt. A fu rther best practice for those of u s
who either fa c i l itate "wo m e n 's" ritu als or who work within
Fem i ni s t Spi rit u a li ty/Goddess S piritu al i ty i s to avoid the
creative s pel l i n gs so co m m o n to our co m m u n ity: womyn,
wimmen, wombyn, and so forth . W h i le they were not i n ­
tended to do s o when they c a m e i nto usage, they h ave be-
co m e dog whistles fo r tra nsphobia, tra n s exc l u s i o n , and
T E R Fy po l itics wit h i n the Goddess Spiritua l ity, a nd to
some exte nt, the la rger Neo Pagan com m u n i ty.

Perh aps the most challenging and the most i m port a nt

s h i ft for ritu a l facil itators to m a ke - espec i a l ly those of us
who faci l itate ritual spaces centered o n wo men a nd
fem mes - is to change the way we speak i n the m o ment.
S i m ply sh i fti n g fro m b i n a ry ph rasing - "women" - to
b roader l a ngu age - "wo m e n a nd fe m m es" or, a s I often
say, "women, fem mes, and people who walk the world and
a re read a s women" - goes a long way towa rds creating a n
affi rm i ng envi ronment. These s u btle l a nguage s h i fts m ay
feel a l ittle stra nge in yo u r mouth at fi rst, but u l t i m ately
they not o n ly co m m u n icate to tran s and n o n b i na ry fol ks
that they a re welcome and part of the circle, but they al so
esta blish for oth er ci sgender m e m bers of the circle that
the space is i n c l u s ive a nd a ffi r m i ng. I use this la nguage
even if I d o n ' t have a nyo ne i n ci rcle who I know to be tra n s
or nonbinary - i t 1 s now s i m ply a part of o u r l itu rgica l
voca b u l a ry.

O n e of the s u btlest - a n d , I wi l l a d m it, most difficu lt! -

shifts fo r m e to m a ke as a facil itator was to not spea k of
"women's experien ce," "we, as wo me n ," a nd s i m i l a r con­
cepts. Beca use my spaces a re women- and fe m m e-ce ntric,
the focus is often on experie nces co m m o n to women,
fem m es, a nd AFAB people - sexis m , gender discrim­
i n atio n , sexual viole n ce, a n d more. I th i n k i t's i ncred i bly
i m porta n t to ca l l these o u t a n d heal them th rough ritual.
U n ivers a l izing these thi ngs as "women's experie nces " n ot
o n ly erases their i m pact o n people of other gend ers, i t
erases people i n the ritual s pace who a re n ot wom e n b u t
who h ave had these experiences . I n stead o f ta l king a bout
"women's experiences/' I fi nd myself more often u s i ng
l a n gu age that expl icitly n a mes the experiences themselves
- "people who experie nce sexism ," "s u rvivors of sexual
violence," "people who g ive b i rth," ''people who men­
stru ate," a n d so on. I fi n d that these la n gu age sh ifts not
o n ly i nclude a nd affi rm identities beyond cis wo m e n , but
a lso can be a catalyst for magick a n d hea l i n g by n a m i ng
the specific experiences, pos itive a n d negative, that people
are navigating a nd see k i ng to affi rm or hea l . I i m agine my
l a n gu age w i l l conti n ue to s h i ft and evolve, as I l i sten to
people n a m e their own experie nces - m any of the s h i fts I
have m ade are the res u l t of deep l iste n i ng a nd m i rroring
 '
'

people's l a ngu age back to them .

Establish Inclusion and Affirmation as a Norm

Rather than o n ly changing yo u r language and practices

when yo u h ave someone yo u know to be tra n s or n o n bi­
n a ry i n the space, esta b l i s h i ncl u sion and a ffi r m ation as
the norm fo r you r ritua I space or com m u n i ty. This sta rts
with esta b l is h i ng that yo u r event is open to trans a nd
n o n b i n a ry fo l ks, and should be woven i nto the fa bric of
every ritual or eve nt.

The s i m ple practice that I 've i nco rporated i nto my Fu l l

M o o n ci rcles, and o n which I 've gotte n the most pos i ti ve
feed back, is m a k i n g a 11pro n o u n s h a re" part of the sta rt-of­
c i r-cle ritual of i ntrod uctions. At the start of each of the rit­
u a l s I fac i l itate, after the c i rcle is cast, we go around the
c i rcle a nd i ntrod uce o u rselves ( i n good fe m i ni st fa s h i o n ) .
I a lways go fi rst a n d model the way we d o i ntrod uctions,
a nd as pa rt of that I give my n a me, my pronou n s (s he/her/
hers, for the reco rd) , a nd a coupl e facts about me. Even
though m a ny people i n the circle a re a l ready aware of t h i s
i n formation a bout m e , I feel it's i m porta n t fo r m e to m odel
the form and set the expectation that pro n o u n s a) a re not
to be assu med - th ere a re no i n h erently "fem ale" or
"m ale" pro n o u n s , a nd everyon e h a s the ri ght to choose
those pronou n s which best reflect who they a re; b) w i l l be
respected; a nd c) do not fa l l on the b i n a ry. Th i s method
a lso avoids tra n s and n o n b i n a ry fo lks having to s i ngle
themselves out - s i nce everyone is offering their pronouns
as part of the ritu a l protoco l , i t m a kes it a natura l part of
the s pace. What has been most s u rpr i s i n g to me - i n the
best of pos s i ble way - is that even ci sgender wo men who
are not fa m i l ia r with n o n b i n a ry identities or the concept of
d iverse pe rsona l pro no u ns, after perhaps a moment of
pa us e, get o n board with the pronoun share.

O n e i m portant t h i n g a bout u s i ng the pro n o u n s h a re is to

m a ke s u re people know that they can choose to state their
pro n o u n s or not. People m ay at fi rst be hesitant to out
themselves as tra n s or n o n b i n a ry if the rest of the c i rcle
seems to be composed of cis people. W h i l e I m odel the
pro n o u n s h a re by giving my own pro n o u n s , I a l so never
ca l l someone out who does n ' t state theirs. The goa l of the
pro n o u n s h a re i s to esta b l ish the norm that people use
pro n o u n s beyond the b i n a ry, and that those pronouns will
be respected - not to put a nyo ne on the s pot.

Decenter the Concept of uBiology"

Espec i a l ly i n Goddess Spiritual ity spaces or "wo m en's "

spaces , there can be a n over-rel i a nce on the concept of
b iology, most obviously expressed i n the conflation of
" born with a uterus" with "wo m an ." Th is is u nderpin n ed
by the fact that celeb ration of bod i ly cycles a n d events
s u ch as menstruation, ch i ld b i rth , and m enopause are
 '
'

centra l to m uch of fem i n i st spi r itu a l ity writing and ritu a l­

m a ki n g. Wh i le I do th i n k i t i s i m po rta n t to celebrate these
events for people who experie nce them and want them
honored ritu a l ly, I a l so co n tend that we h ave to recognize
that not a l l fol ks who experience these bod i ly events a re
wo men, and n ot a l l wo m e n wi l l experi ence these bod i ly
events. Both cisgender a nd transgender wo men a l i ke m ay
have bod i ly experien ces wh ich differ s h a rply from the
stereotypica l "women's experience." Th i s can be due to ge­
netic factors, m ed i ca l co nd itions, l ife events such a s early
hysterecto my, or cho ices they m a ke a bout their bod i es, i n­
clud i ng choos i n g to be c h i l d free. I t c a n be i ncred i b ly easy
to fa l l i nto language conflating bi ology and gender, given
that it permeates the l iteratu re and l itu rgy, n ot j u s t i n G od­
dess Spirituality but i n Wi cca a nd Wicca-adj acent forms of
N eo Paga n i s m .

We can, a n d I t h i n k we shou ld , still honor bod i ly experi­

e nces i n o u r spiritual s paces, but i n o rder to create affirm­
ing spaces we m u s t not conflate gender with a pa rtic u l a r
bod i ly configuration. A s i s proba b ly beco m i ng obvious,
the way I 've chosen to deal with this i s to use precise l a n­
gu age - i n stead of "women," it's " people with u teruses,"
"pregn a n t people," "people who menstru ate" - when we
d i scuss bod i ly experiences. Some facilitators I h ave s po­
ken with have wondered if they should remove a l l refer­
e nces to uteruses, m en struation, c h i l d b i rth, and the l i n k
from their ritua l spaces. I th i n k this i s u n necess a ry, a nd i t
u ltim ately does n ' t solve the problem o f eras u re. I t i s not
neces sary to ignore the fact that there a re bod i ly experi­
en ces that are centra l to people's l ives a nd which are so
often stigmati zed by the cu lt u re - a n d that o ne of the m a i n
goals of Goddess Spir itu a l ity i s to recl a i m those. We can,
however, honor them i n a way that a l so a ffi r m s a d ivers i ty
of bod i ly configu rations a n d experiences.

Challenge Transphobia, T ERF Ideology, and Nonbinary

Erasure - Always

The fi na l best practice I wa nt to share is the one th at's per­

haps the hardest for ci sgender ritual facil itators a n d
co m m u n ity mem bers, but the o n e that does the most to
create affirm ing spaces a n d co m m u n i ties.

Chal lenge excl u s io n and era s u re, wherever you see it.

I n the context of my Full M oon c i rcles, I state clearly that I

decided to create a space that would be open to tra n s
wo men a n d n o n b i n a ry people becaus e I cou ldn't fi nd one
i n my loca l a rea. Sometimes cisgender wom e n who come
to my circle h ave no idea that this i s a n issue with i n the
Goddess Spi r itu a l ity com m u n ity, and so this opens up a
co nversation. I t a l so m a kes clear that any ritu a l space that
I am faci l itating w i l l n ot be a for u m for TERF ideology,
exclusion, or erasure.
 '
'

'•

I t can be i nti m idati ng to challenge TE RF ideology, tra ns­

pho bia, a nd tra n s and n o n b i n a ry era s u re when we see i t in
our com m u nities - especially when it's being e ndorsed,
even casual ly, by o u r elders a nd people who a re o u r teach­
ers a nd mentors - but we m u st. When we see a Goddess
Spi ri tu a l ity space that has expl icitly trans exc l u s i o n a ry po l i­
cies, we m u st pu s h back by refu s i ng to attend, letting
orga n izers know why, or by atte nd i ng and bei n g a voca l
advocate for change. I n the on l i n e s phere, we h ave the re­
spo n s i b i l ity to c h a l lenge tra nsphobic a nd era s i n g com­
m ents when they co m e u p, a n d to state that s uch ideology
d i senfra nch i ses people who a re i m portant to u s . W h i l e we
never wan t to play the "Cis Savior," o ne t h i n g I 've come to
rea l ize i s th at , i n a space where tra n s and en by fo l ks a re ex­
plicitly not we lco me, i t i s i n c u m bent on cis fo l ks to h ave
these tough conversations. I t's o n ly t h rough th is work that
we m ove the cultu re forward o n a l a rge scale, where we
m ove fro m i ndi vidual and d i screte affirm i ng spaces to a
Goddess Spi r itual ity a nd l a rger N eo Paga n culture which is
truly affirm i ng.

l Some readers w i l l question the need fo r a gender­

segregated space at a l l , even if that space is broad ly de­
fi ned a nd a ffi r m i ng. That's a nother q uestion fo r a noth er
essay, o ne that I hope someone w i l l write. I n the mean­
time, I ca n o n ly say that as a faci l itator I a m d rawn to co­
create spaces that a ffi r m and e m power wo men and
femmes, but that I also do not a s k for a nyo ne's gender
h istory or m ake j udgemen ts a bo ut whether someone is
"femme enough" to be in ritual space with me. I f someone
has fo u nd the event i nv i te and m ade i t to the event, I as­
sume that they k now better than I do if they belong.
'
'
Bear Woman

by M a lcolm M a u ne
'
'
 The Queer Gods ofAlchemy

BY STEVE DEE

Strange Beginnings

"We are unraveling our navels so that we may ingest the

sun.
We are not afraid of the darkness.
We trust that the moon shall guide us.
We are determining the future at this very moment.
We know that the heart is the philosopher's stone.
Our music is our alchemy."
- S a u l Wi l l i a ms, Coded Language (2001)

I was a lways a bit of a stran ge child. In the m idst of my

fa m i ly moving to the other s i de of the planet (fro m the U K
to Austra l i a ) , I was busy begi n ni n g a j o u rney i nto the
depths of my i n terna l wo rld .

D u e to m y M u m bravely e n d u r i n g some pre-natal yoga

w h i l e ca rryi ng me, we had a co u ple of vol u m es o n the
topic i n o u r fa m i ly's s m a l l boo k col lecti o n . I can clearly
reco l lect the bem u sed looks my worki n g-class Dad gave
me as I v a l i a n tly sought to recreate the black a n d white i m­
ages of the s peed o-clad yogi s . H owever faltering these at­
tempts may h ave bee n, I was i ntoxicated by the idea that I
co uld use my body a n d movement as a means for
 '
'

exploring who I was. W h i le co ncepts l i ke fa ith and bel ief

were q u ite foreign to me, having not come fro m a rel igiou s
fa m i ly, I was a ble to con nect to the idea that there were
phys i cal p ractices that p rovided tool s for n avigating this
strange inner terra i n .

At the s a m e t i me, a s I bega n to experim ent with yoga a nd

m ed itation practi ce, I h a d also begu n m eeting people who
wo uld n't stop t a l kin g a bout J e s u s . Wh i l e I was regu la rly
chanting m a ntras a nd perform i ng s u n s a l utatio n s , I a lso
kept bum p i n g i n to some fa i rly wide-eyed Christi a n s u rfers
who were keen to tel l me that I was a s i n ner wo rsh i p p i ng
fa l s e Gods.

At fou rtee n , the confusion a bout both my sex u a l ity and

spi ritual identity were worryi n g enough that I felt that I
needed to be res cued from myself. Th is rescue came in
the form of "go i ng forwa rd" a t an evangel ica l Ch ris tia n
ra l ly by " accepting Jesus as my pers o n a l friend and
savio u r." Although I was con s istently u n convinced about
their cl a i m s of exclus ive truth, the l u re of forgi veness and
the sense of belonging that this fo rm of c h u rch had to
offer were enough to bring m e i nto the fol d .

Loo king back, I c a n see t h a t d u ri n g those early yea rs a s a

bel iever, I was defi n itely i n a ch i ld- l i ke state. I wa n ted to be
fed certainties that wo u ld ca l m the t u r m o i l that I was feel­
i ng. M y fa ith u ndou btedly d id this for me, but I came to
learn that the s u pp ression of the core drives and centra l
as pects of the self rarely co m e without serious con se­
q u ences:

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring
forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within
you, what you do not bring fo1th will destroy you."
- The Gospel of Th o m a s

The awake n i n g that I eventua l ly experienced c a m e d u ri n g

a n under-graduate degree i n theo logy at a conservative
se m i n a ry a few years after my fa m i ly had retu rned to th e
U K . M y certai nty o f Faith was repl aced with confu s ion,
a nxiety, and eventua l h a l luci nations d u e to the extreme
psychological stress I was experienc i n g. U n s u rp ri s i n gly,
my psyche bega n to give way.

The slow process of my hea l i n g ca m e by way of lots of tea

d r i n k i n g, s i lent med itation, and my d i scovery of that great
wizard Carl G u s tav J u n g. I n contrast to the fa ith-based ap­
proach to belief that was suffocati n g me, J u n g's rich psy­
chology p l u n ged me deep i nto the s u bversive wo rld of
heretica l G n ostics a n d t i n keri n g alchem ists. Part of what
drew me to the ge nius of h i s vi sion was the way in wh ich
he creatively e n ga ged with Western a lchemical trad i t i o n s .
H e saw them as a means for exp lo r i n g how we m i ght m ore
co nsciou sly create Soul thro u gh the use of vis u a l a rt (e. g.
M a ndalas) and also as a m e a n s of payi n g greater attention
 '
'

'•

to our d ream lives.

From a person a l pers pective, J u n g a l so i n trod u ced me to

the idea of a contra-sex u a l self th at, when recovered,
wo uld ena ble a greater sense of wholeness. W h i le I now
v i ew the l a n gu a ge of the a n i m a a n d a n i m u s as bei n g overly
b i n a ry, they still provided vital keys for re-access i n g gen­
der-fl u i d aspects of my i dentity. For th i s bi sexual i n trovert,
s u ch an awake n i n g meant the begi n n i n g of a search for
tool s that were less about having "the a n swer" a n d fa r
more a bout fi n d i n g a n a pproach that wou l d a l low playfu l
c u rios ity a n d a chance to recon n ect to m y own fey, l i m i nal
Queerness.

J u n g's ideas concern i n g the co l l ect ive unconscious a n d

synch ronic ity h ad gently n u d ged m e outs i de t h e co nfi nes
of m a i n strea m Christi a n ity. Some tentative explo rations of
Ta rot and H ermetic Ka bbalah provided m e with gl i m pses
of the type of d i rect knowing or " G n o s i s " that I longed for.
The next cou p l e of yea rs were spent des perately tryi n g to
hold on to a bel ief system that co u ld n o longer fit me, but
Deep i n s ide, I knew that I needed to p u rsue a path of
M a gi c i n which true awake n i n g was v a l ued over adhe rence
to creed a l dogm a s .

As I bega n t o wa l k a m agical path, I h a d the good fortu n e

t o m a ke fr i ends amongst Druids, R u n e M a sters, a n d
Witches. Thro u gh each o f them I lea rned s o m u ch about
these rich forms of Paga n s p i ritual ity. M y own practice was
u n d o u bted ly s h a ped by these approaches, as my cu rre nt
path co uld be descri bed as a heady fu sion of Witchcraft
and the a n a rchic style of ritual exper i m e ntation known as
Ch aos M a gic.

This form of freestyle ritual m a gic seeks to rei nvigorate the

d u sty pse udo- masonry of m a ny m a gical o rders by i n ject­
i n g them with a dyn a m i c com bi n ation of p u n k rock e nergy
a n d q u a n t u m mech a n i cal i n s i ghts. Chaos M agic i s far
more i n terested i n exp lori n g tec h n i q u es that i n d uce
cha n ge rather than getti n g i n vested in a prescri bed set of
m etaphysical bel iefs . It is not particu l a rly pol ite, with m a ny
critics view i n g its e m b race of Post modern is m reflected i n
its con s u merism and potent ial s h a l lownes s . M u ch has
been written a bout the n at u re of Ch aos M a gic, and fo r
those wa nting to u ndersta nd it more fu l ly, I wo uld recom ­
mend the wo rks of Pete Carroll, a s well as P h i l H i ne, and
The Book of Ba pho met by N i kki Wyrd a n d J u l i a n Vayne.
The bri l l iant J u l i a n Vayne and I h ave a l so co-written the
book Chaos Craft that explores the topic in depth .

Strange Gods

The m ore deeply I exp lored my own work as a Witch and

M a gician . the m o re I fo u n d myself attracted to those
dep ictions of d i vi n ity that e m body so meth i n g of the
a lchemica l processes that I seek to pursue for myself As
 '
'

'•

M agici a n s , we a re i n d iv i d u a l s who are w i l l i n g to get our

h a nds d i rty in our attem pts to exp lore M ystery. Rather than
trying to find easy a n swers that seek to red uce co m plexi ty,
we seek tran sform ation through actively wo rking with the
ten s i o n s a n d d u alities that we experience in the u n iverse
a n d o u rselves.
Fa mous ly, when as ked this question, Carl J u n g a n swered
that h e did n ' t believe th at there was a God; rather, he
" knew" there wa s . Fa m i l i a rity with h i s b iogra phy e n a bles
us to know that J u ng was a fa i rly seasoned G n ostic ex­
plorer at the t i m e that h e made that com m ent. Ba sed on
his reception of The Seven Sermons to the Dead, it i s u n ­
l i kely that h i s deity of choi ce was of a n orthodox variety.

I n contrast to either creed a l fo r m u lations o r some d i stant

" u n m oved mover," fo r J u n g the God that seemed to
e n ca p s u late the endeavour of the G n ostic ex plorer was
that stra n ge b i rd Abraxas. Abraxas i s one of those Gods
whose q ueer vi sage keep s po p p i n g up i n esoteric lo re,
wh i l e at the same time bei ng very d iffi c u lt to categorise.
Resea rch provides some i n s ights i nto the roles that he
p l ayed / p l ays with i n a who le host of occult traditions - t h i s
strange cockerel ( a n d sometimes l i on) headed be i n g with
its serpentine " l egs" is vi ewed as an Aeo n (a positive
fo rce) by some, and as an Archon (a n egative force)or
even the Dem i u rge (an i m perfect creator God) by others.
H i s n u m ber ( u s i n g G reek Gem atria) being 365, a long with
h i s as soci ation with the seven classical pla n ets . co n n ect
h i m to both the round of the year and the phys ical cos-
mos.

For J u n g. Abraxas represe nted a movement beyo nd d u al­

i s m . No l o n ger i s the d i v i n e image s p l i t i nto a good Lord
a n d a n ev i l Devi l ; rather, the myste ries of god head are held
wit h i n the co m p lex i con ogra phy of Abraxa s:

"Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word

which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas beget­
teth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness in
the same word and in the same act. Therefore is Abraxas
terrible."
- Ste phan Hoel ler, The Seven Sermons to the Dead
(1982) Tra n s l at ion by the Autho r

When meditati n g o n the m ost com m o n ly found cockerel

headed fo rm of Abraxa s, we are struck by the biza rre
c h i m era-l i ke q u a l ity of the i m a ge. The body of a m a n is
topped by the head of a solar coc kerel (possi bly sym bol ­
i z i n g fores i ght and v i gi l a n ce) , w h i l e fro m u n der 11h i s " con­
cea l i n g s k i rts, stra n ge chthonic serpents wri ggle forth .
This cos m i c hyb rid holds together the tran scendent and
i m m a nent, solar and n i ght side. Viewed through my l ate­
M odern lens I a m both awed a n d u n settled by the sense of
i n te rnal ten s i o n that th i s God seems to em body.
 '
'

'•

A G n ostic Gem depict i n g Abraxas, 3rd Cent u ry C . E .

M y own attraction t o stra n ge gods i s h a rd ly new territory -

the m o n strous hybrid Ba phomet h a s long been jabbi n g at
m y consciousness as I 've sought to m a ke sense of life's
11Solve et Coagu la" (dissolvi n g and co m i n g back together) .
Ba pho met i s a God whose myth a n d i ma gery are gathered
fro m fra gments a n d r u m ors. When we start exploring the
a l leged object of venerati on by the K n i ghts Tem p la r that
m ay have had l i n ks to the m u m m i fied head of J o h n the
B a ptist, we are ente r i n g decidedly stra n ge territory. Even
the n a m e Ba pho met is p ro b a b ly l i n ked to a h i storic
m i sheari n g or m i s u ndersta n d i n g of the n a m e M o h a m med.
Wh atever h istor ical concl u s ions we eventu a l ly d raw, fo r
me, conte m porary magical engagement with Ba phomet
seems to reflect the creat ivity of o u r h u m a n struggle to lo­
cate mea n i n g. Both B a pho met and Abraxas rep re sent
somet h i n g of the core paradox that m a ny Q ueer-identified
i n d ivid u a l s experience i n tryi n g to m a ke sense of the
wo rld .

M ost attem pts at construct i n g " bi g theories" or meta na r­

ratives a re design ed to m a ke sense of the u n iverse that we
l ive with i n . The s uccess or fa i l u re of any s uch world view
seems to be la rgely determ i n ed either by their followers'
a b i l ity to m a n a ge n u a n ce a n d comp lexity or, conversely,
their n a ivety and wi l l i n gness to block out new i n fo rmation.
For those of u s who are seeking to promote some form of
cogn itive l i berty, it i s al most i nevitable that at some poi nt
we are go i n g to h ave to develop deeper strategies for man­
a gi n g co m p lexity, paradox, a n d the types of u n certa i nty
th at such rea lities often give rise to.

Thro u gh my own m agica l wo rk as both an i ndividua l and

wit h i n a gro up m agica l context, the alchemy of my own
exploration was compe l l i n g me to fi n d too l s for u n der­
sta n d i n g the evolvi n g, u nfo l d i n g nature of the divine. I n
m a n y ways these icon i c i m a ges of A braxas a n d Ba phomet
provided too ls a n d powe rfu l means fo r awa ke n i n g. The
ju xtaposition of app a rent oppos ites a n d the sense of
 '
'

m ovement that they conta i n speak to me of dyn a m i s m and

process rather than fixed Plato n i c certa inties. Whether v i a
weird cosmologies or shape-s h i ft i n g iconography, these
gnostic riddles p u s h us to the edges of co m preh e n s i o n
a n d certainty. I n seeking t o e n gage with these ideas, we
often experience a profound u n ease, a n d yet fo r the i n ­
trepid explorer, such d i scomfort can tri gger t h e types of
"stra n ge loops" that arguably enab le the evolution of con-
sc1ousness.

This ci rcul ar use of myth and paradox lead s us away from

certa i nties that c a n n ot bear the wei ght of new i n s i ght. We
a re a s ked to enga ge i n a n u nfold i n g process of beco m i n g
of both o u rselves a n d o u r perception of the n u m i n o u s .
For m e , th i s is a P rocess Theology that sees our u nder­
sta n d i n g of the d i v i n e as be i n g part of a n u nfo ld i n g sto ry
profo u nd ly i nfl uenced by o u r h u m a n experience of l ife.
Revelation or the i nco m i n g of n ew re l i gious i nformation
comes both with i n a h u m a n context and a lso a lways i n re­
sponse to it: "God grows with the wo rld, a lways 1 n
process" (Alfred Wh itehead. Process and Reality 1978)
 Ba pho met, from Eliphas Levi's Dogme et Rituel de
laHaute Magi
H u m a n ity's re l i gious expres sions, be they tri ba l deities,
a nthropomorph ized mo nothei s m s , or Lovecraft i a n terro rs,
a l l m i r ro r o u r co l l ective j o u rney through h i sto ry. For m e
personal ly, t o see va l u e i n this type of proces s-focu sed
 '
'

theology i s not to i m ply some remova l of mystery; rather,

it glories i n religion as a n a rt.

One s uch exa m p l e of open ness a nd evo l ut i o n a ry A u id ity i s

the bri l l i a n t aeonic l itany contai ned with i n the Mass of
Chaos B, which provides u s with a vivid exam p le of how
such evo l ution conti n ues to occu r:

"In the first aeon, I was the Great Spirit.

In the second aeon, Men knew me as the Horned God,
Pangenitor Panphage.
In the third aeon, I was the Dark One, the Devil.
In the fourth aeon, Men know me not, for I am the Hid­
den One.
In this new aeon, I appear before you as Baphomet.
The God before all gods who shall endure to the end of the
Earth!"
- Peter Carrol I, Liber Null and Psychonaut ( 1987)

The i m ages of both Abraxas and Ba pho met provide vivid

p i ctori a l dep i ctions of the cos m i c balancing act that we a re
en gaged i n . H u m a n o id bodies m utate with a n i m a l heads
and tran sgen der bodies, a s arms poi nt at balance , or bear
the wh i ps and keys of our del ivera nce. For me, these
glyphs are road m a p s for beco m i n g; the path of the demi­
u rge i s a jou rney through the rea l i ty of our lives , not s i m ­
p l y away fro m them . As m uch a s the rea l m o f m atter and
the body m ay provide chal len ges a n d o bstacles, this i s the
pl ace we fi n d ou rselves and where o u r work needs to hap­
pe n.

The Magic of the Queer Self

To e n gage with M agic is to enga ge with the whole of l ife. I t

i s art a n d i t i s scie nce; it is both accepta n ce a n d cha n ge.
The very nature of the m a gical path w i l l mean that it i s
u n iq u e to the m a gician purs u i n g i t , b u t it seems to be a
co m mo n req u i rement that we em brace a hero ic p u rs u it of
cu rios ity and a w i l l i n gness to question a l m ost everyt h i n g
we tho u ght was true o f our l ives and selves.

Wh atever e lse M agic m ay or m ay not acco m p li s h , it i s

clear that it aims t o tran sform o u r ow n aware ness so that
we beco me m ore effective h u m a n bei n gs . By self-w i l led
m i metic i n fection, the c h a n ge that we seek becomes more
l i kely as we sens itize o u r perception to the themes a n d op­
port u n ities a round us.

When I enter the circle or cast a spell, it means lifti n g an­

chor on what I thought I knew about myself. When we do
m agic, whatever the scri pts and sto ries that we have i n her­
ited a bout what o u r l ives should look l i ke. we are cal led
i n to question as we sail Q u eerer, mo re u n certain seas.

"Queer is by definition whatever is at odds with the nor­

mal, the legitimate, the dominant. There is nothing in
particular to which it necessarily refers. It is an identity
 '
'

without an essence. iQueer' then, demarcates not a posi­

tivity but a positionality vis-a-vis the normative."
- David H al peri n, Saint Foucault: Towards a Gay Ha­
giography (200 1)

Perso nally I th i n k that Q u eerness a n d M agic are a bit of a

chicken and egg s ituation. I t's hard to know whether M ag­
ic's stra n ge ways are i n n ately attractive to the fey, l i m i nal
sha pe-s h i fters with i n a c u l t u re or whether it ma kes the
curious even Q ueerer. As a lover of strange l oops and
ci rcu l a rities, I ' l l take both . My Qu eerness d rew me to the
experi mental pl ayfu l ness of m a gic, a n d m agic as ked that I
l i sten to who I rea l ly a m .

M y own m a gical j o u rney dema nded a deeper accepta nce

of my identity and sexua l longi n gs. As m uch as my past
Eva n gel i calism had t ri ed to d a m pen my awareness of who
I was as a bisex u a l and gender-A uid perso n , these truths
were far too a p parent to truly deny. Such transformations
a re ongo i n g and a re often fe lt i n the body before they m a ke
sense i n the m i n d . As with my love of h atha yoga a s a
c h i l d , my own ad u lt exp lorati ons of B D S M a n d Leather
sex u a l ity challenged me to expe rience a deeper level of a u ­
thenti city i n con nect i n g t o different ways o f experien ci n g
a n d wo rki n g with m y body.

For me, the Q ueerness of my m a gic is fa r more than a set

of m ea n i n gfu l self-descri ptors and sexu a l l i festyle choices.
Q ueerness a l so em bod ies the ro le that we as m a g1 c 1 a n s
p l a y a s edge-dwe l l ers who q u estion op pressive catego­
rization and help to pull our cu lture forward .

Wh i l e some m ay view the co nscious deco nstruction of

category as be i n g overly h i p or l a bored , fo r those of us
who fi n d l i berty with i n Queer's p u n k rock attitude, o u r
Q ueerness c h a l le n ges u s t o experience re latio n s h i p and
u n certai nty i n new ways . Ru lebooks that rely o n clear cat­
egorization and the safe as sertion that problems are held
by "the other" can no longer be true. Th i s Queered M ag­
ical project of awa ken i n g is fa r from some form of se lf­
righteo u s s u periority; rather, it asks that, w h i l e pursu i n g
o u r i ndividua l e m a n ci p ation, we also send o u t comp lex
ten d r i l s of con nectivity between self and other. For me,
this Witchcraft is a l i beration theology that asks us to
m ove beyo nd M a gic as a fo rm of co n s u merist wish fu lfill­
ment and that we take the r i s k to beco me the answer we
long to see in the world.

The Sabbat of the Queered Christ

I ' m s u re I ' m n o different from most of people i n try i n g to

m a ke sense of the paths I have wal ked and what they re­
vea l a bout the core as pects of who I a m . When I con s ider
the d i ffe r i n g trad itions that I h ave worked with i n , I ' m often
struck by the co m m o n a l ities i n how I h ave approached
them. While I m ight ad m i re the d i gn ity of a scri pted ritu a l
 '
'

ru bric, I persona l ly love m u s ic, dance, and d ru m m i n g.

This type of e m bodied, ecstatic lea p i ng a bout was o nce
p a rt of m y teenage Pentecosta l i s m , a n d n ow stron gly con­
nects m e to the s h a m a n i c a rchetype of the Witch a n d the
n i ghtside mysteries of their craft.

The Witch often receives the sh adow projections of those

c u ltures that they are p a rt of. They are the h ags a n d the
s h a pe-s h i fters whose messy bodies both a ro u se a n d
u n settle u s . They a re t h e sca pegoats o nto whose heads the
repressed longi n gs of society are spoke n .

Wit h i n t h e co l lective psych e o f E u rope, t h e Witch has

often acted a s an icon of d i sturba nce and freedom. The
projected fantas ies of clerics a n d fol kloric i m agi n i n gs
often a l l ude to someth i n g dark, d i stu rbi n g, a n d s u bver­
s ive. I n bea ring the weight of such d a n gerous passions,
the Witch often holds a position on the outer edge of so­
c i a l and eth ical evo l ut i o n .

I f o u r m a gic is to mean a nyth i n g, w e m u st b e w i l l i n g for it

to Q ueer a n d haunt u s . The certa i nties that we c l i n g to
m u st be pl aced o n the altar as o u r Gods a n d a n cestors
d raw u s to the crossroads at which the sacrificial cost of
true change m u st be wei ghed .

M y own wo rk with the Witches' path i nd uced a profo u n d

sense o f u n ease. H ave you ever felt h a u nte d ? H a u nted by
a n idea or a person who, des p ite a l l yo ur best efforts,
seems to be l u rk i n g at the edges of yo ur v i s i o n and prod­
d i n g your u nconscious to give them a bit more space?
This was a phantom of my own h i story pointi n g towards
past exp lorations a n d adventu res that were sti l l u n re­
solved .

I n my see k i n g to more fu l ly a p preci ate the con nect i o n s be­

tween the Witch trials and med ieval Christian heretics, I
became aware that the fi gure h a u nt i n g me fro m the shad­
ows was that old trickster Yes h u a Ben Joseph (Jesus to h i s
G reek s peaki n g fr iends) .

I n relation to my own jou rney, I have a l ready sought to de­

scribe how my i n itial fl i ght i nto Christian ity was la rgely re­
lated to my adolescent confus ion about the fl uid ity of my
own sexua l ity and gender identity. Wh i le I now feel that it
was neces sary to take leave of Christ due to the type of
se lf-s u p p ression that seemed i n nate to my fa ith at that
ti me, I a m sti l l able to appreciate some of the Q ueer l i ber­
ation that I experien ced v i a th e a n d rogyny of Christ.

Wh i l e ow n i n g my own needs and b i a s , I eventu a l ly en­

co u n tered i n my rea d i n g of Jesus a b l u rry a m bigu ity that
that prov ided me with an a ltern ative mode of bei n g. Yes ,
this w a s t h e J esus who clea red Te m p les a n d overt u r n ed ta­
bles, but this was a l so the Jesus who blessed the ge ntle
a n d sought out the one lost sh eep .

I n a personal world where the versions of m a l enes s,

 '
'

certa i n ty, a n d force made l i ttle sense to me, m y own gnos­

tic encou nter al lowed access to a gentler, m ore myste rious
experience. Th i s Christ became a m i rro r thro u gh which I
co u l d view myself m o re closely. Such a pers pective can be
far fro m comfortabl e, but over ti me it a l lowed me to en­
gage with deeper truths a bout who I needed to beco m e .
T h i s m a gica l process o f enga gin g with the Christ myth al­
lowed me (so mewhat iron ical ly) to becom e accept i n g
enough o f myself that I n o lo n ger wished to call myself a
C h ri sti an.

To fol low the path of the Witch or the G n ostic explorer is

to pay h eed to those i ncom i n g messages b u b b l i n g u p
fro m the u nco nscious. I n the same way that I could n 't ad­
here to the exc l u s ivity of a Ch risti a n ity at odds with my
Q ueerness, neither can I t u rn away from the i n s i ghts sti l l
offered by the Ch ri st-s park with i n .

I n chapter 10 of the Gospel of J o h n , J e s u s descri bes h i m ­

self a s "the door," and the Christie myth sti l l provides a
doorway via which I can explore greater self­
u n dersta n d i n g. Wal ki n g through this doorway a s ks that I
leave beh i n d the ch i ld-l i ke senti mental ity of my past be­
l i efs. I choose to ris k this path as if offers freed om fro m
c l a u strophobic certa i nties a n d the possi bil ity of breath i n g
i n fresh i n s i ghts.

For a l l of us, I would pray that we m i ght access true gnosis

as we l i sten to the Wisdom of o u r Qu eer ancestors and
Gods . Let us take heed of their co u nsel that we may be
brave enough to p u rsue the u n iqueness of our path to­
wards greater who leness and freedo m .

So M ote It Be!
'
'
 lntervieiv ivith Clyde Hall, Shoshone
Tivo-Spirit Elder

BY WOLFIE

wolfie: we're here i n terviewi n g c lyde h a l l , shoshone eld er,

a n d one of the fo u nder of ga i, t he gay a m erican i n d i a n cau-
cus. let's start with basic background i n fo r mation, clyde.
when a n d where you were born, how yo u grew u p .

Clyde: I was born i n i951 i n Pocatel lo, I d aho. I was born i n

a t i m e when someth i n g had just been i n vented cal led an
" i n cubator," beca u s e I was born a month or so premature.
If it wa sn't for that I wou ld n 't be here tal k i n g to you tod ay.
I t was a little metal box with a heat l a m p i n it, a h i gh
wattage l i ghtb u l b.

wolfie: so then, yo ur c h i l d h ood was spent o n the reser­

vation at fort h a l l ?

Clyde: Yes . I l ived i n a one-room house, log c a b i n , with my

gr a n d m oth er. And l ater on with my s ister. I t was a good
l i fe.

wolfie: so we tal ked a l ittle bit about this in previous con­

versat ions, becaus e norma l ly one of the q u estions with
these i nterviews i s , "what is yo u r com i n g out story?". but
you don't rea l ly ha ve one? [. . . r"
 '
'

'•

Clyde: l t was j u st l i ke La i n e Th o m [a nother Shoshone walk­

er of the old ways ), h e d i d n 't have a com i n g out story ei­
ther. We're the peo ple that were rai sed by trad itio n a l peo­
ple . Beca use of the va l ues o u r people have, they observe
you when yo u 're born and what you r preferen ces a re a n d
what you l i ke a n d , trad itio n a l ly, they encourage that, be­
cause everyo ne is va l ued. N o body is th rown away i n triba l
cu ltures. Even tod ay, that, for the most part, i s stil l the
case. There's always someth i n g, some a b i l ity or some s ki l l
that peo ple have that can be in tegrated i nto the s u rvival of
the band or the tri be.
wolfie: th at's a c u lt u r a l ly h i storical way that that ha ppens ,
so it's not a l i ke, sudden rea l izatio n . i would a s s u m e that
at some poi nt yo u d i d have the real i zation that yo u were
gay, but it wa s n 't a, "oh my god , this is t h i s thing i either
h ave to h ide, or tell peop le."

Clyde: [. . . ) I t was j u st the way I was, and I j u st went al ong

with the flow. 1 mean, the word "gay," I d i d n 't know it.

wolfie: even post-stonewa l l ?

Clyde: Oh there were other word s . Like " ho mosexual " a n d

things l i ke that. B ut, it w a s j u st a sense o f bei ng who yo u
were, a n d I was encouraged by the old peopl e. [. . . ]

wolfie: can we talk some about the d ifferent nature of the

m agic you grew up with ?
Clyde: Wel l , it isn't sep arate fro m life. I t's i n tegrated . It's
not l i ke, "Oh I 'm go n n a do somethi ng m a gical." I n d i a n
people bel i eve that th at's a lways around you . That power i s
a lways a round yo u, those t h i n gs are a lways around you
a n d it's i n tegrated i n to yo u r l i fe, what yo u do fro m day to
day. The way yo u l ive, the old peo ple have a say i n g-"at
this ti me." And for a long t i m e I wondered what we meant
by that, "at this t i m e," and it's because that's l itera l ly a l l
you have, i s a t this ti me-past, present, future, revolving
a ro u n d that moment i n a c i rcle, beca u se I n d i a n peo ple be­
l ieve that a l l things are i n a circle, everything. And the u n i­
verse, everyth i n g, moves i n a circle.

wolfie: i remember yo u said so m et h i n g about there's a

phrase o r somet h i n g about how a l l of nature is c i rc u l a r,
except for roc ks.

Clyde: A l l power l ies i n a ci rcle. There are no stra i ght l i nes

in nature except for the rock, who has a n gles a n d po i nts
a n d has the power to create o r dest roy, wh ich is related to
the thu nder and l i ghtn i n g be i n gs. Everyth i n g is l i ke that.
everyth i n g i s ro und i n the world, accord i n g to I nd i a n
p h i loso phy, a n d what you ca l l m a gic, which we ca l l
•bo' ha',' and Sioux call 's k u n s ku n .'

B o ' h a , that's the power that moves. You know, it's i n

everyth i n g from the way the ga laxies a n d everything m ove
to the s h a k i n g of the leaves a n d trees i n the wind, or how
 '
'

'•

you w a l k a bout the earth and talk, that's a l l part of it, th at's
a m a n i festation of it. So I nd i a n s l ive with the rea l ization of
th at power, 24/7.

wolfie: witches a re very i nto sett i n g aside their "sacred

s pace," and i 've a lways had the th i n g with them of "wel l ,
isn't a l l space sacred , a l l t h e t i m e ? "

Clyde: Yea h , all space is sacred a l l the ti me, but i f you wa nt

to do somet h i n g speci a l , then yo u can create that s pace
right then a n d there. Creat i n g a contai ner if you want to
ca l l it that. But we l i ken that to a medicine wheel. You 're i n
t h e center o f that m ed i c i n e wheel, y o u c a n create that
medicine wheel a n y t i m e at a ny given moment, j u st be
th i n k i n g about it, j u st by ca l l i n g i n the d i rections or cal l in g
i n th i n gs or havi n g a s m o ke and pray i n g with the s m oke. I t
c a n be a c i ga rette o r b u rn i n g ced a r o r sweetgrass or what­
ever, ri ght then and there it's created .

wolfie: there's been a lot of writi n g i n what i tend to term

the gay revision i st h i storia n s about how 'two s p i rit' is the
same t h i n g a s 'gay.'

Clyde: No. (loud l a u ghter)

wolfie: can you clarify that and then we can go i nto more
of the h i story of the term two spirit. yo u 've said that there
was sort of a d i a s po ra , for lack of a better term, of o l d
ways a n d two s p i rit a n d then t h e modern day.
Clyde: There's words i n the trad itiona l l a n guages fo r peo­
ple who h ad d i fferent roles that they p layed wit h i n the trib­
a l structu res, with i n the bands of peo ple that l ived to­
gether. I don't th i n k they would recognize the word 'two
s p i rit' o r even 'gay,' you know. Ta ke for i n sta nce in Sioux
the word Wa nkan Ta nkan . Now what does Wa n ka n Ta nkan
mean to you ?

wolfie: the best trans lation i remember lea r n i n g was some­

thing l i ke "great s p i rit/a l l that is" kind of t h i n g?

Clyde: It doesn't real ly necessarily mean that. Wa n ka n

Ta nkan was part o f a hi erarchy o f powers o r gods that the
Sioux had, s p i rits that the Sioux h ad, but it wasn't n eces­
s a r i ly the godhead . Wa nkan Ta n ka n beca m e the godh ead I
t h i n k d u e to co lonial ization when the m i ssionar ies came
a m o n gst the I nd i a n s and then they were trying to shove
Ch ri sti a n ity down their th roats, that's when Wa n k a n
Ta nkan became fo remost, so t h e k i d s d u r i n g that period of
time, turn of the last centu ry, when they would talk to their
older peo ple and use the word Wa n kan Ta nkan i n that
context, the old peo ple wo u l d look at them l i ke, "What you
t a l k i n g about?" [ . . . ]

wolfie: let's talk a l itt le bit about the origin of the term "two
sp i rit." that was born out of your i nvolve ment with fo u n d -
i n g t h e gay american i n d i a n caucus, yes ? can you talk
a bout how that ca m e together?
 '
'

'•

Clyde: G ay American I nd i a n s was fo u nded by Randy B u rns

and Barba ra Cameron origi n a l ly at Sta n fo rd U n ivers ity, be­
cause they were both going to sch ool there at the t i m e. A
lot of I nd ia n people came to the Bay Area u n der a progra m
cal led " 1 nd i a n Relocatio n ." I t was a p l a n th at the govern ­
ment h a d to get the I n d i a n s off the reservation, trai n them
u p for some kind of vocat i o n a l or tech s k i l ls, or go to col­
lege or some k i n d of trade or what have yo u , and they
wo uld provide tra n s ition a l h o u s i n g a n d s u p p lementa l i n ­
co m e when you were goi ng t o these tra i n i ngs a n d then
ho pefully place you i n some k i nd of job when you were
done. So th ere was a tremendous i n fl ux of I n d ia n peo ple
i nto the San Fra n ci sco Bay Area a n d a l so to pl aces l i ke
Ch icago and Albuq uerque. Different p laces around the
co u ntry, to see if they could get I n d i a n s to trans ition. The
ones that went to S a n Fra n c i sco went fo r a u n iqu e pu rpose
beca u s e San Fra nci sco was k nown at that po i n t as kind of
a gay capita l . Th i n gs weren't com pletely on the out and
out, but that was the pl ace where particular and pec u l i a r
m e n congregated.

wolfie: (ch uckles) a n d it sti l l i s . so, when that group sta rt­
ed getting together, was it soci a l , or was it po l itica l ?

Cly:de: It was purely a soci a l gro u p, beca use there's peop l e

fro m al l over w h o ca m e to t h e B a y Area. I t was co n s idered
a soci a l gro u p origi n a l l y a n d then it m o rp hed i nto a pol it­
ica l group. That's the way it went because, of course, we
wanted a p l ace at the tab le. Yo u k n ow, with the u p a n d
co m i n g gay movements a n d t h i n gs . I t was a tremendous ly
excit i n g time to l ive i n San Franci sco. I n the late 70s o r so,
we started d i scussing a name beca use "Gay American
I n d i a n s " was fine fo r u s , a n d we were the fi rst gro u p ever
i n the worl d .

wolfie: when we ta l ked before, yo u tal ked about how the

act u a l coales c i n g with the word 'two s p i rit' h a p pen ed
aro u n d the fi rst m a rch o n was h i n gton i n 1 979·

Clyde: Was it that far back?

wolfie: mmhmm.

Clyde: Time i s l i ke a river, I don't know, I c a n ' t remem ber.

wolfie: we d i d talk a lot last time about how l i near t i m e is

sort of a western notion .

Clyde: We were i nvolved i n the ea rly gay freedom m a rches,

or pride parades as it's ca l l ed now, i n San Fra nci sco and it
was a very exciting t i m e , but th i n gs were a l l about pol itics
a n d m a k i n g statements back then. And it wo u ld a lways
end up o n h i p py h i l l i n golden gate park, th at's where the
m a rches ended . We sta rted talki n g about "gay America n
I n d i a n s ," which it was ok for o u r gro u p , but as a n at i o n a l
t h i n g, you needed someth i n g that was m u ch more encom­
pas s i n g beca us e, n u m ber one, gay was m a i n ly co n n oted
 '
'

'•

with m a les, a n d I nd i a n s h ave m a ny trad i tions about the

s u bject, m a ny ways and viewpo i nts that h ave been prac­
ticed fo r thousands a n d thousands ; m i l lenn i a of years, and
so, we thought, how do we i ncorporate the old trad i tio n s
with somet h i n g new a n d b e encom passi n g a n d i n c l u sive?

So we tossed around a n u m ber of word s and descr i pt i o n s

a n d i t a l l ki nd o f congea led when we got to Wa sh i n gto n,
DC, that was the fi rst time that I n d i a n s came from a l l over
i n clud i n g Canada and different p l aces. We had a meet i n g
o f what to ca l l ou rselves, A n d w e decided o n the term utwo
s pi rit," so, th at's where it was decided o n . Coi ned there,
a n d then later on I th i n k it was i n 1990 at the American An­
th ropologica l Association convention i n Wa s h i n gto n , DC,
we a l l gave a n u m ber of pa pers and speeches on the su b­
ject, which a re col lected i n a book cal led Two S p i r it People
by Sue E l len J acobs, Wesley Th omas, a n d Sabi n e La n g. So
th at's when it was decided that the old t i m e words that the
early explorers knew, l i ke the word " berdache," which i s a
French word a s far as my u n dersta n d i n g of it, wo uld o n ly
be u sed i n a h i storical context, that a nyth in g fro m that day
forwa rd, the word "two s p i rit" would be used, so that's
when it was cast i n sto ne. I n the meanti m e, fro m the
M a rch on Wa s h i n gton there was a grou p that decided that
they would hold a two s p ir it enca m p m ent, or gath eri n g,
which was held i n W i n n i peg, I t h i n k, that year.

This urban myth was told a bout this wo m a n that went up,
I don't know if she was a lesbian or what, but s h e went u p
a n d got this i n s p i rat ion that that should be t h e word . I 'm
not sayi n g it d i d n 't h a p pen, it pro b a b ly d i d , I don't know,
but th at's not where it a l l started . [. . . ] There a re m a ny en­
ca m p m e nts now, a bout 32 of them a year, th ere's a bout 32

to 35 gro u p s around the co u ntry. I fou nd it a m u s i n g that I

hel ped start those two sp ir it th i n gs , and then never got
aro u n d to goi n g to them u nti l about fou r yea rs a go.

wolfie: a n d what was yo ur experience goi n g to them after

s u ch a long t i m e �

Clyde: We ll, I was kind of curious to see what they d i d , a n d

you know, they're n ice gatheri n gs . They h ave a sacred fi re
that they keep a n d they h ave p i pe ceremon ies and a drag
sh ow and a l ittle pow-wow and there's different workshops
where they ta l k a bout things that a re u n iq u e to two s p i rits
a n d get H I V test i n g done there and so it's very s u p portive
of two s p i rit I nd i a n s i n t h i s day a n d age. I l i ke them .

wolfie: so to fu rther clarify, we ta l ked about how two spirit

is more a role wit h i n the cu lt u re.

Clyde: Wel l it's a ro le, it's a conte m pora ry role, and not a l l
people identify, n ot a l l N ative American peo ple identify
with the words two sp i rit, they feel it doe s n 't describe
them.

wolfie: yeah , two sp ir it is a modern construct.

 '
'

'•

Clyde: It's a very modern construct.

wolfie: for the people who l ived i n those old ways or even
those who m i ght identify with the m odern con struct, my
u n dersta nd i n g is it had noth i n g to do really with who yo u
h a d sex with or who you m arried o r who you slept with .

Clyde: No, it d i d n 't have a nyth i n g to do with who yo u had

sex with , who you m a rried, a ny of that. I t was a v i s i o n ,
those old time peo ple had a vi sion that was eq u a l l y valid
as any v 1 s 1 o n and s h o u l d they choose to act on it, then
they di d .

You k now it was j u st l i ke the con trari es , for i n stan ce, the
contraries d i d everyth i n g backward s . When they was hed
their h a i r, they washed their h a i r with d i rt. When they went
someplace, they'd say goodbye when actually they were
sayi n g hello, and there was a l l of that. And the old time
with their heem aneh or that type of t h i n g, wel l then that
was acting on yo ur v i s i o n too and bringi n g it i nto this rea l­
ity, whether that meant wea r i n g a dress and d o i n g women
t h i n gs, those people co u l d also do men t h i n gs too-it just
depended on what they wanted, how they wa n ted to be at
that t i me.

wolfie: so then , the people who would fol low the old ways,
fol l owed thei r vis io n . what rol es d i d they often take i n soci­
ety?
I don't know if she was a lesbian or what, but s h e went u p
a n d got this i n s p i rat ion that that should be t h e word . I 'm
not sayi n g it d i d n 't h a p pen, it pro b a b ly d i d , I don't know,
but th at's not where it a l l started . [. . . ] There a re m a ny en­
ca m p m e nts now, a bout 32 of them a year, th ere's a bout 32

to 35 gro u p s around the co u ntry. I fou nd it a m u s i n g that I

hel ped start those two sp ir it th i n gs , and then never got
aro u n d to goi n g to them u nti l about fou r yea rs a go.

wolfie: a n d what was yo ur experience goi n g to them after

s u ch a long t i m e �

Clyde: We ll, I was kind of curious to see what they d i d , a n d

you know, they're n ice gatheri n gs . They h ave a sacred fi re
that they keep a n d they h ave p i pe ceremon ies and a drag
sh ow and a l ittle pow-wow and there's different workshops
where they ta l k a bout things that a re u n iq u e to two s p i rits
a n d get H I V test i n g done there and so it's very s u p portive
of two s p i rit I nd i a n s i n t h i s day a n d age. I l i ke them .

wolfie: so to fu rther clarify, we ta l ked about how two spirit

is more a role wit h i n the cu lt u re.

Clyde: Wel l it's a ro le, it's a conte m pora ry role, and not a l l
people identify, n ot a l l N ative American peo ple identify
with the words two sp i rit, they feel it doe s n 't describe
them.

wolfie: yeah , two sp ir it is a modern construct.

 '
'

'•

Clyde: It's a very modern construct.

wolfie: for the people who l ived i n those old ways or even
those who m i ght identify with the m odern con struct, my
u n dersta nd i n g is it had noth i n g to do really with who yo u
h a d sex with or who you m arried o r who you slept with .

Clyde: No, it d i d n 't have a nyth i n g to do with who yo u had

sex with , who you m a rried, a ny of that. I t was a v i s i o n ,
those old time peo ple had a vi sion that was eq u a l l y valid
as any v 1 s 1 o n and s h o u l d they choose to act on it, then
they di d .

You k now it was j u st l i ke the con trari es , for i n stan ce, the
contraries d i d everyth i n g backward s . When they was hed
their h a i r, they washed their h a i r with d i rt. When they went
someplace, they'd say goodbye when actually they were
sayi n g hello, and there was a l l of that. And the old time
with their heem aneh or that type of t h i n g, wel l then that
was acting on yo ur v i s i o n too and bringi n g it i nto this rea l­
ity, whether that meant wea r i n g a dress and d o i n g women
t h i n gs, those people co u l d also do men t h i n gs too-it just
depended on what they wanted, how they wa n ted to be at
that t i me.

wolfie: so then , the people who would fol low the old ways,
fol l owed thei r vis io n . what rol es d i d they often take i n soci­
ety?
Clyde: They served a l l kinds of roles. With N ative Am er­
ican peo ple, they were the vangu a rd s , the ones who went
out and explored someth i n g new. They were the ones who
met the exp lorers beca u se they were i n terested in what
kind of peo ple were com i n g to vis it them and they were
judges a n d they were people who held the traditions a n d
the stories and the medicine ways and a l l these things .
They were m atch m a kers, and they were th e persons who
took care of the elderly and took care of the ch i l d re n , and
plus they had certa i n ta lents they could do too, to do with
roots and herbs a n d th i n gs that were u n i q u e to those
kinds of men and wo m e n . Beca use yo u know, th ere is a
great power i n - between, I think we tal ked about the hee­
m a neh, in the Cheye n n e stories the original h eema neh was
a big giant be i n g who had its feet on the ground and it
went u p i nto the s ky and therefore was a part of both and
that was the big hee m a neh s p i rit, the origi n a l heemaneh
s p i rit, yo u know, beca use it was the great power i n be­
tween this a n d that app lies to E u ropean tra d ition too. I t's
the concept of the crossroads or hav i n g one foot i n the
water and one foot on the l a n d , and there's a great power
i n that beca use it's somewhat nebulous. I t's a neither fish
nor fowl kind of a thing so there's a big power with that
[. . . ] So the N ative Ame rican tri bes recognize that powe r for
the most part, with these peo ple. They were a l so the n a m er
of names fo r ch i ld ren and so forth .
 '
'

'•

wolfie: so you're t a l k i n g about the past and how peo ple

u n d erstood the i n - between as havi n g great power, but
what about how yo u t h i n k o u r cu rrent society, let's say,
u n ited states, western culture, views the in-betwee n ?
Clyde: Wel l , those old t i m e people did not know the con­
cept of Christi a n s i n . That exp la i n s a lot a bout how t h i n gs
a re now, a s co m p a red to a long time, years ago, decades
ago. They d i d n ot k now the concept of Chri st ian s i n . Old
men for i n stance, could walk through the cam p with a big
h a rd o n, no pants or legg i n gs or breech cloth or a nyth i ng,
a n d n obody thought anyt h i n g of it. I t's j u st the way he was
a n d the way he wa nted to be at that m o ment. And there
was n o j udgment or sayi n g, " O h , that's terri ble, yo u
should cover yo urself u p yo u n asty old t h i n g," l i ke that,
a n d of co u rse when the m i ssionaries c a m e amo ngst the
tri bes, the fi rst t h i n g they did was see these men and
wo men in male attire and fe m a l e att i re and they co nsid­
ered that the worst abo m ination. That was the fi rst t h i n g to
go u n dergro u n d or attem pted to be destroyed, and it was
a l mo st co m pletely destroyed . Th i ngs went way deep
u n d ergro u n d , you know.

I th i n k we t a l ked about H osteen K i a h . H osteen Ki ah was a

N avajo man, and wom a n . Some people say that he was . . .

wolfie: intersex?

Clyde: Yes, i ntersex. H e had the power to do both fem i n i n e

a n d m ascu l i n e t h i n gs. H e co nducted s i n gs with the N ava­
jo ways a n d re l i gion. [. . . ] M o st peop le, most traditional
N avajo peop le, cons ider themselves l ucky and accom ­
p l i s hed if they m astered i n thei r l i fe one ceremony or s i ng,
with a l l the sand painti ngs and the songs th at go with it;
but H ostee n Kiah at the t i m e that he pas sed on he had
m astered someth i n g l i ke 10 or 15 of these thi ngs which
was u n heard of. H e was also a m aster weaver, and weav­
i n g i s o n ly done by the women. He wove rugs and t h i ngs
l i ke that.

wolfie: did he create whole new tech n iques?

Clyde: H e created a whole new trad ition where he took the

figures that were i n the sand pa i nti ngs, the sand painti ngs
of the s i ngs, and he tra n s l ated them i nto woven rugs.

It was previ ously u n heard of. Yo u know, you had the

Yei b ichai fi g u res portrayed and t h i n gs l i ke that a lways i n
N avajo r u gs now, they were n ' t necessari ly there before. H e
was the one who was res pons i ble, he was the o n ly one
who co uld tra n s late those th i n gs i nto it, otherwi se it was
very separate, you didn't portray those beings in some­
th i n g l i ke a rug, you co u ld n 't rec reate those sand pa i n t i n gs
based on those beings. So h e d i d all that , he was able to
do th at, a n d he worked with a lady, a lot of h i s th i n gs are at
the Wheelwright M u seum [ N ow ca l led The Wheel right M u­
seum of the American I n d i a n] . But Hos teen Kiah was
 '
'

'•

respon s i b le fo r hel p i n g esta b l i s h that m u seu m a n d h i s

weavi n gs and reco rd i n gs are sti l l there today. S o th at's
kind of a story a bout h i m . And the old t i m e peo ple cou l d
do that kind of t h i ngs. They could i n n ovate new songs,
they co u l d i n n ovate changes i n ritu a l , and all of that be­
cause they knew th at it was wit h i n thei r power to do those
th i n gs, but a l so to c h a nge them a n d tran scend and re­
m ove them i n a different way, should they choose.

wolfie: doing so from a very solid fou n d ation, though.

Clyde: From a very so l id fo u ndati o n , yes . Beca u se they

were the keepers of the song, they were the keepers of the
ritual kinds of t h i ngs and so they coul d either preserve it
the way it was or cha n ge it a l i ttle bit. Or a who le lot. [. . . ]

wolfie: so, we tal ked a bout two s p i rit bei n g a fa i rly n ew

con struct, a n d so i s "q ueer " as a construct. it does n 't
seem l i ke i n n ative a m erican trad itions that sexual ity was
ever sepa rated out the way it's sepa rated out i n western
cultu re.

Cly:de: N o, it's j u st someth i n g th at's woven i n the th read of

l ife , and it's the Christi a n concept of s i n that's made it
somet h i n g that cou ld be tho ught of as d i rty, and in this
co u ntry beca use of the peo ple t h at were e m powering this
co u ntry, the p u rita n s a n d th in gs l i ke that , we sti l l ca rry a s a
co u ntry th i s pu ritan eth i c that d i d n 't exist i n I nd i a n society
at a l l . For us a l l of sexuali ty was j u st part of the weave of
l i fet someth i n g that ju st ran t a n d it wa s n ' t co nsidered a ny­
thing isolated or it wa sn't con s idered somet h i n g yo u d i d
i n t h e d a rk , o r that was bad, o r anyt h i ng. I t w a s j u st part of
what yo u did in living in yo u r d ay-to-day existence. [. . . ]

wolfie: when yo u brought the d a nce fo r a l l people [the

ceremony of renewa l and raci al harm o ny based in the gre at
p l a i n s traditions] to the rad ica l faeries [a radical q ueer
s p i ritual ity m oveme nt] for the fi rst t i m e . . . would yo u say
there was a q u a l itative difference i n how it flowed havi n g a
m ajority of the peo ple i n circle being q ueer?

Clyde: I was cu rious o n how it was go i n g to work with Rad­

ical Faeries beca u s e I u n derstood that they did earth prac­
tices with that a m o n g other t h i ngs, and also I 've a lways
had th i s thought o r belief that most of what you'd con­
sider gay people i n th is cou ntry a re l i ke slee p i n g s p i ritual
giants, should they be awakened. I t's j u st the way that our
society h a s fu n n el led a l l those u n iq u e talents and abi l ities
and th i ngs of the i n-between person i nto someth i n g that
fits in these l ittle boxes and yo u don 't d a re get out of these
l ittle boxes. I was wonderi ng how wo u l d it work if these
people were awakened to th i s pa rticu la r way a n d how it
wo u l d move with them. It was a gra nd experi ment, a n d it
worked wonderfu l i n a lot of ways beca use aga i n t l i ke we
were t a l k i n g about, i n N ative American society two sp irit
people are the vanguardst they're the ones that move a n d
cha nge things , they're the ones that do a l l t h i s k i n d o f the
 '
'

'•

stuff. And what I fo u n d at Wolf Creek [the Rad ical Faerie

sa nctu a ry i n Oregon] is for the most pa rt, it's l i ke a, like
you 're saying, a c a u l d ro n , and some of the t h i ngs t hat
they've done at Wol f Creek h ave ended u p i n absol ute d i s­
aster, but other t h i n gs that have worked , h ave worked very
wel l and the other d a nce com m u n ities e m u l ate them. I f it
wo rks at Wo lf Creek, it' l l fi lter th rough the other com m u ­
n ities, but it was Wo lf Creek that was i n the vanguard .

wolfie: last n ight, there was bundle opening cere m o ny and

when i was sta n d i n g th ere at one point i looked around
a n d cou nted the peo ple who were there a n d i noticed that
p robably 75% of those people were q ueer peo ple - and so
this ties in i think, co uld you talk a l ittle bit a bout th at, not
j u st how the faeries cha nged the na raya [the d a nce for a l l
people] , b u t how the n a raya i s changing the faeries and
q u eer people who come to the cere m o ny?

Clyde: It is because they become more focu sed a n d they

have become able to acknowledge their own i n ner power
a n d strength . See, my in ten tion when I brought the n a raya
to N ew Yo rk, was to h ave it focu sed on queer people a n d
wo men, because we were d i senfranchised o n e s , j u st l i ke
the I n d ia n s , we're d i senfranch i sed too, so to give that
power, that s p i ritual a b i l ity back to those people, yo u
know, and I th i n k it's m oved i n wonderfu l ways through
the year, but th at's where the focus of the na raya h a s a l­
ways bee n , i s with those peo ple. I t has evolved that way,
the n a raya. The way I look at it i s someth i n g that sta rted
out with th is tradition. but is it necessari ly that anymore?
I t's evolved i nto its own thing, its own bei n g and having
m a i n ly women and q ueer peop le, th at's the whole pu rpose
of it. Why it's com i n g to be and why it m a n ifested when it
did is becom i n g more a n d more clear as we get along i n
these decades beca use the n a raya, the last time it m a n i­
fested was i n 1 890 and that as a t i m e of m uch t u r m o i l and
tro u b l e with the I nd i a n people a n d thei r wo rld was rap idly
cha nging, and n ow o u r whole world i s rapid ly changi ng.
not on ly I nd i a n people but everybody. we don't know
where it's go i n g to end and whether it's go i n g to end for
better or worse or what, and so hopefu l ly, it's com i n g k i n d
o f clear to me why the naraya i s back i n the wo rld aga i n
right now. a n d th at's the thi ng. th at's why i n Decem ber I
got a l l those elders togethe r i n N ew Yo rk and we had
a bout l o oo years of experience i n that roo m .

We were there to co m e u p with a gro u p statement. how is

the n a raya go i n g to help us to co ntinue and how is the
n a raya go i n g to help us to keep this wo rld on some k i n d of
even keel or at least pick up the p i eces later. And it's a l l
beco m i n g very concrete o n why it's i n the world right now,
why it's afoot. Beca use o u r world i s changi ng for better or
wo rse right now. and th at's why it's here and th at's why
it's here m a i n ly for wo men and m a i n ly for queer peop le, so
it w i l l give us some way of bei ng s p i rit u a l ly strong and
 '
'

good .
wolfie: can you a rticulate what yo u see a s the d i ffere n ce
between a q u eer ex perie nce of magic a n d i don't know
whether to ca ll it straight magic or cis magic or what. l a n ­
gu age i s so li m ited .

Cly:de: Wel l , yo u can say t h i s , is that you know, a lot of

E u ropean m agic and even I n d i a n , I n d i a n s p i ritual ways, a re
based o n a d u a l ity of fem i n i ne and m a s c u l i ne. Like last
n i ght. when we were i n the b u n dle open i n g, wel l, that's
how we open the bu n d le, there has to be a wo man on one
side a n d a man on the other, a n d you k n ow. m e n sit o n
one side, women sit o n the other, a n d with the qu eer
m agic it's across the board beca use it's a n i n - between type
of magic and th at's rea l ly where the greatest power l ies, i n
a ny magic practice, i s that i n-betwee n . The po i n t that's not
fixed.

wolfie: one of the ways that we tal ked about th i s was goi n g
i nto the d i scuss i on of esse ntia l i s m a n d socia l con struc­
tion, and is there a n essenti a l fem i n i ne and a n essentia l
m ascu l i n e, a re they beholden to biology?

Cly:de: It doesn't have a nyth i n g to do with b i o logy, it's j u st

the way that the world moves fo r p rocreative p u rposes, I
mean that's the way it i s , for a m a n ifestation of l i fe.

U p in B l ackfeet country there's the M atoki Society, th at's

exc l u s ive wo m a n society a n d they get together once a yea r
and they bu i Id th is lodge and they have their secret doings
in there. And I hear about maybe io years ago, 15 years
ago. they i nvited this m a n in who identified as bei n g fe m i­
n i ne a n d they i nvited h i m to be a mem ber of that society.
U n heard of. but they d i d , and he's still a member of that
society today beca u se he views h i mself as a fem i n i n e per­
son.

That's one wond erfu l th i n g about I n d ia n beliefs and other

bel iefs is you c a n ' t get dogmatic a bout them, peo ple s ay
'oh the I n d i a n s are d o i n g things l i ke they did i n thei r age
old trad itions a thousand years ago, it's the sa me' . . . I t's
not the same. You know, you draw i n s p i ration and you do
things as an honor to that, but it's not the same because it
has to fit the peo ple who a re l iving now otherwise if you're
ju st go i n g through the motions of doing somet h i n g yo u
d i d , it's go i n g to be m e a n i ngless to the people who l ive
now and a re p racti c i n g it. [. . . ] I t's a l i v i n g tradition rather
than an oss ified o n e .

wolfie: i wo u ld n 't exactly ca l l modern society i n tegrated,

but to the extent that peo ple fro m lots of different t ra d i ­
tions are com i n g together a n d t a l k i n g a bout and shari ng;
what do you see as the role of q ueer people, i n terms of
how t h i n gs are goi n g to continue. both magica l ly and so­
c i a l ly.

Clyde: I should hope that the wo rld is go i n g to evolve, that

 '
'

'•

s p i ritual beliefs are go i n g to evolve, beca use I th i n k with

q u eer people, they have such u n i que gifts a n d viewpo i nts
of the world , should they choose to do so, I ' m not ta l k i n g
a bout t h e Log Cabin [Cl u b] Re p u b l icans, that they cou ld
p robably benefit the world a great dea l with what they
know and the powers that they have, should they choose
to e m b race a n d explore those powers. [. . . ]

wolfie: with i n the monotheistic struct u re, everything i s so

fixed, th at's what I see as one of the powers of queer/two
s pi rit/epicene, wh atever we're ca l l i n g it, is that th ere is not
j u st a A u id ity but a mobi l ity with that.

Clyde: I t's l i ke water, and yo u know with the N ative A mer­

ican trad itions of course, the sun a n d the eagle is the
m ascu l i n e, the l i gh t, and the eagle is the m essenger and
the doer, a n d here on the other side you h ave the moon,
a n d yo u have the owl . And the sun and the eagle is a l l
a bout. That rigi d ity, a n d the moon and the owl a re a l l
a bout sec ret t h i ngs i n t h e n i ght, a n d a l so a bout the water,
the water i s part of that too, so. Yo u h ave that, a l l a ga i n o n
that concept of a ci rcle, yo u were a s k i n g m e about what, i n
Shoshone tradition, was there a two s p i rit bei ng i n the . . .

wolfie: i n the iconography.

Clyde: There i s , i ndeed . Coyote i s the one who was that.

H e co u ld cha nge h i m self into a m a n or a wo m a n , you
know, with all the q u a l ities thereof . . . and he was also, i n
h i s m ost h i ghest as pect, he was the bri nger of l ight a n d
knowledge i nto the world by stea ling t h e fi re, you know
a n d aga i n , on ly a two s p i rit bei ng co uld do that. Co uld
bring that l ight i nto the world a nd con seq uently knowl­
edge, a n d so there's m any other stories with N ative Amer­
ican traditions too. L i ke we mentio ned the heemaneh,
a bout hee m a n eh be ing this big gi ant being who had h i s
feet i n the ground a n d h i s head a n d u p per torso i n the s ky,
so you know there's all k i n d s of t h i ngs that acknowledge
that c i rcle as the way th i ngs go.

wolfie: a n d if i rem e m ber some of my sto ries, part of why

coyote would change from m a l e to fe m a le was based on
who he was attracted to at that m o m ent.

Clyde: Who he was attracted to at that m o m ent o r some

pu rpose that he had, that wo u l d work better with h i m
d o i n g that, s o there's that too.

wolfie: j u st i n the d i scussion of m ovi ng fo rward as a

species, where do you see that fl u id ity bei n g benefici a l ?
th at's kind of a n obvious q uest i o n .

Clyde: A l l change comes fro m that fl u id ity. Fo r better o r

wo rse, i t a l l comes from that fl u i d ity. Peo ple have to get
back to the concept that a l l of those t h i ngs, a l l those ways
of being a re with i n the ci rcle. I t was Christian ity that m ade
it bad i n th i s western c u l t u re . I n other c u lt u res, in other
trad itions, it was dependent o n how long the civil ization
 '
'

'•

l asted . I t went through waxi ng a n d wa n i ng period s. That's

the natural flow of t h i ngs.

wolfie: and it's not in a ny h ierarch ical sen se.

Clyde: N o, it a l l flows together.

wolfie: that's been one of the p roblem s with talking about

this i n the neo-pagan com m u n ity. people get defens ive
a n d say, "we l l , yo u're s ayi ng that q ueers a re better!" and
it's l i ke, "th i s i s not a s u p re m acy game."

Clyde: N o, it's not a s u p rem acy game, th at's a very western

concept, s u p remacy over, I 'm better than yo u , blah blah
b lah , you kn ow, no, it all goes together.

When we sta rted th i s conversatio n , a bout how people i n

I n d i a n nations recogn i ze that there was a u n iq ue talent
that everybody had with i n the tri be, wh atever that talent
was, was i n corporated i nto the tribal structure to enable
the tribe to s u rvive , everybody h a d a u n iq u e talent, every­
body h a d a u n ique gift and it's part of what made t h i n gs
go around . [. . . ]

wolfie: th a n k yo u so m uch.

Clyde: Yo u 're welco me, t h i s was wo nderfu l !

.::_ I nterview co nducted on Fe bruary 1 2t h , 20 1 7. Origi n a l
i n terview abri dged for length . Comp lete i n teview c a n be
fou nd at www. M xstic Prod uctions P ress .co m/� ueermagic
'
'
Protect All Queers sigil

by I n es lxierd a
'
'
 Walking With Mystery

BY W. L. BOLM

I h ave a lways exi sted between worlds, never qu ite belong­

i n g i n a ny com m u n ity I ' ve fo u nd beca use my identities a re
not e a s i ly defi ned . I ' m a Flori d i a n who spent my c h i l d hood
i n the U p per Pen i n s u l a of M ic h igan a n d became a Ya n kee­
Southern hybrid when I m oved back to Florida . I grew up
as a Luthera n who d i d n't beli eve i n God, t ra n s itio ned to
l i v i n g a s a witch without a coven , and converted to Reform
J u d a i s m i n college. N ow I p ractice a s p i ritual ity s h aped by
ritu a l honed through yea rs of practice that combi nes the
mystery of a J ewish god that c a n n ot tru ly be known with
the natural awe of the B ritish Rom a ntics, a cadre of poets
known fo r their con n ection to n atural, wild places a n d
exploration o f s u pern atu ra l themes.

This same d ichotomy of belonging and not belongi n g is

somet h i n g I experience in the QU I LTBAG (Q ueer/
Question i n g, U ndecided, l n tersex, Les bian, Tra n s , B i sex­
ual, Asexu a l , G ay/ Genderqueer) co m m u n ity as wel l . I a m
pa nsexual, but I often call myself bi sexua l beca use of soci­
ety's need to ass ign gender to a b i n a ry system . I l a be l my­
self q ueer beca use it gives me the room I need to be my
m ost a uthentic self, but I sti l l show up at bi sexu a l events,
lesbian events, and gay (the most nebu lous of a l l terms)
 '
'

'•

events. I a m demi sexua l-somewhere between asex u a l

a n d hypersexu a l-with t h e caveat that I need to fi n d peo­
ple I co n n ect to on an e m ot i o n a l level befo re I feel a ny­
thing a k i n to sexu a l stirri ngs, a n d , a s a sex positivity ac­
tivi st, I often feel l i ke I d o n 't belong i n the very crowd s I
help o rga n ize beca u se of m y lack of desi re i s often read as
rep ress i on or a sexual ha ng-up. When yo u add in the fact
that my p ronouns a re they/them and the gender of m y
soul co u l d be best descri bed a s "genderless blob," m y i n­
a b i lity to be categorized i n easy ways m a kes it h a rd to fi n d
a group to belong to within rigid defin itions often ascri bed
to a lternative co m m u n ities.
Through the years, my queerness has s h a ped my rel igi ou s
beli efs . Through rejecting gender and the gender b i n a ry,
my eyes were opened to the idea that god does n 't fit the
p rojections people use to anthropomorp h i ze the d ivine.
As I lea rned m ore a bout myself and who I was, I sta rted to
b re a k free of seei ng the d ivine as two halves of a gender
b i n a ry. I a l so lea rned how to i ntentiona l ly break the gen­
dered rules that were be i n g passed down to m e through
the pop magic texts eas i ly ava i l a b le in the ea rly to m id­
n i n eties. I n doing so, I bega n to learn m ore about myself.

(@ · ---

There were two fa l se bel iefs I held i n h i gh schoo l .

The fi rst was that I was a stra ight wom a n . T h i s was easy to
d i spel a s I m oved from h ig h schoo l i nto my a d u l t life and
bega n to meet a m o re d i verse popu lation of wo men, as
wel l as when I explored a nthropology cla sses and on l i n e
com m u n ities centered a round peop le who we re n o longer
trap ped by a gen d er b i n a ry system .

The second was that I was a chaos m ag1c1 a n . A l l o f the

boo ks that I read, and a l l of the paga n s that I k new, either
a d d res sed the god and goddess eq u a l l y out of a sense of
balance, or they focu sed o n the goddess a n d the m uch­
ignored fem i n i n e divine in their p ractices. C a l l i n g myself a
chaos magici a n was my fi rst step toward brea k i n g away
fro m the d ivine b i n a ry.

I was a wei rd kid . I s at i n trees a n d read boo ks d u ring fa m ­

ily reu n i o n s . l n m y head , I constructed a m a le avata r fo r
myself. H e went o n d ayd rea m advent u res a n d was the
side-ki c k of m a ny of my favorite television a n d m ovie he­
roes. These fa ntasies defi n itely p repared me fo r visual­
ization d u ri n g spellwork l ater in l i fe. I tho ught of myself as
one of the guys.

I n h igh schoo l , as my sex u a l ity awa kened, my i n ner wo rld

cha nged . My avatar became a b rood i n g goth girl with long
b lac k h a i r. I discovered books by Scott C u n n i n gham,
Starhawk, a n d S i lver Ravenwo lf and sta rted to rep l ace my
u n ce rtai nty with my fa m i ly's Lutheran bel iefs with u ncer­
tai nty over pagan bel iefs . Except, I co uld see my spel lwork
 '
'

wo rk i n g i n my l i fe, fo r good and for bad1 m ostly t h rough

love spel l s that entan gled me i n re latio n s h i p s a n d glam ­
o u rs that gave my chu bby teen age self-co nfi dence.

The boo ks I was read i n g had a u n ivers a l theme that there

was a god and a god dess, two p a rts to the d ivi ne. M an y i n­
cl uded l a u n d ry l i sts of deities to i nvoke fo r specific p u r­
poses. There were l i sts u pon l i sts of colors a n d elements
and fl owers and gem s and how they related to the d i fferent
d ivinit ies a n d my goa l s , but none of these gods a n d god­
des ses resonated with me. I d a bbled, looking for a place I
bel onged a m o n gst anc ient cultu res a n d pa ntheo n s , mov­
i n g from the N o rd i c gods to the anci ent G reeks to the
Egypt i a n s and fi nd i ng bits and pieces of lore I fou nd fasci­
nating, but no true bel ief or sacred ca ste system to ground
me. M y magic became d i s passionate, m o re l i ke p uttin g to­
geth e r a rec i pe for cu rry than contacting the d ivine. Even
though my spells were worki n g, I sta rted cutt i n g the i nvo­
cation down u n t i l I was no lo nger i nvoking the god and
god dess suggested for the s ituation I was d e a l i n g with .
Thus began my identity as a chaos m agic i a n , a l a be l I
chose because my ritua l s were b a re bones i n form and ap­
pealed to no deity beyo n d a wild, u ndefi n ed s p i rit I could
not yet truly grasp.

@· --

I t was Decem ber 31, 1999. M y m other was out fo r N ew

Yea r's Eve, and I was at the dining room table p reparing a
spell. I had long ago given up o n i nvo k i n g the goddess
that had once graced my m a kesh ift altar. H e r l i keness was
a l ight-up M other M a ry Christmas tree topper I had
d ressed up with s o m e ra ndom swag fro m my room , her
ve i l transformed i nto a cloak with the addition of a lone
earri n g, and her b l u e satin d ress decorated with red m agic
m a rker. I had tran sformed her from s a i n t to goddess then
a bandon ed both before my grad uation from h igh school.
She sat n eglected on a shelf, her i n vocat ion repl aced with
a s i lent appeal a n d v i s u a l ization of wh ite d i v i n e en ergy.
S h e was the na meless rep l acement fo r a deity I co uld n ot
n a m e.

I tho ught the world was going to end fo r Y2K; I was seven­
teen and was a news j u n kie, so I ho ped that I and witches
l i ke me could at least t i p the world back towards a techno­
logical futu re, even if the co m p uters we a l ready depended
on fa i led u s .

Fo r the b u l k of my ritual, I counted on v i s u a l izations and

p rayer. I p rayed that the wo rld be okay, that we wou ld be
p rotected . I envisioned a wh ite b u bble of p rotective energy
s u rro u n d i ng me, expa n d i n g to envelop my house; then the
neigh borhood, city, state, cou ntry, and fi n a l ly the wo rld. I

wo u l d fa l l back to t h i s v i s u a l ization ove r and over aga i n

th roughout the years to come, whenever m y yo u n g world
seemed out of my control.
 '
'

'•

The clock struck mid ni ghtt a n d noth i n g h a ppe ned aside

fro m the t u r n i n g of the yea r. P l a nes weren't fa ll i ng fro m
the s ky the way I had fea red . People were celebrati ng on
telev i s i o n . I cou ld hear the sound of fi recrackers going off
in my neighbo rhood . The wo rld co ntin ued, and I had crys­
tall ized the begi n n i ngs of a skeleton that wo u l d s lowly be­
co m e the fo u ndation for my rit u a l work as an adu lt.

@) --

I came c loser to fo rm i n g a god of my u nderstan d i n g

through convers ion to J ud a i s m when I was a l most fi n ­
is hed with col lege, close to a decade later. I n Jewish the­
ology, there a re m a le a n d fe m a l e a s pects of god , but the
m odern Jewish concept of god i s of a n u n knowa b le mys­
tery, not rea lly m a l e o r fem a le. As with every reli gio n, J ew­
i s h fol l owers s p l i t off i nto d i fferent paths of ritual and be­
l ief, but the two con sta nts a re that god is a mystery, and
you m u st study not to d i scover the u lti m ate a n swers, but
to b u i ld a con nection with god even though so m an y qu es­
tions rem a i n .

The fi rst rab b i I stud ied u nder often said that the m ore h e
learned, the m o re he felt there was to learn. The emphas i s
o n ritual and a rcane knowledge is what fi rst attracted me
to J ud a i s m , but when I d i scovered that J ud a i s m a l l owed
mystery without concrete a n swers, that it p rized i n de­
pendent study a n d l ively debate, a n d that it was a re l i gi o n
that was sti l l evo lving, I knew that I had fo u n d a rel igion
that fit my i n a b i l ity to believe that a ny religious doctri ne
holds a l l of the ave n u es to truth.

There is a s aying that if you get two J ewish people together

in one roo m , yo u ' l l end up with th ree o p i n ions, and I 've
fou nd this to be true. The J ews I h ave m et th roughout the
yea rs have been very d iverse. J ewish h i p p ies. J ewish B ud­
d h i sts. J ewish soccer m o m s . J ewish witches. O rthodox
J ews. J ewish fem i n ists. J ewish gamers. J ewish stoners. J ew­
i s h m u s i c i a n s . I 've hea rd ra bbis d i scuss the pagan origi n s
o f h o l i d ay ritu als . I 've heard heated debates on whether o r
not p rayer works , o n whethe r o r not god exists, a n d on
whether or not the B i ble was rea l ly ha nded down by god .
J u d a i s m i s messy a n d loud a n d a vi bra nt com m u n ity, one
that I was wi l l i ng to put in two yea rs of study in order to
)Oln.

(@ - --

I h ave experien ced two J ewish reb i rths i n my l ife.

The fi rst was when I floated i n the G u l f of M exico, en­

closed in a m a keshift mikvah (a rit u al bath) in the ocea n ,
experienci n g the J ewish version of bapti s m . I tloated i n
warm Florida waters a t Clearwater beach i nside of a sym­
bolic wom b as tru sted members of my com m u n ity wit­
nessed my emergence i nto the Jewish trad itio n .
 '
'

I n those m o m ents that I was su rro u nded by u n d u lating

c u rta i n s on a float i ng, cobbled -together fra me in the G u lf,
bobbing in warm water, surro u n ded by love a n d s u pport, I
had n ever felt closer to the d i vi ne fem i n i ne. I n those mo­
ments, I felt safe. After we said our p rayers, I emerged out
i nto the la rger ocean to j o i n my new co m m u n i ty. Yet, even
though the energy that s u rro u n ded me felt fem i n ine, I
recognized in the moment that god is l a rger than this
experience and my percept i o n .

The seco nd t i m e I was reborn was when I cast off a bad

m a rriage to beg i n my l ife a n ew.

I sta red at the i nvitations I 'd o rdered from Scri ptu ra, a
local N ew O rlea ns p rin ti ng co m p a ny. They were pale blue
with a green oa k tree in the backgro u n d . They were i nv ita­
tions not for my wed d i ng but fo r my d i vo rce. I had i nvited
a handfu l of close fri ends to come witness the rit u al I had
written with my rab b i , so I co u l d fi n a l ly let go of my ex and
the baggage that came along with the bad mem ories of a
m a rriage that had d ragged out fo r too long.

When the day came, I walked down Esplanade Avenue to

City Park a n d the w i n d ch i m e tree, the one p lace i n the
wo rld gu ara nteed to bring me to a p l ace of ca l m and
serenity. The wind chime tree is a m a ssive oak next to one
of the park's l agoo ns, and the chi mes a re t u n ed to the
same freq uency so that natu ra l m u sic is perpetu a l ly
playing i n its branches .

We recited a b lessing to Ad o n a i , a p l aceho lder n a m e for

the J ewish god, a god that i s often cal led u lord ." The con­
stant tens ion of reconci l i n g the gendered l a ngu age of He­
b rew with the genderless ideal of the J ewish god fl a red i n
m y m i n d . Th is was even after yea rs of q ueer J ewish study
with teachers who accepted modern i nterp retations of
texts as we l l as citing paga n o ri gins of teach ings, texts, and
rituals. Even though all m u ndane words in He b rew, from
c h a i r to s ky, a re gend ered, bei n g rem i nded of a m a l e god
i n n i n ety percent of J ew i s h texts and p rayers, of god as
king or father or lo rd , was a s o u rce of d i ssona nce in my
mind.

S u rro u n ded by friends, I m ade a tem p orary peace with the

te nsion and said bless i n gs to Adonai then th rew bread­
cru m bs i nto the l agoo n, re m i n i scent of the ritual J ewish
people a rou nd the world practice o n Rosh H a s h a n a h , ca st­
i n g away their s i n s . I n stead, I was cast i n g off an old s k i n , a
l i fe a n d relation s h i p that no longer served me.

This was my ritua l ; I had w ritten it i nto bei ng. I had pored
over suggested texts a n d books and co me u p with some­
th i ng mea n i n gfu I for me. Though J ud a i s m i s a n a ncient
religion, m odern p rogressive J ews often cobb le together
their own hym n s , services, a n d rituals ba sed on their own
needs a n d the mea n i ngs they d raw from l ife. As I sat down
 '
'

'•

to brea k bread at the con cluding p i cn i c u nder the wind­

c h i m e tree, I was p a rt of that long tradition, though I was
sti ll frustrated with the co n fi n es of a gendered l a ngu age
when I didn 't see myself concretely rep resented by ei ther
gender. Appea l s to a m a l e god a re often h a b i t u a l even
when deeper teach i ngs a n d studies bring up so m uch
more gender variance a n d i nterpretati o n . A few yea rs i nto
my J ewish convers ion, I was having grow i n g pains. I was
sti ll searc h i n g fo r a way to put i nto wo rd s my experiences
with a deity that cou l d not be defi ned i n term s of male o r
fema le, m a n or wo m a n .

(@ · --

I t was n ' t u n t i l I sta rted work i n g o n my master's degree i n

English that I rea l l y fo u n d a text that s ucci nctly descri bes
what I believe, and I fo u n d it i n the wo rks of the B ritis h
Romantics.

"The awfu l s hadow of some u n seen Powe r/ F loats though

u n seen a m o ngst us; v i s iti ng/Th is various world with as
i n co n stant wi ng." Percy Bysshe Shel ley pen n ed these
wo rd s i n Hymn to Intellectual Beauty, which speak so
clearly to m e of what god is; God is i n constant a n d fl eet-
i n g. I t i s th rough ritu a l , med itation, comm u n i n g with na­
tu re, a n d o u r connection to other people that we a re a ble
to touch the divi ne. Each of u s is left to figu re out how to
touch t h i s powe r i n o u r own way. To m e it seems very
American that I a m a genderq ueer J ew who p ractices m agic
and whose p h i losophy on god comes from a B ritish athe­
ist who d i ed a l m ost two h u n d red years ago.

Shelley's views on god as an u n knowa ble, natural fo rce a re

very J ewish, and very paga n. H i s poetry is a begi n n er's
tem p late for enter i n g god-space. H e gives n o path fo r
h o l d i n g onto a con nection with the d iv i n e, but that i s
where rit u a l provides fra m ework. S i m p ly go i n g i nto sacred
natu ra l sp ace can create a sense of d i v i n e awe, but casting
a c i rcle, ca l l i n g the q u a rters, a n d b u i l d i n g energy a l l wo rk
toward e n s u r i n g a con nection with the d ivi ne. As Shel ley
writes i n Mont Blanc, "the wilderness' has a mysterious
tongue/Wh ich teaches awfu l doubt, o r fa ith so m i ld,/So
solem n, so serene, that man may be,/But for such faith
with n ature reconci led ." I t i s not a n a med god or goddess
that creates open- m i nded reverie, the en ergy needed to do
m agical work, but a co n n ection to the natura l wo rld that
helps u s bridge to h i gher p l a n es . With my exposu re to
Shelley's writi n g, my u nderst a n d i n g of god s h i fted ; I no
lo nger had to hold a pictu re of god, even a sh ifti ng pi ctu re,
i n my m i n d to work my magic.

(@ - --

I sat cross-legged on the floor i n my new basement office

and a rt stu d i o . A boo k I 'd pic ked up from the l i bra ry o n a rt
a n d design had i n s p i red m e to claim th i s s p ace. I was
 '
'

'•

b re a ki ng i t i n , con secrat i n g it, and i ntrod ucing it to m agic

and to m yself. A c i rcle of white, p rotective e nergy s u r­
ro u nded me. I was deep i n meditation. Psychic roots
flowed fro m m e down i nto the gro u n d , and sparkling,
gem-encru sted branches grew from my crown and out i n to
the roo m . I was prepa red . I had evoked the d ivine that i s
everyth i ng. That was enough.

A candle I u sed regul a rly fo r centeri ng m ed itation sat be­

fore me, as d id a sacred j o u rn a l , a special pen, and an o r­
n ately carved glass bow l . I began to write o n a page of the
journal. I w rote a bout my old l ife and the t h i ngs h o l d i n g
m e back. I wrote about fears a n d people h u n d reds o f m i les
away who no longer served my l i fe. And then, with spoken
i ntentions a n d a b lessing, I ri p ped the page out of the
boo k a n d held it to the cand le's fl a me . I d rop ped the pape r
i nto the glass bowl s o that i t could safely b u r n out.

Then the s m o ke alarm went off.

I l a ughed, and the s m o ke a l arm was close enough to be i n­

side my c i rcle a n d wi t h i n wavi ng d i stance , so I p ic ked u p
the boo k and used i t to fa n the s m a l l a m o u nt of s m oke i n
the room away from the s moke detector, so it wo u ld n 't
wake m y roo m m ates. The fa n n i n g became p a rt of the rit­
u a l , a last use of energy before fi n i s h i n g the rite and
gro u n d i ng. That h u morous m o ment m ade gro u n di ng i n
c h i l d 's pose easier, m y forehead p ressed aga i n st the floor,
the i mage of the energy flowing o ut and i nto the world be­
h i n d my eye l i d s .

c h a n n e l energy t h rough med itation a n d ritual, chanting

and i ntent io n . Emotion and repet ition . I have learned how
to v i s u a lize energy, to ra i se it and hold it, to work it as it
m a n i fests. I n my path , the a nth ropomorph ization of the
d ivi ne is a too l, but it can a l so be a ba rrier to growth a n d
knowledge. The eventual goa l is to be a b le to reach t h e d i ­
v i n e 1 n M ystery, broken free o f my own p reconceived no­
tions.

Everyth i n g i s sacred. Everyt h i n g i s holy. Everything that ex­

i sts m a kes u p the whole of god, a n d therefore, god
enco m p a sses a l l and n oth ing, male and fe m a l e a n d nei­
ther.

M y path h a s been a wind i ng one, and beca u se of its twi sts

and t u r n s , I often fi n d myself on the outside looki n g i n . I
have a pagan fo u n dat ion and a R o m a ntic J ewish phi los­
ophy that sets me a p a rt fro m othe r neo-pagans and fro m
other J ews. J u st a s I fi n d myself a p a rt from those who can
see them selves clearly in one gender or another. Though I
wa l k my path alo ne, I h ave fo u n d where I 'm meant to be at
this m o m ent.
Creation : Step One
BY A D A R E

G regangelo i s a q ueer W h i r l i n g Dervish, e m u lating the infi­

n ite prowess of the u n iverse in both h i s d a nce and h i s
otherworld ly p rod uction Velocity Circus i n S a n Fra nci sco.
Through h i s revolving dance, G rega ngelo em bodies the
rea lity of an eternal ly rotating m u ltive rse, from the m icro­
swi r l of s u bato m i c particles to the m acro-s p i ra l i n g of
m ajestic galaxies.
'
'
 Living in Att une ment wit h Sensati on
Rat her t han Identity

BY Z G RISS

This p l ace we a re fro m, the bod ies we l ive i n . . . I sense they

hold some u ndersta n d i n g a bout o u r co m mon h u m a n ity if
we can give o u r bod ies our fu l l attentio n . What if we co uld
l ive fro m sensation a n d soul pu rpose rather t h a n social
identity? What h a p pe n s to o u r h u m a n ity if we don ' t ac­
knowledge o u r sensations o r express o u r relation s h i p to
them?

Belonging

Belonging i s often ba sed o n a social iden tity. I belo ng be­

cause l 'm . . . a wom a n , a n a rtist, q u eer, wh ite, black, brown,
pagan, an activist, an en trep ren e u r, a submiss ive, an i ntel­
lectual . . . I ' m c u rious how these soc i a l identities m ight i m ­
pact o u r a b i l ity to track bod i ly sensations or to track o u r
soul p u rpose. Is there something to see that I can see
more clearly when I'm not attached to my identity? I want
to dist i nguish the d ifference between soc i a l locati o n a n d
identity. Yo u r soc i a l location i s so meth i ng ass igned to you
whereas yo u r ident ity is someth i n g yo u co-create. Yo u r
ident ity m ay be how you n avi gate yo u r socia l location a n d
how you choose to defi ne yo u rself. How can that support
a deeper inquiry and self intimacy where we attune to our
 '
'

sensations even when they don't align with our social iden·

tity? I f o u r sense of belo nging depends o n a n identity, it

can be di ffic u lt to con nect wi th the sensations that defy
that identity. J ames B a ldwin wrote a n i ncred i ble u ntitled
p iece a bout a you n g wh ite boy atten d i n g h i s fi rst lynch i ng.
The boy was sta rti ng to feel n a useo u s a n d s i c k at the s ight
of this m u rder, but the ad u lts i n h i s l i fe we re demon­
strati n g that t h i s was accepta ble behavi or. So the yo u n g
boy sta rted to d i scount h i s own i l l sen sati ons as evidence
that what he s aw was wrong, because the boy wa nted to
belong to the wh ite adu lts who a re ra i s i n g h i m . He sta rted
to tell h i m self that h e m u st h ave been gett i n g s i ck a n d that
h i s n a usea d i d n 't have to do with a response to the lynch­
i n g.

It's so com m o n for us to choose o u r ident ity and o u r de­

s i re to belong over choos i n g to feel the truth of o u r sensa­
ti ons . Every time w e trust our sensations and dare to
communicate about them, we move towards liberation. We

give permission to ourselves and everyone around us to

belong simply because we exist , not because of our iden­

ti ty. I f we can fi n d the cou rageo u s experience of belongi ng

s i m ply beca u se we exist, then we can be free to m ove
through sensati ons and identities in a dynam ic, n u a n ced ,
a n d expa n s ive way. When we focus on o u r phys ical sensa­
tions and not on o u r soci a l identities, we can h ave a felt
sense of o u rselves without need i ng to "other" someone
else. Somet i m es it's valua ble to deco n struct o u r social
identities so we can con nect mo re to the heart of what we
want a n d who we a re.

What Sensations are with You Now?

Where i s yo u r body i n space right now? What i s the m ost

relaxed part of you ? What i s the m ost protected p a rt of you
i n t h i s m o m ent? H ow m u ch of you r attention i s engagi ng
with the thousands of n erve i m p u l ses i n yo u r body right
now? What pa rts of you a re in contact with s u rfaces of
s u p port (l i ke a c h a i r, a bed, a floor, o r a l a p) ?

M a ny of u s a re putting o u r attention i n places outside of

o u r felt sensatio n s . Co n s ider a l l the sensations yo u can
track right now. I s there m u s cu l a r te n s i o n in you r tongue?
Is there ten s i o n in the crease at the fro nts of you r a n kles?

H ave you ever fea red that if yo u acted the way yo u a re truly
feel i ng that you would be k i l led o r that people wou l d be
shocked ? Which sensations could you exp ress and sti l l
feel see n , safe, and accepted i n the socia l sp ace you a re
i n ? Perhaps fee l i ng ti red with a yawn. Perh aps feel i n g
happy with a s m i le. Perhaps moving towards the bath­
room because yo u feel the sensation of a fu l l bladder. Al l
of these a re fa i rly safe sensations to feel a n d exp ress.

How many of the sensations you are feeling in this mo­

ment would be challenging to express? Rage. Deep grief. A

 '
'

strong sensation of arousal. What happens to these sensa­

tions if you do not express them?

Sensation is the Rawest Form of Experience

O u r sensations p recede our thoughts a nd emotions ,

wh i ch motivate soci a l identity. B u i l d i n g o u r capacity to
stay present and accept o u r u n comfortable se n s atio n s can
ground u s when expa n d i n g beyond our soci a l identities.
Sensation anchors us through the death and rebirth of who

we are and who we are to each other.

Al ito Alessi of Danceability wou ld s ay "at a ny moment

there a re tens of tho u s a n d s of sensations h a p p e n i n g i n
you r body, but the bra i n o n ly regi sters a few." I m agine
what is poss i ble if we start to expand o u r attentio n and
wi l l i ngness to feel u n fa m i l ia r sensatio n s , u n comfo rtable
feel i ngs, o r even feel i ngs that m a ke u s fear social rejecti o n .

The Sensations that Connect to Gender

Some of you read i n g t h i s , l i ke me, h ave experien ced gen­

d e r dys phoria . O r perhaps you k now someone who has.
This s im p ly mean s that we lose sen sation in part of o u r
a n atomy that doesn 't reflect o u r gender identity. Fo r me, I
lost sensation i n my breasts, whic h h ave a h i story of being
extremely sensitive and e a s i ly a roused. J u st b reath in g
warm a i r w h i l e hovering you r l i p s a n i nch from m y n i pples
co u l d m a ke me c u m . But when I started to con nect m o re
with the sensations of my energetic cock, I sta rted to feel a
n u m bness and avers ion to receiving touch on my breasts.
If yo u a re new to the idea of a n "energetic cock," is s i m p ly
mea n s that I d o n ' t have a p hys ical cock but I have a strong
felt sense of a cock that can get a roused a n d penetrate as
if it is a phys ical part of my body. I t was c h a l lenging to stay
tuned i n to my cock sensations and my breast sensations
s i m u ltaneo u s l y.

This n u m b ness i n my b reasts was i ncred i bly h u m bl i n g for

me as someone who identifies as a n em bod ied being. I
u sed to a s s u m e that if people j u st d i d more yoga, d a nce,
o r meditation, it wou ld enha nce their co n n ection with their
bod ies and they wo u l d n 't have gender dys p horia. I was
clearly wrong. I didn't k now how long this wo uld l ast. I
d id n 't h ave a n exp la n ation fo r my lovers. What I ga i ned
was a deep co m passion a n d em pathy fo r other people
with dys phoria. Body, you h u m ble me a n d re m i n d me to
s u rrender to t h i n gs I may not u ndersta n d but a m w i l l i n g to
accept. I sta rted to soften , a s th i s fru stration beca m e a
sense of awe. Where do these sen sations come fro m ?

I can i m agi n e that i f yo u 've had this experie nce, read i n g

a bout the value o f sensation could feel q u ite over­
whel m i ng. I f I cou ld go back i n t i m e and speak with myself
d u ri n g that period now, I 'd say, " b e gentle and curious
a bout the lack of sen satio n and s i m ply foc u s on what you
can feel. Be open to the poss i b i l ity of yo u r body and m i nd
 '
'

sh ifti ng. Oh yea h, and I 've si nce m et lots of people who've

had a s i m i l a r experience. Yo u're rea l ly n ot alone. I t's ok to
tel l lovers that yo u p refer to not receive focu sed attention
or touch on you r breasts. I t m i ght even feel better to say
'ch est."'

O n some level, my i dentity co u l d not reco ncile that my

sensations i n my cock and my breasts were happe n i ng at
the same time i n a way that m ade me bigger than either
m a n or wo m a n . My social identity was not big enough to
contain the amount of sensations my body was feeling.

I rem e m ber the exact conversation I had l a st s u m m e r

when m y sensation i n m y breasts return ed . I w a s s peaking
with M eagan M u rphy, di rector and p roducer of the B reast
Arch ives, a docu menta ry a bout women 's relatio n s h i p s
with the i r breasts. S h e s h a red with m e that 85% o f women
a re u n ha ppy with thei r breasts. It hit me that s m a l l a n d
l a rge b reasted wo men a l i ke were soc ia li zed t o feel fl awed .
H ere I was, with petite breasts, l ivi n g my whole l i fe fee l in g
I wasn't wo m a n enough. Now that I was sta rti ng to
p resent a s m ore mascu l i ne, severa l close fri ends who were
getting top su rgery were envying how flat I was. It was
q u ite a m i nd t ri p. That's when I became awa re I had i n ter­
n a l ized a sense of i n adeq u acy i n my relation s h i p with my
b reasts that was act u a l ly true for the m ajority of wo men . I n
that m oment sitti ng with M eaga n I rea l ized I was no lo nger
wi l l i n g to let this soc i a l condit i o n i n g i nterru pt my
relationsh i p with my b reasts. I was ready to accept them
ju st as they a re. That's when my breasts sta rted to feel
a ga i n

Women's Circles

Fo r 15 yea rs I offered women's c i rcles ex plori n g sexual ity

and sp i ritua l ity t h ro ugh d a nce. D uri ng t h i s t i m e I identified
a s a wom a n and I tho ught I was welco m i ng the other
wo men to show up in their fu l l expression. I realized that
my women's circles had made the assumpt ion that I still

see in many women's embodiment practices: if a group of

women explore embodiment they are exploring feminine

energy. I remem ber one t i m e I was tea c h i n g a gro u p of

wo men cancer s u rvivors i n Was h i ngton, DC. When I as ked
everyone to s h a re their i ntention for com i n g to the work­
shop a wom a n said she came to exp l o re her fe m i n i n e en­
ergy. I paused. I as ked her why that was i m portant to her.
She was so s u rprised a n d said no body had eve r asked her
that before. I said if her i ntention to exp lore fem i n i n e en­
ergy was rea l ly co m i n g fro m her th at's great, but if it's
co m i n g from a n a s s u m ption that an em bod ied wom a n
s h o u l d b e fe m i n i ne, o r that I as t h e teac her w a s i nvested i n
h e r fem i n i ne energy, s h e cou ld let that go. The next day
she wrote me.

" That point freed me up to not "try" to get what I thought

I should get out of the workshop, but to be open to
 '
'

'•

whatever comes organically. . .

I could feel a kind of energy rising up through my belly,

and it almost felt like my ribs were gonna crack open as I

breathed deep and expansive in my chest. My eyes began

to flutter uncontrollably, which they've never done before
in my life. . . my hea1t exploded, and my body went into
full outburst and I saw like a kind of gold river break out
of my head through the crown and gush afl over these 2

people, like a blessing on them to just be who they are,

freely. I cried and screamed in release. I felt like I was
quaking the walls with uninhibited blessing for those 2

people... I felt this amazing experience where I recon­

nected with my deepest passion in terms of what I want
for humanity, that this experience and expression could be
more than just about me... I felt like I reconnected to my
ministry, to my passion, to compassion, to something
greater than myself, to causes. Afterwards, I found myself
walking the streets of DC without resentment."

What is More Constant than Our Identity?

M a ny of us di scover a new way of bei ng, d ressi ng, and act­

i n g, and we l i ke it. B u t we d o n ' t a l low ou rselves to be d i f­
ferent a n d to let go of who we u s ed to be. Letting go often
means recasting o u r life a n d lettin g re latio n s h i p s trans­
form with the peo ple who have been close to u s but who
can not com pan ion us in our new way of be i n g. I t m eans
bei ng w i l l i ng to be m i s u nderstood, especia lly by those we
u sed to fee l k i n s h i p and e m p athy with. It's a l so poss i b l e
that m a ny o f these same people wi l l exp and and conti nue
to com p a n i o n us. But the depth a n d s u sta i n a b i l ity of our
relationships depends on bei ng p resent with what's truly
a l ive as a felt sensation now, not j u st recreating the fa m i l-
1 a r.

Letting go of an identity does not mean losing our sense of

purpose. In fact , sometimes purpose is the anchor that

guides us as we transition through multiple identities. Our

l i fe i ntention, o u r soul pu rpose, l ives i n a rea l m of who we
a re that is not based i n identity o r l i m itat ions. We have the
honor a n d opport u n ity to move th is knowing of who we
a re from v i s i o n a ry rea l ity i nto physica l rea l i ty through o u r
bod ies. When we a re i n a l ignment with t h i s s o u l pu rpose,
we know it because of the vital sensations that a rise in u s .

M y p u rpose is t o ex pand people's cap acity t o fee l a t home,

ecstatic, and whole i n their bodies so that we can create
soc i a l cha nge from an e m oti o n a l ly resou rced , i m aginative,
and awe- i n s p i red way of being. Ea rly on i n my journey, the
identities of wo m a n , yoga teac her, meditation teacher, a n d
d a ncer were a l l easefu l ways to l ive i n m y pu rpose a n d
m a ke i t easy for people to fi n d me.

Over the years, I listened to the sensations in my bei n g.

felt far m o re sex u a l energy than I used to feel co m fortable
 '
'

express i ng. I felt a q u a l ity of strength and rooted ness i n

my m ovements such that when I taught b i rth i n g d a nces to
wo men, I was told I was too m a sc u l i ne to teach these
fem i n i ne a rt forms. I felt a d a rk des i re fo r i ntensity, s u r­
re nder, and d o m i n a nce that revea led m y lack of i n nocence
a n d either attracted s i m i l a r m isch ief- m a kers, or created
d i stance with " l ight c l i n gers." My identities had to expa n d .

I d id n 't a n tici pate be i n g a k i n k ed ucator, a sexual em pow­

erment coach , or a gend er-t ra n scendent m agic ia n ... but
these new id entities grew fro m me l iving the truth of my
sensatio n s . They co ntinue to serve m y p u rpose to expand
people's capacity to feel at home, ecstatic, and whole i n
their bod ies so we can create soc i a l c h a nge from a n emo­
ti ona l ly reso u rced, i m agin ative, and awe-i n s p i red way of
bei n g.

Me Too : A Ca l l for H ealing

I n 2018, the # m etoo move ment, sta rted by Ta ran a B u rke

1 n 200 6, i s s h a p i n g American c u lt u re i n a big way. The
m ed i a is featuri ng the voice of m a n y women c a l l i n g out
men for sex u a l m i scond uct. Women a re taking powe r by
spea k i ng t h e i r p a i n , by setti ng the record fo r the largest
m a rch i n U . S . h i story, a n d by ru n n i n g fo r political office i n
u n p reced ented n u m bers. Debbie Wa l s h , di rector of the
Center fo r Ameri can Women and Politics at Rutgers, h a s
tall ied 390 wo men� who s ay they wi l l r u n for seats i n the
H o u se of Represe ntatives.

If we look at what i s h a p pen i n g on the level of social iden­

tity we m ay red uce the # m etoo movement to a fight be­
tween women a n d men, or between vict i m s a n d perpe­
trators. But if we a re open to attu n i n g to o u r sensations
rather t h a n these identities we may d i scover someth ing
more l i berati ng. The co l l ective is ready fo r a health ier rela­
tionsh i p to sex, gender, and power. I f we i nvite a gender
tran scendence o r a lett i n g-go of the b i n a ry we can see that
a l i n eage of tra u m a is co m i ng i n to the l i ght so we can ac­
knowledge how pervas ive it is and we can heal it i n soli­
d a rity.

We want to be respected and we want to hea l . Somet i m es

o u r p ai n m a kes u s m o re i nvested i n bla m i n g t h a n hea l i ng.
Somet i m es the m ed i a exaggerates th i s a n d te l l s the story
i n the l angu age of vict i m a n d perpetrator a n d focuses on
celeb rity men as they get cal led out. But when Tarana
Burke started the #metoo movement the focus was not

about disclosure but what happens after d isclosure. The

purpose was to decentralize perpetrators and decentralize

white powerful men so we could put our attention on the

people who experienced a violation. We are called to create

something more inspired and sustainable than uvictim­

hood wearing the cloak of social liberation ," a p h rase cre­

ated by k i n k ed ucator O m R u p a n i .
 '
'

H ow do we exp and our capacity to feel and heal the sensa­

tions that arise fro m i nj u stice? These sen sations m ay feel
enormous because they con n ect not o n ly to ou r persona l
p a i n , but a l so to the p a i n of o u r comm u n ities and of o u r
a ncesto rs . The body wants to heal. The spirit wants to heal.
The parts of us that are ready to feel and heal are not very

interested in who might be to blame . The practice of attun­

ing to our sensations rather than our identity could not be

more vital than it is now. Our healing thrives when we can

focus attention on our sensations. Our healing does not

depend on what happens to the people who have been

called out. As much as we may want them to "get it," or to

be held accountable, our healing does not belong to their

remorse or awareness. Our healing belongs to us. N o m at­

ter what the med i a focuses on we can p rioritize puttin g
attention o n o u r heal i n g p rocess rather than being d i s ­
tracted by b l a m i ng or see k i n g revenge.

O u r body i s a sa cred com post system for o u r sensatio n s .

We c a n u se o u r breath , s o u n d , m ovement, and co m pas­
s i o n ate attentio n to tra nsform our sensat i o n s . The body
can transform o u r p a i n , anger, and grief in to resi l ience,
creativ ity, con n ection, cla rity, a n d co m m itment. The body
returns us to a truth, based in our sensations, that is more

nuanced and dynamic than a social identity.

Some of the c l ients I work with a re hea l i ng fro m a past

sexua l tra u m a , often a violation that occurred with a fa m i ly
m e m ber o r loved one. I t's co m mon fo r them to identify a s
a victim o r s u rvivor. Th i s identity can m a ke it difficu lt fo r
the hea l i ng p rocess even though they a re not a t fa u l t for
the event. The identity of victim can a lter o r l i m it the a b i l ity
to perceive he a l i n g beca use it positions the heal i ng as
dependent on an ac knowledgement, actio n , o r a po logy
fro m a nother person who com m i tted the violation. I p u r­
posefu l ly do not want to use the n o u n s "perpetrator" or
"oppresso r " beca use we can not red uce someo ne's iden tity
to a n action they too k i n the s a m e way that we do not want
to red uce someone to a "vict i m ." The ne rvo u s system s i m ­
p l y wants to hea l. It i s not preocc u p ied with b l a m e, o r who
is suffering m ore, or why th i s h appened . There is an inno­
cence and simplicity to the body's appetite to heal and we

can choose to partner with it. One of my c lients has bee n

o n a n i n cred i ble heal i ng j o u rney from a c h i l d hood sex u a l
tra u m a and has generously vo l u nteered to s h a re some of
their experience.

"For much of my life I had so many stories about what it

meant about me if I felt big emotions. I was 'choosing vic­
timhood, ' 'being weak,' 'inadequate'. As a result of this
shame story, I had a lot of trouble allowing emotions to
move through me. I felt I had to hide them and avoid
them. Working with Z, I've learned to partner with my
body to experience an internal place beyond story. I have
been able to experience and move through emotions that I
 '
'

had repressed for many years. I notice how becoming

tuned in to the subtleties of sensations inside me allows
them to shift. They evo/11e on their own. I simply create a
container to be with what is here."

Healing Leads to Expansion

It's a mystical experience to be fu l ly p resent. " M ystica l "

m ea n i ng i t creates awe, poss i b i l ity, healing, a n d connec­
tion. Gender i s more than a conversation a bout p ro n o u n s
a n d bat h rooms . Gender i s an invitation to make beauty out
of our dynamic self-alignment .

Peo ple a re not stagnant bei n gs. I n clu si on is perm ission to

be whole, to be in the exp a n sive experience of be i n g
h u m a n . I nclu s ivity can not on ly be based o n soc i a l iden­
tities such a s eq u a l access to the iden tity of be i n g a
wo m a n . I n c l u s ivity recogn izes that we a s h u m a n be i n gs
c a n access m u ltipl e identiti es.

The expa n s iveness ava i l a b le 1n o u r i nternal experience

does n ot h ave a fa m i l i a r narrative. The clearer we m a ke it,
to ou rselves and to each other, that a l l of us a re welcome,
the m ore we wi II expand. The compost system of the body
is not only about healing. I t's a bout expa n si o n . We a re i n
the m idst of expa n d i n g o u r identities - a v u l nerable,
cou rageou s , and revolutionary act.

Gender happens to be at the fo refro nt of t h i s expression .

Gender i s deeply ing ra i n ed i n u s o n erotic and v i sce ra l lev­
els. Some of the most p rofound mystical experiences that I
have had access to have been around the doorway of gen­
der.

There's somet h i n g very natural a bout l ivi n g beyo nd the bi­

n a ry. I see such c u riosity a n d creative self-expression
when ch i l d ren a re not l i m ited to bei n g a boy or a girl. Let's
fo l low their lead and j o i n the ca l l to creativity fo r a l l of u s.

I t's vita l fo r u s to fi nd peop le with whom we feel safe and

respected when we a re expressing o u r truths. The com­
pany we keep impacts our feedback loop with our body.

The more we are around people who give us permission to

express ourselves with love, the easier it is to feel our

truth . Some of us may be living i n a reas where we h ave to

put mo re effo rt i nto fi n d i n g people who can rea l ly see and
affirm u s . Fortu n ately, th ere a re m o re o n l i ne opportu n ities
tod ay for b u i ld i n g our support systems.

As we move beyond the b i n a ry of ge nder, sexual orien­

tation becomes i rrelevant. What sex is, why we do it, the
pu rpose of o u r gen itals ... these a re n ow a l l up to us to cre­
ate. I t opens us to a m uch l a rger experie nce of i n t i m acy
that we can have with o u rselves, with each other, and with
other forms of l i fe. Coming back to sensation grounds us
in the present, in the body, in the experience our nervous

system is having not just the experience our mind is

 '
'

curating. Often we may osci l l ate between our sensations

and o u r tho ughts.

Letting Go in the Physical Body

The phys ical e m bod i m ent of exp a n s i o n i nvolves s h a k i ng

a n d tre m bl i ng. I f you h ave tight h a m strings and yo u a re
leani ng forward over yo u r legs, you m ay feel a q u iveri ng i n
the back of yo u r th ighs. I t's you r body aski ng, " Do I hold
on? Do I let go? Do I hold on? Do I let go ?" Th i s i s the
sweet spot where you r volun tary and i nvo l u ntary nervo us
systems intersect. I n th i s moment, you r h a m stri ngs s u r­
re nder to length a n d s u ppleness i n the p resence of yo u r
deep b reath a n d m asterfu l attention to sensation.

O u r eros i s p a rt of fu l l em bod iment and lett i n g go . An o r­

gasm i s a lso a m u scle spasm on the physical level. The
pelvic floor m u sc les contract, release, contract, a n d re­
lease . . . u n ti l the volu ntary rhyt h m of co ntraction and re­
lease gives way to the i nvolu ntary fl utter that beco mes
o rga s m i c expa n s i o n . This trembling and shaking is how
transformation and expansion express themselves in our

physical body. It's also what releases trauma from our ner­

vous system. When we do not feel a n d exp ress our sensa­

tions, they becom e wo u n d up in o u r system, wait i n g fo r us
to release them.

What is Trauma?
Tra u m a i s not the res u lt of a specific eve nt. M u ltiple peo­
ple can experience the same event a n d some of them m ay
fee l tra u m a w h i l e others do not. Trauma is when the ner­
vous system goes into fight, fl i ght, or freeze, and sensation

can no longer be tracked, integrated, and responded to

with clarity and ease. Th is disti nction comes fro m Peter

Levi ne, the fou nder of Somatic Experiencing. Relea s i n g
tra u m a i n t h e body a l lows i ntegration when t h e tho ughts ,
fee l i ngs , sensations, and expression a re i n co m m u n ication
a n d sync.

M y favorite p a rt of how Levine rel ates to tra u m a is that o u r

p ri m a l self is wel l-eq u i p ped to release tra u m a . A n i m a l s d o
it a l l the t i m e by s h a k i n g. At its s i m p lest p hysical leve l, if
you a re feel i ng overwhel med , put on m u s i c you love,
b reathe deep, a n d shake. The emotional and sp iritual body
will let go just like the physical body.

Letting Go of an Identity

I f yo u have had the opportu n ity to visit a nother cu lture or

co u n try, you m ay notice that when you come home, th ere
i s a reverse cu lt u re shock. Yo u can suddenly see thi ngs
with m ore pers pective, t h i n gs that you u sed to take fo r
granted . Or after you lose a loved o n e a n d you re member
how p recious bei ng a l ive is, th ere is a ren ewed sense of
attention to the deta i l s of yo u r li fe. Yo u r attention zoo m s
i n t o t h e b r i l l i a nce o f t h e b l u e sky, the s o u n d o f yo u r
 '
'

m o m 's voice o n the other end of the phone, the taste of

the kale you eat mo st mornings, the gentleness of yo u r
b reath after a n o rgasm . . . but there's a deeper awe a n d
app reci ation because it's n o lo nger take n fo r granted . You
connected with something beyond the familiar that decen­

tralizes your experience of unormal" and heightens your

ability to feel.

I t's rea l ly h el pfu l when d o i n g yoga or d a nce to try a move

o n one side of yo u r body several t i m es a n d then to pause
a n d notice the difference between the two sides. The
asym m etry a l lows you r attentio n to track m ore i nformation
beca use there is n o " n eutral." I 've been teach i n g Pelvis:
Basin of Power and Surrender for years. We a lways open h a lf
of the pelvis a n d then pause. I ask people to breathe, en-
gage their pelvic floor, and m ove around. Everyone in the
roo m notices a sensation that is d i fferent between the two
s i d es, a n d somet i m es it's a new sensation they've never
had before! Wh i le they m ay not h ave l a ngu age for what to
c a l l the new sensation, they notice that something has
cha nged.

A physical letting go looks like contract, release, contract,

release .... let go. An uidentity spasm'' in the emotional and

spiritual body could look like ul'm a woman , Who am I?

I'm a woman , Who am I? . • • Let me discover who I am with ­

out using 'woman' as my point of reference." This opens

access to more possibility of sensation!

Receiving New Sen satio n s

When I let g o o f bei n g a wom a n I h a d a b i g down load of

new sensations, m a n nerisms... I had access to a n ew
movement voca b u l a ry. I started to ha ve drea ms where I
was i n m u ltiple bod i es with d i ffere n t gender expressions a t
the s a m e t i me, a n d someti mes they i n teracted with each
other. Where did this come from ? I d id n 't rea l ize how my
identity as "wo m a n " had blocked these other pa rts of. I
d o n 't feel a ny less of a wom a n now; I j ust know there are
so m a ny other p a rts of m e that a re now wel come because
I 've let go of that identity.

Deep l a ughter, grief, orgasm, a n d trem b l i n g i n fea r are a l l

si m i l a r vi brations i n o u r n ervo us system . They reorg a n i ze
o u r se nsations so we c a n ha ve d i ffere nt thou ghts, fee l i ngs,
a n d consciousness. W h i l e we m ight consider these to be
i nvo l u n tary, they a re states that we c a n i nvoke! Try l a ugh­
i n g right now. It m ay start out fo rced but i t's possi b le to
find some rea l joy. We c a n sta rt with the physical expres­
sion of l a ughter, grief, or orgas m , a n d the emoti o n a l expe­
rience often fol l ows. I t's a d e l i cate b a l a n ce of i n itiati ng the
physical experience a n d be i n g wi l l i n g to fu lly fee l it.

The Power of Sex and Grief

What if o n e reason sex is taboo m our culture i s that it

gives us a profound resilience, reboots our nervous sys­
tem, a n d expa n d s our capacity to know ourselves beyond a
 '
'

social identity? It gives us access to spirit, and to feeli ng

the force of our life in a way that is more co n sta nt than any
identity.

When my fiance and I sepa rated , I sta rted griev i n g m o re

than i n a ny other ti m e i n my l i fe. I grieved h e r presence i n
my l ife. I grieved the drea m we sh ared o f gettin g m a rried
a n d h a v i n g a b a by. I grieved the fa l se ho pe that o u r pa rt­
n e rs h i p would somehow p rotect me from ever feel i n g is o­
l ated i n a way that h a u nted my sou l . D u r i n g this t i m e, I
sta rted to attend ritu a l s with Sobonfu Some of the Dagara
Tri be i n B u r k i n a Faso. I started to have a taste of what it
feels like to be i n a community courageous e n ough to not
o n ly name, but to feel and tra nsform, the sen satio n s that
come with our personal and collective h istories.

O n e n i ght I sat with Sobonfu a n d a s ked , "why is it the

m o re I c ry, the less I exper i en ce gen der?" S h e looked at me
with s uc h grace and si m p ly a n swered , "bec a u s e grief d i s­
so lves yo u r l i m itat i o n s a n d opens up poss i b i l ity." G rief
a lso opens o u r h e a rts a n d our sense of belo n gi n g . Sobon­
fu taught u s that m a k i n g the world a susta i n a ble p lace is
deeply connected to ou r a b i l ity to grieve together, because
this is what c reates s u sta i n a b i l ity fo r the h u m a n s o u l .

Resilience: Trusting Our Ability to I ntegrate Our Sen sa­

tions

What i f we c o u l d create a new way of rel a t i n g to sensations

as ways the u n iverse tells us that we a re a l i ve ? I was re­
cently facil itat i n g a tantric ki n k retreat that i n c l uded a
scene where a m a n about th ree times as b i g as me was
fl oggi n g me with a l l of his l ife force. H e gu ided me to
sta n d in the m i d d l e of a roo m where there was no physic a l
s u p port t o l e a n o n . My body sta rted t o create a sta n ce s i m ­
i l a r t o tai c h i ; soft bends at m y a n kles a n d knees, my
ha nds were open, e l bows gently bent. M y breath exh a led at
the height of each thwack a n d a so u n d moved through m e
l i ke a wave. After the retreat, I was checking i n with o n e of
the part i c i pa nts. S h e to ld me she was m esmerized watch­
i n g th is moment and c o u ld o n ly c o n c l u d e that I was con­
necti n g to so meth i n g l arger than my own physic a l body.
She asked m e how I was d o i n g that. I sa i d , "You 're a d o u l a
yes? Why are y o u a do u l a ? "

S h e answered that t h e most res i l i e n t she has felt was when

she was givi n g b i rth . I sm i led . "You know this state be­
ca use you've felt it too. You help other wo men to find t h i s
state of resi l ience t h rough you r b i rt h i n g work and that's
why yo u recogn ize this state ." I consider res i l ience a fo r m
of rem e m b e r i n g t h a t we belong s i m p ly because we exist
a n d we trust our ability to integrate any sensation moving
through us.

Casti ng a Spell for Us

M y d ream is for each of us to deepen o u r a b i l ity to track

 '
'

o u r own experien ces a n d sensations with care by c reat i n g

time each d ay to notice what we fee l . For this c a re to be­
c o m e m o re i m porta nt t h a n the soci a l iden tities that c reate
" us" a n d "them." For us to c u ltivate a n exq u isite a b i l ity to
vo i ce o u r sensations a n d express them i n safe a n d affirm­
i n g c o m p a ny that demonstrates we be l o n g s i m ply because
we exist a n d fee l . For us to strengthen o u r a b i l ity to ob­
serve and reflect the respon ses of each others ' nervo us
systems so we c a n better tune i n to each others' experi ­
en ces at the rawest level of sensation, which is deeper
than stories, e m otions, a n d identities. For o u r c reative
gender exp ressi on to give us perm ission to fee l a n d move
beyo nd the l im itations of the wom a n / m a n bi n a ry. For u s
t o l e a d with our so u l -pu rpose a n d a l low t he co m plex ities
a n d transitions of ide ntities that best serve this pu rpose.
For us to know the felt sense of l i v i n g i n c o m pl ete a l i gn­
ment with who we a re meant to be and to take action con­
sistently from this place. To h ave the cou rage to witness,
vo i ce the truth, a n d take a uthentic action each t i m e we do
not feel the sen sation of a l i g n ment with o u r sou l - p u r pose .
For us to c o n nect with o u r sensations as a n opportun ity to
shift fro m the identity of v i ctim to a dyn a m i c state of hea l­
i n g. For us to experi en ce o u r res i l ie n ce as we g a i n t rust i n
o u r a b i lity to feel a n d i n tegrate o u r sensations. Livi n g i n at­
tu nement with se nsation rather t h a n i dentity gives us the
o pportu n ity to accept o u rselves, to express our truth, to
hea l, a n d to belo n g u n cond ition a l ly.
i httP-:UcawP-.rutgers.edu/
P-oten-t i a 1-ca nd i-d ate-m a ry,-201 8
'
'
 Umsnua: Ergi and inversion in Old Norse
magical practice

BY A B BY H E LAS D 0 TT I R

The Old N o rse word umsnua means to 'turn u pside-down.'

This concept can be fo u n d a cross a range of I cela n d i c
m agickal tech n i q ues that uti lise what i s argu a b ly a partic­
u l a rly q u eer focus; a focus one that is i n d i cative of the ma-

trix of mean i ngs associated with terms such as ergi a n d

trofld6mr. These tech n iq ues share ideas o f pass i n g be­
tween bou n d aries, of t u rn i n g the wo rld u pside down, and
of the brea k i n g down of conventions.

The earth wou l d turn before my eyes

The h istory of I cela n d i c settlement known as Land­

ndmab6k conta i n s a story fro m the v a l ley of Vatnsd a l u r i n
N orthwest I ce l a n d a bout a witch c a l led Lj6t a n d her en­
cou nter with Porste i n n and jo k u l l , the sons of l ng i m u nd r
i n n gam l i. The two m e n were en gaged i n atta c k i n g Lj6t's
so n H ro l leifr when she was seen lea v i n g her house a n d
walki n g i n a pecu l i a r a n d contorted m a n ner: 41Pd var Lj6t ut
komin ok gekk ofug; hon hafoi hofuoit miflum f6ta set� en
klceoin 6 baki sir" ('Lj6t h a d c o m e o u t a n d was w a l k i n g
backwards; s h e h a d h e r head between h e r legs, a n d her
c l othes over her back') . jok u l l responded to Lj6t's d isco n­
cert i n g attack by throw i n g H ro l leifr 's deca pitated head at
 '
'

'•

her, ca usi n g her to l a me n t that she was u n fortu n ately too

l ate, otherwise "nu mundi um snuazt jqroin fyrir sj6num
mfnum, en Per munduo allir cerzt hafa" (' now the e a rth
wo u l d tu rn before my eyes, a n d you wo u l d a l l have gone
m ad ') .

The sam e acco u n t is retold i n m o re deta i l i n the l ate th i r­

tee nth century Vatnsdcela saga, w h i ch provides m o re i nfor­
m ation about Lj6t's a ppearance: "hon hafoi rekit fqtin
fram yfir hofuo sir ok for ofug ok retti hofuoit aptr mi/ti
f6tanna; 6fagrligt var hennar augnabrago, hversu hon gat
Peim trolfsliga skotit" ('she had th rown her c l othes fo rwa rd
over h e r head, a n d was wa l k i n g backwards a n d had stuck
her head back between her legs; she had an ugly expres­
sion i n h e r eyes wi th w h i ch she seemed to be shoot i n g
m agical g l a n ces at them.')

There is someth i n g fu n d a menta l ly q ueer in Lj6t's actio ns,

with a l l its atten d a n t a n atom ic a l transmogrification a n d
use o f backwa rds a n d i n verted i m agery. The events o f the
seq u e n ce a n d the description of Lj6t's contorted fo rm fi nd
a n a l m ost perfect fit with Caro lyn D i nshaw's c lassic defi­
n i tion of q u eern ess as a d isruptive, consciousness-a lterin g
pa rad i gm .

"Queerness works by contiguity and displacement, knocking

signifiers loose, ungrounding bodies, making them strange; it
works in this way to provoke perceptual shifts and subsequent
corporeal response in those touched... It makes people stop
and look at what they have been taking as natural, and it
provokes inquiry into the ways that Hnatura/" has been pro­
duced by particular discursive matrices of heteronormativity."2

With i n D i n sh aw's defi n ition is a n u nc a n ny desc r i pti o n of

the m utable body d isplayed by Lj6t. Her d istortion of form
d isco n n ects her from convent i o n a l bod ies, a n d , to use
D i n sh aw's term , this ungrounding of her body c reates a
met a mor phosis of u n certa inty that is exten ded to the very
gro u n d itself. From the u n certai nty created by her a ctions
comes the poten ti a l for the l a ndscape to itself e n te r a sim­
i l a r state of i nversion and fl ux. I n the case of Lj6t, the per­
ceptua l shift is her own . H e r act of q u eerness fa ci l itates a
cha nge of consciousness, a n d when her q ueer eye per­
cei ves the world i n verted, with it comes the da nger of th is
vision movi n g beyon d the i n d i vid u a l a n d affecti n g every­
o n e a ro u n d her. I t is c o u n teracted i n the n a rrative by a n ­
other a ct of perception, with t h e m a l e gaze o f h e r enem ies
overri d i n g her a ct of q u eerness by see i n g her before she
sees them.

This sense of otherness is c o m p o u n ded in the Vatnsdcela

saga version of the seq uence i n w h i ch the i n version of
Hun
rea l i ty is associated with transformation i nto a n i m als:
kvaost hafa cetlat at snua Par um landslagi ollu - "en Per
ceroizk allir ok yroio at gjalti eftir 6 vegum uti meo vil­
lidyrum, ok sva myndi ok gengit hafa, ef Per hefoio mik eigi
 '
'

fyrr set en ek yor. " ('She said that she had i ntended to over­
turn a l l of the landsca pe-"and you wo u l d h ave al l go ne
m ad and tu rned i nto wi ld boa r o u t on the tracks with the
wi ld a n i m als; that is what wou l d h ave h a ppened i f you
h a d n't seen me befo re I saw you."')

H ere Lj6t's actions a re shown to h ave fu rther associations

with the a lterior. The overt u r n i n g of the l a nd scape not o n ly
u n grounds the c a usal wo rld but tra nsfo rms i ts u nw i l l in g
i n ha bitants into c reatu res of U tgaror, the out l a n d , of the
wi ld and the wilderness. The i nvert i n g of the land is, thus,
associated with the d a nger of loss of contro l , with the
i m age of wi ld a n im a ls suggest i n g both a ret u r n to a pri m a l
m i n d l essn ess a n d the risk o f a n i m a l istic lust u n fettered .

The sa me m agickal p roced u re occurs i n a si m i l a r acco u n t

fro m the fourteen th-century Porskfiroinga saga, where a n­
other powerfu l old wo m a n appears, here s i m ply n a med
Kerl i n g ('old wo m a n') . I n a s i m i l a r attac k on a ho use, the
saga desc ri bes how Kerl i n g wen t"um vol/inn at husbaki ok
hafoi klceoin 6 baki sir uppi, en niori hofuoit, ok sd svd skyin
6 mi/Ji f6ta sir" ('aro u n d the grass l a n d at the ba ck of the
ho use a n d h ad her c l othes up on her back, a n d her head
down, so that she c o u l d see the sky between her legs') .
Wh i l e there is no mention here of Kerl i n g's gaze inverti n g
the la n dscape, there is a sense of th i s act of m a lefici a
b reaki n g convent i o n a l order because it is u nderstood that
her perfo r m a n ce i s preventing the attacker's weapons fro m
b i t i n g their opponents. The order of t h i n gs is o n ly re­
stored, a n d the wea pons b i te aga i n , when Kerl i ng's act is
i n terru pted by a nother wo m a n , Pu rlor d r i k k i n , who attacks
her i n her v u l nerable state, r i p p i n g flesh from the n a pe of
her neck.

AndsCElis: twirling backwards

The I ce l a n d i c sagas document a nother m agic ka l tech n iq u e

that, a lthoug h not as evocative i n i m agery as that o f the in­
ve rted Lj6t a n d Kerl ing, sti l l conta ins the the m es of l i m i­
n a l ity, reversa l, a n d a n u n d o i n g of the wo rld. Categorised
by G u n ne l l as the 'goats k i n twi rl,' the rite i n vo l ves wavi n g
a s k i n towards t h e wilder ness or a m o u n ta i n to affect ge­
ological or atmosphe r i c c h a nge.� W h i l e the m ate r i a l that is
twi r led is n ot a lways the s a m e-be i n g i n so me i nsta nces a
hat, shawl, or other item of c lot h i n g-wh at is consistent
a re themes of a lterity, with the proced u re usu a l ly e m p h a­
sisi n g a ste p p i n g out of the h ouse, a n d thereby i n to the
w i l d . This is em phasised sti l l fu rther by the practitioner
fa c i n g m o u ntains or the wi lderness as they i n voke its o u t­
l a n d forces.

Vatnsdcela saga descri bes o n e exa m p le in which a wo m a n

c a l led G r6, who was be i n g forced to leave the area, was
seen by a shepherd as "hon gekk ut ok gekk andscelis um
hus sfn ok mcelti" ('she wal ked o u t a n d went widdersh i ns
a ro u n d the ho use') . Loo k i n g u p a t the mou nt a in, she
 '
'

waved a goats k i n or c loth with i n which she had kn otted

so m e go ld, said " M ay t h i ngs go as they h a ve been pre­
pa red ," a nd then retu rned i nside a n d c l osed the door. As a
resu lt of her a ctions, a rockslide came down on the fa rm,
ki l l i n g her and everybody i n side the stead, and the site was
su bseq uently a bandoned. In a second exa m ple fro m

Vatnsdcela saga, the proced u re does not h ave a negative i n ­

tent o r effect a n d instead c a l ms a sto rm. Conversely, i t
c a uses bad weather i n Vfglunda saga a n d Reykdcela saga,
a n d bri n gs fog o r d a rk n ess d u ri n g the d ay i n Njafs saga,
Reykdcela saga, a n d Haroar saga. I n a l l of these exa m p les,
though, there is a su ggestion of u l t i m ately d is r u pt i n g n a­
ture, of t u r n i n g the world u psi de down for good or fo r i l l .

This i s exe m p lified i n some o f the rit u a ls which e m ph asise

the idea of goi n g agai nst the fiow. I n both of the exam p les
fro m Vatnsdcela saga, fo r exa m ple, there is a n association
with wal k i n g andscelis (widdershi ns) , l itera lly m e a n i n g
'agai nst the su n .' S i m i la rly, i n Vfglunda saga, the m ateri a l
i s twi rled towards t h e east, i m p lying o n ce aga i n an adver­
sa r i a l m ovement agai nst the s u n , or a lternatively, towa rds
the wo rld of the gia nts a n d the tro llwives of the I ronwood .

The Body as La n d scape

The tra nsformed bodies of Lj6t a n d Ker l i n g a re m i rrored i n

the l a n dscape which they seek to overt u r n , c reati n g that
i n tersection so beloved by q ueer theory of the corpo re a l
 "Bodily contours
a n d the eco logica l. As J u d i th Butler notes:
and morphology are not merely implicated in an irreducible
tension between the psychic and the material but are that
tension."�

The associ ati on of Lj6t with th e l a ndsca pe is a n i ro n ic

i nversion of a c o m m o n practice i n ska ld ic poetry from me­
d ieval I cel and a n d N o rway in wh i ch l a n d is ken ned or
glossed as a wo m a n , and v i ce versa. The most freq uent
use of this trope occurs i n a conven t i o n a l fo rm of wo m a n ­
ken n i n g i n which a wo m a n 's a ppea rance or work i s asso­
ci ated with the l a n d . For exa m p le, a wo m a n c o u l d be
ken ned as lfnvangr ('I i nen-field ') , as fold mens ('earth of the
necklace') or as grund hringa ('gro u n d of ri ngs').

A si gn ificant contri bution to th is pract i ce was the ide n ti­

ficat ion of wo men with Joro, the gia ntess a n d mother of
Por, who was seen i n N o rse mythology as the person i ­
fication o f the l a n d . Ooi n n 's rel ationsh ip with J oro i s s u g­
gestive of what E m i ly Osbo rne refers to as a 'cos m i c
colon isat i o n .' This conq uer i n g o f la n d a n d c l a i m i n g of
ownersh i p is m i rrored in H6konardr6pa, where the skald
H a l lfreor va n d rzeoaska ld 6ttarsson d raws an a n a logy be­
tween H akon S i gu roarso n's c o n q u est of N o rway a n d the

so mewhat coerc ive tryst between 6 oi n n and Joro.�

I n th e case of Lj6t a n d her sisters i n witchcraft, t h i s associ­

ation with the land is a l ready su bverted by their
 '
'

'•

pre-exist i n g u n tethered status. Lj6t, with her s i n gle n a m e

devoid o f patro nyms, represents the l a n d brea k i n g away
fro m the co ntrols of sovereignty a n d patri a rchy even be­
fore she steps o utside her house. This is true of other I ce­
l a n d i c fem a l e s p i rit wo rkers, such as the goatski n -twirl i n g
G r6, who a re predom i n a n tly menti oned without
patronyms, a ppea ri n g as a u to n o m o us, a l most au­
tochth o n ic, be i n gs with n o a ll eg i a n ce to a m a l e fo rebear,
o r often any forebe a r fo r that m atter. This a utonomy is
c o m poun ded i n Lj6t who, despite h a v i n g a so n , is not
pl a ced i n relation to the c h i l d 's father, of whom there is l it­
tle mention. I ndeed , i n Vatnsdcela saga, most references to
H ro lleifr's spea r side of the fa m i ly occ u r as a way to d isti n ­
gu ish h i m fro m i t His u n cle Saem u n d , for exa m pl e,
m a kes a point of tel l i ng H rol leifr that h e is m o re l i ke h is
m other than his other kinsmen.

There is a myth i c d i mension to Lj6t's a ctio ns, with Te rry

G u n n el l not i n g that her ritu a l c a n be seen as a n atte m pt to
b reak down the b a rriers between the conven t i o n a l world
a bove a n d the u pside-down world of H el below. This is a
p l a ce that he descri bes as "a world of rock a n d darkn ess
wh i c h is ru led by a wo m a n a n d where women (th e v a l kyr­
j u r) a re the o nes who wea r a rm o u r, ride o n ho rses, a n d
m a ke the decisions."� I n h e r atte m pt to m a ke H el on e a rt h ,
Lj6t is seek i n g t o u nderm i n e not j ust the physi c a l l a n d -
sca pe, but all the a ccepted m o rals and n o r m s of
heteronorm ative soci ety. This assoc iation with H e l a is
compou nded i n Lj6t's trol l- l i ke son, with Vatnsdcela saga
h a v i n g l n g i m u n d r warn Porste i n n that H ro l l eifr is no ord i ­
n a ry m a n , b u t rather a H e lj a r m a n n (' m a n o f H el') . I t is a l ­
m ost a s i f Lj6t's traffi c k i n g with H el a has gifted h e r a so n ,
o n e endowed with m a levolence a n d heljarafl ('stre ngth of
H el ') .

I t is easy to see i n this c o n fl u e n ce of wild a n i m a ls, tu rbu­

lent la ndsca pes, a n d the u n gro u n d i n g of bod ies, a d d i ­
tio n a l myt h i c reso n a n ces evocative of a n other of Lo k i a n d
Angrbod a's monstrous a n d ge nder am biguous c h i l d ren,
the World Serpent. Lj6t's i nversion of the l a ndsca pe re­
c a l ls the cataclys m i c t ra nsformation of the l a n d that oc­
c u rs at the co n c l us i o n of Ragnarok when the Wo rld Ser-

pent rises a n d , as the volva who n a r rates Voluspa de­

scri bes it, stars fa l l from the sky a n d "sigrfold imar" ('ea rth
si n ks i n the sea.') Th is desc ription has a poetic preced ent
in Hymiskvioa, where P6rr attempts to fish u p the Wo rld
Serpent, ca usi n g a n u n d o i n g of the l and: "Hreingafkn
hrutu, en hotkn Pu tu, f6r in Jorn a fold oil saman. Sokoiz sfoan
sa fiskr f mar. " ( ' G i a n t monsters staggered, steep crags
reverberated, the a ncient ea rth was a l l ash udder - u n t i l that
fish sa n k back i n to the sea.') I n this way, Ragnarok c a n be
seen as a q ueer a ct, as a version of Lj6t's s i m ple wo rld­
a lteri ng perfo r m a n ce wrought l a rge on a cosm i c scale.
As G u n ne l l n otes, the u nd o i n g of l a n d d u r i n g Ragn arok or
 '
'

'•

i n Lj6t perfo r m a n ce has paral lels elsewhere i n other acts

of destruct ive magick, such as the Buslubarn ('The C u rse
of Busla') , fro m the fo u rteenth cent u ry legendary saga
86sa saga ok Herrauos. I n this spell, spoken by Bus l a , the
fostra of the tit u l ar h e ro B6si, la nd spi rits a re instructed to
lose t h e i r way, a n d t h i s is effected by the wo rld goi n g m ad

a n d the l a n d be i n g d isru pted: 14Veroi 6dcemi, hristist hamrat�

heimr sturlist, versni veordtta; veroi 6ocemi" ('may ter r i b l e
t h i n gs take place, the c l i ffs shake, the world go m ad , t h e
weather worsen ; m ay terr i b l e t h i ngs take p l a ce') .�

Ergi and Trollskapr

The themes of a lterity i n the story of Lj6t m a ke it sugges­

tive of that other Old N o rse term for the a berrant or the

Other, ergi. The word rem a i ns p roble m at ic i n O l d Norse

stud ies, p rovi d i n g no clear m ea n i n g but ca rryi n g v a rious
associations with o u t l aws, h o m osex u a l i ty, effe m i n acy a n d
lust. A r m a n n J a kobsson prov ides perha ps the s i m plest
i n terpretation by consisten tly translati n g ergi as 'q ueer'
throughout his wo rk, fi n d i n g with i n the word a b readth of
m ea n i n g and evo lv i n g i n terpretations comparable to the
eq u a l ly d i verse ergi.�

Wh i l e Lj6t's acts a re not exp l i citly referred to as ergi, the

a cc o u nts use the somewhat a n alogous word trol l , wh i c h
h a s m an y of the s a m e associations wi th encou ntering the
border, a n d of goi n g beyo n d the everyd ay i n to the a reas of
othe rness that sit o uts ide the rea l m s of societal conven­
tion. When Lj6t looks at Porste i n n a n d jok u l l , her q ueer
gaze is said to be trollsliga skotit ('cast tro l l ish ly') wh ile he r
so rcery is referred to as trolld6mr. Even her contorted fo r m
i n evitably m a kes o n e th i n k of the myth i c a n d meta mor­
photic bod ies of trol ls.

As a word used predom i n a n tly to refer to fem a l e be i n gs i n

the myth i c period, troll ca rries with i t a n i n herent sense of
the Other. To act in a tro l l ish m a n ner was to con nect with
the a lterior wo rld of the supernatural trol ls, a n d , i n so
doi ng, such a person co u l d pass beyo n d being h u m a n and
become a trol l themselves. I n the c ase of Lj6t, she e n ters
this world by leaving the M idgard of her home a n d step­
p i n g o u t i nto the w i l d . This is compo u nded by w a l k i n g
backwards, thereby enteri n g t h e alterior v i a the posterior;
j ust as Kerl i n g i n Porskfiroinga saga is seen go i n g a ro u n d
the back o f her h o use. As J a kobsson notes i n association
with Lj6t's tro l l ish behaviou r, "there seems thus to be a n
u n d e n i a ble l i n k between a trol l a n d the rea r end o r the
'q ueer' end ."! This i n tersection of ergi a n d troll is fo u n d i n
contiguous uses o f the terms i n Gfsla saga Surssonar,
wh i c h gives a n acco u n t of a male witch c a l led Porgrfm r
nef. The saga tells how Porgrf m r nef had been h i red to per­
fo r m a m a leficent act agai nst the saga's eponym ous hero.
This m a!efi c i a is referred to as trollskapr and wh i l e the
exact detai Is of the rite a re never exp l a i n ed, it is stated that
 '
'

he "performed this magic i n the most ergi a n d devi l ish

m a n n er."

I n h is s u m m a ry to a thorough i nvestigation of the va r ious

mean i n gs of trolls a n d trolfskapr, J a kobsson a rgues th at

troff does not si m ply refer to a p a rticu l a r ra ce or species,
o r fo r that m atter to a h u m a n witch o r sorcerer. I nstead, it
rel ates to a fl u i d state of being that c a n be e n tered i n to,
u n restricted by h u m a n l i m itations . It is this i n terpretation
wh i c h e n a bles J a kobsson to a l ign troff with ergi, with both
words be i ng essentia l ly cosmologica l, crea t i n g su bve rs i ve
zones o r states that"both encapsulate that essential quality
of magic as turning the world on its head. In magic, every­
thing is upside down or inside out, and that can be described
as ergi or trolfskapr."�

The Backwards Way

Lj6t's consc i o usness-a lte r i n g ritua l , with its i n vers ion a n d

u n d o i n g o f n o r m s, a l i gns i t with what Ken n eth G ra n t de­
scri bed as the Backwa rds Way, or the Way of Resu rgent
Atavisms. This path he asso c iated with all m a n ne r of sym ­
bols redolent o f witchcraft i n cl u d i n g the S a bbath, the
n u m bers seven a n d t h i rteen, the moon, vari ous a n i m a ls,
the widdershins a n d back-to-back d a n ce, the a n a l kiss, a n d
t h e witch m o u nted on t h e besom h a n d le. lo

The correl ation between the witches of the I ce l a n d i c settl e­

m ents a n d the witches of sixteen th-centu ry E u rope a re
parti c u l a rly n oteworthy i n relation to these the m es of
i n version. G u n n el notes that Lj6t's post u re has a parallel
in the depiction of a naked witch loo k i n g back between her
legs in one of the works by the G e r m a n a rtist, Hans Bal­
d u n g G rien.� The Three Witches of 1514 is a m ass of entan­
gled l i m bs, with the lowest witch look i n g through her legs,
effectively d i recti ng her tro l l ish gaze at the viewer. Her two
c o m p a n i o ns sta nd a bove her, legs and arms spread i n var­
ious d irectio ns, with a l l th ree bod ies see m i n g to m erge
i n to a sing le Lj6t-l i ke agglomeration .

C h a rles Zika a rgues that the sixteenth-centu ry depictions

of witches in the works of B a l d u n g G rien a n d Albrecht
Durer defined thei r power through references to sex u a l
a n d gender i nversio n . When witches were depicted rid i n g
backwards, as i n Durer's engravi ng Witch Rid i ng Back­
wards on a G oat, it con veyed an idea of people who had
"threatened the sexual balance and order of the community,
had confused roles, had failed to maintain the gender identity
and honour necessary for moral order:"1 2

As with their d ista nt sisters Lj6t a n d Kerl i n g, these conti­

nental witches were effectively u n d o i n g society and t u rn i n g
the l a n dscape o n its head with their q u eer actions a n d
their q ueer bod ies. I n th is way, possess i n g a q ueer body
becomes i n itself an a ct of m agick. There need n ot be a rit­
u a l proced u re to fo l low or a n i n ca ntation to utter, rather,
s i m ply exist i n g provides a way to e n a ct Di nshaw's q u eer
 '
'

'•

prom ise of k n o c k i n g signifiers loose, u ngro u n d i n g bod ies,

a n d provo k i n g perceptu a l shifts.

References

• Butler, J ud i th. Bodies that Matter: On the discursive

limits of sex. N ew York: Tayl o r & Fra n cis, 201 1

• D i nshaw, Caro lyn . "C ha u cer's Q ueer To uches/A

Q u eer Touches C h a ucer." Exemplaria, 1 99 5

• G ra n t, Ken n eth. Cults of the Shadow. London: Starfi re

P u b l i s h i n g Ltd . , 2013

• G u n n el l , Terry. "' M agica l M oo n i n g " and the

"Goatski n Twi r l ": "Other" Kinds of Fem a l e M agical
P ractices i n E a rly I celand .' Nordic Mythologies: Inter­
pretations, Intersections and Institutions. U C LA Centre
for M ed ieval Studies, U C LA Los Angeles, 27-28 Apri l ,
2012

• J a ko bsso n , A rm a n n . Nine Saga Studies: The Critical

Interpretation of the Icelandic Sagas. Reykjavik: U n iv­
ersity of I cel a n d Press, 2013

• Osborne, E m i ly. ' G r u n d gulls [gro u n d of go ld]: The

Poetry from the
Trope of Wo m a n as " La n d " i n S k a l d i c
Tenth to Fourteenth Centuries ' Scandinavian-Canadian
Studies. Vo l u m e 22, 201 5
 • Zi ka, Charles. The Appearance of Witchcraft: Print and
Visual Culture in Sixteenth-Century Europe. New York:
Routledge, 2007

l D i n shaw i995, p. 76-77

£ G u n n el l , 20 12, p. 1 36
3 B u t I er, 2o 1 1 , p. 3 6
A O s borne, 20 1 5, p. 28

s G u n n e l l, 20 1 2, p. 1 47

6 G u n nell, 20 1 2, p. 1 46
z J a kobsson, 20 1 3, p. 20 9
� J a kobs son, 20 1 3, p. 1 0 3
9. J akobsson, 20 1 3, p. 1 1 8- 1 1 9
lQ G ra nt, 20 1 3, p. 203

ll G u n n el l, 20 1 2, p. 1 43

ll Zi ka , 2007, p. 28
'
'
 '
'

'•

I
I �tw If '" N� Mt'l•<o and
�cll'l1t an aJ11U it't S011 th Te-..as
11 l'llhllllllllljl\l/l/f''
Rel1�on ..ias

U'lescapible, h /
�1s 1h Rtjtcti111 ('
of ...ih> l .n�.
lh11 11111111111111 f' 1
� �...
. . :.o-� · ·
c
- .�;:"'
l�e �j: I -; <f.:; I ar�wd
•

a
T� � �eh�r«l �at �ejOICtO
e� tJ "T;..t In "'Y wt1Rd, qiiet�
M•f'l"\tll'QO m1\iii1\, 0 p�Rts, �af t111��acfld
� ''Ort t�lll, Oot � wrf he�.ta-'t �jfh�
Wofl\M. Ii�. an� n a,,J
• fhAn 0lo
1 zt

of 'B1t\\\ tht Sec•td. • <}

S,,nihze r't. •

• -K

r R dU s-t
,
,'l
t
A I� of Hitrrt
ao Pc>oks pR�Mtcl c1/i e5 8J

L:' n :.,��tJA·Li� a flact lo e,M 111lt

��fht� HI� tfl)O!J,
awfJ �nJ W1r11ilu1
.j
' II
(T.-.t opro�rrt
of hM f ftl�
 1 o�5ff'it Hie
0 �S'.1111 ,, �� t( (I
d1<k �nltS} Va¥ �a ''

�... les, a"' 1

h�ve � �w otluR
!!'l'iporlblnt D ties.

.. .,,

�
*

k
v
y
"
0
 '

'
'

'

[1u, juiernho n
s�fportf'5 1#1e flt,. f
ant °'nd pw/d
5

!On. Hie"1.
 The Passion of Agdistis:

Gender Tra n sgression, Sexual Trauma, Time Travel,

and Ritualized Madness i n Greco-An atolia n Revival
Cultus

BY ALDER KNIGHT AND ROCKET

Dea, Magna Dea, Cybebe, Dea Domina Dindymi,

Demitte me tuo furor parvu, obsecro, ut furor magnum
pertransit me.

Goddess, Great Goddess, Cybele, Lady Goddess of the

Mountains,
Visit your small madness upon me, I pray, that the great
madness may pass me by.�

I t began, as so m a ny myths d o , with rape.

Cybele, m other of the gods, was sl u m be r i n g atop M o u n t

D i ndymon� when Zeus c a m e u pon her. Cybele woke to the
u nwelcome a m o rous adva n ces of her own so n , fight i n g
h i m off a s h e persisted i n fo r c i n g h i mself on her. I n the
end, two t h i ngs happened: o n e , Zeus stu m bled away and,
with his own hand , s p i l led h is semen onto the rocks; a n d
two, the goddess Cybele, greater t h a n the m o u n ta i ns a n d
m o re powerfu l t h a n volca noes, felt a l ittle p iece o f hersel f
fracture off from the fo rce of t h i s too-com mon tra u m a .
 '
'

'•

The conseq u e n ce of both a ctions was Agd istis.

"In the tenth month, Acdestis [sic] is born, so ca/fed from

[their]! mother's name. In [them] there was insuperable
strength and uncontrollable ferocity of disposition, a lust
mad and furious and arising from both sexes. Violently
[they] plundered, laid waste, wherever [thei1} monstrous
spirit led [them]. [They] cared not for the gods nor men,
nor did [they] think anything more powe1ful than [them­
self]; [they] despised earth, heaven, and the stars."!.

The story of Agdistis su rvives pri m a r i ly i n Arnobi us' Adver­

sus Gentes, but t h e i r n a m e c a n freq uently be fo u n d at the
center of a com plex web of syn cretism , polytheistic colo­
n i a l is m , a n d m u ltiva le n ce . They a re a lways, i n one way or
a nother, assoc iated with Cybele. The G reat M other god­
dess Cybele was i n co rporated a n d syncretized i nto the
G reek a n d Ro m a n pantheons as her A nato l ia n c u lt s p read
fro m Ph rygia (in what i s now Tu rkey) through G reek colo­
n i zation a r o u n d the 6th century B C E . By the accou nts of
H esyc h i us, Stra bo, a n d P l i ny the Elder, Agdistis is e i ther
sim ply an epithet of Cybele, o r else they were tra nsformed
i n to Cybele t h rough their later ordeal at the hands of
D i o nysos. Both Pausa n ias and Arn obi us, however, identify
Agd istis as a d i screte entity: a m ad , l ustful , a n d n o n b i n a ry­
gendered daemon born of Zeus' accidental fert i l ization of
the earth itself
The fu rious l ust descri bed consistently by a l l so u rces that
add ress the story of Agdistis a lso re ndered them d a n ­
gerous. M o rtals who c a m e i nto contact with the i r body or
bod i ly fl u ids i nvaria bly we nt m a d themse lves and fre­
q u ently died; a vector for sex u a l ly-tra nsm itted a n d blood­
borne m ad ness, they ra m p aged a cross the l a n d , leav i n g a
tra i l of co rpses a n d broken m i nds i n the i r wa ke.

The corre lation between Agd istis' gender a n d the tra u m a

that conceived them , as reco u n ted by Arn o b i us. parallels
ha rmfu l m odern n a rratives perta i n i n g to tra nsgender iden­
tity and tra u m a . W h i le it is possi ble that Arnobi us i n ­
tended to i m p ly that Agd istis' transness i s a d i rect res u l t of
the vio lence fro m which they spra ng, a critical reader c a n
resist this red u ctive n a rrative. W h i l e ge nder n o n c o n form ity
c a n a n d does attract violence. a n d m a ny t ra ns peop le a re
i n deed tra u m atized - a phenomenon with which the l atter
portion of this essay w i l l g rapple - it is i n a p p ropri ate a n d
i n accu rate to state that ge nder vari a n ce i s necessa ri ly a re­
su lt of tra u m a . This theory of c a usa l ity has i ts basis i n
transphob ic assu m ptio ns. rather t h a n i n research, which
ass u m ptions m ay h ave i nfl ue n ced period writers and sec­
o n d a ry sources. A more n u a n ced u n dersta n d i n g of the
comp lex i nterrelation between gender identity a n d gender­
based v i o l e n ce wi l l i n fo rm this paper's treatment of Agdis­
tis.

M u ch of this work wi l l add ress the re lationsh i p between

 '
'

'•

Agd istis a n d Cybele, a n d spec i fi c a l ly the hypothesis that

the tra u m a of Zeus' sex u a l violence agai nst Cybele caused
her to d isso c iate a part of her d i v i n e self, w h i ch beca m e
em bedded i n the sto ne o f M o u n t D i ndymon a n d grew i n to
Agd istis. That exa m i n atio n , however, h i n ges on a n u nd e r­
sta nding of the d ra m atic, lustfu l , a n d violent relationsh i p
between Agd istis a n d D i onysos. L i ke their crea t i o n , Agd is­
tis' ordeal is add ressed b riefly a n d a m b i gu ously i n most
recorded versions of the myths: that the O ly m p i a n s were
threatened or d i sgusted by the i r gender, their l ust, a n d
their power, a n d t h a t t o cont a i n or p u n ish them, some
agent or agents of O ly m p u s castrated them, poss i bly
ki l l i n g them .

Wh i l e most accou nts briefly descri be the m a i m i n g of

Agd istis as a c o l lective decision a n d a ct i o n by "the gods"
without n a m i ng a ny i ndiv i d u a l actor, Arno bi us attributes
the a ct to D i o nysos at the behest of the pantheo n , the rest
of whom he descri bes as re l u ctant to a p proach Agd istis at
a l l . D i o nysos' own account c l a rifies that h is des i re to be
a ccepted on O lympus motivated h i m to c a rry o u t t h e i r o r­
d e rs.

"I was very young. They told me conditions - I was hazed

to be accepted as a god. I was not alabaster like most of
the gods. They reflect, but I change to my own taste. They
are more purely idea and Jess material, and so they are
shaped by perception. I was dark and small and
 foreign-looking and curly-haired and young in a way they
don 't have to be young. Aphrodite was born a grown
woman. I got to Olympus and I was not welcome. I was
given conditions and I tried. What happened changed a
lot of the ways that I behaved. I had not yet known mad-
ness.

"Madness is liberation from the expectations of sanity."�

Lyn n E . Ro l le r d raws paral lels between the pantheo n 's

motivation a n d the story i n P lato's Sym posi u m (more re­
cently e n tered i nto pop u l a r c ul ture by way of the so n g
" O ri g i n of Love" fro m the m usical H edwig a n d t h e Angry
I n ch ) . S pecifical ly, Roller poi n ts out that the gods a re
threatened by the i m m ense power a n d resista nce to con­
trol exercised by entities wh i ch em body both mascu l i n ity
a n d fem i n i n ity. They seek i n m a ny stories to m ut i l ate those
entities, thereby re nderi n g them o n l y male or o n ly fe m a le,
and stri p p i n g them of that u n i q u e power.� I n deed, in
Raven Kaldera 's rete l l i n g of the myth of Agd istis, age nts of
O l y m p u s ap proach them a n d offer them a choice between
m a n hood a n d wom a n hood , which they defi a n tly reject.

"So they went to Agdistis and spoke to hir. 'Agdistis,' they

said, 'you must choose what you will be. If you choose to
be female, we will cut off your male p01ts. If you choose to
be male, we will sew up yourfemale parts. Choose, Agdis­
tis.'
 '
'

'•

And Agdistis said, ' Fuck you.' And split."?.

Kal dera's depiction is supplem ented by c h a n n e l i n g a n d

psychography:

"Everyone was hungry for them - that's what scared

Olympus. They saw Agdistis and all they felt was mad,
uncontrof/able hunger. Imagine how that made Apollo
feel. Imagine how that made Hera and Athena feel. It
couldn 't be their fault and so it had to be the daemon's
fault, and the daemon refused to be diminished."�

Arn o b i us descri bes D i onysos' act i n yea r n i n g a n d l u rid de­

ta i l , l i n geri n g on the tenderness with which D i o nysos
tou ched the body of the slee p i n g Agdistis. " I should l ike,
however, to see - were it gra n ted me to be born at those
times - [ D i onysos], who overca me the fierceness of
Agd istis," he writes, ". . . who ca refu l ly i n trod u ced his
h a nds, h a n d led t h e m e m bers of t h e sleeper, a n d d i rected
h is c a re skillfu l ly to the pa rts wh i ch were to perish, so that
the hold of the nooses p l a ced ro u n d m ight s u rround them
a l l ."�

D i v i n ation a n d gnos1s s u p ple m e n t this story a n d bring

i n to greater focus the tenderness a n d eroti c i s m wra p ped
i n to this brutal a ct. As D i o nysos recou n ts the story to a
scri be:

"They looked ferocious, breathtaking, as they slept. I

 wanted to run my hands and mouth over every inch of
them. I wanted to touch their sex. I wrapped string around
it tightly. They fidgeted and moaned. The blood pooled.
Their knee was bent. They were curled up. I remember the
soft hair of their shin, their stomach. I wrapped the string
around the arch of their foot, their toes. I bit my lip. Their
toes turned purple. I hadn 't slept in two days. A creature
startled them. They woke suddenly. It tore them to pieces.
They howled. It was not a quick death. I came to them. I
tried to fix what I had done but I could not fix it. I remem­
ber being covered in their blood as they howled like a
wounded dog. They looked me in the eye, the most beau­
tiful thing that had ever existed, and they died. I destroyed
them."10

Through h is own words, D ionysos' ro le is cl ar ified as the

i n fatu ated and re lu ctant agent of the pantheo n 's trans
p a n i c . He desc ri bes what he refers to as the death of
Agd istis, but we m ight refer to that m o m e n t as their trau­
m atic s p l i nteri ng, through wh ich h e finds h i mself i n fected
by his own actions with the i r u n contro l l a ble bloodborne
m ad n ess. This m a d n ess catapu lts h i m i n to a jou rney that
ends with h is own i n i tiation i nto the c u lt of Cybe le, atone­
ment t h ro u gh se lf-castra ti on , se rvice as o n e of Cybele's
transgender priestesses, the G a l l a e, a n d his aspect as
Thel u m orphos, or "Wo m a n ly O ne."
This i nsight a lso extends to the ongo i n g relationsh i p
 '
'

between Dionysos a n d Agd istis: the tra u m a a n d m ad n ess,

a n d the d a n ce of fu ry, p a i n , desi re, a n d sex that has bo u n d
them together through the centu ries.

"When you taste him, you taste me as well. My madness

is in his. When you drink of him, you drink of me."!.!.

From the m o m ent when Agd istis' blood c a m e i nto contact

with Di onysos, the two entities - you ng, lost, th rice-born ,
h a lf- h u m a n h a l f-god a n d u n contro l lable, terrifying, m u r­
d e red d a e m on - were i nextrica bly c o n n ected . The myth
doesn 't h ave a tidy end; the O lym pia ns a re a p peased , b u t
D i o nysos and Agdistis a re e a c h destroyed i n thei r own
way, fi n d i n g themselves with u n fi n ished busi ness.

"/ had to undergo the same ordeal as Agdistis. The Moth­

er brought me in and handed me a sharp stone [for ritual
self-castration]. I did not use the stone. I used a string. I
joined her rites and wandered with her across lands I 'd
never seen. I remembered who I was and what I 'd done.
You danced with the Mother, shrieked with the Mothe1�
bled with the Mother, and the Mother helped you heal. I
recovered myself eventually. I returned. Then I was grown.
Until then I was just a little boygirl in a dress, fucking
with things I didn't understand, killing something beau­
tifuljust because it was there."!!

I t is i m possible to d iscuss q ueer spiritu a l i ties without d is­

c ussi n g t ra u m a , a n d it is i m possible to d i sc uss tra u m a
without d iscussi n g t i m e travel , exp l i c itly o r otherwise.
Both of these overlaps h ave been the s u bject of a cade m i c
focus which wi l l not be fu l ly recreated here. H owever, a
bri ef sketch of the la ndsca pe of the i nterp l ay between
d i v i n ity a n d a n cestor wo rk, t ra u m a theo ry, a n d t i m e travel
is a necessary step before bringing the lens of that i nter­
play to bear o n the story of Cybele, Agd istis, a n d
D io nysos.

A m a rg i n a lized body is a tra u m atized body, to begin with.

The protracted exper i en ce of moving through the wo rld i n
a body that is the constant object of spiritual a n d psycho­
logical v i o l e n ce, derisio n , and destruction has a n u n m is­
takably tra u matic effect, eve n a bsent d i screte a n d identi­
fiable tra u m at i c i n teractions.

The experience of tra u m a as a body-based , rather than

p u rely psycho logic a l , phenomenon is one of the bases of
the i n terdisc i p l i n a ry field of so m at i cs. A touchston e of
so m atics is the epigraph, " M emory l ives in the m u sc le."�
A tra u m at i c i n cident, i n the somatic fra m ework, c a n be de­
scri bed as one which fractu res the self, segmenti ng or
q u ara n ti n i n g a sh a rd of the self, wh ich then resides i n the
body, trap ped in an e n d less loop of conti n u a l ly experi­
e n c i n g a n d re-experienc i n g the tra u m a . For every tra u m at i c
event u ndergone by a n i n dividu a l , a part of t h a t i n d i vid u a l
rem a i ns stuck i n ti me, a n d i n m o m ents where that part is
touched (read: " tri ggered ") , it floods the i n d i v i d u a l's
 '
'

'•

experi e n ce , overwhe l m i ng them with som at i c m e m o ry.

To be a tra u m a tized person , then, is necess a r i ly to expe­

rience t i m e n o n -l i nearly - to conta i n suspended pockets of
time i n side one's body between which one m o ves i nvo l u n ­
tari ly. To be tri ggered i s t o b e pu nted from a l i near
( " p rese nt") experi ence of ti m e i nto a sta I led ("past") one,
a state that l ies d o rm a n t in the m atter of the l i v i n g body
u n t i l activated . A tra u m a trigger is thus a form of t i m e­
trave l .

The mecha n ism o f the h u m a n body, fu rther, possesses a n

extraord i n a ry c a pa c ity to metabo l ize a n d heal tra u m atic ex­
perien ces. There a re a variety of tools used to effectively
process tra u m a , two of which a re of parti c u l a r note h ere .
O n e is c o n n ecti n g a n d be i n g present with others to
process m e mories while s i m u ltaneously bei n g consc i o us
of c u rrent experiences a n d sensa t i o ns. The seco n d is cre­
ati n g c i rc u mst a nces i n w h i ch the body c a n have new ex­
perien ces that fundamenta l ly c o ntrad ic t a n d hea l the h e l p­
lessness, rage, a n d c o l l a pse that resu lt fro m tra u m a. 1 4
This provides enough space a n d safety to be a b le to rei n te­
grate that s h a rd into the rest of the self, hea l i ng the b reak
that occu rred at the moment of tra u m a . The effect of these
tools is to extract these tra u m at ized sh a rds of self fro m
thei r t i m e loops. Such extracti on a n d rei n tegrati o n , a s we ll
as the process i n g of memories, effectively transfo rm the
time-travel of the tri gger from a n i nvolunta ry exper ience
i n to a vol u ntary one.

I n this somatic fra mework, a living h u m a n body is a neces­

sa ry too l to process, transm ute, a n d heal tra u m a . Pro­
cess i n g sta l led tra u m atic memories req u i res o rienti ng one­
se lf i ntentio n a l ly i n the flow of time usi n g the se nsory
c a pacities of a living h u m a n body. N o n-corporeal entities
such as de ities, an cestors, a n d other spirits that have
u n p rocessed tra u m a a re u n able to som atically met a bol ize
it themselves, a n d the refore need to con nect with the l i v­
i n g to do so. This c a n be part of the m ut u a l ity that chara c­
terizes relationsh i ps between spi rits a n d the l i v i n g a n d
renders that relationsh i p eq u itab le rather t h a n coercive.

I n some fo rms of wo rk with s p i r i ts, i nc l u d i n g a ncestor

wo rk, devotion c a n take the form of offe r i n g up a l i v i n g
body to process the sta l led tra u m a o f the a n cesto r o r other
spirit at h a n d . The devotee works to extract the spi rit's
tra u m atized shards fro m thei r t i m e loops, a l low them to
exp ress their p a i n a n d h ave it heard a n d held, a n d give
them space to expe r i e n ce safety through the senses of a
l i v i n g body. Tools fo r process i n g tra u m a c a n be offered
th rough the l ivi n g body as devotion to a n d c a re fo r a tra u ­
m atized spirit or a nc estor.

"Pray for the dead, and fight like hellfor the li11ing." 1s

Death does not e l i m i n ate tra u m a ; it stays with the spi rit.
Fu rthermore, the exper i en ce of death itsel f c a n compo u n d
 '
'

the tra u m a c a rried by the deceased i f they reach death

u n prepared for it, whether by l a c k of u n d ersta n d i n g or by
sudden violence.

The violence i nfl i cted upon Agdisti s by the O ly m pi ans

reverberates i nto the p resent d ay: as in the myths, modern
i n d ivi d u als who transgress hege m o n i c ru les of gender a re
often p u n ished . Today, transgender a n d gender n o n co n ­
form i n g (TG N C) peo ple, trans wo men of c o l o r i n p a rtic­
u l a r, a re su bject to brutal ea rly deaths at rates fa r exceed­
i n g the gen era l popu lation . 1 6 1 7 Without be l a bo ri n g those
facts, which a re of sign i fi c a n t e n o u gh i m port a n ce that
delvi n g i n to them sh a l lowly h ere wo u l d o n ly do them a
disservice, tra u m at i c deaths b r i n g a bout tra u m atized s p i r­
its.

All a ncestors a re people who h ave d ied, but not everyo n e

who d i es beco mes a n an cestor. There a re various reasons
that a spi rit m i ght not beco me a n a ncestor, i n cl u di ng
u n resolved tra u m a at the t i m e of death. Such i nd ivi d u a ls
c a n beco m e e n m i red i n spiritual m iasm a a n d u n a b l e to
m ove o n , a n d a re k n own as restless or trou b l ed dead . I n
the case of those who h ave been violently k i l l ed, rest­
lessness after death i s overwhelm i n gly com m o n . As such,
the TG N C dead a re disproportion ately trou b led, fo rgotten ,
u n attended, a n d u n a b l e to m ove o n , compou n d i n g s u f­
fering i n l ife i nto sufferi n g thereafter. These restless trans­
gender dead c a n be brought to peace t h ro u gh the living
bod i es of mem bers of their l i ne.

Wh i l e most trad ition a l forms of a ncestor wo rk add ress the

veneration of the pra ctitioner's b lood a n cestors, i.e. those
with whom the practitioner sha res genet i c m aterial, the
tec h n i q u es of a n cestor wo rk c a n a lso be offered to l i nes of
a ncestors of the practitioner's spi rit. The line of TG N C
a ncestors carr ies the reverberation of a n cestral tra u m a,
a n d c a n be vene rated , elevated , and t ransfo rmed i n to a
so u rce of su pport for the l ivi ng descend a n ts of the l i n e i n
the s a m e m a n ner a n d usi ng the sa me tools as a l i ne o f bi­
ological an cestors. Ve neration of the l i n e of TG NC a n ces­
tors c a n i nvolve the offeri n gs of ordeal, emoti o n a l release,
a n d tra u m a process i n g, as we l l as fighti n g l i ke h e l l fo r the
l i ving.

Not o n l y a re these offeri ngs works of com pass i o n , but fu r­

ther, they are works of self-preservation for l i v i n g trans­
gender peo ple. Tra u m a fu rther u p the a n cestra l l i ne has
repercussions a l l the way down it. Scientific resea rch bears
o u t the concepts of tra u m a genes, PTS D i n the l i v i n g de­
sce n d a n ts of enslaved peo ple, and other forms of i n ter­
generatio n a l co l lective grief.� � This is espec i a l ly true of
b lood relations, b u t the p a i n of those who a re a ncestors of
spirit a lso reverberates through the i r l i v i n g successors.
These fo rm s of tra u m a reside i n the bod ies of the l i v i n g
a n d persist u nt i l n eutra li zed , idea l ly a t t h e sou rce.
 '
'

Agd istis' refusa l to com prom ise their truth, a n d their

su bseq uent e n cou nter with the violent enforcement of
gender n o rms, rin gs true to m a ny ex perien ces of gender
n o n c o n fo r m ity fro m a n ti qu ity to present day. Whether ex­
perien ced conse n s u a l ly, t h ro ugh e lective ge nder a ffi r m i n g
su rgeries, or th ro u gh del i berate violence, t h e act of bei n g
"de-sexed " is c o m m o n t o TG N C experience a n d , in a l l
cases, i nvasive a n d pote n tia l ly tra u m atizing.

I n consi d e r i n g the work of honoring the l i n eage of TG N C

dead a n d a n cestors, Agd istis stands o u t a s a mem ber of
that l i neage. N e ither fu l l y h u m a n nor fu l ly d iv i n e, they i n ­
h a b it the l i m i n a l space o f daemons, dem igods, a n d he­
roes, a n d seek s u c h h o n o r a n d veneration fro m the de­
sce nd an ts of t h e i r TG NC l i ne .

P a rt of this honor a n d veneratio n 1s 1n the form of

katharsis, a category of ritual wh i ch uses o rdeal to c lea nse
o r expel a n emotion o r experi e n ce that is toxic or h a rmfu l .
Katharsis p lays a sign i fica nt role i n the mystery c u l t prac­
ti ces of both Cybele a n d D io nysos, a s wel l as i n the m a n­
ifestations of ritu al and gnost i c practices i n corpo rated i nto
the work conte m p l ated here i n . When used in conju n ction
with other tools, it c a n fu n ction to add ress a n d heal both
i n divi du a l a n d a n cestral tra u m a .

What Agdistis end u res a t the hands o f the e n t i re pan theon,

a n d D i o nysos in p a rti cu la r, is a tra u m a wh ich c ont in ues to
bear reperc ussions through the l i ne of TG N C desc e n d a n ts
a li ve today. As i n the case of the a ncestra l tra u m a that
plag ues genetic l i neages, everyon e down the l i n e suffers
for the ori g i n a l act of violence. To tend that o r igi n a l wou nd
is to c a re fo r Agd istis as a trou bled and tra u m atized prede­
cessor. Their katharsis c a n i n tegrate them i nto the host of
a ncestors a n d s u p portive spi rits for the l ivi ng a n d dead
m e m bers of their l i ne, a n d can h el p to spread hea l i ng and
peace throughout those pasts, presents, and fut u res.

The fi rst step i n worki n g with the tra u m a of Agd istis, how­
ever, is to beg i n with the tra u m a of Cybele. Long before
bei ng su bject to their own gender-b ased attac k, Agd istis
had that violence as a core component of their be i n g, h av­
i n g been created fro m a n act of violence agai nst the M oth­
er of the Gods.

Context u a l i z i n g the experiences a n d the rel ationsh i p of Cy­

bele a n d Agdistis i n m odern tra u m a sc holarsh i p req u i res
a n exa m i n a t ion of the story of Zeus' rape of Cybele, which
can also be fo u n d i n the wo r k of Arnobi us. Accord i n g to
Arn ob i us' recou n t i ng, Zeus, overco me with l u st which
Arn o b i u s desc ri bed as "detestab le," 11wicked," "sh am efu I,"
a n d "exec rable," a pproac hed a n d touched Cybele as she
slept on M o u nt D i ndym o n . When she awoke and resisted
h i m , he respo nded violently, but beca use of her resis­
tance, "having striven fo r a very long t i m e w h i le she is u n ­
w i l l i n g/' he fou n d h i mself u na b le to attain c l i m ax. I nstead,
 '
'

he left her a n d d i d so a l o ne, u lt i m ately ejac u lating onto the

stone of M ou n t D in d ym o n , which was a lso c a l led Agd us.
The sto ne " d ra n k up [the] fou l i nconti nence . . . in the very
heart of the roc k, a c h i ld was fo rmed ." 2 0

Sex u a l i nteractions i nvo lving deities a re a lways co m p l i­

cated to a ssess by h u m a n sta n d a rds. Arn obius poi n ts out
that ta boos aga i n st i n cest a re a h u m a n b u s i n ess, wh i le i n ­
cest a m o n g the gods i s n o less n atu ra l t h a n the r a i n i m ­
pregnati n g the so i l . N evertheless, i t i s clear that t h is i n ter­
action was u n a m b ig u o usly sex u a l violence a n d was c e r­
ta i n ly tra u m at i z i n g.

O bv iously any assertions a bo u t the effects of t ra um a on a

godd ess a re p r i m a r i ly conjectu re. Lac k i n g a h u m a n body
to so matic a l ly p rocess or transm ute the tra u m a of the
rape, it c a n be extrapolated that she wo u l d need to con­
sc iously or u n consciously fi n d other strategies for heal i n g.

A c o m m o n effect of sex u a l assau lt is a l astin g bewil­

derment a bout the d iffere nce between love a n d terror, a n d
d iffi c u lty d isti n g u i s h i n g between acts of love a n d acts of
violence.� As a M other G oddess whose attr i b u tes i nc l ude
u n conditio n a l d i v i n e love, Cybele wo u l d be severely i m -
pa i red by u n p rocessed t ra u m a resu lting i n d a m age t o that
ca pac ity. I n order to p reve nt such h a r m , she would h a ve
h a d to fi nd so m e other way to com pletely exci se the tra u ­
m atic experience from herself. From t h e conste l l ation of
i n fo r m ation provided by Arnobi us, gnos1s, a n d modern
tra u m a theo ry, a hypothesis may be fo rmed that i nstead of
bei ng a b l e to p rocess the tra u m a t h rough her own body,
Cybele i nstead q u a ra nt i n ed a n d d issoc i ated it i nto a se pa­
rate en tity entirely. This d issoc iated, tra u m atized shard of
her se lf, then, bec a m e em bedded in the sto ne of Agd us,
gestated there, a n d grew i nto Agd istis.

This i nterp retati o n of Agd istis' o r i g i n gives new context to

their actions. I f they are a be i ng created fro m a n d i n reac­
tion to a n exper ience of violation a n d violent contro l , a n d
if they a re by n a t u re i ncapable o f process i n g that tra u m a ,
then thei r demeanor as sex u a l ly vorac ious a n d violently
resist a n t to control c a n be u n d erstood as an atte m pt to
protect them sel f from fu rther v i o l atio n .

I t was u nder these c i rc u m sta nces, then, that they d rew the
attention of Olympus. Sti l l trap ped a n d reverbera t i n g i n
the sex u a l vio lence perpetrated u pon Cybele a s she slept,
they were then su bjected to fu rther v i o l e n ce perpetrated
u po n them as they slept. They were retr a u m atized as the
memory of their m ut i l ation at the hands of D ionysos be­
c a m e i n extr icab ly entan gled with their memory of Cybele's
rape, a n d neither c o u l d be processed . Already a m a d d ae­
m o n pri m a r i l y com posed of tra u matic memory, they ex­
ploded o u twards i n t i m e and descen ded i nto noncorporeal
m ad ness, fracta l tr igger states, and fu rious catato n i a . Thei r
pa i n a n d fu ry bec a m e a genera t i o n a l tra u m a i n fecti n g a n d
 '
'

echo i n g through the t i m e l i nes of t h e i r descend a n ts.

"When something is damaged, for a long time, the dam­

age becomes pa1t of what you see when you picture your­
self And after a long time you stop noticing, whether it's
really still there or whether it's just what you see when you
picture yourself Maybe it healed a long time ago and you
never even noticed. Maybe the pain is something you
don't need anymore but you've had it for so long ... it just
doesn't occur to you. I spent so long damaged. I was so
angry at him for breaking me, and that anger and that
damage and that tangle, all that red string... it grew itself
into a shelf that was so hard I didn't even notice there was
nothing underneath anymore. That was just the shape of
me."22

Little information survives o n Agd istis' n atu re. A r n o b i us

descri bes them as fe roc ious, lustfu l , a n d violent, a mon­
ster consu med by rage and h atred . This is consistent with
the idea of them as a tra u m a shard ; their rage and h u rt
renders them i ncapab le of experiencing a n y d isti nction be­
tween safety a n d d a n ger, or between contact a n d violence.
I n d iv i n atory a n d devot i o n a l co ntact, the daemon is i nsa­
tiab le, vengefu l , a n d m a d . This a ntagon ism is d i rected
general ly, b u t also speci fi c a l ly towards D io nysos, see k i n g
revenge a n d p u n ish ment fo r their suffering a t h is h a nds.

"I wanted Dionysos to give me his pain. I wanted to eat it

 out of him . I wanted it to go through him and into me.
I 've hurt people, you know. But not like he hurt me. Not
like a coward. I didn't make him cut his own balls off, you
know, he did that to himself. I didn 't want his cock, I
wanted mine back. I didn 't want him to suffer at anyone's
hand but mine. And if it had been me, I'll tell you. He
would have opened his eyes and seen me, and he would
have seen his own blood reflected in my eyes and known
what a real god looks like."23

I t i s c lear from Agd istis' own wo rds that they are m oti­
vated, at least in part, by revenge, and thereby c l o s u re.
Thei r fu ry is not the a n ger of a person wronged, b u t a
sad istic, i n s at ia b le b lood l u st u n med i ated by reason or a ny
u n dersta n d i n g of compass ion . Th is l a c k of com pass i o n i s
i n stark co ntrast t o t h e vast divine compassion that
c h a racterizes Cybele. The rage that she felt i n response to
her rape c o u ld not coex i st with her a b i l ity to provide i n fi ­
n ite d iv i n e k i n d ness a n d e m p athy; to preserve t h a t a b i l ity,
she had to q u aranti ne those feel i ngs a n d des i res i nto
Agd is t is , a bei ng who knows o n ly the p a i n that conceived
them. To work w ith Agd i stis as a hybrid a n cestor-d i v i n ity,
then. cons i sts of d i rect i n g the two tra u m a proces s i n g
too l s outl i n ed above t o offer them the hea l i n g that m ay be
effectuated t h rough the l iv i n g h u m a n body.

As prev i o u s l y stated , the fi rst tool i s to a l low the tra u m a ­

tized person to process pa i n fu l m e m ories by connecti ng
 '
'

a n d being present with oth ers. P ractica l ly, this c a n i nvolve

s h a r i n g one's pa i n , wo r k i n g to rem a i n gro u n ded i n l i n ea r
time, a n d b e i n g exten ded com pass ion a n d e m pathy. I n
worki ng with Agd i s t i s , this i nvolves a ll owi ng them to con­
nect with mem bers of the i r l i ne to process the m e m o ry of
t h e i r story. The a rc of that sto ry, fro m brutal creati o n to
b rut al destruction , com prises the mytho logical fo u ndation
for the M ysteries of Agd i s ti s . M a ny mystery c u lts, such as
the C u lt of Cybele and the Eleu s i n ia n M ysterie s , h ave such
a mythologic a l fou ndatio n . Referred to a s their hieros logos,
the fou n d ation a l story pl ays a n i ntegra l part in the i n itia-
tory rites of the c u lt. The hieros logos is recited by h iero­
pha nts a s o n e of the th ree p r i m a ry pa rts of i n i t iatory r ites,
ca l led legomena. The recitation of the sto ry of Agd istis, i n
c o n n ection with l iv in g mem bers of their l i ne, a l lows the
daemon to exper ience the p a i n fu l memory without be i n g
flooded b y i t o r fo rced i n to i nvo l u ntary t ra u m a-based ti me
trave l .

The second tool i s offeri n g Agd istis n ew experiences to

contrad ict and hea l the effects of thei r v iolation. These ex­
perien ces c a n i n clude somatic katharsis through phys ical
e m bod i ment as wel l as a ncestor veneratio n . For a ny entity
that h a s experienced hel plessness a n d h u rt, s lowly learn­
i n g and re b u i l d i n g the capac ity to p rotect oneself, be held,
and experience non-violent i nteractions is a great tool for
hea l i n g .
This work i s m ut u a l ly benefi c i a l . Offering compass ion ,
katharsis, a n d heal ing to Agd i sti s a l l ows practitioners to
experience the s a m e . Not o n ly is the generation al tra u m a
e m a n ating from Agd istis' h u rt s lowly a l leviated by their
hea l i n g, but a l so, a devotio n a l rel ations h i p with them
eases certa i n types of d istress s pecific to mem bers of their
l i ne. The cou plet i n c l uded as a n epigraph i n th i s piece
petitions Agd i stis fo r relief a n d strengthens a rec i procal
relationsh i p, which the daemon understa n d s as con­
s u m i n g the pa i n , fe a r, and m ad n ess of their ki n .

" If I am your ancestor, will you feed me ? Have you ever

tasted fear? If you let me drink it out of you I wifl te/f you
what it tastes like. Do you think it's too much for me?
Sweet child. It is a great pain. How great would a hunger
have to be to hold it? I know it's scary. And I don't want
you to not be scared. I want you to be scared and then I
want you to give it to me."24

This p rayer m a kes the pa i n a n d mad ness i nto a n offering

to Agd i stis and abates the s ufferin g and overwhe l m as so­
c iated with them, while s i m u ltaneo u s ly strengthen i ng the
c o n n ection between the devotee and the daemon, a n d
n o u r i s h i n g both with that con necti o n .

The cou plet is a prayer fo r the " s m a l l m a d ness" as d istinct

from the "great m ad ness," a d isti nction that ap pears i n
sou rces both academic and sp i rit u a l . The great m ad n ess i s
 '
'

i nvo l u ntary and destructive; it overwh e l m s its v i ct i m s , i rre­

vers i b ly d i m i n i sh i n g or removing their a b i l i ty to fu nction
in the world. I t can m a n i fest as severe epi sodes of mental
i l l ness, s uici d a l i ty, e m oti o n a l breakdow n , a n d other types
of s ig n ificant psyc h ic sufferi ng. The great m ad ness th reat­
e n s m a n y, p a rti c u l a rly those whose movement through the
wo rld is s h a ped by violence and oppression, and a variety
of tools exist to m a n age its weight. Wh i l e i n d i v i d u a l practi­
tioners m u s t c raft their own tool boxes of thera peuti c ,
c h e m i c a l , m a gi c a l , a n d other m od a l ities t o re s i st the great
m ad ness, one such too l is the ritu a l ized a n d kathartic
a ppl ication of the s m a l l m ad n ess.

"If you do not find the small madness, the great madness
will take you."25

The s m a l l m ad n ess c a n be u n d erstood as certa i n types of

katharsis, frenzy, or vo l u nt a ry s u rrender. I t c a n be accessed
through a v a riety of condu its, i n c l u d i ng entheogens,
d a nce, sex, pai n , a n d c h a n nel i ng. When d i rected devo­
tiona l ly t h rough a relation s h i p with Agd i st is, t h rough these
c o n d u i ts, and t h rough the cou plet, the s m a l l m ad ness acts
as a p ressure valve, i no c u l a t i n g practiti o ners aga i n st the
great m ad ness.

I n general H e l lenic a n d Anato l i a n cosmol ogies , the prac­

tice of the s m a l l m a d ness fa l l s p rim a ri ly u n der the do­
m a i n s of Cybele a n d D io nyso s. Each de ity had mystery
cu lts i nvo l v i n g ecstatic d a n c i n g, boom i n g d r u m s a n d
c ra s h i n g cym b a l s , fre nzied b loodletting, orgies, gender
tra nsgres s i o n , a n d other ecstatic a n d soc i a l ly dev i a n t prac­
tices. D ionysos ' m aenad fo l l owers were recruited from re­
specta ble v i l lage women, who, u nder h i s i n fl ue n ces, defied
the ru les of accepta ble fe m i n i ne behavior. They would r u n
through t h e woods, d a n c i n g a n d s i ng i ng , h u nt i n g wild a n i­
m a l s as prey a n d then tea ring them a pa rt bare- h a n d ed a n d
eating them raw i n a ritua l k n own as sparagmos. 26 The c u It
of D i o nysos took its lead from the cult of Cybele, where
h i s own youthfu l m ad ness a fter h i s i nteraction with Agd i s­
tis was hea led . The tra nsgender pr iestesses of the c u l t of
Cybele in An atol i a a n d G reece, the G a l l ae, u sed the s m a l l
m ad ness exte n s i vely i n their practice. M a ny o f the p rac­
tices of the G a l lae were lost as M ysteries, a n d what re­
m a i n s was m ostly recorded by Rom a n scho l a rs outraged
by the i r p u b l i c deviance a n d gender no n-conform ity. D u r­
i n g the festiva ls and ritu a l s associated with the c u lt, the
pr iestesses would d ru m a n d d a nce ecstatica l ly, rub their
hair in the d i rt, wh i p themselves i nto a fre nzy, a n d , as part
of thei r i n itiations, m uti late thei r gen itals a n d p a i n t the
streets with their m a ke u p a n d b lood. 2 7 Agd istis, bridgi ng
these two mystery c u lts and hold i n g within them the m ad­
ness of both, holds a u n iq u e a b i l ity to guide their fol l owers
i n w a l k i n g the d e licate l i n e between the great m ad ness and
the s m a l l .
 '
'

The co s m ology of t h i s practice req u i res the m e rg i n g of

H ellen i c (and other trad i ti o n a l) polytheist myth os, som atic
tra u m a theory, v a r i o u s trad i t i o n s of a n cestor practice, rad­
ica l pol itics , harm red u ctio n , n o n b i n ary gender praxi s , a n d
m agic for the c reation of p ractica l tools fo r s u rvival i n a
hostile wo rld. Th e hieros logos begi n s with Cybele's expe­
rience of sex u a l vio lation a n d moves t h rough the exc l u s io n
a n d ha zi n g o f D i o nysos, t h e attem pts t o conta i n a n d u l ti­
m ately destroy the threat posed by Agd istis' gender and
sex u a l behavior, a n d the res u ltant tra u m a, m ad ness, a n d
search for hea l i ng with which a l l th ree d a n ce as t i m e pass­
es. These myt h ic u nderpi n n i ngs of the c u ltus conta i n re­
tl ect i o n s of m a ny experiences that reso n a te with the l i ne of
TG N C descenda nts.

For that reason, this practice of wo r k i n g to provide kathar­

sis a n d hea l i n g to the l i n e of a n cestors, i n c l u d i n g Agd istis,
echoes katharsis a n d heal in g back to the practitioners. The
veneration of TG N C a ncestors a l lows them to beco m e a
resou rce a n d a s o u rce of hea l i n g fo r their l iv i n g a n d re­
cently dead descenda nts. Wo r k i n g with these t ra u m at ized ,
m ad, time-struck d e ities a n d s p i rits i s a resourcing prac­
tice. To address thei r pain d i rectly is to remove the sou rce
of i n fection a n d a l low the l i ne to beg i n to heal itself. F u r­
ther, the use of rit u a l ized frenzy. o r the s m a l l m adness,
and the same tools of compass ion , tra u m a proces s i n g,
a n d safety b u i l d i n g a re v a l u a ble fo r i n d i v id u a l practiti o ners
i n the d ay-to-day work of s u rv i v i n g a n d hea l i ng i n a violent
wo rld. F i n a l ly, context u a l i z i n g o n eself a s a TG NC person,
as tra u m atized, as s u bject to violence a n d fu l l of fear a n d
rage1 i n t h e legacy o f t h a t l i ne a n d con nected with the
a ncestors and d i v i n ities that popu late it, provides stre ngth
to fight and end u re. Pa rtic u l a rly as peo ple often sepa rated
from biological fa m i ly, present-day TG N C people benefit
from these c o n n ections with a ncestors and d iv i n ities.
These connections and th i s work provide the op portu n ity
for hea l i ng shared between practitioners and w ith Agd istis
a n d other a ncesto rs. They are a bridge to an i n tergen­
eratio n a l a n d a ncestral legacy of m ut u a l aid that not o n ly
stretches through t i me, but q ueers it.

! P rayer by Rocket, adapted fro m Catu l l u s 63, 9 1 - 93

� M ou n t D i ndymon is now c a l led M o u nt M u rat, situ ated

i n the Gezi region of Tu rkey.

3 Authors and t r a n s l a t i o n s v a ry on what pro n o u n s a re
a p propriate to u s e when d i scuss i ng Agd i sti s. A few
sou rces desc r i be Agd i stis as a goddess or a n e a rly form of
Cybele, a n d , accord i ngly, use "she" exc l u s ively, or "he" be­
fore the tran sform ation a n d " she" after it. The most com­
mon sources, i n c l ud i n g most d i rect tra n s l ations of
Arn o b i u s , refer to the d a emon as " he," wh i le others u se
m o re deh u m a n izi ng pron o u n s l i ke "he/she" or " it." I n th i s
p iece, fo r the s a ke of cons i stency a n d respect, the s i ng u la r
"they" w i l l be u sed throughout.
 '
'

'•

A A r n o b i u s of S icca. "The Case Aga i n st the Paga n s , Book

5." The Ancient Mysteries: A Source-book of Sacred Texts. Ed.

M a rvi n W. M eyer. (1 987) . Ph i l ad e l p h i a , PA: U n ivers ity of
Pen n sylv a n i a Press.
5 D io nysos. (20 1 6, N ov 1 1 ) . Cha n n e l i n g through Alder
K n ight as tra n sc r i bed by Roc ket.

6 Roller, Lyn n E . (1 9 9 9 ) . In Search of God the Mother. Oak­

l a n d , CA: U n ivers ity of Cal i forn i a P ress.
z Kalde ra , Rave n . (2008) . Hermaphrodeities: The Trans­
gender Spirituality Workbook. H u bbardsto n , M A : Asphodel
Press.
� D io nysos. (20 1 6, N ov 1 1 ) . Ch a n n e l i n g t h rough Alder
Kn ight as tra n sc r i bed by Roc ket.
9. Arnob i u s , supra.
1 0 D io nysos. (20 1 6, N ov 1 1 ) . C h a n n e l i n g through Alder
Kn ight as tra n sc r i bed by Roc ket .
.!.l Agd i s t i s . (20 1 6, Dec 5) . C h a n n e l i n g through Rocket as

tra n s c r i bed by A lder Kn ight.

g D ionysos . (20 1 6, N ov 1 1 ) . Cha n n e l i n g through Alder

Kn ight as tra n sc r i bed by Roc ket.

13 Strozzi-Heckler, R ic ha rd (1 993) . The Anatomy of Change:
A Way to Move Through Life's Transitions. Berkeley, CA:
N o rth Atl a n t ic Books.
l.4 Van der Ko lk, Bessel, M . D. (20 1 5) . The Body Keeps the
Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Lon­
d o n , U K: Pen g u i n Books .
15 M a ry H a rris " M other" Jones
.!§ N atio n a l Coa l ition of Anti-Violence Progra m s ( N CAVP) .
(201 6). Le s b i a n , G ay, B i sex u a l , Tra n sgender, Queer, a n d
H IV-Affected H ate Violence i n 201 5. N ew Yo rk, N Y: A u ­
thors: E m i ly Wate rs, C h a i J i n d a s u rat, Cec i l i a Wo l fe .

l Z Schm ider, Alex. (20 1 7, A p r 24 u pd ated ) . Dou bly Victim­

ized : Report i n g o n Tra n s gender Victi m s of Cri m e [Web log

post]. Retrieved fro m httP-:f/www. g l a a d . org/blog£

gl a ad-ca I ls-c rea sed-crea sed -rate-m ed i a -coverage-tra n s ­
gender-m u r-ders
� Tho ms o n , H e l e n . (20 1 5, Aug 2 1 ) . Study of H olocaust
s u rvivors finds tra u m a pa ssed on to c h i l d re n 's genes. Re-
trieved from httP-s :Lfwww.theg u a rd ia n .com/
sc i-ence /201 5/21 /studx-of-of- ho lo-ca u st-vivors-fi nds-
tra um a-ma-P-assed-on-to-ch i 1-d ren s-genes
19. DeG ruy, Lea ry, PhD. (2005) . Post Traumatic Slave Syn­
drome: America 's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing.
Portl a n d , O R : U ptone P ress.
20 M c C racke n , G eorge. (1 949) . Arnobius of Sicca: The Case
Against the Pagans. N ew Yo rk, N Y: Pa ulist Press.
� Va n Der Ko l k, supra.
22 Agd i s t i s . (20 1 6, Dec 5) . C h a n ne l i n g t h ro u gh Rocket a s
tra ns cr ibed b y Alder Kn ight.
£3 Agd i stis . (20 1 6, Dec 5) . C h a n n e l i n g through Rocket as
tra ns cr ibed by A lder Kn ight.
2A. Agd is t is . (20 1 6, Dec 5) . C h a n n el i ng through Roc ket as
tra n sc ri bed by Alder Kn ight.
£5 Cybele. (2014, Feb 2 ) . C h a n n e l l i n g through Roc ket as
 '
'

transcri bed by Alder Kn ight.

2 6 M eyer, supra.

'J.7- Rol ler, supra.

 Betiveen Starshine and Clay:

D IY B l a c k Queer Divination

BY AL M AH LAVON RICE

i had no model.

born in baby/on

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay...

- Luc i l le C l i fto n , fro m "won't you celebrate with me"

Noctuary.

Leaf belly u p , m e a n s yes . Leaf back green a n d stil l ,

m e a n s no. A black q ueer gi rlch i ld at n i g ht-who writes
poe m s a n d i nca ntat i o n s everywhere, who ca l l s the
moon the sun in her nightgown, who is afra id of fa i ries
a n d the S a n d m a n , who hears the steps of l u m beri ng
m o n sters i n the t h u m p i n g of the fu rn ace-th i s star­
ridd led c h i l d d ivi nes by moon l ig ht. Alone, sta r i n g o u t
 '
'

of the wi ndow at the tree she ca I ls Lucy: i f one of

Lucy's leaves blows u pwa rd, revea l i ng its pale u nder­
s ide when she presses a q uestion to the s ky, wel l, that
i s G o d 's way of a n sweri n g to the affi rmative. I f a
Lucyleaf rem a i n s i nert, that i s God s h a k i ng her head .
N o . D u ri n g the day she m ay be a l o n e i n a wo rld that i s
s i lent when she needs a word , a n d n o i se where s h e
needs the ineffa b le; b u t a t n ight, the world s peaks i n a l l
the right places: wind, leaf, m o o n .

Oraculum.

B lack q ueer gi rlc h i ld stum bles forward through the

years. Fa l l s i nto lfa, a West Afr i c a n system of divina­
tion a n d s ign , a n d in p a rti c u l a r, beco mes a d a i ly devo­
tee of the orac le of D i l6ggu n . Every m o rn i n g a n d every
n ight I would th row the cowrie shells on the mat to get
a n swers to q uesti o n s I posed to my a n cestors a n d the
o ri sh a , the deiti es i n n u merable that constitute the pan­
theon of the lfa. The syntax of shells d i rected m a ny of
my core l i fe dec i s i o n s , fro m where to m ove to potential
p a rtners h i p s to p u rs u e. The world was a l ive, and was
a ch atter. S p i rits c rowded at my m a t to say thei r piece,
a n d often , they rattled my peace.

Palimpsest.

I n the end, I wanted a looser relation s h i p with d i vin e

d i ctat i o n . Th i s a nt i-authorita r i a n began c h a fi n g at
 feel i n g l i ke I was la shed to the m at, a n d to an cestra l
d i rectives that sta rted to feel too m uc h l i ke the arid,
p u n itive J udeo-C h r i stian trad ition I was rai sed in. I de­
c ided I was a free-ra nge mystic, a l lergic to orga n ized
rel igion of a n y k i n d . That be i n g s a i d , I sti l l love the or­
i sh a , and a m sti l l gratefu l that lfa provided entree i n to
a ncestor veneration fo r m e-but now I have m o re e l l i p­
tical, more d iffu se, a n d less heavy- h a nded re l at i o n s h i p
to a n cestral g u i d a nce.

Hypnagogic Hotel.

Before I left my more for m a l relatio n s h i p with lfa, I m et

with a Bab a l awo who told me that I had " a gift for
d rea m i n g." To strengthen my d re a m d i v i n ation prac­
tice, I sta rted sett i n g u p one-night pop-u p a ltars (with
offeri ngs to the G ivers of Drea m s l i ke a sprig of wild­
flowers, a pac ket of tea, herbs) , co m p lete with a h a nd­
written n ote a s k i ng for a n swers to spec i fi c q uesti o n s ,
as we l l as lon ger-term altars to honor m y d ream gu ides
a n d signa l my receptivity to more v i s itat i o n s . I even
c reated a l ive d rea m i ng i n stallation at the Tra n s modern
Festi val, a n a n n ua l showcase of rad ica l l ive a rt in B a lti­
m o re . I c a l led it. . .

. . . a s l u m ber pa rty fo r a rtists

. . . a studio fo r s l eepers
 '
'

. . . a playbo ratory for d reamers

... a soporifi c s a l o n , a n ight mystery sc hoo l, a som no­

lent s u m m it, l u l la by theatre

Witness the tableau: a d a rkened roo m fu l l of fi g u res in

repose, s h a r i n g d re a m s and d rea m- reca l l hacks with
each other. There's a tea station to get p a rti c i pants i n a
reverie-ri pe m ood-a M u se- u m of M u gwort. A copy of
The Girl Who Dreamed Only Geese is o pen on the tab le,
i nv i t i n g sl eepwa l kers to wander fro m d ream to d re a m ,
story to sto ry.

Afro-approfondem ent.

To m Robbi n s says that 11a p profo ndement" i s a French

word that m e a n s 11 p layi n g e a s i l y in the deep." Fee l i n g
too feral a n d too fancifu l for m o re rigid , i n stitu­
t i o n a l ized faith syste m s , I c l a i m myself as a practi­
tioner of sacred w h i m sy. As a B l a c k q ueer person who
h a s not fou n d an easy home in a ny fa ith trad ition but
who is sti l l en sorcel led by s pi rit and d i vi n i ng, I have
rea l i zed that I needed , to paraph rase the o pen i n g l i nes
from Luci l le C l i fto n , to i n voke a n d i nvent here between
s ky a n d earth, stars h i n e a n d cl ay, transcendence a n d
i m m a n e n ce. D i vi n ation i s the u lt i m ate i nterPlay of
d i m e n s i o n s ; I see my prayer/d i v i nation m at and a lt a r
a s a n e a rthly address for w h a t h a s no location, a pl ay­
gro u n d for d i v i n e conversati o n .
Dark Delicious Divination.

I m a g i n eered by Alexis Pa u l i ne G u m b s, I nd igo Days

was a gatheri ng of B l a c k women a n d genderq uee r heal­
ers i n s p i red by I nd igo, the B l a c k girl healer fol klorist i n
N tozake S h a nge's novel , Sassafrass, Cypress, and Indigo.
At I n d i go Days, I shared my "Afro- S u rrea l i s t D a rk D e l i ­
c ious D i v i n atory Writ i n g Workshop" i n a l iv i n g room
fu l l of B l a c k wo m e n a n d genderq ueers, with a partic­
u la r foc u s of the a rt on bi bl i o m a ncy. B i bl i o m a n cers­
to-be pac ked the roo m , everyo ne i n cha i rs or s itti n g on
the floor-a nd poetry books from Alexi s' l i b rary were
pro phets a m ong u s , ar rayed a round the room a n d
ready. I a s ked atte ndees to let a q uestion bloom i n side
them , and then open the books to a n a u s p i c i o u s , an­
sweri n g page. Fol ks expressed awe at the res o n a nce
they fo u nd in verses that k n owi ngly s po ke b a c k to
them . Later i n the workshop, partici pa nts riffed on the
fou n d l i ne s , writ i n g affirm i n g letters to their future
selves, to Black q ueer yo uth, or some other i m a g i n ed
a ud ience.

Dark Sciences.

With A lexi s P a u l i n e G u m bs, I d reamed u p Dark Sci­

ences: A Peop le of Co lor Dre a m Retreat. The retreat
center had a slot for o u r eve nt in A p r i l a n d i n August of
2 0 1 5-wh i c h d ate to choose? Alexis recom mended that
 '
'

we wait u po n drea m m i s s i ves to m a ke a dec i s i o n . Not

too long after s h e voiced that idea, I d re a m ed I was
swelte r i n g at some gathering; Alexis was a l so there,
a n d she was eight m o nths pregna nt. The retreat cente r
i s in Au sti n-wh ich i s scorc h i n g i n Augu st-so Alexis
said the d re a m s a i d the 8th month. August it was! D i v­
i na t i o n : the deepest, da rkest science.

Through gui ded meditation, we dove to the ocean tloor

to s i t c ross-legged with O l 6 k u n , ra d i a n t i n her/ h i s
pea rls. We woke u p ea rly and, sti l l wet w i t h d reams,
p u l led oracle c a rds fo r each other. We pa i red u p fo r a n
automatic a rt exerc ise: while Partner A d ayd ream ed out
loud, the Partner 8 d rew P a rtner A's v i s i o n s in oi l pas­
tel (and with eyes c losed and h e a rt ope n ) . We com­
posed a n d then d rop ped haiku in a fi s h bowl , l ater
p u l l i n g them out "at ra ndom" as oracles. We b u i l t a
col lective a ltar to a nc h o r u s over the course of the re­
treat. Over l u nc h , we held a t ro u bles hooti ng d re a m
c l i n ic-what if yo u don't remem ber you r d rea m s ?
Remember that it's all a dream, we never wake. What i f
you re m e m ber them a l l too wel l , a n d a re h o u n ded by
Try extracting wisdom if you can, like drain­
n ightm a res?
ing venom from a snake.

Some of us slept m o re s o u n d ly than we had in years ,

m eeti n g g ra n d mothers who h a ve been waiti ng for u s
a l l t h i s t i m e down by the riverside.
Love S (cry) .

I worked on su m m o n i n g a l i fe partner fo r ages . I paid

for spell ca sted honey. I bathed with rose soap. I n
accord a nce with what I know of Feng s h u i , I erected a
love altar ador ned with p i n k, red , a n d wh ite cand les i n
the love bagua o f my bed roo m . A love attraction coach
gave me spec i a l o i l s to u se . But I a l so i m provi sed
u s i ng my lon g i n g a n d i m ag i n at i o n : I fi l led a heart­
s hap ed c h a n ge pu rse with s l i ps of paper on which I
h a d written affi rmations fro m my partner-yet-to-a rrive .
W h e n I felt demoral ized a n d h opeless, I wo u ld p u l l a
s l i p of paper from the p u rse for a rea s s u r i n g m essage
from my i n c i p ient beloved. C a l l it q u a ntu m entan­
glement love d i v i n ation.

En11oi.

J o a n : " I hear voices tel l i ng me what to do. They

come from God."
Robert: 'They come from yo u r i m agi n ation."
J o a n : "Of c o u rse. T h i s is how the mes sages of G od
come to us."
- Saint Joan, by G eo rge Bern ard S h aw

M y next big adventure wi l l i n vo lve u s i n g d iv i n ation to

d ri ve a boo k-length project. Desp ite identifyi ng as a
play eva n ge l i st, writ i n g i s often a p l ace where I get
stuck a n d stricken with what I jokingly c a l l " a d u lt
 '
'

'•

poi son i ng." B r i n g i n g D i v i n e Cha nce i nto the process

h e l ps me s h a ke off rigid ity, a n d i n stead welcome in a n
u nta med beauty th at i s beyo n d my i n n e r critic's wi ldest
d reams . What m i ght th i s look l i ke ? Co l lected wo rds
a n d p h ra ses jotted on scraps of p a pe r a n d tossed i n a n
a l c h e m i c a l s h oebox; these words w i l l m i n gle a n d
tra n s m ute, to l ater be d rawn from for provocative j ux­
tapos it io n s . I t m i ght look l i ke u s i ng R a n d o m .org to
play with word order. M y a pproach would be h e resy to
some, but my a n cestors a n d guides a re my mentors i n
p lay-over a n d over aga i n , I fi n d i rreveren t reverence i s
rewarded . After a l l , i n the phys i c a l rea l m , I had n o
model so I h a d t o m a ke i t u p, o n e B l a c k q u eer ou tra­
geo u s ste p at a t i m e .
'
'
Manx poderosx: queer abunda nce
by I nes lxierd a
'
'
 Finding the Unnamed Path

BY M ICHAEL G REYWOL F

When I sta rted my j o u rney on the pagan path and fou nd

the U n n a m ed Path, I h a d been searc h i n g fo r a cou pie of
years fo r a trad it ion that reflected who I was as a gay m a n .
I came i nto pagan i s m after a fa l l i n g-out with the C h ri sti a n
rel igion i n col lege. I was co m i ng to terms with m y sexu­
a l ity after years of re pres s i o n a n d se lf-loat h i n g . The
C h u rc h wanted me to cha nge who I was, they wanted me
to fit a preconceived notion of what they thought it meant
to be rel i g i o u s , s p i ritual, and a man. When I found the pa­
g a n s on c a m p u s , they were m uch m o re welco m i n g a n d
d i d n 't de m an d I change who I was to belong.

Like most baby paga n s I sta rted as a solita ry witc h , prac­

tic i n g a W icca n-i n s p i red set of bel i efs, a n d that worked fo r
m e fo r a w h ile . I wors h i pped the G oddess (not a pa rti c u l a r
one, j u st the general idea of G oddess) a n d s h u n n ed the
G o d , or sacred m a sc u l i n e , for a few ye ars. I fi n d m a ny gay
or q u eer m e n who come to pag a n i s m or witchc raft a re
d rawn to the fe m i n i n e as pects of bei n g a god dess wor­
s h i pper. For most q u eer men we are often told we a re n't
m asc u l i n e enough to be ' m e n .' Th us m a n y j u s t co m p letely
em brace god dess wors h i p and deny a ny bits of the sacred
m as c u l i n e with i n them. Com i n g from a patri a r c ha l
 '
'

rel i gious b a c kgro u n d , I fi n d t h i s to be very c om m on

a mo n g converts. Th i s p ractice th rew m e out of b a l a n ce. I
was t u r n i n g m y back o n energy a n d power that belonged
to m e as someone who i dentifies a s m a le.

When I tried to reco n nect with those m as c u l i n e a s pects of

myself, I felt p u s h-bac k by the hyper-m a sc u l i n ist energy
that was com i n g from a hetero n o r m ative m i ndset. I t stil l
d i d n 't feel co mp l etely right a n d my spiritual growth flo u n­
dered after a few years. A heterocentric view of rel igion j u st
d i d n 't fit me. I regu l a rly fe lt l i ke I was stuck i n the m id d le
when I attended g ro u p ritu als. Over the years I had heard
a bout a l l -fem a l e cove n s a nd c i rcles, a n d some that were
Les b ia n-identified, a n d I sta rted to wo nder if such a t h i n g
c o u l d exi st fo r m e n , e s pec i a l ly G ay m e n .

Resea rch i nto t h e variety of paga n paths fo r q u eer m e n had

led me to s i tes for several gro u p s, b u t none had a ny cir­
cles or gro u ps i n my c u rrent a rea. I t wasn't u n t i l the 20 1 3
Belta ne celebration, with the Cou n ci l of M agickal Arts i n
Texas, that I m et a n I n it i ated B rother of the U n n a m ed Path
(U P) Cliff C a m acho. Th i s b rother was a reg u l a r attendee
1

of C M A's Belta ne celebra ti o n s a n d that yea r h e h a ppened

to be adverti s i n g Stone and Stang, the U n n a m ed Path's
b i a n n u a l p u b l ic gathering. I h a d not p rev i o u s l y heard of
the U n n a m ed Path, but as B rother C l i ff was exp lai n i n g h i s
experi ences i n the broth erhood, a nd h i s deep perso n a l
i n teractions with the D a r k G oddess of the U n n a m ed Path,
I bec a m e i n trigued. M y head nea rly exploded when he s a i d
the G o d s of t h e Path were actual ly consorts to each other
a n d not the G oddesses. I decided at that m om ent that t h i s
trad ition m ight be somet h i n g to look i nto.

After the gatheri n g had ended, I reac hed out to C l i ff a n d h e

p u t me i n touch with the broth er who would beco me my
teac he r, Chase Powers. B rother Chase s u ggested that I l is­
ten to the U n n a m ed Path Podcast, to get a feel fo r what the
U P was, and to get back to him i f I decided to do the Ap­
prenticesh i p cou rse. I n it i a l ly I wa n ted to j u m p right i nto
c l a sses bec a u se the idea of a new Path spec i fi c a l ly for M en
Who Love M e n exc ited me beyo nd belief. B u t after receiv­
i n g advice from severa l close frie n d s about getti n g a better
grasp o n the trad ition before j u m p i n g head fi rst, I spent a
c ouple of weeks l i ste n i n g to Hyperion weave the h i story
a n d practices of the U P on l i ne.

At that point, the UP was o n ly about six yea rs old - in Feb­

ruary 20 1 7 the U n n a m ed Path celebrated o u r ten -yea r a n ­
n i versary. I lea rned how E d d y ' Hype r i o n ' G utierrez S a n c­
tus, the fo u nder of the path, had decided to seek o u t the
Ancestors of M e n Who Love M e n d u r ing a jou rney i n to the
Sp i r it World for h ea l i ng, and a bout the joy a n d m i s s i o n
they h a d for h i m . They wa nted h i m t o bring their teachings
back to the M en Who Love Men i n the m iddle wo rld , to re­
take o u r p l ace as teachers, h i stori a ns, medici ne men, a n d
servants of o u r co m m u n ities. These recorded teac hi ngs of
 '
'

H ype rion's rel ayed i nformation a bout the fo u r branches of

the trad it io n : S h a m a n i s m , M agic a n d P rop h ecy, Death
Wa l k i n g a n d E n ergy H e a l i ng, as we l l as the two G oddesses
a n d two Gods of the trad iti on . The rela t i o n s h i p between
the Gods as lovers a n d the G oddesses as c o n fi d a n tes a n d
c o m p a n i o n s fit with how I l i ved my l i fe. A l l t h i s knowledge
ceme nted my belief that the U n n a m ed Path was some­
thing I des perately n eeded i n my l i fe .
Though t h e Apprentices h i p c l a sses a re genera l ly a year­
long cou rse, m i ne actu a l ly l a sted a bit longer bec a u s e my
work schedule was i nconven ien t a t ti mes. With the U P
bei n g my fi rst, a n d thus fa r o n ly trad ition, I h a d a lot of
!earn i n g to do. Lea rn i ng to m ed itate was defi n itely a ch a l­
lenge; my m i n d is very h a rd to q u iet at t i m es a n d when I
sta rted learn i n g to clear my m i n d , my thou ghts a n d s u b-
conscious got louder. LOOK! They are listening finally!
With B rother Cha se's help I was a bl e to work with those
d i stractions and eve n t u a l ly get to a p l ace where I c o u ld
q u iet my m i n d .

I c a n not provide m a ny deta i l s a bo u t what we covered a n d

learned, b u t I c a n s ay that the fi rst p a rt o f the cou rse i s
a bout learn i n g to l i sten to o ne's Sh adow Self, yo u r emo­
tions, tho ughts a n d past experi ences a n d heal i n g you r past
wo u n d s . There i s an exerc i se that req u i res you to sit a n d
' review' yo u r day, which i s espec i a l ly h e l pfu l if yo u 've been
h a v i n g a bad one. As yo u review your day bit by bit, when
you come across someth i n g that s p a rks a fea rfu l , sad, or
u psett i n g res ponse, yo u start to pee l back the emotiona l
l ayers that c a u sed you to res pond that way. Th is was d i ffi ­
c u l t fo r m e , bec a u se I fo u n d I w a s projecti n g my own fears
a n d i n sec u rities o nto others arou nd me a n d not taki ng re­
spons ib i l ity for my own shortco m i ngs. I t led m e to i s o l ate
myself, wh ich is n ot usefu l when d o i n g i ntense S hadow
Work. This i s p a rt of the process the U P teac hes so that
we may heal a n d b u i l d better relatio n s h i ps with o u r S h ad­
ows . I feel l i ke this was the p a rt of the tra i n i ng that I en­
joyed the mo st. I was able to come o u t of t h i s with a better
u n dersta n d i ng of who I was, and why I wo u ld someti mes
c hoose to fo l low self-destructive pattern s, a n d how to ei­
ther avoid or heal these tra u m a s when they occ u r. I wo u ld
l i ke to add that S hadow Wo r k i s never done. I t i s o n ly over
once we h ave pas sed on from t h i s l ife. M uch of what we
we re taught i n the classes was covered briefly i n the U n ­
na med Path podcasts, b u t i n t h e c l a s ses we went deeper
i n to the work a n d expan ded on the ideas a n d teac h i n gs .

I t was d u ri n g my tra i n i ng, a n d right before m y fi rst i n­

person c lass , that the fo under of the U n n a med Path, Eddy
' Hyperion' G utierrez Sa nct u s , passed away from a sudden
heart attack. Bei ng someone who was h a l f-way between
bei ng Student a n d a n I n it i ated B rother, it was a n i n ter­
esti n g experience to see the effect Hyperion's death h a d
o n the brotherhood. I h ave a lways h a d a n i nterest i n how
 '
'

people process and deal with the death of a loved one.

Bei n g of M exican descent, I am u sed to big wa kes - o r
v i ewi n gs- a n d fu n era l s , where peo ple w i l l s i t a n d com m i s­
erate over the dea rly departed . It s hoc ked me when I
learned that some peo ple d i d not do this too. The few
fu nera l s I h a ve witnes sed fo r those who a re of other eth­
n i cities h ave fascin ated m e with how d i fferent c u lt u res a p­
proach the act of send i ng off o r h o n o r i n g loved ones. With
these men, I saw men who l i ved m i l es a pa rt fro m each
other co l lectively griev i ng. I witn essed a l l these men with
wh o m I had sta rted to b u i ld relation s h i ps withd raw i n to
themselves to m o u r n i n v a r i o u s ways. I wo u l d a l so see
b rothers rea c h i n g o u t to those who were withd rawi n g a n d
h e l p g u i d e them b a c k o r h e l p them process their loss i n a
con structive way. O n e wo u l d t h i n k that after l o s i n g thei r
leader that the B rotherhood wou ld fa l l a pa rt, but they
d i d n 't. They m o u rned a n d contin ued Hyperion's wo rk i n gs,
as wel l as their own .

D u r i n g my trai ni n g i t was my privi l ege to help the brothers

host the fi rst C i rc l e of S ight, o n e of the U n n a m ed Path's
holy d ays, at the Cou n c i l of M agickal Arts a n n ua l Belta n e
celebrat i o n . As a student, it tested a l l I had learned u p to
that po i nt, but it was a thri l l to serve my co m m u n i ty i n
such a way. I n the C i rcle of S ight, o n e o r m o re B rothers
takes on the role of an O racle, an i n divid u a l who enters a
h a lf-tra nce a n d ta kes q u esti o n s from mem bers of the
co m m u n ity. After q u estio n i n g the Oracle j o u rneys to the
Sp i r it Wo rld fo r the a n swer. A nother brother serves as a n
en ergy a n ch o r, this broth er c h a n nels energy from the
Ancestors i n to the Oracle to keep them fro m becom i n g ex­
h a u sted.

After the ritual had come to a c lose, the feed b a c k we re­

cei ved from the com m u n ity was overwhe l m i n g a n d fu l l of
love a n d exc itement. M y brothers were fl u s hed with joy,
hea r i n g pra ise a bo u t the ritu a l . I feel it was a l so bec a u s e
we were l iv i n g u p t o someth i n g H yperion wou l d a lways
say, "We are s h a m a n s for o u r com m u n ity, n ot s h a m a n s
for ou rselves." I t was a few m o nths l a ter, with Brother
Chase's he lp and g u i d a n ce, that I c om pleted the a p pren­
tices h i p c o u rse a n d was h i s fi rst student to beco m e a n i n i­
ti ate of the U n n a m ed Path i n August of 20 1 5 .

I n the t i m e fo l lowing my i n itiation i nto the brotherhood ,

we have conti n ued to grow a n d exp a n d on the legacy
H yperion left u s . We conti n u e to h ave S to n e and Sta n g o n
a b i a n n u a l rotat ion, a n d we have sta rted a new podcast.
When H yperion pa ssed , n o n e of the c u rre n t brothers felt
l i ke they c o u ld or should t a ke over the rei n s of prod u c i ng
ep i sodes for the s how. B u t i n Septe m ber 20 1 6, Brother
M athew Syd ney and myself, with the bless i n gs fro m o u r
brothers, sta rted the new pod cast Walking the Unnamed
Path on the Paga n s To n ight Radio N etwork. We try to con­
tinue H yperio n's work by expa n d i n g o n the teac h i ngs
 '
'

gi ven to h i m by the An cestors of M e n Who Love M en , a n d

a lso cove r i n g general to pics that perta i n to q ueer paga n
m e n . M athew a n d I knew from i nteracti n g with other q ueer
men o n l i ne that there was a des i re, a h u n ger, for m o re
i n fo r m ation o n the U n n a m ed Path. Some i n d i v i d u a l s eve n
bel ieved we had d ied out s i nce the l ast of the origi n al pod­
casts was d a ted Febru a ry 20 1 2 a n d o u r o n l i n e presence
was very s m a l l . Th i s i s obvio u sly n ot the c ase, but o u r
b rotherhood h a d go ne t h ro u gh a period o f tri a l s a n d i t
seemed l i ke we were constantly d e a l i n g with perso n a l i s­
s u es a n d even a nother death . O u r brother, J o h n Raven­
moon, joi ned H yperion a n d the An cestors in 20 1 6 . B rother
Raven moon 's pass i n g was a bit of a k i ck in the a s s . We
knew we had work to do a n d we can o n ly hope we a re
d o i n g o u r com m u n ity, our Broth ers, the An cestors, a n d
G o d s proud . We c o n t i n u e to t ra i n new teac hers a n d broth­
ers each yea r. We n u m ber over thi rty i n itiated brothers as
to d ate. We work to conti n u e to plan a n d host S to n e a n d
Stang, a n d i n add ition various brothers h o s t workshops at
n u m e ro u s other pagan gatherings. O u r work conti n ues
a n d we do it with pride a n d love i n o u r hearts.
 Anba Dlo/Under The Water

BY ALEX B ATAGI ( BONK I RA BON OU NGAN }

It is a Saturday night in late Novembe1� and I am on my

knees in the middle of a packed temple while a Vodou cere­
mony goes on full tilt around me. It is not my first experience
in ceremony, but it is the first time that the attention of a lwa
(spirit) who has come down in possession is fully focused on
me. He is seated in a ti chez (small chair) turned backwards,
and his body cannot stay still. While he washes my head,
hands, and arms with strong smelling cologne, he vibrates in
his seat; body shivering and bouncing to an internal rhythm.
His motions ask a question that I don't understand until the
priestess keeping a careful eye on our interaction leans down
and whispers to him in a language I am unfamiliar with. He
nods vigorously, and she details for me what it is that he
wants from me. This spirit asks me for maryaj lwa, a mar­
riage between a person and their spirits.

I tell him that I need to think about his offer, and he nods
in understanding before motioning for the priestess to come
closer. She steps in and he lifts both my hands in his, carefully
placing them between her hands. More cologne is poured over
our combined hands, and I do not need a translation to
understand what he is putting in place with the priestess who
would become my spiritual mother.
 '
'

Vodou is the i n d igenous rel i g i o n of H aiti a n d the

H a i t i a n people. With deep ties to the co ncepts of revo­
l ution a n d ba la nce fra med with i n H a i t i a n c u lt u re, Vodou
a d d resses l i fe with a th ree- pron ged a pproach: m agi c,
wh i c h seeks to reba l a nce a n u nj u st wo rld accord i ng to the
needs of the peo ple, hea l i ng, which add resses s ic k n ess of
the body a n d the s p i rit, a n d service to the lwa, who bri n g
t h e w i l l a n d t h e word of the s u p re m e d ivin ity i n to o u r l ives.
None of these a reas c a n exist without the others, and the
heart of each as pect of the rel i g i o n operates with the s a m e
core p r i n c i ple: m agic is cu ltivated i n t h e m a ny rel ation­
s h i ps-with people and s p i rits a l i ke-that each Vodouizan
(Vodou practitioner) n u rt u res a n d holds close.

Vodouizan who m ay be fa m i l i a r with other m i n o rity rel i­

gi on s outside of H a iti a re fond of sayi n g that there a re no
sol itary practiti o ners i n Vod o u , a n d th i s is true. No o n e
c a n exist i n a s i n g u l a r vac u u m i n t h e re l i gion ; w e c a n n ot
learn, serve our s p i rits, rise to expectations that the s p i rits
h a ve i n m i n d for u s , or evo l ve as i n d iv i d u a l s i n the rel igion
without the com m u n ity. O u r com m u n ities a re o u r fam i­
l ies, headed by priests and priestesses who offer d i rection
for our s p i ritual develo pment. And should our s p i rits d i ­
rect us i nto t h e dje110 ( i n iti atory c h a m ber) , these priests o r
p riestesses l i ft u s from anba d/O (below the waters) t o take
u p the respo n s i b i l ities that o u r s p i rits d i rect us to. I n this
way, o u r relation s h i ps beco me re- s h a ped . The prie st/ess
becomes o u r sp irit u a l parent, we beco m e t h e i r c h i l d , a n d
t h e i r other c h i l d ren becom e o u r s i b l i ngs. The djevo solid ­
ifies o u r re latio n s h i ps with o u r s p i ritual parent, with o u r
s p i ri ts, a n d with o u r co m m u n ity-at-l a rge, m ade u p of other
Vodouizan who see u s , know u s , a n d recogn ize the bonds
we h ave forged and formal ized t h rough our i n iti atory sacri-
fices a n d s p i ri t u a l devotion.

We are rebo rn through these relatio n s h i ps and, fo r

those of u s who h ave not fo u nd welcome i n other reli­
gion s--who exist in l i m i n a l spaces, who em body a gender
that fa l l s outside of soc i a l expectati o n s , who h ave a sexu­
a l ity that exists beyo nd the l a be l of 1straight'--Vodou offers
a reprieve fro m outside attitudes a n d c o n fi r m s the iden­
tities we l ive in every d ay, either through explicit ritu a l
activity o r a s i m p le open welcome. N otably a bsent i n
Vodo u a re a ny prosc riptions arou nd sex u a l orientation or
gender identity, as these t h i ngs a re l argely beyo nd the con­
cern of com m u n ity or s p i rit.

When we enter the djevo, we a re s i m p le seeds that a re

ready to be p l a n ted . We a re h u l l a n d fl esh, s k i n a n d pote n -
tial, and the djevo is where we go t o beco me m o re than
that a n d find what we c a n grow i nto. I n the same way that
seeds h ave a sole purpose--to be n u rt u red i n to a root that
grows deep a n d a p l a n t that grows tall--we exist a s s i ng u l a r
identities when we go to kouche ( l i e dow n) . We become a
refl exive be ing that i s defi ned by who we a re to o u r s p i rits,
 '
'

who we a re to o u r s p i ri t u a l p a re nt, a n d , as a look to the fu­

tu re, who we w i l l become i n o u r co m m u n ity. I t does n ' t
m atter w h a t ge n it a l i a I was b o r n with o r what words I use
to describe how I relate to the wo rld, as I am o n ly a seed .
M y rel igious identity w i l l wait fo r m e at my baptem (bap­
ti s m ) , a n d I wi l l tl oat i n the waters of Ginen (the real m of
the s p i rits) u nti l my mother's labor p u s hes me back o u t
i n to the wo rld.
It is a cool Sunday afternoon, and I am sitting in the
kitchen of the priestess whose hands were placed around mine
many months ago. I watch her cook, and everything she does
is precise and practiced, with nothing left to fate or happy
accident. She cooks like food is a story that has been told for
years until it is known by heart and by smell, and by relation­
ships recalled over a steaming plate of diri ak pwa (rice and
beans), with chunks of tender pwason (fish) placed carefully
on top. No spiritual skills are needed to discern that some­
thing magn[ficent shimmers around her, and it reaches back
to her own spiritual mother; and her mother's mother, and on
into the roots of the tree that holds us all up.

It has been almost a year since my spirits proposed maryaj

(spirit marriage) and then asked for my kanzo (initiation) as
well, and it is past time to have the conversation that I have
been avoiding since the beginning. My stomach has been tied
into knots for days> and I have rehearsed what I need to say
over and over and also prepared myself to be dismissed out of
hand. I feared learning that Vodou was another place that
people like me, avisibly queer and transgender person, do not
belong. I am terrified to discuss the topic with anyone even re­
motely involved in Vodou, because I am afraid of the answer.
Though I don't really know the weight of what has been pre­
sented to me, I know what these spirits have told me and I
am not sure what I will do ifthe door closes here.

I fidget with my hands and the paper in fi·ont of me as I

tell the priestess that I cannot he made as a manbo (female
priest) because for me being made that way would feel like a
death sentence. My heart pounds in my ears and I swallow
my stomach while she is quiet. I cannot look at her, but in
that forever long moment of silence, I know she is looking at
me.

"Then I'll make you an houngan." She says it simply and

with finality that my ears struggle to process. It feels as if
there is air in my lungs again. In the future, I ask her two
more times if this is what she will do and she answers me
with the same finality, each and every time. My spirits ask me
to trust, and so I do by putting myself into the hands of this
powerhouse of a Haitian woman.

When I am i n the djevo, time and p l ace cease to exist. I

a m el sewhere a n d I a m not who I was when I was brought
i n , with a l l things bei n g stri pped away so that I m ay be re­
b u i lt a n ew. When I d re a m of t h i ngs my s p i rits tel l m e I
 '
'

'•

m u st do, my s p i ritu a l mother i s with me d o i n g those

things, too. When my d re a m- self b a l ks at i n structions, her
hand is o n my shoulder a n d she rea s s u res m e that it's
time a n d she is with me t h rough it. I a m not scared be­
c a u se, as she told me before, she w i l l fly with m e u nti l I
c a n fly o n m y own .

I n the waking world, my s p i ritu a l m other q ui etly ex­

p l a i n s that I a m bei n g m ade a n houngan a n d not a manbo.
I n H a iti, 'tra n sgender' is someth i n g n ew (though there i s a
local q ueer co m m u n ity) a n d i t i s a n adjustment for those
who a re lea rn i ng how t h i ngs a re outside the country, j u st
as I a m lea rning t h i ngs i n s ide the rel i gion a n d i n s i d e the
c u lture. She picks her wo rd s ca refu l l y a n d t i m es her exp la­
nations to m a ke them rest easy with those mem bers of the
co m m u n ity who l i sten to her. M y u n a ltered , pre-tra n s ition
body sends o n e message a n d m y m other del ivers a n other,
a n d her wo rds a re heeded without res istance a s we a l l re­
s pect o u r m other a n d her wishes.

A l l ritual wo r k i s done with the idea of who I will be

when I em erge from the cocoon of the djeLlo. I a m b u i lt by
the v i s i o n a n d h a n d s of my m other, upheld by a l l her c h i l­
d ren a n d the c om m u n ity that h a s come to see t h i s tra ns­
fo rmation . I am bec a u s e s h e i s and bec a u se they a re, a n d
h e r shou lders a re stro n g enough to h o l d u s a l l . A s the
com m u n ity grows, Vodou grows with the co m m u n ity. A
transgender person m ay not h ave entered her djeLlo before,
but my mother knows that the s p i rits welcome a l l th e i r
c h i l d ren a n d so s h e brings a l l o f u s to them with the s a m e
deep love a n d exacti ng c a re. I n that, my ge nder a n d sex u ­
a l ity is both i rreleva nt bec a u se t h e rit u a l wo rk does n ot
cha nge based o n gender, h i story, or love, and i n tri nsic be­
caus e a l l of me is we lcomed to the table. Vodou is a
process of constant bala nce, of 'yes, a n d . . .', a n d of e m­
bra c i n g a l l poss i b i l ities i n o n e vesse l .

My mother's voice calls me and her hands lift me from

Ginen. I have rested and worked for these nine days and
learned who I am and who my spirits want me to be, and she
has labored as a mother labors to birth a child. Born from
water, lifted from wate1; and with new breath in my lungs, I
am born as I am meant to be.

I can feel the press of bodies around me while I wait to be

given a new name that marks who I am and what I will be.
The priest who intones the prayers of baptism first does so over
one of my sisters, and my mother carefully writes her new
name down in the book that holds the history of her love for
her children and, through them, her love for the spirits. I can­
not yet see her clearly, but I know she stands before me.

It is my turn and my heart pounds like it has at every step

of this new becoming. My godparents are behind me, and the
candle that lights the way for this new name and new self
rests on top of my head, held strong by the hands that have
 '
'

'•

plucked my name from the lips of the spirits. The priest prays
and my mother is poised with pen and book.

I t was my parenn (godfather) who poi nted o u t how s i g­

n i fi c a nt baptem c o u l d be fo r me, a n d he was not wrong. A
new name and a pu b l i c ly-recogn ized, com m u n ity­
s u pported , s p i ritua lly-bac ked m a l e id entity i s a powe rfu l
piece of magic to p l ace u po n someone a n d , for a tra n s ­
gender person , it's a new sta rt . Prior to my j o u rney i nto the
djevo, I had la rgely soc i a l ly tra n s it i o n ed to a p u b l ic m a l e
identity b u t h a d held o ff on a med ica l t r a n s i t i o n d u e to a
m u ltitude of fea rs a n d worries rega rd i n g what hormones
wo u l d do to me and the ri pple effects it wou l d h ave i n my
l i fe. After kanzo, I fo u n d that I c o u l d n o longer wa it and the
d rive to be g i n alte r i n g my body to m atch how I felt was
i m po s s i b l e to s q u i s h down . The sett l i n g of magic on my
head a n d i n my h a n d s that s po ke d i rectly to who I was at
my core c reated a n env i ro n ment where I was no l o n ger
a b le to deny what wo u l d , i n m a ny ways, save my l i fe . With­
i n a few months of ret u r n i n g to the U n ited State s , I began
hormone thera py.

My parenn relays my new name to our mother and she di­

rects the priest to announce my birth as a new houngan. f roll
the syllables over my tongue as the priest and my mother con­
tinue down the row of my brothers and sisters. My name holds
secrets that I can 't fully understand yet.
 Bonkira. What is good is rare.

I n Vod o u , n a m es a re their own magic. They i n form u s

o f o u r l i fe's path, o f o u r work i n t h e rel i g i o n , a n d who we
a re at a deep ly perso n a l level, em bodyi n g gifts a n d
lessons, bless i ngs a n d b u rd e n s a l l i n o n e . At the same
time, they a re a l so a reflection of that wh i c h shapes u s
a n d , when I c o n s i d er m y n a m e, I th i n k o f m y mothe r a n d
her h a n d s . S h e i n sists i n h e r q u iet, self-conta i ned way that
what she has m ade is both good a n d ra re, and that what I
a m to beco m e c a n be both , if o n ly I learn the lessons that
she and the s p i rits teach t h rough o u r col lective i nter­
a ct i o n s . I a m a reflection of my s p i rits , but, perh aps m o re
i m porta ntly, I a m a l so a reflection of her. I f I a m good , it is
bec a u s e s h e h a s n u rt u red that and placed i m porta nt
pieces of herself and her u n dersta n d i n g of the s p i rits and
the world in me. O u r relationsh i p s u pports me as I grow
as a m a n a n d as a p riest a n d , com b i n i n g both of those
identities, as her ch i ld . The lwa wove us together, the djevo
so l i d i fied o u r relat ionsh i p, a n d my n a m e i n d icates how
o u r hands c a n m a ke m a gic together.

I sit beside m y mother in the same temple I knelt in when

the fwa decided we could create something powe1fuf together.
On her knee sits a small pile of raw cotton, filled with seeds
and bits of husk, and she pulls off a small chunk for me.
"Here," she says. "Now watch."
 '
'

'•

Her delicate fingers make quick work of the rough, un­

combed cotton. She tugs it carefully into shape, applying just
the right amount of pressure to keep it from tearing apart
while shaping it into the form she needs it to hold to make ti
mech, a small wick for an oil lamp. As she molds it into use-
fulness, she carefully plucks away the imperfections that
would render the wick unable to burn properly. Not the small­
est piece of debris escapes her view, and she works quietly,
bringing into being the memories of hundreds of years of sevis
lwa (service to the spirits) .

When she begins another ti mech, I take up the cotton she

handed to me and begin to work it as she did, only with fin­
gers that move much slower and that need more practice and
discipline. She watches me out of the corner of her eye and,
when I need guidance, she directs my attention to her hands
and uses slow, deliberate motions to illustrate what I am
m1ssmg.

I make the movements of my fingers match hers as best I

can, and soon we have enough ti mech for the lamp. They are
placed carefully in the small basin, and oil is added to provide
the fuel. She lights a wick that she made first, and then lights
the rest from that one; transferring her light to the wicks I
have made. As the lamp begins to burn, she shapes the ti
mech for the best possible burn, lifting and placing them in
the most useful positions to achieve the brightest flame. Years
of practice and a ritualized knowledge of how they will burn
leave her unafraid of the bite of the fire, as if the flame would
dare not burn her when there is work to be done. I memorize
how this confidence looks and feels.

After a moment, she begins the prayers that speak to God

and cafl the lwa and the ancestors in French and then Kreyol.
She sings quietly into the lamp and I feel the air around us
contract as those who are unseen draw close to listen. This
presence is like a hea1tbeat that encompasses us both, weav­
ing and tugging magic into place between us, for us, and
through us. She sings for me as her mother sang for her and
how I wifl perhaps sing for my own children 's needs, with love
and hope and the knowledge that what has been worked be­
tween us cannot be undone.
 '
'

',

& b
1 :
�
b
!
h �
:

A
� �
'
b .
�
I
..
6 �
Watch Out Tree
by I nes lxierda
'
'
 A Drag Queen Possessed And Other Q ueer
Club Magic

BY A A R O N O B E R O N

M a gic i n America h a s bee n presented i n a very parti c u la r

pac kage. Th i s package has often i n c l uded certa i n elements
that m a r ket it as soc i a l ly accepta ble wh i le still b e i n g o ut­
s i d e the norm. The m ost glaring of th ese elements for a
q u eer witch i s the constant re m i nder of how hetero­
sex u a l ity is n ot o n ly the norm but the s u pposed s o u rce of
witchc raft. I n recent yea rs however q ueer witches a n d fol k
m agici a n s have decided that work i n g with i n the hetero nor­
m ative lens of fert i l ity ba sed witchc ra ft doesn't work fo r
them. N ew aven ues ha ve been explo red a n d entirely new
strea m s of witchc raft h ave s u rfaced that em phasize prac­
tice with i n the i m m ed i acy of the witch's environment
rather than a set of core beliefs that the witch m u st ad he re
to. A n i m i sm, the belief that everything i s i m bued with s p i r­
it, i s o n e of these strea m s that has changed how m a ny
contempo ra ry witches a re viewi ng the i r craft.

An i m i s m a l lows a n i nd ivid u a l to look at the entire world

a ro u n d them and see magic a n d potent i a l . I n an a n i m istic
wo rldview, the enti re l a n d s c a pe has power. Th is a l lows a
q u eer person to look at a place l i ke a c l u b o r a b a r as
somet h i n g powe rfu l. I n stead of t ra p p i n g oneself with i n the
 '
'

'•

confi nes of a c i rc le, every as pect of a bu i ld i n g or l a n d ­

scape c a n beco me a place t o practice m a g i c . Th is a lso
means that cert a i n kinds of m agic-s u c h as g l a m o u r, pro­
tecti on, l u st, a n d even possession-m ight be m o re potent
in a q ueer n i ght c l u b than in other p l aces throughout yo u r
l a n d sc a pe."

Li min ality

Witches a re c reatu res of l i m i n a l s paces. Witc hes keep o n e

foot p l a n ted here i n t h e everyday wo rld, a n d t h e other foot
p l a nted i n the world of s p i rits. Th i s l i m i n a l ity, bei n g be­
tween states, is o n e of the t h i ngs that gives witches power.
M a ny, but not a l l , q ueer people c a n identify with this as
wel l d u e to o u r very existence. Q u eer people l ive a h a lf­
lega l exi stence, a place where some of the com m u n ity re­
m a i n s protected wh i l e the other i s a lways at risk. E m pl oy­
ment beco mes a b a l a n c i n g act of p rivate a n d p u b l i c i m ­
ages, a s does prese nti n g the 'soc i a l ly accepta b l e q u eer'
that m ay or m ay not fi t the i ndi v i d u a l .

My own pers o n a l exper ience i n t h e paga n co m m u n ity h a s

put m e i n a l i m i n a l place w h e n a tte n d i n g m ost gatherings,
even ones that a re led by other q u eer people. M an y ti m e s I
h ave see n , or even bee n the ta rget of, the idea that a l l gay
m e n a re "good witches" bec a u s e they " h ave m o re fem i ­
n i n e en ergy" t h a n thei r heterosexual cou nterparts. S u p pos­
edly q u eer fri e n d ly ritu a l s sti ll i n c l u d e the Wiccan G reat
R i te rit u a l i n which the offici ates reiterate the i m portance
of heterosex u a l i nterco u rse for the c reation of m agic.

M agic is often polarized as " m a le" and "fema le" a n d any

kind of other view of magic i s d i s c red ited. I nvolvement of
gender fl u id, gender n o n c o n form i n g, or tran sgender indi­
viduals i s often m i n i m ized a n d sti l l pac kaged i n to a bi n ary.
Spi ritual posses s i o n is often l i m ited to " s a me-sex posses­
s i o n " mea n i n g that o n ly a m a l e identifying i n d iv i d u a l h a s
perm is s io n to becom e the vessel fo r a God , a n d the same
with fem a l e identifying i nd ivid u a l s a n d G oddesses.

S o m e q ueer peo ple may fi n d e m powerm ent t h rough these

lenses, w h i l e m a ny others are rem i nded that even with i n
paga n i s m , there i s a heavy stream of hetero n o r m at ivity
that is d i ffi c u lt to escape . When ta k i n g these i s s u es o ut­
s i d e of a soc i a l l e n s a n d i nto a magical lens, t h i s i n ­
between state c a n be an other as pect of q u eer em pow­
erment. By em brac i n g this i n h erent soc i a l l i m i n a l ity, we
c a n use that to i nform o u r witchc raft. N ot a l l q u eer people
wi l l feel as if they a re l i m i n a l , but for those that do this c a n
b e yet a n other tool fo r o u r craft.

Club Craft

With a n i m i s m and l i m i n a l ity i n the back of o u r m i nd s , we

c a n look at a c l u b as a place where m agic i s at every cor­
ner. The m ed ieval-themed roleplaying of some pagan
events i s not req u i red to be the setting of mean i n gfu l
 '
'

'•

m ag i c . C l u bs a re i n h erently l i m i n a l . often acti n g as a stop­

p i n g point on a n ight of ecstasy whether through d r i n k i ng,
d a n c i n g, or gri n d i ng . The concept of the c l u b as a q ueer
safe p l ace i m bues it with protective agency. The s p i rit of a
c l u b is o n e that not on ly encou rages i nteract i o n but a l so
actively wo rks to protect those with i n it. F l i rt i n g in a q u eer
c l u b is a n act of celebration i n o n e of the few p l aces where
q u eer peo ple c a n fl i rt with no reservati o n . Th i s freed om
a n d celebration exi sts with i n th i s space fo r a few hours be­
tween s u n set a n d s u n r i se, m a k i ng it a k i n d of q ueer witch­
es S a bbath.

Two of the defi n i n g as pects of goi n g to a c l u b a re d r i n k i n g

a n d d a n c i n g. I n m y experience, these two t h i n gs c a n be i n­
c red i bly powerfu l i f put to u se i n a magica l way. Alcohol
can become both a l i bation and an entheogen. Toa sts c a n
b e given to the q u eer a ncestors to o p e n a n ight a nd be
shot back to o pen o u rselves u p to ecstatic a s pects of c l u b­
b i ng . For me, this becomes a moment of honori n g th e
q u eer people who opened t h e way fo r the yo u nger gener­
ations a s wel l as a n opport u n ity to acknowledge the s p i rits
attached to q u eer l i fe and ecstati c experience. I identify one
of these s p i rits as " I n toxication" and a lways ac knowledge
it when wa l k i ng in to a c l u b, at every toast, a n d with every
d a nce. I t o n ly ta kes a few seco n d s to pay hom age to these
spirits a n d b r i n g them i nto yo u r world with some s m a l l act
of ack nowledgement.
After these fi rst o fferings a n d entheoge n s the d a n c i n g
ta kes off. Th i s d a n c i n g becomes the c r u x o f ecstatic expe­
rience a n d the most c r u c i a l p a rt of s p i r it possession. Spi rit
posses s i o n p l ays a mass ive role i n m a ny re l igious trad i­
tions a round the world. G rowi n g up as a Christian i n the
American south, I s aw m a ny fo lks becom e " fi l led with the
S p i rit" or who h a d "The H oly G host pass t h rough them ."
These experiences had several ha l l m a rks of ecstatic s p i r it
posses s i o n � i n c l u d i n g ecstatic movements, s pea k i n g in
tongues, and on rare occasion del ivering m essages fro m
The H oly G host. M odern paga n i s m h a s its own co ntext fo r
posses s i o n , s u ch as i n the W iccan ritual of D rawi n g Down
the M oo n . Wh i le some pagans u t i l ize s p i rit posses s i o n i n
freeform ways, m ost ritu a l s that i n c l ude posses s i o n fo l low
a s c r i pt a n d are stro ngly bou n d by gender n o r m s .

With C l u b Craft i n g, posses s i o n c a n b e perfo rmed b y what­

ever it is the d a n cer is seeki n g. I often d a n c e fo r I n toxi­
cation and lose myself to that s p i r it i n o rder to deepen o u r
bonds a n d celebrate the l a n d , m y q u eerness, a n d the
s p ace that we share d u r i n g t h i s t i m e. Q u eer c u l t u res h a ve
certa i n as pects th at b lend i n to these ecstatic ap proaches.
The da nce style of vogu i ng, which bega n in H a rlem and
was pri m a r i ly done by African-American a n d Lat i no q u ee r
fo l ks, h a s beco me syn onymous with q u eerness si nce the
ea rly 1 9 9o's when it was i ntrod uced to the m a i n stream
wo rld through M ad o n na's hit song "Vogue" a n d the ic onic
 '
'

'•

1 9 9 0 documentary " Pa r i s i s Bu rn ing." Although vogue

o r i gi n ated as someth i n g l ear ned through the H o u se sys­
tem (self m ade fa m i l ies of q u eer peo ple perform i n g a n d
sometimes liv i n g together) a n d featu red b a l l competitions,
it h a s in time beco m e a wo rldwi de a rt fo rm that i s u n iq uely
q u eer. M a ny q ueer people who m ay not be proper voguers
wi l l use ele m ents of vogue i n the way they d a n c e a n d ex­
press themselves. The free fo r m n a t u re of some styles of
vogue lend them selves to ecstat ic d a n ce, q u eerness in mo­
tion.

M odern witchc raft trad itions that ut i l ize possess ion often
stress the i m portance of costu m i ng, which c a n be effective
if done correctly, or res u lt i n " pl ay act i n g" i n stead of poss­
e s s i o n i f done poorly. Those who act as vessels fo r deities
i n these witchcraft trad iti o n s may wear grand h ead pieces,
i ntricately c rafted ga rments, a n d m a ke u p that is evocative
of the n a t u re of the deity be i ng ca l led down i nto the vessel.
The act of costu m i n g for s p i rits i s i ncred i b ly s i m i la r to the
ritu a l s d rag q ueens go through to build their d rag person a .
Everyone does thei r m a keu p a l i ttle d i fferen tly, i n cl u di n g
the ritu a l s i nvolved with prep work. S o m e q u ee n s may put
on the s a m e movie every t i m e they start p a i n t i n g . Others
l ight cand les, or put on Ba rry M a ni l ow to set the m ood .
Rega rdless of the method, there i s a process of draggi n g
u p t h a t p uts t h e q ueen i n a headspace t o become t h e i r per-
son a .
For witches, the process o f d rag c a n beco me a ritu a l of
ach ievi ng hea d s pace a n d devotion to a s p i rit by m i m icking
their fo r m . Em powerment of the witch's q u eerness i s a l so
a n effect of this process . A q ueen co u ld seam lessly b r i n g
together each o f these elements to posses s i o n : a lcoho l a s
entheogen, da nce as ecstatic, a n d d rag as a veh icle. T h i s
k i n d of d ra g as posses s i o n wo u l d be u n iq uely perso na l ,
q u eer, a n d m agical.

Posses s i o n trad itions a rou n d the wo rld oftent im es em pha­

s i ze the i m portance of posses s i o n as a vehic le for p u b l ic
serv ice. Posses sion is not o n ly d o n e because it's i n her­
ently m agical or enjoya ble, but bec a u s e there i s a pro­
fo u nd ro le it fu l fi l l s i n service to the co m m u n ity. These
trad itions a re als o often acc o mp a n ied by soc i a l structures
that give them a p l ace to c o n d u ct possession a n d long­
held trad itions fo r c a re a n d u p keep of a vessel. For m a ny
q u eer witc hes, th is is not i n here ntly true. M a ny trad i t i o n a l
witches a n d an i m i sts c o n d u ct a s o l itary practice, a n d the
q u eer com m u n ity as a whole is often co m p letely sec u l a r,
creat i n g a lack of p u b l i c s paces to c o n d uct posses s i o n or
to show respect fo r s p i ri t u a l traditi o n s .

To c i rc u mvent t h i s k i n d o f c h a l len ge, q ueer witches wou l d

either ha ve to c reate their own i n frastruct u re a n d places to
ha ve this k i n d of ecstatic and q u eer experience or develop
a perso n a l practice of their own . Th is i s a l so li m ited by
location and res o u rces. Where I l i ve i n Sou thwest F l o r i d a ,
 '
'

there i s a deficit of both a n active q ueer co m m u n i ty a n d

witchc raft comm u n ities. Th i s h a s , o u t o f necess ity, forced
m e to create a perso n a l a p proach to posses s i o n . Posses­
s i o n for me beco mes wholly con nected to the devot i o n of
my s p i rits and i m b i b i n g my l i fe with their in fl uence . Poss­
e s s i o n is not a b o u t serv i n g a co m m u n ity, but drawi n g
s pi rits c loser t o m y l i fe a n d givi n g t h e m a n outlet through
my body a n d the space that I have set a side for them. Th i s
stresses the i m portance of how l i m i n a l and u n i q u e every
witc h 's experi ence i s .

There a re even m o re ways that the q ueer la n d scape i s

a l ive, a n d ways that q u eer people c a n ex press their rela­
ti onsh i p to s p i rits. These l i nes a re not fi r m or to be held
tightly in the seem i ngly stra ightforward concepts a bove.
M a keup i s a powerfu l tra nsfo r m a t i o n a l tool, but it is not
needed for very fem i n i ne spi rits to in h a bit my body. I c a n
wea r the m o st m as c u l i ne c loth i n g a n d st i l l s h a re this
s pace with goddesses. My experience with spirit pos ses­
s i o n for s m a l l gro u ps i n cludes both fu l l reg a l i a with s h i fts
i n c o n s ci ou sn ess a n d j u st sl ather i n g o n flyi n g o i ntment i n
a t a n k top sitt i n g i n t h e kitchen . You r experience w i l l be
determ i n ed by yo u r a p p roach, yo u r s p i rits, a n d yo u r loca­
tion.

Doi n g The Deed: A Ritual of Pos session

Start by determ i n i n g the s p i rit you want to call i nto

yo u rse lf. Don 't merely fl i p t h rough a mythology d ictio n a ry
a n d d raw a god at rando m ; this s h o u l d be a s p i rit you have
a lo n g-sta nd i n g relatio n s h i p with. N ext, determ i n e why yo u
want to wo rk with this s p i rit i n this way. U s e yo u r ju d ge­
ment to dete r m i n e if th is is the best way to cond uct the
proces s. If you're loo k i n g fo r an swers to a given q u est i o n ,
c o u l d d i v i n ation be a better opti o n ? I f the s p i rit itself has
to ld you They want you to host them, m a ke s u re it's so me­
th i ng yo u actu a l ly want to d o . If yo u ' re wo r k i n g in a gro u p
or for a p u b l i c ritu a l , dete r m i n e the atmos phere. What
we've been t a l k i n g a bo u t i s n 't i ntend ed for a h i gh ly s c r i pt­
ed or stuffy e n v i ro n m ent.

Be ready fo r the poss i b i l i ty that you may not beco me pos­

ses sed d u ri n g the rit u a l . Th i s is ecstat ic a n d w i l d wo rk,
a n d t he re is no g u a r a n tee of s uccess. Be ready to d a nce
a n d perform for a long t i m e, a n d m a ke s u re that everyo ne
i n part i c i pation knows what to expect. Ecs tatic possess io n
has m o re i n c omm on with a feast or d a n ce pa rty t h a n i t
does with most modern pagan ritu a l s . Pa rtic i pa nts s h o u ld
be comfo rtable b e i n g ecstatic as we ll ; i f yo u're at a d rag
sh ow EVE RYO N E wants to l i p sync to the song the q u een
is perform i n g . That k i n d of gro u p i nvolvement is part of
the devot io n ; it attracts the s p i rits.

Tu rn Pre-G a m i n g i nto H ead-S pac i n g. I f you w i l l be con­

s u m i n g alcohol, use it as a c h a n ce to m a ke those offer­
i n gs. Try to fi n d that l i m i n a l space between fu n a n d
 '
'

'•

spiritual work. Be receptive and be fl u i d . U se m a keup as

p a rt of yo u r rit u a l , a tool to shift. V i s u a l i ze every brush
stroke wiping away yo u r featu res a n d re p l a c i n g them with
the featu res of the s p i rit. You d o n 't h ave to be a tale nted
m a ke u p a rtist to transform yo u r face, a lthough a l ittle prac­
tice can h e l p you feel m o re confident i n the wo rk. By the
time yo u 're putt i n g on outfits and a wig, you s h o u l d feel
d reamy a n d otherwo rld ly.

G et ready to d a nce for the long h a u l . Possess ion in this

context m ay not be what you expect it to be. The fi rst few
times tend to be m o re a k i n to c h a n n e l i ng, where yo u a re i n
control o f yo u r motion but are g u ided by the m ovement of
a s p i rit. You may be awa re that you a re ta l k i n g but yo u
d o n 't know where the wo rds a re com i n g fro m . Yo u may
feel sudden u rges to go somewhere but h ave the fu l l
choice of whether o r not to do the action. As yo u progress
i n this work, you r relatio n s h i p with the s p i r it may c h a nge.
Over t i m e, yo u m ay fi n d yo u rself g i vi ng over e n t i rely to the
s p i rit a n d h a v i n g no reco l lection of the experience at a l l .
This is o n e rea s o n why posses s io n i s best s u ited fo r at
least a s m a l l g ro u p .

S m a l l g ro u p settings a l low t h e vessel t o h ave a safety net

a n d a s potter. A s potter's job is to keep the vessel safe.
Th i n k of you r spotter as a s p i r i t u a l design ated d river.
Posses s i o n comes with ri sks , a n d c a n someti mes be very
i ntense fo r those i nvolved. U n fa m i l i a r s p i rits m ay try a n d
take advantage of the posses s i o n state. Yo u r entheogen
m ay a ffect yo u r j u d ge m ent, a n d d a n c i n g m ay lead to dehy­
d ration if you a re not ca refu l . H av i n g a spotter o n hand i s
o n e way to e n s u re a h igher degree o f safety fo r the vessel
a n d other p rec a u tions s h o u l d be exerc ised.

Preca u t i o n s can be as s i m p le as p l a n n i n g how m u c h of a n

entheogen shou ld be used, h a v i n g easi ly acces s i b l e clean
water, and putt i n g s p i r itu a l g u a rd s (as determ i ned by your
pers o n a l practice) i n place before possession wo rk. A
spotter shou ld have trai n i n g i n basic fi rst a i d , know wh ich
s p i rit i s be i n g d rawn, know how to s pot/sense u n fa m i li a r
s p i rits, a n d h a ve the a b i l ity to a nti c i pate when a vessel may
be engag i n g in pote n t i a l ly u n s a fe behavior. I 've heard hor­
ror sto ries of s p i rits posses s i n g someone and atte m pti n g
to d r i n k seve ral bottles of wh iskey s i n gle-ha n ded ly.

The most i m porta nt factor of a good s potter i s b e i n g able

to pull someone bac k fro m a posses s i o n . H ow a s potte r
bri ngs the vessel back will be determi ned by pers o n a l
practice; b u t s o m e c o m m o n ly u s ed a p proaches i n c l u de
basic g ro u n d i n g tec h n iq ues, physical touch, a d d ress i n g
the s p i rit d i rectly, or even s p l a s h i n g the vessel with cold
water. My go-to is an i ncense blend created s pec ifica lly to
b r i n g me back fro m posses s i o n ( I use a m ix of rose m a ry,
l avender, a n d sage) . M y s potter burns the blend and po­
l i tely add resses the s p i rit after a set a m o u nt of t i m e . Th i s
a l lows the spi rit to get its b u s i ness d o n e a n d h a ve a
 '
'

respectfu l exit fro m my body. I n extreme c a ses, the s p i rit

m ay need to be fo rc i bly removed, i n which case I h ave a
b a n i s h i ng powder (rose m a ry, stinging n ettle, a pinch of
s u lfu r, a n d agri m o ny) on hand j u st in case. I h ave never
had to resort to this, a n d I a ttri b ute that to my prepa­
rations for possession every s i ngle t i m e . The spotter a n d
t h e vessel s h o ul d dete r m i n e whateve r methods they a re
goi n g to u se wel l i n advance.

I n m y expe rience, m ost posses s i o n s a re somewhere down

the m id d l e in ter m s of i n te n s ity a n d they fee l very d re a m ­
l i ke . I c a n remem ber s n i ppets of i m porta nt i n fo r m ation ,
b u t not h i n g spec i fi c . I c a n remem ber my body bei n g close
to someone a n d my l i p s moving, but I have no recol­
lecti o n of what was said to the other person. The work i s
h a rd , exh a u s t i n g, frustrating, a n d exh i l a rating. I 've d an ced
m a n y n i ghts with the i ntention of u n dergo i n g posses s i o n
b u t had not h i n g but a good n i ght of d a n c i n g t o show for
it. Adj u st your expectations, a n d m a ke s u re you r g ro u p or
c rowd a l so h a s rea l istic expecta ti ons of a t most a powerfu l
m ovi n g experience a n d a t least a n ight o f ecstatic d a n c i ng.
When you d a n ce i n h o n o r of the a ncesto rs, es pec i a l ly the
q u eer a n cestors, not h i n g is a waste.
'
'
Castro Madonna
BY ADARE

From the S a n Fra ncisco S i sters of Perpet u a l I nd u lgence,

S i ster Eve Vo l u io n i s magic i nca rn ate! Providing the sa nc­
tity of a confessional with the acce pta n ce of a pride pa­
rade, the S i sters of Pe rpet u a l indulgence a re a n open
exploration of s pi ri t u a l ity, sex u a l ity. ge nder, a n d u n adu l­
terated sass, a l l wh i le raising fu nds fo r cha rity through the
wo nders of d rag.
'
'
 Embodying the Phoenix: The
Transformation of Queer Erotic Alchemy

BY TAI FE N IX KU LYSTI N

The Phoenix exists i n a l l world s . l t i s earthly, cosm ic, and

d ivine, made up of flesh, fi re, and ash simultaneously. It i s
the b i rd that rises, whole a n d vi brant i n its m ajesty. I t i s
the b i rd that flames, sac rificed i n the clea n s i ng fi re. It is
the b i rd that red uces to ash, soon to be reborn . It is a l so a
verb: phoen ixing, o r to phoenix, wh ich is the p rocess of
transformation itself. As witch es, as magic i a n s , as bei ngs
cu rrently experien c i n g the m a n ifestati o n of soul a n d s p i r it
i n to matter, we sta n d as the reconcilers between the
wo rlds, wa l k i n g wit h i n and be longing to a l l . We c a n har­
ness t h i s power of the Phoe n ix a n d of phoenixing as we
traverse the wo rlds to en rich o u r magic a n d i n h a bit o u r
whole se lves.

There are two kinds of a l chemy genera l ly recognized:

chrysopoeia, or go ld-m aki ng, a n d apotheosis, or god­
mak ing. These a re often d i scu ssed as the difference be­
tween practical a lchemy, or a lchemy that works with m at­
ter, a n d psychosp i ritual a lchemy, or the alchemy that
wo rks on h u m a n m a n i festations of d i vi n i ty. The p u rpose
of a lchemy is to tra n s m ute the base materia l we a re wo rk­
i n g on to its pu rest a n d most perfected state. When I s ay
 '
'

'•

'' p u rest a n d m ost perfected," I mean be i n g m ade u p of

noth i n g but its own sel( o r as free of im p u rities a n d o ut­
s i d e i n fl u ence as po ssible.

The Phoenix is often uti l i zed in alchemical sym bol ogy as

a n em blem for the fi na l phase of the work, sometimes
ca l led th e Ph i l osoph er's Stone. I t i s both representat ive of
the com pletion of the work-the tra n smutation of the l ead
of base m atter i nto the perfected gold-as well as the en­
ti rety of the work itself, which i s the process of phoen ixi ng.
It i s solve et coagula, l itera l ly mean i n g to di ssolve a n d coag­
u l ate, or to sepa rate a n d recom bine. Th i s i s the fu nda ­
mental process of alch emy: sepa ration, p u rificat i o n , a n d
recom b i nation. Th i s i s tra n s m utat i o n , tra n sfo r m a t i o n , a n d
c h a nge.

To em body the Phoen ix i s to embrace the ever-c h a nging

nature of rea lity and the beauty of destruction and cre­
ation. The more comfortable we a re with cha nge and
death, the more fu lly a n d deeply we can experience l i fe. By
feel i ng a n d experie n c i ng deeply, we em body l ife, death, re­
b i rth, and a l l the pleasures and pa i n s that res u lt from
these experi ences. We get the opportun ity to engage i n
a n d be present wi th the flow of l i fe a n d exi stence, which i s
cha nge and growth. We h ave been sold the lie of a consis­
tent self and cons i sten t body, but we are not static; we a re
verbs. We a re ever-c h a n g i n g a m a lgamat io n s of selves, of
cel l s, of emot ions, of desires, a n d of ato m s, m ade u p of
vastly more em pty s pace t h a n m atter. We are consta nt ly i n
motion. We a re cha nge.

The Gift of the Queer Other

We each exist as d i s c rete i n d i v i d u a l s who are a l so p a rt of

the whole, a b l e to affect the whole j u st as the whole affects
u s. We are i n d ivid u a l reflections of the wholeness of a l l
that i s , a b le to affect c h a n ge i n the u n iverse s i m ply by
bei ng, by existing, and by l i v i n g o u r truths. Each one of us
i s creating the u n iverse with every breath.

Each one of us has a place in this world a n d someth i n g to

give to this wo rld. Th i s is not necessari ly someth i n g we
ha ve to prod uce, but someth i ng we do or someth i n g we
a re. Th is is what we give the world s i m ply by existing a n d
fi l l i ng it with o u r presence. Phoe n ix i n g a l lows us to be­
come more who l ly ou rselves so we c a n more fu l ly do o u r
wo rk and be i n right relatio n s h i p with o u rselves, others,
and the wo rld a round u s . We a re a l l the reci pients of
generations of tra u m a a n d joy, plea s u re and gri ef, and we
get to determ i ne how to move fo rward a n d how to heal o u r
l i neages.

As q u eer a n d trans fol ks , part of o u r gift-and sometimes

our greatest c h a l le n ge-is s i mp ly be i n g a l ive. We ch a l­
lenge the status quo by existing a n d rem i n d i n g this hete­
ro cisnor mative capita l i st kyria rchy that gender a n d sexu­
a l ity a re mea n i ngfu l and d iverse, not i n herent or
 '
'

predeterm i n ed ba sed o n the shape of o u r gen it a l s . As a

c u lture a n d as a peo ple, we a re on the prec i p ice of tra n s ­
fo r m a t i o n , with peo ple o f all genders and sex u alities hav­
i n g a ro le to play. I bel ieve that we q ueer a n d tra n s fo l ks
have a partic u la rly u sefu l pers pective i n t h i s transfo r­
m ati on. A s we s h i ft i nto a new parad i g m , new myth ology,
a n d new consciousness, we assist the s h i ft s i mply by
bei ng i n this world and working to bust open restrictive
notions of ge nder a n d sex u a l i ty, no m atter where o n o r off
the b i n a ry we flt.
For m uch of recent h i story, soc iety a s a whole has been
fea r i n g a n d rev i l i ng the Other, the u n k nown, a n d M ystery
i n the n a m e of fa lse safety a n d comfort. Safety i s n ot
someth i n g that we can fee l from external s o u rces; we c a n
experi ence s u p port a n d protecti o n fro m the o uts i de, but
the o n ly safety we can experi ence is i ntern a l. M o st of us
a re so d i sco n n ected from our own selves, our own l i fe
force, and our own beings that we routi nely a l low others'
ideas, concepts, messages, a n d mora l iti es to guide us a n d
sta n d i n for o u r own. Each of u s needs to fi n d our own
gen u i n e and a uthentic beliefs or ways of bei ng. As a peo­
ple, we need to be self-fu l l : to get i n to uch with who we a re
o n the most basic of levels a n d to l ive from that place. We
a re u n a b le to embrace o u r own whole selves if we p u s h
away t h e u n kn own a n d the darkness that the Other s o
often rep rese nts. We need to l e a r n t o e m b race a n d cele­
b rate d i fference, otherness, a n d d iversity rather t h a n r u n
away from it. Th i s is part of the gift of q ueerness. Th i s i s
part o f t h e gift o f phoen ixing: we c a n burn a n d thereby cast
off the ideas and rest rai nts that others ha ve im posed u po n
u s.

The m agic we n eed right now i s phoenixing, the verb and

action. The m o re we can release the notions of others, the
more we can i n h a b it o u r ent i re Selves . The mo re we can
i n h a bit o u r entire Selves, the m o re we can truly l i ve from a
place of o u r own power with-rather than over or under­
others. Here we become our most d ivine selves, d o i n g the
wo rk of god -m a k i n g, or clearing t he way for m o re of o u r
d i vine natu re t o come through i n every breath.

The Phoenixing of Queerness a[. Transness

M y perso nal con necti o n to the Phoe n ix a n d phoen i x i n g is

great ly i n fl uenced by my q ueerness a n d tran sness. To
i l l u strate the pers pective I a m com i ng from, here a re some
l a bels as i nd icators of my various levels of privi lege a n d
op pres s i o n . I wa lk i n the world a s a q u eer, fat, fe m , gen­
derq ueer tra n s guy who i s ed u cated, m iddle class,
polya moro u s , k i n ky, a b led, neu rodivergent, a n d of N o rth­
ern a n d Eastern E u ropean a ncestry. I h ave a magical bac k­
gro u n d pri m a rily centered i n Feri witchcraft, hermeticism,
a n d various types of ceremonial m agic.

We q ueer peo ple ha ve been placed i nto a phoen i x i n g role

in contem porary society d u e to the work req u i red to c l a im
 '
'

'•

o u r q ueer se lves. Q ueerness , as I u se it, i s a rejection of la­

bel s; it is a n a nti -la bel. It is a bout our sexual ity of cou rse,
but it is a l so a reject ion of hetero n o r m ativity a n d trad i­
tional essent i a l ist i dentity politics. Q u eerness i s consta ntly
re i n ven t i n g itself and q u estio n i ng the status q uo, not s i m ­
p l y i n a reactionary way as could b e i n fe rred , but to create
new ways of bei n g. To be queer, to l ive in q u eerness, is to
phoen ix. It i s fi n d i n g that wh ich is not working, fi n d i n g the
i n eq u a l ities and i nj u st ices in o u r l ived experiences, a n d
wo rking toward c h a nge . I t i s a l so fi n d i n g t h e places when
we a re the Phoenix th at soa rs, when we a re self-fu II
e n o u gh to be i n o u r own power and ri se.

The process of c l a i m i ng q ueerness i n a heteronormative

society req u i res u s to be the Phoenix: to fi n d the het­
eronormativity, homophobi a , and transphob ia (and other
c u ltural power dyn a m i cs) that h ave been p laced i n u s by
this cu lture and a ll ow them to b u r n . This is not a o n e-and­
done process . For as long as this c u lture exi sts and we a re
i n it, we m u st confro nt the mess ages we a re i n u n d ated
with that atte m pt to re i n force the heteronorm ative power
struct u re.

The same process is true, pos s i bly on a n even more obvi­

ous level, for tra ns fo l ks a n d c i s n o rmativity. Though not
a l l of u s have the desire to tra n s ition soci a l ly or phys ica l ly,
I bel i eve this is sti l l u n ivers a l on a n i ntern a l level. I have
often thought of my own process of tra n sition i n g as
tra n s m utation, as alchemy, and as pho enix i n g. I a m i nten­
tio n a l ly refi n i ng myself and my experience so I can be­
come more who l ly myself on a l l level s . It is a l lowi ng me to
be seen for who I am a n d who I declare myself to be. Tra n ­
sition i s o n e of the o n l y thi ngs i n m y l ife I h ave done j u st
fo r m e, not fo r a nyo ne else, a n d I h ave had to fight fo r it
every step a long the way-often fight i n g myself i n the
proces s, or at least some part of myself that was holding
on to i ntern a l i zed transphobia, c i s normativ ity, o r femm e­
phobia.

The deeper I d i g i nto myself and the more I do the wo rk of

phoe n i x i n g with my own i n gr a i n ed c u l tu ra l prej u d ices a n d
op press ions, t h e easier it i s t o see t h e struct u re that
u n derlies and s upports them. The more work I do i n this
way, a l so, the ki nder, gentler, a n d m o re patient I am. I am
better a ble to hold c o m p lexity a n d n u ance, both fo r myself
a n d those a ro u n d me. I move toward deeper ways of
knowi ng myself, others, a n d the world. I am less i nterested
in contro l or violence a n d more i nterested in pleas u re a n d
power s h a r i ng.

Erotic Alchemy and the Sacred Whore

O n e of the methods through wh ich I en gage with the

Phoenix a n d phoen ixing is through what I c a l l E rotic
Alchemy. I n my defi n it i o n , E rotic Alchemy is alchemy that
acknowledges a n d centers the erotic nature of a l l that i s .
 '
'

'•

E rotic A lchemy uti l i zes alchem ical processes a n d methods

to u n dersta n d and encou rage the u n ification of m atter (the
body) , consc iousnes s ( s p i rit), a n d mystery/shadow (soul)
with i n an exp li cit and i n te ntiona l erotic con text. The goal
of E rotic Alchemy is to bri ng a bout the perfection of the
Self wh i l e recogn i z i n g the i n herent nature of the e rotic
with i n the wholeness of exi stence.

When engagi n g i n erotic alche my, I take the a pproach that

we a re d o i n g phys ical a n d psychos p i ritu a l alchemy, as we
a re sti l l wo rking o n the phys ical n a t u re of o u r own em bod­
i m ent. This is not the same as the perfection of physica l
s u bstan ces i n a l a boratory sett i n g, of course, a n d I a m a n
a rdent practitioner of both physica l a n d s p i ritual al­
chemies. lt i s s i m i l a r to the processes appl ied to a l l mate­
r i a l s, a n d o u r psycho logica l a n d s p i ritu a l ex perien ces a re ,
i n the e n d , written with i n o u r own flesh a n d therefo re
m a n i fest i n matter.

When I u s e the term " eroti c" I d o n 't s i m ply mean sexu­
a l ity, though certa i n ly that is one important as pect of the
erotic. I use erotic synonymously with life force, creativity,
s o u l 's des i re, a n d perso n a l powe r. It i s the des i re that
m oves u s towa rd beco m i ng who we truly a re a n d con­
nect i n g with o u r pu rpose. It is the aspect of the Self that
des i res. lt i s des i re i n a l l of its mea n i ngs, from the most
b a s ic to the hi ghest aspi rati ons of o u r s o u l s, that leads us
toward con nection with o u rselves, others, the world, a n d
the rest of the cosm os. I t is bri n g i n g o u rselves present to
the c u rrent mom ent as much as pos s i b l e by b r i n g i n g our
i n tentio n, attentio n , a n d awa reness fo rward in service to
i ntegration. Th is is a lso embod i m ent.

I often fi n d that e m bodi ment is ap proac hed as s i m ply

fo c u s i n g on the sensations a ri s i n g i n our bod ies, but this
i s m i s s i ng the i m port a n t a s pect of i ntegratio n a n d th e
m u ltifaceted n ature of being. The body is importa nt, yes;
sensations a re im po rtant, yes, but they a re o n l y as pects of
o u r embod ied existence a n d experience. I n tegratio n re­
q u i res engagi n g a l l of o u r selves or as pects. A model I l i ke
to em ploy for this co rres po nds to the seven d i rections
( s i m pl istical ly defi ned here) : a i r as i ntel lect/menta l capac­
ity, fi re as i n s p i ration/d rive, water as emotions/
connection, earth as sensation s/to uch, a bove as s p i rit/
transcendent self, below as soul/sh adow self, and center
as body/egoic self. All d i rections converge i n the center, i n
the phys ical body, as the fo c u s o f o u r m a n i festat ion. When
em body i n g a nyth i ng or a nyo ne, we can work to en gage
one, ma ny, o r a l l of o u r d i rections, i ntegrat i ng a n d em pow­
ering as m uch of o u r whole self as possible i n the proces s.

The erotic is a nat u ra l fo rce that both creates and s h a pes

u s. I n this culture, we find eroticism through sexual ity and
often not a nywhere e lse, but we can open u p to experi­
enc i ng the erotic in a l l things and in a l l k i n d s of des i re. We
can a l so en gage with sex u a l ity as a gateway to
 '
'

u n d ersta n d i n g o u r own erotic natures because it i s where

we h ave relegated the erotic to i n American c u l t u re .
E ngagi ng with the erotic has a n a spect o f movi n g u s to­
ward who leness a n d li beratio n. It i s rooted i n the body a n d
i n fee l i n g and doi ng. It i s a l low i n g o u rselves to feel deeply,
to l i sten to a n d trust our own experience of the wo rld , to
l ive centered in o u r own des i res a n d o u r own S elves be­
fo re a nyon e el se's, a n d to l ive con nected to o u r own
power. When we a re l iving from our truth with in right rela­
ti onsh i p with o u rselves a n d those a round u s, a n d when we
recogn i ze those a ro u n d u s as whole bei n gs i n their own
r ight, then we a re m u c h m o re c h a l lenging to contro l .

When we a re l i vi ng i n con nection with o u r e rotic n atu res

we a re connected to feel i ng a n d our wholeness i n a way
completely cou nter to what ca pital i st kyr i a rchy tries to de­
m a n d from u s . We a re con nected to o u r w i l d ness a n d the
nature of our be i n gs i n a way that i s fu n d a m e nta l ly i n
o p position to the power structu res that ex i st. Th i s is a par­
ticu l a r type of q u eerness we c a n l ive from. We a re no
lo nger i n terested i n e ngagi n g with others except as eq u a l s
a n d encouraging others t o exper ience their own powerfu l
whole Selves i n the way that is right fo r them. The erotic i s
the transform ative p u l l o f des i re, lead i ng u s i n the d i rec­
tion of whole ness. When we a re i n right relationsh i p with
the erotic a n d our own selves, we a re a ble to sta n d in o u r
own power with others.
As s u c h , I work with a lchemy as a sacred whore, or sacred
whoredom as a n a lchemist. The sacred whore i s a n erotic
priestex of a ny ge nder who e m bodies sexual sovereignty,
knows a l l parts of the body to be sacred, a n d celebrates
the erotic i n a l l of its fo rms. The work of sacred whoredom
beg i n s with the body: recog n i z i n g a l l bod ies as holy a n d
wo rking to em brace and i n h a bit a l l pa rts of the body.
Alchemy fu n d a m entally begi n s with the body, with the
prima materia of the Self that is the body. True knowledge
rests i n the body, is e m bodied . So the sacred whore works
to be who l ly a n d pu rely themself through engag i ng with
the sac red erotic natu re of the body. As a lover of a l l and
an erotic priestex, the sac red whore is q u eer and works to
see the sac red erotic n at u re of every be i ng they encou nter.
This does not mean they h ave to have sex with everyo ne­
we sti ll get to h ave bo u n d a ries aro u n d o u r own bod ies­
but we c a n recognize the e rotic spark i n a l l things .

The sacred whore, a s a heal er, a l so assists to b r i n g others

to phoen ixi ng. We lead anothe r or others to that petite
mo1t-that l i ttle death a n d exq u i s ite experience of or­
gasm-wh ich i s a moment of s u rrender a n d re lease. It i s a
time when great magic can be worked, with the release of
l i fe fo rce a n d i ntention. We c a n encou rage them to hold
off from orgasm fo r as long as they can sta n d , so they may
be in the fi re of the i r need for j u st a l ittle longer, lett i n g
their body b e the athanor-t he alchem ical fu rnace of
 '
'

tra n sfo r m ation-t hat b u r n s u p that which i s n o longer

serv i n g them . We can assist with their release and enco u r­
age the s u rrender neces s a ry to tu rn to ash a n d create
room fo r someth i n g new. We can strengthen their i nten­
tion to b r i n g i n that which they des i re so they may ri se
aga i n through i n t i m acy a n d aftercare.

The sac red whore a n d the Phoen ix a re both d o i n g the work

of the erotic, which is phoen i x i n g. It is uti l i z i n g o u r own
erotic l i fe fo rce a s the fi re of tran sform ation to perfect o u r
own bei n gs a n d those of our beloved s. I t i s h a rnes s i n g o u r
own erot ic l i fe fo rce, recogn i z i n g it as t h e s o u rce o f our
power, and l i v i n g fro m that p l ace as m uch as po s s i b le.
Too often, I see h e a ler-type fo l ks fo rgetti ng that we a re j u st
as deserv i n g of receiving ou r own healing power as those
that we love. It i s easy to foc u s on o u r beloved s befo re
o u rselves. So m a ny of u s were ta ught that focu s i n g o n
o u rselves i s selfish and therefo re bad, but here I want to
fl i p the script a n d rem i n d u s a l l to be self-fu l l. Living from
this place of power i s where we fi n d o u r gift to the world,
and is what ph oen ixing i s all a bout. We find our whole
se lves and d i scover the com plexity and paradox of all that
i s and all we are, and recog n i ze that those a re one and the
same.

Phoenix and Phoenixing Praxis

There a re many ways to wo rk with the Phoe n ix a n d

phoen ix i ng. You may a l ready ha ve ideas fo r exerci ses o r
practices you c a n en gage i n. T h e fo l lowi n g are th ree exer­
ci ses I have develo ped to tap i nto this work, but a re cer­
ta i n ly not the o n ly ones ava i l a ble.

The M a ntle of the Phoe n ix

The sim p lest exerc ise i s to v i s u a l ize you rself experiencing

the phoenixing process . You can do this by v i s u a l i z i n g a
Phoenix i n front of yo u that you can connect to, or s h ifting
the image of yo u r body i n to a Phoenix. To v i s u a l i ze yo u r
own self c h a n g i n g i nto the Phoen ix, you c a n i m agine yo u r
a rms becom i n g wi ngs, n o s e a n d mouth becom i n g a beak,
grow i n g tail feathers, and so on. O r, sh ould you work with
a n extern a l Phoenix fi rst, you c a n vi sua l i ze the Phoe n ix i n
fro nt o f yo u with as mu ch deta i l as you des i re, a n d a s k to
merge with them, ste p p i n g i n to its fo rm, either with phys­
ical movement or in your mi n d 's eye.

O n ce m erged , breathe i nto the experien ce. E n gage as

m a ny of your senses as pos s i b le: what can you s m el l ,
touch , taste, hear, and see as the Phoen ix? Once you h ave
taken o n the form of the Phoen ix, yo u can then move
through its cyc le: b u rn u p , d i sso lve to ash, reco m bi n e
a n ew, grow, a n d take fl i ght. You c a n d o this without a ny­
th i n g i n m i n d aside from con nect i n g with the Phoenix at
fi rst. Once yo u beco me comfortab le with it, yo u can i n­
c l u de i ntentions that yo u m ay dec l a re aloud o r s i m ply
 '
'

speak with i n you r m i n d . I p a rticul arly l i ke to do t h i s when I

a m fee l i n g stuck a n d I k n ow somet h i n g needs to c h a nge
but I a m not s u re what. I can ga i n q u ick c l a rity from this
exerc i se, or s i m ply trust it to a s s i st i n the neces s a ry s h i ft.

E m bodying Tra nsformation

For this exercise, you begin by p l a c i n g yo u rsel f as the

Phoen ix in the center of a d i rectional sphere that is rep­
resentative of you r psyche. For this practice, you con nect
to each of the seven d i recti o n s of the psyche as mentio ned
earlier a n d feel i nto you r con nection to each of them,
wo rking toward i n tegration. You can do t h i s with i n a cast
c i rcle or not and with i ntention or not. S im i larly, with the
previous p ractice, I encou rage you to get comfo rtable with
the practice before i n c l u d i ng i ntent i o n. Th i s is not c a l l i n g
t h e q u a rters o r t h e watchtowe rs, if you a re fa m i l i a r with
those practices, this is fi nd i n g as pects of you rself reflected
i n each of the di recti ons.

To begin, center yo u rself with i n your own space , body,

m i nd, a n d soul i n whatever way that means to you . Co m e
i nto the present moment a s m u c h a s yo u can, a n d b e ge n­
tle with yo u rself if a ny res i sta nce comes up or if there a re
a ny parts of you that do not want to be p resent. That's
o kay, you can let them be. Recogn izing that res i stance i s
p a rt o f the pu rpose o f t h i s exerc ise.

Co n n ect with the d i rections a round yo u and the as pects of

you rse lf that they each rep resent. The horizontal axis is a l l
body-related a n d as pects of yo u r m a n i festatio n i n this
ea rth ly world . The vert ic a l axis i s con necting to the pa rts of
you rse lf that i n habit the other worlds beyond this one. The
d ivine, chth o n ic world below a n d the celesti a l , u n ivers a l
wo rld a bove a re reco nci led i n t h i s wo rld: t h e terrestrial,
m u ndane wo rld he re and now.

If it is u sefu l , you c a n i m agi ne cords or bea ms of lig ht ex­

te n d i n g i n each d i rect i o n , one at a t i m e, fi n d i n g the as pect
of you rself i n that d i rection. Notice each d i rection with as
m a ny of yo u r sens es as you ca n . Be c u rious and open to
each one. N otice what your con nection i s l i ke to each
d i rection. You can wo rk with them in a ny orde r that yo u
l i ke, i n a ny way that you l i ke .

I sometimes l i ke t o do t h i s exercise seated, v i s u a l i z i n g

engagi ng with each d i rection. Other ti mes I l i ke to sta nd o r
move a ro u n d the room I ' m i n , setting my body/egoic self
i n the center a n d mov i n g toward each d i rection i n the ways
that I a m able (it beco mes trick iest with a bove, below, a n d
center) . D o whatever is mo st i nteresti ng t o yo u, a n d try
both ways eventual ly, or so meth i n g else enti rely.
O n ce yo u h ave connected with each of these d i rections,
you c a n work to strengthen o r ba la nce yo u r con nect ion to
each . E n gage with those that feel lacking a n d see what
m ight be necessary to strengthen o r ex plore there. N otice
how each of the d irect i o n s i n teract a n d intersect with each
 '
'

other a n d how l i fe force flows between them (or doe s n 't) .

Are there blockages o r c h a l lenges i n any d i rection o r any
fl ow ? You can bring the Phoe n ix or phoen i x i n g to these
b lockages o r these d i rect i o n s a n d wo rk to strengthen the
c o n n ections. Play with these however yo u would l i ke.
When fi n i shed , s i m ply let the v i s u a l i zation fade from yo u r
awareness, move yo u r body, l ightly pat o r move you r
h a nd s a long you r body to feel where yo u beg i n a n d end,
and come back i nto u s u a l consci ou s awa reness.

Ow n i n g You r Erotic Power

The n ext exerc i se i s one I 've develo ped th rough my e rotic

a lchemy p ra x i s , specifically engag i n g with the th ree p r i n­
ci ples of a lch emy: s a lt, s u l fu r, and mercury, which relate to
the body, s o u l , a n d s p i rit of a l l t hi ngs , respectively. I l i ke to
wo rk with these as they can be m a p ped to d i fferent a reas
of the body. The p u r pose of this exerc i se is to engage with
three im port a n t as pects of your Self: yo u r m i nd as it re­
l ates to yo u r i ntel lect a n d menta l capacity, yo u r heart a s it
rel ates to you r capacity fo r feel i n g and con nection, a n d
your pelvis o r gen itals as they rel ate to yo u r ca pacity for
creativity and des i re. The goa l, s i m i l a r to the previous exer­
c i se, i s to connect with each piece, strengthen them, a n d
then work t o strengthen thei r con nections. Th i s assists
with i ntegrati on and wholeness.

Begi n by noticing you r breath and yo u r body, either s i tti n g,

sta n d i n g, or layi n g co mfortab ly. N otice what sensations
you are fee l i ng, what it feels l i ke to breathe, and where i n
you r body yo u r breath i s fi l l i ng. Take deep breaths if yo u
des i re , a n d feel free to stretc h or w i ggle or move yo u r body
i n any way that m i ght feel good i n order to bri ng attention
to you r physical experience. Focu s fi rst o n b r i n g i n g air i n
through you r nose a n d ex h a l i ng th rough you r mouth.
Breathe. The n , see if yo u c a n n otice yo u r l u ngs ex pand and
relax. B reathe. The n, see if you c a n notice you r belly ex­
pand and rel ax. B reathe.

S h i ft attention from yo u r belly to yo u r pelvis, yo u r gen itals,

yo u r pelvic bowl, or yo u r peri n e u m , wherever yo u feel i s
the center o f the base o f yo u r body. I m agine a s p here nes­
tled here, the s i ze of a marb le, growing l a rger with each
breath, made u p of yo u r e rot ic l i fefo rce. Th i s is one of you r
power centers, related to creativity, to s o u l , to shadow, to
sex u a l i ty, and to a l l else that you associate with this part of
the body. From this sp here extends, i n a l l d i rections, cords
stretching out to a l l those who have i nfl ue n ced you in this
a rea, and all those you h ave o ngoi n g con necti o n s with .
P u l l these back i n or cut them off, whic hever fee l s a p p ro­
pri ate, u ntil t h i s s p here is co n n ecti ng to n oth i n g except it­
self. Yo u c a n a lways extend these out aga i n after this exer­
cise if you w i s h . Feel that a l l of you r power i n t h i s a rea i s
co nta i n ed and held for o n l y yo u . Ta ke you r time here.
B reathe here. N otice what it feels Ii ke, what sensations,
 '
'

'•

thoughts , des i res, or feel i ngs a rise.

O n ce yo u feel ready, keep that sp here bright a n d fu l l , but

let you r attention, i ntenti o n , and awa reness travel up from
you r pelvic bowl to yo u r head , the bowl of you r s k u l l .
Here, focus yo u r attention a t the m idpo i n t o f yo u r s ku l l ,
where a nother sphere is nestled, grow i n g larger with each
b reath . Th i s power center i s related to i n tel lect, to i magi­
nation, to s p i ri t, to tra nscendence, and a ll e lse that you
associate with this part of the body. F i n d the cord s th is
sp here has extend i n g out of it. As before, retract or cut off
those cords u n t i l the sp here i s solid with i n itself A l l you r
power i s held and co ntai ned fo r you on ly, for the moment.
Ta ke you r time here as wel l . Breathe, feel, and notice what
a rises.

When you a re ready to move o n , do the same to you r h e a rt

center, the bowl of yo u r chest. Agai n fi n d i n g the m i d p o i n t
a n d expa n d i ng t h i s new s phere o f e rotic l ifefo rce. Th i s
power center i s related t o con nection, t o feel i ng, t o the
body, to love, and a l l else that you associ ate with this p a rt
of the body. N otice the cords, p u 11 them back or cut them
off as before. B reathe, feel , and n otice as before .

Now that you h ave engaged each of these s p he res, see if

you can be aware of them a l l at once. How does it feel to
hold yo u r power j u st for yo u rself? What i s a r i s i n g i n you r
body? H ow do you w a n t t o move ( i f a t a l l ) from t h i s place?
N ot ice the con nections between the spheres. Is there flow
here, o r d i scomfort ? B lockages or ease? See if yo u can
flow between the spheres, u p and down the centra l col­
u m n of yo u r body, or up a n d a ro u n d i n a fi gu re-eight/
i n fi n-ity loop, or i n any other pattern you m ight l i ke. Do
this for as long as you l i ke. You can e m p loy phoenix i n g o n
the blockages, o r engage with the m a n tle of t h e phoenix
wh ile conn ected to these s p heres of power. When fi n ­
i s hed, sim ply let t h e v i s u a l ization fade from you r awa re­
ness, move yo u r body, l ightly pat or move you r h a n d s
a long yo u r body to feel where you begin a n d e n d , and
co me back i n to us u a l co nscious awa reness.

The destructive and p a i nfu l process of phoenixing i s worth

the challenge it takes to become the Phoenix that rises
m ajestic a n d strong. The entire process is done i n service
to that bird, no m atter how m a ny t i m es we need to bu rst
i nto fl a m es so that we may rise aga i n . M ay a l l yo u r tra n s­
formations clear away that which is not true for yo u or
does n ot serve yo u , and bring you to greater wholeness
and harmony with i n yourself so yo u may be you r best,
q u eerest, most fa b u l ous yo u .
'
'
 thaMind-Sol Lady's Revenge

BY M.C. MOHAGA N I MAG N ETEK

M isgen dered . H ot, bothered, a n d mad with so m uch

to say that I s p r i n k led Black G i rl M agic Dust over a b l a n k
page i n my n otebook, a n d j u m ped i n . O n the other s i d e of
the s heet, I wa lked out of a closet a n d set foot i n the after­
m ath of dest ruction on S pe n a rd Road. Passengers on the
Route 3 bus were suspe nded u pside down as they c l u n g to
the h a n d ra i l s. The less-fortu n ate lay o n the i n side roof
contorted . I heard their agony a n d pleas for he lp wh i le the
horro r of pedestrians a n d d rivers of sta lled cars rui ned a
d a m n good day. I i n ha led a deep breath u n t i l my i nter n a l
cel l u l a r n etwork i m ploded with electric cu rrents t o be d i ­
rected by m y hands t o a pa rked excavato r c r a n e left by
construction workers that had a b a ndoned it i n the m ad­
ness. I whispered a few magic wo rds to ope rate the crane
a n d t u r n the bus right-s ide up. My eyes scan ned the crowd
for the c u l p r it and a l l h a n d s pointed right. Speechless, I
crossed over su n ken perm afrost holes and felt the tight­
ness of dry a i r co nstricti n g my esophagu s . O n the tra i l be­
fore me, chaos wrecked b u i ld i n gs, destroyed cars, a n d
tossed over b a by stro l lers.

Fro m the shadows le a n i n g aga i nst a w a l l , I heard thei r

vo ice, "I t's about time you get here."
 '
'

'•

"What did I m i ss, M i nd -So l Lady?"

"For starters, you r bigoted bus d river is a page ahead .

You m u st reach h i m before h e gets to the end to tell the
story h i s way."

"Wh at's so bad a bout that?" I a s ked .

"Yo u r wo rld and m i ne wi l l fo rever be sealed 1 n igno­

ran ce."
"We l l that's coo l with me. I l i ke ignorant m uthafuckas,
they a re fu c k i n g fu n n y."

" I don't know why I bother with you . Yo u can't win i n th i s

s hadow d i mension with o u t me."

M y bifu rcated s p i rit wal ked a vengefu l path i n s i lence, n o

lo nger sepa rated by a fou rth d imen sio n . tha M in d Sol- Lady
lead the way with a blazin g machete th i rsty for b lood a n d I
was right beh i n d her, pi ssed off at a nother h ater who got
away. B u t not this time. N ot after this cri me . I pl ayed by
the ru les. Presented myself to be cord i a l and k i n d , but the
bus d rive r 's venom fractu red my m i n d .

U nder normal c i rcu mstances, th a M i n d S ol -Lady

wo u l d n 't give a fu ck about peo ple but s he reco n structed
their h a bitats with her sh adow m a n i p u l ation a b i l ities as we
fo l l owed tracks. Oversized a n d heavy boot prints marked
the trave l s of o u r greatest foe to date. The b u s d river's
hatred for me d rastica l ly i n c rea sed the heat, s h r i n k i n g the
l a kes a n d ponds of my city, Anchorage. My h a i r bec a m e
more brittle the closer we reached h i m a t the Coastal Tra i l ,
a b i ke path that r u n s along the water's edge. My s hadow
rai sed her blade high after we heard the rustle of desic­
cated leaves. The Public Tra n s portatio n Representative
b locked o u r path with a hoi sted G lock on h i s h i p a n d h i s
feet shou lder length a p a rt, eager for a gu nfight.

" M agnetek. Sto p . The re's no go ing any fu rther. I read

your com p l a i nt."

"Then you know what I m u st do."

"As the l awm a n , I c a n ' t let you do that. An eye fo r a n

eye . . . "

" Yeah . . . I kn ow. It leads to a ga n g of b l i n d mutha­

fu ckas."

"You leave me no cho ice, " the m a n ager said, loweri ng

his hand over h i s pi stol in a position to q u ick-d raw his
we a p o n . M agnetek ste pped aside and a l lowed tha M i n d
Sol- Lady to lock eyes with the b u reaucratic j u n kie-tu rned­
s her-iff. I n her fi ghti ng cat-stance, my d a rker side deflected
h i s barrage of bu ! lets with the gracefu I stro kes of her rag­
i n g machete. R icochet bu l lets ca ught b la ze i n the dehy­
d rated fo rest, spark i n g wi ldfires a l l a ro u n d them. S he ad­
va nced on the government lackey l i ke a figure skater,
 '
'

'•

d i c i n g h im i nto a h a l f dozen pieces with o n ly th ree moves.

Hea d , a r m , a r m , torso, a n d leg s l i d off i n c h u nks befo re
the other leg t i p ped over. tha M i n d Sol-Lady step ped over
the rem a i n s , b u t I wal ked a round and followed her o nto
the secon d page, my penci l m a d ly catc h i n g every word my
heart pou red out.

S ta n d i ng o n the frozen Cook I n let, my en emy, the b u s

d river had grown t o become a gigantu ou s extrem ist b loc k­
i n g out the s u n for a l l the good peo ple a n d a n i m a l s of the
city. Over five-sto ries t a l l , tl a m i n g red eyes, vo lcan ic eru pt­
i n g m u scles, and a too-s m a l l bus operator u n iform. We
d i d n 't c a re who he was or what h e became, we gave h i m
three chances nonetheless. Side by side, thaM i n d Sol-Lady
and I braced for the battle with the u nca n ny but got noth­
i n g but hot b reath in our faces.

" S i r. Show me yo u r 1.D."

"Oh . I see you sti l l got jokes. I a l ready told yo u I a m a

wo m a n ."

"You look l ike a m a n . Yo u sound l i ke a m a n . So yo u

mu st be a m a n ."

"Yo u r vile d i s d a i n for me has destroyed the city a n d

mu rdered the environ ment."

"Yes, the dark side has made me q u ite powerfu l .

There's no way yo u c a n defeat me. Ta ke yo u r faggot a s s
back to the cl oset o f fi lth you c a m e fro m ."

"J u st fo r that, I a m goi n g to beat yo u l i ke scrambled

eggs before my dop pel ganger o b l iterates you for good ,"
said tha M ind Sol-Lady, rel i n q u i s h i ng herself from the
gravitation a l p u l l off the earth a nd levitat i n g to meet the
m o n ster eye-to-eye. The Bus D river l a u n ch ed at her but
fa i led to con nect. I a m p l ified her speed with my m agnetek
pro p u l s i o n bl a sts. Befo re he co u l d exh ale h i s l ast breath,
she ridd led h i m with her Five-Poi nt- Pa l m Explod i n g-Heart­
Tech-nique. I refu sed to let the lege nd of five steps stand
a lone without h e l p . I merged with my shadow to become
U ltram agnetek. We u sed o u r electrom agnetokinesis to
ya nk a n a steroid out of orb it and s m a s hed the b u s d river,
c r u s h i n g a l l 206 h i s bones j u st before his heart stop ped
o n the fifth step. We s u m m o ned a n elevator out of
nowhere with s heer imagi n atio n and a s l ight bit of plea­
s u re to i m p rison h i s soul. We left h i s foot trapped in the
door befo re p res sing the l ittle green b utton that sends his
ass straight to hel l .

With a l l m y rage left beh i n d o n the last page, I sepa­

rated fro m my s hadow a n d w a l ked back through the closet
fro m whe n ce I came. Look ing back over the page, I
co u l d n 't poss i b ly s u b m i t this co m p l a i nt, so I rewrote the
entire letter wh ich resu lted in the following official s u b m i s-
s1on:
 '
'

Date: Feb r u a ry 24, 2014

To: Peo ple's M otivation Tra n s portation

From: M agnetek

R E: Sexist Tra n sgender Discri m i n ating

B u s Driver!!!

I j u st got off the N umber 3 N Northern Lights I n bound

Bus head i n g to the downtown transit center at 6:45 p m
t h i s even i n g Febru a ry 24, 2014.

I am s u b m itti n g t h i s for m a l Co m p l a i nt beca use this is

the 2nd t i m e this h a s h a p pened to me by the same bus
d r iver who i s a l a rge Caucas i a n M idd le-Aged loo k i n g
Man.

I don't know h i s n ame o r h i s badge n u m ber to give

yo u , a l l I know is that he has a very fu n ky n a sty attitude
fi l led with prej ud ice and di srespect towa rd other peo­
p le.

For the 2 n d Time!!! Th i s m a n , A FT E R I have a l ready

sca n n ed a nd paid with my UAA I D a s ked to see the
Pictu re on my I D. He has seen me before a n d knows
that I am a Tra n sgender African American Wom a n ! !!
H e i s aware a n d it is very obvious what my gender
id entity i s .
When it h a p pened t h i s t i m e today I told h i m that he
A LWAYS does this to me . And each time has D I S R E­
S P ECT F U L LY c a l led me S I R i n his res pon ses as a m a l i ­
c i o u s way t o demean me.

I sat down mom enta r i ly but got up and we nt back to

the fr ont, sta n d i n g beh ind the l i ne, to let h i m know that
h i s ACTI O N S a re S EX I ST a n d D I SC R I M I N ATO RY
aga i n st M e a n d othe r Tra n sgender Peo ple! !! ( U s i n g
m uch more Colorfu l Langu age)

And to show just how S EX I ST a n d D I S C R I M I NATO RY

h i s attitudes a re, he tel ls me that "You a re not S peci a l
S i r! " a n d that he cards everyon e; wh ich i s a D a m n Lie!!
Because I sat there a n d watched other passengers get
o n without req uest fro m h i m to see the ir I D cards t he
first a n d the second t i m e . The fi rst t i m e t h i s h a ppe ned
was one d ay last s u m m er.

What t r u ly m a kes t h i s event S EX I ST a n d D I S C R I M -

1 NATO RY i s that UAA Student I D/ B u s Cards d o not
state a person's Sex or Gende r on the cards, o n ly a pic­
ture a n d n a me. So he knows d a m n well that h i s i nten­
tions are h atefu l a n d dead wrong!

H e has no REAS O N to ask a n a l ready PA I D custom er/

passenger to see t he i r I D Card .

He does not wo rk for the Tran s portation Secu rity

 '
'

'•

Ad m i n i st ration n o r i s h e a Law E n forcement Offi cer; he

is a Bus D river and has No Autho rity to q uestion a ny­
on e's Sex or Gender just to ride pu b l i c tra n s po rtati o n .
H e w a s n ot goi n g to p u t me off t h e b u s either ti me, but
I guess he is j u st extraord i n arily sexua lly curious to
know m o re about me.

Th i s man is a H O R R I B LE person and deserves repri­

m a n d i ng and C u ltural Gender Sens itivity Tra i n i ng.

It is a DA M N S h a m e that M yself or a ny other Trans­

gender passe ngers have to end u re such S EX I ST and
D I SC R I M I N ATO RY Practi ces from one of you r M u n i ci­
p a l ity E m ployed Bus D rivers ! !!

Accord i ng to The Anchorage Public Tra n s po rtation

Depa rtment's Com m itment to Civ i l Rights - Title VI lo­

cated on yo u r webs ite:

"The M OA P u b l i c Tra n s portation Department ( PTD)

a s s u res that N O P E R S O N sha l l, on the gro u n d s of
race, color, or natio n a l ori gi n , a s provided by the Title
V I of the C i vi l Rights Act of 1 9 64 and the C i vi l Rights
Restorati o n Act of 1 987, be exc l u ded from partic i pation
i n , be den ied the benefits of, or be otherwise su bjected
to D I S C R I M I NAT I O N u nder a n y p rogram or activi ty."

H I S ACTI O N S ARE IN FACT D I S C R I M I NATORY

 AGAI N ST A TRA N S G E N D E R A F R I CA N A M E R ICA N
P E R S O N !!!

Please have someone contact me i mm ed iately via

ema i l o r phone . . I wi l l fol low up i n the morn i n g doing
reg u l a r b u s i ness hours to d i scuss this matter with
com petent a n d q u a l ified Peo ple M over a d m i n i strators.

My n a m e is M s. M agnetek a n d I am Appal led that Tax

dol l ars a re spent e m p loyi n g th i s S i m p le M i nd ed Sexi st
Tra n sgender Discri m i n ati n g B u s D rive r!! !

It should h ave been eas i ly resolved . I put my prettiest

d ress o n , a flower i n my h a i r, a n d ta l ked to m a n agement
the fo l lowi n g morn i ng. That very even i n g, on my way to
my Fem i n i st Theory class, I waited fo r the b u s , o n ly to d i s ­
cover the s a m e bigoted d river a t he lm o f t h e wheel. O n ce
a ga i n , he dem a nded to see my st udent l . D . a n d I was l i ke,
"Aw N awl, H e l l N awl ! !!"

I lost a l l kinds of cool and com pos u re before I told

h i m that I was go i n g to ride the bus to the e n d s of the
earth, u nti l trans portat ion m a n agement a rri ved to sort out
this mess. With other fine citize n s as witnesses on the
b u s, he cal led me out by n a m e and constantly called me a
m a n . I said, " I 've a l ready fi led a com p l a i nt o n you . Yo u
s h o uld know the dea l . How m a ny t i m es do I have to tel l
you I 'm a wom a n ? C a n 't you see I ' m weari ng a pretty
d ress?" H i s beady eyes pierced th ro ugh the reflection of
 '
'

the rea rview m i rror at me a long with h i s nasty a n d oh-so­

h u rtfu l word s . J u st before I cal led my attorney, I as ked
h i m , " H ow would you li ke fo r me to c a l l you out by you r
n a m e ? I don't th i n k you would l i ke being called asshole
very m u ch." With my l awyer n ow on the phone, she sug­
gested I take h i s pi ct u re. I wa ited fo r the bus to co me to a
stop, stood beh i n d the yel low l i n e, and u sed the rearview
m irro r to capture a pictu re of h i s face befo re he tu rned
a ro u n d and knocked the phone from my h a n d .

I was hotter than the s u rfa ce o f the s u n , a n d ca l led 9 1 1

to report th e harassment a n d the fact that he put h i s h a n d s
o n m e . We a rgued fo r five mi les before the bus stopped at
the U n iversity library. The pol ice were there, but the b u s
tra n s p o rtation m a n agement wa s n't there, so I decided to
sta n d my gro u n d . A n older bla ck wo m a n who had been
there for half of the ride, sitting across from me said, " I
u n dersta nd i f you gotta take a stance. Do what yo u gotta
do." I was l i ke Rosa Pa rks o n that mu thafucka, with peo ple
at the back of the bus yel l i n g at me to j u st get off. How­
ever, I wa s n't goi n g a nywhere when police came o n boa rd
a n d told me to get off. I n oticed they were gea ri n g up to
d rag me off the bus, so I com p l ied because I was j u st too
cute that day to be m a n h a ndled by the pol ice. I got off a n d
a few n otes where taken, but they wou l d n ' t d o anyth i n g
a bout h im verba l ly and p hysi c a l ly harassing me. I left h u rt,
heartbroke n , a n d d i s m ayed . By the t i m e I made it to class,
I co u l d o n ly put my head on my desk a n d cry. M y class­
m ates were u pset, angry, and there to s u pport me d u r i n g
s u c h a heavy moment.

Weeks later, I got an apo logy letter from the p u bl ic

tra n s portatio n people wh ich I accepted , but my problem
was st i l l there. I wrote mad poetry and pop ped X a n ax fo r
a nxiety every t i m e I got o n the b u s fo r the next few
months , never know i n g when I was go i n g to h ave h i m as
my d river aga i n . After a whi le, I began to see h i m d r iving
the route aga i n . Th e a n xiety encapsu lated my s p i rit every
time he looked at me with d i s d a i n . I got on with a class­
m ate one day after school and my fr iend asked me if the
b u s d river was eye b a l l i n g her and I told her no, he was
look i n g at me. I then told her the story. I was at my wits
e n d . The bus i s my o n ly mode of tran sportation and there
was n o gett i n g away from this ug ly man.

I determ i n ed that extreme over-the-top ki nd ness was

c a l led for in this situation. From then on, every t i m e I got
o n the bus a n d saw h i m, I greeted h i m with k i n d ness and
forced smi les. After months of this tactic of pop ping
X a n ax for anxiety, and ever i n c reas i n g rehea rsed s m i les,
the bus driver began to crack open smi les in return to me.
Soon he was waving me on, te l l i ng me to h ave a good day
a s if we were chummy old frie n d s . I d o n 't know if it was
cu ltu ra l and gender sensitivity tra i n i n g or a cha nge of heart
that made h i m t u r n a ro u n d . I l i ke to bel ieve that what
 '
'

m ade this negative i nto a pos itive was my Black G i rl M agic

D u st. Resorti ng to my a lte r-ego tha M i nd-Sol Lady tactics
co u l d h ave del ivered vengeance but not peace, w h i ch is a l l
I wa n ted i n the fi rst place when I stepped o n t o the b u s
that eve n i ng.
 ARE AWESOME,
BRILLIANT, AMAZING, INCREDIBLE,
AND TOTALLY WORTHY OF HAVING A SACRIFICIAL
ALTAR BUILT IN YOUR HONOR AT THE NEAR�T
AVAILABLE VOLCANO
'
'
Gentle Affirmation
by Dm itri Arbaca u s kas
'
'
 The Magic of the Eight Queer Deities

BY ADRIA N MORA N

The fi rst step i s to prep are to wa lk the l a byrinth. This jo u r­

ney back and forth, movi n g toward the goa l but neve r i n a
straightforwa rd path, i s a centra l part of o u r wo rldview.
The jou rney prepares us, separates u s from the m u nd a n e.
The center holds a sacred encou nter. We wi l l meet a Deity.
We wi l l meet our selves. We wi l l be chal lenged to b u rn
away what i s n ot needed, what is hold ing u s back.

I fo l low a n em erge nt n eopagan trad ition c a l led Fellows h i p

of the Phoen ix, form erly known a s the B rotherhood of the
Phoenix. Fo u nded in 2004 by experienced ma gica l practi­
tioners from a variety of trad itions, the goa l was to create a
sp iritua l trad ition free from the heteronormative struct u res
such as a d u a l istic Goddess a n d God wo rsh ip and the
gendered roles for the d i v i n e that are centra l to many n eo­
pagan traditions. U n t i l J u ly 2 0 1 7 o u r m e m bers h i p a n d
most o f o u r rit u a l s were for m e n who love m e n , b u t now
we welcome LG BTQ+ ( Le s b i a n , G ay, B i sexu a l , Tra n s , a n d
Queer) peop le o f a l l gender identities , ages 1 8 a n d over.
Centered i n Ch icago, The Fel lows h i p has a presence i n
other pl aces such a s Seattle, but we a re tryi n g to figure out
ways for these teac hi ngs to be a va i lable to people every­
where who can benefit.
 '
'

M a ny of the m e m bers have their own s p i ri t u a l practices ,

but when we come together, we celebrate the Gods who
have reve a l ed them selves to u s . They a re the ei ght Q ueer
Deities or the eight-fold Q ueer God . Like many other neo­
pagan traditions, we h ave eight h ol i d ays, but o u rs h a ve
been refi ned i nto a series of encou nters with these eight
Deities.

Some of u s see o u r Deities as a rchetypes, or em bod­

i m ents of ideals fo r a Queer life. Bei n g a polytheist and a n
a s p i r i n g ecstatic, I c a n tel l yo u that I h a ve a pers o n a l rela­
ti o n s h i p with these eight. To me, they a re real and d i sti n ct
personal ities. The Fel lowsh i p has no dogma on this point,
and I would n ever cl a i m to h a ve any defi n itive knowledge
of the Dei ties' tru e n atu re. I sus pect their n a t u re is fa r be­
yon d s i m ple h u m a n u n dersta n d i ng, and I wo u l d expect
each person's experience of them to differ so mewhat. I
c a n o n ly share the experiences of myself and of others i n
my gro u p .

I n o u r p u b l i c rit u a l s , we cycle through celebrat i n g each of

these Deities i n turn through the year and the Fel lows h i p
p rovides i n struction i n methods fo r perso n a l devotion. At
the s a m e t i m e, a s o u r relatio n s h i p with them has grown , it
has become clea r that we are n ot the exclusive co n d u its of
thei r gifts. These Deities want the World to know them ,
a n d wa n t to expand the i r reach.
The Divine Youth teaches Wonder. When we give o u r­
se lves over to everyd ay stresses a n d m i ndless routines, we
lose s i ght of what is speci a l and sacred i n o u r wo rld. We
m u st see the wo rld through fresh eye s, a n d greet the wo rld
as bea utifu l a n d fu l l of poss i b i l ity. The fog brought a bout
by our m u n d a n e ro uti ne clears as we e m body this sense of
wo nder, and we once aga i n see thi ngs as they a re, n ot as
too l s to achieve an end o r simp ly a part of the backgrou n d .
We are fi l led w i t h a des i re to p l ay a n d a p p reci ate what the
wo rld offers u s .

T h e Explorer teaches Courage. G rowth and c h a n ge w i l l b e

stifled if w e never go beyo nd the fa m i l i a r and the safe. We
m u st be wi l l i n g to step beyond the comfortab le and pro­
tected s p aces. I t i s vi ta l that we try new th i n gs , see new
pl aces, a n d meet people who a re d i fferent from o u rselves.
We will t r u ly l i sten to new ideas and try on d i fferent iden­
tities. A l u st for travel and adventure fi l ls us, along with a
des i re to learn a n d p u s h past bo u nda ries.

The Lover teaches Love. Eve ry human seeks co n nection,

s u pport, and affect ion. Love mea n s a thousand thi ngs to a
thousand people. It is both neces sary a n d hard to defi ne.
We open o u r hea rt to a nother perso n . We a l low them to
help us and feel compel led to help the m . We want to give
a n d receive p le a s u re, i n so many ways . I t can come
 '
'

'•

natu ra l ly, without th i n ki n g, but it c a n also be a choice - a

choice to refra i n fro m j udgement, to be generous, a n d to
be open. We recogn ize the beauty of rel at i o n s h i p a n d s u p­
port, of affection and gratitude.
The Healer teaches Heal i n g. Sometimes the wo rld gri n d s
us down a n d th rows u s o u t o f bala n ce. I nfecti o n s take
hold a nd bones brea k. O bsessions take hold and hearts
b reak. People wi l l tel l us that we a re worth less . Pai n can be
p hys ical, emotional, or s p i ritu a l . We m u st help one a n ­
other to hea l . Eat i n g wel l , slee p i n g wel l , getti n g fres h a i r,
a n d see k i n g h e l p from professionals - this is a l l a part of
the solution and we can help one a nother to ach i eve these
e n d s . We c a n a l so p resent the hard truths that can be the
fi rst step to h ea l i ng - a d a m ag i n g habit m u st cease or a
toxic person m u st be cut off We can a l so truly l i sten to
one a n other, give e m oti o n a l and s p i ri t u a l s u ppo rt.

The Warrior teaches Strength. Threats co me in m a ny

fo rms. We m u st p rotect those who are v u l nerable a n d
stan d u p for what is right for ou rselves and fo r o u r
co mmun ity. We m u st stay vi gilant aga i n st those who
wo uld d i srupt what we know is good a n d s p o i l the com­
m o n good fo r their own sel fish a i m s . Confl ict c a n bu i ld re­
s i l ience and ch a l lenge character, but we m u st a l so keep i n
m i n d what we a re defend i ng. O u r battlegrou nd may be ac­
tivi s m or pol itics , a battle fo r hearts a n d m i n d s . It may be
phys i cal protection fo r those i n h a r m 's way, or it could be
a wi l l i ngness to sacrifice o u r own safety to protect some­
thing greater.

The A n drogyne teaches Balance. To be tra n sformed, we

sometimes need to let go of l i m itations we pl ace o n o u r
own identity. Catego ries c a n be helpful, b u t they c a n a lso
stifle freed o m . Sticking to rigid fo rms wi l l o n l y make us
brittle and ready to break. B a l a n ce req u i res a con sta nt jug­
gling i n the c h a n g i n g wo rld, a n d the more skil lfu l we a re,
the more agile we become when dea l i n g with everyt h i n g
that comes o u r way. We must p u s h back aga i n st the
bou n d a ries of who we were told we m u st be to fi n d o u r
own true path. We c a n fl ow i nto roles and pos itions o ut­
s i d e of what we have lear ned . We c a n create a new sense
of self - one that is whole and com plete.

The Shaman teac hes G nosis. Sometimes knowledge i m ­

parts itself i n u n expected ways . N ot a l l knowledge comes
fro m schoo l, or even from t he experiences of the m u n d a n e
wo rld. We m u st be open t o paths that take us beyo nd reg­
u l a r experience i n order to u n lock someth i n g greater. D iv­
i n ation, a n cestor wo rk, spea k i n g with s p i rits, u s i ng eso­
teric arts - a l l these can lead to knowledge of o u rse lves
and of our wo rld that wi l l guide u s fu rther o n our path.
U n seen presences m ay g u i de us, but we mu st recognize
that t h i s path can b r i n g d a rk reve lations. Each step leads
toward a deeper u ndersta n d i ng.
 '
'

The Elder teaches Wisdom. Knowing who we h a ve been i s

essential to know i n g who w e a re and what we c a n become.
M e m o ry, experience, contemp l ation - we m u st k n ow the
lessons of the past and recogn i ze the v a l u e of what we lost
a n d ga i ned th rough the passage of ti me, through the u p s
a n d downs o f h i story. We m u st take t h e time t o l i sten to
the sto ries of those who came befo re u s as we seek to
write o u r own sto ry. Contemp lation wi l l m a ke sense of
past acti o n s and give u s sympathy for those who fol lowed
a d i fferent path.

(@· --

O u r trad i tion u ses a variety of magical too l s , but m ost of

the wo rk that we do is a i med at Tra n s formation . That i s
o u r p r i m a ry m agic: tran sformation o f self, tran sformation
of co m m u n ity, and transformation of the wo rld . This is
what the center of the l a byrinth conta i n s - the a b i l ity to
forge o u rselves a new. The Eight Deities w i l l help t h i s
p rocess. We em body both the Yo uth a n d the Elder. We
Love a n d Fight. We exp l o re this wo rld a n d the n ext. We
heal ou rselves and fi n d o u r b a l a n ce.

The path of these Deities i s n ot a bout who c a n be the

most phys ica l ly attract ive or who can m a ke the most
money. It is n ot a bout being a "co n s umer" or gett i n g the
most hits on soci a l med i a . It is not a bout fo l low i n g a n
expectatio n o f a gendered relation s h i p , and a version of
ferti l ity b ased o n gender d u a l ity. They do not lead us to
em body stereotypes or shal low vers i o n s of what others ex­
pect, whether those a re the stereotypes as soci ated with
q u eer people or the expected roles of the la rger society.

O u r wo rk with these Divine Be i ngs helps u s to create o u r

own t r u e selves a n d to beco m e part o f a co mmun ity. They
teach us to res pect ou rse lves, othe r peop le, a n d the world
a ro u n d u s . Th is is the magic that the Q ueer Deities can
help us to create. By con nect i n g with these Deities and
em bodyi n g them, and by lea rn i n g their lessons and mak­
i n g them a part of o u r li ves , we a re deepen ing o u r own
se lves and sense of pu rpose.

As it t u r n s o ut, the Deities h ave ch a l lenged us wit h i n o u r

own Order, a n d as it has beco me c l e a r that their gifts a re
not o n ly for men who love men per the fo u nders' vision.
We a re now i n a process of redefi n i ng who we a re and
what co m m u n ity we serve. The p rocess i s not yet com­
pleted , but what was once the Brotherhood is bei ng reborn
i nto a Fel lows h i p, a form that is less tied to ge nder. As we
left beh i n d the confinement heteron orm ativity, we wi l l a l so
be open to a wider s pect rum of gender a n d sex u a l iden­
tities.
I
'
'
Talk Story
BY ADARE

J o s h u a La n a ki!a M angauil i s a M a h o H awa i i a n , w h i ch is a

word term that refers to a t hi rd-gendered perso n . La n a k i l a
i s the sto ryte l ler seen here i n "Ta l k Sto ry." H e advocates
for his peop le, a n d is a l so a h u l a d a ncer and keeper of the
i n digenous old trad itions of H awa i 'i .
'
'
 Redefining and Repurposing Polarity

BY IVO DO MI N G U EZ J R.

When I fi rst became i n vo lved i n Paga n i s m and Wicca i n

the 1 9 70s , one of the i m ped i ments to acce pta nce i nto
some system s of magick was a heteronormative pers pec­
tive on the n a t u re of polarity. I was very open about my
sex u a l orientati o n , about my beliefs that gender is n ot bi­
na ry, about bei ng polya morous before the word existed ,
and that I was as ki n ky as a chea p garden hose. As such,
some of the gro u p s and teachers that I a p p roac hed some­
times gent ly, or n ot so ge ntly, tried to steer me away as not
fitti ng wel l with thei r gro u p or teach ings . I was not per­
s u aded nor was I d i s s u aded a n d chose to dig i n and learn
a l l I co uld with the goa l of adapti ng and evo lvi ng the
teach i n gs that I received . It was co m mo n in that era to a r­
range rit u a l ci rcles boy-gi rl-boy-girl for the s u p posed s a ke
of promot i n g better energy flow, a n d I knew i n my core
that these, a n d other teach i ngs , l i m ited the poss i b i lities
that magick held.

From t he i r pers pective, I was a bit of a q uestion ma rk.

From my pers pective there were several l ayers of d i smay
a n d react i o n . Desp ite the c i r c u m stances, I experienced t he
n u m i n o u s power of the mysteries i n some of their rit ua ls.
Somet h i n g that they were d o i n g was real and effective
 '
'

'•

a lthough the rea l ity of my experience and my i nterna l gu id­

a nce told me that their theory of how and why the n u m i­
nous power worked was woefu l ly i n com p lete. I n one of
those e arly ritua l gro u p s, I s uggested polarity was at p l ay
when ever people held h a n d s i n a ci rcle because of chi­
rality, because of the pol a rity of left hands l in ki n g to right
h a n d s . There were enough energy healers i n the gro u p that
t h i s m ade immed iate sense to them from their u nder­
sta n d i n g of energy ci rcu lation i n the body a n d encou raged
m e to dig deeper. Over the yea rs , m a ny of my co l leagues
a n d coveners that fo l l owed the old pers pectives expa nded
their viewpoi nts through strong metaphors and d i rect
experience.

M uch of the trad iti o n a l theory, related to the mech a n i s m

o f action i n the rai s i n g a n d the s h a p i n g o f en ergy, was
locked i nto some very l i m iti n g parad igm s . Co ncepts re­
l ated to pola rity seemed to suffer the most strongly from
a n overlay of the prevai l i ng cu ltural norms. The astro­
logi cal i n fl u e n ces of the Age of Pi sces a l so tended to
e m p h a s i ze d u a l iti es such as dark and l ight; female a n d
m a le; hot and cold; and s o o n . M y perso n a l experience
was very d i ffere nt from what I was be i n g taught. I took this
as a cha l lenge to develop my own theories of pol a rity that
wo uld i nclude what I had observed in myself and in oth­
ers. The word polarity s u ggests a n i n h ere nt problem as it
i m p lies having two and o n ly two oppos ites o r aspects .
That said, pola rity a l so i m p l ies a fu l l conti n u u m of grada­
tions whereby the two become the many. There is a l so the
common metaphys ical p r i n c i p l e that states that a l l that ex­
i sts, that i s m a n ifest, i s a mixtu re of things . This leads to
the co n c l u s i o n that the po larities we can ex perience a re
rel ative rather t h a n absol ute. Re l ative polarities a re non­
b i n a ry as a d i rect con sequence of the m ixed n at u re of the
wo rld i n wh ich we l ive. Absol ute pola rities wou ld o n ly be
poss i ble i n a world where p u re essences exist, and that i s
not the world we i n h a bit. I magine th ree buckets fi l led with
water each of which varies in temperatu re. If you p lace
you r hands i n two of the buckets yo u mig ht fi n d that one
can be cal led warm and the other cold . Then if yo u place
you r h a n d that had been in the warm bucket in the rem a i n ­
i n g bucket , you may d i scover that the warm bu cket i s cold
relative to the third one. If a s m a l l a m o u n t salt had been
added to the water i n va ryi ng levels, then whether the
water is salty or sweet wo uld depend u pon the order that
the water i s ta sted . Any given thing can h ave m u lt i p l e at­
trib utes, a n d the ass i gned values of those attrib utes is
given relative to its context.

The study of the Tree of Life a l so began ea rly i n my i ntro­

d uction to Paga n i sm a n d to the Western M ysteries. O n e of
the sta n d a rd teach i ngs i n H ermetic Q a b a l a is that each
S p here is negative/receptive to S phere befo re it a n d posi­
tive/ pro-ject ive to the next in the sequence. It is a l so s a i d
 '
'

that the fi rst a n d the last S pheres of the Tree a re with i n

each other. There a re a l so com plex pola rities that abound
in the a n a lys i s of the structure of the Tree. The left and
right p i l lars of the Tree a re cap ped by the Spheres that
represent p r i m a l fem a l e a n d m a l e energy. As you descend
with i n each p i l l a r the lower S pheres a re i n c reas i ngly a m ix­
ture of q u a l ities ass igned to genders. There a re a l so i nter­
est i n g polari zed relatio n s h i p s between each of the S pheres
that a re con nected by horizontal and d i ago n a l path s . It
seems clear to me, i n the l o re, that pola rity was m u ch
more m u ltiplex than it was generally presented.

As a general p r i n c i p le, when reexa m i n i n g magical or s p i r­

itua l tea c h i n gs, it i s mo re p roductive to determ i n e w h i ch
p a rts are not n ecessari ly wrong, as they a re i n com p lete.
E i n stei n 's physics exte n d s and expa nds N ewton 's u n der­
sta n d i n g of physics rather than repl aci n g a n d era s i n g the
older teachi ngs. If the goal is to evo lve o u r metaphysi cs,
then it is advi s a ble to p reserve olde r u ndersta n d i ngs and
adaptations, even i f you h ave n o use fo r them. The
metaphor of evol utio n is a p p l i cabl e. Yo u r genetic code
remem bers earlier patterns even when they a re i n active,
a rc h i ved , because some fut u re gen eration m ay n eed them
to b u i l d a new patte r n . It i s also productive to view teach­
i n gs that seem fl awed i n the s a m e way yo u can sort
through bra i n storm i n g a n d p rototypes as you refi ne you r
i n sights. These pers pectives a re u sefu l bec a u se they
rem ove some em ot ional from the p rocess of separat i n g
the wheat from the chaff

I t may be that we need a bette r wo rd, a more expans ive

word than polarity. I h ave played aro und with replaci n g it
with the word valency. I am not s u re that word is q u ite
right, so u n til someone comes up with a more fitt i n g re-
pl acement, I conti n ue to use the word polarity. A part of
this p rocess is the exp a n s io n of the exi sti n g defi n itions
wh ich also res u l t in a reth i n k i n g of the practices that i n ­
vo lve the u s e o f polar ity. These are some of my expan ded
defi n it i o n s for pola rity i n the context of m agick a n d rit u a l :

Polarity can be thought of as any difference in position,

alignment, state of being, or attribute that causes, directs,
catalyzes, or encourages the flow, production, or expression
of energy.

Polarity can also be an entangled state, of mutual inter­

action, of relationship, between forces and/or forms that
share essential natures, thematic resonance, or primal at­
traction.

Please be awa re that these defi n itions a re a n and, not a n

or, to other defi n iti ons of polarity yo u may have. They a re
a lso i n co m p lete a n d o n ly my wo r k i n g defi n it ions. They a re
not p resented as more t h a n that.

Let me give an exa m p le of pola rity at work in a ritu a l that

 '
'

does n ot rely u po n gender or dec l a red op posites. When

someone e n gages i n a d i v i n e e m bod i m ent, d rawi ng dow n ,
o r trance possession of a God/dess, they a re a l so acti­
vat i n g the po l a ri ty between the m icroco s m a n d the m a c ro­
co s m . The H ermetic Axio m of " a s a bove, so below" a n d
"as with i n , s o without" o r any of its extended fo r m u lations
speak to the idea that we a re whole beings that a re both in­
formed by and make u p a greater wh ol e that is the u n i­
ve rse. When a person engages i n a d i v i n e e m bod i ment,
that which i s s i m i l a r with i n th em selves ca l ls to that which
is s i m i la r outside them selves, a n d the frisson of the d i ffer­
ence i n magn itudes of order of s p irit provide the attrac­
tion.

The north and south pole of the Earth o r of a magnet a re

exa m p les of pol a rity that fo l low the textbook pattern of
dyad ic pol a rity. This i s a l so a classic exa m p l e of a polarity
that is not a l i nkage between op posites. M agnetism has no
cha rge and no i n h erent d i recti o n . The cha racterization of
north and south or positive and negative as a p p l ied to
m agneti s m may be u sefu l , but they a re ass igned and not
i n herent. I n p hysics, particles that have no charge can sti l l
be pol a rized when their i ntri n s ic s p i n i s paral lel and anti­
p a ra l le l to their d i recti on of motion . A polari zed pair need
not a l so be a d ichoto mous p a i r, a lthough i n cert a i n c i r­
c u m stances it can be s u c h a s i n matter a n d a n ti-matter
pairs .
Po l a rities , when vi ewed from a broader m etaphys ical a n d
m u n d a n e pers pective, c a n and do fu nction as a p a i r of
l i n ked states but a re n ot Ii m ited to o n ly two poles of i nter­
act i o n . There can be m u lt i p l e centers of power, a n d m a ny
axes of orientat ion. As a n a strol oger, when I begi n to make
sense of a bi rth chart I often start by study i n g the as pects,
energetic i n teractions , fo rmed between pa i rs of p l a nets.
Often pla nets form as pects with m u lt i p l e planets who
m ay, in turn, s h a re i nteractions with other p l a n ets as well .
U ndersta n d i n g the pulse a n d the va r i a b i l ity of energy mov­
i n g i n sets of two, three, fou r, or more is essenti a l to
u ndersta n d i n g what i s actu a l ly going o n i n a b i rth chart
The patterns of energy i nteraction a n d recip roca l flow i n a
b i rt h ch art a re a good a n a logy for m u lti-pole polarity. I
often co nceptua l i ze i n shapes and each pola rity is l i ke a n
axis i n a grap h depict i n g a m u ltidime n s io n a l s u rfa ce . The
dynam ics of a gro u p of people d o i n g ritu a l together is also
a n exam pie of polyvalent po la rity.

These explorat i o n s lead me to a variety of con c l us io n s . I n

most cases, i f someth i ng c a n be n a m ed a s belongi ng to a
set. then there a re potential po la r ities to be acti vated . If
there is a no n-trivial relationship that can be descri bed be­
tween two or more th i n gs. then a n exchange of energy or
i n fl uences that can be descri bed as a pola rity exists be­
tween them as we l l . These i nterrelat i o n s a n d l i n kages c a n
b e i ntern a l wit h i n a bei n g or a ny system or phenomenon
 '
'

'•

that behaves a s a mi crocosm. These i n terrelations a n d

l i n kages c a n a l so occ u r between beings, systems, and phe­
nomena with d iffer i n g s i zes, scales, and orders of whole-
ness.

When we hear that right co m b i nation of n otes s u n g to­

gether, the s ounds can bring a bout a sense of yea r n i n g,
satiati o n , stra i n i ng, or relaxation. The add ition o r s u btrac­
tion of n otes at the right intervals shapes the q u a l ities of
the energy. N otes that a re an octave a p a rt sound both
identical and di spa rate, wh i ch i s a clear expression of the
e n igma of pol arities. D iffere nt com b i n ations of frequen ­
cies a n d phases, whether of s o u n d , of l i ght, or of etheric
vibrations can res u lt i n pola rities that can gene rate and
shape power. We a re cha nged when our senses, both
phys i ca l and psych i c, res pond to these vibrat ions. We be­
co me a part of the m u s i c of polarity. The s u btle play of
ne u rotran s m itters such a s d o p a m i n e a n d seroton i n , or of
hormones, or the m a ny messenger chem icals i n biology
a lso re p resent po la ri ty of a different n a t u re that i s a sort of
m u s i c i n the flesh.

Po la rity is woven i nto a l l of the m a n ifest u n iverse. U n io n

a n d separation; the dense a n d the s u btle, evo l ution a n d
i nvo l ution; and m uch more form the rhythm, melody, a n d
h a r m o ny that a re the ete r n a l powers o f c reation a t wo rk. A s
a m a n i fest bei n g, these powers exist wit h i n you , a n d a s
s u c h you a re whole with i n yo u rself. Yo u a re not a lone. I n
fact, you are con necting to the m u ltitude that m a kes u p
the u n iverse. Th i s i s the pa radox o f the many bei ng a lso
one, wh ich is the web of pola rity that holds the manifest
u n iverse together.

To c a l l the powers of creati o n a n d tra n sformation that

a ri s e fro m po larity, fi rst become aware of the q u a l ities a n d
properties that l ive a n d move with i n yo u . Then become
aware of the relation s h i p they h ave to the q u a l i ties a n d
properties that exi s t outside o f you. I n a sense, this i s a re­
cap itu lation of the begi n n i ng of creation when the u n iverse
became awa re of itself and the n a m i ng began. Th is is like
c a l l i n g to like across t i m e a nd space. I t is the res o n a nce
that you s u mmon , sti r, a nd s p a r k i nto bei ng, wh ich creates
the conduits fo r the po l ar ities that em power whatever s p i r­
itu a l or magicka l work that you choose to do.

The fi rst m od e l s fo r pola ri ty that I encountered were clu es,

prototypes, a nd a fores hadowing of more to come. When I
looked closer a n d deeper I fo u n d that polarity reveals a
u n iverse fi l led with co-creation, a n d a myriad of potent i a l
poles o f agency and passion t h a t j o i n i n a n i n n u m era b le
a rray of com b i n ation s. Becoming aware of m o re ways i n
wh ich it is poss i bl e to raise, move, affect, a n d transform
energy a nd essence th rough an exp a nded u ndersta n d i n g
o f po la r ity i s a v a l i d p u rs u it i n and o f itself. Th is pu rs u it
a lso provides a n opportu n i ty to exa m i ne what is i n herent,
what is cultu r a l ly created , a n d what i s asp irational so as to
 '
'

pa rse the d i a logues, the polarities between these, with

greater p reci s i o n . It is a great wi ndfa l l that the work of ex­
p a n d i n g the defini tions of pola rity a l so provides opportu­
n ities to ed ucate o u rselves, a nd sometimes others, on
how the vast poss i b i l ities of the u n iverse express them­
se lves w i th i n u s .
 · ([

Power Sigil s fo r Our Ti mes

by Laura Tempest Zakroff
'

'
'

'
Power Sigils fo r Our Ti mes
by Laura Tempest Z a k roff
'
'
 chapter 23: the plague years

BY WOL FIE

1 9 89 - the first o n e

the song came soa ring out of my mouth, p o u ring i tself

i nto the s ky, word s ri d i ng waves of tears. i was stand i n g o n
the back deck of m y friend's house i n redwood va l ley,
northern cal ifo rn i a . i had spent the day at my fr iend dev­
i n 's fu neral.

dev i n had been my best friend for a s l o ng as i l i ved in the

town of wi l l its. we were the o n ly two q ueers ou r age that
we k new of. i was fu l ly out, he was not d u e to his large a n d
l a rgely south er n baptist fa m i ly. we wou ld h a ng o u t late a t
n i ght when he w a s wo rking graveyard at the a l l- n ight de l i/
gas station.

dev i n was the pretty o ne with long red-go l d h a i r, hu ge d a r k

b l u e eyes , 'stache, and a penchant for h i p p i e boys and
b u rly b i ker daddies.

i was the wei rd o ne with my then-p u rple ha i r a nd penchant

for mixing punk and h i pp ie fashion. i was sti l l a baby
witc h l i ng with my copies of "d raw i ng down the moo n ,"
" a n other mother tong ue," and "das e nergi" a lways at hand.

when he tested positive, it was devastating. this was before

 '
'

'•

" a i d s services" a nd agencies. h e l l , i t was o n ly a few years

past the "gr i d " stage, when they c a l led it "gay rel ated im­
m u n e d i sorder" he decided to tell h i s fa m i ly that he got i t
fro m sharing need les, a s k i n g m e to n ever tel l them what
had re a l ly h a ppened .

wi l l its bei ng a s m a l l town , word spread pretty q u i ckly. h e

got fi red fro m h i s resta u ra n t job right away, o n the basi s of
"wel l , you c a n 't ha n d le food a nymore, people wo u l d n ' t be
comfortable with th at."
then the loca l resta u ra nts sta rted to refu se h i m service.
o ne day, we were wa l ki n g down m a i n street, a nd someone
d riving by spat at him.

he dec l i n ed pretty q u ic kly, even though he was o n azt, the

fi rst drug on the m a ket fo r treati ng a i d s . It was h orr i b ly
toxic, a n d while people d i d l ive longer, that extra ti me w a s
often m i serabl e.

i was there a l most d a i ly. h i s mom a nd i grew c lose. h i s

i mmed i ate fam i ly loved m e fo r n ot bai l i n g o n h i m , fo r
hel p i ng them, a n d fo r stayi ng a nd not bei ng afrai d . i wo u l d
crawl i nto h i s bed and hold h i m , s i nging h i m l u l l a bies. h e
m a d e m e p ro m ise to s i ng h i s favorite o ne a t h i s fu nera l .

the rest of the fa m i ly, good southern ba ptists a l l , were cer­

t a i n that s i nce i was obviously q u eer, i m u st h ave give n it
to him.
o n his l a st b i rthday he could sti l l s i t up, but j u s t b a rely. his
fa m i ly gathered a n d i tried to be as i n nocuous a s i could,
fa i l i ng m i serably a t i t. o n ly a few of the extended fa m i ly
s howed u p . h i s gra ndmother gave h im a hard b ack copy of
a bi l ly graham book a bout who will a n d who won't get i nto
heave n .

i w a s n ' t there when he d ied. i got that d readed p h o n e ca l l

that begi n s with " a re you s i tt i n g dow n ? " fu ck.

the day of the fu neral was bri ght a nd su n ny. his e n t i re fa m­

i l y, the whole c l a n , s howed up , a l l i n b l ack a n d gray. i was
we a r i ng black and ra i n bow ti e-dye. the evi l gla res i kept
getti n g fro m the crowd u n nerved m e and i told his mom i
d i d n 't t h i n k i co u ld s i n g after a l l . she hugged me and said
she u nderstood.

a bout 20 m i n u te s later, wh i le everyon e was m i l l i ng a bo u t, i

overhea rd the pastor's wife rea d i ng the l i st of hym n s she'd
pi cked o u t fo r the service. every s i ngle one was about how
s u ffer i n g o n ea rth was necessary i n o rder to get to heave n .

no fucking way i w a s letti ng dev i n get s e n t out with that.

i had never sung solo i n fron t of a gro u p befo re.

i we nt back to dev i n 's mom a n d s a i d that i had to s i ng

a fter a l l , whether i was u p fo r it or not. she hugged m e a n d
wh is pered i n my ear that she was so gratefu l for m y be i ng
 '
'

there fo r dev i n .

i a sked the l ady fo r strength. it was the fi rst time i ever re­
a l ly c a l led o n her. i 'd s u n g the so ngs i n circles a nd cha nt­
ed the i n cantations, but this was the fi rst time i fu l l on
reached down to the ea rth a nd a s ked for hel p.
a nd then, there i was. i was i n front of 2 50 people, 246 of
who m hated me, s i ng i n g for the love of my friend, s i nging
him on in a way that thei r baptist stuff c o u l d never touch.

i had my eyes closed , see i n g dev i n 's face, his sm i l e, the

colour of h i s h a i r, p o u r i n g my voice i nto his ear as i had
d o ne for months. h i s favo rite was j a n i s i a n's " love r's l u l­
l a by," a nd with a sl ight s h i ft i n the words, it could a lmost
be taken for a c h r i s t i a n song. i held it together through the
last word , the last note, a nd stepped down from the stage.
i made it a l l of two steps before i fe ll sobb i ng i n to h i s
moth er's la p. she h e l d m e a s we c ried together, a n d wh is­
pered her gratitude i n my ear.

i did n 't stay a fter the service . h i s fo l ks knew a n d I k new

they u n derstood .

i went to my friend's p lace i n redwood v a l ley since i knew i

wa s n't u p fo r the d rive home. the h o u se was fu l l of my
friends a nd teachers, witches a l l . we sat a n d made s m a l l
t a l k. eve ryone knew what my d a y h a d been l i ke. after d i n ­
n e r, people were lou nging, smoki n g, and j u s t h a nging out.
i needed air, so i went out o nto the deck. the tears re­
turned. as they wel led u p , i loo ked u p a n d saw her. the
l ady was bright a n d wa n i ng, s l i ghtly vei led by a patch of
m i st. i nodded a n d s a i d t ha n k yo u to her fo r the strength. a
breeze blew by whispe r i n g ' s i ng to me,' a nd the song
c a me pouring out.

by the t i m e i was i nto the secon d verse, severa l of my

friends had ap peared a nd gathered beh i nd me. as the l a st
note echoed i n the t rees, they e nfolded me i n a gro u p h u g
a nd i fi na l ly lost i t completely. i was held i n a c i rcle of
strong witches who were not afraid of my grie( my rage, or
my tea rs. i howled a n d screamed, sobb i ng i ncoherently.
when there was n ot h i n g left to sc rea m a n d the s o b b i n g
began t o s u bside, m y c l a n - s i ster eldri tu r ned m y face back
to the moo n , re m i n d i n g me that the lady was a lways there
for me, that n ow i had a d i rect relat i o n s h i p to her, a nd that
she loved me.

e l d ri l i fted my tear streaked fa ce, looked me i n the eye, and

said " h a i l the new made priest of the lady! " a n d other voic­
es echoed her. she then gave me a lopsi ded grin a n d s a i d
"of cou rse you'd p i c k so meth i ng l i ke this for you r i n iti­
atio n . "

(@ - --

i had d i scovered magick at i 4 , lea rn i n g what i could from

the fi rst gay m a n i ever met. c h u c k was a thele m i te . i met
 '
'

h i m i n a psych ward where my p a re nts put me after a s u i ­

c i d e attem pt. after i 'd been i n there a month, one d a y there
was a guy sitti n g i n the corner, wea ri n g a l l black i nc l u d i ng
heavy eye l i ner, a n d p layi n g with a deck of c a rds u n l i ke a ny
i had ever see n . i asked h i m about them, and he showed
me the whole deck. i t was the thoth ta rot deck. he tried to
exp la i n who a lei ster crowley was and i was enthralled. i
was rai sed i n a very strict fu n d a m enta l i s t church so a l l of i t
w a s fasc i n ating to m e and m a d e sense i n ways the ch u rch
never d id . shortly a fter meeti n g ch uck, my fi rst ever gay
pers o n , they p laced c i n dy, a big ro l l icki ng butch dyke i n a s
m y roommate. s h e w a s the fi rst wo m a n i kissed, the fi rst
wo m a n i had sex with, a nd a fter we both got o u t, my fi rst
gi rl friend.

i have long said that they put me in the madhouse, and i

fou nd my peop le.

ten mo nth s later, when they d i scharged me fro m the hos­

pital, i went looking for books on magick, h i d i ng them
fro m my mother and read i ng u nder b l a n kets l ate at n ight. i
m an a ged to get d i sfel lows h i p ped from the c h u rch, m u c h
to my personal gl ee.

my pare nt's threw me out not l o ng after i was released

fro m the hospital for the last t i m e. after many other adven­
tures, i moved to n o rthern ca l i fo rn i a . i fou n d my way i nto
the h i p p ie pagan world a n d the dead head cu l tu re. i sta rted
lear n i n g a bout crysta l s, goddesses, psychedelics, med i­
tation, herbs, and rit u a l . i was c i rc l i ng with stra i ght h i p p ies
a nd was a lways the odd dyke out. the rituals were fu n , but
somet h i n g was m i s s i ng. i'd be sta n d i n g there in ci rcle,
looki ng a rou nd a nd wo ndering when i would fee l the "en­
ergy'' that they a l l kept talking a bout.

after a ye ar or so with that crowd , i fi n a l ly fo u nd some

pagan dykes , a nd wen t to one of thei r c i rcles. it was lovely,
a nd fa r m o re rea l to m e t h a n most of the heteronormative
stuff i had exper ienced thus far. the more i went to those
ritu a l s though, the more i kept feel i ng somet h i n g was
m i s s i n g, some lacunae i could n't ide ntify.

then, i n the s u m mer of 1 9 90, i met the rad ical faeries. with
them, specifically with the blac k leather wi ngs fa eries, the
fae who were a l so leather q uee n s , it fi n a l ly a l l c l i c ked . Rit­
u a l , ene rgy, magick, a l l bec a me vastly m o re real to me.
soo n fo u nd myself l i v i n g i n o a k l a n d .

l iving i n t h e bay area, i soo n fo u nd myself i mmersed i n the

pl ague. faeries a n d q uee n s were sti l l dyi ng from a i d s too
fast, too soo n, and way too frequently. not a s bad as i n the
mid to late 8o 's, fro m what everyone told me . the p l ague
dynam ics s h i fted d rastic a l ly with the i ntroductio n of azt, i n
hor ri b le and fa b u l o u s ways.
when i e ntered the p l ague zone, i had l ittle idea of what it
was l i ke. i j u m ped i nto groups l i ke act up a n d q ueer
 '
'

nation, and sta rted to educate myself more. i 'd spent the
last few years wor k i n g with earth fi rst! and d o i ng c linic de­
fen se, so acti v i s m wasn't new to me, but i learn ed that ac­
tivi s m i n the big city i s a vastly d i fferent creature.

the fi rst t i m e i ever bro ught magic k d irectly i nto an action

i n san fra ncisco was at the i nternationa l aids conference i n
1 9 90. m ultip le groups had come together i n the streets
a nd it was i nten se, chaotic, a nd bri l l i a nt. the crowd was
h uge, d ie-i n s were h a p pe n i ng everywhere, streets were
b locked , a n d the cops were swarm i ng. they had converted
the parking ga rage at 850 bryant street i nto a giant hold i ng
pen, separating peop le by gen der, with metal barri cades to
keep u s a p a rt.

i was a rrested a ro u nd midday a n d thrown i nto a pol i ce

va n . they put me i n the s m a l ler compartment, and p u t a
b u nch of my friends, a l l ma le, i nto the l a rger back of the
va n , leav i ng us to sit there in the s u n . after a bout half a n
h o u r, they opened the door to my compartment, and
s hoved in a nother protester. he was an elderly q u ee n ,
d ressed i n fab u lous d rag, a l o n g d ress with q u i lted panels.
we s m i led at each other.

as the heat grew i ntense i n side the va n , some of my

friends i n the other com partment bega n to freak out. rich
started throw i n g up a nd scream i ng fo r h i s med s . that trig­
gered a p a n i c a m ongst the others.
the o n ly t h i n g i c o u l d t h i n k of was to s i ng. i started with
o ne of the goddess cha nts, s i ng i ng softly, a n d g l a nci ng at
the elderly q ueen next to me. he had the biggest sm i le on
h i s face a nd had begu n s i ng i n g a long with me. we l i fted
o u r voices togethe r, a n d he reached out and held my h a nd
a s we s a n g so ngs of c a l m a n d q u iet power. everyone's
p a n i c s u bsided , rich curled u p i n someone's l ap for com­
fort, and we waited fo r them to drive u s to the hold i ng
pens.

fro nt l i ne activism was i nc red i b le to me. what i lear ned

a bo ut humans sitting i n those endless consen sus meet­
i ngs h a s been i nv a l u a b l e i n my l ife as a witch, as a magick
practitioner, as an ed ucator, a nd as a h uman. lea r n i ng how
to tru ly l i sten, to be pati e nt, to actively loo k fo r the l a rger
a nd broader vision is a l ifeti m e j o u rney. gh awdz know i' m
sti l l struggl ing with it.

i w i l l forever be profo u n d ly gratefu l to the peo ple who have

been a part of my lea r n i ng process, 'cause q ueen , when i
fu c k up, i fuc k u p big, a n d my choices a n d act i o n s h ave
sometimes h urt people. there are no apo logies vast
enoug h to reach them a l l , and yet, i w i l l loudly say ''i'm
sorry. i was an ass ." a nd hope they read th i s somed ay.

i sta rted doing hospital s u pport fo r friends, mostly faeries.

we were co-co n s p i rato r s . many of u s had been ki c ked out
of our fa m i l ies, so we formed our own.
 '
'

(@ --

1 994

i n the early m idst of everythi ng, i met kalyn tra n q u i l 'sson.

fro m that fi rst day we met, the fi rst h ou r real ly, we knew we
were sou l m ates. this was odd as fuc k, h i m be i ng a ki n sey-
7 radical femi n i st faggot, a n d me at the time a n opportu n i ­
sexua l butch leatherdyke. it was a match made i n some
very twisted vers i o n of a heave n. people descri bed u s as
an old m a rried c o u p le, joi ned by our h a n d s arou n d each
other's th roats. we l i ved together, wrote together, did ritual
together, p u bl i shed a paga n newsletter together, fo ught
m ightily, and loved each other fiercely for a l mo st fo u r
yea rs .

11
now that's worsh ip!"

that was the l a st fu l l sentence kalyn s poke. h e d ied mo­

m e nts later, i n my a r m s . h e had chosen to go off the res pi­
rator bec a u se his pneu mocystis had eaten most of h i s
l u ngs a nd they weren 't go i ng t o come back fro m it. he'd
been fading i n a nd out of consci o u s ness, a nd i was s itti n g
beside h im hold i ng h i s h a nd , s i nging bhaj a n s which are
devotio n a l songs to ka l i . h e had i ntrod uced me to her 4
yea rs earlier, shortly after we fi rst met a nd bega n our rela­
ti o n s h i p .
a month before he passed . kalyn had been i n the hospita l
for a week. and noth i ng loo ked good . h i s b i rthday was the
next day. at the ti me, he d id n 't have a ny tu bes atta ched. he
looked at me from h i s hospital bed a nd said, "you know
what i want? i wa nt s u s h i ! i gave up s u s h i six years ago, be­
c a u se they s a i d don't eat raw fish, yo u could 'cmv' or
some other 3 letter acronym. well fuc k it, i 've a l ready got
them a l l ! "

bei ng the ki n d o f fr iend i a m , i rustled u p two o f o u r m u ­

tu a l fr iends and a va n . we got h i s wheelcha ir and s n u c k
h i m o u t o f the hosp i ta l to the best s u s h i p l ace we knew. h e
gorged . h e w a s smi l i n g i n a wa sab i haze. we a l l knew i t
was h i s last birthday with us, a nd we a l l celeb rated that for
the gift that it was.

(@ - --

at a certa i n p o i n t thi ngs began to get wei rd with my body. i

was h av i ng some ser i o u s p a i n i ssues, a nd i bega n to h ave
this re a l ly odd set of sensations i n my legs, lo sing touch
with my feet, a n d occa s i o n a l ly motor contro l . i sta rted
wa l k i n g with a cane. i felt exh a u sted . had tro u ble sleepi ng,
a nd everyth i n g h u rt.

i went fro m doctor to healer to spec i a l ist after spec i a l i st.

they ra n every test, ca l led u po n every ghawd, poked and
prodded everywhere. it got so bad that i co u ld n 't wa l k
 '
'

more t h a n a block or two befo re i was i n tremen d o u s p a i n

a nd fa l l i ng dow n . i e nded u p i n a wheelchair, wh ich i
stayed i n fo r sever a l yea rs .

i real ized that front l i ne activ i s m was not real ly poss i bl e for
me a nymore. i cou ld n 't ru n , couldn't be out for hou rs, a nd
was bei ng more of a d raw o n resou rces than a contributor.

the combi natio n of that rea lization a n d the occasions

where i 'd been told to leave my friends' bed sides a s "vis­
iti ng hours a re over " in s p i red me to go to sem i n a ry. pagan
se m i n a ry, to be specific. o nce i n sem i n a ry, i was in poss­
e s s i on of a clergy card. they c o u ld n 't kick me out a nymore
o nce i was a priest.

i was sti l l l ivi ng i n o a k l a n d 1 wh ich was fortu n ate, because

the o n ly pagan sem i n a ry i n the cou ntry was i n berkeley at
the time.

q u een s were dyi ng. a nyth i n g that i did was p u n ctu ated by
death a n d d i re i l l ness. i n some ways , azt j u st made it
lo nger a n d m o re drawn out.

as a com m u n ity we lea rned not o n ly to grieve, but also to

stack grief. the faeries wo u l d gather at wolf c reek s a nctuary
a nd howl our rage i nto the ea rth a n d s ky, sobbi n g and
fucking and dancing in both l i ght a nd shadow.

(@) ---
1 99 5

d i et popstitute was o u r hero. h e was one of the guys who

started the homocore move ment within the bay a rea p u n k
scene. d i et was the lead s i n ger of the po pstitutes, o n e of
the fi rst ever b l ata ntly q ueer p u n k b and s. l ater he fo u nded
kl u bstitute, a m o n u ment i n sf c l u b h i story, a n d p l aystitute,
a rad ica l q u eer theatre tro u pe.

when d i et was dyi ng, fa eries a nd k l u b kids swa rmed his

hospital roo m. we showed u p in d rag, we decorated , and
someone was a lways with h i m . u nt i l one m o r n i ng. sud­
den ly, out of nowhere, h i s fa m i ly s howed u p . the fa m i ly
fro m bosto n . the o nes h e had n't s po ken to i n 20 yea rs.

when they s howed up at the hospita l . eve ryt h i n g c h a n ged .

s u dd e n ly we were not a l lowed to see h i m outs ide of strict
visiting hours. we were o n ly a l l owed i n 2 at a time, if at a l l .
a l l of the decorati o n s were to r n down i n h i s roo m . h i s fa m­
i l y looked at a l l of us l i ke we were lower t h a n dogshit. h i s
brother, a scream i ng closet-case if ever there was o ne,
ye l led at us that h i s brother was dyi ng beca u s e freaks l i ke
u s gave h i m aids.

l i ke so m a ny q ueen s at that poi nt, d iet did n 't have a ny

pa perwo rk fi l ed. no med ica l power of atto r ney, no wi l l, no
noth ing. with none of that on fi le, his fa m i ly, the n ext of
kin, had all the legal rights . they were bou nd and deter­
m i ned to wipe out the last 20 yea rs a nd leave no evidence
 '
'

that h e had ever been the a m az i n g q u eer soc i a l i st fr eak

that he was. tha n k the gh awdz that his two best fr iends
had keys to h i s a p a rtment a nd were a ble to get h i s photo
a l bums a n d record i ngs out before h i s fa m i ly got to them.

i was i n the hospital room with h i m , chanting to h i m soft­

ly, when h i s mother walked i n with a cathol i c priest. she
was tel l i ng the padre that " mi chae l" had a lways bee n a
good catholic boy. i, n ot bein g one who holds my tongue
wel l , or someone who lets lies s lide, pop ped up with , "yes,
a nd a cha m pi o n of q u eer rights, and a great m agick u ser
as we l l ! "

s ho rtly after that i was ban n ed fr om h i s room e nti rely be­

cause my c h a n t i n g " d i sturbed" h i s fa m i ly. i offered to o n l y
b e there when they were not there, but no, i w a s fl a t o u t
b a n ned. i waited u ntil the s h i ft cha nge, and s n u c k i nto h i s
roo m . h e had been o n ve n t i l ators a nd a host o f other ma­
c h i n es, and had mostly been u nconscio u s. i k new he
could hear a nd u n dersta n d what was go i ng o n thou gh .

i got i n to the roo m , and he w a s u nder a n oxygen tent,

rather t h a n the ven t i l ator tube they had h i m o n the two
weeks p revi o u s . i held h i s hand and to ld h i m that h i s mom
had ba n ned me from the room. i told h i m that i was go i ng
to wo lf creek where i wou ld pray and do ritu a l for h i m
d a i ly. h e opened h i s eyes, t u r ned h i s h ead to me, a n d
hoarsely s a i d "th a n k yo u " a nd squeezed m y h a n d . i made
it to the p a r k i n g lot before i bega n to sob.

i s pent a week at wolf creek. on the fifth day i woke u p

knowing that someth i ng about the day was . . . different. i
wal ked i nto the kitchen a n d was met by a faerie n a med fra i l
who was hold i n g a coffee c u p. h e s a i d , " i knew i m a d e t h i s
for a reas o n ," a n d h a nded it to m e . i as ked h i m what it
was, a nd he told me " m u shroom tea" with a big s m i le. i
d r a n k the whole th i ng a nd as ked how stro ng it wa s . he
s m i led even bigger, h i s eyes s h i n i ng, a n d i knew i was i n
fo r a wild ride.

that trip cha nged my l i fe and my work. after a series of

fasci nat i ng vignettes, i e nded up u nder neath the tree we
c a l l gra nd mother m a p le. she i s well over 200 yea rs old
a nd abso l utely a m azi ng. i was pea k i n g as i got to her. fritz,
my sweetie at the time, was tri p-s itti ng me, hold i ng my
h a nd as i l ay down at gra n d m a maple's altar. i gazed u p
through her branches, scryi n g a nd l i ste n i ng.

s u dden ly, i k new i had to be face down a n d s norti ng d i rt. i

rol led over a nd i breathed deep ly. everyth ing s lowed . as i
i n ha led the scents of the earth and gra n d m other's root
system, my con scio u s ness comp letely shifted . a l l that i
had learn ed i ntel lectu a l ly s uddenly activated i n my synaps­
es. i could see the energetic connecti o n s and felt them in­
te n se ly. time d i l ated . for the fi rst time, i fu lly experie nced
the web of life a n d t r u ly grokked it. I t was the fi rst time that
 '
'

'•

grok, to u nderstand somet h i n g deep ly, a s on a cel l u l a r

level, made perfect sense . it was a synesthes i a u n l i ke any­
thing i had ever experienced , my sen ses combi n i ng l i ke
never before, and t h i s was certa i n ly not my fi rst t i m e at the
' s h room rodeo. the roots, the grass, the i n sects a l l
buzzi n g, the b reeze a d ro n i ng tone, were a l l p u nctu ated by
the staccato of fritz's breath i ng. a l l of it was one gl orious
symphony of energetic c o n n ection .

my b reath i n g slowed , and as i exha led , i experienced a n ­

other profo u nd , yet s u btle s h i ft i n consciousness. what­
ever i t was, i wanted to go deeper i n to it, so i began breath­
i ng a fo u rfold breath . i could feel my heart s low as my
b reath ing slowed . the energetic con n ecti o n s i was experi ­
enc i ng became bl u rred at the point of contact. i breathed
the syl l a ble ' a h ,' the syl la b le i n ti bet a n that d i s so lves the
l i nes that keep thi ngs sepa rate. there was no d i fference be­
tween my self a nd a l l existence i n that moment.

as i kept exha l i ng, exq u i sitely slow, i felt my own edges

beg i n to d i ssolve. t h i s was more than fu l ly c o n n ecting, t h i s
w a s d i ssolving and d i s i ntegrati ng. th i s w a s what goi n g i n
t o t h e mother tru ly w a s . it w a s w a r m , fuzzy, a nd w a s a
sense of joyo u s release of self. i kn ew, i gro kked , that i
could j u st let go of the last few particles of my d i screte self
a nd be do ne, no longer sepa rated from the ea rth . some­
thing i nformed me that i woul d keep di ssolving a s long a s
i exhaled.
i was thr i l led, to s ay the lea st. my logic bra i n , my i nter n a l
geek observer, was ponder i n g the ram i fications of d i s ­
solvi ng, and it sta rted a debate i n my m i n d of whether or
not i shou l d i nh a l e at some point. would i re-aggregate?
did i want to ? the de bate was d rawn o ut a n d thorough.
having spent a sizeable perce ntage of my life wad i ng
through the bog of s u icid a l ideation, i was le a n i n g strongly
towa rds breath i ng mys elf out. no more stress, no more
grief, n o more fe ar, n o more pa i n , a n d n o m o re n ot know­
i ng.

s u dden ly my earthsign m i nd k i c ked i n . my few rema i n i ng

fo c u sed bra i n cel ls coll ided, prod u c i n g a spark of prag­
m atic i ntel l igence, which remi n ded me that i had a ten­
yea r-old spawn at home waiting fo r me. it wo uld be hor­
r i b ly selfish a nd u nfa i r of me to check out right then .

so, i i n haled. j u st a s s lowly. it was l i ke someone had

fl i pped a reverse switch in the meta-real ity, and my cel l u l a r
struct u re began t o refo rm . i had to go through the process
of re-col lecti ng my self, a n d it was j u st as fa s c i n ati ng.

when i fe lt comp letely contai ned with i n my s k i n aga i n ,

l i fted my head, sayi ng "fuck that was a m az i n g ! " i s lowly
turned my head to look at fritz, a n d they were pale a nd
trem b l i ng. "what h a p pened ?" i asked. they loo ked at me
wide-eyed, and sa id "you j u st stop ped breath i ng for l i ke, a
looo ng ti me. i was gett i ng scared ."
 '
'

i s ighed . then the rea l ization hit me a nd i wo ndered if i

could do that aga i n ? i i m m ed i ately pla nted my face back i n
the d i rt, a n d lo, was a b l e to go right back i nto the synes­
thetic cloud of everythi ngness on a fourfold b reath. as i
floated a nd reveled, i fe lt an energetic tug. it was fa i nt yet
clear. i was rem i n ded of the description of 'enfo l d i ng' fr om
s a l ly gearheart's "the w a ndergrou nd," the for m of psychic
comm u n ication u sed in the book.

my breath i ng s lowed m o re, as this new freq ue ncy and i be­

came more fa m i l ia r. time d i lated aga i n a s my meld with
the m u ltiverse was r i p p l i n g throughout me, and then i h it a
p o i n t where the energy of the tug made sense to me. i lift­
ed my head, and told fritz i need to fi n i s h re-aggregati n g,
a nd that we needed to go to the peace pend u l u m .

the peace pend u l u m had been p u t u p i n 1 9 9 1 by moon­

glow a s p a rt of a globa l network of pen d u lum s built a l l
a ro u nd the wo rld. over the years, i t had bec ome a pl ace fo r
a ncesto r ashes a n d h a d been a t the heart o f m a ny faeries'
experiences. we would s p i n i t o ne d i recti o n to broadcast
e nergies, and a nother fo r receiv i ng e nergies.

fritz h elped me u p , a nd over to the pen d u l u m . we got

there, a nd i gave it a good s p i n . i s p u n it out, a nd q u ietly
s a i d " beaco n" to fritz. o nce it s l owed down to a sto p , i
sp u n it the other way with the word " h e re."

we watched it s p i n to a s low swi rl. a l l of a sudden 1 was

i n stantly comp letely back i n my body a nd felt very cold. we
headed towards the m a i n c a b i n . as we got i nto the house
a nd s at dow n, one of the faeries wal ked i n with the phone
i n his h a nd. he was t a l ki ng i n that tone, experienced a nd
res ig ned, s l igh tly som ber, mostly rel ieved tone of a ca re­
giver. he fi n i shed h i s conversation, a nd wa l ked back i n to
h a ng up the phone.

"diet's go ne," he said. our eyes co llective ly as ked, whe n ?

that was the moment a l l the parts of my bra i n fi t back i nto
pl ace, a nd i knew what hap pened. i looked at fr itz, who
carried a watc h . my relationship with l i nea r time has o n ly
ever bee n ten uous at best, so i rarely tracked t i m e .

" a ro u nd 4." i kept watch i n g fritz, who did t h e time/math

a nd they loo ked a t me a nd sa id, " p robably a ro u nd a n h o u r
befo re yo u got to gra ndmother m a p le." fra i I loo ked at us
a nd wanted to know what h ad ha ppened. fr itz sha red t he i r
experie nce, i sha red mi ne.

we a l l loo ked at each other, i n the recogn ition that faerie

magick worked perfectly. s i m u lta neous ly, a l l of u s said,
"welcome home, diet."

a s i thought back through the day, i rea l ized that n ot o n ly

had i chosen life, i knew now that leaving l ife was joyous
di ssol utio n . i k new what my work was. i knew magick
worked. i was no lo nger afra id of a nyth i ng.
 '
'

that n ight, i sat u nder the dark moon a nd s a ng. i s a n g for

diet, a nd fo r a l l the faeries a nd fr i ends i 'd held as they
c ros sed. m a ny m o re t h a n i 've n a m ed here. i sang to the
great mother, tea rs stream i n g. i s a ng of joy pa i n l u st grief
love a nd con nection.

i t h a n ked the lady fo r my voice, fo r the strength she gave

me, For a l l the grief, the stres s, the pa i n , a nd for the ter­
ri b le bea uty of death.

a l l of t h i s has made me what i a m . a p riest. a witc h . a psy­

chopo m p . a magic i a n. a radical b i nary-ave rse genderq ueer.

so much h a s bro ught me to now.

none of t h i s is what i thought i 'd be when i grew u p . clear­

ly, if i ever grow u p , i ' l l h ave other choices to make.
 Blood, Body, Birth, and Emptiness

Queer M agic i n M y Life a nd Work

BY Y I N Q

M agic is i n herently q ueer as a ki netic and ever-changing

fo rce. When I address magic, I speak of the i n nate powers
that reside i n a l l of u s, that each of us may hone when they
a re l i ste n i ng to thei r i n ner selves. We cu ltivate magic
th rough rit u a l , the perfo r m a nce of m i ndfu l actions . Ritu a l s
a l low u s to cele brate life/the moment by recog n i z i n g the
passing of it, the closing of the c i rc le, the acknowl­
edgement of death.

It is th rough our systematic categor i z i n g of b i n ary struc­

tures that magic i s relegated to fe m i n i ne/ m a sc u l i n e spa­
ces. Even with i n paga n ritu a l s, the more i n defi n a b le a n d
therefo re threate n i n g powers were cast as fem i n i ne a n d
thus, condem ned a s witchcraft and ap propriated by polit­
ica I, patri archal rel igions. M agic that strives fo r a n aud i­
ence or com merc i a l gain, s u ch as the t rickery of magicians
a nd i l l u s i o n a ry showmen, seems espec i a l ly laden with
patr i a rchal symbols: the wan d , the top h at, the s howgirl
victi m/assi sta n t who i s d i s m e m bered or va n i s hes and
then rea ppears u n scathed. N ew Age magical ity sways to
the op posite side of the b i n a ry-- re ly i ng heavily o n fe mi­
n i n e powers a nd iconograp hy. I am n ot, at the moment,
 '
'

a rg u i n g aga i n st the powers i n these fo rms of magic.

The powers of i ntu i ti o n that a ri se when a person gro u n d s

themselves and c a l l s u pon greater forces a re u n ex­
p l a i n a ble. I t is sl i ppery stuff to write o n , wh ich is why it is
dou bted a nd u nderval ued, though we a l l wish to bel ieve i n
it. Whether we bel ieve i n the powers of magic or n ot , we
u n den ia bly feel them. M agic a nd Q ueerness a re s i m i la r i n
the way of being e l u s ive to n a me, to specify. What we n eed
to welcome i n o u r l ives of q u eerness a nd magic i s the
u n settli n g restless ness of the potenti a l iti es of those iden­
tificat ion s.
M agic, s p i ri t u a l ity, soulfu l ness, m i n dfu I ne ss, con scio u s
l ivi ng, a n d q u eerness a re everywhere, even (perhaps espe­
c i a l ly) i n the m u ndane. There a re those with p l a n t m agic
whose potted flowe rs seem to be s u pernatural i n growth
a nd beauty. Com p uter hackers h ave a keen sense of tech­
nologic a l spel l casti ng. M u s i c i a n s , a rtists, a n d d a ncers,
m idwives a nd docto rs, the tec h n ical magic i a n who can fix
a nyth i n g, and writers, of cou rse. M agic m ay flow through
every craft.

The m agic I practice i s of b lood m agic and the ritu als I

guide stem fro m a n a n i m ist a nd Tao i st ideology. However,
I do not use the Yi n/Yang sym bol when I med itate o n the
b a l a nce of fo rces. For my p ractice, the well-known symbol
i s too b i n a ry, too neat. I ca 11 u po n the wi ld n e s s of a tida I
wave crash i ng, a s fo rces grow a nd meld a nd split violently.
I reflect u po n the tree, its m a ny leaves, its deep roots, its
q u iet, slow, yet s u b l i m e reach towards the s u n. I whisper
to the sta rs to remember the vastness of l i ght a nd dark, of
m atte r a nd space a nd time, of black holes a nd neb u lae . I
heed the blood i n side me that i s the D N A message fro m
every l iving orga n i sm i n h i story to the fut u re blood o f the
last l iving thi ng. I l isten to the stories of b lood a nd let
them flow.

Cutting is an erotic act. With a slice, the skin is split and a

rip of electricity shoots up the spine, firing through open
eyes and gasping breath. A euphoric wat1e floods through
the stomach to tailbone, pumping sensation into every
pulsing hole. Red fluid trickles and smears. The blood
shot, (synonymous with the cum shot in pornography), is
proof that the pain is real. Not all participants are seeking
the erotic, but it is undeniably about opening the body for
meaning, be it grief or joy. It is relief; a masturbation of
one's emotions.

I began blood magic a s a tee n age cutter. Th rough yea rs of

fo r m a l leather trai n i n g i n B D S M , I learned how to wield it
with mea n i ng a nd i ntention . However, I c a n n ot beg i n to
speak a bout blood magic without fi rst bowing to my
a ncesto rs-to my Chi nese heritage-their bl ood a nd their
m agic.

M y mother, a C h i nese imm igr a nt from Beij i ng, was a

 '
'

genetic engi n eer. I n her l a boratories, she morphed mo n o­

c l o n a 1 antibodies a nd tra nsfo rmed them. She pl ayed god .
S he was one of the scientists who h el ped c reate the fi rst
reli ab le A l OS test i n the 9o's; she is o ne of the m a ny hero­
i nes of the blood wa r. I n addition , she was an a rtist with a
deep reverence a n d fixati on o n Chi nese s p i ri t u a l i s m a nd
s u perstition . Feng S h u i and C h i energy were j u st as i m por­
tant to my fate as eating my s p i n ach and studyi ng a lgebra .

M y father, from the Southern provi n ce of H u n a n , w a s a

chemica l phys i c i st. H i s p a rticu l a r gen i u s was concentrated
o n the calculation of m ea s u rements between electro n s .
H owever bri l l ia n t he w a s i n atomic sc ie nce, my father was
obl ivious of soc i a l prop rieties. H i s i ntel lect was e ntwi ned
with m a d n ess-- u nd i agn osed depres s i o n , violence, a n d
schizophrenic del u s io n s .

M y c h i ldhood h o m e was fi l led with magic and madness.

N orthern a nd Southern Ch i n a m i xed u n der my America n­
born s k i n . Ta les of c u rsed blood a n d b i rth m a rk prophesies
m a r ked my body, my o ld-so u l h a nds, a nd my d a rk-tea col­
o red s k i n .

I fi rst exp lored self-c utting a s a form o f leec h i n g the blood

of my a ncestors fro m my body and of tapping i n to mad­
ness. Driving both sides of the sado m a soc h i s m , I claimed
both my mother a nd my father's roles i n their rel atio n sh i p:
victi m a nd abu ser. M y ritu a l s were death d r iven, but fi l led
with sex l u st. I l i c ked the blood, offered it to the moon,
r u b bed myself with it to fre n zy. D uri ng the d ays, I wra pped
my wrists with leathe r strips to h i d e the scars , and to exa lt
i n the sensation of wo u nds rubbing aga i nst hide.

I n my ea rly twenties, whe n I fi na l l y bega n the path of fo r­

m a l leather tra i n i ng, I learn ed ritu a l s of flesh that spoke to
rage a nd sor row, with grace, me rcy, com passion, a n d
agency. I began to crave cutti n gs a s ritu a l s that affi rmed
l i fe, whereas i n prior years, I had fo c u sed o n the th r i l l of
a n n i h i l at i o n. With the ed ucation of the leather ways, I
lear n ed to honor myself, a n d the ancestor-blood that pu ls­
es u nder the s k i n I wear. As a S h a m a n atrix, their ghosts
a nd mad ness wo u l d be my m u se and my magic. My ritu a l s
now a re l i fe a ffi rm i ng a n d death ac knowledgi ng. Q ueer
with a m bigu ity a n d tra n scendence.

D u r i n g my ea rly ye ars of B D S M exp l oration s, I u nderwent

pierc i ng a n d flesh hook ceremon ies, stemm i ng from a mix
of N ative Americ a n 0- Kee-Pa and South East As i a n Kavad i
ritu a l s, gu ided by Cleo Dubois, fo u nder of the Academy of
S M Arts, and Fa kir M u s afar, gra ndfather of the M od e r n
Primitive move ment. Throughout m y jour n ey, I 've sought
out th ei r gu ida nce for p rivate ordeal rituals as we l l as com­
m u n a l leather ceremon ies. The c i rcles they conducted
were emphatically q ueer spaces, d rawing fro m a S a n Fra n­
ci sco Bay com m u n i ty of leather q u eers a nd tra n s fo l k .
 '
'

'•

From Cleo a nd Fak i r, I lear n ed how to ut i l ize s u rgica l nee­

d les as tempo rary p iercings, tied with l i nes of stri ng, r i b­
b o n , o r we ights to create a n d release psych ic energy. The
p u l l i ng of the pierced , yet i ntact, flesh i nd uces a n a ltered
state of conscious ness and c a n a l so be s u stai ned fo r an
h o u r, somet i mes more, u n l i ke the sl ice (however slow) of
the blade. The pierc i n g action is i nvasive, p u s h i n g i n , forg­
i ng n ew openi ngs. Q ueer open i ngs. We too need to push
i nto our l a ngu age of magic a n d of B D S M to create these
new openings.
I n my earl ier yea rs of practici ng B D S M and rituals of flesh
a nd s p i rit, the icon I cal led u po n was the Bod h i s attva
Kwan Yi n , the East Asian Goddess of M e rcy. Her tale
evolved from a H i n du h i sto ry, origi n a l ly born as the m e r­
cifu l lord of utter e n l i ghtenment, Ava lokiteshvara. The
m a l e deity was overwhel med by the cries of h u m a n suf­
fering a n d , i n h i s des p a i r, sh attered i nto a tho u s a nd
p ieces. From the p i eces, they were resh a ped as a goddess
endowed with a thousand a rms, each h a nd em bedded
with a n eye to see the d i stress of every sou l , so that they
m a y e n c i rc le the suffe r i n g. Kwa n Yin , whose n ame mean s
"the hearer of sou n d s/the l i stener of p rayers," chose to re­
m a i n on ea rth to a i d h u m a n suffer i n g.

When I first lear n ed Kwa n Yi n 's tale of ge nder tra ns­

gression , the idea struck m e a s a sign ificant key to why I
was attracted to the icon, as I h ave never felt who l ly
attu ned with the ideas of the p u re fe m i n i ne. Even i n the
a re n a of the professio n a l female d o m i n atrix, I s h ied away
fro m Goddess a nd Priestess term i no logy, a nd comp lete ly
rejected fem a l e s u p re m acy, a mere mi rror to patriarchy but
with i ts m i sogyny even m o re sh rewd ly h idden. The idea,
too, that Kwa n Yi n does not fight aga i nst nor a n n i h i late the
s u fferi ng-she l i stens a nd hold s space for it to h a ppe n­
i s a l so a powerfu l and q ueer magic. O ne of my fi rst mo­
m e nts of feel i ng the power of t h i s k i n d of mag ic was as a
b i sex u a l (as I identified then) teen ager.

I was sixteen and Jay Lee was a boy from a few towns
a way. He had silky, black hair that angled sharply along
his thin face to his chin and cool, heavy-lidded eyes. He
was taller than me, but our waists were approximately the
same width. Our Chinese skin was similar in pallor. He
was not really a boyfriend, but we went out to museums
and dance clubs together. He said he loved looking at my
face, that he loved the lipstick I wore, the black pencil
liner around my eyes.

One late night, as we were hanging out in my room, he

stared at me with such longing, that I mistook it for lust
and leaned forward to kiss him. He kissed back reluc­
tantly. Frustrated, I pulled back feeling rejected, and saw
that my dark red lipstick had transferred onto his mouth. I
watched him press his lips together, the way women do. I
was wearing a sheer, silken shirt and intuitively, I undid
 '
'

the buttons and took it off Holding the blouse open, I en­
couraged, "Do you want to wear this?"

"oh yes," he whispered and slipped it on over his slender

shoulders.

"You 're beautiful," I told him. And he/they were. / learned

at that moment the power of allowing another person to
be seen, how that act of seeing is transformative, how
acceptance can be revolutionary.

When I bega n to p u rsue a career of profess i o n a l B D S M

wo rk, a n a rea of dom i n atrix wo rk that puzzled a n d repel led
m e was that of " forced fe m i n ization "-when a c i s ma le,
u s u a l ly straight, wo u l d wish to be degraded fo r d ress i ng i n
l i ngerie and other fem i n i ne ga rb. I t seemed a nti-fem i n i st to
m e and I did n 't fi nd the idea of verba l hum i l i ation a nd s l u t
s h a m i n g to b e erotic or i nteresti n g. I enjoyed a i d i ng the
tran sfo rmation of the m a sc u l i ne to degrees of fe m i n i n i ty,
to praise a n d marvel at the 11 s l ave girl," to commend the
11good s l ut." Shame has been laden o n sex u a l i ty i n hea ps
a l ready and it has been my pe rso n a l battle to contend with
it. I a m not adept enough to use it gracefu l ly as pa radox. I
a m a l so n ot at ease with racist jokes, no matter who i s
tel l i ng them . Tra n s formation magic i s somet h i ng I e njoy
as a sacred act, erotic a nd v u l n erable yes , but not h u m il­
iati ng.

My work now in the B D S M /k i n k co m m u n ity 1s to offer

rites of passage, rituals of ordea l, and tra ns fo rmationa l rit­
u a l s . Of the fo rmer two, m u c h of my work i s i n recontex­
tualizing the sensations of past tra u m a o r of conscious­
ness hacking. I n the l atter a rena, the work is with a wide
variant of gender tran sgresso rs . Some ses s i o n s are a
te m porary sh edd ing and red ress of gender, a l low i ng the
parti c i p a nt to exp ress a nother self. Other ritu a l s a re of let­
ting go of the fo rmer body, to a l low griev i n g if n ecessa ry,
a nd act i ng a s the d o u l a to the birth ing of the i n d iv i d u a l's
self-act ua l ized body. Each ri tu al is perso n a l a n d p l a n n ed
with the i nd iv i d u a l's story i n mi nd. There i s often no sado­
m a so c h i stic element i nvolved-sometimes a s i m ple pierc­
i ng at the th i rd eye to sym bo l ize b i rth. Bond age is ofte n
i ncorporated a s meta phor for the shed body. There have
been self- b i rthday ceremon ies with witnesses a n d active
partic i p a nts, pa rtners a n d fr iends, but most a re private.

M y personal practices of q ueer magic are i n con stan t c u lti­

vation and bloo m . I h ave passed i nto a nother stage of the
witch as a mother a n d elde r i n the leather a nd sex wo rk
comm u n ity. M otherpotence ( rather than " m otherhood ") is
what I call q u eer mother magic. M otherpotence i s fierce
protect i o n a nd advocacy fo r the future of the creatures that
a re born fro m u s . Liste n i ng to their magic a nd wi ld ness,
bestowing rituals of a n i m i s m , a rt, m u sic, la ughter a n d rit­
u a l s of sorrow a n d acknowled gment fo r that which death
u nfo lds. M otherpotence is a bout taking a mome n t of
 '
'

p rayer before d i n ner to ex press gratitude to the ea rth a n d

elements for the food we eat, prompting m y c h i l d to t h i n k
a bout where t h e i r food i s grown a n d how it i s prepa red ,
what n o u rishes o u r bod ies. M other potence i s a bout lead­
i ng the c h i l d re n u nder the fu l l moon and howl i ng with
them i nto the ci ty streets. It is ch a ngi ng storybooks a s I
read them a loud to mix u p gender roles. It i s sowing faith
in the powers we c a n not see o r n ame-i ntuition, dream s,
a nd e m otions.
The altar in our main roo m i ncl udes two s c u l ptu res of
Kwan Yi n : O n the left s i d e is the white porce l a i n God/
dess, rid i ng her fa m i l i a r, a d rago n , with lotu s flowers a n d a
vase h o l d i n g the waters of c reat i o n ; the Other s c u l p t u re i s
o f the figure emergi n g from the wood with n o gender­
norm i nd icators. M y home is a l i g ned with crystal prisms
i n every d i recti o n , s p l a s h i n g rai n bows across the wa lls
throughout different ti mes of the d ay. Fen g Sh u i m i rrors
a nd vessels of water a re p laced strategica l l y, as a re a ltars
of d ried flowers, p rec i o u s sto nes, s n i ps of my childre n 's
h a i r, hom age to a ncestors, poetry, spells, sac red geo m etry,
d iv i n ation c a rd s , bones, sea shells, cand les and other
b u rns, a nd bel l s . And empty space. Empti ness is essential
to magic a n d Q u eerness.

* Ital icized excerpts a re from wo rking memoi r.

 Polver from the Edges: An exploration of
magic to support justice lVorkers.

BY C H AR L I E S TA N G

Q ueerness i s how I fou n d magic. Lyi ng i n the lower

b u n kbed of my c l a s s mate i n ki ndergarte n , I rem e m ber
wa nt i ng to be i n the bed with her if o n ly to be close to h er.
I also re m e m ber fee l i ng l i ke someth ing about this des i re
was wrong a nd that I should n 't te l l a nyone that I wanted to
be close with her. I bu r ied my feel i ngs i n books and the l it­
tle spot of forest that grew next to the freeway a nd the tra i n
station just down the street fro m my h o u se. I re member
star i n g at the ripe berries on the poke p l a nts growi ng near
the sewer that s p i l led out i n to the creek. The i r bri l l i a nt
deep pu rp l i sh b l u e d rew m e i nto a p l ace of mystery a n d
i m agination when I sta red at them. The b r i l l i a nt berries
seemed so out of place, yet right at home at the s a m e
time. When I s a t a n d l i stened, t h i s p l a n t a lways seemed to
be sayi n g someth ing a bout letti ng go and loving myself.

O u r magic comes fro m deep withi n. M agic is a process of

crossi ng the bou n d a ry between this rea l m i nto the un­
know n . M agic is fo u nd i n the pl aces where we stand at the
edges, where we cross borders. As a you n g q u eer b i sexu al,
I felt l i ke I never fi t in a nywhere. I n both gay a n d straigh t
s p aces, I fo u n d myself passing-always bei ng read by the
 '
'

perceived gender of my p a rtn er (if I had one with me) or

whatever projections others shot i n my d i rection. In the
1 9 9os, bisex u a l was a bad word. We were sti l l fighti ng o u r
way o nto the radar o f m a i nstream gay rights o rgan ization s .
I n i 994, someone from H um a n R ights Ca m pa i gn told me
that the h a l f of me that was gay wou l d be covered by a ny
legi slation that the orga n ization pu shed fo rward . " Real ly,
a nd wh ich h a l f of my body wo u ld that be?" I s p at back.
As a bisexu a l q u eer, I 've been pu shed to the margi n s from
m ultiple co m m u n ities. I t's from these m a rgi n s that I 've
lear n ed the power of my q ueerness. From a thres hold, a
p l ace of cross i ng betwee n , there's often a u n i q u e a b i l ity to
see both sides. Wa l k i ng back and fo rth between gay and
straight worlds h a s ta ught m e about wield i n g the power of
edge wa l k i ng a n d how to d raw upon that power i n my
magic. Lea r n i ng to code-switch a nd pass i ng without
choice i n this world has taught me about d i v i n e c o n n ec­
tion and wa l k i ng through t h i s rea l m and beyon d .

I c a m e out i n m i d d l e schoo l t o a s m a l l group o f fr iends.

They were s u pportive a nd held the n u a n ces of a semi­
clo seted i d entity w i th m e a s wel l as any 1 1 o r 1 2-year-o l d
c a n . With i n the fi rst few months o f h i gh schoo l, s u d d e n ly I
was out of the closet to everyone. I did n 't u nd e rsta n d how
this ha ppened so q u i c kly u nt i l I lear n ed that I had been
p l a ced on a l i st of kids to pray fo r by a p ro m i n e n t C h r i sti a n
youth gro u p at m y p u blic h i gh schoo l . The a d u lts a s ked
the kids to pray fo r m e beca u s e I was a " le s b i a n Satan i st."
I tried to l a ugh it off- "just a few errors there-1 'm a
b i sex u a l pagan but you k now-wh at's the d i ffere nce,
right?" My fi rst year i n h igh school was hell, fi l led with
some clas s ic bu l lying tactics-I e n d u red n a m e c a l l i ng, the
yel l i ng of scripture at me, person a l ized graffi ti, a n d some­
times students s pitti ng o n m e.

D u r i ng my second year i n high school, I was pretty fed u p .

A close fr i e nd of m i n e had c o m e o u t o f t h e closet a n d we
started ta l k i ng with a c o u n selor a t the school about sta rt­
i ng a gay/stra ight a l l i a nce. By the end of the year, we had
the c l u b up and r u n n i ng. Through the meeti ngs, we q ueer
kids fo u nd each other a n d lear n ed ways to offer s u p port
a nd s o l i d a rity i n the h a l ls . After we bega n th i s endeavor,
th i n gs s lowly sta rted to imp rove-s udden ly teachers
stop ped loo k i n g the other way and sta rted i nter ru pti ng the
b u l lyi ng. It was through t h i s a l l i a nce that I began to u nder­
stand the power of working with others to effect c h a nge.
By senior ye ar, we were m e nto r i ng fre s h m e n q ueers,
watch i ng out for each other and ed ucating staff. It was my
fi rst o rga n i z i ng effort a n d I felt the i m pact that co llective
action c a n have. I was bit by the orga n izing bug.

S i nce then, I ' ve been i nvolved with m a ny d i fferent soc i a l

j u stice efforts from actions aga i nst the secon d I raq Wa r to
B l a c k Lives M a tter, fro m solida rity with loca l i ndige n o u s
efforts protect i ng sac red s ites to health care reform . O n e
 '
'

thing we do a lot of i n o rgan i z i n g is tel l i n g our stories. I t's

a n i m porta n t part of the work; Where a re you co m i ng
fro m ? How does that story con nect with the sto ries of oth­
ers yo u 're worki ng with ? H ow c a n the s h a r i n g of these sto­
ries foster sol i da rity a n d ena ble us to e n v i s i o n a nd expe­
rience the p l aces where o u r struggles i ntersect? When ever
I ' m i n these co nversatio n s , my m i nd often wanders back
to my orga n izing experience i n h i gh schoo l . It was then
that I bega n to connect with the power we have as edge­
wa l kers to br i ng about change.

The work of j u stice i s n ot ea sy. S urvivi n g as a m e m ber of a

m a rgi n a l ized group i s a victory. Those of u s who expe­
rience m u lt i p le o p p ressions and yet sti l l survive is a po w­
eiful act of resistance. I n the words of b l a c k lesbi a n cha nge
agent, orga n i zer, a nd ancestor Aud re Lorde, " I 've come to
believe that caring for myself is not self- i n d u lgent. Cari ng
for myself is an act of su rviva l ." As witches, we can use
o u r magic to s u pport orga n i z i ng fo r cha nge. M agic 1 s a
tool that c a n gro u nd o u r j u stice work a n d nourish o u r
ti red spi rits when the weight of the wo rld is overwhelm i n g.
Below a re th ree d i fferent magical a n d ritu a l suggesti o n s to
s u pport you i n the work of j u stice- m a k i ng. M ay they brin g
you nou rishment i n you r wo rk to b r i ng forth j u stice.
B lessed be.

Working with Queer An cestors a n d A llies

I n the early 2000s I had the privilege of o rga n i z i n g a long­
s ide Howard Wal lace who was d o i n g labor orga n izi ng.
H oward was one of the fi rst openly gay men in the la bo r
movement. H e w a s the key o rga n izer o f t h e fa m o u s Coors
boycott after he was ap proached by the team sters who
rea l i zed that Coors was d i scr i m i n ati n g a ga i nst a nyon e
co n nected with the u n ion a n d a ga i n st a nyo ne who was
gay. It was through work i ng with Howa rd a n d other o lder
q u eers in the movement that I began learn i n g the stor ies
of q ueer a ctivists who had come before me. M a ny of the
stories were of men who d ied in the A I DS epidem ic, of old
lovers, a n d of other act ivists. When How a rd wou l d tell
these stories, h i s eyes wou Id l ight u p and I cou Id fee l the
a ncestors with us in the roo m. It was thro u gh orga n izing
with older q u eers that I bega n to work with our q u eer
a n cestors as d iv i n e be i n gs to guide me persona l ly, a n d to
gu ide o u r co l lective struggles fo r l i berat ion.

One of the key ways t hat we can beg i n to deve lop a rela­
tio n s h i p with the q ueer a n cestors is thorough o u r elders.
You can begi n the jou rney of con n ect i n g w ith the ances­
tors by con nect i n g with q u eer elders a n d ol ders in yo u r
co mmun ity. I f yo u ' re n ot i n re lat i o n s h i p o r com m u n ity
with older q u eers, seek them out. There m i ght be a n LG BT
sen iors gro u p i n you r a rea, a local pagan com m u n ity with
some older fo l ks, or vo l u nteer oppo rt u n ities with LG BT se­
n ior orga n izatio n s . I f not, co n s ider posti n g o n cra igsl i st or
 '
'

a social m ed ia s ite to reach out a n d m a ke new frie nd s. M y

experi ence has been that older fo lks love to s h a re me mo­
r ies a n d wisdom from thei r l ives. U nfort u nately, i n the c u r­
rent polit ical c l i m ate, the need fo r u ndersta n d i ng h i storic
s u rviv a l and res i stance tactics is eve n m ore critica l .
Ask the elders i n yo u r world to s h a re sto ries with yo u
a bout fo l ks i n th e i r lives who have d ied. What memories
do they have of friends and lovers o n the other s ide? What
do they know of the q u eers who came before the m ? O pe n
you r heart a n d l iste n to the stori es they share. O pen your
senses a n d see if yo u feel the q u eer a n cestors come s it be­
s i de yo u as their l ives a re remem bered.

A Ritual to Con n ect with the Queer An cestors a n d A llies

This ritu al i s a n i nvitatio n to begin a relatio n s h i p with

these a n cesto rs, creat i n g a n herbal bag or sachet to magi­
c a l ly al ign yo u rself in connection. Pla nts, our green­
b looded rel atives , can be a powerfu l s u p po rt i n ca l l i n g the
a ncesto rs. Some p l a nt-magic that yo u can work w ith is l a id
out i n t h i s ritu a l . The creat ion of a magica l tool i s a way to
conti n u a l ly draw you back i n to con nection with these
a ncestors after the ritual ends. This i s key to the i ntenti on
of this magic. This ritu a l is the open i n g of a doo rway. The
real magic begi n s when you keep returning a n d develo p i n g
relati o n s h i p s with the a n cesto rs.

Create sacred s pace i n wh atever way reson ates with yo u .

T h i s m ay be casti n g a sac red circle and ca l l i n g i n the ele­
ments a n d deit ies; it may be s itti n g i n q u iet med itation
h o l d i n g an i n tention i n yo u r heart to create sacred s pace;
or it may be someth i n g else enti rely. Do what you kn ow
a n d what speaks to yo u r heart . After you have created sa­
cred s pace, i n voke the q u eer a n cesto rs i nto yo u r c i rcle.
You m i ght beg i n t h i s i nvocat ion by read i n g q uotes or po­
etry by a q u eer a ncestor. C a l l them out by n a m e-J ames
Ba ldwi n, Lesl ie Fe i n berg, B i l l ie Ho l id ay, H a rvey M i l k, to
n a m e a few-fi rst the ones you may kn ow and then ones
who may be new to yo u .

After yo u have i nvoked the a ncesto rs, p l ace before you the
m ate rials you h ave. A p iece of cloth, a needle and thread to
make the bag, and the herbs, stones, a n d whatever else
you want to pl ace in the bag. Pe rhaps this co u l d be a p iece
of a beloved a rticle of cloth i ng, a fa b u lo u s ly gl itte ry spa rkly
p i n k cloth, or m aybe j u st a piece of pl a i n fabric. Then con­
s ider the plant a l l ies that yo u wo uld l i ke to h ave with you
i n t h i s work. There a re severa l herbs that I experience a s
"q ueer herbs." These are pla nts that h ave s peci a l magic
movi n g between worlds and d a n c i n g o n the edge. M ug­
wort, B l u e Ve rva i n , and Bay La u rel a re wond erfu l a ll ies i n
ca l l i n g i n the q u eer a n cesto rs.

With a prayer, and w ith i ntention, beg i n to sew t h i s bag. As

you a re sew i n g I i nvite yo u to s i n g or cha nt. You m i ght
take poetry or writings by the q ueer a ncestors a n d make it
 '
'

'•

i nto a chant for t h i s part of the ritu a l . As you a re sewi ng,

take some deep breaths a n d i m agi n e the q ueer a ncesto rs
there with you as you sew. Stay conn ected w ith you r breath
as you i n sert each stich . Al low the rhyth m of sewing to
open yo u r s p i rit to fee l i n g the a ncesto rs there with yo u . As
you sense their presence, ask them to be present with yo u
th rough t h i s m agical sachet that you a re creati ng. L i sten
fo r a ny w h i s pers that they may be offeri ng. Kee p yo u r i ntu­
itive heart open for a ny messages that may come.

When the bag i s al most fi n i s hed, add the contents slowly

a n d with i nte ntion. Then close the bag up with the fi n a l
stiches. O nce the bag i s com p lete, ta ke i t i n yo u r l eft h a n d
a n d charge i t with the energy o f the c i rcle. I m agine that the
en ergy that is present in the room is pou r i n g i nto yo u r
body th rough yo u r head, r u n n i n g down yo u r n eck and
you r a r m , a n d then com i n g out of you r hand i nto the bag.
When yo u have a sense that t h i s i s com plete, place the bag
on you r altar.

Ta ke a moment to offer a prayer of gratitude for the q ueer

a ncesto rs, the p l a nts, a n d a l l the en ergies that a re there
with yo u i n this rit ua l . Then bid fa rewel l to the a n cestors
a n d open the c i rcle. You can use th i s magi c a l bag to
recon n ect with the q ueer a ncesto rs whenever you need to.
You m i ght p lace the bag under yo u r p i l low a n d a s k the
q u eer a ncestors to d ream with yo u . Or yo u m i ght take the
bag with you to an i m portant event, soc i a l j u st ice act i o n ,
or hot d ate-whenever yo u feel you wa nt the q u eer a n ces­
tors at your back. As you complete t h i s ritua l a n d begi n to
wo rk with the q u eer an cestors, be s u re to write or d raw i n
yo u r j o u r n a l o r book of sh adows a ny wisdom that comes
through.

S h ielding

Bec a u se most of u s l ive s u bmerged i n a dom i n a nt culture

that e m phasizes rati o n a l th i n k i n g rather than i ntuit ive
knowledge, fo r most people new to m agic, the fi rst n u m ­
ber of years of work i nvolves u n l earn i n g. Bec a u se of this ,
most magical teach i n gs em phas ize the sh ifti ng of con­
scious ness towa rds be i n g mo re open, develo p i n g i ntu itive
knowledge, a n d sens i n g a n d read i ng energy. The pract ice
of s h ie l d i n g is u n fort u n ately often o m i tted or s k i mmed i n
m a n y basics o f magic classes. What h a ppens to m a ny stu­
dents is that they learn to open a n d s h ift the i r perception
at w i l l without lea rn i n g how to close thei r perception and
get their "sh ields u p ." A lack of ease with s h i eld i n g c a n
create s ign ificant c h a l lenges fo r magic workers a n d I e n ­
cou rage you to develop yo u r comfort w ith t h i s magical
tool .
As q u eers, magic wo rkers, a n d c h a n ge a gents, this s k i l l set
i s even more i m portant as there a re times when having o u r
s e n ses wide open c a n be a da ngerous v u l n era b i l ity. S h ield­
i n g is a tool that I h ave u sed as a defense tactic in many
d ifferent contexts. From threats of violence and gay
 '
'

bash i n g as I 'm walking down the streets to a s u rvival strat­

egy i n a hosti l e wo rk environ ment, this too l e na bles u s to
have more cho ice i n how we w i l l res pond to what the
wo rld th rows at u s . I have u sed s h ield i n g i n a tough
co mmun ity meet i n g with a pol itici a n who was try i n g to
i n t i m i date u s , to tear-gas fi l led streets d o i n g medic work
d u ri n g protests. O n ce you develop comfort with this too l,
it's one that yo u can use i n a myriad of contexts.

I also want to be clear here. I 'm n ot suggesti n g that sh ield­

i n g w i l l protect yo u from a s s a u l t or will i n a n d of itself
b r i n g fo rth j u stice. O p p ression and i nju st ice a re powe rfu l
fo rces i n the d o m i n a nt c u l t u re a n d we can not overcome
these fo rces with magic a lone. I am e n c o u raging you to
develo p this tool so that yo u h ave more options i n ways of
defend i n g yo u rself in situations where i n i n tense e nergy i s
co m i n g a t you .

There a re m a ny pla nts that can be s u pport ive a l l ies i n

develo p i n g s k i l l s a ro u n d sh ielding a n d energetic protec­
tion. Some wonderfu l ly protective p l a nts that you probably
h ave i n yo u r kitch en are Rosemary a n d Bas i l . Both a re
clearing a n d protective. Another pl ant that i s wel l-k n own
fo r its s u p port i n s h i el d i ng is Ya rrow. Part of the medi c i n e
o f t h i s magical bei n g i s s u p porti ng yo u i n breat h i n g i nto
you r divi ne con nect ion a nd you r power. Ya rrow works with
you r divine connection to a m p l ify protecti o n .
Shielding Exercise

F i n d yo u rself in a comfortable pos i tion . Ta ke some mo­

ments to gro u n d a n d center. As you a re center i n g, do a
q u ick personal check- i n a n d notice how yo u a re feel i ng i n
yo u r body, m i n d , a n d s p i r it. N ot ice th e energy i n you r
body. How does it feel ? Do you notice any sensations o r
textu res i n yo u r ene rgetic body? J u st take notice of you r
bei n g. Yo u don't need to do a nyth i n g to s h ift them right
now. Con nect w ith yo u r breath, the earth below, and the
sky a bove.

When yo u a re ready, i m agine that th ere is a s h i ny, s h i m ­

mery reflective ba l l o f energy above yo u . You m a y want to
ca l l upon a deity or a l ly to s u p port you in ca l l i n g fo rth t h i s
energy, o r yo u m a y s imply u s e yo u r i m agi nation t o c a l l
you r own power. When yo u h ave a clear pictu re o f i t i n
yo u r m i n d 's eye, imagi n e that t h i s b a l l of refl ective energy
cra cks open l i ke a raw egg a n d beg i n s to s lowly run down
your head . Feel the energy as it r u n s down you r head ,
neck, shoulders, a rm s , chest, torso, stomach, pelvis , sex,
thigh s , knees, calves, feet, toes. Al low this energy to e n c i r­
cle yo u r whole body. N ot ice sensations that a rise a n d feel
yo u r energetic body as this reflection moves across yo u r
phys ical be i n g. As t h e energy e n c i rcles yo u r body, take
some deep breaths a n d co n n ect with yo u r center. After a
few more breath s, notice how yo u fee l e n c i rcled by t h i s
l ight refl ective ene rgy. D o yo u fee l a nyth i ng that is d iffe rent
 '
'

'•

i n yo u r en ergetic bei n g? Do yo u notice any sensations i n

your body, m i n d , and spi rit? There a re n o correct answers
here. J u st n otice. When you a re ready to d rop the sh ield ,
strongly exh ale th ree b reaths and with these breaths, envi­
sion the sh immery shield d i s so lve, b u rst open, or d i sa p­
pear. Aga i n , notice how you a re fee l i n g.

This m agi ca l too l is one that yo u wi l l devel o p and

strengthen as you p ractice with it. Becom i n g proficient i n
m agic i s a lot l i ke a phys ica l endeavor. We develop our
" m agi cal m u scles" as we practi ce magi c. The m ore you
wo rk with shield i ng, the more you w i l l devel o p the skill to
c a l l u p yo u r shie l d s a t will with out the vis ua l i zatio n prac­
tice. So how do yo u practice sh i eld i ng? Begi n with prac­
tici ng th i s exercise regu l a rly. You might i nco rporate it in to
you r d a i ly practice, i f you h ave one, or j u st set an i ntent ion
to do t h i s v i s u a l ization th ree times a week over the next
three wee ks. Try out different ways of work i ng wi th the
shield. I n stead of dro p p i n g the sh iel d with the three
b reaths immedi ately a fter fo r m i n g it, keep the sh ield u p
a n d noti ce how it feels to spend a n h o u r o r a d ay i n a m o re
shie lded place. Pro tip: Don 't fo rget to take the shield
down at the end of the d ay. M y experience is that it can be
a b it d ra i n i n g if yo u fo rget, though the s h ield wi l l u s u a l ly
n atu ra l ly d i ssolve i n 24-72 h o u rs.

You can a l so try worki ng with the pla nts listed a bove as
you devel o p this practice. Yo u m ight take a d rop of
tincture o r a s i p of tea befo re s itt i n g down to practice
s h ield i ng. Or yo u m i ght place some of these pla nts on
yo u r altar, carry them i n yo u r pocket, or take a bath with
them.

Another suggest ion i s to env1s1on d iffe rent kinds of

s h ields a ro u n d yo u . I suggest ex ploring d i fferent elemental
s h ields. M a ny peo ple experie nce the one li sted a bove as
watery. Try envi sion i n g leaves, branches , fi re, w i n d , s u n­
l ight, moon l i ght, o r a ny natural s p i rit a ro u n d yo u as you
wo rk with s h ield i ng. N ot ice the s u btle d ifferences as you
wo rk with d i fferent k i n d s of shie lds. The more you practice
s h ield i n g, the mo re ease you w i l l develop i n ca l l i n g fo rth
s h ields when you need them. Regu l a rly practici n g with
shields leads to ease in b ri nging them u p in tense s itua­
tions s u c h as d i rect actions , protests, crises, and other
times of emot ional or energetic i ntens ity.

Worki ng with G rief and Rage

To l ive i n this wo rld is to experience loss . G rief i s an other

s ide of the love that a n imates the u n iverse. For without
love, we do not know the pain of loss. G rief over the loss
of a beloved partner i s a jou rney that u n fo l d s throughout a
l ifeti m e . Fu ndamental to o u r identity as witches i s a deep­
rooted love for the ea rth . T h i s earth is fi l led w ith so much
beauty and wonder. The sun that rises each morn i n g gives
nourish ment to ecosyste m s fi l led with bles s i n gs that
 '
'

c a n not begin to be com prehended i n one l ifeti m e. There i s

a particular p a i n o f l iving i n a t i m e w h e n so m u ch of o u r
beloved ea rth i s at stake. There i s a u n iq u e rage that we
feel when o u r comm u n ities a re u nder atta ck beca use of
homophobia, trans phobia, rac i s m , xenophobia, a n d op­
pres sio n .

A key p a rt of being a ble to susta i n ou rselves i n res i stance

to col lective attacks is al lowing o u rselves to feel the
pa i nfu l emot i o n s that a re a p a rt of this j o u rney. These
emotions can be fue l for fl am e s of res i stance or they can
be fl a mes that co n s ume u s from with i n when we bury
them. Wo rking with o u r powerfu l emotions ritually c a n be
a key way to give these emotions space, vo ice, a n d breath
so t h at we may a l low them to move, transform, a n d heal
us.

Build ing a n Altar for Stro ng Emotio n s

There a re a l o t o f d i fferent ways to work with strong emo­

tions such as grief and rage. O n e way that I suggest i s to
create a n altar to honor these fee l i n gs. By giving o u r
strong emotions a p lace to be felt, honored, a n d tended to,
we give them perm i s s io n to have movement. I n the fa ce of
great suffer i n g, it's often eas ier to s la m these emotions
down deep with i n . The a b i l ity to s u ppress pain 1s a n
i m p ortant s u rviva l s k i l l that m a rg i n a l ized peo ple h ave de­
pended on across generati ons . If yo u feel you a re i n
s u rvival mode a n d this is your on ly option, I encou rage
you to stay with that. Come back to this pract ice at a t i m e
when th i n gs feel d iffere nt, a n d i nstead, fo c u s on sh ield i ng
and wo rking with the q ueer a ncesto rs for s u pport i n s u r­
vival mode.

If you h ave the spaciou s ness and centered ness of m i nd

a n d s p i rit to try t h i s work, please do so. G rief and rage c a n
b e powerfu l offe r i n gs a n d expressions o f love for o u r
a n cestors a n d a l l ies. There a re bei ngs that a re n o u rished
when we express these emot i o n s and our offerings help to
m a i ntain the balance in the u n iverse. When we create an
a ltar for grief (or rage, or a ny of yo u r strong emotio ns) , we
acknowledge the sacred ness of t h i s pa i n a n d the hea l i ng
that is pos s i ble thro u gh feel i n g and throu gh a l low i n g our
fe e l i ngs to move.
B u t what is a n a ltar? An altar is a doorway that we create
that opens a co n n ect ion i nto other rea l m s . I t's a physical
m a n i festat ion of o u r co m m u n i cation with the god s. It's a
porta l fo r d iv i n e co m m u n ication to co m e through to u s .
An altar i s a l so a way that we c a n co m m u n icate w ith other
pa rts of o u r being that a re less acces s i b l e th rough cogn i­
tive thought. An emotions altar is a way of tel l i n g the parts
of o u rselves that res ide deep with i n that we honor o u r
emot io n s a n d that we make room fo r these emotions t o be
felt.

To beg i n yo u r prepa rations, take some d ays or weeks to

 '
'

'•

col lect item s that s ig n i fy the emotion or emotions you're

wo rking with. There m ay be elemental representations­
fo r exam pie a p iece of b u rnt wood to represent fi re , a bowl
of salt water representing tea rs, etc . You a l so may add p ic­
tu res of l oved ones, n ews paper c l i p p i n gs , or other phys­
i c a l ite m s . Use you r i n t u ition in u n coveri n g what wi l l go
o n the al tar. If you h ave a sense that somet h i n g sh o uld be
there, but a re u nclear as to why, bring it i nto the process
no netheless. It is l i kely that the s ignificance of the item w i l l
be revealed a s yo u s it with the altar.

Decide a s pace that you w i l l use fo r this a ltar. Ideal ly this

should be a space that you can s it a n d move in front of.
Ta ke some t i m e to gro u n d a n d center. Phys ically a n d en er­
getica l ly clear the s p ace. This may mean clean i n g around
the room the altar i s i n , clearing ene rgetica l ly with smoke
fro m a p l a nt yo u b u r n , s p r i n k l i n g with salt water, a n d/or
cleari n g with sound such as a bel l .

To create and cha rge the a ltar, gather yo u r items together

a n d begi n with co n n ection with you r breath a n d with the
ea rth . C reate sacred space in wh atever way is i n a l ignment
with yo u r practice. Take some breaths a n d co n n ect with
a ny a n cesto rs, a l I ies, or d e ities that you wou Id l i ke to be
present with yo u i n t h i s work. Yo u m ay c a l l i n the spirit of
these powerful emotions to be present with yo u as you
b u i l d t h i s a ltar to honor them. After you r i nvocations a re
fi n ished, take some t i m e to be with the s p ace where yo u
a re creating yo u r a ltar. Take some deep breaths a n d con­
nect deeply w ith the s p i rit of the emotion (s) that you a re
wo rking with. Slowly and with i ntention begin to b u i l d you r
a ltar. You may want to chant o r s i n g a s yo u a re d o i n g so.

As yo u are p l a c i n g th e magical ite m s on the altar, a l low

yo u rse lf to feel wh atever em otio n s co me u p . Yo u may find
tears begi n to fall as you do t h i s , o r you may find you rself
l a u gh i ng, or you may experience noth i n g at a l l . We lcome
them a l l . J u st as there i s no r ight or wrong way to feel,
there is no right o r wrong way to create t h i s a lta r. Listen to
you r i n ne r knowing a nd a l low that which i s needed to
co me to you thro u gh t h i s work. Take the time that you
need. When you feel the a ltar is "com plete," l i ght cand les,
sit, a n d l i sten . Yo u m ay wa nt to write in yo u r journal or
book of sh adows, d raw, p a i nt1 or s i ng. Do wh atever feel s
r ight. Ta ke the t i m e you n eed . When yo u feel co m p lete,
thank the energies that h ave been present with yo u in t h i s
wo rk a n d exti n gu i sh t h e c a ndles.

I i nv ite you to kee p the a lta r b u i lt fo r as long a s you wo uld

l i ke to conti n u e wo rking with these i ntense emotio n s . After
the ritual i s co n c l uded , you m ay fi n d that a da i ly pract ice
of s itt i ng with the altar a llows fo r energies to m ove, deep­
en 1 and grow. You may want to co nsider m a king offeri ngs
at t h i s a ltar. These offerin gs cou l d be yo u r songs or tears
or they co uld be thi ngs l i ke food, flowers, or i n cense. I i n ­
vite you t o co n s ider sett i n g an i ntention to s i t with t h e a ltar
 '
'

'•

for a brief period of time every m o rn i n g for a length of two

o r th ree weeks. Th i s wi l l give you some t i m e to co ntinue
i ntentio n a l l y wo rking with the i ntense emotions.

J o a n n a M acy, earth-based B uddh ist teache r and elder,

s peaks of the time we a re l iving i n a s the time of "the great
turn i n g." W h i l e theologia ns and activists a l i ke a rgue about
the partic u l a r sign i fica nce of the o bstacles we a re fac i ng,
one thing i s fo r s u re: we a re living in a t i m e of great cha l­
lenge a n d i n a t i m e of great change. Life-threate n i n g chal­
lenges mount due to deforestati on, global capitalism , cl i­
m ate cha n ge, a n d i ncreas i ngly u n stable syste ms of gover­
n a nce. These t i m es a re i ncreasi ngly c a l l i n g u s i n to action
to protect the ea rth, to p rotect our fel low h u m a n s , and to
protect the future of l ife o n this p l a n et. As you a re cal led to
the wo rk of j u stice for the ea rth a n d fe l low h uma n s , I i nvite
you to li sten to yo u r gu ides, a n d co n n ect with you r a nces­
tors. There a re other realms that a re reac h i n g out to s u p­
port u s d u r i n g these t i m es of great challe nge.
'
'
Candlespell
by I n es lxierda
'
'
 The Maypole and the Labyrinth:
Reimagining the Great Rite

' '
BY SA M EYRIE WARD

The ritual will begin soon. I haLle been chosen to carry the
voice of the ancestors, and as the fire tenders coax the embers
to flame, I am painted by my tribe: half skeleton, half bird,
white runes and black spirals. A broken limb bound to my
side, ashes of my beloLled and my own past held in a precious
box soon to be offered to the flames. I hear the drums, distant
down the hill, and the whoops and cheers as the dancers pro­
voke the crowd to moL1ement. Later, I will dance with them,
fuck with them, loLle and heal and howl with them. For now,
howeve1� I am alone. It is solstice night, and I am the only one
to brave the labyrinth that honors the beloved dead of our
community.

Perhaps it is the strange shadows caused by moonlight, or the

liminality of the shifting of the seasons, but as I kneel at the
entrance to the labyrinth, it seems to spiral down as if the
land has sunk into itself The old grandfather tree that guards
the clearing seems superimposed upon the cyclic path fi·om
my prostrate view. I have hungfi·om that tree, as haLle others
who made offerings to the spirits that sing to their souls. I
know there is risk in entering, but the labyrinth called me here
for a private offering before the public spectacle, and the
 '
'

'•

greater risk seems to be in refusal. I trace where the roots of

the storm-weathered grandfather tree entwine with the
boundaries of the spiral path, and laugh at my first revelation
of many that evening. The tree, the labyrinth, the fire far
down the hill: they exist in one great circle, bounded by river,
rock, and road. This is not a somber letting go. This is the
exquisitely passionate act of choosing life over the cold cer­
tainty of death, while honoring both.
Pa radox. D u a l i ty. Ten s i o n . Separati o n . U n i o n . Some of the
m ost powerfu l i n s ights a n d sou l-searing ritua l s a re born i n
the d i s s o n a n ce of two i rreconcila bly o p pos ite yet s i m u l­
taneous truths. This essay w i l l atte m pt to exa m i ne a d i sso­
n a nce at the heart of m uch of modern pagan practice, a n d
offer j ust one o f m a n y pos s i b le paths fo rwa rd . Those
truths a re such: that the G reat Rite is a powerfu l ritual tool
core to m a ny modern traditions, a n d that the core sym bo ls
of that R ite a re prob lematic a n d exclusionary to m a ny i n iti­
ates a n d seekers wit h i n those trad itions.

The G reat Ri te is a sex a n d ferti lity rite in wh ich a perso n

with a pen i s co pu lates with a person with a vu lva/uterus to
represent both the u n ion of o p posites a n d with i n tent fo r
great energetic workings . The blatantly sexual nature of
this ritu a l carries certai n d i scomfo rt both with i n a n d with­
out paga n com m u n ities. Thus, the G reat Rite occurs fa r
more often i n its sym bo l i c for m , with a k n i fe b l ade repl ac­
i n g the mascu l i n e energy, a n d a c u p, bowl , or c h a l i ce of
some sort re presenti n g the fe m i n i n e.

I n t h i s sym bol ic form, it is weighted with perh aps as m uch

c l i m actic mystery as the holy co m m u n io n of Christian be­
l i evers , a n d holds a s i m i l a r place in t he arc of a typica l
Wiccan rit u a l . Em braced by m a ny Wicca n s a n d fou n d i n
variations across other paga n gro u p s , the sym boli c G reat
R i te is a v i rt u a l catech ism to the tenets of m odern paga n
rel ig i o u s trad i t i o n s . As such it can be d i ffic u lt to challenge
its ro le a n d im pact o n d ivers ity i n these s u bc u lt u res.

The preci se mea n i n g of the o bjects used for the sym bolic
G reat Rite fo r each participant a re i n d i scern i b le. Pers o n a l
enga gement with sy m bols entw i n e with tra n s m itted kn owl­
edge, and the pu b l i c source m aterial of modern magical
traditions a re l im ited, as oral traditions and pr ivate written
texts shape a n i n iti ates jou rney toward that mystery.

Ste p p i n g back a n d exa m i n i n g the R ite from a cross­

cu ltural a n d h i sto rical pers pective, both the sym bo ls a n d
the tra n s m utat ion o f energy it fa ci l itates a re rooted deeply
across fa i t h s and h i stories. Classic western exa m ples in­
c l u d e the m a rriage ritu al of placing ri ngs o n a partner's
hand a n d the myths of the holy grai I. Pe rhaps t h i s i s why
the energy of such a rit u a l is so co m pel l i ng: it taps i nto the
faceted gestalt of energy a n d experiences that occ u r when
d u a lities co l l ide .

R i t u a l s are rooted m o u r hearts by engagi ng with deeply

 '
'

'•

common experien ces, a n d we a rrive at the roots through

engagi n g the m i n d i n ways that a l low the h e a rt to see. Fo r
t h i s to h a ppen, effective ritual evolves to meet the l a n ­
gu age o f the m i n d , yet pa radoxi ca l ly rem a i n s u ncha nged,
spea k i n g truths to hearts across time.
The core sym bo ls of the G reat R ite a re the blade, the chal­
ice, and the u n io n of the two . The obvious sex u a l sym­
bol i s m i n the perform a n ce of the Rite is part of what
m a kes them such abid i n g cho ices. S p i ritual food and s pir­
itual fu cking speak d i rectly to the bas i c needs of o u r bio l­
ogy. As a bove, so bel ow. Both bl ade/kn i fe a n d chal ice/ c u p
a re u b i q u ito us items in Western cultures. Th i s accessi­
b i l ity i s yet a n other reason they make such excel lent sym­
bolic choices. A kn ife as a pe n i s a n d a c u p as a uterus. The
very s i m pl i city of these sym bo l s that a l lows them to be
acces s i b le objects to so many seekers can a l so serve to
deeply al i e n ate oth ers.

The s i m plest representation of the G reat R ite is in the join­

i n g of m a scu l i n e a n d fem i n i n e energies, a n d the macro­
cosm i c blend i n g of a l l d ua lit ies . As a bove, so bel ow. The
blade a n d the c h a l i ce a re u sed as u b i q uito u s symbol s for
this concept with i n Western m agical cu ltures, each with
heavi ly stereotyped gender associations. The kn ife is not
j u st "mascu l i n e,'' but represents the pe n i s, a n d one th at i s
wea p o n i zed a t that, a s it i s u n i q uely des i gned t o injure,
penet rate, a n d d raw b lood. The c u p i s the womb, the
uterus, a n d the vu lva, a n d i n the trad ition a l rite it i s pas­
s i ve, held lower t h a n the k n i fe.

The same simple beauty of u n io n found i n this ritu a l by

many who h ave a fra m e of reference fo r consen s u a l het­
erosexu al sex can become a d istu rb i n g sym bo l i c remi nder
of identity op press ion, c u lt u r a l d o m i n a nce, or coercive o r
violent sexua l encou nters fo r others. I n th is way, part ic­
ipa nts who identify outside the ge nder b i n a ry, whose ge n­
der a n d sex orga n s d o n 't a l ign, or for whom m a scu l i ne
sex u a l aggression has c a u sed i nj u ry struggle to partici pate
fu l ly. At worst, the Rite is experienced n ot a s a celebration
but as a cu ltura l too l fo r otheri ng, al ienati ng, a n d s i lenc­
ing.

S o where do queer, gender- nonco nfor m i n g, asexua l­

s pectru m , a nd/or people who've expe rienced tra u m a find
a place i n this com m u n i o n ? Some pagan groups have
sta rted to al low members of a ny gender ide ntity to stand i n
either ro le d u r i n g the sy m bo l i c R i te, which i s a thou ghtfu l
a n d neces sary step toward progress. However, hold i n g o n
to the sym bo l s o f t h i s "trad ition a l " ritual denies the very
existence of the m a ny d i vergent representations see k i n g to
fi n d a n identity outside of the pres s u res of op pres s i ve
m a i n strea m rel igion. Part i c u l a rly s i nce this ritual was per­
h a ps i n vented ba rely a century ago by Gerald G a rdener, a
respected practitioner who n onetheless had problem atic
pers pectives on sex u a l power. To fi n d an a ltern ate
 '
'

expression i n the beauty of earth o r goddess-based s p i r­

itual trad itions, and then to be asked to accept core sym­
bols that sti 11 reflect the op pres sion i n herent in the dom i­
n ant c u l tu re does not seem i n kee p i n g with the espou sed
v a l ues of such co m m u n ities.
O n ce someth i n g is deemed "trad ition," it can be very diffi­
c u l t to cha l lenge or cha n ge . Yet, m odern magical trad i­
tions seem c a p a ble of a dopti n g new ideas i n cred i bly fa st.
This m a kes the resistance to exa m i n e a n d rewrite existi n g
trad itions fru strati n g b u t u ndersta n d a ble. The safety o f a n ­
chors of mea ni n g i n ra p i d ly shift i n g t i m es i s attractive.

It i s t i m e to con s ider a ltern ative sym bo l s to weave i n to the

powerfu l d u a l ities expressed i n the G reat R ite, or re place
them a ltogether. As o u r com m u n ities s h i ft i n thei r u n der­
sta n d i n g of ha rmfu l i n stitutio n a l structu res, the Rite
sta n d s to lose its poten cy if it c a n n ot l i kewise s h i ft to em­
b race the d ivers ity of its partici pants.

Fo rt u n ately, the wonder of sacred sym bo l s is that each i s a

faceted re p resentation of a n object o r a n idea that conta i n s
m u lt i p l e mea n i ngs; some simple i n the s u btle n ua n ces,
others in ways that c a n seem i rreconc i l a b ly op posed at
fi rst exa m i nation. It t h u s becomes pos s i b le to ex plore
a lternative sym bo l s j u st as (or perh aps even more) po­
tently associated with the d u a l ity a n d u n ion of energies the
G reat R ite em bod ies, while expa n d i ng to be more i n clu sive
of a ltern ative n a rrati ves of sex u a l ity.
Sym bols a re flexi ble, and those who use them for magic
co uld become j u st as flexible. Depend i n g on the n at u re
a n d pu rpose of a gro u p o r i n d i vid u a l worki ng, there may
be a p l ace for alm ost any of these sym bols i n paga n h i gh
ritual. The i n tent of the sym bo l a n d how it i s u n derstood
by viewers is fa r more important than the choice of sym­
bolic representation. Yes, Carl J u n g, Joseph Cam pbe l l , a n d
other psychologi sts, a nthropologists, a n d soc i a l sc ient ists
ha ve pos ited a certa i n u n ivers a l u n conscious m a p of core
sym bols, but there is s t i l l a clear u n dersta n d i n g that sym­
bols a re most powerfu l ly en gaged in persona l mea n i ng.
T h i s i s the beauty a n d se n s i b i l ity present in both d ream
d i vi nation and the many vers ions of modern ta rot, and this
p l i a n cy i s usefu I in co n s ideri ng the evo l ution of sym bo l ic
uses with i n modern m agical trad itions.

M a ny books on modern paga n ism h ave glossaries of

deities, sym bols, and m agica l a s sociatio n s . The gendered
association of a part i c u l a r sym bol i s often tied to the ge n­
der of the corres po n d i n g deity. T h u s , a sy m bol typ ica l ly
associ ated with femi n i n i ty i n one place a n d ti me, s u ch as
the moon's d o m i n ant associ atio n with goddesses i n the
west, can h ave m a scu l i n e associations el sewhere, or even
be d istri b uted across deities of either gender (such as i n
Egypt i a n mytho logy) . There a re a l so powerfu l non­
gendered fe rti lity sym bols, such as bees a n d honey, that
a re ge nderless a n d t h u s acces s i b le outside the b i n a ry.
 '
'

'•

However, the d u a l ity of the sym bo l s i s core to the pow­

erful te n s ion of the symbol ic G reat R i te. I n Vs.: Duality and
Conflict in Magic, Mythology, and Paganism, a dynam ic
range of practiti on ers take o n this co n cept a n d exp l o re the
ten s i o n and i nteraction of n u merous d u a l ities i ncl udi ng
twi n s , enem ies. and the u n i on of divine and m ortal
e nergies .� D u a l ity i s not u n ique to sex u a l i ty. With an ex­
pa nded pers pective, the du a l ity. confl ict. a n d u n io n motifs
c a n be fo u n d i n the pa i r i n g of a l m ost any perce ived oppo­
s ites, a n d sometimes in th i n gs so close they seem, at fi rst
gl ance, u n d i ffere ntiated.

Wh i l e any powerfu l p a i r i n g of symbol s could fit as an a lter­

n ative to the bl ade a n d c u p of the G reat R ite, two sym bo l s
sta n d out i n partic u lar: the m aypole (as a type of fe rti l i ty
rod) and the labyri nth . Each conta i n potent cultura l and
re ligious sym bo l i s m , and each contain both esse n t i a l
d u a lities a n d paradoxical contrad ictions a n d a m bigu ities
wi th i n .

The M aypole:

He pins me to the maypole. "Hold still." A slight breeze

tickling through the overcast spring sky draws goosebumps
to my flesh, hardening my nipples. I hold and hold, and
the dancers circle round. Each grasping a ribbon, they
weat1e in and around. I watch the web weave itself above,
and as the dancers weave closer, so do the ribbons, and
 soon I am bound. The dancers have sheathed me to the
maypole, tied offjust at my navel, my face and chest free
but the rest bound in the dancers' web.

Each dancer smiles before stepping back to seek the hand

of their beloveds. As bodies languidly tangle on the grass
around me, a lover's playful smirk captures my attention.
He comes toward me, teasing my nipple, reminding me
that I am bound. Two fi·iends come close, attending to my
legs with touch and kisses, lifting and spreading me open.

Rather t h a n a s o m ber a n d aggressive wea pon, l i ke the

blade, a maypole is a type of ferti l ity po le that traces its
roots to some N orthern H e m i s phere hol iday practices.
Tra d i t i o n a l ly made from the wood of a yo ung tree, the
m aypole represent sex u a l ity that grows, s p routs, a n d
s p reads its seed . W h i l e sti l l a n obviously pha l l i c sy m bol, a
m aypole's h ighest purpose each yea r i nvolves bei n g
adorned i n flowers a n d ri bbo n s by the fem i n i n e ene rgy it
co u p les with: a gi ant pen i s i n d rag. It 's a cock that waits
patiently wh i le wanting to be sheathed by a pretty, tight
hole, and by and l a rge it i s the biggest strap-on of an yo ne
at the pa rty. It's l i ke a dou ble-ended d i ldo, thrust fi r mly i n
the earth while sti l l stra i n i ng at the sky. It's nearly i m pos­
s i b le to take its fu l l length, so to cou pl e with it req u i res
creative l u b rication. Ho ld it between yo u r t h i gh s a n d it
e a s i ly wants to both take yo u a n d give itself to you to take.
 '
'

'•

A m aypole su ggests act ive des i re a n d the wi l l i n gness to

p u r s u e it. Wh i l e the p h a l l ic s h a pe suggests m ascu l i n ity, in
a l i berated model of sex u a l exp ression it simply re p resents
the lead in the d a nce. The ro m p, the fl i rt, the i n itiator. The
To p, Dom, M o m my, Rigger. Wh i le it sta nds so rigid, its
pro m i se is one of movement at any pace. W i l d ness a n d
p l ayfu l n es s a n d want; a scientist's centrifu ge; a chef's pes­
tle.

M aypoles a re such potent fert i l ity sym bo l s that eve n cen­

turies of Ch ri stia n i n fl uence h ave not bee n a ble to erad­
icate them. They re ma i n part of co m m u n ity s p r i n g festivals
i n E n g l a n d a nd el sewhere. O n e of my earl iest memories
grow i n g u p in rura l Engla n d was of the local c h u rch vicar
bless i n g the m aypole before the spring M ay Day festivals.

The La byri nth:

I stand at the gate. Through the woods, into the clearing,

the moonlight and some instinct within led me here. The
mouth of the labyrinth opens and offers two paths: a sa­
cred circle and a cosmic spiral encompassing each other.
The container is impo1tant - it holds. As time and space
curve back and out again, so do I; the path inward is as
easy or as long as it needs to be.

The path is a line moving within a circle. The circle be­

comes a sphere, the sphere a cave. The labyrinth is a door­
way and also a map. I spiral inwards, and in so doing,
 find myself also coiling and uncoiling up and down to
some other place, while remaining present as well. This
circle is always cast yet never closed.

I n a society d r iven by prod uct ivity, b u syness, a n d fo rcefu l

d i rection, a imless wa ndering and i n d irect paths to goa l s
seem l i ke a fool 's journey. M ea nder. Let yo u r head fol low
you r heart, let yo u r heart fo l low you r feet.

The rationa l bra i n c a n see the dest i n ation, just a few steps
away. It i n sists that you cross the l i nes, stra ight toward the
center to c l a i m the prize. The l a byrinth te l l s us so meth i n g
different. Ta ke the l i nes out of a l a byrinth, a n d you have a n
a n cient pattern cal led the mea nder. A w i n d i n g cou rse, a
fl owi ng river, the coi ls of a s n a ke. Be swept u p i n the flow.
The center c a n n ot be reached d i rectly. Yo u must have pa­
tience. There is a cultural d raw to the we ight of deep
places: b u r i a l mounds , great Egypt i a n tom bs under pyra­
m ids, mass ive creatu res of d i rt ca rved i nto l andsca pes
across the glo be. It i s i m practica l to b u i ld t u n n els i n to h i ll­
s i des or to seek lost and fo rgotten caves of i n itiation.
M odern labyrinth s are often s i m ply m a r ked paths of roc k,
grass, or other natu ral materia ls . La byri nths can a l so be
s p i ra l i n g patterns la id fl at o n s u rfaces , engraved medal­
l i ons, i n ked flesh, or p a i nted canvas. Yet you can feel the
d i m e n s i o n s of the la byrint h as yo u r feet t race th e path .
S i n k with it i nto the earth. Feel the roof of the cham ber
a bove, even if that ch a m ber i s the exp a n se of sky, o r a
 '
'

'•

c i rcle of trees. Reach out fu rther aga i n , fee l i n g the s h a pe of

its p resence in t i m e: now, then, what w i l l or m i ght be. The
l a byrinth offers m o re than the gift of procrea t io n. All trans­
formations beco me possi ble in this s p ace. The path wi l l
welcome a ny traveler. The entrance a nd the ex it a re one
and the same. Yet in the turns of the path th rough the in­
ward and outwa rd journey, it is i m po s s i ble to ret u r n to the
p l a ce yo u sta rted . This is the mystery of a l l pas sages, gate­
ways , and i n itiati o n s . They a re l i mi n a l s paces, thres holds
between what i s and what m i ght be.

Feel the earth beneath you, the land's hea1ibeat. Feel the
cock between your thighs. Feel it throb to a melody. It is
well past midnight, and I'm offering myself yet again.
Wrapped around the Maypole, my cunt throbs too, want­
ing. Staring up, my vision is filled by a silhouette of dark­
ness thrust high into shrouded heavens. I'm fucking this
barkskin pole, and it fills me in ways I 've never experi­
enced before. Tendrils of ribbons from an ancient dance
tease my flesh, reminding me of a May Day dance fi·om
months before. The next time I open my eyes, the sky is no
longer shrouded. Something shifts within me and without,
and the dark silhouette is no longer the 3ofoot cock I 'm
grinding against, but has become my own cock. The land's
heartbeat, the cock, and my cunt find synchrony, and now
I 'm thrusting my cock, this pole, into the sky. The gentlest
breeze teases the tendrils woven around my length, and as
 I ride along with the cascading sexual energy I realize just
moments before it occurs what is happening, and in the
brief moment of vision as I climax, I erupt into the sky,
and the sky seems to be covered in semen made of stars.

l H uggi n s , K i m (20 12) . I n Vs.: Duality and Conflict in

Magic, Mythology, and Paganism. Lo ndon, England: Ava l­
o n i a Books.
'
'
 Sharing a Sacred Meal

Ada pted from ucasting a Queer Circle: N o n-Binary

Witc hcraft" (As p hodel Press 20 1 7)

BY TH I STA M I N A !

S h a r i n g food a n d d r i n k i s a we l l-established m ech a n i sm

for soc i a l bo n d i ng. When we eat together, we beco me not
ju st a gro u p of peo ple, but a com m u n ity invested in s u p­
port i ng its m e m bers. By i n c l u d i n g the Gods i n o u r meal,
we strengthen our bonds not j u st with each other, but with
Them as wel l . We share nourishment with the Gods and
with each other, a n d we a re nourish ed in ret u r n .

O n a more practical level, eati n g a n d d r i n k i n g h e l p u s re­

turn o u r attention to our phys ical bod ies. Eating i n partic­
u l a r tends to be natura l ly grou n d i n g ( u n less yo u ' re s pecif­
ica l ly eat i n g someth i ng with a differe nt effect) . Co n s u m i n g
a l ittle food i n c i rcle helps pa rt ici pants come down fro m
the energet i c h i gh of you r ritu a l , helping them concentrate
on d i s m a ntl i n g the ci rcle . Th is a i d s a tra n s i tion back to a
pri m a ry focus o n physica l rea l ity. Fo r this reason, the food
and d r i n k we s h a re is not a fu l l meal, but just enough to
b r i n g u s back to o u r bod ies a n d con nect us to each other,
wh i l e sti l l leav i n g us able to fi n i sh o u r rit u a l .

I n a Traditional Wiccan ci rcle, th i s s h a r i n g of food a n d

 '
'

'•

d r i n k often beg i n s with what i s cal led 0the sym bo l ic G reat

Rite," i n which the t i p of the athame i s i n s erted i nto the
c u p , a sym bol of a pe n i s enteri n g a vagi n a in heterosexual
sex. This bles ses the d r i n k with the power of procreat ion
a n d b i n a ry polarity. As a coven that i n c l udes peo ple of di­
verse genders and orien tations, we a t S p ectrum G ate M ys­
teries tried to make t h i s work fo r o u r coven a n d ritua l sys­
tem , creat i n g a gender-neutral l itu rgy to go a long with the
atha me-i n -c u p bl ess i n g. O u r new practice a l lows a nyone
to hold either the c u p o r the ath a m e, p roviding access to
that procreative pola r ene rgy. Wh i l e this became a fu nc­
tional option, we felt its util ity was too n a r row to keep a s
o u r defa u l t bless i ng. We sti l l u s e it when we s pec ifica l l y
wa n t to wo rk with po la rity between two o p posites a s a
s o u rce of power, but we needed so meth i n g d i fferent for
o u r everyday food a n d d r i n k bless i ng.

We fou n d our a n swer through exa m i n i n g the mea n i ng of

the ritu a l too l s u sed i n the sacred m ea l : the cup and d r i n k
as a sym bol of s pi ritu a l n ou ri s h ment, the food as a sym­
bol of social a n d phys i c a l n o u r i s h ment, a n d the l i bation
bowl a s a symbol of sacrifice a n d our w i l l i ngness to work
fo r what we want. These three tool s became the i n s p i ration
fo r o u r new b less i n g, and their use i n the bles s i n g a rose
fro m the contem plation of o u r officiati n g ro les.

Rather t h a n u s i ng gendered officiating titles l i ke Pri estess

a n d Priest, o u r coven 's c i rcles a re led by a n Anchor, a
B u i lder, a n d a G reeter. The G reeter i s the a m bassador of
the ci rcle. They address the con gregation, greet the ele­
ments, and petition deities. The Bu i lder is the meta­
phys ica l m u scle of the rit u a l . They are res ponsible for cre­
ati ng the energetic structu res of the c i rcle a n d its gates.
The Anchor is respo n s i b l e for the physical space of the c i r­
cle. They tend to the items n eces sary for ritu a l and serve
a s a n energetic point of sta bil ity fo r the B u i l der a n d
G reeter.

The roles of the Anchor and Bu i lder i n the food a n d d r i n k

bless i n g vary depe n d i n g o n the i n tent of o u r ritu a l . Fo r c i r­
cles with a more h u m a n or co m m u n ity- ba sed focus, the
Anchor holds the food which roots o u r magic in the phys­
ica l nouri shment we offer to one a n other. Fo r c i rcles with
a m ore d ivine or s p i rit- based focus, the Anchor holds the
c u p (or the pitcher, if yo u plan o n po u r i n g the d r i n k i n to
i n dividual cu ps) which roots our m agic i n s h a red s p i r itu a l
experience. The G reeter always holds the l i bation bowl
wh ich reaffirms o u r relation s h i p of rec i p rocity with each
other a n d with the Gods.

Each hold i n g their respective too l , the Anchor, B u i lder,

and G reeter s peak the fol low i n g words to bless the food
and drink:

Food: We, the community

Dri n k: and the Gods we honor

 '
'

Libation : and the path we walk

All: come togetherfor a common goal

Food: in feflowship

Dri n k: and faith

Li bation: and sacrifice

All: to become the future of our design

Food: offree expression

Dri n k: sincere connection

Li bation: and fruitful exchange.

As the fi n a l words a re spoken, the offici ators hold i n g the

food and d ri n k each p l a ce a bit of the i r s u bsta nce i n to the
l i bation bow l .

A l l : As we unite our effo1ts,

we ignite the spark of creation,

and our work is done,

and our work begins.

This fi rst act of offe r i n g is what b lesses a n d con secrates

o u r food. O nce it is c o m p lete, food a n d d r i n k a re pa ssed
clockwise a round the ci rcle and s h a red by a l l participants.
U s u a l l y we do th i s casua lly and i n for m a l ly as we appre­
ci ate the co n nective i nt i m acy of pass i n g food a n d d r i n k
l i ke a fam i ly a s we held the l i bation bowl for o n e a n other.
That said, if yo u h ave a n Assistant that n eeds a task, or if
you want to create a more fo rmal rit u a l , carryi n g food,
d r i n k , a n d the l i bation bowl a ro u n d the ci rcle could cer­
tain ly become cere m o n i a l ro les.

The cup should never be em pty u nti l everyon e has gotten

some food and d r i n k , and the G reeter i s ready to toast the
Gods. If there's a ny doubt as to whether or not you ' l l h ave
enough d r i n k, keep m o re sto red beneath the altar. The pri­
m a ry rea son for not lett i n g the c u p run d ry is its sym­
bol i s m of the bou n d less n ature of sp i rit, but there is a lso a
more fu nctio n a l p u rpose. There should a lways rem a i n
some d r i n k i n the c u p, as a nyth i n g added to i t w i l l a lso re­
ceive the blessi ng.

The toast is another exp ression of gratitude, spec i fi c a l ly d i ­

rected to t h e d ivi ne, that serves a practical soci a l fu nction.
The sacred meal i s typ ic a l ly i n formal. Part ic ipa nts are i n­
vited to relax a n d chat with each other w h i l e they eat and
d r i n k . Th is provides a n eeded brea k for everyone to a l low
their foc u s to wa nder. The toast s i gn ifies the end of that
i n te rlude a n d bri ngs everyone's attention back to the ritua l .
T h i s i s a s i g n a l that the gro u p i s goi n g to di smantle the
ci rcle as we l l .
 '
'

When everyo ne h a s had enough to eat a n d d r i n k, and j u st

enough time to relax without gett i n g c omp letely off
cou rse, the G reeter raises the c u p towards the center of
the ci rcle. Th i s s i g n a l s that the toast is about to ha ppen,
and the gro u p q u iets and focuses on what the G reeter i s
a bout to say. The toast beg i n s with " For the gifts of. . . " and
then the G reeter n a mes th ree th i ngs fo r wh ich they and
l i kely the entire gro u p a re than kfu l . These c a n be as vague
as con cepts Ii ke "com m u n ity" or " st a b i l ity," as specific as
i m porta n t moments for yo u r p a rticu l a r coven , o r a s con­
crete as o bjects you r gro u p is gratefu l to h ave. The G reeter
fi n ishes the toast with " . . . we give t h a n ks to the Gods!"
Typ i c a l ly, the G reeter pa u ses befo re the ti na I "to the
God s," as that l ast phrase i s echoed by the gro u p i n the
fo r m u la of a n o r m a l toast. Of cou rse, if "Gods" does n ' t
wo rk fo r you a s a gen d e r n eutra l equivalent for deities, try
"to the d iv i n e" i n stead, or any other variation that s u its
you r gro u p . After m a k i n g the toast, the G reeter d r a i n s the
c u p , m a k i n g s u re that none of the consecrated d ri n k 1 s
wasted, then p laces the c u p u ps i d e down o n the altar.

If yo u r gro u p u ses a pitcher a n d i nd iv i d u a l cups i n ritu a l ,

m a ke s u re the offici ator h o l d i n g t h e dri n k fo r the blessing
uses the pitcher, not the i r i n d i v i d u a l cup, so that a l l of the
d r i n k gets co nsecrated. Each person should keep a bit of
beverage i n th ei r glass for the fi n a l toast, a n d everyone
s h o ul d d ri n k together with the G reeter. The G reeter's c u p
should be the one p l a ced on the altar as the tool rep re­
sent i n g Water i n the a p p ro p r i ate q u a rter. A l l other c u p s
c a n rest o n the a ltar wherever is most practical, keeping an
eye out for overa l l b a la nce.
'
'
 To�vards a Healed Femininity In Every Body

BY M I C H A E LA S . C R EE D 0 N

For a/I the womxn a<.femmes,

Great ancestors and all those who sti/J live,
For a/I those who have resisted, thrived, and lived,
Against a/I odds,
Found joy and loved,
Spoke out and fought back,
Against patriarchies invalidation, abuse, and attacks.
And for a/I those who couldn 't.
For a/I those who suffered alone in silence.
This writing is because of, in honor of, and for all you dear
ones.
Thank you for your lives, your work, your sacrifices, and for
your powerful wisdom and words.

The Body.

H o u ser of memory.
Keeper of legacy.
H older of a l l who
have eve r come befo re
and a l l who ever w i l l become.

The voices of our gra n d m others sing

i n s ide our hearts.
 '
'

Are yo u l i ste n i n g ?

Rega rdless of
fami l ia l a s sociation,
their pa i n i s
o u r pa i n ,
their joys
o u r Joys,
their struggles
o u r struggles,
their d reams
o u r d reams,
their u n fi n i shed busi ness
o u r l i fe's work playing out.

Each of u s ca rries with u s

a l l that has ever come befo re:
o ppressor. o ppres sed .
colon izer. colo n ized .
i ntersect iona lities of com p l i cated
i n te rwoven identities
beautifu l ly a n d tragically married
i n s ide us.

Each of u s ca rries
the gifts a n d wounds of
the woma n who bi rthed u s i nto being,
the woma n who birthed her,
and a l l the women befo re her a s wel l .
Sea rs the pat riarchy left deep,
bra nded with i n the D N A of our s o u l s .

S pa n n i ng centu ries,
these old wo u n d s
hold the keys to o u r power.
Fo r where there i s fea r,
there i s power.
Fo r where we h ave been oppressed
s h i nes I ight on our greatest gifts
we h ave been cal led to bi rth fort h .
The world i s ca l l i ng us to remember
o u r essential nature.

That n ature i s wi ld ly and sen s u o u s ly fem i n i ne.

Do you hear her c a l l s ?

H er soft footsteps t u rn to a heated r u n .

R u n n i n g with p u rpose a n d swiftness
th rough the thicket of her fo rest home.

Even if yo u have n ever

stepped foot outside city w a l l s ,
S h e li ves i n yo u r heart.
No matter h ow bu ried,
H er s pi rit is eterna l ly p a rt of yours.
 '
'

'

She i s the rays of moo n l i ght that i l l u m i nate

the face on a fu l l n ight.
She is the mother of d a rkness s h i n i n g b ri ght,
holding us with l ove from a bove.

S h e is the s m a l lest gestu re,

a warm s m i le,
the kind gaze of u ndersta n d i n g wit n ess ,
the warm presence of
co m p assion a n d accepta nce.

S ec u re lovi ng a rm s,
ready to joyo usly hold us
when we are feel i ng scared and v u l nerable.

She i s the rich ecstasy of

sensuous moans
i nterwea ving in harmo ny.
The sati sfaction of
bod ies enjoyi ng,
reve l i n g i n ,
savo r i n g i n each other fu l ly.

She is the spark of a l l con s u m i n g des i re

m ixed with strong will a n d
focused i ntent,
combi ned with rit u a l
to make magic m a n i fest
i nto the world .
She is the wh isper i n o u r ears
that gu ides us home.
Our i nt u ition,
rem i nd i ng us of center,
of what we truly wa nt a n d need
i n t h i s world .

She i s the freeness and s u rrender of

o ne's earth ly body d a n c i n g,
feel i n g its cu rrents.
E b b and fl ow.
J oyously moving with the rhyth m
a l ive i n s ide of one's self

S he is the wom b of potenti a l ,

that deep wel l of knowi ng
that l ives in the center of every body,
rega rdless of a n a tomy.

She is the flow i n g of our tears,

powerful ly clea n si ng.
The feel i ng of
release a n d rel ief
after those tides have
washed over you .

She i s the express i n g

o f long repressed des i res,
b roken free of
 '
'

the c h a i n s of s h a m e,
plea s u re rec l a i med ,
em bod ied fu l ly,
h idden lo n gi ngs ready to be explo red ,
eagerly,
ou twa rd ly,
fi n a l ly.

She is the re- m e m beri n g of those

d i sowned and d i savowed
pa rts shro uded i n self-hatred>
The welco m i n g acceptance that c a l l s
t h e m b a c k into the h o m e o f o u r hearts.

S he is the knowi n g that

there is magic m uch deeper,
wisdom m uch ol der,
much more
a l ive,

true,
powe rfu l,
than this
co ncrete,
steri le,
c a p ita l-driven,
techno logica l progress ob sessed ,
tra u m a tiz i ng society
tel ls tales of.

She is the sc rea ms of a nger let o ut.

The power of cla i m i ng
o ne's own body sovereignty.
The u na po logetic defiance of patria rchy,
The p u l s i ng hot rage of fi rm ly dem a n d i n g N O .
M y Body.
My Vo ice.
My Boundaries.
My Choice.

S he is the b u rn i n g fu ry,
fu m i n g with p a i n a n d outrage
over grotesq ue i nequal ities,
u n j u st racist ki l l i ngs,
Rac i st cops,
Rac i st laws,
Rac i st prison systems.
Rac i st count ry
b u i lt as a mo n u ment
to wh ite s u premacy.

S he i s the em pathetic h ea rt
that w i l l never stop cari ng.
The fi st that wi I I n ever stop fight i n g
u n t i l these systems of
tortu re, hate, bigotry and m u rder
 '
'

co m e down.

S he is the joy a n d pleasure

of all those who have been oppressed .
Fo r the laugh ter and happ i ness
we express i s a n act of
rad ical defiance.
Sp itti ng i n the face of a l l
system s a n d i n stitutions who have told us
this wo rld wa s not meant for u s .

S h e is the r i s k that comes fro m bravely

l iv i n g i n authentic ity.
The pride that comes from holding gro u nded and true,
even when others d i s c redit and attac k you.

She li ves in every act

of self-care a n d self- love
made t i m e fo r a m idst the
struggle to s u rvive in this
fast paced h a rs h wo rld .

She is the open hearted ness of trust.

The conscio us, co-co m m itted conta i ner
that a l lows one to feel safe enough to love.

S he is present i n every act of sweetness a n d devotion

one lover shows to the other.
She is the tender vu l nerab i l ity of
show i n g on e's self
honestly and i n t i m ately,
fi rst to o ne's self,
then to th e wo rld.

S he li ves in passed down songs

passionate ly s u n g
to sooth sou l s ,
stirring hearts i nto action once mo re.

She is the softly whistling winds,

gently blow i ng aga i n st cheeks,
revita l i z i n g o u r s p i rits,
vi sions, a n d d re a m s .

She is t h e h o t s m older o f coals,

the tl i c ker of tl a m es.
d a n c i n g b right ly
i l l u m i n ating o u r passions,
hearts,
h a nd s ,
a n d sex.

She is the p u l l
o f the oceans'
cold sa lty waves,
cleansing o u r feet
and moving o u r so u l s .
 '
'

She i s the rel axation of

gro u n ded s u rrender
that comes
fro m layi ng our backs
o n the earth,
warmly a n d sec u rely held.

She is the s i lent presence of

caring eyes softly holding
open ears a nd open heart.
F u l ly present.
Listen ing i n tently.
Ten derly loving yo u
simply a s yo u a re.

S he l ives i n the ferti l e seeds of death .

She i s the rott i n g
that takes place for
new li fe to blos som a n d begi n .

S he i s the breath,
the body,
the bone,
the heart,
the s o u l ,
t h e roots co n n ecting u s to
a l l that i s and l ives.

For she i s life.

Sacred and sentient.
Pulsing with s p i rit and story,
j u st wait i n g to be en gaged with,
honored,
l i stened to,
a s ked a q uesti o n ,
shown attentio n .
Loved .

She i s the u ncontro l lable,

da ngero u s ,
u n p red icta ble,
u n c h a i n a ble,
u n certa i n variable,
great u n knowa ble mystery,
defi ant,
d i sorderly,
d e l i n q uent,
d i sobed ient ,
wild,
feral,
u n governa ble s p i rits
whose howls can be l o u d ly heard
i n the sh adows of the fo rests
co me s u n rise a n d s u n dow n .

S h e i s a l ive i n a l l acts of
res istance and res i l ience
 '
'

aga i nst e m pi res,

l aws, and jaws.

S he is the blood that runs th ro ugh

ve i n s and c u nts,
s pi l l i n g out rich
h i stories and mysteries.

She knows no b i n a ry,

Fo r with i n every body l ies the wisdom of
a sacred fem i n i n ity.
Each u n iq u ely perfect
i n our myriad of d i ffer i n g
expressi ons and fo r m s .

S h e i s the power o f receptivity.

The wisdom of s i lence
and l i ste n i n g,
that l ives i n s ide a l l bones .

She i s the breathi ng,

beati ng,
p u m ping,
feel i ng
H ea rt of this
magnificent
Sacred
M other Earth.
We have forgotten what it mea n s to be h u m a n .
Forgotten o u r mother and creator,
o u r origi n a l l i fe giver.

Yet we a re rem em bering

s lowly but s u rely.
We a re awake n i ng,
heart by h e a rt.
We a re remem beri n g
what t r u ly m atters and what does not.

We have a respo n s i b i l ity to

rec l a i m ,
heal,
feed,
express,
and enjoy the power of
o u r sacred fe m i n i n ities.

Fo r even just one d rop in the ocean of h ea l i ng,

ripples out fo rward a n d backwards in time,

Recreating the present,

revita l i z i n g a l l who h ave co me befo re,

And hea l i n g a l l those ones yet to come.

Do you hear her c a l l s ?

Are you l i ste n i n g ?
 '
'

She i s screa m i n g for you to awake n .

How w i l l you a n swer th e m ?
Rel ea se Ritu
al
by I n es /xi erd
a
'
'
 Hunting Lions el... Slaying Serpents: An
Execration Rite

BY J AY LOGA N

I n the early second cen t u ry of the Co mmo n E ra (C. E. ) ,

there l ived a yo u n g m a n who d rowned i n the R iver N i le.
Accord i n g to loca l Egypti a n cu sto m , the yo u n g m a n had a
s h r i n e esta bli shed for h i m , honoring h i m as a deified mor­
tal u n ited with the god O s i r is, lord of the u n derwo rld . He
received offe r i n gs a n d perh aps even heard the occa s i o n a l
prayer fro m loca l townspeople. U n li ke other yo u n g men
befo re h i m , that yo u n g m a n was travel l i n g with the i m pe­
r i a l reti n u e of Rome when tragedy struck, a n d h e h a p pened
to be the favorite co m p anion and beloved eromenos of
E m peror H a d r i a n . That young m a n was Anti nous .

As part of a n exte nded jou rney by the e m peror to visit and

solid ify the borders of the Ro m a n E m p i re, the i m peria l ret­
i n ue trave l l ed u p the River N i le a nd a rrived i n the c ity of
H ermopolis i n l ate October, 1 30 C . E . , j u st i n t i m e for the
Festival of the N i le. Th i s celebrated the i n u ndation of the
river, the s o u rce of the l a n d 's fec und ity, and m a r ked the
death and res u rrecti o n of O s i r i s. Anti nous d rowned some
time d u r i n g that week, u n der c i rc u m sta nces that rem a i n
mysterio u s t o this day. Depend i n g o n who yo u a s ked, it
was cons idered an accident, a s u icide, or a gruesome
 '
'

ritual m u rder. When h i s body washed upon the s hore o n

that fatefu l day, Em peror Had ri a n grieved exten s ively for
h i s lost love. He expa nded u po n local cu sto m to b u i ld a
city i n Antinous' honor, and estab l i s hed a c u lt fo r the Di­
v i n e Anti no u s that wo uld s p read across the Roma n Em­
p i re. Tem ples were b u i lt in h i s n a m e, o racles establ i shed,
mystery trad itions i n itiated, a n d festiva l s a n d ga mes beg u n
i n h i s honor. H i s face, h i s beautifu l face, wou ld be ca rved
o n i n n u mera ble statues, m a k i n g his one of the most
recognizable faces i n a rt h i story. It was a fa r c ry from the
s i m ple s h r i n e a long the river, had Antinous been a nyo ne
else.
Wh i l e An t in ou s has rem a i n ed a rec u rr i n g figure in Eu ro­
pean c u lture as a coded reference to m a l e ho moeroti c i s m
i n cert a i n el ite c i rcles, h e has fou n d ren ewed l i fe a s a n o b­
ject of veneration a n d wors h i p a mong q ueer pagan a n d
polytheist co m m u n ities. The fo rm o f that veneration h a s
shifted d ra m atically in the s hort h i story o f the movement
when the fi rst ded icated o rga n ization, the Ecclesia Antinoi,
was esta b l i s hed on October 30th, 2002. Some come to
h i m as the a potheosis of homosexual ity, wo rs h i p p i n g h i m
a s Antinous the G ay G o d . Others come to h i m fr om a
more expa n s ive, q u eer pers pective, see i n g i n h i m a god
a n d a l ly for a l l gender and sex u a l m inorities. However yo u
co m e to Anti n o u s , be welco me! As we s ay i n the N a os
Antinoou , Ave Ave Antinoe! Haec est unde, haec est unde,
haec est unde vita venit! ( " H a i l H a i l Antinous! This i s
where, t h i s is where , t h i s i s where l i fe comes fro m!")

Every yea r on August 2 1 st a n d 22nd, the end of Leo's reign

on the astro logica l calendar, devotees of Anti nous cele­
brate the Festival of the Lion H u nt and the Festiva l of the
Red Lot u s , respectively. T h i s is the time when we observe
the h i storical l i o n h u nt that H adrian and Antinous took
part i n , in the months lead i ng up to Anti nous' d row n i n g i n
the N i le. O u r Beautifu l Boy nearly d ied that day wh ile fac­
i n g the l ion that had been terrori z i n g the cou ntryside of
Li bya, but he managed to wound the beast i n stead. As the
poet Pac h rates te l l s it, the l i o n 's blood fed the rich earth
a n d became the lovely red lotus flower, wh ich has beco me
a pri m a ry sym bol of Anti n o u s . Tra d it io n a l ly in the modern
cu ltu s, this is a time when we med itate u po n o u r fai l u res:
what we ha ve not acco m p l i shed or the traits a n d idea l s we
have not l ived up to as i nd iv i d u a l s . It's i m portant to take
stock, a n d to al low those fa i l u res to act as fe rt i l izer for the
n u rturi ng and growth of the red lotus i n o u r own l ives and
souls.

I n 20 1 7, we wa nted to propose a n additional focus fo r o u r

rites, to co incide with the s o l a r ec l i pse, which w a s view­
a ble by many peop le living i n N o rth America that yea r.
T h i s syn chro n i c ity p rovided a u n iq ue opportun ity for those
of us in th i s traditi o n . Egypt was the l a n d that fi rst recog­
n i zed Anti n o u s ' d i v i n ity, and the h i storic a n d myth i c s l ay­
i n g of the lion sync retized wel l with the d a i ly s l aying of
 '
'

a nother terrorizing fo rce i n Egypt: the serpent Apep. D u r­

i n g the ecli pse, we had the o pport u n ity to exp a n d o u r
fo c u s beyo nd the l ions h a u n t i n g our i n dividual l ives to
face a n d fi ght back the deadly serpent who wou ld swa l l ow
the s u n itsel f, a s the god s with their priests of o ld d id .

The s u n p layed a p a rt i c u l a rly i m porta nt role i n Kemetic

rel i gious traditions, a s the god Ra on h is solar barque
rep resented the l i fe and potency of the co s m o s . Each day,
h i s ret u r n fro m h i s noctu r n a l jo u r ney i n the netherwo rld
(or D u at) would be celeb rated , and each eve n i n g d u ri n g
that jou rney heka (m agic) would be wielded o n h i s beh alf
aga i n st his enemy Apep. Th i s primord ia l , a nti-cosm i c
bei n g i s o n e who seeks t o swal low the s u n a n d destroy the
cos m o s . Ra's boat wo u l d be protected by a n u m ber of di­
vine bei n gs, i n c l u d i ng Set, I si s, and Bast, each wield i n g a
spear or k n ife to s l ay the serpent each and every day, there­
by m a i ntai n i n g the balance of M a'at.

It was not o n ly the god s , however, that took part i n the

s l aying of Apep. There were n u m e rous spells that h u m a n s
co u l d perform to a i d the gods i n restor i n g t h i s b al ance, in­
c l u d i ng fro m The Book of Overthrowing Apep. These spel l s
were performed d a i ly (sometimes m u ltiple times a d ay) i n
many temples a n d were acco m p a n i ed by the s m a s h i ng of
red clay pots , because it was known that the forces of
chaos rep resented by Apep were a lways res u rgent. The
conti n u ation of l i fe and creation was never certa i n , and the
fo rces that wo u l d swa llow the wo rld i n d a rkness had to
co n sta ntly be kept at bay. I n modern term s, this is known
a s an exec ration rite. These ritu a l s were u t i l ized to protect
the pha raoh, the kingd o m , a n d the greater created wor ld i n
u n ity with the god s. I n modern Kemetic practice, t h i s can
be a way of clea n s i n g on e's l i fe of u nwanted i n fl uences, a
cat h a rtic experience to bring o u r l i ves bac k i nto b a l a n ce
and h a rmony, a l lowi n g the l ife-giv i n g blessi ngs of the
gods to flow more read ily to and through u s . We recom ­
mend both, as the destructive fo rces of Apep can take
many fo r m s and i nfl uence our l ives i n d iverse ways.

D u r i n g a s o l a r ec l i pse, this n i ghtly battle a ga i n st Apep took

on even greater u rgency. When the day tu rned i n to n i g ht,
as the stars appeared i n the s ky a n d the s u n d a rkened, it
was s u rely seen as a bad o m e n . It was the serpent Apep
nearly s ucceed i n g i n h i s go al of swa l lowi ng the source of
l i fe a n d u n-creati ng existence. What greater o p portun ity to
fig ht back a n d s lay that serpent? To s m a s h its i mage; to
spit u po n it, b u r n it, a n d stab it; and to take away its power
and b r i n g back the l ight? With An t i n o u s-Os i ri s the J u sti­
fied by o u r sides - who pe rfected the a rt of h u nt i n g when
he beca me a god - what l i o n s cou l d we not h u nt, what ser­
pents could we not s l ay?

There are m a ny fo rces that need s l aying, m a ny fo rces that

have d is ru pted the bala nce of M a'at. Th is yea r i n Char­
lottesvil le, VA we witnessed a n escalation of white
 '
'

nation a l i s m , fascism, a n d N azi forces, whose c l ashes with

cou nter- protesters a n d anti-fa scists in the co m m u n ity re­
sulted i n one pers o n 's death . Th i s was the c u l m i nation of
months and yea rs of fasci s m , rac i s m , a nti-Semiti s m ,
m i sogyny, tra nsphobia, homophobia, l s l a mophobia, a n d
many other fo rces that a re tea ring t h i s country a n d wo rld
apart. M any paga n s, polyth e i sts, witches, and m a gici a n s
that I know took part i n va rious rel igio-m agica l acts i n the
lead-up to a n d d u ring the ecl i pse to push back aga i nst
these fo rces and protect those i n o u r d isp a rate co m m u ­
n ities that a re most v u l nera b le. We of the N aos Ant inoo u
present you with t h i s rite and i nvite yo u to j o i n u s i n th i s
wo rk, our contribution to t h i s movement that can a n d
s h o u l d b e exte nded beyon d t h i s s pectac u l a r a stronom ica l
event.

Fo r t h i s s pell (ada pted somewhat from The Book of Over­

throwing Apep) , yo u wi l l need a p iece of red clay pottery,
some pa i nt or a m a r ker to d raw a n d i n scribe with, a n d (op­
ti ona l ly) a bag you do not m i nd see i n g destroyed. First,
you shou l d d raw an im a ge of the Apep serpent bein g s lain
by Antinous. Th i s will hel p focus your i ntent a n d al ign
your energies with the myth ic en ergies at pl ay. The n , i n ­
scribe the n a mes of i ndividuals a n d forces whose power
a n d i n fl uence yo u wish to see lessened a n d destroyed,
those i nd iv i d u a l s a n d powers that would swa l l ow u s
whole. Ta ke yo u r t i me, and put as much energy a n d
emotion i nto t h i s as yo u c a n . Let it be rea l for you . O n ce
your ta blet or pot i s fi l led, speak yo u r i ntent ion a n d pray to
Antinous-O s i r i s , a n d whoever of yo u r god s yo u deem
a p propri ate fo r this rite. Then, rec ite this spell th ree ti mes,
c u l minating i n the dest ruction of the pot as yo u see fit. I n
my own working, a pil lowcase was particula rly cath artic for
me, a n d a l lowed me the delicious opport u n ity of figu ra­
tively sweeping fa s c i s m off my s idewa l k when th e r u b ble
and d u st broke thro ugh the fabric.

A nti nous, m i ghty h u nter, s layer of lions, favo red co m­

p a n i o n of D i a n a - Atte n d!
Antinous-O s i ris the J u stified , red lot u s , glori o u s jewel
of the N i le - Attend!
A nti nou s, be loved son of Ra-H ora khty, guard i a n of the
solar barq ue - Attend!

Atte n d ! Attend! Attend!

Day turns i nto n i ght, the stars s h i n e i n the heavens, as

the moon occ l udes the sun - Attend!

Forces of d a rkness gather, the prowl i n g l ion 1 n the

desert, the writh i n g co i l s of Apep - Attend!

To rches are raised, wea po n s a re d raw n, c h a nts of ha­

tred and bigotry cry loud in the city s q u a re - Atte nd!

Attend ! Attend! Attend!

 '
'

A ntinou s Li berator, breaker of bo n d s a n d c h a i n s - At­

tend to us!

Antinous N avigator, gu ide who shows us the path to

freed om a n d l i berat ion - Attend to u s !

Antinous Lover, through whose love we beco m e beau­

tifu l a n d good - Attend to u s !

Turn yo u r spear t i p ped with a d a m a n t to the a pproach­

i ng foe, Antinous, and free u s from t h i s b l ight u po n the
land a n d the com m u n ity!

Addres s i n g the clay pot or tablet:

Ta ste yo u death, 0 Apep, get you back!

Retreat, 0 enemy of Ra!
Fa l l down, be rep u l sed, get back a n d retreat!
I h ave d riven you back, and I h ave s m as hed you i nto
pieces.

Ra tri u m phs over Apep at dawn - Taste you death ,

A pep!
Ra tri u m phs over Apep at noon - Taste you death,
A pep!
Ra tri u m phs over Apep at eventide - Taste yo u death ,
A pep!
Ra tri u m ph s over Apep at m i d n i ght - Taste yo u death ,
A pep!
Back, Fiend, a n e n d to yo u !
Therefore h ave I i n scri bed yo u r many n a m es and bro­
ken you i nto ru b ble.

I brea k your w i l l , Ape p !

I brea k your power, Apep!
I brea k you r h at red, Ape p !
I brea k your strife, Apep!
Yo u a re t i ny, Apep. I can see the whole of ete r n i ty,
every s i n gle fragment of yo u r ex istence, and I break
them .

TASTE YOU D EATH !

I n the n a m e of Ra!
I n the n a m e of Horus!
I n the n a m e of Set!
I n the n a m e of I s i s !
I n the n a m e o f Bast!
I n the n a m e of he, at whose n a m e the gates of the
u nderwo rid tremble!

AEIOU!

Rec ite the spel l a bove th ree ti mes then destroy the clay
pot or ta blet as yo u see fit. When com plete, say:

Yo u s h a l l n ever rise aga i n .

Ave Anti noe!�

 '
'

l Pronounced Ah-vay Ahn-t i n -oh-ey

 Golden Waves e<.. Priestess Bodies:

Establ i s h i n g a Q ueer-Centric Poly- N ormative

Aphrodite Cultus i n Cascadia

BY REVEREN D TER I D. CIA C C H I, M S W

A reia, Hoplism ena: Warlik e, A rm ed - A Lov er's War

Societies never know it, but the war of an a1tist with his
society is a lover's war; and he does, at his best, what
lovers do, which is to reveal the beloved to himself and,
with that revelation, to make freedom real.

- J a mes Baldwin (The Price of the Ticket: Collected

Nonfiction, 1 948-1 985)

The culture we were born i nto and grew u p with i n - U SA,

neoli beral , capita list, racist, sexist, hegemon ic ol igarchic
- can be referred to a s "the fa d i n g u bercu ltu re." Th is fad­
i n g u berc u lture i s not for me, and res isting the fad i ng u ber­
cu lture i s exh a u st i n g a n d does not provide eno ugh p lea­
s ure. As pleasure activists, we want to focus on creating
more of what we des i re: an i nti m ate com m u n ity of gen der
va ried fr iends and lovers who a re magickal practitioners
focused on creating new ways of be i n g loving h u m a n s . I n
effect, we fi n d ou rselves at w a r/odds with the cu lture we
were born i nto because that c u lt u re does not have a place
 '
'

'•

fo r u s . The fad i n g u bercu ltu re does n ot even h ave wo rd s

that we can u se to describe or accu rately convey o u r i nter­
n a l experiences of d ivi n ity, love, a n d sex; we m u st invent
new wo rd s , use different pro n o u n s . In sea rch of o u rselves
a n d our c u lture we h ave gone through a series of becom ­
i n gs, a n ongoin g u n fold i n g o f Self that h ave i n s p i red u s to
i n ve nt/center o u r own u nderstand i ngs, l a n guage, a n d
defi nit ions o f what the central mysteries o f d i v i n ity, love
a n d sex are a n d c a n be.

The use of the p ro n o u n "we" th roughout t h i s essay i s a n

i ntention a l a n d a d m itted ly u n i q u e u s a ge. The i n tention i s
to ex press my i n tern a l experience of bei n g a col lective of
bei n gs, a m u ltiverse of person as, a n i nd ivid u a l em bedded
i n an eco logic a l web of related ness. It is i m possi ble for me
to sepa rate " myself" fro m the co m plex interweaving and
h i stories of (1) sex-positive a n d q ueer a n cestors of choice,
(2) bio logic a l b lood a n cesto rs of D N A fam i ly heritage, (3)
the i nter n a l enviro n s of my body that i nc l u d e bi ota , neural
netwo rks, and a s s i m i l ation of a n im a ls and p l ants as food,
(4) the fl u i d ity of ideas, conversati o n , and activities s h a red
with i n a n d between the m a ny peo ple i n my com m u n ities ,
( S) the fl u ids a n d bodies I excha nge when bei n g sexual
with others, (6) the l ived enviro n m e nts of my phys ical
existence ta ken in by my body's sensory precepts. It i s a l so
i m porta nt for me as an ecosex u a l a ni m i st to a p p roach the
non-h u m a n persons a ro u n d me as a n i ntegra l part of my
Self. So while the use of the pro n o u n "we" fo r self­
reference i s c l u m sy, it i s a l so fo r m e the most truthfu l and
a uthentic.

We offer t h i s a rticle a s an exa m ple, o n ly one exa m p le, of

one poten t ial way fo rward . The LLR is not TH E WAY fo r­
ward . We a re not a " roya l we" and there is n o expectation
that a nyo ne read i n g t h i s essay do thi ngs the " L L R WAY",
i n fact, we th i n k a key to o u r thriving is for each person to
b u i ld their own visions ba sed on thei r own personal gno­
s i s . I t is o u r t h i n ki ng that a cu lture worth l i ving i n to wou ld
b u i ld bioregional s u bcu ltures that a re, s i m u lta neo u s ly, d if­
ferent from, a n d i n a l lys h i p with , each other. Living Love
Revol ution i s only one of the m u ltitudes of possible i m agi­
n ative exa m p les of how q ueer magical practitioners can
center their m agick's and their l ives arou nd their own va l­
ues. Creati ng o u r own cou nter cu ltures i s revo l ut io nary
prax i s and can be more e m powering and plea s u ra b l e than
res i sti ng the fad i n g u bercu lture.

M y wo rk as a Living Love Revo l ution ( LLR) Aphrod ite

Priestess and Tem p le H ierophant i s my G reat Wo rk, a n
u n fi n i sh ed but stead i ly b u i l d i n g artistic com m u n a l ma ster­
piece of t ra n s personal love a n d soc i a l transfo r m atio n . The
Aphrod ite Te m p le system we h ave designed a n d m a ny
have co-created over the yea rs i s a n endeavor i n the art of
cu ltu re bu i ld i n g. S i nce 200 9 , LLR has produced 3 or 4
weekend-long Aphrod ite Temple retreats per year. Both
 '
'

'•

Living Love Revol ution a n d Aphrod ite Tem ples a re a soci al

experiment, a n attem pt to co-create a n evo l u tionary fo­
c u sed, soc i a l ly d i verse, con sent-based, q ueer-centric, poly­
norm ative, ecstatic c u l t u re that is worth l i v i n g into.

We a re u s i n g the word c u lture q u ite specifica l ly here, to

i n d icate both m odern a n d ancient m ea n i n gs . I n modern ity
t h i s i s a p p roached as a particular society that h a s its own
beli efs , ways of life, a rt, p a rad igms of t h i n k i n g, a n d behav­
i n g that exist i n a p a rti c u l a r place. From a ntiqu ity, we c a l l
fo rth t h e Roma n o rator C icero's mea n i n g o f 11cu lt u s a n i m i "
o r the c u ltivation o f t h e sou l . We a l so i nvoke the A p h rod ite
c u ltus as a postmodern seri es of h a p peni ngs a n d eve nts
that actual ize Cic ero's defi n ition of rel igion a s c u ltus deo­
ru m , "the cu ltivation of the gods," or the knowledge of giv­
i n g the gods their d ue. The Living Love Revo lution
Aphrod ite Tem p le system is a c u lt u re designed to take
c a re of, ten d , and dwel l with i n the Cascad i a Bioregion� i n a
m a n n e r that confers res pect to the deity Aphrodite, the
l a n d itself, a n d the comp lex eco logical web of h u m a n and
non-h u m a n pers o n s coexisting h ere.

As B a ldw i n says, what lovers do best i s " reveal the beloved

to." We wanted a deity who loo ked l i ke u s , who came fro m
o u r own blood a ncestry, who knew them self a s d ivi ne, lov­
i n g, and sha melessly sex u a l . I n the center of the cu ltu s i s
the i m age of Aphrod ite. Chrusee, mea n i n g "go lden " or
"goldenness," is the word most freq uently u sed in ancient
G reek poetry to refer to Aphrod ite. The G o lden O n e radi­
ates love, desire, a n d erotic l ife fo rce. l n a m a n n er that
m i rrors my own sac red sexual develop ment, rel igious
scho l a r Pa u l Fried rich a s ks and a n swers the fol lowi ng
q u est ion:

Is rel i gion pri m a rily an i nd ivid u a l experience that gets

extended out to gro u p phe nomena, such as com m u n a l
rituals, o r i s it m a i nly a sociocentric rea l ity that i s p a r­
t i c u l a rized and l ived by the i ndividu a l ? Both em phases
can be a rgued for the religion of Aphrodite; some
c o m b i n ation of them wo u ld be rea l i stic. (The Meaning
ofAphrodite 1 9 78 p. 1 30)

Ten d i ng Aphrod i siaca l culture req u i res both the center i n g

o f the self and the creat ion o f gro u p phenomena l i ke
Aphrod ite Tem ples. H av i n g received perso n a l gnosis, we
then fee l com pel led to create co m m u n a l rituals that give
the goddess her d ue .

God is Self a n d Self is G o d a n d G o d 1 s a Pe rson l i ke

my Self.
- Victor An derson (Victor Anderson: An American
Shaman, Cornel ia Ben avidez 20 1 7)
The creation myth that reson ates most with o u r perso n a l
experience o f deity is fro m Victor a n d Cora Anderson 's
Feri trad ition of Witchcraft. S h a red by Star hawk as The Star
Goddess Meditation, (The Spiral Dance, Starhawk 1 9 79) , it
 '
'

beg i n s :

Alone, awesome, com plete with in herself, t h e Goddess

[ ... ] fl oated i n the a byss of outer darkness [ ... ) S he saw
by her own l ight her rad i a n t reflect ion a n d fell in love
with it. S he d rew it forth by the power that was i n H e r
a n d m a d e love to Herself [ . . . ]

We take the t i m e to look deeply i nto the void of space, a

m etaphor for o u r own existenti a l ex perience that there i s
no one else to g u i d e o r tel l u s the true n ature o f D i v i n ity,
of rea l i ty. We look i nto the reflect i o n , a n d choose to see
o u rselves a s Deity.

i found god i n myself

and i loved he r
i loved her fiercely
- Ntozake S h a nge, (for co l o red girls who h ave co n s id ­
ered s u icide/when the ra i n bow i s not e n u f 1 974)

We fa l l i n love with ourselves. We choose to love our­

se lves fiercely a s a magicka l act a n d then i nvent gro u p pro­
cesses that a re ho logra phic reproductions of these a u to­
erotic a u to n o m o u s acti ons . We u se the i m age of a golden
p i l l a r of rad i a n t light to im a gi ne the d ivin ity that re sides i n
the center of Self. We u se t h i s i m age i n the grou n d i n g
med itati o n s that w e teach a n d e m body i n o rder t o h e l p
peo ple access thei r own i m m ane nce. For i f they c a n p a l­
pably experi ence it wi th i n them selves, they can learn to
perceive it i n other bei n gs. One of Aphrod ite's greatest
powers is the a b i l ity to access/em body the golden l i ght of
i m m a nence as the erotic l ife fo rce that it i s .

" M agic k," s ays Ale ister Crowley, " i s t h e Scien ce and Art of
c a u s i n g Change to occur i n conform ity with W i l l " (The
Equinox: 2 Vo lume Set (Vol 1) p. 12 1 980) . O r, if you prefer,
magick i s the act of creating yo u r wo rld co n s c i o u sly m

acco rd ance with your u nderstand i ng of yo u r d i v i n e w i l l .

I t i s the work of an Aph rod ite Pr iestess to tap i n to a n d d i ­

rect erotic l ife fo rce - Aphro d i s iacal energy - i n align ment
with their w i l l . G o lden l ight rad iates and b u i ld s d u r i n g
Tem p le activities. S k i l lfu l ly d i rected by The Priestess Body,
this lig ht beco mes a golden wave of erotically cha rged life
fo rce that we release as a cone of power at the energetic
focal po i n t of o u r gro u p sex magick. Ge nerati ng pleasure
through sexu aloving conse n s u a l touch a n d then d i recting
that energy with i ntention is the way that we m a ke tra n sfo r­
mation, heal i ng, and freedom real i n our Aph rod isiacal
rites.

Pandemos - Com mon To All People

E njoy You rself! The l i fe you l ive today

i s yo u rs, and a l l the rest belongs to fortu ne.
Ho nor the god who i s by far the sweetest
to morta l s : honor ki nd ly A ph rod ite.
As for a l l the rest, fo rget it. Li ste n
 '
'

to what I say, if yo u t h i n k it m a kes sense.

- Alcest i s 788- 93 trans. Sva l i en 2007

Aphrod ite i s ava i lable to u s ; there is plenty to go a ro u n d .

O h Sacred Whore, who sees the d i v i n ity in a l l bei ngs a n d
etern a l ly longs to m erge! By centering our own q u eer, fat,
kin ky, gender-fl u id , aging S elf a n d dec l a r i n g o u rselves
H o ly, we c reate a safe space fo r others who a re a l so
m a rginal ized by the fad i n g u berc u l tu re. O u r Aphro d i s i acal
c u lture is s i m u ltaneo u s ly erotic, educati o n a l , a n d thera­
peutic. LLR Aphrod ite Tem p les a re o riented toward heal in g
t h e erotic tra u m a s i n fl i cted o n a l l of u s by t h e d o m i n a nt
pa rad i gm and shifti ng our l ived experi ence from o n e of
o ppres s i o n and obed ience to o n e of sovereignty and a u ­
thenticity. As a tra u m a survivor, we a re aware that s low so­
matic experiences build trust a n d h e l p u s stay i n our bod­
ies. As a person with a fa i r a m o u n t of soci a l anxiety, we
u n dersta n d what activities a re m o re l i kely to move u s to­
wards se lf-accepta nce and increa sed res i l ience. We take
o u r time, b reathe s lowly and cycle back to gro u n d i n g and
em bod i m ent; we call th i s: " p rese n c i n g" o r praxis . We use
Dan S i ege l's acronym C.O.A . L. to rem i n d ou rse lves to re­
m a i n C u r i o u s , O pen, Accepting, and Loving ( D a n iel J .
S iegel, M . D . Mindsight 2010) .

Aphrod ite herself i s very clear that she em bodies solutions

to m a ny of the tra u m a s and confli cts that exi st i n the fa d­
i n g u berc u ltu re's sex u a l p a rad igm . She i s sweetly i n s i stent
that we offer the opportu nity to be with her to a l l people.
In choos i ng to h ave p u b l i c events, we are e m bodyi ng
Ap h rod ite Pandemos, o r she who is "for all the peo p le."
These teach ings are co m i n g fro m our co m m u nion with
the deity of Love herself. We a re ch a n n e l i n g these mate­
rials from a holistic d i mension that is the non-dual n a t u re
of Real ity itself. There is a vortex: the space/p lace i n the
center of Self-and in the center of the M u ltiverse-that
we i n h a b i t that is beneath/beyo nd h u m a n u n dersta n d i ng.
This is the s o u rce of Love and a l l experien ces of sex u a l
co m m u n io n . I n order to experience t h e bea uty and m a g n i f­
ice nce of th i s love a n d co m m u nion, we m u st remove the
fa l se divisions of d u a l i stic m a n - m ade re l i gion s and red uc­
tionist Western i ntel lect u a l constructs that cu rrent ly d o m i­
n ate o u r experien ces of de ity, love, and sex.
We develo ped a n event struct u re that honors the Goddess
of Love and Lust and a l low our person a l prax i s of deity,
love, and sex to be ava i lable to any person who fee l s cal led
to expe rience it. Th i s event struct u re both i m itates a n cient
Tem p le envi ro n m ents and i nvents new forms of Aph ro­
d i s iacal cu lture. The i ntention is to help meet contem­
porary peo ple's needs fo r to uch, belo nging, acceptance,
a n d the giving and receiv i ng of sex u a l pleas u re as a joyfu l
act of co m m u n ion.

We call the core gro u p of i n d i v i d u a l s who lead tem ples

The Priestess Body. The Priestess Body i s co m posed of
 '
'

'•

peo ple who h ave atten ded a t least one LLR A p h rod ite Tem ­
p l e a n d desire to h e l p prod uce the events and begin tra i n ­
i n g to be a resource o f tra n s perso n a l love i n com m u n ity
contexts.

I n te m ple, we i ntroduce Aph rod ite as the erotic l i fe force

we w i l l be tapping i nto and com m u n i ng with . We cast a
magic c i rcle of protection and honor the d i rections, the
Ancestors, a n d the Land . The P riestesses i nvoke the G o l d ­
en One opening their b o d i e s th rough s i n g i n g a n d d a n c i ng,
pa l pa bly celebrati ng her presence.

Alf Hail Aphrodite, fill me with your loving energy. Hon­

eyed Aphrodite, pour your golden waves all over me.
- C h a n t c h a n neled d u ri n g 20 10 Aphrod ite Tem ple by Te ri
Ciacchi

Doritis - Bountiful

I can 't understand why people are fi·ightened of new ideas.

/ 'm frightened ofthe old Ones.
- J o h n Cage ( U S co m poser 1 9 1 2-1 9 92)

Aphrod ite is a b u n d a n t a n d expa n sive. She both i n sp i res

a utonomy a n d fa c i l itates rec i p rocity. S he c a l l s u s to deep­
en o u r self-love a n d i nv ites ecstatic sensory exp l o ration i n
myriad fo r m s . I f we a re to t r u ly em body and em brace her
we m u st h ave soc i a l structu res that em u late her sovereign­
ty and our i nterdependence. Bec a u se o u r defi n itions of
deity, love, a n d sex are so d i fferent fro m those of the fad ­
i n g u bercultu re, we seek to create Te m pora ry Autonomous
Zones (TAZ) with i n Te m p le. These TAZ a re s paces where
peo ple of a l l sexes, genders, sex u a l ities, bodies, a n d rela­
tionsh i p structu res have the opportu n ity to explore and de­
velop sex u a l a utonomy. A Temporary Autonomous Zone, as
descri bed by H a kim Bey as " a m o b i l e or tra n s ient location
free of eco nomi c a n d soc i a l i nterference by the State"
( H a k i m Bey, TAZ: The Tem porary Auto n o m o u s Zone,
Ontological Ana rchy, Poetic Terrorism, 1 985) . Bey a rgues
for the prod uction of greater a uto n o my in the p resent mo­
ment, rather than the acceptance of d o m i n ation i n ex­
cha nge for the promise of some future uto p i a . TAZ i s the
concept be h i nd a lot of conte m porary festival cu lture and
was i n fl uential in the creati o n of B u rn i n g M a n . Bey q uotes
Stephen Pearl And rews a s sayi ng a TAZ i s :

[ . . . ] the seed o f t h e new society t a k i n g s h a pe with i n the

shel l of the old" ( IWW Prea mb le) . The s ixti es-style
"tr i ba l gatheri ng," the forest co nclave of eco-s a boteu rs,
the idyl l i c Be lt a n e of the neo-pagans, a n a rc h i st confer­
ences, gay faerie c i rcles - a l l these are a l ready " l i ber­
ated zones" of a sort, o r at least potential TAZs.

TAZ are a potent fo rm of dec l a rative soci a l M agick. I n

order to res i st the defa u lt heteroc i s norm ative patri a rch al
contexts for sex, The Priestess Body teaches and em bodies
a sex-positive , consent-or iented , q u eer-centric, and
 '
'

poly- n o r m ative sac red s pace.

We create our n ew parad igm by mergi ng gro u p dyn a m ic

practices from soc ial cha nge activ i s m , therapeutic fram e s
o f Existential gro u p thera py, a n d Witchc raft i nto a program
of som atic exerci ses that take people through the LLR 6
steps of Sex M agick™. We d i s pl ay this poster i n the Tem­
ple s pace and teach the steps to a l l parti ci pants, fi rst ver-
b a lly, then experienti a l ly.

Living Lov e Revolution Sacred S ex Magick Ov erview TM

Sacred Sex M agick i s the practice of consciously d i recting

o ne's life fo rce e nergy, i n a l i gn ment with you r w i l l a n d stat­
ed i ntentions, fo r the m a n i festation of chosen o utco mes.
Tem ple is a sex m agick ritua l , with each part b u i l d i n g on
the next a s we move through a l l six steps of the Living
Love Revolution Sacred Sex M agick Fo rm u la ™ .

1 ) Create t h e Co nta i n e r: identify the bounda ries o f the

phys i c a l space, cast the circle, s h a re your relatio n s h i p
agreements a n d perso nal agreements, a n d esta b l i s h
gro u p n o r m s .

2) Purify the Co nta i n er: d isti l lation by recogn i z i n g what

is a l ready in the s pace that yo u do not wish to i nvoke.
S peak a n d release fea rs .

3 ) Focu s the I ntent a n d Cast the S p e l l : I m agine,

 v i s u a l ize a n d feel what it wo u l d be l i ke to a l ready h ave
and be that which you seek.

4) E nergize the S pe l l with Plea s u re: Engage with plea­

s u re through touch, breath, sound , and movement.
5) Release the Energized Spell: U t i l ize the Cone of
Power to focu s the sex u a lovi ng energy. Release at­
tachments to the outco me a n d devote the erot ic en­
ergy to the will of yo u r h igher/deeper self, the greater
good of the p l a net, and the benefit of a l l bei ngs.

6) G round, Sepa rate, and Afte rca re : Re-fi n d i ng o u r

i nd iv i d u a l centers, re lea s i n g a l l I nvo ked beings,
chec k i n g that a l l are present i n their bod ies and
grou nded to re i n tegrate back i nto their l ives outside
ofTem ple.

O u r Sac red Sex u a l parad igm i s re i n fo rced by the magicka l

protoco l s we u s e throughout the event. We p u r ify, con se­
crate, and deco rate the Te m p l e roo m . We carefu l ly tend
the altars a n d set our cha rged 3-foot icon of Aphrod ite i n a
centra l locat i o n . A person design ated a s the "An chor"
grou nds the ritual conta i ner and atte n d s to the energetics
of it fro m begin n i ng to end of the event. Each guest i s
greeted i nd iv i d u a lly as they enter the tem p le s pace. Priest­
esses purify them; s p ri n k l i n g rit u a l ly sa nctified salt a n d
water over t h e i r bodies. Priestesses charge each partic­
i p a n t with fi re and a i r, pass i ng i ncense over their bod ies.
 '
'

'•

The H i gh Priestesses offer each guest a blessing: a n o i nt­

i n g their foreheads with sacred o i l s and their h e a rts with
magical powders as they a pproach the altar. M u sic i s p lay­
i n g, i n ce n se wafts about the room, a n d beauty a nd grace
a re present i n the ca refu l ly chosen aesthetics of d ress,
decoration and adornment d i s p l ayed with i n The Pri estess
Body and the Te m ple room itself.

Step O n e: Creat i n g the Conta i n e r is the lo n gest step in the

process by fa r. I n some ways, t h i s step beg i n s eight weeks
befo re the officia l temple weekend through o u r a d m in i s­
trative a n d magickal preparations. Th i s t i m e i n c ludes i nter­
viewi ng fi rst time atte n dees, connect i n g to and th i n kin g
wel l o f those who w i l l attend, and send i n g out a regis­
tration letter. Th i s pre-te m ple work a l ready beg i n s the
process of s h i ft i n g expectatio n s and norms of a l l atten­
dees. We begin tem ple progra m m i n g with a series of mag­
ickal declarations cal led " C reati n g Te m ple Context" that
ca refu l ly defi n e what is meant by sex positive, q ueer­
centric, a n d poly-norm ative. The declara tive statements a re
s poken i n a relaxed, reso n a n t m a n n er that speaks the val­
ues and gro u p n o r m s for our TAZ i nto bei n g. We state the
i ntentions of the Tem ple a n d m a ke a series of verbal con­
s e n s u a l agreements with a l l the partic i pa n ts. Th e soc ia l
h ierarchy i s tra n s p a rently s h a red by i ntrod u ci n g a l l mem­
bers of The Priestess Body and n a m in g their leadersh i p
ro les.
D u r i ng t h i s step we review basic sexua l etiq uette that i n­
cl udes 2 l /2 hours of co n s e nt praxis ; safer sex demon­
strations, and risk aware i nfo rmation about sexua lly trans­
m itted i nfections (STl s) . Fi n a l ly, we also give a l l attendees
a nd priestesses a c h a nce to declare o u r identit ies , bound­
a ries, and STI statuses to the group as a whole, which is
o ne way that we normal ize the d iverse expres sion of
behaviors, sexu al ities, genders, a n d relat i o n s h i ps that exi st
wit h i n a n d between us a l l . Every i ndivid u a l has m a ny op­
port u n ities to speak their truth to the gro u p as a whole or
with i n s m a l l groups, h e l p i n g to co-create the Tem ple
atmosphere, e nco u rage a uthentic v u l nera b i l ity, and deep­
en the i nti m a cy between a l l present.

D u r i n g a l l of t h i s section, we a re acco m p l i s h i n g fo u r m a i n
goals o f creating TAZ . Fi rst, we a re dec l a ri n g what the
group norms a re. N ext, we a re teac h i ng th e gro u p norms
by both role mode l i n g them and practicing somatic exer­
cises that em body them. Th i rd , we a re hold i n g people re­
spo n s i ble for behavi ng i n a l ign ment with the gro u p norms
they agreed to. F i n a l ly, we a re gently correct i n g a nd re­
a l i g n i n g their behavior i f it is not reso n a n t with the gro u p
n o r m s they agreed t o honor as part o f the agreement o f at­
te ndi ng.

For surely, one must be either undiscerning or frightened

to love only one person, when the world is so full of gra­
cious and noble spirits
 '
'

'•

- Edna St. Vi n cent M i l l ay (The Letters of E d n a St. Vin­

cent M i l l ay i 982)

There a re severa l ways that Tem p l e processes ca refu l ly

esta blish a polya morous fr a m e. O ne way i s i n the " H ow:"
the struct u re of how we create the s m a l l gro u p conta iners
d u r i ng Step Fo u r: E nergiz i ng the S pe l l with Pleas u re.
G roups a re determ in ed by d i v i n ation; each participant has
a pers o n a l token in a bowl o n the altar presided over by
the Aph rod ite statue. The Priestess leading each s m a l l
gro u p d raws the tokens from the bowl by touch but with­
out loo ki n g to deter m i n e who is i n the i r s m a l l group. I n
the previous Steps l th rough 31 part i c i pa nts h ave been
given the concept of a safer /b raver social sexual context
a nd the opport u n ity to somatica l ly i nvestigate their des i res
without s h ame. S m a l l gro u p exercises a re ti med and each
person is offered a t u r n : an e q u a l a m o u nt of time to re­
q u est a nd receive the erotic fa ntasy of their choice ba sed
o n their i nterna l som atic awareness of what they want.

Oh, I know, I know. She is dark.

And so's the coal before the spark
that makes it burn like roses
- As klepiados tra n s . Sam H i l l (The Infinite Moment
Poemsfrom Ancient Greek i 992)

A seco n d way we generate a polya m o rous fra m e is in the

"What:" what a re we doi ng? Within the s m a l l groups of
Step 4, Priestesses endeavor to em body the Sacred Whore
a rchetype by acti n g as if they a re the central tuber root i n a
po lycu le of rhizomatic i nt i m acy. O nce aga i n i ntention a lly
cente r i n g a m a rgi n a l ized id entity, we reach i nto t h e a n cient
paga n past in o u r blood l i nes to cast a l i ght u po n the o b­
scu red and den igrated avata rs of the Golden O ne. We re­
mem ber, we re-create, we re-e ncha nt, we be-co me
Aphrod ite. We take the hotly debated s h reds of h i storic
evidence for the existence of tem ple prostitution and use
them as a fo u ndation for i l l u m i nat ing a specifically q ueer
polya morous form of sexual re lated ness. We become H o ly
Whore peers a nd create a partners h i p model of tran sper­
sona l sex u a l c a retak i ng. We take turns bei ng of service a nd
steward i n g each other's sexua l/sp i ritua l development. We
tend to each other's des i res, gen erati ng a wide a n d vast
network of priestesses , feed i ng the soul of a l l who enter
the Tem p le prec i n cts a n d b u i ld i ng The Priestess Body
throughout Cascad i a .

Morpho - I magining Shap ely Form s

The only war that matters is the war against the imagi­
nation and all other wars are subsumed in it [...) it is a
war for this world, to keep it a vale of soul making.
- D i a ne d i Pri m a " Rant" fr om Pieces of a S o ng: Se-
lected Poe m s (200 1 ) ; hear it here: htt�
www.you t u be. co m/watch ?v=bw8 1 U ZCi hzA acces sed
2017
 '
'

When we hear the word "sex," what i m a ges arise? Are

these i m ages com i n g from d i rect experie nce? Are they i m ­
ages a bso rbed from media strea m s ? Does what you a re
i m agi n i n g i nvolve you rself and o ne other? Are you a l o ne i n
the th roes of self-pleasuri ng? Are yo u on yo u r bed, a forest
floor, a r u s h i n g strea m , a n act u a l cave r n ? Are you h u m a n
o r a n i m a l ? A re you yo u r deified self, yo u r c h i l d self, or
your " regu l a r everyday" " a d u l ti n g" self? What does q ueer
sex look l i ke ? What does e ngagi n g i n queer-centric sex
m agick enta i l ? Who is respo n s i bl e for yo u r experien ces ?

O u r theory of h u m a n sex u a l development is ba sed on

three n a rratives for sex u a l behavior descri bed by G a l e n
M oo re i n h i s article Q u a n t u m Sex (2009 , J u ly Q u a ntu m
Sex. Ex a m i ner.com web httR:Uwww.exa m i ner.com/
a rt i -c l e/i=j u a n-sexsex accessed 2010) and fu rther artic u la ted
i n our essay What's Sex Got to Do With Ecology?
( Ecosexuality: When Nature Inspires the Arts of Love ed .
Anderl i n i-D'O nofrio & H a ga m e n , 201 5) . The th ree fr a mes
a re Procreation, Recreation, and Q u a ntum/Com m u n i o n .
The fad i n g u be rc u l tu re's fr a m e of sexua l ity is determ i ned
by the h iera rch i cal m a le dom i na n t J udeo C h r i st i a n bel ief
that sex is for procreation a n d a nyth i ng else is i m moral.
We s uggest that a l l sex that i s not about procreation is
therefo re sex ri pe with q u eer potenti a l . We a ssert that a l l
co nsens u a l sex that is e ither recreat i o nal or Q u a ntum i s
q u eer-ish a nd wyrd as it req u i res i m agi n ation a nd
i nventiveness, two th i ngs that a re just n ot fo u nd i n your
sta ndard gender essential ist soc i a l ized expectations of
procreative sex. Te m ples a re a m u ch-needed TAZ fo r the
exploration of q ueer sex u a l expression a nd e m bodi ment
without p u n i s h ment, po l i c i n g, or j u d gment.

Quee r sex is not easy to define. Our "Sex u a l Etiq u ette

G u ide" states:

Sex is an open boo k: For the pu rposes of Aph rod ite

Te m ple we are not cert a i n if we can define sex. O ne
t h i ng we do k now i s that it is more t h a n i nsert i ng a
pen i s i nto a vagi n a . We also k now it is ok ay if sex i n­
c l udes i n sert i n g a pen i s i nto a vagi n a .

I n order to move beyond sort i n g a gro u p o f people i nto

co u p les who m a rch off two-by-two to m ate i n captivity we
turn to the q ueerness of odd ity. By this I mean l itera l ly
e ngagi n g i n erotic co n nect i o n i n q ueer groups of 3 a n d 5,
rather than the even n u m bers of 2, 4 or 6. Odd n u m bers
c u l tu re j a m hetero normativity by m a k i ng it m o re d i ffi cu lt
to project a n ideal ized sou l m ate/spouse o nto the other
people present i n the s m a l l gro u p . We avoid dyads and
q u a d s in o u r group exerc ises a n d most espec i a l ly in the
s m a l l gro u ps of Step 4. Fac i l i tated gro u p erotic a nd sexua l
exploration occurs i n tri ads a n d q u i ntets. Heteronorm ative
progra m m i n g co nfi nes sex to ro m a ntic love, procreation,
a nd the perpetuation of cap ita l is m that rei n forces a nd
 '
'

ideal izes pair bon d i ng.

I f the goa l of sex is n ot to p rocreate, then we a re l i berated

fro m bi ologica l i m peratives of m at i n g. Attraction ba sed o n
b i o logical determ i n i s m ; the hormona l d rives and
pheromone releases, a nd our D N A's conti n u a l i ncitement
toward i ntercou rse and procreation a re no longer the rea­
son we a re having sex.

As we move away from the gender essen t i a l i st b i n a ry no­

tions that co m modify m e n as p u rely fi n a n ci a l/res o u rce
providers a n d women as pure ly social/sex u a l p roviders,
we then expa nd the o pportunities for n egoti ati n g sex u a l
a nd econ o m i c shari n g. I n recogn iz i ng the m u ltitude of
a bi l ities, i nterests, pos s i b i l ities, identities, and so on that
every i nd ivid u a l can em body, we move stea d i ly away from
heteroci snorm ativity and tow a rd q ueerness.

The erotic imagination permeates the body making it

transparent. We do not know exactly what it is, except
that it is something more, more than history, more than
sex, more than life, more than death.
- Octav io Paz
If d u a l ity i s not dom i n ati n g o u r u ndersta n d i n g of gender,
then there a re m o re than two genders a nd they a re n ot di­
a metrica l ly o p posed to each other. There i s n o " oppos ite
sex" to be at war with; i nstead there a re an i n fi n ite n u m ber
of gen dered d i s pl ays , each o ne a u n i q ue, experience. Each
o ne a n ephem era l e p i p h a ny specific to the relationa l con­
text i n which it co-a r ises. Gender itself is a l i m i n a l state, a
merc u r i a l expression that s h i fts a nd gl ides across the re­
flective s u rface of the bod ies before us.

The relational pers pect ives and co ntexts provided fo r sex

i n LLR Aphrod ite Te mp le a re " a l l a bout" recreati o n a n d
co m m u n i on, a n ecstasy o f autoerotic autonomy. I n side
our consent-based TAZ of democratic sex u a lovi n g me ri­
tocracy, every s i ngle celebra nt beco mes a sacred and holy
fractal of D ivi n ity. We a re, each of us, a s h i m m eri ng n ote
i n a harm o n ious chorus reso u nd i ng with her name.

Aphrod ite!
Go lden One, we s i ng your praises,
we keep yo u a lways, i n the center:
of our hea rts, of o u r l ive s, of our Loves .
M ay o u r n a m e s fa l l from yo u r h oneyed l i ps .
O h Beloved encha ntress,
s m i le radia ntly in o u r d i recti o n .

B l essed Be.

! Cascad i a B i o regio n - Bioregions are defi ned th rough the

eco logical a s pects of a l a nd base such as waters heds (hy­
d rology bo u nd a ries) a nd m o u nta i n ranges or deserts. Fo r
me it is part of a rad ical Eco Fem i n ist perspective to n a m e
the place that l l ive after its bioregio n rather tha n by the
 '
'

state n a m es that were a s s igned to t h i s land after i t was

taken from the i nd i genous peo ples that l i ved here long be­
fore colon ization.

The term Cascad i a fi rst came to my attenti on when rea d i ng

the utop i a n n ovel Ecotopia by E rnest Ca l len bach. Bates
M c Kee " Ca scad i a : The Geologic Evo l u t i o n of the Pacific
Northwest," pu b!ished in 1 972, was the fi rst book title to
u si ng the wo rd, wh i l e David M cc l o s ky, fo u nder of the
Casca d i a n I n stitute, was the fi rst to ful ly m a p the Casca-
d i a n B ioregi on a nd a p ply the n a m e . httR:Ucasca d i a ­
i n sti-tute.o rgL

I h ave lived i n the Cascade bioregion since 1 989, s pend i ng

1 0 years i n E ugene, O rego n , 1 2 years i n Seattle, Wa sh­
i n gton , a nd am sta rtin g my 6th year i n Portl a nd , O R. The
pa rts of Po rtla nd 's c u l t u res that I social ize i n clude The
Casca d i a n Coa l ition Aga i nst H ate, atte nd i ng eve nts l i ke
Casca d i a R i s i ng and t a l k serio u s ly about s uccessio n . The
Cascad ia n Flag was created i n 1 9 94-95 by Portl a nder A lex­
a nder Baretich who m ai nt a i n s the webs ite httP-JL
freecascad i a . org/where m ore h i story a nd free classes on
Casca d i a can be explored .
'
'
N o n - B i nary Witc h es
by EJ Landsman

.,)

(
. II

N on - Bi nary Witc h es
by EJ La ndsman
'
'
 The Queer Journey of the Wheel

BY S TEVE K E N SON

The ei ght-spo ked Whee l of the Yea r is a fou n d ationa l part

of modern Wicca n a nd neo-pagan practice, often portrayed
as a cycl ical jou rney of l ife. I t is a part of the Tem ple of
Witchcraft trad ition, which I hel ped to found and served as
a priest a nd m i n i ster. I n this a rticle, I wi l l look at that jour­
ney from a q ueer pers pective, as we h ave done i n the Tem ­
ple's Q ueer S pi rit m i n i stry, rei nterpreti ng trad it i o n al lore
a nd offering opportu n ities for q u eer-pos itive and q ueer­
or iented ritua l yea r-ro u n d . I n t h i s turn of the Whee l, we
vi sit Awaken i ng at Yu le, N a m i n g (and self- identification) at
l m bolc, Coming Out (truly breaki ng out of o u r shells!) at
Ostara, Ecstasy at Beltane, Pride at M id s u m m e r, Fam i ly
a nd Co m m u n i ty at Lam mas, M e ntorsh ip at M a bon, and fi­
n a l ly Elderhood a nd Death at S a m h a i n .

What are the Q ueer M ysteries? A l l peo ple h ave M yste ries,
experiences that cha nge you i n i neffa b le ways . They a re
rites of passage that c a n be descri bed a nd expla i ned , but
o n ly t r u ly u nderstood through experience. The expe rience
of s h a red M ysteries is a powerfu l fou n dation for s p i ri t u a l
co m m u n ity. Some Myste ries we s h a re by virtue of be ing
h u m a n-b i rth , adu lthood, love, loss-and others a re
u n iq u e to particu l a r peo ple, l i ke the M ystery of ch i ld b i rth .
 '
'

'•

Li kewise, some Mysteries a re p a rtic u l a r to q u eer people,

a nd I experience them t h ro u gh the particu la r lens of be i ng
a gay m a n , a lthough I feel they h ave wisdom and reso­
n a nce for m a ny, if not a l l .

And wh at a bout " Q ueer " ? Wel l , i n this case, "q ueer" is a
great m a ny thi ngs. I n partic u l a r, it i s both broader a nd
s i m pler t h a n " bisexu a l, gay, les bian, tran sge nder, i ntersex,
q u estio n i ng . . . " or the equ a l ly com mo n "a l pha bet soup" of
"G LBTQ I + ." It i s everything that i s not the i nsufficiently­
c h a l l en ged heteronorm ativity of the over-cu ltu re . It is a re­
c l a i m i ng of a word used to attack people, tra n s fo rm i n g it
i nto one of pride (not u n l i ke the term "Witch " ) . It i s a wo rd
that reso nates with rebell io n a nd defia nce, u sed by ac­
tivi sts l i ke Qu eer N ation. Q u eer is as m u c h defined by
what it i s not (hetero norm ative) a s by the often mercu r i a l
nature of what it i s . M ost i m porta ntly for t h i s jou rn ey,
q u eer i s otherness, a sense of separation a n d difference,
u s u a l ly rel ated to gender a n d sexual i ty.

Yu le (Awakeni ng)

The Wi nter Solstice 1s a time of b i rth (or re-bi rth) , the

lo ngest ni ght of the year when we wa it, breath less in hope
a nd a ntici pation, fo r the reb i rth of the s u n and the retu r n
o f the l ight to the world. Th i s dawn o f a new begi n n in g
represe nts o u r Awakeni n g i nto the Q ueer M ysteries, step­
p i n g from a wo rld of shadow and w i n te r 's long n ights in to
a new awa reness, not u n l i ke the process of bei ng born.

We all experie nce those moments of "other ness" where we

feel different, isol ated , or set a pa rt. For q u eer peo ple that
sense of d iffe rence often comes when we a re yo u ng a nd
v u l n era ble a n d l asts u nt i l we c a n recognize a n d n a m e it.
Fo r some, d awn comes i n o ne br ight a nd b l i n d i n g +l ash of
i l l u m i n ation a n d u ndersta n d i n g. There a re others for
whom this process is as s low a n d sometimes pai nfu l as
b i rth ca n be. No m atter how it comes, the awareness of
bei n g d i fferent a nd bei ng treated badly beca use of that dif­
ference, a n d the dec i s i o n to seek o ut others of o u r own
kind, n eces s i tates leav i n g beh ind a safe and comforta ble
s p ace for the wo nders and chal lenges of the wider wo rld.

L i ke all awa ke n i n gs, the aware ness of otherness, the sense

of what we i n the Tem p le cal l the Queer S p i rit, ca n not ever
rea lly be u nd o ne or forgotten . O nce awa kened to the expe­
rience, we are fo rever cha n ged by it a nd c a n not s i m ply go
back to s l eep. Some m ay refuse to acknowledge it, but th is
new awa reness ca n not be denied. Although the process
m ay take some time-for some a l i fetime-we m u st learn
to see by the l i ght of this new dawn and to u ndersta n d
what i t i s showi ng us a bout o u rselves.

l m bolc ( N a m i ng)

l m bolc is a lso known as Cand le m a s , a gatheri ng and n u r­

turing of the l ights born a n d ki nd led at Yu letide. By the
 '
'

l ight of o u r new awa reness, we a re able to view and co n­

tem plate ou rselves. With a sense of our d i fference, our
otherness, we ca n peer into the i l l u m i nated m i rror of o u r
ide ntity t o a s k the q u esti ons: I f I a m diffe rent, then what
am I ? Who am I ? What does this mea n ?

I n between our d awni n g awa reness and our co m i ng out to

the wo rld, we come out to o u rselves. l m bolc is the M ys­
tery of N a m i ng, the l i m i n a l t i m e whe n we h ave cast aside
m a ny of the thi ngs we were tau ght a s true a bout ou rselves
a nd the world b u t have n ot yet clothed ou rselves i n n ew
u ndersta n d i ng. I t i s the sacred skyclad m o m ent of sta nd­
i n g n a ked before the u n iverse and the d i vi n e, to see o u r­
se lves-and more i m po rt a ntly, to accept ou rselves-as we
truly a re. It i s when we a rt i c u l ate a nd com p lete the state­
ment " I am . . . "-whatever that may be fo r us.

This process of self- identification i s a M ystery a nd rite of

passage experienced by a l l you n g peop le com i n g i nto their
a d u lthood . Sti l l , i t i s a p a rt ic u l a r part of the Q u eer M ys­
teries i n which we accept (if not a l so em brace) our other­
ness, o u r q u eer identity, by identifyin g and n a m i ng it. As a
c h i l d , I felt d i fferent fro m other c h i l d ren for years, es pe­
c i a l ly other boys my a ge, before awake n i ng to my sexua l
identity. It was l o n ger still befo re I rea l i zed that meant that
I was gay.

Fo r some, the Mystery of N a m i n g leads d i rectly to the

next. Others of u s s h ri n k back from the truth that we h ave
n a med, c l utch i ng i t ti ghtly to us a nd retreati n g to the rela­
tive safety of the shadows we knew before we stepped i nto
the l i ght. We a re l i ke seeds p lanted deep beneath the earth,
wa it i n g to see if we w i l l s p rout.

Ostara {Com i ng Out)

"What is the strength of the plant sp l itti n g the seed, push­

i ng u p through the s o i l ? The chick break i ng out of the egg,
the c h i l d emergi ng from the wo mb, the G oddess ris i n g u p
from the U nderworld . . . ? "

This i s what H i gh Priestess A l ix Wri ght as ked u s to con­

te mp late d u ri ng the 20 1 5 Tem p le of Witchcraft Ostara rit­
u a l med itat i o n . I t was somet h i n g i m mediately fam i l i ar to
me, a Mystery that s poke to my own experience: the
stre ngth to Come Out, the cou rage necess a ry to overco me
fear, shame, a n d doubt a n d proud ly dec l a re who yo u a re .

"Co m i ng out" is a declaration o f o ne's own truth, a pro­

fou nd moment of s h a ri n g, v u l nera b i l ity, a n d cou rage. For
q u eer peo ple, it's more than j u st the adoption of a la be l or
provid i ng i nfo r m ation ("Oh, by the way, did you
know. . . ?") . It's a wi l l i ngness to l ive yo u r l i fe ope n ly a n d
ho nestly, to not give i n to s h a m e or fea r, to refuse to hide,
even if h i d i n g m i ght be the safest th i n g to do.
It's a l so a n o ngo i ng process. O ne of the q u a l ities of m a ny
q u eer peo ple is o u r a b i l ity to "pass," to hi de who we are.
 '
'

M a ny of u s a re fa m i l i a r with the game of skirt i ng a rou n d a

truth we a re not yet ready to s h a re. Because of this, we
have to come out m a ny times, i n m a ny ways, a nd it's never
rea l ly over and done with . People make a s s u m ption s:
"You 're wea r i ng a wedding band, a re you m a rried ?" A
choice i s offered : Do I j u st say "yes " or do I cont i n ue with
a s peci fi c pro n o u n or n a m e ? Do I mention that I have two
partners, both of them m e n (com i n g out a s both gay a n d
polya morous) ? When a nd how ( a nd how m uch) to come
out i s a n ongo i ng choice, as a col league re m i nded me i n
going over a d raft of this very pa ragra p h , noting that I had
i nitial ly d i sta nced myself from the exa m p les herei n by
us i ng the more generic seco nd person.

Defyi n g those a s su m ptions a nd expectations takes

cou rage because yo u never know what you 're goi n g to get
i n res ponse. Those fears and a s s u m ptions m u st be chal­
lenged; otherwise, no o ne knows a nyth i ng d i fferent. The
power of co m i n g out is the power of the seed l i ng brea k i n g
free from the seed a nd slowly, steadi ly, push i ng u p
through the soi l , out o f the d a rk, a nd reach i ng towards the
s u n . J u st one blade of grass from a s i ngle seed may not
cha nge the terra i n m uch, but thou s a nd s u po n thou s a n d s
o f shoot s prouting from co u ntless seeds of d iverse pl a nts
ca n tra nsform a l a ndscape. S o it is with those who l ive
their truth openly and ho nestly. I t is a force that cracks
ossi fied trad ition and expectation, cha n gi n g it for the
better. I n t h i s rich soil, n ew growth c a n flourish. It i s a
force that has done a great deal to fu rther u ndersta n d i n g
for q ueer peo ple i n m a i n stream soci ety.

Co ming out i s a M ystery m a ny N eopagans experie nce as

we l l . It's ca l led " co m i n g out of the broom c loset" with
good reason. M i nor ity s p i ritual practices l i ke Witchcraft
a nd other N eopaga n trad itions can be i nv i s i ble i n a l a rgely
Christian society if none of us pu b l icly identify with those
trad itions . If we choose, we can " pa s s " i n m a i nstrea m
society u nti l the q uestio n a r i ses a n d the opportun ity to
co me out ar rives. "Are you re l igious?" "What does th at
star mea n ?" "What 'Tem ple' i s t h i s ? " H ow do you a n swer,
a nd how m uch do you s h a re? I find myself as k i n g when is
it the time and place for a conversation th at may p l a nt a
seed, a n idea o r expe rience outs ide someone's n o r m , that
ca n grow i n its own t i m e ?

I n some mea s u re, com i n g o u t i s a M ystery everyo ne who

is c h a l le nged to l ive t he i r truth experiences at one t i m e o r
a nother. We a l l wea r m a ny masks i n l i fe and deal with the
fa l se expectati o n s of i nd ivid u a l s a nd society. Trad i n g or
remov i ng those m a sks, go i ng aga i n st who we m i ght be
perceived to be i n order to be who we feel we t r u ly a re, is a
challe nge, a nd ta kes cou rage. Any t i m e you come out, yo u
never know how it m i ght be received .

Belta ne (Ecstasy)
 '
'

My fi rst experience with ecstasy was o n the d a n ce tl oor,

u n der the p u l s ati n g l ights. I'm not talki n g about the i nfa­
m o u s cl u b d rug of the same n a me, I ' m talking about ec­
stasy i n terms of s p i ritu a l experie nce. Ecsta sy's origi n a l
mea n i ng, ex sta s i s , i s to be outs ide of o ne's self, i n that
eternal moment where time seem s to sta nd sti l l, the m i n d
is q u iet, and sepa ration seem s to d i ssolve. I ' m l i kely not
a lo ne i n the experie nce, either, as o ne of the fi rst ways I
heard the ecstatic experience exp l a i n ed to a gro u p of gay
men was: " It's l i ke when you ' re d a nc i n g and yo u rea lly get
i nto it. .. " with various nods of understand i n g fr om the
a u d ience.

I n the book Tra nce Formation, a uthor a nd researcher

Robin Sylv a n looks at the global rave cu ltu re a nd fi nds
n u merous exa m ples of experien ces we mi ght call "ec­
static" o r " s h a m a n i st ic," s uch as fee l i ngs of ego d i sso­
l ution, o neness with everyth i ng, d i stortions i n t i m e, the
perceptio n of s p i r itual presences, or u nexpla i n a ble joy a nd
feel i ngs of wholeness or i ntense mea n i ngful ness. N o s u r­
prise, rea l ly, s i n ce d a n c i n g to exh austion fo l lowi ng a d r iv­
i ng beat i n tl ickeri n g half-l ight i s o ne of the oldest ecstatic
tec h n iq u es k nown to h u m a n ity. Why, parti c u l a rly, is it a
q u eer mystery?

Perh a ps because of the lo n g a ssoci ation of n i ghtc l u bs a nd

d a nce with q ueer culture. O ne of the n ic k n a mes of the
d a nce c l u b is "gay ch u rch." Ecstasy on the d a nce tl oor has
for some time been the most access i b le and affirm i n g
form o f the practice ava i la ble to the q ueer co m m unity.
Additional ly, th ere i s a free i ng q u a l ity to ecstatic pract ices
that a p peals stro ngly to o p p ressed or m a rgi na l ized peo­
ples. Th i s freedo m is the fi rst step to the greater ecstasy of
lett i n g go of even who yo u "rea l ly" are. Yo u release all pre­
conceptions of self to si m p ly be in the eterna l moment
where the d ichoto my between se lf and other fa lls away and
the q uestion "who am l ?" gives way to the experience of " I
A M ," in the d ivine sense of " l a m that l a m ," as the b u r n­
i n g b u s h s poke to M oses.

J u st as letting go of o u r selves is vital to ach ieve ecstasy,

so i s letting go of the experie nce itself. Although the mo­
ment c a n seem timeless, m o rtals exi st in time. So the ec­
static experience or trance c a n not last. The return from al­
tered rea l ity is a ree n actme n t of the d iv i ne Fa l l i nto sp ace,
ti me, and m ateri a l exi ste nce, which m ay be gentle or
h a rsh, not u n l i ke o u r fi rst trans ition from the ecstatic
u n ion of the worn b to b i rth and i ndependent growth with i n
a sepa rate ski n . l n the l a nguage of the j o u rney of the Tarot,
we ecstatica l ly cast off the ch a i n s of the Devil, recognizing
the i l l u s i o n s that i m prison u s , and experience the fa l l of
the Tower, pl u m m eting fro m the heights of o u r expe­
rience. Ideally, we emerge fro m that into the Star, em body­
i n g new hope, new potentiaL new bala nce, a n d new open­
ness to growth, ch ange, and progress.
 '
'

The power of ecstasy is not i n rem a i n i ng in that t i m eless ,

tra nscendent m o m ent. I f you could do so, and never re­
tu rn, how would that be any different from death� Those
who seek m e rely ecstasy, and not the ways it can trans­
for m them u po n their retu rn, a re chas i ng the end of thei r
existence, whether they know it or not. An e n d less string of
"ecstatic experiences" with no rea l growth or development
afterw a rd i s a s u re sign of a s pi ritu a l thri l l-seeker who has
confu sed the experience with its p u r pose. The power of ec­
stasy is that of creative destruction I t i s the psychic blast
that revea l s the ego as noth i n g more than a somet i m es­
usefu l i l l u s i o n . I t i s the s h a m a n i c initiation of being torn
a pa rt so that the s p i rits can rebu i ld you, s h a pe you i nto a
person m o re a ble to work with them. I t i s the paradox of
lett i n g go of everything you h ave, everyth i n g you th i n k of
as yourself, i n order to make the leap across the A byss a n d
fi n d yo u r H igher S e l f waiting for you on t h e oth er side, be­
cause you are the one yo u have been wa iting fo r.

Ecstasy is our birthright as s p i rits- m ade-flesh, l iving i n

space a n d tim e, so we m ay touch the ti m eless , etern a l
sou rce. I t i s parti c u l arly the u ndeniable b i rthright of a l l
people who have been m a l igned , margi n a l ized, perse­
cuted, or m i streated. I t is an experience that shows u p bu l­
lying o r oppression for the wrongs that they a re and re­
m inds us that they do not, c a n not, d i m i n i s h u s or m a ke us
a ny less divi ne. L i ke the sacred m a x i m we recite in the
Tern pie: "th ere is no part of me that is not of the gods."

M id s u m m er (Pride)

What does it mean when we ta l k about "q ueer pride" a n d

Pride as a q ueer mystery? " Pride goeth before a fall," we're
told i n m odern s p i ritual lore, and h u b ris, or overween i ng
pride, is the tragic flaw of m any a G reek hero. For that m at­
ter, what a re we pro ud of? Whether sex u a l ity or gender is
nat ure or n u rt u re, it seems la rgely fixed at a very early age,
and certa i n ly not someth ing we choose, so it is a n ach ieve­
ment of wh ich we a re p roud?

Our pride is invested in different ach ieve ments. Through

the mystery of com i ng out, we lea rned to say, "Th i s i s who
I a m ." Thro ugh the mystery of ecsta sy, we experienced the
pa radox of bei n g a part of, and ap art f ro m , everythi ng. We
"find o urselves " anew and learn what it means to be who
(and what) we are. One of the key concepts of ecstasy is
the return; we m u s t come back from that state of bliss, re­
turn to the Rea l ized Wo rld of form, ti m e, and cha nge, and
put what we h ave learned to work. Our choice to do that
wo rk a l lows us to say, "I wi l l create someth i ng better."
That cho ice is the mystery of P ride.

That "someth i n g bette r " is fo r our co m m u n ity, o u r peo ple.

Pride i s not the aggrand izement of self, but j u st the oppo­
s i te: it is h u m b l e service to a h i gher ideal, i ntended to ele­
vate everyo ne, and a ded icat i o n to become a good
 '
'

'•

a ncesto r a n d s m ooth the way for those who come after u s .

It i s t h e creation o f sacred s pace-q ueer s pace-that not
o n ly says "You a re safe h e re," but goes beyond to say:
"You are specia l . You a re l oved a n d celebrated here." Pride
is having a sense of worth that is not sati sfied with m ere
" accepta nce." This Mystery says, " I'm better than that. We
deserve better than that, a n d I'm goi n g to help make i t
h a p pen."

I t i s fi tting that Pride i s associ ated with the longest, a n d

therefore bri ghtest, day o f the yea r, when the S u n reaches
the peak of its power. Pride is a bout s h i n i n g a b r i l l i a n t
l ight-not a spot l i ght o n us, b u t a l i ght t h a t s h i nes out a n d
i l l u m inates, a beacon that others can see to g u i d e them to
the better s paces a n d ideas that we create.

Pride is the assertion of the W i l l , the power to demand

cha nge and to m a ke it h a ppen. Rather than accept what is,
the power of Q ueer S p irit helps u s to atta i n the a bi l ity to
see what co uld be, and gives u s the dete r m i nation to bri ng
it i nto being. I t i s heat a s well a s l ight, the fi res of passion ,
ded icat i o n , a n d , yes, anger. The patron s of the Stonewa l l
I nn d i d not act initial ly fro m a h igher vis i o n . They had s i m ­
p l y had enough, enough o f harassment, enough o f perse­
cution, enough of s h a me, enough of m i streatm ent. They
fought back, and the com m u n ity put the power of that
Pride beh i n d better visions of the fut u re, a better world for
them selves a n d those who wo u l d fol low them. They
m a rched for the i r recogn ition and their rights, and hel ped
to earn them, pass i n g the torch o n to the generations after
them, to u s , to cont i n u e the wo rk.

Pride em braces a nd seeks to create co m m u n ity 1n com­

m on cau se. I t's a t i m e for the d iverse peo ple of the q ueer
ra i n bow to co me together as one, not to q u ash o u r d iffe r­
ences fo r everyon e el se's co m fo rt, but to ce le b rate o u r d i f­
ferences fo r o u r own l iberatio n. l have seen the powerfu l
m agick and sacred space that resu lts when o u r co m m u n ity
sets aside o u r cl iq ues and a rt i fici a l niches. Do i ng so i s
necessary fo r t h e purs u it o f our com mo n rights . A s Ben­
j a m i n Fra n k l i n observed at the sign i n g of the Ame rican
Declaration of I n dependence: "We m u st a l l h a n g together,
or a s s u redly we w i l l a l l hang sepa rately. "

l n that co m m o n cause, with o u r Pride, we raise u p new

poss i b i l ities and create a better world than the one we left
beh ind . We rea l ize o u r d ifferences a n d c l a i m them as o u r
own. We celeb rate the d iversity of who a n d what we are
a n d use it, not as a stigm a or sou rce of shame, but as a
sou rce of strength and i n s piration.

La m m a s (Family)

l n the Q ueer M ysteries, we have go ne from i l l u m i n ation to

revelation (co m ing out) , th rough ecstasy to pride, the
cla i m i ng and u s i ng of power. N ow comes the t i m e to h a r­
vest what has been sown thro u gh the use of that power.
 '
'

La m m as is also known a s Lu gh nasadh , or "the funeral

games of Lugh ," but the games a re not to honor the Celtic
solar god Lugh h i m self. They a re, i n stead, fo r h i s foster
m other, Ta ltiu of the F i r-Bolg, the Peop l e of the Spear.
Ta ltiu rai sed Lugh as h e r own and l ater sacrificed herself
by expending the l a st of her strength i n d iggi ng u p a l l the
stones fro m the fields of E i r u ( I rel a nd) to m a ke them fer­
tile and bo u n ti fu l . This was the gift of a q ueen a n d m other
to her people and her ch ild to e n s u re a bountifu l ha rvest.
Her sacrifice is honored, a n d we can a l so celeb rate o u r
gratitude fo r t h e l a bors of o u r other ancestors and our ac­
tivists.

The q u eer relationsh i p with fa m i ly is often fra ught due to

the neces sary step of separation , of see k i n g identity o ut­
side of o u r fa m i l i es of origi n . M a ny fa m i l ies sti l l reject ch i l ­
d re n whose sex u a l ity or gender identities a re outs ide the
n a r row range of hetero normati vity. Even in a s u pportive
fa m i ly of origi n , there is sti l l a time of seeking and, when
we beco me mature adu lts, a t i m e to create a fa m i ly of o u r
own .

.. Fa m i ly" i s a lo aded word, particu larly fo r q u eer peo ple,

who so often experience cond emnation and exi l e from the
fa m i l ies who rai sed us. Even those fo rtu n ate enough to re­
t a i n good relatio n s with the fa m i ly that rai sed them-as l
have-are sti l l faced with chal lenges : What does " fa m i ly"
mean to us, and how do we choose to defi n e it?
Fa m i ly is a n other area i n wh ich q ueer peo ple often forge
their own path. Some m ay choose the m ore m a i n strea m
mode l of a monogamous, com m itted co u p le, perhaps
ra is i ng ch i ldren , but that i s by no mea ns the o n ly option.
I ndeed, m a ny q ueer peo ple h ave ado pted the expression
" fa m i ly of cho ice" to reflect their own dec i s i o n to create
new fa m i lies i n configurations that s u it them . Th is h i gh­
l i ghts a fact most take for granted . As adu lts, we a l l choose
who we c a l l fa m i ly. We choose to bu i ld together, stay to­
gether, m a n age together, celebrate together, and be to­
gether, in wh atever way wo rks for us. That's true of a l l peo­
ple, but the d ifference is that the "default" model is not as
pervasive with q ueer people as it is i n the la rger cu ltu re.

Along my j o u rney I have encou ntered fa m i l ies rangi ng

from sa me-sex m a rried co u p les (with or without c h i l d ren,
biological or ado pted) t h rough a d izzying s pectru m of
polya mory i n c l u d i n g Vs, triads, q u a d s , tri bes, and other
11po lycu les." There a re leather fa m i lies and k i n k fa m i l ies
and faerie com m u nes and i ntentio n a l co m m u n ities and so
very m uch more. All of the successfu I ones have taken the
M ystery of the First H a rvest-sowing the seed s, n u rt u r i n g
the i r growth, h a rvesting them, and transform i n g t h e m i nto
th i n gs to nou rish body, m i nd, a n d s p i rit-a nd a p p l ied it to
the sacred work of their l ives and the l ives of those they
love, those they choose. I t is sacred wo rk, necessary work,
and a part of the maturing process where we transition i n
 '
'

o u r jou rney of the M ysteries fro m we to me to us aga i n .

M a bon (Mentorship)

As the M ystery of the F i rst H a rvest of La m m as is bread

and fa m i ly, the M ystery of the Second H a rvest of M abon is
fermentation a nd ecstasy. Th i s is not the i nd i vidual Mys­
tery of Ecstasy of Beltane, but i n stead i s s h a red ecsta sy,
b rewed a n d bottled , pro perly fe rmented a n d aged , a n d
given a s the d ivine g i ft t h a t it i s : t h e Waters o f Life, the
Draught of I n s p i ration , the d a rk, delicious, fe rti le depths of
Creation. As we m ove into the fi n a l ph ases of the Wheel, it
is a l so one of the Mysteries that stil l chall enges the q u eer
co m m u n ity, that of M e ntors h i p.

One of the secrets of Q ueer S p i rit i s that i t i s ra rely found

where we begin. M ost q ueer peo ple are born and raised in
heterosex u a l ( i f not neces sarily heterosexi s t) fa m i l ies, and
we a re most certa i n ly rai sed i n a heterosexi st and largely
patr i a rchal culture . Earl ier i n the cycle of the Wheel, we are
d riven by our awa reness of otherness, o u r declarat ion of
identity, to seek out our people, our tri be. This M ystery i s
t h e other s ide of that equi nox o f Com i n g Out, t h e role of
those who stand on the other s ide in a sh adowy and often
u n known wo rld to welco m e the newco mer, extend ing the
heady offering of knowledge, experience, and u n der­
standing. Without m entors h i p, com i ng out wou l d be a
lonely and perh a ps self-destructive experience.
T h i s Mystery is also a profound opport u n ity or ca l l i n g to
seek out a n d honor o u r e lders, someth ing q ueer co m m u­
n i ty does not a lways do well. Fo r m a ny of u s aro u n d my
age and yo u n ger, a generation of o u r elders was dec i m ated
by plague and neglect, leav i n g us without the benefit of
their wisdom. We shou ld cherish those who re m a i n that
m uch more because of it. Each of us can seek to grow i nto
the mentors we wish that we h a d , even though it is d iffi­
cult to give the generations who come after us a type of
care we rarely found . Th i s is part of the reason for estab­
l i s h i ng q ueer sacred s paces and com m u n ities, s uch as the
Tem p le of Witchcraft's Q u eer S p i rit M i n i stry, or q ueer­
focus ed fest iva ls, trad itions, a n d grou ps. lt is part of the
wo rk of t h i s and other essays of t h i s boo k: d i sti l l i ng o u r
experiences a n d i n s ights s o they m ay b e s hared with a new
generation.

S a m h a i n (El derhood)

An end comes to a l l th i n gs . The ecstasy of youth is d i s­

ti l led, refined , and pa ssed on to the next generati o n . I f we
a re fo rtunate, we step into the final Mysteries of E lder hood
and, eventual ly, of Death, that fi n a l ecstasy, to beg i n again.
H av i n g cu ltivated the Mysteries of Pride a n d co m m unity,
of Fa m i ly, of M entors h i p, it i s t i m e to receive the caring
and n o u r i s h m ent that we h ave sown, time for the com m u­
n i ty to give back to its elders.
 '
'

I f recognizi ng the M ystery of M entors h i p i s a c h a l lenge for

the q ueer com m u n ity, then honori ng the M ystery of Elder­
hood is even more so. Our elders too often find them­
se lves forgotten and ignored by a com m u n ity caught up i n
the M ysteries of Com ing Out, Ecstasy, and Pride. Yo u nger
q u eer peo ple m a y not recognize how the contri buti ons of
those before them hel ped to m a ke those t h i ngs pos s i b le.
H onoring o u r Queer Ancestors at t h i s t u r n i n g of the
Whee l is o n ly the first step in recogn i z i n g and honoring
o u r l iving elders w h i l e they rem a i n with u s . Beca u se o u r el­
ders struggled to s u rvive in very h a r s h circ u m sta nces,
m a ny of th e m a re u sed to bei n g loners. How do we a p­
proach them i n thei r isol ation wh i le respect i n g their
cou rage and their someti mes-t ra u m atic h i stories?

This is a nother reason for the creation of q ueer (and

q ueer-friend ly) sacred spaces and com m u n ities. Relation­
s h i ps that began with mentors h i p can become reci proca l ,
offering elders and mentors the care, com m unity, visi­
b i l ity, a n d p u r pose they need in ret u r n fo r their experience
a n d guidance. Th i s care fro m com m u nity may be the o n ly
sort that q u eer elders receive, as they m ay not h ave chil­
d re n , and may wel l be estra nged fro m b lood relatives.
Likewise, when elders have passed beyond the vei l , the
o n ly reverence they receive as ancestors m ay come fro m
their q ueer descenda nts who remem ber them i n ritu a l s of
gratitude and celebration. I n the Tem ple of Witchcraft's
Queer S p i rit ritu als, we regu l a rly call u po n o u r a ncesto rs
with the invocation: "Ancestors of Q ueer Sp i rit, yo u who
wa l ked the path before us, yo u who s m oothed and eased
the way for us, m ay we fo l l ow i n you r footste ps to ease the
way for those who wi l l come after us. You who stand i n
sh adow at the edge of our circle, be welco m e at o u r fire i n
love and respect."

So the Whee l turns, and we m ust t u rn it a nd t u r n with it.

With that awake n i ng awareness, we return and beg i n
again.
Edge
BY A DA R E

A q ueer kinky polya morous woman a n d a doctor of Chi­

nese medicine, this portrait refl ects not j u st its model,
Amy Cha ng, but ying, her prior i ncarnat ion as a female
a s s a s s i n in d i sgu ise as a whore in a brothel . The black
mark on her face invokes a scar from that past l ife when
she devoted her power and s k i l ls to ki l l i ng rather t h a n
hea l i n g people.
'
'
 lntervieiv ivith Blackberri, Queer Activist
and Lucumi Elder

BY WOLFIE

wolfie: it i s a glorious day and we a re sitting here d r i n k ing

tea . if you co u l d give me a brief bio , because p robably not
everybody i n the book is go i n g to k now who yo u a re, and
they need to.

Bl ackberri: I was born i n 1 945· I was born Ch arles Timothy

Ashmore, that was my n a m e before I legal ly ch anged it i n . . .
'70 . . . m aybe '74 i s when I changed it. M aybe '75. But, any­
way, even befo re I lega lly cha nged i t I h a d beco m e Bl ack­
berri in 1 970 or '7i. I was at the U n iversity of Arizo na at the
time and I l ived i n this co m m u n ity that basically defi ned it-
self as a fem i n ist com m u n ity [... ].: We s h a red t h i ngs; we
gardened and made crafts and did a l l k i nd s of stuff. We
had study groups at the Wo m e n's Center. And I actu a l ly
started the fi rst gay l i beration gro u p there, which met at
the Women's Center.

But before that I actu a l ly was born i n B uffa lo [New Yo rk],

th at's where I grew u p u nti l I was 7 and then I left Buffalo
and m oved to Balti m ore. I n Buffalo, I l ived with my m oth­
er's father and his two step-c h i ldren . And h i s wife. And we
left and moved to Baltimore with my gra n d m other and her
h u sband. [ ... ] I n Balti m ore they weren't used to b lack
 '
'

c h i l d ren i n wh ite schoo ls, and wh ite teachers d i d n ' t know

how to treat them, or did n't know anyt h i ng about them.
So, of cou rse I was a lways one who spoke up fo r myself,
a n d that wa s not a wise t h i ng to do in school, with wh ite
teachers i n wh ite schools. I was cons idered a n u ppity l i ttle
black ch i ld . (laughs)

wolfie: why a m i not s u rpri sed?

(both l augh)
Bl ackberri: They rea l ly gave m e a h a rd ti m e. [... ] There were
gay ch i l d ren at the school and by the t i m e we a l l went to
h igh school together we were a tight kn i t co m m u n ity and
fo r the most part we were out a t school, m a ny of u s. Yet
sti ll k i nd of closeted in oth er ways. M e, it was different fo r
me, m y m other caught m e when I was fo u rteen , and so
that was very l i berati ng, yo u know, that she ...

wolfie: she knew.

Bl ackberri: S h e knew, right. With her, if it fel t l i ke I was

havi ng problems with it, then we would deal with it in a n-
other way, but as long a s I was okay with it, s h e was okay
with it. And I was very okay with it, and so . . .

wolfie: th at's a pretty a m a z i n g pa rental position to take at

that point.

Bl ackberri: Yea h , wel l , you know, after she caught me she

told me she a lready knew 'ca use no girls ever cal led the
house. She s a i d , " Do n't no girls c a l l th i s house. How
co uld I not know? " (both la ugh) [ . . . ] I was lovers with t h i s
boy i n my neighborhood fo r. . . oh, I'd say at least eight
yea rs. And everybody in the neigh borhood knew. And we
came out that year. I was fou rteen and he was . . . twelve, I
th ink, m aybe� But he was a big twelve. He was big for h i s
age, very mature . Very ha ndsome. A n d respected by t h e
gangsters i n a nd a ro u n d o u r 'hood . I , o n t h e other h a n d ,
was a sissy, s o . . . wel l , I guess they talked about m e when I
wa s n't around . N obody ever said a nyth i ng bad about me
when I was with them, but every t i m e I wou l d s how up
they wo u ld a lways tel l my friend that. . . " o h , Lee, here
comes you r girl." I was h i s girl. [ . . . ] We got stones thrown
at us when we left the neighborhood . People wo uld yel l
s h i t out thei r windows beca use we would wa lk hold i ng
h a nds or with o u r arms wra p ped around each other. We
d i d n't rea lly care, yo u know. At one poi nt he got a gi rl­
friend, and she never real ly l i ked me. I d idn't ca re, yo u
know. I wasn't jea lous of her, especi a l ly, but s h e was par­
tic u l arly jealous of me. It was kind of l i ke a race to see
who . . . who he wo uld go with for the eve n i ng, you know.
But she a lways knew she was in d a n ger i f she did n 't get
h i m out of the neighborhood before he saw me, becaus e i f
I s a w h i m a n d I said I wa nted h i m to come with me, he
wo u I d tell her " l ater."
 '
'

'•

(both l a ugh)

B l ackberri: [ . . . ] So, yea h . I grew u p really rea lly q ueer and . . .

a n d I ' m rea l ly glad that I h a d that freed om a nd that my
mom d i d n't repress me or treat me bad or m a ke me feel
d i fferent. It kind of m ade me the perso n I am today.

wolfie: yea h . th at's rea l ly awesome and not a com m o n

story.
Bl ackberri: No, I know. I real ize. I know my story's very d i f­
ferent.

wolfie: [. . . ) how long have yo u had yo u r [d read] locks?

Blackberri: Wel l , these a re my th i rd set. The first set I h a d

for sixteen yea rs, u nti l I got i n iti ated. They were down to
my ca lves . When I got i n iti ated a n d got The Big H a ircut
s i xteen yea rs ago, they to ld me that I cou ld do a p a rti a l a n d
keep my h a i r, b u t I told t h e m , u N a h , I d o n ' t want pa rti al
a nythi n g. "

wolfie: i can't see you doing anyt h i n g h a l fway, rea l l y.

B l ackberri: Yea h. We go n n a do it, let's do it. They said,

"Yeah , it's the best." M y G odfather h a s some of my h a i r i n
h i s pot and I have some of my h a i r i n a special pl ace. I t
wi l l b e b u ried with m e when I get b u ried. I t was m y first
h a i r. And I have some of my G odch i l d 's h a i r, too.

wolfie: there's a lot of m agic i n hair.

Bl ackberri: We bas ica l ly keep it to protect them .

wolfie: when i n yo u r l i fe did you start exploring d i fferent

s p iritual ities?

Blackberri: I'd say in 1 9 68. I was l iv i ng at the Casta l i a

Fo u ndation, which was a lso the League for S p i ritual Dis­
covery, acronym fo r LSD. I l ived next door to Ti mothy
Leary. I l ived i n an ashram. We actual ly used acid i n the
a s h ram for med itations. That's when I got turned on to
sp iritual ity and I did a study, I rea lly started read i ng a l l
kinds of d ifferent books a n d stuff. S o th at's when I rea lly
started . I was a bu nch of d i fferent th ings. I h a d a bunch of
d i fferent i nca rnations. I even had a l ittle Christian i n car­
nation for a whi le. One s u mmer I went to a h o l i ness
c h u rch and got the h oly ghost.. .

wolfie: the holy ghost touched yo u?

Bl ackberri: Yea h , the holy ghost touched me. That was

probably my first experience with sp irit. I t was defi n itely a
s p i ritual experience. M y m o m rea l ly d id n't l i ke it. That was
a lways . . . I was a lways proselytizing and s he d i d n't want to
hea r that b u l ls h it.

(both l a ugh)

There was a period of ti m e when I sta rted beco m i ng psy­

chic. I started . . . I could read people. And I cou l d tell th i ngs
 '
'

'•

a bout them, a n d that was ... that was kind of a m i sta ke. I
was rea l ly sca ring a lot of fol ks , and then I was scary. Peo­
ple were afraid of me, so I stopped.

wolfie: how old were you when that h a p pe ned?

Blackberri: I was s ixteen , seventeen , around that t i m e. [ ... ) I
h a d some possession stuff ha ppen to me, too, a n d th at
was a kind of i nterest i n g t h i n g. But now, Egun [spi rits of
the ancestors] o r whoever I 'm worki ng with can s peak
through me, a s they someti mes do.

M u sic h a s a l so been l i ke that. M u s ic has co m e through

m e. Some of it I've u sed over and over aga i n , and some of
them h ave been one-ti m e th i ngs that were meant for who­
ever was there to hear it a n d never... I wo u l d never remem ­
ber the chords o r the words or a nyth i ng. U s u a l ly at some
po i n t when there's a gro u p of folks and we're m aybe rea lly
h igh o r. . . got some k i nd of m ed itation goi n g and that h a p­
pe ns.

wolfie: i remem ber see i n g you , l i ke twenty-someth i n g years

ago. you did a co u ple of your standard songs and then yo u
h i t this c h a n nel a n d were j u st flyi n g with it. and it was a
glorious performa nce. i ' m t ry i ng to remem ber where or
when . . . it was so mewhere here in the bay a rea. [ . . . ) you 've
us ed the word q ueer seve ral t i mes. q ueer is kind of a rela­
tively you n g construct as fa r as a self-identity t h i ng. it re­
a l ly sort of gel led i n the 9o's and befo re that it was pretty
m uch pej o rative. how do yo u feel about the ide ntity queer?

Bl ackberri: I u sed it when I sta rted out do ing gay m u s i c. I

remember at m a ny of my shows I wou ld say " I don't know
if you noticed or not, but I'm ( s i n g-songy) q ueer!" I 'd s i ng:
"Queer!" I 've bee n using that term for a long t i m e. I nter­
m ittent with gay. And now, one of my friends h a s sta rted
saying " s a m e gender loving" and I l ike that, too. I rea lly
l ike that, beca use it's a d i fferent kind of l a bel.

wolfie: yea h. it see m s l ike we keep creat i n g new l a bels be­

cause, what i see i s that peo ple a re stri v i n g to fi n d the
most inclu s i ve that they can fi n d .

Blackberri: I th i n k s a m e gender loving c a m e fro m both the

construct fo r not u s i ng c l i n ical te rms or terms that the
dom ina nt cu lture used . That's where s a m e gender lov ing
came from.

wolfie: when did yo u fi rst enco u n ter the orisha? 'ca use
know they have been yo u r pri m a ry path fo r a wh i le.

Bl ackberri: I fi rst got tu rned on to the Orishas in N ew York

by th is guy that l ived there, he l ives i n the B ay Area now.
H i s n a m e i s I saac J ackso n. He was a curator for a mu­
se u m . He h a d a house that h a d l ike th ree fl oo rs and two of
the floors were m u seum galleries a n d he a l so DJ 'd on B M I
[Broadway M u s ic Inco rporated]. He had a rad io sh ow. I
was on h i s s h ow, I know at least on ce, I want to say tw ice,
 '
'

but I'm not s u re. A l l my ta pes . . . a l l my i n terview tapes got

stolen by som ebody I let stay here.
wolfie: i can only barely i m agine how you felt.

Bl ackberri: They took everyth i ng. They took my whole a r­

ch ive. Anyway, long story short, I saac h a d a b l u e candle on
h i s altar and a cobalt b l u e glass l ike th i s, and it was b u rn­
i n g 24/7; it never went out. The a ltar was a l l i n bl ue. I t was
beautiful. I don't think he wore s h oes. It was an altar to
Yem aya and I said, "Who i s that? " He said she was the pa­
tron saint of gay men, and I thought, "A rel i gion that em­
braces gay peo ple?" and it was Africa n, too! Then I sta rted
read ing th ings about the trad ition. The stuff I read i n the
beg i n n i ng was rea lly scary. I t rea lly m ade m e afraid to
co m m it i n the way that I wanted to com m it. And then as I
read more th ings, I sta rted accepting t h i ngs. Then I had a
reading i n the early '8o's that blew my m i n d . Then I real l y
m ade a com m itment. I j oined a h o u s e that w a s between
the priests that I got read by and my M ad ri n a [spiritual
godmother, head of hou se], but then they pa rted ways and
I kind of stuck with my M ad rina . Then, j u st, you know,
j u st. . . I lea rned a lot there a n d there was a lot of oth er stuff
going on there.

wolfie: yea h . it's such a rich tradition and very com p lex. a l l
the i ntern a l com m u nity po l itics a re very com plex.

Bl ackberri: Yea h , th at's what it was. I ended up getti n g a

read ing a bout whether or not I s h o u ld stay in the hou se,
a n d O s h u n told me I s h o u ld leave the hou se. It was O s­
h u n's h o u se. I was sad because I had a lot of friends there,
but it seemed that after I left my l i fe got rea l ly good . (both
l a ugh) And I was told by a priest that I was s lotted for initi­
ation, I was sched u led fo r i n itiation, but it d i d n 't h ave to
be soon. So I ran with that for a long long time and then i n
ei ghty. . . maybe ' 86 o r '87 I was i n C u b a a n d t h e Ori s h a
fou nd m e . A n d every time I went to C u ba , the O ri s h a
wo u l d fi n d me a n d show m e t h i n gs or take m e on a . . .
sometimes all the peo ple I was with , they wo uld d ra g them
a long with me. It was re a l ly i nteresti n g! And then I met my
Pa d r i n o [spiritu a l godfather, head of hou se] in . . . '88. I n '88.
And it was up in the m o u nta i n s and I , u h , I mean, you
know, Orisha was a l ready s h owing me stuff and I knew
there was someth i n g fo r me, but I d id n 't know where I was
going to go or how I was going to do it. And he gave me
my guerreros [wa rrior s p i rits]. I had an E legu a, but I d idn't
have Ogu n and Ochossi. He gave me those Orishas a n d , it
was rea l ly fu n ny because I d i d n ' t h ave any m o n ey and it
sta rted out with my Pad rino saying, " I hear you don't have
your Warrio rs. " And I s a i d , " N o , 1. . . I have E legua." He
said " Well, we h ave Wa rriors here, do you want them?"
And I said, " I don't h ave any money, I ' m rea l ly b ro ke." H e
goes "We h ave Wa rriors here, d o you want them?" And I
s a i d , " U m , I can't get them right now. . . " And he says to
me, very fi rm ly he says "We. H ave. Th e m . Do you want
 '
'

'•

them?"
wolfie: ''i ' m not asking you about m oney."

(both l augh)

Blackberri: Yea h . Then I said "Oh! Yea h , yea h , I want

them." So he gave me Warriors. He gave m e a nother
Elegua a n d Ogun a n d Ochossi. And then after that he read
me a n d he s a i d , "What a re yo u waiting fo r? Yo u r road is so
open." A n d I said . . . I knew what he was talking a bo ut, a n d
I said , "Wel l , I'm wa iting to get t h e money." A n d he s a i d ,
" We l l , when wo u l d you l ike to do th i s?" A n d I s a i d , ''N ext
yea r." H e goes "When next yea r? " I s a i d , "Oh , Decem ber. "
He goes, "D ecem ber wh at?!" (both l a ugh) S o I s a i d ,
"Twe nty-first." I j u st th rew out a n u m be r. I s a i d , " Decem­
ber 2 1 st." H e said, "Okay. See you Dece m ber 2 1 st. "

wolfie: (overl a p p i ng) wi nter sol stice it i s!

B l ackberri: And when I came back, the money for initi ation
ca me from everywhere. (I n trad itions of the African d i a s­
pora, i n iti ates to pay for food, l ive m u s ic, texti les, and
other necess ities. This trad ition of offering a sacrifice to
receive d ivine gifts i s a n i m portant p a rt of the practice] I t
was so crazy. The money j u st a l l came together. I h a d so
m uch money that I d i d n't even need a l l the money I had. I
b rought mo ney back home with m e after. . . it was pretty
a m a z i n g. I t was the best t h i n g I 've ever done, too, I m u st
say that. And then after I did that I thought, "We l l , sh it." I
was so frea ked out I was wondering why d idn't I do t h i s
earlier? Then I rea l i zed that it wasn't time. I d id i t . . . I d id
it. . .

wo lfie: yo u d i d it a t exactly t h e right ti me.

Bl ackberri: At exactly the right time. And I went. . . befo re I

went to . . . a bout a month before I went, I was . . . I went
down to the oce a n beca u se I was rea l ly. . . my big fea r was
that when I became a priest that I would have to give u p a l l
of these th in gs , you kn ow. And s o I went to Ye m aya ,
'ca u se I thought Yem aya wa s, was even on my head, I
had n't gotten my head at the t i me. [The orisha " o n on e's
head" i s the pri m a ry guard i a n and teache r of the i n itiate's
spiritual path .] Andt u h , I go to Yem aya and I tel l her a l l
my, m y b l ues. I tried . . . I went to Ocean Bea ch a n d it was
rea l l y dark and the tide was u p and I cou l d n 't see. I was
wa l k i n g and wa lking and wa lking and wa l ki ng. I sti l l
co u ld n 't see t h e water, so I fi n a l ly s a i d , "We l l , fuck, I 'm
going to sto p here. I 'm not go i n g to go any fu rther." So I
stopped where I was a n d I was talking to the ocean, and I
told her a l l t h i s stuff, and she s a i d , "You w i l l get back
more than you ' l l give u p." And right as that message
came, a wave came i n . I don't know where it came fro m . . .
I t came fro m the ocean , of cou rse, but I couldn't see the
water. . .

wolfie: i t came out of nowhere.

 '
'

B l ackberri: The wave came in and it was warm as bath­

water. I shit you not. It came in and went u p around my
a n kles. I felt the warmth of it and I sat down so when the
wave came back out I co u l d fee l the wa rm water a l l over
the bottom part of my body as the wave went out. A n d no
m ore water came in a fter th at, but it was l ike. . . a fter I got
u p and I thou ght a bout it, my m i nd was totally blown
'ca u se I thought, "Th i s is the Pacific Ocean. I t's not
warm." I t's not wa rm .

wolfie: no, but when she h a s a clear message for yo u . . .

there we go.

(both l augh)

Bl ackberri: That blew my m ind.

wolfie: i bet!

Bl ackberri: Yea h . So then I knew everyth ing was goi ng to

be a l l right. And it was true. I got waaaay m o re than I gave
u p. Way m o re.

wolfie: do you feel, o r h ave a perception a ro u n d , where

being q ueer a n d yo u r m agica l l i fe i ntersect? do you feel
l i ke q ueers h ave a diffe rent rel ationsh i p to s p i rit? o r that
the magic that we do has any sort of magical d iffe rence to
"t�
I .

Bl ackberri: Well , h aving never been straight, it's h a rd to

say, yo u know? I do fee l i n my s p i ritual ity, i n my m agic. ..
u m , it's pretty d i ffere nt. And I t h i n k , you know, I th i n k
everybody's i s. . . i s perso n a l . But I know it's a lways there
for me. I ' m a lways learning, a n d my sp i r itu a l godparents i n
Cuba . . . i n fact, m y Godfather cal led m e this morning, actu­
a lly, 'cause I ' m s l ated to be goi n g out east. He was j u st
touch ing base to see how I was doi ng. He told me he saw
my pictures on Face boo k. "You 're looking very good," h e
said. (both ch uckle) And h e. . . he's a tri p. Every t i m e I go,
he a lways tries to set me u p . Sometimes with people who
I ' m actua lly interested i n . He a lways s ays, " I f you see
som ebody yo u l i ke, let me know."

wolfie: i went to a couple bem bes [a party for the orishas,

u su a l ly with Yo ruban songs fo r the spi rits] and a m i sa [an
orac u l a r ritual event] with Rae lyn [G a l l i n a] when i was tra i n ­
i n g with her, and it seemed to me that everybody at those
particu l a r ones were a l l q u eer. so i never got to experience
being in any of those ceremonies with a predom i n antly
straight crowd. but in the pagan [co m m u n ity], the neo­
pagans, the witches, there i s kind of a noticea ble d iffer­
ence between doing that kind of m agic with a n a l l q ueer
crowd or with a stra ight crowd . th at's part of what prom pt­
ed me to start this project: i s there a s u bsta ntive d i ffer­
ence, a way that we approach it, or somet h i n g? but it's
a lso . . . yo u 're part of a trad ition that holds a pl ace for
q u eers specifica l ly.
 '
'

'•

B l ackberri: (overlapping) Yea h . Yeah, yea h, yea h , yea h .

wolfie: a n d a lot of paga n traditio n s , you know, some of
them have that, but they don't talk about it very m uch.

Bl ackberri: But some of that h a s been erased, too. I know

when Cath o l i c i s m kind of got synthes ized i nto the tradi-
tion there was a lot of that sex u a l guilt that the Cathol ics
go t h ro ugh. But the peo ple . . . I feel , the peo ple that em­
b raced the Lucu m i , the Africa n trad ition, were m o re recep­
tive to the ro le of gay s p i ritua l ity i n the trad ition . And even
i n Afri ca , I h ave never been, but they tel l m e if you go to
the bush the gay people a re very d i fferent i n the b u s h than
they a re in the cities where a lot of fo lks h ave been con­
ve rted to M u s l i m s or Christi ans and a re very homophobic
a n d anti-gay. In the bush it's very diffe rent. I t's l ike what
you do in p rivate i s yo u r b u s i n ess. N obody else h a s a right
to tell you not to or to.

wolfie: as long a s a l l p a rties a re co n s enting, it's a l l good.

Bl ackberri: And then this one p riest I know that I went to,
he says once a yea r they h ave th i s t i m e where peo ple c a n
do aaaanyth i n g they want to. But it's on that one day a
yea r, so. Yo u kn ow, you h ave someth i n g yo u want to do
and need to do, yea h , h e re's yo u r chance.

wolfie: (overlappi ng) here's yo u r c h a n ce. yo u have 24

h o u rs.
Bl ackberri: Yo u know, som ebody gave m e that opport u n ity
on ce when I was in Den m a rk one t i m e, an Eth iopian guy.
H e gave m e a 24 h o u r. . . I was rea l ly s u rpri sed. I was very
s u rprised. I cou ld n 't be l ieve he said it, you know, I 'd
known h i m fo r a wh i le. And it was a good offer, 'ca use I
was attracted to h i m . He was very very h a ndsome, very
pretty. So, I was l ike, "oh ... cool! A l l right! Let's go! "

(both l augh)

wolfie: how yo u do you feel l ike yo u r queerness and your

sp iritua l ity have i nformed each other? ( . . . ] what thei r i nter­
section is l ike, for yo u?

Blackberri: H m m . Wel l , yo u know, everyth i n g's a process.

Thi ngs ch ange. They grow and they ch ange, they ch ange
s h a pe, they change form , they even ch ange m e a n i n g
sometimes. U m , so they wo uld be, rea l ly, rea l ly h a rd . . . be­
cause they're not. . . they're not separate t h i ngs. I don't see
my sexua l i ty be i n g d i fferent from my spiritual offeri ng. And
even the t h i n gs I pray for, you know [ . .. ] The either/or is re­
a l ly basica l ly a weste rn p henomenon, because a lot of
th ings a re not e ither/o r. They're both/a n d beca u se it's a
contin u u m , so how c a n it be either/or? Beca u se noth i n g is
separate from an yth i n g e lse, so . . . it's someth ing, it's a
pl ace o n the cont inu u m . I t's all the same, yo u know? It's
j u st where are yo u on the conti n u u m . And, a s I say, th ings
cha nge, you know, they. . .
 '
'

'•

wolfie: everyt h i n g s h i fts.

( B l ackbe rri l augh s)

wolfie: yo u know, talking with people and bala nce i s n 't a

n o u n , it's a verb, it's someth i n g that's in m otion. [. . . ] H ave
you encountered any kind of homophobia wit h i n the tra d i­
tion s i n ce you've been i n it?

B l ackberri: U m . . . n ot rea l ly. I 've had peop l e joke a bout it,

but. . . espec i a l ly in a ceremony it's j u st. . . the l i nes j u st b l u r
o r come together. . . it's . . . it's in teresting. J u st beca u se it's a
co m m u n ity. . . it's a com m u n a l t h i n g. I know i n C u ba it's
very co m m u n a l . Everybody knows everyone else a n d every­
body h a s a job to do, a n d they do th e i r p a rt. There's no,
you know, I see q ueer priests doing the same t h i n g as the
other priests. J u st doing the work. Then afterward s . . . yo u
know, what peop l e do afterward s i s , you know, it's thei r
own t h i ng .

wolfie: yea h .

Bl ackberri: The only t h i n g a bout initiation i s when you 're

doing the i n iti ate wo rk you 're back to ce l i bacy duri n g the
whole. . .

wolfie: d u ri n g iyaw6 [novice in iti ate 1n the trad ition, a l

yea r period that i ncl udes strict ru les].

Bl ackberri: Wel l , not even iyaw6, but even the priests that
a re wo rk i n g the i n itiatio n . I t's u s u a l ly cel i bacy d u ri n g the
whole t i m e of the ceremo ny. After the ceremony you can
do whatever you want, but u s u a lly when the cerem ony's
going on, beca use i t takes d ays, actua l ly, to h ave it. . . and
those d ays you m u st be free fro m be i n g sexua l.

wolfie: yep. there was an i nteresting ... seq uence, u m , clyde

h a l l brought the n a raya cere mo ny, wh ich is a basica l ly a
two s p i r it ceremony, to the rad ical faeries. a n d one of the
stand ard practices within first nations stuff i s you're cel i­
bate fro m the l ighti ng of the first cerem o n i a l fi re u n t i l that
fire goes out. and it's j u st a way of foc u s i n g and m a k i n g
s u re that everybody's o n t h e same en ergetic page. b u t the
faeries got a l l u p in arms and they a l l were sayi ng, "you're
being sex-negative!" it's l ike " no, yo u're project i n g wh ite
cu ltura l ass u m ption onto first nation rea l ity. let's be clear
here."

(both l augh)

Bl ackberri: Yea h , th at's the way it is, i sn't it?

wolfie: yeah, it is. i had . . . i kept my mouth s h ut for the

most part, but i had a moment where som ebody was being
more obnoxious than i could cope with and i was l i ke,
"wo u l d you put down your wh ite m a l e privi lege le n s and
rea l ize there i s a c u lt u ra l d iffe rence here, please. this i s not
persecuti ng yo u ."
 '
'

'•

B l ackberri: (laughs) I know, 'cause 1. .. I had that con ver­

sation with H a rry [H ay] . . . Som ebody was i n terviewing m e
o n e t i m e a n d asked m e about Faeries a n d I s a i d "Faeries
a re . . . you know, they's good . They do their th i ng." I said,
" B ut I. .. wou l d rather e m b race my own s pi ritual ity. I t's
not. . . " I said, "Well, fi rst of al l, Faeries i s E u ro pean. And I
was colo n i zed by E u ropeans." A n d I s a i d , " I f I d i dn 't ac­
cept their orga n i zed rel igion, why would I accept their
.
P agan re I 1g1o n ). " [ . . ]
. .

(both l augh)

Bl ackberri: I t's l ike, you kn ow, I said, "I need to embrace

the s p i ritual ity th at's c lose to m y own roots." And that's all
I said, but then somehow or another it got back to Ha rry.
H a rry calls me and says, "Why do yo u hate the Faeries?" I
said, "Harry, I di dn't say that I hate the Faeries. I don't
know where that story came from." [ . . . ] I wasn't anti-Faery.
[. . .]

wolfie: can you talk a l ittle bit m ore about yem aya a n d her
relations h i p with q u eers?

Blackberri: Wel l , there's a story about Ye maya... Some

folks were trying to make sure she was n't a round, they
were trying to k i l l her. So she went to th is i sland where
noth ing but gay m en l ived on th i s i sland. I t was k i nd of
l ike the I s le of Les bos, o n ly it was m e n who l ived there.
And they protected her and they fed h e r and they took care
of her, and so i t m ade . . . s h e . . . i n h er heart s h e s a i d ,
11There's always a s pace for you in my heart." So when s h e
retu rned, s h e kept h e r pro m i se.

And then I also fo und out that her s i ster, who is Oya-and
her s ister's colors a re the colors of th e gay flag-is a l so a
protector of gay men. I thoug ht, 11Wow, th i s is rea l ly i n ter­
est i n g. " I d id n 't learn a bout Oya unti l m uch m uch later. I
was a l ready. . . I h a d a lready beco me a priest. I was read i ng
a bout her 'c a u se my, u h , my Godfather's name is l n le a n d ,
u h , m y Godbrother h a s l n le, h e has l n le, h e has the Orisha
l n le, so. He's a l so q ueer. He's Ochos i's c h i ld.

wo lfie: yea h. there was some d i scussion with the n u m ber

of wo m en I spent a bout a yea r with, they were also a l l
butch lesb i ans, a n d they ta l ked about oya b e i n g the pro­
tector of les b i a n s and m a r ket wom en.

Bl ackberri: Yea h . O s h u n is too, I ' m told.

wolfie: a n d they a lways l i ked the story of cha ngo d ress i n g

u p l i ke a girl to sne a k out.

Blackberri : Yea h , Cha ngo. I mean, even the men t h i s d ay

we ar their h a i r l i ke wo men, the Cha ngo Pr iests. I ' ve seen
pictures of them. And I h ave a friend that I met online who
is a C h ango priest. and it's h i s h a i r, too. Actually I 've m et a
co u p l e of C h a ngo p riests. I ' m friends with a cou p le priests
in Africa, in N igeria. There's t h i s one guy that . . . he told me
 '
'

'•

he wa nted me to play at h i s wedd i ng. I s a i d , 110h, great, I

c a n do that." (both chuckle) H e loves me! H e a lways says
good t h i ngs. H i s prayers for me a re rea lly beautifu l . He's
a lso h e l p i ng m e with, uh, Yoruba t h i ngs. He'l l write t h i n gs
a n d I ' l l have to a sk h i m the meaning. I try to s peak to h i m
i n Yoruba as m uch a s . . . i t helps me learn the langu age.
He's a great guy, I rea l ly l i ke h i m .

wolfie: it seems a l ittle easier to fi n d h o u ses a n d gro u p s

that a ren't as caught u p i n cathol ic i s m than it u sed to be.
but that's fro m my very peri ph era l observation.

Bl ackberri: I t depen d s on what p a rt of the tradition where

people bring their l i n eage.

wolfie: yea h . there's a th read i n the neo . . . the wh ite neo­

pagan co m m u n i ty. t h i s wom a n went down to braz i l a n d
she got her head was hed a n d s h e somehow i nterpreted
that a s getting her head m ade, so she came back a n d start­
ed her own u m ba nd a h o u se which was n ot wel l received
by trad itional practitioners. they saw it as a p pro priation.

Bl ackberri: Yea h . I t's different when yo u get you r head

wa shed. Or even when you get a wash pot, th at's very d if­
ferent, too. I k now somebody, he got a wash pot, a n d h e
was trying to tel l everybody that he was a Babal awo [ a fully­
i n itiated practitioner of lfa, priest of Oru l a].

wolfie: u h h . . . no.
Bl ackberri: And the B a ba!awo that gave h i m the wash pot
said, " H e's not a Baba lawo. I j u st gave h i m a wash pot."
And he's go i n g to tel l everybody he's a Babalawo now,
so . . . a n d he . . . h e wa nted me to do prescri ptions for h i m
a n d . . . 'cause h e was read i n g peo ple . A n d I s a i d " O h , I can't
do th at." I f I do prescri ptions, I have to read them a l l over
aga i n , yo u know. He goes "We l l, there's a cha nce we could
m ake money. Yo u ca n m ake money on the pres cription
a n d I can m a ke m o n ey on the read in g. We co u l d partner
u p ." And I said " E h . . . it's not go n n a work." And he got re­
a lly u pset with me. Really upset with me. H e cu ssed me
out and called me a l l kinds of names . I said, "Whoa, where
i s a l l this com i n g from? Th at's not very priestly ! " N ot very
B a ba lawo-ly. He even went a s far as gett i n g homo p hobic.
H e sta rted saying homophobic stuff.

wolfie: ick.

Bl ackberri: I was a " p re-vert." I was l i ke, "Okay. I was a pre­

vert when yo u wanted to do this . . . "
wolfie: yea h, it's kind of a last resort for peo ple when they
r u n out of other i n s u lts.

(both chuckle)

wolfie: we ll, thank you so m uch for giving me t h i s m uch of

your d ay.

Bl ackberri: Th ank yo u so m uch!

 '
'

'•

(@ --

� I nterview co nducted on M a rch igt h , 2017. Origi n a l inter­

view a bridged for length. Comp lete i n teview can be found
at www. M ystic Prod uctions Press.com/�u eerm agic
 I Am God/dess: Possession and Gender
Identity

BY D 0 U G M I D D L E M I SS (A D E K 0 LA )

Fo r m a ny, the term possession brings u p i m ages of de­

monic horror, sca ry movies, and fear of the u n known. The
very idea that someth i ng outside of yourself cou ld p u s h
your soul a n d conscious ness a s ide a n d steps into the
d river's seat of your body i s terrifying to them. Even wit h i n
the pagan com m u n ity, where we often t a l k about a s pect i n g
deities, i nvoking deities, a n d drawi n g down the moon,
there is rarely com p lete s u rrender to the s p irit, a n d the
h u m a n m i nd is u s u a l l y sti l l present alongside the de ity or
sp i rit. Yet, s p i rit posses sion-also referred to a s bei n g
" m o u nted " or " r idden" by a spirit- i s the ideal co n n ection
to the d ivine in va rious trad itions. Whether it's the i n d i ­
vi d u al bei n g m o u nted a n d bei n g i ntertwined with a god , or
the i nd i vid ua l atte n d i n g a ceremony where someone else
i s being u sed as a vessel fo r a deity that's chosen to come
to Earth, t h i s a ncient s p i r itu a l practice p rovides m a ny with
co mfort and healing.

I t h i n k whether this practice i s a p pea l i ng or terrifying de­

pe nds on a person's upbringing and u n dersta nding of
possession . M a ny peo ple's o n ly expos u re to this powerfu l
s p iritual practice is t h rough fi l m s dep icti n g m odern
 '
'

'•

American Ch rist i a n o r Cath o l i c concepts of demonic poss­

ession req u i ri n g exorcism. If we o n ly know of this practice
i n the rel igious views of the dom i n a n t m odern American
c h u rches, we've probably never seen the beauty o r h ea l i ng
it can bri ng. Those who em brace it or even seek it out a re
often seeking d i rect comm unication with the divine, be­
yond filters o r preached percepti on . There i s a desire to be
i n the presence of God, to hea r the m e ssages that Heaven
m ight have fo r you d i rectly from the lip s of an a n gel, god ,
a n cestor, or other form of s p i rit. With this, I th i n k it bri ngs
va l idation that we a re see n . That a mong h u n d red s of thou­
s a n d s of peo ple, we m atter.
My own story with possession occurred with i n my search
for wholeness, love, and the em brace of the d i vi ne. I grew
u p a s an o n ly c h i l d of a s i ngle m other who battled add ic­
tion a n d a constant cycle of a b u s i ve re l ations h i ps . My fi rst
thoughts a bout other boys occurred when I was four years
old, when I i n stinctive ly knew that I wa nted a h u sb a n d and
not a wife. A l ready feel i n g l i ke an outsider, as I got older
a n d s aw the d a m age that men could do, I began to hate
the fact that I too was a m a n a n d beca me afraid of what I
m ight become. Th i s p u s hed me fu rther i nto rec l u s i o n and
self-h atred.

It was at the ri pe age of ten years o l d that I found paga n ­

i s m a n d Wi cca. I leapt feet first into G oddess wo rsh i p ,
tru sting in t h e Mother to heal a n d n u rture me and to keep
m e safe. The d iv i ne fe m i n i ne was easy fo r me to access; it
felt right. She felt l ike a part of me. D u ri n g the tween years
that fo l lowed , I became increasi ngly a n d rogynous, m a k i n g
every atte m pt a t being gender neutra l th at I could, though I
was fa i rly certain I was not transgender. A l l I knew was that
I co uld trust in the G oddess while the God of pagan i s m
felt comp letely fo reign to me. F i n a l ly, at t h e age o f fifteen, I
met a woman who would beco me my H i gh Priestess a n d
i n iti ate m e i nto Wicca. Her trad ition em phas ized, " I a m
God. I a m G oddess. I a m one whole a n d co m p lete within
myself."

I was l ucky to find t h i s wo m a n and this trad ition, as part of

my tra i n i ng i ncl uded bei ng able to sta nd a s either the
priest or pri estess in a ritual. In other words , I was tra i ned
to be a b le to hold space for the God or the Goddess. M a ny
traditional covens a re strongly aga i n st a m a n i nvo king the
Goddess or a wo m a n invoking the God. Even with in
paganism we often h ave strict gender defi n itions a n d
ru les.

I still re member the fi rst t i m e th at I d rew down the moon

at an esbat (a cerem ony to honor a p a rticu l a r phase of t he
moon a n d the G oddess): the word s fro m Sta rh awk's
Charge of the Goddess flowed out of me, the cel l s in my
body awa kened and I fe lt the l ight of the m oon rad iati ng
i nto m e. M y etheric body changed, taking on the fem a l e
form, a n d I h a d never been s urer o f the pres ence o f the
 '
'

'•

Goddess than I was i n that moment. S h e was i n me, p a rt

of me, rega rd less of the physical form. I was G oddess, and
she was me. In a time when I was struggl ing with my gen­
der identity, e m bracing the Goddess and feel i ng her l u n a r
l ight fi l l m y bei n g a l l owed m e to l ove myself. I was at
peace fo r the fi rst t i m e i n yea rs .

I t was t h i s experience, a s well a s others l i ke it, that led me

to q uestion the effect of s pirit possession on individ u al
gender identities. I was a young m a n experien cing a degree
of possess io n by a fe m a l e s p i rit, wh ich I knew to be
frowned u pon in some trad itions. However, men in H i n­
d u i s m , Vodou, S a nteria/Lucum i , Candom ble, a n d m a ny
other faiths a re regularly m o u nted by fem a l e s pi rits. Li ke­
wi se, m a ny women fi l l the role a s a vessel for m a le s p i rits.
M a ny trad itions know that spirits do not care a bout the
phys ica l gender of their vessel s (sometimes cal led
" horses" as the i nd ivid u a l i s mou nted by the s p i rit) .
Whether it's a n O ri s h a of the Luc u m i trad ition, a Lwa i n
Vod o u , o r a n elevated s p irit o r a n cestor cal led u pon d u r-
i n g a misa espiritual, the ind ivid u a l s p i rit co u l d not care
less what the horse's gender identity i s . A l l that they know i s
that they s h a re a connection that a l lows the s p i rit to take a
seat and use a hu m a n body and voice to com m u n icate
with the i n d ividu a l s present. Often the horse gives their
body freely to the s pi rit without caring a bout the gender
configuration between them. They m ay see it as a gift to be
u sed by the d i vin e i n t h i s way as we l l as a n oppo rt u n ity to
co n n ect with their guard i a n a ngel o r patron deity. Some­
times, however, a possession by a s p i rit with a gender
other than their own is i m pactfu l on the vessel, either
positively-as was my experience with the G oddess-or
negatively.

One wom a n that I s poke to, we' l l call her M a ri a , h a s been

a pr iestess of C h a ngo fo r m a ny yea rs. Cha ngo i s a m a l e
Orisha (spi rit o r d i v i n ity) fro m West Africa. H e i s known
for bei n g a warrior, a ga m b l er, a wom a n izer, a n d a
" m ach i s m o", or the cliche bravado perso na of m a scu l i ne
pride. He is the s p i rit of m a n l i ness. M a ria, a ci sgen de r het­
erosexual fem i n i n e wom a n , had no problem s initiating i n
to h i s priesthood a t first. S h e saw h i m a s a father a n d
b roth er. Then t h e t i m e came when Chango decided he
wo u l d use her as a vesse l d u r i n g a rel i gious event. While
d a n cing in front of the d r u m s as the rhyt h m s p l ayed for
Chan go, her feet began to m ove in steps she wasn 't con­
scio u s of. Her eyes closed a s she felt the m u s ic l u re her
i n , a n d sudden ly Cha ngo m o u nted her. M a ria doesn't
remember anyt h i n g that occurred while Chango was u s i n g
her body, as i s typical o f t h i s ex perience. When s h e re­
tu rned upon Chango's departu re, the peop le present told
her it was obvious that she wasn't there in s p i rit or con­
sciou sness because she "loo ked m a n ly. " Going fro m her
u su a l fe m ini ne self to em bodyi n g m ascu l i n e bravado was
 '
'

a s i gn to a l l p resent that C h a ngo was there, but the effect

on M a ria was a bit different. H ea ring that she looked
m a n ly a n d m a sc u l i n e was somet h i n g contra ry to her own
gender identity, and fo r her this was a reason to avoid
being in the pos ition where Cha ngo could m o u n t her
aga i n. It wa s n 't that s h e d i d n ' t love Cha ngo, or that she
d i d n 't want to be h i s omo (ch i Id) , but she had a d ifli cu lt
time reco n c i l i n g how she co u l d be herself and then be per-
cei ved a s a different gender from her own .
Like M a ri a , there a re m e n who struggle with confl icting
gender identities i n regards to posses s i o n . I 've enco u n ­
tered me n-strong m a scu l i ne bea rd-wielding straight cis
m en-who have been m o u nted by fem a le s p i rits. Some of
them accepted that the s p i rit, a s a d iv i n e o r en l ightened
presence, is someth i n g sepa rate fro m them. Oth ers were
terrified about how others m ight perceive them afterwards.
Fo r men especial ly, I bel ieve some of the fear about be i n g
m ounted by a female s pirit ste m s from homo phobia and
the fear that oth ers w i l l see them a s wea k, a s " s i ssies," or
othe rwi se q ueer i f they a l low them selves to be m o u nted by
a fem al e s p irit. I t's less a bout how they see them selves,
a n d m o re about how oth ers see them. One man I spoke to
told me that he's a lways been a l ittle worried concerning
his (fe m a le) guard i a n a n gel taking over his body, not be­
cause he doesn't love or trust her, but because of the con­
fl ict between h i s own gende r identity a n d the fem i n inity
that s h e represents.
Wh i l e there are peo ple who struggle with their own ge nder
ident ity when dea l i n g with s p i ritual possession, most peo­
ple who p ractice trad itions where this i s a regu lar part of
their I ives don't give it m uch thought. Possess ion is si m ­
p l y pa rt of thei r lives. They recogn ize that t h e vessel i s the
vessel and the s p i rit is the spi rit. The fact that the s p i rit
chooses that pe rson as a vesse l is no co m m ent on that
i nd ividua l's gender or sex u a l orientation. One practitioner
I s po ke with made a co m ment about possession bri nging
balance; fo r someone who identifies as c i sgender and het­
erosexual to be mou nted by a s p irit of what they con s ider
to be the 11o ppos ite" gender ident ity could be an act of true
s p i ritual bala nce. They are e m bodyi n g the mascu l ine and
fem i n i n e i n the same mom ent. They a re a s p i r itu a l cross­
roads of co m m u n ication from the s p i rit world to earth.
They are mergi ng the p hys ical and the s p i ri t u a l . T h i s argu­
ment of bala nce is based wit h i n a hetero-no rmative and
ci s-normative parad igm of both bod ies and s p i rits. Where
does it leave LG BTQ+ peo ple who are mou nted by sp irits?
We m ay al ready be bend ing gender norms or i n ha biting
genders beyond or between mascu l i ne and fe m i n i ne. We
are already l iving every day as peo ple who do not fit into
the mold, regu la rly brea king stereotypes and defying
expectations by o u r very exi stence.

M aybe LG BTQ+ people can reap more reward out of being

possessed than our straight brothers and s i sters. We a re
 '
'

'•

a l ready u sed to being considered "other" in some way,

which may contribute to the l i ke l i hood of being comfort­
a ble with possession by a s p i rit of a d i ffere nt gender than
our own . Gender fl u idity i s p a rt of o u r comm unities, o u r
h i stories, and. often , our l ives. However, possession o f a
s p irit by the same gender can be eq ually a s powerfu l fo r
u s . For a gay m a n posses sed by a m a sc u l i ne s p i rit, th i s
co u l d b e hea l i ng a n d affirm ing o f o u r own gender identity
as wel l a s hea l i n g to our i ntern a l homophobia by being
e m b raced by the a rchetype of our o ppres s io n . S i m i la rly,
for a fe m m e les b i a n , being m ounted by a fem i n i ne s p irit
m ight bring her peace of m i n d i n e m bodyi n g her fem i ­
n inity w h i l e a l so be nd i ng that ge nder stereotype b y lovi ng
wo m en. Although I h aven't met a trans person who h a s
been ful l y mou nted b y t h e i r O r i s h a ( o r a nother s p i rit) , I
wo uld i m agi ne the psycho logica l i m pact wo u l d depend on
th e i r rel at i o n s h i p to thei r ass igned gender a n d the gender
of the s p irit. A trans wo m a n crowned with Oshun (a fe­
m a l e Ori s h a of th e river, bea u ty, and co m m u n ity) m ay
have an easier time em brac i n g the ex perience than a trans
wo m a n crowned with Ogun (a male Orisha of war and
blacks m iths), fo r example.

E m b rac i n g the m ascu l i ne in a nyth i ng was never h i gh on

my person a l age nda. I steered away from pat r i a rch a l rel i ­
gion, avo ided mascu l i ne god s, a n d I avo ided the fact that I
was m a l e for a s long as I cou ld. I even avoided the Lucu m i
trad iti on for years solely beca use of the Orisha known a s
C h a ngo, t h e s p i r it I mentioned earl ier. Then, o n e d a y I
fou n d myself s itti ng on a stoo l, my bare feet on a straw
m at, with a santera (a priestess) in front of me giving me a
diloggun read i n g (the oracle system of the Lu c u m i trad ition
that u ses sixteen cowrie shel l s to d ivi ne). My l i fe was a
wrec k. I was s u icidal and the wo rds the O r i s h a gave to me
that day saved my l i fe. I was ready to give them my service
in exch a n ge for the bless in gs they h a d given m e.

A few years l ater, I went to h ave a special read i n g referred

to as a " head marking." Th is i s done to identify if you a re
destined fo r the path to priesthood a n d , if so, which Or­
i s h a you a re destined to beco me a priest of. People u sua l ly
think they can guess which Orisha w i l l claim someo ne's
head before the read ing is done, but no one knows unt i l
t h e Orisha dec l a re i t through t h e cowrie s h e l l s . I t's a bout
which O ri s h a yo u need in yo u r l ife to fu l fi l l yo u r destiny,
not which O r i s h a yo u wa nt. Lead ing u p to my own head
m a rking, the o n ly guesses peo ple had sh a red with m e
were two fe m a le Orisha. N ot one person ever gues sed a
m a l e Orisha, at least n ot to my face. Then when the t i m e
came, the pattern o f shells that fel l (known as a n odu)
m a rked the b i rth of Cha ngo as a n Orisha, where the tale is
told of how a h u m a n king was elevated to beco me an Or­
i s h a through the p ra i se of h i s peo ple. I thought to myself,
" I 'm so fucked." S u re enough, it was Chango who wo uld
 '
'

'•

c l a i m my head, the Orisha I had fea red for years and the
sole reason I had tried to avoid t h i s rel i gion. Later that day
someone said to me, " C hango for yo u will be everyth i n g
the m en in you r life h aven't been ." I co ns idered that a s
m u ch a s I cou ld a t the t i m e a n d moved toward beco m i n g
a priest, des p ite m y sh ock a n d d i s appo i n tm ent.
M y decis ion to move forward was due to wa nting the
blessi ngs of m a k i n g Och a , of beco m i n g a priest and h av­
i n g a n Orisha pl aced i n side my head, of be i n g the i r ves sel.
When one becomes a priest in the Lucum i traditi on , they
a re "crowned" with the i r guard i a n Orish a, or rather they
have the essence of that Orisha p laced o n thei r head a n d
they become a wal king vessel o f that Orisha on E a rth. I d id
not move fo rward because I wa nted Chango h i m self But
in the years s i nce I beca me h i s priest, I 've seen the bless­
i n gs he h a s bro ught me. One of those blessi ngs truly sta rt­
ed to m a n i fest a fter h e mou nted m e a n d took over my
body. It was at a d ru m m ing event (so m et i m e s cal led a
tambor or bembe) . As the d ru m s bega n playing the
rhyt h m s for Chan go, my steps fe l l in l i n e with the d r u m s,
my eyes closed, and I felt as if I had been struck by l ight­
n i ng. H ea rt racing, a whi rlwind of m otion, I rea l ized that I
wa s n 't contro l l i ng my body. I was u n aw a re of what it was
d o i ng. Afterwa rd , the co nfirmation I received that Cha n go
h a d co me was h u m b l i n g a n d beautifu l . Aside fro m the
physi cal afterm ath of being mou nted, the feel i ng I was left
with was acceptance and love. I felt with absol utely
certa i nty i n that moment that Cha ngo was a part of m e and
loved m e as his son.

It was truly then that I began to e m b race my own mas­

c u l i n ity and m a n hood. I was ab le to know in my bones
what I had not felt from my life experiences: m e n were not
a l l bad peo ple, men a ren't a l l a b u s ive, and not all men
wanted to change me. Chango embracing me the way h e
d i d , even though I a m gay a n d fa r from butch, for m e was
an act of love and accepta nce that no person's voice could
give me. It was Chango, the mach i smo , who fina l ly a l­
lowed m e to em brace and accept myself t h rough e m b rac­
i n g m e as h i s son and u s i n g m e as his vesse l .

B y experiencing posses sion, I co uld fi n a l ly e m b race m y

own gender identity. As a teenager, i t wa s feel ing t h e em­
brace of a M other, the Goddess, who loved me when I was
l iving i n a world of neglect and add iction . As an a d u lt, it
was feel i n g the accepta nce of a Fath er, Cha ngo, whom I
thought could not care less about me, was l i fe changi ng.
The depth and i m pact of these experiences is m uch deeper
than I can even begin to descri be. The act of being ac­
cepted by a Mother and Fat her, being shown that I wa sn ' t
a lone after years of feel i n g isolated , and being posses sed
and enve loped by the mascu l i ne and fe m inine sides of
S p i rit/God/dess m ade me whole.

When it comes down to it, s p i rits and god s don't care

 '
'

a bout ge nder or sex u a l orientation. It i s we that p l ace these

r u les a n d stereotypes on ourselves. Some people m ight
struggle with the idea of pos ses sion i n general and others
m ight not l i ke the idea of a s p i rit of a nother gender taking
over their body. For those of us who can l et go of our own
ego and s u r render to the d ivine, possession m ay be a n av­
e n u e t h rough which we can fi n d bala nce a n d peace. You r
gender identity a n d yo u r wo rk a s a s p iritu a l practition er/
vessel do not have to conflict with each oth er. E m brace
that you a re d ivi ne, become self-posses sed by all that you
a re, a n d a l low S pirit in whatever form you see it to wo rk
with you and th rough you .
'
'
Fragile M ascu l i n ity
by M a lcolm M a u ne
'
'
 Walkers Betiveen Worlds: The Witch Blood
and Queer Spirit

BY G I A R I E L F O X W O O D

I am a Q ueer Witch

There was a time not long ago that I wo u l d h ave ba lked at

the word s " Q ueer" a n d "Witch." They were too d iv i s i ve,
too controvers ial, a n d carr ied with them too m uch h i stor­
ical baggage. "Q ueer" had bee n the weapon on the
tongues of my tormentors. "Witc h " evoked insidious
H o l lywood i m ages of devi l wors h i p and b l ack m agick. I
opted , i n stead , fo r the m ore pa lata ble descri ptors of "gay,"
" paga n," or "Wiccan." Those word s car ried with them the
hope of accepta nce in a c u l t u re that does not favor other­
ness. When I u se the wo rd s Queer a n d Witch n ow, I capi­
ta l ize them as I wou ld any m agicka l word of power.

The word "Q ueer" a l so h a s power. I t a l so h a s a n edge. I t

a l so h a s teeth . It a l so m a kes people unco m forta ble. The
word " Q ueer" carries with it the traditiona l meani ngs of
strange, odd, eccentric, a n d u n n at u ra l . It was u sed as an­
other way of desc r i b i n g a person that was s u s pected of
being a Witch . In " post-marriage eq u a l ity" America, the
younger ge ne ration i s teach i n g us the power of Q u eerness.
The Q ueer yo uth of today innately em body a fl u id ity of
sex u a l ity, love, gender, and fo rm that ta kes decades for
 '
'

m agicka l practitioners to em brace a n d m aster. These

youth u n a pologetica l ly d e m a n d recogn ition of their right
to exist on thei r own term s. As a Witch, I co u l d no longer
deny the power to be gained by a ba ndoning the mediocrity
of comfortable com p l i a nce with societal norm s a n d em­
bracing the beauty of being Q u eer. So now I em brace the
l a bel : I am Queer.
I n my training with L. Orion Foxwood i n trad itio n- ba sed
witchcraft, I lea rned that the word uWitch " h a s power. I t
h a s a n edge. I t h a s teeth. I t m a kes peo ple u ncomfortable.
As I lea rned to stop being afraid of my own perso n a l
power, t o un vei l the l ight o f m y s o u l , a n d t o u n leash the
song of my s p i rit, I a l so lea rned to stop giving a s h it a bout
m a king peopl e u nco m fo rta ble. As my Witch Queen Lady
Ci rce advised, I a m lea r n i n g to wa l k between the wo rlds of
l ight a n d s h adow a n d to go where a n gel s fear to tread, be­
cause someti m e s i n the d a rkest of p l aces, a Witch i s the
o n ly sou rce of l ight. So now I em b race the l a bel: I am a
Witc h .

I u s e the word Q u eer bec a u se I a m Queer. I rea l i ze not

everyone i s comfortable self-identifyi ng a s Q u eer, how­
ever, it is an i n c l u s ive u m b rel l a term I use to describe the
d iverse s pectru m of h u m a n sex u a l and ge nder ex p ression.
So no m atter which letter of the a l ph a bet s o u p of LG B­
T I QA+ a p peals to yo u , what you r k i n ks a re, or how m a ny
s i des there a re to yo u r love polygo n, know that when I u se
the word Q ueer, I a m speak i n g lov i n gly of YOU. Fo r a re a l l
C h i ldren o f Queer S p irit a re m y beloved Q ueer k i n .

I will use t h e word Witch beca use I a m a Witc h . B ut i n th is

context, I w i l l use it to refer to a l l practitioners of s p i ritual,
mystica l , or magickal tech n iq ues ; those agents of ch ange
who consort with u n seen fo rces to transform themselves
and the wo rld arou nd them for the betterment of A L L. I
rea lize not everyone self-identifies as a Witch, but know
that when I use the word W itch, I a m speaking lovingly of
YO U . For you a l l Ch i ld ren of the Witch B lood a re my
beloved Witches.

I n Euro pean traditions of Witchery, the Witch B l ood is a

term u sed to describe a recurrent h u m a n phenomenon
that i s universa l a n d pancu ltura l : th e emergence of i nd i­
viduals with the proclivity towards m agick, heal ing, or the
a b i l i ty to m ed i ate s p i rit. N ot a l l who c l a i m to be Witches
carry the Witch B lood , a n d not a l l who carry the Witch
B l ood beco me Witches. I u se Queer Spi rit to describe a
parallel phenomenon that encompa sses the spectrum of
the Q ueer experience. Like Queer S p i rit, the Witch B lood
does not care what n a m e you call it, what color of your
s ki n, what l a n gu age yo u s peak, who yo u r a n cestors were,
or which gods you c l a i m a s you r own .

Q u eering the C i rcle

H ow does you r Queerness i n fo rm and 1ns p1re your

 '
'

s p iritual and m agickal practice?

The a n swers I h ave heard to t h i s q u estion a re as d iverse a s

Q ueerness itself. For some peo ple, hearing t h i s q uestion
i s th e i r first time considering the tho ught. M a ny see thei r
Q ueerness as be i n g sepa rate a n d d i sti nct from their s p i ri­
tuality. For most of my l ife, I was one of those peo ple.

O u r Queerness i s the lens t h rough which we experience a l l

forms of Love. Love i s the l a n guage o f the Divi ne. H ow
co u l d o u r Q ueerness a n d o u r s p iritual ity not be inexo rably
i n tertwi ned?

Even as we h ave seen great global strides in eq u a l ity for

Queer peop le, the most powerfu l rel i gious institutions of
the world, in parti c u l a r the A b ra h a m ic sects , sti l l c l i n g to
o rthodox views that attach a stigma to Q ueerness. They
a re a product of the societa l ly accepted norms that bi rthed
them thousands of years ago a n d a re the greatest fo rce
wo rk i n g to m a i nta i n patri a rcha l hetero normative system s
of control to t h i s day. The co n s eq u ences of their efforts
have pro pagated a system of op pression a ga i n st women ,
peo ple of co l o r, a n d Q ueerkin a l i ke. T h i s oppression ex­
presses itself th rough persecuti o n , vi olence, and death. I n
o u r world today, a s s i m i l ation i s rewarded. Bei ng perceived
as "other" b ri ngs d a n ger. While some denom inations have
becom e m o re accepti n g and welco m i ng of their Q ueer
peo ple of fa ith, it req u i res some cogn itive d i ssona nce to
accept a "non -trad itiona l " interpretation of the holy texts. It
req u i res t u r n i n g a b l i n d eye to certain passages and h i s­
toric institutional practices.

The n eo-pagan paths a n d traditio ns, bei ng a prod uct of

their t i m e a n d societa l ly accepted norms, h ave a l so been
problem atic. Wh i l e the neo-paga n com m u n ity as a whole
is very accepting and s u p portive of its Q ueer mem bers,
the s p i ritual practices are sti l l heavi ly focu sed on fe rti l ity
and the gender binary of G oddess a n d God, and the refo re
female and m a le. As i n a l l rel igions, personal prej u d ices
a l so ca rry over into religious dogm a, a n d people a re very
creative i n fi n d ing ways to use thei r faith to justify thei r
hate, fea r, or w i l lfu l ignoran ce. There a re paga n trad itions
that do not al low homosex u a l mem bers, and the struggle
to gain recogn ition and accepta nce of gender fl u id a n d
tran sgender peo ple h a s been a great chal lenge fo r even th e
most inclu s i ve paga n s paces.

There a re nota ble exceptions with i n the neo- pagan m ove­

ment, as seve ra l traditions h ave risen which not only ac­
cept, but em brace a n d celebrate Q u eerness. Some are gen­
der-excl u-s ive w h i l e others a re gender-agnostic. F i n d ing a
pagan path that s u its on e's persona l s p i ritual jo u rney can
be a h a rrowing ordeal. M a ny Q u eer pagans, having fo und
a trad ition that speaks the l a n guage of their soul, are re l uc­
tant to a b andon their path fo r one m o re acco m modating
to their Q u eer identity, and a re struggl ing to find their
 '
'

p l ace in the c i rcle. Even if one i s fo rt u n ate enough to have

a s p i rit u al o r rel igious practice that i s accepting of Queer­
ness, it i s not s u rpri s ing that some Q ueer peo ple d rawn to
the practices of fa ith m i ght bui ld a n i nternal separation of
identity between their faith a n d their sex u al ity o r gender.

My own early s p i ritual struggle-a self-i dentified gay cis­

gender m a n in a n earth -based Goddess/God trad itio n with
stri ctly fo r m ed gender ro les-goaded me to u ncover m y
own truth s i n the pursuit o f Q ueer S p i rit. I now know that
a nat u ra l resona nce exi sts between W itchery and Q ueer­
ness. As Witches, we l ive o u r l ives between the civi l ized
a n d tamed world s of h u m a n ity and the wi ld and u ncanny
h a u nts of the natural world and the unseen s p i r its . As
Q ueerki n , we l i ve o u r l ives between the constructs a n d
trad itions of the m ora l m ajority and t h e l i berated and fl u id
expan ses of h u m a n connection a n d love u n bo u n d . Both
have a long h i sto ry of being derided and vil ified. Both a re
the cham pion of the u n derdog, the voiceless, a n d the u n ­
seen. Both a re seen as d ifferent, ecce ntric, o r oth er. Both
a re strea m s of h u m a n experi ence, the Witch B lood a n d
Queer S p i rit, woven a n d often i n terwoven th roughout the
d iverse tapestry of h u m a n l i fe.

The Streams of Witchery and Queerness

" Faery tra dit i o n " descri bes a wide and va ried body of an­
cient fo l k l ore a n d practices that center a ro u n d the s p i rits
of N ature that we have come to call "faery." Faery tradi­
tions and lore a re the great-gra ndmothers of E u ropean
Witchery. The Faery a re a n cient no n-corporea l beings that
res ide in the " u nderworld," and a re the a rch itects of m ate­
rial form . They s p a rk i n s p i ration and creativ ity i n the hearts
and m i nds of h u m a n ity, plant i n g the seed s of our a rts a n d
sCtences.

The underwo rld is a lso where the s p i rits of the Ancestors

res ide, beyond the R i ver of Blood, which i s a vast ri ver that
flows between the land of the Faery and the h u m a n
rea l m s. I n order to visit the Faery rea l m , one m u st cross
the Ri ver of B lood and be ba ptized in the blood of our
Ancestors. The River of B lood is the embod i ment of the
strea m of h u m a n ity that flows from the n atura l l ife of the
E a rth , with a d i vin e p u rpose yet to be revea led. Each of us
i s but a wave that em erges fro m the R iver of B l ood i nto
this world, receding when o u r corporeal bod ies fade a n d
release our s p i rits, on ly t o emerge a ga i n at an other t i m e
a n d pl ace, as i n the concept of the transm igration o f s o u l s.

I n m any trad itions of Witchery, those with the potentia l or

talent fo r Witchery can be identified by the Witch B lood,
emerging from and hidde n with i n the River of B lood. The
Witch B lood is p resent i n a l l those who possess a pro­
cl ivity fo r magi ck. The Witch B lood rises with i n fa m i ly
b loodl ines, l i neated tra d itio n s, and spontaneously when­
ever and wherever the world is in need of the power a n d
 '
'

'•

wi sdo m of the Witch . I n those who possess the W itch

Blood, it l ies dormant u nti l need and opportunity awa ken it
to r i se and boil with in our ve i n s . I t is the Witch B lood that
d rives us to seek esoteric and occult wisdom. It is the
Witch B lood that awake n s us from the i l l u sion of i solation
a n d sets us on the q u est to seek a home we cannot
remember in the embrace of d iv i n e source. It is the Witch
B lood that sours o u r tongue when we feast o n mediocrity
a n d co m p l acen cy. It i s the Divine D i scontent that d rives
u s deep i nto the d a r k a n d d a ngero u s wilds of the natura l
wo rld, beyond t h e hedge ways t h a t m a rk t h e e n d o f the
rea l m s of h u m a n ity, and t h rough the ve i l that o bfu scates
the s p i rit rea l m s a s we chase o u r b l i s s . When we a l low the
Witch B lood with i n us to remem ber, awa ken , a n d become,
we c l a i m sovereignty of o u r power, our s p i rit, and o u r
so u l .

Those with the potential o r procliv ity towa rd s Q ueerness

a re the ch i ld re n of Q ueer S pirit, emerging fro m a n d h idden
with i n the R iver of B lood. Q ueer S pi rit i s present i n a l l
those whose ways of loving a n d bei n g d o not confo r m to
the heteronorm ative models of the d o m i n a n t cultu res of
the world. Q ueer S p i rit emerges within fa m i ly blood l i nes
as wel l a s spontaneously, a p pea ring whenever a n d wher­
ever the world is in need of the d i sru ptive a n d expa n sive
powers of Queer Love, Q u eer Ange r, a n d Q u eer Power. I n
those who were born out of Q ueer S p i rit, we strain and
struggle aga i nst the c h a i n s of convention which are laid
u pon us, i n herited fro m o u r fa m i lies a nd o u r culture, as
we m ature i nto adu lthood. It is Qu eer Spi rit that awake ns
wit h i n us when we fi n d the cou rage and strength to break
the bond s of ex pectat ion laid u pon u s in the same way a
seed l i n g struggles aga i n st the weight of the earth to break
through to the l i ght. It is Q ueer Sp irit that blosso m s from
the dark cloak of o u r secret i n n er lives a n d the vei l of o u r
s i lence, d riving u s to co m m it t h e u lt i m ate act o f a poth­
eo sis in the creat ion of o u r self in o u r own i m a ge. When
we a l low the Q ueer S p i r it wit h i n us to exp ress , heal, and
revea l, we cla i m d o m i n i on over o u r power1 o u r s p i rit, and
our s o u l .

Wh i l e a l l Witches are not Q ueer, and a l l Queerkin a re not

Witches, the divine i m p u lse, which is the d r iving fo rce a n d
momentum of t h e i r em erge n ce in the stream o f h u m a n ity,
s h a re a co m m o n p u rpose: Li be ration of the S p i rit. The
Witch B lood seeks to awaken h u m anity fro m the Song of
Forgetfu l ness that leads us to see o u rselves as separate
fro m the natu ra l world. It rem inds us that a l l l i fe is i nter­
co n n ected a n d everyt h i n g is a l ive. It rem i n d s us that the
div ine exists wi th i n us, a l l th in gs a re sacred, all our words
cast a s pell, a n d a l l o u r actions are ritu als. It rem i nds us
that we h ave the power to ch ange the world . Qu eer S p i r it
seeks to free our s p i rit from the bond s of ass i m i lati on. It
chal lenges us to be wi ld and bold in our self-ex press ion
 '
'

a n d o u r expressions of love. I t chal lenges u s to l ive with­

out fea r, to l a ugh without l i m its, and to j u st love m o re. It
c h a l lenges u s to see the beauty in the world and to know
that we m a ke the world more beautifu l by letting the l ight
of o u r authentic selves s h i ne . I t reminds us that our l i ves,
o u r bod ies, a n d o u r s p i rits belo ng to u s as indiv i d u a l s .
Cl a i m i t ! Own it! Shape it!

Witches a re not born, we a re m ade. The Witch B lood l ies

d o r m a nt u ntil awa kened , so Witches m u st be taught and
tra i ned i n the knowledge a n d skills that wi l l become o u r
craft. M uch o f the training o f a Witch i nvolves u n learn i ng
m u ch of what has been both deli berately and s u bcon­
sciously taught to u s . We m u st learn to walk between the
wo rlds and exi st with one foot i n th i s world and one foot
i n the spirit rea l m . We m u st learn to see with one eye into
the h a rd edges of rea lity a n d see wi th the other eye i nto the
s u btle rea l m s of the i n ner world. Witches becom e edge­
walkers, l iv i ng i n the world but not of it. We exi st at the
edges of h u m a n ity, at the peri meter of the fi re's l ight, with
one foot in the shadow. We m u st learn to become com­
fortabl e with u n certai nty, living betwixt and between in the
l i m inal p l aces, absent of a bsol utes. We m u st learn the
i nner l a ndscape of o u r souls a n d take ca refu l inventory of
o u r p a i n s a n d scars, i n o rder to c la i m dom i n io n over o u r
sp i rit by m a stering our demons. " G nothi seauto n "
(y\'Co01 crcwnov) , o r "know t hysel f", i s the
core wo rk of the Witch .

Queerkin a re not m ade1 we are born . Bei ng the c h i l d ren of

Queer S p i rit1 the seed of Q ueer expression grows within
the fert i l e soil of our so u l s . It d e m a n d s to be heard . Even
before we have t he la n gu age to describe the experience1
m a ny of u s beco me i nt u i tively aware of o u r oth erness. As
o u r in ner self-awa reness growsl we beg i n to learn a com­
pl icated Q ueer arit h m etic to safely n avi gate a world we i n ­
sti nctively know i s d a n gerous1 giving us an i ntuitive sense
of s u btle energies. The abil ity to walk between the worlds
and shape-sh ift is a m atter of s u rviva I. Queerki n start o u r
l i ves wal king between the worlds a n d moving ea s i ly be­
tween states of bei n g. As Qu eer S p i rit d e m a n d s to be ex­
pressed, the need for a uthentic self-express ion creates a
b u i ld i ng p ressure aga i nst the des i re to rem a i n safe, silent,
a n d un seen. I f 11know thyself" is the u nderm ost work of the
Witc h , s u rely "create thyself" is the core work of bei n g
Queerk i n .

Queerkin m a ke n atural Witch es. T h e proce ss of u n le a r n i n g

the progra m m ing o f co m p l i a n ce see m s t o be m uch easier
for anyone who is a l ready d i s enfra nchised from the arti­
fic ial social con structs of society. F l u i d ity of form comes
natu ra l ly to Q ueerk i n 1 while the "co m i n g out" process de­
m a n d s a self-k nowledge that m any Witches struggle
through a l i feti m e to achieve. Li kewis e, fo r Witches, there
i s a sy mpathetic resonance with Qu eer energy. Witches are
 '
'

'•

the c h a m p i o n of the underdog a n d the oppressed , a n d we

sp eak fo r those that cannot speak fo r them se lves .
Queerkin have been p resent since the begi nning i n the
fight for soci a l ju stice, racia l eq u a l i ty, and ge nder eq u a l ity.
Witches a re the last resort of the tru ly desperate, when a l l
other opti ons have been exh austed . Q u eerk i n a re often the
last bastion of hope for the lost, the homeless, and when
fa m i ly have tu rned the i r backs on us. Witches a l so cele­
b rate the s pectru m of h u m a n sexual ex pres sion, often
s h a ri ng the Q u eer val ues of sex- positivity, kink, a n d var­
ious degrees of po lya mo ry.

Witches a n d Q ueerkin a lso s h a re the same adversaries.

The s a m e fo rces that would see a return of the I nq u i s ition,
the i n sta l l ment of a state rel igion, and the cri m i n a l izatio n
of witchcraft, wo u l d also see Q ueer peopl e i m prisoned,
deported , cri m inalized , o r executed . Witches and Queer
people in d i fferent p a rts of the world a re dying tod ay. It is
my h ope that with m o re d i scussion of these com mon­
a l ities, Wi tches m ight start to see them se lves as being a
l ittle Queer and Q ueer people m i ght let themselves be a
l ittle Witchy.

We are the Co m i n g Storm and the W i n d s of C h a n ge

The River of B lood i s the e m bodiment of the stream of

h u m a n a n cestry th roughout existence, emerging fro m the
past and flowing i nto the futu re. Ancestry, in this s p i ritu a l
context, expands beyond trad itiona I defi n itions of fa m i ly
b loodl ines, genealogy, and genetics. As yo u fo l low the
River of B lood u pstream , back th rough the gen erat ions
over the hu ndreds of thousands of years of h u m a n ex is­
tence to the first being that m ight be cons idered the M oth­
er of h u m a n ity, it does n 't suddenly stop. H u m ans tend to
forget that h u m a n ity emerged fro m the strea m of l i fe fo rce
that flows out of the p l a net itself which we call N a t u re ; we
a re not sepa rate from N ature. When we look back before
the first M other of h u m a n ity, o u r strea m of a n cestry be­
comes non-h u m a n . The an i m a ls , pla nts, soi l , oceans , a n d
M other Ea rth itself, they are all o u r Ancestors.

N at u re is the u lt i m ate sou rce of a l l life on th is pla n et, i n ­

c l u d i n g u s . It is also the mo st powe rfu l creative force and
the m ost powerfu l destructive fo rce on the p l a n et. N o
technol ogy, no tool o r wea pon of h u m an ity, i s more pow­
erful than the forces of N atu re. That primo rd i a l tlow of cre­
ative a n d destructive energy i s cal led the Wyld Force. I n
the lore of Witchery i n wh ich I was tra i n ed, the Witch h a s
the a b i l ity t o tap into the Wyld Force, and enter in to a co­
creative relations h i p with the fo rces of N at u re. Of a l l the
reported powers of a Witch, the a b i l ity to wield the Wyld
Force was one of the most terrifying. I n ages past, bei n g
"wi l d " d id n' t j u st mean "unta m ed ," it meant "dead ly."
H u m a n ity is i n a constant state of wa r aga i nst the forces of
N at u re working to tear down o u r cities and m o n u ments to
 '
'

'•

rec l a i m the eart h .

The Wyld Force i s t h e river that breaks the levees. I t i s the

torn ado that brings the winds of change. I t i s the wild fi re,
the l ightn i n g strike, the tidal wave, and a l l the beautifu l and
terri ble th i ngs in the natu ral wo rld. It i s the u ntama ble and
u n pred icta ble s ide of N ature. When the Witch wields the
Wyl d Force, they beco m e a fo rce of N ature, as ge nerous
and n u rturing as the ocea n , and as dispass ionate a n d
cruel a s a wildfire. The Witch strives to b u i ld d i rect rela­
tions h i p with the s p i rits of the nat u ra l and u n seen worlds,
the a rch itects of fo r m , that we ca l ! Faery. Beca use they
watch us a n d see how we treat each other, they will not
fu l ly trust u s u n t i l we have been bathed in the b lood of o u r
Ancestors . Why wo u l d they want to b u i l d d i rect rela­
tions h i p with a s pecies that treats other membe r of the
same species so poorly?

The Witch B lood is a m a n i festation of the Wy!d Force,

flowing as a stream of blue Witch F l a m e t h rough the River
of B lood. L i ke the Wyld Fo rce, Witches a re wild, u ntam­
a b !e, u n co ntro l la ble, a n d u n p red i cta ble. They can be the
loya l h ound that guards the flock o r the wo lf that t h i n s the
herd. The Witch i s N atu re's way of bringing balance to the
scales. We a re the keepers of knowledge and l o re. We tem­
per the flames of i ntolera nce to he l p restore h a rmony, a n d
when necessa ry, we h u m ble the a rroga nce o f h u m a n ity. I n
the da rkest o f ti mes, we restore fa ith and t r u s t in the
natura l order of creat ion, and in the eternal constancy of
div ine love. Witches a re agents of cha nge, wor k i n g to
bring Eden to earth by h e l p i n g to bring h u m a n ity in to co­
creative relat ionsh i p with the p l a net and with each other.

Queer S p irit is a lso a m a n ifestation of the Wyld Force, a

strea m of wh ite starlight flowing from the stars through
the R iver of Blood. Like the Wyld Force, Q u eerkin a re
beautifu l and fierce. I f Witches em body the creative and
destructive fo rces of N ature, Q ueerkin e m body the evo l u ­
tionary a n d transformative fo rces o f N ature. Queerkin a re
N atu re's way of agitating or sh atteri n g the old structu res
that th reaten to confine a n d suffocate h u m a n ity. They re­
m ind u s that joy is a d i scip li n e and of the wonderment of
pl ayfu l ness. They rem ind us that beyond the pain a n d fear
l i es un explored ple a s u res. They re m i n d us that you can
choose the sh ape of yo u r world or let the world shape you .
They rem ind us that everyone h a s a story that m u s t be told
a n d a song that m u st be s u n g. They rem ind us that Love
comes in different shapes a n d cannot be restra in ed. They
a re the wounded healer whose p a i n poi nts i n the d i rection
of hea l i n g. Q ueerki n are agents of l i beration, i nviting
h u m an ity to free itself from the s u perficial constructs of
societa l norms , to dig deep i nto the m uck of our soul's
p a i n to reveal the pearl of great cost which is our d ivine
pu rpose, fu l ly exp ressed . Q ueerness, l ike Witche ry, i s a
s p i ritual path i n its own right, a s p iritual ca l l i n g that
 '
'

'•

demands to be h eard.

A s peci a l synergy h a ppens where the Witch B lood me rges

with Q u eer S p i rit, a n d those two strea m s beg i n to i n s p i re
a n d i nform each oth er. The Wyld Force, with i n a Q u eer
Witc h , m a nifests as the Aud acity of N at u re. Be audacious.
Be bold. Chal lenge every bel ief you hold dear. C h a l lenge
every th ou ght that enters yo u r m i n d. Challenge every emo­
tion that e merges in you r being. C h a l lenge every precon­
cei ved idea . Know thyself. Heal thyself. G row thyself. Re­
veal thysel f.

Queer S p i rit is c a l l i n g to yo u. I t i s a living s p i rit being

whose form i s made up of the Queer Ancesto rs, a n d which
holds thei r co m b i n ed wisdom. As one of the Q u eerk i n ,
you have o n ly o n e m i s s ion: to a l low your own Q ueerness
to blossom fu l ly in yo u r s p i rit and the expres s ion of yo u r
l i fe. You r Q ueerness i s a pa rt o f yo u , a n d part of t h e d i v i ne
i m p u lse that i n sp i red yo u r birth. It is p a rt of yo u r d iv i ne
p u rpose fo r be i ng. I t i s a holy sacra ment to explore your
own Q u eer ex press i on. E m brace you r otherness. The path
to great wisdom is fraught with great peri l, but you are not
a lone.

All Witches and Queerkin are heretics.

Queer Love is heresy.

Queer Sex is sacrilege.

Queer I d entity is blasph emy.

Queer Anger is a postasy.

But Q ueer Anger i s Queer Power.

Queer Power is Tra nsformation.

Queer S p i rit is Li berat ion .

Be free.
La Li mpia
by I n es lxierda
'
'
 The Unfettered M ind Allolvs for The Free
Flolv of Spirit.

BY CA Z E M B E A B E N A

There i s no separation i n S p i rit.

There is a Oneness that exi sts in a l l t h i ngs, which defies

categorization. It s i m p ly is by the virtue of its vi bration.
M a ny things ex ist a n d can not be categorized or co ntained
by the h u m a n m i n d . They cannot be l a beled . As h u m a n s ,
we la bel to un dersta nd, use, a n d control. S p i rit a n d/o r en­
ergy can neither be created nor dest royed . W h i l e in h u m a n
for m , o u r un dersta n d i n g o f S p i r it i s l i m ited a t best. I t is
l i ke trying to exp l a in calcu lus to an i n fant - they do not
have the tool s at that stage to even s peak the l a n gu age. We
d
label to contro l fo r use i n th i s / d i m e n s i o n . S p irit exists
far beyond t h i s d i m ens ion and has roots in other non-
phys ica l realit ies . As a res u lt, the re-interpretation of ener­
gies as they fi l ter them selves down from the ethers to be
u sed here on t h i s p l a n e is a p rocess that is often not e a s i ly
u n derstood o r e m p loyed . The res u lts can appear less than
expected to the h u m a n eye and rationa l m i n d, or a re a b­
sent a ltogether. Even on th is pla ne, there a re a lways th i n gs
ha ppeni n g 'beyond the vei l ' that serve to ad j ust, sh ift , a n d
m a n i p u l ate u s a n d o u r cu rrent states in physica l form .

C a l l i ng forth a n energy for heal ing, a b u n d a n ce, etc. 1s

 '
'

'•

i m porta nt to provide d i rection; however, we m u st a l ign

o u r intent ion with what is needed , i n as m uch pu rity as
poss i b le, and release what we th i n k wi l l be the outco me.
To refra in fro m doing so i s to try to fit S p i rit i nto a h u m a n
box. We can not co nta i n energy th rough physical means o r
wit h i n a h u m a n m i nd that i s steeped i n the phys ica l .

When S p i rit revea ls I tself to us, w e take t h e i n formation,

a n d m o ld it to the confines of o u r l a ngu age and cu lt u ra l
pa rameters. We h ave to do th i s i n itia l ly to bring mean i ng
to S p i rit for us and to m a ke it fit with in o u r i m med iate sur­
ro u n d i ngs and l i fe. H owever, to furth er expand our under­
sta nding of S p i rit, we m u st be willing to see S p i r it beyond
the parameters of o u r i m medi ate exi stence a n d exp eri­
ences - all of which a re rooted in the physical. The m ore
d iverse a n d expa ns ive o u r needs a re on the phys i ca l p l a n e
rd
i n o u r 3 d i me n s i o n a l rea l i ty, the m o re extens ive the pow­
ers of S p irit can show themselves to be. M enta l ly con­
fi n i ng S p i rit to our l i m ited experiences is putti ng b rakes on
the flow of the energy we have cal led in to help u s .
 A sym bol for clearing of the m i n d , break ing mental
barriers, a n d ex pand i ng awareness to e m b race the
Onenes s of the Abyss out of which everyt h i n g
m a n ifests, by Cazembe Abena.

C h a n n e l i ng taught m e th is p rofo u n d lesson. We all h ave

gifts beyond the phys ical beca u s e o u r essence is S p i r itu a l ,
but the burde n o f d i scove ring who we a re, a n d wh at we
have rests upon our shou lders. We may start with o u r
i m medi ate cultu re and ethnicity, but who we truly a re i s fa r
beyond these constructs. It i s beli eved by some that o u r
jou rney to a fu l l u nderstanding o f o u r essence i s why we
 '
'

'•

a re here on t h i s 'tra ining gro u n d ' that we call E a rth . I d i s­

covered seve ral years ago during a 90-day channeling exer­
cise with Ascended M a ster Vywa m u s that I chan nel sym­
bols. I wasn't asking for th i s gift, but it came to me in s u p­
port of a goa l that I was seek i n g to acco m p l i s h with the
exerci se. One of the benefits of working with Vywam us is
that the work revea l s i n ner gifts. I d i d not know this as pect
of the energy u n t i l after I com pleted the exercise. M y gift
was revealed to me loud a n d clear a s a d i rect down load
i nto my co nsciou snes s. I dou bted it u nt i l I tested the valid­
ity of what I received.
I drew 5 sym bols, gave them to my instructor at the t i m e
(who was very sens itive to energy) , a n d a s ked h i m what h e
felt with each one. U n beknownst to h i m , one o f th e sym­
bols was h i s . He went t h rough the sym bol s, revea l i n g only
m inor reactio n s to the energ ies unt i l he reached h i s. He
stopped at his symbol a n d said that h i s whol e body was
beg i n n i ng to vi brate. When I s h a red that it was h i s symbol ,
he said 3 th i ngs, "These are powerfu l . Don't sto p. Don't
d o u bt." Unfo rt u n ately, I d id .

Doubt h a d me pa ralyzed i n the use of m y gift for 2 years.

Our gifts a re not fo r u s , they a re for others. I woke up
when I rea l i zed that I had been cheat i n g the com m u n ity of
a service a n d potenti a l bl ess i ng. I sought feedback as to
how the sym bols were affecti ng people. Beca use the feed­
back wasn't what I thought it should be, I sto pped. Weeks
a fter creating sym bols fo r cl ients, I rea l i zed that feed back
was s p a rse becaus e peo ple s i m ply were n 't u s i n g the sym­
bols. They hadn't put in the work of u s i n g them in med i­
tation or in their d a i ly I ives. I n sp ite of th is, I began to re­
ceive pos itive feed back about the effects of the sym bo ls
(emotional peace, greater in come, sound sleep , h a p pier
l i ves, etc.) months (even yea rs) a fter I expected to. I had
s u bconsc io u s ly i mposed my expectations on a s p i ritual
tool, which in turn led me to u nderva lue its gift. When I fi­
n a l ly released my expectations, my cl ients' feed back
showed me that S p irit works in ways far beyond o u r per­
ception.

Another lesson came when I end eavored to create the

sym bols again regu l a r ly. S p i rit can not be forced , it m u st
be allowed. Somet i m es in m y ha ste to fi n ish a sym bo l for a
cl ient, I fo u n d myself trying to th i n k my way th rough the
proces s. I soon fo u n d that not h i n g wo uld stop the flow of
S p i r it faster. A fa mous q uote from B ruce Lee , one of the
m ost revered m a rtial artists of a l l time, in the short-l ived
1 971 TV series ' Longstreet', fu rther conveys how o u r body
and m ind s h o u l d flow:

"Empty your mind, be formless1 shapeless - like water.

Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; you put
water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; you put it in a
teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it
can crash."
 '
'

'•

M a rtial a rt i sts, ath letes, m u s 1c1a n s , entrepreneurs, a n d

m a ny types o f a rti sts un dersta nd that power, energy, a n d
creativ ity flow more freely th ro u gh a rel axed vessel. S p i r­
itu a l work i s no different. A cl osed m i n d i s a tense m i n d . A
tense m i n d is stress . Stress i s ten sion. Ten si on i s constric­
tion. Extended con strict ion is restri ct io n . Restriction i s
b lockage. The water-like m i nd leaves a l l co nfi nes beh i n d
so that it m ay flow freely. When I take the time to clear my
m ind and a l low S p i r it to flow, it revea l s sym bols and i nfor­
m ation to me so effo rtlessly that I often feel l ike I ' m not
doing anyt h i n g. That is the revel ation . Once we m a ke the
req uest of S p i rit, there is noth ing to do but allow.

When we call S p i rit forth to co m p lete a goal for a task or

fo r heal ing, we m u st free ou rselves of p reconceived no­
tions of laws and rules to a l low S p irit to operate in its
fu l lest fo rm. Blockages and i m posed cont ro l i n thought
when operating with S p i rit restricts S p i rit - especially if we
a re ca l l i ng S p i r it to wo rk th rough o u r bodies in possession
or e m bod i m ent. J u st a s one of the mo st powerfu l ele­
ments on Earth is free-flowi n g water i n a t i d a l wave, so do
we need to a l low S pirit to flow th rough u s u n enc u m bered
with rationa l tho ught a n d paradigms that m ay d i m inish
a n d delay its power.

I f we are perplexed at how ou r m i nd set can affect the po­

tency of S p i rit on this pl a n e, let us rem e m ber that we a s
h u m a n beings a re the b r idge between S p i rit and the
m ate rial. As h u m a n bei n gs, there is a part of u s that i s
sp irit ' h u ,' a n d a n other that is m atter j m a n.' Hu is S a n skrit
for s p i rit, a n d m a n is ass ociated with 'ma' or ' m a na,' a
derivative for m atter or b u i ld i n g in Sanskr it i n both a n a b­
stract and l itera l sense. We act as a bridge d u e to o u r d u a l
m a ke-up of S p i rit a n d m atter, provi d i n g us a n invitat ion to
both worlds if we expand our awareness enough to prop­
erly e m b race both . This d u a l ity that is o u r birthright1 o u r
i n nate be i ng-ness, a l lows u s th e power t o usher the i m m a­
terial i nto the m ateria l.

Pa rt of my s p i r it u al h ea l i n g practice involves me bei n g a

DOM in a method of B D S M I created cal led SenergeticTM
(Se n s u a l/Energetic) B D S M . I n addition to i m pact play and
sens u a l to uch, I c h a n n e l energies to provide the ap pro­
priate heal ing a n d ba la n ce d uri ng these often-i ntense heal­
i n g sessions. I enter the session as a m a n , but by the time
S p i r it engages, I h ave em braced both the mascu l i ne a n d
the fe m ini ne energies. I've lear ned to con cede to S p i rit
co m p l etely beca u se in that moment, for the sake of the
cl ient, I m u st a l low for my flex i b i l ity to provide h a rmony to
the l ife/energy/being of the client fo r thei r hea l i ng. My
o n ly focus is to ign ite bala nce in the cl ient. For this, I m u st
be fl u i d .
The key to ga i n i n g contro l over o u r physical rea l i ty is not
o n ly the open m i nd set, but also h igh vi brational thoughts.
To this end, I start all of my SenergeticTM B D S M sessions
 '
'

'•

with a ffi r m i n g intentions s poken by the s u b m i s s ive. I hold

the i ntentio n t h roughout the scene. This i s the end point -
the what. I a l low S p i r it to take over, a n d p rovide the how.
The hea l i n g power that comes from relea s i n g a l l rest ric­
tions - m ental , emotio n a l , cu ltura l, gendered, and physical
i s tran scendenta I .

I n her book 1 The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teach­

ings in the Ways of Relationships, Sobonfu Some talks about
the s peci a l presence of LG BTQ i ndividu als in ritual. Some,
of the Dagara N ation of Burk i n a Faso in West Africa,
sp eaks of some people as being gate keepers i n certa i n rit­
u a l s d u e to their d u a l natu re. The u n dersta nd i ng i s that
some i n d ivid u a l s' a b i l ity to expand their sexuality (release
certain restrictio n s) trans lates in S p i rit as the gift of con­
nect i n g worlds a n d d i mensions. Cert a i n ritu a l s c a n not be
done without the presence of th i s type of energy. This
same un dersta n d i n g h a s been espou sed by some N a tive
American cultures a s we l l . Although some polls show th at
v a l ues a re slowly changi ng to e m b race LG BTQ rights, the
h i storica l m a instream co nservative idea that there is no
pl ace i n S p i r it fo r LG BTQ energy doesn't a p p ly here. What
is conveyed h e re with these two exa m ples is not mere
tolerance1 but a n i ntegr a l n eed fo r th i s energy as it relates
to the l ive l ihood of a cu ltu re and people. As with a l l cre­
ation, there is a pl ace a n d a pu rpose - often beyond the
confines of the myopic m i n d set. Once agai n, it wo u l d
a p pear that a freedom of expression a n d thought on t h i s
plan e o f ex i stence tra ns lates t o expa n s i o n o f abil ities i n the
Spi ritual.

I t is i n teresting to hear people confine S o u rce (or rep lace

whichever title yo u wish for The Creator) to a gender. It i s
i ntrig u i n g t o see how ( a n d why) w e wo uld want to ca l l Cod
omni potent, but yet rest rict It to one gender over a n other. I
s u p port and u nderstand the necessity for l i beral n a m i n g i n
order to break away from the pat riarc h a l structu re (God­
dess vs. Cod, etc.) . I n m a ny pan theons, there are del in­
eations of masc u l i ne a n d fem i n i n e energies, but I wo u l d
l i ke to offer that even i n the identifi cation o f the mascu l i n e
and the fem i n i ne wit h i n the deities of certa i n pantheo n s , it
s h o u l d be noted that to fu lly exp ress or em body the en­
ergy, deity, or G oddess wo u ld req u i re an open-en ded ex­
pression and und erstand i n g of gend er. I n the fi n a l a nal­
ysis, we should keep in m i nd that ulti m ately Sp i rit i s gen­
derless beca use it is free of a l l restrictions. This may chal­
lenge o u r present notions of gender, but we m u st a l low
the energy to express itself i n the p u rest fo rm as it sees fit.
T h i s often can mean that the en ergy m ay pe rform and ex­
press itself i n ways that a re perhaps unfa m i l i a r to u s . A
'blockage' or retard ation of en ergetic flow is someti mes
due to the conflict of Sp irit trying to m ake Its way in to a
physical for m , a n d o u r log ical m i nd attempting to deci­
pher the m essages.
 '
'

I f we engage S pirit with the h u m a n m i nd and u nder­

sta n d i n g alone, we wi l l m i s s its expans ive b r i l l i a n ce and
depth . We often en gage energy a n d use it h e re for a frac­
tion of what it can truly do.

When engaging S p i rit, fo rget what you kn ow. Forget what

you th i n k you kn ow. Forget thinking a l together. J u st a l l ow.
Al low the connection to for m .

Co m e to S p i rit with a p u re i ntention, and then release cul­

tural restri ctions, l a bels, defi n iti ons, categories1 a n d the
l i ke as m uch a s possible. U n derstand that a 'name' i s d if­
ferent fro m a 'la bel.' A name i s a n ident ifier, a s o u n d , a
v i b ration that m a kes a th ing what it i s . A name reflects the
true es sence of a th ing. The essence of a th ing, when
engagi n g s p i rit, i s fa r beyond what wo rds c a n descri be.

Labels are fo r p hysical ideas confined to the physical, low

v i b rational rea l i ties that we a re a l l rooted to i n order to
learn how to rise out of. In th i s regard, low v i b ration i s not
seen a s negative, but a s a means to identify the m ore
gross a n d solid state that a to m s vi brate i n to reflect p hys­
i c a I m atter. This idea of r i s i n g out of low v i b rations brings
us to a n other phenomenon - Ascension.

It i s bel ieved in some c i rcles that we a re h ere to experience

a n d re m e m ber who a n d what we a re as a p a rt of the body
of S ource. Th i s experience is criti cal, as S ource cannot
know I tself without s p lintering I tself u p into nearly infi n ite
pieces a n d experiences to acq u i re knowledge of what it has
created . Everyth i n g i s expected to evolve and to grow. Re­
leasing notions of good or bad, t h i s certa i n unde rsta nd ing
s u ggests that we a re he re to learn how to ascend ou rselves
by d rawing S p i r it down i nto the physical body, so that we
can in tegrate o u r physical a n d energetic body, a n d rise i n
the Spi rit u al. We are i n n ately p rogra m m ed to expand and
develop. To rem a i n stagn ate is a certa i n type of death . But
it i s our m i nds wh ich are attached to powerful emotions
that ho ld energies that can prevent th i s growth . Once
a ga i n , we a re cal led to shed the sh ackles of o u r rea l i ty for a
greater one, a one in which bou nd aries d i ssolve the h igher
we cl i m b.

I t is our S p i rit m ind / body that we m u st use when engagi ng

S p i rit. The way to en gage enta i l s the rele a s i n g of cate­
gories, l a bels, concrete defi n it i o n s , a n d parameters. With
true depth a n d i nvestigation , we fi n d that i n asses s i n g
S p i rit, th i ngs turn fro m black a n d wh ite to gray. A s w e e n ­
gage S p i rit a p p ropri ately, t h e i n formation a n d experiences
become more profo und a n d broad s i m u ltaneous ly, some­
th ing we do not often encounter w h i l e wo rking i n the phys­
ica l. The m o re thi ngs appear d iffere nt, the more they ap­
pear the sa me. The fa rther away we th i n k we are traveling,
the closer to home we a rrive. When we ex pan d we break
the prison of the ego m i n d , which th rives on i nd i vidu a l ity
and segregation. Through th is s p i ritual jou rney we
 '
'

em brace the Oneness, which co nnects u s a l l a n d reflects

o u r true essen ce. Why?

Love is i n fi n ite and expans ive. The o n ly truth is u ltim ately

Love, and Love i s the U lt i m ate expression of Oneness.
O n eness is the connective th read for a l l t h i n gs as it m a r-
ries u s etern a l ly to S o u rce. The con necting t h read t h rough
a l l of thi s i s Love. Love s i m ultaneous ly sh atters bou nd­
a ries and d raws a l l th i ngs together. Love i s the energy that
b i rthed the U n iverse.

But is energy all Sou rce? Is it all holy? Pe rhaps . . . beca use
it all exi sts.

What exi sts was created out of Sou rce. N oth i n g exists out­
side of Sou rce. Sou rce created all i n a l l m a n ifestations a n d
a l l th i ngs. Th is i s often d iffi c u lt to wrap o u r h u m a n m i nds
a ro u n d , as we fi n d ou rselves d rown i n g i n a segregated
u n iverse of ind ividual i sm. Th i s idea of O neness is the per­
fect expression of relea s i n g bo u nd a ries, l a bels, a n d con­
strictions that segregate. It is U n iversa l Love in exis tence.

As a p riest of O s u m a re, I was i n iti ated i n a way that a l­

lowed m e to fu l ly em body S p i rit. As a n I n it iate it i s u p to
m e to consu lt with S p i ri t itself to receive the a n swers. U n ­
l i ke many i n i tiated pr iests, I a m not m a rried to a parti c u l a r
c u ltural expression with t h i s energy. There a re benefits and
l i m itations to th i s approach. The benefit is the freedo m of
expression a n d the power it bestowes . . The l i m itati on is
that you a re often fly i n g by the seat of you r pants, and you
m u st trust the p rocess deep ly.

I had to a p p roach S p i r it in a way where I was open to re­

cei v i n g the mes sages, a bsent from pre-conce ived notions
of the energy itself Conseq uently, I was exposed to truths
fa r beyond what I had i n it i a l ly i m agined. There is a com­
plete fl u i d ity i n the energy of Osum are, whether that is i n
the a rena of gender o r Light a n d Dark en ergies. I n some
cu ltural express ions of O s u m a re, it is seen as either a
m a l e or fe ma le. I h ave come to un dersta nd it as bot h, able
to ex press itself at will in the m a n n er it chooses. My pre­
vious notion that Osumare was only a bout Light was
q u ickly revea led to be o n ly pa rt of the truth fo r this energy.
I n totality, it i s Light and Dark because O s u m a re is about
Universal Love - the acceptance of all t h i n gs. I had to throw
away what I tho ught I knew. M uch of the info r m ation I re-
ceived defied the cu ltural norms i n which it was presented
to m e. There were t i m es when I dou bted the i nformation
that I was rece iving becaus e I was relyi n g on what h ad
been told to my co nscious m i n d in p hysical reality. I was
rd
ca rrying the pri son of the 3 d i m e n s i o n a l m i n d into S p i rit,
but soon I began to shift.
M y initiat ion s h owed me that if we a re open enough, if we
expand enough, if we vi b rate h igh enough , we can contact
S p i r it and receive the messa ges that It h a s fo r u s . That
S p i r it can speak to each of us in ways that o n ly we were
 '
'

'•

meant to hear, a s wel l as in ways that we can di ssem i n ate

to the m a sses. My personal exp erience with O s u m are h a s
p u s h ed m e to be m ore self-acce pti ng, a n d therefore m ore
accepting of a l l. As S p i rit works t h rough a n d ex presses it­
se lf in ways that are often exclus ive to the vessel ca rryi ng it
(the person c h a n n e l i n g or em bodyi ng the e nergy) , we see
the co l o rs of Creat ion reveal Itself. U lt i m ately, when we en­
gage S pirit and a llow it to work with us, we open an op por­
tunity to co-create a new real ity, a n d in doing so, we take
p a rt i n the revelation of S p i rit u nto I tself.
 Queer Elements: Working lvith Interstitial
Energies

BY L E E H A R R I N G T O N

M a ny neopagan magical models conceptual ize elemental

forces to fa l l i nto fou r d i rections: Earth (N orth ) , Air (East) ,
F i re (South) , and Water (West). Wi cca models t h i s in the
d i rections that its q u a rters a re cast to m a n i fest a circle
when gathering fo r ritu al. Ceremon i a l m agic calls upon the
watchtowers to watch over work, th ough some of t hei r fo r­
m ats hold each of these 4 elements i n association with d i f­
ferent d i rections. There are a l so systems that may be as so­
ci ated with the solar calendar thro u gh the sol stices a n d
eq u inoxes, or the wheel o f the t u r n i n g seasons.

U n fortunate ly, a wide swath of magical potent ial has been

lost through looking at these fo rces in a l inea r or q u ad ratic
way. I will look fi rst at how each of these elements has
been over-s i m p l ified in ritual use by the fact that the ele­
ments them selves have been m ade one-s ided , then look at
the many spaces between these fou r elements - the spa­
ces that can be seen as in terstit ial energies or elements.

Th i n gs that a re i nterstiti a l fa l l betwee n . An i nterstitia l

s p ace i s one between struct u res or obj ects. I nterstitial
fl u i d is t he solution that s u rro u n d s the cel ls of the h u m a n
(or a n i m al) body. I nterstitial a rt i s that which fa l ls
 '
'

'•

between, or i s a co m b i nation o( genres.

If E a rth, A i r1 Water, a n d F i re a re four p r i m a ry elements in

u s e en ergetica l ly i n m a ny magical models1 then the i nter­
stitial el ements are those wh i ch fa l l between them. They
a re those that co m b i ne elements in s uch a way as to n ot
know where one starts a n d the oth er begi n s . They a re the
elements that fa l l outs ide of the dyads, o uts i de of the
oppos ites of perceived pola rities. They a re the q u eer ele­
ments.

Queer elements a re the pl aces that fill those m iddle

poi nts. They are southeast, southwest, n o rtheast, a n d
n o rthwest. They a re the p l aces where South a n d N o rth
d a nce as a joyo u s co u p le, rather than a lways s itti ng at
op pos ite ends of the roo m . They a re when the lovers East
a n d West fi n d their l i p s together, rather than whispering at
each oth er fro m m i les away.

Directional Assignments

The pri m a ry neo paga n for m at for the d i rectional a s sign­

ments for the fo u r p ri m a ry elem ents is often seen as:
 N o rt h / E a rt h

S o u t h / F i re

Fo r peo ples com i n g from cert a i n parts of Europe, these

associations m a ke sense. I n the north yo u h ave the t a l l
mounta ins, in the east the howling p l a i n s , i n t h e south it
warms towa rds the eq u ator, a n d to the west l i es the ocea n .
E a rth, a i r, fi re, water.

B u t this association does not m a ke sense everywh ere. Per­

h a ps the water where you l i ve is to the south , or the winds
a lways blow down from the n o rth. Do the mo unta i n s fal l
to the east, a n d the heat comes i n fro m the west? For this
reason, there a re peo ple who have sh ifted the d i rect i o n a l
associations with elem ents accord i n g t o their own truth
a n d experience, rather than be constra i n ed by t h i s fra m e­
wo rk.

Fo r the pu rpose of t h i s d iscuss ion though, we w i l l use the

 '
'

a bove d i rections to start the d i a logue. Once we start get­

ting i nto the s i x i nterstitial elements, it w i l l be clear that the
d i rections them se lves do not actu a l ly m atter. These as­
sociations a re m ade by h u m a n s wit h l i m ited u nder­
sta ndings, not by the u n iverse that experiences truths fa r
b roader a n d beyond such s i m p l ificati o n s . I t wi l l , however,
be eas i er to begi n underst a n d i n g that when I refer to the
n o rtheast, I a m descri b i n g the s pace o r i nteracti o n be­
tween north and east, which is i n t h i s case the s pace be­
tween earth and a i r.

Pl ease m a ke s u re, if you a re wo r k i n g with different d i rec­

tional a ssociations, to tra n s l ate your q ueer elements to the
a p p rop riate p l aces on your own grid. If you 've never tri ed
going o uts ide the ass u m ptions of what elem ents s h o u l d
b e as sociated with w h a t d i rections, cons ider g i v i n g i t a t ry.
Queer experience i s not a bo ut fo rc i ng your ide ntity i nto
the sta n d i ng fra m ework, it i s about mod ifyi ng th e fra m e­
wo rks i n ord er to have you r experience tlo u ri s h . So i t is for
q u eer elements. These en ergies c a n o n ly truly be accessed
if yo u tap i nto them in a way that you r s p i rit, yo u r essence,
c a n be h ea rd by them. O n ly by hearing you can they heed
your c a l l .

Classic Elements

Before we c a n exa m i ne the spaces between them, i t i s

i m porta n t to get t o know t h e fo u r core elements most
co m m only u sed in ritual and magical worki ngs. A l m ost
every modern m agical practitioner cal l s u pon them i n
some way, and yet many o f u s h ave not s pent t i m e com i n g
to un de rsta nd the force, power, a n d d iversity each o n e
rep resents i n and of themse lves. S o m a ny constructs
gloss over them as be i n g s i m ply earth , s i m ply a i r1 s i m ply
fire1 and s i m ply water. But there i s not h i n g s i m p l e about
them.

North: Earth

Cl assica l ly re presenting such traits as a b u nda nce1 sta b i l i ty,

we alth , pros perity, fert ility, a n d strength, Earth is often
cal led u pon first as a " rooted " p l ace to beg i n ritu al. This is
far from saying that a ny one element is best1 beca use none
a re . Th is is i m portant to bring up becaus e when doing
wo rki ngs, it i s i m po rtant to cons ider which d i rection we
a re lead i n g with.

These associations come from one face of earth . I t i s the

side that is the ferti l e fie ld. It is the side that has taken i n
bou nty, having worked hard a l l season to d o so. I t i s the
soil which a m i ghty tree can grow fro m .

H owever1 ea rth takes m a ny fo r m s. I t i s the m o u nta in pass,

with m u ch to see on the other side. It i s the broken waste­
land, a warn i ng to go no further. It is the rocks that need to
be removed from the soil before it can be used . I t is the
un dergro und cave, p ro m i s i n g a rich advent u re ahead , or a
 '
'

tale of woe. I t i s the graveyard that holds the memo ries of

o u r an cestors.
E a rth is sti ck, sto ne, and bone. It is rugged terrain and the
open p l a i n . This element can be a s h a rd as d ia m o n d s , or it
can be l i ke l i mesto ne so soft you can dig i nto it with yo u r
finge rti ps.

Without earth, what wo uld the rest attach to? N o h u m a n

c a n l i ve o n the sun, the epitome of the element fire. They
c a n not ex ist o n ly in a i r. There wo u ld be n o ocea n floor to
nestle the ocean i n its a r m s .

B u t ea rth is n ot pred icta b le. E a rth i s a l so earthqua kes. It i s

rocks fa l l i ng on to freeways. There are even p a rts o f ea rth
that h ave been ta med by h u m a n k i nd i n the fo rm of pave­
ment itself, or su bterranean firm ness tra n sfo rmed i nto
u n i m po s i n g gravel .

East: Air

Co m m u n i cation, i n s p i ration, knowledge, i ntel l igence, and

ideas a re cl assical traits represented by the element Ai r.
These associations a re ba sed on the side of a i r that carries
o u r wo rds, or h a s us hear sounds echo i n g across the open
ra nge. It is the side that ferries sweet nothi ngs, screa ms,
a n d moans a l i ke.

But the rea l i ty is that in seeing a i r from o n ly this one per­

spective, there is m u ch bei n g left o ut. A i r is the soft b reeze
ca rrying a sailboat across the l a ke, o r the sto rm that s i n ks
it. I t is the scent of a ncient clearings and toxic fu mes. A i r
c a n be wild, stagn ant, or steady. It is the words that s pread
m i s i nform ation as m u ch as it is the wo rds that carry truth.

A person can l ive without food fo r a few wee ks. They c a n

s u rvive without water fo r 3-5 d ays. B ut witho ut a i r, even t h e
most tra in ed d i ver can not last long. We are dependent o n
it for I ife itself.

Air has a lso come to be m a n i p u lated by h u m a n kind. Fa ns

of a l l shapes a re used to push a i r i n different d irections
a n d speed s. We've i nvented i n st r u m ents that take th e a i r
from o u r bod ies a n d tran sform i t i nto m us ic. But A i r wi l l
never let u s fo rget that i t i s a l so a tornado, and med i a h a s
taught u s wh at h a ppens t o some witches when tornados
d rop perfectly good houses from the s ky.

South: Fire

Under classical fo rms, F i re is tied to the con cepts of pas­

s i o n , i nsp iration , leaders h i p , love, and ene rgy. These con­
cepts a re ba sed on a few d i fferent m anifestations of fi re.
I n s p i ration comes i n the form of spa rks flying. Pa ssion
a n d leadersh i p a re th i n gs that cha rge ahead, l i ke a fi re con­
s u m i n g fu el. Love bu r n s deep l i ke a hearth fi re ab laze.

There a re other sides of fi re as we l l . Fire is the s m o lderi n g

coals that c a n relight d ays l ater i n the right co nditions. I t is
 '
'

a fo rest fi re that destroys h u n d reds of square m i les. It i s

m a ssive bonfi res o u r tribes can gather a round, a s wel l as a
s ingle cand le.

The s u n is one of the major ways that h u m a n s i n teract

with fi re. Vita m in D is ava i l a b l e in very few foods, but
necessary fo r o u r health. It i s fo u n d , however, t h rough
expo s u re to s u n l ight. Lack of s u n can affect menta l h ealth ,
i n the form of Seasonal Affective Disorder. On the other
s i de, the s u n burns the flesh, causes can cer, a n d leads to
m a n i a if kept in it conti n uously for days.

H u m a n s m ay t h i n k they h ave ta med fi re, but fi re i s noto­

rious for getting out of contro l . Peo ple h ave, h owever,
fo u nd i n teresting ways to h a rness it. L ighters kee p access
to fi re a lways on hand. Fl a meth rowers a re u sed as a
weapo n aga i nst nature a n d m a n a l i ke. Ca nd les ca rry a
s p a rk fo rward with us. Fire i s with i n the ign ition s p a rk i n
engines that a l low u s t o travel faster than o u r feet could
ever carry u s .

West: Water

Known oftentimes as the el ement of emotions , Water is

often s i m p l ified in ritual down to bei n g a chal ice or bowl -
fi l l ed , sti l l , a n d clear. The stuff of tears a n d fears, a n ger
a n d sp it, bl ood pou r i n g down fro m o u r wo u n d s , water is
what we ou rselves are made of, down to the p i s s d r a i n i n g
out o f u s a t the e n d o f a l o n g day.
I n the rea l m of salt water, the vast ocea ns hold de pth of
the subco nscious m i nd. Though we h ave mapped the land
and walked on the moon, h u m a ns have never been to the
bottom of those vast expanses, nor seen what mysteries
and wisdom they ho ld - not unl ike the mysteries and wis­
dom i n the depths of our own sou l . The waves of those
seas also move in and out l i ke an eternal m etro n o m e,
beating out the days, m i rroring the power of the moon
a bove. Even as we walk a long the shore1 the sea sweeps
away th e footsteps that prove we we re eve r th ere.

Whether sea or u n s a lted water, this element h a s the cap ac­

ity to s lowly erode us, help ing us fi n d what is i n s ide.
Canyo ns become carved , rock wa ll s s l owly d i s s olve, a n d
o u r inner truths a n d a n cient sto ne a re exposed . I n t u rn ,
when water i s d i stu rbed, i t s i m p ly absorbs what i t has re­
ceived and lets it s i n k ben eath the waves, or s k i p over its
s u rface. The exception to this is i ce, a sta b i l ized l i q u id
which is solid to walk on - except when it cracks, sen d i n g
a n cient ice sheets the s i ze of Del aware floati ng away. I n
the sh ower, water c a n q u ick ly cleanse u s . M ea nwh i l e, a
bath can fi l l o u r senses and give u s a n opport u n ity for the
da nce of t u b and d rain to suck o u r so rrows down the spi­
ral at our toes. Water al lows us to float in o u r own sense
of self, or beco me slick and una b le to be held. We can
sw i m home, or d rown in our own sorrows a n d rage if we
a re not caring for o u rselves.
 '
'

Queer Elements

There has h i storically been a bel ief that these fo u r ele­

ments and their associations provided enough v a riety to
tap into energetica l ly. Th i s bel ief has l i m ited us, keeping
u s from so m a ny m ore elementa l powers that fall outside
the fa l se l i n es d rawn by the notion that the world i s made
u p of b i naries - Earth a n d A i r, Fire a n d Water. Between
each of these fa lse b i n aries lie an add itio n a l q u eer ele­
ment, a n d there a re a variety of a s pects wit h i n each of
th ese.

With that 1n m ind, the d i rectional assoc i ati o n s for the

q u eer elements a re:

North/Earth

N o rthwest/Water+ Earth

Sout hwest/Fire+ Water Southeast/Air+ Fire

South/Fire

These assoc i ations a l so need to in clude the q ueer

elements along the l atitud i n a l a n d longitud n a l axis:

L o n g i t u d i n a l / Ea rth + Fire

Latitud in a I/Water+ A i r

N ortheast: Earth + Air

The ta ste of d u st in the a i r wh i le sweeping the porch,

N o rtheast is the element that a l lows us to q u iet o u rselves
a n d look inwa rd . Its face as the sand storm enco u rages u s
to hunker down a n d stay safe, p u l l i n g out the resou rces we
have prepa red i n o u r past to use them i n o u r time of need,
showi ng o u r res i l ience. As the d u st bowl, N orth east lets
u s look back on o u r own h istory to the t i mes o u r a n ces­
tors were desperate, to co ns ider towns that n ow hold o n ly
 '
'

'•

tu m bl e weeds and the ta ste of d ried tea rs. To rnado touch­

downs reveal that we can a l so h ave o u r life radica l ly tra n s­
fo rmed i n an i n stant, whether we lose all we possess, or
a re l ifted off to magical l a n d s with r u by s l i ppers, making it
a powerfu l tool for the radical s h i fts needed in life.

Southeast: Air + Fire

As l ightn i n g a rcs across the sky in blazing bolts of violet,

the el emental force of Southeast shows us the awesome
gl ory of divin ity. Whether it is ball l i ghtn ing a n d the fo l­
lowi ng t h u nder crash that tel ls of com ing storms in our
l i fe, or a l ightn i n g stri ke which is u sed meta phorica l ly for
u n expected pitfa l l s , this element has the capacity to rock
a n d s h ock u s . I n its expa ns ive form, it is fi renados that
rise u p fro m forest fi res, s p i ra l i n g flames out in to the sky,
ca r rying o u r fi re out beyond ourselves. I n its conta i ned
for m , Southeast can a l so i n t i m idate, shock, and terrify i n
the weaponized fl a m eth rower, a n d we know that the same
tool s we use to harm can a l so be u s ed to burn i nvad i n g
ku dz u vines to the gro u n d s o that n ative p l a nts have space
to blossom o nce mo re. Fire is a lso de pend ent u po n a i r, a
u niq ue bond of necessity, as a i r i s neces s a ry for a fl a m e to
burn.

Southwest: Fire + Water

B u b b l i ng, boil ing, stea m i ng, and sweaty, Southwest is the

heat of o u r sweat as i t beads up on our brow from
e n d u ra n ce and h a rd wo rk. We can access the power of this
element th rough its temples: saunas, hot spri ngs, and
bath hou ses. The sauna rem inds u s to care fo r our flesh
rather than j u st our m i nd s a n d hearts. I n the tem p le of the
hot sp ring, we can soak up the mem ories of the earth a n d
s i gh a long with h e r a ncient s igh. T h e bath house revea ls
sweat fro m grind ing bod ies, the passion bo i l i n g u p as
m a ny forms com b ine i nto one, h e l p i n g u s pu l l out the
power of group wo rkin gs. T h i s energy can a lso be tap ped
through breath i n g in the steam over a pot of boi l i ng water
over a fire, cal l i n g u pon the hearth energy, hea l ing capac­
ity, a n d cap acity fo r energetic steri l ization that this element
a l so holds .

Northwest: Water + Earth

The fo rce of the swa m p and its feral a l l i gator nature can be
tap ped u s ing this element. One of the most d i verse ele­
ments, th i s d i rection also p u l l s on the a bsorbing and i n ­
nocuous capacities o f q uicksand, swa l l owi n g what does
not serve u s , lett i n g it take what m i ght mean us i l l . Won­
derfu l both for defense and for offense when others wish
u s il l , N o rthwest's fo rm s s u ch as the flash flood and mud
s l i de can be d i rected outwards, as long as its force i s re­
spected. I n its constructive as pects, t h i s element m a n i ­
fests in the form of logs float i n g down the river and beaver
d a m s that can transform a creek into the beginning of a
lake, kee p i n g th ings out of our l i fe or b u i ld i n g somet h i n g
 '
'

'•

m i ghty out of what m i ght seem l i ke l ittle. The m u dflat as­

pect of this element can also t a p into hea l i ng energy, but
be sure not to fo rget that the Nort hwest a lso holds the
rhyt h m ic and l i m i n a l shorel i ne, s lowly moving the l i ne be­
tween worlds a s the metronome of the sou l .

Longitudinal: Earth + Fire

Roll ing slowly out of towering volcanos, t h i s ele ment is a

powerfu l creative force. L i ke the god S h iva who i s the de­
stroyer so that the world can be created anew, l ava rol l s
over what was there before, leav i n g new l a n d i n its place.
Erupting from the ocean of o u r un conscious, Longitud i n a l
wo rk a l so involves creating, with great force, somet h i n g
where there was noth ing before. T h e forest fi re as pect of
this element c lears out the detrit u s of what was d ry with in
u s , m a k i n g s p ace for s a p l i ngs to s lowly come up over
yea rs to come, work th a t m ay not i m med i ately m a n ifest. I n
its smelting as pect, th i s work can be about taking raw en­
ergy a n d m a k i n g it i nto powe rfu l or beauti fu l forces to take
out i nto the world, whether it's craft i n g sand into glass or
ve i n s of gold i nto glittering ri ngs. Remember that one can
do i m med i ate i ntention-changi ng work as wel l - this is the
element that turns swo rds i nto pl ows h a res after a l l .

Latitudinal: Water + Air

The song of the sea s p ray m i sts over u s as the waves

crash i nto the i m m ovable fo rces i n our l i fe. Th i s force can
help us obfuscate our i ntentions i n its form of fog, or
a l low us t i m e fo r slow tra n s ition between per iods of o u r
l i fe a s m i st o n t h e moors. Ap h rod ite also c a l l s t h i s ele­
ment her own, p u l l i ng out love energy as she rose from
the sea foa m of her m a n ifestation. M eanwhi le, the h u rri­
cane force brings u s to m ass destruction in the Caribbean
- Poseidon's dark fo rm wi ping out thousands in a s i n gle
swi r l i n g breat h . Breathe deep a nd remember that this ele­
ment also h a s its gentle side, a n d is easily accessib le as a
tool for a s p u rging, blessi ng, or clea n s i ng a s p ace or per­
s o n a s d rops of water da nce across open s pace. U se th i s
force consciously though, even in its simple fo rms, be­
cause too m u ch of a good t h i n g c a n rem ind u s that th is
element a l so c a n m a n i fest as the geyser, t a k i ng what
seemed safe a n d send i ng it far i nto the sk ies with powe rfu l
eruptions.

Element: Self

With a ny element ca l l i n g, you are the element that stands

at the center. N o rthea st, N o rthwest, Southwest, Southea st,
Lo ngitude, Latitude - they meet at a center cal led yo u .

You are the element at the center of these q u eer elements,

s h o u l d you be called to call u p on them. As with a ny of the
fou r better-known elements, they a re not a lways safe, so
consciou sness is key. When wo rking with i nterstitial spa­
ces, we also h ave the power to open our awareness to the
 '
'

i n tersect i o n a l wo rk that i s nece ssary in the world. What i s

considered t h e work o f q ueer em powerment, by its natu re,
overlaps the i s s ues of racial j u stice, rel i gi ous freedom, ac­
cess for differently a b led i nd iv i d u a l s , socioeconom ic
e m powerment, and im m igra nt rights . This m akes these
elemental forces a l l the m ore powerfu l by their nature of
being between.

Keep i n m i nd that th ere a re not truly fou r core elements ei­

ther. These a spects a re not j u st 10 tota l elemental d i rec­
tions - there a re in n u m erab le aspects between them a n d
beyo n d . They help us fi n d a p a t h to t h e center o f o u r
being, a n d h ave a deeper understand i n g o f it. I n t u r n , they
offer us a m i rror for which to u ndersta nd above as well as
below. The catego rizations that h u m ans develop a re meth­
ods for our l i m ited m i nds to u nderstand a n d d i scuss that
which o u r s p i r it inherently u nderstand s is poss i b le. We
have access to so m a n y elementa l powers, s p i rits , and
p resences if we let go of our forced l a bels, and let our s pir­
it h e l p us understand that we h ave access to that power.

B reathe deep. Ta ke in yo u r power. P u l l it u p . Drink it i n .

Feel the s p a rk ign ite.

H onor past energy. Let yo u rself be i n s p i red. Soak up the

heat. B u i ld u pon the energy you h ave . Craft you r Self. Rise
u p fro m th e s u rf.

You sta nd at the center.

Let your q ueer glory s h i ne.
'
'
Banishment Sigil
BY DM ITRI A R B A CA U S K A S

" By m y fi sts a n d by m y words,

You cannot harm me.

I h ave walked t h rough Da rkness and Fear,

And grown stronger for it.

This pl ace and this person a re not yours,

Yo u r power a n d yo u r a uthority a re b ro ken.

So aga i n , I deny you .

F U C K O F F OR G ET F U C K E D U P

B E N OT A N D B E G O N E ."
'
'
 The Endlessly Enfolding M irror:

A n I ntrod u ction to the Q ueer Sex M agic of Traditional

Witchcraft

BY TR O L L H U L O R E N

"As between lovers there is a secret language of word, ges­

ture and intimation, which none but they, the Adorants,
may know, so there is a hidden speech known only to the
Lovers of God."

- QUTU B, And rew C h u m b ley

The prima materia of witchcraft is the body. The power

wielded by the witch, and t h rough the witch, is that of Cre-
atio n . Th i s power, cal led by m a ny n a m es i n m a n y places,
flows th rough the La n d . A c u n n i ng sorcerer knows how to
co n n ect with it a n d to em body this q u i ntessence of cre­
ation that b i nds a l l of the elements together i n the d a nce
of Life and Death. The Corn ish witches refer to this power
a s the "Sa rf Ruth," the Fi re-i n-the- E a rth or Dragon-energy,
wh ich tra n s l ates i nto Engl i s h as "Red Serpent." It is i n her­
ently sex u a l , a nd winds crooked ly t h rough the Land, a long
what we know tod ay as ley l i nes or ghost roa ds.

Witches know that sexu a l des ire a nd creativity a re the

same force, r u n n i ng along the same lines i n the body, for
 '
'

the same pu rpose. We know that the body of the Land a n d

t h e body o f t h e witch are t h e s a m e. T h e Red Serpent i s a s
natura l to the body as it i s to the Land, a n d i ndeed a n " u m ­
b i l icus" or serpent i n e-thread o f fo rce connects t h e root of
o u r bodies to the root, the center, of the E a rth .

A charm fo r ra i s i n g this power u p through o u r bod ies,

r a i s i n g o u r l i b ido, can be cha nted or sung over and over
w h i l e rocking o n o u r pelvis:

Red the Serpent of Desire

from the pelvis, rising highe1�
Turning, churning, stirring pleasure,
Like the hive drips golden treasure.

M a ny witches who belong to the m aj o r i n itiatory H o uses

refer to the ca u l d ro n of o u r pelvi s as the seat of the Fetc h .
The Fetch i s the d rea m i n g-soul that i s most awake when
o u r wa king m i nds s leep, and which wi l l l i ve on a mong the
Ancestral Host after we s hed our flesh i n the eterna l d re a m
o f death . Each ni ght when w e d ream, o u r Fetch extends
o u r awareness down a long that u m bi l icus i nto the U nde r­
wo rld, the i nner d i me n s i o n of reality where the Ancestors
a n d s p i rits dwe l l . M uch of o u r experiences of d ream a re
lost or faded when we return to the b right vital ity of the
wa ki ng world. The conscious wo rld of d aylight is e m bod­
ied i n o u r Au ra, the b reath- sou l we i n h a bit m ost w h i l e
awake, seated i n the cauld ro n o f o u r r i bcage. T h i s i s t h e
S h i n i ng Life wit h i n us that i n s p i rits o u r waki ng exi stence.
I t is p a rt of the i m mortal Breath of G od (Herself) that puts
a l l th i ngs into m otion in a n d between the worlds. It is the
breath that u n ites the souls together, breath i ng i nto and
through them, fi n d i n g the Flow of Power that exi sts as
m uch within the body as between the wo rlds.

These two souls a re l i ke twins watched over by a d iv i ne

parent: the D a i mo n , the a ncestra l-guard i a n-so u l who i s
i n fi n ite beca use i t is t h e em bodied wedd i ng o f t h e Fetch
a n d the Aura. I t i s the resolution of a l l oppos ites. T h i s i s
the Tru e-Self that i s beyond Life a n d Death. I t exists i n the
pe rpetu ity of the Eternal M oment of Creation, the rapture
of wholeness . I n the D a i mo n , we know, deep and wide i n
o u r very bones, that we a re ch i ldre n of both E a rth and
Starry Heaven. We a re whole a n d co m p lete, and the rein
l ies o u r M a stery.

I n q ueer sex ma gic, the identification as "whole a n d co m­

pl ete " i s i ntegral to the awareness- state we m u st h ave as
practitioners. We a re not one-half of a nyth i ng, as posited
i n the cis-hetero n o r m ative paradigm. We a re not looking
to be co mpleted by another, for we rea l i ze that we a lready
a re . We a re monads, eschew i ng a ny u l t i m ate pola rity, a n d
fu ndamentally resolving them.

Witchcraft is a n i m i stic. When we look around us we know,

a s witches, that we a re sens ing the d ivi ne and that the
 '
'

wo rld i s a l ive. J u st a s the b i o region i s the m i crocosm of

the whole co smos, the body of the witch i s a l so known to
be the body of the whole co smos, whom we u nderstand a s
"Cl itoroph a l l ic God Herself," to q uote Vi ctor Anderso n,
the l ate G rand m aster of the Faery Tradition. We m i ght a lso
render this a s the "Divine And rogyn," i d o l i zed as the Virile
and Buxom Hermaphroditic B l ack Goat of the Sabbat.

I n our sto ries, G od Herself gazes at Her reflection in the

Cu rved B l ack M i rror of space, a nd a l l that is, i s a reflection
therein. She is the G rand m other of Al l Phenomena, the
Dark Weaver. The fa bric of re a l ity is revealed a s a gra nd
field of processes, h appen ings , verbs, and s p i ritu a l experi­
ences e m bod ied with i n l iving phenomena, constantly
s h a pesh ifti ng. Her name is M ystery of M ysteries, the place
one touches i n the rapture of o rga s m , a n d which is a door
to the eterna l Witches' Sab bat.

Queer sex m agic a l lows fo r the p a rtnering of anybody with

a nybody i n d uos, t h reesomes, and orgies. We seek to peel
back the layers of self and expose the Tru e-Self-"true "
l i ke a sword i s m ade true. This Tr ue-Self, the D a i m o n i c
Void -body, is a self-conta i n i n g hologra phic piece o f the
World r i d i n g the waves of the Creative Force, the Orgasm
of G od Herself. I n some of the m ajor H o uses, which a re
the i ni ti atory clans of trad iti o n a l witchcraft, t h i s is related
as a poss i b l e experi ence of the Witches' S a b bat; the
strange, joyous, and terri fying pri m a l Origin-event of the
Cosmos that i s ete rna l ly t a k i ng place outside of Time.
H ere, God Herself i s Old Fate, who needs no oth er being
b ut H erself to bring forth Creation. The cosmological M o­
ment of Creation i s pl ayed out within the meet i n g p l ace of
body-with- body. It is free from the l i m itations of o rd inary
wa ki ng conscio u s ness such as personal identity, mortal
des i res, and ego ic p references. I n this rapturous expe­
rience, j u st as i n the experience of orga sm, there is no ego
with which to attach; it h a s mome nt arily sh attered . Its
practitioners are co n s u med in the H oly H u nger of
H ermaphrod itos; avatars of Dame Ve n u s locked i n union
with the Thri ce-G reat Hermes, the Sorcerer God who i s
Light a n d M otion.

We seek to u ltim ately identify with the whole, so we seek

to identify ou r Self with God H e rself. Victo r Anderso n
s h a red with h i s trad ition a nother a phori s m : "God is Self,
a n d Self is God, a nd God is a person l i ke myself." The
m agic i s i n knowing how to fl i p the M i rror, so we m ay rea l­
i ze that the s p l itti ng of Self and Other (the reflection) is as
false as any po la rity. The black m i rror of the Deep Wel l of
S pace enfolds upon itself end less ly, warpi ng the reflec­
tions, but they are a l l reflections. N oth i n g i s static, a l l of
rea l ity moves a n d senses th rough the whole sca le of
being. The reflection becomes Bea utifu l/Ug ly, Des ire/
Tra n sgres s i o n, the resol ution of which i s ecstasy and
u n ion; wholeness.
 '
'

To p u t i t m ore s i m p ly, i n q ueer sex magic one seeks to

u n ite their spark of the Cun n i n g F i re with the spark of a n­
other. This i s the putti ng back togeth er of o u r God, who
ap pears as an Androgynous M onster: Beastly, H u m a n ,
a n d Divine-"Ti kku n O la m " a s a Jewish mystic m i ght con­
j u re . I t is i n t h i s act that q u ee r sex m agic begins, and the
atta i n ment of true des i res, the operative m agic, m ay fo l­
low.

I n witchcraft, we posit that the flesh i s a l so the H edge. The

body itse lf i s the t h reshold of ecstasy a n d tra n sgress io n .
Witches a re truly e m bod i m ents of the Other i n s ide of
h u m a n skin. We a re the Wild that has been born i nto Civi­
l i zation to hold back its h a n d , to give i t both medicine a nd
poison, to b reak u p the concrete l i ke weeds growing
through the s idewa l k and rem i n d Civ i l i zation that it re­
s i des wit h i n the Wild . Witches can extend fro m the tlesh i n
the rapture of Spiri t- F l ight, and as such we a l ready e m body
a d i chotom y of Self/Other. Th is, l i ke the end lessly enfold­
ing m i rror, is not static. It consta ntly "fl ips" so we can be­
hold Self a s Other a n d Other as Self. We a re H edge-riders,
a lways in m otion between one th i n g and a nother, defi ant
to a ny per m a nent defi n ition, ever reifying wholeness. So,
too, is q u eernes s.

M a ny of the Wild places in the world a re poisoned by Civi­

l ization. I t i s my o p i n i o n that witches m u st save a l l the
Wi ld places that a re left, espec i a lly the ones i n side us. This
i s where the power of q u eer sex m a gic comes i nto play;
one of the few wild places left u ntamed . Queer sex h a s
l o n g been associated with witchcraft itself, as we l l a s un­
tamed de sire. We k now, as q u eer witches , that our sex u­
a l ity i s dee p ly holy, not an a berration as conte m pora ry cul­
ture would l i ke u s to th i n k . I t i s a sacred expression of the
W i l d n ess.

I t is i m portant to bear witness to your wild ness, a nd give

room to let go and ex plore the depths a n d h e i ghts of yo u r
des i re , a n d the va lleys a n d s h adows wh ere power l i kes to
hide. Fea r i s a great tool of the witch; as the saying goes,
"Where there i s Fea r, there i s Power." Power-from -with in,
valid Power, the power to create a n d express yo u r deep de­
s i re, goes ha nd-i n - h a nd with power-w ith, where many
co me together to act in u n ity, to co-create. To Fe ar is a
s i gn that great power lies beyond it, and a cu nning witch
wi l l chase after what they fe a r, peer i nto it, and look to u n ­
cover power that m ay b e knotted there.

I n o u r c u rrent civil ization, a cu ltu re rife with the toxic

memes of m i sogyny, rac i sm, class ism, sizei s m and fat­
phobia, ageism , a b leism , q u eerp hobia a n d transphobi a,
cis heteronorm ativ ity, ad nauseu m , it comes as no s u rprise
to those of u s on the m a rgins of society that our sex u a l­
ities a re twi sted up, knotted, and deeply defi led by the i l l­
ness of o u r cu ltu re. We m u st beg i n the work of re-w i ld i n g
o u r sex u a l d rives a n d des i res.
 '
'

A u sefu l too l i n re-wi ld i ng our sexual drives and urges i s to

pay attention to what I cal I Preserver vers us Defi ler beh av­
ior. To preserve i s to keep safe. Witches strive to keep safe
o u r flesh as m uch as we strive to protect a n d p reserve the
eco logy of the Land. To defi le is to tra m ple down and vio­
l ate. What are yo u m a king sacred i n yo u r sex u a l behavior?
Are your u rges self-destructi ve? Are yo u r u rges connec­
tive? I f we take care to know ou rselves i n a deep way, we
wi l l be less l i kely to vio l ate o u r own d ign ity o r let others
use us.

I n our fi rst t a s k a s witches who wish t o successfu l ly per­

for m q ueer sex m agic, we m u st re- m a rry Lust a n d Love to
reformu l ate the H o ly H u nger of God Herself. Even if it is
o n ly fo r the mom ent, we m u s t Love and Lust the others we
a re with as i ntensely a s any star sh ines b right To Love
here means to l i ft u p a nd adore a s h oly. Love is a practice,
a verb. To love is someth i n g that we m u st do, not some­
th ing we m u st feel.

Those of us who h ave done sex work will know t h i s trick, a

mystery of the Ven u s i a n Rose Queen, She who i s the
M other of witchcraft. To co nj u re forth l u s t for bodies we
have taught ourselves to d i s l i ke i s not a fa r c ry fro m con­
j u ri n g Love fo r a stranger. Th i s is not m ere affection, but
the recogn ition of the Power of Creation in a nother. We
see thei r Sex, a n d the refore can beco me tru l y sex u a l with
them. Not u s i n g any other person a s a m a stu rbatory prop,
b ut u p l i ft i ng them, adoring them, a n d recogn izing them as
holy. Th is has very l ittle to do with our own ego ic p refer­
ences, b ut letting go of our fi n ite self to be ca ug ht up in
the Rapture of knowi ng you a re God gazing at He rself i n
H er Cu rved Black M i rror. U n iting o u r personal Red Ser­
pent with a nother opens doors of M ystery and bri ngs the
Witches' S a b b at i nto the l iving flesh; it forms the sp i ra l
hel ix ladder that u n ites Above and Below. l t i s the paradise
of Heaven- Down-On-Earth.

But a fa i r wa r n i ng: this i s not to say that we should have

sex with everyone a nd not use o u r d i scernment, but that
we can conj u re sex u a l attraction to a ny k i nd of body. Use
care i n choos i n g the persons with whom yo u practice
these a rts.

This b r i ngs us to the seco nd task of preparation in q ueer

sex m agic: e m brac i n g the Other, e m bod ied i n th i s culture
a s the Abject. I fi n d th is q uote by Lee M o rgan, M agi ster of
the Anderea n Coven in Tas m a n ia very apt: "The worn- i n
beauty of the hag i s the h a r s h bea uty of Old Craft itsel� if
you a re repelled by it there is noth ing for you here a nd you
should seek out a prettier path."

I am a l so rem i nded of a q uote by my own Craft teacher,

G a briel Carri l lo: "Any 'witchcraft' that u p holds o r en­
s h r i nes the values and m ores of the dom i n a nt c u lture, a n d
refuses to transgress t h e m , i s no real witchcraft."
 '
'

There i s no easy way to put this, so I wil l add ress i s p l a i n ­

ly. We m u st attack t h e ideas o f what i s attractive a n d what
is not when we are p repari ng ourselves for t h i s kind of
m agic. N one of us "grew" i nto our des i res on o u r own. We
a re attracted to what we a re because of po l itics, beca use of
cu ltural forces s h a p ing our waking m i nd s . There a re peaks
and va l leys to this, and i nvers i o n s , but la rgely our expe ri­
ences in culture give rise to what i s and i sn' t attractive to
us. I f our bod ies are to be a b le to res pond to any other
body i n this wo rk, we m u st de-s pell our m i nds fro m the
ideas ferti l i zed there, fro m the wicked so rcery of moder­
n ity.

There a re various m ethods, but the most potent a nd tradi­

tional i s the path of transgres s i o n , where the witch actively
e m braces the Abject, or what o u r civi l ization dee m s worth­
less. E m b racing a n d actively eroticizi ng bod ies that a re
"too m u ch" i s at the heart of this: too old, too fat, too
d a rk, too s lender, too short, too t a l l , too h a i ry, too h a i r­
less, too d i s a bled, too d i seased, bod ies that a re s h a ped in
a uniq u e way; a n y bodies that do not conform to m a i n­
strea m sta n d ards. We em brace acts that defy the teac h i ngs
of d o m i n a nce a nd control , m a king ourselves vul nerable.
We e m b race des i re that fee l s forbidden, that b ri ngs terror.
We em brace secret des ire that th reatens u s with s h a m e.
A l l these places a re doorways i nto l i beration, that we may
be u n s hack led by all save Love, the Hand of God Herself.
I t i s t h i s very force that tames the most Terrible of A l l Sp ir­
its, the Proud Pri nce of Parad ise, H eave n-Down-O n-Earth.

Aga i n , a wa rni ng in this: the witch m u st respect the power

of Life i n a l l th i ngs, and to vio l ate the consent of a nyone i s
to d i s res pect L i fe itself. Beware those who wo uld harm
c h i l d ren or those who cannot eth ically con sent; the wrath
of the Twi l ight Gods befa l l s them u nti l they a re ground to
noth ing.

As a n essential to the path, a witch seeks to u pend the sta­

tus q uo, to i nvite o u r Tu rnski n M a ster, the Lord of M i s­
ru le, to the pa rty. The witches' Dev i l is the one who s h ows
us the way th rough, lead i ng by the l ight of gnosis , the
C u n n i ng Fire, i nto the Oth erwo rld. He i s the Other, per pet­
u a l ly, a n d also the Self em bod i ed i n our own Daimon, the
reso lution of a l l op posites. He is the M aster Sorcerer and
S hapesh ifter, and it is beca use he is all Light and M otion
that he i s Tru ly N a m eless, ego less. He also acts a s the
Adversa ry, the guard i a n of the wind i n g path who tests u s
and grinds us aga i nst the M i l l of Stars. Some witches see
h i m as the Cos m i c Blacksm ith, forging us upon the A nv i l
that is l i fe . We tread u po n h i s crooked track, fol l owing the
cloven h oof- pri nts, seeki ng M a stery and Wholeness , seek­
i n g to ca rry the torch o u rselves.

I n the e m b race of the a bject, we crack o u r ego. The ego is

not a th ing, but rather a proces s. I t is the ide ntificati o n of
 '
'

the Self with the m i nd-stre a m , the continuou s river of

thought that fl ows t h rough our waki ng consciousness. I f
we become too strongly identified with t h e m i nd-stream ,
we beco me less permeable, less flex i ble a n d res istant to
the F l ow of Power. We c a n beco m e stuck beca use we a re
sepa rated fro m the tran sformations of life . Over- identified
with who we think we a re, we a re afrai d to beco m e who we
m u st be as l i fe conti nues on a n d we a re i m m ersed i n new
experi ences. We keep res i sting change. I t's l i ke a shell that
keeps the Wa ki ng-Self a nd the Drea ming-Self d i scon­
nected . We become lost in the delus ion of t h i n k i ng that
the m ind-stream is the whole of who we a re, which I call
the "fog of h u m a n confu s ion." But someth ing m u st give
rise to a n d co nta i n this stre a m . I t l i ves somewhere wit h i n
u s , b e i n g that w e have access t o the sto ries a n d identities
we a re atta ched to t h rough o u r i ntel lect, a n d that place i s
the waki ng consciousness itself, the Aura.

I n practicing "cracki ng" o r destroyi n g the ego, over a n d

over, we l e a r n t o beco m e m o re and more permeable. We
m u st wi l l i ngly beco m e u n id e ntified with the m ind-stream ,
a n d we can do this s i mp ly by observ i ng it and not attach­
i n g ourselves to the observations. The ego, identify i ng
with o u r m i ndstrea m , does n't seem l i ke i t can be " beaten,"
so we m u st conti n ua l ly p ractice u n t i l we die. I do not th in k
the ego s u rvives death , because i n dying we enter i nto the
eternal d ream of u nconsciousness, a nd the waki ng m i n d
i s flooded with the rea l i ty of the invis i ble world that i s
" u nder" a n d " i n side" o f creation; a very stra nge a n d eerie
pla ce, where a l l is D rea m .

Perh aps i n the alchem ica l process of knowing o u rselves i n

a l l our pa rts , the vital ity of o u r waki ng l ives can beco m e
the m ateria th rough wh ich o u r D a i m o n m a y wed the
Fetc h , and we m ay beco me "j u stified " o r one of the M i ghty
Dead. We c a n rea l i ze we a re dyi ng, pass by the waters of
forgetfu l ness, a n d d r i n k fro m the Wel l of M e m ory. l f we
a re a ble to becom e unidentified with the m i nd-stream ,
then the u nconsciou sness of d ream/death will not con­
fu se us. As N igel J ackson o nce wrote:

'Ye are Gods!' Thus speaketh the Old Master. Thou art
the incarnate divinity of thy Daimonic Self - thy profane
pseudo-self must be utterly reversed and consumed in the
fires of thy Godhead. Now the Age of Misrule is at hand -
all must be inve1ted, turned upside-down and inside-out
for no hoary truism, no sanctimonious untruth, may rest
unchallenged in the Court of the White Stag.

This req u ires that we fol low o u r passions fu l ly, l iving o u r

l ives t o their fu l l ness, ever-p re pa red to p o u r a l l o f o u r­
selves, every l ast d rop of bl ood , into the c a u l d ron. We
m u st be wi l l i ng to sacr ifice the parts of us that do not
serve o u r wholeness. We m u st be wi ll i ng to ritu a l ly d ie,
aga i n and aga i n . It is for this rea son that the M aster S p i rit
 '
'

'•

i n q u eer sex magic i s encoded i n the symbol of the go lden

Drone Bee.
The Drone Bee h a s but one task i n the H ive: to m ate with
the Virg i n Q ueen. The V i rg i n Q ueen fl i es to where h u n­
d reds of Drones are prepa red to begin the s p i ra l d a nce of
m ating. I n its zenith, a Drone wil l mount the Q ueen a n d
i n sert h i s endop h a l l u s to ejacu late semen, where i n t h e s p i ­
r a l he l ix o f D N A i s passed. The D rone Bee t h e n pu l l s away
fro m the Queen while his phallus rema i ns l ocked with i n
her, tea ring it fro m h i s body. He falls, h i s abdomen
spil l i ng out his l ife. However, the h ive is perpetu ated fro m
that holy death. The Queen Bee wi l l store t h e semen of
dozens of Drones fro m her m at i ng flight fo r u se over the
rest of her re ign .

We can't s leep-walk t h rough o u r l ives. We m u st reconci l e

t h e waki ng a n d d ream ing parts of u s . We m u st rea l i ze a l l
i n the world that a p pears to b e "o pposite" a s act u a l l y u n i­
fied i nto a deep wholeness and completi o n . Tru ly, the
Adversary is the guard i a n of this process.

The fi n a l task for p re p a r i ng to perform q ueer sex magic i s

t h e valid ation o f the body. T h i s i s so meth i n g we m u st d o
o u rselves, a n d not look to others or stories from o u r c u l­
tu re. H ere we m u st take stock i n all the ways we deny the
rea lity of our bod ies. We m u st work to fu l ly in h a b it our
bod ies, instead of cutting o u rselves up i nto pa rts that a re
accepta ble a n d u n acce pta ble. We m u st be whole! Aga i n we
m u st d i spel the magic of modernity a nd stop the constant
search fo r "self- i m p rovement. " Th is is a false fo u ndation,
the bel ief that we are currently u nworthy or not good
enoug h. When we deny the rea l i ty of our bod ies, we are
b uying into structural oppressio n's idea ls, aga in, of being
"too m uch " of som eth i n g. I t a l so m a n ifests as " not
enough," too. I t kee ps u s from being present with the rea l­
ity of o u rselves as we a re. And we are always worthy. This
i s the teach i ng of the Rose Q u ee n .

The Rose Q ueen, who i s the Witch-mother G oddess, the

Daughter-Self of Old Fate, i s the twi n i ng-together of sex u a l
des i re a n d death , having aspects both l i ke Aphrod ite a n d
Persephone. S he i s Q ueen of Love and Pleas u re a n d
Q u e e n o f the Dead . Fo r t h e witch, these th i ngs a re
wrought together and a re of one another. We a re a m ong
the com pa ny of the Dead a n d of the Livi ng, des i r i ng both
wisdom a n d plea s u re, wi l l ing to s l ay o u r egos a n d a l l that
does not serve us. Wit h i n the context of q u eer sex magic,
Our Lady is e ncoded in the symbol of the Queen Bee. A l l
th ings that seem to be op posed to o n e a nother find the ir
reso lution i n the ki ngdom of the d iv i ne for bea rers of
witchery.

S he is a l so k nown as "Babylon the G reat, the M other of

H a rlots and Abo m i nations of the Earth." She is the Sac red
Who re, Rose- Red , the i n sat ia b le Lady who t u r n s away
none. We m u st embody t h i s, at least i n the moment of o u r
 '
'

'•

q u eer sex m agic, accept i nto our hearts o u r co­

co nspirators in th is work, a n d fu lly accept them as worthy
of o u r Love and affection. We m u st reach out a n d e m b race
m u ch of what is revi led by our sick culture , those th i ngs
that h ave been th rown away and tra m p led by structural op­
pres sion, fo r i n that e m b race we beco me truly free.

This is not easy work. I t req u i res patience a nd trust, a nd

m a king ou rselves v u l nerable to one a nother. I t i s Heart­
wo rk and we m u st be clean with our intentions. Ritual
baths are encou raged before engag i ng in q u eer sex m agic,
w h i l e m editati ng on a ll these themes and co m i ng i nto a
clear u ndersta nd i ng of our own worth i ness. We m u st be
wi l l i ng to get "down a n d d i rty" with this wo rk, a s i t i s
m uch l i ke tending a garden. O u r bodies a re the fertile soil
of growth and exploration, a nd our i ntentions a re clear
water and bright s u n s h ine that encou rage fecund ity. We
m u st a lways seek to preserve o u r i ntegrity and the d i gn ity
of those with whom we s h a re these M ysteries.

I n closing, let us affirm the Com pass by which we m ay be

gu ided i n t h i s work:

May we be oriented toward our own divine Light, the stars

Above and Below. We know the Mysteries of the Phallus
and the Skull are one in the body of the two-headed Eld
God, He who is the Bones of the Land and Door to the
Underworld, the South. We know the Cunt and the
Cauldron are one in the Dark Weaver, the dark and starry
North. Let the Master Spirit and the Rose Queen lead us
by their light of Truth, Love, and Wisdom; from East-of
East to West-of West. Let them show us the way to and
fro, between Day and Night, Self and Other, Love and
Lust, Beauty and Ugliness. And may we dare to chance
the Starry Black Gnosis of the Divine Androgyn, the Sab­
batic Idol who is the Great Mystery, the One at the Midst
of the Crossroads who is Both Living and Dead, who holds
the Keys to Hell and Death ... and Life Eternal. Amen.
'
'
Altar
by I ne s lxierda
'
'
 Fluid Magic

BY L U C E C I TA C R U Z

When t h i s piece began, I k new that s h a r i ng m y c u lture, my

experiences, a n d the sto ries I tel l a s a q u eer trans perso n
of colo r were necessa ry. As a Puerto Rican born i n and pr i­
m a r i ly rai sed in N YC, I u ndersta nd the "why" of preserving
my c u lture, precisely because I am not in constant con nec­
tion with it.

I a l so k now th at as i m porta nt as that is for m e, it is even

m ore i m portant to u p l ift the voices of the i n d i vidu a l s who
taught m e to stay con nected with my c u ltu re. I wo uld not
be who I a m without them. At th is time i n the wa ke of
H u rrica ne M a ria, i n the wake of sta rvatio n , dehyd ration
and death , I hold these traditions close to m e .

I hold these trad itions as gifts of a c u lture that is cu rrently

feel i ng the effects of lo ng-s uffered colo n i zation. My magic
i s a pol itica l statement; it i s done des pite the barriers
pla ced on me. To me it is my true freedom .

This story i s for those who h ave lost their l ives , those who
a re s urvivi ng, and for those who h ave the strength to fight
back aga i n st these syste m s of oppression a nd do the work
that is necessa ry.
 '
'

Pa' l a nte

I was seven years old when I rea l i zed that the "perfume"
my m other put behind my ears was for l uck; th e old m an
whose voice sounded l i ke B a rry Wh ite, deep, s mooth a nd
b uttery, had m ade it.

Rituals in gender and spiritu al ity were put i nto practice

lo nger than I can remem ber: gold bracelets bought for m e
as a newborn garn i s h i ng t h e evi l eye to keep m e safe a s a
ba by, being d ressed i n p i n k to a ffi rm my fem a l e identity, a
n a m e bracelet when the p i n k d i d n't work, and final ly pierc­
i n g my ears at 9 m onth s when the constant confu s ion re­
gard i ng my gender frustrated my m other to the point of no
return. There were cruc ifixes h u ng i n my a buel a's home,
and there was an a ltar in every room . B lood sau sage was
b rought back fro m tri ps to Puerto Rico a n d devo u red with­
i n hours of l a n d i n g. All of this was not coi ncidenta l, but I
d i d n 't rea l ly becom e aware of it u n ti l the age of seven .

At the t i m e m y m other worked a t a pa rty s u pply shop, she

m ade souven i rs for bodas, q u i ncea neros, baby showers,
a n d the occa s ional bautis mo. The b u i l d i ng th at housed
this p a rty s u p ply store was located o n the gra n d con­
cou rse i n the Bronx. It had a s p l it l ayout that housed two
co m pl etely different bu sinesses; if you wal ked th rough the
doorway to the other side of the b u i l d i ng, yo u were trans­
ported to a l a n d of smel l s not fro m this country and m u sic
that fi l led yo u r s p i rit and left yo u ti ngly with ene rgy. Barry
Wh ite i s what we cal led h i m a n d to this day I don't actu a l ly
know h i s real name. H e was a m a ster Santero a lways con­
cocting; potions, powders and o i ntments. The acrid smells
of items brewing wou ld fi l l my nose when I crossed the
threshold i nto h i s shop. I a lways knew a p resent wou l d be
bestowed u po n me, a bles s i n g of some so rt, or he'd read
my energy a n d he'd te l l me to take action; to put o n this
o i ntment and wear it for a n u m ber of d ays, or s leep with
this rock u nder my p i l l ow, wear th is cha i n around my
neck, rub myself with a n egg d a i ly. I t was these ritua l s that
I bega n to seek comfort i n ; i t was this rea l ization that I was
m agic that gave me a gl i mmer of hope.

I t was at the age of seven when the notion of a tra i n i n g bra

m ade me cry and it was at seven when my mother had to
reason with me, a nd we came to a co mp ro m ise that sport
bras were ok ay. I felt safe u nder their com pression and I
felt comforted in my a nx i ety to be wrap ped so t ightly.
These sports bras were my ticket out, their com p ression
wo u l d delay a ny growth, they would preve nt my biggest
fear from hap pening.

It is believed that seven is the age of reason, the n u m ber

of Jesus Christ h i m self, and in Christi a n ity the age at
wh ich a l l s i n s comm itted count against yo u r entry into
heave n . I n Sa nteria, Las Siete Potencias Africa nas, The
Seven African Powers, are ori s h a s that we call u po n i n
 '
'

times of great need, each with their own correlating

Catho l ic s a i nt. I grew up learn i n g that in Pu erto R ico,
Catho l icism and Sa nteria l i e i n the same bed a n d occa­
s i o n a l ly hold h a n d s . Seven was a very i m portant n u m ber
for me; it was an awaken i n g into the m agic that I held at
my fi n gerti ps and it was the vexatious sensations in my
s k i n as my gender was rea lized both i nterna l ly and exter­
n a l ly.
At the age of fourtee n I we nt to Puerto Rico to bury my
Abuel ita; she pas sed away j u st after a rrivi ng to N ew Yo rk
o n one of her yea rly trips to La I s l a . N ot fo rty eight hours
l ater she was ret u r n i ng, this t i m e i n a casket. At the t i m e,
most ve ladas, wakes, depend i n g on the e ra of you r gra nd­
p a rents, took p l ace in the home of a relative or the home
of the decea sed . My abuel a's velorio took p l ace on August
fou rteenth two thou sand six i n the home of my a u nt. For
seven days a fter the deceased i s buried, yo u are s u p posed
to s i t and p ray the rosary, and for seve n years after the
relative h a s di ed, you a re su p posed to co m e together on
the a n n iversary of their death and pray the rosary. Fo r
three of those yea rs I retu rned to the i s l a n d , a n d fo r two of
them I saw m iracles h a ppen before my eyes.

My Tfa , Blanca, is a healer; she isn't act u a l ly my a u nt a s

s h e i s m y th i rd cou s i n , b u t her age d e m a n d s that t h e re­
spect s h e be treated with was to be that of a n a u nt. O n e
n i gh t my fa m i ly a nd I were h a nging o u t o n my Tia's porch .
S he l ives across the st reet from a base ball field. Several
people wa l ked u p to her gate and as ked for her with u r­
gency. They were carrying their fel low tea m m ate, a m u s ­
c u l a r individual weigh ing two h u nd red a n d fi fty pounds,
who req u i red fou r of them to hold his weight. They were
p l ayi ng a ga me of baseball whe n he d i s located h i s knee
cap s l i d i n g i nto base. H os p itals i n Puerto Rico a re expen­
s ive when you don't have hea lth i n s u ra nce and they a lso
don't provide any real q u a l ity of care. So the ind iv i d u a l s
who a re often sought after when i n j uries l i ke t h i s occur are
people l i ke my a unt. M y a unt came outside and ushered
them i n , then kicked everyone out of her house except for
the i n j u red one. She lit cand les, said a prayer, and went to
wo rk. At the time I had no idea what she had done. Al l I
knew was that a n hour after being carried i nto her home by
fo u r men, t h i s guy was wal king out of it.

I o n ly know what happened to that m a n that n ight because

the seco nd m i racle hap pened to me. I a m not at l i berty to
d i sclose a ny of the deta i l s of the ritu a l , but I w i l l te l l you
this: If I had any doubt that m agic was rea l, that hea l i ng
through energy could occ u r faster than weste rn med icine,
that doubt was a l l removed the n ight m y a u nt hea led me.
The be l ief that noth ing was i m poss i ble was i nsti l led in me
that n ight, b ut the loom i n g d a rk cloud of p u berty had
closed i n . The m i s ogyny, s l u t s ha m i ng, and transphobia
that came with this wealth of knowledge had me
 '
'

'•

wo nderi ng whether or not it was a l l worth it.

My a b ue la got m a rried a t the age of twenty-e ight to a m a n

who was t h i rty-two years her sen ior a n d she b i rthed six
c h i l d ren. She was a powerhouse of a wom a n and my idol
of fe m i n i n ity; h a ir a lways perfect, m a keup and n a i l s a lways
done. She a lso perpetu ated the patri a rchy i n a society
where m ach i smo ru les a l l, and at a t i m e when a m a n was
j u stified i n beating h i s wife i f she was not s u b m i s sive
enough.

I don't blame my gra nd mother for try i ng to m a ke m e s u b­

m i ssive the only way she knew how. H e l l , I don't b l a m e
my m other for t ry i ng to do t h e same, b u t these acts of
a b use co up led with my own self-hatred, gender dysphoria,
a n d des i re to d i ssem i nate from a c u l t u re and fro m a re l i ­
gion t h a t I fe lt would never accept m e , caused my practice
to cease. I n stead I fel l i nto a s p i ra l of d rug a n d a lcoho l
a b use, h igh risk sexu a l behavior, and was i ntent u po n self­
destruction.

I event u a l ly sobered u p a nd sta rted to put the p ieces of my

l i fe back togeth er.

At the age of 23 I m et someone whose powers exe m p l ified

a l l that I co u l d hope for. I had never rea l ly had a ny exa m ­
ples o f what t h e m a rriage o f magic a n d queerness cou l d
look l i ke u ntil I m et t h i s powerhouse of a being. S h e was a
p ivotal p a rt of the revelation that my q ueerness and m agic
don't have to contradict each other and can l ive together
symb iotically. It was t h rough her that I was ex posed to a
co m m u n ity of peo ple who were q ueer and practic i n g
m agic, wh atever a n d however that m a n ifested for them.

I t was th rough t h i s com m u n ity that I learned that m agic

tra nscends gender. It doesn't j udge you for what you look
l i ke or how you choose to present yo u rself, and it o n ly
wo rks if yo u stay true to yo u rself and s how i n tegrity. Its
power moves with you ba sed on the content of yo u r char­
acte r.

I k new that i n o rder fo r me to get to that p lace of sym­

b iosis though, it wo u ld take some serious heal ing.

Part of the heal ing that was necessary for m e was centered
a ro u n d heal ing my tra u m a and a b use, maki ng a mends
with the abuses I do led out to other peop le, a n d learning
that my a b use doesn't exc use the a b u se I i nflict o n others.
Without that hea l i ng, there is no way that a ny of my m agic
co uld have wo rked . There was no way fo r my practice to be
whole if I myself wa sn't.

As my expos u re grew, I began to do m o re research o n S a n­

teria a nd o n the Orishas that I grew up heari ng stories
a bout fo r m ost of my c h i l d hood . I f I were going to practice
a ny sort of po lythe i st relig i o n, it was o n ly ever goi n g to be
Sa nteria. I knew that in the core of my being I was des­
pe rate to fi n d some correlation between my q ueerness a n d
 '
'

'•

that p a rticu la r p ractice because it was i n a sense the o n ly

way that I wo u l d retu rn home.
I t took doing my own research , d i s p e l l i n g myths a bout the
fl u i d ity of m agic a n d my own gender, and yea rs of being at
battle with myself This Ori s h a , desp ite the obvious con­
nections to my a i ry n ature, became my guid i n g l i ght. Leg­
end has it that she fo ught fea rless ly alo ngs ide her h u s­
b a nd i n battle w h i l e wea ring a beard ; she em bod i ed m a le­
ness j u st as m uch as she em bod ied fem in i n ity.

Oya , Oya, Oya . . . . This O r i s h a i s one that wo uld grow over

the yea rs to become i m bedded in my bloodstream, to sit
on my head at t i mes, to use m e as her physical m a n ifes­
tation, Goddess of the winds , the m a rketplace, a fea rless
wa rrior. Oya . . . it's hard to say where I begi n a nd she ends.

When entering the ga m e of gender, I stood at the center

for a very long ti me, and after a while I felt a push to h ave
to choose a side. When I d i d , it neve r q u ite fit. The more I
became recogn ized as m a le, and i ndoctri nated to the
rights of m a l e privi lege, the m ore d i sgust I began to feel .
T h i s , fo r s o long, was t h e t h i ng I fought aga inst, a nd there
I was , stan d ing i n the m iddle of it.

M y des i re to wear m a ke u p never s u b sided and my longi ng

to h ave a body covered i n glitter never cha nged , but I knew
that these th i n gs we re n 't i ntrins ically tied to any partic u l a r
gender. Dress ing i n men's cloth i n g became j u st a s m uch
of a cost u m e a s women's. I decided to d ress based on
how I fe lt. On any given d ay, what that looks l i ke can be
d rastica l ly d i fferent. On d ays when t h i ngs get h a rd and I
feel l i ke I can't decide; when I feel l ike giving u p a n d when
I feel l i ke every dec i s i o n I m a ke i s the wrong one, I call
u po n my Oya to help center me.

I 've spent the last seven yea rs figuring out what my q ueer­
ness looks l i ke a n d how my m agic m a n i fests itself.

I a m a n a i r sign. I a m a genderqueer fem m e of color. M y

gender i s just a s fl u i d a s the winds . I a m a wa rrior, and not
j u st m etaphys ical ly. I fight every day for my cont i n ued ex i s­
tence, a n d I fig ht every day to l i ve i n a body that i s brown,
q u eer, and fem me.

These d ays, my q ueerness is inseparable from my magic

because my magic is rooted in the belief that I m u st l ive as
my most gen u i ne sel( that I love fl u i d ly and exist fl u i d ly
m uch l i ke the w i n d s of Oya.
 '
'

a
The Fluid ity of Spirit
by Laura Tem pest Zakroff
'
'
 Biographies

(@ - --

Aaron O beron i s a practic ing witch of over io years who

spends most of his t i m e talking to p l a nts and avo i d i n g h i s
neighbors. Aa ron's witchcraft centers around s p i rit work,
fol k lore, and fi nding magic i n the l a ndscape arou nd h i m .
Loo king a t the l a ndscape a s so meth i n g magical i s what
fi rst d rew Aaron to exp lor i ng how q ueerness a n d witchcraft
i n tersect th ree yea rs ago. H e sta rted explori ng drag as a
way to navigate those waters, but wo uld n't call h i m self a
q u ee n ju st yet.

Abby Helasdottir 1s a writer, m u s 1c1a n a n d grap h ic de­

s i gner. Her path is a Rokkr one, exploring the tw i l ight side
of N orse cos mo logy with a p a rtic u l a r e m p hasis o n He la,
goddess of death and the u nde rwor ld. As a m u s i c i a n , she
creates m u s ic a s Gydja , descri bed as dark a m bience fo r
d a rk goddesses, revea l i n g a n i n terest in goddess figures
fro m other mythologic a l system s .

Adare works to chal lenge both overt a n d covert biases to

s how the truth of what it mea ns to be h u m a n . Fierce a n d
u n a po logetic, Adare strives to break free o f trad itional
stereotypes a s an openly genderqueer a rtist. Living on a n
active volcano i n the m iddle o f the ocean, Ada re s p i n s fi re,
cha nts i n sweat lodges, and teaches her students how to
 '
'

'•

access s pirit through the p aint b r u s h . Layering thei r oil

paintings with gold leaf and m eta llic pigments, Ada re cre­
ates the feel of a living, b reath ing person o n canvas.
"When you paint someone's portrait you beco me a ves sel.
Their spirit tel ls the essential story, chan neling every p a rt
of their life into shape a n d color."

Adrian M oran i s a C hicago-based Paga n a n d Polytheist

b logger. He is the M a gister of the Chicago Tem p l e of the
Fel lowship of the Phoenix, a Q ueer N eopagan Order. He
has presented for the Owen Society for H e rmetic and S pir­
itu a l Enlightenm ent a n d h a s been a guest on M agick Radio
Ch i cago. His interests a l so inc l ude LG BTQ issues, env­
iro n mentalis m , vega n i s m , a rt, opera, ga rdening, and
Stea m punk. His blog a bout his personal spiritual path can
be found at www. ad rianmoran .co m . The Fel lowship of the
Phoenix can be found at fel lows hiP-oftheP-hoenix.org.

Alder Knight is passio nate a bout d a ncing, ancestor vener­

ation , black excelle nce, drag, rootworki ng, transgender
liberation , enviro n mental j u stice, collecting rocks, building
renewable energy, dis m antling global ca pitalis m , baking
cookies, and d ream i ng the fut u re. They write, perform,
m a rch, in stigate, baby talk to p l a nts, climb on stra ngers'
roofs, and help their comrades fix minor electrical issues.
Their work with Agdisti s and Di onysos comes out of yea rs
of personal transform ative p ractices a round tra u m a a n d
dysphoria, a n d they are eager to share too ls and strategies
with other TG N C fo lks fo r co l lective hea l i ng. You can fi n d
t h e i r co l laborative u n dertakings fo r t h e transgender dead
a n d partici pate in the a n n u a l Tran sgender R ite of Ancestor
E l evati o n at httP.://tran s-rite.tu m bl r. com .

Alex Batagi (Bonkira Bon O u ngan) i s a q ueer, transgender

m a n who fo u n d h i s way to the feet of the lwa, and, with the
guida nce of h i s s p i ri t u a l mother, M a n bo M a ude (Antio la
Bo M a n bo) of Sosyete N a go, fol l owed h i s s p i rits i nto the
djevo where he was made a h o u n ga n asogwe. A longtime
polytheist, s p i r itu a l wor ker, and artist, Al ex h a s fou n d that
vod ou provided the container that he could p l ace all of
h i m self i nto and gives shape to a l ife spent seeking out
bala nce and addressing socia l i n eq u a l ity. He serves a l l h i s
d i vi n ities at home, a n d i n h i s s p i rit u a l mother's tem p les i n
Boston a n d J acme l, H aiti . H e biogs freq u ently a t httP-JL.
rockofeye.tu m b l r.com and can be fo u n d in Facebook as
Bon kira Bon O u ngan.

Almah LaVon Rice i s a q ueer h u m m i n gbird fem m e fa i ry

who en gages i n d a i ly d i v i n ation play. H e r d reamwork in g
sc ience was p u bl i shed i n the anthology, Black Quantum
Futurism: Theory er_ Practice. Her l ive i n teractive d ream i n ­
sta l l ation w a s featu red i n the Tr a n s modern Festival i n
Ba lti m ore, M D. With M a rfa F i r m i n o-Castil lo, A l m a h fi l med
a n d ch oreog rap hed Aria Del Rio/River Aria, a short/
perform a nce ritu a l i nvoki n g O s u n . Her ess ay, " Remed ios,"
was p u b l i s h ed in the a nthology Solace: Writing, Refuge, df.
 '
'

LGBTQ Women of Color. Al m a h i s cu rrently at wo rk on a

book-length d ivi n atory project i nvo lving B l ack Kentucky
fo lk m agic a n d fictio n s .

Cazembe Abena is a Certified H o l istic Practitioner known

as 'The Heart Wh i s perer,' Ta ntra I nti macy Coac h , Priest of
O s u m a re,' a n d DO M . Cazem be i s origi n a l ly from Portl a n d
OR, a n d earned a B.A. i n Psychol ogy fro m C l a rk Atlanta
U n iversity, i n Atla nta G A where h e resides. H i s compa ny,
Divine Resona nce LLC's m i ssion i s " Rek i n d l i n g the S park
a n d Deepening the Con nection to S ourc e, Self, a n d Life
thro ugh Love." Cazembe uses a comb i nation of Energy
Thera py, Coachi ng, N u rt u r i n g Touch, a n d C BT too l s to
promote evo l ution, self-acceptance, a n d hea l i n g of the
h o l i sti c fo u r-body system to foster a l ife of a bu ndant au­
thentic living. Cazem be's custom-d rawn e nergetic sym­
bols are cal led Sacred Symbol Technology™ and h i s hea l­
i n g m ethod of B D S M is called SenergeticTM B D S M .
Cazembe i s ava i l able for i nd ivid u a l a n d cou p les ses s i o n s ,
wo rkshops, lect u res, a n d SenergeticrM exh i bi tions . Ses­
s i o n s can be done in person or remotely via phone. Con­
tact Caze m be t h ro u h g his website www. d i v i ne­
resona nce.com or on Face book for m ore i nfo rmation .

C h a rlie Sta ng is a l ifelong lover of m agic a n d the land. S h e

became i nvolved with a Paga n com m u n ity i n Virgin ia as a
c h i l d and draws on a l most th ree decades of m agical prac­
ti ce i n her service a n d teach i ngs. H e r s p i ritua l p ractice
pl ays a critical role i n her activism a n d s h e i s deeply com­
m itted to the wo rk of j u stice with roots in paga n p ractice.
Chuck cu rrent ly l ives in U n ceeded Oh lone territo ry, also
known a s the Ca l i forn i a Bay Area.

Doug M iddlem iss (Ade Kola) was i n itiated as a 2nd Degree

Wiccan H igh Priest i n 2009, and i n iti ated as a pr iest of
C h a ngo i n the Sa nteri a/Luc u m i trad ition i n 20 1 2. He has
been a student of various trad itions of m agic a n d s p iri­
tual ity, including Stregh eri a, the Anderson Feri Trad ition ,
Hoodoo, a n d espi ritismo. After yea rs of focus o n witch ­
craft and paga n i s m , he now pri m a ri ly works with i n the
context of Lucu m i a n d espiritismo, honoring the O r i s h a
a lo n g with h i s s p irit guides a n d ancesto rs . He l ives i n
Po rt l a n d , O R .

Dmitri Arbaca u skas i s a n a rtist a n d practitioner i n t h e Pa­

cific N o rthwest. I n between v i s u a l ly hex i n g the u nwa ry a n d
trying to m a i nt a i n a homel ife, he a l so m a kes a l l m a n ner of
leatherwork and a rt, which can be seen a n d ordered at
www. tor m e n ed a rt i facts.co m .

E J La n d s m a n is a trans, non-bi n a ry a rtist l iving i n Seattle,

Was h i ngto n. A grad u ate of O berl i n College and the U n iv-
ers ity of Was h i n gto n 's Scientific I l l u stration certificate pro­
gra m , they m a ke natural i l l u strations a n d com ics a bout na­
tu re, gender, l iving with menta l i l l ness , a n d other n o r m a l
th i n gs.
 '
'

I n es lxierda is a n i nterdisci p l i n a ry v i s u a l a rtist and Bol ivi an

bruja in Oakland, Califo r n i a . She uses h a ndc raft, mark
m a k i n g, a rt rituals, and graph ic na rratives to heal a n d hold
her l ived experience as a q ueer d i s a b led Wom a n of Color.
She i s i n fluen ced by l i beration and self-dete rm i nation
m ovements, an cestral knowledge, and the moon.

lvo Dominguez, J r. h a s been active in Wicca and the Paga n

co m m u n ity s i nce 1 978. He i s an Elder of the Ass e m b ly of
the Sacred Wheel, a Wiccan syn c ret ic trad ition , a n d is one
of its fou n d ers. He i s a p a rt of the core gro u p that started
a n d m a n ages the N ew Alexan d ri an L i b ra ry. lvo is the au­
thor of Keys To Perception, Practical Astrology for Witches
and Pagans, Casting Sacred Space, Spirit Speak, Beneath the
Skins, a n d n u m e rous s horter works. lvo is also a profes­
s i o n a l a strol oger who has studied astrol ogy s i nce 1 980
a n d h a s been offering consu ltations a n d read i ngs s i nce
1 988. lvo l ives i n Delawa re i n the woods of Seel i e Court.
www.ivodom i n guezj r.com .

Jay Logan is n ative (but not ind i genous) to the Pacific

N orthwest, res i d i n g i n the wo u ld-be sovereign state of
Cascadia. He i s an i n i ti ated p riest of C h a l ice H art, a local
Wiccan cove n , as we l l as a mystes of the N aos Ant i noou,
fo r which he serves as a M ystagogue. A l i brarian by trade,
he enjoys read i n g, resea rc h i ng, provid i n g resou rces and
i n formation to the pu b l ic, kn itting, a s wel l as dancing
u n der moo n l ight d u ri n g the Witches' Sa b bat.
N aos Antinoo u i s a queer, G raeco-Ro m a n -Egypt i a n devo­
tio n a l polytheist co m m u n ity honori ng Anti nous, the dei­
fied lover of the Roman E m pero r H ad r i a n , and related
gods a n d d i vin e figu res. We provide s pace fo r practicing
devotion to Ant i nous, participation in His sacred mys­
teries, and together seek the p romotion of soci a l and s p i r­
itu a l j u stice.

La u ra Tempest Zakroff is a professiona l a rt i st, a uthor,

d a ncer, designer, a n d witch based i n Seattle, Wash i n gton .
H er artwork em bod ies myth a n d t h e esote ric t h rou gh her
d rawi ngs and paint i n gs, jewe l ry, t a l i s m a n s , and other de­
signs. Her art has wo n n u mero u s awa rd s and honors, i s
co l l ected world-wide, a n d a ppea rs i n nu merous books a n d
p u b l ications.

She biogs at Patheos as A Modern Traditional Witch a n d at

Witches & Paga ns a s Fine A1t Witchery. She rece ntly pub­
l i sh ed her first boo k, The Witch 's Cauldron: The Craft, Lore,
cf{_ Magick of Ritual Vessels, with her next book Sigil Witch­
ery: A Witch's Guide to Crafting Magical Symbols d u e out i n
early 20 1 8 ( Llewel lyn Wo rldwide) . For more i n formation,
please visit www. l a u ratem P-estzak roff.com and
www.owl kexme.com .

Lee H arri n gto n is a n eclectic a rtist, a uthor, s p i rit-worker,

gender radica l , and i nternationa l ly known sex u a l i ty, s p i r i­
tu a l ity, and persona l a uthenticity educator who has taught
 '
'

i n every state, as wel l a s worldwide. H e h a s been a n active

p a rt of the i nternati o n a l paga n a n d sex pos i tive com m u­
n ities for over 20 yea rs, a n d bel i eves pass i on ately that
laughter and sou l-searc h i n g rise fro m the same we l l . An
awa rd-win n i n g a uthor a n d ed itor on ge nder, sex u a l ity, and
sacred experience, h i s books in clu de Sacred Kink: The
Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond, Traversing Gender:
Understanding Transgender Journeys, and Shibari You Can
Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame, a m o n g
m a ny oth er titles. Lee actively i n corporates h i s various sex­
u a l practices a n d gender experience i nto h i s s p i r itual work­
i n gs as a s pi rit-worke r i n service to Bea r, as wel l as run­
n i n g private, gro u p , a n d com m u n ity ritu a l s across vario u s
s pi ritual paths. He h a s been bloggi ng o n l i n e s i nce 1 9 98,
serv i n g as a priest (ess) s i nce 1 9 99, and has been teac h i n g
wo rldwide since 200 1 . Read m o re a bout Lee at
www. Pa ssion A n d Sou I . com .

Lu cecita Cruz is a Puerto Rican genderq ueer activi st, writ­

er, fa rmer, a n d co l lector of sto ries. They live a n d breathe
ea rth , whether it i s fa rm i ng, com m u n ity orga n i zing fo r
food j u stice i s sues, or col lecti n g the experiences o f others
who do this work i n their Zine titled Comida con cuidado.
They bel ieve in the power of m agical h ea l i ng th rough food.

M al co l m M a u n e is an a rtist who l ives in Berkley with h i s

two ado pted sons.
M a i s h a N aj u m a Aza, M SW, is a q ueer bl ack witch , hea ler,
polya morous leather-wo m a n , parent of two tee n s , a n d a n
ecstatic lover of l i fe. S h e erotica l ly weaves her b l ack q ueer
lesbian activist roots, s p i r itu al ity, s h a m a n i c practices, a n d
bodywork to co-create in tuitive h ea l i n g sessions. Her work
i m p acts the m u ltid i m e nsional as pects of each person's
soci a l , sexual, sp i ritual, e m otional, phys ica l , a n d energetic
wo rld. M a i s ha's l i ght-hearted , deeply accepting, down-to­
ea rth a n d empathic nature m a kes her p rivate consu ltations
a n d p u b l ic enga gements especia l ly powerfu l a n d deeply
transform atio n a l! M a i s ha's passion is sharing the erotic
i n tegration of s p i ritual ity, sex u a l i ty, and embodi ment with
other LG B QTPOC i n her hea l i n g sess ion s, consultations,
cla sses, workshops, a n d speaking engagements around
the wo rld.

M a i s h a is an ord a i n ed Tr i b a l S h a m a n , certified in I n te­

grated Heal i ng Arts, Ta ntra S acred I n t i m acy, S h a m a n ic
Rei ki I I , and M as sage Thera py; and holds a master's de­
gree in Social Wo rk. She is the Founder of "A Life Al ive
Cons u lti n g" a n d " B lack G i rl Ta ntra", ba sed i n Atl anta, GA,
and can be found o n l i ne at www. a l i fealiveco n u lt i n g.com
and @ b l ackgi rltantra on l n stagra m .

M ichael G reywolf i s an arti st a n d podcaster l i v i n g i n Texas.

H e attended Southern M ethodist U n iversity, where he
stud ied Socio logy and Studio Art. M ichael h a s been active
i n the paga n com m u n ity s i nce 2004, and a n i n iti ated
 '
'

'•

b rother of the U n n a med Path (an emergi ng S h a m a n ic

trad ition fo r men who love men) s i nce 20 14. M ichael co­
hosts two podcasts on the Paga ns Ton ight Radio N etwo rk.
He has co-hosted All Acts of Love and Pleasu re, a show
a bout sex, sex u a l i ty, gender, a n d va ri o u s other topics with
Dr. S u san H a rper s i nce Feb r u a ry 20 1 5. I n S e ptem ber of
20 1 6, M ichael and co-host M athew Syd ney, sta rted the
podcast Wa l k i n g the U n named Path . On this show, M ath­
ew a n d M ichael d i scuss a n d expand on the teach i n g a n d
tec h n iq u es la i d out b y the late fou n der o f the U n n a m ed
Path , Eddy ' H yperion ' G utie rrez. They also cover various
topics and i deas that affect q ueer pagan men i n genera l.
M ichael can be fo u nd on social media u s i n g Face book,
l n stagram @ m ichaelgreywolf, Twitter @ G reywo lfM u s i ngs,
o r e m a i led at m ichaelgrexwolf. m u s i n g�@gm a i l . com .

M ichael a is a ten der-hea rted fierce fe m me q ueer witch who

has had access to the privi lege of ded icating t i m e to per­
sonal hea l i ng. She is passionately co m m itted to hel pi ng
m a ke the tools and opportun ities she has had accessible
to a l l . M ore of her writi ngs o n the to pic of heal i n g her rel a­
tion s h i p to fem i n i n ity, a n d more, can be fou n d at
httP-s ://heal i ngfem i n i n ity.wixs ite.com/re-mem beri ngdesi re.
She resides i n her h o m etown of S a n Fra ncis co, Cal ifo r n i a ,
where s h e i s c u rrently pa rtici pati ng i n the Somatic Sex
Education Practitioner Program a s wel l a s studyi n g to be
an E M T. She aspires to hel p facil itate others in
recon nect i n g to thei r bod ies, feel i ngs, a n d a uthentic de­
s i res, as we l l as aid i n others' journeys of self hea l i ng, self
love, self accepta nce and self empowerm ent.

M .C. M o H aga n i M agnetek is a deli ghtfu l Tra n sgender

Africa n A m erican A nthropo logi st, writer, poet and perfor­
m a nce art i st. S h e d raws i n s p i ration fro m with i n to create
stories and n a rratives about obscure as pects of l ife. Some­
times s u rreal noir a n d other ti mes concrete rea l ities, she
fashions her stories with a great deal of poetics. As a
tran sgende r wom a n with B i po l a r Di sorder a n d PTS D l iv i n g
on t h e l a s t great fro ntier o f Alaska, s h e e m p loys m a ny of
her experiences in her wo rks of fiction, non-fiction, and
poetry. She is the author of 1 0 short stories, an anthology,
two nove l las , a novel, a poetry col lection, a n d h a s been i n ­
cl uded i n a few p u b l icati ons a n d webs ite biogs.

Orion Foxwood is a traditio n a l witch, co njure-m a n a n d

faery seer, a n d , the a uthor o f The Faery Teachings (RJ Stew­
a rt Books) , The Tree of Enchantment, The Candle e<_ the
Crossroads a n d The Flame in the Cauldron (Weiser Books ) .
Born with the vei l i n S h en a n doah Va l l ey, V i rgi nia, h e was
expo sed to fa ith- hea l i ng, root-doctor i ng, faery lore, a n d
southern and Appa l achian fo l k m agic. H e is the fo u nder of
the H ou se of Brigh Faery Seers h i p I nstitute and Foxwood
Tem p le where h i s goal is pass on the trad itiona l witchcraft
of h i s elders. Orion i s a l so the co-founder of Co nj u re
Crossroads, the a n n u a l Fo l k M agic Festival i n N ew
 '
'

'•

Orleans, Co nju re-Craft, and the Witches i n the Woods

gatheri ngs a imed at fosterin g education , co m m u n ity, co­
c reative magic a n d the h ea l i n g a n d h e l p i ng practices of the
trad itions he carries. He holds a m a ster's degree i n
H u m a n Services. We bsite: orionfoxwood.com.

Papacon is an a rtist b ased i n Europe. He enjoys d rawi ng

m a le/ m a l e erotica, fo r both plea s u re a n d as a work-fo r-h i re
a rtist. H e i s a n avid fan of S i r C h r i stopher Lee. A collection
of h i s wo rk can be fou n d in the novel The Initiate, written
by J . Swa rtz. Look for h i s work on h i s Pa pa-con tu m bl r.

Pavi n i M o ray faci l i tates glittering q ueer pleas u re revolu­

tions and gett i n g down with a n cestors. F i n d Pe at
transcestra l h e a l i n g.com . Wh eeeeee!

Rocket is a ge nder-a m b iva lent, futu resh ocked n ice J ewitch

boy who prefers " it" pronouns a n d is, at present, explo r i n g
the i nterplay between poetry, s p e l l s , tra u m a , t i m e travel ,
l a n gu age, a n d tra n s identity u s i n g a c o m b i nation of s ado­
m a soch i s m , r h i n esto n es , and strategica l ly a p p l ied pyro­
m a n i a . Rocket wo rks o n the Tra n sgender R ite of Ancestor
E levation (trans-rite.tu m b l r.com /) , M yth ical Events, and
the Agd i sti n e O rder, a n d can be found o n l i n e at @ F l a m -
i n gKorybante a n d i n meats pace i n Brooklyn.

S a m ' Eyrie' Ward is del ighted by paradox, craves the l i m­

i n a l , a n d i s u n abashed ly i n q u i s it i ve about a l l as pects of
h u m a n behavior. She i s a polya morou s, dem i sexu a l s l ut,
who's s p i r itu a l ity is very m uch bou n d u p i n kink, sex, and
the science a n d m agic of ritua l-m a ki n g. Among the m a ny
roles a n d titles she e m bodies, such as m other, s u bm is­
s i ve, student, and writer, Sam is an epidemi ologi st, tra u m a
resea rch er, and l icensed socia l worker who h a s developed
and taught wo rks h o ps for yo u n g peo ple and other hel p i ng
profession a l s a bout teen sex u a l ity, res i l iency, strategic
s h a ri ng, and i n stitutiona l ized power dyn a m i cs. Her re­
search i n the neu roscience of tra u m a a n d recovery in ter­
sects with her u ndersta nd i ng of the power of m agical
co m m u n ities: particu la rly in how synch ronic ity, rhyt h m ,
a n d co n nect ion c reate o p po rtu n ities for profo u n d lea r n i n g
a n d growth.

From M exico origi n a l ly, Sta n Stanley has settled i n N YC

a n d refuses to budge. S h e m a kes com ics that are s pooky
a n d queer, most ly because s h e i s rather spooky a n d q u eer
herself. Sta n h a s worked on com ics s i nce the l ate 90s, tak­
i n g a break i n 2009 to focus on grad schoo l a n d t ryi ng to
be a serious scientist. Tu rns out s h e l i kes work i n g o n
com ics m u ch bette r. Previously res ponsi ble fo r Friendly
Ho stil ity, Stan cu rrently p u b l i s hes Th e H azards of Love
and Abern athy Sq u a re both on l i n e and i n print. I n her per­
sona l l ife, she enjoys tea, col lecti ng s k u l l s and other
bones, and the cheesy sati sfaction of h e l p i n g tourists get
to wherever it i s they're trying to go. Like guid i n g d uckli ngs
back i nto the lake, honestly.
 '
'

'•

Steve Dee is the a uthor of A Gnostic's Progress: Magic and

the Path of Awakening a n d the co-a uthor (with J u l i a n
Vayne) o f Chaos Craft. After a near m i s s with the Anglican
Priesthood , Steve focu sed h i s energies on more occult
pursu its that h ave i n c l uded work with i n the east/west
tantra gro u p A M OO KOS a n d the Chaos M a gic c u rrent.
H i s c u rrent i n terest i n G n osticism represents an atte m pt
to explore the way i n which joys of hereti cal freeth i n ki n g
c a n be h a rnes sed fo r the benefit of a l l . He c u rrently b iogs
over at httQs:ljtheblogofbaQhomet.com .

Steve Ken so n i s a co-fo u nder of the Tem ple of Witchcraft

(www.te m P-leofwitchcraft.org) , a 501 (c) 3 rel igi ous non­
profit ded icated to the Great Wo rk of Witchcraft in the
wo rld . He is l ead m i n i ster of the Tem ple's Gem i n i m i n ­
istry, re s po n s i b le fo r Queer S p i rit wo rk. He h a s taught
wo rkshops and fac i l itated ritu als at the Between the
Worlds Queer M e n 's G atheri n g, Coph N i a Q ueer M en's
Festival, ConVocation, Tem p l e Fest, and other events.
Steve i s m a n aging partner of Copper C a u ld ron P u b l i s h i ng,
prod ucing Witchcraft, paga n, and N ew Age titles . Steve
l ives i n N ew H a m ps h i re wi th h i s p a rtners, Chri sto pher
Pe nczak and A d a m S a rtwe l l , and can be fo u n d on l i n e at
httP-:ljte m P-leofwitc hc raft.o rg/steve- ken son-hpJ_

Susan H a rper, P h . D., is an ed ucator, acti vist, a dvocate,

a n d ritual s pec i al i st l ivi ng, loving, m a k i n g magick, a n d agi­
tatin g for cha nge in the Da l las, TX a rea. She holds a Ph D
i n C u ltural Anthro pology from Southern M ethodist U n ive r­
s i ty, where her docto ral research focu sed o n the in ter­
sections of gend er, sex u a l orientation, and re l igious iden­
tity in the Texas N eo Pagan com m u n ity. She also holds a n
MA i n M u lticultura l Wo men's and Gender Stud ies from
Texas Wo m a n 's U n ivers ity. S u s a n i s p a s s i o n ate about
m a k i n g s p i r itu a l ity acces s i ble, practical, and perso n a l . Her
wo rkshops focus on using s p i ritual i n fo rm at ion and tech ­
n i q u es to facil itate transformation in o u r perso n a l l i ves.
She seeks to help peop le eq u i p them selves with s k i l l s a n d
too l s that w i l l aid th e i r conti n u o u s growth. S u s a n h a s over
two decades' worth of experience with Fe m i n ist S p i ritua lty,
Wi cca a n d other fo rms of N eo Paga n i s m , energetic hea l i n g
moda l ities, Ta rot, ecst atic moveme nt, a n d other transfo r­
m ative practices. She faci l i tates a mo nthly Fu l l M oon cir­
cle wh ich is i n c l u s ive of a l l women a n d non b i n ary peo ple
who fi n d their h o m es in women- a n d fem mece ntric s p a­
ces. She h a s written exten s ively on Goddess S p i ritual ity,
activi s m , a n d fe m i n i s m . Yo u c a n fo l low her l atest adven­
tu res at d ream i ngP-riestes s.word P-ress.com .

Ta i Fen ix Ku lysti n, M A, C S B, CCTP i s a n identity a n d i nti­

m acy geek, somatic sex educ ator and bodyworker, sacred
sex u a l ity practitioner and guide, a n d ritual a rtist. A student
and p ractitioner of magic and witchcraft for over h a lf of
their l ife, Ta i has a love of bringing the sacred and ritu a l
in to a l l a s pects o f thei r life. They a re a student o f Anderson
 '
'

Feri witchc raft, a n adept i n the Golden Dawn trad ition of

m agic, a n d a practica l a n d erotic Alchem i st. Their profes­
siona l wo rk i s cal led Co nscious Plea s u re, a som atic sex
ed ucation a n d bodywo rk practice b ased i n Seattle, Was h ­
i n gton where they provide hea rt-centered , therapeutic
guida nce fo r a d u Its of a l l ge nders, s i zes, relat i o n s h i p sta­
tuses, and sex u a l ities who a re struggl i n g with identity,
sex u a l ity, or connection a n d who long to be seen . Yo u can
fi n d m o re a bout Ta i 's p rofes s i o n a l work at www. Con-
scious Plea s u re.com and
www.Tem RleOfE roticAlchemx.co m .

Reverend Teri D. Ciacchi, M SW, i s the m atrix o f Livi ng

Love Revo l ution; a n EcoSexu a l Activi st, a P riestess of
Aphrodite, a h o l i stic s p i ritu a l healer a n d an Eco M agi cks
practitioner. As an EcoM agick practi tioner, she tra n s lates
the teach i n g s h e receives from myce l i u m (m u s h ro o m s) ,
bees , a n d stardust in to useable social s k i l l s fo r h u m a n be­
i n gs, lead i ng co l la bo rative workshops that honor the in­
n ate connections between h u m a n bei n gs a n d the l ivi ng
E a rth. Her EcoSex u a l act i v i s m is b ased in the Casc a d i a
b io region a n d i n c l u des creati ng & organ izing t h e yea rly
S u rrender: The EcoSex Co nvergence, hold i n g monthly
EcoSex salons a n d Ha ppeni ngs a n d tend i ng her m a ny gar­
dens of beloved s .

A Priestess o f Aphrod ite with over 30 yea rs of tra i n i n g i n

Recl a i m i n g Witchc raft, Ceremoni a l M agick, Ti betan
Budd h i s m i n the l i neage of Chogyam Tr u ngpa R i n poche,
and the Ta ntric l i neage of Swa m i R a m a, she teaches Living
Love Revo lution Ap h rod ite Te m p les q u a rterly i n the Pac ific
N orthwest. Livi n g Love Revol ution is her l i fe work and
s p i ritual c a l l i ng, a n d a co m m u n ity b u i ld i ng experience­
based system of hea l i ng that focuses on expansion, liber­
ation a n d sovereignty. She can be heard reg u l arly o n :
www. SexTa l kRadioNetwo rk.co m . Keep up with her at:
www. LivingLoveRevo l ution .com,
www.A P-h rod iteTern Rl e .com, and
www. EcoSexConvergence.org.

Thista M i nai i s a Priestess of Arte m i s , polytheist, s p i rit­

wo rker, o rdea l fac i l itator, Th i rd Degree H i gh Priestess i n
the B l u e Star Tradition of Wicca, a n d fo u nder of S pectrum
G ate M yste ries . She h a s more than fi fteen yea rs of expe­
rience with designing a n d conducting rituals, perform in g
various types of energy work, a n d h a s taught lectu res a n d
wo rkshops on a variety o f topics i n clud i ng modern Paga n­
ism, sacred sex u a l i ty, o rdea l , and kink. Th ista a p p l ies the
knowledge gai ned from her m a ster 's degree i n education
to developing better c u rric u l u m and s u pport structures fo r
students of modern Paga n i s m and s p i ritual ity, and is the
a uthor of Casting a Queer Circle: Non-binary Witchcraft.

Trol l H ul d ren is a native of Appalachia living i n Co l u m b u s ,

OH with their partner a n d spawn . They are an i n iti ate of
two m ajor Houses of trad itional witchcraft, the Anderson
 '
'

'•

Faery tradition and the W i ldwood trad itio n . They a re a

fo u n d i ng m e m ber of Ta l a ith y Gwynt, a network for Fag­
got-i den-fied witches. They work as a profess i o n a l cook, a
Faery Docto r a n d d iv i n er, a n d a re i n volved i n m u lti ple a re­
n a s of social j u stice activ i s m . They a re c u rrently at work o n
a m a n u a l o f q u eer sex ma gic a n d a re curati ng a podcast on
" Fa ggot Witchery" with coven m ates, as wel l as re­
awake n i n g the "Arad i a n Cu rre nt" t h ro ugh a series of in te­
gra l s k i l lset workshops fo r witches a ro u n d the U . S a n d
a b road . They see t h e work o f the witch a s i nvolved i n res is­
tance to o ppression a n d l i beration of people, a n d in sa­
c red gua rd i a n s h i p of the La n d .

W. L. Bol m i s a writer and tech ie l iving i n Wisco n s i n . They

have been actively writi ng a n d practici n g m agick a n d ritual
s i nce the l ate n i neties. They converted to J ud a i s m i n 2009 ,
a n d s i nce then, their concept of deity h a s evolved to ac­
cept the u n knowa ble mystery of the div i n e .

W.'s work a s a jou rn a l i st has a p pea red in t h e St. Petersberg

Times, The Tampa Tribune, Create Loafing, The New Gay,
411 Magazine, a n d a n u m ber of p r i n t and o n l i n e p u b l i ­
cations. They are cu rrently shopping a round a
polya morous YA para no r m a l romance to a gents.

In their spare t i m e, W. works on writi n g and a rt projects

a n d is a Q U I LT BAG activist . They a re a fu I ly-professed
m e m ber of the S i sters of Perpetu a l I n d u l gence of the
Pa rish of the M uddy Waters i n N ew Orleans. They h ave
orga n ized sex positivi ty events i n N ew Orleans a n d h ave
a p peared on the Lov i n g Without Boundaries podcast.

wolfie is a witch , a radical faerie, a thelem ite, a pervert, and

a not q u ite run-ofthe-m i l l revo l ut i o n a ry. they l ive i n chaos, a
rad ical faerie collective i n cal ifo r n i a . a pract i s i n g d i scor­
d i a n , s h e h a s also bee n seen at pujas, tsoks, i n gardn erian
circles, a n d eats hotdogs a l most every frid ay. he's been
known to show u p at pagan gatherings, leather parties,
tra ns m a rches and deathbeds. v fo u nded the holy o rder of
the epicenes, a s p i ritua l o rder for peop le who see them­
se lves and deity as being outside of any b i n a ry gender
spectru m , and a re comm itted to a l i fe of service. their pro­
noun of choice is not the s a m e o n e twice i n a row, or
whichever is most a p p l icab le at the time. s/he does n 't a p­
prove of capita l i sation, o r capita l i s m .

Yvon n e Abu rrow is a q ueer polytheist G a rd neri an Wiccan,

the author of All Acts of Love and Pleasure: inclusive Wicca,
and seve ral other books on folklore a n d witchcraft, co-
editor with C h ri sti ne Hoff-K raemer of Pagan Consent
Culture, a n d keen blogger and poet. She l ives in Oxford
with two cats a n d a lovely m a n cal led Bob. She i s a web
developer a n d trade u n i on activist, a n d loves tree s, sta rs,
stones, a n d the Moon.

Yi n Q. is a BDS M practiti o n er, educator, sex work activist,

 '
'

a n d wri ter res i d i ng i n B rooklyn with her p a rtner a n d two

c h i l d ren . She h a s a BA fro m B a r n a rd Co l l ege and a n M FA
i n C reative N o nfiction fro m The N ew Schoo l . H e r writi ng,
cl as ses, and ra ndom tho ughts can be found at
www.Y I NQ.net. Other p u bl ications i nc l ude A Women's
Thing, BUST, Chance Magazine, Through the Looking Class,
a n d Apogee Journal. She is cu rrently working on a memoir
of violence a n d m agic.

Z Griss (Zahava) is the fo u nder of EMBODY more LOVE,

hea l i n g t h rough d a nce, bodywork, performa nce, and
coac h i ng. Z focuses on social change leaders who a re
ready for a b rea kth rough i n their sexual and s p i ritual ex­
pres sion. Th i s work i s about the body as o u r a l ly i n releas­
i n g tra u m a , tran sform in g l i m iting beliefs, and creati n g
pleasu re t o access n e w poss i b i lities i n our perso n a l a n d
societa l l ives. Z comes fro m 30 years o f da nce tra i n i n g,
certifications i n Yoga fo r b i rt h , Esalen M a ssage, U rban
Ta ntra, Pi l ates, a n d H ealth Coac h i ng. Powerful i n fl uences
i n clude the a rts of u nlearn i n g raci s m , Sufi w h i r l i n g, Sexual
S ha m a n i s m , bioenergetics, soc ia l ly conscious entre­
preneursh i p, a n d transformati o n a l group dyna m ics.

Z d i rected S p i r itual N ou ri s h m ent fo r Conscious Activi s m

i n colla borati o n with Dee pak Cho pra a n d h a s been l i s­
ten i n g to , spea k i n g i n , a n d fac i l itat i n g s paces to ack nowl­
edge a n d transform wh ite privilege s i nce 1 9 99 i nc l u d i n g
wo rk with the Peo ple's I n stitute for S u rv i val a n d Beyond,
Sarah Lawrence College, the Re-Eva luating Cou n se l i n g
co m m u n ity, a n d the national Wh ite Privi lege Conference.
Z co-fo u nded Wh ite Fo l ks Soul, By Any Da nce N ecessa ry,
a d a nce co m pany explori ng the i ncom pati bi l ity of whole­
ness and the race construct fo r wh ite peop le.
www. E m bodxM orelove.com .
'
'