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Science My dream of mathematics can date from a long time, the rea-
son that math became the only aspiration of my college entrance
作者对于自己学习能力的描写比较
具体，列举了很多的实例来支持。

Statistics
exam is my outstanding performance in various math contests since
primary school. I was finally admitted to HIT( Harbin Institute of
Technology), which is among College of Nine, similar to G8 of Aus-
Columbia University tralia, of China, got an 3.93/4.00 average GPA of core curriculums
Statistics, 2013入学 Master and acquired scholarships three times at each year of my university
本科学校: 哈尔滨工业大学 life as well as other academic awards, including Honorable Mention

Mathematics of Interdisciplinary Contest In Modeling Certificate of Achievement

and the first prize in China Undergraduate Mathematical Contest
GPA: 不明，GRE: 321，托福: 105
in Modeling. During the period of dealing with stochastic process,
algorithm realization and model optimization, I found Mathemat-
全文点评
ics and computer language’s extensive and profound application
该文章的首段引入得很好。作者通过一位佩服的人在交谈中的话开篇，写出了自己对所热爱的
on practical problems, making up my decision to advance further
事业的无悔选择与追求，非常有代入感。不过作者在后面的经历展开上比较粗略，缺乏完整性
in Stats. So with my probability theory teacher’s help I started
和细节的支撑，各个经历之间的连接也不是很流畅。末段的选校原因虽然有一定的个人理由，
to learn R and SAS language by myself, being knocked out by the
但是比较虚，不能给人以很有说服力的感觉。还需在这些方面做更多的提升。 stronger data management and analysis abilities compared with
文中提及 C++ language.
学习成就； 研究经历； 实习/工作经历； 优秀品质； 海外经历； 课外活动 To be better prepared for my future study, learning within class 作者并没有给出研究的具体过

文中亮点 won’t be enough, so I want to try something practical, taking part 程，只说了自己干了什么以及一些

展现细节； 首段； 竞争力体现； 表达多样性； 语言简洁 in the research of the computational mathematics lab as well as 较为空洞的话。应当好好整理研究
probability theory and finance lab. In order to practice my learn- 的过程，给出更完整的描述。

“I would rather be ashes than dust.” These are the words that ing in Matlab, I first took numerical analysis course, and because
首段描写令人印象比较深刻，尤其是引用
Annika Melander, the head of the economic and financial affairs of my outstanding performance in the class, the teacher, professor
的这句话很有意思。作者从一句话说起，
section of EU, said to me when she came to my university to Zhao, the best doctor tutor of numerical solutions of ordinary and
写出来自己对人生追求的思考，很有深度
hold an Euro expo this March. At that time, I was hovering at the partial differential equations in HIT invited me to participate his lab
也很有感染力。
crossroad of my life, between continueing the decided road and to see whether it is my dream academic area or not. With his help,

changing an easier one. I took charge of all the expo affairs, in- I started a project about building up a fast multi- step collocation

cluding the contacting with EU ambassadors, so I was privileged method of Volterra integral equation, in which I modified computa-

to ask her for advice. During the talk, I got to know that my own tion process with Laplace Retransform to reduce computer storage

choices have to be accomplished even on my knees and all my requirements, proved the convergence of the methods theoretically

hobbies only can play no more than the role to color my life. The and practically(with Matlab).

sentence above is her lifetime portrayal, and when I sent her a When I was along with professor Tian, chief of teaching and

gift on behalf of my university, shaking our hands, after her lec- research section of probability theory and complex variable in HIT,

ture, I found that the words will be mine.

棕榈大道已获得文书作者授权和发布其文书，其他机构不得转载、抄袭或用于商业用途，违者必究
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praise. I also want to mention the ¥20,000 donation I endeavored
I used VAR Model, Cointergration theory and ECM Model to get the re- 做的贡献，很有说服力。 虽然作者这里给出了自己的一
for Campus Food Festival in 2 weeks, in which I set a record of the
lationship between generalized money supply and stock market index, 提炼总结：恰到好处，简洁有 些成就以及品质，可是作者认为与
obtained donation per individual. After than, I became the person in
used Granger causality test to study other factors leading to stock gains( 力。 其罗列这些也许在简历上已经提过
charge of student activities of my college.
shift in interest rates, enterprise benefit, etc. ). What attracted me more is 的内容，不如用这个段落写一下自
Our society needs more generalities. That why I develop myself
that although we only use time series analysis to forecast of stock index 己对专业的理解和热情。感觉作者
both academically and socially. But it is more about dream, I want to
and macroeconomic variables, the dynamic data processing methods can 展现自己的经历和能力很多，但是
be a person with all-round development, just like I enjoy the feeling
obviously be used wider areas. Now, my lab are engaging in the Coun- 对专业的帮助不大。
when I am dancing on the stage, just like I make up one mind to trav-
termeasures Against Non-performing Loans Through Market Approaches 结尾：选校原因写得不够具体，感
el throughout the world. This is my dream. 9 years ago, I read a book
with a national research funding of ¥1,200,000. 觉是在没有充分调研的基础上，因
written by a boy who studied in Columbia, from then on, Columbia
If doing research with professor Tian and professor Zhao is one of my 作者这段的衔接不太好，从 为一个个人感性的原因选择的。不
became a part of my dream. The cultural atmosphere and teaching
step to pursue further study, my internship in bank and accounting firm 前面的研究到这里的实习并没有 太有说服力。
principles seem to be just set for me. And now, 9 years later, when I
may be my another step. I went to practice in China Bank of Communica- 很自然地联系起来。实习的内容
decided to further study in Columbia, I found that both course ar-
tions, the biggest joint-stock commercial banks in china, for a month this 也不太让人明白跟专业有何具体
rangement, and research direction, attract me a lot, let alone the am-
summer. Unlike others, I asked for job rotation on my own, being offered 的联系，缺乏进一步的解释。
ple job opportunities. All the twenty years I lived is pursuing further
the chance to do counter service, to offer financial advice and to do credit
destination, and Columbia is the next.
evaluation. Because of my imitative, the manager required me to sell 50
cards for exercise. Although there was something about promotion and
得分评定 语言：10/12
communication, it was even more a matter of analysis based on macro-
得分评定 内容：39/55 附加分：0/20
economy and technical indicators. Frankly speaking, I have to accept that
内容：51/55
论述：20.8/33 总分：70
with the current stereotyped finance advices in china it is more likely the
论述：26.8/33
comparatively high securities risk and immature investment market that
promotes the banks’turnover.
What I did in the lab or internship not only how to penetrate a project
through looking up information, anglicizing, finding and modifying solu-
tions, but it can also help me better understand financial derivations and
design my life.
Although I did much effort to enrich my academic experience, my activ-
ity experience will never be overshadowed. Actually, it strongly highlights
my college life, which can be easily proved by the 5 Excellent Student
Leaders or honor students awards, an honor for no more than 0.1% stu-
dents, each semester since 2010. 3. The most impressive one is organizing
the 2nd and 3rd International Summer Cultural Exchange of HIT, for more
than one hundred students and professors from top-class universities,
like Cambridge, in dozens of countries. So many things, setting travel
plans, propagating, communicating, offering networking platform, etc.
were proceeded with high efficiency and orderlineness that even drew
professor Wang’s, the headmaster of HIT, attention and won his high
棕榈大道已获得文书作者授权和发布其文书，其他机构不得转载、抄袭或用于商业用途，违者必究