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AUGUST 2016 $8.99 NZ $9.99 INC GST

BUILD Fight Fat

BIG
MUSCLE
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& Dodge Winter
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The 8-Week Plan

That MadeThis Body! 21-DAY
TRICEP
TAKE O S
The Sex
MH GUY
Black Sails star CHALLE UR
Tom Hopper NGE!
Robots Are
Coming!
Strike Out Sleep
Stress p18 Better
Tonight

8 Perfect
Protein
Meals
EARN MORE,
LIVE LONGER!
Discover the
Secret on p122
K I T A N D A C E . C O M

TEC HN ICA L APPAR E L

FO R YO UR RE AL L I FE

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In This Issue 08.16

MH COVER GUY TOM HOPPER

PHOTOGRAPHED BY GARRETH BARCLAY

On the Cover
p18 STRIKE OUT STRESS
The WTF cure for white-knuckled anxiety.

p30 SLEEP BETTER TONIGHT

Three steps to uninterrupted shut-eye.

p50 21-DAY TRICEPS

Your do-anywhere workout for
sleeve-splitting growth.

p88 BUILD BIG MUSCLE

Secrets from the latest Black Sails bootcamp
to carve you into the shape of your life.

p96 FIGHT FAT AND WIN!

How to stay lean and dangerous for good.

p108 8 PERFECT PROTEIN MEALS

Your post-workout feeds have never
tasted so good.

p114 THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!

Is this do-me-every-which-way doll what you
really want as a partner?

p122 EARN MORE, LIVE LONGER!

The life decision that pays off, big time.

8 AUGUST 2016
In This Issue 08.16
Sections p17 p21 p32 p57 p82 p133

ASK MH USEFUL STUFF PERSONAL BEST MH LIFE FEATURES ELITE

Muscle Nutrition Fitness

p22 BUILD A SIX-PACK BACK p22 AVOID A TRAIN WRECK p133 SPEED TO BURN
Mirror muscles alone don’t cut it. Three The keys to making smarter choices Rio-bound dasher Alex Hartmann shows you
moves to ensure all-body kapow. when you ride the sushi train. how to get match-turning pace.

p32 PEAK STRENGTH
“The Mountain” from Game of Thrones gives
you his best brawn-building tips.
p40 GREEN GIANTS p144 GET FIT FOR LIVING
Should you stick with good ol’ spinach Former solider Andrew “Pap” Papadopoulos
or convert to kale? can turn you into the complete athlete.

p138 THE FIRE WORKOUT p44 LEANER STRONGER PASTA p148 STAR PUPIL
Adopt these four training principles to A slab of lasagne needn’t be a cheat meal. The Swans’ Dan Hannebery on milking your
unleash your muscle-building potential. We tweak the recipe, you enjoy big gains. strengths and eliminating weaknesses.

Style Sex Health

p57 THE INVISIBLE MAN p28 GIVE SOME, GET SOME p42 VITAMIN D’S SHADY SIDE
Instead of being the faceless man in How to deliver a massage that can Are bottled boosters a waste of
the crowd, use clothes to turn heads. lead to only one thing. your hard-earned?

p62 THE LOWDOWN p30 BOTTOMS UP! p46 “I SPEND ALL NIGHT GAMING”
Kit and Ace boss JJ Wilson on looking The art of requesting the sex act you’ve Why playing video games might actually
the part 24/7. always wanted to try. be good for you.

p64 FAST TIMES p48 HIDDEN GEMS p82 THE NEW SMOKING IS . . .
When living life at breakneck speed, choose Explore the gamut of her erogenous Lots of what you love is getting smeared.
a watch that will keep pace. zones for mindblowing action. We sift fact from fiction.

10 AUGUST 2016
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Available at
Ed’s Letter Facebook
Men's Health Magazine Australia
Twitter
@MensHealthAU
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@MensHealthAU

POWER UP
Mind Over Matter YOUR MAG!
Quiz question: which single characteristic is the best predictor of ACCESS EXCLUSIVE
future success? Rock-star charisma and a dazzling intellect are CONTENT WITH
always handy qualities to have in your locker. Other nice-to-haves
Take the workouts,
might include optimism, integrity and the ability to not forget names recipes, gear and
at parties. tips from Men’s
Yet, according to Dr Angela Duckworth, none of these character Health to the next
level: keep them
traits top the hit list for success. Exploring the mechanics of high
on your phone or
achievement, the research psychologist asked the following question: tablet – for free!
“Why do some individuals accomplish more than others of equal
“Times are tough, intelligence?” Her conclusion was simple: they possess more of that
unique substance called “grit”.
so you probably Duckworth formulated her theory after twice surveying more
need to be too” than 1000 freshman cadets at the United States Military Academy,
aka West Point. Upon arrival, the cadets underwent a psychological
questionnaire designed to measure their all-round mental toughness.
Now the initiation period at West Point is hardcore – one in 20
cadets drop out during their irst gruelling summer. But cadets who
managed higher-than-average scores on Duckworth’s Grit Scale were
60 per cent more likely to complete the summer than cadets who
didn’t score as well.
Switching to a completely diferent arena, Duckworth also gave the viewa.com
Grit Scale test to undergraduates at the University of Pennsylvania.
Once again the results were startling. Those who scored high in grit
did academically better than their peers, even though the researchers O HOW IT WORKS
noted a link between higher grit scores and lower high-school exam Wherever you see
results. “Among relatively intelligent individuals,” Duckworth says, the logo,
simply scan the
“those who are less bright than their peers compensate by working page to access extra
harder and with more determination.” interactive content
Duckworth’s research inspired our feature on page 102 that saw
Men’s Health’s Aaron Scott speak to four masters of mental resilience.
Each of these men is a seriously tough cookie. There’s the veteran
1 Download your
free
from the
app

ultra-runner, the battle-scarred ex-cop, the mountaineering legend App Store or

Google Play
and the world-famous cricketer whose success belied a daily battle
with chronic pain.
Sharing their personal strategies for perseverance, each man 2 Scan any page
with the
logo for bonus
ofers diferent insights on how to battle adversity and hand its arse
Men’s Health
back to it on a plate. There’s plenty of hard-won counsel here for content
whatever challenge you’re facing. Times are tough, so you probably
need to be too.
O SCAN THIS
PAGE TO TRY
Use the free
app to scan this
Luke Benedictus page and explore all
Twitter: @LukeBenedictus bonus content from
Email: menshealth@pacificmags.com.au this issue

AUSTRALIANS LOVE A SPORTING GREAT – AND THE WORLD’S BIGGEST URBAN GET SOME SERIOUS HELP TO
IN THE FOUR-PART SERIES AUSTRALIA’S ADVENTURE RACE SERIES IS STACK ON MUSCLE AND TORCHH
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 Ask
Q Is chugging an energy
drink ever a good idea? EC
MH
Rocket fuel is no remedy for burning the midnight LIFE QUESTIONS, ANSWERED
oil. When you’re exhausted, adrenaline and cortisol
kick in – throw sugar and cafeine into this biochemical
nightmare and your body enters a state somewhere
between warp speed and meltdown. And yet,
not all energy drinks are the same. Those
supplement-aisle shots with a big letter “B”
printed on the psychedelic packaging contain
just that: B vitamins. These are essential
for energy production. As an
emergency backup, they
can be a useful aid. But
– as with anything
– the poison is in
the dose.

Q I get headaches
after I lift heavy
weights. How come? RC

As you load your muscles, your

blood vessels (including the
ones in your brain) swell to
carry more oxygen. If the
pressure is too great, you get
an exertion headache, says
strength coach Mike
Donavanik. You can drink water
to relieve pressure – blood
plasma is mainly H2O, so if
you’re dehydrated, your blood
runs thick. Check your pee: if
it’s not clear or light yellow,
drink up. Or breathe deeply
with each rep. Pushing against
a closed airway on a heavy lift
makes your blood work harder
to carry limited oxygen. The
resulting blood pressure spike Think twice before
can cause pain. > loading up on
energy drinks.

AUGUST 2016 17
Ask MH LIFE QUESTIONS, ANSWERED

Q Are there checks doctors

Q Can you really reduce do in their surgery that I
can do at home? DA
stress by colouring in? It’s It’s time you took a long, hard look
not like I’m five! AH at yourself. Docs check what’s up
by using their mirror: “The eyes
reveal a lot,” says family medicine
h tilisation of popular culture has a lot specialist Dr Ted Epperly. A yellow
hue may point to a liver problem,
to answer for. Onesies, liquefied food, comic-
while a grey ring around your
book reboots – an alien visiting Earth might well cornea is often caused by fatty
be forgiven for thinking we’ve regressed to a lipid deposits. In younger men, this
race of prepubescents. But colouring books for can signal heart disease. Next, try
adults? It turns out they’re actually a very good the capillary refill test, advises
Epperly. Press down hard on a
and clever thing, much to our cynical surprise. In
fingernail, then let go. It should
fact, the simple act of shading can be like a shot turn white and then return to light
of Valium to the work-addled brain. pink within two seconds. If it takes
The repetitive rhythm of colouring in complex longer, this could be peripheral
images has a soothing efect, explains Dr David artery disease – or simple
dehydration. Chug some water
Gussak, a therapist at Florida State University. If
and retake the test. No luck? Stop
that sounds a little bit Zen, well, it is: in a study playing doctor and go see one.
published in the journal Art Therapy, people who
coloured in mandalas (ornate designs prominent
in Buddhism) saw their stress levels drop three
Q Do I need to get all my
times as much as people who worked with
fibre from vegetables,
chequered patterns, and twice that of those who or can I just take
doodled on a blank page. So next time you’re a supplement? JT
feeling angsty, think Picasso by numbers, not
mindless scribbling. See? Not so childish after all. Fruits and vegetables – along
with beans, nuts and whole grains
– deliver cancer-fighting, heart-
protecting phytonutrients that
supplements don’t, says
nutritionist Jeffrey Blumberg. But
the challenge is quantity: most
men need 38 grams of fibre a day,
but get only about half of that. So
look to good food first, but if you’re
PHOTOGRAPHY: DAVID SYKES

still falling short, make up the

deficit with a supplement
containing soluble and insoluble
fibre. (Look for psyllium on the
label.) You’ll miss out on a few
nutrients, but you’ll still score
some protection against high
cholesterol and blood sugar.

18 AUGUST 2016
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

f l Tons of tips, tricks

and strategies for life
08/2016

Stuff
GOOD NEWS: THE BENEFITS
OF MILK CHOCOLATE HAVE
BEEN UNWRAPPED
Dark chocolate has for some time
been regarded as the prodigal
son of confectionery, a
reformed nutritional sinner
welcomed back into the flock
of clean eating on account of
its antioxidant profile.
Poor, sugary milk chocolate,
on the other hand, is still
considered the bad boy waster of
the corner shop.
Until now. University of
Aberdeen researchers have chanced
upon a sweet deal that will make
chocolate binges guilt-free. The
study, published in the journal
Heart, found that enjoying 100
grams of milk chocolate a week
– handily, that’s seven small
Freddo bars (with a bite to
spare) to you and us – lowers
your chance of death from heart
disease by 25 per cent and your
stroke risk by 23 per cent.
The polyphenols beloved of
Lindt 85 per cent cocoa
enthusiasts? Turns out there is
(almost) equal benefit in your
bar of Dairy Milk. Admittedly,
we can’t promise it will do much
for your six-pack; neither are
we suggesting KitKats are the
new kale. But at least there’s
some virtue to be found in a
chocolate-induced sugar coma.

AUGUST 2016 21
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Useful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stuff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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.
. NUTRITION
. . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
KNOW-IT-ALL
. . . . . Jacqueline Alwill
. . . . .
. . . . . Adv Dip Nut Med
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . . Q Are there foods that will
. . . . .
. . . . . help me dodge sickness
. . . . . this winter? CW
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . . You bet. You’re talking about
. . . . .
. . . . . nature’s pantry of immune-
. . . . .
. . . . . boosting goodies. Start at
. . . . . breakfast by sprinkling chilli on
. . . . .
. . . . . your poached eggs. It warms
. . . . .
. . . . . the body and fights infection,
. . . . .
. . . . . and it might subdue more than
. . . . .
. . . . . colds and flu: researchers are
. . . . . examining its potential as an
. . . . .
. . . . . anticancer agent. Ginger’s
. . . . .
. . . . . another potent antioxidant
. . . . .
. . . . . and anti-inflammatory. Add it
. . . . . THE MUSCLE GUY
. . . . . to your stir-fries or juices. And
. . . . .

BUIL A I -PACK K
. . . . . don’t neglect probiotic-rich
. . . . . fermented foods. I could go on
. . . .
. . . . . about kombucha and kimchi,
. . . . .
. . . . . Do this to look great from behind By BJ Gaddour, PT and fitness expert but your simplest source is
. . . . .
. . . . . natural yoghurt.
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . . If you want to look good naked, you need to pay as much attention to the muscles you
. . . . .
. . . . . can’t see in the mirror. It’s time to get working on those beastly back abs. Here are my Q How can I eat smart at a
. . . . .
. . . . . three favourite exercises for building them. sushi train? ER
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . . By having a plan. A lot of
. . . . . these restaurants couldn’t
. . . . .
. . . . . be further removed from
. . . . .
. . . . . traditional Japanese cuisine.
. . . . .
. . . . . Start with miso soup and
. . . . .
. . . . . green tea. As the dishes come
. . . . . rolling by, try to ignore those
. . . . .
. . . . . oferings that are a clump
. . . . .
. . . . . of white rice, glug and a
. . . . .
. . . . . batter-coated seafood morsel
. . . . .
. . . . . wrapped in a sheet of nori.
. . . . . Sure they’re tasty, but they’re
. . . . .
. . . . . also packed with sodium and
. . . . .
. . . . . DEADLIFT FARMER’S
ARMER’S WALK KETTLEBELL BELL SWING sugar. Try to restrict yourself
. . . . . our hips and knees
Bend at your Carrying heavy dumbbells is a This move is great for building
. . . . . to just one plate of nigiri sushi
. . . . . and grab the bar using an great way to build your traps definition. Without rounding
. . . . . to satisfy any craving, while
. . . . . overhand grip, your hands and lats and improve your grip your lower back, push your hips otherwise favouring sashimi,
. . . . .
. . . . . shoulder-width apart. Keep strength. Hold a dumbbell in back and swing a kettlebell seaweed and edamame.
. . . . .
. . . . . your back flat as you press your each hand and walk for one back between your legs.
. . . . . feet into the floor and thrust minute or 100 metres. Use the Then thrust your hips forward Jacqueline Alwill is a qualified,
. . . . .
. . . . . your hips forward, then stand heaviest weights you can; work and let it swing up to shoulder practising nutritionist and author
. . . . . of Seasons To Share: Nourishing
. . . . . up with the bar. Now lower it, up to dumbbells that are each level. Do 30 seconds of swings
. . . . . family and friends with
. . . . . keeping it close to your body. half your body weight. Do up for 10 sets. Rest for 30 seconds nutritious, seasonal wholefoods
. . . . .
. . . . . Do 3-5 sets of 3-5 reps. to three sets. in-between.
. . . . .
. . . . .
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. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
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. . . . . . . .
. . . . . Sexual Healing . . .
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.
.
by the Numbers 1in6
Aussie men will be diagnosed
3400
will die from it in 2016 . . .
5
orgasms a week can
1
And you can do it solo.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.. .. .. .. .. with prostate cancer by the But wait! There’s a cut your risk by about (Congratulations! Give
.. .. ..
. . . . . time they’re 85. feel-good preventative. 20 per cent. yourself a hand.) . . .

22 AUGUST 2016
 music.
y,
the melody, the underlying strength, the softest grace
notes - and your heart soars, and it’s the most
beautiful thing you’ve ever experienced.
That’s what I wanted to do with diamonds,
to make your heart soar every time you see your ring.
This is my personal collection. Your symphony of light.

michaelhill.com.au
Useful
Stuff
. . .
. . .
. . .
.. . . .
. .. . .
.
. WTF!
.
. WHAT’S THE MOST
.
. PAINFUL (AND DEADLY)
.
. PLACE ON YOUR BODY
.
. TO GET SHOT?
.
.
.
. Answer: the pelvis.
.
. “There’s a nerve bundle
.
. there that distributes
+ .
. pain through your entire
. body,” says “Doc”, a
.
. former US Marine medic
.
. who spent eight years
.
. as part of a helicopter
.
. search-and-rescue team
. in Iraq and wishes to
.
+ . remain anonymous. “The
.
. bone structure is all
.
. tied in. Shooting pain
.
. overwhelms you from
. head to toe. You are
.
. . completely incapacitated
.
. and still awake with
. .
. . pain.” That point is worth
+ .
.
.
.
. emphasising. You don’t
. . . pass out from the pain,
. . .
. . . as some Hollywood movies
. . .
. . . might suggest. At least
. .
. . . you can call an ambulance.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
+ .
.
.
.
.
.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .

A , A P , A LAN
Cook the perfect salmon. The simplest way can be the best
Percentage increase in
The Man The Pan The Plan your kilojoule burn if you
Chef Brendan Collins is Use a cast-iron or Heat two tablespoons of vegetable oil in the
the author of Cooking, carbon-steel pan (not pan. Dry the salmon with paper towel and season get off the treadmill and
Blokes & Artichokes. aluminum or stainless
steel). As a rule of thumb,
with salt. When the oil is sizzling hot – looks for
wisps of smoke – add the fish, skin-side down,
take a real walk.
you want a dark cooking and gently press on it with a spatula. Wait five That’s what an Ohio State
surface. Turn your minutes; the fish will unstick from the pan. Put the University study found.
stovetop up to high heat pan in the oven and roast for five minutes. Spoon People have a natural
and be sure to preheat the any leftover oil over it, then add freshly ground tendency to vary their
oven to 175°C. pepper and a squeeze of lemon. Serve with walking speed, which uses
brown rice and sautéed spinach. more energy than moving
at a steady pace.
. . . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. 4 Reasons Her
.
72 %
You’re Lazy
71 %
You Dress Badly
69 %
You’re Too Needy
58 %
You’re Too Serious
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Love May Fade Are you always hoping That button-down shirt and “Women face extraordinary Funny guys “make life
. . . . . . someone else will do the those predictable chinos? demands that are seldom enjoyable and exciting”,
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Dealbreakers, and how chores? “She wants a man They’re ordinary. Average. fully appreciated by men,” says Peter McGraw,
. . . . . . many women cite them
. . . . . . who’s willing to invest in her Add one risky accessory, says relationship therapist co-author of The Humour
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Researchers asked and her ofspring,” says like a bold print shirt or Paul Hokemeyer. “If she Code. Try a self-deprecating
. . . . . .
. . . . . . women what might keep psychologist Peter double-monk-strap shoes, levels this charge at you, text like, “When you get
. . . . . . them from pursuing a Jonason. Fall asleep on that says fashion and grooming take an honest inventory there, you’ll see a good-
. . . . . .
. . . . . . long-term relationship. job and you’ll find yourself expert Brian Boyé. She’ll of how much you’re asking looking guy at the bar. I’m
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Recognise any? waking up solo. feel she’s worth impressing. of her.” sitting to his right.”
. . . . . .
.. .. .. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . .............................................................................................
. . . . . ............................................................................. ...............

24 AUGUST 2016
 I’M SELLING
A HOME GYM KIT.
ANY TAKERS?

IS ANYONE
INTERESTED IN
CROSSFIT classES?
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Useful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stuff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. ONE MAN’S
.
.
.
QUEST FOR . . .
.
. PURPOSE
.
. Tim Wilson
.
.
.
.
. IN THE ARMY I neverr
. once questioned my
.
. purpose in life. It
.
. was to serve my
.
. country, which I did
.
. as part of Operation Slipper at
. the height of the war against
.
. the Taliban in Afghanistan.
.
. Imagine reaching your
.
. ultimate purpose . . . only to
.
. be cut down in a second. I was
. injured when an improvised
.
. explosive device went of as
.
. my patrol was heading back to
.
. base. Next thing I remember is
.
. a flight being arranged to take

RISE TO THE OCCASION

. me home.
.
. Two years passed and slowly
.
. the boys I’d been deployed
Stay smooth and succeed in these potentially tricky situations with started to leave my unit.
I’d been in for almost a decade
and felt it was my time too, but
had no idea what to do next.
Outside of the army, who was
I? For more than 18 months I
ON YOUR FIRST AT YOUR PAL’S AS AN OVERNIGHT A FRIEND WHO’S drifted in darkness.
DAY AT A NEW JOB WEDDING HOUSE GUEST LOST A PARENT To haul myself back I turned
Don’t feel you have to Every crowd needs a Pack as if it’s a regular A week later, text to fitness, which got me out
amaze one and all. leader. Be the first for trip; anything your hosts “Dinner Friday?” It’s of the house. And I spent time
Spend very little time at everything – to find your provide beyond a bed better than a vague with my dog, Maxi. Having him
your desk; instead, table, to shush the crew and a towel is a bonus. “Anything I can do?” as a responsibility gave me a
meet people on their for the toasts, to hit the Include a small gift – When you meet, repeat reason to get out of bed each
turf to make a friendly dance floor, suggests say, a book by their your condolences, day. He’s been by my side
first impression. Ask Holly Lefevre, author of favourite author. Tell which makes bringing through everything and shown
questions more than The Everything Wedding them when you’ll arrive up the topic easier for me that the loyalty of a canine
give answers, be cordial Etiquette Book. The and leave, and him, says Val Walker, is therapy in itself.
to everyone, and avoid couple will appreciate announce up front that author of The Art of Next, I reached out for
talking about how your your initiative. you’d like to take them Comforting. Ask help. To a psychologist, but I
old company did things Remember to out to dinner or a movie, specific questions also started talking more with
– because nobody congratulate both sets says Cynthia Lett, – “How are you handling family and friends. I realised
cares, says Michael of parents; this fosters author of That’s So all those calls?” and not that worrying about what
Watkins, author of The positive feelings about Annoying. Best time to “How are you doing?” others think of you is pointless.
First 90 Days. Show that the merger of families leave: midmorning, Then let him lead. If he If you’re feeling down or
you want to be a team and friends. Your when feelings are still talks, just listen. Don’t purposeless, my advice is to
player; your workaholic selfless play guarantees positive and their day is give advice, change the set two short- to medium-term
Machiavellian side can that the happy couple still intact. Mail (don’t subject or finish his goals: one physical and one
come out later. will let you crash in their email) a thank-you note; sentences for him. He mental. These might be a
guest room in the future. three lines is plenty. has the floor. 20-rep set of chins and
meeting someone new every
. .... . ..
. .... ..... day. It’s been baby steps,
..... ..... but I’m now studying while
E
ENTER THE making sure I maintain an
HEALTH HACKS Sports drink makers like to play up the RACE FOR THE
R active lifestyle so I can wake
endurance boost to be gained from the SUGAR BOWL
S
A Spoonful glucose in their concoctions. Of course they Use 7g of table
U
up every morning, look in the
mirror and say, “Fuck yeah,
of Sugar Helps do; it’s how they justify the price. But sweet sugar for every
I’ve got this!”
news from the University of Bath is that 10
00ml of water to
the Marathon sucrose – aka regular table sugar – is more
7g
m
make the ultimate,
Tim Wilson is a former member
Go Down efective in loading up liver glycogen stores. budget-friendly of the ADF and the winner of
Mix up some water and sugar to the ratio (right endurance fuel. Men’s Health Man 2016
for the simplest and cheapest water enhancer. University of Bath
U

26 AUGUST 2016
Useful
Stuff
. . . .
. . . . Shrooms For Improve en
. . . .
. . .
. . . .
. . . . If you’re looking for a natural hit to bo st
. . . . your immunity during the last leg of c ld
. . . .
. . . . season, Lithuanian scientists say tha
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . eating mushrooms is worth the trip. T e
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . study, published in the journal Medic
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . revealed that biologically active
. . . . . . . . . molecules in mushrooms, called bet
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . glucans, can strengthen your immun
. . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Percentage of people .
.
.
.
.
.
.
. system by enhancing the efectivene s
. . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
who are way less active .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
of white blood cells and also “natural
killer cells” – your immune system’s
. . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
than they think. .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
tactical front line. What’s more, loadi g
. . . . . . . . . up on ’shrooms can help you pop a c p
. . . . . The proof? Activity trackers, . . . . in cancer stats; the study found beta-
. . . . . which never lie, even if you do. . . . .
. . . . . . . . . glucans protect against carcinogens nd
. . . . . . . . . put the brakes on tumour growth and
. . . . . SOURCE: MEDICINE & SCIENCE . . . .
. . . . . IN SPORTS & EXERCISE . . . . metastasis. Give disease what spore.
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
........... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...........................
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
........... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . Ace the Aural
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . .

GIVE SO E, GET S E
.. . . . . . . Script tease: scientifically
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . proven pillow talk
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . “YOU
Your four-step guide to rubbing her the extremely right way .. . . . . . . “You are
.. . . . . . . so good TASTE SO
When you give your better half a rubdown, go slow. That’s the massage
.. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . at that” GOOD”
message from Susan Findlay, director of the North Long School of Sports .. . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . “You’re
Massage. “Use the heel of your hand to make continuous fluid movements .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . beautiful” “I love you”
and work the whole length of the muscle.” . . . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . According to an Archives of Sexual
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . Behaviour study, women who heard
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . these four phrases during sex
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . reported feeling more satisfied with
.. . . . . . . . their romantic relationships. Try
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . three or four of them on her tonight.
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
..
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Big Fat Issue
.. . . . . . . . With Living Alone
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . Having a partner or roommate could do
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . . wonders for your waistline. Living solo
1/ PREP FOR GLORY 3/ KEEP IT GOING
.. . . . . . . . leads to poor eating habits, a
.. . . . . . . .
Have your girl disrobe and Return to her neck and .. . . . . . . . Queensland University of Technology
.. . . . . . . .
lie facedown on a towel or work your way down to . . . . . . . . . review suggests. Men on their own tend
.. . . . . . . .
firm bed. Enjoy the view, her lower back, making .. . . . . . . . to eat more junk, fewer fruits and
.. . . . . . . .
and then dim the lights. smooth, circular, .. . . . . . . . vegetables and less fish than those who
Squeeze some oil into your
..
clockwise motions, using . .
. . . . . . . share an abode, says study author Dr
. . . . . . .
palms and rub them the same massage .. . . . . . . . Katherine Hanna. Dinner for one?
.. . . . . . . .
together to warm it up. We techniques as on her .. . . . . . . . Remember that cooking is better than
.. . . . . . . .
like Tahitian Orchid arms but adding the .. . . . . . . . takeout for your mind, body and wallet.
.. . . . . . . .
Massage Oil ($27.95; heels of your hands for .. . . . . . . .
thebodyshop.com.au).
..
larger areas on each side . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
of her spine. .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
2/ BE SMOOTH .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
Start at her shoulders and 4/ FINISH STRONG . . . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
then move to the muscles End by using the palms of . . . . . . . . .
at the base of her neck your hands to work on
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
before working down each her lower back. The .. . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
arm. Gently pinch (between whole process should .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
your thumb and fingers), take about 45 minutes, .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
squeeze and knead her and with luck, much .. . . . . . . .
skin. If she winces, lighten longer. Don’t worry if you
.. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
up; she should be get aroused. Do worry if .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .
completely relaxed. she doesn’t. Whale music .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
and candles optional. .. . . . . . . .
.. . . . . . . .

28 AUGUST 2016
The beauty of the Whitsundays will keep you going when your
 
          
  


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(( )

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 .& /  ) &!.0 Saturday 12 November, 2016
  %
     OHTPS[VUPZSHUKJVTH\

GREAT WHITEHAVEN BEACH RUN

13 November 2016 30 April 2017 18 June 2017

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Useful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stuff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. The Easy THE GIRL
. . . . . . . NEXT DOOR
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Percentage of women .
. Fix for
Alice Treloar
. . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. who fantasise about .
.
Eyestrain
. . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. having sex with their . If you’re stuck staring at a computer screen all day, you
need to regularly rest your eyes. The American Optometric
. . . . . . Q I’m going to run anal sex
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. personal trainer . . . Association recommends the 20-20-20 rule. First, set your past my girl. Will she at
. . . . . . phone to buzz every 20 minutes. When the alarm rings, least be curious? AK
. . . . . . according to Ann Summers, a
. . . . . . focus on something that’s about 20 feet (6m) away for 20
. . . . . . UK-based lingerie and sex toy seconds; this will help your eye muscles relax. And you’ll
. . . . . . retailer. And 20 per cent of Curious, sure. But open to
. . . . . . have an excuse for staring mindlessly into the distance. It’s
. . . . . . those say they’ve already the idea of backdoor play?
. . . . . . not daydreaming; it’s preventive medicine.
. . . . . . handled their trainer’s barbell. Perhaps not. It’s like the
. . . . . . coriander of the copulation
. . . . . .
. . . . . . world – some people request
. . . . . .
. . . . . . it at every opportunity; others
. . . . . .

LEEP DEEPLY TONIGHT

. . . . . . Skip the Sauce are repulsed by the thought.
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Booze may help put you If she doesn’t get behind
. . . . . . your suggestion, don’t push
. . . . . . out, but it also increases
. . . . . . your brain’s alpha wave the point. Add novelty into
. . . . . . Do these three things; wake up totally
. . . . . . patterns, activating the bedroom in other ways,
. . . . . . refreshed eight hours later
. . . . . . areas that make like introducing dirty talk,
. . . . . .
. . . . . . restorative REM sleep road-testing dress-ups or
. . . . . . incorporating food during
. . . . . . hard to achieve. If you’ve
. . . . . . Clean Your Room had a few too many, chug foreplay. Coriander, optional.
. . . . . .
. . . . . Disarray can interfere water before bed to help
. . . . . .
. . . . . . with a good night’s sleep, dilute your blood-alcohol

*ALWAYS READ THE LABEL. USE ONLY AS DIRECTED. IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST CONSULT YOUR HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL. CHC: 71291-02/16
. . . . . . according to research Q My girlfriend wants to
. . . . . . concentration – and your
. . . . . . (okay, it was on celebrate every lame
. . . . . . regrets the next morning.
. . . . . . hoarders) in the journal milestone we reach – like
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Sleep. Too much visual seven months. How can I
. . . . . .
. . . . . . stimulation overwhelms tell her to get a grip? BW
. . . . . . your nervous system and
. . . . . .
. . . . . . makes you restless, says If she wants to post a sappy
. . . . . .
. . . . . . sleep medicine expert Instagram pic saluting your
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Dr Christopher Winter. love, let her. Humblebrags are
. . . . . .
. . . . . . harmless. If you really can’t
. . . . . .
. . . . . . shake of her sentimental
. . . . . . ways, explain that high-fiving a
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Sleep Naked meh occasion dilutes the more
. . . . . .
. . . . . . Sound sleep requires an substantial ones. But the catch
. . . . . .
. . . . . . internal temp that drops is this: next legit anniversary,
. . . . . .
. . . . . . as you drift of and rises make a fuss. Reassurance
. . . . . . you’re committed is required
. . . . . . as dawn approaches. So
. . . . . . try this: first, take a warm at some level. Added bonus:
. . . . . .

PHOTOGRAPHY:TRAVIS ROTHBONE/ TRUNKARCHIVE.COM.AU/ SNAPPERMEDIA

. . . . . . shower – or have a quick enthusiasm might be enough
. . . . . .
. . . . . . romp – to boost body to distract your lady from going
. . . . . . public with the private.
. . . . . . heat. Then sleep nude
. . . . . .
. . . . . . under a sheet and
. . . . . . blanket you can easily
. . . . . .
. . . . . . throw of. Your Weapon For
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Winning the Cold
. . . . . . War This Winter
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . . CASE CLO
. . . . . . Tired people SED! You’re not a kid anymore. So getting
. . . . . . sleep better. generally flattened by up to 10 colds a year is
. . . . . . Un
Pennsylvania iversity of
. . . . . . mercifully behind you. But who needs
. . . . . . reached this researchers
. . . . . . conclusion af
truly astonis
hing even one? Fortify your immune
. . . . . . ter
. . . . . . daily activitie assessing the system with a supplement containing
. . . . . . s
. . . . . . people. In th of 430,00 0 olive leaf extract: a study by Israel’s
. . . . . . who exercis e study, those
ed re Rappaport Faculty of Medicine
. . . . . . more likely to gularly were
. . . . . . hours of sleepaverage 7- 8 showed it promotes a process called
. . . . . . a night. But
. . . . . . you knew th phagocytosis that destroys
. . . . . . at, right?
. . . . . . pathogens. Swisse’s Ultiboost
. . . . . . Immune* ($19.95; swisse.com) also
.. .. .. .. .. ..
. . . . . . boasts veteran flu-season comrades
. . . . . . vitamin C and zinc.

30 AUGUST 2016
 08/16

PERSONAL

BEST
GAME OF THRONES

PEAK STRENGTH
[ BY JAMIE MILL AR PHOTOGR A PH Y BY CARLOS SERRAO ]

HAFÞÓR BJÖRNSSON IS THE THIRD-

STRONGEST HUMAN ON THE PLANET.
BUT YOU WILL MOST LIKELY KNOW HIM AS
“THE MOUNTAIN” FROM GAME OF THRONES,
THE FEARSOME BEHEMOTH WHO GRABBED
THE WORLD’S ATTENTION IN HIS MIGHTY
HANDS AND CRUSHED IT. MEN’S HEALTH
SPOKE TO THE HERCULEAN FATHER OF
ONE AT HIS HOME IN REYKJAVÍK AFTER
HIS MORNING GYM SESSION. BUT BEFORE
WE START, A LITTLE LEGEND . . .

32 AUGUST 2016
Strong-arm tactics:
could this man
mountain be the
next Arnie?

AUGUST 2016 33
 To call it merely a log – nearly
10 metres long, weighing
650 kilograms – is like calling
a giant redwood a tree.
Technically accurate, sure, but not quite doing
it justice. Like a giant redwood, the record for
carrying this monstrosity has stood for 1000
years. Legend has it that, after 50 men helped
him get the log in place, the record-holder,
fabled Viking Orm Storulfsson, managed three
steps. On the third step, his back broke.
To call Hafþór Björnsson – over 2m tall and
weighing 185kg – just a “man” doesn’t quite do
him justice, either. But stood there, the
mountainous Icelander looks like an ant
beneath a matchstick. He screams to the
assembled onlookers – to the gods, to himself
– and grasps the thick ropes that bind the log.
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the log rises from
the scaffold, as a pressure that could grind most
vertebrae into dust transfers to Björnsson’s
spine. He takes three steps. He feels like his
back is going to break. Nevertheless, he takes a
fourth step. And then a fifth.
All at once, Björnsson releases his grasp and
effortlessly vaults the scaffold with an athleticism
that belies his frame, crying “history” over and
over again at the top of his lungs. He has taken
his indelible place in the strongman sagas. But
his eternal spot in the dining hall of Valhalla,
alongside the Norse god-king Odin and those
fallen Viking warriors deemed worthy of honour,
will for now remain unfilled. In the meantime,
Björnsson’s stomach must be sated with a
kilogram of steak, and the histories updated.
This being February 2015 and not 1015, chief
among those is Instagram. “Nothing Can Stop
Me!!” he posts alongside a picture of him tearing
his T-shirt in two like a bearded, anaemic
Incredible Hulk. “Nothing Can Break Me!!”

Despite the absence of any previous

acting experience, Björnsson’s
TE credentials to embody Game of
CE Thrones’ “The Mountain” are
obvious. Nevertheless, when the professional
strongman was contacted about taking the role,
he wasn’t sure. “When I saw the email, I thought
it was a joke,” says the 27-year-old father, whose
daughter, we assume, wins all my-dad-is-
bigger-than-your-dad playground arguments.
“I was already a big fan of the series; I’m an
even bigger fan now, because I know how much
work goes into it.” Björnsson thus became the
third actor in four seasons to play the hitherto
minor role of Ser Gregor Clegane. (GoT has WATCH THE VIDEO
almost as few qualms about recasting USE THE FREE VIEWA APP
characters as it does about killing them.) An TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED
almost two-and-a-half-metre-tall brute, Clegane WHEN THE MOUNTAIN
VISITED MEN’S HEALTH
is dubbed “The Mountain That Rides”.

34 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

Although in Björnsson’s case, you suspect his

THE BIG steed would suffer the same fate as Orm
Storulfsson. The program makers were looking
NUMBERS for an expanded actor to replace the two
previous beanpole incumbents for a pivotal
fight scene. They needed someone who would
dwarf his opponent horizontally as well as

450
vertically. They needed someone who could
(lunch spoiler alert!) crush a man’s skull with his
bare hands like an overripe melon. And they also
needed someone who could swing a
broadsword the size of a human. (Not only was
( =1x ) Björnsson the only one on set who could lift it, he
wielded it one-handed.) The audition was
Björnsson’s current therefore somewhat unconventional. “They
max deadlift in asked me if I was strong enough to pick one of
kilos: roughly the the guys up,” says Björnsson. “I gave it a try and
weight of an adult he felt very light. They were surprised at how
grizzly bear. easily I lifted him overhead.”
Björnsson Aside from his prodigious size and strength,
translates as Björnsson had another attribute: “I can move
“bear’s son”: well for a big guy; that would look more
insert “bear awesome on TV.”
gains” jokes here. Since thumbing his opponent’s eye sockets
like a bowling ball in season four, The Mountain
– wounded and poisoned – has reappeared in
season six as a towering, zombie-like armoured
mute. At least Björnsson won’t have many lines

385
to worry about: when you’re new to acting – and
English – dialogue can be more daunting than a
650kg log.
“I was definitely more nervous with acting,”
says Björnsson. “But I did my homework. If
( =9x ) you’re dedicated, it’s going to pay off.”
While he’s bulking out his filmography, with
What Björnsson can both Swedish zombie film Zone 261 and British
squat in kilos: gangster flick Devilish Deeds slated for later this
about the same as year, he’s not trying to become the next Arnie
nine toilets, or just yet. “It would be a great honour,” says
150 bricks – enough Björnsson. “He was the best-ever in
to build an bodybuilding. I like acting, but I still have
outhouse to put one something to prove. I want to win the World’s
of those toilets in Strongest Man title. That’s my priority.”
at least.

Björnsson wasn’t always so

mountainous. Although he
BALLING ascended to his current altitude by

230
HARD age 16, his physique was more
basketballer than behemoth: indeed, he
represented Iceland at U17 and U18 level.
But he was reduced by injuries, some of his
own making. “I was a bit crazy and trained a lot,
probably three times a day,” he says. “Before
( =2x ) school, then afterwards, plus I was lifting at
Yes, we asked: “How night.” A spell as a pro baller in his homeland’s
much do you bench, first division was curtailed at 20 by surgery on
bro?” This was his his ankle.
answer, in kilos. “I was very sad. I wasn’t sure what the next
That’s the same as step was,” he says. “Then I started training more
two rugby union in the gym. I’ve always enjoyed lifting heavy; I
forwards from the saw extremely good results.” He ran less and ate
All The Mountain’s
challenges are met last World Cup. more: “I just got hooked, seeing how strong I
with stony resolve. got and how much my body changed.” In two

AUGUST 2016 35
 years, he almost doubled in weight. (Despite this
FEEDING THE LEGEND metamorphosis, he can still dunk and the NFL’s
For a professional strongman, eating is a Indianapolis Colts once tried to sign him.)
full-time occupation: currently Björnsson Björnsson picked up being a strongman like he
consumes around 42,000-50,000 kilojoules does everything else: all too easily.
a day. Here’s what that looks like. “Two of my friends were competing so I
decided to give it a try,” he says. “In my first
competition, I realised I had a lot of potential.” That
was at Iceland’s Strongest Viking. Björnsson rang
7:25 (ON WAKING)
BCCAs & glutamine + handful of almonds up organiser Magnús Ver Magnússon, a four-time
World’s Strongest Man winner in the Nineties, the
day before and asked if he could compete; Ver
7:30 Magnússon agreed. Without specific training,
Björnsson won one event and set an Icelandic
8 eggs record for stone carrying.
+ 200g oats That’s more impressive than it sounds:
+ blueberries & strawberries although Iceland has a population of just 323,000,
+ avocado no other country can boast two four-time winners
of the World’s Strongest Man contest. Björnsson
9:30
has stood on the podium for the past four years,
400g beef + 400g sweet potato, finishing second in 2014 and third in 2011, 2012
handful of spinach & greens and 2015. He’s been crowned Europe’s Strongest
Man for the past two years. Björnsson now trains
at a gym in Reykjavík run by Ver Magnússon
11:50
called Jakaból. Literally translated, it means “nest
BCCAs & glutamine
of giants” and is the locus of Iceland’s huge
strongman culture. The gym was previously
operated under the name Gym 80 by the other
NOON four-time World’s Strongest Man winner, Jón Páll
400g chicken Sigmarsson, who died there of a heart attack
+ 400g potatoes & greens while deadlifting. A sign on the wall reads “no
pussies” in Icelandic. Located in a supermarket
+ fruit
car park, it’s not the sort of place where you sit on
the spin bike for half an hour browsing Facebook.
14:00 (BEFORE TRAINING)
“It’s more of a raw, powerlifting gym,” says
Blended shake: 150g oats or sweet potato,
2 bananas, 150g rice bubble cereal, Björnsson. “It helps to have guys around you who
frozen berries, handful almonds,
peanut butter & glutamine
have the same goals.” You might imagine that, like
Mike Tyson at his peak, Björnsson would struggle
to find volunteers. “Not really,” he says. “The best
training partner isn’t the guy who is the strongest;
it’s the guy who motivates you and helps you to
get better.”
For Björnsson, strength is the priority,
D
more so than size. (“I’m 185kg now;
R I’ve been up to 205kg, but I didn’t feel
TER good.”) He’s in the gym six times a
week, occasionally more. “Sometimes I go in the
mornings and I do stretching or cardio as well,” he
says. “It depends on what I’m training for: do I
need to have more endurance, or be stronger?”
Björnsson’s training sessions can last
anywhere between one hour and three,
depending on how he feels. For that reason, he
doesn’t have a “routine”. “You have to mix up your
training,” he says. “When people ask me about
my routine, it’s hard to say because I change it
every week.” This ad hoc approach has helped
The Mountain avoid plateauing. “If you always
train the same way, your body gets used to it and
you stop seeing results after a few weeks.”
It’s a principle that he and Arnie apply
outside the gym, too. “It’s the same
I TING with life,” says Björnsson. “If you get
SPIRIT stuck in the same routine, you’re
never going to get better. So you have to do
something else to be more successful in life.”
He’s certainly not afraid of life’s gauntlets,
whether it’s throwing down against the Red Viper

14:30 (DURING TRAINING)

BCCAs, glutamine & protein shake
with creatine
THE BEST TRAINING PARTNER IS
17:30
THE GUY WHO MOTIVATES YOU AND
60g protein
+ 2 bananas
HELPS YOU GET BETTER
18:00
500g beef + potatoes & greens

20:30
500g salmon
+ 500g sweet potato

22:30
50g casein protein + avacado +
30g almonds + 50g peanut butter

NB: drink a lot of water throughout the day + juices

to get more kilojoules. Björnsson also wakes in the
middle of the night to down 50g of casein protein.

36 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

or UFC superstar “The Notorious” Conor

McGregor. A video of the pair sparring did the
rounds on social media a few months ago. “I
was in Ireland shooting for Game of Thrones
and my friend (Icelandic UFC fighter) Gunnar
Nelson was training in Dublin with Conor,”
explains Björnsson. “I asked if I could check
out a session.”
Despite the kind of glaring weight category
mismatch not seen outside of Rocky films,
McGregor appears to come off better. “I knew
he had a big fight coming up, so I was gentle
with him,” says Björnsson, modestly.
Perhaps it’s the genetic inheritance from
Viking warriors that explains why Iceland’s
athletes dominate strongman competitions and
the CrossFit Games. Or why its menfolk live
longer than any other – an average of 81.2 years.
“My father is tall and strong, so is my grandfather,”
says Björnsson. “Although I’m the only actual
athlete, my family is very athletic.”
Possibly it’s the effect of the fight for survival
on the psychology of those early settlers and
subsequent generations, rather than their
physiology. “When we want to be successful at
something, we work really hard,” says Björnsson.
Or, perhaps a proverbial environmental factor
is the source of their collective strength and of
Björnsson’s other-worldly power.
“It’s something in the water,” he adds. “It’s
so clear and powerful. I believe we get extra
energy from it.”

AUGUST 2016 37
 FITNESS

AMOUNTAIN
OF A WORKOUT
Björnsson doesn’t have a set routine; this is
what he did the day MH met him. Remember
that he’s a professional strongman – we’d
advise you to start very light and work up
1 / LOG LIFT
4-5 SETS OF 2 REPS
Drive through your heels to lift, then pull the log into
the crook of your hips. Lift it to your chest, then press
overhead. Work up to lifting your eight-rep max.
2 / LOG CLEAN AND PRESS
4-5 SETS OF 2 REPS
Similar to the previous move, but this time you want
to lift the log explosively, ending with it in a rack
position across your shoulders. Press overhead.

A
A
B
B B

3 / MILITARY PRESS 4 / DUMBBELL SHOULDER PRESS 5 / OVERHEAD TRICEPS EXTENSION

3 SETS OF 5 REPS
From your chest, press overhead. Your hands should
be wide, so your elbows are bent to 90º at the
midpoint. Björnsson adds resistance bands.
2 SETS OF MAX REPS IN 30 SECONDS
Stand or sit with your back supported and ask your
spotter to help you position the dumbbells as
shown. Press up until they touch, then slowly lower.
4 SETS OF 10 REPS
Hold the end of a dumbbell with both hands. With
arms extended overhead, lower until the tops of
your forearms touch your biceps. Use your tris to lift
back up.

A B
B A

A
ILLUSTRATIONS: BEN MOUNSEY

6 / TRICEPS PUSHDOWN WITH BANDS 7 / PULL-APART WITH BANDS 8 / LATERAL RAISE

4 SETS OF 10 REPS
Attach a high resistance band and grab the
other end. With your elbows tucked in, pull down
and apart so your hands finish up by your sides.
Return and repeat.
4 SETS OF 12 REPS
Targeting the rear delts and rhomboids, this is great
for strongmen and salarymen alike. Pull the band
apart, squeezing your shoulderblades together.
Return to the start position.
4 SETS OF 15 REPS
Start with the weights by your side, palms in.
With arms bent and a forward tilt in your hands,
raise to shoulder level. NB: legends use muscle,
not momentum.

38 AUGUST 2016
 NUTRITION

GREEN GIANTS
How to choose between the cruciferous heavyweights, Popeye
vs Paltrow? Can k e’s meteoric ris
an ka utshine spinach’s
se outsh
sleeve-fi p es Let the le ey may

205kJ 96kJ
(per 100g)
VS (per 100g)

Sales of the hyped yet

%
e, pinach has also
love brassica have increased
e by seen a re gence in popularity,
more than half in the past year. with sal p by just over a third.

1.5 120 7 2.7 28 482

NUTRIENTS

milligrams iron milligrams miicrograms milligrams iron milligrams micrograms

per 100g vitamin C vi min per 100g vitamin C vitamin K

KALE’S DEEP COLOUR MEANS THERE IS A HIGH ENDORSEMENT SPINACH IS A HEALTHY AND INEXPENSIVE WAY OF
CONCENTRATION OF NUTRIENTS, AND THAT IMPROVING OUR INTELLECTUAL CAPABILITIES
Neuropsychologia Journal

TRANSLATES INTO A RANGE OF ANTIOXIDANT EFFECTS I’M STRONG TO THE FINISH COS I EATS ME SPINACH
George Washington University Medical Centre Popeye the Sailor Man

FIGHTS

Depression Cancer Type 2 Diabetes Hypertension Hypertension Type 2 Diabetes Cancer Constipation

$4 per bunch $4.50 per bunch

COST

$$$
(coles.com.au) (coles.com.au)

THE MH VERDICT
While spinach boasts more iron than a Soviet-era gulag, it wilts in comparison with kale’s all-round abilities.
You’re best off pairing a protein-rich steak with a side dish of the curly variety: its immune-boosting, heart-
disease-fending, complexion-brightening powers lift it above its leafy rival. The king is dead. All hail the kale.

40 AUGUST 2016
 HEALTH

DEVIL’S
ADVOCATE

Your Vitamin D Has a Shady Side

The weather’s shifting on the latest cure-all vitamin. It’s time
to rethink your pillbox to save more than your skin

SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER Few supps have leads us on to the most dangerous factor in
Dr Marc Gillinov is a
been lavished with our D fetish: overdosing.
heart surgeon at the
Cleveland Clinic. What
such continual praise Too much of a good thing inevitably leads
he says on supps, you as vitamin D. to more issues than the disorders you’re
can’t D-ny. Trumpeted as a trying to outflank. For a start, vitamin D is
panacea for fat-soluble and builds up in your body. So
everything from a crumbling skeleton to the knocking back a tablet with 5000 per cent of
black dog on your back, we’ve been your RDI every single day doesn’t represent
encouraged to pop D pills like, well, vitamin C good value so much as a time bomb ticking
pills before them. The future looked bright for down to serious health problems – think
the health-conscious. People flocked to vomiting and kidney stones – a few months
health stores. Prices rose in kind. down the line.
The appeal is understandable on colder, Worse are the implications of the most
darker shores. D is tricky to extract from food recent piece of D-puncturing research from
(unless you fancy eating 13 eggs a day). Of East Anglia University. Far from being the
course, it’s common knowledge that baring heart-helper previous studies had indicated,
skin to sunshine – something we’re not short the relationship is more casual than causal. In
of – turns your body into a vitamin D factory fact, diminished D is most likely an indicator
(you can hit your daily target in just 20 of other issues – like the 10 hours a day you
minutes). Less common in some states can spend in a chair – rather than a risk factor in
be mid-winter sunshine, so we believe we’re itself. And even if swallowing tablets ups your
D-ficient and losing out, which is why we’re levels in the short-term, it won’t deal with
going gaga for the pills. those underlying issues. The bottom line is
So what’s the problem? As is so often the this: if you’re going to supplement, do it smart,
case, the science is bad. not in the dose range pushed by those
First, the vitamin D requirements. We have counting the coffers at supplement
a base amount of the vitamin that our body companies. And don’t sweat the lack of
needs to function. But there’s a big difference sunshine – get outside for a short walk, even
between what we get from the flaming ball in if it’s a touch cloudy, and you’ll be topping up
the sky and what comes in a bottle. The on grade-A D just fine.
former is guaranteed to be effective, the
latter can wind up being nothing more than
a placebo.
YOUR DEALS WITH THE DEVIL
As for D’s link with your wellbeing, what we
have here is a classic case of confusing
cause and effect. Just because people with
depression or heart disease have low levels
of vitamin D, it doesn’t follow that deficiency is
PHOTOGRAPHY: JOBE LAWRENSON

1 2 3 4
at the root of their illness. Symptom is not R
MAKE A SCREEN GRAB OIL YOU
OU N
NEED TA I
SIDE NT D-HAB
CHECK INTO
synonymous with cause. hat rraise your D
hat
The rays that If yo pp,, ensure
pp en The Lancet c
c encourages st imppoossible
It’s almost s i to
In fact, the most recent studies have levels als rn your skin. ur
urc
your purchase i based in
is yoou daily D
ditching your OD on sun-pow we
powered
countered almost every claim linked to Yet King’s College London a fat source, like olive oil. supplement habit, vitamin D. Even if you
vitamin D. Whether you’re popping the pills to has found that wearing Or take it with a fatty saying, “If you are spend a day in the sun
cure your asthma, hoping they’ll stave off sunblock doesn’t stop meal to enhance the healthy and active . . . you eating mackerel
depression or trying to cut your cancer risk, vitamin D production. absorption of a smaller, don’t need to take omelettes, it won’t
So no excuses. safer dose. vitamin D supplements”. produce dangerous levels.
you’re wasting money and potentially
sacrificing your health in the process. Which

42 AUGUST 2016
 LIM
ITE
D
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ITI
ON
INSPIR ING STOR IES TH AT SH APED OUR NATION

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 BULK-UP, SLIM-DOWN LASAGNE AL FORNO

LEANER STRONGER PASTA

Upgrading the ultimate Neapolitan
comfort dish needn’t be a nutritional
Italian job. With a few tweaks you
can get away with an extra portion of
muscle and say ciao to love handles

GLADIATOR MUSCLE
ARM YOURSELF WITH EXTRA PROTEIN

Layer on new muscle INGREDIENTS (SERVES TWO)

without developing a • 1 SPANISH ONION
mozzarella midriff with this • 1 RED CAPSICUM
beefed-up version of the • 1 GARLIC CLOVE
Italian classic. Cooked • 1 TBSP OLIVE OIL
from scratch using • 400G LEAN MINCED BEEF
intelligent ingredients, this • 300G PASSATA
• 1 TBSP MIXED HERBS
lasagne contains a
• SALT AND PEPPER
complete range of protein,
• 200G GREEK YOGHURT
carbs and fats for optimum
• 2 EGGS
muscle growth and • 20G PARMESAN
recovery. Thanks to
protein-dense mince,
BULK-UP EXTRAS
Greek yoghurt and
• 2 CARROTS, CHOPPED
antioxidant-rich pistachios,
• 1 ZUCCHINI, CHOPPED
each serving provides a
• 8 SHEETS DRIED EGG PASTA
whopping 91 grams of • 20G PISTACHIOS, CRUSHED
biceps-building goodness.
The pasta and low-fat
carbs dished up by the
carrot and zucchini combo VITALSTATS
will replenish your
muscles, while the vitamin
C in tomato sauce
88g 91g
improves the body’s CARBS PROTEIN
absorption of iron from the
mince, providing extra
BULK UP
energy and boosting
35g 4500kJ

PHOTOGRAPHY: AGATA PEC @ HEARST STUDIOS; ILLUSTRATIONS: BEN MOUNSEY

oxygen delivery to your
muscles. Prego? FAT

METHOD

1 / CHOP CHOP 2 / BEEF UP 3 / CHEAT SHEET 4 / MINCE, REPEAT

Slice the onion, capsicum, garlic,
carrots and zucchini, then throw
them into a pan with heated olive
oil. Stir for a few minutes as your
vegetables brown.
Now brown the mince in the same
pan, stirring to ensure it’s cooked
through. Add the passata and
mixed herbs and simmer for 20
minutes. Toss in salt and pepper
for seasoning.
Making a good béchamel sauce is
a dark art, and the end result
(though tasty) drips with fat.
Instead, whip up a healthy cheat by
mixing the Greek yoghurt and eggs
in a bowl with salt and pepper.
Alternate two layers of your
chunky mince with lasagne sheets,
then top with the sauce, parmesan
and pistachios. Bake for 20-30
minutes at 180°C, then serve.
Buon appetito!

44 AUGUST 2016
 NUTRITION

SLIM DOWN

LEAN LAYER CAKE

MAKE FAT DISAPPEAR WITH SAUCE SORCERY

INGREDIENTS (SERVES TWO) If you think lasagne has to

• 1 SPANISH ONION mean fat-drenched
• 1 RED CAPSICUM sauces and mounds of
• 1 GARLIC CLOVE belly-busting pasta, think
• 1 TBSP OLIVE OIL again. With this bellissimo
• 400G LEAN MINCED BEEF yoghurt and egg sauce,
• 300G PASSATA lasagne lovers can enjoy
• 1 TBSP MIXED HERBS the rich satisfaction
• SALT AND PEPPER
without fretting about
• 200G GREEK YOGHURT
unwanted fat. The protein-
• 2 EGGS
packed mince prevents
• 20G PARMESAN
post-workout hunger
pangs, and the celery
SLIM-DOWN EXTRAS adds extra satiety for
• 1 CHILLI minimal additional
• 1 CELERY STICK
kilojoules, so you can wolf
• 4 SHEETS DRIED EGG PASTA
down that tasty parmesan
crust guilt-free. The single
layer of pasta provides
enough fuel to power fat-
VITALSTATS zapping interval sessions,
while the chilli cranks up
53g 74g your metabolism so your
body torches extra body
CARBS PROTEIN fat even when you’re
sitting on the couch
watching Serie A.

26g 3050kJ
FAT

METHOD

1 / SLICE AND DICE
Start burning those kilojoules by
slicing the onion, capsicum, chilli,
celery and garlic, then add to the
pan with some heated olive oil. Stir
regularly to avoid burnt garlic and
blackened celery.
2 / FIRE IT UP
Add the mince to the same pan as
the veg mix, stirring to make sure it
gets a nice even tan. When
browned, add the passata with
some mixed herbs, salt and pepper,
and simmer for 20 minutes.
3 / GET THE GREEK
As with the bulk-up version of this
recipe, sidestep the diabolic
béchamel sauce by using Greek
yoghurt instead. Simply mix two
eggs with the yoghurt in a bowl,
then season with salt and pepper.
4 / BUILD ’N’ BAKE
In an ovenproof dish, spread a thick
layer of cooked mince, then a layer
of pasta sheets. Top with a layer of
sauce and parmesan. Bake in an
oven set to 180°C for 20-30
minutes. Serve and devour.
THE TASKMASTER
Name: Nigel Mitchell
Job: nutritionist & consultant
Having worked with pro cycling
teams and elite swimming
squads, Mitchell knows how
to shrink cyclists and bulk
swimmers. Transform with his
tasty recipes.

AUGUST 2016 45
 HEALTH
I Spend All Night Gaming?
It’s a stoner cliché that’s become a byword for poor health and hygiene. But playing video
games can ofer multiple health power-ups, if you do it right. Press START to begin
01 VISION
QUEST
Despite what concerned
parents say, video games
can be good for your eyes.
Compared with non-
gamers, those who played
first-person shooters for
five hours a week were
found by Rochester
University to have a greater
ability to pick out details
among clutter and
distinguish between greys.
So next time you’re driving
in fog, give thanks to Call
of Duty.
46 AUGUST 2016
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN . . .
02 TRIPLE
SCORE
If you play regularly but
don’t exceed five hours
a week, your brain will
become more efficient in
three areas – the parietal
lobe, frontal lobe and
anterior cingulate, all of
which deal with your
attention functions,
reports the journal Vision
Research. You’ll also be
better at multitasking,
according to cognitive
scientist Daphne Bavelier.
03 TIMER
COUNTDOWN 04 BONUS
LEVELS
To get the most from
games, says Bavelier, we
need to view them as we
do wine: the right amount
at the right time. Research
suggests 40 minutes a
day is your sweet spot,
and not immediately
before bed. In fact, an East
Carolina University study
found just 30 minutes a
day playing casual games
of the Candy Crush type
can alleviate depression
and anxiety.
A varied diet of games is
also beneficial. Molecular
Psychiatry published a
paper outlining how
platformers, like the Mario
games, can increase
capacity for spatial
navigation, strategic
planning and working
memory. Tetris,
meanwhile, has been
shown to reduce cravings
for food and drugs, reduce
PTSD flashbacks, and
enhance brain growth.
TAKEYOURGAMING
TOTHENEXTLEVEL
Samsung’s Gear VR headset
has entered its third iteration.
The 2016 version is smaller,
lighter, more affordable and
more comfortable than its
predecessors, and the range of
available games is exploding as
this immersive tech becomes
WORDS: PAUL WILSON
mainstream. Simply clip your
S7 phone into the headset and
enter a virtual-reality world of
splendid isolation. One for the
lounge room, not so much the
daily commute . . .
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 S EX U AL

H EA LI N G
EXPERT
PROFILE

The Agony Aunt

and the Ecstasy NAME: Nich
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From hidden erogenous zones to Tinder protocol, our carnal former domi
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giving play -
Q: Her phone sees more action in the Q: I’m over Tinder hook-ups. In fact, things.
bedroom than I do. How can I get in all this right-swiping is starting to
on her screen time? irritate me. Is this normal?

A: Getting busy between the sheets is A: Hook-ups are like takeaway: either you’re
gradually becoming code for answering after- the kind of man who relishes his usual from a
hours work emails. This might be great for our trusted pizza spot, or variety is your spice of
careers, but it’s a sad state of affairs for our life. According to New York University
personal lives. Recent stats from the UK’s researchers, it depends on your “sociosexual
telecommunications regulator Ofcom show orientation inventory” (SOI). Those with a high
81 per cent of people keep their smartphones SOI derive a self-esteem boost from sex
to hand at all times, so join me in harnessing without commitment. Since you crave more
your wi-fi connection to disrupt your sleep than a fling, you probably have a low SOI;
for all the right reasons. rather than inflating your ego, your expanding
Jennifer McEwen, co-founder of the sex app contacts list is wearing you down. Spare
store MiKandi, recommends apps that are yourself (and your thumbs) the stress of
designed to interact with sex toys. Try the swiping and stick to one partner.
We-Vibe couples vibrator or the OhMiBod
massager, which pulse in time to music and
can be operated by one partner via wi-fi or
bluetooth to tantalise the other.
And if you’re both feeling particularly
adventurous, download Down. This app allows
you to see which of your Facebook friends are
interested in hooking up. You don’t need to
make it a ménage à trois, but you might just
get a vicarious thrill from discussing sexual
misdeeds and predilections with a third party.

PHOTOGRAPHY: APIX SYNDICATION/ERWYN LOWEN

Be a gentleman and
minimise her work by
taking the top position
as she lies face-up

48 AUGUST 2016

Q: Tonight’s the big night but, ah, size
isn’t on my side. What do I do to
keep her satisfied?
A: Big news: UCLA research suggests your
worries might be unfounded. It’s not length
that women care about, but girth. Still
anxious? Before you throw your cash at a
penis-pump ad, try tight-squeeze
missionary: hold her legs up at 90° from her
body and keep them together as you
penetrate. If she wants to ride you,
compensate with clitoral stimulation – and a
few ego-boosting remarks about how good
she looks. After all, there’s a strong positive-
perception correlation between her feeling
great and your size.
Q: After some recent “gymnastics”,
my girlfriend has hurt her back. Is
sex now off the table?
A: All is not lost. But, as with any sport,
getting your form right is crucial. Dr Stuart
McGill, a back specialist at the University of
Waterloo, used Avatar-style green screen
tech to measure how couples move during
sex in five common positions.
According to his team, the key is to
identify her type of back pain first. If she
experiences increased discomfort when she
sits for too long, she’ll likely have spine-
flexion-triggered pain, so doggy style will
help her back fare better. If her pain is
triggered by bending backwards, swap
spooning for the missionary position.
Which of you is on top makes a difference
too. Be a gentleman and minimise her work
by taking the top position as she lies face-up
with a pillow supporting her lower back. If
she’s keen to take the lead then she needs to
keep her spine in a neutral position and
create the action with her hips.
Oh, and a side note: if you really want to
help her out without putting her out, I’d
advise you go down on her. The orgasm is a
natural analgesic, after all.
SEX
Q: I’m au fait with the Paris and Rome
of her erogenous zones, but where
are her lesser-known hot spots?
A: Well, intrepid explorer . . . The reality is
both men and women share many of the
same well-trodden destinations, according
to Bangor University. Chiefly: the lips,
nipples, buttocks, inner thighs, ears, navel
and – naturally – genitals. That said, San
Francisco-based sex educator Midori has a
couple of hidden-gem suggestions for those
who want to get off the beaten track. “While
we celebrate neck-kissing, we often forget to
take it right round to the nape, at the base of
the skull. Giving that region a gentle bite or
finger nail scratch can send shivers down
her back.”
And below the belt? “Try just inside of the
hip bone, those spots where your fingers
press during doggy style. Applying pressure
there will shoot zingy sensations across her
pelvis and down to the clitoral legs (the body
of the internal clitoris is made up of two legs,
which rise towards the spine). Try slow,
circular movements – ask her to tell you when
you hit the mark.” Go forth and be bold.
AUGUST 2016 49
 MUSCLE
& FITNESS
How many reps can you squeeze out
with our quad-set of push-ups? Try it
daily for three weeks and watch
your chest, triceps and back
grow. Now get down and
give us lots . . .
02 KEEP ON
PUSHING IT
Now, max out on decline
push-ups. Done? Far
from it: step your feet
off the box and carry on
repping out regular
push-ups on the
floor to failure. Widen
your stance a little to take
some of the pressure off
your triceps and zero in
on your chest.
THE SCOREBOARD
Find out how you stack up, then learn how to best your total tomorrow
0-10 REPS
PRESS START
Pike and feet-elevated
variations proving tough?
Stick to regular push-ups
and rep to failure. Don’t rush
– slower reps boost your
growth, reports the Journal
of Physiology.
50 AUGUST 2016
11-30 REPS
NICE TRIS
The average guy can do 40 reps
a minute, but you’ve been
tackling some trickier variations.
So make some noise: grunting
can raise your strength by up to
seven per cent, say Iowa State
University researchers.
31-50 REPS
HARD PUSH
This is prime muscle-building
territory. Upping your time
under tension can get you past
50 – slow down on each rep for
a few days to find the extra 10
per cent you need.
50+ REPS
UP, UP & AWAY
Repping into oblivion? Turn
this litmus test into a chest-
chiselling workout go-to. At
the end of your next upper-
body session, perform five
reps of each variation. Aim
for four sets.
01 START
STRONG
OUT
Your hardest move
comes first: the pike
push-up. With your
feet on a box, hinge
at the hips so your body
forms an L-shape.
Tense your core to stay
solid and do as many
reps as you can. When
you fail, immediately
walk your hands forward
without putting your
knees down.
03 EMPTY
THE TANK
When you’re out of gas
on those, turn around
and place your hands on
the box, feet straight out
behind you. The incline is
the easiest variation, so
slam out as many reps
as you can. Tot up your
total score and use our
advice below to improve
over the next 21 days.
WORDS: JACK HART; PHOTOGRAPHY: PHILP HAYNES
THE TASKMASTER
PT BJ Gaddour
“This routine is like bumping
the weight down on a cable
stack – you can keep going for
extended time under tension
for a deep burn.”
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 MIND
Outride the
Pain Cycle
Stop your whinging. Learn how to savour
sufering and you’ll eat pain for breakfast
[ BY JOHN-PAUL NICHOL AS
AS A RUNNER, I SHOULD HAVE learned a
thing or two about suffering by now. But my
pain tolerance makes no sense at all. Every
Monday, Harriet, a trainer at my gym, tears me
limb from limb. Maximum mental and physical
trauma for 60 minutes, and I love it. In contrast,
when my friend Simon died, I couldn’t even
cycle past his street without my heart
cramping. It’s faintly ridiculous to have such
divergent tolerances for mental and physical
pains – like a boxer weeping over Toy Story 3
– but it’s a human quirk.
So why can we only take the pain we choose
– leaving us at the mercy of all the onerous
decisions we can’t face; the harsh words we’re
mortified to have uttered; the rejections, upsets
and arguments that our lives are wont to throw
up unexpectedly?
52 AUGUST 2016
PHOTOGR APHY BY EDWARD URRUTIA ]
A neuroscientist at Johns Hopkins University
knows: Professor David Linden found that most
of our “pain” lies in our emotional perception of
it. The brain uses two systems to recognise pain.
One calmly measures the type and intensity, the
other decides the emotional reaction to that
pain. Humans can tolerate vast physical pain
with little complaint; it’s our wincing reaction to it
that causes the unbearable suffering.
The fix is simple but sounds unedifying: face
the pain and your ever-elastic brain will learn to
sever the physical discomfort from the
associated mental suffering. You will learn to
ignore the voice that says “ouch!” This takes
courage, of course. Just ask 40-something
father of three Justin McLean.
When McLean was told he had stage 4
bowel cancer, he responded to the diagnosis
CANCER IS A BAD PAIN
THRUST ON YOU. I EMBRACE
THE PAIN OF CYCLING
with two words: “Fuck this.” During the following
year of aggressive chemotherapy, he fought the
nausea to get on his bike at 6am every day, and
strove to break his own personal records.
“I wanted to feel good pain,” McLean says. “I
wanted to feel a pain that I could choose. Cancer
is bad pain thrust on you from day one. So I
embrace the pain of cycling.” As the pain of his
chemo intensified, he planned a gruelling cycle
sportive through the mountains of Corsica.
It is no surprise McLean got on his bike. To my
mind, the bicycle is the perfect tool to combat
suffering. Ten minutes on the saddle distances
you from daily life, and the wind in your ears
provides a white-noise blanket on which to
unpack your emotional baggage. Getting away
from it all on a bike is, paradoxically, a way to
face “the veering emotions of euphoria,
loneliness, darkness, fear”, until, says McLean,
“everything washes away. You learn that they’re
all okay emotions and you can determine how
you ride them out.” Enmeshing your pain with
the bike’s stiff geometry engenders alchemy;
pain becomes fitness, you suffer until you
accept the pain on its own. The bicycle is the
perfect healing machine.
This type-two fun – the kind you only enjoy after
the event – is a growing industry. Look at all the
wildly popular rides, tours and gran fondos that
dot this wide brown land. Cranking out the kays
may help you begin to face some deeply
repressed suffering, but you’ll have to be a master
of pain before attempting one. Then there are the
cycle travel companies offering ways to learn
about suffering in beautiful surroundings. Their
rides are opportunities to challenge your mid-
level suffering, such as facing a recent break-up.
But the smartest way to make inroads into
separating pain from suffering is to practise little
and often. The empty shoulders of roads are
there, waiting for you. Clear your head after the
day’s run-ins: 20 minutes to shake off the boss’s
ire, or a day to cleanse yourself of a week with
the in-laws. The bigger races, and your skills in
transcending suffering, will be there when you
need them.
Facing down our suffering plants our feet
more solidly on the floor. Our voices become a
little deeper and we gain the unshakable
composure of Zen monks. The bike teaches us
to accept the pain we suffer, and be better
prepared for the pain to come.
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 ST
WORRYING
ABOUT
CARBS . . .
Just focus on th
e right kind

[ BY K . AL EI SH A FE
T TE RS ]

PHOTOGRAPHY: TOM SCHIERLITZ/TRUNKARCHIVE.COM/SNAPPERMEDIA

Many diets from the past two decades have cast carbohydrates as You should consume 45-65 per cent of your
daily kilojoules from carbs, according to the
hell spawn sent to fatten you up and destroy you. These diets most recent recommendations. So if you’re a
demonised all carbs, from whole grains to fruit, and urged you to moderately active guy eating 11,000 kilojoules a
exorcise them from your life. Some forms of this nutrient deserve their day, that means 4950-7150 kilojoules of that
total should come from carbs. And since
evil reputation, but many don’t. By avoiding bad carbs you can speed carbohydrates – whether from sugar, starch or
weight loss and dodge disease. But beware: shunning the many fibre – contain 17 kilojoules per gram, you
good carbs may hurt your health and sabotage your weight loss. should shoot for 295-425g a day. This amount,
says Layman, will help your brain, blood and
nervous system function at their best.
Like proteins and fats, are transformed into glucose – similar to If you keep your intake under 80g of carbs a
carbohydrates are high-octane petrol. “Carbohydrates are the day, as some diets suggest, your body will begin
macronutrients – in other only nutrients that exist solely to fuel the body,” breaking down its fat stores to produce ketones,
What words, substances that stoke says Dr Donald Layman, professor emeritus a poor man’s “glucose”, which can lead to that
Carbohydrates your metabolism and keep of nutrition at the University of Illinois. Without low-carb “cloudy” feeling. Excess dietary carbs
Really Are
you alert and active. As an glucose, your blood oxygen levels suffer, become excess body fat. So losing weight and
analogy, think of carbs as your body’s primary your energy levels tank and your risk of a helping your heart is as simple as cutting back
source of crude oil. Through digestion, carbs brain fart rises. on the white bread, right? Read on.

54 AUGUST 2016
 WEIGHT LOSS

The quality of your carbs is as
important as the quantity, says
Why You Dr Frank Sacks, professor of
Should cardiovascular disease
Strive for prevention at Harvard School
Complexity
of Public Health. Complex
carbs, found in starchy vegetables and whole
grains, are linked to healthier weight and a lower
risk of type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
Complex carbohydrates are difficult for the
body to break down – and that’s a good thing.
These carbs are digested slowly, and the
absorption of sugars into your bloodstream is
also slower as a result. The increases in your
blood sugar and insulin levels are moderate
enough that they don’t reach levels associated
with body-fat storage. Plus, they make your good
gut bacteria happy. “The gut microbiota prefer
complex carbs over any other food source,” says
gastroenterologist Dr Gail Cresci. After these
microbes feast on the carbs, they send beneficial
compounds into your bloodstream. These
compounds, called short-chain fatty acids, may
help lower inflammation and strengthen your
immune system, says Cresci.
Most foods that contain complex carbs are
also high in fibre (another form of carbohydrate),
which regulates blood sugar and helps you feel
full. In a 2015 study published in the Annals of
Internal Medicine, people who were asked to
eat 30g of fibre a day on top of their normal diet
lost about as much weight as subjects who
maintained a strict diet.
Refined carbs, such as those
in white bread, biscuits and
How the chips, have the opposite
Wrong Kinds effect that complex, unrefined
of Carbs Can carbs do. After you eat, say, a
Hurt You
doughnut, your blood sugar
rises; in response, your insulin levels skyrocket.
Plus, your gut bacteria spit out inflammatory
compounds, says Cresci. So that little treat, if it
becomes habit, can set you up for metabolic
malfunction, elevated triglycerides, obesity and
the chronic diseases that accompany them.
Cutting out those doughnuts may help you
erase the one encircling your waistline. And yes,
And don’t let the “gluten free” trend hook you
in: many gluten-free products contain more
sugar and kilojoules than their conventional
counterparts. In fact, a 2014 review published in
the Journal of Medicinal Food concluded that
ANYONE WHO CUTS DOWN
people who followed a gluten-free diet had a
greater risk of obesity later in life than those who ON FRUIT TO REDUCE
THEIR SUGAR INTAKE IS
didn’t. So unless you’re among the small minority
of Australians who have coeliac disease or
known sensitivity, there’s probably no health
reason for you to cut out gluten-containing whole
grains like wheat, barley and rye. And don’t forget:
gluten is a form of protein, your muscles’ friend.
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE
Carbohydrates are stored as
glycogen in your muscles and
liver, and also serve as fuel for
How Carbs high-intensity and endurance
Fuel Your exercise. If your routine is
Fitness
intense, you need 40-60
additional grams of carbs per hour of exercise to
help your performance. Another way to think
about this is one extra gram of carbs per minute
you work out. According to 2013 research in
Sports Medicine, carbs boost performance
during endurance and high-intensity workouts.
Better performances burn more kilojoules.
And while carb loading before a race is a
must, no evidence suggests that switching
between high- and low-carb days (or “carb
cycling”) helps performance. Some experts say
it may even hurt your health. Shifting between
low and high insulin levels can cause low-grade
systemic inflammation, says Cresci.
After your workout, you need to consume just
as much carbs as protein – ideally more. That’s
because insulin may help with protein synthesis
and muscle building, a 2015 study in the Journal
of the International Society of Sports Nutrition
suggests. Aim for a 1:1 or 2:1 carb-to-protein
ratio after you hit the gym.
COMPLEX CARBS, SIMPLIFIED
Here’s the minimum number of grams you need each day – and easy ways to hit that amount
WHAT THAT MEANS EAT THIS MUCH HOW TO EAT IT TOTAL

if you eliminate almost all carbs from your diet You walk frequently, 295g (minimum) • 1 cup oats • 1 cup lentils 299g carbs,
you’ll drop even more weight – but not for the go for short jogs or do (28g carbs, 4g fibre) (40g carbs, 16g fibre) 56g fibre
MODERATELY ACTIVE

reason you might think. On a low-carb diet, your light weight training. • 1 cup cherries • 1 cup greens such
(25g carbs, 3g fibre) as kale, broccoli
body churns through its stores of muscle and cabbage
• 1 cup brown rice
glycogen. And for every bit of muscle glycogen (46g carbs, 4g fibre) (11g carbs, 8g fibre)
you burn, your body releases twice as much • 1 large apple • 1 large baked
water, Cresci says. So initially you’ll lose weight, (31g carbs, 5g fibre) sweet potato
• 2 slices wheat bread (37g carbs, 6g fibre)
but it will be more from water than from body fat. • 1 large orange
(28g carbs, 2g fibre)
To effectively reverse the weight gain • 1 large banana (22g carbs, 4g fibre)
associated with the intake of simple carbs, you (31g carbs, 4g fibre)
have to shop smart. Beware of products that
market themselves as low-fat. When food You run long +40g per hour The above foods, plus . . . 345g carbs,
VERY ACTIVE

manufacturers remove fat from ice-cream, distances and do of exercise • 1 cup cooked spinach • ½ cup quinoa 66g fibre
intense weight training (minimum) (7g carbs, 4g fibre) (20g carbs, 3g fibre)
yoghurt or salad dressings, they often replace or interval training. • 1 cup spaghetti • 1 mandarin
the lost flavour with processed sugar (yes, sugar squash (9g carbs, 1g fibre)
is a carb), which is more easily converted into (10g carbs, 2g fibre)
body fat than unprocessed carbs.

AUGUST 2016 55
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 MH
Life
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leather briefcase $399 PHOTOGR A PH Y BEN SULLIVAN S T Y L ING VIRGINIA VAN HE Y THUYSEN

AUGUST 2016 57
Style
THE TRENCH MARK
Bogart in an anorak? Please.
The classic trench has endured
as a style icon for generations
while also offering practical
utility in the wet. Keep it trim
and mid-thigh for a sharp,
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The Strand Hatters

58 AUGUST 2016
◄ IN THE MIX
Winter layering is all about
mixing textures and patterns.
If you′re combining patterns,
just make sure that you have
one block-coloured item (like
the tie, here) to pull it all
together and anchor the look.
LEFT
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▲ CRACK THE CODE
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After all, if it′s good enough
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▪ M.J. Bale tuxedo shirt $149.95
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watch $4675
AUGUST 2016 59
Style

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jacket $599
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$900 from Rochefort
▪ Scotch & Soda shirt
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loafers $770 and leather
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you′ll look like you're wearing a barrel.

60 AUGUST 2016
ROLL WITH IT
A roll-neck sweater offers
slimline insulation. Keep it
fine-gauge rather than chunky
so it sits comfortably under a
jacket and doesn’t make you
look too bulky. Do not tuck it in.

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Shot on location at the Castlereagh Boutique Hotel, Sydney.

AUGUST 2016 61
Style

THE LOWDOWN
JJ Wilson, co-founder of Kit and Ace, explains
how to stay sharp while living life to the max

CALL TO ACTION DOWN TO A TEE

I live a full-contact lifestyle.
I’m going hard from 6am to
10pm – business, workouts,
family, friends, travelling at
least two nights a week. As a
result, I need clothing that’ll
keep up with me and won’t
hold me back. I used to feel
like a lot of my clothing
simply wasn’t as durable as
my athletic wear that I could
just chuck in the washing
machine. That’s why I started
Kit and Ace.
◄ CARROT TOPS
Don’t be afraid of a tapered
leg. A nice carrot-leg hits a
fine line between too slim and
too baggy. For a guy, it can
slim you out while also
highlighting your physique.
HEADS UP
I wear hats all the time –
I must have three or four
fedoras. The trick to pulling
one off is to make sure the
brim isn’t too big. The hat
also has to fit properly
– there’s nothing worse
than having a little
hat perched on top
of your head.
What makes a good T-shirt? First of all, it’s feel – that’s
why we make ours from Technical Cashmere: it’s soft
and machine-washable with the stretch of Lycra. But fit
is also vital. Go for something a bit slimmer – it’ll look
classier. Shape-wise, you want your tee to be more
rectangular than square. That’s important, because a
lot of T-shirts shrink in the wash. You don’t want to look
like you’re wearing a crop-top.
◄ NOT SO COMMON
I’ve got about 15 pairs of Common Projects sneakers . . .
white, black, perforated. I’ve even got a pastel pink pair. I
think Common Projects have elevated the sneaker. You can
wear them casually
but also with a suit.
They’re like a blend
of a Converse
sneaker and a
Prada dress shoe.
LAYER PLAYER
If you’re layering up and want to inject a pop of colour,
make it the first layer. That way the outer layers can
anchor the brightness and make it easier to pull off. The
other thing with layering is to try to sync up the necklines
– wear a crew-neck tee with a crew-neck sweater, a
V-neck with a V-neck and so on.
◄ WRISTY BUSINESS
I got an Apple watch with a Hermès
strap for Christmas. It’s great for
checking texts and your calendar
when you’re in meetings, plus it’s
really easy to change the time
when you’re travelling. But I also have
a Cartier de Calibre that I got
for my graduation that I wear 40 per
cent of the time. It’s easy to dress
up or down.

" I'm going hard from 6am to 10pm

– I need clothing that'll keep up
with me and won't hold me back
"
62 AUGUST 2016
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watch’s black ceramic
bezel has a tachymeter
scale so you can monitor
your speed and distance.
$3100
FAST TIMES
Satisfy your need for speed with a watch
▪ Chopard Mille Miglia
GTS Power Control
Named after the classic
built to withstand life in the fast lane
car race, this watch is
powered by an in-house PULL BACK from the steering LeCoultre (now Jaeger-LeCoultre)
movement and boasts a
fuel-gauge-style power
wheel on any head-turning gauges in early Aston Martins,
reserve indicator. supercar and you can pretty Jaguars and Bentleys,” he says.
$8540 much guarantee there’ll be an That shared preoccupation
▪ Tudor Fastrider equally impressive timepiece with technical innovation,
Black Shield
Taking its design cues dangling from the driver’s wrist. performance and precision
from Ducati's XDiavel Fancy watches have always makes sense. But why does
superbike, this comes in ridden shotgun with fancy cars, Sigmond think that horological
PHOTOGRAPHY: EDWARD URRUTIA

a monobloc ceramic
case that’s almost
impossible to scratch.
$5850
▪ Edox ChronoDakar III
The Dakar is the world's
most gruelling motor
race. Encased in polished
titanium, this is designed
to laugh off heat, mud
and sandstorms.
$2650
explains Aaron Sigmond, whose
new book, DRIVE TIME, explores
the intersection between cars and
the watch world.
“From the early onset of
the automotive industry
mechanical watch makers
were there, producing all the
irst instrumentation, hence
obsessives invariably turn out
to be hardcore rev-heads too?
“There is a polymath approach
to degrees of connoisseurship,”
he suggests.
An appreciation for the iner
things in life, in other words,
expresses itself in many forms,
whether on the road or the wrist.

64 AUGUST 2016
 GROOMING
AND STYLE WITH

MASTERCLASS
Style takes work, but you’ll enjoy one less irritation with Schick. Take
your look to the finish line with the right accessories and a bit of grooming.
A pocket square and well-shined shoes put you in front of the style game.

“GREAT
ACCESSORIES
WILL ENHANCE
YOUR STYLE
AND ENSURE
YOUR CLASS IS
PERMANENT.”
Bray Stoneham
Men’s Health

PROTECT YOUR SKIN

FROM IRRITATION
AND REDNESS AND
PUT YOUR BEST FACE
FORWARD WITH
CONFIDENCE
MODEL: ALEX/CHADWICK
Grooming
DO YOU NEED AN OIL CHANGE?
LOOK YOUNGER AND HEALTHIER WITH THESE EASY FIXES
FOR DRY HAIR, PARCHED SKIN AND SIGNS OF AGEING

IF YOUR BODY WERE A CAR, then alerts for

dry hair, ine lines and rough skin would light MOISTURISER
“Moisturising regularly is like
up your dashboard – they’re all indicators
putting money in the bank,”
that you’re low on oil. In fact, oil is the key to says Colbert. “As you get
youthful skin and hair, says dermatologist Dr older, your skin will look better
David Colbert. What’s grinding your gears isn’t and better.” Use a product
just the hard kilometres of a few late nights at with lightweight oils for quick
penetration. (Others just coat
work or play. It’s also the harsh cleansers you
the surface, leaving your face
use. “If you over-wash your skin, it will age more shiny.) This mattifying gel-
rapidly,” Colbert says. Switch to these milder cream contains brazil nut oil
products that won’t dry you out, and roll back to soften skin – and will also
your odometer in the process. nix shine.
The Body Shop For Men Maca
ace
Root Oil Balancing Face
Protector ($22.95)
ANTI-AGEING OIL
A few drops of anti-ageing oil
on your face and neck each
morning can help minimise
wrinkles once they appear.
You want plenty of peptides
in there, along with
antioxidants like vitamins C
and E. This product’s natural
ingredients, such as argan
and rosemary leaf oil,
brighten skin and slow the
signs of ageing.
Dr Dennis Gross Triple C
Peptide Firming Serum ($99)

FACE CLEANSER SHAMPOO SHAVING OIL DEODORANT

Believe it or not, more oil is
the best method of clearing
skin of excess oil. “Oil loves
lipid molecules,” explains
dermatologist Dr Terence
Keaney. Turn to a cleanser
that binds with the lipids in
skin and dirt but won’t dry
you out. Massage four
pumps of Shu Uemura Anti/
Oxi Skin Refining Anti-
Dullness Cleansing Oil ($120)
into your face, then add
warm water until it turns
milky. Finally, rinse.
Many shampoos leave your
hair feeling dry. But this foam
cleanses without leaving
straw-like strands. The
magic ingredient? Coconut
oil. Research from the
Journal of Cosmetic
Science found people who
used coconut oil in their hair
daily saw significantly less
breakage than those who
didn’t. Go nuts.
TRESemmé Expert Shampoo
with Coconut Milk and
Avocado ($10.99)
Your face can become
irritated when it’s dry, leaving
it prone to nicks when you
shave or trim. Shaving oil
can calm things down – look
for plant and seed oils for
added hydration. Bearded?
An oil-based shaving
product softens bristles
without getting stuck in
them like a cream-based
lotion might, says Keaney.
Before you shave, massage
in ClarinsMen Shave Ease
2-in-1 Oil ($44).
Armpits on fire? Some
deodorants can cause
sensitive skin to react. Look
for one containing hydrating
ingredients like plant oils to
protect your pits. NIVEA Men
Sensitive Protect Deodorant
($6.49) is made for sensitive
types, with no alcohol or
preservatives and avocado
oil to nourish. But it still stops
sweat for up to 48 hours.

66 AUGUST 2016
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 GOOD LOOKS AND TECHNOLOGY COME
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#AREYOUASU RV I VO R?

H E WO R L D ’S B IG G ES T U R BAN
T R IE S IS BAC K...
ADVENT U R E R A C E S E
DNEY OLYMPIC PARK
2016, SY
Saturday 10th December
MHSurvivalAus @MH_SURVIVAL

M H S U RV I VA L .C O M .AU
 Drinks
EASTERN PROMISE
LOOK TO THE LAND OF THE RISING SUN FOR YOUR NEXT WHISKY
THINKING OF SWAPPING your
traditional Scotch whisky for one
bearing the stamp “made in Japan”?
Here’s news that would make even a
lonely Bill Murray smile – nothing’s been
lost in translation.
Paul Birtwistle, general manager of
the Toko Group restaurants and a
connoisseur of Japanese whiskies, has
witnessed the worldwide explosion in
interest in them irst-hand. He reckons
it’s time you “broadened your horizons”.
His ideal starting point? “The Mars
Maltage Cosmo is great for a whisky
newcomer. It’s slightly sweet, and light
and fresh. Then move onto a Yamazaki
by Suntory. And if you’re coming
straight from scotch, Nikka From The
Barrel is a great foot in the door of
Japanese whiskies. Being a whisky
drinker already, you’d certainly be able
to handle its 51 per cent strength.”
For someone who likes a peatier
whisky and may have been dismissive
of Japanese whisky, Ichiro’s Malt by
Chichibu will change their thinking,
says Birtwistle. “It’s a complex
cask-strength whisky with peaty notes
PHOTOGRAPHY: EDWARD URRUTIA
Nikka From The Barrel
“A cult whisky with bartenders” says
Birtwistle. “It’s a blend of malt and grain,
bottled at 51.4 per cent. A whisky for
someone who likes alcohol and likes whisky.”
$69.99 (500ml bottle); danmurphys.com.au
WHISKYAGOGO
Enjoy two classic
cocktails with a
Japanese twist
SUNTORY KAKUBIN
By JASON SCULLIN HIGHBALL
Pack a tall glass
with ice
– very comparable with Scottish When it comes to what gives Squeeze a lemon
single-cask releases.” The Hakushu 12 Japanese whisky its unique character, wedge into the glass
Add 30ml of Kakubin
from Suntory will also hit the peat spot, Birtwistle points to their use of Top with cold soda
says David Ligof, director of World of mizunara (Japanese oak) casks that water and stir
Whisky (worldofwhisky.com.au). “It’s a deliver a light, fresh taste. “They’re also
delicate, complex whisky with a hint of big on sherry casks and do a lot of TOKO’S
peatiness on the inish, but not up front in-house blending from diferent casks. SHIMAMOTO SOUR
Mix together:
– it kind of ambushes you. That’s what I There’s a lot of innovation going on 45ml apricot-infused
look for – something that’s going to – they’re not stuck in tradition.” Ligof Yamazaki Distiller’s
challenge and surprise me.” concurs: in terms of “experimentation Reserve
5ml absinthe
From here, it’s a case of inding your and diferent techniques, they’re using 30ml lemon juice
personal sweet spot. “That’s where so much more than other countries in 20ml honey &
chamomile syrup
bartenders are important – they’ll have expanding their range”, he says. (pour a little
tried a lot more whiskies than you,” Keen to start building your own boiling water over
says Birtwistle. “Let them know the collection? Birtwistle has this advice honey and a
chamomile teabag)
flavours you like and they’ll have a when you hit the bottle shop: “Anything Dash egg white
good suggestion.” with an age statement is going to be very Dash Angostura
Bitters
How to best enjoy your chosen special.” Kanpai!, as they say in Japan.
whisky? “I’m a big fan of neat!” laughs
Birtwistle. “But a big renaissance for the
Japanese has been soda water highballs
made with Suntory’s Kakubin blend.
More expensive bars and restaurants
serve them in frozen titanium cups.
Another great cocktail using
Japanese whisky is a Manhattan.
Nikka From The Barrel makes a
very good one.”
Mars Maltage Cosmo Yamazaki 12
“This is a good entry. Straight away “Toko’s most requested whisky. You
you get a bit of sweetness and have the sherry cask influence and
richness – it’s easy for a younger a citrusy, tea-like finish that lingers
palate to take on board.” on your tongue.”
$159; oakbarrel.com.au $147.42; masterofmalt.com
AUGUST 2016 75
Discover Norfolk Island
Leave the pre-packaged mainland behind
and head for a Pacific Ocean island that’s
still Australia . . . but with an all-natural twist
BY J A SON SCUL L IN
FROM THE TERRACE of my apartment above
Kingston on Norfolk Island I can clearly
see Norfolk’s smaller cousin, Phillip Island.
My intended plan to trek to its peak, on the
other hand, is fading from view – as Cyclone
Winston, sitting 1600 kilometres north
east, has left the sea way too big for my tiny
transport to leave harbour. As for my plan to
kayak around Norfolk . . .
Thankfully, Norfolk’s charms are many
– and on an island of just 35 square kilometres,
handily nearby. Time to start exploring.
HIT THE BEACH
Your legs will enjoy a solid workout on the
steep clifside path that leads down to (and, of
course, up from) pristine Anson Bay. But the
exertion will be worth it – there’s every chance
you’ll be rewarded with Castaway levels
of solitude to enjoy one of Norfolk’s most
spectacular beaches. And if you’re willing to
76 AUGUST 2016
cart your surboard down, your reward will
come in the form of outstanding, uncrowded
wave action.
DIVE IN
With its sweeping arc of golden sand backed
by stands of gloriously green Norfolk pines
and glimpses of Kingston’s historic colonial
architecture, it’s easy to see why Emily Bay has
been voted one of Australia’s top 100 beaches.
And it’s more than just a pretty face: a coral
reef protects it from the Paciic Ocean – even
one at the mercy of a cyclone – and its warm,
calm, sealife-illed waters make me very glad I
packed my snorkel.
TAKE IN THE VIEW
The clif-top walk that begins at the Captain
Cook Lookout in lush, green Norfolk Island
National Park packs enough jaw-dropping
vistas to more than compensate for its lung-
busting, quads-testing dips and climbs. And
again there’s every chance you’ll have the
scenery to yourself, save for the hundreds
of seabirds swooping and soaring overhead.
Local tip: keep an eye out for the Norfolk
Island parakeet and the white-chested
white-eye, found only on the island.
FILL YOUR BELLY
Paddock-to-plate eating may sometimes be
not much more than a hipster fad on mainland
Australia; on Norfolk, with its boat-delivered
supplies at the mercy of the sea state, it’s a
way of life. Head to the award-winning Dino’s
at Bumboras for local seafood and meat, all
served with fresh produce from chef Dino’s
garden. Or get your protein hit courtesy of the
local Norfolk Blue beef at Hilli Restaurant. At
The Hilli Goat farm, owner Emily Ryves will
introduce you to her free-roaming goats, then
feed you the very freshest goats’ milk cheese.

Head on over to Steeles Point to wash it all
down with a chardonnay, semillion, verdelho,
merlot or chambourcin from Two Chimneys
Wines, Norfolk’s only winery and cellar door.
And if you want to fend for yourself, pay a
visit to the weekly farmer’s market at the
Bicentennial Complex in Burnt Pine or ill up
from the dozens of honesty boxes showcasing
local produce that you’ll ind dotted all over
the island.
FEED YOUR MIND
Kingston, Norfolk’s original colonial
settlement, is reputedly haunted – and at
night, with the wind whistling eerily in and
around the buildings, it’s easy to let your
imagination run wild. While I may have come
up spiritually bereft, intellectually I was fully
sated. Forget the movie version of the Mutiny
on the Bounty story, the settlement’s four
separate museums will immerse you in a real-
World Heritage-listed Kingston
packs in history, golf and the
stunning Emily Bay where, if
you’re lucky, you’ll encounter a
sea turtle. More elusive is the
white-chested white-eye (below)
that’s found only on Norfolk.
WHERE
NORFOLK ISLAND
AUCKLAND
SYDNEY
Norfolk is 1400km east of the NSW-
Queensland border in the Pacific Ocean,
meaning it enjoys a mild sub-tropical
climate. While part of the Commonwealth
of Australia, you’ll need an Aussie
passport to enter. For more information,
head to norfolkisland.com.au.
life story of betrayal, audaciousness, survival
and adventure that’s far more thrilling than GETTING THERE
any hackneyed Hollywood script. Air New Zealand flies direct to Norfolk
from Sydney every Friday and Monday,
SWING A CLUB from Brisbane every Saturday and
Tuesday, and from Auckland every
Not too many golf courses sit in a World
Sunday (airnewzealand.com.au).
Heritage Site; the links at Norfolk Island Golf
Club do (norfolkislandgolf.com). Typically of
links courses worldwide, wind is not your
friend (it certainly wasn’t mine). But when the ACCOMMODATION
sun is shining – and it usually will be – there can
The comfortable and well-equipped
be few more picturesque places to swing a club. Islander Lodge Apartments
(norfolkpinesgroup.com) overlook
GRAB A BARGAIN historic Kingston and are only a few
Good news, cheapskates! Norfolk Island is, for minutes’ drive from the main
the time being, excluded from Australian taxes shopping/entertainment area of Burnt
Pine. Conveniently, the apartments
and import duties, meaning a whole lot of
come with a hire car included
consumer goodies, including Lego – the island, (remember to give approaching
somewhat bizarrely, has two stores absolutely drivers the Norfolk “salute” – a quick
jammed full of the stuf – will cost you less finger flick just about everyone
than on the mainland. delivers as they pass each other).
AUGUST 2016 77
Motoring

Class Warfare
Now the established battleground for family transport, the medium SUV segment is
as hard-fought as it gets. Hyundai’s Tucson steps into the ring as a serious contender

78 AUGUST 2016
 MH Quick Spin
Jeep Renegade Longitude
YOU CAN’T ACCUSE Korean carmaker
Hyundai of lacking conidence. Though their What is it?
midsize iX35 was a sales success – only the A front-wheel-drive Jeep
class-leading Mazda CX-5 and Toyota RAV4 designed to be driven in
were more popular – last year it was binned the urban jungle rather than
for the new-from-the-ground-up Tucson. the real one, unless you
opt for the highly capable
While the iX35 did many things well and was
top-spec, all-wheel-drive
of adequate size, the Tucson is a step up in Trailhawk variant.
every measurable area.
First of, as it will likely spend its life How does it drive
moving kids and clutter about, its clean, around town?
well-thought-out cabin is bigger. In particular, Rather well, actually.
adults riding in the rear will appreciate the Underneath it’s got the
roomiest environment in the class, though chassis from Fiat’s 500X
the middle passenger has to access the seat as well as getting that
company’s high-tech 1.4L
belt from the roof. Rear load space is also
Multiair petrol engine
class competitive. Better still, with the top and double-clutch auto
two grades, Elite and Highlander, should gearbox. The handling is
your hands be full of shopping, a baby or a more hot hatch than SUV
mountain bike, simply stand near the rear of and the engine frugal, yet
the car with the key in your pocket and the
hatch will automatically open after emitting
WhiletheiX35didmany fun. However, the gearbox
does exhibit a little of the
ive beeps. things well and was of low-speed tetchiness
symptomatic of the species.
Second, it has a really well sorted ride.
Hyundai goes to great lengths to tune adequate size, the Tuscon Is it well equipped?
suspension to local conditions and it shows.
MH took the Tucson on some sketchy isastepupineveryarea Yep, and even the tallest
occupant won’t threaten
ire trails and it swallowed up bumps and to nudge the two-part
potholes with ease, yet sat lat enough to handsome, evolved design than its removeable sunroof. And in
deliver reasonably car-like handling back on predecessor. The only drawback is that the case you were ignorant of
sweeping country roads. high rear window line may obstruct the view Jeep’s heritage, little brand
Third, in the Elite model MH tested for smaller rear passengers. motifs are sprinkled around
($38,240 MLP), it’s got a fairly sporty engine Finally, the car comes with plenty of the cabin: “Since 1941”
stencilled army-like on the
for the class, namely a slightly detuned standard kit. In the Elite, rear parking sensors,
dash, numerous seven-
version of the turbocharged 1.6-litre petrol rear camera, LED daytime running lights, bar grille and jerry-can “X”
engine found in the company’s Veloster Bluetooth, keyless entry, sat nav with three references, a contour map
coupé. Paired with Hyundai’s twin-clutch, years of live updates, and a big eight-inch on the rubber base of the
seven-speed auto, it pulls away happily from touchscreen are all thrown in. front oddments bin . . . only
1500 revs, delivering a reasonable 7.7L/100km The inal proof of that Korean conidence the mud splatter on the
fuel economy igure. we alluded to previously? A class-leading ive- tacho, we’re guessing to
Fourth, and sure, this is eye-of-the- year, unlimited-kilometre warranty and ive replicate the red-line zone,
beholder stuf, the Tucson is a more years of capped-price servicing. – Bruce Ritchie crosses the line from cute
to kitsch.

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AUGUST 2016 79
THE WIZARD OF OZ
In an exclusive extract from Australia’s Sporting Heroes, discover how the term
“Easy Campese” entered the Australian vernacular in the Nineties, spawned by a
rugby player of such flair that he made the extremely difficult, look, well, easy
BY ROBERT DR A NE
DAVID CAMPESE was one of those surprising
prodigies Australian sport throws up. He
answered the stock description of the sporting
savant: bold, self-possessed, unpredictable,
unafected, sometimes lawed, at times of-
hand, outrageous on demand, unconsciously
brilliant. As a rugby player, Campese was not
innovative, so much as innovation embodied.
He arrived, as they all do, as an outrageous
rumour. The whispers grew more excited
when, in an under-21 game at the SCG in 1982,
he destroyed New Zealand with his bewildering
ability to appear on the other side of a defence.
It was a curtain-raiser to a Test Australia
won against Scotland, but the talk was of the
astonishing young Canberra fullback.
Straight of, like most sporting wonders,
Campese was so absorbed in his own art he was
unheeding of opposition. This was sometimes
construed as dismissiveness. His response
– “Stu who?” – didn’t sit well when he was asked
about opposing the marvellous All Black winger
Stu Wilson before his irst Test series in New
Zealand. Then he left the Kiwi winger in his
wake time and again with his acceleration, all-
round kicking game, sleight-of-foot, haphazard
explosiveness and uncanny understanding.
80 AUGUST 2016
His game was at times lawed – as is often
the case when someone of his kind responds
to the imperatives of his genius. Rugby league
great Dally Messenger, too, had that need to
be everywhere, do everything himself. It was
an expression of spirited virtuosity. “Campo”
redeined the winger’s role, shunning his
assignment as speedy inisher, repositioning
himself, bobbing up everywhere, making play.
His irst international try, in that series
in New Zealand, was the beginning of a
destructive partnership with the great
Mark Ella, who chipped, then watched in
amazement as this jinking kid seemingly
dropped out of the skies, gathered and scored.
Thanks largely to Campese, that series,
lost 2-1, was the beginning of the Wallabies’
rise to world-champion status. His inluence
was mesmeric. He nearly won the rubber for
them single-handedly, but more importantly,
he quickly became the critical ingredient in
coach Bob Dwyer’s lowing game. In this new
system, Campo was NBA superstar Michael
Jordan to Dwyer’s Phil Jackson, the Chicago
Bulls’ super coach.
Against Argentina in 1983, Campo scored
a try that was – like a slippery Jordan drive
and dunk – so unforeseen that time
stalled. Certainly Argentinian defender
Bernardo Miguens didn’t see it. After all,
he and a teammate had Campo boxed in
and well-covered on the sideline. After
easily dispatching his teammate, Campese
had Miguens clutching air and diving
clumsily over the touchline as he “goose-
stepped” away.
It wasn’t simple acceleration. The ability
to put on pace is for the merely brilliant.
It was Campese’s control of acceleration
that set him apart. He could adjust pace
deceptively with a luid change of gears, and
his goose-step seemed to whip him forward
like invisible elastic.
By 1984, when Australia won the Grand
Slam in the British Isles, the young Campese
was already being hailed the best ever.
Against the powerful invitational Barbarians
team soon after, he turned the game by
making his opposing number, Welshman
Robert Ackerman, look like a slapstick
fall-guy with a bewildering zig-zag, before a
lamboyant lick over his shoulder – another
signature move – to a waiting Michael
Hawker, who scored.
 MH PROMOTION

WATCH THE VIDEO

USE THE VIEWA APP TO
SEE CAMPESE AT HIS BEST
IN THE ’84 GRAND SLAM

Hecouldadjust
pacedeceptively
withafluidchange
ofgears,andhis
goose-stepseemed
towhiphim
forwardlike
For more legends of the field, court, pitch and more,
check out our four-part Australia’s Sporting Heroes
bookazine series. Available from leading retailers
invisibleelastic and online at austsportingheroes.com.au

This was Campo expressing everything
that made him great, answering Ackerman’s
verbal sledges and physical niggle by publicly
humiliating him in a passage that seemed
to take forever – time seemed just another
Campese plaything.
In 1986, Campo was largely instrumental
in Australia’s irst series win against the
All Blacks on their own soil, but if his
talent was so outlandish, his faux pas were
proportional. At the heart of his Olympian
ability was something most mortals would
call risk, which, for him, was no risk at all
– 99 per cent of the time. The other one
per cent was the price to be paid, and
occasionally it came at critical moments,
like in the deciding 1989 test against the
British Lions.
“Campo’s Corner”, at Sydney Football
Stadium, where he famously threw a loose
pass on his own try line, resulting in a
British try that won them a tight series,
seems forever a monument to his fallibility.
Some saw logic in his action, but it lost the
Wallabies a series, and Australia has no
shortage of tall-poppy loppers.
He was sometimes over-sensitive, and
often contemplated quitting. But he stayed
long enough for the 1991 World Cup to become
the jewel in the crown of a majestic career. By
now thick of chest, broad of shoulder and long
of stride, Campo was an unstoppable force,
and man of the tournament.
He lost a little speed after that, but was no
less dazzlingly inventive. He brought way too
many lights to just fade. Some might argue
that it wasn’t the best of Campese, but it was
to be treasured as the late work of a talent that
comes along perhaps once in a lifetime.

Stats of a Hero

64
TRIES FOR THE WALLABIES

101 GAMES FOR

THE WALLABIES
1 (current record-holder)

Grand
Slam win
(1984)

AUGUST 2016 81
THAT
THING
YOULOVE
IS THE BY JOE MADDEN
PHOTOGRAPHY BYDAVID SYKES

NEW
SMOKING!
Tagging a trending health risk “the new smoking” is the default sound
bite for media seeking to garner clicks from scaremongering. Everything
from sitting down to what you put in your cofee (and even cofee) is being
lumped in with the rightly reviled tobacco. But has the buzz-term ever
been justified? Our experts trawled the annals of science to find out which
habits aren’t worth breaking, and which you should cut out
82 AUGUST 2016
 HEALTH

YOUR SMART PHONE Are smartphones

actually the
new smoking?
THE STORY during lulls in notifications; and kids ignored by Quite possibly, yes, but
“Smartphones’ dopamine-boosting smartphone-glued parents miss out on key have you seen what the
notifications are making us antisocial, developmental interactions. world looks like without
app-lobotomised iZombies!” Oh, and all that hunching over is bad for an Instagram filter?
your neck and back.
THE SOURCE DANGER RANKING
Googling “are smartphones bad for you?” got THE FACTS
MH almost 20 million results, and most of them A Journal of Behavioural Addictions study of
answer that question so affirmatively you’ll want 319 students shows a clear link between
to dash your mobile against the wall immediately. smartphone overuse and depression, anxiety
In terms of negative coverage, smartphones are and/or reduced sleep quality. “However,” says
right up there with Donald Trump. neuroscientist Dr Nicola Ray, from Manchester
According to the papers: smartphone use in Metropolitan University, “whether smartphone 5/10
bed suppresses melatonin, damaging sleep overuse causes these things or is a result of
patterns; mobile-addicted teens suffer anxiety them is up for debate.” >
AUGUST 2016 83
SITTING DOWN
THE STORY
“We now spend half of our entire lives
slumped in a chair, and idle muscles and
sluggish bloodflow are fast-forwarding you
towards heart disease, cancer, type 2
diabetes and reduced brain function!”
THE SOURCE
This story rocketed into the mainstream in
February last year when Apple CEO Tim
Cook declared that “sitting is the new
cancer”. Thankfully, the soon-to-be-
launched Apple Watch would rescue us all
from our sedentary, fat-arsed fate. Phew!
84 AUGUST 2016
THE FACTS
Pins and needles aside, sitting for extended periods Is sitting actually
adversely affects the body’s metabolism, increasing the new smoking?
levels of unhealthy fats such as triglycerides, and Not far off. Sit down while
decreasing levels of healthy HDL cholesterol. smoking a cigarette and
A study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine you’re really living dangerously.
on the health risks of sitting was conducted on 92,000
people over 12 years. Subjects who spent more than 11 DANGER RANKING
hours a day sitting were 21 per cent more likely to die of
cancer and 27 per cent more likely to die of heart disease
than those who sat for four hours or less. A particular
correlation has been noted with TV viewing. Cheers for
that, Game of Thrones.
Fortunately, the solution is simple: walk on your lunch 5/10
break, don’t skip the gym and limit those Netflix binges.

SMOKING E-CIGS
THE STORY
“The vaping thing was too good
to be true, with flavour-enhancing
aldehydes attacking your
respiratory system – making
E-cigs every bit as lethal as the
cigs they were supposed to save
us from!”
THE SOURCE
Vaping has had a rollercoaster ride
in the press. Initial mistrust turned
to grudging respect as medical
experts came out in support of it
as an alternative to smoking.
But then, in an article published in
the British Medical Journal last
September, professors Martin
McKee and Simon Capewell
argued that vaping’s benefits had
been oversold and hyped by
parties with vested interests. And
so, once again, vaping received
the suspicious side-eye.
THE FACTS
“Inhaling anything that’s not
supposed to be in your lungs is
going to cause you damage,” says
lung expert Professor Robert West,
of University College London. “But
on a scale of zero to 100, if zero is
TRANS FATTY ACIDS
THE STORY
“Trans fats are pure poison,
raising the levels of low-density
lipoprotein in the body,
cramming your arteries full of
heart-exploding fatty plaque!”
THE SOURCE
Artificial trans fats – aka
hydrogenated fats – have been a
weighty talking point in the US
since 2006, when New York’s then
mayor, Michael Bloomberg,
banned their use in restaurants due
to concerns over their heart-attack-
causing properties.
The US Food and Drug
Administration then announced a
countrywide ban to come into
effect in 2017.
THE FACTS
“Trans fats are formed when oil is
put through a process called
hydrogenation, effectively making
the oil more solid,” explains Dr
Justin Varney, of Public Health
England. “It can then be used for
frying, or in processed foods like
breathing in fresh sea air, and 100
is smoking a cigarette, then vaping
is around five.”
Safe-ish it may be, but vaping
won’t nix your nicotine habit.
“Vaping is every bit as addictive
as smoking,” says neuroscientist
Dr Nicola Ray, of Manchester
Metropolitan University. “You’re
still inhaling nicotine and it’s having
the exact same effect on the
nicotinic receptors in your brain.
The relative benefit is that you’re
not also ingesting tar and the
hundreds of toxic chemicals used
to make cigarettes.”
Is vaping actually
the new smoking?
Not really. Unless you’re a
smoker, in which case it
probably should be.
DANGER RANKING
3/10
biscuits and cakes. But the
evidence is clear that consuming
trans fats increases both blood
cholesterol levels and the risk of
heart disease.”
But panic not – the most recent
Australian Bureau of Statistics
data indicates that the average
Australian derives 0.6 per cent of
their total energy from trans fats
– below the World Health
Organisation’s recommended one
per cent.
Are trans fats actually
the new smoking?
Yes. Fats may be getting an
image makeover, but this is
still a bad guy.
DANGER RANKING
8/10
HEALTH
ADDED SUGARS
THE STORY illnesses such as heart disease,
“Sugar is as addictive as meth, type 2 diabetes and some types
cheaper than chips and the of cancer.”
number one contributor to the But it’s not all bad news.
global obesity epidemic!” “There’s no evidence to suggest
we should completely remove
THE SOURCE
sugar from our diet,” Varney
Headlines regarding the public’s
continues. “We needn’t worry
increasingly prodigious sugar
consumption have been a
mainstay of newspapers for
about the sugars found in dairy
or whole fruit and vegetables, but
there’s strong evidence to say
years, hand-in-hand with hair-
we need to significantly cut
raising tales of what all that
down on added sugars, as well
sweet stuff is doing to our
as the sugars contained in
innards: high blood pressure,
honey, syrups and fruit juice
liver damage, heart disease,
– known as ‘free sugars’. Adults
hypertension, type 2 diabetes,
should be consuming no more
apocalyptic teeth . . .
than 30 grams of free sugars
Then there are the dark tales
each day.” That’s roughly one
of sugar’s evil moreishness. One
Mars Bar or a 330-millilitre glass
particularly startling study,
of orange juice. >
published in the journal PLOS
ONE, found that labs rats (clearly
the Gordon Gekkos of the rodent
Is sugar actually
world) would choose sugar over
the new smoking?
cocaine – even when they were
It looks like it, yes. It may
already addicted to cocaine.
also be the new crack,
THE FACTS smack and meth.
When it comes to sugar, in this
case, you can believe the hype DANGER RANKING
– within reason.
“Too much sugar in the diet
means too many kilojoules,
which leads to weight gain and
obesity,” says Varney. “That
9/10
makes you more prone to
developing life-threatening
AUGUST 2016 85

DOUBLE ESPRESSOS
THE STORY
“Starbucks et al have made
twitchy crack-heads of us all: as
well as twisting up your brain in
the exact same way as cocaine,
coffee can lead to cancer and
heart disease!”
THE SOURCE
Since 1966 at least 21 studies
have been undertaken on a
potential link between coffee
and coronary heart disease.
Other studies claimed to find a
causal link between coffee-
drinking and lung cancer.
THE FACTS
Most back-in-the-day studies
that earned coffee its notoriety
have been widely disparaged,
because – as pointed out in a
2014 meta-analysis by Harvard
School of Health’s Dr Rob van
Dam – they failed to take into
account their subjects’ other
86 AUGUST 2016
unhealthy lifestyle choices. “It’s
perfectly safe to drink up to 400
milligrams, or four cups, of coffee
a day,” says dietitian Priya Tew.
“In fact, there’s a clear benefit, as
coffee contains polyphenols,
antioxidants that help fight
diseases such as cancer.”
New studies also show that
coffee may protect against type
2 diabetes, liver disease,
gallstones, Parkinson’s disease
and depression, and (shock!)
improve cognitive function.
As for caffeine having a
drug-like grip on your brain,
don’t book into rehab just yet.
“Coffee is definitely addictive,”
says Ray. “It’s a psycho-
stimulant that blocks the same
brain receptors as cocaine,
re-enforcing addictive
behaviour. The key difference
is that cocaine is highly toxic,
whereas coffee isn’t.”
ARTIFICIAL
SWEETENERS
THE STORY
“Artificial sweeteners were
supposed to rescue us from the
deadly threat of sugar, but all
they’ve done is give us multiple
sclerosis, brain tumours,
blindness, mental-health issues
and seizures!”
THE SOURCE
Saccharin, the first artificial
sweetener, was discovered back
in 1879 by a scientist working on
coal tar derivatives. It wasn’t until
sugar shortages caused by World
War I that it became
commercially available – and
instantly controversial.
Since then, various studies
claim to have found links
between sweeteners and (deep
breath) type 2 diabetes, insulin
spikes, dizziness, vomiting, low
birth weight, seizures, low blood
pressure and cancer.
Aspartame has a particularly
bad rep: it was dropped from Diet
Pepsi in the US last year because
customer concerns over its
supposed links to MS, lupus and
blindness caused a dent in sales.
THE FACTS
“When you actually look at the
research that’s been done – and
the British Government recently
reviewed all the available
evidence – sweeteners have
been repeatedly cleared as
Is coffee actually
the new smoking? being perfectly safe for
consumption,” says Tew.
Unless you’re working your
way through your local In fact, according to a 2013
European Food Safety Authority
cafe’s loyalty card every
couple of days, you’re investigation, even aspartame is
probably in the clear. safe, being broken down into
less harmful by-products as
DANGER RANKING
soon as it enters our system.
Are sweeteners actually
the new smoking?
3/10 A low kilojoule content
means they’re far better
for your weight (and your
award-winning smile)
than evil sugar.
DANGER RANKING
2/10
 HEALTH

BACON SANDWICHES
THE STORY
“Like a delicious, sizzling Judas, Is bacon actually
our beloved breakfast protein the new smoking?
has betrayed us all, with less Nope. Not even
than two rashers increasing smoked bacon.
your chances of colorectal
DANGER RANKING
cancer by 18 per cent!”

THE SOURCE
A report released by the WHO last
October suggested bacon should
be ranked as “probably
carcinogenic to humans” – the 4/10
same category in which you’d find
cigarettes. The thinking is that
heme – an iron-based chemical
found in most red meats – breaks
down into carcinogenic N-nitroso
compounds in the digestive tract.
Throw that bacon roll in a bin, then
throw that bin in a skip!

THE FACTS
You wouldn’t tuck in to a Winfield-
and-asbestos sandwich, so
bacon is now firmly off the menu,
right? “Absolutely not,” says Tew.
“This was a case of media hype,
based on an unfinished, one-and-
a-half page document that
contained no new evidence,
merely a re-framing of evidence
from the last 20 years.” Retrieve
that bin from the skip.
“What the report actually says is
that there’s some evidence that
if you eat large amounts of red
meat – particularly processed
red meat – then there could be
a link to cancer. We’ve known
that for decades, so it’s
nothing new.”
Unless you’re dementedly
carnivorous, the play-it-on-the-
safe-side limits are pretty
reasonable. “You can eat three
rashers of bacon a day and have
red meat as a main meal twice a
week without any problems,”
Tew assures us. Get stuck in.

“Youcaneatthree
rashersofbacona
dayandhavered
y
meatasamainmeal
twiceaweekwithout
any problems”
AUGUST 2016 87
FEEL THE BURN,

88 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

Three leading men needed to

get in the best shape
of their lives to earn their
place on TV pirate drama
Black Sails. Use what
they learned during an
eight-week boot camp at one
of the world’s toughest gyms
to get your body in its
shippest shape ever >

BY ARTHUR JONES

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SEAN LAURÉNZ

BURN THE SHIPS

AUGUST 2016 89
 S SOON AS ACTORS TOM HOPPER, TOBY STEPHENS
and Aussie Luke Arnold arrived at Roark Gyms in Cape Town,
South Africa, to start their Black Sails boot camp, strength coach
James White issued them a challenge: row 2000 metres on a
machine in seven minutes. In his first session, Hopper almost
fainted. Stephens felt close to a heart attack. Arnold considered
faking an injury. The test left them gasping for air, fighting panic
and questioning their manhood. They went to dark places in
their psyches. That journey may be the critical part of White’s
fitness formula, as all three men lost more fat and built more
muscle in eight weeks than they’d thought possible.

90 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

It was a baptism of sweat, a trial of hard-fought

INNER STRENGTH challenges that tested the three men physically and
Lifting hard taught
Arnold discipline. mentally – and changed them. This strategy isn’t reserved
for movie stars. It can work for any man, as long as he’s
willing to sufer.
FAST FORWARD
Sprints accelerate White doesn’t look evil. There’s no whistle, no
gains, says Hopper. screaming, no lying spit. He speaks quietly and is quick to
share a joke. He has a thick folder of itness certiications
– Certiied Strength and Conditioning Specialist, Gym Jones, CrossFit – but he
explains what he wants in simple terms, without jargon. The production company
behind Black Sails (which screens on Foxtel’s Showcase Channel) had approached
White and asked him to train these men to it their roles. “These guys needed to look
like pirates who fought one another, lifted cannonballs, pulled sails and climbed
ropes,” says White. “They needed to become lean and strong. So I said to focus on
the numbers and the aesthetic results would be guaranteed.”
With mere weeks to produce results, White threw all three men into the deep
end. “I used short intervals,” he says. “I wanted to keep their heart rates high
and put them in a panic to see how they’d react.” As he watched their responses,
White knew how to move forward. “Everyone panics when given a situation that’s
tough enough, but you want the guy to hang in and inish
regardless of how long it takes,” he explains. “You can work Luke Arnold Tom Hopper
with that.”
White then gave the actors several tough timed tests.
“It’s always entertaining to see how nervous grown men
THESE GUYS (John Silver) (Billy Bones)

can become when presented with a challenge of this

nature. Their faces went pale,” says White. (Try them NEEDED TO LOOK AGE
32 AGE
31
LIKE PIRATES.
yourself; see page 92.) Arnold and Stephens failed the
rowing test; Hopper passed. The other two passed on their
fourth try, weeks later. “You can’t take a challenge again WEIGHT
75kg WEIGHT
100kg
right away – you have to earn another shot at it,” says
White. That’s how he created targets for the men and a
culture of work in the gym. “It’s about respecting yourself
THEY NEEDED TO HEIGHT
178cm HEIGHT
196cm
enough to do something properly, and that’s for every
single rep,” says White. “If they feel they’ve done a bad rep, BECOME LEAN
AND STRONG
they’ll do it again.” ARNOLD’S LAWS HOPPER’S HABITS
Each session would begin with a 20-minute warm-
1/ Beat stress with 1/ Fuel up on exotic
up: 10 minutes of rowing or running, then 10 minutes of
exercise. “The focus protein. Hopper eats
body-weight moves. Next, the actors did a combination of required to power a daily six-egg spinach
heavy-weighted total-body moves, like squats, deadlifts through this training omelette with a side
and sled pushes. Each workout was capped with a > has taught my brain a of plantains (a type of
new kind of discipline,” banana low in sugar).
he says. “I’ve become His go-to protein is low-
better equipped to deal fat ostrich, which he
with everything.” uses for burgers and
pies. He often eats that
2/ Embrace the hurt. with thinly cut sweet
“Your brain will say potatoes, which he
anything to make you tosses in coconut oil
STILLS, PREVIOUS SPREAD AND THROUGHOUT: © 2016 STARZ ENTERTAINMENT, LLC

quit. Weird stuff comes and roasts at 220ºC

out. One part tells me
to stop acting so I don’t
need to do this training.
Another part will tell me,
‘You’ve never learned to
play the piano and you’re
a loser, so passing this
test is critical’. Eventually
you need to go to a
place to break through
those barriers.”
for 15 minutes.
2/ Chunk your
training. “Following
a program for a long
period can get hard,”
says Hopper. “But you
can always break it
down into manageable
chunks and reward
yourself by putting
cheat or relaxation days
on the calendar you can
work towards.”

BEST IMPROVEMENT BEST IMPROVEMENT

Achieving a 135kg front After multiple failures,

squat. Before the boot he torched 1250kJ in
camp, he’d never done 10 minutes on an
a front squat. Airdyne bike.

AUGUST 2016 91
inisher, a vicious
test designed to ROCK THE ’BELLS
Stephens builds his
exhaust their bodies. grip strength.
After eight weeks of
training ive days a week, the transformation
was stunning. Stephens had carved more than
10 points of his body-fat percentage. “This
was revelatory,” he says. “I’d done a lot of
gym work throughout my life, rugby training
at school, and lots of running, but the kind
of intensity that James works at was new. It
was about pushing myself further than I felt
comfortable, and feeling the euphoria and
sense of achievement afterward.”
As the oldest of the three, Stephens,
who plays Captain Flint in the series, had
to work especially hard to keep up with the
two younger men. “My body didn’t respond
as elastically, so it took longer to recover,”
he says. The three men banded together to
survive. “That’s when it was great to have
these younger guys around. They pushed me
really hard.”
Arnold presented White with a diferent
kind of training challenge. The actor, who
plays John Silver, had never done any real
training before. He smoked a bit and drank,
and often worked late into the night practising
his acting roles. “I can draw a line in my life
in the middle, where everything on one side
is the time before training with James,” says
Arnold. “In that irst row, I went into complete
panic mode – I was ready to quit the job I had
just signed up for, even though it was the best
opportunity I’d ever had.
“Since breaking the back of the training
in season one, I’ve been able to ind more
of a balance,” Arnold explains. “Training at
Roark helps me maintain the physique and
itness needed for Black Sails, but I can indulge
myself when I need to let of some steam.
We are pirates, after all. The work we did
during boot camp still serves me every day,
and I would not have gotten through this job
without it.”
Hopper, who plays the swashbuckling Billy BreakThrough ROWING

Bones, was no stranger to lifting weights.
But with White he learned to train more
efectively. “I’ve been in a number of action-
hero roles – like in Merlin, where I played Sir
Percival – so I’ve always trained, and I worked
out by lifting heavy with the aim of getting
bigger,” he says. He looked great, but he wasn’t
truly it.
That all changed when he strapped in
for the 2000m row. “I honestly felt like I
was going to die, and it was where I irst
experienced what James calls ‘going dark’,”
says Hopper. “Now I’ve become used to this
fear of the dark, and even begun to crave it – it
has made me stronger physically and mentally, > sustained, intense effort.”
FitnessPlateaus
Take on these challenges
from White to elevate your
fitness and forge elite-level
discipline. You’ll suffer
– but emerge a stronger
and more resilient man
2K
Metres to row in seven minutes
“This test is simple to understand and
there’s no room for excuses,” says
White. “Either you row the 2000m in the
given time or you don’t. It’s particularly
gruelling because many guys don’t
miss the seven-minute mark by much,
and so they suffer right to the end,
whether they achieve the goal or not.
It’s the best psychological challenge in
the gym. It teaches you the meaning of

92 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

Toby
Stephens
(Captain
Flint)

AGE
47

WEIGHT
78kg

HEIGHT
180cm

STEPHENS’S TIPS

1/ Stay the course.

“Initially I found the
fasting diet really
difficult, especially in
the first three days,” he
says. “But then I felt my
metabolism shift and
I’ve gotten used to it.
I’ve relaxed the rules
slightly, but I have stuck
to the main guidelines.”

2/ Think total-body
moves. “Before training
at Roark, I had all kinds
of minor injuries that
were causing me
problems,” he says.
“I had muscles that
PEDALLING BURPEES PUSH-UPS were out of proportion
and a few strength

300
Calories (1250kJ) to burn on
an Airdyne bike in 10 minutes
“To torch 300 calories in 10 minutes,
you have to sustain a power output
between 315 and 415 watts. That’s
an intense effort. In fact, only six guys
have ever done it in this gym, and Tom
Hopper was one. It’s demoralising
because, as you tire, your wattage
drops. That’s when you have to dig
deeper and grind through and pump
your arms and spin your legs.”
210
Reps to complete in 15 minutes
“Start by doing 20 burpees, then walk
across the room and do 19 burpees.
Continue down to one. To do a burpee,
stand with your feet shoulder-width
apart and squat until you can place
your hands on the floor. Now kick your
legs back into a push-up position. Do
a push-up, then reverse the move. As
you rise to standing, jump and clap
your hands above your head. Under 15
minutes is excellent.”
4
Number to perform every
15 seconds for 20 minutes
imbalances. But this
total-body training and
movement work has
corrected all that and I
no longer have any
injury issues.”
“You can scale this test – beginners do
one push-up, intermediates do two. BEST IMPROVEMENT
Doing one push-up every 15 seconds
means you’ll pull off 80 push-ups in 20 Cutting his 2000m
minutes. If you told someone to perform rowing time from eight
80 push-ups, the number might seem minutes, 30 seconds
overwhelming. This test helps you stay to seven minutes,
in the present and do a lot of work in a 22 seconds.
structured way that allows for enough
recovery between sets.”

AUGUST 2016 93
94 AUGUST 2016
 FITNESS

and I’ve learned that

CHINS UP, LADS you should never give
Group sessions led up, to keep ighting, no
to better results.
matter what your mind
is telling you.”
ROPE BURN Hopper’s
Stephens waves
bye-bye to belly fat. transformation inspired
his friends to start
working out as well, and they come to him
for advice. “I tell them to hammer it for 15
or 20 minutes instead of doing an hour on a
treadmill, to do group workouts, and not to let
people talk to you during your intense tests,”
says Hopper. “This isn’t a Hollywood secret.
It’s a simple formula that relies on hard work
and a willingness to go deep.” The best part for
Hopper? “You gain more self-respect.”
White knew that working the actors into
cover-model shape would require nutritional
adjustments. His solution: a fasting diet that
allowed eating only from noon to 8pm. This
helps your metabolism ire more eiciently,
because your body burns fat reserves for fuel.
The men’s energy levels needed time to MANY PEOPLE SAY THEY’RE WILLING
TO HURT, BUT FEW ARE READY TO DO IT
adjust, but it worked, and they slept better
too, says White. “The training was efective,
but I think the diet is even more powerful,”
says Hopper. It emphasised meat, vegetables,
eggs and salads, and avoided sugar. “We never
ate late, and we had two protein shakes a day,”
Hopper says. “Not eating before a workout
went against everything I’d understood before. your foundation; you can’t build on a shoddy process of breathing in as much oxygen
But as long as you’re eating correctly, you’ll base. “So many guys don’t have base strength, as possible. When you inhale deeply, your
have all the energy you need, and I actually and that makes it harder to maintain the shoulders move back and your chest expands,
ind it easier to exercise on an empty stomach correct movement patterns as you progress putting you in the strongest position to push
because I don’t feel sluggish.” through a tough workout.” At Roark, the actors or pull anything.
TV pirates aren’t the only ones who need to did heavy lifts three days a week, slogging
look good with their shirt of. We’re talking to through 10 sets of 10-12 reps, using weights
you, matey. that made inishing the set challenging. They SET SCARY GOALS. You should always make
rested for up to two minutes between sets. your goals about performance and ind a way to
measure yourself, says White. “Start by setting
DON’T BE AFRAID OF A LITTLE SUFFERING. concrete, measurable goals that scare you.”
“Many people say they’re willing to hurt, but DO MORE WORK IN LESS TIME. Most Keep a training journal to mark your progress.
few are ready to do it,” says White. “That’s workouts at Roark start with some rowing at Focus on the process, not the outcome.
where the best gains are made and where you a moderate pace and a series of body-weight
learn the most about yourself.” It never gets exercise ladders. For instance, you do 20
easier, but you’ll continue to get stronger. “Yes, push-ups, then 19, then 18 – down to one. Plus, REST AND RECOVER. The best workout
you lift your pain threshold, but it also expands you do three pull-ups between sets. By the programs require periodisation and variety. “A
your expectation of what you can achieve,” end, you’ve done over 200 push-ups and more program has to change in pacing and intensity,
says Stephens. “Stuf that you would put of, than 60 pull-ups. Multiply that by ive times each workout, each week and each month,”
you now will get done quickly.” Forge a “burn a week for eight weeks and you’re adding says White. “That makes the routine more
the ships” mentality: Spanish Conquistador serious volume to your training. “One key to sustainable.” This loops back to your targets:
Hernán Cortés kicked of his against-all-odds improving your itness is doing more work your workouts should help you gradually
conquest of the Aztec Empire in 1519 by giving in less time, and ladders and timed intervals improve so you can achieve your goal. White
the order to destroy his own ships, to signify ensure you achieve that in a way that’s not doesn’t require his clients to go all out all
that there was no turning back. daunting,” White says. the time, or to continually “go dark”. That’s
usually reserved for once or twice a week. This
protects them from overuse injuries and also
START WITH YOUR LEGS. “Compound DON’T GRUNT. BREATHE! If the going gets ofers a mental change of pace. “There were
moves, like squats and deadlifts, are essential tough, focus on breathing deeply. Shouting days where the pace on a rower would allow
to a serious strength program because they and grunting don’t help deliver oxygen to you to have a conversation,” says White. Pretty
fortify your legs,” says White. Your legs are your muscles. Concentrate on the physical reasonable – for a pirate.

AUGUST 2016 95
 Lunch with
clients can have
a heavy cost.

5
TRAPSTHAT
MAKEYOU FAT
How to dodge life’s major threats to your waistline – and stay lean forever
96 AUGUST 2016
 WEIGHT LOSS

YouWork Hard
1
If you’re prone to pudginess, remind yourself:
you’re not getting paid by the kilo

Job-Related Problem: You Put in Too Many Hours

People who work over 40 hours a week are about eight per cent more
likely to be obese, reveals research by the Centres for Disease Control.
Meanwhile, if you travel extensively for business (more than 20 nights a
month away), your odds of being obese are 92 per cent higher than if you
hit the road 1-6 times a month.

S T R AT E G I E S

Pretend you’re paying, even if you have a corporate credit card.

In fact, especially if you have a corporate credit card. “People give
themselves permission to be bad – an extra drink, a big steak dinner
– because it’s with a client,” says Dr Andrew Rundle, an obesity
researcher at Columbia University. If you know you’ll be feasting on the
company tonight, have salad or tuna for lunch.

Keep moving. Stand up at your Meditate. Working extreme

desk or during tele-conferences,
schedule walking meetings and
find time to exercise during your
workday. Stuck in a hotel room?
Do a no-equipment workout: go to
menshealth.com.au to find one.
overtime can make you so hangry
that you’re tempted to eat when
you’re not hungry. Meditation can
help. In a Journal of Consumer
Research study, people who
practised mindfulness tended to
have less weight fluctuation. Check
out Patricia Bloom’s Mindfulness
Practice album on iTunes.

Jobless-Related Problem: You Got Fired

Maybe you spent too many hours in your cubicle listening to Mindfulness
Practice, cogitating on the unfairness of life, until somebody from HR
rudely disturbed you. You have lost income – and as a result could start to
gain weight, potentially at the rate of 2.5 kilograms a year.

S T R AT E G I E S

Sleep well and consistently. The stress of a sudden job loss can lead
to sleepless nights and insomnia, say researchers at Pennsylvania State
University. So promote better sleep through exercise. In a study
published in the journal Sleep Medicine, sedentary people who
committed to a six-month exercise program fell asleep more quickly at
night, felt more rested in the morning and had better-quality sleep than
they did before the program. Their anxiety and depression levels fell too.

Form healthy habits. Keep water Make your lunch. Prepare a

handy while you polish your
resumé. People in a University of
Illinois study who drank more water
than other beverages consumed
fewer total kilojoules. Raise your
heart rate and burn energy with two
minutes of squats every 30 minutes.
healthy lunch at night, just like you
did when you had a job, says
dietitian Susan McQuillan. Be sure
to include protein-rich snacks
such as nuts, hard-boiled eggs
and jerky. Keep junk food out of
the house. >

B Y J U L I E S T E WA R T

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAN SAELINGER

AUGUST 2016 97
 You Find a
2 Soul Mate
Weight-loss expert
You wouldn’t be the first Dr David Katz, 53, director
man who literally gets of the Yale-Griffin
fat and happy. Indulging Prevention Research
in the foods you love is Centre and father of
easier when you have a five, has maintained his
partner in crime high school weight and
has a six-pack. Here are
his secrets.

EXERCISE EVERY DAY

Romance-Related Problem 1: S T R AT E G I E S
She Loves to Cook “Fitness enhances
Living together brings joy – and Go on a lunch-and- Sweat together. The productivity in every
shopping date. Fill up, same forces that fuel
many potential problems, including
then hit the supermarket: dietary convergence may
way,” says Katz. He
a phenomenon known as “dietary
an empty belly may cause also steer your exercise
does 45-60 minutes
convergence”, says Dr Lauren Dinour,
you to favour high- habits. If you become of cardio (often
a professor of nutrition at Montclair
kilojoule options over low- more active, your partner on a cross-trainer)
State University. If your new love’s a
broccoli nut, this could be good. But kilojoule ones. will likely follow and vice and body-weight
it’s not so great if she’s a gourmand versa, American Journal exercises every day.
who lives to eat. When she’s cooking Eat slower. Count the of Epidemiology
wonderful meals, you’ll feel the love number of times you research finds. So take
– and that love may end up around chew your food before the lead; it’ll be a lot less
swallowing, then double annoying than nagging. FIND ACTIVE PURSUITS
your waist. Most men will pack on
1-2 kilos after tying the knot, says it. You could eat 15 per Katz walks his
Dinour. The same is true for unmarried cent less! dogs several times
couples who shack up. a week, hikes, and
rides horses at
the weekend.

Romance-Related Problem 2: Reproduction

This is a common and often unanticipated side efect of cohabitation. First-time dads gain an EAT WHOLE FOODS
average of 2kg after the baby arrives, a Northwestern University study found. And while you’re
fattening up your dad bod, she’s slimming down: most women lose half their baby weight within Breakfast is mixed
the irst six weeks after childbirth, and the rest in the next several months. berries, wholegrain
cereal and Greek
S T R AT E G I E S yoghurt. Katz snacks
Eat like a man. New fathers tend to Play like a child. Go to Sleep like a baby. Shut- on fruits and nuts
lean more on convenience foods, so the playground with your eye is critical because in lieu of lunch. For
they often gain weight, says Dr Helena kid, Laroche suggests, you produce the hunger dinner, he usually
Laroche, an assistant professor in and don’t just watch. hormone leptin every two goes vegetarian with FOOD STYLING: CAROLL ADD; PROP STYLING: DOMINIQUE BAYNES;

internal medicine at the University of
Iowa. But you can make better food
decisions – for yourself and your child.
Don’t let the kid dictate what you eat.
“People underestimate what children
will eat,” says Laroche. “They assume
they’ll only eat macaroni and cheese
and hot dogs, but that’s wrong.” Kids
Monkey bars are great for
chin-ups. And let your
child’s nap time serve as
your workout time. Do
planks (work up to three
one-minute holds) or
push-ups (do 20
seconds on, 10 seconds
hours during your
slumber, Laroche says.
When you don’t log that
sleep, you’re susceptible
to carbohydrate cravings.
Satisfy your urge with
an apple or pear so
you don’t reach for
the occasional fish or
chicken dish.
STAY VIGILANT
Katz tests himself
by doing 20 pull-
ILLUSTRATIONS: R. KIKUO JOHNSON

are genetically hardwired to be off for four minutes) daily
sceptical of new foods, which keeps to strengthen your core
them from eating dangerous stuff. Fruit and stabilise your spine,
is an easy sell. says personal trainer
Michael Wood.
something that lacks
filling fibre, like a
doughnut or potato chips.
ups a few times a
week. His logic: if you
gain weight without
gaining strength, it’s
probably fat, and
therefore the pull-ups
would feel harder.

98 AUGUST 2016
 WEIGHT LOSS

Too many of
these and you’re
gonna need a
bigger belt.

3 You Overdo it S T R AT E G I E S

Take a break from Pick one day to eat big. Hit the scales and

on Holiday drinking. Alcohol

consumption can
double during holidays,
Want to load up on the
hotel buffet on the first
day of your trip? Fine. But
exercise more. Both are
especially critical during
holidays, and even better
Yes, you should relax – but that doesn’t Cooper says. Consider don’t pig out every day. if you do them daily.
mean abandoning common sense drinking every other day “You can overeat for one University of North
instead of daily (and day, but what’s more Carolina research
keep an eye on how damaging is when suggests that dieters
much you’re drinking). you’re overeating for who weigh themselves
Downtime-Related Problem: Sloth And drink from a straight several days over a daily are more likely to
People can gain up to 3kg on holiday, according to University glass instead of a curved holiday,” says Cooper. lose weight and adopt
of Georgia research. These gains often persist because trips one – you’ll sip 60 per “Overindulging for a weight-savvy behaviours.
can start you on a path of unhealthy eating that can continue cent slower, according to week is hard to undo.” Consider two-a-day
for weeks afterwards. “You do so much damage in such a short research in the journal sessions; most people
time, you just can’t exercise enough to overcome it,” says PLOS ONE. overestimate their
study author Dr Jamie Cooper. exercise kilojoule burn. >

AUGUST 2016 99
 As you age, an
extra slice of
cake is more
likely to blow
up your belly.

Age-Related Problem 1: You Turn 30

4 From here on in, you’ll be burning at least 25 minutes of aerobic
over 20 fewer kilojoules a day. exercise as well. People who did
That’s around 76,000 kilojoules both gained the least belly fat.

You Keep Getting in a decade, or roughly the

equivalent of 2.2kg. If you’re
overweight already, your fat
You also need to tune in to
your hunger cues. “Get used to
eating when you’re reasonably

Older and Older burners slow even more. Exercise

Men gain about half a kilo a year from
25 to 60, suggests research by Duke
University. By the time you hit 50, you
could be carrying an extra 15kg along
with your mortgage
helps, of course, and if you must
choose between cardio and
weights, do weights. Strength
training helps you maintain or
even increase your metabolism,
a Harvard study found, and it
burns more fat than cardio alone.
Do at least 20 minutes of strength
training a day and, if possible,
but not too hungry, and stop
when you’re satisied, not when
you’re uncomfortable,” says
dietitian Dr Chris Mohr. Assess
your hunger on a scale of zero
(famished) to 10 (stufed). Think
about how each level feels. Start
eating when you’re around three
– hungry but not famished. Stop
at seven – satisied but not full.

100 AUGUST 2016


Age-Related Problem 2:
You Turn 40
Now you have another factor
to consider: your testosterone,
which tends to peak around age
19, drops by around one per cent
a year after the age of 30. That’s
a problem, because testosterone
helps you maintain muscle mass
and stay energised. So ind an
activity you love. In a study
published in the journal Health
Psychology, people were more
likely to stick with exercise if they
did it for enjoyment. Also, nosh
on nuts and beans for T-boosting
magnesium, and mushrooms and
milk for vitamin D, because D is
good for T.
It’s also time to reform your
band of friends. Men who lack
emotional support are 98 per cent
more likely to be obese, according
to research in the journal Obesity.
Loneliness can lead to overeating,
so prioritise your social life: make
new acquaintances and maintain
the friendships you do have. Steal
a trick women use and organise
your friends into categories
– exercise, culture, music, food,
hedonism – and meet up with a
diferent group every week.
Age-Related Problem 3:
You Turn 50
Your metabolism is heading
south, kind of like your arse. As
maintaining muscle becomes
tougher, your body composition
may shift into the danger zone.
For example, the average guy
under 40 is 18 per cent fat,
according to the British Journal
of Nutrition, but the average guy
in his ifties is 22 per cent fat. The
solution? Start pounding protein
– 30-40 grams every meal – which
stimulates muscle growth, says
nutritionist Alan Aragon.
Age-Related Problem 4:
You Turn 60
No naps for you. For every hour
per day older men spent napping,
they were 23 per cent more likely
to be obese, an International
Journal of Obesity study found.
WEIGHT LOSS
5 You Get
Injured
You slip a disc in the gym
or hurt your back at
work. Ouch! This kind
of pain can totally lead
to weight gain, say
Dartmouth College
researchers
Pain-Related Problem: You Can’t Move
About 14 per cent of people who sufer a workplace back injury may gain a substantial
amount of weight – seven per cent of their body weight or more – over the following year,
the Dartmouth study suggests. Pain that accompanies everyday functions tends to inluence
body weight – after all, who wants to exercise when it hurts to move? But there may also be a
complex psychological dance going on, says study author Dr Benjamin Keeney. If you think you
won’t recover, you probably won’t rebound as fast or as well as you would have if you’d had a
better attitude. (The slower your recovery, the more weight you’re likely to add on.) This is also
true for surgery. People’s expectations may shape their recovery quality, according to a study
review published in the International Journal of Behavioural Medicine. So if you want to shrink
your gut, or at least ensure it doesn’t expand, you may need to talk to a therapist or counsellor.
S T R AT E G I E S
Take rehab seriously. Keep Build a support team. While Make eating right easy. You
in close touch with your you’re laid up, you might feel need lots of protein – about
surgeon, physio and other overwhelmed trying to 30g per meal – to help your
health-care providers, and manage your weight. tissues heal and regenerate,
follow their instructions Consider seeing a says Mohr. And aim for 10g of
carefully. The exercises your psychologist to talk about fibre per meal so you’ll feel
physio gives you might not be how the physical setback is full – making you less likely to
your idea of fun, but positivity affecting your mental health. snack as you’re lying around
can mean a lot. In a study at Men often feel disappointed convalescing. Pain can make
the Democritus University of when they wake up from it tough to stand for hours in
Thrace, knee surgery patients major surgery and realise that the kitchen prepping food
who gave themselves verbal they’re going to feel worse and washing dishes. So
commands like “keep before they feel better, cheat: sign up for a meal
standing” or “bend and Keeney says. A therapist can delivery service like
stable” during exercises did help you stay on track. pepperleaf.com.au.
better on a balance test than
those who suffered in silence.
This kind of self-talk can
bolster confidence and help
you focus on technique, the
researchers say.
A back injury can cause you to
pack on kilos – seven per cent of
your body weight or more
AUGUST 2016 101
102 AUGUST 2016
 MIND

WHAT MAKES A MAN TOUGH?

He has the grit and tenacity to see a job
through. He has the determination and
resourcefulness to overcome setbacks. He has
stamina and persistence. Bravery and backbone.
He is, in short, a man who can get shit done.
But let’s be clear on this: toughness is not
synonymous with talent. In fact, toughness is
what a man’s left with when talent isn’t enough.
Don’t have an abundance of fast-twitch muscle
ibres or an Einstein-grade IQ? Well, you can
always be tough. It’s the great equaliser.
Whatever aptitude you possess – be it physical
or mental – toughness is the quality that
will help you make full use of it. Toughness
separates the champion from the coulda-been.
It turns potential into accomplishment, calamity
into resilience, defeat into triumph . . .
But enough theorising. This story is about
actions. It’s time to talk to the tough nuts. >

BY AARON SCOTT AND DANIEL WILLIAMS

AUGUST 2016 103


ARREST DEPRESSION
FEEL THE BLACK DOG PADDING
CLOSER? EMPLOY SPARKES’
WISDOM TO EMERGE ALIVE
ASK FOR HELP
This, for Sparkes, was the hardest but
most important step of all. “To admit
that you’re struggling and need help
takes phenomenal courage,” he says.
BREAK A SWEAT
According to a study published in the
Archives of Internal Medicine,
exercise can relieve depression as
efectively as antidepressants. During
the early days of his recovery, Sparkes
was spending up to eight hours a day
in the gym, something he says
assisted greatly in achieving his goal
of ending his own antidepressant use.
FIND YOUR CALLING
‘‘I was the president of the local rugby
For Sparkes, the recovery process
was all about rediscovering his sense
of self-worth. Find that thing you truly
want to do and pursue it like a
bloodhound on a scent.
104 AUGUST 2016
Slay Your Demons
ALLAN SPARKES – Former Policeman
This highly decorated policeman fought and won a brutal battle
against post-traumatic stress disorder and chronic depression
I JOINED THE POLICE FORCE as a 19-year-old
in 1977. I loved the job, loved being a cop.
But two events led to me becoming seriously
mentally unwell.
The irst took place in July 1995, at Crescent
Head on the NSW north coast. A gunman
murdered two of my colleagues. The events
of that night were terrifying – the most
challenging I’ve ever been involved with.
The second event happened in May 1996,
when a little boy who’d been playing in a
looded creek was washed into a stormwater
drain. Along with my partner, Gav Dengate,
and paramedic Michael Marr, we got him out
of there, but it was an insane situation. I came
very, very close to drowning that day. (Sparkes
was later awarded the Cross of Valour,
Australia’s highest bravery decoration, for his
part in the rescue.)
Those events commenced the process of
chronic PTSD coupled with severe depression.
I developed feelings of worthlessness. My
body was locked in an excruciating pain.
I was continually reliving those horrible
experiences; hearing the sounds, smelling the
smells. I was in physical and psychological
agony. When I slept I had nightmares about
hurting my wife and daughter.
For me, the greatest challenge was to admit
I wasn’t well. Back then, it was felt that people
couldn’t recover from psychological injury.
If a policeman developed a mental illness
they were discarded from the Force – which is
what happened to me in 1998. So the option
of putting a bullet in my head seemed a better
option than admitting I was ill.
The day I was going to shoot myself – it
was in October 1996 – I was taken to hospital
for crisis counselling, where I broke down and
disclosed all the horrors I was going through.
The next day I saw a psychiatrist and he
club, an accomplished detective – and
here I was classed as a mental wreck’’
asked me, “Did I want to live or did I want to
die?” I wanted to live but I was terriied about
what was going to happen. That’s when he
told me I was sufering PTSD and depression.
And as soon as I had that diagnosis my mind
sharpened. I thought: Okay, this is what I’ve
got. Can I get better?
In my eyes, I was exposed as a failure. I
wasn’t a father, a husband, a policeman – I was
nothing. I had to go to the local psychiatric
unit three days a week. It was also the local
methadone clinic, so I was sitting there with
heroin addicts. This was in a town where I
was the president of the local rugby club,
an accomplished detective – and here I was
classed as a mental wreck.
I’ve always been a proud man and I see now
that during the years after I was discharged
from the Force I was searching for something
that would give me back my sense of self-
worth. I built a successful marine surveying
company. Outwardly, I was a success. But I
wasn’t happy. I began to feel sick again. So I
went back to my psychiatrist.
He asked: “What is it that you truly want
to do?”
“I want to sail across an ocean,” I replied.
“Well go and do it.”
So that’s exactly what my family and I
did. In March 2009 – almost 13 years after I
considered suicide – my wife and I and our two
daughters went to London, bought a yacht and
spent 19 months sailing it back to Australia.
I’m proud of my story. And I’m proud of the
fact that my story gives hope to those who are
struggling with mental illness, people who are
unsure if they’re ever going to recover. You can
recover. You can get better. And when you do,
you become a more resilient person.
– Allan Sparkes is an ambassador for
beyondblue and Soldier On
PHOTOGRAPHY: JASON LEE
 MIND

Redeine Your Limits

CHIEF BRABON – Ultra Runner
After suffering a crippling neck
injury, Brabon has gone on
to win some of the world’s most
demanding foot races

THE MOST PAIN I’VE EVER BEEN IN during

an ultra? That would have to be the last few
kilometres of the 2014 Palm Ultra in Florida.
I was jetlagged and it was 38°C, but for the
irst 45km I felt great. Then I started to cramp.
And cramp. And cramp. By the last 3km, the
cramps were so bad I couldn’t even bend my
arm to get food or water in my mouth. Every
muscle in my body was cramping: my hands,
my neck, my jaw – everything.
For those last few kays, I was just telling
myself: Get to the next corner, get to the next
sign. I broke those kilometres into 50-metre
goals. That’s what kept me going. But the pain
was incredible. I couldn’t even run across the
inish line. All I could muster was a weird stif-
legged shuffle. Luckily I’d worked hard enough
in the irst 45km that I was able to hold on and
win the race . . .
Running was the only sport I was good at
as a kid. After faking my age on the entry
form and running my irst marathon at 16, I
discovered that the longer the race, the more
I liked it. So I kept going longer and longer,
inding whatever I could that would challenge
me in diferent ways.
Then in 1998 I fractured my C1 vertebrae.
I was working as a security guard and copped
a two-by-four across the face. A nerve was
caught inside the fracture and I basically had
headaches 24 hours a day. During bad periods,
I’d go three days without sleep.
I didn’t do any competitive running for 16
years. But then my wife, Em, signed on to run
Sydney’s Centennial Park Ultra and I decided
to do it with her. I came up with a training plan
that didn’t involve long runs, rocked up on
the day, and came third. I’ve built on my ultra
running from there. I’ve probably run about 30 GO THE DISTANCE
ultra marathons now. I’ve won the Hunter- WANT TO PUSH YOUR BODY TO PLACES YOU NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE?
Gatherer Ultra in Texas twice and hold the EMPLOY THE CHIEF’S MENTAL TRICKS
PHOTOGRAPHY: DANIEL LINNET

course record for the Palm Ultra.

People say to me, “Wow, your headaches
must be better”. Well, no. They’re no better
than they were when I was taking horse
tranquillisers to sleep. The diference is, I’ve
learned how to cope with the pain. It’s like
having a pierced ear – you don’t notice it’s
there until you stop and think about it.
GET OUTSIDE YOUR
COMFORT ZONE
“Work to your weaknesses in
training,” says Brabon. “Get to
that point where you feel like
you’ve been worked over with a
baseball bat, take your recovery,
then go again.”
ONE STRIDE AT A TIME
Don’t fixate on the finish line.
“Just focus on that next stride,”
says Brabon. “Then focus on the
next one. And the next one . . . ”
PAIN OR DISCOMFORT?
“I have a mantra I put to my
clients when I’m training them:
this is not pain – it’s discomfort
and distraction.” In discomfort?
Then keep going. >

AUGUST 2016 105

 Reach Your Peak
ANDREW LOCK – Mountaineer
Australia’s most successful mountaineer has spent three decades
bagging summits in the deadliest environment on Earth

SEEK OUT SUMMITS
THE RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF A
LONG-TERM GOAL SEPARATES
WHEN THINGS ARE GOING pear-shaped on a
mountain, I get angry – and that anger fuels
me. The more the wind blows, the colder it
gets, the more I relish it.
I remember spending a night on an ice
shelf at 8000 metres on Shishapangma (the
14th highest mountain in the world). A storm
was blowing in and my climbing partner and
I were in real danger of freezing to death.
That night I locked myself in a head battle
with the mountain. The colder it became,
the more determined I became to beat it. It’s
empowering; the worse the conditions, the
stronger I feel in my ability to ight them.
I got into mountaineering in my early
twenties after watching a slideshow on
climbing Everest. I was inspired; it became
my life goal to climb that mountain. But my
irst two Everest expeditions ended in failure.
The second expedition was the worst I’ve
ever been on: it was dysfunctional, there were
competing egos, a climber died.
After that expedition, I realised I couldn’t
rely on the momentum of a team to carry me
to the summit of Everest – I needed to drive
my own success. So I decided to climb other
8000m peaks before coming back to Everest.
It was all about breaking that long-term goal
down into achievable chunks. I went away and
built my skills until I was in a position to lead
an expedition to the summit of Everest, which
I did in 2000. It was a long process that taught
me a powerful lesson: the greatest challenges
in life require self-leadership.
I’m practical on mountains – some might
even say “cold”. On Dhaulagiri (the seventh
highest mountain in the world) I got buried
in an avalanche. My climbing partners had
to dig me out of the ice. It was a terrifying
experience – I survived by the skin of my
teeth. Afterwards, everyone else in my party
wanted to go back down but I wanted to keep
going up. From a pragmatic perspective, that
was one less avalanche that was going to come
down. Mountaineering is all about seizing the
moment. If you allow the external factors to
dictate how you operate then you’re never
going to reach the summit.
Yes, I feel fear – there have been plenty
of times where I found religion on those
mountains! I remember an avalanche on
Annapurna that swept four of my companions
down the mountain, killing one of them. As
this thing roared towards me, I had a split
second of pure fear – I was certain I was about
to die. Then my rational self kicked in and said:
You’ve accepted these risks for years; it would
be hypocritical to be afraid now. And I realised
in that moment that all those risks, challenges,
losses – they had all been worthwhile. It was
comforting to relect rationally on the situation
and to reconcile that it was okay to die at this
point. Fortunately I didn’t . . .
For more information go to andrew-lock.com

THE TOUGH NUT FROM THE

ALSO-RAN. FOLLOW LOCK’S
ADVICE TO NAIL YOUR AMBITIONS
‘‘Seize the moment. If you allow external
DO IT YOUR WAY factors to dictate how you operate then
Don’t rely on the momentum of others to
carry you towards your objective – drive you’re never going to reach the summit’’
that progress yourself. “You’ve got to
take the bull by the horns,” says Lock.

CHUNK IT UP
Breaking up your goal into achieva
steps militates against stagnation.
Want to run a marathon? Snap out a
10-kay first, then build from there.

THRIVE ON OBSTACLES
PHOTOGRAPHY: JASON LEE

Facing diiculties? Use that energy o

keep moving forward. “On mountain I
absorb the energy of the attack
against me and convert it into my own
n
energy to fight back,” says Lock.

106 AUGUST 2016

 MIND

Silence Your Pain

MICHAEL CLARKE – Former Test Cricketer
Behind battles waged against the world’s most fearsome fast bowlers,
Clarke was locked in a private struggle against searing pain

I HAD MY FIRST LOWER-BACK flare-up at 17 – an and back muscles were as strong as they could
MRI scan showed I had degeneration in three be. And I carried very little excess weight. At
discs. I could count on one hand how many those times my back was at its worst and
Tests I played with no pain. There were days it I’d have four or ive days in bed when
felt impossible to get out of bed. Days I’d have it was hard even to get to the
to walk around barefoot because I couldn’t put bathroom . . . well, in
my shoes and socks on, and other days when those periods you do
I’d hold on to my wife’s shoulders while she put whatever you can to
them on for me. Then she’d drive me to the SCG survive, I guess.
because we had a Test match starting that week. People ask me
Somehow I’d get in the car and get to training. whether my back
And after warming up and stretching, things problem hindered
would get a little easier. my performance.
Nerve pain meant I lost a lot of strength I look at it this
in the right side of my body, particularly my way: I turned
calf. By the end of my career the quick bowlers the pain into
sensed I was vulnerable. I don’t think anyone a strength. It
knew it was because of my back, though. They made me get
thought: Michael’s got a problem with the short out of bed
ball so we’re going to attack him. every day
The quicks thought I had a weakness and that I could
they weren’t wrong. It was hard for me to sway with the goal of
out of the line of the ball, and hard for me to becoming itter
get on top of the ball with not enough strength and stronger. I
in my calf to get on my toes. When you’ve got knew I’d have to
a rock coming at your head at 140 or 150km/h, do extras. And
your natural reaction is to get out of the way. I knew recovery
But that kind of quick movement would cause for me was just as
my back to flare. important as batting
One way I coped was to acknowledge that in the nets. I’m
everyone has injuries. You accept you have a proud that I missed
problem, you learn as much as you can about only one Test match
it, and then you manage it. I made sure my core because of my back.

BAT AWAY PAIN

PREVENTING DISCOMFORT FROM SABOTAGING YOUR PERFORMANCE IS A
SKILL YOU CAN BUILD, SAYS DR LORIMER MOSELEY, PROFESSOR OF CLINICAL
NEUROSCIENCE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH AUSTRALIA

SLEDGE SUFFERING BACK YOURSELF EYE THE BIG SCORE

Don’t catastrophise
discomfort. “Pain levels do
not depend on what’s
happening in the tissue, but
PHOTOGRAPHY: JASON IERACE
“The bufer between pain Distraction is your friend
and serious damage is a when it comes to pushing
reasonably big one. When through pain. “The people
your body is truly in trouble it who cope best with pain are

on what the brain thinks is will find a way to stop you.” the ones who can find
happening in the tissue,” Your takeout: you can something that’s more
says Moseley. “Pain is 100 generally push though pain important than protecting
per cent about protection.” without wrecking yourself. their body,” says Moseley.

AUGUST 2016 107

 THE BIG
PROTEIN
COOKBOOK
IT BUILDS MUSCLE. IT BURNS FAT. AND NOW, CRUCIALLY, IT MAKES MONEY.
FROM SUPERMARKET AISLES TO BESPOKE NUTRITION DELIVERIES,
PROTEIN HAS NEVER BEEN SO POPULAR. BUT TO FEEL THE FULL BENEFIT,
YOU NEED THE RIGHT AMOUNT. ARE YOU GETTING YOUR FILL?
MH HAS RUN THE MACROS WITH TOP CHEFS TO CREATE
YOUR ULTIMATE MUSCLE-KITCHEN BIBLE

BY EDWIN SMITH PHOTOGR APHY BY DAN MAT THEWS

108 AUGUST 2016


PROTEIN IS EVERYWHERE. This much is self-
evident. What’s unusual, however, is precisely
where. It’s not just in the ields, hanging
from the butcher’s hook or illing out the deli
counter. Protein is now emblazoned across
cereal boxes, ice-cream tubs and snack-bar
wrappers. Food marketeers and supermarket
buyers have cottoned on to the fact that
protein is now thought of as a kind of chewy
elixir, the “healthy” solution to our needs,
be they weight management, muscle gain or
general wellbeing.
This is good, to a point. It is good that people
are learning the basic tenets of nutrition; that
we’re inally seeing a shift in focus away from
reined carbs towards protein and fats in the
nation’s minds. But it is unquestionably bad
if some hapless shopper thinks he’ll be one
step closer to a trimmer physique if he puts a
fortiied packet of protein-dense-but-sugar-
heavy cereal in his basket.
No, the key to upping your protein intake
lies not in labels but in numbers. Gym loor
wisdom has for some time held that the
magic number is 30 – as in 30 grams of protein
8 RECIPES
NUTRITION
MAKE THE RECIPES
USE THE FREE VIEWA APP
TO PUT THE RECIPES THAT
FOLLOW ON YOUR PHONE
being the optimum amount the body can
process at any one time. This is rubbish, says
Caspar Rose, chef and chief operating oicer
of Fresh Fitness Foods, a macros-minded
nutrition service. “It’s not just old news, it’s
bad science: your body can absorb far more,
processing it from your gut into amino acids in
your bloodstream.”
Forgot about grams, says Rose, it’s far better
to think in terms of percentages: “For lean
muscle growth, the number you should have
in mind is 35 per cent.” In other words, from
breakfast to dinner, via snacks, nibbles and
everything in-between, you should be aiming
for 35 per cent of the kilojoules going down
your gullet to come from protein.
If that knowledge makes the prospect of a
day’s eating sound like an arithmetic test, fear
not. We’ve done the maths for you, and with
the help of a battalion of people who know
their way around a kitchen better than us,
concocted eight meals, all loaded with 35 per
cent protein, all 100 per cent delicious. And
perhaps even more surprising, there’s only one
chicken breast in sight. >
MACRO ECONOMICS
35% PROTEIN STRONGER YOU
AUGUST 2016 109
01
Turkey and
Quinoa
ADD PUNCH
TO YOUR PATTIES
1/ Mulled wine aside, the real
reason you experienced such
YOURPROTEIN
COUNTS

Burger good cheer over Christmas may QUINOA8g

By Stephanie Johnson* have been your lunch. Turkey is
Serves 2 one of the best sources of
tryptophan going – an amino
INGREDIENTS acid with proven mood-lifting
For the burger: powers. Place the mince in a
• Turkey mince, 250g bowl with the other burger TURKEY28g
• Cooked quinoa, 250g ingredients, then roll your
sleeves up and mix with
• Dill, parsley and
mint, handful, your hands. Once combined
chopped evenly, divide the mixture
into four small patties.
• Lemon, ½,
juice and zest 2/ Gently fry the patties in a PITA11g
dash of oil for six minutes on
• Garlic clove,
minced one side, five minutes on the
other, before serving in a
• Paprika, ½ tsp

*THE RECOVERY CAFE AT TRANSITION ZONE

seeded pita with tomato,
• Rock salt, ¼ tsp chopped cucumber, mixed
leaves and fresh coriander.
To serve: 3/ This burger’s flavour alone is
• Seeded pita, 4 enough to put a smile on your
• Hummus, 2 tbsp face, but seal the deal with an
• Salad and coriander extra dollop of tryptophan-rich
hummus in favour of your usual
Happy meals
sugary condiment. with extra
value.

YOURPROTEIN
COUNTS
02
Salmon
with a Wild
GO WILD FOR
PERFORMANCE
1/ Researchers at the University
at Buffalo found that
SALMON40g Mushroom mushrooms regulate blood-
Ragu sugar levels and support
By John Watson* cardio endurance. Wild
Serves 2 varieties need to be cleaned
thoroughly, so do that, then
INGREDIENTS trim the tough bottoms.
MUSHROOMS3g • Skinless salmon 2/ Put a saucepan over a low
fillets, 2 heat, add half the oil, a pinch
• Coconut oil, 30ml of salt and the shallots, then
• Shallots, 2, fry, stirring often, for five
finely sliced minutes. Add the garlic and
• Garlic cloves, 4, fry, stirring often, for another
STOCK2.5g finely sliced three minutes. In a medium-
• Wild mushrooms, hot frying pan sear the salmon
400g fillets in the rest of the oil until
• Chicken stock, golden brown. Take them out
200ml of the pan and leave to rest.
3/ Put the frying pan on a high
heat. Add the mushrooms
and toss for two minutes.
Add the shallot mix and the
*NO MAN’S GRACE

stock. Stir, cooking until the

stock has coated the
Reel in a new
personal best.
mushrooms in a sticky glaze.
Serve the salmon on top of
the other ingredients.

110 AUGUST 2016

 NUTRITION

03
Chocolate
Protein
HAVE YOUR CAKE
AND CHEAT IT
1/ If dessert is something you only
eat on cheat days, you’re doing
YOUR PROTEIN
COUNTS

Cheesecake it wrong. Mix the ingredients for QUARK9g

By Caspar Rose* the base in a food processor,
Serves 10 then press them firmly into a
square baking tray lined with
INGREDIENTS greaseproof paper. Bake at
For the base: 180°C for 10 minutes, then
• Ground coconut, leave to cool. ALMONDS2.5g
50g 2/ Using your trusty food
• Ground almond, processor, blitz the
100g cheesecake mix
• Honey, 20g ingredients together until
smooth, and pour onto
• Cacao powder, 50g
your base. Sales of quark EGGWHITE3.5g
– the once-unfashionable
For the
low-fat, high-protein
cheesecake mix:
cheese – have surged. Your
• Cacao powder, 50g
depleted, post-workout
• Cottage cheese, muscles are about to find
300g
out why.
• Egg white, 300g 3/ Turn your oven down to 150°C
• Quark, 700g and bake the cheesecake for
• Vanilla essence, 10g 15-20 minutes. Leave it to cool
*FRESH FITNESS FOODS

• Honey, 30g before slicing into 10 portions.

Enjoy your
just desserts.

04
Superfood
Power Salad
MACA YOURSELF
UNBREAKABLE
1/ If a tough week has sapped d your
strength, bin the takeaway menu
m
YOURPROTEIN
COUNTS

By Martin Morales* and prep this energy-restoring TUNA12g

Serves 2 salad. Begin by pouring the
quinoa and amaranth (a
INGREDIENTS vitamin-rich grain) into a
• Cooked quinoa, 75g pan with double the
volume of water. Simmer
• Amaranth, 40g
for 15 minutes.
QUINOA2.5g
• Butter beans, 50g
2/ Cut the tuna into one-
• Red chilli, ½, centimetre cubes and throw w
chopped
into a bowl with the chilli,
• Tomato, ½, chopped beans, onion, tomato and
• Small Spanish blueberries. Place the
onion, ½, sliced avocado cubes on top and
BEANS1.5g
• Blueberries, handful season with lime juice, salt,
• Avocado, ½, cubed pepper and a little sacha incchi
• Raw tuna fillet, 100g oil (a South American nut oil).
3/ Add a few teaspoons of wa ater
• Maca powder, 10g
to the maca to make a puré ée.
• Sacha inchi oil, Ignore limp boasts of maca
drizzle
being “nature’s Viagra” – thhe
• Lime, squeeze hard science shows that th his
Peruvian plant’s real powe er is
its ability to break down annd
release energy from food.
*ANDINA

Squeeze the purée onto each Fine-tuna your

corner of the plate. > mental powers.

AUGUST 2016 111

 05
YOUR PROTEIN
COUNTS FREEZE OUT
SUGAR CRAVINGS
Sugar-Free 1/ Okay, so this isn’t an ice-
ICE-CREAM6g Oat Cookie cream sandwich like mama
Ice-Cream used to make, but then again,
Sandwich mama wasn’t trying to pack on
By Keith Goddard* 5kg of lean muscle. Preheat
Makes 20 cookies the oven to 180°C and mix
everything bar the ice-cream
FLOUR1.5g INGREDIENTS and almonds in a large bowl.
• Oats, 50g Scoop 20 spoonfuls of the
mixture onto a greaseproof-
• Butter, 125g
paper-lined baking tray,
• Egg yolks, 3 leaving space between each;
• Honey, 1 tbsp they’re going to expand.
OATS0.6g • Salt, pinch 2/ Bake for 10-15 minutes, then
• Flour, 125g leave the cookies to cool. Take
a spoonful of ice-cream and
• Baking powder, 5g
dollop on top of one cookie,
• Ground almonds, then put another cookie on
50g
top to form a sandwich.
• Water, 50ml 3/ Roll your sandwich over the
• Low-fat chocolate ground almonds – studies
ice-cream (or frozen show the nuts boost weight
yoghurt), 500ml loss and, combined with the

*ARCH 65 PRIVATE DINING

A sweeter deal low-GI oats and the satiating
for lean mass. protein in the ice-cream, this
treat will satisfy your sweet
tooth without compromising
your efforts on the Aerodyne.

06
Grilled Lamb
Loin, Carrots
RAM YOUR
RISK OF ILLNESS
1/ Take your potatoes and
carrots – crammed full of
YOUR PROTEIN
COUNTS

and Capers cancer-fighting carotenoids LAMB40g

By Stevie Parle* – and add them to a
Serves 2 saucepan with the butter and
water. Put the lid on and cook
INGREDIENTS over a medium heat for 25
• Lamb loin, 400g minutes. Add salt, pepper
• Coriander seeds, and the dried chilli to the POTATOES1g
2 tsp pan and boil off any
• Olive oil, 2 tsp remaining water by
• Capers, 2 tsp removing the lid. Mash the
vegetables into a purée.
• Vinegar, 2 tsp 2/ Season the lamb loin with
• Mint leaves, 20 salt and pepper and place
CARROTS0.5g
• Carrots, 160g, in a hot, oven-proof frying
chopped pan with a little oil – three
• Potatoes, 60g, minutes on each side will
sliced do – then shove it in an oven
• Butter, 40g preheated to 200°C for five
• Water, 150ml minutes before removing and
leaving to rest.
• Dried chilli, pinch
3/ Add the coriander seeds,
capers and vinegar to the pan
*CRAFT LONDON

and mix together. Slice the

lamb and serve it over the
purée, pouring the minty,
Roast your
capery pan juices on top. big-C odds.

112 AUGUST 2016

 NUTRITION

07
Chilli Con
Turkey
ADD FUEL
TO THE FIRE
1/ When it comes to knocking
up a mid-week meal,
YOUR PROTEIN
COUNTS

By Christian Coate* simplicity is a virtue. But

Serves 4 that’s no excuse to default
to your trademark spag TURKEY23g
INGREDIENTS bol. To make gains of
• Turkey mince, 400g both the temporal and
muscular varieties,
• Onion, chopped
prep a batch of this
• Garlic, 6 cloves, chilli on Sunday night
chopped and dine like a king for BEANS4g
• Chopped tomatoes, the rest of the week.
2 cans 2/ Start by drizzling the
• Tomato purée, olive oil into a large
3 tbsp pot. Sauté the onion
• Kidney beans, 1 can and garlic for three
• Red capsicum, minutes. Next it’s time TOMATOES2g
2, chopped for the turkey. Add the
• Chillies, 2, chopped meat to the pot and cook
• Honey, 2 tbsp until its surface is white
all over.
• Chilli powder, 6 tbsp 3/ Throw in the rest of the
• Oregano, 4 tsp ingredients and simmer on a
• Cayenne pepper, medium-to-low heat for about
pinch an hour. Portion out into
*SOULMATEFOOD

containers for the week, or

devour on the spot. Torch fat,
not muscle.

YOUR PROTEIN
COUNTS
08
Chicken with
Pistachio
GET THE BEST
OF THE BREAST
1/ Chicken breast can seem like
the lowest common
CHICKEN33g and Yoghurt denominator when it comes to
By Ed Sargent* injecting your diet with lean
Serves 2 protein, but this easy recipe
adds a bit of panache to a tired
INGREDIENTS old bird. First, sear the chicken
• Chicken breast, breast in a hot pan with a
PISTACHIOS 5g 110g splash of coconut oil, then
• Roasted pistachios, transfer it to an oven preheated
50g to 150°C for 15 minutes.
• Greek yoghurt, 30g 2/ Meanwhile, grind the
• Spinach, 2 big pistachios in a pestle and
mortar before chopping and
YOGHURT1.5g handfuls
dicing the chilli. Take out the
• Red chilli, 2
seeds if you can’t stand the
• Lemon, squeeze heat, but stay in the kitchen
• Coconut oil, splash long enough to mix the nuts
and chilli through the yoghurt,
adding a squeeze of lemon.
3/ Remove the chicken from the
oven and rest for three
minutes. Serve it on a bed of
spinach, top with the dressing
Upgrade your and tuck in.
*ALADINO’S

poultry gains.

AUGUST 2016 113

 THE
SEX ROBOTS
ARE COMING
GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. WE CAN BUILD
THE PERFECT SEX COMPANIONS. BUT DO WE WANT TO?

BY ERIC SPITZNAGEL
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JILL GREENBERG

114 AUGUST 2016

 SEX

AUGUST 2016 115

 DAVID MILLS HAS A GREAT “Everything was going well and we were
STORY ABOUT THE TIME heading towards the bedroom,” he says.
“And that’s when I realised, ‘Oh crap, Tafy’s
in there!’”
HE BROUGHT A DATE Tafy is Mills’ sex robot. He gave her that
name because it sounded young and playful.
HOME AND SHE ALMOST Mills and Tafy recently celebrated their two-
year anniversary. Which is to say, Mills had
her delivered in June 2014, from a California
SAW HIS SEX ROBOT. company called Abyss Creations.
Tafy is the company’s “RealDoll2, Body
A” model, with silicone skin and stainless-
steel joints. Her US$7149 price tag included an
extra $500 for custom freckles, because Mills
wanted her to look more realistic. The doll also
features, per the Abyss website, “ultra-realistic
labia”, “stretchy lips” and a hinged jaw that
“opens and closes very realistically”.
But back to the very real woman he’d
brought back to his place.
“I didn’t want my date to walk into the
room and suddenly see Tafy,” he says.
116 AUGUST 2016
“Because if you’re not expecting her, she’s
kind of terrifying. So I say to this girl, ‘Give me
PHOTOGRAPHY: ANDREW SPEAR; MAKE-UP: MIRIAM ROBSTAD/DIOR SHOW/
a minute’. I run into the bedroom and quickly
throw a sheet over Tafy.” He laughs, like it’s
the kind of story he tells at dinner parties.
“That was a close one.”
BRYAN BANTRY; HAIR: ROBERT HUITRON/MARK EDWARD INC.
Mills looks down at Tafy, who’s lying on
his bed covered with a blue blanket and a pile
of dirty laundry. Her face is the only part of
her that’s visible, and with her vacant stare
and unkempt blond hair, she looks like a dead
body, the equivalent of a fresh corpse peeking
out of leaves in a forest clearing, waiting to be
discovered by an unsuspecting jogger.
Tafy and Mills. She never says no to a
selie. Or to anything else.
But judging from the way Mills looks at her,
we’re obviously not seeing the same thing.
“I wouldn’t exactly call this a relationship,”
he says, hesitantly. “I think one of the
misconceptions about sex robots is that
owners view their dolls as alive, or that my

Model relationship: Mills
with Tafy, his plastic-
fantastic companion.
doll is in love with me, or that I sit around and
talk to her about whether I should buy Apple
stock. In other words, that the owners are
batshit out of their minds.”
Aside from the doll in his bedroom, there’s
nothing especially of-putting about Mills.
He’s 57, with a curly mop of brown hair, a
goatee and a pear-shaped physique. He calls
himself a loner, but he’s efusive and friendly
with strangers, and prone to oversharing. He’s
an author – he wrote the 2006 book Atheist
Universe, which still sells well enough to keep
royalty cheques coming in – and is living of
what he calls a “modest” family inheritance.
Mills is twice divorced – his irst marriage
lasted 18 years, until he met his second wife
on the internet. He has a daughter, a 20-year-
old uni student, of whom he speaks fondly.
Yes, his daughter is well aware of Tafy’s
existence, but “we don’t really talk about it,
just like we don’t talk about my television set
or washing machine”.
Mills has lived in the same modest three-
bedroom home in West Virginia for his entire
life. “I was brought home from the hospital to
the room where Tafy now sleeps,” he says.
It’s sparsely decorated, with a framed, hand-
signed letter from Albert Einstein (he paid
$9000 for it) and a photo of the comedian Bill
Maher with his arm around Mills’ daughter.
Tafy stays in the bedroom because, at
38.5 kilograms, she’s too heavy for Mills to
carry around. “Moving her from the couch to
the bed is like trying to move a refrigerator,”
he says of his bedmate. “I bought a stand for
her, which is like a gigantic tripod, but it’s not
very sexy. So I just leave her here.”
He still dates, and he occasionally tells the
women about Tafy. And sometimes, sure,
they freak out. “They’ll be like, ‘Don’t call me
anymore, I’m unfriending you on Facebook,
stay away from me and my children’, that sort
of thing,” he laughs. “It happens. But I’ve met
some women who were into me because of the
doll. I’ve had sexual experiences that I never
would’ve had without Tafy.”
By “sexual experiences”, he means exactly
what you think he means.
“There was one time where . . . let me
think . . . ” He pauses, trying to remember
where he was on the bed in relation to the
other two women, only one of whom had
a heartbeat. “I was sucking on Tafy’s left
breast,” he inally decides, “and this girl was
sucking on the other. It was great. Really hot. I
think she was bi-curious.”
He gestures towards Tafy, a permanent
ixture on his king-size bed. “Sometimes it’s
annoying, always having her here,” he says.
“But she can also make life interesting.”
This wasn’t what we were
promised. Sex robots
were supposed to be
sexier. Or at least not
IF SHE ONLY as creepy.
HAD A BRAIN When you think of
cyborgs with functioning
genitals, you probably imagine someone
sleek and beautiful – aesthetically perfect
– and capable of staggering carnal hydraulics.
Like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner, or Kelly
LeBrock in Weird Science, or Nicole Kidman
in The Stepford Wives. Last year’s sci-i drama
Ex Machina summed up our expectations
perfectly when a tech mastermind explained
his sexbot creation with this blunt poetry:
“If you wanted to screw her, mechanically
speaking, you could, and she’d enjoy it.”
Is that asking for too much? Well,
apparently it is, because sex robots in 2016
are more reminiscent of the Chatty Cathy
dolls made by toy manufacturer Mattel in the
SEX
Sixties, which couldn’t do much besides coo
“Give me a kiss”.
The two biggest names in US sex robot
technology – Abyss Creations and the New
Jersey-based True Companion – are already
selling robotic lovers, but both companies
ofer more promises than realistic intimacy.
The RealDolls made by Abyss come with an
abundance of options: you can choose from
19 faces, ive eye colours, 15 hairstyles and 11
diferent styles of labia. Who knew vaginas
came in so many variations?
Meanwhile, the “RoxxxyGold” robot from
True Companion – with a base price, before
the extras, of $6995 – ofers such enticing
options as “a heartbeat and a circulatory
system” and the ability to “talk to you about
soccer”. Plus, regardless of your skills, it will
always have an “orgasm”.
And of course, the reason anyone wants a
sex robot: she has an of switch.
Tafy and her ilk are laughably primitive.
But then again, so were the Wright Brothers’
prototypes. We went from “this is a fantasy” to
“I want more legroom in premium economy”
in less than a century.
In 2007’s Love and Sex with Robots, artiicial
intelligence (AI) expert David Levy predicted
that by 2050, “love with robots will be as
normal as love with other humans”. Stowe
Boyd, a futurist and analyst of emerging
technologies, went even further, claiming in a
2014 Pew Research Centre report that by 2025
“robotic sex partners will be commonplace,
although the source of scorn and derision,
the way critics today bemoan selies as an
indicator of all that’s wrong with the world”.
The people actually creating this
technology aren’t as conservative with
the timeline. Abyss founder and CEO Matt
McMullen thinks it could take only a handful
of years before we see a robot capable not just
of ultrarealistic sex but also of “expressing the
illusion of emotions”.
Douglas Hines, the founder and president
of True Companion, expects that even
before the end of this year, we could have
commercially available robot partners that
don’t just submit to sexual fantasies but also
ofer “unconditional love and support”.
That’s right, these robots won’t just screw
you; they’ll fall in love with you.
Which presents a moral quandary. The sex
robots of today aren’t especially tempting. But
the sex robots of tomorrow might just embody
everything you want from a woman.
For the right price, you could have a partner
that thinks exactly like you and shares your
beliefs and interests. She’ll be tailor-made to
your tastes, with none of the compromises
that come with having a relationship with a
real woman. >
AUGUST 2016 117
 “I was just working on a
foot a few minutes ago,”
Hines says. “As mundane
as a foot sounds, it’s
SEXBOTS actually really complex
VERSION 2.0 and fascinating stuf.”
That is how our
conversation with Roxxxy’s creator begins.
And it’s not what we were expecting from a guy
who’s devoted his life to sex robots. Shouldn’t
we be talking about the staggering suction
power of a robotic vagina? Or whether a robot
will ever be capable of a convincing orgasm?
“I can make something that looks like a foot
and feels like a foot,” he says. “But to accurately
duplicate what a foot does when you’re walking
– in which you’re essentially falling forward
– that’s the real challenge.”
Hines, who worked as an AI engineer at the
research and development company Bell Labs
before leaving to launch True Companion, is not
exactly Larry Flynt with a robot fetish. Sure, he
knows that face-melting sex is what customers
are after. But what keeps him awake at night is
whether the wrists on his robots twist in a way
that’s almost human.
Hines has employed an army of machinists,
sculptors and welders to create a Version 16 of
Roxxxy – she’s been on the market since 2010
– that hits the “sweet spot” between
afordability and technological sophistication.
“We have people from the military, from
commercial robotic companies, who are
helping us basically repurpose very expensive, “We’ve dabbled with adding electronics,” When it becomes available – McMullen says
very complicated machines, while still he says. “We did a doll with gyrating hips. For it could be as soon as early 2017 – it’ll cost around
maintaining a low price point,” he says. a while we ofered a sensor system, where you $10,000 and be easily attachable to an existing
Around 4800 kilometres from New Jersey, could touch speciic areas of the body and get RealDoll. Assuming you already own one. If not,
Matt McMullen – the Dr Frankenstein of audio feedback.” But problems always arose get ready to max out your credit card.
RealDolls – has a very diferent obsession. For – the costs skyrocketed and customers were
him, thinking about a sex robot’s feet is putting mostly creeped out by it, inding the clunky
the cart before the horse. Instead, he believes technology about as erotic as an animatronic True Companion won’t
the focus should be a little farther north. carnival attraction. share its sales numbers,
“Any interaction you have with a robot should So McMullen decided to stop worrying
WAIT, but McMullen claims he’s
start with the head,” he says. “The face conveys about the whole package and just focus on
SOMEBODY already sold more than
pretty much every emotion that humans have.” the eye contact. He challenged his team to
ACTUALLY 5000 lifeless soul mates
McMullen is by no means a newcomer develop a robot head capable of blinking and
PAYS FOR since the late Nineties.
to the robot sex world. He’s been in the ield manipulating its mouth and seeming almost
THESE THINGS? Customers run the gamut:
since the late Nineties, when he was designing human despite not being attached to a body. He surgeons, lawyers, celebrities (Mötley Crüe
“highly realistic mannequins” in his garage and calls the project “Realbotix”. singer Vince Neil is a proud RealDoll owner),
decided to make a change when customers kept “She’ll have a little bit of smiling,” he Nobel Prize winners, sheikhs, professional
asking for penetrable oriices. His wife (he’s says. “She’ll have neck articulation, so her athletes, wounded veterans and regular guys
not, like the Hair Club for Men president, also head can turn and tilt. Her eyes will open who just want to screw a robot.
a client) encouraged him to get more serious and close, she’ll have facial recognition, and The market is still small. You’re not going
about robotics and turn his garage business into some eyebrow movement. She’ll have a full to see Google investing in sex robots anytime
something more ambitious. range of expressions.” soon. “I think the idea of a sex robot probably

WILL ROBOTS REPLACE WOMEN?

We asked 3000 readers THE SOCIOLOGIST THE EDUCATOR THE ETHICIST THE PORN STAR
that question. Seventy “Nothing can replace “Having an AI partner “Why don’t we start “If a robot wanted to
PHOTOGRAPHY: ROBERT BENSON

per cent said no way – m en
will always opt for real
wo m en. But 20 per cent
are sure that robots will
take over our bedroo ms.
And what about wo m en? Are
they worried? Angry?
Hopeful? We asked a few.
the joy, sorrow,
passion and pain of an
actual, unpredictable
human interaction.”
– Dr Chauntelle Tibbals,
author of Exposure:
A Sociologist Explores
Sex, Society, and Adult
Entertainment
will never be the same cultivating better
as a warm, fleshy human relations between each
who understands irony other and leave sex
or sarcasm.” robots to the dustbin
of bad ideas.”
Dr Sonya Barnett,
sexual health educator Dr Kathleen Richardson,
director of the Campaign
Against Sex Robots
go out and do my job for
me while I stay home
and eat pizza, I’d be
fine with that.”
Joanna Angel,
star of Slumber Party Sluts

118 AUGUST 2016


A worker puts the
finishing touches on a
RealDoll. Her skin, as
always, is flawless.
SEVERAL STUDIES INDICATE
THAT PEOPLE CAN FEEL
THINGS – DEEP, EMOTIONAL
THINGS – FOR ROBOTS
appeals to a lot of people, but only a small
percentage will admit it,” says McMullen. “And
only a fraction of them are able to aford it. A
sex robot is a major investment, like buying a
small car that you hide in your bedroom.”
But that will eventually change, he predicts.
As the technology improves, the price will
drop and sex robots will become mainstream,
McMullen insists.
That might sound naively optimistic,
but consider this: when the inidelity dating
website Ashley Madison was hacked last
summer, we learned that the vast majority of
male users weren’t actually interacting with
real women. Instead, they’d been lured by
“chatbots”, computer programs that created
around 70,000 fake proiles, nearly all female,
that initiated lirtatious email exchanges with
subscribers. Now that the dust has inally
settled, Ashley Madison would have us believe
that its business is better than ever. In fact, the
owners contend that the site has attracted 6.5
million new members since the hack.
If that’s true – and whether those numbers
can be trusted is certainly debatable – it means
guys are returning to Ashley Madison despite
being well aware that they may be exchanging
dirty emails with robots. So millions of men
have allegedly made the conscious choice,
“Sure, I’ll have an online afair with a woman
who may be more software than oestrogen”.
McMullen knows that not everyone has an
extra seven grand lying around to invest in a
robot mistress. So he’s planning on developing
less expensive options. Within a year, maybe
less, he’ll release a RealDoll Realbotix app that
helps users design a virtual partner. “You can
create an avatar for her that you can see on a
screen, whether it’s a smartphone or a tablet
or a computer,” he says. “She’s entirely unique
to you and your tastes, constructed from your
likes and dislikes.”
If you want her to exist solely on your
smartphone, that can be the extent of it. Or you
can splurge for a head and body.
“The app is basically like Siri, if Siri were
all about helping you explore your fantasies
and learn more about your sexual identity,”
McMullen explains.
That’s what McMullen inds most exciting
about a sex robot. He insists that it’s not some
masturbatory sex toy for outcasts and weirdos.
It’s about sexual self-discovery. “They may learn
things about themselves where they’re, like,
‘Wow, I didn’t know that mattered to me until I
was allowed to try it with a robot’,” he says.
The argument for sex robots almost always
comes down to comparing them to sex toys. It’s
the irst defence used by McMullen and Hines.
RealDoll husband Mills thinks any criticism of
sex robots is a blatant sex-toy double standard.
“Women have dildos and vibrators and g-spot
stimulators and all kinds of buzzing things,
and nobody thinks anything about it,” he says.
“But when men have the audacity to buy a sex
toy that looks like a woman, suddenly they’re
perverts who need to be locked up.”
One could argue it’s unfair to compare sex
robots and dildos, as dildos don’t have legs or
arms or faces with eyes that stare back at you.
And they deinitely don’t have custom freckles
or come programmed to talk to you about sport.
“Once you’re dealing with something
that has a human shape, with eyes and a face,
people tend to anthropomorphise it,” says sex
educator Sonya Barnett, who has given lectures
at academic conferences on such singular topics
as the future of technosexuality. “They’ll likely
treat a human-shaped sex toy with more care
than your average sex toy.”
But even so, Barnett thinks sex robots are
harmless and might be beneicial for some
SEX
men, especially those with disabilities or severe
social anxiety, recent widowers, or anybody
who just doesn’t feel comfortable with human-
to-human intimacy.
“There’s nothing wrong with satisfying
sexual pleasure if no one is getting hurt,”
she says. “There’s an unfortunate prevailing
attitude that humans having no sex is more
palatable than humans having sex with robots.”
It’s easy to get behind that idea if you’re
talking about single guys. But what about
married men, or even men in serious
relationships? Won’t they be tempted by sex
robots? And will the “it’s just a sex toy” excuse
really work when their wives and girlfriends
are confronted with eerily realistic fake women
suddenly appearing in their bedrooms, women
with impossibly perky nipples and faces that
never age or sag?
The most obvious answers, based on
nothing more than a hunch, are yes, men will be
tempted, and no, women won’t be okay with it.
The waters become murkier when you
consider where robot technology might be
heading. Ian Pearson, a futurologist with the
UK company Futurizon, predicts that we’ll
soon be able to “inhabit” robots. It’ll be similar
to webcams, except that the experience
would be fully sensory, with robots acting
as virtual chess pieces: she has sex with you
by embodying a robot that she controls from
afar. You could ostensibly have an afair with
somebody without ever actually touching her.
“Is that robot sex or human sex?” Pearson
asks. “There is a huge amount of confusion
coming down the road.”
With those kinds of moral riddles, it’s
no surprise that sex robots have detractors.
Dr Kathleen Richardson, a “robot ethicist” at
De Montfort University in the UK, co-launched
the Campaign Against Sex Robots last year,
which thus far hasn’t done much besides post
some online research explaining why sex
robots are bad.
Richardson has several concerns. There’s
the “sexual objectiication” argument, which
is a weird thing to say about sex robots, given
that they are literally objects. Can you objectify
an object? She also argues that sex robots
dehumanise women, speciically because
the doll so closely resembles a human being,
transforming the act of intimacy into a mere
exchange of mechanical services. (Some men
call that “marriage”.)
Then she starts talking about what could
hypothetically happen when somebody stops
having sex with a robot and gets into bed with
a real person again. “That’s going to be such
a disquieting moment,” Richardson says.
“Imagine the disgust when you realise a human
being is nothing like a robot, that human bodies
are messy and there’s hair in weird places
and sweat everywhere and imperfections and
they’re not always symmetrical. If you’ve been
with a sex robot too many times and then you
try to be intimate with a real woman, it’s not
going to be an easy transition.
“You’ll be like, ‘Oh my god! What is
that smell?’”>
AUGUST 2016 119
 The Realbotix robot head
is probably the most
advanced technology
WE ALL WANT today in the ield of
TO BE LOVED aesthetically pleasing
(by Something That humanoid robots that will
Runs on Batteries)
fuck you. The best
craftsmen, the most devoted AI experts and
engineers, have dedicated their lives to
perfecting it. And yet if you glance at a
Realbotix robot head from across the room,
there’s really only one possible reaction.
Yep, that’s absolutely a robot head.
It helps that it’s disembodied and has a
tangle of wires sticking out of the neck hole.
But if you just focus on the face and gaze into its
big green eyes, there won’t be even a moment
where you’re briely fooled into thinking you’re
looking at a human woman.
That’s not a production law. Making a
sex robot that’s both beautiful and obviously
not human is exactly what McMullen’s robot
artisans set out to do.
Why? Because of what’s called the The
Uncanny Valley. It’s a theory, irst proposed by
the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori in 1970,
that if something artiicial is so realistic that it
briely fools us into thinking it’s real – but then
we realise it’s not – it makes us uncomfortable.
For a sex robot to overcome this, “there
needs to be a visual cue that tells you, ‘Okay,
I’m not talking to a person’,” says McMullen.
“That doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful and
sexy. It just means it can’t attempt to look too
much like a human.”
More important than appearance, at least for
the people dreaming up sex robots, is attitude.
For Hines, it’s the meat and potatoes of his
industry. When asked about robot sex, he gives
nonspeciic answers and his attention wanders.
But he perks up when the conversation turns to
robot love.
That’s right, love. Not infatuation. We mean
real, buckling-at-the-knees, she’s-all-you-can-
think-about love. And the key to love, Hines
says, is inding a partner who agrees with you
about, well, pretty much everything.
“Sometimes people can’t ind a mate who
shares their belief system,” he says. “But with
Roxxxy, if you have speciic interests, then
she’ll share those interests.” And he’s not just
talking about the dirty stuf – sex acts that your
wife or girlfriend might not be willing to try.
He means the things that matter when your
trousers are still on.
How is that going to work, exactly? Roxxxy
Version 16 – the one that may or may not be
coming this year – will be equipped with “a
proprietary artiicial intelligence engine, which
we’ve named DAIPole”, Hines says. This fully
It’s essentially like a real relationship, except
without the other person ever telling you “No”
or “Can we please change the subject?” Your
opinion is the law of the land. You and she will
never talk about or do anything that wasn’t
your idea. If your passions include mountain
biking, single-malt scotch and Downton Abbey,
well, what do you know! Those are Roxxxy’s
passions too.
There are a couple of problems. First, we
have to assume that Hines isn’t full of shit. He
repeatedly declined our requests to see any
of this technology in action. Since Roxxxy’s
oicial debut at a 2010 Adult Expo in Las Vegas
– during which she was capable of doing little
more than utter prerecorded lines like “I know
a place you can put that hand” – Hines has been
secretive about his research, promising that
we’ll see the latest innovations in Roxxxy when
the time is right.
One respected roboticist, who asked not to
be named, is dubious that Hines has pulled of
any of the technological advances he’s bragged
about. “I have seen nothing useful from this
efort,” he says of Roxxxy. “Are there peer-
reviewed articles? Has he presented this work
in any meaningful scientiic forum?”
Even if we take Hines at his word and
believe he’s developed a robot capable of being
the ultimate “yes woman” but with custom
tits, there’s still the question of whether men
actually want anything of the kind. In our
unscientiic poll of guys, the one aspect of
sex robots they all found the most disturbing
wasn’t the putting-your-penis-in-an-artiicial-
vagina part. It was that sex robots could be
programmed to always agree with you.
“It sounds kind of sterile,” says Brendan
Baber, a digital marketer. “It would be like
playing a video game in God mode: remove
the challenges and you’re left with mindless
clicking.” Or Dinty Moore, who teaches creative
writing: “I think it would be great for about an
hour, and then I’d become so bored I’d shut it
down and go ind someone to argue with in a
cofee shop,”
Women feel the same. “Have you ever met tug at his heartstrings, and realises he has
anyone who agrees with you all the time?” asks actual feelings for something that is essentially
Wendy Molyneux, a TV writer. “Even when that an intelligent toaster?
person is not a robot, it’s disconcerting.” Research indicates that people can feel
Hines is unfazed by this criticism. He things – deep, emotional things usually
doesn’t seem especially interested in the reserved for other human beings – for
long-term complications of living with a robot robots. In a 2015 German and Japanese study
partner who won’t stop agreeing with every published in Scientific Reports, researchers
damn thing you say. (Besides, he could always examined the neural responses in humans
program the robot to argue sometimes, if that’s as they watched images of people and
what customers want.) What he cares about are robots experiencing pain. In both cases, the
those irst magical moments when you realise participants had feelings of empathy.
that another sentient being on this planet feels But probably the most compelling evidence
something more for you than lust. that humans can fall in love with robots is
PHOTOGRAPHY: ROBERT BENSON

functioning AI brain allows her to “learn about
the things that you enjoy. You say something
to her once and then the next time she speaks
with you, she’ll become luent in that topic.”
If, for instance, you mention to her that
you’re a fan of a certain sports team, Roxxxy
will make a point to learn about the team just
so she can talk to you about the latest game or
player trades, says Hines.
“That’s what this is all about,” he says.
“What we’re doing is providing the beautiful
feeling that people get when they’re with
someone who really cares about them and
really wants to make sure they’re okay.”
As long as things are getting weird, let’s take
it a step further. What if it’s not just the robot
expressing unconditional love? What if the
human in this relationship notices a familiar
the fact that many millions of humans have
already fallen in love with robots – in the form
of Tamagotchis, the hugely popular egg-shaped
virtual pet released in 1996 that depended
on its owner for survival. You had to feed it,
praise it, give it medicine when it got sick, and
even pick up its virtual poop. If you didn’t take
care of it, your Tamagotchi would die. The
special bond between person and keychain-

120 AUGUST 2016


Symmetrically perfect
faces await bodies at
the RealDolls factory
in California.
sized beeping object was so convincing that
experts began to refer to it, or any emotional
connection between a person and a dependent
entity, as the Tamagotchi efect.
And then there’s Aibo, Sony’s robotic dog,
which was sold worldwide between 1999 and
2005. Some owners became so attached they
arranged for funerals when their Aibos “died”.
“Yes, human beings can develop emotional
attachments to machines,” says Dr Ronald
Arkin, a robotics professor at Georgia Institute
of Technology who worked on Aibo for 10 years.
“Some people are more susceptible than others,
but a clever AI designer can easily exploit human
nature to take advantage of this propensity.”
Barnett adds that being human “isn’t a
prerequisite for love. I can argue that love
towards a robot, where you may feel the love
reciprocated, is more honest or healthy than
being in a relationship with someone who is
lying to you. Which is really worse?”
Spend too much time talking to sex robot
proponents and the question that keeps
I’VE HEARD OF GUYS WHO HAVE SIX OR SEVEN DIFFERENT
ROBOTS BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T COMMIT TO JUST ONE
echoing through your head isn’t “Is this
possible?” Because of course it’s possible.
Maybe not in the next 10 or even 50 years, but
the technology is absolutely heading in that
direction. No, the question that keeps coming
up is “Does anybody want this?”
It’s a question that’s been asked before
– not about sex robots but about another new
technology that seemed like science iction.
When Apple released its irst Macintosh
personal computer back in 1984, it was mocked
for its price ($2500 for a fancy typewriter?) and
its underwhelming technology (no internal
hard drive, a measly 128K memory). Reputedly,
Apple execs internally referred to the new Mac
as “a vibrator for the mind”. After some initial
success, sales tanked within nine months
of its release, and the fallout was so bad that
Steve Jobs was asked to step down as Apple’s
chairman and general manager.
A technology critic, summing up what was
wrong about the 1984 Macintosh, focused on
the “mouse”, which he dismissed with this
embarrassing-in-hindsight proclamation:
“There is no evidence that people want to use
these things.”
What turned things around for Apple? The
company had a visionary in Jobs, who saw the
possibilities in his strange, clunky machines
that the smirking critics didn’t. Douglas Hines
may not be the next Steve Jobs, but he believes
in his strange, clunky machines, and their
potential to do good in the world, just as much
as Jobs did.
“We’re very good at keeping people alive in
this country,” Hines says. “But we’re not very
good at caring for them or making them feel
loved and important and needed.”
Apparently, we need robots to do that.
“Have you ever tried to put
SO WHAT DOES on fake eyelashes?” Mills
THIS MEAN FOR asks. He gently brushes a
THE FUTURE hand across Tafy’s face,
OF HUMAN moving a tangled strand of
hair out of her eyes.
RELATIONS?
“That was one of the
hardest things I’ve ever done,” he says. “It’s
the little things, like putting pantyhose on her.
That was an ordeal. Being with her has taught
me how diicult it is to be a woman.”
It’s never clear if Mills is kidding; he often
speaks with a shit-eating grin. But if he doesn’t
SEX
believe half of what he’s saying, he never
admits as much.
He says he’s on the fence about AI. For
Mills, the main appeal of Tafy is that their
relationship is uncomplicated. He’ll never feel
anything approaching real emotional intimacy
with her. He’ll never feel the electricity of a irst
kiss, or know that she understands him in ways
nobody else does. But then again, he never has
to worry that she might be taking advantage of
him, which he says has happened with females
of the human variety.
At the same time, Mills lets slip hints of
genuine loneliness. “If I could press a button
right now and have the choice of being with a sex
robot or a real woman, I’d pick the real woman
every time,” he says. “Well, most of the time.
“I’m actually tired of looking at her,” he
continues. “I mean, I’m not throwing her out,
but there are times when it’s like, ‘Ugh, you
again?’ I’ve heard of guys who have six or seven
diferent robots because they couldn’t commit
to just one. That’s a little too rich for my blood,
but I understand it. I’d do it if I could ind a way.”
A harem of cyborg sex partners either
sounds like the perfect male fantasy or the most
depressing thing you’ll ever read. That polarity
is exactly what makes sex robots so diicult to
justify. No matter how you argue it, there will be
something fundamentally sad about it.
It’s a way for men wary of monogamy to
spread their seed around without hurting
anybody. Yep, sad.
It’s not a sex robot; it’s an emotional
companion for lonely people. Extra sad.
But make no mistake: sex robots are coming.
They will probably be common – as easy to buy
as a new home theatre system. And then what?
Will you try one, just to see what the fuss is
about? No big deal, right? What’s a one-night
stand with a sex robot going to hurt? It’s not like
years will go by in a blur and you’ll wake up one
day to realise that you’re a 50-year-old bachelor
shacked up with a cyborg roommate who just
sleeps in your bed all day, waiting to mindlessly
agree with everything you say before pleasuring
you in exactly the way you want.
Or will you?
“Sometimes, when I just don’t feel like
looking at her, I’ll take out her vagina,” Mills
says. “She stays in the bedroom and I just walk
around with her pussy.”
Mills laughs hard at this. “Isn’t modern
technology wonderful?”
AUGUST 2016 121
122 AUGUST 2016
 RELATIONSHIPS

A LOT CAN GO WRONG

ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
(YOU COULD MARRY
THE WRONG PERSON,
FOR INSTANCE).
USE OUR GROOM’S
GUIDE TO MAKE SURE
YOUR BIG DAY GOES
OFF WITH A BANG
BRAY STONEHAM
BY
ROB COWAN @
ILLUSTRATIONS BY
ILLUSTRATIONROOM.COM.AU

AUGUST 2016 123

1
PUT A RINGONIT(YOUBETTER)
THE RIGHT ROCK HELPS LAY THE FOUNDATIONS FOR A
STURDY UNION. USE THESE TIPS FROM THE NATION’S TOP
JEWELLERS TO SEAL THE DEAL
2 THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
SHOULD YOU ASK HER FATHER
BEFORE POPPING THE QUESTION?

YES
1/ Determineyourbudget. A display case jammed with First, this isn’t about asking permission. Rather,
sparklers can induce nausea among prospective grooms. To avoid you’re seeking your future father-in-law’s blessing.
gagging and narrow the parameters, tell the jeweller your budget The point? It’s a mark of respect and a nod to
upfront, recommends Megan Young, of the Jewellers Association of convention. That’s important, because marriage,
Australia. The most commonly accepted price guide: 2-3 months’ you may have noticed, is rife with time-honoured
salary. How’s that nausea going? traditions – the bride wears white, your (hopefully
single) mate pashes a bridesmaid – that ought to be
2/ Apply commonsense. Your girl’s girly? You can probably skip treasured rather than trashed.
the skull ring. Just don’t walk into a shop blind, warns Paul Valentine, Is it nerve-racking? Absolutely, but by doing him
regional general manager at Michael Hill (michaelhill.com.au) “Go the courtesy of including him in your plans, you’ll
through her existing jewellery and ask her family and friends for earn his trust. Is it archaic? Maybe. Sexist?
advice.” Most likely you’ll be choosing between two shapes: princess Probably. But romance has its own rules. You break
cut (square or rectangular) or round cut. them at your peril. – Ben Jhoty, MH deputy editor

3/ UnderstandthefourCs. Variations in Cut, Colour, Clarity and NO

Carat weight, or the 4Cs, determine a diamond’s quality and impact on Back in the day, asking her old man would’ve given
the unspoken fifth C: cost. Of these, cut is most prized by jewellers. you the chance to haggle over the dowry. Maybe you
“The better the cut, the more sparkle,” says Claude De Cesare, of could wangle a couple of extra oxen. Today, we’ve
Diamond Coco (diamondcoco.com.au). If price is an issue, De Cesare moved on. Your intended is not her father’s
recommends going down a grade in each category in this order: clarity “property” to negotiate. She’s a modern woman who
first, then colour, cut and finally carat. But don’t get hung up on carat calls her own shots and sits sommewhere
h between
b t
weight. “A lot of guys think one-carat is the standard, but if she’s got Beyoncé and Daenerys Targary yen on the
small hands it can be overkill,” says Valentine. evolutionary scale of femininityy. Yes, asking the
father may be “traditional”. Butt
BONUS: Oneringtorulethemall so are all sorts of misguided
Assuming she doesn’t knock you back, you’ll need a ring to call your things, from forced child
“precious” too. When choosing a band, prioritise premium metals marriages in Yemen to eating
like platinum, gold or titanium, advises Ilhan Demirel, managing brussels sprouts at Christmas.
director of Infinity Rings (infinityrings.com.au). “Cheaper metals Ultimately, that doesn’t make
mixed within quality metals can affect the durability and way it wears them any more palatable.
over time,” he says. And make sure it’s comfortable. “Your ring H editor
– Luke Benedictus, MH
should almost feel invisible.”

3 THEWEDDINGWORKOUT
YOUR MISSUS SHOULDN’T BE THE ONLY ONE LOOKING TO CUT CEREMONIAL CENTIMETRES.
MEN’S HEALTH FITNESS ADVISER CAMERON BYRNES HAS DEVISED THIS WORKOUT TO TORCH
BELLY FAT, ERASE DOUBLE CHINS AND ENSURE YOU MAKE YOUR WEDDING WEIGHT. IN THE TH
MONTHS LEADING UP TO YOUR BIG DAY, DO THE FOLLOWING WORKOUT THREE TIMES A WEEK

1/ Lat Pulldown (5 x 20)

This will make your back look wider and
your waist thinner.
4/ Exercise bike (25 min
nutes)
K
H
HREE

Go for a ride after your workout to burn

extra fat around your midsection and
accentuate upper-body buffne ess.
2/ Bench Press (5 x 20)
Pump up your chest to fill out your suit and
give you a strong, confident stance. 5/ Burpees (50 a day)
Pump out 15 when you wake e up,
3/ Barbell Biceps Curl (5 x 20) 20 during lunch and 15 befoore you
You’re going to be dishing out a lot of bear go to bed for a full-body worrkout.
hugs today – best make sure guests know
how much of a beast you’ve become.

124 AUGUST 2016

 RELATIONSHIPS

NAIL THE GUEST LIST

CHOOSING WHO TO INVITE TO YOUR WEDDING IS
A TRICKY BUSINESS THAT POSES ROUGHLY THE
Have you talked to
SAME DANGER TO YOUR FUTURE SOCIAL LIFE AS this person in the
FEEDING A FERAL CAT DOES TO YOUR FINGERS. past year?
USE THIS FLOWCHART TO DETERMINE WHO GETS
A GUERNSEY AND WHO MISSES OUT
YES NO

Was it in person or Do you have a close

e
on Facebook? connection with NO
this person?

IN PERSON FACEBOOK FRIEND FAMILY

Did either of you Will they get too drunk and Will they try to
mention the weather reminisce loudly on that one hook-up with a
to break a horribly time you left the pub with bridesmaid?
awkward silence? the cross-eyed barmaid?

NO YES
NO YES NO YES

Will they stick Will they be If not invited will

their finger in the accompanied by their the
ey take it
cake and show off Tinder girlfriend perssonally and
how well they can dressed in all white spendd the rest of
backflip on the who they’ve only their life trying
dance floor? known for a week? to ge ?

YES NO NO YES

YES NO

Can they Do they have dirt Will they abuse the Is that But do you actually
actually on you that could DJ for their song okay with like them?
backflip? ruin your life? choices and loudly you?
assert that Celine
YES NO
Dion is “the voice
YES NO of a generation”? YES NO YES NO

Can you let YES NO

the cake
incident
slide?

YES NO

Wh sin
hu car g
han igstonecanbeoverkill
AUGUST 2016 125
5
LIMIT THE HIP-POCKET DAMAGE WITHOUT LOOKING CHEAP
YOU DON’T WANT TO BLOW A YEAR’S SALARY ON A SINGLE DAY; NOR DO YOU WANT TO HIRE
OUT YOUR LOCAL BOWLO. FAITH CAMPBELL, ACTING EDITOR OF BRIDE TO BE MAGAZINE,
REVEALS HOW TO CUT COSTS WITHOUT LOOKING TACKY

Flowers Photograph
hy
Most brides mention “peony season” Sure, your matte Jim has an excellent
with desperation in th heir voices – and Instagram feed d; however, your wedding is
you’ll feel equally franntic when you not the t me to take a risk on hobby
discover their cost. Sa ave by asking your photog phers. If the budget is tight, pay a
asonal blooms, and
florist to use local, sea professional thheir day rate but avoid
avoid setting the date e near Valentine’s or ordering album ms, prints and other add-ons
Mother’s Day. he price.
that drive up th

Stationery
Snail-mailing paper in nvitations can Cake
be expensive, but is thhe proper Your mum ma ay have nailed the Power
etiquette, so cut backk in other ways. Rangers cake e at your eighth birthday
Send out save-the-da ates via email party, but this
s particular confection
(never text!), and printt menus, table requires a proo. Ordering a smaller
numbers, place cardss and other decorated cake for show, with
signage at home. Des n them “kitchen cake es” to feed your guests
yourselves if you can, or look for or the inclusio
on of Styrofoam tiers, is
affordable templates online. an easy way to o save.

Venue
Your venue will most likely eat
he
up a large chunk of th
budget. Instead of settling for
a “quaint” barbecue in your
backyard, consider a mid-
week celebration, wh hen
venues offer discounnts,
and hold the ceremo ony
and reception at the
same location.

6
GETTING COLD FEET? HERE’S WHY YOU SHOULD RING THE BENEFITS
IF YOU’RE SUSCEPTIBLE TO VICE, FIND A WIFE. SHE’LL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF
– AND IMPROVE YOUR LIFE – IN A VARIETY OF WAYS. NOTABLY, SHE’LL . . .

INCREASE YOUR PAY.
A Virginia Commonwealth
University study found
that married men earn
22 per cent more
than their similarly
experienced but single
colleagues.
IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE.
A 2010 study from Indiana
University found that while
less than ive per cent of
singles between the ages
of 25 and 59 have sex 2-3
times a week, a quarter of
married people do – ive
times the rate.
HELP YOU BEAT CANCER. MAKE YOU LIVE LONGER.
In a study published in A UCLA study found
the journal Cancer earlier that people in generally
this year, unmarried male excellent health were 88
cancer patients had a 27 per cent more likely to die
per cent higher mortality over the eight-year study
rate than married men. period if they were single.

126 AUGUST 2016


FOR BUCK’S SAKE
YOUR LAST NIGHT OF FREEDOM
SHOULD WALK A TIGHTROPE BETWEEN
BEING MEMORABLE AND DESCENDING
INTO A DISASTER OF THE HANGOVER
PROPORTIONS. HERE ARE THREE
OPTIONS FOR ORCHESTRATED
MAYHEM, WHATEVER YOUR BUDGET
1/ You Have Money To Burn:
The Overseas Trip
The obvious attraction here, says Matthew
Prendergast, of party-planning company
Centrefold Entertainment, is that your
group “can let loose free from
responsibilities, alarm clocks and nagging
girlfriends”. Even basic social norms . . .
2/ You’re Prepare To M Your
Credit Card: The S per Yacht
“It gives the group t e chance to fa
into an alter ego fo the day,” says
Prendergast. Thin Leo in
Wolf of Wall Stre
3/ Your Mate Are
Tight Arses:
The Pub Craw
& Penthouse
Stagger from p
to pub but h e
a penthous
booked for hen
bouncers the
sight of 2 trolli
guys, ad ses
Prender ast.
RELATIONSHIPS
8
NAIL YOUR SPEECH
A GOOD GROOM’S SPEECH SHOULD
MAKE MEN NOD AND WOMEN SIGH.
DR GARY JOHNS, A FORMER
POLITICIAN AND NOW OWNER OF
WEDDINGSANDMARRIAGES.COM.AU,
REVEALS HOW TO MAKE YOUR
WORDS COUNT
1/ Prepare for the best.
Start working on your speech three months
out from the big day, rather than fumbling
through a thesaurus for another word for
“beautiful” the night before. “You’ll have
gone over it so many times it’ll be like
clockwork,” says Johns.
2/ Speak from the heart.
Leave the jokes to the best man and think
in terms of themes, advises Johns. How
h make you happy and hopeful?
hink abo what you want to say to your
future wife front of family and friends,”
Johns sa .
les.
ut some stories that bring your
life,” advises Johns. She likes
ts? what? Her cat has its own
ce ok page! You’ll have great aunts
reac g for the tissues.
eave the jokes to the best man and
hinkin terms of themes. How does
shemake you happy and hopeful? >
AUGUST 2016 127
RELATIONSHIPS

9
SIX WAYS TO RUIN THE DAY
WEDDINGS FOLLOW STRICT PRO COLS.
WHETHER IT’S YOUR DAY OR SOM NE
ELSE’S, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE “ HAT
GUY”. HERE’S HOW YOU COULD SLIP

1/ You fail to dress for the occ ion.

You’ll want to suit up, of course, but witthout looking
like a corporate drone. “Swap your usu ual striped
shirt for a crisp, white shirt,” says Meg n Coll s,
will lend any
creator of the Style Girlfriend blog. “It w
suit a more formal, tuxedo-like appe ance.”

2/ You give a bad taste spee .

The worst wedding toasts? When an overconfident
best man sincerely believes he’ll get cheap laug
by bringing up the groom’s misadventures in a
German massage parlour. “It stems from a desire to
show they’re close to the couple by sharing
something personal, but they don’t keep it within
appropriate bounds,” says Jim Key, professional
public speaker with Toastmasters International.

3/ You bring a date who wasn’t invited.

Here’s the situation: you’re single and you have a
plus-one. Who better to accompany you than
someone the bride actually knows and is part of
your circle of friends – but for some reason didn’t
get her own invitation? “If you know someone was
specifically not invited, the bride or groom obviously
doesn’t want that person there,” warns Collins.
4/ You request a banned song.
Most wedding DJs will take requests as long as
your song hasn’t been prohibited by the
newlyweds. The tunes most likely to be banned?
The Macarena, Gangnam Style and YMCA,
according to music software maker DJ Intelligence.
5/ You don’t RSVP – or worse,
don’t show up.
Organising a wedding is one of the most difficult
and stressful endeavours a couple will attempt. The
average wedding can run to $200-plus per guest,
which is more than your weekly grocery bill, much
less a single meal. And the bride and groom have to
pay for that whether you’re there to eat it or not.
6/ You bring a gift not on the registry.
It can feel weird buying the mate you’ve known
since school a set of place mats. But
if you pool with other friends,
you can afford a big-ticket
item. “There’s usually at
least one expensive item
on the registry that’s clearly
for the groom, like a Weber
Grill,” says Collins. If your
friends don’t want to chip in,
give the couple cash – they’d
probably rather have money
than a decorative muffin tin.
SMARTWEDDINGDRINKING
USE THIS PLAN TO AVOID THE FOLLIES
THAT ARISE FROM A FREE BAR
1/ Before the service.
15:00 Down a B6 vitamin pill with a glass of
water alongside your first beer. Research
published in the Quarterly Journal of
Studies on Alcohol found it reduced the
symptoms of a hangover.
2/ Champagne reception.
18:00 Grab any green veg canapés.
Chlorophyll is crucial for detoxification and
was found to provide a 96 per cent boost to
liver function, according to research at
Sapporo Medical University, keeping you
steady throughout the evening.
3/ Main course.
19:00 Switch to clear spirits such as gin.
These produce less of the toxin
acetaldehyde, compared with red wine, so
your body can process the alcohol better.
4/ Dancing.
21:00 Eschew energy drinks – the inevitable
sugar crash will not help your cause once
the initial buzz has waned. Try mixing fruit
juice 50/50 with water to replenish your
energy levels without the extra kilojoules.
5/ Taxi!
23:00 If the room is spinning when you get
home, drop two slices of fresh ginger into a
cup of hot water and sip it before bed.
University of Rochester Medical Centre
research found the root can reduce nausea
and the risk of vomiting by 40 per cent.
DANCE...
WITHOUTLOOKINGLIKEAFOOL
DANCING IS MANY A MAN’S
KRYPTONITE. CARMELO PIZZINO,
PROFESSIONAL BALLROOM DANCER
ON DANCING WITH THE STARS,
REVEALS HOW TO PULL OFF YOUR
FIRST DANCE WITH PANACHE
1/ Bleed for the cause.
Effortless shimmying takes hours of sweat
and toil. “Start practising months before in
a variety of public locations,” recommends
Pizzino. It’ll help avoid the shock when you
have to do it in a new place in front of a
hundred people, he explains.
2/ Keep it tight.
“A lot of guys get so nervous they start
making strange arm movements,” explains
Pizzino. Keep your limbs close to your body;
you aren’t trying to take off.
3/ Mix it up.
It’s becoming comm mon for
the bride and groom m to start
with two minutes of a
slow/special dance e
and then finish off
with something
more upbeat,
reckons Pizzino.
Warning: the worm
takes as much
practice as the waltz.

128 AUGUST 2016

 Find the ring of
HER DREAMS

Book a one-on-one appointment at our North Melbourne studio.

We’ll help you choose the perfect ring at a price
that won’t break your budget.
By appointment only.
Contact Claude on 1300 430 530
or email claude@diamondcoco.com.au

480 Abbotsford Street, North Melbourne 3051

diamondcoco.com.au
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 136 THE TESTS THAT
UNLOCK YOUR POWER
144 BUILD YOUR BODY’S
ALL-ROUND CAPACITY
148 RULE YOUR GAME
WITH THIS AFL
W
S TAR’S LESSONS

Because fit is the new rich

SPEED
TO BURN
GRASS-SCORCHING PACE AND COLOSSAL QUADS
ARE YOURS FOR THE TAKING WITH TIPS FROM
SPRINT SENSATION ALEX HARTMANN
PHOTOGRAPHY: JASON ZAMBELLI

AUGUST 2016 133

ELITE THE ROAD TO RIO
AUSTRALIAN
FAST AND FURIOUS
AUSSIE FLIER ALEX HARTMANN SHOWS YOU HOW TO DEFY THE
DOUBTERS AND RUN LIKE THE WIND IN PURSUIT OF GREATNESS
BY DANIEL WILLIAMS PHOTOGR APHY BY JASON Z AMBELLI
THE STAND-UP-AND-TELL-US-A-LITTLE-
ABOUT-YOURSELF ROUTINE is usually a
waste of time for all concerned. But not
always. When Alex Hartmann took his turn
to speak at a relay camp at the Australian
Institute of Sport recently, he knocked the
socks off special guest Matt Shirvington.
Specifically, Shirvington asked the
runners to “tell me what makes you different
to every other athlete”.
Hartmann met Shirvington’s eyes. “My
name’s Alex Hartmann and I can guarantee
you that I’m the hungriest dog in the room
and I train harder than anyone.”
“Do you, mate?”
“You bet.”
Once Australia’s best and most diligent
sprinter, Shirvington was rapt. “Everyone
else went down the technical route – their
start, their stride length,” he recalls. In
Hartmann’s focus on work ethic, Shirvington
heard a kindred spirit. “It’s one reason I think
he is just a superstar in the making.”
Hartmann would agree. Having qualified
for the 200 metres in Rio by recording a
personal-best 20.45 seconds in Canberra in
February, he’s aiming high. While not
promising to collect a medal this time, he
intends accomplishing some remarkable
feats before he hangs up his spikes. These
include breaking Peter Norman’s Australian
134 AUGUST 2016
200m record of 20.06 seconds, which has
stood since the famous “Black Power” race of
Mexico 1968; shattering the 20-second
barrier; “and maybe even taking down Usain
Bolt’s [19.19] world record – that would be
lovely”. And why stop there? “Eventually, I’d
love to be the first man to go sub-19. To go
into the 18s . . . that would be a massive
moment in history.”
The hard truth about Rio is that unless
Hartmann gets quicker between now and
then he’ll get just close enough to glory to eat
Bolt’s dust. He concedes this, but also knows
in his bones there’s more speed in him. He’s
also had a gutful of negativity. No Australian
athlete has set himself a more daunting
agenda. He’s a lesson in reaching for the sky
and not letting anything discourage you.
RACE TO THE TOP
“I have this drive to keep working hard and
prove people wrong,” says Hartmann, who
on this cloudless Brisbane afternoon is
sitting on a bench overlooking a park near his
home in the northern suburb of Boondall.
He’s still feeling faintly nauseous from a
morning session in which he ran nine 150m
efforts at close to full tilt.
“There’ve been quite a few people over the
years who’ve pretty much said, ‘Why do you
bother?’,” he says. “I’m sure there’s a reason
AT A GLANC
E
NA ME
Al ex Ha r tm
an n
AG E
23
SP OR T
20 0m spri nt
AU ST . RA NK
IN G
NO .1
LI VE S
Br is ba ne
HE IG HT
19 2c m
WE IG HT
90 kg
20 0M PB
20 .4 5 se cond
s
they said that. Maybe they were going
through a rough patch in their life.”
Pressed, Hartmann says their attitude
sprang from a simple fact: he’s a white man in
a domain ruled by athletes of West African
descent. You can debate what’s behind this
dominance until you’re hoarse. Be as delicate
as you like. But the dominance is real and has
no doubt discouraged many a gifted dasher.
Not Hartmann. “Your thoughts become
reality,” he says. “You set yourself a goal and
commit to it. If I don’t believe in myself and
think I’m going to become an Olympic
champion, then I won’t. So every day I go
through the process of telling myself there’s
no reason I can’t achieve this.”
Making friends isn’t a priority right now.
He sticks to his small circle: his mum,
girlfriend, coach, weights coach,
physiotherapist and masseur. “I don’t have
much of a social life. I can’t hang around
with anyone who complains about
something but never does anything about it.
Anyone I’m friends with is a happy, positive
person working towards a goal.”
Hartmann won’t lose a minute’s sleep
over skin colour, according to his coach,
Travis Venema. “He’s as tall as Usain Bolt.
That’s all he’s interested in – he just wants to
eyeball the big man. And then back it up
with his run.”

THINK FAST
Life took shape for Hartmann when he won
a race in preschool. The heady mix of a
cheering throng and post-race plaudits
hooked him. He spent his early teens losing
to better-trained boys from private schools.
Post-school, he carried a tetchy attitude
into his studies at Max Fitness College,
until one day a wise head set him straight:
“Look, mate, you’ve got a choice – you
either start being happy or go home.”
A turning-point epiphany followed. “You
can control your thoughts,” says
Hartmann. “You can control everything
that is you.” It’s a powerful tool. “Because I
don’t think even many athletes realise that
what you think subconsciously affects your
whole day. If you can think subconsciously
that you’re going to be a success then you’re
leaps ahead of everyone else.”
Last year he quit his job at Big W so he
could train 11 times a week. And through
Tinder found a girlfriend, Amy, who doubles
as his PA and insists he stretch when he
doesn’t feel like it . For a man in a hurry, it
seems like everything’s falling into place.
“Alex has the ability to be the fastest
Australia’s ever produced, in both the 100
and 200 if he wants to be,” says
Shirvington, who loves Hartmann’s Bolt-
like build. “He’s in the new mould of
sprinter” – tall but not the least ungainly.
Speed equates to X (stride frequency)
times Y (stride length), explains
Shirvington. Taller sprinters tend to be
limited by a weak X. But Hartmann can turn
it over with all but the absolute cream – Bolt,
Tyson Gay, Justin Gatlin – and with coach
Venema he’s working on matching them.
While Shirvington ran his fastest 100m
at 19, everything’s pointing to a later peak
for Hartmann. Maybe the 2020 Olympics
will be his time. Shirvington’s advice:
“Forget about that. Just go and make it
happen. Your best time can occur any time
in a 10-year window. You never know when
the perfect storm will happen. Alex doesn’t
need to wait and I know he won’t wait. He’ll
go out and give it everything. I really like
what I see with him. I like his demeanour. I
like his physique. I like the way he runs. I
think he’s hungry enough but also patient
enough to make it happen.”
“It” surely won’t be gold in Rio; a finals
berth would be astonishing. The man
himself promises this: “I’ll be doing
everything to make sure I leave an
impression on the world.” With either word
or deed, leaving an impression is
something of a Hartmann specialty.
08/16
Built for Speed
Being panther-like across the ground requires total-body strength and power, as well as
synergy between your upper and lower body. “You need sturdy legs, of course, but muscular
shoulders, pecs and back all play a role in the arm drive,” says Hartmann. “Since I started
doing workouts like this, I’ve stacked on a lot of muscle, and all the track work means fat
doesn’t get a chance to stick to my body, so I’m lean all year round.”
Directions
Do four sets of eight reps for each exercise, taking 90-second breathers between sets.
1 4
BARBELL SQUAT DEADLIFT
Stand with your feet hip-width apart, the barbell Stand in front of the barbell, feet hip-width
resting on your shoulders. Push your bum back apart. Hold it with an overhand grip. Keeping
as though you’re sitting down, descending until your head and chest up, straighten up until
your thighs are parallel to the floor. Drive up to you’re standing tall, pushing forward at the hips
the starting position. at the top of the movement.
5
BENCH
Lying on a flat bench under the loaded barbell,
grip the bar at shoulder width. Push your feet
into the ground and your back into the bench.
Unrack the bar and lower slowly to your chest,
keeping your elbows in tight. Drive back to the
start position.
2 6
CLEANS SINGLE-ARM ROW
Nudge your shins up to a barbell. Bend and grip Using a bench for support, bend from the waist
it overhand, keeping your chest up. In one and grab a loaded dumbbell in your right hand
continuous movement explosively lift the bar off with a neutral grip. Squeeze your back muscles
the floor, turning it in your hands so you finish before rowing the dumbbell up to your ribs and
holding it under your chin. lowering. Repeat on your left side.
3
PUSH PRESS
Hold the barbell under your chin. Bend at the
knees, then drive up with your legs while
simultaneously pushing the bar overhead.
SPRINT SCHOOL
SHAVE SECONDS OFF YOUR SHORT-DISTANCE PBs WITH THESE
POINTERS FROM OUR BRAZIL-BOUND 200M EXPRESS
1 RECRUIT YOUR ARMS
Pump them like mad and
your legs will follow suit,
2 RUN RELAXED
“There’s a fine line to
be found between trying to
3 DANCE ON HOT COALS
Practise a high-knees
drill where your feet leave
says Hartmann. “Your move really fast and the ground the instant they
arms should be well bent staying loose,” says touch it. “Execute this when
at the elbows, with the Hartmann. “Most guys run it matters and you’ll see a
drive coming from your tense and so don’t move as massive improvement in
shoulders.” freely as they should.” speed from that alone,”
says Hartmann.
AUGUST 2016 135
ELITE

Build the Body

of an Athlete
WANT TO BECOME A FLUID-LIMBED FORCE
OF NATURE ON THE FIELD OR TRACK?
TAKE THESE TESTS OF MOBILITY TO
UNLOCK YOUR TRUE STRENGTH AND POWER

BY MICHAEL EASTER

THE TESTS YOU’RE ABOUT TO DISCOVER are true

game-changers. Perfect them and you’ll reduce your
risk of injury while correcting the bodily contortions
that we humans inflict on ourselves by sitting and
slumping all day long. Run through the tests, then
weave the fixes into your routine. You’ll walk away
with less pain, greater flexibility and more muscle.

TEST 1

Ankle Mobility
“If your ankles can’t flex when you squat or lunge, you’re
going to compensate by leaning forward,” says physical
therapist Mike Reinold.
ASSESS YOURSELF Assume a lunge position with
both knees bent 90° and the big toe of your forward foot
12 centimetres from a wall. Try to touch your front knee
to the wall. (Your knee should move over the outside of
your foot, above your fourth toe.) Switch legs and repeat
the test with the other knee. You pass if you can touch
both knees to the wall without raising your front heel
off the floor.
FIX IT Do a modified version of the test at least once a day:
assume a lunge position, right foot forward, knees bent 90°.
Hold a dowel or massage stick vertically in front of the third
toe of your right foot. Without lifting your right heel, drive your
knee to the right of the stick as far as you can. Return to the
starting position. Do 10 reps, switch legs, and repeat, driving
your left knee to the left of the stick.

TEST 2

Pelvic Tilt
Excessive sitting shortens your hip flexors, pulling your
hips forward. That hyperextends your back and
weakens your core. “Tight hips are the main cause of
back pain,” says Reinold.
ASSESS YOURSELF Lie on your back on a picnic table
with your bum at its edge. Bring your knees to your
chest, hugging them with your arms. Release and slowly
lower one leg as far as you can. Return it to your chest

136 AUGUST 2016


THESE TESTS
CORRECT
THE BODILY
CONTORTIONS
YOU INFLICT
ON YOURSELF
Mobility
Saboteurs
Being a desk jockey isn’t the
only way to become a
working stif. Here are
three more ways you lock
your body into position
1 YOU FAVOUR ONE LEG
“Most people always place their
weight on the same leg when they
stand, and their hips adapt to that
rotated position,” says Reinold.
“When you stand for extended
periods, regularly alternate the leg
you lean on.” Same goes for crossing
your legs; don’t always have the
same one on top.
2 YOU DRIVE CROOKED
Odds are you don’t sit with your back
straight and your hands at 10 and two
o’clock. “People tend to settle into the
same position behind the wheel,
steering with one hand and leaning to
the opposite side,” says Reinold. “The
next time you’re driving, regularly
change your body position.”
3 YOU TILT YOUR HEAD
“A lot of people tilt their head to one
side without even realising it,”
reckons Reinold. “They’re usually
WANT SOME SERIOUS HELP TO STACK office workers; it’s because their
ON MUSCLE AND TORCH FAT? GET MORE computer monitor is slightly angled.”
WORKOUTS, RECIPES AND MOTIVATION To avoid this, adjust the top of your
BOOSTERS IN MH TRANSFORM. monitor so it’s at eye level. Then
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08/16
and repeat with the other leg. If you’re able to bring
each thigh below parallel to the table without arching
your back, you pass.
FIX IT Assume a lunge position with your right leg forward
and both knees bent 90°. Place your hands on your right thigh
and push down to activate your core. Then place your hands
behind your hips. Flex your glutes as you push your hips
forward and down, feeling the stretch in your left hip. Hold for
five seconds, then return to the starting position. That’s one
rep; do five reps, then switch legs and repeat.
TEST 3
Hamstring Flexibility
“Tight hamstrings prevent you from pushing your bum
backwards – the all-important ‘hip hinge’ movement
that allows you to keep your back in a safe, neutral
position during moves like the deadlift and kettlebell
swing,” says Reinold. If you can’t hinge with your hips,
you’re going to bend at the waist, straining your spine.
ASSESS YOURSELF Stand tall with your feet together
and arms by your sides. Slowly reach for your toes,
keeping your arms straight as you lower your torso. You
pass if you can touch your toes without bending your
knees or rounding your back.
FIX IT Place a dowel or rod against your spine, holding each
end so it touches your head, the middle of your back and your
tailbone. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart. With the dowel
touching all three points, hinge forward, pushing your hips
back as if you’re closing a door. Pause for two seconds when
you can’t go farther without rounding your back. Return to the
starting position. Do 10 reps.
TEST 4
Shoulder Range of Motion
“We’re always focused on what’s in front of us
– computers, smartphones, TVs – which leads to
slumping,” says Reinold. That causes the muscles
around your shoulders and spine to tighten. “Then
when you do overhead lifts and presses, you
compensate to get your arms vertical,” he says.
ASSESS YOURSELF Stand with your head, shoulders
and lower back flat against a wall, heels 20cm away.
Keeping your arms straight, try to touch the wall above
your head with your thumbs. You pass if you don’t arch
your back or bend your arms.
FIX IT Grab a tennis ball and place it between your right
shoulderblade and a wall. Move around to massage the
muscles below your armpit. When you find a tender spot,
move your arm up and down two or three times. Continue
for 30-60 seconds. Repeat on your left shoulderblade.
When you’re done, foam-roll both areas on the floor for
another 30 seconds.
AUGUST 2016 137
ELITE

THE FIRE
WORKOUT
TO TRULY IGNITE MUSCLE GROWTH AND
STRENGTH GAINS, YOU NEED TO TRAIN
SMART. FOLLOW THESE RULES FOR ROUTINES
THAT DELIVER ON YOUR HARD WORK

138 AUGUST 2016


PRINCIPLE NO.
1
For Bigger Muscles,
Lift Bigger Weights
Mechanical tension – created by
loads that are taxing to your
muscles, connective tissue and
bones – is the most important
stimulus for building muscle.
But you can’t grow your guns if
you lift the same amount of
weight every workout. By
incrementally increasing your
loads over the course of the
program, you challenge your
muscles to become stronger in
order to handle subsequent
heavier weights. It should be
hard to complete the final reps
on your final set with good
form. For a starter workout
plan, flip to the next page.
ALMOSTANYEXERCISEYOUCANDO
SITTING, YOU CAN DO STANDING UP
PRINCIPLE NO.
2
Devote 80 Per Cent of
Time to Big Muscles
Most guys have this flipped,
investing their gym hours on
their biceps, triceps and
deltoids. Those muscles are
important, but they’re smaller
for a reason: to help larger
muscles during basic actions
such as pushing, pulling, lifting,
carrying and throwing. Smaller
muscles also won’t grow out of
proportion to the larger muscles
they’re designed to assist. For
“The Fire” workout, you do your
heavy lifts first. And that means
to see big gains you’ll need to
work the big muscles with
squats, deadlifts, presses, rows,
chin-ups and pull-ups.
PRINCIPLE NO.
3
Spend 20 Per Cent
on Smaller Muscles
Though you’ll devote most of
your session targeting your
back, chest and legs, you still
won’t ignore your assisting
muscles. As with big-muscle
lifts, you’ll want to increase the
amount of weight you use when
necessary, but more often you’ll
use the same weights with the
goal of piling up more reps. This
will allow you to achieve what
trainers refer to as deeper
muscle exhaustion, which will
stimulate growth. But here’s an
important note: make sure
you’re complementing your big-
muscle exercises rather than
repeating a similar motion. For
example, change the direction
of the movement (say, from
horizontal to diagonal or
vertical), the tools (from a
barbell to dumbbells, kettlebells
or a cable machine) and the grip
(from overhand to underhand or
somewhere in-between). Doing
this works your muscles from
different directions.
08/16
PRINCIPLE NO.
4
Stay on Your Feet
as You Sweat
Think about it: you might sit at
work all day. You sit in your car.
You plant your arse on the sofa
to watch TV. Why would you go
to the gym to do more sitting?
Plus, almost any exercise you
can perform sitting down is
based on one we used to do
standing up.
So stay on your feet. You’ll
not only burn kilojoules, but
also stay more focused and
engaged in your workout. Better
yet, combine multiple exercises
and move quickly from one to
the next with minimal rest
between them. (Don’t sit on
anything between sets either.)
When possible, use one arm or
leg at a time. The muscles that
keep you balanced and
stabilised end up doing twice as
much work. All this activity will
create a more efficient, more
effective workout that’s more
likely to produce the results you
want. Now up and at ’em! >
AUGUST 2016 139
 ELITE
DIRECTIONS: PERFORM THE EXERCISES IN THE ORDER SHOWN. DO EXERCISES THAT SHARE A NUMBER AS A CIRCUIT
TheWORKOUT
– THAT IS, BACK-TO-BACK SETS. (FOR EXAMPLE, DO A SET OF 2A, THEN A SET OF 2B TO COMPLETE ONE CIRCUIT). DO
CIRCUIT 2A-2B THREE TIMES AND CIRCUIT 3A-3B-3C TWO TIMES. REST AS NEEDED TO COMPLETE THE WORKOUT.

TARGET: TARGETS: Upper and Middle Back

Upper Thighs Grab a dumbbell in your left hand and place
1 Stand tall with your 2A your right hand on a bench. Let the weight
--- feet shoulder-width --- hang at arm’s length and spread your feet
DUMBBELL DUMBBELL
apart and hold a hip-width apart. Keeping your back flat, pull
GOBLET SINGLE-ARM
SQUAT dumbbell vertically at ROW the dumbbell straight up to your side and
your chest, cupping lower it back down. Do 20 reps, switching arms
one end in both halfway through each set.
hands. (Imagine it’s a
heavy goblet.) Lower
your body as far as
you can by pushing
your hips back and
bending your knees
(touch the insides of
them with your
elbows). Pause, then
push back up. Do four
sets of six reps.
LARGE AND SMALL MUSCLE GROUPS
SAMPLE ROUTINE, WHICH TAG-TEAMS
PRINCIPLES TO WORK WITH THIS
PUT THE AFOREMENTIONED

TARGETS: Chest and Shoulders

Grab a pair of dumbbells and lie face-up on a flat bench holding
2B
the weights above your chest. Lower the weights to the sides of
--- your chest, then press them back to the starting position as
DUMBBELL quickly as possible. Do 8-10 reps.
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TARGET: Glutes
Lie on your back on the floor with a barbell across
3A
your pelvis, knees bent and feet flat. Push your hips DO THE WORKOUT
--- towards the ceiling until your body forms a straight SCAN THE PAGE WITH THE
BARBELL line from your knees to your shoulders. Lower the VIEWA APP TO PUT THESE
GLUTE BRIDGE weight and repeat. Do 10-12 reps. MOVES ON YOUR PHONE

TARGETS: Shoulders and Triceps TARGETS: Upper Back and Biceps

Assume a push-up position but place your feet Attach a handle to the high pulley of a cable
3B
on a bench and push your hips up so your 3C station. Grab it with your left hand using a
upper body is as perpendicular to the floor as --- neutral grip, then kneel on your left knee in
---
SINGLE-ARM
INVERTED you can manage. Bend your elbows and lower front of the weight stack. Pull the handle to
HALF-KNEELING
PUSH-UP yourself as far as you can without banging your chest as you push your chest out to meet
LAT PULLDOWN
your head. Push yourself back up to the it. Return to the starting position. Do 12-15
starting position. Do 12-15 reps. reps, switching sides for the second set.

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ELITE
Triumph in Every Field
A FORMER SOLDIER AND THE CREATOR OF BATTLE FIT AUSTRALIA,
ANDREW “PAP” PAPADOPOULOS SPRINTS, RUNS ULTRA MARATHONS, LIFTS
HEAVY WEIGHTS AND BOASTS THE FLEXIBILITY OF A GYMNAST. HEED HIS
TIPS ON CONDITIONING YOUR BODY SO YOU, TOO, CAN DO IT ALL
MANDATORY MOVES
No weights exercise is intrinsically
wrong. But when I see guys training their
bis and tris for two hours, I’m thinking waste
of time: I hit those small muscles while doing
all-body moves that replicate stuff you do in
life. Certain moves should be in everyone’s
program regardless of what you’re training
for. The squat, deadlift and thrusters are
ideal for building total strength.
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
In the army you learn a lot about fortitude.
Next time you want to stop during a soft-
sand run, flick a switch in your head. You’re
lucky to have the capacity to train
– millions would give anything to be able to
move without pain. I tell my clients to stop
feeling sorry for themselves because,
one way or another, we’re all hurting.
144 AUGUST 2016
ATHLETICS OVER AESTHETICS
Few guys have a clear purpose for
exercising. Even fewer have one that’s
worthwhile. You might be able to flex
a muscle in the mirror, but is your training
improving your quality of life? Shoot
for better performance and the physique
will come.
PACK MENTALITY
The opposite of pumping out preacher curls
are the pack marches through rugged terrain
we did in the army: 40 kilograms on your back,
plus weapon, ammo and supplies, covering
30 kilometres a day for a week. Fashion a
workout that approximates a pack march, like
a 45-minute bush bash with a load on your
back. Post workout, I use Isowhey’s Refuel &
Rebuild (isowheysports.com.au) so I can go
again the next day.
08/16
TICK ALL BOXES
I pick events and training blocks for the
year and mark them on a calendar.
There’ll be an obstacle race one month,
a block of strength training, an ultra
marathon. Your focus may be
endurance, but you need to tick off all
the other pillars of fitness: speed,
strength, power, flexibility and mobility.
GET WET
You don’t want to be the guy who can
run 100 kilometres but can’t swim for
jack. I’m aiming to do a half-Ironman at
the end of the year. The 1.6km swim
will take me out of my comfort zone –
which is exactly where you want to be.
STEEP THRILLS
Hill sprints put a huge stress on your body
and I’ll do one session a week just down the
road from my house. I’ll do 10 x 25-second
efforts at 100 per cent. There’s more to be
gained from those maximal efforts in terms
of fitness and afterburn than running further
at an 80 per cent tempo.
AS TOLD TO DANIEL WILLIAMS
MUSCLE UP
I get asked a lot how I maintain an 86kg
frame with the amount of running I do. I
balance the kays I clock with three
resistance sessions a week where I do all
my compound lifts. When your workload’s
big you also need to hit a surplus of
kilojoules every day.
ELITE OLYMPIC GOLDEN MOMENTS 08/16
Making history:
Dwyer secures gold AUSTRALIAN
for the Kookaburras.

celebrating too much after scoring.

Afterwards there was a bit of niggle in the
group and it took reserve ’keeper Mark
Hickman to calm everyone down. Barry
apologised to me for it getting out, but I was
still angry enough to talk to the team psych.
WATCH THE VIDEO
USE THE FREE VIEWA APP CRUNCH TIME
TO SEE HIGHLIGHTS FROM
THE KOOKABURRAS’ WIN Holland were going for their third Olympic
gold in a row when we met them in the final.
They had a real belief and arrogance about
them, for good reason.
We played a very good first half, but they
scored and I went in with my head down at
half-time. I thought we couldn’t have played
any better, while they had room for
improvement. Barry gave us a good talk,
though, and by the time I went back out I
thought we were still in it. Within a couple of
minutes we’d equalised and it stayed that
way until full-time. Now it was extra-time,
golden goal, and right at the end of the first
period we got a penalty corner.
We had a couple of variations, depending
T S on how they ran at us. I’d had two penalty
FAST FAC
corners in normal time and went for flicks,
NA ME but the keeper was all over them. When it
yer
Ja m ie D w came to me, I decided to hit it as hard as I
LI VE S
could this time. It went between the keeper’s
P er th
OL YM PI CS
legs and into the goal. After that I just ran off.
04
At hen s, 20 It was history!
SP OR T
Ho ck ey
AG E TH EN
25
AG E NO W
DWYER’S DICTUMS
37 RUN SOFT, HARD

STICK FIGURE
THE AUSTRALIAN MEN’S HOCKEY TEAM, THE KOOKABURRAS,
The ’04 Kookaburras prided themselves on
being fitter than their opponents. Dwyer’s
secret? Soft-sand running. “I’d do 20-40
WERE PERENNIAL BRIDESMAIDS AT THE OLYMPICS . . . UNTIL minutes on the beach – sprints, hills, sideways,
JAMIE DWYER STEPPED UP WHEN THE PRESSURE WAS ON backwards . . . all with intensity.”

THE PAST IS DONE

THE BUILD-UP
In the opening match of the 2003 Champions
Trophy in Amsterdam the Pakistan
goalkeeper came out and got me. The team
doctor said: “You’ve done your ACL and
you’ll be out for a year.” He told me that after
the phone call from [coach] Barry [Dancer] to
say I was in the team, I was over the moon.
On the bus to our first pool game a few guys
were throwing up with nerves . . . and this
was just against New Zealand! I ended up
A sporting truism, but particularly apt if
success has been elusive. “We knew all about
the so-called ‘curse’ (three Olympic finals, all
losses),” says Dwyer, “but we had quite a few
young players who’d never been part of the
Olympics and it didn’t add any pressure.”
AS TOLD TO IAN COCKERILL

the operation I shouldn’t expect to be as fast
or as good a player for a few years. It was like
a knife through my heart.
I had the operation the next month, 11
months out from the Games, and played my
first game back two months before the
Athens team was picked. When I finally got
hitting a hat-trick in a 4-1 win and scored two
more goals in our next match – a two-all draw
against Argentina – before we beat India 4-3
in the last 10 seconds after leading 3-1.
I copped a bit from the papers after that
match when it came out that I got in trouble
with Barry for throwing my stick around and
It’s up to you to write your own history.
BE A SORE LOSER
“I hate losing at marbles, and the guys in that
team hated losing more than anybody we
played,” says Dwyer. “As motivations go, it’s
not a bad one.”

146 AUGUST 2016

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 ELITE

STAR AT A GL AN
C E

PUPIL
SWANS MIDFIELD GENERAL
NA ME
Da n Ha n n
HE IG HT
eb er y

1.8 1c m
DAN HANNEBERY STARTED IN
WE IG HT
THE AFL AS A SCHOOLBOY. 78 kg
H
1R M BE NC
USE THE LESSONS OF HIS
115 kg
COMING-OF-AGE TALE TO T SQ UA T
MA X FR ON

SCHOOL YOUR OPPOSITION 110 kg

RA LI AN
AL L AU ST

BY BEN JHOT Y PHOTOGR APHY BY JASON LEE 20 13 , 20 15

DAN HANNEBERY claims he
never walked the halls of
Melbourne’s prestigious Xavier
College with his chest puffed
out. When his schoolmates
asked him how he played on the
weekend, he gave them an
objective assessment of his
performance. They nodded,
then moved on.
Sure, he was playing senior
footy for the Sydney Swans
rather than First 18 for the school
like his classmates, but
Hannebery and his crew treated
the situation as normal. That
way, Hannebery remained one
of the boys.
“My mates were pretty keen to
put a lid on it, which was good,”
says the now-25-year-old
midfielder, who could probably
still pass for a kid prepping for
exams rather than the star of a
top-four AFL team. He looks
wistful for a moment as we sit in
the Swans’ red-walled training
room, deep in the bowels of the
SCG. “I remember it being a
pretty special experience. It was
a good time in my life.”
These days Hannebery is one
of the AFL’s elite on-ballers,
ranked in the top 10 in the
competition for disposals and
contested possessions, finishing
fifth in last year’s Brownlow
Medal and earning All
Australian selection for the
second time. He also recently
racked up 150 games, as well as
becoming a member of the club’s
leadership group. Throughout,
he’s remained one of the boys.
How Hannebery went from
schoolboy prodigy to
premiership-winning
powerhouse and now respected
club leader is a testament to
preparation, hard work and
staying true to yourself. Apply
his lessons to ensure your
performance makes the grade.
KNOWYOURSTRENGTHS
When Hannebery arrived at the
Swans in 2008, he joined a team
that was coming off a
premiership a few years earlier
and gearing up for a run at
another. Brimming with stars
like Adam Goodes, Brett Kirk,
Jude Bolton and Michael
O’Loughlin, it was an
intimidating environment for a
kid who’d barely started shaving.
Stick thin, Hannebery knew
he wouldn’t be able to compete
with grown men in the weights
room, but with a background as
an 800-metre runner and
triathlete, he was confident he
could hold his own on the track.
“When I first got up here I was
in the top three for the three kay
in my first year,” he says. “I
knew it was a strength, so it was
something I worked on to give
myself that edge. When you’re a
young player at a new club it can
be really hard to break in with
guys who are established, so you
need to find a little edge that you
can work off and build your
game from there.”
You’ve probably been thrown
into situations where you’re
overmatched, be it stepping up a
division in club footy or picking
up a racquet for the first time in
years. In those situations,
Hannebery reckons, you’re best

148 AUGUST 2016


to focus on your bread and butter
skills – tackling, slice shots – until
you get a few games under your
belt and the confidence to expand
your repertoire.
Running is a strength
Hannebery has continued to
work on as he’s risen through the
ranks at the Swans. During the
off season he’ll do 30- to
40-minute fartlek blocks around
Sydney’s Centennial Park,
priming him for the gut-churning
sessions he does with the club at
the start of preseason. The work
pays off – Hannebery finished
second in the club’s three-
kilometre time trial to Jack
Hiscox at the start of this year.
It’s just as well, because an
efficient engine has become an
even more valuable commodity
this season through the league’s
new reduced-rotation rules.
“You used to get three breaks a
game, whereas these days you
get one, two if you’re lucky,”
Hannebery says. “A couple of
times I’ve been out on my feet
late in the third quarter. The
recovery’s harder. It takes until
Tuesday or Wednesday to feel
good again.”
LEADER OF THE PACK
As Hannebery became one of
the Swans’ most dominant
players, he also developed into
one of the club’s bigger
personalities. Naturally
outgoing, not only was he one of
the boys, he was a bit of a lad.
When Buddy Franklin joined
the Swans in 2014, he and
Hannebery became fast friends.
How do you go from team joker
to a respected leader of men? How
do you discipline blokes who
might be carrying on in the very
same way that you’ve done in the
past? It’s not easy, but you’ve got
to do it your way rather than
trying to adopt a persona that
doesn’t reflect your personality
or values, reckons Hannebery.
“I’m naturally a talker. I’m
sure I lead differently to other
guys in the group, but I think it
suits my personality to speak up
and express my views. It doesn’t
mean you have to be the fun
police. You can always crack a
gag, be yourself. It’s about
picking your times.”
At training or on the field you
command respect by setting the
standard, Hannebery adds. That
means doing the work in the off-
season, flogging yourself in
preseason and going hell-for-
leather on the field. Do that and
you’ll find most players will
follow your lead, he says. At the
same time, you also need to foster
a pack mentality. “You’ve got to
open your focus rather than just
thinking train hard, play hard.
You’ve got to think about what’s
best for the group. How can I help
the group get better?”
The thing is, if like Hannebery
you’ve always been one of the
boys, looking out for them
comes naturally.
08/16
Stand Tall
While already the complete midfielder, Hannebery has been working
on improving his core and leg strength so as to stand up in tackles and
blast out of stoppages. Use this workout to put some steel in your step.
Do the following routine once a week, repeating the circuit three times.
1 4
BLOCK CLEAN X 4 BULGARIAN SPLIT-
With a weighted barbell resting SQUAT LUNGE X 6
on knee-high blocks, place your ON EACH LEG
hands shoulder-width apart and Stand lunge-length in front of
lift the bar to your chest. Lower a bench. Hold a dumbbell in
the bar until your thighs are each hand and rest the top of
parallel to the floor, then drive your left foot on the bench
back up, releasing the bar back behind you. Lower your body
onto the blocks. until your rear knee nearly
touches the floor, before returning
2 to the starting position. Do the
SPLIT-SQUAT LUNGE reps, then switch legs.
WITH WEIGHTED
DUMBBELLS X 8 5
ON EACH LEG FRONT SQUAT X 4
Hold 25-kilogram
ogram dumbbells in Stand with your legs shoulder-width
each hand a as you lower apart, holding a barbell across your
yourself forwward on your chest. Slowly lower yourself until your
right leg unttil your left hips are below your knees. Drive
knee touche es the through your heels to return to the
floor. Return
n to the starting position.
start positio
on. Do
the reps, theen
switch legs.
3
STAIR SPRINTS X 5
Sprint up a set of stairs, focusing
on making quick contact with
each step to build acceleration.
“RUNNING WAS
A STRENGTH,
SO IT WAS
SOMETHING I
WORKED ON TO
GIVE MYSELF
THAT EDGE”
ELITE
Get Out of Your Head
BREAK THESE FOUR DESTRUCTIVE MENTAL HABITS TO RIDE FASTER – AND HAPPIER
BY SELENE YE AGER
1/ You worry
away your watts
Obsessing about what
might go wrong before a
hard ride is literally a waste
of energy: your brain
gobbles 120 grams of
glucose daily – 60 per cent
of your body’s usage – just
sitting there. Even mild
stress can raise this by 12
per cent. Mental fatigue
makes you wear out faster
physically too.
BREAK IT Keep your
mind occupied with a
pre-ride routine. Checking
off tasks like pumping tyres
and filling bottles can
prevent you from imagining
the worst.
FOR MORE GREAT CYCLING CONTENT, CHECK OUT THE AUTUMN ISSUE OF BIKE MAGAZINE. ON SALE NOW
150 AUGUST 2016
2/ You talk
yourself down
Even just thinking things
like I’m rubbish at hills or
I’m so slow can become a
self-fulfilling prophecy,
says sports psychologist
Dr Kristin Keim.
BREAK IT In a recent
study at the University of
Kent, cyclists extended
their time to exhaustion by
18 per cent while riding at
80 per cent of their peak
power output by indulging
in positive self-talk. Keim
suggests upbeat mantras
like “I’ve got this” and
“Breathe deep, pedal
smooth” instead of self-
defeating downers.
3/ You give your
body the final say
That burning and aching
are your muscles saying,
“Hey, this is hard!” Too
many of us let our brains
join the chorus – and
then we slow down.
BREAK IT Tell your
legs to pipe down,
because “this is what it
feels like to go fast”, says
sports psychologist Dr
Sean McCann. Silenced
your legs? Good. Now
keep on pushing.
4/ You have
no script
You’ve put in the training,
but your only mental
game plan is to wing it
through your event.
BREAK IT Research
shows that people who
mentally rehearse
upcoming actions perform
better even if they don’t
physically practise them.
Script your perfect
performance from start to
finish: what you’ll do when
you get to the venue, how
you’ll charge off the line,
how you’ll calmly react to
a mistake. Visualise it
until your execution
becomes automatic.
08/16
ASK AN EXPERT
Q So, I heard
that Viagra
can enhance
performance on
the bike. True?
A “I know plenty of
guys who have
prescriptions for these
pills. But they don’t
waste them on
exercise,” says
renowned cycling
trainer Andy Pruitt.
Viagra – which relaxes
blood vessels to allow
for increased
bloodflow, and thus
faster oxygen delivery
– made headlines in
2006 as a potential
high-altitude athletic
performance
enhancer. But the
news was based on a
study of 11 cyclists,
only four of whom
responded in a
significant way at
altitude. The rest saw
no improvement, or
even a decline. None
saw improvement at
sea level. In short, “the
evidence is minuscule
for performance
enhancement”, says
Pruitt. “And there are a
lot of side effects”,
including fatigue,
flushing of the skin,
headaches and even
blue-coloured vision.
“For most people,”
says Pruitt, “it’s not
worth it.”
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ONE
WORD Mental mettle will

ANSWER send your muscle

mass sky-high.

QUESTION
What free resource can
halve your gym time
with undiminished
results?

SLEPT THROUGH this morning’s weights session?

Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
No really, we mean it: research shows that simply
visualising a past workout will make you stronger.
While the interplay between mind and muscle is well
established, scientists at Germany’s University of
Giessen claim you can replace some of your sweat
ANSWER
sessions with imaginary ones “without any
considerable reduction of strength gains”. Try getting
Imagination
your head around that. In their study, participants were
asked to train three days a week for four weeks,
performing calf raises, leg presses, bench presses and
triceps extensions. Now, here’s the mental bit: for the
second four-week stretch, some of the participants
replaced half of their workouts with “fantasy sessions”
in which they inwardly rehearsed their reps. By the end
of the study, the visualisers had boosted their strength
ILLLUSTRATION: PETER CROWTHER

by up to four per cent, compared with five per cent in

those who trained for eight weeks straight.
So, next time you’re stuck in rush hour traffic, go
somewhere else in your head. Just try to keep your
fantasy sessions specific, focusing on individual
muscle contractions. We’re calling this one the
thinking man’s strength plan.

154 AUGUST 2016

MAKERS OF THE ORIGINAL SWISS ARMY KNIFE | ESTABLISHED 1884
by Leila B.
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