Knights of The Dinner Table 255

available now print or PDF
available now print or PDF

available in August
CONTENTS
ISSUE 255: HACK-SCOVERY
REGULAR COLUMNS
34 Gamer Pulpit
A Hero is More than His Kit by Jack Shannon
DEPARTMENTS 46 Tales from the Table
Actual Tales from the Gaming Table
4 Cries from the Attic 57 Web Scryer
Editorial of a madman by Ken Newquist Venture to the Stars with Sci-Fi RPGs
GAMEMASTER’S WORKSHOP
5 Table Talk: Letters Page
41 Denizens of Tellene
Paki Lor’sum, Elor Marzu by Barb Blackburn
Our readers talk back
43 What Would the Wizard Do? by Nathaniel Parker
60 Back Room at the Games Pit 48 All Things Magic

An opinion arena where Pipe of Influence by Barb Blackburn
readers can sound off
49 Bait And Tackle
Adventure hooks on the fly
62 Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board
Classified ads, personals
51 Deadly Trappings
and other strangeness Elor’s Den by Barb Blackburn
SPECIAL FEATURES
35 REVIEWS
Moons
52 Lost Game Safari
How many moons can by Alan Hume
enhance your campaign AD&D First Quest
by James Davenport
55 Indy Game Scene
by J.L. Duncan
38 Barbarians of Lemuria
58 Off the Shelf
Order of the by Noah Chinn
Tempest The Disaster Artist
A new religious order 59 Brian’s Picks

by Kurtis Evans and Onward Bound, Gaslands,
Dr. Jayson Briscoe Frostgrave
© Copyright 2018, Kenzer and Company, All Rights Reserved. Knights of the Dinner Table® magazine
(ISSN 1526-307X) is published monthly by Kenzer and Company, 1659 N Claremont Ave, Chicago, IL 60647.
LEGAL NOTICE: Knights of the Dinner Table, HackMaster and Kingdoms of Kalamar are registered trademarks of Kenzer and Company. Hack-Scovery™, All Things Magic, Back Room at the
Games Pit, Bait and Tackle, Board Squawk, Brian’s Small Press Picks, Celebrity Hack, Cries from the Attic, Deadly Trappings, Disks of Wondrous Power, GameMasters’ Workshop, Game
Mechanic, Gamer Pulpit, GameVine, Gaming the Movies, Gary Jackson Files, Hacklopedia of Beasts, Hard Eight Enterprises, kenzerco.com, KODT, Lookin’ at Comics, Off the Shelf, One-Two
Punches, Parting Shots, Players’ Advantage, Radio Free KODT, Retro-KODT, RFKODT, Rustlers of the Night, SpellJacked, Summon Web Scryer, Table Talk, Tales from the Table, The Gamer’s
Rant on the Movies/TV. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, The “Indy” Game Scene, the Kenzer and Company Logo, The Quotable Gamer, Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board, W.W.A.G.D. and all promi-
nent characters and likenesses thereof are trademarks of Kenzer and Company.
2 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

®
COMIC STRIPS
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE
PUBLISHER Kenzer and Company

8 Containment EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Jolly R. Blackburn • jolly@kenzerco.com
10 The Elephant in the Room ASSISTANT EDITOR
Barbara Blackburn • barb_blackburn@kenzerco.com
15 The Call for Help KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM
Jolly R. Blackburn • Steve Johansson
18 Fight or Flight David S. Kenzer • Brian Jelke • Barbara Blackburn (+1)
22 My Answer is Silence HACKMASTER EDITOR Steve Johansson • steve@kenzerco.com

KODT STRIP ART Jolly R. Blackburn
25 If You Leave Me Now… COVER ART George Vrbanic
27 The After Action Review CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS

Brendon Fraim • Brian Fraim
Bill “Indy” Cavalier
63 One-Two Punches Jolly Blackburn • Neal Byles
Kaitlyn Lawrence • Carolyn Stogdill
Vaardmund
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Kenneth Newquist • Noah Chinn • Nathaniel Parker
Barbara Blackburn • Jolly R. Blackburn • James Davenport
OTHER TOONS J.L. Duncan • Alan Hume • Jack Shannon
Kurtis Evans • Dr. Jayson Briscoe
SALES/MARKETING/ADVERTISING
64 Additional Cartoons Steve Johansson • steve@kenzerco.com • 847-858-6847
Bill “Indy” Cavalier, Neal Byles, SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES orders@kenzerco.com
Kaitlyn Lawrence, Carolyn Stogdill,
Vaardmund. CHARMED PERSONS
Kevin Vance • Jack Grayson • Craig Zipse
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D T ™ was accidentally created by Jolly R. Blackburn
NIGHTS OF THE INNER ABLE
K way back in 1990 as ‘filler’ for his small press magazine, Shadis. It was
something of a ‘creative burp’ and Jolly really didn’t give it much thought.
Kenzer & Company KODT Subscriptions,
1659 N Claremont Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
Perhaps that’s why he was just as surprised as anyone that soon KODT was
overshadowing everything else he’d ever done and that the created was now Back Issues: Older issues and other KODT merchandise are avail-
able for direct purchase on our website at HTTP://WWW.KENZERCO.COM
controlling the creator. The Knights have gone far beyond anything Jolly or the D-Team (David
Kenzer, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and Barbara Blackburn) ever imagined. In 2006, Jolly was ATTENTION RETAILERS: If you are having difficulty getting our
inducted into the Hall of Fame. Now, with over 255 issues and over 78 trade paper backs under product (including back issues and RPGs) please call or e-mail us.
their belts, it’s been a wild ride and we look forward to seeing where the Knights take us next.
Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 3

DR. SMITH IN SPANX
F
unny thing happened last month. A few days Okay. So we have Parker Posey’s “Dr. Smith” — As the
after I put issue 254 to bed, Netflix’s reboot of episodes unfold, we slowly learn, through flashbacks,
Lost in Space aired. As a huge fan of the show as that the character illegally gains passage on a fleet of
a kid, I sat down and binged watched it immediately over colony ships leaving earth. How?
the course of a weekend. Loved it! But one aspect of it left By tying up and swapping identities with a rightful
me a little rattled. passenger.
Before I explain, I want to point out that anyone who’s Later, she kills another passenger in deep space who
known me the last twenty years knows that I make it a figures out the fraud. (well, I guess technically she left the
point to avoid reading other gamer comics. guy to die from his wounds — but still). Sound familiar?
There’s a very good reason. All of them, including Yeah, it did to me too. Each new detail revealed had me
KODT, draw from the same pool of ideas and inspiration. thinking, “oh no....” Pretty much the same backstory as
So I don’t want to inadvertently borrow someone else’s Patty’s character in the current story arc. Had we not
ideas. More importantly, I don’t want to be working on a already gone to press - I might have changed it up.
strip dealing with the Deck of Many Things only to find
What made the realization even worse for me was the
out such-and-such a comic just did the same thing.
fact Patty makes a joke in 254 about her character being
If there are such overlaps, I want them to be coincidental. so evil.
I have enough anxieties as a writer, and this just happens
“Sweet, I’m like the Dr. Smith of this campaign”.
to be one source I can easily take off my plate. Not
everyone understands my reasoning - and that’s okay. Granted — the coincidence probably matters more to
But I have to deal with my own head. me than the casual reader but my moment of panic was
real.
Back to Lost in Space.
The similarities were enough that I felt it merited
Now I had heard the role of Dr. Smith had been recast
mentioning here and to swear that I did not have an
as a woman, but that was really all I knew of the reboot.
advanced screening of LIS. ;)
So color me surprised when the character appeared on
the screen and it slowly dawned on me that the new Thankfully, Parker Posey wasn’t wearing spanx.
reimagined backstory for the character sounded very, So there’s that.
VERY familiar. Enjoy the issue folks!
Spoiler alert — stop reading if you haven’t seen Lost
in Space yet.
Jolly R. Blackburn
Still with me...? Good. May 2, 2018
From the “I hate when that happens” department — Patty’s

player character in Sara’s campaign coincidentally mirrors Parker
Posey’s character in the new Lost in Space reboot.
as a VETERAN PILOT — you immediately
APPLIED for assignment to the DESTINY FLEET
when the word went out of its formation.
you engineered
your passage — the SELECTION BOARD rejected your
through very application however — and further deemed
NEFARIOUS means. you “ineligible” to be placed in the LOTTERy.
good grief.
why not...? well — that’s
where it gets
interesting.
\’ll give
you the
CLIFF
NOTES
version.
and helping coaxing the others along things I’m so glad KenzerCo has been doing these
are off to a fresh and fun start. Really loved reboots of old story lines and I hope you
the away-from-the-table one on ones continue doing them.
between GM and player.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The mail just Reminded me so much of our high energy
never seems to stop. While we gaming back in the day when role-playing
make every effort to read each and was new and we were constantly trying new
every letter, it is not always possible things and approaches.
to give a personal reply. Even if your letter
I was reading one panel where Sara was
doesn’t happen to be published or if you don’t
laying down some really beautiful flavor text
get a direct response, rest assured you are
and thinking, “Wow.” Next panel, Bob (I
being heard.
think it was) makes a comment about her
Remember, KODT is an interactive narrative. Perfect.
magazine. We want you, the reader, to be
Patty’s “sketchy” character is going to be a
involved. So keep your suggestions, thoughts
lot of fun. Especially since she is embracing
and opinions (constructive and otherwise)
the role. She’s been shown to have a mis-
coming. Opinions expressed by readers are
chievous side. I hope she uses the excuse of
not necessarily shared by the editor or Kenzer
“just playing my character” on Bob or Dave
and Company. Please be aware that due to
to give them some grief.
space considerations, some letters have been
edited and/or trimmed. — Jolly Great work as always. Looking forward to
the next issue. If you are taking request, I’d love to see
ISSUE 254 Max P. 7 the Carvin Marvin/Tremble strips get the
treatment. As well as the Doomsday Pack.
Wow — an entire issue devoted to the CATTLEPUNK And of course, Space Hack.
Knights sitting at the table embarking on a CHRONICLES
new campaign. I have so much love for this Keeping doing what you guys do.
campaign already. Please let Patty stay in Hey Jolly, saw your announcement on Travis Keep 7
the game. At least for this story arc. I really Facebook about a new Cattlepunk trade
paperback coming out this summer. I loved I’m working on CattlePunk Chronicles: And
enjoy her interactions.
the earlier CP books and I really enjoyed, the Horse You Rode in On as we speak, Travis.
Sara selling the ‘boys’ on pregens was What I can tell you is it’s to be a 170 page
unexpected. Between her staying firm and Men that Hack as well.
Can you share any details...? trade paperback taking all the Cattlepunk
Brian’s willingness to at least try to change,
HOW TO CONTACT US
^: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion forums
7: via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and questions to jolly@kenzerco.com
. via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at KODT c/o KenzerCo 309 S Dilger Ave, Waukegan, IL 60085
z: via TWITTER — kenzerco or jollybgood FB: via Facebook — Kenzerco OR Jolly Blackburn
strips with Brian as the gamemaster,
massaging and giving them the ‘editor’s cut’
treatment like the previous books and
adding 30 to 40 all new pages of content.
At 170 pages (and that’s a rough estimate) it
will be the biggest KODT as far as page
count to date. — Jolly
EMPTY CHAIR
Can you run the Empty Chair for my
husband, Michael Way? He was a devoted
husband and a good friend. Also a wonder-
ful and caring father.
Michael had an incredibly difficult job
that took up much of his time but for the
last eight years he made it a point to have It gave me all kinds of smiles.
The Empty Chair
a games day here at the house at least Your artists have been killing it the past Eulogy for a Gamer
twice a month. It was a chance to relax, year or so. I have loved every cover but
and spend time with friends and family. Samurai Hack is something special. There is an empty chair,
And he got the idea to commit to them
Couple of comments on the strips. at the table this day.
after reading something you wrote in an
editorial years ago. So thank you for that. Sara sticking the players with pregens A hallowed place where,
who have no stand out stats, abilities or
Michael will be sorely missed. I don’t a friend once played.
skills is wicked genius. She set the stage
think I’ll ever be able to play a board game
and informed the players of their horrible The roll of his dice,
or read a copy of your comic without
predicament BEFORE they’d actually had a my ears long to hear.
thinking of him. His friends are planning on
chance to see their characters.
spreading some of his ashes at Origins this Or perhaps it would suffice,
summer (his favorite convention). We’d be By that point they are so stressed, when
proud to have you there if you have the they realized their characters have no if he should suddenly appear.
time. standout or notable stats, skills or abilities With character sheet in hand,
it only increases their worries. The icing is
Linda Way 7 and a bag of
that count down that sets the pace. Love it.
So sorry for your loss, Linda. I didn’t know Cheeze-doodles to share.
I may be borrowing elements of this
Michael well but it was always good to see
adventure to use at my own table. All his friends would stand,
him at conventions and seated at my table
at events. He had a contagious laugh. I Oh and Bob’s chain smoking. Searching
as he sat in the empty chair.
remember that keenly. Honored you would for smokes and nicotine patches. I laughed
have me. Yes. Of course. — Jolly out loud at that. I hear his voice a-callin’,
Thanks for another great issue. and it ties my heart in a knot.
For he cries,
Randy Y. 7
Glad you enjoyed the issue, Randy. Like “Though a comrade has fallen,
most KODT strips some of the recent strips You must play for those who cannot.”
have been inspired by real events at the
table. But for the most part this is Sara’s We conquered worlds on the run,
moment to shine. So I’m just letting the
KODT 254 story (and her) take me where they lead
he and I in the name of fun.
Another fun issue. I’ve never had any me. — Jolly And as others may come and go,
interest in playing a SciFi rpg until now. I make both friend and foe.
Sara’s campaign has really sucked me in.
CONGRATS!
Now idea where it’s going or what’s going I know I’m a little late but congrats on But what I long for most,
making it to 250 issues. Such a rare thing. I
to happen and that excited me. is our past now long a ghost.
can’t tell you how much joy the Knights
I have to ask. Is it based on a real life have brought me over the years.
game experience at the table? Here’s to 250 more!! Michael Way
I also really liked the cover on this issue. Frank Todd 7 q 1959 - 2018
Containment * by jolly r. blackburn
ONE DAY AGO: hard eight offices. \ really NEED to answer these QUESTIONS
from the WEBSITE. there’s a HUGE backlog.
yeah, hurry
up. HAPPY HOUR what...? the SAGE it was — he took FOUR
ends in forty ADVICE in-box? DAYS off to BINGE WATCH
hey, zeke — minutes! game of thrones on a
drop what yer \ thought it TRIAL SUBSCRIPTION.
doin’ and GRAB was TULEY’s
yer coat.... week to
do those. “bird flu” my ass.
skip and \
are headin’ over oh - \’d LOVE
the HARRY’s for to gents. slammin’
um.... a “WORKING a few DRINKS
LUNCH”. sounds good
about now.
but \
just can’t.
tell ya what — let oh gawd — \ HATE pullin’ SAGE ADVICE ya know — WES was
me finish replying duty — so many ANNOYING questions.
tellin’ me he had a
to THIS moron.
“what’s a good name for a TAVERN...?” guy who - now GET this...
\’m gonna NEED “do ORCS get FROST BITE?”
to get hammered idiot wanted to know if his
oh and, “my GM won’t let me have a HILL GIANT familiar.
after this one. character could get a RUNE
OF EYEBALL IMPLOSION
heh — \ had a DOOZY last month - tattooed on his forehead...
if \ had any HAIR
— \’d be PULLING guy wanted to know what would happen
if he drank a POTION OF GIANT STRENGTH
it out right now. his gamemaster NIXED it.
with a SHRINK POTION chaser...
\ hear ya. what was

\ wanta
he hoping to
CHOKE it HELPS to aCCOMPLISH?
‘em out remember they
sometimes. help put FOOD -
-tappita
on the table. p
swear to tap - ta
gawd — reach
RIGHT through
the screen.
the guy’s runnin’ a

oh — apparently his heh. well you haven’t seen ANYTHING...
CAMPAIGN - right?
character had the
CAPTIVATING SPEAKER talent. you know — the guy who
runs the shop down in MUNCIE...? we’re talkin’ a
SEASONED battle-
he wanted to say, that’s hardened GROGNARD.
actually pete ashton..?
take his HAT off pretty good.
at the RIGHT that’s the guy. he somehow let
oh gawd.
moment and... his PLAYERS pull a
\ may USE
not MUNCIE FAST ONE on ‘im.
that one. what about him..?
again.
well -
you get
the picture. check this out...
BIG
TIME!
* Initiate Flash Back sequence : In KODT# 253: Clean Sweep, Weird Pete revealed to his players that he had sent off his notes to Sage Advice on Hard Eight’s website
— to preemptively get JoJo Zeke’s blessing on his interpretation of how an ‘amped up’ Shocking Touch spell would affect the electronics of an M1 Abrams tank. This strip
peeks behind the curtain at Hard Eight when that message came in. — Jolly

don’t ask me how... so what’s the question?
w-wait...
but apparently how to FIND any remaining
they brought TANKS, WHAT..?!!!
SHRED of his DIGNITY?
HUMVEES, BRADLEYS
and a CRIT-TON of tell ‘im he’ll need TWEEZERS
modern weapons and a MAGNIFYING GLASS.
into GARWEEZE WURLD.
and now he’s a DISGRACE

he’s lookin’ to the GM
how the hell did \ dunno - started SHIELD.
for a off as some sort of
they manage that?
BANDAID. hybrid CRIME NATION/
HACKMASTER homebake.
damn!
now he’s
in over
his head.
mother of gawd — that poor dumb bastard.

\ kid you not. he wants to
know if an AMPED UP whadda ya
“shocking touch spell” would hrrmph - “dumb so what’d THINK, \ told him...?
take out the ELECTRONICS bastard is right. you tell ‘im?
on an ABRAMS’ TANK. no frickin’ way a FIRST LEVEL
spell would take out a MAIN
there — BATTLE LINE armored tank.
\’m quoting here — you SEE..??
he’s gonna have to
this is what
BITE the bullet of
“because \ happens his OWN stupidity.
EXPECT push when you
back from my SCREW with
players —” the rules.
“\ need an
official answer.” run the game,
R-A-W — or
GO HOME!!
that campaign is LOST — and the PLAYERS win.

whoah — that’s
imagine THAT tale from the table spreading.
a little HARSH —
good. it’s
dont’ ya think ZEKE?
um — exactly what are you saying...? settled. let’s
get out of here.
sure — he SCREWED UP. that blazed trails become highways - that’s what.
but there’s a they pull this off — others will follow.
LARGER ISSUE here. so we NIP it in the bud. back the man’s call.
setting damn. he’s got we all remember

alright,
PRECEDENT. a point, jojo. the TAMPA incident.*
alright.
but it
this needs sticks in bet —
to be my craw. first
he gets round’s
OWNED contained.
on me.
by his
PLAYERS
on this...?
* Tampa Affair: When a player wrote in to Sage Advice to question a call his GM had made on one of his character actions, Waco Bob’s unfortunate reply created a
precedent that was blamed for ‘breaking’ the Hackmaster 1.5E rules. This took months of time and new errata to fix — which in turn created a rift in the Hackmaster
community between those who favored Waco’s ruling (mostly players) and those opposed (gamemasters by and large).

The Elephant in the Room by jolly r. blackburn
RECAP: with under FORTY MINUTES dave, after you GAA! damn
remaining before the colony ship FIRE your PULSE PIECE OF
MARGOLLA burns up in the RIFLE — it begins to CRAP!!
ATMOSPHERE of an alien planet WHINE and VIBRATE okay — \ DIVE into i-it’s NOT my
— “TEAM LOTTERY” * has been in your hands... that pile of TWISTED fault, dude — \
DUCT WORK that fell STILL can’t take
frantically grabbing supplies and
from OVERHEAD!!
RACING against the clock to get the READ OUT on any ACTIONS!!
them BACK to the ESCAPE PODS, the WEAPON indicates
its degraded FUEL ya know — \
load up and JETTISON to safety. could REALLY what the
CELL is threatening
to go CRITICAL! use some HELP HELL, sara
but there’s been a GLITCH! here BOB!!! — can \ GO
now or what?
if it does —
BOB and DAVE — having SPLIT it’ll EXPLODE in
from the party to go searching your hands doing
for WEAPONS on their own — CONSIDERABLE DAMAGE
have encountered some — it BEHOOVES you
to HEED the warning not yet,
UNSPEAKABLE HORROR lurking and ALLOW the rifle bob — \’ll
in the bowels of the ship. we join to COOL DOWN. let you know
the action EIGHTEEN COUNTS when you can.
into a FIERCE BATTLE...
GEEZE LOUEEZE — bob relax — you CRITICALLY FUMBLED on your INITIATIVE.
it’s been almost it’s like he’s

DEAL WITH IT...? seriously...? INVISIBLE.
TWENTY SECONDS!! yeah. and \’m is THAT what you said?
sure there are
OTHER modifiers that’s easy for YOU to say.
and \’m just at play as well. curious...
STANDING THERE. you’re not STUCK in a ROOM with this
HORRID freak of nature unable to DO anything.
dude - what are YOU

you’re just \’ve got yeah - that
WHININ’ about..? the
dave’s gonna have to
BASTARD’s been
my OWN certainly is
already DEAL with it. problems. odd — it’s
COMIN’ AFTER me!! \’m
like BOB’s
squeezed down TWELVE POINTS!
okay...? not even there.
off FIVE
SHOTS!!
bob — let’s
“FEAR REVIEW — alright? you’re a LONG WAY from KANSAS — dorothy. up until
PARALYSIS”... you STEPPED on this ship — you were a mundane CHAIN-
standing before you is, SMOKING ASTHMATIC — an ex-civil engineer on the FADE.
hrmmph. um, what did you call it?
“on the FADE”...? what’s that supposed to mean...?
a “HORRID FREAK OF NATURE”.
what sort of
CRAP is that? an 8 foot tall BIPEDAL CREATURE it means as far as YOU were concerned
— with HULKING ARMS and — your BEST YEARS were behind you.
TALON-LIKE CLAWS, a BODY
sounds MADE UP rippling with BONEY SPIKES HEY!!! that’s my CHARACTER
— HACKMASTER and the HEAD OF AN ELEPHANT you’re talkin’ about. what gives?
doesn’t have any sitting on its shoulders...
such NONSENSE. needless to say — you are WELL outside
and where you might the parameters of your comfort zone. \’d be damned if \’d
expect a TRUNK to be... let someone dis MY
and the reality is — you were woefully character like that.
is a WRITHING unprepared and inadequately trained
MASS of DOZENS OF for the situation you find yourself in.
jess sayin’
BARBED TENTACLES.
dorothy...
-giggle-
* Team Lottery — The characters all won their seats on the Margolla through a special lottery — allowing mundane, every-day citizens an opportunity to escape
the coming destruction of earth along with those special individuals chosen for their skills or merit.

okay, so COUNT NINETEEN — dave you CRAWL among the twisted
this is UNQUESTIONABLY the duct work and the CREATURE is right on your heels — he’s much
most TERRIFYING MIND-NUMBING too LARGE to CRAWL IN behind you — but you hear his POWERFUL
experience of your life, bob. claws and tentacles PEELING BACK the heavy gauge sheet metal
searching for you — like a NOUGAT CANDY in a FOIL WRAPPER.
you ROLLED POORLY — so yes —
you’re standing there FROZEN —in sunuva bitch. \-\ SCRAMBLE
PANTS-WETTING FEAR, unable to ACT. — KEEP CRAWLING DEEPER!! oooo —
dammit... dave - use the
once again — COM-LINK on
when you y-you think we broke the your G-NOES!*
noted — but omigawd there are MORE FIRST RULE.
manage to
GATHER your you may run — the thing’s of these things UPDATE the
senses and out of DUcT relentless! runnin’ around? NEVER split rest of us
STEEL your WORK to hide in. the party. on your
NERVE... STATUS!!
\’ll let you

know. ‘kay?
oh snap — whoah, whoah, whoah — unfortunately for YOU, dave —

that’s right.
you cannot ACT on that advice now.
NO! JUST NO!!
\ TOTALLY
aaah - now huh...? b-but \
forgot.
brian — \’ve WARNED that’s a little would’a THOUGHT of it.
you about COACHING. HARSH. isn’t it?
doh!
we can CALL eventually. sorry,
for BACK UP!! you are NOT there. \’m not dave.
finished.
oh frickin’ A!! you can’t

SWEET! here offer any
dude — \ got comes the advice.
us COVERED. CAVALRY!
SLA WE CLEAR...?
roll a d10.
P¡¡
thanks to brian - that’s how
many COUNTS you’ll have to wait
before you THINK to make that
call for help — YOURSELF.
very well — you can make that call so sara...

on COUNT 24 — if you’re still able.
shoot... this thing - it’s
\ rolled a paying me no MIND..?
LOUSY five.
meanwhile — count 20... really...?
if \’m STILL it’s busy tryin’ to dig
able - what’s DAVE’S ass out. right?
bob, you’ll be happy \ can GO?
to know you may that supposed
now \ HAD my pulse
NOW take an ACTION. to mean...? FINALLY...? rifle READIED before we
ENCOUNTERED this thing.
seriously - what if
thank
there are MORE of how far
these lurkin’ about? am \ from
goodness.
it now?
* G-Noes — All of the characters found they had these communication wristbands on when they awoke in their cryogenic sleep pods.

say — what would the DING on my TO-HIT be
oh — about thirty-five feet.
as far as MODIFIERS — you know, takin’
thirty-five feet into account the LACK of a WEAPON
currently the creature
eh...? damn. PROFICIENCY and my CURRENT range?
has his BACK to you
as it TEARS through the
TWISTED pile of metal \’m not gee, \ dunno bob. what WOULD it be...?
searching for its QUARRY. PROFICIENT
with this do you think your CHARACTER would know...?
dave, you REACH weapon. \ mean NOT being familiar with the weapon and all.
a point in the
DUCT where you oh - that oh...? we’re gonna
can continue with no is SO old and a play it like THAT
BASIS for school, FAIR are we...? -sigh-
straight for point.
comparison? sara.
perhaps ten
FINE!
more feet — or
turn LEFT. hmm...?
noted — but be aware — the ENTIRE FLOOR of for crying

the VAULT* is littered with debris and broken vials. out loud...
\’ll hold my fire,
this count then. it’s going to prove very difficult to walk “quietly” you are NOT there.
\’m gonna remember? ZIP IT

move up a bit with the advice.
don’t sweat it, bob. hey - good idea.
closer. yeah - time your
FOOTSTEPS to the
with all the RACKET \ do THAT. o-oh. right. -sigh-.
careful to SOUNDS of his
that thing’s makin’...? my bad. sorry.
move as QUIETLY THRASHING about.
as \ can.
you should be fine. don’t blow it
man — you might sorry, sara. it’s so
-sputter- only get ONE shot. hard - \ feel HELP-
GUYS..?!!! LESS looking on.
y-yes
PLEASE. well, ma’am.
STOP it.
several counts later...

HOODY HOO!!
hardly dave — you realize it’s only
dave — you SPRINT out of the been SEVEN SECONDS in GAME TIME....
\’m TYIN’ off the
END of the ductwork and make
WOUND on my thigh.
it to the PILE OF ASH AND DEBRIS
ten feet away and DIVE for cover. however, you CAN make that call
then \ take a LOOK at on your G-NOES next COUNT.
the READ OUT on
it appears you pulled it off. my rifle — has it
COOLED DOWN yet..? you bet \ do — \’m
the ENRAGED contactin’ the OTHER
if you have a group next count.
creature was so MIND to that is.
focused on its task
of RIPPING things my palms are mine too.
APART it FAILED sweating here.
to NOTICE your
MAD DASH.
^“heh -- just LIKE the two of you LOSERS to go WASTING a wish on some DAME. you BOTH have it
wrong. you don’t get to the WEALTH by going through a WOMAN -- you do it the OTHER WAY around…
everybody knows that WOMEN follow the money.” — Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #113, Drawn and Quartered

then — as if you had passed an INVISIBLE LINE — the CREATURE
back to you, bob.
halts its THRASHING through the metal heap and without
warning PIVOTS toward you — its BARBED TENTACLES flinging
you close your
out from the CENTRIFUGAL FORCE in a FAN-LIKE fashion.
RANGE to within ten feet
of the CREATURE.
it then PAUSEs GAAAA!!!
as it faces your dude — you better
he STILL has had his BACK
direction — almost take the SHOT — interesting.
to you this ENTIRE time. MOTHER
as though it is OF GAWD...
seeing PAST you... and be QUICK about it. \ think maybe
seemingly it has some
g
\-\ FIRE AT HIM!!! sort of ranged
oblivious then it CROUCHES - proximity
to your outstretches its ARMS sensory ability.
aimin’ at
PRESENCE. and begins to GROWL! his HEAD!!!
oh no — \
think it’s
about to
POUNCE!
go ahead and roll your ATTACK, bob.

\’m sorry, brian...
take a -6 modifier if you would.
what was that?
MINUS SIX...? seriously...?

you SAY
something...? the frickin’ thing is the SIZE of
STUTTGART — how could \ miss...? okay —
here
kick its ass, dude. goes!
make it good —
just good
m-me...? coz it’s about \ hit it TWICE if it was ME — \’d
roll, luck,
to HIT the — it’s gotta aim for CENTER OF
bob. bob.
be FEELIN’ it. MASS. \’m not there
oh... um, no. proverbial fan. —but that’s just me.
-sh
o
-sh oka-
sorry. oo
ka-
actually, bob —you r-really...?

DAMN - \ rolled sTILL hit the creature.
a stinkin’ TWELVE.. \-\ HIT..?!!!!
just not the SPOT
a modified SIX. where you were aiming.
turns out its HOODY HOO¡¡

you are SO \ shoulda IMMENSE size
hosed, dude. used MEAN is a FACTOR.
GENE..
CRAP¡ roll a D8 for

good oh yeah — that sunuvabitch is about to
me to determine EAT 4d8 points of ENERGY BOLT, baybee!!
where it’s hit. shootin’
TEX!!
he’s goin’
as well as SLAP¡ DOWN!! good
a DAMAGE roll. job, bob!!
^ “\ do EXACTLY as the GOBLIN says, uncle bob. \ throw down my MONEY

and WEAPONS and \ LEAVE the DUNGEON. sounds like we were TRESPASSING.”
—Croix Herzog, KODT Issue #128, The Goblin Tower

several ROLLS later... the FOLLOWING COUNT however...
the PULSE strikes the creature in the CHEST opening the CREATURE springs to its
up a GAPING WOUND — the BOLT also severs two feet — with CAT LIKE REFLEXES.
TENTACLES that were within the line of trajectory.
ENRAGED, it POUNDS
the ship’s DECK with
MR. HORRID lets out a BLOOD CURDLING HOWL —
one of it’s GREAT
taloned fists —
he actually FALLS BACK on his HAUNCHES
among the shredded bits of DUCT WORK.
even at TEN FEET away you
HOODY HOO¡¡¡ can feel the FLOOR PANELS
where he lies h-he’s DOWN..?!! beneath your feet
CLUTCHing at HAAA! REVERB from the IMPACT.
his WOUNDS poor thing. YEESS¡ that’s how SWEET¡
and WHIMPERING it’s DONE!
then it goes MOTIONLESS
for a moment — before
facing you and assuming
a CROUCHING position.
w-wait... dude — no!!! PLAY DEAD!!

it’s WHAT...?!! ALRIGHT, BRIAN....
SAY WHAT...¿¡¡
i-it’s BACK UP!!! THAT’S IT¡
are you NUTS...?
-sputter-
OUT¡¡¡ NOW¡¡¡
\’m tellin’ ya —
\-\’m AIMING again... STAND MOTIONLESS.
um - that
does NOT
sound like a and WHAT..? \’m tellin’
GOOD idea. become a ya — \
CHEW TOY...? think this
thing...
w-what...? yes - \’m kicking you out!!!
y-you’re matter of fact — b.a., patty

KICKING — ALL THREE of you. OUT!!! save it,
ME out...? brian.
just GO
go WAIT in the living room. — now!
\-\ apologize,
\’m SEPARATING the GROUPS sara. REALLY.
until this encounter is over.
it won’t
sure, sara. \ can yeah. makes happen again.
sense to me.
g
understand that.
z
\’ll be out SHORTLY
to give you more
INSTRUCTIONS.
^ “c’mon, b.a. what the HELL’S going on? \ don’t want any CRAPPY wicker furniture.’”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #125, The Wicker Man

The Call For Help by jolly r. blackburn
several minutes later...

hey — \ SAID \ was sorry. you heard me.
\ just kept gettin’ CAUGHT UP in it. — that’s all.
this is
the SUSPENSE — ridiculous
it’s killing me. if you sure, big guy. it happened
ask me. to ALL of us to be honest.
makin’ us wait
you..? my in the LIVING the boys were in
STOMACH is ROOM. — WHY? such a PANIC —
in a knot. \’m
legitimately
it was HARD not
STRESSED, we’re NOT
to just BLURT
CHILDREN!
out advice.
\ WONDER
how it’s
GOIN’ in there?
c’mon, brian.
you KNOW why.
what was “HARD” details...? how so...? huh...?

was watchin’ those
two not payin’ well that CREATURE for example — now
ATTENTION to DETAILS seemed to ME it was BLIND as a bat. who could
and BLOWIN’ it!! THIS be...?
really...? -chew- you didn’t
-ch0mp- and not wait. PICK UP on that? my guess is
bein’ able to it was? blind? it was TRACKING by MOTION.
SAY anything.
possibly by HEAT
SIGNATURE or
even SOUND...
which the ship’s

KLAXXONS are
probably wreakin’
Incoming call: what
HAVOC on.
DAVE the hell...?
BOZWELL
BZZZ¡¡
BZZZ¡¡
yo dude — what’s up...? MAYDAY! MAYDAY!! we’re yeah yeah - look, dude...
in DEEP KIMCHI here!!
\ don’t know if our G-NOES are
what’s with the... huh???
we’re gettin’ our gonna share your COORDINATES.
“JASPER WELLS”..? ASSES kicked!!! you’re in a GHOSTED part
of the ship. so give me....
who the we need some BACK UP!
hell is that...?
COME QUICK¡¡ dave - \ SAID
to hang up.
oh...wait.
okay, dave.
so this that’ll do.
call is in sorry, dude.
CHARACTER? hang up! gotta go.
KLICK¡¡
H-HELLO?
DAVE?
^ “she’s got a good point, BIG GUY. \ want to DRAW and QUARTER him as MUCH
as you do, but \ can’t throw down on a man when he’s CRYING like a baby.”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #86, A Maze Runs Through It…

HEH - clever. that was dave. \ guess SARA let okay so first off — \ didn’t ask you
‘im use his CELL PHONE to simulate the COMM. to leave the table to PUNISH you.
\ just needed to STOP the back and

forth exchange of information that
so — that \ SUPPOSE we wait your characters shouldn’t have had.
was thier so now for SARA to come
call for what...? out to bring us...
HELP? my bad for not doing it sooner.
no need to so here’s
explain, sara. the deal...
actually...
\’m right
here, guys.
um —excuse me, sara — \ gotta know.

time hasn’t you JUST got the DISTRESS CALL from
stopped for you — BOB and DAVE over the COMM.
\’m a little concerned — the COUNTDOWN.
it’s TICKING AWAY

with everything going on — do you DROP what you’re
where are we AT exactly...? as we speak.
doing and RACE to assist them...?
\ was just about so — \ need to know
yeah - \’m kinda to cover that. what you’re DOING. or — do you CONTINUE
wonderin’ about
that myself..
with the TASK at hand...?
you’ve got
same 36 MINUTES - RIGHT taking the supplies back to the
here. more or less. NOW! escape pods and loading them.
whoah... pump those brakes, guys.

and \’m going well - duh! we RACE shouldn’t we DISCUSS this first...?
to need an to assist the boys.
ANSWER now... what’s to discuss...?
OBVIOUSLY.
before \ you forget — we don’t know EXACTLY where
go back in. they are — they’re in an AREA of the ship
that’s GHOSTED on our displays. remember?
yeah - what
none of us have CLEARANCE.
she said.
well no —
sure — but
but our not the ROUTE
devices will or TWISTY
show the passageways
DIRECTION and to take to
DISTANCE to GET to them.
thier location.
you heard,
SARA — the
shouldn’t clock’s
they...? TICKING.
^ “CRIPES! and with the BINDER OF DOOM…? he’s sitting on a veritable DOOMSDAY DEVICE.”
—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #124, If Not for the Bullet

hey —don’t look at me like that. you’ve
gotta look at the BIG PICTURE here. SECONDLY — we may be HUMANITY’s last hope of SURVIVING.
first off — \ ORDERED ‘em to

GIVE UP their SEARCH and HEAD BACK. think about that
you ALL heard me — they BLEW me off. for a moment.
what are you suggesting, hold up. we don’t KNOW if

brian. that we LEAVE them? anyone else in
\’m not the DESTINY FLEET
that’s CoLD - finished. has survived.
even for you.
we just don’t —
we could be IT!!
we’ve got a
RESPONSIBILITY
here — bigger
than OURSELVEs.
and don’t forget — we didn’t KNOW each other

you know what...?
— until a few hours ago — when we WOKE up.
without giving TOO MUCH away
are you really WILLING to risk it all — on a
— my character is no SAINT.
TOSS OF THE DICE? on a couple of STRANGERS...?
and who’s to say they’ll be ALIVE \ don’t think she

when or IF we get to them.../ WOULD toss those dice.
quickly folks
or that we’ll have enough time to — QUICKLY...
if we’re being honest....
make it BACK and EScAPE in TIME?
\ REALLY
darn... do need to
keep things
he has moving. \ suppose
some good \ wouldn’t
points. either.
okay, sara — there’s your

so — we’re in AGREEMENT...? ANSWER. we’re CARRYING
yeah — sure, sure... on with our mission — takin’ the
we CONTINUE with what we were doing. SCURRIES loaded with SUPPLIES
factoring in back to the POD BAYS.
a reasonable
get this stuff back to the SAFETY CUSHION
POD BAYS and LOAD everything up. on TIME for you can tell the guys
OURSELVES if they’re NOT back
yeah. \’m in. you got my vote.
of COURSE. by T-MINUS 10 minutes —
we LEAVE without ‘em.
mine as well —
yeah - what
but - we WAIT til the she said.
LAST possible moment
before JETTISONING. oh no — you’ve got a
COMM — you can CONVEY
we give the that message yourself —
BOYS a but wait FIVE minutes.
FIGHTING
chance to
make it back.
no pun
intended.
^ “GAA!!! NAMUH STEW is PEOPLE…??!!”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #140,One-Two Punches

Fight or Flight by jolly r. blackburn
a wee bit later still... those sunsabitches —

“sorry — the
calvarys
T-THEY AIN’T COMING!!
not comin’.”
that’ll
dude...?
suffice, huh...? whatta ya
what’s that’s what
bob — wrap MEAN they ain’t comin’?
he sayin’?? the FAT HEAD
it up.
of COURSE they’re coming. just TOLD me!
they should dude - they

already be ain’t coming.
bob — HANG
on their way.
what the UP! shipboard
HELL, big guy...? INTERFERENCE
is this some has cut the
sort of JOKE? SIGNAL.
he said they took a VOTE — well — \ hate to ADD to p-pinpoint...?

your problems, guys — but
and that we’re “on our OWN.” said it’s up the CREATURE has been MOVING w-who...? ME?!!
to US to get to the POD BAY by T-MINUS 10. in slow deliberate circles.
-sputter-
standing MOTIONLESS and silently in
and if we don’t...? place seemed to be helping you AVOID
WHAT’S HE
DETECTION — but the beast
THEY’RE GONNA FRICKIN’ DOING...?!!
has been METHODICALLY moving in
LEAVE — WITHOUT US!! ever-widening circles in SEARCH MODE.
no way, man. unfortunately

for you, b0b — brian’s
they ain’t incoming communication
brian maybe.
coming, dude. and the resulting
but b.a. and patty
would never agree to CHATTER has
that — would they? helped him to PINPOINT
your location.
yes — but only

GAAA!!! I-I FALL PRONE ¡¡ for a MOMENT as
it is moving toward you —
at a GOOD RATE of speed. it SPRINTS past your
\ try finding COVER — HIDING position behind
behind any TRASH or DEBRIS the FILTRATION UNIT.
it’ll CLOSE the 40
lyin’ immediately near by.
feet of distance
separating the TWO of you if you’re going to
in THREE to FOUR counts. THEN I FREEZE AGAIN¡ take a shot you
have to declare it.
IS HE STILL COMIN’...?
NOW —
so \ NEED to yes — your
DAMN! sara, does
know what MOVEMENT has and it’ll be
it FALL in my LINE
you’re doing. caused it to an unaimed,
OF SIGHT as
INCREASE its PACE! SNAP SHOT.
it PASSES..?!
it is RUNNING
with an
on ALL fours now! additional
-4 modifier.
^ “POLLUTING the water supply of a SWORN enemy is a completely LEGITIMATE action,

PETE. remember when SKRAAG FALLOW took a whiz in the town fountain in those
HACKMASTERS OF EVERKNIGHT books? when \ read that part \ JUMPED up from my chair
and CHEERED! that was some heroic stuff.” —Johnny Kizinski, Bundle of Trouble #4, De-Meritorious Conduct

ONE ROLL LATER... your BOLT strikes the CREATURE on
\’m takin’ the SHOT!!
the SIDE of its ABDOMEN — the SEARING
burst of ENERGY illuminates the SHADOWS.
we ain’t got time DUDE¡¡¡ NAT-TWENTY!!
for this — HIDIN’ IN it goes DOWN on one KNEE, then
THE DARK while the ANOTHER — as it FACE PLANTS
HOODY HOO¡¡
YOU NAILED IT!! and slides across the DECK.
CLOCK ticks down.
HAAA HAAAA¡¡ that was

frickin’
let’s END SWEET!!
got yer
THIS...!!!
BACK, dude!!
put ‘er
THERE!
your ELATION is SHORT-LIVED, however.
although BROUGHT to a STOP — the

SH
creature is almost IMMEDIATELY back on
SH OO
OO KA its feet — and PREPARING to continue its
KA ¡ CHARGE toward bob without losing FOCUS.
¡
and \’m AFRAID

there’s MORE.
your PULSE RIFLE begins to WHINE in alarm again.

ooo — \ FLING the
only THIS TIME it has gone critical: the READ well... NICELY
OUT indicates “EXPLOSION IMMINENT”...!! rifle — OVERHAND!! PLAYED, dave.
right at that
WHAT...¿¡¡¡ CTHULHU-LOOKIN’
DUDE — throw roll a d20
NINE-LIVES for me to see
oh c’mon, SARA. you the RIFLE!!!
can’t GIVE ME this one? sunuvabtich!! where it LANDS.
“GIVE”...? you mean FUDGE IT? \ dunno.

DAVE!!!
we ARE playing, “let the dice maybe. -sigh-
fall where they may” here, dave. THROW
\ suppose not.
— but DAMN.
THE
would you REALLY want me RIFLE!!
to CHEAPEN the experience
by “GIVING IT” to you..?
one roll later still... well — the RIFLE actually BOUNCED and
LANDED under the CREATURE while on
the RIFLE leaves your HAND and ARCS all FOURS — when it DETONATED,
through the air — TURNING end over end.
and not a MOMENT too soon! the FORCE of the BLAST sends its ENORMOUS MASS airborne
— the creature strikes the CEILING at a LOW ARC bringing
for the EXPLOSION is IMMEDIATE —
the CONCUSSIVE FORCE is STAGGERING! down MORE ductwork before LANDING some 15 feet away.
you are WELL WITHIN the BLAST RADIUS where it TUMBLES end over end before
unfortunately — the SHOCK WAVE knocks you coming to REST on an OVER TURNED forklift.
BACK and out of your HIDING PLACE — throwing
you HARD against the side of the SCURRY.
cripes! just how
unbelievably - it is STILL ALIVE many HIT POINTS yeah -
— though it APPEARS to be does this thing have? but it’s
dang! that WHAT
take off FOUR ABOUT MR.
DISORIENTED and STUNNED. DOWN!
puts me down
POINTs of damage HORRID..?
to THREE.
from the IMPACT
^ “he’s coming. SQUIRRELY found out STEVIL’S defenseless with his hands all bandaged
up like that. he took advantage of the situation… he took stevil’s WALLET and INHALER
and crawled down the HEATING DUCT.” —Pete Ashton, Bundle of Trouble #12, A Mute Point

so \’m up against the SCURRY...?!!
you SECURE the RIFLE — no problem there. but
when you try to ACTIVATE it? — it does SQUAT.
\’m REACHIN’ into the BED — grabbin’ the
OTHER rifle we SCAVENGED from the BODIES.
it has a DEAD FUEL CELL — you grabbed it for
PARTS — or did you FORGET that minor detail.
\ HIT the
CHARGIN’ SARA — when \ see the
CREATURE go down — no — but \ was hopin’ YOU did.
lever and ARM IT!
\ JUMP UP and make a whoah —
DASH for the SCURRY! \ guess, \’ll JUMP
into the DRIVER’S seat — get out of
nice try. DODGE...?
wait for BOB to hop
on then get the hell
out of DODGE!
you mean RUN AWAY...? and what...? just LEAVE but, dude — the COUNT DOWN.
that BASTARD lying there..? we got less than 15 MINUTES.
before they LEAVE our ass.
well — yeah.
why the hell NOT?. are you NUTS...? who KNOWS how so..? what’s a FEW SECONDS?
many E-PEES lay we need to FINISH it off.
DUDE — \’m suckin’ after ALL we UNRAKED on the table.
if this is anything like the
FUMES here for WENT through HACKMASTER RULES — we’ll
HIT POINTS. here — just only get PARTIAL E-PEES for this
WALK AWAY? what the encounter if we don’t get the KILL.
hell’s
WRONG
with you? hey. you’re right.
you have you KNOW

GOT to be \ am.
KIDDING me.
don’t forget — we’re little more

umm — hold up, guys. yeah... so...?
than ZERO LEVEL characters here.
who KNOWS when another COMBAT this CREATURE has been we’re gonna FINISH
MOPPING THE FLOOR with you.
OPPORTUNITY like this will come along? this, sara. c’mon,
now you’re comin’ \ mean you’ve SEEN what he’s resume the COUNT.
E-PEES we don’t around — it’ll give us capable of — shrugging off
have to SHARE a LEG UP on the OTHERS. THRESHOLD OF PAIN checks. heh - look at her, dude.
with the PARTY.
she’s actually tryin’
RIGHT? you know — the ones
some pretty HEAVY indications to E-PEE BLOCK us.
who just VOTED not
it has some sort of
to come to our AID?
REGENERATIVE ABILITIES...
brian was right
about ONE THING —
she’s been keepin’ the
it GREW a PRESSURE ON — to keep
yo, sara — \ pull out my oh no — \’m SPRINTING. new TALON... us off our FOOTING.
PISTOL. \’m RUNNIN’ over \ get there FIRST!
to deliver a HEAD SHOT. in a matter
braggin’
of SECONDS.
rights for oka-
-sho
you’re oka-
the KILL -sho -sh
what..? are goin’ remember? -sh ooka
-
oo
ka-
RIGHT HERE!
^ “let’s see… upon DEATH or PERMANENT INCAPACITATION of lender, lendee assumes full legal
possession of all personal property including, but not limited to, CASH, REAL GOODS, SECURITIES,
I.O.U.S, TREASURE SHARES, BEASTS OF BURDEN… damned shame that protege garnishment
clause becomes void on his death.” —Stevil Van Hostile, KODT Issue #83, Shanks for the Memories

-sigh- okay, guys. \’m going to you might want to SEIZE it —
take off my GM’S cap for a moment. and again — the GM’s CAP if off.
let me EXPLAIN something to you — this is HACKWURLD!! okay? it’s not all
about KILLING THINGS and TAKING THEIR STUFF as it is in HACKMASTER.
in case it wasn’t clear — the
SCURRY — a FULLY FUNCTIONAL
vehicle is literally at ARMS REACH.
\ might not be PULLING MY PUNCHES — but \’m also not out to “GET YOU”.
this game is about SURVIVAL - at ALL costs. and you need to be with a top speed of 72 kilometers per
thinking in THOSE terms. sure you want to garner E-PEES and hour. and PLENTY of room to do a U’EY
such. but point whoring and scrambling for BRAGGING RIGHTS... and RACE back down the passageway.
that sort of mentality can get you KILLED. you have to play it SMART.
your first impulse to RUN...? that wasn’t such a BAD IDEA.
not telling you
you MANAGED to INCAPACITATE the CREATURE — what to DO mind
momentarily — by a STROKE of good fortune. you — just
reminding you
there’s yet another of your options.
window of opportunity here.
take a DEEP BREATH, consider

everything \’ve just told you.
ask yourself —what’s in

the BEST INTEREST of
your characters - not to
mention the CAMPAIGN...
the CAP
is back on.
now — TELL
me what you
want to do?
I COUP DE GRAS THE BASTARD¡¡
\ run up with my NO WAY — I CALL DIBS¡¡

PISTOL — BLAAM!!
BLAAM!! BLAAM!! \ started RUNNING first.
| TRIP DAVE WITH MY RIFLE!!!
h -sho
-sho
oka-
oka- -sh
-sh ooka
oo -
ka-
^ “it MAY have been a COUPON -- ONCE… but NOW…? it’s just a LUMP of MUSH. \ can’t even READ it.”
—B.A. Felton, KODT Issue #124, Choose Your Poison

My Answer is Silence by jolly r. blackburn
a wee bit later...

not that it CHANGES anything. we’re just bein’
RESPONSIBLE
if they don’t make it BACK to to the, um...
the POD BAY by the deadline...?
oh my— will
you LISTEN to well that’s we’re STILL leavin’ without ’em. uht oh... did
‘em in there..? GOOD right...? it just get
understood. REALLY quiet...?
means they’re hey - we’re
\ sure hope it doesn’t
not BAD
still ALIVE come down to that.
GUYS, b.a.
and KICKIN’.
BOOM!! —
sounds like
they’re puttin’
up one hell
of a FIGHT. yeah...
\ suppose.
meanwhile...
“MR. HORRID” then turns its attention back to dave’s LIMP
BODY which it still clutches at its side — in a CLENCHED talon.
bob — the BLOW from the
creature’s TENTACLE sends you with its GREAT STRENGTH it holds you OUTSTRETCHED
FLYING — you SAIL 17 feet and land between its ARMS, dave — before RIPPING YOU IN HALF!!
HARD on a toppled WELDING CARt.
it holds your LEGS AND ABDOMEN FOUR COUNTS...?

take SIX POINTS in one TALON — and your TORSO and
of damage — SHOULDERS in the other — with only \ take a PUFF
your ENTRAILS connecting the two. from my INHALER -
your LEFT ANKLE
is shattered — so — how much does THAT help?
you are STUNNED DAMAGE was that?
and MOANING in
AGONY for
FOUR COUNTS.
its BLOOD FRENZY somewhat

SATIATED — the BEAST holy crap.
w-what the hell. so am
lets out what can ONLY \ still ALIVE or what?
be describe as a PURR... so \’m ALONE...?
as it begins to BASH s-sara - \’m gonna

the two BODY PARTS you never said. lie as MOTIONLESS
together — repeatedly... as possible — not
makin’ a PEEP, here.
damn, dude.
oh you are “WHAT,” dave.
again, and you had to ask?
again, and DEAD and mercifully
again!! it’s PLAYING
FREED from your bad you like a MEAT
SAD LIFE of making decisions?
ACCORDION.
BAD DECISIONS.
^ “we only AGREED to his convoluted ‘PLAN’ to shut him the frick up. we’d
still be poring over his risk assessment projections on OVERLAY 6 if \ hadn’t.!”
—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #158, Remember the Ala-Moooo

that is an EXCELLENT unfortunately you are in INTENSE AGONY — mr. horrid
and well thought out having FAILED your THRESHOLD OF PAIN check. DISCARDS
course of ACTION - bob. dave’s body
like the
you don’t have the presence of mind nor the MUD VEIN of
fortitude to STOP your writhing and moaning. a SHRIMP
a very SENSIBLE thing to do.
something that AND POUNCES!!

has DRAWN the you got a blank
shame we character sheet,
creature’s attention
haven’t seen handy, sara?
BACK to you.
MORE of
that in this
engagement.
it TURNS to face your oh gawd...
direction and crouches like a cat.
well that sucked.

well — \ guess
and by “POUNCES” \ mean it LITERALLY \ thought PISTOL WHIPPING we’ll take a COUPLE
leaps SEVENTEEN FEET to where you LIE and ‘im was starting to have some of blank character
LANDS on you with its CRUSHING WEIGHT. EFFECT there at the end. sheets, sara.
we could ROLL dice, \ suppose. oh. it did — it PISSED \’d like to get
him off even MORE! back into things as
but it’s pointless. it SNAPS quick as \ can.
your SPINE with its tentacles.
\ feel like \ came a LONG
we were WAY from SAN
then — alone, in the headlights
SET UP. JOSE — just to
of your SCURRY it settles
DIE in deep space.
down to FEAST on its PRIZE.
g g
oh no, bob. that’s not how it’s going to work. sorry.

we ARE getting new characters... RIGHT?
oh. so PREGENS again? -sigh-
okay. whatever. any chance you could yeah. you’re not
give me one with a few SKILLS this time? BOOTING us from t-that
the campaign. are ya? wouldn’t
yeah. maybe we could go
be right.
through the STACK or something.
um, no. that’s not gonna happen. hey -

living
tell you what — why don’t you what
room?
boys go out into the LIVING ROOM. gives?
send the others

in if you would.
^ “let’s see… upon DEATH or PERMANENT INCAPACITATION of lender, lendee assumes full legal
possession of all personal property including, but not limited to, CASH, REAL GOODS, SECURITIES,
I.O.U.S, TREASURE SHARES, BEASTS OF BURDEN… damned shame that protege garnishment
clause becomes void on his death.” —Stevil Van Hostile, KODT Issue #83, Shanks for the Memories

-sigh- alright. will do. brian
of course not — \’m not saying that. DID snag the LAST root beer.
but it’s COMPLICATED — oh and LISTEN — when you go out there...

you’re gonna have to SIT TIGHT
until \ can get back to you. you are NOT to convey any information to the
others as to WHAT happened here. understand..?
matter of fact —
absolutely nothing.
why don’t you two okay, okay. our LIPS are sealed.
make a SODA RUN.
if they ASK - your we could DO without the threats.
answer is SILENCE.
this could sure. you
\ WILL dock you E-PEES if
TAKE awhile. can count on
you give up any details.
US, sara.
WE CLEAR?
thanks, a few minutes later.

guys. yeah — did you KILL it..? are
you guys on your WAY back...?
hey —
that should how’s it
do it for now. BOB¡¡¡ GOING sorry, guys. strict orders.
in there?
can’t answer ANY questions.
where’s DAVE?
so PLEASE - don’t ask.
oh — dave. can you

HOLD up for a moment...? dave should
be out in a
sure. what’s up? MOMENT.
now don’t take

this personal but...
uht oh — \ don’t think

it WENT so well for ‘em. he’s wearin’ THE BAG.*
sara wants
you guys in
there PRONTO!
take a look
why so at DAVE.
certain?
hey,
guys!! yeah -
she said to
TELL you the
clock is on
REAL TIME. we’re up
on deck
c’mon, guys.
LET’S GO!!
* Dave’s Paper Bag — Dave has an established history of not being able to hold a secret and often gives them away
with facial expressions. Due to his lack of a poker-face, the bag-over-the-head ploy has been used several times in past issues.

If You Leave Me Now... by jolly r. blackburn
later... this is RIDICULOUS — these PODS have

the STOWAGE CAPACITY of a MINI COOPER.
...the VOICE over the ship speakers
this would have been USEFUL information, sara. we
announces youhave NINE might’ve PLANNED our FORAGING-EXPEDITION a little
MINUTES until it will become DIFFERENTLY had we KNOWN we couldn’t take it all.
UNSAFE to jettison ESCAPE PODS!
well - you didn’t ASK the right questions brian —
you have managed and you didn’t even inspect the ESCAPE
to load up the PODS before runnin’ off to GRAB supplies. look — maybe we
can take TWO pods.
GOODS from you made some ASSUMPTIONS — which is
one scurry — understandable given the PRESSURE you’re under. so we
\ guess we’ll be can TAKE
well — \ guess it’s
and PART of leaving the PORTABLE more
but you OFFICIAL. we’re LEAVING
another — but without BOB and DAVE. SPA tent behind then. stuff!
DID have
it’s CLEAR it’s access to
not all going to fit. the DATA
on your
G-NOES
devices.
sara — we throw on as MUCH as we can

there ARE several what...? and SPLIT before getting into the POD ourselves.
other PODS that THE PARTY — again..?
are OPERATIONAL. okay. there are CLEAR and simple instructions
\ don’t THINK so. posted on the inside of the POD DOOR —
detailing how to START the jettisoning process.
two of us go in THIS
one — and one of us
can GO in the OTHER \ agree. we SAW how realizing we don’t know AS MUCH
that worked out. about these pods as we thought — \’ll
with additional goods. use any REMAINING time to READ UP on ‘em.
we need to the CLIFF NOTES version will do.
stick together.
\’m
okay — but ONE of on it!
you will have to
start the SEQUENCE.
well — your MAIN take away, on a

oh - \ see. QUICK SCAN of the material, patty is this...
maybe we can have
so — no VOTE or the ESCAPE PODS have an eight-person capacity.
that DEBATE after
DISCUSSION on it huh? we’re SAFELY
there are 4 days of rations on board per person.
off the MARGOLLA.
they also have very minimal FUEL NOZZLE CAPABILITY.
someone just BLURTS
out an IDEA and we just enough to put the pod into a PROPER RE-ENTRY we’re out
go with THAT now? path into atmosphere — and then make minor course
adjustments to aid in finding a suitable landing spot. of time.
good to know. oh - now that’s interesting. so
ferrying over to the CUERVO....? * hey — we GOTTA
go investigate
doable. but at the of course. hmmmm - the CUERVO.
hrmmph nothing is
RISK of not having so maybe
enough FUEL to land EASY - is it? we just we just gotta.
on KALI CETI NINE. cut the
SIDE TREK.
* Cuervo— One of the other colony ships of Desitiny Fleet. Also in orbit are Kali Ceti Nine
^ “oh yeah -- that’s right. LAUGH IT UP! HA HAA!! i’m glad you find it so AMUSING that \ can’t play
the CHARACTER CLASS of my choice, missy. this is like the time they made me play a TREE in the
SCHOOL PLAY… all \ WANTED was the part of ROBIN HOOD. it RUINED the SECOND GRADE for me.
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #116, Job Fair

hold on — are you sayin’
okay, so you pile it’s only now that your HASTENED activity is someone ELSE took it?
in, STRAP UP and the POD over and your FIELD OF VIEW has been FRAMED
SYSTEMS begin to POWER UP. in a way to DRAW your attention —that you see it. nice trick — since it
was “UNSERVICEABLE”.
all SEALED UP —
the POUNDING in your uht oh - now what? don’t tell me
and that’s not
ears from the SHIP’S one of those THINGS is out there.
an ASSUMPTION.
ALARM is all but MUTED now. we actually
no — you suddenly realize CHECKED it out
replaced by the WHIR of before going to
the pod’s tanks being STIRRED
something is MISSING.
gather supplies.
and PREPPED for IGNITION.
the medium sized
TRANSPORT SHUTTLE how can
as you LOOK out that be..?
the VIEW PORT, you that had been sitting unserviceable
BRACE yourselves— in the bay is gone. by any of YOU!
knowing this will you LACKED the skills

be your LAST LOOK gone? to do the REPAIRS.
at the ship you have
you may recall the
called home for
TOOLS and PARTS
over 400 years.
scattered about.
sara — \ check
you notice THEY are now gone as well
my personal device.
as the UTILITY CARTS they were sitting on.
does it have
as the IGNITION SEQUENCE on the POD begins to the ABILITY to
TICK DOWN, you also realize a SCURRY sits where there broadcast
WAS none before you left on your SCAVENGER HUNT. across
channels?
the DIRECTION it is facing and the ANGLE
suggests it had been BACKED UP to the SHUTTLE.
damn — they definitely — but you don’t have
were probably the CLEARANCE to use that feature.
no way - there maybe they were AWAKENED out grabbin’
was SOMEONE by the ALARM - the same as us. supplies or PARTS.
as LOTTERY what about the POD...?
else on the ship? it’s GOTTA have emergency
winners you are
only we MISSED RESTRICTED. band communications.
and we each other - runnin’
MISSED BACK and FORTH!
them?
good thinking, cuz. in mere SECONDS you are HURTLING so where to,
through SPACE at ENORMOUS speed! folks? the
it DOES — and you CUERVO...? or
are just about to to the PLANET
the mammoth city-ship MARGOLLA SURFACE.
REACH for the console
appears to FALL AWAY from you —
when you are THROWN
until at LAST you are able to see
BACK into your seat.
all FIVE KILOMETERS of its LENGTH.
the POD the SHIP is already SKIMMING

jettisons across the upper fringes of \ vote we
CHANCE IT - oh there’s a
out the ATMOSPHERE — iridescent streaks REASON, \’m
LAUNCH TUBE. rising around its HULL EDGES — like and go to the sure — a HUGE
FLAMES licking the side of a frying pan. CUERVO, guys. CARROT luring us
to our DOOM?
well. there there’s GOTTA be a
goes our yep. now we’re
GODSPEED, reason it’s SITTING
SAFETY PIN. in it. and deep. MARGOLLA! out there — and this
is our ONE shot.
-2B CONTINUED-
^ “it’s going to be a LONG trip to CHI-TOWN. we’ve BARELY hit

the road and they’re already getting ‘MEDIEVAL’ on a simple TOLL TAKER?”
—Sara Felton KODT Issue #112, One-Two Punches

The After Action Review*
it’s TOURNAMENT SEASON — and the BLACKHANDS have just from here on out — we
returned from the HACKMASTER REGIONALS in SAGINAW... game THREE TIMES a week.
uht, uht, uht \’m gonna FORGE this MOTLEY CREW

— SPARE me
the APOLOGIES.
into a TEAM if it’s the LAST THING, \ do.
\’m HIGHLY
disappointed, sorry we let \’ve got NO
GIRLS — WHAT you DOWN, USE for ‘em. BEFORE we pick up
IN THE HELL NITRO. DICE for tonight’s
WAS THAT...? you EMBARRASSED game however —
me back there,
you got folks — and
your ASSES brought SHAME to we’re gonna
handed to you. the BLACK HANDS. REVIEW your
TRAIN WRECK of
yer BUTTS hadn’t a performance in
it will NOT
even WARMED your SAGINAW yesterday.
seats before you happen again.
were sent PACKING in
HUMILIATION — yer
TAILS tucked between
your collective legs.
sir — in our defense...

\ got a FEW
HELLO... some of us that GM really didn’t give things to say
have to drive FORTY- us much to work with. about that
FIVE freakin’ miles t-this is about
to get to this DUMP. ME - isn’t it...?
DRAGON’S
you KNOW, gordo — LAIR FIASCO.
\’m pretty sure
she SHORTED me on
the TWO DOZEN charred bodies
there’s NO E-PEES when \ POCKETED look - \ didn’t scattered CENTRIFUGALLY everyone
way \’m making those MATCHING salt KNOW that from the SNUFF BOX was a wants to be
that DRIVE three and pepper shakers SNUFF BOX was real big FREAKIN’ CLUE!! a firk ding
times a week. from the TAVERN. RIGGED with blastin’ comedian.
EXPLOSIVE RUNES.
hear, hear, NITRO.
-mumble- -mumble-
and she was really
CHINTZY on MAGIC it could’ve an AFTER ACTION
PLACEMENT. happened to review is a GOOD idea.
ANYBODY.
THERE..!!!
that’s what \’m NEWT — before we discuss your
TALKIN’ about. PERFORMANCE — do me a favor.
PIVOT your head
where’s the a favor, sir? um, sure. on your neck.
TEAM SPIRIT?
take a LOOK to your left, son.
and take
look to my left, sir?
a LOOK to
\-\ don’t understand. your left.
HUH...?!! you MORONS inflicted
MORE damage to YOURSELVES it’s not that
and EACH OTHER than you complicated, hero.
did to your OPPONENTS.
we’re gonna GET to that PETE.
but FIRST — we’re gonna go

DOWN to table in REVIEW.
* See KODT#18 — This strip orignally appeared in Knights of the Dinner Table twenty years ago this month. Although it wasn’t the
first Blackhands strip, I feel it is the strip that helped define the characters and the relationship they would have with each other going forward. To
celebrate, I thought it would be fun to do an “editor’s cut” — re-story boarded and gently massaged. Enjoy! — Jolly

\ don’t understand, sir. okay — now look a little
there you go — that’s it. now... what’s this all about? FURTHER down the table.
ya see that guy sitting

you SEE that guy sitting NEXT to you....? aht aht - keep
there — NEXT to GORDO...?
LOOKIN’ to your left.
um... yeah. sure, \ do. of course. that’s STEVIL.

sir — \ know who they....
that’s GORDO.
aht aht aht — don’t
you remember well... sure. INTERRUPT me, boy.
GORDO.
\ know that’s right. that’s
don’t ya, son? gordo. say hello STEVIL’s sunny
z
face down there. hello
to NEWT, to newt,
gordo. oh — hey say hello to stevil.
there, newt. NEWT, stevil.
now — \ know he may now — \ bet, \ can

well, yeah that’s PETE.
be HARD to see from GUESS what you’re thinkin’...
where you’re sitting...
\ can see him JUST fine. you’re probably thinkin’, “WHY is
but \ want ol’ nitro wastin’ EVERYBODY’s time” —
you to TRY —
“RE-INTRODUCING you to
look way, WAAAY people you ALREADY know.”
down there at the
end of the table, son. you ARE wondering
about that — aren’t you?
see that fella
down there..? don’t be shy, boy — SPEAK UP.
\’m confused, sir. ZIP IT, son. well... yes, sir.
\ WAS wondering
is there pete, would about that, sir.
a POINT to you be KIND
ALL this...? enough to how’s it
say, hi to hangin’ newt?
newt here..?
THEY’RE YER FRIENDS that’s right — “SOMETHING”

— YOU IDIOT¡¡¡ about not ATTACKING KRAGIN
oh, it’s your OWN teammates. THRIFTAXE is an
simple, really. YER FRICKIN’ OPPORTUNIST.
\ just wanted
TEAMMATES¡¡ YOU’RE DAMN STRAIGHT¡¡
to DRAW what the HELL did \ spend
WHY? coz going around BACKSTABBIN’ it’s his NATURE.
something to FORTY-FIVE FRICKIN’ MINUTES
your OWN teammates is a very
your attention. drilling into that THICK
bad idea, boy — A VERY BAD IDEA!! \ was ONLY playin’
SKULL Of your’s LAST WEEK...?
my CHARACTER.
GAAA... and not because it makes
HUH..?!!! me a RAVING LUNATIC —
s-something about
NOT attacking my but because it’s HARD to win a
own t-teammates? “TEAM” TOURNAMENT — when the
REST of your teammates are DEAD!!!
b-but sir...
^ “murder of thousands? why you make it sound like we were the BAD GUYS or something.”
—Dave Bozwell, KODT Issue #76, Out of Order

look — let me just say
you STARTED out good. that was GOOD thinkin’, newt.
way to IMPROVISE on the move.
hell, \ was PROUD of ya. thanks, sir.
\ like INNOVATION in a player and \ don’t
| REALLY WAS. ya know — \ got the IDEA want anything to DAMPEN that spirit.
of poisoning the well from
the WAY you climbed up an old RUTGER HAUER movie.
the WALL of the palace — \ was DULY impressed
up to that point.
opening the GATES hey -\ saw
for your COMRADES. that one. but THEN - you
did something what would
killing it was pretty kewl. that BAFFLED me. THAT be, sir?
the sentries.
poisoning
the well.
OUTSTANDING.
without WARNING — it’s all nice and good that you came up with
the idea of a DOPPELGANGER CODE, newt.
you SHOVED stevil’s \ gave ‘im the
character into a DOPPELGANGER
CHALLENGE, sir. but you failed to share
SPIKED PIT and DOUSED the PASSWORD with the others.
him with FLAMING OIL. and he didn’t
know the
PASSWORD!! \’m sorry. \ had a really
what the bad DOPPELGANGER
HELL got experience one time.
into you?
\ lost a damn good
character. NEVER AGAIN!!
then — a little later — when those the loss of his MINISCULE fire
ORKIN REACTIONARY GUARDS were power was of no import to swing by my
chasin’ you down the corridor... the survival of the party and GYM tomorrow.
the completion of the mission.
bring a sack lunch.
you HAMSTRUNG
GORDO with c’mon — the dude’s
h it may take a while.
a rusty a PIXIE FAERIE!!
dagger and
left him behind. throwin’ him to the
orcs slowed their
pursuit and allowed the
REST of us to escape.
-sigh- NOTHING, \’ve

DRILLED you on has
STUCK — has it, son?
\ think a little
ONE-ON-ONE
training is in order.
^ “nitro, othello casts SPEAK TO THE DEAD on foul raven’s corpse. question one is,
‘WHERE THE HELL DID YOU STASH ALL OF YOUR LOOT, YOU LITTLE WEASEL?’”

‘cordin’ to my notes —while everyone else was drinking rounds in the tavern —
okay — let’s turn
our attention you slipped off into the stables and KILLED — um, lessee, THIRTY-EIGHT HORSES!!
toward you, GORDO.
the CITY GUARDS were alerted and you barely escaped with
we’ll start with your life — then you spent the rest of the game ON THE LAM —
the little incident
involving the HORSES. \ only needed 251 experience
SEPARATED from the rest of the
party while you eluded your pursuers. points to make NEXT LEVEL.
my character considered the

now WHAT the horses to be OPTIMAL LOW-RISK
SAM FRICK was CANDIDATES for locally obtainable e.p.’s.
THAT all about?
lame.
i-it’s not easy -choke- survivin’

DAMMIT, GORDO!! we’ve TALKED awh, c-c’mon, NITRO... with 12 measely hit points. -sniff-
about this — HOW MANY TIMES...?
-sniff- T-THAT’S FIRE BLOSSOM didn’t make 8TH
NOT FAIR. LEVEL for no reason, ya know.
you have GOT to start PULLING
YOUR WEIGHT at the TABLE!
you know how
CHALLENGING she had to
every time something DANGEROUS rears it’s gonna be even
it is to play a learn to
its ugly head — you find a way to avoid it. HARDER to survive
PIXIE FAERIE..?!! CHOOSE her
to 9TH LEVEL if you
BATTTLES...
keep that crap up!!
only to go CHASIN’ the
e-EASY huh...? and LIVE
SAFE and EASY e-pees
E-PEES...?!! by her WITS. uht oh - here
later to BACKFILL.
DO YA...? comes the
-sputter- t-that’s all! WATER WORKS.
oh gawd...
h-here we go again... not again.
-sniff- everyone DUMPIN’

on -choke- F-FIRE BLOSSOM! we’ll move along — just SHOW up with
NEWT tomorrow — we’ll discuss it further.
-sniff- h-how.... -snort-
how can she feel -choke- like a
R-RESPECTED part of the TEAM if... -sniff- o-okay...
don’t
if everyone’s DUMPIN’ on forget the \’ll be there.
her -sniff- ALL THE TIME. sack lunch.
um — look, gordo. hey - can you
I-IT’S JUST pick me up at my
NOT FAIR!!! forget, MEE-MAW’s?
-bl \ said
ub -sniff-
be
r- anything.
^ “let’s just say that ANY game that involves PELTING your OPPONENTS
with HURLED DICE is simply ASKING for TROUBLE.”
—Sara Felton, KODT Issue #70, The Meddlers of Kataan

that brings us to YOU, stevil.
WHY...¿¡¡
MY POINT BEING..¿¿
where to start.... ah, yes. you have
\ expected MORE the nerve
maybe you could from you, SMART ASS.
to ask WHY?
EXPLAIN something to me.
WHY IN THE HELL
you sold NEWT a pair of WOULD YOU SLAY
ordinary boots, — telling A FELLOW TEAMMATE?!!
him they were MAGICAL.
the RAT BASTARD sh0ved
in a frickin’ me in a GAWD DAMN PIT!!
TEAM EVENT!
then — while POOR LAD was then DOUSED me with
bending over to lace’em up... yeah. so...? FREAKIN’ FLAMING OIL!!
YOU SMASHED HIS THAT’S WHY¡

your POINT
SKULL IN WITH A MACE.
being?
\ SAID, \ was
jerk! SORRY, dude. BITE ME!
oh \ ACCEPTED \’m not entirely UNSYMPATHETIC, stevil —

distraction...?
\ thought your apology. \ can UNDERSTAND your
you were a compulsion to SEEK REVENGE.
DOPPELGANGER!! \ just needed to
perform an EMERGENCY but... um, what was up with selling NEWT
LOBOTOMY before some WORTHLESS boots and telling him
why can’t
they were BOOTS OF WALL WALKING??
ya accept you got any more
my apology?? CRAZY IDEAS in that
PEA BRAIN of yours. a DISTRACTION — that’s all.
the jerk has a
18/93 STRENGTH!!
WORTHLESS??
\ needed a
\ paid 1,800 GOLD for ding, distraction.
WORTHLESS boots? ding!!
that’s why \ fell to captain alright??? heh

my death off that cliff?? obvious.
by the way — where’s the HUBCAP well — \ guess

OF SHAME, \ gave you to wear...? that leaves YOU, pete.
\’d say gettin’ your

head POUNDED oh - that. \ MIGHT have left
it in the TRUNK of my car.
where to begin.
down into the PIT
OF YOUR STOMACH
with a MACE is a \ had to drop by to see the
distraction in itself. EX-WIFE before the game.
no way, \ was givin’

HAAR HAAAR¡¡ her that PHOTO-OP.
well GRAB
it during break — hubcap of shame... -sigh- ah hell...
or don’t bother -sigh- this is FORGET IT.

taking a SEAT ABUSIVE. you
at the table. know that. right?
you taught ME
to play the game.
you did fine

ol’ timer!!
^ “oh bob’s fine! didn’t you see him give me the big ‘THUMBS UP’ before they shoved him into
the AMBULANCE? he’ll be thanking me when they get him on that MORPHINE DRIP.”
—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #40, Virtual Calamity

oh no — you were gonna okay — let’s take the DRAGON encounter.
say something, VICTOR.
that little FIASCO could’ve been EASILY avoided, pete.
c’mon — let’s hear it.
\ got THICK SKIN. THERE..¡¡

\ mean, GEEZUS...
if’n \ did something WRONG
— \ wanna know about it. YOU CHARGED A DRAGON...¿¡¡ THAT’S what \ was
TALKIN’ about EARLIER!!!
don’t be shy. lay it on me!!
what in the HELL would possess
you to CHARGE A DRAGON?? everybody thinks it’s just a
BIG OL’ JOKE on PETE!! HA-HAA
-snicker-
gawdammit — when someone says,

oh sure —
“ON THE COUNT OF THREE WE CHARGE”... the FIRST
yesireee - TIME you did it!!
\ expect EVERYONE to
BIG LAUGH. CHARGE on the COUNT OF THREE!! SIX FRICKIN’
MONTHS AGO!!
VERY FUNNY..¡¡ \ hear, “one.... two....three”... and suddenly —
but it’s
\ find myself running ALL BY MY LONESOME!! gettin’ old!!!
INTO A WALL OF FRIGGIN’ DRAGON’S BREATH¡¡¡ REAL OLD¡¡
haa! the look c’mon, pete. that

-giggle- WAS kinda funny.
on your face!
FIRK DING BLASTED COMEDIANS — \ want you guys to CUT THE SHENANIGANS!!
LOOK, GIRLS...
CHARGE when you SAY you’re gonna charge!!
it’s really
\ was gonna keep it up, JACK BENNY! very SIMPLE...
you’re
\’m sorry, mr. charge, pete. wrong, pete. there’s a
ashton, with RECKONING comin’
a 17 INTELLIGENCE... really \ was! it was just
you BETTER
there’s was
as funny the believe that!
but \ was waitin’ TWENTIETH time
just no way KRAGIN
to see if STEVIL as the first.
THRIFTAXE was gonna
charge that dragon. was gonna charge.
^ “you know the TURNING POINT was when we ran into that
hoe-totin’ smart ass along the ROAD outside DURGAIN’S BOIL.”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #120, Tales of Blunder

“TEAMWORK” — that’s going to be our FOCUS at this
you can’t win a table in the months and weeks ahead as we toss dice.
TEAM TOURNAMENT
if you keep KILLING \ know it’s a DIFFICULT concept for you to WRAP your heads around...
each other off.
but by gawd —
look, as long as nobody
\’m gonna LEARN YA. goes PUSHING me into
FIRE BLOSSOM
has no problem a pit, DOUSING me with
working as a team. FLAMING OIL or WHACKING
even if \ have to me with a tree trunk...
DRAG you kickin’
and screaming. you can
count on
me, sir.
\ got no problems going
with the TEAMWORK thing. h
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...
and that means

but if anybody screws with me, CHARGING on the
COUNT OF THREE you better
ALL HELL is gonna break loose. — PRAY to the
TWELVE GAWDS
if’n you SAY that KNOT
you’re gonna holds, NEWT. oh..?
TEAMWORK¡ CHARGE ON THE what’s
that’s all \ COUNT OF THREE!! THAT?
got to say coz he
about that. HEAR HEAR...!! looks you DON’T
PISSED!! like it?
GOOD!!
I AM
PISSED
YOU MORON¡
dream on SASQUATCH!!
coz \’m gonna keep on hittin’ ya -sigh-
in the nads with my WARHAMMER... \ put a little something EXTRA looks like
they ALL took a
in your MORNING GRUEL —
PROFICIENCY
in STUPID.
should be kicking in anytime now.
til you COUGH UP the 1,800
GOLD PIECES for those you didn’t think that \ VOLUNTEERED for NIGHT
WORTHLESS BOOTS!! WATCH out of the goodness of my heart did ya??
hey nitro, while the
h
psst — if you give me BOBBSEY TWINS are brawlin’ —
20% of the TAKE —
\’ll flutter in his face. \’m going through
-5 on his to hits their backpacks.
a-
a- ook
ook -sh oka-
-sh oka- -sh o
h o
-s
-FINIS-
^ “am \ to understand you’re running a HALF-OGRE FIGHTER who doesn’t

believe in using MAGIC; doesn’t believe in using weapons; and has NO LEGS??”
—Sheila Horowitz, KODT Issue #61, Ready, Set, Bet

The After Action Review
WEIRD PETE’S
OFFICIAL HACKMASTER™ HACKMASTER TOURNEY:

TOURNEY SITE
HAVE YOU SEEN ME? TAG-TEAM
LOST SINCE
BLACK HAND
FEBRUARY 15th ELIMINATIONS
SED [Saginaw Rules]
CLO
MEETING TONIGHT THIS WEEK!!
Last Seen in BSU
STEAM TUNNELS
JUST IN!! IRON RATIONS!
HACKMASTER Tasty New
FANNY PACKS!! Snack Treat.
(Sold by the Case only!)
okay folks, we got our ASS KICKED in the preliminary HELLO!! some of us have to
rounds. you’re not going to embarrass me like that again. drive forty-five freakin’ good idea nitro.!!
YOU HEAR?? from here on out we game three times a miles to get to this dump!! i got a few things
week.. i’m going to forge this MOTLEY CREW into a team there’s no way i’m makin’ that to say about that
if it’s the last thing i do. now, before we start tonight’s drive three times a week. DRAGON’S LAIR
game let’s review that last round you lost yesterday. FIASCO!!
(mumble, mumble)
i found it really hard to this is about me, isn’t it? you know, gordo, the two
get into that adventure. the look, i didn’t know that dozen charred bodies scat-
GM didn’t really give us SNUFF BOX was rigged tered centrifugally from
much to work off of. with EXPLOSIVE RUNES. the snuff box was a real
BIG FREAKIN’ CLUE!!
there, THERE!!! that’s what i’m talking NEWT!! before we review your per-
about. where’s the team spirit?? HUH?? formance i want you to do me a
you guys inflicted more damage on your- favor and take a look to your left.
selves than you did to your opponents.
look to my left, it’s not all that

sir? i don’t complicated. just
now let’s review understand.
each of your pivot your head on
performances. your neck and take a
look to your left.
5
okay, you see that okay, now look a little
guy next to you?? further down. see that
guy next to GORDO??
uh...yeah. that’s GORDO!!
sure i do. you remember
gordo don’t you? ah, ah, ah, don’t inter-
yeah. that’s rupt boy!! you’re cor-
stevil. but sir rect - that’s
sure, i know STEVIL’S sunny face
GORDO. say hello to i know who they.....
down there!! say hello
what’s this newt, gordo. to newt, stevil!
all about sir?
hey there newt!! hello to

newt, stevil.
now you’re probably wondering why OL’ NITRO is

now, i know he may be hard to see from where wasting everybody’s time re-introducing you to peo-
you’re sitting but i want you to try. look ple you already know. you are wondering about
WAY, WAY, down there at the end of the that aren’t you?? don’t be shy, boy, speak up!!
table. you see that guy down there??
well...yes, sir.. i was

well...yeah. that’s wondering why, sir.
pete. i can see him ah, ah, shut up
pretty good from boy. okay
here. i really don’t PETE, say hi
understand what.. to newt here. well, because i
wanted to point
something out
how’s it to you!
hangin’ newt??
THEY’RE YER FRIENDS YOU IDIOT¡¡ THAT”S RIGHT!! something about not attacking
YER FREAKIN’ TEAM MATES¡¡ your own team mates!! YOUR DAMN STRAIGHT!!
going around backstabbing your own teammates is a
very bad idea boy!! A VERY BAD IDEA!! and not
and WHAT did i spend forty-five min- because it makes me a RAVING LUNATIC because
utes drilling into that THICK it’s HARD to win a TEAM tournament when all your
SKULL of your’s last week. HUH? TEAM MATES are DEAD¡¡
uh...something about but KRAGIN THRIFTAXE
not attacking your is an opportunist sir. i was
own team mates? just playing my character.
BIC-
SPUTTER-
BLERP
6
NEWT...son, don’t get me wrong. you started out well that was good thinking, NEWT! i like innova-
really good. i was PROUD.of you. I REALLY tion in a player. and i don’t want to do anything to
WAS!! the way y0u climbed up the wall of that dampen that spirit. i was duly impressed up to that
palace - opened the gates for your comrades. killed point. then you did something that baffled me.
the sentries, poisoned the well. OUTSTANDING!!
what would that be sir?
thanks sir. you know, i
got the idea of poisoning you pushed STEVIL’S character into a
the well from an old SPIKED PIT and doused him with
RUTGER HAUER movie. FLAMING OIL!! what were you thinking?
i saw that one. it i gave him the DOPPLEGANGER

was pretty kewl!! CHALLENGE* and he didn’t know
the PASSWORD!!
then a little later when that

well it’s all nice and good SQUAD of ORC GUARDS were
that you came up with the chasing you down the corridor you
idea of a DOPPLEGANGER HAMSTRUNG GORDO with a
CODE but you failed to rusty dagger and left him behind.
share the PASSWORD i’m sorry. i had a really
with the others. bad DOPPLEGANGER
experience one time. lost c’mon, the dude’s a PIXIE FAERIE!! throwing
a damn good character. him to the orcs slowed their pursuit and
NEVER AGAIN!! allowed us to escape. the loss of his miniscule
fire power was of no importance to the survival
of the party and the completion of the mission.
while everyone else was drinking rounds in

uh...i think we need to meet privately tomor- the tavern you slipped into the stables and
row, NEWT. you need a little REMEDIAL killed thirty-eight horses!! the city guards
TRAINING. meet me at my place and bring were alerted and you barely escaped with
a sack lunch. it may take a while. (sigh) your life and you spent the rest of the game
ON THE LAM separated from the rest of
the party while you eluded your pursuers.
now what was that all about??
okay, let’s turn
our attention to i only needed 251 experience points to
GORDO. we’ll make next level. my character consid-
start with the ered the horses to be OPTIMAL
little incident LOW-RISK CANDIDATES for
involving the locally obtainable e.p.’s.
HORSES.
* Doppleganger Codeword idea submitted by Keith Pogue

7
DAMMIT, GORDO!! you know i’ve been meaning to talk to you
damn well we’ve talked about about FIRE BLOSSOM. i know
this before. you’ve got to start EASY E.P.’S?? awh, c’mon. that’s not you’re attached to her but don’t
pulling your weight in the DUN- fair. you know how HARD it is to you think it would be a good idea
GEON!! every time something play a PIXIE FAERIE?? huh?? it’s to play a REAL character??
dangerous rears its ugly head you not easy surviving with 12 hitpoints. i mean just for the tournament.
find a way to avoid it. you’re FIRE BLOSSOM didn’t make 8th
always chasin’ the easy E.P.’S!! level for no reason, ya know.
uh oh - here comes
it’s gonna be even harder to the water works.
survive to 9th level if you
keep that crap up!!
there you go again!! (sniff) dumpin’ on (choke) well, that brings us to you, STEVIL. (sigh).
FIRE BLOSSOM! (sniff) how....(snort)..how... i have just one observation and i thought
(sniff) can she feel (choke) part of the TEAM maybe you could explain something to me. you
if everyone is DUMPIN’ on her (sniff) all the sold NEWT a pair of ORDINARY BOOTS,
time. (choke). IT’S NOT FAIR¡ telling him they were magical. then while
poor lad is bending over to lace them up you
uh...er..oh gawd...uh..look, just.forget i said SMASHED HIS SKULL IN with a mace.
anything, GORDO. uh...just show up with
newt tomorrow and we’ll discuss this
further. don’t forget the sack lunch.
okay...(sniff)..i’ll
be there.
why? you have the nerve to ask

my POINT being?? “WHY??” the RAT BASTARD sh0ved
i expected more from you. me in a GAWD DAMN PIT and
your point why in the HELL would you DOUSED me with
being?? SLAY a fellow FREAKIN’ FLAMING OIL!!
teammate??
THAT’S WHY¡¡
i said i was sorry, oh i accepted your apology.
dude. i thought you i just needed to perform an
were a doppleganger!! EMERGENCY LOBOTOMY
why can’t you accept before you got any more crazy
my apology?? ideas in that PEA BRAIN of
yours.
8
okay, i can understand your com-
DISTRACTION?? i’d say gettin’ your
pulsion to seek revenge. head pounded
but...uh...what was up with selling down into the pit
NEWT some worthless boots and a simple distraction. of your stomach
telling him they were BOOTS OF that’s all. the jerk has ⁄°/·‹ with a mace is a
WALL WALKING?? STRENGTH!! i needed a distraction in
distraction, alright??? itself. HAR
WORTHLESS?? i paid HAR¡¡
⁄,°‚‚ GOLD for worthless
boots? that’s why i fell to
my death off that cliff??
well, that leaves you PETE. you no, no, you were going to say something. c’mon!! let’s
know, i couldn’t help but notice...uh...i hear it. i got thick skin. if i did something wrong i want
noticed that.... all hell. forget it. to know about it. C’MON, NITRO!! lay it on me!!
you taught ME to play the game. you
did fine ol’ timer!!
well...let’s take the DRAGON’S LAIR!!
that whole fiasco could have been avoid-
ed. i mean...you...ah, hell. you CHARGED A
DRAGON, PETE!! what would possess
you to to charge a dragon??
THERE!! that’s what i was talkin

about earlier!! everybody thinks
it’s just a big ol’ joke on pete!!
BIG LAUGH!! VERY FUNNY!
when someone says “ON THE COUNT OF THREE WE CHARGE¡¡” dammit!! i expect everyone to charge on the
count of three!! i hear, ONE....TWO....THREE...and suddenly i find myself running ALL BY MY LONESOME
into a wall of DRAGON’S BREATH! it was funny the first time you did it - SIX MONTHS AGO!! but it’s
gettin’ old!!! REALLY OLD!! i want you guys to cut the shenanigans and charge when you’re supposed too!!
i’m sorry, with a 17 intel- i was gonna charge, pete. really i you’re wrong pete. it
ligence there’s just no was! but i was waiting to see if WAS just as funny
way KRAGIN would STEVIL was going to charge. the twentieth time
charge a dragon, sir. as the first.
9
look guys, my point is you can’t win a TEAM TOURNAMENT look, as long as nobody goes pushing me into a pit, dous-
if you keep killing each other off. i want you to concentrate ing me with flaming oil or whacking me with a tree
on that concept of TEAM WORK!!! i know it’s difficult but trunk* i got no problems going with the flow. but if any-
i want you to focus on that as we play tonight. OKAY?? body screws with me, ALL HELL is gonna break loose.
TEAMWORK!! here, here!! and

you got FIRE BLOSSOM has no that means charging on the count
it sir. problem working as a team. of three if’n you say you’re gonna
charge on the count of three!!
TWENTY MINUTES LATER≥≥≥

dream on SASQUATCH!! i put a little something
EXTRA in your gruel this morning which
you don’t like it?? huh?? well i’m going to KEEP should be kicking in anytime now. you didn’t think
ON hittin’ ya in the NADS with my WARHAM- that i volunteered for night watch out of
MER until you cough up the ⁄,°‚‚ GOLD the goodness of my heart did ya??
PIECES for those worthless boots!!
hey nitro, while the
BOBSIE TWINS are
(sigh) we don’t hey, if you pay me ⁄ﬁ‚ brawling i’m going
have a chance G.P.’S i’ll flutter in his through their backpacks.
in hell of face. (-5 on his to hits)
winning this
tournament.
* See Issue# 17: Carry a Big Stick
GPA members!! one of your member benefits is a discount on advertising in KNIGHTS OF THE
DINNER TABLE. contact us at (650) 233-8270 or via e-mail at kenzerco@aol.com for details.
Some of the greatest stories ever told.
Conan doesn’t need a backpack full of
magical items, a +13 sword and a ten foot pole.
He survives and triumphs because of his wits,
skills and tenacity.
The Tower of the Elephant- nothing but a
broadsword and a loincloth.
A Witch Shall Be Born- naked and hanging
on a cross.
The Hour of the Dragon- a poniard and a
beef bone!
My point is a hero’s sword is a hero’s sword
because a hero owns it.
You don’t become a hero because you have a
snazzy weapon. You become a hero through
grit, determination and bravery.
As a GM, don’t be afraid to put your players
in this position. Yes, you’ll get the moans and
the whines. But trust me, it builds character.
A Hero is More Taking away a PC’s magical items, especially
at mid and high levels forces them to think
Than His Kit outside the box.
The best piece of advice I
ever had about roleplaying
Without magical weapons and armour, they
will need to evade or trick monsters instead of
By Jack Shannon just throwing D20s at them.
Certain classes, like magic users or monks will
O
k, picture the scene. Dark Heresy.
I’m running a Hive World Assassin. It be less affected by losing all their stuff, whereas
was the climax of a big campaign. I Fighters will almost certainly cry into their char-
started off as a gutter-rat with nothing but a acter sheets at the loss of their favourite toy.
pair of leather trousers and my daddy’s gun. If you need to re-balance the party or if you
Months later, we were all tooled up to the want your players to REALLY hate a villain,
nines. Power swords, Boltguns, red-dot laser messing with their stuff is the way to go.
sights- the lot. Players can value a +1 sword far more than
We got knocked out by some weird warp the lives of the innocent NPCs. If you’ve got
stuff and woke up in prison with nothing. All these type of players, this is a great stick to
our loot, weapons and gear. Gone. whack ‘em.
Being a player, I naturally had a hissy fit. WTF! ADVENTURE HOOKS
I worked really hard to get this stuff! Then the Say what’s in this drink?...The PCs wake up
GM looked me dead in the eye and said hungover in an alley, robbed blind. Track down
something which has stuck with me ever since: the blaggards and make them pay!
“A hero is more than his kit.” I’m not a number, I’m a man! After being
And so we were! kidnapped by a cult, their possessions are
We broke out of jail, we scavenged and stole taken away and ritually burnt. Can they escape?
weapons and equipment, took on the BEBG You are feeling VERY sleepy... After a sleeping
and saved the world. potion/spell, the PCs awake tied up in a filthy
Just look at Conan! cell.
Rust Monsters - Enough said. q
L
ast night as I walked my Newfound-
land around the neighborhood, I
had a bright and shiny neighbor
along with me. A full moon was lighting up
the landscape, hanging over my head. At
times it seemed like it was striving to be
daylight, hinting at bringing color to every-
thing around me. For as long as people
have been around, that old moon has been
lingering and looming, inspiring all sorts of
beliefs while it swings our tides and moods.
So how can we better leverage the moon
in our gaming campaigns? Here are some
ideas that I’ve described in the context of a
fantasy campaign but which could be
easily ported to horror, old west, and other
genres.
“There is no dark side of the Moon.

It’s all dark, really.” – Pink Floyd
MOONS OF MADNESS
several PCs, you would have to make sure
Many legends and myths revolve around
that the heroic thing could only be done by
the moon being a source of madness. Even
that character. Otherwise, the rest of party
the word lunacy comes from the Latin luna
is likely to sideline him, willing or not, and
for moon. The belief that the moon draws
just try to deal with it themselves.
up madness within people as surely as it
draws the great oceans to swell is The side of villainy is more likely where
widespread. madness will raise its fevered brow. An
upstanding citizen for most of the month
Police and emergency room workers
becomes ‘too busy to see you today’ or
believe in it even when proper statistical
reclusive during the full moon. That is when
studies show no variation for nights of the
their mad mind takes control and slowly
full moon, (but who cares about statistics?)
moves their diabolical plan forward, hiding
Madness is a subtle play in most RPGs the evidence so nothing is noticed when
though some horror games track sanity the sanity restores itself.
that could be used in a regular game.
MOONS OF OTHER WORLDS
Imagine a hero with the hindrance of
“moonsick” where they suffer mental The eerie light in the darkness, so differ-
effects during the full moon. ent from the light of day, gives an other-
worldly feel to everything we see. Colors
It sets you up for some dramatic friction are drained away and shadows are deep.
where they either take the easy road and Perhaps this is because we aren’t looking at
just do nothing during the full moons (per- our world any more, at least not entirely.
haps just get fall-over drunk on a bender) Another realm exists alongside ours but we
or struggle to overcome it to do the heroic can only see it (and they can only see us)
things that must be done. In a game with
under moonlight. Are they from the strongest, and able to enter and leave the
enchanting and vicious Fey realm? Perhaps Moon Lands with ease, slipping into
it is the lands of the dead we are able to shadows outside a fortress and back out
glimpse in the gaze of the moon. Or this again inside the fortress. They might be
pale imitation of our own world is a portal allied with powers from the Moon Lands.
to another, a place we may walk until the Their goal might be to hunt down
sun rises again. monstrosities escaped from the moon
Encounters under full moons are much lands into the mortal realm.
more likely to be with these “others” or
beings from our realm manipulated by
them. Fey may be creeping out from the
forest to steal a human child or to seduce a
girl they foresee bringing them low should
she grow up and pick up an enchanted
sword.
The intentions of the dead are often
inscrutable but often they rage against the
living that have what was taken from them
and slide out from the shadows to steal
lives. They may also haunt those who
offend them, violating the space they once MOONS OF THE WOLF
owned when alive or courting the one they And now to the werewolf in the room,
were once to marry. Eerie sounds on lycanthropy. The legends of werewolves are
normal nights might become physical long-standing and crop up around the
attacks under the full moon. world. The exact nature of it can range
Moonlight as a portal in the other widely. It can be a person beset by
direction is intriguing, drawing the madness to act as if they were a wolf with
adventurous to explore the mysteries of the ravenous hunger and biting and clawing
Beyond and seek its knowledge or attacks on anyone they can reach. It can be
treasures. a complete transformation to a wolf
Moon lands lay beyond a turn in shadow, physically indistinct from a natural wolf
vastly different from the lands known just except perhaps in size and cunning.
a step before. Fantastical creatures and odd Hybrids between the two extremes exist
‘people’ can pose unexpected and danger- and partial transformations are popular in
ous encounters just as unique magics can the movies. The afflicted become so from
be found. Some magic might work only in madness, disease, a curse, bite of another
the Moon Lands such a deep healing werewolf (which introduces a chicken and
requiring a grievously wounded ally to be the egg dilemma), or hereditarily (in which
brought there. puberty really sucks).
Others might affect objects in ways that A wolf moon is the first full moon of the
survive leaving the Moon Lands but only year when the land is frozen and wolves are
work at night. Properly organized, a cadre hungry and howl. Having the lycanthropic
of “Moon Knights” could be formed armed effects of the moon strongest during the
with magic from the Moon Lands, operat- dead of winter brings an interesting twist
ing at night when their magics are to things and reinforces that the

transformed person would act like a understood, couples might strive to get
ravenous and crazed wolf. pregnant so the birth could be under a
Another variant you could introduce is blood moon. They might even resort to
the concept of the “horned moon”. Whether caesarian section to force the issue though
waxing or waning, the crescent moon karma usually punishes such hubris. The
when seen at the right angle resembles a child might have strengths or powers but
head with horns. If you want to change also be cursed.
things up a little on players who know all Fourth, the gods are angry. If they are not
the traditions too well, you could have appeased with blood sacrifices, the
lycanthropy emerge during these horned suffering of their people will be great. All
moons instead of full moons. (You also get manner of madness might take hold in
to attack them twice a month!) people’s terror of the anger of the gods,
MOONS OF BLOOD even to slaughtering all first borns.
During a total lunar eclipse, the disc of MOONS OF LUCK
the moon appears deep red like blood. The Not all moons are bad. Consider if the
possibilities are manifold but let’s focus on waxing horned moon was seen as a cup
four here. First, as an omen or portent, the where luck was filling up. Risks and gambits
blood moon means the death of someone made under its light might have a better
important, e.g. the king, a high priest, or a chance of success. If you want to challenge
powerful guildmaster. Since they happen over-worn tropes, the full moon might
about 4-5 times a decade, this is a conven- bring about the most power to good as it
ient way to get rid of stable leadership and brings the greatest light in the darkness.
increase the chaos and drama in your Full moons might be ‘hunting season’ for
campaign. Whether the death is truly fated the undead. Certain phases of the moon
or if some enterprising up-and-comer takes might portend better sailing conditions on
the cue to execute their own dirty deed, the deep seas drawing sea captains to sail
blood moons are a time to be wary if you or hold off to best take advantage of them.
are legendary or in power. As you can see, the moon can play a large,
Second, it could signal an upsurge in evil thematic role in adventure or a whole
activity. Perhaps the dead climb out of their campaign. It can drive tendrils of madness
graves and walk (which explains why into a horror game or fantastical new
certain cultures cremate ALL dead or place realms to a fantasy game. It is only limited
an iron coin in each mouth to prevent them by your imagination and willingness to step
from rising). Evil creatures like vampires away from well-worn tropes. q
might be strongest, enough to bend or
break the ‘laws’ of their existence such as Jim Davenport is an award-winning game designer
walking under sunlight when the blood who runs the Dragonlaird Gaming design studio. His
moon can be seen as well. No better way to work appears in previous issues of this fine publication
prove you are not a vampire than walk as well as in products from Margaret Weis
around in the sunlight, yes? Productions (Serenity the RPG, Serenity
Adventures, Battlestar Galactica the RPG, Cortex
Third, it could signal new life. An auspi- System RPG, etc.) If you want to nominate your
cious birth might occur under a blood favorite movie to be covered by Gaming the Movies,
moon. The child might grow up with drop him a line at jldavenportjld@gmail.com.
destiny or remarkable strengths or powers. BONUS CONTENT for Gaming the Movies available
In eras where the movement of moons is at www.dragonlairdgaming.com.

The Order
of the
Tempest
By Kurtis Evans
and Dr. Jayson Briscoe
A
nd so it is written — that the purity of truth can only be viewed
through the cacophony of chaos. A zephyr exists always and
does nothing but stir only the loosest of pebbles. A tempest,
filled with the rage of the gods, will reveal what our order seeks. Only
through perfect chaos can the storm be achieved. We live in the shad-
ows of millennia. We are the masters of your future. We are the servants
of chaos. We are the Order of the Tempest.
ABOUT THE ORDER immortals, casting trouble where they can,
Immortality is not a concept which any when they can, to better alleviate the mun-
human may easily grasp. Imagine, for a dane trappings of an unending existence.
brief moment, being locked in a magically Younger members of the order – those who
lit box without risk of death. Imagine the count their lives by centuries, rather than
mundanity of this simple box. Consider millennia – often serve this concept
staring into its seams, memorizing every through the slow manipulation of villages,
bump on each wall, every knot on the floor, or even cities, comprised primarily of those
every crack along the ceiling. Imagine how, whose existence is temporal at best.
after little time at all, you will know that box On the surface, older members spin far
as well as you know yourself – and then more deadly webs.
what? What if you had to remain within They build entire empires, both good and
that box for a year? Ten years? What if that evil in nature, then collapse them without
box was your residence for all of eternity, pattern or warning. They advise kings,
one from which you could never leave? counsel emperors, direct armies, but never,
It was this line of thought which spawned ever involve themselves actively in the
the Order of the Tempest, countless battle.
centuries past. On the surface, its members Few know they exist – none but their own
– all elves, all undying – are merely bored know the reason behind their actions.
As to non-elven members of the Order, strange colored eyes as the great grandfa-
by definition they do not exist, unless other ther of Petar the Cobbler, for whom there is
immortals, demons perhaps, have discov- no direct lineage, nor relation… what of it?
ered the Tempest’s existence. Immortals In other words, a member of the Order
alone may play this game of chaos; all spins subtle discord. She brings joy and
lesser beings whose lives have a span may wonder, but she also gifts malevolence and
only serve the Order in some way – often simmering hatred – and when, five months
without fully knowing what they are doing after she leaves, Rugo has stabbed Petar in
or why they do it. It is entirely possible for a the chest, who will remember that it was
member of the Order to have an entire Galandil who revealed Rugo’s wife’s
army in his service, or perhaps only a few indiscretions? Will any remember it was
extremely talented knights or clerics with Galandil 10 years later, when she returns
whom the immortal spends many long with more gifts and tales of legend?
decades; however the organization’s
ULTIMATE GOALS OF THE ORDER
secrets are never revealed – or even hinted
at – to such inferior creatures. In general, the order has but few core
members – these are elves of a certain
PCS AS MEMBERS
disposition, almost all of whom are
A member of the Order of the Tempest thousands of years old, all who share the
must be an elf of a Chaotic Neutral align- belief that any civilization is but an
ment. As such, the PC never outwardly untested idea, any war is but a game, any
strives to cause trouble or to harm those empire but a piece to be moved while
who are undeserving. However, give an elf accomplishing some greater goal.
a long enough memory, and soon any
It is this greater goal which they slowly
mere human, dwarf or halfling will have
strive to achieve. Even now, throughout the
something for which they must pay…
world of Tellene, their subtle manipulations
In general, a PC will be a young member
of the Order, and as such she will be an
anomaly as most must exist for thousands
of years before reaching the appropriate
mindset to join and contribute.
That said, a PC who serves as a member
is likely to play a very small part in bringing
chaos to society, wherever she finds it. She
may frequent a small area on the planet,
one with numerous villages. She may visit
once every decade, or even once a year, the
very act of which brings celebration and joy
to those who see her. After all, the great elf
Galandil is visiting! She always spins such
wonderful tales, and shows children magic
tricks unlike any they have ever seen. She
councils the village elders, who themselves
she knew when they were but toddlers
playing naked in the dirt. …and, perhaps
she mentions in passing to Rugo the
Smithy that his young son has the same
are evident. In the Kalamaran Empire, the instrument for both the GM and the player.
great Kabori plots to overtake Pekal. As such, familiarity may breed ‘friendships’
Meanwhile, just west in Ek’Gakel, the Dejy and the opportunity to learn new rumors
tribes seek to topple the outsiders who and receive numerous adventure hooks.
claim control of the country. Similarly, However, such a PC is, indeed, playing a
many other nations within the Young King- long game. As such, she should only visit a
doms prepare for a war against the familiar village perhaps once every 5-10
hobgoblin kingdom of Norga-Krangal. By levels, and any discord that is sewn must be
all means, the Dejy may chase out their done in a very subtle manner. If a PC is
perceived interlopers, and the Young attempting to serve the Order of the
Kingdoms may prevail and send the Tempest and creates overtly hostile
monsters back into the mountains. But situations, or causes NPCs to seek
would they then be strong enough to vengeance against the PC, then the player
withstand a Kalamaran invasion? is failing to adapt to the role.
Ultimately, the Order of the Tempest has Simply consider the following as roleplay
their hand in all of this. They do not wish to cues when developing your PC. You must
bring death and destruction to the free have:
peoples of the world, however they do aim
• A cool detachment from any other
to topple empires, kingdoms and other
living creature, save perhaps a like-minded
types of government – all of them. It is only
elf; however you may take on an
through crushing not only civilization but
appearance of warmth and friendliness if it
also the very hope of civilization that the
will aid you in achieving your goals
Order of the Tempest may prevail. Only
with chaos brought to the world can those • Copious notes on where you’ve been
within the world live freely. and where you are going; these will serve
you well in earning EP and Honor points
Perhaps this goal is unrealistic, even
with your GM
though some whisper that the Royal
Diviner himself, Shifan of Kalamar, is a • Long term goals from which you do not
member of the Order of the Tempest. While deter. q
this rumor is entirely unsubstantiated, what
is true is this: when one has an eternity to
triumph, any concept of progress, slow or
fast, is merely an illusion. Someday, the
Order will achieve its goals.
Perhaps that day is much sooner than
some would expect.
ROLEPLAYING THE ORDER IN YOUR GAME
Being a member of the Order of the
Tempest is an extremely challenging role
for any to play. However, it also serves as an
invitation to research and develop a fresh
PC. When rolling up your CN elf, think
about where she’s been, how long she’s
lived, and what she’s seen. Consider that
she has already established connections in
various villages – this can be used as an
P
aki Lor’Sum was raised for the first five years of his young
life with his mother’s people, the elves of the Lendle-
wood. One day, some thieves came to the woods and
made trouble. One of them said he was Paki’s father. The thieves
ransacked the village and they took Paki with them. He was with
these ruffians for three years, until he was bought by a crime boss
named Elor Marzu, also known as The Lion.
Now, he works for Elor, who has set him up as a stable boy. Elor
is pretty good to him, compared to the gang he was with before.
He doesn’t make him work too hard. He told him, “Just do your job
at the stable well, and listen. Listen to everyone who comes into
the stable. Listen to conversations around the stable, and report
to me once a week. I will pay you one silver for every piece of
information you pass on, and maybe two if the information is
something I can use. That’s a good boy now.”
Paki doesn’t mind too much. He likes the horses, though
cleaning up after them is not very fun. But, sometimes, people
give him some extra coin for doing a good job caring for their
beasts. And, nobody really bothers him.
Elor even treats him kindly, bringing him treats sometimes.
Once, he bought him a new hat, and he tells him that if he keeps
doing well, he might get his own pony. That would be sweet, he
thinks. He’s already got his eye on a little gray one he calls Berry,
because she’s plump and round. He has been spoiling her, just
hoping she’ll be his soon.
He does miss his mother. He doesn’t remember everything, but
he remembers her singing to him at night. He remembers her
Paki Lor’sum making him a special treat out of berries and honey. And, he
remembers the walks they used to take in the woods.
Race: Half-elf Maybe when he gets old enough, maybe then he can go back.
Class: Thief
Level: 1
6 -1 He tries not to think about that too much.
Size: M +5
Movement: 5 ft Paki has no idea that Elor is going to promote him soon. Soon,
Alignment: CN +7 0 besides gathering information, Paki will be asked to pick a pocket
Reared: various places
Hit Points: 21
_____________________ 2d4p 7 or two, and perhaps go on a spying mission for his boss. There’s a
Str: 10/32 Int 13/12 Wis 11/04 1ʼ 5 merchant that Elor suspects of lying to him about how much
Dex 17/69 Con 10/45 Lks 16/97
Cha 14/27
merchandise he has sold lately. But, Paki has learned how to adapt
Skills to most situations. He’s stolen things before for his “father,” who
Possessions: fine cap, 5 SP, dagger, charm listening 27%
(piece of cloth). observation 15% taught him everything he knows, and he can do it again,
language (Brand) 71% especially for The Lion. He pays much better than his dad, and he’s
Proficiencies: dagger spec., light armor sneaking 32%
language (l. elf) 27% never hit him.
climbing 21%
Talents: dodge, parry bonus disarm trap 25% By Barb Blackburn
hiding 26%
ID trap 31%
lock pick 23%
Quirks and Flaws: superstitious (magic
pick pocket 27% Note: When Paki was taken from his mother, he tried to hold onto her and
charm) glean info 21% ripped off a piece of her sleeve. He keeps it in his pocket, and fondles it for good
luck.

T
he Lion -- that’s what most people call Elor Marzu, and
that’s fine by him. He has embraced the lion as a
symbol of himself and makes sure his hair and beard
resemble the mane of the creature he so admires.
Elor has built for himself a network of spies, thieves and
assassins, ready to do his bidding at a moment’s notice. He also
has the ear and loyalty of many influential people, from judges,
to guard captains to city council members and wealthy mer-
chants. In fact, most of the merchants in the area pay Elor a por-
tion of their take every week to maintain, not only safety from
thieves and thugs, but also favors. These favors range from steer-
ing wealthy visitors toward their businesses, influencing officials
to look the other way when a merchant receives stolen goods, or
perhaps harassing a competitor.
Elor has his fingers in many pies, ears and eyes everywhere,
and a relatively peaceful operation that runs into little
interference.
He makes sure to keep violence out of his operations, unless
absolutely necessary. If there is anyone needing to be eliminated,
Elor makes sure that it is done quietly, quickly, and that bodies or
messes are never left for someone else to deal with.
He doesn’t perform many assassinations these days. When he
was starting out, trying to get a foot in the door of the under-
Elor Marzu world, he did his share of killing, and having others kill for him (or
break legs, noses, etc.). But, while he has no problem, morally,
Race: Human
Class: Rogue with ending a life, he finds that things are less complicated when
Level: 14 8 -3
Size: M +7 he can use other tools to get the job done, short of murder. Still,
Movement: 5 ft
Alignment: NE +6 1 if the price is right (and the job is not too crazy), Elor will still take
Reared: unknown someone out of the picture (most often, he has a hired assassin
Hit Points: 56
_____________________ 2d8p+2 25
Str: 12/15 Int 17/10 Wis 15/61 Dex 3ʼ do the job. He doesn’t do hands’ on stuff anymore).
5
12/36 Con 11/89 Lks 13/73 Cha 18/71
He thinks of his network of criminals and informants as
Skills
Possessions: scimitar, light crossbow, estate, acting 33% family. He tends to be a pleasant man on most occasions. But, he
etc. (see text) appraisal (jewels) 66%
language (Brand) 83%
also takes disloyalty very personally because of it. Any of his gang
literacy 28% who wrongs him usually disappear.
Proficiencies: scimitar spec., light crossbow diplomacy 75%
spec, light armor. disguise 21%
fast talking 53%
By Barb Blackburn
Talents: Crack shot, damage bonus (scimitar), listening 50%
glean info 88%
improved awareness, no accent salesmanship 72%
seduction 48%
Quirks and Flaws: hairy, obsessive recruiting 61% Note: Elor also has the following skills -- current affairs 65%, persuasion 72%,
intimidation 77%, scrutiny 58%.

What
Would the
Wizard Do?
Building the lair of a
powerful NPC magic user
By Nathaniel Parker
I
am a naturally lazy person, which is
part of why I am drawn to magic using
characters. The other part is of course
the desire to wield ultimate power. Sure,
magic can be hard work; memorizing
spells, doing research, running experiments,
but all of things can be done from the
comfort of a stuffed chair.
Unlike wall climbing, or hitting things TRAPS
with weapons all seems like a lot of work
Wizards are by nature solitary, paranoid,
and effort. I think that a lot of wizards
and convinced of their own superiority
probably share my mentality, so whether
which means that more than likely any
you are a GM fleshing out a campaign or an
defenses or traps will be magical in nature,
adventurer bent on raiding and looting
put there by the wizard personally. Since
here are a few things to keep in mind:
wizards are lazy and inclined to enjoy the
SERVANTS finer things in life, whatever defenses are in
While a high level wizard may, and prob- place will be focused on the potential
ably will, use magic or magical creatures for points of entry or as an initial line of
cleaning and general upkeep there are still defense, since no lazy wizard wants to have
a few things that can’t be done with magic. to hop a weird pattern across the tiles to go
Namely cooking and shopping. The to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
servants who do the shopping would need The rule about non-mundane traps does
a way to get in and out without bothering not hold for manufactured things that can
the wizard, probably in the form of a be hauled in, like chests and doors.
talisman that functions as a key and turns ILLUSIONS
off the defenses. However, as any fan of Whatever things the party is after will be
Downton Abbey can tell you every estate hidden in some way, shape, or form.
has two worlds, and the servants’ talismans Doorways that look like walls are a simple
will not provide any protection in the but effective way to disguise the entry to a
wizard’s private sanctum. laboratory or library. Using solid core
wooden doors and wood paneling on the many wizards tie powerful curses and
walls provide a more mundane sort of explosive spells to their life-force. Getting
illusion to prevent the party from noticing into the wizard’s sanctum is one thing,
the difference between wall and door. getting out is something completely
Illusions can also be used to show things different.
that aren’t really there, like treasure over a INFORMATION
pit. The most effective illusions are those
Knowledge is power. This old saw is even
with a basis of reality, so what appears to
more accurate when dealing with wizards,
be several chests of gold and powerful
where often the most valuable items can
enchanted items might be nothing more
be found in the library. Besides the obvious
than worthless copper plugs and cursed
magical tomes there are likely to be rare
equipment. The reverse is also true; the real
and ancient books, spell research notes,
treasure might be hidden in a pit disguised
and perhaps even useful personal informa-
as worthless junk and refuse. A wise, clever
tion about powerful and important people.
wizard would never keep all of their eggs
(or gold pieces) in one basket. It should be noted that underestimating
wizards is usually fatal. Powerful wizards
CURSES have lived a long time, and gathered their
Wizards are vindictive. Powerful wizards power at the expense of other powerful
are more vindictive. Even if the party thinks wizards and creatures. Many of them were
they got away scot free, they may actually adventurers in their youth and so are quite
have activated a curse by removing items familiar with how adventurers think. Plan
from the residence. If the party manages to for redundancies in the defenses, and any
defeat the wizard prepare for all hell to party that steals from a wizard would do
break lose, as vindictive types do not care well not to hand around town after the
what happens after they are gone, and deed is done. q

ADVENTURE dESIGN CONTEST
A
ship blown off course stumbles across an uncharted island. Mysterious ruins
can be seen on the slopes of the mountain rising from its center. And in a small
cove protected from the choppy ocean waters — the ominous gaping maw
of a sea cave.
What secrets does this lost island hold?
Well mateys, it’s time for another HackMaster Adventure Design contest!!
To enter, write some related encounters or an adventure for this small setting.
They can be set anywhere on the island. Include rough maps as necessary.
Submit entries to proposal@kenzerco.com
First Place: Fleet in a Box — 10 hand painted, fully rigged resin cast boats for your
table top games!
Second Place: Hand painted resin cast sailing ship.
Third Place: Pair of hand painted resin cast smuggler’s boats.
Contest Rules:
1) Entries must be received by August 15, 2018.
2) Entries will be subjectively judged on the perceived playability value of the
submission. Novel and unique challenges, interesting NPCs and a compelling story are
all favorably viewed and generally trump sheer word count.
3) Substance trumps style. Don’t let hand-drawn maps stop you from entering. We’re
looking for fun and exciting adventures in any form.
4) Winner will be contacted to submit an Assignment of Rights form to be eligible to
receive prizes.
5) Prizes are FOB Waukegan, Illinois. Winners are responsible for postage fees.
another 20. His final total came to 85. longer our priority, and we packed up and
The clouds parted and the Hand of God headed back to Koroliden.
descended from the skies. It patted him Upon arriving, the halfling priest and
on the head, then gave the zombies the barbarian went off in search of additional
finger. They turned around and grumbled medical help, the wizard wandered off to
and shuffled their way back into their do wizard things, I'm not sure where the
graves.—Jim Blanas ranger headed off to, but I settled into the
bar for refreshments.
SOME CURSE Not an hour later, in walked another
A fter acquiring the Tower of Terumal road-worn and tired individual. Clothed in
(which allowed the party to travel dark leathers and sporting a heavy cross-
through space & dimensions ), the party bow along with a few short blades, the
discovered they did not know how to con- man sat down at a table and proceeded to
trol it. Sable's goddess Xiombiarg just slightly relax with a beverage. Of course,
dropped a hint that a certain mage (can't I could not leave a fellow sit alone while
remember the name) who was a fellow drinking so I joined him and bought a
worshipper could help them. They found round for both of us.
the local Xiombiarg temple where they He almost refused my gesture of
BEAUTIFUL STORY AWARD were ushered into the presence of a cheru- camaraderie until I launched into a story
I was GMing Star Wars in early 2017, bic 4' tall priest who asked the 6' tall Sable about the unfortunate death of one Rikar,
and due to recent events, we were all a 'How can I help little sister?' “I need to find the once leader of the Ravens. A look of
bit sad. I decided to give my players a _______ the mage.” 'Why do you want realization slowly crossed his face, along
little story reward. to find him, little sister?' During this with a slight grin as he accepted the
exchange Tinuviel the mage was acting delightful mead and we shared a toast to
The party had to break out a rebel spy
like an airhead so Sable replied: “She WAS the house of knives, quietly of course.
from an Imperial prison before Vader got
my husband!”“That's some curse” replied I'm not sure what the rest of my com-
there. They did, and the spy had a locked
the cleric.—Michael Maley panions did that night, but I enjoyed
sensory deprivation helmet on.
When they got away and removed the telling stories with this seemingly less
CARNAGE experienced member of my cabal. Sadly,
helmet, it was her. They had rescued Leia.
This was weeks after Carrie Fisher's
passing.—MaGnUs
W ish I'd had a recorder with me - had
a LOT of moments at Carnage that
would be good. The only one I can think
I cannot remember his name. But, the
attempts on our poor halfling ended
shortly after. We set off to P'Bapar the
of offhand was during one of the Doctor next morning. —Jacob Wright
TALK ABOUT DIVINE INTERVENTION Who games, the group finds a (relatively)
T org was one of the first games to use friendly Dalek. When they need a JOURNAL OF HEINRICH STARK PT. 2
H
the Exploding Dice mechanic. If you distraction to pull off something, the appily, we arrived back in P'Bapar
rolled a Natural 10 or 20 on the d20, you player running Captain Jack Harkness does today. The city was noisy and as foul
rolled again and added to it; and if THAT something as strange and surprising as it as ever, but short a flood or heavy rain
was a Natural 10 or 20, you kept adding was in character - he very loudly starts to these problems will never go away.
to the total and rolling again until you roll teach the Dalek to Tango...
something else, the added up your total. Upon getting back into the gates the
—Charles Brown group dispersed as we usually do. The
This meant that it was possible to make
some spectacular successes. wizard headed to his guild, the priest to
JOURNAL OF HEINRICH STARK PT. 1 his church, the barbarian to the fighters
My players were in Orrorsh, the Victo-
rian Horror reality, and ended up in a
cemetery where the entire population
S o there we were, our priest wounded
and invisible hiding in the back of a
wagon. Out in the forest an assassin was
annex and the ranger tagged along while
I picked up my precious puppy Inara and
headed to my house. Once again, nobody
rose from their graves and had them
stalking the party to complete his con- dared break in while I was gone, although
boxed into a crypt. The cyberpaladin rolls
tract. Considering the situation we were they would not find much if they did save
to Turn Undead. He gets a 20, rolls up, and
in, it was decided that hunting the giant a lock box full of various blades and a
gets a 10. He rolls THAT up and gets
that had been harassing P'Bapar was no smattering of leatherworking supplies.
While the ranger proceed to consume The group of adventurers looks on in awe didn't want to take orders from anyone.
various psychoactive mushrooms, I made as the walls start to shake and tremble. When questioning a NPC, Ed's character
my way to the Inn of the Seven Veils, the The whole group looks to the GM who tried to kill him. When visiting a bar, Ed's
cabal's chapter house and a rather nice simply smiles and say "Nothing Happens". character tried to kill the bouncer (a rock
hookah bar and inn. I tried to sneak in and The whole group busts out laughing, creature who, to my satisfaction, picked up
get a seat without catching the eye of my realizing that they still have to figure out Ed's character by the neck). After the big
guildmaster and bartender Grim, the peg- the puzzle. I don't know, maybe you had to finale, when the starship was intact but
legged scarred and generally irate dwarf be there. —Cosmo Joe lost communications, Ed's character tried
but I was not so lucky.
to initiate the self-destruct. And when the
After a backroom down dressing for BAD DAY
villain was captured, Ed tried to have his
I
failing to assassinate my current mark, a n the Ravenloft campaign I play in "landing party" character kill him, saying
slave freeing rebel that goes by the name things have been rough for the players . that he'd just get another character when
of "the Frozen Fox' he poured me a drink Everyone is essentially playing an NPC the murdering one was arrested. Never
and let me know that a messenger had class and the level of terror in fights is before or since have I used the sentence
been by with a letter from Frandor's Keep. satisfying. Everyone playing is very "You don't do that" so often in a game --
After a stein or two of ale the rest of the attached to their characters. It's one of the
or campaign.
party made their way into the inn, you see, best I've ever played in.
I had convinced them months earlier that I have no idea why Ed would want to
So over the past few months we've had
this was a great meeting place and with play in the Star Trek universe, where rules
a literal 'Phantom Pregnancy'. The ghost
the halfling's love of the leaf it was not too and order reign; maybe he later found a
of the mother who believes her children
hard of a sell. have been kidnapped by dark fey and now post-apocalyptic system where he could
It was then that I shared the contents of we have a small boy who is currently in slaughter NPCs as much as he wanted. The
the letter with them. It turned out that pieces (a curse, long story) and a wish brothers weren't invited back, though I did
our friend Thork Markvar, the dwarven granting statue who is stuck to its current turn Ed's character into a fairly homicidal
fighter and once party member that had owner. recurring villain. And I learned that, while
taken over the running of our manor largely a last resort, it's okay and even nec-
After a great amount of politics with
turned winery by Frandor's, had been essary to override what a player says their
boys head priest father, a fortune teller
kidnapped by the Rockbreaker Clan of character is doing.—James Lynch
and other madness. My character finally
dwarves, who, after talking with Grim,
lost it with the npcs in some quite good
had also put the contract on the halfling MIGHTY MAGE
role play (own horn tooting). The rest of
priest. It was with this that we settled our
T
the players and the DM surprised. he second time I played D&D I sat in
tab and prepared to head north.
Then after my tirade in character one on a game and got treated like an
—Jacob Wright
players laptop starts playing 'Bad Day' by adorable newb so I was given a few extra
Daniel Powter... spell levels since it was a one time deal. I
ACTION!
Many laughs —Tim Hart ended up saving the group of adventurers
I had a group of people going through a

little live action dungeon that I had set
up. It was a really fun time with people
YOU DON’T DO THAT
from being captured by an army, then
using a combination of spells, I bewitched
B ack in the 1990s I ran a Fasa Star Trek one of the army's captains and got us off
dressed in costume, swinging foam
RPG campaign, and I posted an ad in the island we were supposed to be
weapons at "monsters", dodging little
my local FLGS for new players. I got a pair trapped/captured on, into one of their
traps. Lots of fun walking through a dun-
of brothers I'll call Joe and Ed, and they fastest boats, and out of there before they
geon maze dressed up to look like an old
castle. One of the rooms in the dungeon joined my regular players. Each player had could chase us. We had to quit because I
had a puzzle that you had to solve in order two characters, one for being on the star- ruined everything. I got a "I should be mad
to go on to the next room. The group was ship and one for landing parties. Joe was that you just ruined the next couple of
having a hard time of it and they were a nice, regular player. As for Ed... nights of the campaign but that was sheer
grasping at options when the "leader" of When it was announced that a NPC genius." I'm guessing he figured out a
their group stands back, calls for silence, would be beaming over to lead the inves- workaround the next time and my char-
raises his (robed) arms, and starts chant- tigation, Ed's character tried to cause a acter got killed off. —Rebecca Wright
ing the nonsense "words" of the puzzle. transporter accident to kill her, since he q
Pipe of Influence
E
lor Marzu is a mover and a shaker. He influences them to become unwilling to harm
knows how to get things done. One of the user.
the ways he gets things done (besides Elor keeps the pipe with him at all times, and
hiring thugs, and bribing powerful people) is by is seen with it in his mouth most of the time. He
using his magic pipe. often tells his most trusted assistant that the
The pipe used to belong to a friend of Elor’s pipe has helped him forge more deals and
who was a magic user named Bitherion. Once alliances than he’d care to mention.
the big man saw the pipe in action, he wanted it. When he’s at home, he keeps it locked away in
He offered Bither (as he called him) a great sum his desk drawer. He has a key to the desk, and
of money. He begged. He pleaded. He even used there is one more key in his treasury, that no one
his connections with a madame, offering Bither knows about, but Elor.
one or more lovely ladies for companionship.
He is a bit paranoid about it, since he killed
But, the magic user refused.
one of his best friends to get it (or at least had
Just when Elor had given up (or had he?), him killed). What if someone as ambitious and
Bither mysteriously died, and somehow, the pipe greedy as he sees it and wants it? He asks that of
ended up in his possession. his assistant, but then his assistant jokes with
The pipe is beautifully carved with symbols of him (one of the only people who CAN joke with
magic. The magic of the pipe comes in the form him) that there is nobody as ambitious and
of a sound that is undetectable to humans. greedy as he is.
When the user blows on the pipe, any person What Elor does not know is that there is
within 15 feet becomes more compliant and another one of these pipes somewhere in his old
open to suggestion. It works similar to a charm friend’s laboratory. If he knew, he’d tear the place
spell. apart to get it.
It is also quite effective in controlling canines Barbara Blackburn
from a much farther distance, as far as 50 feet
away. It makes them obedient, if they are of the
domestic variety. If they are wild, it simply

ROTTEN PEACHES
SETTING: Any fantasy setting with a penal system with laborers
serving sentences
BAIT: The party is travelling through the wildlands when they see
a strange sight ahead of them. A large grove of fruit trees spreads out
in the valley below with many adults dressed in orange tabards pick-
ing fruit from the trees. Several ogres wander through the trees, their
heads above the treetops. Every once in a while they will grunt at the
workers, who hustle back to picking fruit. Looking closely, the pick-
ers are haggard and tired, their skin suffering the effects of the sun.
Approaching a bit closer, the men in the trees closest to the party are
singing a strange song about rotten peaches, though it appears most
of the fruit they are picking is ripe based on the large quantity stored
in baskets, which are being carried to a large wagon already half full.
TACKLE: The party might make the assumption that these labor- area. In fact one local noble campaigns actively for them to face legal
ers are slaves of the ogres, perhaps taken in some raid. They mas- penalties and at the very least to be banished.
sively outnumber the ogres, as many as 30 to 1. If the party attacks TACKLE: The party might well assume they are in a no-win situ-
the ogres, they will defend themselves, but if even one is killed, the ation here and leave the area. If they do this rumor of being vigilantes
others will retreat. The unarmed laborers will not be able to help, but will follow them, as the noble has contacts in many surrounding
several will come up very gratefully. Notably their wrists and ankles areas. In fact this noble was funding the research. The wizard created
bear the scars of wearing manacles for some time. Interestingly the plagues and their cures to fund the noble, who imports the pri-
enough, if they are freed about half of the prisoners will nervously mary ingredient to the cure, which was sold rather than given away.
mill about the wagon, apparently waiting for their captors to return, The “brave volunteers” are those who raise concerns or otherwise are
Stockholm Syndrome? But the other half will quickly head for the trouble-makers. None can be verified to have volunteered prior to
hills. their disappearance. The party will need to devote considerable time
In truth, the prisoners are almost all legally convicted felons from and energy to clear their names, resisted at every step.
the neighboring kingdom. Their prison facility is not far from here,
and the ogres who work there have gone back for reinforcements. In
By Benjamin Lomax
less than an hour, squads of armored soldiers will find their way to the
area, repossessing the obedient prisoners, but more importantly look- GOOD BYE
ing for the “murderers” who have freed the convicts, many of whom
are killers and bandits and worse. They will track the party down rel- SETTING: Any fantasy setting with a long term campaign with
atively quickly unless they have extraordinary means. The group will veteran characters
quickly find themselves in the same very strict legal system that im- BAIT: The last foray out into the wildlands made your group once
prisoned the fruit-pickers. The only way to clear their names will in- again think about retiring from the business. The wounds don’t heal
volve hunting down the escapees, many of whom have banded anywhere near as fast as they once did, no matter the magical heal-
together to resume their dastardly raids, but a few individuals have ing utilized. Even more than the physical damage is the mental wear
gone out to hide away and pursue their own diabolical agendas. and tear. The grand profits from dragon-slaying don’t gleam golden
By Benjamin Lomax like they once did. More of their time and energies are devoted to
handling their own political affairs than mapping out a dungeon or
ALL THE NASTIES hunting down some fierce enemy. In fact, a notable bard has con-
tacted the party about an epilogue, a ballad unrivaled about all the
SETTING: Any fantasy setting with characters who have had things the group has accomplished. It sounds like a fitting end to a
some success campaigning terrific story.
BAIT: The party has wrapped up another profitable raid, this time TACKLE: The party has an interesting opening here. Their story
against a powerful wizard who had captured local villagers and ex- being penned and performed will make their legend grow, but it also
perimented on them. They were unable to save any of the captives, clearly means their peak is long behind them. The bard is immensely
but after a frightful fight with his guards and then with the wizard’s talented and their song will be something for the ages. In truth, the
own dark magic, they were able to bring an end to his foul experi- bard has been compensated very well by one of the party’s oldest
ments. Upon returning to celebrate their success, the group finds a and strongest opponents. He/she has gathered up their resources
cold reception indeed. After some digging, they find out that the wiz- over some years and plans to resume their plans to “take over the
ard had used his experiments to find the cure for two different world”. The ballad is a distraction, with the bard employed to make
plagues that had ravaged the countryside. The “captives” were ap- its construction take as long as possible. Constant tuning of each lyric
parently brave volunteers who sacrificed themselves to further the to make it perfect, sit-downs with the group or its individual mem-
research. Killing him has made the party persona non grata in the
bers for days at a time to hear about their stories, repeated ad nau- TACKLE: Following the river bed up-trickle leads to a now dry wide
seum. The plot will be difficult to discern, as the construction of the shallow area and a 20-foot-high river-stone dam of magical origin.
ballad will indeed proceed, each improvement noticeable. If they It diverts the river's flow into a huge open cave in an overhanging cliff
begin to suspect they are being delayed/distracted, the bard will per- face. The natural cave entrance is flooded 12 feet deep and the water
form it for them, bringing tears to their eyes. By the time it is finished, still flows into a massive limestone cave system, now mostly filled.
their enemy should have regained most of what the party once took Just inside is an underground lake. The heroes can tell by ripples and
from them, and raising their careers from unofficial retirement might surface displacements that a large creature swims in it. Surprisingly
be more work than they want to dedicate. an 11-foot-long, 1 ton narwhal (a white whale with a single ivory
By Benjamin Lomax horn) then breaches and blows.
The dam was created to divert the river by a powerful sorcerer. Paus-
CATCH A FALLING STAR ing at the pool during a journey with his wife, they went swimming.
SETTING: A city three days travel from a wilderness hill region. He polymorphed himself and his wife into small narwhals for water
BAIT: A meteor is seen crashing into the hills. The party may be cu- play. The spell on his wife went wild and she became full-sized. The
rious, or commissioned to investigate. Wizards, and others are inter- enchantment is too powerful to easily undo. She's currently stuck as
ested. What's left is nearly completely buried and half its mass a marine mammal. The pool was too shallow for her, and the river too
shattered into thousands of bits scattered within a 1000 yards. All small (with rapids) to escape downstream. So he dammed the river to
glow green in the dark. create the cave lake. She lives there while he tries desperately to undo
the wild spell. He will defend her if she's threatened.
TACKLE: The meteor and fragments are infused with strange en-
ergy. The energy mutates fauna, flora, and anyone that lingers nearby. Destroying the dam will strand and kill her, plus cause a devastating
Mutations increase with exposure. Think hell wolves, spectral badg- flood downstream. Not destroying it will dry up the town, and farms
ers, shambling mutant men, walking tangle trees and the like. Scared downstream that depend on the river. As well, the earthen bank across
locals have fled and are spreading fearful tales. from the cliff where the dam ends is eroding away. Within two weeks,
just as the water begins to spill over the dam, it will give way and a
The meteor generates a portal to another dimension. As the con-
wall of water will smash downstream. The rushing water will also tear
centration of meteor mass grows, it enlarges the portal. The mutants
the dam apart from that end.
guard it, and if able pile fragments atop it. All mutants are controlled
by smart, armadillo-sized, tentacled slime-slug creatures who squeeze
through the initial portal. They cooperate and assist each other. They By Chris Wilkes
can spray acid, vent toxic gas, are armored, heal quickly, and their
slime is super slippery. They resist attempts to prevent expansion of FACE OFF
the portal. When faced with defeat they flee and hide. They are vul- SETTING: A quiet region of scattered farming and lumbering
nerable to electricity, but immune to fire. The bigger the portal, the towns.
larger the slime-slugs that squeeze through. One enters every 4 hours. BAIT: A “Wanted Dead or Alive” poster with an attractive reward is
How many exist and how extensive the workings are depends on how seen by the adventurers. The target recently raided yet another
long they are undisturbed. alchemist's workshop, killing everyone but one apprentice. Her money
The portal starts at 2 feet across. When 80% of the fragment mass and a large number of potions were stolen. Soon after the group can
is atop the meteor the portal reaches 9 feet. That requires 21 days of find the wanted man in a nearby town, running a small alchemist's
unimpeded work (+1 foot every 2-4 days; less initially, longer as min- shop.
ions go further to gather pieces). Within one day of reaching thresh- TACKLE: In reality the target is an honest alchemist, whose
old the main invasion begins. Alien warriors, war wurms, and battle apprentice has used short-term polymorph potions to disguise
slaves start marching through, single file. himself as his master to commit crimes. He hopes to take over the
The main meteor is too heavy to transport without large skids and shop after his master is arrested or killed. He also sells potions he steals
draft horses. If not destroyed (divine magic / good-aligned purifica- from victims, the shop inventory, or surreptitiously makes himself to
tion rituals) or buried deep the invasion threat grows worse over time. regional criminals. The criminals may seek revenge if their supply of
Widely scattering all fragments and burying the main chunk 12+ feet potions is choked off.
under closes the portal, until something occurs to uncover it again. If the owner-alchemist is given the chance he can prove his inno-
As long as one slime-slug survives eventually it will begin again, even cence. He has iron-clad alibis for all of the crimes, as the apprentice al-
years later. ways waits for him to go to the distant big city on guild business
By Chris Wilkes before committing crimes. If not, proof of his innocence will come to
light soon after his death. This will reflect very badly on a party who
DAMMED IF YOU DO! slays him, especially in the eyes of the alchemist's guild. Additionally,
SETTING: A town beside a small river. of course, the group will be wanted themselves for killing an
BAIT: The river has virtually dried up. The townsfolk offer payment innocent man unjustly, should that happen.
to find out why. By Chris Wilkesq

Elor’s Den
AKA: The Lion Pit
INTENT: Feed Elor’s Lion
MECHANISM: Maze, pressure plates and beast
LETHALITY: High
SUGGESTED DAMAGE: per lion attack
ENGINEER: Barb Blackburn
His treasury room is in the middle of a maze

designed by a genius designer who works for him.
In the middle of his labyrinthine lower level are
chests of gold, silver and jewels. Surrounding the
chests and treasure are a number of pressure plates.
E
lor Marzu’s estate is an amazing place, fit for a
prince. It has a vast garden surrounding it. It is
staffed by servants and guards. And, it is a
meeting place for some of Elor’s most trusted clients.
You see, Elor is the leader of a vast network of spies,
thieves, assassins, thugs and charlatans. He has influ-
ence in government, in the merchant guild, and in
just about every aspect of town life. He seems to When those plates are triggered, a hidden cage
know everything that is happening, and is able to door is opened and Elor’s pet lion, Helfray, is released.
make things happen to his advantage as well. Because of his beloved pet’s special abode in the
labyrinth, Elor doesn’t really mind if some intruder
stumbles into his treasury level. After all, his lion does
need to eat.
Sometimes, if a member of Elor’s guild has
displeased him with a lack of loyalty, poor perform-
ance, or some mistake that hurts profits, he might
invite that hapless one to his estate. Those individu-
als are shown to the maze to help feed Helfray.
While the beast is ferocious and deadly, it is gentle
toward Elor. He has never had a problem gaining
access to his wealth if he needs it. He also has a map
to the maze. The lion is well cared for, and has
become used to the young boy who has been hired
to feed him. There is also one other person who can
The lower level of Elor’s grand dwelling is a approach the lion and not be attacked, and that is the
labyrinth, that the kingpin calls his Den. He thinks of healer that Elor has commissioned (kidnapped) to
himself as a lion, and his entire estate reflects that make sure the beast stays healthy. Sadly, there are a
mindset, from the chandeliers shaped as golden lions few healers who were introduced to the lion who
breathing fire from candles, to his magnificent lion- weren’t so lucky. q
claw dining table.

AD&D First Quest
PUBLISHER: TSR
TYPE: RPG
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: 2-6
PLAYING TIME: 2 hours and up
DESIGNER: Richard Baker, David “Zeb” Cook, Flint
Dille, Bruce Nesmith
DATE PUBLISHED: 1994
FREQUENCY: Common
GOING RATE/USED COPY: $25
SCOUTED BY: Alan Hume
B
illed as the fastest, easiest way you
can play the AD&D Game First time and the miniatures are very nice too (I
Quest is a great introductory pack- Just wish they could have included some
age that came out perhaps at a time when monsters as well as the PC's). It's a good, well
traditional fantasy roleplaying was in the dol- presented package, boxed (with cover art by
drums and the likes of Vampire the Mas- the great Jeff Easley, in fact it's illustrated pro-
querade were just starting to have an impact fusely throughout) with the aforementioned
(to the detriment of D&D sales I audio CD, plastic miniatures
would expect). TSR were wise to (which paint up very nicely
put together this package as it re- but as I say they could have
ally was an all in one that came done with including some
with everything a newcomer monsters), DM Screen (essen-
needed to dip their toes in the tial for building that adversar-
water. As an introductory set it's ial relationship which lies at
spot on and I think it gave AD&D the heart of all true roleplay-
the shot in the arm it needed at ing), rulebook, dice, dungeon
perhaps what was a difficult time map and book of monsters
for the game. and treasures.
It looks like TSR spent a tidy sum of money Intended to teach the basics from the
producing this game (it's very glossy), the ground up no experience of RPG's is required
audio CD can't have been cheap as it was still (or expected) and the game is clearly in-
pretty much cutting edge technology at the tended for novice players and first time Dun-

geon Masters. Not surprisingly the
rules are suitably streamlined for
ease of use and cover the basics of
character creation, magic and
combat (I particularly liked the sec-
tion entitled 'How does the DM
win?' heh,heh,heh).
The rules are, as I say, all geared
towards first timers (as exemplified
by the 'How Do I Play?' and 'What is
a Roleplaying Game?' pages. The
game is geared towards learning
the rules as you play and is divided disc is ideal for accompanying a dungeon
into 'Basic' and 'Expanded' rules allowing delve. I'm glad to have been able to name-
players to get up and running as quickly as drop them here as, after meeting at least one
possible by just using the basics while all the of them at SPEIL, Essen many moons ago I
information you might need for running the can say that they are most excellent people
game is provided on the back of the DM's (saying that though TSR did just that waaay
screen and the various reference cards.. back in 1985 with their 'First Quest – the
The Adventure Book is the real meat and music' record).
potatoes of the box and comes in at a hefty Regardless, the prescripted audio sections
64 pages it includes four introductory sce- that you play concurrently with certain
narios (two are geared up for using the CD) rooms in two of the scenarios works well I
and most importantly, a section on how to would have just preferred a more open
make up your own adventures (pretty darn ended selection of audio is all, I think that
important if the game is going to have any would have been more useful beyond the in-
replay value). troductory adventures.
Perhaps the anchor for the entire product, There were two more editions of the game
the audio CD while good (it certainly sounds released by TSR, an 'Introduction to
like a genuine gaming session) could per- Advanced Dungeons and Dragons' in 1995
haps have been better though, it starts out and 'Advanced Dungeons and Dragons:
with a group buying the game and getting the Complete Starter Box Set' in 1996 so
into it for the first time and then it gives
you a dramatic adaption of their ad-
ventures which, while pretty cool,
doesn't really do much more than set
the scene and give you a taste of what
AD&D is all about, they could have
done better here perhaps by giving
some actual 'dungeon' sound effects
that you could play in the background
of your own games (just hit play when-
ever that groaning ghost appears say)
or maybe some mood music such as
you can find by the great German
group Erdenstern their 'Into the Dark'

you can see TSR were keen on the concept (it So, while clearly this game would make a
wasn't their last use of it either as they made great gift for your non gamer cousin it's not a
several Mystara audio adventures). product for experienced gamers (well not un-
So, overall what to make of First Quest, less they fancy the free plastic miniatures) but
well, it does everything it sets out to do (and that's not what it's about, First Quest has a
it garnered some good reviews at the time role to fulfill opening up the grand vista of
too), as an introduction to the world of role- roleplaying games to a new generation of
playing games (and Advanced Dungeons in fans and it does that admirably.
Dragons in particular) it is everything that Well worth a look if you're looking for a
you could hope for and more but it is only present for that non gamer in your life but
just that, an introduction, no more. you would do equally well picking up one of
There is no provision for play past 3rd level the many TSR reworks. In short it does what
but saying that the original D&D Basic set it says on the tin and I hope that it brought
from back in the day never offered any more many new faces to the wonderful world of
than three levels either and it was none the roleplaying games. q
worse for it (and there was support for the
game within the pages of Dragon maga-
zine) so, yes, First Quest, I like it.
I kind of wish there had been something
like this available to us when we were start-
ing out too but then I guess we had the Basic
and Expert boxsets to train us up before we
jumped in completely with AD&D, still it
would have been nice to have something
like this down at SAGE (Scottish Association
of Gamers Edinburgh) back in the day to
wave at Donald Brotchie (RIP) as he held
court.

Barbarians of Lemuria: Mythic Edition
WRITTEN BY: Simon Washburn
PUBLISHED BY: Filigree Forge
REVIEW BY: J.L. Duncan
elcome to an in depth review of Barbarians of We start with the Gazette chapter, which takes the
W Lemuria: Mythic Edition, a role playing game

(RPG) strongly based in the sword and sorcery
genre, best known through the fiction of Robert E
reader through a brief historical overview of Lemuria.
Additionally, this product goes the extra mile with chap-
ters concerning the Gods of Lemuria, and the presenta-
Howard’s Conan the Barbarian. This RPG isn’t directly tied tion of the most common (non-human and optional as
to Robert E. Howard’s intellectual property as a number playable) races of the land. Both the Gods and creatures in
of swords and sorcery authors are listed, but it is certainly the bestiary are noticeably unique from any of the usual
inspired by it. I have both the full color hardcover and Tolkien inspired, fantasy fair. The bestiary includes full
portable document format (PDF), both of these were sup- color illustrations for each beast. The art of most creatures
plied by the publisher free of cost for the purpose this re- includes a silhouetted (6ft.) barbarian, beside them, which
view. If at the end of this review you’re so inclined, both will assist with (literally) sizing the encounter up for refer-
formats are available at DriveThruRPG and RPGNow. ence. HackMaster players will find this feature somewhat
Barbarians of Lemuria: Mythic Edition was brought to familiar, as the depiction is very much in line with Kenzer
life via Kickstarter to the tune of £8,356. & Co.’s silhouette hero and creature comparison in the
We start things off by letting this RPG speak for Hacklopedia of Beasts.
itself: The world of Lemuria itself is detailed in my favorite sort
“Barbarians of Lemuria is a heroic role-playing game of way: a respectable amount of detail, which frames the
(RPG) set firmly in the sword-and-sorcery genre. Lemuria setting, with a decent amount space left for the GM to fill
is a post-apocalyptic world of thousands of years into the in for their campaign(s). A full color hi-vector map of
future and unrecognizable to anyone today. It has Lemuria is included as a separate PDF Download with pur-
returned to an almost prehistoric state – a land of chase, and a smaller version of the same map, is included
steaming jungles, vast untamed wildernesses, horror- as an illustration in both the PDF and Print version. The
filled swamplands, and sunbaked deserts. Massive presentation of the setting includes a heaping handful of
man-eating beasts roam the unexplored regions of locations: cities, natural terrain, landmark areas of note, as
Lemuria and beyond, from island-sized sea serpents well as isolated locations (ruins & towers). Adventure Ideas
capable of sinking war galleys, to the huge jungle- (basic plot seeds) and rumors are bullet pointed through-
dwelling dinosaurs that can swallow a man whole.” (PG 9) out the descriptions and the writing should do more than
a decent job of getting a number of sessions and/or cam-
The setting elements of Barbarians of Lemuria Mythic
paign adventure ideas rolling. The book also includes four
Edition, is absolutely the best aspect of this RPG. While
fully fleshed out starter adventures. The plot of each
admittedly the usual review format is more guarded
adventure is well written and should have appeal to new
towards the end, I just plain refuse to hold back on this
players, easing the introduction and overall comprehen-
one. Yes, spoiler alert: I’m totally impressed with this RPG!
sion of the game.
Barbarians of Lemuria offers relatively simple system acters with Barbarians of Lemuria receive four points to
catered with narrative or storyteller emphasis. Still, over- distribute among four (prior) careers and over twenty pos-
all there is a bit of crunch to it. One of the most important sible careers are detailed with what they offer the charac-
aspects is that each character receives a number of Hero ter. The system has no skills. Careers are used to roughly
Points. These points can be spent or held back with char- determine the characters knowledge and experience; and
acter creation for the opportunity for specific die rolling those points will add a bonus to a Task Roll, if the GM de-
boons or to mitigate unfortunate circumstances, and/or termines that the characters knowledge should award a
rolls; or spent towards specific abilities. Character ad- bonus towards the roll. Finally, the player will create a
vancement in this game is one of my favorite elements as backstory based on his or her characters careers. There is
players are encouraged to share tales based on what an excellent (succinct) example in the book so I’m quoting
heroic or leisurely deeds the character preformed in their it here:
off-time such as spending booty, gambling, drinking into “Dagul was born into a family of traders from Oomis,
the wee hours etc., and will receive experience points and this naturally led him into a life of buying and selling
from the GM based on the very tale(s) they weave. (merchant 2). This lifestyle led him to sea trade and intro-
Mechanically, in performing an action if the GM deter- ductions to several sea captains in Parsool. Before long,
mines that a roll is required this is called a Task Roll. To put he was sailing to far-off lands and learning the essential
it simply, the player rolls 2d6 against a Target Number (TN) skills of a seaman (sailor 0). On one particular voyage
and add the most appropriate attribute total and/or char- several years ago, pirates attacked Dagul’s ship – the crew
acter career benefit, as a bonus to the roll. The Target was captured and sold into slavery (slave 1). Dagul’s new
Number is usually around 9 but can be modified (Table mistress was the Witch Queen Methyn Sarr herself, and
provided) depending on difficulty, which is determined during his enslavement (and until his escape), he used
by the GM. Rolling above the TN is an ordinary success, every opportunity to learn the secrets of that great
but the player character can spend a Hero Point to in- sorceress until he could perform basic enchantments
crease this to a Mighty Success, which is a boon provid- himself (magician 1).” (PG 23, 24)
ing a number of (player/GM choice) benefits to the task at The glossy hardcover on my desk is textbook size and
hand. Rolling 12 (two 6’s) is an automatically a Mighty Suc- 211 pages, featuring a full color depiction on the cover
cess, but the player can again option to spend a Hero regarding a barbarian saving a damsel who is chained to
Point to change this to a Legendary Success, which is rock and presumably about to be consumed by a tenta-
again a list of potential boons. Rolling 2 (two 1’s) is an au- cled sea beast. The PDF is organized with hyperlinked
tomatic failure. Like any RPG system should have, there page marks with the Table of Contents. Both versions
are subsystems for determining combat Initiative, and include a thoroughly done index. Interior art is an expres-
other such elements. While the system itself isn’t as intri- sive mix of full color character and scene illustrations. The
cate as you’ll find with medium or heavy crunch RPGs, it writing itself is very good. The layout is well organized
has a few elements that will take some experience getting with color text headers, and tables; the content text is in
familiar with, but it’s nothing unwieldy. double column format. Both the print version and PDF
Character creation is very simple. First players are include character sheets and maps for the adventures,
encouraged to decide on a concept and cater the rest of illustrated by Dyson Logos.
creation towards what they have chosen. Characters have Overall, Barbarians of Lemuria Mythic Edition is not
four Attributes: Strength, Agility, Mind, and Appeal. With your usual indie product. Without a doubt, the production
designing their hero, players have four points to distrib- and organization of this RPG is (surprisingly) on par with
ute for their starting character among these attributes, the big publishers. The quality of this product is obvious
which will assist with specific Task Rolls. Next is determin- and immediate. As anyone who reads this column knows,
ing the characters combat abilities and again the player this reviewer is huge on setting. Unfortunately, it’s often
must allocate four points in regards to: Initiative, Melee, one of the most underdone elements with most RPGs. In
Ranged, and Defense; each of these will award a point my read through -rarely (if at all), does this product miss
bonus when engaging in that type of action. Next is dean opportunity to integrate the Lemuria setting into just
ciding Boons and Flaws are very much as they are in most about every facet for the purpose of role playing. This also
RPGs (+ or –; to something specific). Characters will start makes Barbarians of Lemuria something very different
with a Boon, but it must coincide with their chosen back- from your usual Tolkien inspired RPG, as it should be. And
ground. Characters can start with more than one boon, the creators involved, did not miss this unique opportu-
but the player must also allocate an appropriate flaw. nity with the sword and sorcery genre in mind. While
The last steps with character creation are calculating most storyteller type RPG products I review get middle of
Life Points (health/hit point), determining how to use or the line reviews, because of simple lacking, be it in one
reserve Hero Points (mentioned earlier), deciding the area, or two, or three; I’m hard pressed to find any single
characters origin, and choosing their career paths. The element of this RPG which isn’t well done. If you’re in the
most interesting of these is choosing career paths. Char- market this RPG is certainly worth your cash. q
Venture to the Stars
with Sci-Fi RPGs
The SRD, hosted by publisher VSCA, includes the complete rules.
BX-Space expands the Dungeons & Dragons rules from the
Basic and Expert sets (or rather the emulations there of) into the
realm of science fantasy. Originally featured as a series of posts at Bree-
yark.org, it’s been compiled into a single document available for down-
load as a PDF or Libre Office file. The 80-page document includes
supplemental rules for weapons, equipment, classes, rocket ships, solar
systems, and planetary bodies. As an extension of the BX rules, the
supplement assumes that magic exist and thus provides a few space
fantasy spells. There are also an assortment of monsters such as little
green men, space pirates, and giant brains with which to challenge
your heroes.
Lasers & Feelings is a one-sheet science fiction RPG inspired by
the music of the geeky musical duo the Doubleclicks. The players are
all members of the crew of the scout ship Raptor. Their captain’s been
incapacitated and they must deal with random threats to the ship such
antasy role-playing games dominate the role-playing game as alien brain worms that want to capture the quantum space tunnel
F hobby, but occasionally it’s nice to explore strange new worlds

that aren’t ruled by dragons, wizards, and never-ending quests for
gold. Thankfully there are plenty of science fiction RPG just waiting to
and destroy the solar system. It’s a fast, quirky game that should make
for an excellent beer-and-pretzels session when you’re short a player
or two for your regular campaign night.
provide you with alien civilizations to encounter and galaxies to When I was regularly running a Star Wars: Saga Edition I found
explore. myself regularly needing deck plans for the campaign. The “Starship
Traveller is one of the longest running science fiction RPGs. Deckplans Links Compendium” on my Nuketown website includes
The Traveller SRD is based on Mongoose Publishing’s iteration of list of plans from by Traveller, Star Trek, Star Wars, and other iconic
Traveller. It includes the core rules for the game as well as the specific sources.
sections for High Guard (starship creation and operations) and Inspired by the Old School Renaissance and published by Goblinoid
Mercenary (military characters, bases, and supplemental rules). Games, Mutant Future uses the Labyrinth Lord rules to create a
Traveller is legendary for a character creation system in which new Gamma World-inspired retroclone. The full game and a character
characters can die before they make it to the table. The Classic sheet are available as a free downloads from the Goblinoid website. q
Traveller Character Generator lets you quickly spawn new
characters. It includes barebones statistics like name, age, military
service and – of course – whether they survived the process. TRAVELLER SRD
Star Wars Traveller (it’s probably easier to do a web search for it http://www.traveller-srd.com
than to type in the web address) is a mash-up of the Mongoose CLASSIC TRAVELLER CHARACTER GENERATOR
Traveller rules and the Star Wars universe. The 238-page PDF is https://devilghost.com/software/travellercharacter/
beautifully laid out and includes everything you need to run a Star STAR WARS TRAVELLER
Wars Traveller game including character creation, careers, character https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3KIG8iNXngSR1NXWGo5SGYyd00/
classes, event tables, and gear. 101 STAR WARS NPCS
http://www.rpgalchemy.com/101-star-wars-npcs-1-50/
It’s always helpful to have a big list of NPCs to turn to. RPG Al-
DIASPORA SRD
chemist’s article “101 Star Wars NPCs” provides a huge list of non-player http://www.vsca.ca/Diaspora/diaspora-srd.html
characters for any Star Wars (heck, any science fiction) role-playing BX-SPACE
game. Examples include the K-1 assassin droid (notorious for de- http://breeyark.org/bx-space-rules-wrap-up/
stroying an entire building with 4,000 people in it just to kill one tar- LASERS & FEELINGS
get) and Balfur Taske (a Weequay pirate who preys on the spice trade). http://www.onesevendesign.com/laserfeelings/
Diaspora is a FATE-based science fiction role-playing game. STARSHIP DECKPLANS
Players create the campaign setting – including the linked worlds https://www.nuketown.com/starship-deckplans-links-compendium/
they’ll be exploring – as part of their first session, making it a great MUTANT FUTURE
game for groups who don’t want to play in an established science http://goblinoidgames.com/index.php/downloads/
fiction sandbox. Diaspora lends itself to a hard SF-style game, closer to
The Expanse than Firefly.
The Disaster Artist
by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell
The making of The Room is a fascinating and mind-boggling affair,
one that defies all logic. You can’t help but ask (repeatedly) “How the
hell is this getting made?” Yet it becomes more understandable the
more you get to know Tommy and see what lead to him spending mil-
lions out of his own pocket to make it. Which of course leads to all kinds
of questions—where did a struggling actor get millions of dollars? Just
who the hell is Tommy Wiseau? Where is he from? How old is he? The
short answer is, nobody knows for sure. At least, not at the time this
book came out. The answers Tommy gives (when he talks about his past
at all) range from the contradictory to the unbelievable. Towards the
end of the novel Sestero teases out a possible version of the man’s his-
tory, cobbled together from the various stories he’s heard. Is it all true?
Is any of it true? You’ll have to judge for yourself.
“Oh, hi Mark...” The film that is based on this novel is well worth watching, but
ometimes something becomes so famous (or infamous) that peo- glosses over many of the details, compressing time for certain events,
ple end up learning a lot about it without ever having watched and even adding some minor details that never happened. For example,
or read it. There is a large portion of the social media world, for Bryan Cranston never offered Greg a part on Malcolm in the Middle
example, that has heard about The Room through memes and clips during a chance encounter just because he looked like a lumberjack.
and video reviews or satirical recreations, yet haven’t actually seen the But some of the things that did happen to Greg are easily just as strange.
movie. Because, well, it’s bad. Really bad. I mean, it’s quite possibly the What the book and the movie share in equal measure is showing
worst movie ever made. You have to be in the right mindset to subject how The Room is a passion project, and the reasons it’s so bad are
yourself to that kind of pain for a feature length amount of time. inextricably linked to that. Wiseau’s heroes include people like Orson
Fortunately, The Disaster Artist is not bad. Quite the opposite. On Welles, James Dean, and Marlon Brando, people who were defined by
the one hand it’s an engaging look at a young man’s journey through their rugged individuality and determination. The Room is very much
Hollywood. Greg Sestero’s story is no doubt a common one for strug- Tommy’s Citizen Kane.
gling actors—the classes they take, the jobs they have to do to get by,
In fact, it could be argued that The Room is an auteur film. Now, don’t
the things they’re willing to do just to get a shot at steady work, the
get me wrong. No one will ever argue it’s a good film. But what drove
false starts and minor victories that amount to nothing in the long run
Tommy to make this? The film icons he worships. He wanted to make The
but are all part of the process when someone is working their way up.
Great American Film the way such films used to be made. He wrote,
That story is worth reading on its own.
produced, directed, and starred in this film, backing it with his own
And then there’s Tommy. fortune. Tommy wanted to make a film just like his heroes, but failed
Amidst a story of a struggling actor that has probably been shared to recognize that the elements that made those films stand out were
by hundreds of others, you have Tommy Wiseau walk in. Well, blow in decades old. Obsolete. Even if everything had been done right it still
like a tornado, really. At first he’s just an oddity, a guy who is going to wouldn’t have resulted in a good film. What’s more, it’s reflective of a
the same acting class as Greg, but who is clearly not all there upstairs. very toxic environment, with the belief that such toxicity is ultimately
Yet he is strangely fascinating, compelling even, and Greg just has to justified because it creates “art.”
act out a scene with him in class. That is perhaps the most fateful deci- The Room is an auteur film, and yet represents everything that’s
sion of his life, and in short order he is dragged into “Tommy’s World.” wrong about that type of filmmaking.
The Disaster Artist decides to tell this story in a non-linear format. If you’ve ever had an interest in Hollywood, either in the journey
Chapters alternate between the making of the infamous film The Room actors take trying to get noticed or what goes on during the
(from pre-production right up until its release), and Greg and Tommy’s production of a film (especially now NOT to make one) then you must
journey as actors and friends that eventually leads to Tommy deciding read this book. But it’s also equally entertaining as a character piece,
to write the film. They are two separate journeys, though they dovetail both for the affable and ambitious Greg Sustero, to the driven and
together at the end. This stylistic choice keeps the narrative fresh sometimes infuriating enigma that is Tommy Wiseau.
throughout,
ONWARD BOUND: THE LONG ROAD TO DESTINY
Team Onward Bound • www.onwardbound.net
FRPGfororsetting
good or for ill, life is ever onward bound. That is the motto
Darrick (DC) Chen’s series of three graphic novels, and the
that I am reviewing here. This “Outlaw Edition” of
the game is 5th Edition Compatible, and is a Western Fantasy
Setting.
This small press, 29-page offering is set in the Land of Aeden,
which is one country, but two worlds. The game includes a new
class, the Gunslinger, some new NPCs, Vidoña, the Witch of the Blightwood, Leaf Dodger, the Gun-
slinger, and Cefferino Cziffra, a Nocturne Entertainer.
The new character class includes rules for “Gambits,” which are combat maneuvers specific to gun-
slingers. Any Gunslinger can use a General Gambit, while specialized Gunslingers can use Archetypes.
Gambits offered include “Warning Shot,” “Ricochet,” “Fan the Hammer” and “Scattered Shot.” (This
SEND REVIEW COPIES TO: last gambit is for Shotgunners, also known as Shotgun Riders.
KODT: BRIAN’S PICKS
Also included in the game are fiction stories, new spells and a new spell-casting mechanic, as
309 S. Dilger Ave.
Waukegan, IL 60085 well as some new creatures.
BRIAN’S RATING: Don’t forget to check out the three graphic novels while you’re at it.
FROSTGRAVE
GASLANDS
Osprey Games •
Osprey Wargames • www.ospreygames.com.uk
www.ospreygames.com.uk
P ost-Apocalyptic Vehicular Combat —

that’s what Gaslands is all about.
F or another type of miniatures
wargame, Osprey has Frostgrave, a
It’s the year 2018. Earth has been under
fantasy miniature wargame set in the
Martian occupation for 19 years. Yep. You
frozen city.
read that right. Now, players compete by
shooting, ramming, skidding and looting Each player in Frostgrave takes on
their way through the ruins of civilization. the role of a wizard from one of 10
schools of magic. The wizard may have
Gaslands is a tabletop miniature
an apprentice, or one of a dozen types of henchmen, from thugs to
wargame of car-on-car destruction. Players take control of small
knights.
fleets of armed vehicles and engage in battles for resources, dom-
inance and survival, hoping to make it to the prime-time final of You can choose from one of many types of wizards, from Chrono-
the TV show Gaslands, and perhaps escape Earth’s blasted remains. mancers (who can manipulate time). enchanters or necromancers to
soothsayers, thaumaturgists and witches. Warbands can consist of sol-
There are rules for all sorts of vehicles, from motorbikes and
diers (non-magic individuals), such as trackers, rangers or marksmen
pickup trucks to big rigs and even tanks. Varied special weapons
and an apprentice.
and accessories available including oil slicks, caltrops and nitro
boosters. There are scenarios included in the book. Each game is divided into
turns that are divided into four phases -- the wizard phase, the ap-
What do you need to play? Well, you will need the rulebook writ-
prentice phase, the soldier phase and the creature phase. There are
ten by Mike Hutchinson, dashboards (a player needs one for each
rules in the book for activating figures, movement, combat, spellcast-
vehicle he controls)(there are some in the back of the book to pho-
ing, and what happens when a spearcaster is injured or killed. There are
tocopy), maneuver templates (in the back), 6-sided dice, a table,
also rules for experience points and leveling up your wizard.
terrain (not required but are fun), tokens (in back), and toy cars.
BRIAN’S RATING: Give your minis something to do besides fall over.
BRIAN’S RATING: Dust off the Hot Wheels, kids.
hey -- 36,000
PEEPS -- it
Can’t HURT.
am \ RIGHT?

QUICK — WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO...?!!
\’m gonna KICK in the

DEMONIC TONGUE...? door S.W.A.T. STYLE!!!
\ got my HACKMASTER
must be a couple of +12 drawn and readied.
KREATON’s minions. \’m slipping
on my COMBO
\’m loadin’ my INVISIBILITY-DEMON
CROSSBOW with a SPAWN RING
BOLT OF BINDING! OF SLAYING.
okay - what
about the
REST of you?
Thanks, Mike. I enjoy doing those retoolings Brian Fan

on the old strips. You’ll definitely see more. As
I was a few years behind on my Knights
A
for more trade paperbacks Yes — The Cattle
s the subheading indicates, this is a sounding until recently. A three year job opportunity in
board where gamers can give their two-cents’ Punk Chronicles: And the Horse You Rode
in On has just been solicited. Look for it in Dubai wrecked my gaming life. When I
worth on whatever seems to rile them. So pull back the
curtain and come on in the Back Room. You can leave August. It’s looking to be a 170 page book. The returned in November, the first thing I did was
that thin skin at the door, but be sure to bring your go buy up a bunch of back issues of KODT and
opinions with you. Note that due to space limitations biggest we’ve done to date. — Jolly
some letters are edited. Bundles of Trouble.
Got something to say? We wanna hear it. Just use one Ladies of Hack I’ve had a great time catching up. All I can
of the following options;
^: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to www.kenz- Watching Sara run here game and having say is, wow. When I last read KODT, Brian had
erco.com and visit our discussion forums. Patty at the table has me very curious about become a major prick and unlikeable to boot.
7 via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, reader mail, the Ladies of Hack group. Women play dif-
back room fodder and questions to jolly@kenzerco.com. I enjoyed reading about him. He’s hilarious.
.: via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at KODT c/o ferently than guys (and smarter in my opin- But as a person, I saw very little redeeming
KenzerCo, 309 S. Dilger Ave, Waukegan, IL 60085. ion). Patty and Sara’s little chats in the kitchen qualities in him. I wouldn’t have wanted him
are great.I love seeing to women talk game.
as a friend.
I don’t think we’ve actually seen the
ISSUE 253 Ladies of Hack playing. Any chance we’ll
Then I got to the story where they mail
Great issue as always. Sara’s campaign is a Bob to Hard Eight and all the consequence.
ever see that?
lot of fun. I think she has a few surprises in Jesus, what a ride. Long story short, I was very
Keep up the good work. I’m amazed how moved by Brian’s confession that he needed
store for the gang. you guys just keep coming out with great is-
help and Sara’s offer to be his social body
Wanted to drop you a note to say I really sues.
guard. Great story telling.
love the reedits/massaging of the old strips. Jeff D. 7
They really do benefit from such treatment Suddenly, I found I had empathy for the
Actually we have seen the Ladies of Hack guy. And then, I realized there was a guy who
and work really well. Someone recently said it
playing, Jeff. Although, admittedly they were
best, it’s like the slow evolution of the Monty used to game with us back in the day who
brief glimpses of sessions already in progress.
Python Parrot skit. Just gets funnier each time was just like Brian. He was friendless outside
But yes — I do plan to devote some time at
you hear it. So I’m hoping we’ll see more of the game or our group. We sort of shunned
their table in the future.
those in the future. him until he quit. Looking back, I wish I had
In fact, there are some notes and partial tried a little harder reaching out to him.
While I have your attention, any plans for
scripts sitting on a side burner waiting for me to
more of those special trade paperbacks? Anyway, I’m really glad to be reading
return to. I’d originally planned a LOH arc about
Loved the Cattlepunk and Men that three years ago and was leading up to it when KODT again caught up. I look forward to my
Hack books. Also loved Java Joint. the Pwn Brian Express arc squeezed it out. first issue in the mail next month.
Mike McClain 7 — Jolly JTP87 ^ q
READ
KODT
ONLINE!
what’s a matter, BUNKY...?!! facing HARD TIME because you
MISSED the LATEST ISSUE of KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE..?
MAKE hop on over to WWW.KENZERCO.COM. not only can you

SUBSCRIBE but you can pick up BACK ISSUES (both digital
and dead tree) and have them delivered RIGHT to your BUNK!
BAIL!!
bit.ly/CasualtyCounters

KISS THE FISH!!!
The BABY
SITTING
MAGICIAN
Serving the
Muncie Area
-Summon-
me today!!
mark your
Calendars --
no worries, hoss. KENZERCO
will be appearing
you can SUBSCRIBE to KODT at the following
and load up on BACK ISSUES conventions in
and other KENZERCO products at
www.kenzerco.com. 2018
ORIGINS • COLUMBUS OH • JUNE 13-17
GENCON • INDIANAPOLIS IN • AUGUST 2-5
HROOO!!
WEIRD PETE’S BULLETIN BOARD

is a meeting place where readers may pass along information, barter, trade and gossip. Readers are invited to place classified ads, announce group meetings, seek out other players,
etc. Subscribers of KODT may place classified ads free of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a maximum of twenty-five words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at the rate of
50¢ per word with a limit of 25 words. Companies may place ads at the following rates: [5.5” x 2” - $175], [2.75” x 2” - $95], [1.5” x 1” - $50]. Non-profit organizations (serving the
gaming community) and Conventions or Seminars may place ads for free. All ads are placed on a first-come first-served basis with subscribers having priority.
don’t look at me like ah - don’t be too
that, FUR FOR BRAINS!! HARD on ‘em, pete.
you take that puppy dog, \ threw in an EXTRA

hat in your hand “|’M bag of NUM NUMS on
SORRY” look and SHOVE it.! the STACK with my bribe.
now quit stalling and take

we had a PACT!! you
those ARMIES off.
were supposed to give
rooo...
me AIR SUPPORT dammit!
Gut-Punching Mayhem in Small Doses
really, PETE? 2d12 points of demerit — for ROLLING my eyes?
don’t you think that’s a bit over the top? even for YOU...?!!
oh yeah? think that so what’s the

damn - pete’s playin’ PENALTY for whoah -
was OVER the TOP, do ya?
HARD BALL tonight. CHOKING OUT the careful, sara.
those d12s EXPLODE on GAMEMASTER.
EVEN NUMBERED results. got it... \ don’t wanna
add “no eye hiuh? risk SPILL
how’s THAT grab ya? rolling” to right after, “no OVER damage.
the list, dude. mumbling under
your breath”
...so then BRIAN said, “it’s an UNLIMITED WISH — no, bob. \ don’t want
how can you LIMIT an UNLIMITED WISH, b.a...?” okay, okay.
to ROLL OFF to see
who does the dishes. \ was
and just like that. he HAD me. what could \ do...?
JUST askin’.
IT’S YOUR TURN.
yeah but, b.a. there are RULES.
heh - that’s easy
even for WISHES. when a for YOU to say.
PLAYER abuses one it
should ALWAYS blow up the guy’s running a
in his character’s face. MAJOR GAWD now.

how come in the
MOVIES everything
tastes like CHICKEN. maybe HALIBUT
is a type of chicken.
but \ can tell the my ORC thinks

DIFFERENCE between gnomes tastes
HALIBUT and LIVER...? like HADDOCK.
HOODY
HOO!
WE PAY FOR
CARTOONS¡¡
By Kaitlyn Lawrence

bit.ly/hacklopedia2

Knights of The Dinner Table 255

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60 Back Room at the Games Pit 48 All Things Magic

A new religious order 59 Brian’s Picks

2 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

PUBLISHER Kenzer and Company

22 My Answer is Silence HACKMASTER EDITOR Steve Johansson • steve@kenzerco.com

27 The After Action Review CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 3

From the “I hate when that happens” department — Patty’s

\ hear ya. what was

the guy’s runnin’ a

8 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

and now he’s a DISGRACE

mother of gawd — that poor dumb bastard.

that campaign is LOST — and the PLAYERS win.

setting damn. he’s got we all remember

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 9

GEEZE LOUEEZE — bob relax — you CRITICALLY FUMBLED on your INITIATIVE.

it’s been almost it’s like he’s

dude - what are YOU

10 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

\’ll let you

oh snap — whoah, whoah, whoah — unfortunately for YOU, dave —

oh frickin’ A!! you can’t

very well — you can make that call so sara...

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 11

noted — but be aware — the ENTIRE FLOOR of for crying

\’m gonna remember? ZIP IT

several counts later...

12 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

go ahead and roll your ATTACK, bob.

MINUS SIX...? seriously...?

actually, bob —you r-really...?

turns out its HOODY HOO¡¡

CRAP¡ roll a D8 for

^ “\ do EXACTLY as the GOBLIN says, uncle bob. \ throw down my MONEY

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 13

w-wait... dude — no!!! PLAY DEAD!!

w-what...? yes - \’m kicking you out!!!

y-you’re matter of fact — b.a., patty

14 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

several minutes later...

what was “HARD” details...? how so...? huh...?

which the ship’s

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 15

\ just needed to STOP the back and

um —excuse me, sara — \ gotta know.

it’s TICKING AWAY

whoah... pump those brakes, guys.

16 Knights of the Dinner Table® #255

first off — \ ORDERED ‘em to

what are you suggesting, hold up. we don’t KNOW if

and don’t forget — we didn’t KNOW each other

and who’s to say they’ll be ALIVE \ don’t think she

okay, sara — there’s your

^ “GAA!!! NAMUH STEW is PEOPLE…??!!”

Knights of the Dinner Table® #255 17

a wee bit later still... those sunsabitches —

they should dude - they

he said they took a VOTE — well — \ hate to ADD to p-pinpoint...?

no way, man. unfortunately

yes — but only