Transcript

6
Punch and Judy show
Bottler: [To audience] Right. Now when I count three you shout ‘We want
Punch’. Ready? One! Two! Three!
Audience: [Feebly] We want Punch.
Bottler: No, no good at all. [Mimics them in a thin voice] ‘We want Punch’...
Come on now, take a deep breath... and ONE, TWO, THREE!
Audience: WE WANT PUNCH!
Punch: [Far off, behind curtains] Oi de doi de diddley doi!
Bottler: Mr Punch!
Punch: ‘Ullo. What you waking me up for?
Bottler: What are we waking you up for? We want an exhilarating song.
Punch: You want a song? What for?
Bottler: What for? Well... er… What do we want an exhilarating song for, boys
and girls? I know, to cheer us up.
Punch: I can’t cheer anybody up. I’m miserable.
Bottler: You’re miserable? What’s the matter, Mr Punch?
Punch: Working too hard.
Bottler: Working too hard? What’ve you been doing?
Punch: Dreaming.
Bottler: Dreaming? That’s not hard work.
Punch: Oh yes it is. I was dreaming I was working.
Bottler: Come on now, Mr Punch, dreaming you were working doesn’t make
you tired.
Punch: Oh yes it does!
Bottler: Oh no it doesn’t, does it boys and girls?
Audience: [In unison] No!
Bottler: Well; what are you going to do now, Mr Punch?
Punch: Wake up and have a nice rest.
Bottler: Come out now and say ‘Hello’ to the audience just to show how
grateful you are.
Punch: Shan’t.
Bottler: Mr Punch, I’m afraid you’re incorrigible.
Punch: What’s that?
Bottler: Well it’s, er, it means, er… tell him boys and girls.
Audience: We don’t know!
Bottler: Well it means… you’re… incorrigible. And I’m afraid boys and girls, it
means we shan’t be having a show at all, so you can all be taking your
money back that we collected to buy Mr Punch a new stick with, with
bells on the end and coloured ribbons…
Punch: [Comes out and knocks Bottler’s top hat off] That’s the way to do it!
Bottler: So there you are. What were you waiting for?
Punch: I was waiting till you said you’d buy me a new stick.
From Thieves and Angels by David Holbrook

© Oxford University Press 2016