Assertive Training

Assertive Body Language: Aggressive Body Language:

• Stand straight, steady, and directly face the • Leaning forward with glaring eyes.
people to whom you are speaking while • Pointing a finger at the person to whom you are
maintaining eye contact. speaking.
Open body language Closed body language
Posture: Erect but relaxed, shoulders straight • Shouting.
Facial expression and gestures: Relaxed, • Clenching the fists.
thoughtful, caring, genuine smile, eye contact • Putting hands on hips and wagging the head.
Voice: Even-toned, calm, not too loud or soft
• Speak in a clear, steady voice –loud enough for
the people to whom you are speaking to hear you.
• Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with
assurance and confidence.

Active listening: reflecting back (paraphrasing)

Identifying your position: stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.

Exploring alternative solution: brainstorming other possibilities; rating the pros and cons; ranking
possible solutions.

Being assertive doesn’t mean that you will always win, rather, you are doing your best to put your point.

Refusing Requests:

• You have a right to say NO!

• Saying no does not imply that you reject another person; you are simply refusing a request.

• Values herself and values others equally

 Know the cues when you are willing to say no!

 Know your needs, preferences, boundaries- if valid, don’t be guilty
 When saying no, be direct, concise, and to the point.
 Uses “I” statements to get the message across
 Give pauses, ask understanding of people- appear more confident and clear
 Don’t make it look like a question, rather statement!
 Keep the energy and pace in start and end statement
 Don’t make it monotonous, volume and expressions
 Say no, clearly
• Demonstrate assertive body language.

Try to enhance understanding, by simply asking details about it. Its your right!

 Express feelings honestly – take ownership of your feelings

 Be realistic, respectful and honest

• You may offer reasons for your refusal, but don’t get carried away with numerous excuses.

• A simple apology is adequate; excessive apologies can be offensive.

• Make your answer short and to the point. Don’t give a long explanation.

 Agree with the truth/ logic/ possibilities

 Negotiate
 Don’t Depersonalize feelings or deny ownership
 Give feedback and build ground rules, today I helped but from next time I will appreciate if we can
be informed __ days prior.

Techniques to Avoid:

Handing over Your Power: “You make me feel so frustrated!” Actually, no one can make you feel
anything. You are the owner of your feelings! Beginning the sentence will “You make me” also puts the
other person on the defensive.

Making Judgments: “I got here on time. You could have, too.” You may feel embarrassed after the
person explains that the babysitter was late. Don’t assume that you have all the facts.

Applying Labels: “If you weren’t so disorganized, you might be on time more often.” The person you’re
speaking to begins to defend themselves about being disorganized, and forgets all about the original
message, being late.

Over-generalizing: “You’re always late.” The person probably isn’t always late, so they will focus on
“always” instead of hearing your message.

Finding Fault: “It’s not my fault you’re late.” Again, the focus instantly goes to who caused the situation,
and veers away from the message.

Failing to Empathize: “I can’t understand why you’re always late.” A good rule is to try and put yourself
in the other person’s shoes.
Activity: try role play, ask him to sit and respond as if I am seeing him, ask if he’s given a task he’s not
responsible for.