Final Principle Paper

Principle 1:

A. Identify the Principle:

The principle that I have decided is important to remember is deep and unmet needs. We

discussed how unnoticeable deep and unmet needs can lead to noticeable unwanted actions. This

topic was discussed in week 2 entitled “Needs.”

B. The Principle Description:

“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet

needs on the part of the sinner (Kimball).” Jesus saw that often, when someone did something

wrong it was because their needs weren’t met. It is important to recognize that this is the most

common reason that people misbehave. Our most basic needs include security, love and

connection, autonomy, respect, competence, progress, and acceptance according to the BYU I do

website. When these needs aren’t met, our loved ones may start to show secondary emotions

such as anxiety or anger. It is hard for us to be ourselves when our needs aren’t being met.

C. How the Principle can be applied in Marriage:

This principle can be applied in my own marriage by assessing a situation before reacting

to negative emotions. I can remember to pay attention to the emotions that are deep instead of

what is just on the surface. I can also take the time to talk to my husband about his needs and

make changes if his needs haven’t been met.

D. Explain why this Principle must be applied for a marriage to be successful:

This principle is important in marriage because it can help us see why our spouse might

demonstrate bad or unwanted behavior. It can also help us to recognize that we are unable to

meet all the needs of our spouse on our own. We need help from our Heavenly Father and from
others to meet their needs. We also need to recognize how this applies to our own needs. We

need to recognize that our spouse isn’t perfect. “Our partner can help meet our needs, but our

responsibility is to seek to have our core needs met through our relationship with God (Week 2

PowerPoint).”

Principle 2:

A. Identify the Principle:

Another principle that I thought is important to have in a marriage relationship is good

communication. Without communication it is hard to know what our spouses need. We discussed

this topic in week 3.

B. The Principle Description:

Communication is the way you express your thoughts through words and actions.

Communication can be used in many different situations like important decisions, expressing

concern and for enjoyment. Within marriage, communication can be a way to express our

concerns and our love to our spouse. There are some types of communication that can push us

apart and weaken our relationships. For example, starting a conversation harshly can weaken the

effectiveness of communication. It is often negative and accusatory (Gottman). If we are

criticizing or blaming our spouse, they often will respond in a defensive manner. We need to be

willing to learn how to communicate with our spouse in a way that helps them to feel understood

and that we are not criticizing them for anything.

C. How the Principle can be applied in Marriage:

This principle can be applied in marriage by correcting and avoiding the types of

communication that can weaken your relationship. An important tool that we learned in class is

the speaker/listener technique which helps to minimize criticism and misunderstanding. Only one
person is allowed to speak at a time and must summarized what the other person said to clarify

before being able to speak. It helps both partners recognize how the other person is feeling and

understand why they may be feeling the way they do.

D. Explain why this Principle must be applied for a marriage to be successful:

The principle is important to apply to marriage because without communication, it is hard

to connect with your spouse. “I have learned over the years that healthy communication affects

both the heart and the mind. If we can communicate better—meaning more clearly and concisely

—then we can forge deeper emotional connections, resolve conflicts, and strengthen the bonds in

our marital relationship (Ogletree).” For us to grow closer to one another we need to learn how to

communicate effectively. We also need to be able to communicate effectively to make important

decisions and understand the needs of our spouse.

Principle 3:

A. Identify the Principle:

The last principle I wanted to discuss is the importance of intentional marriage rituals and

how they can help strengthen a relationship. We had to teach someone about what they are and

how they can benefit marriage in week 6.

B. The Principle Description:

Intentional rituals in marriage are coordinated, repeated, and significant (Doherty). They

help people grow closer to one another and connect with each other. We often get lost in our

daily lives completing all the necessary tasks. Rituals give us an opportunity to set aside our

worries and focus on the people we love. It is a reminder to us that we are not alone and that we

have the support of our spouse.

C. How the Principle can be applied in Marriage:

 An example of a ritual that can be used in marriage is always taking the time to greet

your spouse when they come home from work. We can take time out of our day to show our

spouse how much we love them and have a moment to set aside worries from life.

D. Explain why this Principle must be applied for a marriage to be successful:

This principle needs to be applied for a marriage to be successful because it allows

people to connect with one another. Even though most rituals are small, it is the little things that

can make the greatest difference in life. It is important to take time to connect with your spouse

and remind them how much you love them. Rituals help us to feel like we are not alone. We can

feel the support from our spouse trying to lift us up and remind us that they are here for us.
 References

Principle 1

Kimball – Spencer W. Kimball found on the first slide of the PowerPoint in week 2 for Needs.

Byuido - https://www.byuido.org/2019/10/the-relationship-needs-circle-way-to.html

Week 2 PowerPoint – 2nd to last slide on the PowerPoint in week 2

Principle 2

Ogletree – Speak, Listen, Love – Mark Ogletree – February 2014 -

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2014/02/young-adults/speak-listen-

and-love?lang=eng

Gottman – The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work - John M. Gottman and Nan Silver –

Ch. 3 – The First Sign - Harsh Start-Up

Principle 3

Doherty – Taking Back Your Marriage - William J. Doherty - Ch. 8